#i have two cells in my brain and one od them is thinking about new haven wards and the other is thinking about dp

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

every day of my life I'm like "I should rewatch danny phantom" as if i havent watched that goddamn show front to back about a million times

[punkscowardschampions]

Joe & Ronnie

Joe: what are you actually doing Ronnie: having an orgy Ronnie: ain't you gutted you didn't stay Joe: was before Joe: however appealing or un that is Ronnie: cry to some other cunt Ronnie: I told you not to go Joe: I ain't interested in no other cunt, that's what I just said Joe: I had to, didn't I Ronnie: don't be a pussy Ronnie: you ain't gotta be a mummy's boy all your life Joe: it's christmas Joe: that's what has to be done Ronnie: and what? family's for life Ronnie: tell that to your ma Joe: you should've come Joe: it's a mess, you'd have had fun Ronnie: I don't do babies Ronnie: and I weren't invited Joe: me either Joe: and you are Joe: come now Ronnie: whoever the fuck your ma wants me to be ain't who I am Ronnie: try telling her the truth and see if I'm still given a seat Joe: you don't need to be anyone for her Ronnie: swallow your own bullshit sayings first Joe: alright so it's stupid Joe: but I need you here Ronnie: you can't have me there Joe: for fuck sake Ronnie: you want me or you wanna be her golden boy Joe: you know exactly which I want Ronnie: you think you know but one look at my tracks and fun's over baby Joe: I can have you and drugs Joe: that ain't mutually exclusive Joe: never has been Ronnie: you can't have fuck all around your family Ronnie: a uni degree and a 9-5 is your lot babe Joe: they'd not even notice Joe: baby central, yeah Ronnie: they'd notice me Joe: we could find out Ronnie: don't Joe: alright Joe: fine Ronnie: it's not all about you Ronnie: selfish prick Joe: I know you don't wanna be here Ronnie: then don't fucking ask me Joe: I know what I am Ronnie: you know who I am Ronnie: you're wasting your own time Joe: yeah Joe: and you know I don't care Ronnie: that's why you're there pissing away the day, yeah? Joe: what do you suggest? Joe: taken every pharmaceutical I could get into the country Ronnie: leave the country Ronnie: grow a fucking pair mckenna Joe: on xmas day yeah Joe: called a fantasy play the game Ronnie: you want me to show up Ronnie: why the fuck can't you? Joe: selfish prick Ronnie: I don't pretend to be anything else Joe: no, me Ronnie: it comes out of your mouth so easy for me Ronnie: just tell 'em Joe: tell 'em what Joe: I don't wanna see you no more Joe: bye Ronnie: any of the ugly truth will make her not wanna see you no more Ronnie: it don't take much Ronnie: pushed me out of her and right away, like Joe: that wasn't about you, was it Joe: selfish runs in the genes Ronnie: not deep enough when it comes to you Ronnie: you're fucking soft mckenna Ronnie: that your da's fault, yeah? Joe: yeah, you should be the favourite, we both know it but ain't gonna wish it on you Ronnie: nah she should've swallowed or got scraped Ronnie: did the next best though Joe: you want me to say lucky you so you can hate me for being privileged and ignorant Joe: I'll do it for you Ronnie: such a people pleaser Joe: you know it Ronnie: call me when you're ready to shatter your wine glass and put the pieces in your mouth Joe: you dare me? Ronnie: I'm not playing games here Joe: come on Joe: get your paper hat on Ronnie: you want me to get on some old bloke's knee too or is that where the fantasy ends? Joe: not got any grandparents Joe: sorry Ronnie: shame Joe: isn't it just Ronnie: but we don't have to let it die 'cause you're a letdown Ronnie: I know loads of old men Ronnie: some of 'em have gotta still be alive Joe: 🤞 the holiday blues haven't claimed them Ronnie: yeah 'cause you wanna be special Joe: but I am Joe: if I cared about it I'd say no old cunts Ronnie: I'll lick your brains off the wall when you pull the trigger baby, how's that? Joe: Better than Courtney, babe Ronnie: the bar ain't high then Joe: she might've pulled the trigger Joe: don't you want that? Ronnie: you know what I want Joe: you know what I can't give you today Ronnie: yeah and I know that's your fucking fault Joe: didn't ask for jesus to be born Joe: or for me to into this family Ronnie: stop having a tantrum and come back Joe: tomorrow Ronnie: today Joe: didn't drive Joe: what flight am i getting on christmas Ronnie: fuck's sake Joe: I can't hack it Ronnie: drop a baby they'll kick you out faster than you can say merry christmas Ronnie: especially if it's one of your brother's Ronnie: gonna have limited brain cells as it is Joe: 😂 Joe: that would require picking one up and nah Joe: nope Ronnie: you've touched worse Joe: I don't know Joe: it's weird Joe: fucked Ronnie: they're just little bags of meat and bone Ronnie: get a fucking grip Joe: says you Joe: you ain't here Ronnie: for me it ain't about nothing but resisting the urge to shake 'em and how I don't reckon I've got that in me Ronnie: one of many negative impulses I fight or don't on the daily like Joe: like you said, be a kindness really Joe: they're all just pretending it's a good thing when it clearly ain't Joe: not got the energy Ronnie: jail ain't gonna be that for me Ronnie: and like I also said you ain't the only selfish prick that bitch spawned Ronnie: they don't know a good thing they ain't tried it Ronnie: shoot 'em up it'll be a decent christmas for everyone Joe: you've not got room for the gang tats Joe: I get it Joe: oddly enough I've not got 💉 on my prescription Ronnie: baby I'm nobody's bitch but 💉 Ronnie: and we're exclusive 💍 Joe: you wish Joe: making do every other time Ronnie: don't fucking remind me Joe: miss those student loans Ronnie: I'm gonna miss being a christmas temp Joe: not just for the lap sitting priviledges Joe: yeah Ronnie: knew you were into it Joe: just miss you Ronnie: don't say shit like that Joe: whatever Ronnie: I mean it, it hurts Joe: I'm sorry Joe: if I could go back and not find you Joe: I know I should Joe: I wouldn't but established Ronnie: fuck you Joe: yeah Joe: I know Ronnie: nah you fucking don't Joe: you reckon Ronnie: I said it Ronnie: you're the cunt saying shit you don't mean Joe: no I'm not Joe: just 'cos you don't need to hear it don't mean it ain't real Joe: it is, that's the issue yeah Ronnie: tell it to your ma Ronnie: well full of it Joe: why would I Joe: not trying to convince you of anything here Joe: it is what it is Joe: however fucked Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: yeah love you and all Ronnie: if you did you wouldn't have left Joe: ever Ronnie: shut up Ronnie: you're not funny mckenna none of you lot are Joe: who's trying to be funny Joe: what do you want from me Ronnie: you're a fucking joke either way babe Joe: make up your mind Joe: glad I amuse you now, apparently Joe: one of us should be having a good time Ronnie: laugh or cry, yeah? Joe: goes something like that Joe: could go full newborn and do a puke shit cry combo Joe: why not Ronnie: if you're rattling hard enough, anything's possible Joe: getting by Joe: making do is never the same as previously lamented but not gonna start convulsing in my plate Ronnie: shame Joe: 💘 Joe: dunno how you reckon on me ruining christmas Joe: sister just became a teen mum Ronnie: it's an od or a run out take your pick baby Ronnie: both have worked for me Ronnie: you say that like its not a badge of honor who wouldnt wanna follow in your ma's footsteps, like Ronnie: if she starts dealing too give her my number Joe: ha, I forgot to tell you Joe: there's one here already Ronnie: if you wanted me there you should have led with that Joe: I know right Joe: no one tells me anything Joe: you'd like him Joe: purely 'cos she hates him Ronnie: you don't tell me anything Ronnie: too late to ruin christmas now Joe: I know you'd be here if you wanted that more than you don't wanna be here Joe: but don't worry, atmosphere is awkward enough regardless Ronnie: could still show up for your brother's big birthday Ronnie: freckles is a no go but he's old enough now to be on the table Ronnie: work my way through by new years, yeah? Joe: hilarious, babe Ronnie: not joking babe Ronnie: fucking the dealer won't make enough of a splash Joe: you do know they know you're related, yeah Joe: even if he weren't gay Ronnie: didn't stop you Ronnie: and being a massive homo ain't ever stopped Charlie Joe: we all do trauma different don't we Ronnie: if you want some therapy for christmas we can roleplay that shit Joe: why would i settle for that when i've got drugs and you Ronnie: saying that ain't gonna make me not hate you Joe: good Joe: hate me Joe: don't be an idiot like everyone else Ronnie: baby brain ain't gonna be a thing over here Ronnie: 💔 Joe: my deepest sympathies Joe: can't say I'm sharing in your 💔 though Ronnie: when have I ever used an emoji meaningfully Ronnie: not a fucking kid Joe: damn Joe: I really thought you meant those 😍 Joe: 💔 Ronnie: fuck off Joe: 😂 Joe: you're cute Ronnie: count how many glasses you've had Joe: is that an OCD joke Joe: you're on 🔥 today girl Ronnie: you wish no lighters at the table baby Joe: Charlie really sticking to those rules hard Joe: how are you gonna light the pudding? Ronnie: afters ain't like that round here Ronnie: 💉💊🚬 Joe: it's minging Ronnie: you love it then, all the pain, like Joe: don't reckon we've actually got one either Joe: how passive-aggressive of them Ronnie: ma keeps bringing the disappointments, yeah? Ronnie: reckon your brother's golden boy now he's sprogged up Joe: I wish Joe: marginally less of a disgrace than Ali Joe: but still Ronnie: your sister is gifting those flashbacks for christmas Joe: Truly Joe: poor kid Ronnie: she should've picked a white lad Ronnie: calm your ma right down Joe: maybe next time Joe: 2nd time's a charm, eh Ronnie: yeah Joe: have you ever been knocked up Ronnie: could probably have got a freebie down the clinic how often I've been down to get rid Ronnie: none of 'em were yours though you can relax Joe: god bless the nhs Ronnie: you ever knocked anyone up? Joe: not to abortion stage Joe: just had to get plan b Joe: as far as I know, anyway Ronnie: cute Joe: thanks 💕 Joe: ours wouldn't be so thank fuck Ronnie: that kinda shit passes for a date for us scousers 💋 Ronnie: you don't want a kid with gills or two heads? Joe: hot Joe: least you could see what was up with it Joe: but 👶💀 Ronnie: can't and won't happen Ronnie: you'd have to fuck your fertile sister Joe: we can pretend that's why I like you Ronnie: you like me 'cause I'll always find a vein for you Ronnie: what else is there Joe: what ain't there Ronnie: 👶🍼 Joe: exactly Joe: one of the main things I look for Ronnie: are you on one knee right now or what? Joe: get you a rock worth having Joe: how's that for a proposal Ronnie: I don't trust it but I'll take it Joe: why not Joe: got that christmas cash Joe: not gonna waste it Ronnie: why would you wanna share with me, selfish prick from your own mouth, like Joe: 'cos getting high together is better Joe: deny it Ronnie: you know I can't Joe: gonna be a white christmas Joe: no need to trust just see Ronnie: when Joe: tomorrow Ronnie: don't fucking lie Joe: I ain't Ronnie: swear Ronnie: swear they ain't gonna guilt you into staying Joe: swear Joe: they ain't gonna even try Ronnie: make sure they let you on that flight Joe: 'course Joe: I'm totally legally medicated rn Ronnie: you're also a pussy Ronnie: bet all the younger siblings have drunk you under the table Joe: you're not wrong that lots of them pride themselves in their light alcoholism Ronnie: whatever gets 'em through the day, yeah? Joe: can't judge really Joe: not with a 💉 sticking out my arm Ronnie: that's tomorrow Ronnie: today anything goes baby Joe: I'll be the one to dish out the home truths Joe: that'd be unexpected Ronnie: someone's gotta your ma will be too busy trying to chuck the babies out Joe: playing hostess with the mostest 'cos can't keep playing the boy when she's got two kids here knocked up Joe: his ma is well smug 😂 Joe: *blaming Ronnie: one of us is having fun then Joe: take the small victories, ms cavante Ronnie: if she's not gonna kick your ma in the tits it'll have to do Joe: wish on a 🌠 baby Ronnie: I've got bad luck or no luck baby Ronnie: that shit don't work Joe: you won't care come tomorrow Ronnie: I don't care now Joe: see? Joe: lucky Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: seriously Joe: my head is Ronnie: I know Ronnie: mine screams too but I go louder Joe: I can't do anything in here Joe: need to go outside and none of those other bastards better take their 🚬 break 'til I'm done Ronnie: if you didn't give so much of a fuck you could do anything Ronnie: that's why I can't show up to your family christmas, you ain't ready mckenna Joe: just shut up alright Joe: let me fucking think Ronnie: you ain't keith richards how many more years of me do you need to stop having such a limp dick Ronnie: every junkie is on borrowed time Joe: you really thought you were gonna fix me Joe: come on now Joe: you're better than that Ronnie: I'm not better than anything Ronnie: lowest of the low baby Joe: then what Ronnie: you want answers from me? you're better than that Joe: no Joe: what the fuck are you doing Joe: you're the one wasting your borrowed time Ronnie: what, you're the only cunt who gets to hide from family christmas? Ronnie: I'm sick and they're sick of me Joe: I don't mean just today and you know it Ronnie: I don't give a fuck what you mean and you know it Joe: it's been years Ronnie: you want out, get out Joe: I don't Joe: but I'm the one with the limp dick Ronnie: yeah Joe: that's what I thought Ronnie: you think too much babe Joe: no shit Joe: don't wanna play therapy, thanks Ronnie: what do you wanna play then? Joe: you're sick, I'm sick Ronnie: no game Ronnie: it's how shit is Joe: fun never stops, babe Ronnie: if your idea of fun is making me wanna top myself, soft lad Joe: you can't Joe: you've gotta lick it up after Ronnie: can't I? race yous Joe: wait 'til I'm there Joe: don't ruin their day any more Ronnie: I'm already waiting for you to decide you wanna come back and be scum of the fucking earth with me again Joe: it ain't a choice to be made or not Joe: it's how shit is Ronnie: you made loads of choices to get there Ronnie: plane rides to dublin don't just happen Joe: basically Ronnie: pathetic Joe: yeah Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: don't agree with me Joe: disagreeing ain't gonna change that I'm here now Ronnie: you don't wanna change it Ronnie: you love it Joe: yep Joe: big time Joe: fucking hell Ronnie: you've got such a misery hard on, you shouldn't be near kids Joe: why don't you hit them up Joe: let them know Ronnie: you're the only cunt with their mummy on speed dial Joe: alright well I ain't up for telling everyone I'm a predator Ronnie: do you wanna fuck her too or what? Joe: do you? Ronnie: nah Ronnie: why I don't come running every time someone in your family blows their nose or whatever the fuck Joe: me either Joe: it's christmas fucking day Joe: how many times Ronnie: like this is the first and only time Ronnie: but I'm crazy, yeah Joe: you are Joe: you're nuts Ronnie: don't forget it Ronnie: I'll be crazier by tomorrow Joe: promises promises Ronnie: I promise I'll ruin your fucking life, prick Joe: oh honey Joe: that's not a brag Joe: not hard is it Ronnie: you ain't talking to fitz baby I don't brag Joe: you can't Ronnie: you think you can tell me what I can and can't do Joe: don't take it personal Joe: try it Ronnie: don't take it personal when I kick the shit out of you mckenna Joe: how can I not when I love it so much Joe: think on Ronnie: 'cause I still love you 😍💋💘 Joe: s'alright baby, the way I wanna go out Joe: 💀💀💀 Ronnie: call me when you've stopped pleasuring your ma, I'll make it happen for you Joe: so understanding all of a sudden Joe: who's got your phone Ronnie: fuck off Joe: there she is Ronnie: what now you miss me? Ronnie: running late there baby Joe: I already told you I did Joe: you said I weren't allowed no more Ronnie: I said don't tell me Ronnie: I can't handle hearing it if it don't change a fucking thing Joe: alright Joe: but it changes a fucking lot Joe: you know Joe: not just for you Joe: I promise I'm really fucked from it Ronnie: yeah? Ronnie: so stop fucking around and come back to me Ronnie: first chance you get Ronnie: 'cause it's shit Joe: I know, I really know Joe: you've got no reason to believe me but you will see me tomorrow Joe: regardless of what any of them have gotta say on it Joe: never wanted to be here so not prolonging it Ronnie: I wanna believe you Ronnie: don't fuck me over twat Joe: I won't Joe: fuck myself over too Joe: time to start being fully selfish prick, yeah Joe: there's enough going on now, don't need me Ronnie: tell the truth that you're threatened by the off their tits 18 year olds that birthday boy will be surrounded by Ronnie: got more game than you Joe: yeah Joe: not the one chatting about fucking the barely legals Joe: but sure Ronnie: you would if they'd give you the time of day mckenna Ronnie: come on Ronnie: one day in dublin turned you into an old dried up nun? Joe: I dunno, I've not scoped out the guestlist that hard Joe: unlike my brother, girls I've known since they were kids don't do it for me, what can I say? Ronnie: blood relatives only like Joe: only when they're you Ronnie: such a lost fucking cause Joe: don't worry, was before you Joe: not gotta add that to the tally Ronnie: our safe word can be trauma bonding Ronnie: loads in common Ronnie: 💘 Joe: you're alright Joe: when you're not a total raging bitch Ronnie: never then Ronnie: what am I when I'm a raging bitch? Joe: for me Ronnie: you sure you don't wanna party with the homos babe? that was proper gay Joe: fuck off Ronnie: write me a symphony next, yeah? Joe: and I'm the gay Joe: alright, romantic Ronnie: don't get an attitude 'cause I've fucked more lasses than you Joe: still time Joe: not as old as you Ronnie: you wanna make it to that age or what? careful how you talk to me Joe: wow, just like having a nan Joe: cheers babe Ronnie: fuck you Joe: 💘 Ronnie: we all know if you had a nan you'd wanna fuck her too Ronnie: step outside the family baby you might enjoy yourself Joe: doubt it Joe: do have one technically but she ain't all that Ronnie: 💔 Ronnie: you need the scouse accent to get it up, yeah? Joe: you or the beatles ain't it Ronnie: that was mildly funny calm down Joe: steady on Joe: might think you like me Ronnie: won't last Ronnie: due a mood swing in like 2 seconds Joe: s'alright Joe: all 23 of you love me Ronnie: 😂😍 here 'course Joe: yeah, never trusting your emojis again Joe: need photographic evidence, like Ronnie: [sends it cos that bitch but imagine her actual grumpy cat face bye] Ronnie: in proper stitches, alright Joe: should play poker pro Joe: you're too cute though, never believe that face is 21 or over Ronnie: call me cute again and I'll carve it into your chest Ronnie: capital letters Joe: [sends voice memo] Ronnie: I proper fucking hate you Joe: you knew I'd wanna so you clearly want to as well Joe: don't blame me you sadist Ronnie: you know what I want mckenna Ronnie: we ain't got a secret santa going Joe: take these socks back Ronnie: you'll wanna keep 'em for your misery boner babe Joe: you've not got me an escort then Joe: gutting Ronnie: crazy, remember? you could fuck her but I'd have to kill her Joe: alright, I'll keep your charges at manslaughter level Joe: for you Ronnie: 💋 Joe: when do you next have a shift or are you done fully now Ronnie: tomorrow but that ain't happening if you've meant a word you said Joe: I'll make it worth it Ronnie: not hard to beat out retail when there's sales on Ronnie: wouldn't have gone if you were here or not Joe: don't tell me that Joe: I was talking 💸 not the #experience Ronnie: you wanna be my daddy too now? these roleplays are getting hard to keep count of Joe: again, thinking how much gear I'm gonna get but you can pout about it if you wanna Joe: already earned the scars so I don't mind saying it again Ronnie: rain man ain't a fantasy, gutted for you, like Ronnie: doing my best here Joe: you do it well Joe: smarter than everyone I know Ronnie: the princess will be gutted Joe: you don't have to tell her, like Joe: but not too fussed Ronnie: no secrets among scumbags baby Ronnie: even if she reckons she's levelled up Joe: you don't? Ronnie: anyone can drop a sprog Ronnie: trap a lad Ronnie: didn't saint your ma, did it? Joe: nah Joe: just don't reckon she was ever really one of us Joe: surprised if you do Ronnie: she wouldn't fight it so hard if she weren't Joe: I dunno Ronnie: I do, seen it loads Ronnie: gutters such a good fit it scares her shitless so she's gotta cling to that poor cunt Ronnie: he's her life raft through the shit Joe: hardly dragging him down though, is she Joe: not gonna be complaining any time soon, I've seen a lifetime of that Ronnie: everybody needs a fix that's theirs Joe: guess so Joe: no sign of getting over it any time soon Ronnie: I'm more likely to get clean before she does of him and I've got a nosebleed from all the shit B's ground up to stop me puking up Charlie's christmas feast Ronnie: sent my boss a pic though so it ain't all 💔 Joe: ☁ Joe: so glass half-full you, baby Ronnie: no shit Ronnie: can't be trusted with an empty one Joe: why are you the only one who talks any sense Joe: least all they're chatting is just waves now Ronnie: I pay attention Ronnie: you'd have broke your rules and 💘 me as a kid babe Joe: yeah? Joe: charlie's told me stories but never fully know what's bullshit or at the least exaggeration with him Ronnie: a solid 85% at least Ronnie: I was fucking feral though he's got that coined right Ronnie: you think I'm crazy now this shit's nothing Joe: I should've known you Ronnie: everyone who touched me back then has got a bite mark out of them Ronnie: you wouldn't have made it Joe: nah Joe: shit was different then Joe: so was I Ronnie: still gonna have been too soft whenever Joe: not the point though is it Joe: she should've got bitten Ronnie: she should've done loads of things Ronnie: she didn't Joe: I know Joe: fucked Ronnie: you won't give a shit tomorrow Joe: well Joe: be too numb to chat about it and think about it Joe: good as Ronnie: deal with it til then Joe: 🤐 got it Ronnie: unless you wanna bite your ma yourself like Ronnie: whatever gets you off Joe: you too Ronnie: cheers Ronnie: swallowing too much blood to fit in a dick but I'll try again later Joe: are you alright? Joe: where are the lads Ronnie: don't cry Ronnie: they're enjoying the show Ronnie: it ain't christmas til someone bleeds, pukes or pisses themselves Ronnie: can't give 'em the other two I ain't a pussy 💔 Joe: adorable, some would say Joe: is it really so much to ask that they keep you alive 'til I'm back Ronnie: relax I've had heavier periods Ronnie: you'll have to kill me yourself Joe: be fun trying Joe: challenge accepted Ronnie: hot Joe: don't forget it Ronnie: not gonna black out this shit ain't working that hard Joe: good Joe: call me needy all you want just don't go Ronnie: if I wanted to take the piss I could better than that Joe: not that gone either Ronnie: what are you on? Ronnie: 🍾 Joe: and my meds Joe: managed to get some extra 'cos I'm terrified of flying, obvs Ronnie: you're the one who's gonna die before you get here Ronnie: basically sober Ronnie: baby that's fucked Joe: I know Joe: options are limited Joe: not like I can go in on whatever anyone else is having when one lot is off the coke and the others are off the psychedelics Joe: fucking babies Ronnie: I mean, you could suck on the princess' tits but that ain't gonna give you what you really need Ronnie: talk to the dealer at your table, he's a baby too but he'll be holding something Joe: she's not got 3 Joe: and shut up Joe: though the latter isn't a terrible idea Joe: like you said, not gonna have anything good enough but Ronnie: I know, she weren't fully clothed for the 3way Joe: what part of shut up don't you get Ronnie: make me bitch Joe: such a twat you Ronnie: stop being a little fucking girl Joe: stop chatting about bullshit for a reaction Ronnie: you wanted me to stay Joe: yeah Joe: don't need to talk about that Ronnie: what then Ronnie: how much you love me Joe: anything but that Joe: literally Ronnie: I've plugged the 🩸 you can dry your eyes Joe: good Joe: don't be wasting it on something so lame Ronnie: you reckon that's lame I'm gonna have to eat the 💊 like it's the fucking 90s Ronnie: fuck's sake Joe: very retro Joe: see what throwbacks I can get from this kid too Joe: be a party Ronnie: get your brother some poppers for his birthday Joe: probably be appreciated Joe: hence I won't Joe: chuck the obligatory tenner his way Ronnie: 🌈🙌 Joe: 😬 Ronnie: such a prude joseph Joe: you didn't have to live with them/partially raise them Joe: not something I wanna think about and they insist on making me constantly, pretty much Ronnie: didn't get to, you mean Ronnie: we're all 💔 babe Joe: you can revel in how much of a blessing it is on that score with your commiseration toast Ronnie: yeah Joe: yeah Ronnie: now we're finishing each other sentences 💘😍 Joe: christ 😂 Joe: oh Joe: you know uni sophie is engaged now Joe: wanna go if they make it down the aisle? Ronnie: I really fucking do Ronnie: did I miss her engagement party? Joe: dunno actually Joe: I'll actually ask next time she tries to talk Joe: bet she's missed you almost as much as me Ronnie: ask her now she'll have wished you merry christmas Joe: how'd you know? Joe: hacked my accounts Joe: hot Ronnie: I could but don't need to Ronnie: a 💍 don't mean she ain't still 😍💘 for you mckenna Joe: still only human, after-all Ronnie: 🖕 Joe: awh come on Joe: you know you wanna see 'em all in their festive jumpers Joe: [sends post] Ronnie: fucking hell Ronnie: she one of your plan b girls like, she's got fat enough that you might wanna check she swallowed it Joe: ugh no Joe: any plan b baby of mine would be toddling by now Ronnie: reassuring Joe: if you want 99% on that front I'll sweep the old friends list Joe: make sure they've got no offspring with the 👂s Ronnie: you reckon I haven't Ronnie: living with such a computer whizz Joe: true Joe: his talents are probably better spent getting free netflix Ronnie: way ahead of you Joe: boxsets are what the season is really about Ronnie: gutted you ain't here, yeah? Joe: yeah Ronnie: you'll be back in time for the finale where the korean robots stop fighting to the death long enough to save the world or whatever the fuck Joe: 😂 Joe: can't wait Ronnie: 'course not Ronnie: edge of your seat shit Joe: do you ever think about going back Joe: to liverpool Ronnie: for what? Ronnie: am I losing the accent? 💔 Joe: not as bad as I have Joe: I dunno Ronnie: no fucker there I wanna see Ronnie: you'll have to do the mckenna childhood ghost tour on your own Joe: come on Joe: gear must be good Joe: fuss they made about it Ronnie: it's decent here Ronnie: take another swing babe Joe: cheaper there Joe: everything, like Ronnie: you know how to get freebies Joe: fine Ronnie: I'm not gonna play house with you in that shithole, shut the fuck up Joe: I said fine Joe: jesus Ronnie: couldn't hear it through your tears like Joe: piss off Joe: it ain't about you Ronnie: you asked me if I wanted to go back Ronnie: I ain't stopping you Joe: can't anyway Joe: doubt their orchestra pays as well Joe: assuming there is one Ronnie: if everything's cheaper they don't need to Joe: whatever Joe: be a stupid thing to do regardless Ronnie: and you never do anything stupid, yeah? Joe: it's the one area of my life I don't Joe: yeah Ronnie: don't be a prick Ronnie: you know you could join the philharmonic Joe: I ain't going Joe: forget about it Ronnie: fine Joe: funny Ronnie: feels like shit don't it, getting one back Ronnie: just 'cause you're surrounded by sprongs don't mean you can't use your words Joe: you don't wanna go, there's nowt else to say Ronnie: it ain't about me Ronnie: you forgot you just said that already? Joe: doesn't mean I wanna go without you Joe: don't be stupid Ronnie: you can find another girl to shoot you up babe Joe: if you're gonna chat shit don't bother Joe: I love you Ronnie: give yourself a gift and hate me Joe: If I could, it'd have been on sight Joe: it's not like you charmed your way into my 💘 Ronnie: nah I injected myself into your veins Joe: don't give away your secrets Ronnie: not to shit on your christmas but it's only a secret for that lot where you are Joe: worst kept Ronnie: why keep it then? Joe: why announce it? Ronnie: you reckon she should get bitten, that'd do it Joe: 🥂 gather round fam Joe: they'd not believe it Joe: find a way to laugh it off, ignore the obvious Ronnie: roll up your sleeve, they can't fucking ignore that Joe: I'm pissing off mid-festivities Joe: that'll do it Ronnie: pussy Joe: what's it matter to you Ronnie: fuck you Joe: I mean it Joe: I'm coming back Ronnie: and that's all I give a shit about, yeah? Joe: obviously not Joe: but it makes no odds to you if I ruin their lives or not Ronnie: you're a cunt Joe: yeah Joe: but why specifically Ronnie: why the fuck do you think Joe: you want me to pick you Joe: to burn it all to the ground for them Joe: it ain't enough all the ways I've already done both Ronnie: you want me to be happy that you've had your cake and ate it Ronnie: nah, I hope you fucking choke baby Joe: I'll try my best Joe: I can't go back and make her keep you, there's shit I can do Ronnie: I don't want her, I want you Joe: it's been four fucking years Joe: you have me Joe: fucking Joe: I'd die without you Joe: I could get clean before I could leave you Ronnie: you did leave Joe: okay Joe: I did Joe: I left Ronnie: and they want you to stay Ronnie: these pricks want the princess here over me Joe: baby Joe: they want you Joe: they just need a chance to miss you, it's all it is Joe: we can go somewhere Joe: anywhere Ronnie: I'm fucking off to yours Ronnie: after that wherever Joe: I promise Joe: wherever you wanna Joe: and for how long Ronnie: wherever you want Ronnie: I don't give a shit Joe: it don't matter Joe: I just need to see you Ronnie: yeah Joe: you know I want you don't you Ronnie: show me when you drag your arse back here Joe: of course Ronnie: 💘 Ronnie: it's like walking through a ghost town, you'd have such a boner if you were here Joe: shame Joe: is the cat there Ronnie: yeah Ronnie: singing carols for me Joe: she's talented Ronnie: shame I ain't a pushy stage ma Joe: why live vicariously when you can be a double-act babe Ronnie: you're not funny mckenna Joe: s'okay Joe: won't insist on being the warm-up Joe: not that kinda dad Ronnie: you need the practice though Joe: have to write my set on the plane Joe: impress you Ronnie: give you something to do besides cry and touch yourself Joe: not flying first Joe: or business even Joe: no blanket, no tissues Joe: 😿 Ronnie: poor baby Joe: I know Joe: tragedy Ronnie: I'm not doing the dance moves, like Ronnie: keep dreaming Joe: 💔 Joe: send me a video of your duet at least then Ronnie: [imagine that sassy cat please] Joe: I miss her Joe: shame she'd probably gouge our eyes out if we tried to take her with Ronnie: so will I but that ain't ever turned you off Joe: no one's going to ring RSPCA if they see me kidnapping you Ronnie: childline maybe Ronnie: I ain't forgot you said I had a fucking 👶 face you twat Joe: 😂 Joe: true Joe: but I'm banking on you being that offended you'll sort 'em out, like Ronnie: and you Joe: 💘 Joe: banking on that too Ronnie: 🖕💋 Ronnie: brb calling Briggs for a full face tat before you show up Joe: if you don't wanna kiss that bad, just say Ronnie: shut up Joe: so what's it to be Joe: spiders web Joe: skull Ronnie: see what the genius comes up with Joe: I look forward to the big reveal Ronnie: what time's your flight? Joe: [some ungodly AM 'cos xmas madness] Ronnie: fuck Joe: don't worry Joe: won't wake you Ronnie: all these pills will probably keep me up Ronnie: fuck knows Joe: n'awh, you wanna wait up for me Joe: how sweet 😏 Ronnie: kill yourself Ronnie: you've got more of my attention than korean death robots, calm down Ronnie: it's not a brag babe Joe: isn't it Joe: it's pretty epic if Bronson's livetweets are anything to go by Ronnie: it's the pills talking Joe: 😂 Joe: never have that affect on you 💔 Ronnie: deal with it Ronnie: I ain't gonna clean your flat, like Joe: probably enabling that, if you think about it Joe: so caring, babe Ronnie: how late did you leave packing there's shit everywhere Joe: I didn't Joe: only needed what I've got on Joe: got their presents in town Joe: easy Ronnie: you fucking knew you were gonna come straight back and still wanted me to beg Ronnie: maybe you ain't as soft as you were Joe: wanted makes it sound like I planned any part of it Joe: I knew I was coming back 'cos today was all I could stand Joe: being here, not being there Ronnie: don't ruin the fantasy Joe: poor baby Ronnie: yeah I am Ronnie: climbing the fucking walls here Joe: you or sid Ronnie: me and her Joe: babies Joe: what can I do Joe: need something to do Ronnie: do me Joe: alright Joe: call me Ronnie: [obviously does so we can end it there]

[autistic-arcana]

Every Twenty One Pilots Song

I saw someone do this and thought it would be a good way to procrastinate everything I need to get done.  So here are my favorite lyrics to every tøp song and a some of NPI.

"Let the water wash away 
Everything that you've become On your knees, today is gone
 And tomorrow's sure to come" - Blasphemy

"Depression and drowning singing now the full parts 
Of lightning reveals where the ocean stops and the sky starts I’ve been told by the sky that the ocean I shall win
 But it’s hard for me to see where ocean stops, and where sky begins A random strike of light reminds me of what is true But right now the ocean is blacker than black, the sky is too" - Drown

"And my own two hands 
Will start bleeding again And floor will turn to 
To a hole in the ground" - Hole In The Ground

"It's as good as I can be 
This is all that I can be" - Save

"And somebody told me they saw you cry and break down
 Do you know how hard that is to get around and think about? 
It's not like you to let emotions get the best of things Especially when everything is hanging in the air we breathe" - Taken By Sleep

"I can't live this way 
Just to write a song to play
Just to stay alive
 Just enough to breathe away 
Another day, another face 
And I will lose another race Save me now 'Cause tomorrow's gone just like yesterday" - Just Like Yesterday

"The point in life must be 
Pretty dark and hopeless
 Terrifying And if you’re asking me when that is It must be tonight" - Tonight

"I would laugh away the pain 
Did you know I'd run all day 
Just to maybe hear you say 
That you are falling too" - Falling Too

"Reign down and destroy me" - Implicit Demand For Proof

"I'm dying and I'm trying But believe me, I'm fine, but I'm lying 
I'm so very far from fine And I, I can feel the pull begin
I feel my conscience wearing thin
 And my skin, it will start 
To break up and fall apart" - Fall Away

"A moth ate through
Your favorite shirt" - The Pantaloon

"End of my ways as a walking denial My trial was filed as a "crazy, suicidal head case"" - Addict With A Pen

"You say that you're fine, but you have lost your sway and glow" - Friend, Please

"I realize that this line is dead So I'll follow you instead" - March To The Sea

"We all need you now" - Johnny Boy

"Your twisted thoughts are like snow on the rooftops Please, take my hand, we're in foreign land" - Oh Ms. Believer

"So I'll write my fears" - Air Catcher

"And he pretends he's okay, but you should see, oh
 Him in bed late at night, he's petrified...He thinks that faith might be dead 
Nothing kills a man faster than his own head" - Trapdoor

"I began to understand why God died" - A Car, A Torch, A Death

"Don't be afraid 
We're going home" - Taxi Cab

"Look in the mirror and ask your soul if you're alright Put on the glitter that your soul hides behind You're in my mind" - Before You Start Your Day

"We find our worth in giving birth, and stuff We're lining our homes against winding roads
 And we think the going is tough We pick songs to sing, remind us of things that nobody cares about And honestly, we're probably more suicidal than ever now"

"So bold and fearless in the risks we'd take, laugh in the face
 Of gravity as its laws we'd break 
On trampolines so high we reach for the sky But I do not look up anymore and I don't know why" - Slowtown

"My brain has given up, white flags are hoisted 
I took some food for thought, it might be poisoned" - Forest

"We all know somebody who knows somebody who's doing great
 I know some people who know people who are flying straight But I'll kindly enter in to rooms of depression
 While ceiling fans and idle hands will take my life again" - Glowing Eyes

"Are you searching for purpose? Then write something, yeah it might be worthless
 Then paint something, and it might be wordless 
Pointless curses, nonsense verses
 You'll see purpose start to surface" - Kitchen Sink

"I'm caught under water and I'm falling farther My heart's getting harder, I'm calling my father 
Am I screaming to an empty sky?" - Anathema

"The only difference between life and dying 
Is one is trying, that's all we're called to do
 So try to love Me and I'll try to save you" - Lovely

"We're all diseased" - Ruby

"I'm lying cause I say I am fine" - Be Concerned

"Introspection is the name of this session 
Spread this infection, reflect it on the next one" - Clear

"A mask that portrays that we don't need grace" - Ode to Sleep

"Fight it, take the pain, ignite it, tie a noose around your mind 
Loose enough to breath fine and tie it to a tree tell it, "You belong to me, this ain't a noose 
This is a leash and I have news for you You must obey me!"" - Holding On To You

"I did not know it was such a violent island 
Full of tidal waves, suicidal crazed lions 
They're trying to eat me, blood running down their chin And I know that I can fight, or I can let the lion win I begin to assemble what weapons I can find
 'Cause sometimes to stay alive you gotta kill your mind" - Migraine

"And since we know that dreams are dead 
And life turns plans up on their head I will plan to be a bum
 So I just might become someone" - House of Gold

"I'm forced to deal with what I feel
 There is no distraction to mask what is real
 I could pull the steering wheel" - Car Radio

"Night falls, with gravity The earth turns, from sanity Taking my only friend I know
 He leaves a lot, his name is Hope" - Semi-Automatic

"We're broken people" - Screen

"You'll have to watch me struggle
 From several rooms away But tonight I'll need you to stay" - The Run and Go

"What kids are doing
 They're killing themselves They feel they have no control of their prisoner cell
 And if you're one of them then you're one of me 
And you would do almost anything just to feel free... Our brains are sick but that's okay" - Fake You Our

"Together, let's breathe
 Together, to the beat" - Guns For Hands

"I can feel your breath
 I can feel my death" - Trees

"Stay alive, stay alive for me" - Truce

"This is not rap, this is not hip-hop
 Just another attempt to make the voices stop" - Heavydirtysoul

"Out of student loans and tree house homes, we all would take the latter" - Stressed Out

"Yeah I think about the end just way too much
 But it's fun to fantasize On my enemies I wouldn't wish who I was
 But it's fun to fantasize" - Ride

"Yo, you, bulletproof in black like a funeral The world around us is burning but we're so cold" - Fairly Local

"Sometimes you gotta bleed to know 
That you’re alive and have a soul" - Tear In My Heart

"But I know a thing or two about pain and darkness If it wasn’t for this music I don’t know how I would have fought this" - Lane Boy

"I'm thinking
 'Wow, I probably should've stayed inside my house.'" - The Judge

"I'm not sure if I can see this ever stopping
 Shaking hands with the dark parts of my thoughts" - Doubt

"It's deciding where to die and deciding where to fight" - Polarize

"I used to say I wanna die before I'm old
 But because of you I might think twice" - We Don't Believe What's On TV

"These lyrics aren't for everyone 
Only few understand" - Message Man

"Put away, put away
 All the gods your father served today 
Put away, put away
Your traditions, believe me when I say" - Hometown

"I don't know why
 I just feel I'm better off staying in the same room I was born in" - Not Today

"Don’t let me be gone" - Goner

"I crumble underneath the weight 
Pressures of a new place roll my way" - Jumpsuit

"You can learn to levitate with just a little help" - Levitate

"There's no above, or under, or around it
 For "above" is blind belief and "under" is sword to sleeve 
And "around" is scientific miracle" - Morph

"If you find yourself in a lion's den 
I'll jump right in and pull my pin" - My Blood

"I despise you sometimes, I love to hate the fight" - Chlorine

"I never look for conflict for the thrill" - Smithereens

"Promise me this
If I lose to myself 
You won't mourn a day
 And you'll move onto someone else" - Neon Gravestones

"And you know you're a terrible sight
 But you'll be just fine" - The Hype

"Save your razorblades now, not yet" - Nico And The Niners

"I don't mind at all, lean on my pride 
Lean on my pride, I'm a lion" - Cut My Lip

"I created this world to feel some control
 Destroy it if I want So I sing Sahlo Folina" - Bandito

"I can feel pressure start to possess my mind" - Pet Cheetah

"Then the day that it happened, I recorded this last bit 
I look forward to having a lunch with you again" - Legend

"In time, I will leave the city 
For now, I will stay alive...In Trench I'm not alone" - Leave the City

[ebaeschnbliah]

________________________________________________________________

Last week I read another one of @sagestreet 's wonderful metas. Darth Vader ('Sherlock')  In my comment I refered to the Klingons and the Cowboys in black hats, who are also mentioned in that scene in TFP. If 'Darth Vader' is of meaning (which I'm convinced of) then the Klingons and the Cowboys with the black hats are most likely of meaning too. This thought wouldn't leave my head. Until I remembered having already seen a Klingon wearing a black hat .... Lieutenant Commander Worf from the starship Enterprise. I rewatched the episode where this occurs and now I'm a bit blown away.

Some keywords ...

Klingons - black hats - fathers and sons - the android who desires to feel emotions - positronic brain malfunction - empath in the role of the mysterious stranger - the Wild West - a son in prison - a son abducted - crossdressing - inside a created story - suddenly it's not a game anymore - character shifting - reluctantly wearing a hat to play a role - no, no, no, this is too easy - Spot the cat ....

Favourite Quote: Data when asked about Geordi's slowly growíng beard:

"As is the case with many natural growth processes, it is difficult to envision the end product based on an intermediate stage."

In case you are interested, feel free to engage in Star Trek TNG, Season 6, Episode 8:

A Fistful of Datas

________________________________________________________________

About Lieutenant Commander Data

Data is an android - a machine - who desires nothing more than to become human one day and to experience emotions. Data is also a great admirer of Sherlock Holmes. Especially of his ability to solve mysteries by careful examination of the available evidence. He loves to quote Holmes (x  x) and he played that character on the holodeck (x) However, Sherlock Holmes doesn't feature in this episode .... but maybe the episode features in Sherlock BBC. Unless, of course, it's just coincidence ...

.

A sheduled appointment is postponed for two days. Many members of the Enterprise are taking advantage of the delay to pursue their own projects.

La Forge and Data get the permission to experiment on a new interface between Data’s positronic brain and the ship’s computer. This would allow Data to act as an emergency backup in the event of a ship-wide systems failure. Soon it turns out that this experiment causes some computer problems. Parts of the ship’s computer get altered and are replaced by Data’s personal programming. Systems affected by the malfunction are the library, the replicator selection and the recreational programming ... the holodeck. Nothing critical, it would seem.

As a result ….

a piece of Mozart changes to Dvorak’s The Slavonic Dances, because Data had been analysing the collected works of Czech composer Antonin Dvorak.

a theatre play is replaced by Data’s poem 'Ode to Spot’, dedicated to his cat.

the replicators on some decks are producing nothing but the cat food Data had been formulating for Spot. (X)

an interaction between Data’s personal programming and the programming of  the holodeck occurs. It replaces parts of Data’s memory structures with the files that are currently activated. Files related to the nineteenth century American West. Suddenly Data's behaviour changes and he starts talking like someone out of that time, using terms like ... 'Howdy, Commander' ... 'You got it, partner' ... 'Vamoose, you little varmint' ... 'Commander. You just sit tight. We'll have this all fixed up in time for supper'

About Lieutenant Commander Worf and his son Alexander

The relationship between father and son is a difficult one. Alexander was raised by his mother K'Ehleyr, a half-human half-klingon embassador of the Klingon Empire. Worf, an orphan himself and raised by humans on Earth, didn’t know for years about the existance of his son. Soon after K'Ehleyr revealed the truth to Worf she got killed. Worf acknowleded his son but sent him away to Earth to be raised by his own former foster parents. Some time later Alexander is brought back to the Enterprise. Worf learns that there are difficulies, problems with adjusting, that his adoptive parents feel too old for the challenge to deal once again wth a Klingon child … in short, Alexander needs his father. At first Worf doesn’t feel ready nor competent enough to deal with the new situation. He decides to send Alexander away again. This time to a Klingon school. Then he reconsiders the decision and both - father and son - agree to face their relationship problems together. This is why - one day - Alexander programmes an adventurous play on the holodeck which he can take on together with his father …. who is not very enthusiastic about it.

Deadwood. Nineteenth century Earth. The Ancient West

WORF: What is our function here? ALEXANDER: You’re the Sheriff and I’m the deputy. WORF: So, we are in law enforcement. ALEXANDER: Right.

And so the programme starts like many Western stories …. a little town under a��glaring sun ... a sheriff and his deputy are walking slowly down a deserted main street.

The sound of a gunshot from the saloon ... a man on the piano ... poker players ... a mysterious stranger ... some bad guys who aren’t really a match for sheriff Worf. Alexander doesn't like it.

ALEXANDER: No, no, no. Computer, freeze programme. WORF: What is wrong? ALEXANDER: That was too easy. It has to be harder to beat the bad guys. Otherwise, it’s no fun. Computer, increase programme difficulty to level four. Go back to where my father and I first walked into the saloon. Come on, Father.

Alexander and Worf leave the saloon and the programme starts once more. This time the bad guys are clearly more dangerous and not as easy to subdue. The owner of the saloon is a woman called Annie.

Unexpected for Worf - not for Alexander - they receive help from a woman with a gun. She is DeannaTroi, who serves as  ship’s councelor aboard the Enterprise. As a half-Betazoid, Deanna Troi is capable of extra-sensory empathy. Alexander asked her to join them because Counsellor Troi loves Western stories.

TROI: My father used to read me stories from the Ancient West when I was a little girl. I must admit, I always wanted to play the part of the mysterious stranger. 

Eli Hollander, the bad guy, gets arrested. Sheriff Worf, deputy Alexander and Durango, the mysterious stranger, lock him up in the prison cell. As it turns out, Eli Hollander has a dad as well.

ELI: Frankly, I don’t think I’ll be around here that long. Not after my old man hears about this. WORF: What old man are you referring to? ELI: My pa. When he breaks me out of this tin can, the gravedigger’ll be working overtime.

At this point things start getting out of hand because of the experiment Data and La Forge are cónducteding. Deputy Alexander goes missing.

In the saloon sheriff Worf meets Frank Hollander, Eli’s dad, and learns that the man has abducted his deputy. Most alarming is the fact that Frank Hollander looks like Commander Data.

DATA-FRANK: I ain’t in the mood for games, Sheriff.

And indeed, this isn’t a game anymore. The holodeck safeguards are out of order. Worf gets shot in the arm and is actually injured. They are in trouble and it gets worse. When Worf comes back to the prison, Eli Hollander has also transformed into Data. 

Desperately but without success they try to end the programme. There is only one hope.

TROI: We have to remember, even though the holodeck safeguards may be off, this is still a programme. If we can just get to the end of this story the way it was designed to play out, the programme will automatically terminate.

And so they play along as best they can. Data-Frank Hollander visits his son Data-Eli in prison to comfort him and to propose an exchange with the abducted deputy Alexander.

DATA-FRANK: You sit tight, boy. I’ll have you home in time for supper. (to Sheriff Worf) I’m going to give you one more opportunity, Sheriff, to avoid a ugly situation. Release my boy. WORF: I have reconsidered your offer. I will release your son in exchange for my deputy. DATA-FRANK: I thought you might have a change of heart. Meet me in two hours. You be in front of the saloon. I’ll be in front of the livery station. Strangers ain’t invited.

Two fathers and two sons meet under the glaring sunshine in the middle of a deserted main street.

Deanna Troi’s warning words turn out to be true … that villains in Western stories can’t ever be trusted.

TROI: They’re not concerned with honour, Worf. This is the Ancient West. There’s a gunfighter out there who has the speed and accuracy of an android. And in two hours, he’s going to try to kill you.

Data-Frank Hollander doesn’t come alone to reclaim his son. Another two outlaws are lurking near the street … behind a door, on top of a roof … waiting to interfere. And both of them have turned into Data’s as well.

Then the gunfight is over. As mentioned by Deanna Troi, the computer programme should automatically end now. Surprisingly, it doesn’t. It seems the story isn’t quite over yet.

To Worf’s utter shock and surprise, Annie, the lady who owns the saloon, approaches him. She hugs and kisses the sheriff enthusiastically …. and she too looks now like Data ….

DATA-ANNIE: Sheriff! You’re as handy with a shooting iron as you are with a woman’s heart. WORF: (panic-stricken) Computer, end programme! Computer! Now! 

After that strange adventure Alexander heavily doubts that his father will ever again engage with him in a similar play on the holodeck. Turns out … he is mistaken …

WORF: The town of Deadwood may face danger once again. If they do, they will need a sheriff and a deputy.

And back in the main room ..... in front of the mirror .... :)))

.... while the Enterprise flys off into the sunset of an alien star ....

Some intersting background information

The director of this episode is Patrick Stewart.

The episode title is an homage to the Clint Eastwood film A Fistful of Dollars.

The original title was The Good, the Bad and the Klingon, a paraphrase of the title of Leone's The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

The plot is a homage to Rio Bravo.

In an interview Stewart mentions that for this episode he watched the movie Shane for inspiration regarding westerns. A scene from Shane was taken by Stewart and copied as the one where Alexander looks out of the bottom of the saloon doors.

I leave you to your own deductions.

Source of script (X)   Wikipedia (X)   Memory-Alpha (X)

Mai, 2018

@gosherlocked @sagestreet @raggedyblue @possiblyimbiassed @sarahthecoat @221bloodnun @loveismyrevolution @sherlockshadow

[las-vegas-princess]

“You son of a bitch!” – My honest and long-winded thoughts about the Season Finale

If you had asked me yesterday what I thought of the Season Finale, I might not have had many great things to say about it. I watched the episode after being awake for nearly 24 hours and hyped up about it for two weeks. The first word that came to my mind was “anticlimactic”. I re-watched Season 3 over the weekend and was waiting for a huge reveal about this absolutely bad thing Robert did. Something that was so much bigger than him not returning home asap. After all, it was a mystery for two episodes and Jasper made it sound so bad. Watching the episode, I felt like nothing was really happening:

-          We did not get anywhere with Jaspenor - which was to be expected - though him finally telling her that he loves her was so overdue (even Tom was confused it was never said before). But in my overtired state, not even their conversation felt as dramatic, loving and passionate as any of the other ones beforehand.

-          And Robert, well, apart from him knowing about Liam and Kathryn and calling her a whore, there was nothing new. I expected him to have had bad parting words with his dad, meddling in Jaspenor’s relationship and we all “feared” (?) there might be something starting with Willow. Sure, him inviting Sebastian and firing Spencer (GET HIM BACK!!!) was really bad, but not this huge revelation that I hoped for. He is an asshole like I expected, maybe a bit more mentally deranged than I thought but still, I did not feel satisfied by the episode. It would have made a great mid-season finale but a season finale? Not so much in my eyes.

I knew even yesterday, that my feelings were due to me being so tired and my brain not being able to spare cells for being compassionate and excitable and I, myself, hyping this episode up so much in my head. I tried to make gifs to stay connected to the episode, but as much as I love Mark directing episodes, it’s a bitch to gif his close-ups with the E! Logo taking up half the character’s faces. So, I was even more annoyed after that and finally decided to go to sleep. Me being in Europe, meant it was 4am when the episode aired and I finally went to bed at 9am, after being awake for 27 hours. Obviously, I wasn’t able to really sleep enough (luckily, I took the day off work beforehand, knowing that I wouldn’t be in the right frame of mind to go to work) and felt disappointed by it all for the rest of the day. To get my mind off things, I decided to spent the day watching all eight episodes of Jo, starring our lovely Tom Austen. If you are even remotely interested in Tom Austen and haven’t watched it yet, you better get on it. I am no fan of Crime Dramas, even left the room when my family watched them at home, but with the right eye-candy, even I could be persuaded. The whole show is so good and Tom is delectable. Think Season 2 Jasper in unbuttoned Henley Shirts. Watching it, put me in a better mood, even though I’m a bit sad now that it was only eight episodes.

Now it’s 7:15 pm on Tuesday and I finally am calm and composed enough to give the Season 3 Finale another chance and will write down my (new and improved) thoughts on it below.

Okay, I don’t even really know where to start. I still don’t consider it the best or the strongest episode, but I like it way better now that I’m of sound mind. I think it’s easiest to once again go through all the characters.

Let’s start with Cyrus:

I am super glad that we get to keep Jake Maskall for another season. As much as I disliked him in the beginning, as glad I am about his comic relief in every episode now. Compared to Robert, he is actually quite sane and likeable. I can’t wait to see what news his doctor has for him – hopefully they are good. Two seasons with cancer should be enough for that poor soul. Wow, I never thought I see the day in which I felt sympathetic for Cyrus :D

Liam:

He really is the only one who was able to see through Robert, sad that it only comes across as jealousy to the other ones. Him going to Cyrus in the end does shows the newly determined HRH we need for Season 4. He needs a new purpose just like in Season 2. His character arc always goes from lovesick puppy in the odd seasons to fierce badass in the even seasons. He was so weak with Kathryn and broke Willows heart, it’s time for him to stay away from girls for a while. I’m still not ruling out a possible Kathryn pregnancy, depending on Christina Wolfe’s availability for Season 4. To be honest though? I can totally live without it and won’t be sad to see her go.

Willow:

The moment Robert gave her the list, I expected her to be on top. Well, we all expected it after 3x07 and their HP conversation. I do not necessarily expect her to find out what Robbie really is like, but I don’t think she will marry him. She would make in amazing queen, but not with this king by her side. She was so into Liam and he is the polar opposite of Robert – in looks and character - so I can’t see her falling for him. Sure, he can be immensely charming, but Willow is one of the few people on the show who is not after the crown. I’m also certain that Robert just saw her dumping an insane amount of tickets into Liam’s box at the People’s Gala and wants to get even. We’ve had enough love triangles this season to last for the rest of the show. So either Liam just will not give a damn or Willow will be tough on Robert and show him that she’s not to be messed with.

Helena:

BRING ME BACK SPENCER!!! I NEED SPENCER!!!!! The look on her face when Spencer hugs her and the one at the end when she realizes what kind of monster she helped put on the thrown were amazing. She needs to be in cahoots with Cyrus and Liam to bring down Robert.

Robert:

Liam might be the better king in real life, but this is a TV Drama and King Robert is the best thing that could have happened to the show. No matter if it’s true of not, I will always believe that Robbie is the one responsible for Simon’s death. This guy went mental because his brother kissed his Ex and his mum and sister are in love with the help. Planning to kill your father who told you that are the worst thing that could happen to the UK, only sounds reasonable after that. And being stuck on an island for months gives you the best alibi. (Loved that we go to have Vincent Regan back for an episode – he really is a great dad.) Robert, Robert, Robert… As much as I hate this son of a bitch (sorry, Helena), Max Brown is AMAZING! I really needed all of these episodes to come to terms with the fact that we have to live with Robert and will not get rid of him. It’s okay now. He is just the manipulative asshole the monarchy needed. And there always needs to be a character you love to hate. There is still so much that needs to be uncovered about him and I do hope we get more than one more season to find out what he is truly like. More than anything, I do hope that Len and Jasper will find out what he did.

Jasper:

If you read through the beginning of my post (and stuck until down here), you know that I’m riding the Tom Austen bandwagon pretty hard right now. To be completely honest: I didn’t even consider him good looking in the beginning of the show. I blame Season 1 hair 😄 Looking back now, I don’t know what was wrong with me back then! It might have been the hair, it might have been Jasper’s bad boy attitude which I’m not a fan of unlike the majority of girls out there or it might have been the fact that, being a Narnia fan, I was so focused on Liam that I just didn’t waste a thought on Jasper/Tom. Now I want to ride him as hard as I’m riding the bandwagon and I think my neighbors might have actually heard me squeal during Jasper’s “I love you”. I really think that there are only a few moments in which Tom looked better than during that speech. His eyes, his mouth, his stubble and damn his voice! I am such a sucker for voices which makes it so strange that I completely failed my linguistics class twice. If you are still with me after this Ode to Tom, I want to get back to Jasper. My poor puppy finally poured his heart out to his girl! And if I believe someone to just “see the girl he loves be happy” – even if it’s without him in her life – it’s him. They will get their Happily Ever After. They have to! And if Mark is not giving it to us, there is always our imagination – and fanfiction! I haven’t rooted for a couple this much since Luke & Lorelai back in Season 4 of Gilmore Girls. They need to be endgame! With a Royal(s) Wedding and beautiful little godchildren for Uncle James and Aunty Sara Alice. Speaking of James and Sara Alice, I do hope that we will get them back for Season 4. There can be no Jaspenor without their cheerleaders / pseudo-dad & fake-daughter / sister (they really have the weirdest relationship). Usually protecting the king would be James’s job but now he has Jasper and I still believe that it is the worst thing that could have happened. First of all, Robert hates him and second, he wants Jasper because “he is the best at what he does”. In Robert’s eyes that means “the best at stealing, deceiving and not caring for the law”. And Mark hinting at a possible friendship between these two just makes me throw up in my mouth. We will get to see less of Liam and Jasper together, as Liam has a new alley now, but I need them to stay BFFs. I just need that! It’s inevitable that he and Robert they will get closer during Eleanor’s absence though.

Eleanor:

I hate to see her go, but it is what’s best for her. She can’t put her life on hold for a guy. Even if that guy is Jasper. She needs time away from the palace to finally become her own person. Not influenced by her mother or her brothers. If even Jasper can’t find anything wrong with Sebastian, I will have to start liking him – even though I really don’t want to. He might be a great friend for her, but I would much rather see her hang out with Rosie and Liam. It was about time that she got the storybook and saw how much Jasper loves her, but even thought I hoped it turned out differently, I’m glad that she did not run back into Jasper’s arm. She is not a weak character and he really hurt her one too many times. Two of my all-time favorite quotes are “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” and “Home is where the heart is”. I think both will play a great deal in Len’s life during her six months away.

Season 4:

So, where will we pick up in Season 4. As nothing is written yet, it’s just a wild guessing game. I’m sure we will start 6 months later (5 months and 3 weeks to be exact). For one, so Jake can keep his sideburns, but also because we need to see how the kingdom changed under Robert’s rule. What is actually Liam’s plan? Does he want to expose Robert? Which team is Helena on? Do we get Spencer back?!!! How friendly will Jasper and King Asshole be? Is Willow actually dating Robert? For whatever reason, I do get the feeling that Eleanor will cut her hair a bit / keep it shorter than usual like Alex does at the moment. A new hairdo for a new ‘her’. It will probably not happen, as long hair just looks better on TV (and on a princess) but who knows. If it could choose what I want to happen in the first episode, I would love Len to come back home earlier as she couldn’t stay away any longer. Or Jasper keeps tabs on her via the media and even though they say she’s dating Sebastian, he sees that she is wearing his necklace… Or whatever. I don’t actually care what happens, I just want them to start filming and airing now 😄 I take everything as long as it doesn’t feel like a lifetime until the new Season.

Okay, this is WAY longer than I intended it to become. I wish I could have written 2369 words for my fanfiction in the past week. If someone here is reading my fanfiction, I’m sorry for the lack of update. For one, my family and work is keeping me from writing, but also the Season Finale and my real-person Tom Austen (who would have thought) fiction were keeping my mind occupied. Now that the season is over, I hope my head calms down a bit and I can concentrate on what is important again: give people as much Jaspenor as possible.

And now I will leave you with a picture of the possibly new Royal Family incl. Queen Wilhelmina and Jasper, Duke of “Whatever it takes to make it happen”