#i have to peer edit someone's essay but i don't want to bc it's gonna be miles better than my own unfinished draft
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i’m so tired and i don’t want to do shit skldghsjdkfngvlkjdnflasjdfl
#not me posting this as if it's any new or interesting information#warning for a hella fucking long tag rant :3#i have to peer edit someone's essay but i don't want to bc it's gonna be miles better than my own unfinished draft#and i'm gonna go crazy thinking about what they're gonna think about my draft and everything#and i have math group homework to do tonight fucking god i just#MATH NEEDS TO STOP#i LIKE!!! MATH!!! but this course is way too much we were complaining about it in breakout rooms today which was nice to hear#that everyone is fucking struggling#they said 'we know it's a hard time but we're gonna give you SO MUCH FUCKING WORK ANYWAY#also i'm on my period and i'm tired and my like default is just negative thoughts bc i'm just thinking why do periods have to fucking exist#mine arent' even bad i just don't want to have to deal with that ugh#might make another post asking for yall to send me good things that happend to u today or something#IF I HAVE TIME like not having the time is gonna stop me lmao#i want to drop a class but it's hard bc i dislike all my classes a similar amount lmao#*julie voice* i wanna cry#i might ask yall to send me good things that happened today i just wnna talk to ppl#ok heres another fucking thing bc im just gonna fucking overshare in these tags instead of doing anything#i love yall i love my mutuals but sometimes i feel like i'm not like#a fun or interesting person at all i feel like people don't actually want to talk to me and idk its that feeling of like everyone has#BETTER friends even if they are friends with me like i want to talk to them more than they want to talk to me or something#like they have othr people they'd prefer to interact with yknow#i'm just rambling pls dont feel like this is talking about anyone in particular bc if ur actually reading this i probably love u to death <3#it's not even like a new thing that's just how i exist lmao everyone has better friends than me or whatever i feel like i'm so BORING#and when i'm not boring i feel like i'm being annoying#it's why i don't fucking talk in group chats bc i feel like no one will care what i have to say even tho i know that's not true lskkdgjhdslj#god what is this today lmao tumblr is my therapist#how close am i to the tag limit i'm probably close does it stop u on desktop or am i gonna go to post this and then it will tell me i'm over#ughhhh i dont even feel like i deserve a small break bc i'm always taking breaks or im always on tumblr or something#and i'm not fucking productive i'm not a good student like literally in one f my classes today i was making a lockscreen for myself lmao#oh wow they don't even tell u that ur over tag limit on desktop it just chops em off lmao probably for the best
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#tw//#I want to die like I actually want to jump off a fucking bridge and just die and not deal with existing anymore#I might fail 3/4 of my college classes which will fuck up financial aid and my academic standing and end up with my mother screaming at me#again and making everything worse#I have no idea if I should be panicking over med school bc I don't even know what I would want to go to grad school for#I have no clue what kind of job I want to have I have no clue where I want to go with my life#meanwhile my cousins are doing fan fucking tastic and since my mothers hyped me up so much to the whole family I have to deal with that#expectation + doesn't help that my grandmas fcking hospitalized w cancer and she might have to die knowing I was a fucking disappointment#I feel sick to my stomach I can't even reach out for help abt depression bc honestly I'm not even sure I have it half the time I just feel#lazy how can I talk abt having depression to someone else when i could just actually be a lazy piece of shit#I was supposed to have a rough draft ready for peer editing today and I won't have any of it I won't even have an essay topic I feel so#pathetic I feel so embarrassed to show up in front of my TA like that I feel embarrassed that I pushed off going to talk to him until week 9#he's gonna think I'm just a lazy shit and so is my other professor after I turn in this midterm a whole month late#I can't even miss discussion bc if I miss 7 I'll automatically fail I don't even know if I can pass by this point or not that's how bad I've#fucked up I can't believe I'm like this why did I do this to myself#I got so bad senior year of high school how did I even get into this school everyone else here is smart and deserving and work hard#there are people who worked their asses off and got in and I coasted in on the record my first three years of high school gave me#I'm not the student on that transcript anymore I'm an ungrateful unappreciative failure#I'm terrified st the prospect of being kicked out and not meeting credit requirements and going to community college instead#I'm terrified of F's and W's on my transcript fucking up my future bc I just couldn't try hard enough for once in my life
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