#i have to imagine all of my comfort and hugs and things from imaginary people because theres no one around thats close

[changbunnies]

White Lines and Red Lights (18+)

♡ Pairing: Han Jisung x fem!Reader 

♡ Genre: college au, idiots in love (they are so oblivious), best friends to lovers, mutual pining, basically pure fluff, a smidge of angst? (it's barely there, mostly due to perceived one-sided pining that is in reality not at all one-sided lmao)

♡ Word Count: 13.4k (i may have gotten carried away)

♡ Summary: The spring semester is over, and summer break is sure to be full of fun and good memories for Y/N and her best friend, Jisung. The only problem being, they are both hopelessly in love with each other, and completely oblivious to how the other one feels.

♡ Warnings: reader's major isn't specified but is implied to be creative, jisung's major is also not specified but is in music, alcohol consumption, mentions of food and eating, many uses of the word "fuck" lol, lmk if i missed anything you think should be listed here !

♡ Smut Warnings (contains spoilers): slightly inexperienced sex (neither reader or jisung are virgins, but they don't have tons of experience either), lighthearted but also romantic sex?, petnames (baby), a lot of kissing. like so much kissing, nipple play, handjob, oral (m rec), fingering (f receiving), multiple orgasms, unprotected piv, creampie (reader is on birth control)

♡ Notes: this was written for the @skzwritingcafe prompt "summertime confessions" ! i hope you like it and as usual, if you’re interested you can check out my fic rec and feedback blog @stray-dreams

♡ Disclaimer: please read responsibly, and remember that this work is fiction and meant strictly for imaginative fun. the idols used in fics are more accurately faceclaims and personality outlines for imaginary characters, and should not be interpreted as factual representations of existing people.

Hell is finally over! That’s what you’ve been happily telling yourself since 2:30 p.m, when the last of your final exams were complete and all assignment deadlines were met.

Did you reach the end of all your trials and tribulations with a passing grade? That you weren’t entirely sure of, but the instant relief when the clock met the fated hour expelled any worries instantly from your mind. It’s a problem for future you, your brain decided, because now there was room for one thing and one thing only: fun!

You were beyond ready to turn your brain off, to indulge in some much needed fun to clear the fog in your head, and to then settle into comfort and relaxation. You hadn’t had a moment of joy or peace in weeks, and you were most definitely due for it; the thin line that was your sanity could only handle so much more stress before it snapped. 

And that’s what you’ve spent the last hour getting ready for– an end of semester celebration with friends, a small reward after the grueling study efforts intended to revitalize those that turned into zombies over the course of finals week.

Parties aren’t typically your thing, being much too loud and chaotic for your tastes, but how could you say no when said party was being held by your best friend and his 2 roommates? And after the literal hell you endured during the last semester, and especially during this last week, you needed a night with your friends more than you needed oxygen. 

“You’re here!” Chan greets you with a smile after he opens the door, happy to see you after weeks of being stuck in the confines of your bedroom, having turned into an effective study machine.

“Hi Channie,” you return his smile as you step fully inside, giving him a quick hug after the door shuts behind you. “Where’s Jisung?” you waste no time in asking, eager to see the person you cared about most (no offense intended to your other friends.)

It felt awful not having time to see him the last few weeks; the only thing that gave you comfort during that time was knowing that he was equally as busy meeting assignment deadlines and studying for his finals as you were.

You wished you could’ve studied together, like you did when you were kids, but different majors meant there wasn’t as much crossover in what you were learning as there once was. But still, you took solace in knowing you weren’t alone during the struggle; at least, metaphorically you weren’t. 

Chan points you to the kitchen, and you thank him before you make the short walk there, a bounce in your step as happiness settles over you for the first time in what feels like ages. It doesn’t take you long to spot him, standing near the counter with his other roommate Changbin, as well as with a handful of other friends he’s made in his major.

“Sungie, I missed you!” you call as you jump him for a hug, which very nearly knocks him over. He yells out in surprise, just barely managing to keep his hand steady to save his drink as he shifts his weight to maintain his balance, stabilizing himself on his heel.

“Y/N!” Jisung yelps when your arms squeeze him tightly, and he lets Changbin take his drink from his hand to safely secure it elsewhere. He returns your hug as soon as he’s able, and you close your eyes before you smile at him, already feeling your drained battery recharging.

“Jeez, I know you missed me, but warn me next time! You almost gave me a heart attack,” Jisung mumbles his complaint in your ear, but you can tell by the smile he has on his face and squeeze in his arms that he’s missed you just as much, this hug being as healing for him as it is for you. 

However, he meant it when he said you almost gave him a heart attack, though it’s not for the reasons you might think. First: it’s true he was totally unprepared for you to launch at him with the intent to squeeze him into a hug, but that wasn’t the problem.

The real problem was that you looked so pretty, and after weeks without seeing your face, his heart was left with no defense against your charms. He’d been reset to zero, it seemed– his built up resistance and tolerance reduced to nothing.

And that went hand in hand with the second problem: his heart was beating out of control! You’re holding him so tightly, smiling at him so brightly, eyes sparkling under the fluorescence of the mundane kitchen light. He didn’t understand how something as small and trivial as the lighting in the room seemed to add to your appeal, but it did. 

Jisung steals a glance at his roommates, who are looking with a knowing smile that makes him want to sink into himself and hide. Why is this so embarrassing? You however seem as oblivious to how he feels about you as ever, much to his relief. His impossibly large crush on you will assuredly be getting in the way tonight, but he can definitely play it off, right? …right? 

Jisung ended up not drinking for the rest of the night, much too afraid of how flippant his mouth would become if he had too much alcohol in his system– the last thing he needed was to do something as cliche and embarrassing as drunkenly confessing all his feelings to his best friend. Though, even without the drink in his system, this night was killing him.

Why did you have to smile at him so prettily while pulling him to dance with you? Why did you have to giggle at him so sweetly when he made a joke? And why did you have to lean so close every time you spoke to him?

He cursed his past self for deciding to play the music so loudly, because the close proximity and feeling your breath against his ear every time you wanted to tell him something was making his heart feel like it was going to explode. 

You were wearing the perfume that he once accidentally let slip was his favorite of yours. He couldn’t remember the exact name of it, but the sweet, citrusy smell filled his nostrils and reminded him of all the times in the past he was close enough to you to inhale it.

Tight hugs, cuddling on his sofa on the weekends, laying in your bed watching anime until it was time for him to go home– all memories he cherished, because they were spent with you. And the moment he unintentionally admitted how much he loved the smell of your perfume, it seemed like you were always wearing it, and it drove him crazy.

It lingered on everything– or maybe he just found it easy to recognize given how attuned to you he was; and now with the distance you’d had, and how much he’d missed you the last few weeks, it was like your perfume was taking over his senses.

Jisung almost couldn’t think straight– it was like he was drunk, but on something entirely different from everyone else inside his apartment. To calm himself down, and reset his senses, he stepped out on the balcony for some time, willing his heart to calm by using the fresh air as a conduit. 

By the time Jisung enters the apartment again following his latest balcony outing, most of his friends have gone home with their respective designated drivers, with Chan offering to call the stragglers an uber or a spot to crash somewhere in the apartment. Chan was always like that during parties– the self appointed dad of sorts, always making sure everyone was well taken care of.

He looks past his friends to see you alone on the sofa, chugging a water bottle that he assumes Chan gave to you. “Trying to sober up?” Jisung asks as he takes a seat next to you, and you nod, making an affirming noise as you continue to take large sips from the bottle.

“Gotta stay hydrated too if I don’t want to feel all this tomorrow,” you finally respond when you’ve swallowed down the last of the water, though you're sure you didn’t drink enough alcohol to get a hangover. Your legs will likely be killing you more than anything, given all the dancing and jumping around you did. 

“Right, wouldn’t want you to end up like Changbin,” Jisung replies and you laugh as you recall the memory of a very intoxicated Changbin, who had way too much to drink in a short span of time but insisted he wasn't drunk.

He was incredibly affectionate, coming up to everyone to squeeze them into hugs and tell them he loves them, and dancing to girl group songs with so much passion that you’d think he was in some sort of idol audition. 

Changbin passed out first, to no one's surprise, and he had to be carried to his bed by an exasperated Chan while you and Jisung giggled to yourselves at the display, deciding you would both definitely be teasing him about it tomorrow.

“I’ve never seen him like that– he was still himself but like. Times a million,” you laugh, thinking about when a newjeans song came on and it made him effectively lose his mind. “Oh it’s late,” you say absentmindedly after some time spent talking passes, checking your phone for the first time all night.

Jisung peeks over, eyes widening when he sees the “02:37” displayed brightly on your screen. It was the latest he’d (voluntarily) stayed up in months; where did the time even go? “Guess we should sleep, huh? I can give you my bed, I’ll sleep here so–” 

“No way, we’ve talked about this before! I don’t wanna kick you out of your own room– just share your bed with me,” you said, almost sternly. It was true– you both had countless sleepovers over the course of your friendship, both planned and accidental, and every time he offered to sleep on the sofa, you vehemently refused.

However, those times you weren’t inebriated, and this time you definitely were (even if it was only mildly.) And besides that, with how weak he’s been over you all night, he’s not sure if his heart will even let him fall asleep if you’re next to him. 

“I-I mean– are you sure? You’ve been drinking so.. I dunno, I just like– didn't want it to be weird, I guess?” Jisung stumbles over his words way more than he wishes, and the way you giggle at him makes him want to crawl into a hole and never come out. Way to play it cool, Jisung! If you weren’t being obvious about your feelings before, you definitely are now, idiot!

“C’mon Ji, you know I trust you with like, my entire life. It won’t be weird,” you answer with a smile meant to assure him, but all it does is make his heart pound even harder. It’s unfair how effortlessly flustered you make him.

“As long as you’re sure then– yeah, let’s go to bed,” he says as he helps you to your feet, and while you definitely didn’t drink enough for your legs to be unstable, you appreciate the sweet gesture. 

The minute you’re in his room, you flop right in the middle of his bed, a large sigh leaving you– you didn’t realize how actually exhausted you are until now. “Don’t fall asleep like that please, I don’t wanna sleep on the couch now that you’ve promised I can have my bed,” Jisung says as he walks over to his dresser, and you laugh in response.

“I won’t, promise!” You sit up quickly, wrapping yourself up in his comforter as you do– you won’t fall asleep, but you can at least still be cozy.

“You really should’ve brought a change of clothes if you were going to crash here,” Jisung jokingly complains you as he scrounges through his drawers for something that will fit you comfortably (and that he won’t mind parting with, because he knows he won’t be getting back whatever he gives you; which would be fine if it didn’t fill his head with thoughts about you being his girlfriend.) 

“Not my fault! It’s yours for creating the atmosphere,” you argue, arms folding over your chest in a rather mild display of opposition. “What atmosphere?” he laughs as he finally settles on one of his oversized shirts and tosses it over to you.

Comfortable. Secure. Safe. Happy. Loved. Cared for. You could only let loose so much because you were with him, could only have such a good time because he was there doing it with you. “..Fun,” you finally answer, clutching the shirt he gave you in your hands, deciding not to say anything further than that.

Better to avoid that line of thought while you’re recovering from being tipsy, you think– it’d be bad if you suddenly made an admission you weren’t ready to. An accidental confession at this point would risk ruining an otherwise perfect night with your friends.

It doesn’t take long for Jisung to find what he wants to wear to bed, and he leaves the room to allow the two of you to change separately. You put your prior outfit on top of his dresser before returning to his bed, settling underneath the blankets as you wait for him to come back.

You’re lying there for only a few minutes when he returns, turning off the light and carefully crawling in next to you, and finally settling in with his back pressed against yours. You both whisper quiet “good nights” to each other, willing your equally fast hearts to calm enough to sleep.

This isn’t the first time you’ve shared a bed with Jisung, and during the early years of your childhood friendship it never made your heart race the way it does now. You’d usually say something along the lines of “what’s wrong with best friends sharing a bed?”, the act always completely innocent.

You needed to sleep, and you didn’t want Jisung to sacrifice his bed when you could easily share it– it was always as simple as that. But in recent months, you’ve noticed that it stopped being simple; with your back pressed to his, the sound of his gentle breathing behind you, you realized it had started to make your heart race unbelievably fast.

You had begun to notice that same sensation in other moments too– like when he smiled at you after you helped him decide on a concept for one of his assignments, or when he’d call you after a hard day just to hear your voice, with his reason being that “talking to you makes me feel better!” 

It was the same for you, of course. Talking to him always made you feel better, a single smile enough to lift the heavy weight off your heart. He always listened, he always cared, and he was always there for you. That’s another reason these last few weeks were so hard for you; you didn’t have Jisung’s support, and not because of any fault of either of you, but because adult life and responsibilities got in the way. 

You wanted to make time for him, and you knew he wanted to as well; you still texted each other often, facetimed during the moments you allowed yourselves to rest, and it helped immensely, but also resolidified something you’d thought once before; that without Jisung, your life is impossibly dark. And that without his support, you weren’t sure how you’d get through the difficulty that life brings you. 

You sigh and roll over, looking straight at Jisung’s back. You came today to escape grim thoughts, stress, and self doubt, hoping that fun with your friends would shove them all away, but it seems they’ve found their way back to you regardless. It was bound to happen, you suppose, but you hoped they wouldn’t be back for a while at least. But, if there’s any solace to be had, you have Jisung next to you, and he always comforts you even with just his presence alone. 

You roll over a lot in your sleep, so when you first do it, Jisung doesn’t react. He figures you’ve just fallen asleep quickly after all the drinking and dancing, and now he can finally truly relax and begin to fall asleep himself.

He’s always tense at first, the close proximity making him nervous and unable to sleep, even if you aren’t face to face– because even though you’re his best friend, it’s an undeniable fact that you’re also a girl. A pretty girl at that, one that he’s silently been crushing on for years.

So when he hears your voice call to him, it’s unexpected, and it makes his heart pick back up in speed as his body tenses once again. “Ji, can you turn around?” you ask, and he freezes a moment, wondering if the remnants of alcohol in your system is what is causing you to ask something so bold. 

But no, you’re nowhere near drunk, and he’s probably the only one on earth who thinks the prospect of turning around to face his best friend during a sleepover is “bold.” This is an ordinary request, and it’s not your fault that he finds the action so nerve wracking.

He really needs to get over it so he can go back to being normal around you. “S-Sure,” you hear him stutter quietly, carefully turning to face you. Even in the relative darkness, he can see your features clearly enough to make his breath uneven.

Your pretty eyes, your cute nose, your lips that look so soft and kissable and– “Fuck, stop thinking about it. Get it together, Han Jisung,” he internally scolds himself. He hopes that you can’t hear the sound of his heart beating, or see the blush forming on his cheeks as he stares at you. 

“Can I ask you something?” your voice is quiet, almost a whisper. He can tell you’re serious, and he has no idea what you intend to ask, but the possibilities are sending him reeling. Did he stare at you too much today? Did you notice the way his face reddened every time you smiled at him? You were just so pretty that he couldn’t help it and– 

Were you going to ask him if he had feelings for you? Were you? Should he be honest if you do? Admit that he’s thought you were pretty for the longest time, has wanted you to look at him romantically for years, had wondered what your lips would feel like on his? God, he really needs his heart and mind to calm down, or he’ll never survive the rest of the night. 

“Do you ever wonder.. If you’re doing the right thing?” your question finally breaks him from his whirring thoughts, your voice still quiet and with an unsure hesitance to it.

Jisung’s expression immediately changes to one of care and concern, a bit taken aback by your question but entirely ready to listen to you talk about whatever is on your mind now that he can think clearly. “What do you mean?” 

“Like.. with college, I guess. Do you ever think maybe you should be doing something different?” You look him directly in the eyes as you ask, clearly searching for some sort of comfort, an answer that will help you come to terms with whatever complicated emotion you’re dealing with.

“Yeah, sometimes. I mean, I love music, but I’m not guaranteed to go far with it even if I’m good at it. I know that sometimes passion and talent aren’t enough. The people who succeed are usually lucky,” he answers honestly; he’s not sure if that’s what you want to hear, but he knows you value his insight and opinions, even when they differ from yours.

“What makes you keep going then?” You had such a hard time this last semester, and there were more than a few times where you reached a low point and wanted to quit. You were lonely, exhausted, broke, creativity entirely spent.. You questioned whether all that hardship was worth it, and if you’d be better off pursuing something more practical and mundane.

“Well.. It makes me happy. And I know that even if things don’t turn out how I wished, I think it would be more regrettable if I didn’t try, you know? Even when it’s really hard it’s also rewarding, and every day I learn so many things I would’ve never learned alone in my room, or at least, it would’ve taken me forever to get there by myself. I made a lot of new friends too, I have you and other good people to support me, and–”

You nod along to his words, taking them in and humming every once in a while to let him know you're still listening. He’s talking a lot, but you don’t mind that. You’re happy to know what he thinks and feels, his voice is soothing, and you feel less alone knowing he understands you to at least some degree, and is willing to help you through your hardships. That’s all you really needed; for Jisung to hear you, and reply in the thoughtful way he always does.

“And you know I’ll always be there for you, right? If you ever feel like this again, just tell me. I’ll be right there, the minute you call I’ll–” Oh, wait. Your eyes are closed, breath slow and gentle, now completely unresponsive to his words.

You fell asleep while he was talking? How long was he going before he even realized you were no longer listening? His other friends are right- he really does talk way too much sometimes.

He observes you quietly for a moment, giggling to himself when he hears the soft snores leaving you as he takes in your serene expression. He also realizes that the sky has gotten brighter, the sound of birds chirping becoming more prominent with each passing moment. How had the night come and gone so quickly? 

That’s what always happens when he’s with you, though– time seems to accelerate, while at the same time feeling like it’s at a stand still. The happy moments pass in the blink of an eye, but simultaneously seems to freeze whenever he stares at you. When you smile and laugh with him, it makes his heart burst, your shining eyes always taking his breath away. 

Reaching his hand up carefully, he tucks the hair that has fallen over your face behind your ear, smiling to himself when you unconsciously lean into his light touch. It’s so cute, how even in your sleep you seem to recognize it’s him, indulging in the comfort he offers you. At least, that’s what you’ve told him once before– that one of the reasons you like having sleepovers with him is because his presence makes you feel safe and relaxed. 

He's not sure if you even remember saying it, but he was so happy when you told him, and even now it’s something on his mind every time you two share a bed. He just wishes he wasn’t always so tense and nervous whenever you laid next to him, and he wishes he had more courage to always lay face to face and talk like you did tonight. Maybe one day he can hold you closer, wrap his arms around you and let his head rest atop yours.

Maybe he’ll kiss you, too– your lips, your cheeks, your nose, your forehead, anywhere you’ll let him. He can picture the way you’ll giggle at him, how you’ll playfully push him away while complaining that it tickles, and how he’ll wrap his arms around you tighter to keep you trapped in his affection. And when it’s all over he’ll tell you he loves you and–

Wait. 

He loves you? 

Well, of course he does. You’re his best friend, so of course he loves you! Totally platonically, of course. The fact that he’s had a major crush on you for the past few years doesn’t matter. Nope. Not at all. Surely he’s not literally in love with you, right? Because you’re his best friend and falling in love with your best friend is not only the most cliche thing ever, but definitely a recipe for heartbreak. 

So he’s not in love with you– he can’t be. It’s just a simple crush! It doesn’t matter that he constantly thinks about kissing you, or holding your hand while walking together, or how it’d feel for you to lay your head against him while he holds you during movie night. It doesn’t matter that he envisions what going on dates with you would be like, or what life would be like if you moved in together, or what your body would look like bare underneath his, or–

Fuck, he’s so in denial. He’s definitely in love with you, hopelessly so. His cute, endearing best friend, who he can’t seem to ever get out of his head. Do you ever think about him the way he thinks about you? Are you always on his mind, lingering in every thought the way you are for him? He desperately wants to know, but there’s a part of him that is afraid to find out, because what will he do if you don’t feel the same way? 

He forces himself to roll back over and close his eyes, because if he doesn’t stop looking at you, he’s never going to be able to stop thinking about it long enough to get some sleep. But even with his back now turned to you, hearing your soft breathing and feeling the dip in his bed from your presence is enough to plague his thoughts and keep the sleep he desperately needs out of reach for what little remains of the night. 

It’s been a few weeks since the night that Jisung finally admitted to himself that he’s in love with you, and whoever said being honest with yourself makes things better has definitely never been in love with their best friend, because actually what the fuck. This is the closest to hell he’s ever been, he thinks. Because he can’t seem to go a single moment without thinking about wanting to be romantic with you, and it’s driving him crazy. 

Holding your hand and cuddling during movie night, staying up all night on the phone talking about anything and everything, giving you sweet kisses after he tells you how much he loves you– he’s begging his brain to let him think about literally anything else, but it simply refuses. And now, sitting in his car together at a red light, is another such time where wanting to kiss you encompasses all his thoughts. 

You had spent time together almost every day since the night of the party now that your schedules were free, but all those times included the additions of your roommates or his. It’s only now, after a day spent at the beach, that the two of you are alone together again (thanks to the combined, scheming efforts of your mutual friends.) 

Chan loves the beach, and he goes whenever he can, but today he didn’t want to hangout there alone. He invited you, as well as his roomies and other friends, to come meet him there. And of course, you said yes, and of course, you had the most breathtaking swimsuit on underneath your clothes.

It was almost embarrassing, the way it stole Jisung’s breath away and made his cheeks burn red. He prayed he could blame it on the harsh sun, but there’d be no fooling Changbin, who was snickering behind him. 

“When are you going to finally confess?” Changbin asked when you were out of ear shot, and Jisung pouted, both because he was being called out about his feelings, and because he had no fucking idea when, if ever, he’d tell you how he feels.

“I.. don’t know,” he ended up answering honestly, continuing to look in your direction even as he spoke. You were splashing in the water with your mutual friends, your laugh ringing loud in his ears even with the distance between you.

“C’mon, Ji. Summer breaks are practically built for romance. You gotta make a move,” he’d said, and Jisung once again pouted. “Easier said than done,” he mumbled in response, something akin to dread settling in him whenever he thought about the possibility of you rejecting him.

“Jisung,” Changbin started, all sense of joking or teasing having left him, “I’ve been watching you pine over her since the day I met the two of you. You need to tell her, because I don’t know how much more of those looks of yours I can handle.”

“What look?” Jisung asks with a frown, turning his gaze away from where you are. “Like a lost puppy begging for attention,” Changbin answers nonchalantly, and the appalled reaction he gets from Jisung makes him laugh. “But seriously. I’ll ride home with Chan, so why don’t you take her home later? Get some alone time before you drop her off or something?” 

“But she came with her roommates. Why wouldn’t she leave with them?” Jisung asked, and Changbin laughed as he shook his head. “You’re so clueless, dude.” It’s common knowledge to everyone who came today that the two of you are so hopelessly in love with each other, but seemingly too oblivious to notice how the other one feels. And if Jisung asked you to spend some alone time with him, you’d say yes in a heartbeat, no questions asked.

Maybe what the two of you needed was a little push– a reason to be alone together, a romantic setting to set the tone and finally get the two of you to move beyond the bounds of friendship. And if Jisung won’t act on his own, Changbin will take it into his own hands; mission “get these two pining idiots together” starts today. 

Changbin told Chan, who then told one of your roommates, who then told another. By the time the sun is setting, everyone knows the plan. You would be left alone with Jisung, by any excuse necessary. Thankfully, Chan came in his own car due to his tendency to hit the beach before anyone else, so he and Changbin wouldn’t be leaving Jisung stranded by leaving early.

The two of them left first, with the excuse that they’d be ending their day by hitting the gym– they’d actually just be relaxing on the sofa the rest of the day, but you and Jisung didn’t need to know that. Your roommates took that as their cue to prepare to leave as well, and the group of you helped one another towel dry enough to throw your clothes back on over your swimsuits. 

Jisung approached you as soon as he was done himself, waiting for you to finish packing your things in your tote bag before saying anything. “Hey, d-do you want to go get some ice cream?” he asked, mentally cursing himself for stuttering. Since when did asking your best friend if they want to get ice cream become so nerve wracking? 

“Of course!” you smiled, turning to your roommates next to see if they wanted to join. They all said no, of course, citing being tired or wanting to shower asap as their reasons, but urged you to enjoy your time with Jisung. You don’t find it weird at all, much too excited about eating ice cream to even begin to realize this was a planned set up. 

The sun was just beginning to sink when you arrived at your favorite parlor, excitedly bouncing up to the counter as Jisung trailed behind you with a smile. You decided to be adventurous, picking out a new flavor suited for the summer, while Jisung went with a classic choice of cookie dough. 

“Can I have a bite of yours?” it didn’t take long for you to inevitably ask him, and Jisung gave you an overdramatic sigh as he passed it over to you. Trading bites somehow always ended with you eating more of Jisung’s ice cream than he did, but that was okay with him.

He always ordered your favorite flavor, knowing that you can’t resist the temptation of trying the new one, but would end up wanting cookie dough more than whatever new flavor initially enticed you. 

It’s a bit of a ritual for him at this point; ordering your favorite while pretending it’s his favorite as well, acting like he's annoyed when you beg him for a bite and eventually end up taking half the bowl while offering him whatever flavor you ordered instead as compensation for his loss.

Do you notice the way he smiles after you take his ice cream from him? The adoration that lingers in his eyes as he watches you happily devour the sweet treat?

You skipped to the car when you were finished, evidently very pleased with your ice cream endeavors and not at all apologetic for stealing all of the cookie dough for yourself, once again oblivious to the way he does it all for you.

That would probably never change, and for the first time, Jisung wondered if that was okay. Did he want it to change? Did he want you to notice? He wasn’t sure what was best anymore.

And now here you both were, sitting at a red light while the sun sinks ever lower in the horizon, blue beginning to spread over the sky and little specks of stars finally becoming visible. Instead of looking at the street as he waits for the light to turn, he looks at you. You just looked so pretty, and all he could think of once again was how badly he wanted to kiss you. 

Jisung wished he had words to put what he thought of you other than a simple “pretty” but that’s all that ever came to mind. So, so pretty, impossibly so. Pretty in a way that sunsets and oceans couldn’t ever compare, at least not in his mind– he would always find you better, no comparison ever being good enough to describe what he thought of you. 

You’re in your own little world, humming along to the song playing through the speakers and tapping your fingers to the beat. However, it doesn’t take long for you to feel his eyes on you, your body alerting you to his lingering gaze and instructing you to look back at him.

The sight you're met with when you turn your head makes your face immediately burn; Jisung isn’t simply glancing over at you, or trying to check in with you after a tiring day out. He’s blatantly staring at you. “..Ji..?” his name barely leaves you, an unspoken question lingering in the air between you.

Why is he looking at you like that? What was going through his head right now? Your face heats up exponentially, watching as his eyes travel over your features, seeming to take them in deeply. You instinctively hold in a breath when his eyes reach your lips, staring at them with an overt yearning. 

Your surroundings fade, music no longer audible, the light of the sinking sun illuminating him beautifully and drawing you even further into his gaze. All there was in this moment was Jisung; he was all you could see, all you could focus on, and it was the same for him with you.

You were always his first thought, always there at the forefront of his mind, but he always tried to push the deeper feelings away, because you’re his best friend and he shouldn’t think of you as anything more than that. But right now, he can’t help it.

His urge to kiss you is so strong, and he knows he can’t resist it the way he usually can. Your eyes that hold the entire world– no, the entire galaxy, his galaxy, in them makes his self control shatter.

Maybe Changbin had a point when he said that summer was perfect for romance. Because the way you look at him, with eyes shining under the twinkling lights that blink on one by one with the fading sun– he loves you, he wants to be with you, and that desire is consuming him. 

Your heart races as he leans closer to you, inch by inch. You lose all concept of time passing, a moment that in reality lasts mere seconds instead feeling like an eternity. You close your eyes, waiting; waiting for the moment you’ve craved for ages, for his lips to touch yours for the first time. How long had you pined for him? 

It’s hard to say exactly; In high school, when he got his first love confession and accepted it, it broke your heart. But at the time, you thought it was just because it meant he would have less time for you.

With time you moved on, deciding it was important to be happy for your best friend even if it crushed you for reasons you didn’t entirely understand. And eventually you entered your first relationship as well, and for a time you could forget about how lonely you felt from not having Jisung always near you. 

Neither of your respective first relationships lasted all that long; high school romances tend to dwindle as college draws near, after all. Life has a tendency to take people to different places, and some realize their ambitions faster than others.

It saddened you at the time, but you weren’t going to alter your life for someone else and you didn’t expect anyone to do that for you either. After all, 20 is awfully early to decide not to follow your dreams for the sake of someone else. 

But you and Jisung were still on the same path, and that had to mean something, right? It was like the days where you were distant never even occurred, the both of you picking up where you left off like no time had ever passed.

You were as close as you’d ever been, still seeing each other at every opportunity, even when you were drowning in assignment deadlines and exhaustive study efforts. He made time for you, and you made time for him, even when it was hard. Didn’t that mean something? 

Yes, it meant everything– at least it did to you. And so did he; Jisung meant everything to you. He always had, and you think he always will. You can feel his breath on you now, the warmth tickling your skin and your heart feeling like it’s going to burst from out of your chest as the gap between you closes. He’s so close to you, the closest he’s ever been. His lips drawn to yours, closer, closer, and then–

The shrill honk of a car from behind snaps you both from the moment. Jisung opens his eyes quickly, blinking for just a moment as reality settles back over him and he processes what was just about to happen. You do the same, turning your attention back towards the front and seeing that the traffic light had turned green while the two of you were lost in the moment you were sharing. 

He swallows, mentally offering an apology to the cars behind him as he continues to drive you home. Fuck, he really got carried away. Was he really about to risk everything you had together by kissing you? What would happen to your friendship?

He’s not supposed to like you, and you definitely don’t like him– at least, not romantically. He’s at least 60% sure of that; maybe even 70%. Get it through your head Jisung– you're just friends. Just. Friends.

You meanwhile are stuck in thought as well, though not in the same way. You feel light, almost? Buzzing with what could only be described as pure excitement, unfiltered joy seeping out of every pore.

He was going to kiss you!! He was really going to! That meant he liked you, didn’t it? Or maybe he even loved you? Loved you in the same you loved him, wanted to be with you in the same way you wanted to be with him? 

You take a peek in his direction, noticing his stiff hold on the steering wheel and the rigid way his body sits. He keeps his gaze straight forward, not daring to look at you, afraid of what expression he’ll be met with. He’d never forgive himself if he looked over to see you were upset with him, forever feeling like an idiot if it was his fault your friendship came to an end.

Maybe he’s just nervous, you think. That would make sense! He gathered his courage for a moment, and now he needed time to gather it again– it's not easy to overcome hesitation and let someone know how you feel about them, but this minor setback won't be the end of it. He’d definitely kiss you before the night was over! You’re sure of it! 

Okay, maybe you weren’t entirely sure of it. Because he’s still stiff and nervous when he drops you off at your apartment building, offering a strained goodbye and eyes not quite meeting yours. That’s still okay! Jisung is just shy– that has to be it! It won’t be long before he kisses you, you’re sure of it– for real this time! …right? right!

Maybe you should stop saying you’re sure of things, because you’re never right. It’s been a week since Jisung almost kissed you, and he’s been avoiding you the entire time. You didn’t understand– surely he was over his shyness by now, right? How much longer was he going to make you wait? It was agony. 

“Ji. Movie night at my place tonight. And I swear if you cancel again I’ll never forgive you !!!” you texted him dramatically, spamming various angry emojis for added effect. To your relief, Jisung agrees to come over and bring snacks as an apology for being busy. You don’t believe he was actually busy of course, but you’ll let him off the hook on that for now.

It's mid afternoon when he finally arrives, multiple bags full of snacks and sweet treats in hand. You smile and hug him tightly, noting that he’s still stiff but deciding not to dwell on that just yet– he’s finally here, after all! And if this plethora of snacks told you anything, it was that he genuinely was sorry for avoiding you. 

He tosses the bags on the coffee table, and you throw on a random movie you’ve already seen before, because the movie ultimately doesn’t matter– it’s just an excuse to see Jisung again. Unlike his usual self, he sits on the complete opposite end of the sofa from you, putting an invisible wall between you. Well, that’s fine! You’ll just move closer! 

You hear his breath hitch when you sit right next to him, glancing over just long enough to see you smiling at him. He’s so fucked– his feelings definitely aren’t under control enough for this; you're positively torturing him. How is he supposed to get over his feelings for you if you’re looking at him like that while sitting so close to him?

You purposely leave your hand close to his, waiting to see if he’ll hold it, but he doesn’t. He keeps his eyes straight ahead at the tv, evidently still scared to meet your gaze or be too close to you. Why? Why does he keep avoiding your eyes when you look at him? Why won’t he bring himself closer to you? Is he trying to forget it happened?

Does he not realize how badly you wanted him to kiss you? Maybe.. Maybe he’s scared to bring it up. Maybe he’s afraid of rejection, or of your friendship deteriorating from his outward admission. Maybe he’d rather bottle it back up, pretend he was never on the brink of kissing you, because losing you would be the worst thing that would ever happen to him.

Is he scared that you don’t have feelings for him? Is that why even now, when his feelings have all but been laid out, he’s avoiding the confrontation? But he doesn’t have to be afraid of that– you love him. If he’s unsure, then you need him to know, and you’ll tell him yourself. 

"Jisung, look at me," you suddenly call to him, tone so serious that he can’t possibly ignore it. He swallows, forcing himself to finally meet your gaze head on, palms sweating as he anticipates what he’s most afraid of. "The other day, in your car… were you going to kiss me?" Fuck. He knew you were going to ask. 

You watch his expression change as his face heats up, a not at all subtle red encroaching over his features. "O-Oh, I–" he starts to speak, but immediately stops, words dying in his throat. Fuck. God Dammit. Even though he knew this would happen, none of the scenarios he crafted in his head seemed to be of any assistance. 

The excuses he conjured, the apologies that he knew he should utter, the words he thought he should say that were practiced over and over again.. All of that preparation failed him now, a sort of panic settling over him as his body tensed and hands clammed up further. 

Honestly, watching him flounder for an excuse or explanation that would allow him to pretend he doesn’t have feelings for you is kind of funny, (and oddly cute), but now really isn’t the time to let it continue. Now, after years and years of secret pining, it’s time for both of you to lay out your feelings clearly, verbally. 

"It would've been fine.. I wanted you to do it," you say with complete honesty, pushing away your own nerves and hesitation as far as you could. You couldn’t let your anxieties get the better of you now; you needed to say what you feel, and encourage Jisung to do the same, otherwise the two of you will always be stuck in the boundaries of friendship. You both need to swallow down the part of you that is scared and shy, or you’ll never move beyond what you are. 

His eyes widened, mouth falling slightly agape in shock. What? Huh? You wanted him to kiss you? But that would mean even if you don’t love him like he loves you, you at the very least like him, and surely you didn’t. There is no way you like him like that, because that would mean his friends are right, and he’s a clueless idiot. 

Fuck. Is he a clueless idiot? 

"I'm in love with you, Ji," you finally admit for the first time out loud, and while it’s nerve wracking to say the least, it’s also a relief. Your feelings have been a secret for so long (at least to Jisung they were, cause lord knows you’re an open book otherwise), and it felt good to say it, to tell him right to his face that you love him.

Even if you read into the situation completely wrong somehow, and he wasn’t trying to kiss you that day and didn’t like you, at least you no longer had to hide how you feel. "Since.. since when?" he asks, still a bit stunned and entirely in disbelief.

He can’t believe this is even happening, and there’s part of him that thinks this must be some elaborate dream; he must’ve fallen asleep during the movie, or maybe he never woke up this morning and this entire day has been part of a long dream. But no, he knows it isn’t a dream; because you are much too tangible, and no dream, no matter how vivid, compares to the reality of you. 

"I-I don't know, since.. always?" you answer, a slight blush of your own crawling over your skin. You don’t remember the exact moment you realized you liked him as more than a friend anymore, as you were still just a kid then. But you know that by the time high school came, your seemingly small crush had developed into much more, and in recent months, you finally realized the true depth of that feeling. 

Even when you were too young to understand what love is and what it felt like, even when you convinced yourself that everything you felt for him was purely platonic in nature, your feelings for Jisung were there. So.. since always. You’ve always wanted him close to you, always wanted your life to be spent with him by your side, always, always loved him above anyone else.

He groans loudly, throwing his arms up and covering his face in a display of anguish. "You're telling me you could've been my girlfriend this whole time?" You can’t help but giggle at his reaction, finding him impossibly cute and funny.

“It’s not too late for me to be your girlfriend now,” you say, and he immediately peels his arms away from his face, looking at you as if you’ve said something that he only could’ve imagined in his wildest dreams.

“Do you mean that?” he asks, hope palpable in his tone, eyes pleading for this to not be something you’re saying just to tease him. “Of course I mean that, silly,” you giggle a little, reaching out for his hands and squeezing them in yours, “I meant everything I said.”

“Oh my god, thank god– I mean, you’re really going to be my girlfriend? You’re not just saying it, right? I don’t have to like. Pretend I don’t have feelings for you anymore? Because it’s been driving me insane, and I don't think I can do it anymore, you're way too pretty and–”

“Jisung–! Shut up and kiss me already,” you interrupt his rambling, and he blinks once, twice, obliging your request as soon as the reality of your words settles over him. 

When your lips finally touch his, it feels so right– like everything you’ve ever felt or experienced in your entire life was all to lead to this very moment. It’s sweet, addictive, intoxicating– everything you have ever wanted, ever hoped for, and more.

His hands are hesitant, unsure of where they should rest and if it’s okay to touch you, but when you reach out to him and pull yourself closer, it’s all the permission he needs to let his hands wander. 

Years worth of suppressed emotions bubble to the surface all at once, both of you caught in the tidal wave of repressed feelings and urges. Soft, slow timid kisses eventually turn into full ones, deep and impassioned, with all the weight of your feelings pressed into them. Your hands rest on his chest while his move down your waist, fingers lingering on your hips for just a moment before bringing them back up. 

His tongue licks against your lip, tentative and almost shy, a silent hope lingering, an unspoken beg for your permission. You open your mouth, granting him what he desires with no restraint, your own tongue meeting his eagerly, coming together in a salacious dance. One of his hands reaches for the nape of your neck to keep you close, and you can feel him smile against your lips when it causes a noise of approval to involuntarily escape from your throat.

Both of your lips become red and swollen from their constant use, any sense of rhythm having completely degraded now that your open mouth kisses have turned into sloppy messes of tongue. It’s embarrassing how worked up he’s getting just from kissing you, and he desperately hopes you haven’t noticed how hard he’s gotten from it. But of course, you have noticed, and you definitely intend on doing something about it. 

“Ji.. do you want to touch me?” you pull away from him to ask, and the reaction you get from him is immediate. “God, yes, can I?” The eagerness in his voice makes you giggle as you nod. “Just, uhm.. Get comfortable?” you suggest, shifting your position so that you’re on your heels, hands just slightly in front of you, making your intent clear to him– you want to be in his lap, and obviously he’s going to let you. 

Jisung leans back on the sofa, watching you crawl in his lap with bated breath before you pull your shirt up and over your head, tossing it to the floor beside you. You reach for one of his hands, guiding it to your chest, and he swallows thickly, the sight before him making him throb in his shorts. The fact that he gets to kiss you now, gets to touch you– it’s a dream come true. Though, the reality is much better than any of his many, many dreams of being with you. 

He lifts his other hand to you as well, completely forgetting he's using it to support himself, making him fall completely back against the sofa, head thunking on the arm rest. You laugh as he lets out a small “ow!”, his clumsy nature always endearing to you, and especially so during this moment; it’s the sweet, goofy side of Jisung that made you fall in love with him, after all. 

Jisung laughs with you once the sting fades, fully indulging in the sound of your laugh and the cute way your face scrunches, even if it is at his expense. You reach your hand to his head, rubbing it in soft, soothing gesture as you lean down, kissing him once more as he cups your breasts in his hands. The mewl you let out against his lips when he squeezes is enough to send him straight to heaven.

No, he already is in heaven, because nothing could be better than this; you on him, against him, kissing him, letting him touch and squeeze you to his heart's content. He lets out a hiss when you settle your full weight into his lap, his erection pressing directly against you. He gasps when you grind against him, and you use that as an opportunity to let your tongue back into his mouth. 

You stay like that for some time, making out with each other while your fingers are tangled in his hair and his hands squeeze at your flesh, but you’re beginning to desire more, and you can tell Jisung is too, from the way his body reacts with every subtle move you make. You separate from him, sitting up and bringing your hands behind your back to unhook your bra and finally remove it.

“W-Wait, your roommates–” Jisung’s voice comes out urgently, abruptly propping himself up on his elbows as a realization hits him, “what if they come home? While you’re.. we’re..?” Oh. You were still in the living room, huh? That fact entirely left your mind, much too absorbed in the man underneath you to think about who could end up seeing the both of you like this.

Well, they knew you were inviting him over today, and knowing them, they’d likely stay out for a while to allow you to have alone time.. But still, it’d be better to not risk having them walk in on the sight of you half naked in your boyfriend’s lap. “My room, then?” you ask, carefully removing yourself from atop him, and Jisung nods eagerly, quickly rising to his feet the moment he is able.

You grab your shirt from the floor, ensuring you leave no evidence of your actions behind before leading Jisung to your room with quick, eager steps. He’s been in your room a million times, but it feels so different now, given the context of everything that happened moments before. You both stand there a moment, not hesitant, but rather shy, deciding how best you should proceed from here.

You eventually decide to sit on your bed first, shooting Jisung a soft smile afterwards that lets him know he’s welcome to come join you. So he does; he carefully sits next to you, the newfound shyness fully settling over the two of you. You were acting in the heat of the moment earlier, your bodies reacting before your minds could catch up, but now that you’ve both had a moment to process your actions, it fills you with butterflies. 

There’s a moment where you stay like that, subtle blushes on your faces as you look at each other, before you speak up again, “Do you want to keep going..?” “Yes!” Jisung answers without even thinking, immediately clearing his throat after and trying to play off how eager he just sounded, “I mean, uhm– yes. Do you want to?”

The blush on his face flares when you giggle at him; he knows you aren’t laughing at him necessarily, but he can’t help the tinge of embarrassment that crawls up his spine. “Yes, I do,” you smile at him, and it’s so pretty and bright that he can’t even be flustered anymore; because more importantly than that, you want to keep going too– you want more, just like he does. 

So he smiles too, reaching out to you and pulling you into a kiss, both of you giggling into it softly. The giggles fade out as the kiss becomes more heated, you gently pushing him back and crawling back on top of him when his head hits your pillows, returning to the position you were in previously. 

Jisung’s hands are the ones that reach behind you this time, fumbling with the hooks of your bra while you kiss him with his face in your hands. Thankfully, he gets it undone on the third try, and you sit back up, letting it fall down your arms and subsequently tossing it aside. “..so beautiful,” he mumbles mostly to himself, but you still hear it, and it makes the blush on your face flare.

You grab at the hem of his shirt, wanting to see his body as well. He lifts himself off his back, helping you pull his shirt off, neither of you paying any mind to where it lands once it’s discarded. You trace your hands over him when he lays back again, from his broad chest to his slim waist, eyes drinking him in while your hands familiarize themselves with the feeling of his bare skin. 

You’ve seen him shirtless countless times in recent years, so you’re no stranger to how attractive he is, but it’s different now; different because now you can openly admire him, and don't have to pretend to not notice that he’s built like a greek god. Even Adonis himself doesn’t hold a candle to the beauty of Han Jisung. 

“You’re so pretty, Ji,” you tell him sincerely. The compliment makes the blush on his face darken, but he returns your smile, reaching his hands back up to you. “I should be saying that to you,” he responds, one of his hands resting on your waist, “you’re the prettiest thing in the world.” He brings his other hand to the nape of your neck just as before, gently pulling you back to him before you can reply, his tongue grazing your lips when they touch again.

He brings your hands to breasts now, cupping them in his hands as he did before. He can feel your breath shudder when his thumbs brush over your nipples, a soft mewl pouring into his mouth when he rubs them between his fingers. The stimulation makes your entire body shiver, your hips grind down in search of some sort of relief, soft groans leaving Jisung every time you press your body down on his cock.

You separate from the kiss, one your hands reaching between your bodies, settling on the waistband of his shorts. “Is this okay?” you ask, watching him for any sign of hesitation or apprehension, but there’s none to be found. Instead, you’re met with eager, twinkling eyes, anticipation written all over him as he nods, a soft “yes, please,” leaving him in a quick breath.

You shove his waistband down just enough to free his cock from its confines, a hiss escaping him when your fingers begin to trace him up and down. Your fingers gather the pre-cum leaking from his tip, spreading it over his length easily, and turning him into a wet, sticky mess. He watches in breathless awe when your hand wraps around him, entranced by the visual before him.

You, so beautiful and lovely, with your pretty hands on and around him, watching him and the way his body reacts to you with sweet salacity. He lets out a breathy groan when you begin to pump him earnestly, his eyes closing despite how badly he wants to keep watching. Your hand just feels so much better than his, so much softer and perfectly warm. 

You watch his face, committing to memory the way it contorts, the way his brows furrow and teeth sink into his bottom lip. You memorize the way his chest rises and falls with each quick breath, the way his thighs tremble, the way his stomach contracts as you drive him closer and closer to release. 

“Sungie,” you call to him, slowing your pace down just enough for him to be able to easily open his eyes and look at you, “want you in my mouth– is that okay? Can I?”

“Oh my god, yes, please, you don’t even have to ask,” he says between shallow breaths, far too excited to have your mouth on him to be embarrassed by the desperate display he’s putting on.

He props himself on his elbows, watching you scoot yourself down his legs and bringing your face right up to his cock. Your tongue comes out first, collecting the pre-cum with long, drawn out licks, and fuck, the sight alone is enough to have his eyes rolling back. You kiss the tip before you wrap your lips around him, his head falling back and curses leaving his lips as you sink your head down on him.

His hands grip at your sheets, desperately trying to hold himself back from bucking his hips up and choking you, because the last thing he wants is to accidentally hurt you. But fuck, your mouth feels so amazing, he almost can’t breathe. “God, fuck-” he gasps when his cock touches the back of your throat, your tongue rubbing the underside so perfectly.

He’s trying to hold it back, desperate to feel your tongue on him longer, to have your lips wrapped around him for just another moment, but he can’t. He releases with a strained cry, his cum filling your mouth in quick spurts. The unfamiliar feeling causes you to gag at first, but you recover quickly, swallowing all he has to give you happily. 

You release him from your mouth when you feel him begin to soften, laying next to him with a soft, satisfied smile on your face. “Was it good?” you ask him and he lets out a breathless laugh before he answers.

“So good, seriously, you’re amazing,” he says, turning his head to look at you with a small smile of his own to match yours, “but you already knew that, didn’t you? You just wanted me to say it.” 

“Maybe,” you giggle, and Jisung does as well, shifting to his side and pulling your body closer to his. He kisses you once more, tasting himself on your lips, but not at all minding it– in fact, he finds that he actually really likes it. It’s fucking hot, if he’s being honest. But there’s one thing that would make it even hotter– if your taste was on his tongue too.

“I want to make you feel good too,” he says, fingers resting on your hips, just above your own waistband, “is that okay with you? Can I?” The question makes your stomach flip, thighs pressing together at the idea of Jisung between your legs– you really want it. “Yes, I– I want you to.” 

With your affirmation, he lifts himself off the bed and lets you lay back, deciding to remove the last of his clothing before settling between your legs once you’re comfortable. His fingers hook in your waistband now, ready to take your shorts and underwear off together in one motion. He looks at you before he does, taking in your expression that is filled with shy anticipation, eyes traveling down your body next, stopping where his hands rest on your hips.

God, he feels like a virgin again with the way his hands tremble, the thought of you seeing you bare leaving him as nervous as it does excited. Why does his heart feel like it’s going to burst out of his chest? He’s eager, he knows that, and shyness still lingers, but there’s something else there that’s making his heart race out of control. 

It’s because he loves you, if he had to guess. You turn him to putty, one look from you enough to reduce him to a mere puddle. He doubts you know the effect you have on him, as he’s spent so much time trying to hide it, but he doesn’t have to anymore. Jisung can love you fully now– no need to hold back, to push it aside, to try and disguise it as the platonic love between friends. 

He can hold you in his arms, can feel your lips on his, can touch your bare skin, can put his all into making you as happy as you make him. He looks back at your face again, your expression is similar to his own. Eager trepidation written in your eyes, love and adoration lingering underneath. 

Your eyes meet his once more, shy but certain, and you smile at him, the way you always have. A smile that makes his brain go fuzzy, that fills him with a sweet desire, that makes him whole. You, the brightest star in his galaxy, so beautiful and perfect, whom he once thought was out of reach but now sits in hands, radiating love and warmth. 

If he is your Adonis, then you’re his Aphrodite; when you are together, the sun shines brighter, the world more vibrant, more beautiful, all because you’re there with him. He’ll love you until his last breath, and he knows you’ll do the same, a promise unspoken for now, but will one day leave him earnestly, down on one knee with a ring in hand. 

“I love you,” he tells you as he leans down, kissing you before you can utter a reply, slowly pulling your clothing down your legs as he does. Jisung’s earnest admission, paired with his actions, makes the heat on your face flare and body tremble, hands coming up to cover your face once the kiss is over as an even more intense shyness settles over you.

“Love you too,” you mutter, face feeling impossibly hot. Sure, you already admitted it earlier, but it’s your first time hearing it from Jisung, and the fact that he’s saying it during an intimate moment while looking at you like that? Your heart simply can’t handle it. Peeking through your fingers, you can see him smiling as he carefully pushes your legs apart and it makes a whine unconsciously leave you.

“Baby,” his voice calls to you, and the use of the petname from him definitely does your heart no favors, “why are you covering your face? It’s just me.”

“That’s the problem– it’s you,” you mumble, just barely managing to peel your hands away from your face to give him a pout. Doesn’t he know that the way you’re acting now is entirely his fault? It was much easier to push past your shyness when the focus was on him instead of you. 

Jisung isn’t used to seeing this bashful side of you and God, it’s so cute that he might have fallen for you even harder than before (if that’s even possible.) He smiles again, and you swear this surge of confidence from him has to be illegal– because the effect it has on you is positively lethal. Han Jisung is going to be the death of you. 

“You’re so wet,” he speaks softly in your ear, fingers rubbing through your folds and coating them in the proof of your excitement. “Jisung–” you whine once more, but before you can cover your face again, his other hand comes up to stop you. “Please let me see you. I need to know how you feel when I’m touching you. Okay, baby? Please.” 

Fuck. How can you say no after hearing that? You concede with a nod, lowering your hands in a silent promise to do your best to look at him, to let him see you no matter how shy or overwhelmed you may get; because if it’s what Jisung wants, you’ll do your best to ensure he has it. 

“Thank you,” he smiles as he gives you a quick peck on the lips, “in return I’ll make sure you feel so good. Are you ready?” You nod again, but quickly realize he wants you to actually say it, so you swallow down your nerves the best you can to allow yourself to speak. “Yes, I– I’m ready. Make me feel good, please.” 

His two middle fingers press against your hole, using the tips of his fingers to check for any resistance before carefully pushing fully inside. His first motions are slow, making sure you’re well adjusted to the feeling of his fingers and observing you for any changes in expression. Your body jolts when he finds the spot inside you that makes you see stars, head falling back as an unintentionally loud moan escapes you. 

Your teeth sink into your bottom lip, eyes squeezing shut, whimpers and moans unable to be held back with the way his fingers repeatedly prod at your spot. “Does it feel good? You like how my fingers feel inside you?” He asks, and even though you can’t see the smile anymore, you can hear it. You nod repeatedly, mouth opening to try to tell him, though all that escapes you are embarrassingly loud sounds of pleasure. 

“Can’t say it? That’s okay, your pussy is telling me everything I need to know. You’re squeezing my fingers so tight,” he says in your ear, pressing a kiss to your skin after. Oh, you liked that a lot– he can tell by the way you clench around his fingers, legs trembling and hands twisting the sheets beneath you. Maybe the fact that he talks a lot will be a good thing for once.

“You gonna cum soon? Want to cum all over my fingers? Go ahead baby, I want to see it, show me how good you feel.” “Oh my god, Ji-” you gasp; you’re so, so close– you just need one thing to finally push you over the edge. “K-Kiss, please, need a kiss,” you practically beg, looking at him with watery eyes and pouty lips. 

Holy fuck, does that make him crumble. How could anything be simultaneously so cute and fucking hot? He leans down to meet your request, free hand moving to cup your face while his fingers continue their ministrations, and that’s all you need to finally come undone.

Your entire body shakes, eyes rolling back as your release soaks his fingers. He keeps kissing you even as you come down from your high, letting you pull back for air as you please but always capturing your lips again as soon as he is able. 

You whine when he finally slips his fingers out of you, watching shyly as he brings them to his mouth to lick clean. His eyes stay on yours the entire time, and it makes the heat on your face intensify beyond what you thought was possible. He kisses you once more when he’s finished, tongue coaxing you to open your mouth, both your tastes melding together on your tongues, just as he wanted.

He’s hard again too– you can feel his cock pressing against you, begging for more stimulation that you’re more than happy to give. “Ji–” you pull away from his lips to long enough to speak, “please fuck me.”

He groans at your words, opening his eyes to look at you before he continues, “I will, I promise I’ll make you feel so good. But, I– I, uhm, I don’t have anything, I didn’t expect anything to happen, so..” 

“That’s okay. I trust you Ji,” you reply, pressing a soft kiss to his lips as you reach your hand to his face, “love you so much, just want you inside me.” He groans again, kissing you sweetly as he aligns himself with your entrance.

“You’re sure?” he pulls away to ask first, “It’s okay to change your mind, I can run out and grab condoms and–” You smile, shutting him up with a kiss before he can continue to ramble. You appreciate the offer, and the sweet consideration he has for you, but.. “I’m so sure, I promise. I want this.”

He returns your smile when you pull away, reaching one of his hands to grab yours, squeezing it before intertwining your fingers together. “As long as you’re sure, I’ll give you everything you want,” he says, a promise that extends beyond just this moment– anything and everything he has to give, it’s yours for as long as you want it. 

Jisung can’t help but let out a moan as he sinks inside you, eyes closing and head falling forward at the immediate overwhelming pleasure your body brings him. You squeeze his hand, your other one coming up to hold his face; you can feel the heat radiating off his cheek, can see the sweat that lingers on his brow and makes his hair stick to his forehead. 

When he opens his eyes to look at you again, his stomach erupts in butterflies, heart squeezing in his chest. You’re just as sweaty as him, face flushed and hair disheveled, and yet it’s the most beautiful you’ve ever been– and you’re smiling; the pretty smile that always turns his brain to mush and snatches his breath away. 

God, he can’t take it– he needs to calm down before the sight of you, paired with the mind-numbing pleasure that’s encompassing him, gives him a heart attack. "Sungie, are you okay?" you ask after a moment passes, concern growing on your face as you continue to hold his face in your hand.

"Fuck, y-yeah, I'm fine, I– I just.. this is so embarrassing, but I just like– I need a minute," he admits almost breathlessly, as if even the act speaking to you is a struggle– and in a way it is, because all his concentration is being poured into not cumming just from seeing your pretty face, or your beautiful body underneath him while being squeezed by your walls.

"Take your time, I'm not going anywhere," you tell him sincerely, squeezing his hand in reassurance as you lean up to kiss him. You understand why he’s embarrassed, but you hope he knows that when he’s with you, he doesn’t have to be; you love him no matter what.

Besides, you have to admit you like that you have such a profound effect on him. And while the kiss doesn’t help calm his heart by any means, he appreciates your sweetness endlessly, meeting your lips eagerly despite himself. 

When his hips finally move, the sweet sound that pours from your lips sends a shiver through his entire body. He wants, needs, to hear it again, more and more, until his name is the only thing lingering on your tongue, the only thing you are capable of uttering between your pleasured moans.

“So pretty, everything about you, your body, the sounds you make, so pretty,” he tells you, though his lips barely leave yours long enough to say it. Your fingers tangle in his hair, tugging just enough to draw a whine from him, and he knows he’s done for.

Every sound, every touch, every glance, no matter how soft or how subtle drives him further into overwhelming bliss. He’s drowning in you, in the love and relief you offer him, lost in the abyss that is your care. He brings his hands to your legs, lifting them up and effectively folding you in half, aiming to find the spot that’ll have you crying out for him.

It only takes a few experimental thrusts to find it, and the way clench around him, voice ringing loudly in his ears as your legs tremble in his hold, it’s enough to make him want to cum right then and there. His pace quickens, bottom lip caught between his teeth as he watches your body react to him, desperate to hold back his need to cum for as long as he can manage, just so he can have this view of you for a while longer. 

But when you start to whine his name, when you breathlessly tell him you can feel him twitching inside you, can feel him so deep and how you feel so good– his restraint crumbles in an instant, falling apart for you far too easily. His hips stutter as he drills into you, thrusts becoming sloppy as he chases his high. You bring your fingers to your clit, rubbing in quick circles, wanting nothing more than to cum with the person you’ve loved your entire life.

"Oh my fucking god, feels so good, you feel so good, I– f-fuck, I can't–" he babbles against your skin, his high so dangerously close, but doing his best to hold it back just for you, so that you can cum together. “Baby, ‘m so close, gonna cum, want you to cum with me, please, please cum with me,” he begs, voice easily the most whiny and desperate you’ve ever heard it, and your body reacts almost instantly, as if his word was the command you needed to finally let go.

You use your free hand to pull him into a messy, open mouthed kiss, eyes rolling back as you finally cum on his cock and let him swallow every noise you make. Your entire body tenses and shudders, his cock twitching as you squeeze him tighter, pleasured whines and curses tumbling from his lips as cum shoots into you, fucking you through your shared highs. He continues to fuck you until overstimulation and sensitivity takes hold, his body trembling as he pulls out of you.

He promptly lies next to you, arms wasting no time in wrapping around you, hugging you closely to himself as the two of you collect your breath. You can’t help but smile as you look at him, and he does the same, his unwavering love and joy meeting your own. You recognize that you should probably get up, should clean up and get dressed now before your roommates get home, but you simply don’t want to. 

You wiggle closer, pressing yourself against him, letting out a content sigh when his arms squeeze you tighter. You close your eyes for a moment, indulging in the security Jisung brings you, the love, the support, the safety of his touch, of his presence. He kisses the top of your head, meeting your cute, gentle smile with one of his own. 

When he looks at you, and sees the pure, obvious love written in your eyes, he's not sure how he always missed it. You look at him the way he looks at you– like he holds your entire world in his hands, the sincerest form of love shining in every glance, bleeding into every touch.

Your smile, sweet and content, eyes soft and full of adoration; they tell him everything. Even without words, he knows– you love him, now and always. A promise, unspoken but understood, that you'll always be together, that you'll always have each other. 

Jisung takes his time now, to do all the things he imagined he would do if he was ever granted this moment; he holds you close, he plants kisses all over you, he tells you how pretty you are, how perfect and beautiful, until you're giggling, a cute pink blush spreading on your cheeks as you playfully tell him to stop. And when he does, and you look at him with your gleaming eyes and adorable smile, he tells you he loves you, just as he's always wanted to.  

[liminalpebble]

Happy Thanksgiving, folks.

While I don't agree with the colonialist horseshit wrapped up with this holiday, I am in favor of a day dedicated to cooking, eating, lazing about, being with the people you care about and (shocking for Americans) appreciating what you already have and focusing on gratitude.

It's my second favorite American holiday after, of course, Halloween.

Anyway...I'm grateful for you. I'm grateful to live in a time and place in history that allows me to stay connected with you in ways previous generations couldn't even dream of. I love having this community of beautiful souls, imagining together.

Thank you for all the stories you've given me. Thank you for reading mine and playing pretend with me. Thank you for all the likes and shares and comments and follows and rallying around me for silly imaginary gatherings. And I have to give honorable mention for how enormously you've all built me up during some of my hardest times and made everything so much better.

I'm lucky. I'm so lucky and so grateful. It's amazing to exist. It's amazing to have a comfortable life and the things I need and a lot of the things I want. It's amazing to have good people and experiences with me on the journey. To be able to hug people during the brief time in which we share the planet (or even just to hug you digitally).

It's amazing to have this nice coffee, and a warm sweater, and a cookie, and hot running water, and electricity, and hundreds of movies and books and stories and lessons at my fingertips whenever I want them.

It's amazing to be alive to experience annoyances, and sorrow, and grief, and anxiety, and bad days, and survive them, because...hey...I'm still here, and that's one in the eye for death. That's amazing. You're amazing too. Thank you for being with me. You've all been so kind to me. You've changed my life for the better.

Much love,

Peb

P.S. Black Friday, that horrendous Wario of Thanksgiving, can go right back to the depths of retail hell where it crawled up from. I worked too many Black Fridays in my life...never again. It's unbearbly stupid to trample people in a frenzy of greed mere hours after a day dedicated to gratitude for what you already have.

@sweetsigyn @lokischambermaid @lokisgoodgirl @smolvenger @muddyorbs @mochie85 @coldnique @little-wormwood @littlespaceyelf @goblingirlsarah @anukulee @loopsisloops @peaches1958 @peachyjinx @holdmytesseract @holymultiplefandomsbatman @ijuststareatstuffhereok89 @thedistractedagglomeration @thenerdyoldersister @slutty-thevampireslayer @leelei1980 @josephfakingquinn @unfocused81 @unlucky-number-13 @mischief2sarawr @mischiefmaker615 @itsybitchylittlewitchy @jennyggggrrr @loz-3 @lokihiddleston @marcotheflychair @fairyysoup @granuaile-slore @gigglingtiggerv2 @aesonmae @acidcasualties @alexakeyloveloki @veemoon @hellfirenacht @lemongingerart @sarahscribbles @take-everything-you-can @sailorholly @eleniblue @elegantkoalapaper @tripleyeeet @textsfromthetva @ladyofthestayingpower @fictive-sl0th @the-haven-of-fiction

[spider-man-199999]

Hopefully I’m correct that you’re accepting requests since I just read your latest fic and was absolutely OBSESSED with it. Your writing style is absolutely beautiful hence I was hoping to request a fic. Basically something that takes place during NWH where the reader comes through during Strange’s spell because her best friend in her universe was a version of Peter. Except her Peter died during a tragic accident so she hasn’t seen him in a year or so. And while she’s there she ends up accidentally falling in love with the MCU version of Peter. So then they have to figure out how to keep her there instead of sending her home.

Hopefully that makes sense and wasn’t too long! Thank you<3

I’m actually fangirling so hard right now… bestie, you’re one of my favourite Peter Parker writers on here and I’m so overwhelmed by the idea that you like my writing 😭 I’m shaking ass, crying, throwing up, kicking my feet in the air.

pairing: MCU!Peter Parker x Fem!Reader;

word count: 5k

warnings: mentions of sex

A/n: I made the reader “glitch” because she’s in the wrong universe but the glitching isn’t a physical thing that happens to her, I wanted to explore it as a more of a mental issue. She’s experiencing severe memory loss and deja-vu’s simultaneously, which is the primary reason for them to try and fix things. Also in this universe Peter is a single Pringle to make it easier on me plot wise.

505 by Arctic Monkeys was blasting through your headphones while your feet rested on your desk. You were bobbing your head to the beat, playing your imaginary guitar.

"In my imagination, you're waitin' lyin' on your side. With your hands between your thighs" you sang softly to the song, eyes closed. 

You didn't notice the soft sparkles forming next to you as the song continued.

"But I crumble completely when you cry. It seems like once again you've had to greet me with goodbye" you sang at the top of your lungs, when wind blew next to you, bright light finally capturing your attention. 

You turned your head towards the light. There he was, Peter Parker, looking at you from the other side of what looked like a portal. Peter Parker? Your best friend, who died almost a year ago, was looking at you in confusion, in what seemed like a lab, along with some other people around him. The shock was so big that it made you fall backwards with your entire chair flipping. You were too captivated by the sight to even think straight. You thought you had lost him forever, you grieved him. You saw his body in the coffin, you cried your eyes out for months. And now he was standing in front of you. You got up, staring back at him with the same amount of confusion that was written all over his face. The headphones were off of your head now, but the music was still softly playing. You couldn't help it, the second you were convinced this wasn't a dream by pinching yourself, you practically jumped on top of him, hugging him as tightly as you could.  

The portal behind you closed as you sobbed into his chest. Peter held you in his arms, looking at the other Peters for help. 

"What do I do?" he mouthed while he desperately looked at them for help.

"Comfort her, you idiot!" Peter 2 mouthed back. 

Peter 3 was recreating a hug and a pat on the head on an imaginary person, showing him what to do.

"I thought you were dead!" you cried. "No, you were dead! I saw you dead!"

Peter hugged you tighter, his hand patting your head. They all waited for you to calm down. You did, eventually, and finally let go of him. So many questions were running through your head, you didn't even know where to start. How was he alive? Where the hell had he been all this time? Who were these people? You were about to start asking but he beat you to it. 

"I don't want you to freak out." he started, looking at the other Peters for support. They both nodded, like you were about to go apeshit on them any second now. "But I'm not your Peter."

You looked at him confused, then looked over at the other two. All three of them were actually in spidersuits. Now that he mentioned it, he really did not look exactly like the Peter you knew. For the most part, he did, but this version of him in front of you was slightly taller, no more than an inch, his hair was curlier and lighter in color. You looked at the two others next, taking a deep breath. You had been through enough Spider-man shit to know something extremely weird and beyond your comprehension was happening right now. So, you closed your eyes for a moment to take in this new information, exhaling afterwards.

"Okay. Please explain what's going on then." you said as calmly as possible, noticing as the tension from the bodies of all three of them literally evaporated. 

And they went on, explaining the multiverse, the spell, their mission to cure the villains and change their faith. You nodded as you listened, trying to understand as much as you could. The Spider-man world has always been crazy and being his best friend was never easy, things like this used to happen all of the time. It wasn't long before you had your A game on to help all of them with their mission.

----

The more time you spent with Peter 1, the more obvious it was becoming that he wasn't your Peter. Sure, they looked almost identical, which you found a bit weird now that you had seen the other Peters and how they looked nothing like each other. 

Turned out you didn't really exist in the universe you were in now, nothing close to you was present in Peter's life. Your name was unfamiliar, your parents didn't exist either. After a few long conversations, all of you came to the conclusion that you were something like what MJ was to him here.

Back to Peter, he was nothing like the best friend you had before. Most of the time it felt like you were standing in front of a stranger that you knew perfectly. You could finish all of his sentences, you could list all his favourite foods, the Star Wars movies he liked from most to least. You could vividly remember the sound of his heartbeat, you could remember his scent. You knew everything about how his Spider suit worked, you even used to modify the code for your Peter back in the day. You could even guess all of his passwords, which made all of the Peters terrified of you, since somehow you guessed all of them. Four universes apart and the guy somehow still wasn't creative enough to think of something different from "Stromtrooper99".  All of this was overwhelming, to say the least. It made you miss your Peter more than you thought you could. Especially Peter 1. He was making it exceptionally hard for you, conflicting even. You could see your Peter in him, but something more as well. You could never in a million years see your Peter in a light different from being your best friend. But the case wasn't the same with Peter 1. The way he spoke, the way he carried himself, the way he smiled at you and treated you. It made your heart skip a beat. And he knew that. He knew it so well. His spider powers were way more enhanced than what you knew they were, he could physically hear your heartbeat skip when he was near. He could hear how fast it would start beating when he would place a hand on your shoulder, or when he got too close to you. It amused him, this effect he had on you. He knew this whole spell situation was a mess and it was no time to be a hormonal teenager and have crushes left and right but he couldn't help it, neither could you. 

----

The realization of your crush on him hit you one night when you were working with the other Peters on a cure for the Green Goblin. Since your Peter tragically lost his life in a fight with the Green Goblin, it was important to you to prevent that for any other Spider-man you could. Peter 2 was working on something in the lab and Peter 3 was concentrated on something of his own when you walked in. Peter 1 sitting down and playing on his phone. 

"Are the big boys not letting you play with them?" you asked in a baby voice as you placed your jacket down on a chair next to Peter 1. He smiled at you, pausing the Packman game on his phone.

"They said they got it covered." he replied, standing up. 

You looked over at Peter 2, scanned the chemicals around him and looked around the room suspiciously. It felt oddly familiar, like you had already lived through his exact same moment before. Your Peter was dedicated to the mission of the cure as well, he had all of the same ingredients that were laying around here, but his experiment failed badly. Driven by something that you couldn't even explain, you grabbed all of the safety glasses you could get your hands to and started placing them on everyone in the room. There were only the four of you so it wasn't hard. The last one was Peter 2, who was just finishing up his "cure". You put the glasses on his eyes and took a step back before the mixture in his tube exploded all over him, spraying everyone in the room. After the explosion, which everyone took very lightly, all heads turned to you. 

"How did you know?" all three of them asked in sync, putting you under the spotlight. 

"I really don't know-" you said, just as confused as they were. Their spider-sense should have tingled, but it didn't. And somehow you knew when exactly this was going to happen. 

"I think my Peter tried that before, I think it ended like this. I don't remember clearly."

"Did he succeed?" Peter 2 asked 

"He did." 

"Do you think you can remember this formula?"

You nodded. Wiping off the purplish goo that was on your glasses from the mild explosion earlier and stood in front of the table. You placed your hands on it, looking at the chemicals that were in front of you. Peter was the genius one out of the two of you. He was both the brain and the muscle, you were the support system. But when it came to this formula, he just didn't let you not participate for some reason. And he was apparently rightfully doing so, because people needed you now. This situation really brought back painful memories for you, the smell of chemicals, the sounds of sizzling, the colors. This was the last thing you ever did together with your best friend. The last conversation you ever had with him. The last time you saw him smile as he finally succeeded. A ball was forming in your throat as you stirred the mixture, waiting for it to get thick enough. You noticed the tears rolling down your cheeks as the liquidy white mixture in the tube got thicker with every stir. Peter would have been so proud of you if he could see you now, he would have said something stupid like "Okay, show-off, remember I taught you how to do that." with his arms crossed in front of his chest, but in reality he would have been proud of you. It was hard for you to do this without him, you never imagined you'd ever have to. Your hands were shaking lightly when you added the last ingredient, stirring it up until it turned a dark purple color. You placed the tube down, looking up at the worried expressions in front of you. 

"I'm done."

"Okay, show-off." Peter 1 said and smiled at you. 

That was the moment that made you realize that you actually felt something different for him. Most of the time you were really trying to gain your best friend back, you were clinging onto him because he reminded you of your Peter. But he was so much... more. He was the same and yet so different. He was nicer, more considerate, more caring. Your Peter wanted to save the Green Goblin because the person behind the mask was his friend, he wanted his friend back. This Peter wanted to save the Goblin because he believed people could change for good. He believed in the light and goodness of people, in second chances, in selflessly helping others. He believed he could alter the fate of the damned and give them a better future. Your Peter wasn't like that, he could never be like that. 

You brushed the tears from your eyes as he walked over to hug you. The four of you fist-bumped each other and shared a small celebration before you continued to work on other things. 

-----

A gentle kiss on the forehead. That was all it took for you to melt like butter in his arms. He held you tightly, both of you standing alone on a rooftop in the middle of New York. 

"You did so well today." he whispered to you as he held you. "It must have been so hard for you." 

All you could do was nod to his words, hiding your face in his neck while you held back the tears. He knew the story, you had to tell him all about how your best friend died in front of your eyes, killed by the Green Goblin who had lost his mind. How he surrendered just so he could inject the cure in the Green Goblin as he tackled him with his final blow. How it wasn't supposed to end like this, and how it did. Your memories were flashing back in front of your eyes like a horror movie screening, and you just weren't allowed to leave the cinema. Thankfully Peter was there to bail you out the second you were done with recreating the cure. And now he was calmly holding you while you were trying your hardest not to fall apart. 

"Thank you." you mumbled to him, looking up at him.

He smiled encouragingly at you, his hand petting your hair. 

"No, thank you. All of us would have ended up blind if you didn't finish the cure." 

"No, your superhuman healing would have prevented that."

''It doesn't mean it hurts any less.''

"I actually thought it did, I wouldn't survive a building falling on top of me, but you would. Theoretically, if we experience the same amount of pain, how can you push through it and not die? Doesn't make much sense."

"You're totally ruining the script in my head right now..."

"Oh, you had a script? And for what?" you laughed

"Well, you were supposed to ask me "Does it hurt now?" and I was going to say "The only thing that hurts right now is my lips because they're not kissing yours" and then we were going to kiss and fall in love and-"

"Does it hurt right now?" you interrupted him, your heart beating so loud in your chest that you weren't sure you heard his script to begin with.

"What?"

"Does it hurt... now?" you asked, even more anxious this time, almost convinced you actually got it wrong. He made an oh sound, nodding his head.

"The only thing that hurts right now is my lips because they're not kissing yours" he replied, leaning in closer to you and placing his lips gently on yours.

You stopped breathing for a second before kissing him back. It felt wonderful, magical even, the gentle movement of his soft lips on yours, his hot breath on your skin. His hands were on your arms, stroking them for comfort while your hands were on his back, holding him. You never thought you could enjoy a kiss as much as you did this one. It was almost painful when it ended. He smiled at you, pulling you in the tightest hug he had ever given you afterwards.

-------

Peter just had to brag about this to the others. He told everyone how in love he was with you. He felt so unbelievably proud not only for pulling a girl way out of his league, but having what he calls "ïnterdimentional rizz". You stopped counting the eyerolls after they got to 30. Of course you found it cute how he was so happy and excited about the two of you kissing, but this was raising so many questions. You felt like you wanted to enjoy it but you really couldn't, your mind was constantly jumping to different thoughts about you eventually going back to your own dimension. You kept having deja-vus all of the time, and some things seemed like they were slipping your mind . 

You tried ignoring it the best you could, but it got to a point where it couldn't really be ignored anymore. 

All of you were finishing up on the action plan on how to cure everyone. The whole group was in the lab, discussing it. You were sitting on the table, Peter standing between your legs, his back pressed to your chest. You had rested your head on his shoulder while all of them talked.

"Don't the two of you think it's kind of weird to be having this conversation in this position?" Peter 3 asked, looking at the two of you. 

"It's not like I haven't been between her legs before" Peter joked, making you look at him confused.

"No, you haven't."

He looked back at you, just as confused.

"Well I did fuck you hard enough to make forget your own name last night but forgetting the whole thing? That’s some next level fucking" he continued joking. 

You didn't really get the joke but still laughed. 

"Pete, what are you talking about? I wasn't with you last night, I was helping Ned here to modify your Spidersuit ai" you shook your head with a smile.

"Y/N, that was 3 days ago." Ned said.

"Wait so you actually don't remember us doing it?" Peter moved from his position, turning around to face you. He looked devastated and upset, slightly worried too. 

"I- " you managed to say but stopped, looking down at your feet. You didn't know what to say to make things better, he was probably feeling terrible about this already, you felt like you were the villain for not remembering the last 3 days of your life.

You didn't remember your first time with Peter. How much worse could it get?

"She's glitching." Dr. Strange said, looking at you from the back of the room. "You can tell the future too, can't you?"

You nodded, looking over at him. This meeting was the first time you have ever met the wizard and he scared you. He was very cranky and looked annoyed all of the time. He rarely spoke, unless he wanted to argue with someone. Strange walked over to Peter, placing a hand on his shoulder. 

"We need to wrap this thing up and get everyone back to their home." He told him. 

"What? No, no, we can't just send her back!"

"We have to, she's already glitching, the longer she stays here, the worse it will get." 

You looked over at Peter, tears welling up in his eyes. He looked at you too, helpless and desperate. He immediately hugged you, kissing your forehead. 

"I'm going to figure this out, I promise." he whispered in your ear.

You hugged him tightly, kissing his shoulder. 

"I want you to not die tonight, promise me that, we'll figure out the rest."

"I'm not going anywhere."

----

The fight was finally over. Everyone was beat up and hurt, but it was over. Everything that could go wrong, went wrong. Thankfully no one died. Biggest mistake being the portal that Ned opened up not closing. You knew it was going to happen because of your glitching and tried to handle the situation as best as possible. Fighting a giant lizard with bare hands wasn’t the best idea, but there wasn’t much you could really do anyway. Peter came to the rescue, thankfully. After everything died down and all of you were left in the ruins of battle, you felt like you could finally breathe again. Peter hugged you, his blood getting all over your clothes. You cried into his chest. He kept his promise, he didn’t die in the fight. His lips kissed your forehead, brushing your tears from your eyes. 

“Are you hurt?” he asked, letting go of you. His hands were holding your shoulders as he lowered himself to be on your eye level.

He looked you up and down, making sure you really weren’t hurt. You were shaking your head “no” while he did that. 

Strange was finishing up the spell, which meant you were about to go home soon. 

“Pete..” you started, looking around as the portals started opening up around you. 

“No, don’t say it.” he interrupted you, tears welling up in his eyes.

Your heart was breaking from seeing him so torn up. You put your hands on his cheeks, cupping his face, placing a soft peck on his lips. 

“We’ll find a way.” you mumbled, your foreheads pressed against one another. He nodded, hugging you tightly again. 

“We have to, you don’t remember us having sex! We have to do it again!”

The two of you laughed, sharing a sweet kiss after that. A portal leading to your bedroom opened up close to the both of you. You saw your desk, the chair that had fallen over all this time ago. The two of you looked at it. 

“I’ll see you on the other side, Spider-man.” you told him with a smile, letting go of the hug so you could step into your room again. You held onto his hand for as long as you could, looking back at him.

He looked so broken and scared, the tears were rolling down his cheek, his hair was a mess, his costume was ruined and covered in blood and dirt. You fought back the tears yourself, smiling the whole time. A smile that was meant to comfort him and encourage him, to tell him that everything is going to be okay. You stepped into the portal, finally letting go of his hand as the portal was no longer big enough for your hands to be through it. And he was gone. With the snap of a finger, he was gone. You dropped on your knees, finally allowing yourself to cry as the realization hit you, you had lost Peter Parker not once, but twice in the span of a year. 

---

You took off the glasses as you finally finished the spider-shaped gadget you were assembling. It was a new type of spider suit that you were developing in your free time. 

After you had to go back to your own reality, you decided to pay Peter’s grave a visit. You sat there for hours, telling him everything about your multiverse adventure with the other Peters. You were sure he was turning in his grave because of how cool this story was and how he didn’t get to be a part of it. Weeks passed by and it was time to move on with your normal life, but you just couldn’t. So, you decided to major in quantum physics and spent every waking hour on studying and theorizing about the multiverse. If magic could make interdimensional travel real, then sciency could too. And since your reality had a living Tony Stark, you actually caught his attention with some science work of yours that got published. You were so dedicated to your studies that in the few months you spent on your research, you managed to have a breakthrough big enough to change the course of the science field altogether. Your secret was that you actually did already travel into another dimension, you just had to figure out the math. 

Tony was so impressed by your work and your genius that he actually offered you a job. You accepted, he had enough resources to fund your projects and actually help you with opening up a portal. And now you were stuck in the Avengers compound, developing a new spider suit. You took one of the old unfinished suits your Peter had, doing the final work on it. The suit used inflatable technology and you had to put the metal spider in the center of your chest and press it, after that the suit would just wrap around your body perfectly. It was mostly made of fabric, but it had a bulletproof shield that would activate if the built-in ai detected any kind of danger. It was lightweight so that it wouldn’t stop Spider-man from his acrobatic moves or slow him down in any way. Once you were done with the suit, it was game on. Why were you developing a spider suit? To send to Peter. With all of the Stark money, you were actually able to build a device that theoretically could open portals to other dimensions. After a few calculations were made, you thought you found the exact coordinates to the dimension you wanted to see. Since experimenting with animals and humans was cruel in your mind, you were just going to open a portal, throw the spider suit in and pray that you got the right Peter. 

The device you developed looked like a bracelet. It was chunkier than you wanted it to but the parts were too big to make it look elegant. In reality it probably looked more like a smartwatch than a bracelet. You typed in the coordinates on the touchscreen and prayed that it would work. The device buzzed softly on your wrist, lasers coming out from the side and drew a circle next to you, opening a portal. You took a deep breath as you stared at the room that was in front of you. It was small, untidy, and looked nothing like Peter’s old room. Was that his dorm? Or his new apartment? Did you mix the coordinates up? There was no one there, just an empty room staring back at you. You looked around it, analyzing the scene in front. A pile of dirty clothes in the corner, flannels and sweaters. Looked like Peter’s style. A picture of May was on the desk, next to some bottles of web fluid. Bingo. It really looked like it was the place he was currently at. You took the metal spider that was sitting on the table and a sticky note. 

“I’ll make it back to you. Have fun with this gift, can’t wait to hear back from you :) - Y\N”

You stuck the note to the metal spider and tossed it on the desk next to his web fluids without touching the portal. The suit seemed to have made it through with no problems. Good. Amazing even. One step closer to seeing him.

----

Peter tossed his backpack on the bed as he walked into his room. He took the flannel off too, throwing himself face first and hiding his face in the pillow. He was tired, so tired, and alone. Deciding to go to uni didn’t seem like the brightest idea now that he was alone and broke. Working, studying and being Spider-man on top of that, was draining all of his energy. He turned his head to the side, looking at the mess on the desk as something shiny caught his eye. He lifted his upper body up, looking closer at the thing. It had a note stuck to it. Did someone break in? He walked over to the desk, reading the note.

“I’ll make it back to you. Have fun with this gift, can’t wait to hear back from you :) -Y\N”

Underneath the note was the Spider-man logo made out of metal. He looked closer at it, turning it around, feeling the weight of it in his hands. What was that? He was confused, so confused. How did you even manage to send this thing to him? He put it on his chest, looking at himself in the mirror. The thing stuck to his chest and started glowing on the sides. He looked at it, pressing it gently with his finger. The spider suit that you made wrapped perfectly around him in the matter of seconds. 

“Wooow.” he said as he looked at himself in the mirror. 

The ai immediately turned on. 

“Initiating “Welcome” protocol.” It spoke in his ear, playing a video on his built-in vr glasses. 

It was a video of you that played.  

“Hi Pete.” you said with a smile. 

“Omg, Hi! Hey, how? ”

“Before you start trying to have a conversation with me, this is a prerecorded video. I can’t hear you.”

“Right.”

“So, if you’re seeing this, that means that this thing worked!” you showed your wrist to the camera, letting him see the device on it. “This is an interdimensional portal opener. I’m still working on the name. It’s in early testing, I’m not sure it’s safe to go through the portals it creates yet, that’s why I sent this suit as a test. It has a turn-on system that is supposed to alert me when the suit is working. If I get the signal, I’ll try to open up a new portal so we can try to talk. I’ll see you soon.”

The video ended, leaving Peter speechless. He was so amazed that you managed to do all of this, to create this suit and send it through the multiverse to him. You weren’t joking when you said you would find a way. He had never felt more in love with you than he did at this moment.

“Okay, let’s check this baby out while we wait then.”

“Initiating “test” protocol.”

---

The device on your wrist started buzzing, making you look at it. The image of the spider-man logo appeared on the screen, which meant that the suit was turned on. When the screen finally loaded, you could see Peter’s stats on the screen. You could monitor his heartbeat, his blood oxygen, his blood pressure. Everything seemed normal. You hooked the device to your laptop, getting a better view of the statistics you were getting. You could even log into the camera and see what he was seeing in real time. So it worked. You could see him swinging around the city. 

“Oh Pete.” your vision getting blurry from the tears. You made it. Somehow you really managed to make it. 

You picked your phone up, dialing Tony. 

“It worked.” you sobbed as soon as you heard his voice on the other side. 

“I’ll be right there.” 

10 minutes later Tony walked in the lab, rushing to you. He looked at the screen, seeing that Peter was now sat on the edge of a tower, swinging his legs in the air. The two of you hugged in celebration. 

“Did you try contacting him?” 

“No, not yet, I think I’ll wait for him to get home.”

“Okay, but no sex on the first date!”

“I’m not going through the portal yet, I’m not sure it’s safe.”

“Good, have fun just talking.”

Not long after Tony left, Peter was back at his small messy apartment. You put in the coordinates again, waiting for him to turn the suit off before you opened the portal. 

You finally saw him, standing in the middle of his room with the metal spider in his hand. He looked a bit startled when the portal opened up, smiling as he saw you standing on the other side. He walked up closer. All he wanted was to hug you. 

“No, no, no, no, stop!” you said. He froze on the spot. “You can’t go through yet, I’m not sure it’s safe.”

“But… the suit?”

“The suit isn’t a living organism.”

“I’m willing to risk it.”

“I’m not. I’ll close the portal before you even try!”

“Okay then what is the point of opening it then?”

“I’m still running stability tests, here.” You tossed a second device for him. He caught it, looking at it before he put it on his wrist. “I’ll send the coordinates to my dimension in a few days to see if you can open a portal too.”

“Why not just test that now?”

“I said I’m still running tests Pete! Wait just a little longer!”

----

A few weeks later you were finally ready to actually go through the portal. You didn’t know if you should alert him first or just go for it and surprise him. The surprise sounded way better. You opened up a portal to his room. It was 2 pm, he wasn’t home yet. You went through the portal and closed it behind you, looking around his room. It was so odd to be there again, yet it made you so happy. You were smiling the whole time while you looked around. It felt a bit invasive, plus you hadn’t spoken to him the last few days, but you didn’t really have a plan here. You just wanted to be with him as soon as possible. You sat on the bed, checking the watch to see if he was using the suit. He wasn’t, which meant you had no way of tracking where he was or what he was doing. You didn’t really have to wait long, the door unlocked around 30 minutes later, a very tired Peter walking in the room. You smiled so wide it was actually hurting you. He tossed his backpack towards the bed, practically throwing it at you and knocking you back. Now it really did hurt, not only from the smiling. 

“Ouch.” you said. 

Peter finally looked at you, making  two big steps towards you and taking the backpack off.

“I’m so sorry.” 

You were laying on your back, looking at him. 

“Surprise?” you said, getting up on your elbows. 

He wasn’t really sure how to react to this, he wanted to hug you but laying on top of you was potentially going to crush you, so it wasn’t an option. He grabbed your hand and pulled you up on your feet, hugging you. It seemed like you weighed nothing to him, he did it so effortlessly. You hugged him back, trying to remember as much as you could from this moment. 

“I can’t believe you’re finally here.”

“Me neither, all it took of me was to become one of the most respected physicists in the world and joining the Avengers.” 

“I’m glad you did, I really am.”

You looked up at him, holding his face. 

“Did you grow? You seem taller.”

“I don’t think I did.”

“Doesn’t matter.” 

You got on your tiptoes and pulled him in, crashing your lips on his. He held your waist, pulling you closer. You opened your mouth, letting him slide his tongue in. You were running your hands all over his body, his chest, his arms, his back. He moved the two of you towards the bed, sitting down and pulling you on top of him. His hands moved to your but, squeezing it slightly.

“Maybe you should remind me about the first time this happened.” you mumbled against his lips.

He smiled, pressing a kiss on your forehead. 

“Oh, I’ll make sure you remember this one!”

[plural-culture-is]

hello, i saw that you take asks asking for advice? sorry this is gonna be kind of long-

so at some point (i have no idea when, i've always had a really bad sense of time lol. i think it was maybe almost exactly last year? idk lol) i started talking with a voice in my head (which i passed off as an imaginary friend), but over time they kind of. multiplied. and then i kinda went 'ah shittake mushrooms am i plural??'

initially i kinda went 'oh whatever' and didn't end up interacting much with (what i believe to be) my system for a while. if it's relevant, i ended up getting a concussion at the end of july and before that i was not having a funky fresh time in school so i kind of shoved plurality onto the back burner

then in december, my director made a passing joke about the possibility of me being plural during a rehearsal, and someone in the system (who doesn't wish to be named) said something to the effect of 'he doesn't know there's (i forget the number) of us' and i ended up spending the weekend obssessively researching plurality.

anyway- i've been treating it as if i was system for the past little while bc i'd rather be wrong than y'know. accidentally ignore real people that happen to share my brain. (when i don't accidentally think to myself that i'm probably not plural while talking to them-). and i guess i kinda want an external opinion?

-i do experience a lot of dissociation, and often don't feel like i'm me or that these hands are not mine, or that i'm not controlling myself and it's just some autopilot being on. this has been happening for as long as i remember. i also seem to have two handwritings, and have communicated with members of the system via journalling

-i did use to do competitive sports from a young age, which i hear can potentially cause undue stress/trauma to a child, so that could also be something?

-some of them (members of the system, we haven't decided on a term bc communication is spotty) do fit classic roles of a system. most notably is there's one that continually keeps me from doing things that could harm myself and helps 'protect' me from intrusive thoughts

-when i discovered apparently people remember shit and the brain doesn't just dump it like an hour later, that surprised me. i'm still in my teens, but i genuinely do not remember much about... anything tbh. the term 'gray out' honestly explained a lot for me

-i have aphantasia, but the system insists there's a headspace. some of them make fun of me for 'being blind in headspace', but i think they're also helping?? me with the aphantasia, since recently i've been able to see shadowy outlines of stuff they 'airdrop' to me. this includes waking me up by bombarding me with the word 'boo' zooming at my face when i was half asleep.

-sometimes i can feel them like, hugging me or comforting me

-i also do feel some sort of presence in there, and can sometimes pinpoint where certain members are. i also seem to be unable to access the 'back half' which is apparently intentional so.

i mean there's probably more but my memory is not great lol. typing this out does make me feel a bit more like this is real and i'm not misinterpreting things (i do have a very active imagination, hence why i initially went 'ah late imaginary friend having'). but i'd still like an external opinion, so thanks for taking the time to read this half rant that is way longer than it should be haha

yes, i do think you're plural. i have nothing else to say lol, all of that sounds very plural and it seems like you already know that anyway

[autisticempathydaemon]

For the redacted match-ups~ this is my first time participating in something like this so I'm really excited! I hope you're not too overwhelmed by the amount of asks I'm sure you're getting.

Okay so, at the moment I'm fixated on a bunch of Lacuna coil songs, but if we're talking about songs that represent me, we'll need to go back to my month-long fixation on the Bocchi the rock! soundtrack that only faded a week ago. "Guitar, loneliness and the blue planet" has made me cry multiple times. Specifically the end of the bridge towards the last chorus "Even if it's just this moment now! / Hear me… listen to me! / I am here! I am here! / I'm alive at this moment right now! / I try to scream out loud but not even a scribble of sound ever escapes from my own mouth". This is just the English translation, I promise it sounds better in Japanese.

Anyway, for the enneagram, I've taken a couple of tests and have gotten 3-4 different types, none of which I feel describe me. If it helps, my MBTI is INFP which I've gotten multiple times when taking the test and heavely identify with.

My imaginary friends were the Disney princesses. I'd imagine them sitting in my room and we would hold regular council meetings. After I moved countries it became plants instead. I imagined I could talk to them and used to vent to them a lot.

I moved to another country when I was little and no one could pronounce my name so I kinda grew up hating it and always wanted to change it. I love my name now and if I had to change it, it'd still be to something from my culture instead of something easier to pronounce. I'd either name myself Vasiliki (meaning royal) just because I think it suits me, or Agne (pronounced ag-nee with stress on the last sylable, meaning pure) because it is indirectly tied to the name I have now.

I don't care about Aaron and Ollie. I'm not attracted to men, I like Redacted for the plot and they have no plot. I only watched their videos because I ran out of other videos to watch.

A (queer)platonic relatioship with Camelopardalis fill with me joy. I want to hug him, kiss him, and I want to sit in silence with this man while we each do different things.

I am (sometimes literally) unable to talk when I'm tired, let alone ramble. But when I have the energy (and feel comfortable enough) to do so, I will overexcitedly talk about my latest fixation for hours if nothing stops me. My friends say it's like listening to a podcast. First I had fairies for most of my childhood, and mythology (and stars by extension) was the theme for the last two years. Now it's plants :3 I found out that a lot of things that don't look like roses belong to the rose family and naturally I had to map it out. But, of course, I can't just start at the rose family, so I mapped out the taxonomy of plants until the rose family. That mind-map has grown a lot, and I go between periods of research to add new plant families, and just staring at the map and smiling. Seriously, that thing makes me so happy. I haven't had the chance to go through it with my friends yet, but I will be unstoppable once I get the chance to start talking.

I'm so sorry for making this so long. I wanted to talk more about plants, but it wouldn't even be relevant so I had to stop myself. I look forward to seeing your interpretation of all this, but please don't pressure yourself!

P.S. I use pet-names for everyone. One time, when I had misunderstood something and was really stressed someone who was consoling me called me "honey" and "sweetie". It was so so comforting and I decided to start calling people things like that to make them feel good. I completely forgot that words like "baby" are usually used romantically. I'm already a very physically affectionate person so people constantly ask me if I'm dating any of my friends or trying to flirt with people. I'm not. I just like calling people cute things :')

Well, you’re just a silly-billy if you think you can go on an adorable rant about the taxonomy of roses and the flowers that are roses but don’t look like roses and not expect me to pair you with Huxley, our favorite earth elemental!

He’s so loving and friendly and patient that he’d love your fixation-of-the-day podcasts, even the ones that aren’t about roses! That’s just one of the many things I think Huxley would find absolutely charming about you. (Other things would be your unique, lovely name and your sweet, giving shows of affection!)

Another perfect thing about the two of you is that I can easily, easily picture Mm Huxley adopting plants as his confidantes and friends after he moved to Dahlia just like you did. It would such a lovely and domestic scene, the two of you living together and introducing your little flora found families to each other.

Song:

And I've heard of a love that comes once in a lifetime/ And I'm pretty sure that you are that love of mine/ 'Cause I'm in a field of dandelions/ Wishing on every one that you'll be mine, mine

You gave me too much fun plant imagery to work with! I’m stuck on it, because it’s just too cute! This is also just one of my favorite love songs, because the imagery of pining and wishing on dandelions or, conversely, being pined over and wished for us just so sweet.

Runner-Ups:

INFP’s are characterized as sensitive, creative people with deep wells of empathy, which makes it sick SO much that Regulus is… you know, all that he is. Thankfully, Anton is all that he is: kind, quiet, and the type of man who would get adorably flustered when you call him “sweetie” or “baby”

Note: you don’t have to apologize for this being long; it was lovely getting to peek inside your head, and it was very helpful 💖

Want a match-up of your own? Read this post, and tell me about yourself! ��

[somatheking]

🌱 SEEDLING - what is their most vivid memory from childhood?

Oh, I'd love to talk about this!

My parents have always been rather well-off in terms of money, so when I was about five, we moved to a house with a pretty big backyard that had a pool in it.

And man, I loved the pool! Couldn't get me out of it. I spent so much time in it that my parents changed it from working with chlorine to salt when one summer my hair colour started fading into a lighter shade.

I loved the backyard too; when spring came and the weather started getting warmer, my mother and I would do homework there, to enjoy the sun instead of being cooped up in my room. I'd take off my shoes and my toes would grip the blades of grass beneath me as I figured out English tenses or equations, and with every exercise I did, I looked over at the pool eagerly, already imagining throwing myself into it.

I remember how excited I got when I finished the last one and raised my head to look at my mother, waiting for her to smile and say 'go on. We're finished for today.' Sometimes I even did homework in my swimming trunks just so I could immediately jump into it. Yeah, I liked it that much.

I'd spend hours swimming, thrashing about, doing that thing where you throw something in and you grab it before it hits the bottom of the swimming pool, playing imaginary naval battles in one of those swimming noodles... Until it started to get dark and my father was done cooking dinner.

You'd think that given how much I liked the pool, I got sad when I had to get out, right? Well, not really. By this time I'd be tired from all the exercise and it was cold outside, so my mother would come fetch me with a big, warm towel, and that was the best part.

I haven't felt that kind of comfort and peace since then. I haven't felt any kind of comfort and peace in a long time, actually, and I'm a citizen, unlike the players, I already know how my time in the Borderlands is going to end. In a way, it's almost like this memory of my childhood; I can't stay in the pool forever. At one point the sun will set and the golden afternoon will come to an end.

I'm tired. I know I have little time left. Eventually all my jokes will run out and a group of people will come and beat my game. I can only hope my journey ends the same way it did back then, and death feels like running into my mother's arms as she hugs me and envelops me with a warm towel.

'I hope you had fun, Soma. It's time to go inside now.'

[nerooooooo]

My Insomnia

I can't sleep. While I drown myself in the light that my cellphone screen emits in hopes of making me a little bit more sleepy, your subconscious created by the figments of my own imagination and the memories we've built together peeks through the blue light and replaces it with a much warmer, brighter form of light that shines out of the pitch black background. It's dazzling bright yet it doesn't blind. I gaze at the darkness and everywhere my mind projected our times together. I see the imaginary version of yourself clearly even with my eyes closed. It defeats the action of putting me to sleep, making me wide awake more than ever.

I can't sleep. A fraction of a millisecond that flashes an outline of your image out of nowhere into my head is enough to put me in a state of trance. A state where a faint memory of you lead my thoughts to snowball down a deeper hill that is my mind, making me remember perfectly the details of our moments together. From the placement of our hands every time we hugged each other down to the sweat that dripped down your forehead to your cheeks to your chin, that one time we went for a walk under the scorching sun, while we held hands. You occupy my thoughts whenever my eyes are open, and in the time that they must close, you occupy them still.

I can't sleep. It is like my brain has been programmed to recall the image of you. To crack a smile whenever I do. Not letting me forget. And when I do, it finds ways to make me remember you. I have thought of you countless amount of times, on random occasions, to the point where I memorized everything about you just from the visions that my head has created. The picture of your shadow next to mine, the shape of your moles on your face and on your chest. Your deep laugh that is so contagious that I suddenly find myself laughing too. Your perfect teeth that makes your smile the most beautiful of them all. The way you cover your face when I get lost in your eyes. Our difference in height. The scar on your left knee. Your baby cheeks. How you like to wrap your arms around mine instead of holding hands. Although I like it more when we hold hands but I just let you be since it is what makes you happy. The way you talk in your sleep after a long day. The smell of your hair every time we embraced each other. The way you eat your favorite food. The way you smell great even when drenched in sweat. Your laughing face, your serious face, and the face you make when you cry. The thing you do with your eyes when you get moody, and all the other little things that makes you "you." I know for a fact that there are multiple versions of ourselves in the minds of the people that know us. But the version of "you" that lives in my head rent-free, is the version that doesn't let me fall asleep.

I can't sleep. Your ghost haunts the four corners of every enclosed space I step into. I was ecstatic for having someone as precious as you disturb my peace. Peace that bore me to death until your noise. You came crashing down on my ordinary. You brought comforting discord which to me was a melody like no other. I was captured by how you conducted harmonies into my monophonic scores. But for every song that has an end, every note that has a rest, all genre of music has an end. The only thing you left me with now was a requiem—the pain of missing you. And also the grief of letting you go. We have built so much, created inimitable times of you and me, but for everything that has a beginning, is bound to have an inevitable end. Even the universe that shall expand for eons will surely collapse into nothingness long after extinction. You filled my prayers as if you were the only necessity in life. Now, I am over here helpless trying to fill this cavernous pit in my heart of what used to be capable of deeper love. I was fine with losing just sleep, so long as I have you. I sit in silence as my thoughts rampage into chaos. I am yet again to learn the basic concept of human rest until I learn how to forget your sound.

You were the reason why I lost sleep. Love— personified—mingling with the likes of me. If only I knew that my accompaniment would soon fade into the background, I would have laid down more of my hours just so we could play our final piece. As I take one last glimpse at what used to be, I hope to be able to dream anew. Into the carousel of the night. No longer holding onto wishful thinking that this was all just some giant nightmare. For it never was. You were an experience. A night's journey that I wish never reached its destination. Having said all these things, may divinity allow me to once again be open to anyone who dare disturb my peace. Calm quietness enveloped me, finally. I shall bid this long night farewell and a warm greeting for whatever morning will bring. I'm asleep.

[geesevillain]

can’t sleep. little drabble. fuck me. 

cw: mdni, gender neutral, yandere themes, stalking, suggestive language, reader romanticizes yanderes 

Obsessive infatuation.

Not quite love, but still passionate, nevertheless.

You were obsessed with the concept. Going out of your way to consume media of all kinds to get a small taste of it. From watching yandere-esque anime to listening to yandere audio to reading creepy fanfiction of your favourite characters.

It polluted your thoughts and refused to go away.

“There’s something romantic about a person that will do absolutely anything for you,” You stated. “Wanting you so much that they’re willing to hurt people just to show how much they love you? Taking pictures of you when you go about your errands because they thought you looked nice?”

“That sounds like stalking and murder to me.” Your friend, Layla, mumbled. She took a sip from her coffee and glanced up at you. “It sounds fucking creepy if I’m being honest. If Tiff hurt you just to get to me, I wouldn’t find it romantic. I especially wouldn’t find her taking random ass pictures of me romantic. Shit sounds fucked.”

You rolled your eyes at her words. “It’s different for me. You wouldn’t understand.” You picked up your fork and played with the cake in front of you. You took a scoop of frosting off the top, debating on eating it, before placing the utensil back down with a sigh.

“And I don’t understand, hon. But as long as you stay safe, you can stay interested in whatever the fuck you want, okay?” Layla placed her hand on your own, giving it a little squeeze. “I really do care for you, love.” She winked at you, quoting the show that brought up such a discussion.

While it had been four years since its release, you were rewatching ‘You’ with your friends for the third time. That being your third time, and they’re first.

“I fucking hate you.” You shook your head at her words with a little laugh.

“And here I’m confessing my undying love for you.” Layla feigned a hurt expression, placing a hand over her chest.

“Yeah, yeah, I love you too.” You rolled your eyes at her dramatic act before standing up and stretching. “It’s been fun, but I should probably get going. Exam’s tomorrow, so sleep is very much needed.”

Your friend stood up from her own chair, brushing off imaginary crumbs that may have fallen onto her lap. “I should get going too. Tiff and I planned a movie night tonight, and I still have to pick up some things for that.” She picked up her bag from beside her chair and hugged you. “It was nice seeing you, hon. Good luck with your exam.”

“Thanks, Lay. Enjoy your movie night, and tell Tiff I say hi.” You waved at each other before going your separate ways.

You wanted to tell her why you felt the way you did, but it wouldn’t have done you any good. Layla wasn’t into what you were, so she wouldn’t understand.

Obsessive love was something unconditional. They love you for who you are at your core. They’d never leave you because you were all they needed and vice versa. It was sweet in a fucked-up sort of way.

Plus, it was a way for you to get shit done. Imagining someone watching your every move and thinking about how proud they’d be to see you complete your assignments early or do your household chores motivated you. Hell, it even helped you get to bed at a reasonable hour.

Which is what you were planning on doing now. You shuffled through your clothes, looking for a comfortable t-shirt to sleep in. Once found, you took off your dirty shirt, throwing it across your room onto your desk chair. You slipped out of your jeans and tossed them in the same direction as your shirt.

You powered your pc down before flicking your light switch off and walking over to your bed. You had a long day and were ready to go to sleep.

You closed your eyes, envisioning your own yandere watching you from the crack in your blinds. The crack itself hadn’t been intentional, for the apartment came with shitty blinds that you didn’t want to fix. Nevertheless, it still helped with your fantasies.

You hugged your pillow close to your chest and let out a sleepy sigh. You snuggled closer to your pillow and continued your daydream until sleep overtook you.

A small clicking sound brought you out of your slumber. You looked around your room, eyes closed halfway and mind foggy. You weren’t completely awake, but you didn’t need to be to see what awaited you.

A figure stood by your now-open bedroom door. They stared down at you, their body going stiff as they froze their movement.

Your heart started to race in your chest as you blinked hard a couple of times. There was no fucking way you were seeing what you were. That wasn’t a real person. It couldn’t be a real person. You rubbed at your eyes, hoping the black figure would go away, but it just got closer.

You jolted up from your bed and grabbed at anything you could use to scare them away. “Stay the fuck away from me.” You choked out. The room was silent aside from your outburst, the only sound coming from your rapidly increasing heartbeat.

“I’m not going to hurt you, dove.” The figure spoke. “Besides, I thought you liked this.” They continued to approach you, not stopping until they reached your frantic form. “In fact, I know you like this.” They reached towards you and cupped your cheek. Their skin felt cold against your own.

Tears began to flow from your cheeks as you stared at the person in front of you. “If you leave now, I won’t-”

“I won’t be leaving.” The figure tsked. Their hand dropped to their side as they continued to look down at you. “I’m here to spend time with what’s mine.” They crawled onto your bed, their taller figure engulfing your smaller one. “You’re so tense, dove. What’s wrong?” They stroked your cheek, smearing your tears in the process.

Your trembling form remained quiet. You had thought of this scenario many times, but never did you expect it to be so scary. “You’re fucking with me, right? Lay sent you here to fuck with me?” You looked up at them with hopeful eyes. “That’s what it is, isn’t it? I told her some stupid shit, and she wanted to show me how it would actually be. Honestly, she’s smart for that because I would’ve continued my delusional infatuation with fucked up characters if not for this.”

You tried to push yourself away from the individual beside you, but they only tightened their hold. “Listen, I get it now. You can let me go and tell Lay it’s all good now. I’m done with this shit."

“That friend of yours didn’t send me here." They murmured, words laced with venom. "I loved you since I first saw you. I tried time and time again to get your attention, but it never worked. I looked into you, dove, and saw the type of people you romanticized. Coincidentally enough, that’s me.” They ignored your shaking form and continued to speak. “I’ve watched you from that tree every night, and you never cease to amaze me. It was as if you knew I was watching you, so you put on a little show for me. Taking your shirt off in a teasing fashion and sticking your ass out when you went to lie down. It was all for me, wasn’t it, dove? You knew I was there, so you wanted to tempt me to come inside.

“And come inside I did. At first, I was too nervous to, but then it became a bad habit. Sleeping next to you every night was like my own slice of heaven. It seemed like you enjoyed it too. Especially since you’d curl up into me, either snuggling into the warmth of my chest or pressing that pretty ass of yours against me.” They cupped your cheek once more before placing a light kiss against your forehead. “Since you like it so much, I don’t know why you’re acting all afraid now.”

The more they spoke, the more terrified you became. This wasn’t the first time they had broken into your house, and it probably wasn’t going to be the last time either. “Please, just-”

“I’m not fucking leaving, dove.” The figure growled out. “You should probably get some rest now, after all, you have an exam in the morning. Lie down next to me and relax before I take more drastic measures.” They pulled you down to lay beside them and hummed when you complied. “I’ve always wanted to fall asleep next to you, at the same time, I mean.” They stroked your hair trying to lull you to sleep.

You remained still, eyes dipping to a close and your heart still beating rapidly. This wasn’t what you wanted at all. Well, it was, but you didn’t want it to actually happen. There was a fine line between delusional fantasies and reality, which you never wanted to be crossed.

Your vision blurred, and hot tears streamed down your cheeks. They wouldn’t hurt you - you knew that - but that didn’t mean they wouldn’t hurt others on your behalf. What if they already did? Their expression seemed to darken when you brought up Layla. You hoped to god they didn’t hurt her. She didn’t deserve to be injured or even killed because of this fucker.

You wanted this to end. You wanted them to go away. You never wanted this. Fantasies are fantasies, and you wished they let it stay that way.

[marvelsdc22]

Welcome To Wonderland

Intro: Hello, lovelies!! I hope you guys are having a good day/night!! This idea came up while I was listening to this song and wouldn’t go away till I wrote it!! Hope you guys enjoy!!

Note: Hades!reader x Persephone!Natasha. For the past three years, you and Natasha had not been on the best of terms, what else would you expect when you force someone to stay somewhere they don’t want to be? After a certain encounter, will Natasha see you in a new light?

Word Count: 1943

Being the god(dess) of the Underworld, you saw a lot of people enter, people who cry about ending up here, thinking that there was only one part to it, not the vast world that it really was, you saw people who killed others, people who lived calm and quiet lives, people who saved others, and it was up to you to decide where they all went, it was a stressful job really, but you had no choice in the matter.

Just like Natasha had no choice but to stay down here with you until spring time, she despised you, no matter how much you tried to make her comfortable and happy down here, this will be her third year being down here with you and she never went a day without reminding you how much she hated it here “Can spring come any faster?” She asked as she walked into your study, you sitting in your lounge chair and reading a book, you looking over and watching as she took a seat at your desk.

“I can’t make time go faster, Natasha” you said with a sigh, marking your book before closing it and sitting up, swinging your legs over the side and leaning forward against your legs, your white button-ups sleeves rolled up over your elbows, your blue vest holding your tie securely against your chest, your black pants clean and wrinkle free with a belt securing them over your hips, you black shoes shined to the point you could see your reflection in them, your hair falling from the ponytail you had it in, some only being kept back by your horns while the rest fell into your face.

Natasha glared at you and opened her mouth to say something when Steve walked in, him being in charge of the front gate “Y/N, we need you up front” he said, looking at you and you raised an eyebrow as you stood up, brushing the imaginary dust off your pants “I’ll be there shortly” you told him, watching as he nodded before heading out then looking at Natasha, who stood from her chair, brushing down her long red dress, you catching a glimpse of the red heels she was wearing and her red hair up in an elegant bun “You’re coming with?” You asked, a little shocked since she had never come up to the gate with you before “It’s better than being stuck here” she said sharply, heading out of the room and you sighed before you followed her.

The walk to the gate was tense and quiet, you glanced at Natasha who was walking beside you, her not even sparing a glance at you which hurt, sure you kind of forced her into this and you honestly felt bad for it, but you had fallen for her, despite her anger and you just wanted to make her feel welcome and happy, but it seemed all you got was anger and resentment from her “What’s the situation?” You asked, looking at Clint who helped Steve up front, patting Cerberus as you walked up and looking over where Clint was pointing.

Looking at what he was pointing to broke your heart “How old?” You asked, knowing the child couldn’t be older than six or seven “Five years old… Cancer” Clint said solemnly, looking at the child then you and you nodded, glancing at Natasha who looked sadly at the child before she looked at you, wondering what you would do “I’ll talk to him” you said, giving Clint a smile before squeezing Natasha’s arm which she allowed before going over to the small boy.

Welcome to Wonderland, we've got it all

Potions and pastries that make you grow tall

Forests and cottages, castles and cards that can talk

You kneeled down in front of the child and offer him a smile “Hey there” you said, watching as he looked at you, fear and confusion obvious in his expression as he clutched the small teddy bear in his arms, tears streaming down his face “My name’s Y/N, what’s yours?” You asked softly, feeling Natasha’s eyes on you as you listened to the boy “Jason… Where am I?” He asked softly, looking at you with wide, tearful eyes “Well Jason… You’re in wonderland” you said, knowing it was a lie but you couldn’t exactly tell a kid that they were in the Underworld.

The two of you talked for a moment, you asking him what all he enjoyed doing and what his bears name was when you realized he was staring at something over your shoulder, you turning and seeing his eyes set on Cerberus, which made you smile just a little bit more “Would you like to meet him? I promise he’s nice” you said, offering your arms out to the boy and waiting for him to get a secure grip around your neck before you stood up, holding him securely to you as you headed over to Cerberus.

Welcome to Wonderland, look where you're at

Maddest of hatters, the Cheshire Cat

Magical cabins and lovely white rabbits with clocks

Dancing through a dream underneath the stars

Laughing 'til the morning comes

Everyone that leaves has a heavy heart

Oh, Wonderland I love

Once you got up to Cerberus, you watched as Jason reached up and all three heads bent down, wanting his attention “Easy, one at a time!” You laughed, watching as Jason grinned and squealed as the three heads fought for his attention, licking his hand as they traded off and you smiling as he had his fill of dog love “Shall I give you a tour?” You asked, looking at him and watching as he pouted “You can see Cerberus whenever you’d like” you promised, making a mental note to let Tony, who was in charge of Elysium, know that the young boy could go see Cerberus with Thor as his guide, knowing Thor would take good care of him.

“Come on, I think you’ll like this next place” you promised, turning and heading into the gate, Natasha watching as you passed her, smiling slightly at you since she had never seen this side of you, you had always been rude and mean or uncaring, but this side of you? This side of you she loved and she wanted to see this side of you more, following you closely as you headed for Elysium, stopping every so often to point out some big part of the world.

Stopping at the River of Styx, you gave Wanda a small wave, her being in charge of getting places where they needed to go on a boat “This lovely lady will be taking us to our final stop” you said, setting the boy down and laughing as he gripped your horns, letting him do so for a moment before you kneeled down in front of him “Would you like your own set?” You asked him, giving him a smile and laughing when he nodded his head enthusiastically before you pointed at his head, muttering something under your breath before a small pair of horns appeared on his head “There you go, now let's get on, shall we?” You asked, helping him first before you offered your hand to Natasha, her taking it as you helped her up into the boat with a small wink.

Welcome to Wonderland, I'll be your guide

Holding your hand under sapphire skies

Let's go exploring or we could just go for a walk

Once you got to Elysium, you hopped out of the boat first before helping everyone else off, taking Jason’s hand as you led him up to the gates “And this is our last stop” you told him, watching as he stared at the place in awe before he felt you stop, causing him to turn around and look at you with a small pout “Hey, I’ll be back” you promised him, kneeling down in front of him “Tony here will take good care of you here” you said, gesturing to Tony who gave the kid a small smile and a wave.

“Promise you’ll come see me?” Jason asked and you smiled, reaching out and patting his head gently “Of course” you said, giving him a smile and then laughing some when he rushed forward and crushed you in a hug “I’ll see you soon, Jason” you promised, wrapping your arms around him and giving him a small squeeze before you released him, watching as he went over to Tony, who took his hand and led him through the gate, turning and looking at Natasha “We should head back” you said, walking with her back to the boat.

Welcome to Wonderland, where should we go

There's a tea party along down the road

Make an appearance and maybe they'll sing us a song

Dancing through a dream underneath the stars

Laughing 'til the morning comes

Everyone that leaves has a heavy heart

Oh, Wonderland I love

Once you guys got back to your palace, you headed for your study, hearing Natasha’s heels clicking on the floor behind you and turning to look at her after you got into the study “Did you need something?” You asked, looking at her and slipping your hands into your pockets, watching as she tried to form words “How often does that happen?” She finally asked, watching as you sighed and looked down at your feet “More often than I like” you said, looking back at her “Usually it’s not by this… Too many times has it been worse circumstances” you said, leaving that to her imagination since some were too terrible to talk about.

You watched as she shifted from foot to foot, waiting for her to say something and when she didn’t, you scoffed “Was there anything else you needed or-” you said, getting cut off when she rushed forward and kissed you, your hands staying in your pockets for a moment before you pulled them out, placing one hand on her waist while the other cupped the side of her face, green meeting Y/E/C when she pulled back to look at you “What you did-” “Was my job” you said, trying to just cover up the fact that she saw your soft side “No, it was more than that and you know it” she said, resting her hands on your biceps as she stared at you.

Nothing around here is quite as it seems

Not sure if anything's real or a dream

And the only thing sure from the start

Is the song that's inside of your heart

Don't let it leave

If this was a dream, then at least I've got

Memories for when morning comes

Now that I must leave with a heavy heart

Oh, Wonderland I love

A few hours later, the two of you rested under a thin sheet, the windows open even though there was nothing but heat out there, you both didn’t care, Natasha resting her head on your chest while you had one arm wrapped around her “I’m sorry you’re stuck with me” you said softly, your free arm covering your eyes and feeling her shift in your grip before you felt her tugging your arm gently away from your face, looking at you straight in the eye “No, you’re stuck with me” she said, looking at you and you couldn’t help but laugh before you gently grabbed her chin and kissed her “We’re stuck with each other then” you said between kisses, rolling her over onto her back, the two of you taking all the time you need to, you did have until next spring.

Permanent Taglist: @rianncreates / @natasha-danvers / @hopingforbarnes / @xxxtwilightaxelxxx / @venablemayfairgoode / @mmmmokdok

Marvel Taglist: @thanossexual

Marvel Ladies Taglist: @imnotasuperhero / @procrastinatingsapphictrash / @peggycarter-steverogers​

Endnote: I hope you guys enjoyed!! If you’d like to be added to a Taglist, shoot me a DM or an Ask!! I hope you guys have a good day/night!! :)

Requests Open

[nothing-more-than-hot-leaf-juice]

Ok modern zuko would be an expert at breakdancing and sokka would be the guy who just bi-panicks whenever he does

(whoops, my hand slipped and I accidentally wrote a modern au headcanon turned zukka karate au one-shot) 

Okay but consider this instead: Zuko doesn’t know how to dance for shit and has horrible rhythm, but he is a GOD at martial arts. He’s been doing some type of style since he was a kid and is a full black belt by the time he hits high school. Martial arts was always something he excelled at, but it was also something that made him feel more secure. It was something he could work on to help him protect himself from his home life, even if it wasn’t enough most times. He specifically excels in weapons forms (I’m thinking twin sais) and you DO NOT want to spar with him. Because he may be skinny and shorter, but he’s quick and can hit hard at just the right spots. 

When he was younger he was obsessed mainly because he felt that belt rankings and trophies from competitions were a way to prove himself to his dad, but when he moved in with Iroh (who encouraged him to keep it up and was so proud of how talented and passionate he was about it), he basically used it in place of talking about his feelings. He didn’t talk about his home life or the shit Ozai did, instead, he put all his energy into his black belt levels, learning new weapons forms, and eventually into teaching new students as a junior instructor. 

At school, he’s awkward and asocial and just doesn’t have the energy for people. Zuko has little patience for asshole classmates who ask intrusive questions about his scar or spread rumors about where he got it. He eats lunch in his English classroom and would be a complete shut-in if Iroh didn’t get him to work part-time at the Jasmine Dragon. But in the dojo, he’s focused and is able to direct his energy into improving his forms and teaching younger teens. 

One of his newer students transferred from a different dojo after moving from a different state. He’s actually a freshman at Zuko’s high school but it’s not as if Zuko really interacted that much with him. This kid, Aang, is as talented and dedicated as he is, but has a long way to go to learn all the new katas. Zuko’s been dubbed the ‘scary’ trainer at the dojo. He’s the serious one who will yell if someone is goofing off and everyone’s seen that he has no problem using full force in a demonstration (little kids love him and he’s super nice to them, but he teaches the 12-15 age range). Plus there’s that scar, which doesn’t make him the most initially welcoming person. But this new kid Aang just latches onto Zuko immediately. He says hi to Zuko in the halls at school and works on his katas outside of regular practice times. At first Zuko thinks this sickeningly positive kid is annoying as crap, but warms up to him. He likes that Aang cares about martial arts and isn’t nice as a show, he’s just genuinely nice. 

And maybe he sees Aang hanging around school with a sophomore girl and her brother who just might be in Zuko’s calc class and English class. 

And maybe Zuko thinks this guy is insanely attractive and somehow incredibly funny even though most of his humor consists of the worst puns imaginable. 

But obviously, Zuko hasn’t attempted to ever actually talk to this guy. The most that he could classify as ‘talking’ to the cute, funny guy on the robotics club is the one day in English class when he had to respond to someone’s dumbass comment about Macbeth with what ended up being a ten minute spoken essay about obvious motifs and symbolism. To which Mr. Puns and Ponytail was very obviously paying great attention to and even gave Zuko a smile and thumbs up for. 

Zuko knows it’s pointless to engage. After all, he’s a senior and he doesn’t have any friends anyway. There’s no point in making any this year. Crushing on this guy from the comfortable position of the other side of the room is totally good enough for him. Totally. This is fine. He’s fine.  

Besides, he’s got competitions and if he doesn’t secure the regional championships this year he’s never going to get the chance after he goes to college. And he’s got his kids to train. Aang in particular is gearing up for his first debut into this area’s tournament. 

The tournament’s in October and usually, Zuko focuses on his own matches and performances, but Aang really wanted him to watch his set. So on this day, he stands on the sides of Aang’s zone instead of obsessively going through his katas in a corner.He’s not going to be able to watch the whole set because it overlaps with his own weapons portion, but he stands on the side and gives Aang a reassuring look that, ‘don’t worry, you’ll do great, you’re a talented kid,’ when his student looks over to him nervously. 

And wouldn’t you know it? Aang brought some friends to come watch. And one of them is Mr. Zuko’s Big Gay Crush. 

“Oh, hey Zuko,” are the words that come out of this guy's mouth that give Zuko a near-stroke. And damn if this guy’s eyes aren’t blue and pretty and he usually wears his hair in a ponytail at school, but now he’s wearing it down and Zuko wishes he could take screenshots with his brain because holy moly. 

“Hey.” Is the best that Zuko can get out of his dumb mouth. “You’re Sokka.” 

“Aang invited us to come watch,” Sokka nudges his head to indicate the ‘us’ includes his younger sister, who Zuko doesn’t know the name of. “How do you guys not get heatstroke during these things? It’s like a million degrees in here.” 

“Oh the gi’s pretty cold, I mean, it’s got air and stuff.” 

Zuko decided right there that he would be completely fine with being struck by lightning. Of course, that’s what his stupid brain would come up with. Of course, that’d be the thing he’d say in front of one of the smartest guys in his class. 

They watch Aang perform his set for the judges. Zuko recognizes that Aang took his advice when he said that he wasn’t putting enough force into his hits. He’s never seen Aang be as, well, aggressive isn’t the right word, but he’s definitely putting more power into his form. Zuko wouldn’t admit it, though, but only part of his attention was for Aang at the moment. The other part was for Sokka, who was smiling bright and pumping his fists when Aang completed a row of kicks. 

The small part of Zuko’s brain that wasn’t being taken up by watching Aang or trying to act normal around his crush noticed the clock on the wall indicating that the weapons portion would be starting in five minutes.  

“I’ve got to go do a thing so I’ll just, um, go do that now.” 

“Are you competing too?” Sokka asked. 

To this question Zuko just holds up his sais and raises his eyebrow as if to say ‘it’s a tournament, what do you think?’ Because yeah, he knows Sokka’s super smart, he’s seen him churn out calc answers at the speed of light and noticed his name on the robotics club awards update on the school’s website, but he’d also seen Sokka eat 5 packs of fundip at once on a dare and unironically wear a ‘women want me, fish fear me’ t-shirt for most of junior year. Somehow he had managed to fall for the smartest dumbass on earth. 

“Oh yeah, right.” Sokka eyes the sais and then looks right at Zuko’s face, “Aang says you’re really good.” 

Zuko decides that thinking about Aang talking to Sokka about him was something he didn’t need distracting him during his set. That was something he could anxious about later. 

“Hopefully good enough for those five assholes,” Zuko replies, gesturing to the panel of judges in the weapons section of the gymnasium. To his shock, Sokka laughs. It’s a nice laugh, too. And Zuko really hoped he could blame the blush that was one-hundred-percent creeping up his face on the lack of AC. 

“You know, you’re pretty funny man,” Sokka tells him. Zuko has no clue how to take that compliment, but he really does need to go. 

“Right,” he grins nervously and shifts his left foot around to bounce away, “well I have to go do my thing.” 

“Good luck!” 

That’s where Zuko thinks the beginning and end of his interaction with Sokka would be. 

The weapons portion thankfully goes by age. And since Zuko’s one of the youngest competitions, he gets to go first for his sai katas. This is what literal years of training have prepared him for. At regionals last year, the second advanced kata got him placed high enough to qualify for states. This is what he’s good at. He tells himself that a thousand times before starting his set. 

There’s not a thought in his head as Zuko goes through the form. The sais glide through his fingertips with every jab, block, and hook. The imaginary opponent doesn’t stand a chance. He’s cool and competent and graceful. It’s therapeutic in a sense. There’s enough adrenaline to make Zuko feel like he’s worth something, but more importantly, he knows he’s nailing this. Whatever the judges say about it, he knows that he’s perfected this form after practicing it at least a thousand times over three years. 

The judges agree with him. He’s the first competitor of the weapons portion but there isn’t really a doubt in their minds about who’s going to place. 

Zuko zones back in to the gym after bowing to the panel. He walks off, feeling lighter and letting a satisfactory smile take over his face. 

He expects the hug from Uncle and the proud smile from Sensei Piandao, but what he doesn’t expect is to see Sokka, eyes wide as globes, staring at him from the other side of the mat. 

Because what Zuko doesn’t know is that the second he turned his wrists in his first form during his hooks, Sokka’s brain went into Full Bi Panic Mode. 

And Zuko thinks the one conversation where he couldn’t talk like a human and wanted to die for most of it would be the only time Sokka would decide to willingly talk to him. Zuko is dead wrong. Sokka, in fact, has decided that this, this is the guy his Disaster Bi Brain has decided to latch onto. Sokka’s brain and all his squishy feelings have apparently decided to attach to this aloof kid with the scar who reserved his voice for eloquent, impassioned speeches about dramas and was apparently an actual god with weapons. Sokka decides that Zuko could roundhouse kick him in the side and he’d thank him. And right now Zuko’s looking at him with a dumbfounded expression, prompting Sokka to remember how to function so he can go over to congratulate Zuko and maybe ask if his dojo provides a free trial. 

So yeah, that one conversation ends up decisively not being the end of anything. 

[bnhasimpgirltm]

Why Is It That You Only Ever Hurt Me? (Part 2)

Parings: Bakugo x Reader (Past), Yo Shindo x Reader (Present)

Warnings: none

Type: Oneshot

Genre: angst? (this hurt my heart to write)

A/N: I had to use Yo Shindo for this because Bakugo DESPISES this guy. It might have been a bit much to do the entire song, but I didn’t want to remove anything because I really like how well this songs fits. I just didn’t write this very well, and it feels a little repetitive, but I think that’s what adds to it. Let me know what you think, and as always, Enjoy!

Song: “Heavy”- Linkin Park ft. Kiiara (2017)

note: the last lyric line “If I just let go I’ll be set free” was added by me so I could tie the story together nicely. It isn’t actually sung at the end in the song. I cried while writing this oh crap.

Read Part 1 HERE

-----------------------------------

I don't like my mind right now

Ever since you broke up with him, Bakugo had been miserable. He couldn’t think, he couldn’t function. The only thing he could do was train. He had lost you and he couldn’t get you back.

Stacking up problems that are so unnecessary

He still loved you, and you didn’t love him back anymore. One sided love creates all sorts of problems. So many problems piled up.

Wish that I could slow things down

He wishes that he could take back what he said. He wishes that he didn’t speak so impulsively, that he slowed down and though about his words before they left his mouth. But he couldn’t turn back the clock, so the only thing he could do was let go.

I wanna let go but there's comfort in the panic

He wanted to let you go, but he couldn’t. He wanted to hold onto you for as long as possible, and every waking moment that he wasn’t training, Bakugo as looking through your social media.

And I drive myself crazy

You had removed all of the pictures of the two of you together after the break up. He missed seeing his tag on your photos. He missed being able to retrace your entire relationship just from your social media page. He missed you.

Thinking everything's about me

Bakugo still had all of the pictures with you on his pages. He knew that if he archived them it meant that you were really gone forever. He didn’t want to think that it was all over, even if deep down he knew the truth. He wanted to hold onto these last threads of your broken relationship. Bakugo knew he had to let go, so he tapped on one of his posts with you in it.

Yeah, I drive myself crazy

He knew you were gone, but he couldn’t do it. Bakugo couldn’t wipe you from his life, so he exited Instagram and opened messages. His finger hovered over your name. He wanted to text you and tell you how much he missed you, how much he loves you.

'Cause I can't escape the gravity

He couldnt escape you. Everywhere he went he saw you. Even if you weren’t really there, to him, every place you went together had a small piece of you. 

I'm holding on

When he saw you for real the first time after the breakup, he thought it was his imagination running wild again. That was until you looked at him. Imaginary you never did that. Bakugo knew that it was really you. He thought that you had finally given up running from him, and that maybe he could move on because you had too.

Why is everything so heavy?

But he couldn’t, because when he saw you, his heart ached so much that it felt like it was physically hurting. It felt like a weight heavier than anything he had ever lifted was placed on his back. He knew that he couldn’t let go. He couldn’t set himself free just yet.

Holding on

He couldn’t let you go. It had been months since the breakup, and he still couldn’t let you go. He still held onto the hope that you still loved him as much as he still loved you.

So much more than I can carry

He wanted to go and apologize to you, to take the weight off of his back, to end it for real. To tell you that he was sorry for everything, and that he wouldn’t bother you anymore. 

I keep dragging around what's bringing me down

But he couldn’t. Bakugo couldn’t bring himself to go and talk to you. Not after everything he did. So he let the weight sit on his back.

If I just let go, I'd be set free

Everytime he saw you, he considered finishing it for real, to tell you that he was sorry and move on. He could be set free from his guilt. 

Holding on

But he didn’t want to. He was going crazy, trying to keep this nonexistent relationship alive, but Bakugo didn’t care that he was being insane. He just needed something to care about, because the only thing that he truly cared about was gone. So if the only thing Bakugo cared about was this pretend relationship he still had going with you, so be it.

Why is everything so heavy? 

When you saw Bakugo, you felt your heart fall. He still made you feel this way, even after all this time. Even after you told yourself that you had moved on.

You say that I'm paranoid

Everywhere you went, you saw him. His blonde hair poking up between the people in the crowds. His black tanktop passing by on the trains. Every time you saw him somewhere, you felt haunted by a ghost. A ghost from your past that you couldn’t let go.

But I'm pretty sure the world is out to get me

You hated that you couldn’t face him. You were too scared of what he would say to you. You were too scared that he would say that he had moved on.

It's not like I make the choice

But you were more scared of what you would say to him. Because if he moved on, then that meant that you would have to move on.

To let my mind stay so fucking messy

So you pushed your emotions back like you always did and continued to live your life with thoughts of Bakugo constantly ravaging your mind. 

I know I'm not the center of the universe

You didn’t mean anything to him, he made that clear, but he was the center of your universe. He was your everything.

But you keep spinning 'round me just the same

You knew he didn’t love you, but deep down, you still loved him. You knew it would take a long time to move on, so you started dating again. Hoping you could move on and find someone else to love. And you did, you found someone else.

I know I'm not the center of the universe

Bakugo knew that he didn’t mean anything to you, you made that clear by avoiding him for months. 

But you keep spinning 'round me just the same

Bakugo knew you didn’t love him, but he still loved you. So he kept himself away from the dating scene.

I'm holding on

Bakugo told himself multiple times that he wasn’t dating because he ddin’t have time, but in reality, he still held onto the hope that you would want him back.

Why is everything so heavy?

Until he saw that Ketsubutsu guy, Yo Shindo, walk into the common room. He wondered what that idiot was doing at UA, until he saw you smile and walk towards him. Then it clicked.

Holding on

Shindo grabbed you in a hug, and threw a dirty look over your shoulder straight at Bakugo. The worst part was that you jumped into his arms willingly. 

So much more than I can carry

He wanted to say that he was okay with it. He wanted to just roll his eyes and walk away.

I keep dragging around what's bringing me down

But he couldn’t lie to himself, he was jealous. Not just jealous, Bakugo was enraged that you were hanging out with that Shindo guy. He was enraged that he had been replaced.

If I just let go, I'd be set free

So instead of going back to his dorm, he followed you and Shindo.

Holding on

Bakugo watched as Shindo did everything he didn’t. Shindo held your hand and talked with you. He kissed your cheek and laughed when you said something funny. He bought you lunch and gave you a flower. 

Why is everything so heavy? I know I'm not the center of the universe

He saw the way you looked at Shindo. Like he was the center of your universe. 

But you keep spinning 'round me just the same

It was the way you used to look at Bakugo. 

I know I'm not the center of the universe

He watched as Shindo looked at you the same way. The way Bakugo looked at you. The way Bakugo still looked at you.

But you keep spinning 'round me just the same

He knew that he wasn’t the center of your universe anymore, but for some reason, he still couldn’t let go, no matter how much he tried.

And I drive myself crazy

He hated himself so much for losing the best thing that ever happened to him. He hated himself for screwing up everything good in his life.

Thinking everything's about me

He hated that he couldn’t get over himself just to keep you with him. He hated that the weight of your breakup was still tied to his back and that it wasn’t getting any lighter after seeing that you had moved on.

Holding on

Years passed, and Bakugo never got into another relationship.

Why is everything so heavy?

He was still dragging around the weight on his back. It never got lighter. Not when he immersed himself in his hero work, or when he saw you and Shindo on the news together as the hero couple that everyone loved.

Holding on

Bakugo felt like he was being crushed, but he continued on with his life. Until one day, he got a letter in the mail. “You are invited to the wedding of Yo Shindo and (y/n) (l/n).” It was at this moment that the weight became too heavy. It crushed him, and Bakugo Katsuki, the pro hero Ground Zero who feared nothing, broke down into sobs.

So much more than I can carry

His entire world shattered that day. It should have been his name with yours on that invite. It should have been him who you were marrying. Bakugo was so overcome with sadness that he did the only thing that he could when he was sad. He masked it as anger. Why the hell would you invite him to your wedding? Was this some sort of joke? 

I keep dragging around what's bringing me down

Bakugo was angry, but he still loved you even after all this time, so he went to your wedding, and he watched as you walked down the aisle to marry a man that wasn’t him.

If I just let go, I'd be set free

He watched as you and Shindo looked into each others eyes with so much love that he regretted his decion to attend the wedding. Bakugo regretted not tearing the invite in half and shoving it into the recycle bin. 

Holding on

He listened as you recited your vows and said “I do”. He listened as he heard the priest say “Any objections?”, and Bakugo wanted to stand up and proclaim his love for you. He wanted to stand up and tell you that you belonged with him. To take you back and love you just as much as you loved him back at UA.

Why is everything so heavy?

But the he remembered what you said to him all those years ago. He remembered: “Were you always this selfish?”, and Bakugo made his decision. For once in his life, it wasn’t selfish. He owed it to you. Maybe the selfish part of him wanted you to be with him, but the part of him that still loved you and wanted the best for you was telling him to let you be happy, so he stayed silent.

Why is everything so heavy?

As Shindo swept you into a kiss, it was all crystal clear to Bakugo. He would never get over you. He would carry the weight of your breakup for the rest of his life. Maybe the weight would get lighter, and maybe it would only get heavier, but it would always be there.

Why is everything so heavy? 

Bakugo finally realized that you had moved on from him. You had Shindo. You didn’t need him anymore. 

If I just let go I’ll be set free.

 You had finally let go. You were finally free.  

[hanjizung]

Unwrap.

Kim Seungmin x Reader.

Word count:  5.3K

♡ Warnings ♡: smut; oral (m), deepthroating, choking (but not really), fingering, creampie, penetrative sex, unprotected sex.

My part for The Smutmas Collab, organized by @clandestine-lixie​, Merry Christmas, everyone. ♡

It was your first Christmas being Seungmin’s girlfriend, you’d been friends for years and you were already familiar with his other friends, but just that year he actually confessed his feelings for you, with a little help from Felix and Jisung, somehow. It was thanks to them that your relationship with Seungmin went to the next level, after all. You made a note to thank them and give them amazing gifts for their birthday months ago.

The guys had invited you over for a Christmas dinner, saying that they were saving the party for New Year's eve and you happily agreed to go celebrate with them since you were alone; your family lived out of the country and the cousin who moved there with you traveled for the holidays to visit her family too, this was your fourth Christmas living here.

Thankfully, you’d get to spend it with your magnificent boyfriend and your lovely common friends with Seungmin, who you loved almost as much as you loved him.

Walking out of the shower, you made your wear to your closet and picked up a box you had hidden for almost a month when you were first planning your Christmas dinner privately with Seungmin, before the rest of the boys sumed in and made your small, romantic dinner with your prince charming a bigger event. But you decided that wouldn’t ruin your night, you wanted to do something nice for Seungmin so your plan was going to still happen.

Taking the box in your hands, you placed it on your large bed and took the lid off, revealing what was inside. Your smile grew when your delicate hands took the piece of undergarment to examine it better; a red bra that had little red ribbons where your nipples were supposed to go made your cheeks become hotter. You let your towel fall to the ground, putting the pretty bra on and then doing the same with the small red panties that also had little red ribbons everywhere.

When you were done putting that on, you turned, phone in your hand and walked to the mirror to take a selfie, a little preview for Seungmin wouldn’t hurt, you thought while posing in front of your wall mirror from all the angles you could imagine; sitting on the floor, ass out, squeezing your boobs together with your arms, biting your lip… it would be hard to choose only one to send to him, but you’d manage to chose.

A notification got your attention, it was a message from the man who lived in your mind rent free; 'Changbin and I are on our way to pick you up.’ it said.

You smiled. If he was coming with Changbin only, that meant there was no much exposure danger if you sent him a picture. You knew what your answer would be.

‘got it.’

‘wanna see what ill wear?’

You browsed through your recent pictures without waiting properly for his answer. He always told you yes, you knew he loved you as much to never deny anything to you.

Pressing send, you sat on the bed excitedly waiting for his response. You saw when the message was received and when Seungmin read it. The little dots indicating that he was writing something made you smile happily.

‘Wow… '

'Baby, that looks amazing’

‘Does that mean that you’re my present?’

‘I can NOT wait to get to your home and unwrap you’

Leaving him on read, you walked to your closet to pick the dress you were saving for this special occasion and put it on. It was comfortable, kind of short but you were going to wear thighs to protect yourself from the cold, and finally a pair of boots.

Proceeding to put makeup on for this special day, you started the process like you always did when getting ready for a date.

------

The bell rang just as you finished the tinier details of your makeup.

Opening the front door, you threw your arms around Seungmin’s neck, smiling widely at him and then letting him go, hugging Changbin as well but with less enthusiasm than the first hug you gave your boyfriend. After your greeting to the guys, you moved to the side to let them inside your cozy home.

“Just let me go for my coat and we can leave” you told them, hurrying to your room for both your pretty long coat and a bag that looked good with your whole outfit.

When you came back, Changbin had left already to turn on the car, so you took Seungmin's hand and let him guide you to where your other friend was waiting for you.

The trip in the supermarket took longer than expected; you knew it would be full, but didn't expect it to be that full, the lines to pay were stupidly long and there were people running everywhere with full shopping carts.

Half an hour later, Changbin was walking behind you and Seungmin who were walking hand to hand and with a bag of missing items that Minho had previously asked you to buy to make the dinner. When Seungmin opened the front door, his relieved expression was the first thing you saw after stepping in.

"We're here, we got everything you asked us to buy" Changbin exclaimed, placing his bag on the table and looking at the cat mom with a reassuring smile.

Seungmin took the bag in your hand, freeing you so you could greet the rest of your friends who were eager to greet you too.

Felix was the first one who made his way to you when he heard the front door open, hugging you so gently that it made your heart feel warm.

"Hey, Y/N. I'm so excited that you're helping us to make dinner!" Felix said happily, his smile almost lighting up the whole room.

"It's the least I can do since you all invited me to come" you hugged him again, planting a kiss on his cheek and making him laugh.

Jisung appeared behind him, pulling you towards him by the hand to hug you "I missed you, Y/N! How are you doing?" he asked politely, letting you go to study your features.

"I missed you too, Sungie! I've been good, I hope you've been good as well, right? It hasn't been that long before we saw each other" you laughed.

You were right, 3 nights ago Seungmin had asked you if you wanted to go to the movies, an invitation you had agreed right the moment he called you. But only to be surprised when you got to the movie theater to see your boyfriend talking with Jeongin and Jisung. It didn't annoy you, but you thought it would be a romantic date, only you and Seungmin.

"Y/N! Since you're here we can start this grand, fantastic dinner" Minho said as he walked out of the kitchen. You laughed when you saw what he was wearing, because above, protecting his normal clothes he had an apron with the words 'kiss the chef', it was your gift for him on his birthday.

Taking your coat off, you rolled your imaginary sleeves up and followed him along with the freckled aussie to start preparing everything for dinner. The plan was to make a turkey since they didn't celebrate Thanksgiving. Hyunjim had been the one suggesting it, saying that he had been wanting to try that.

Minho agreed, saying that it would be a challenge to do it. You remember how he turned to look at you to see how you reacted. You smiled, agreeing silently to his unspoken demand; your help.

The day was spent mostly in the kitchen; each of the boys showered and greeted you in the kitchen when they were finally in their dinner clothes except for Minho, Felix and Seungmin, the ones who were in charge of cooking.

Seungmin and Felix were going to bake a dessert for all of you, playing around with you and Minho. The dorms were filled with your laughs mostly, getting the attention of those who were sitting in the living room just looking at their phones.

You were sitting on the countertop next to Seungmin who was mixing everything Felix had thrown in the bowl, a smile on his face until the mix seemed to be ready

"Be careful mixing it or you'll get it everywhere and Minho will scold us" Felix warned Seungmin from the table. He was mixing another bowl, saying that he wanted to make a lot so everyone could try it.

"Yes, Minnie. I don't want Minho to get mad, I like having you here with me" you pouted at him.

And he didn't say anything, you just watched as he stuck a finger into the batter and brought it to your face, the liquid feeling cold on the tip of your nose. Your eyes got big, your cheeks got hotter and your eyebrows raised in clear surprise, your expression making Seungmin giggle at you. And later, he leaned into you, his clean thumb wiping the stain off your nose and then bringing it to your lips for you to lick his finger clean. You did what he wanted, eyes focused on him and his little devilish smile, but soon Minho's voice scared you and made you jump.

"Are you two for real? Hurry up Seungmin, you're distracting my co-chef" he huffed, looking at your boyfriend with his arms crossed and his feet going up and down, demonstrating that he couldn't wait for the other boys to finish.

15 minutes later, Felix was putting the batter on the oven, Seungmin was sitting on a chair with you on his lap, his arms around your waist and you couldn't resist the urge to give him a kiss. It started sweet, gentle. But then he took control and soon you two were almost eating each other, only to be interrupted again by a clearly agitated Felix.

"Seriously guys? Right in front of the turkey?" he said, running to the marinating turkey and standing in front of it.

You blushed, hiding your flushed face in your boyfriend's neck. You felt how he opened his mouth to answer, but another voice filled your ears instead.

"Oh, you two should get a room," Hyunjin laughed, his head peeking to the kitchen, probably attracted by Felix's funny exclamation.

That second interruption seemed to be like a warning for Seungmin and you, both trying your best to stay away from each other and interact more with the rest of your friends, until Minho declared that it was the time to eat and all of you reunited at the table.

The dinner was relaxed, some reminisced about their childhood and how they spent their Christmases with their family and how happy they were, others sharing funny stories that featured the toys they were gifted and someone even saying how devastated they felt after they discovered Santa wasn't real and how much it took for them to accept it.

After dinner, Changbin took out a game and all of you played with it for a while, until it got too dark and Seungmin announced that he would be taking you home. Your ears perked at his announcement, a feeling of excitement in the depth of your stomach bloomed and you stood up with a sheepish smile ready to hug everyone goodbye, telling the guys that they could go to your house in the morning to give you their gifts since you didn't have enough arms to carry them all home with you.

Seungmin took your hand, guiding you to the door while you waved goodbye to Chan and the guys one last time with an enchanting smile on your smile.

When you were outside, you took Seungmin's warm hand in yours to heat your smaller hands as well. The chilly December night made your cheeks and nose red from the coldness, and so you walked hand in hand, talking about how much fun you had during the dinner and playing games with your friends.

The rest of the trip home continuing in a comfortable silence, at some point he pulled you towards him, his arm around your shoulders and squeezing you playfully, making you laugh in the process. But you didn't try to move away from him, wrapping your arm around his waist and resting your face against him, feeling his warmth. It was like that until you got to your home, you separated from him much to your sadness and looked for your keys in your purse. Minutes later, when you found them and you two were finally allowed to be inside, you turned on the light and took off your shoes, next to you Seungmin did the same thing and when you were done, you took his hand and guided him to the couch where he sat, you taking a place on his lip and staring at his big eyes lovingly, one of your hands on his cheek and your other arm resting on his shoulder.

"I love you, Seungmin" you whispered, your thumb caressing his cheek sweetly. His eyes shone brightly, a beautiful smile adorned his face and he leaned in closer to kiss you quickly on the lips, making you smile too.

"I love you too, sweetheart. So much" Seungmin's arms wrapped around you, making you giggle as he pressed kisses all over your face. You tried to stop him, failing every attempt.

When he finally stopped and you tried to regain your breath again he was looking at you with that foolish smile that always adorned his face when his eyes found you. You had fallen so deep for him, it made you completely happy that he demonstrated that it was the same way around and that he was head over heels for you too.

You cleared your throat when you were finally calm, and you turned on the TV. The hour showed, it was still a bit early, so you had an idea.

"There's still time left until Christmas, Minnie. We could watch a movie, and then…" you hit your lip, cheeks getting hotter from what you had to suggest.

Seungmin didn't seem to catch what you meant.

Or more importantly, he wanted you to say it, hear what was on your mind.

"Then what, sweetheart?" he asked, eyebrows raised as he paid full attention to your words.

"and then… You can open your present" you said, biting your lip and looking at him with your eyes open. In his eyes, you seemed so adorable, acting so shy and getting flustered so easily. You made his heart flutter without even trying.

"I'm so excited to unwrap the present, I think I already saw what it is, but a picture is not the same as the real deal" he winked at you, placing his big hand on your cheek and keeping you in place as he left a sweet kiss on your lips.

"Put the movie then, baby" he said, his breath hitting your face as he talked, his forehead against yours and the same smile from before still there.

Sighing and removing your face from where it was resting against his hand, you stood up and turned on the television, putting on a movie that you two like, the movie that reminded you of him and how your relationship had progressed from being just friends to the only couple among your common friends, who also played an important point in making you and him get together.

With the movie playing, your head started to go in the direction of what your future actions could lead to; there were many possibilities of what Seungmin could do to you if you did present yourself to him as his 'gift', many scenarios playing in your head that leaded to a growing wetness between your legs, Seungmin's hand resting carelessly in your waist didn't help at all to ease your wild thoughts. You were eager to get intimate with him, it was becoming more of a need as seconds passed by; time felt eternal, it was almost torture. The worst torture of all times. You were craving his touch, his kisses, his words…

Unconsciously, you pressed yourself against him, the hand that was resting against his own that was on your waist sliding it down across your stomach, his long fingers intertwining with your own as he passed his nose on the crook of your neck, making you shiver and bite your lip to avoid making any noise that could give away how needy you were for him.

And as the movie passed, you kept your thighs pressed together and holding his hand under yours. Seungmin happened to randomly kiss you anywhere he could reach. He seemed so controlled, so at peace and incredibly relaxed.

That was, until a moment where you particularly grounded too hard against him and came in contact with the boner caged in his pants.

And you knew. He needed you almost as much as you desired him.

Shifting so you would be facing him, you jumped scared when something fell to the floor. The both of you looked for the object after being so suddenly startled, and your hand reached to pick up your phone. It was okay, you made sure to check the screen to see if it hadn't broken anywhere, but something else caught your eye. The time. It was 11:48, almost midnight.

"Minnie, it's almost midnight" you whispered, leaving your phone under your pillow. Your boyfriend looked at you with a knowing look, and he sat on the couch, pulling your arm to make you sit as well.

"Then it'll be okay if I open my present now since it's almost Christmas, right?" you nodded, not saying a word, your beautiful orbs focused on him and how his own eyes were dark with pure lust.

He took your hand and indicated you to stand up. You did as he wanted, fixing your dress as you stood right in front of him. Seungmin was sitting on the couch with his legs spread, one arm resting on the back of it and his other hand was still holding yours.

"I want to see you take that pretty dress off so you can give me my present" he said in a raspy voice. You looked down at your hands tagging the end of the pretty fabric that conformed the dress you wore for the entire day. This was it, the moment you had anticipated since the package containing the pretty lingerie arrived at your home.

Exhaling, your timid hand started to take off the pretty dress. In front of you, Seungmin took in every inch of skin that was revealed to him, his head tilted to the side and his bottom lip between his teeth.

The more of your skin was exposed to him, the more he felt the need to stroke the cock under his pants. It almost hurt him from how hard he was, this effect you had in him was so powerful, it made his mind dizzy from all the want drowning his head when he saw you in almost nothing. You were so delicate to him, there was nothing else that he wanted besides taking care of you and destroying you until you were shouting his name with tears of ecstasy.

Finally letting the dress come off you and letting gravity do its job by allowing the item to fall to the floor, Seungmin was able to appreciate the dexy set you had bought for the holidays.

"Oh, doll, you're the best gift I've ever had…" he extended his hand which you took without thinking. It had become a natural habit of yours to hold whatever got your attention, but most importantly, holding Seungmin's hand.

And then he pulled you to him, making you fall on top of him in a straddling position. You pressed your hands against his chest to sit more comfortably on top of him, while he never removed his eyes from your barely covered nipples. He seemed to be so marveled by the set you were wearing, it made you feel like you had already won Christmas, because knowing what was yet to come, you had already won. It didn't matter if there was a gift or not; every moment of intimacy you shared with him made you feel like you'd won the lottery. You'd never change that for anything.

"You did a good job undressing, baby, but I want to finish unwrapping you so I can play with my doll" Seungmin murmured, one of his fingers passing from your neck to the middle of your chest until it reached your bra. His other hand was resting on your thigh, his thumb drawing circles there.

Thanks to the position you were in, he was able to feel how wet you were. The damp panties leaving a spot on his crotch, but neither of you seemed to care as tension got heavier and heavier with time.

Passing his thumb through your breast, he stopped right where your erect nipole3showed through the red lingerie, and he slowly moved apart the clothing to see how he played with your sensitive chest. It felt good, but the pleasure increased when his lips met your boob and his tongue played around with you, your head thrown back and the first loud moan escaped your lips.

"S-Seungmin…" you sighed, holding yourself by gripping his shoulders strongly. Your boyfriend seemed to comply at your plea as he added teeth to the mixture of giving you what he knew would make you squirm and he bit you playfully.

His other hand was squeezing your other boob, and the arm on your thigh was now on your hip trying to keep you from grinding against him.

You'd given him total control to make you do whatever he needed for the following day, and Kim Seungmin was smart enough to use it and please himself firstly by pleasing you because he loved you.

He hadn't seemed to notice the wet patch on his pants, the one that you created from how good he was treating you and making you feel. You felt frustrated that he wasn't allowing you to drag your hips above his covered length to feel a bit of friction. You needed some form of release.

"Minnie, please…" you cried out, your nails digging on the soft skin of his shoulders as you tried once again to grind on his boner, not succeeding from his hold on you.

Seungmin separated his lips from you, his other hand still playing with your defenseless nipple as he looked up at you. "What do you need, sweetheart?" he asked. His voice sounded heavenly, so attractive, raspy and low for you to hear only.

"N–nothing… I'm your present, I should make you feel good. Please let me make you feel good" you whispered again. It was Christmas, a day for giving without expecting anything in return. You'd feel so selfish crying to him to make you feel good, to make you cum when that was your job. You wanted to take care of him, give him anything he wanted that you could give. He stayed silent, his hand finally stopping and his eyes looking down on your barely covered form. And he simply nodded.

With that little gesture, you moved yourself from his lap and dropped to the floor, sitting on your knees between his legs, your hands on his thigh creeping slowly to the zipper of his pants and your lips parted open while your eyes focused on the objective in your head.

Freeing his rock hard cock from the confinement of his pants, it sprung freely. You watched it with eyes wide open, the red tip and the veins showing made you swallow and lick your lips before placing them on his head and giving it a kitten lick. A first try before getting to work on giving him what you wanted.

An experimental first lick, like if his dick was ice cream.

You finally took him in your mouth, a groan of satisfaction coming from your boyfriend made your heart swell with pride for making him feel good.

You hollowed your cheeks as you took more of him until it hit the back of your throat. You gagged, but didn't move away either. Your hands that were resting earlier on his thighs were now wrapped around the base of his cock. Seungmin's own hand flew to your head, his fingers tangling with your hair.

"Baby, you feel so good" he said, looking at how you were taking him in your wet cavity and groaning in pleasure again.

Moving away and taking him out of your mouth, a trail of saliva connected his member to you. You were breathing heavily and your eyes had gotten glassy from forcing yourself to take more than what you were used to, but you were feeling a bit of adrenaline, your heart racing and resonating in your ears from the emotion of doing something new like this.

You liked the sensation of having him so deep in your throat, of choking on his thick cock. It hurt a little, and it was a bit hard to breathe as well, but the adrenaline you felt when he was inside you was incredible, plus getting to hear the sounds of pleasure he made when he was inside you was like music to your ears, a true reward from working so hard in making him feel good.

Bobbing your head up and down, Seungmin twitched inside your mouth and moaned your name. He was about to come, you could tell from the way he threw his head back and how his hand pushed you slightly to take more of him, and you did.

You tried your best to take him even deeper, and seconds after that the warm sensation of his juices filled your throat, making you cough and separate from him, his seed slipping through your chin and some drops falling to your chest.

Seungmin opened his eyes and looked at you, a tired smile on his face.

"You took me so well, baby. Come here" he patted his thigh for you to sit on it. You did, grinding shamelessly on his softening cock that got hard again at the contact of your wet pussy.

His hand slipped, moving your pantie to the side and passing a finger through your folds. "You're dripping wet, baby, and I haven't even properly touched you yet" he said, sliding one digit inside you.

You gasped, surprised at the sudden irruption in your warm pussy. "M-more…" you sighed, raising your hips so it was easier for him to slip another finger in you and stretch you before he let you take his length.

He started moving his fingers inside you in scissoring motions, you moving your hips to let him slide deeper inside you. Your head was thrown back and a choir of sinful moans escaping your lips, you were such a sight for him to see, for his eyes and his eyes only.

Your body started to shake as the tingling feeling of an orgasm washed over you, and you couldn't help but release around his fingers, shouting his name in ecstasy. You were in heaven.

"Y/N, you did so go for me. But I still haven't unwrapped my present, and I can't wait to play with my doll all day" Seungmin said, pulling out his fingers from you and taking them to your mouth for you to clean them for him. You sucked on them greedily, eyes still closed and moaning, sending vibrations through his fingers.

And he took them out again, his hands taking your hips and you alining his cock to your entrance. There were butterflies in your stomach as you slowly sunk down on him, his member stretching you carefully, it felt… Exquisite, so wonderful. It was great to have him in you, making you feel so full and complete.

"Oh, doll, you feel so tight" Seungmin grunted, his hold on your hips helping you slide up and down on his cock.

"Y–you're so big, Seungmin…" you moaned, tugging on his shirt trying to take it off. He understood and stopped holding you to take it off himself, your eyes admiring his chest and one of your hands traveling all over him.

Soon, your legs grew tired from all the movement you were doing, and your rhythm decreased slowly. Seungmin seemed to notice, because he held you still and flipped you so you would be lying on your back and he was the one to do the job now.

Rolling his hips into yours, Seungmin's pace was slow, he thrusted into you carefully instead of slamming himself against you. It was nice, but you were needy, you wanted something else, you wished that he would get a little fought with you but instead he seemed to be punishing you. But you couldn't say anything. You were his gift, you wanted him to use you however he wanted to, no matter how torturing this resulted to you, you didn't want to complain about anything.

But your body had other plans, your legs wrapped around him pushed him deeper into you, helping your boyfriend reach the sweet spot that could have you seeing stars in minutes, and once Seungmin found it he would not let it go, he would use that knowledge to his own benefit and torturing mechanics. And you were hating every moment of that.

Every time he entered you again, he aimed directly to hit that spot, it was just a matter of time until you were scratching his back and squirming under him, drowned in pure hot pleasure. The arrival of another climax hit you, but it wasn't until Seungmin spilled his cum in you that your own orgasm was triggered from feeling how he emptied inside you. Inevitably, he collapsed on top of you, kissing you messily. It was cute, knowing he needed to kiss you after finishing inside you, somehow it made you feel loved.

Seconds passed, his cum was starting to ooze out of your hole, he was still above you and filling you up, but neither of you were saying anything. Your hands were running all over his naked back and he was hugging you with his whole body.

"Seungmin, let's get clean, love" you whispered, your other hand playing with his hair. He made a noise that seemed like a negative hum, that made you look at him with a raised brow.

"We can't shower yet, Y/N, Christmas has just started and I haven't unwrapped my present at all" he got up, looking at you from above "look, you're still dressed, I haven't started playing properly with you, doll" he smirked. You blushed at his words.

Technically, he was right.

"Let's at least continue in the bedroom, there's more space in my bed" you whined. Seungmin stood up, giving you his hand for you to take and he made his way to the room he was so familiar with.

He told you to lay on your back in the bed, following after you and lying on his stomach under you, his face in front of your wet pussy.

His big hands rested on your thighs, and before he did anything else he murmured something to himself; "God, this is the absolute best gift I've ever gotten" in the sexiest voice you'd ever heard. And without wasting any more time, his hands grabbed the edge of the red lingerie finally, sliding them down your legs, leaving you completely exposed to him.

His eyes were shining and he liked his lips, all that before looking up at you and saying: "Merry Christmas doll, I love you."

[geraldineswriting]

𝐁𝐫𝐮𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐁𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧

(𝗠𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝗠𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁)

𝘚𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘺 = 𝘓𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘢 𝘚𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘙𝘢𝘧𝘦 𝘊𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘰𝘯 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘦𝘦 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘥𝘶𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘫𝘰𝘣 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘥, 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦.

𝘞𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘊𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵 = 2𝘬

𝘗𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 = 𝘖𝘊 𝘹 𝘙𝘢𝘧𝘦 𝘊𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘰𝘯

𝘞𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 = 𝘓𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘶𝘢𝘨𝘦 & 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘴𝘵 & 𝘍𝘭𝘶𝘧𝘧

(𝘕𝘰𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘨𝘪𝘧, 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘰𝘸𝘯𝘦𝘳!)

Small snowflakes filled up the frostbitten window, while the dimming fire started to burn to ash in Liliana’s living room. The wind blew through the vents in the ceiling, filling up the air with loneliness and indecision. The young girl sitting on the couch was lost and in love with a love that didn’t exist. A love that always lived in her dreams but never spilled over to reality. Her soft pajama pants were clean and new but her heart was tattered and bruised. 

Liliana looked over to the picture that had been framed and put on her shelf three years ago, showing a boy and a girl with their arms placed over each other so naturally that it was questionable. She could still feel his arm being placed on her shoulder and his laugh in her ear, “Smile like you mean it, Liliana Stuart.” 

That was the night they first met, caused by her unabashed loud laugh, which resulted in Rafe’s curiosity to see what could be so funny at one of his family's parties. She went home that night, finally knowing what it was like to fall in love with a stranger. It took the next three years for her to find out what it was like to fall in love with someone who couldn’t love her back. 

Liliana had been home for the past six days, not caring to leave her house or turn on her phone. The street lights that burned through her windows kept her company while the thoughts in her head left her haunted. In the past week, she had come to a few realizations that needed to be recognized. For one, she was in love with Rafe Cameron and the choice to pretend she didn’t was no longer an option. Second, she needed to move on because sacrificing even another day of her sanity just so he could unknowingly spend his time in her head was now pointless. And finally, she had to tell him. There was no other way for her to find closure except to hear it from his own mouth. Liliana knew and now she had made a choice.

In the past three years, she had become best friends with a boy, who then turned into a man. She knew the Rafe that hurt people but now she knew the Rafe that had turned his own and others pain into forgiveness. He’s still the same man she met all those nights ago, but now drugs, negativity and immaturity were no longer in the picture. He had opportunity and promise, now not just as a wealthy kook but also as himself. Maybe that's why he accepted the job offer to the mainland. Maybe it was something else. 

Liliana sat up, memorizing the cracks in the floor, trying to understand it all. When did her curiosity turn into adoration? Why can’t she unlove him? Why can’t he love her? She knows every answer but because of the flame that is burning in her heart, she needs to put it out. She needs to be able to wake up everyday and not ache with the false knowingness of imaginary maybes. It was time to move on.

The phone was picked up and turned back on, the screen turning from black to color. A few texts pop up, but only one catches her attention.

Are you alright? Call me. 

Such a simple question that carries such a complicated answer sent from such a beautiful person. It looks like it was only sent a few hours ago as she pressed his contact and called him. She held the phone much tighter than she meant to, nervousness creeping into her bones and settling itself as the goosebumps on her skin. 

“Thank fuck, are you alright?” Rafe asked breathlessly into the phone.

“Yeah, sorry for disappearing, I-I,” She paused, no longer knowing that way with which she wanted this to go. 

“It’s okay, I know what it’s like. I’m just glad you’re okay.” 

“Thanks, I’m fine. I was actually wondering if you were busy right now?” Her nervous laugh filled the sudden silence. Is she being stupid? Reckless? Or is she doing the right thing?

“Uh, yeah, yeah. Sorry I was looking at the time. Yeah, want me to pick you up?” 

“Sounds fine, see you soon then.” 

“See you soon.”

Rafe hung up and her ears were only filled with the faint sound of absolute silence. She felt scared and maybe even terrified. She looked back over to the picture frame on the shelf, his smile breaking her heart. How many times has he given her that same smile, all happiness and teeth, unknowing to the repeated pain it left her with. If only she could unlearn every smile, and laugh so that maybe his curse could be lifted off of her. She could be free. 

She stood up and slipped on a pair of sandals, keeping on her pajama pants and sweatshirt. She decided to wait on the front porch, even if a light snow covered the ground. Maybe the cold could freeze the river of heat flowing through her heart. 

She waited for a few minutes until she saw his small car pull up in her driveway. As she walked towards the car to get in, he jumped out, racing over to her side first. 

“Wait, I think we both need a hug first, it's been too long.” He wrapped her up in his arms and for a fleeting moment she remembered why she ever mistook his friendliness for more. He felt like a healing heart, an ending to end all endings. 

“I missed you Liliana Stuart even if it’s only been a week.”

“And I, you Rafe Cameron.” She could feel the painful lump in her throat, the feeling of tears crawling their way to her eyes. She was able to temporarily blink them back before he pulled away. She couldn’t let him see her pain, not tonight.

They both got into the car, him speeding down the street to stop into a desolate parking lot. She had a feeling that he knew she wanted to talk, which made this conversation somewhat easier to handle. She had to be strong, to not show her weakness. 

Once he parked, her hands clammed up in the pockets of her sweatshirt. Liliana felt his eyes burning into her skin like fire. She matched his gaze, so many different questions burning between the two. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it. 

“What’s been going on Liliana?” He whispered into the silence, trying to make himself seem comforting. Rafe had a deep feeling he knew what this was going to be about.

“It’s been a hard week and I just needed to think about things. With us I mean.” The tears were coming again and this time they were unstoppable. They seared her eyes, even though she used every bit of strength to fight them off. Just like loving him though, it was useless to try and stop.

“Hey, it's alright, you know you can tell me anything.” 

“I don’t know how to tell you this Rafe,” She paused trying to gather her thoughts. “To put this into words just seems impossible.” 

He could hear the anxious thoughts rolling around in her head. He could see the tears cascading down her face like a never ending waterfall of pain. He couldn’t stand seeing her like this.

“Well then how about I start?” He squeezed her hand tighter, now holding her hand in both of his. She looked out the window as she nodded, not standing the fact that she was having such a hard time doing something that should be so simple.

“I uh, we’ve been friends for three years and you mean so much to me. I know that something is wrong but just know that whatever it is, it won’t change our relationship. I’ll still be here.” He took a deep breath, trying to pick his next words carefully. He knew that he didn’t want to hurt her more, or make this any worse. “I’m guessing this has to do with more than just me moving away for that job.”

Liliana couldn’t stand the heartstopping pain that coursed through her lungs from using every bit of her self-control to not say what she couldn’t.

“Rafe, that’s the thing,” She gasped for breath, “I want our relationship to change. It’s the fact that no matter what I do you can’t love me like I need you to. My hands are so empty except for when they’re in yours. I’m just, I’m just in love with you and I don’t know how to make you love me back.” 

The ball had dropped. The unspeakable words were spoken. They both knew his next words would heal or break her heart. She tore her hand away from his hand, holding her head up on her own. The only proof of her sobs was the shaking of her shoulders, face hidden away from his sight. She couldn’t look him in the eyes when he shattered her into pieces.

Rafe wasn’t surprised those were the words that tumbled from her lips. Some part of him always knew her heart belonged to him. He just wished she had told him earlier because now things had changed. He was moving and starting a new life in a land that she had no plans to travel to.

He gently placed his hand on her back, taking back one of her hands with his other. 

“Hey, come here.” He spoke so gently, as he guided her into his arms. She gripped his shoulders, crying into his neck.

“I’m so sorry, Rafe. I’m sorry.” 

“There is absolutely no reason to be sorry,” She felt his hands on her back, holding her like she was a fragile piece of fine china that was breaking no matter how hard he held on.

“You know I love you back right? I always have.” He felt her cries pause as she slowly leaned back from his sheltering hug. “Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

“I never said anything because I never imagined you could feel the same. I thought you only ever looked at me like a friend.” Liliana spoke in a tone she hadn’t used in years, a tone with sincerity and happiness intertwined together. She couldn’t believe it.

“Since the night we met, I’ve always loved you Liliana Stuart. I just wish one of us said something sooner. We both know things have changed now.” 

And there it was. The happy moment that filled the air with static had ended. Reality was once again set into place and it was cruel and unapologetic. 

“So what do we do now?” She asked quietly, scared that if she spoke any louder it would chip further away at their already cracked hearts.

“Well the first option, which is my least favorite, is we do nothing. I move away and every once in a while we'll do our best to keep in touch as friends.”

“I don’t like that option either. Option two?” He was relieved to hear her answer.

“Option two, we try out a relationship until I leave. Then, well I guess, we go back to being friends. Again not my favorite choice.” 

“Please tell me there’s another choice.” 

She wished so deeply that he wasn’t moving away, or that they had this conservation years ago. This seemed entirely unfair for both of them. Love wasn’t supposed to be like this, timing was supposed to be rooting for them, not making things harder. 

“There is our last option,” He held her hand, looking into her swollen eyes. “You come with me.”

“Yes.” She spoke with such vibrance and assurance that it was undeniable. She had made up her mind and nothing could possibly change it. 

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to regret this Liliana.”

“Are you going to regret this Rafe?” He didn’t even need to think twice.

“No, not if it’s you.” 

“Then that’s that. I’m coming with you and we’re doing this.”

They couldn’t stop looking away from each other. They finally had unspoken permission to love each other without the secret glances and stolen touches. They were each other's for the taking, no holding back. 

“Can I kiss you Lil?”

“You better Rafe Cameron.”

[rosyk]

Deja vu

pairing: bang chan x reader, (a bit of han jisung x reader)

genre: heavy angst, passion, romance, one-sided love, bestfriends, long distance relationship

warnings: light curses, death, depression, mentions of alcohol and drugs, family problems, mentions of forced sexual activity, insecurities, anxiety, etc. (Its quite detailed in the first part and could trigger some people in these type and if you are one of them, I advice you not to read. It can really be uncomfortable on the first part)

word count: 11.5k

inspiration: Before We Knew It ch. 36-38 (webtoon), White Flowers- Olivia Rodrigo (unreleased song)

a/n: This is the least fic I loved but I had to continue it to start a new one and i won’t ever write things as long as this (it’s hard) lol. I don’t know who’ll ever read this long and cringey story but I hope it’s worth your time (?)

1

  If I were to describe a man I’d love to marry someday, it would be someone tall, doesn’t openly show their true feelings towards me, and leads me in life. However, you were the exact opposite of it.

I didn’t even know when and why I fell in love with you. Was it at first sight? No. Was it because someone told me about my indistinguishable feelings for you? No. It was like how love was portrayed in novels and books. I just knew it. Instead of leading my life, you made me, myself, want to lead and search for my future. After you happily talked about your passion for music, you made me feel as if you were the right one. It made me think, “Maybe I do want to be with him until the end of life”. I believe something great would occur and I want to be there when that happens. When the music he produces, raps he created, genres he invented, and when his voice reaches the world, I want to be on his side and be proud I was able to witness all of that. You were everything in times I was the “nothing”.

I truly wished to be a singer right from the start. My dream was unaccepted by my family because the job isn’t as stable as it seems. I had to study medicine since then. Therefore seeing you was like seeing how I could’ve been. I stopped my passion but you made me pursue the unpursued, break off the imaginary limits I had created in my mind. I developed a fear of having to try again. I never sang after years and tried to let go of my past. But you? You lifted me away from the cage of darkness I trapped myself in. My anxiety was too deep to the point I was afraid of people, nightmares, thoughts, happiness, living, being alone, home, and simply just everything.

Even I was scared of myself.

  Then I knew this is the worst a person could be. It isn’t when someone takes drugs, drinks alcohol, or flees away from home. It is when he or she no longer wants to take a step forward. I was frightened by the idea of love but also the idea of being alone. I was terrified to open up when the people closest to me never understood but was scared when I keep everything to myself too much up until I’m tired. I feared death the most, how much more if I was living? I remember cutting myself in bed when I overheard my parents fighting because of my presence. I was shaking, desperately trying to suppress my weeping. Was I sad because I didn’t have good childhood memories I could reminisce? Or was I happy for myself because that was the bravest thing I did? I was too young to understand what I truly felt but I didn’t regret a single thing.

I know the difference between wrong and right but why can’t I tell when it comes to situations that involve me? Is it wrong to think it would’ve been best if I was sleeping forever, in a depth of endless time even though I know I should live for a purpose I couldn’t find or for people who don’t care? But is it also right to live and hope miserably someone out there would find and help me even though it means staying and coping with the pain? Whenever I make a decision, I could hear trapped voices rambling in my head, time ticking as fast as my heartbeat, my soul pressuring me, and my mind that creates negative scenarios which cause me to step back before even having the chance to run. In general, I’ve had to overthink my overthinking.

I also have the habit of blaming myself. As deeper as it goes, it became my lifestyle then. I blamed myself for playing the victim as if I was the only one hurting amidst the world. I blamed myself for crying when I had no right because I gave people terrible occurrences.  I blamed myself for the inability to be brave and commit what I feared the most. I also blamed myself for silently not crying loud enough to the point that my facade turned out stronger.

Looking back, I was a total mess in which I couldn’t even call myself human. My only best friends were the mirror and my own shadow. I was 10 so I appreciated how the mirror felt the same feelings as mine. It doesn’t laugh when I cry even though the creatures surrounding me do. But for the same reason, I hated it. It reflects my despair, how horrible I looked causing me to despise it the most. My shadow on the other hand makes me feel I’m not alone at the end of the day. But I also despised it the moment my mom locked me up in my room, isolating me in darkness to forget all the traumas I had given her. Because even the shadow disappears in my darkest hours. And just like friends, it all just ended. I no longer want to feel love if love was meant to hurt.

  Years of living in hell passed by, until you came.

“You okay?”

  I was crying at the staircase in the nearest tunnel found at school. I was a 16-year-old who tried to break away from my dad’s drunken behavior. Running away was another brave thing I did but it was because the thought of him doing me was scary enough.

It was embarrassing to let you see me like this but surprise was the first reaction I had. No one ever dared to approach me because of my low status and the suspicious silence that I give. Questions filled my head as to why you bothered talking to me. Were the rumors unbelievable enough?

“I am new here but I haven’t seen you a lot in school. Are you the same as I am?”

So he’s a transferee. Honestly speaking, I was discouraged. It’s clear that he would slowly stop approaching me as soon as he knew the rumors. You introduced yourself and asked for my name. I gave you a silent treatment causing you to face my direction. We stared at each other for minutes. You finally gave up and sat beside me as I turned my gaze back at the people playing in the park, sighing heavily.

“Would you like to hear my life?” You look at me, expecting something. I turned back at you, both eyebrows raised. You showed your smile, with those little cute dimples on each side to get away from the awkward atmosphere. Trust me when I tell you that was the brightest thing I’ve ever seen in my whole life. Maybe you did show me the colors I didn’t know I needed in my life.

“Oh… I guess you don’t then? I mean why would you be interested right?” You laughed yourself off but as usual, expected some remarks from me. My eyes panicked as I shook my head quickly from side to side. My eyebrows creased as I bit my lip, hoping you understood what I meant.

“So you do want to hear it?” I shook my head up and down as an approval of your question. Unnoticeably, it was the first time I felt eager especially when it comes to humans.

“Isn’t it annoying though?” I got the hint you wanted to tease me considering your giggles but I was too caught up in assumptions that you wouldn’t continue your storytelling. Thus, I did the same thing, turning my head from side to side, trying to convince you that I desperately want to know what happens in the lives of some.

“Cute” you mumbled to yourself but I was able to hear the word that came out from you. You patted my head casually as you started to talk about your life. I grew slightly embarrassed, curling myself, holding my knees, and acted as if I didn’t hear anything.

You were transparently open in talking to the point that I finally knew what “precious” actually meant. Although it was for a moment I knew it would stop soon, you definitely saved me from all I felt.

There I knew how our lives were exact opposites. If I felt everything, the happiness, and sadness, contrasting feelings I couldn’t comprehend, you on the other hand felt nothing. As soon as your dearest brother got into an accident, you didn’t know what to do. If I had abusive and malicious parents, you had no one to be with. I couldn’t even imagine what would happen If I lived your life.

I knew I was bad for thinking of such a way but I took advantage of your life. It made me feel relieved that there were people who faced the worst monsters than I have inside me. It made me look at the positive side of mines.

Much especially when I didn’t expect it would be you. My first impression of you was this carefree pure guy who had no problems in living his life. Little did I know, you were waking up feeling nothing, smiling with no joy, cries without letting out the pain, and laughs despite the numbness and burden that weighs in your heart. I guess we can’t judge people by the way they appear. We never know how much tears they’ve shed every night.

You summarized and wrapped things up. You asked for my name one last time before leaving. But there I was, hung my head low and sniffles could be heard. You looked in confusion as I tried to cover my face. A surprise was evident in your reaction and it was obvious due to your stuttering. You tried to ask what happened but instead hugged me unconsciously.

That was the first time I’ve ever felt warmth. I was born a mistake so even my parents couldn’t give me this kind of comfort. I cried worse as I had thought of it. The idea of a stranger giving me a better meaning of how home felt like than a family does, who wouldn’t tear up after that?

I don’t want to be ahead of time. But hope filled my mind. Maybe I could find more people like him. Maybe someone out there could notice my emotions. Maybe someone could act as my light. Maybe someone does care about my wellbeing. Out of a huge percentage of people living on Earth, there should be one who could at least meet and save me right? I know I settled in all “maybes” but it was much better than having none.

2

  Recalling the series of events, I was a total problem. Yet you were always there for me no matter how heavy of a burden I am. You were the one who believed in me when I couldn’t, picked me up when I was drowning in a wave of traumas and worries, and lightened my deep void. You were my first and swore you’ll be my last, who broke my past and created my unknown beginning. I hated risks but whenever you are involved, I for sure know it is worth it no matter how many needles it may pain me. It had been years before noticing how much you mean to me I may be late, but would never get tired of this. I will listen and enjoy our memories until the end. You will, for eternal love, be my last song in my only playlist.

Although it’s true we never believed in love since the beginning. But all we do know is that we’d like to spend our whole lives together. It’s as if we were bound by the heavens to meet and help one another. With all that’s happening, I would like to assume that this is love people were talking about. Who knew it could be this powerful to change someone?

  [CHAN’S POV]

  And what happened to the “messy innocent girl who was stained by reality?” She became an unrecognizable teen, as pure as ever. In the past, I wasn’t able to feel the emotions most do but look at me now, smiling every time I see you do. Even though I’ve never felt heavy feelings, these light ones are taking a toll on me whenever you call my name.

We had arguments but never had any misunderstandings. This is all because no matter what I say, you are always by my side. I could tell you day by day how much you mean the world to me, my downfalls, and everything unnecessary but you’d still listen to it with no regrets.

Right now, we’re meeting up for a “little date” as you mentioned. I was going to decline because there had been many requirements in class but you seemed too interested that I didn’t want to break it to you.

I was wearing my usual hoodie sweater with baggy pants and ordered for both of us. After all, you would always choose chocolate whipped shakes over anything. You seemed to take too long so I decided to work on some demands given. I turned on my laptop and opened the application as I placed the headphones on my ear, silencing the noise in my surroundings.

Now all I can hear is my heartbeat pounding and swallowing as my throat started to dry. The loading symbol appeared on my screen and I hoped it would stay like that forever. I hoped it would crash and tried to find more excuses for me not to use it.

I was consistently looking at the time shown on the panel below the main screen. The blue circular sign still turns and turns as I see it from my peripheral vision. 3:31, 3:32, 3:33, the minutes kept moving and hands that are now shaking because I assumed this would be the worst nightmare that could happen. But no, cause “worst nightmare” is an understatement when we are referring to this. It would’ve been better as a nightmare because I could wake up from this traumatic moment. I was focused on my screen that I hadn’t noticed the calling in my front.

“Channie?... Chris?.... Christopher?... Mr.Bang Chan?.. Chan!”

  [Y/N’S POV]

  He finally noticed me as soon as I tapped on his shoulders. He flinched and looked at me in horror. It creeped me out but it took seconds before he could pull his eyes away from mine. He bit his lips and I noticed him covering his hands. The staff called out a number which I believe was from our table considering the way he closed his laptop.

“I’m getting that” You forced a little smile as you made way to the counter

I smiled at the thought of our “date” but seeing you sweating and nervously fidgeting your fingers to avoid them from shaking bothers me. Did something happen before you came? Why was he that nervous? Thoughts bombarded my mind, but you coming back with my favorite drink and snacks, looking all-smiley, tells me as if you noticed my discomfort so you tried cheering me up. You sat down in front of me and got rid of your problems. As usual, this guy notices even the littlest gestures I make.

“Did you wait too long?” I asked you with enthusiasm because our little date has now started. The idea non-stop makes my whole day

“No, I just arrived before you did.” You respond with a genuine smile despite the clear lie you just gave. You stroked my hair as you looked at me lovingly

“Oh, I just passed by that bakery we talked about a year ago…..” I started chatting about our fond memories that remain vivid in my head.

It took several hours of talking and enjoying our time together. We also watched that Philippine movie starring two exes who broke up and lived in one house, but being an emotional wreck, it took 30 mins of you trying to comfort me as I cry ugly. Of course, you didn’t miss an opportunity to laugh at me and even took a video. Teasing me and showing my picture as your wallpaper, made me playfully angry.

We also enjoyed visiting the same tunnel where we met. The nostalgia is present. The moon is shining and I can’t help but smile looking at you.

  [CHANS POV]

  You look beautiful under the moon if I must say. I wanted to show the magnificent view because it reminds me of you whenever I see it up above. You were my only light when my days in the past were too dark.

We continued strolling around, counting the streetlights that passed by and talked about a lot of things. Until you decided to speak up-

“About…. the thing that happened earlier?” You looked up to me, but your eyes soon started moving away from mines. You were held on with the anxiety of trying to speak up whenever it had come to my personal life. I don’t know whether it was the trauma you’ve stumbled upon when you asked about my father or it’s just due to your manners. Nonetheless, if it was indeed your trauma, I’ve felt guilty about it and wanted to reassure you I won’t hurt you ever again. “But if you don’t want to talk about it-“ I cut your sentence off.

“My father was a musician..” your eyes shined with glee in my response

“That’s cool!” You exclaimed but it soon faded into a frown after hearing me sigh. Tilting your head, you tried to calculate everything that’s wrong with it. I nervously fidgeted with my hands and knuckles, contemplating a decision that could change and even affect both of us.

“Everything’s wrong... He was into it, music took his mindset and life” I faced my head sideways and gulped without looking at your eye. The trauma, I’m finally telling my pent-up feelings after a lifetime keeping it to myself.

“He was so into composing music and started to forget about the reason he had started to do it. And by that-“ you cut off my sentence and started to nod a few times, pressing your lips together. You pointed your shaky finger at me and spoke softly.

“I think I know where this is going.” You looked at me in disbelief but all I could do is look at you with concern and guilt, asking for forgiveness. “Is this why you didn’t want to love again even after all these years?” Your eyes that shined stars a moment ago, turned into sun at night. It wasn’t raging darkness, but plain agony.

“Can you blame me? I know I love music, I’ve told you that on repeat for years. Is love what I need when that was the cause of everything?”

You didn’t take one glance at me and started walking faster. You were trying to leave me behind but I was quick to grab your hand.

“Please, let’s not act like this. It’s starting to get..” I was trying to think of a less harsh word because things get complicated day by day. And here I thought this date would be an exception. “Childish. Okay? I don’t get why you’re so out of place and it’s like-“

“So now I’m the one getting childish here?” You turned around and faced me, finally. Though it wasn’t any relieving as I expected. You were having tears stuck in your eyes, ready to fall at anytime yet you don’t want to cry in front of me. Are we going to keep this up? I was about to talk but no words came out of me. Until you decided to continue your sentence.

“You knew about this all the time, right? You knew how I was starting to fall for you and yet you continued our relationship without feeling love?” You bit your lips as your eyebrows creased. Trying to push me away, but all I could do was hold you tighter. “I know how trauma feels like. I’ve been there, we’ve been there. But you could’ve told me sooner at least so I’m not the only one looking like a whole fucking fool here, Christopher.” You tried to get away from my hold and yes, you did. Though as I tried to grab your hand once again, you took a step backward and placed your hands up in the air as a sign of surrender. “Call me sensitive but for God’s sake! How could you get me all wrapped up in your finger for the past years and call it something that isn’t attachment nor love? What was I to you then?” It took seconds for me to get the gist of what you’re trying to say and I did understand but I couldn’t answer that simple question.

Because now that I think of it, was I awful to hesitate who you were in my life? Was those years nothing for me then? I want to protect you until the end and I wanted to see you happy but I’m pretty sure I felt this for some of my friends as well. Did I just get into a relationship whilst thinking of my significant other as a friend? Is it called using someone? Taking advantage to make my life better? I know what’s right and what’s wrong. But I don’t know which is which. Getting into a relationship is a risky choice and I don’t want to hurt anybody in between. Because I know that’s what’s wrong. Using others for my need of affection and love is wrong as well. But is this exactly what I’m doing? I don’t know...As things grow, it just gets complicated to the point that I couldn’t even comprehend situations.

“I thought so” you continued, and those words crushed my heart. I didn’t notice the time we’ve been arguing, though technically it’s just you who was able to speak, that we’ve already reached your house. You opened the tiny gate in front of your house and I know what’s going to happen sooner later.

“Maybe, you need time to think about it alright? I don’t think I can keep up with a relationship like this if it’s too one-sided. But don’t worry I’ll wait. Even though what I want may not come,” you chuckled but the sigh was still evident. “I’ll wait for you.” You smiled, but it isn’t the one you’ve always shown me. I was the reason for your happiness but also the reason for your pain. How tragic must have been that sound.

You went your way to the door and closed it. I knew you were crying as I heard little sniffles but never looked my way. Closing the door, that was the last time I had ever seen you. With no goodbye kisses and hugs, you left feeling the ache you didn’t deserve.

3

[YOUR POV]

  It was supposed to be “taking a break”, but considering this, I should’ve accepted it as a break-up. You never took time texting me after the whole 4 months. I guess I was no one in your life. But even though I was still hurt, I regretted spatting out things as if it was your fault. You always get guilty over things and I know it was all just because you had a hard time reciprocating your feelings because of the lack of love you’ve felt. I should’ve understood that part but being the sensitive me, I was unmindful. I’ve also never seen you walk past the corridors nowadays, so it’s basically been also the same 4 months of actually not seeing you as well. You really bothered trying to get out of my life.

I groaned as I sat up in the bed. It was around 8:30 and I’m like 1 hour and 30 mins late? Not that I’m bothered by it since I’ve gotten used to it. It’s not like our teacher is there by the time I arrive.

  -SCHOOL-

  “Outside, now” was the first and last thing I’ve heard as I entered my classroom. And here I thought the teacher wasn’t present. Not only did I embarrass myself in front of my classmates, but I’d also have to stand holding a chair, outside the classroom for lower and higher-ups students to see. Awful, and my reputation is broken. Well, not that I had any significant reputation in the first place but come on, you know how hard it was to see students bickering while looking at you.

I heard the door click open and I hoped it was the teacher who finally would let me in. It turned out to be another classmate of mines which I thought was unnecessary. But as I looked back up and noticed his eyes, a sense of familiarity came unto me.

“Han?” My eyes widened at the sight in front of me. I’m not expecting people to be perfect but our class president was the last person I expected to be scolded by our teacher. “Weren’t you inside the classroom way before me?”

“I cursed.” The guy spoke shortly and lifted the chair just like the same punishment I’ve been doing. I blinked my eyes twice but understood nothing.

“Pardon?” I replied in a high tone as if I was questioning what he was trying to say. Cursed? Is he out of his mind, trying to curse in front of the teacher? Besides, he had always been this quiet kid, but girls still tend to simp over. The latter though is out of my knowledge.

“What did you say?” I leaned in as you jolted quite a bit. Reacting to the sudden flinch, I assumed it was bold of me to do so and it scared you. But looking straight at you, pink tints were found on the side of the cheeks. It was light and definitely cute.

“F-fuck” he faced me with eyebrows creased and hesitated in replying. It was so short and awkward whenever he’d say it or maybe it’s also due to his stuttering. The thought was so out of the place and even I, who is quite free doesn’t curse in front of the teacher for no reason so why would someone who tries to stay low, would curse? But the way you told me the “forbidden” word made me laugh out loud.

“You’re funny, Mr. class president” I replied after a silent 2 minutes and laughed while hitting him lightly. Little amounts of liquids were falling down my deep brown eyes as I tried to regain my breathing. He’s awkward and that’s what makes it funny. I like him.

I wiped off my tears and stared at you. My laughs slowly died down after seeing your confusing expression. I don’t know whether your eyes held a safe haven or a place I was indulged in and forgot about the point that everything was complicated in between. Whether staring at you was comfortable or confusing. All I know is that I was distracted by the genuine smile you gave. It was little but I knew it was a smile after seeing cute dimples on the side of your lips. Now that I think of it, I haven’t ever seen the president smile.

You noticed my pause and coughed, trying to clear out the tension. The usual demeanor was back. Was everything just an illusion then?

“Anyways, I don’t know about you but I’m gonna have to go. Don’t want stay here standing when time’s already up” you lazily said as you pressed your lips together, leaving me speechless all alone. Raising your hand, you waved back at me while walking away and didn’t even take time to look back.

That was weird. Or was I the only one weird? True, I’ve never seen him around that much but I’ve painted the guy as someone responsible considering the works he finished even after given such a small time. He was indeed open-minded but wasn’t out-spoken or friendly. Work is work and he has to make sure he aces his tests for his reputation to not tarnish even one bit, that’s all that matters to him. He was never used to smiling so he doesn’t do it as much, at least that’s what I’ve heard. I’m guessing it must be my imagination.

  /LUNCHTIME/

  Guess what? It’s already lunchtime and I haven’t learned a single bit of information from my teacher’s discussion. Shrugging all my homework, projects, quizzes, oral recitations, and performances that are all due this afternoon, I walked out of the classroom.

But before I did so, I found a familiar guy in my peripheral vision. Trying to confirm whether it was him, I turned and called his name out.

“Mr. president?”

The same awkward and serious guy turned around, raising his right brow. You were confused at first about who would call you with no respect, but hummed in surprise as a response.

“It’s Han for you... and for everyone” trying to continue the work you’ve been doing for our school camp which is totally several months later. What’s the rush?

“Drop the formalities! Besides, I like Mr. president way better.” I smiled and tilted my head then flipped my hair. I was a whole smug for thinking my naming sense was the best thing about me.

“Like, like?”

The same vibe always comes up whenever I’m talking to you and I don’t know why. How is it so hard to interact with smart ones? I feel like their language is different and I couldn’t even comprehend what this guy is trying to say.

“like?”

“You like mr. president. That’s what you said”

And that’s how it struck me. Looking back on everything, it seems pretty weird. (I like Mr. President way better) rings all throughout my head. I know he’s been surrounded by girls who have a crush on him but surely he doesn’t think of this as a low-key confession, right?

Please, I didn’t deserve any of this awkward tension. I did walk up to him first but blame my curiosity for wondering what he’s doing in his free time, does he always go to the library whenever, or what do the lifestyle elites like him actually have? Maybe, I did just want a friend but who knew it would be this complicated. Wrong choice.

“The names you provide for people are so dull” you faked a yawn to show how uninterested you are.

I laughed out and tried to hide the embarrassment I’ve felt inside. He meant the name of course! What was I thinking? He quickly got up and proceeded to leave the classroom as if he understood what I wanted to do. He catches up with things fast if I must say. But the feeling didn’t subside in me and I tried to cover up my face with my hands as soon as he left. Heaving a deep sigh, I reassured myself and followed him.

  -CAFETERIA-

  “This is all they’ve got?”

It’s been a second we’ve entered the school cafeteria and yet this elite beside me was already complaining. We sat down on the white benches and I was also relieved the cafeteria doesn’t have many students since our class ended earlier than the desired time.

“You’ll get used to it. Besides, what do you commonly eat for lunch? This is good.” I replied and waited for a response that never came back. I’m thinking it was a wall I’m talking to. You ate the soup and showed a face of disgust. Of course, I don’t give up.

“Do you have different cafeterias?” “Or do you eat in your respective rooms?” “Do you actually eat? cause you looked really busy with the requirements.” “Being a class president is that hard huh? I don’t think I’ve seen anyone as hard-working as you even if they have high titles.” “You know if I was the class-“

“Why do you ask so many questions? Geez” you swept your hair and sighed. You felt tired talking to someone as chatty as me but all I could do is playfully pout and raise both my eyebrows up. Shrugging, I respond.

“Why not?”

You glared at me but I wasn’t taken aback by it so you decided to reply, finally. “The real question is, why?” you tried to peacefully eat and finished it quickly so you could go to the library, I suppose. It was going smoothly until my small brain with low grammar or structure skills decided to pop up the least moment I wanted it to.

  “Because I’m interested in you.”

  Choking was all I could hear after I simply stated. Panicking, I gave you my water unknowingly and you drank it. I patted your back and stroked it gently.

“You okay?” I tried to calm you down but your face seemed to ask me whether you were okay even after everything was obvious.

“You mean you’d like to know about my lifestyle?” You analyzed my reaction as I tilted my head. I mean isn’t that clear? Your eyes seemed like you got the hang of me again and scoffed, rolling your eyes. Wow! Now, what’s up with this attitude?

“It’s common. Just some random New York steak.” My eyes widened and my ears couldn’t believe what they’re hearing. That’s common? Gosh, even my monthly allowance couldn’t afford to buy a whole steak, what more if it was specifically in New York? And the way he didn’t bother to flex about his lunchtime food and acts as if it’s unimportant.

“Enough about me, how about you?” I believe you were trying to ask for the sake of the conversation but it excites me anyway. I mean, an elite asking me about my life? It boosts my pride, internally laughing as I thought of the idea.

“What do you want to know about me?” Grinning, I eagerly waited for the question. How blessed I am to have an upper-class student to not just interact, but ask about me as well.

“What happened between you and Bang Chan?”

I’m taking it all back. I don’t want to hear any questions. I was wrong. By Bang Chan, I knew straight away he was referring to Chris. The mentioned ex became an elite, or so I heard. I don’t know how, why, or when but that’s the only reason possible for him to know there was a thing between us. But unlike me, Mr. President wants to make sure of everything and not just the rumors he had heard.

“No.” I simply stated and continued to eat.

“Why not?”

“I should be the one asking you why”

“Because I’m interested in you”

I paused and was slightly surprised by the sudden declaration. Okay, my way of telling him made me look crazy. I looked up to him and saw a pair of teasing eyes. This is who mr. president is? Now it was my time to roll my eyes and I knew at that moment I had no escape.

“Exes. We’re exes.” I expected a startled expression from you but your lips curled downwards as if you expected it. How was it hard to read this guy’s mind though he immediately catches up on everything I’m feeling?

Days passed by and as usual, I was the one annoying you. At that very time, we became close because I knew you were a comfortable place for me to be in. You don’t judge unlike what others do each time I open up my problems especially when it comes to my relationship with an elite and Christopher, out of all. For sure, you were the right choice of friend I never knew I needed to rely on.

4

[YOUR JOURNAL]

  Just a few days passed by and I hear lots of students whispering. What’s the occasion? I don’t even know myself yet I’ve brought a ring that matches mine. I’m naive but I always trust my instincts no matter what. As I try to recall the date and puts everything together in one piece from all the clues I’ve gotten.

A familiar man appeared in my sight. But he wasn’t mr. president. He was looking at me and I continued to look at those deep brown eyes I’ve longed to see after a long time. Was I prepared? No. Did I want to see him? I’m not sure so myself. But did I actually like that view? Indeed. My very first heartbreak or hiatus came back after months and to see he felt the same way I did. Did the moment I waited for all of my life would finally happen?

Each step you take, the more my anxiety rushes through me. I felt the shivers either because I was scared or it was the tears I’ve forced to stop from rolling down my cheeks. Or simply both, ignoring the fact that I was hurt yet I did want to see you after all. I wanted to walk away, but if I did then I’m making the same mistake twice. Therefore I stood still silent and only my heartbeat is the loudest out of all.

Closing my eyes, I expected strong grips around my wrist which marks it deep red because anger was the only thing present in the space between us. I didn’t take consideration of the things you’ve gone through but instead became selfish just because I’ve moved on from the past. I did tell you I would wait for you forever but all I gave you was the pressure of making you choose decisions at times you were having a hard time. Just because you made me learn the definition of love, doesn’t mean I could anticipate that you felt the same thing.

Quite on the contrary, I’ve felt warmth and comfort. The grip was truly strong, strong enough to hurt me emotionally and not physically unlike what I expected. The grip I’ve felt was hanging around me, a hug was given to me even when I didn’t deserve this.

“I’m sorry” that was what I’ve heard in the muffled and low volume of voice the man had spoken because he was on the verge of tears. I was supposed to be the one asking for an apology, yet this guy took it to heart once again. Typical Christopher.

“I missed you. I’ve realized I can’t do things without you. It’s been hard..” Your sentence cut the uncertainty I’ve felt. It came, he came. I cried my heart out after not breathing for a second. It would finally work out, after months of trying to ask for support from other people, you entered my life once again. And better? You loved me.

It was your graduation, and I’m glad to be there just like what we dreamed it to be. You may have left, but our romance never stopped.

Cliché right? Of course, that never happens in reality. What happens, is the point that we argue every day because of the long-distance relationship that serves as an obstacle in us. We don’t even know whose mistake it is but considering you, you’ve always been the one who let your pride down and ask for forgiveness. There are times it’s also been me because I realized that this guy doesn’t deserve more burdens in his life. Support is everything I could give.

“Everything working out?” I was astounded by the call Hanji decided to initiate first. He’s always been there for me when I had it rough. He cares for me though he doesn’t show it as much.

“I don’t know. I’ve rarely been receiving texts but he made sure to call me anytime soon. We’ve both been fighting against this. Thanks by the way” You sighed after I finished my sentence. I hoped my exhaustion wasn’t able to reach you but you knew straight away.

“What do you see in him? He is talented and ideal but do you think you both match up?“

It was good he called but hitting it directly at me and doubts our relationship? That’s what triggered and ticked me off. “I told you not to talk about this.” I firmly uttered.

“He doesn’t get the way you act, talk or even feel”

“I’m sorry? What do you mean by that?” It’s rare to see us quarrel because you didn’t want to reach that point and yet it’s you trying to get all complicated once again. Here I thought I got the hang of how you think. “He understands me more than anyone.”

“If he does then why didn’t he call by then?”

“He was busy. I repeated that to you more than thrice throughout the whole call. But if he wasn’t busy then he’d take a grasp of everything.”

“Was he? Because the last time I knew you had a rough day, crying all alone, he didn’t. The time I knew I had to cheer you up, he didn’t. The time I knew I needed to reassure you that no one’s ever going to leave you but stay by your side, even though you didn’t realize about it, he didn’t.”

3 seconds passed by before my voice was heard in the line.

“What does that have to do with all these?”

“I understand you but the guy you wanted to be with, doesn’t”

That was it, the final blow. Both were concerning, the whole sentence is. Starting from the conclusion you understood me up until the thought of me wanting a guy who doesn’t pick me up the way I assume couples needed. We had a relationship with Chris, but was it called a relationship with lots of things in between?

“I’m sorry. Slipped out. I was just irritated.” It was a first for you to apologize but my mind wandered to the part where you compared yourself to Christopher.

“What do you mean by you understanding me when he doesn’t?”

“I mean... If I did understand you, then I’m pretty sure a lot more boys out there would be a better match and would recognize your desire. They would be able to take care of you. You know I’m just.. worried.”

If it was the usual vibe, I would’ve laughed at that lame excuse. But thinking back, it’s hard for me to perceive the way you feel about me. I’ve heard rumors but ended up being nonchalant about it because mr. president having feelings? I chose to believe it wasn’t real especially when I’m already facing a hard time.

“good night.” You continued after the short silence. It was now you who was starting to get exhausted. You cut off the line quickly before I could even reply. Was the relationship between me and Chris wasn’t able to follow up fate? How innocent of me to think that true love comes so easily.

5

  Days turned to months and I lost count of the weeks Chris has been gone by my side. He had never failed to text compared in the past, but I still yearned for his affection.

He seemed excited on the phone today and unknowingly called me 5 times and now a 6-

“Christopher, aren’t you busy?” I giggled as I heard him laugh. It made my day and filled up the void in me that was created because of the thought he isn’t able to be with me on my graduation day.

“I have duties... as your boyfriend” I playfully rolled my eyes without expecting a turn of events.

It was my final day in school and to think that I have to spend it alone because I had no friends, awful. Chris made my day though, so I wanted to enjoy it to the fullest. But the feeling of not seeing Hanji anymore still lingered in my mind. It was harsh but I had to accept it. We didn’t talk that much but undoubtedly, he was a good friend in times I need him.

Whilst looking around the stalls in the halls, I found him. He was talking to a guy seemingly the same age as ours and he looked so happy. But as his eyes met mines, was it just me, or did it die down? Maybe he doesn’t want to see me after all? His eyes traveled back to the sushi he ordered but sighed as I ran up to him.

“Mr. president?” The happy and annoying tone of calling him wasn’t present anymore. It was gloomy, hesitating if I should bother his hours or time. “Did I do something?”  What happened to our closure? it flees away.

I saw you in the process of trying to smile a little and just hummed to let me know nothing’s wrong. But everything is. You ignored me and walked up to the classroom. I followed you, as I always do. I decided to speak up but you cut me off.

“I’m sorry if I did-“

  “Are you still interested in me?”

  You turned around and confronted my small figure. It hurts the way you try to smile in front of me but failed to do so. Usually, you always made me believe what you wanted me to. You’d say you’re fine, you’re happy, you’re not exhausted, but right now? I’m not buying it. I may not be able to read you that much, but you seemed too tired to the point that your magic of convincing me didn’t work.

“Interested..?”

“You said you were interested in how elite ones live. Now that you got the answer and your boyfriend is one, what am I there for?”

“You were there for me-“

  “when he couldn’t be there”

  You were being on and off, getting more complicated as time passes by. You don’t go straight to the point but instead, run circles until I have a hard time contemplating whether I’m the wrong one.

“What are you trying to imply?” I questioned

“I don’t need a quote that says don’t expect something in return”

“Return? After everything, we’ve been through? Our friendship? Was it all just nothing? How doesn’t that benefit you?”

“Because the more I give you your need, why do I have to receive pain instead?” Your voice was shaky and I can see you biting your lip, trying to suppress yourself from falling and breaking. “You wanted to know me because you were curious about my life. Now that you know of it, what do you want from me?”

“What do you mean what do I want? I want nothing from you. The bond that we’re tied in is enough for “

“Then who am I to you?”

“I told you, a friend.”

“My purpose in your life?”

“Lifting me up whenever I feel....down”

“So did you recognize how that sound like to you?”

Among both of us, I broke down first. Why am I being the one treated like the villain in this story taking advantage of people around me? Why am I the perceived the evil being in our friendship? Why does he want to make me feel guilty? I didn’t even know what the problem is yet, but I was already the bad one here. Call me clueless, but I couldn’t be blamed for something I don’t even know about. Quiet sobs filled in the silence and I could feel your sympathy filling the empty room.

“If ever..” in a low volume, you decided to speak “Why do you want to spend more time with me?” I looked up to you and wiped away all my tears if that’s possible.

A reason, that’s all I need to prove but no suggestions came up to my mind. Recollecting tragedies, was I the one who didn’t bother calling you when you didn’t do the same to me? Why didn’t I? You didn’t even pass my mind one single time in the past days. So why didn’t that happen? I appreciated him but when did things gradually just..stop?

Tears fell down yours as well but you didn’t want me to look at you in the eye. “You were supposed to say for more memories, you know? Like because I actually made you happy so you wanted me to appreciate our moments. Believe it or not, that’s what they say” you laughed to lift the air but I was still left dumbfounded after everything. How terrible of me, that thought echoes repeatedly.

Hours passed by and I wasn’t feeling it. The sun turned gloomy, the loud cheer of students turned to noise, the sky turned monochrome and the atmosphere turned dull. All I could do was ask Chris regarding it. All he could say is that he appreciated how Hanji backed off and didn’t want to complicate things more by telling me. Understanding none of it, what does he mean by didn’t want to complicate things more when our quarrel was? Wow, I really am this hopeless. Slow and unaware.

I was lost in thought that I late realized how I could hear vehicles in Chris as he was on call. Was he lying then? He mentioned he was staying in but why are there noises and people chattering? I was baffled hearing one of the familiar voices behind. One seemed to be the same as my classmate.

“Where are you? I thought you said you were in your home?”

  “I am home.”

  Clichè as it seemed, It all felt like a slow-motion in a fast-paced sequence of events. Firstly you were just talking to me but at the next second, you were personally doing it.

Holding your phone, I finally found the guy I’ve seen and lost on the same day in the past. But now? He’s here. Promising me that he won’t leave ever again. I knew I could trust these words no matter how repetitive they're going to be. Once you tell me it, I just know you’d be by my side no matter what until the end of the world.

You were looking the same as I remembered in the past and it’s played out like deja vu. You walking up to me and giving me a whole hug of comfort, as I cried in your arms.

“How about your-“

“I don’t want you to worry about it. I’ve chosen myself, with no additional pressure, to live with you.” You stroked my hair and patted my back.

“Live with me?”

“Don’t you want to?” I was delighted and surprised by the sudden decision. I wasn’t given enough time to think about it, not that I needed time anyway. I would always choose you over anything else.

It was the event and yes, I graduated with my boyfriend cheering me on and allowed me to soar high and fly, to start a new beginning.

6

[HAN POV]

  It was good seeing you happy. Even if it was Bang Chan, I’m sure he is the only man that can make you smile like that.

But indeed, I was hurt. I was a book you wanted to read but as soon as you got ahold of the main idea, everything starts to get boring. Usually, you would never fail to not make me annoyed each day because as you always say, I cross your mind every time. When you were indulged in your relationship, I was forgotten.

It was all my mistake and you don’t have to feel guilty about it. I may not have any expectations of you loving me, but I had hopes and that’s what made me receive pain. If I hadn’t hoped you would be with me, hoping you forgot about him, hoped you could see I am just here waiting, hoped you could realize I can treat you better, then both of us wouldn’t get hurt. It’s my fault and I’m held accountable to live in regrets.

But even for a split second, I am happy that I am capable of distracting your worries and making your day better. I wasn’t thinking well in the argument a while ago but I did get the benefit. Seeing you happy, makes me happy. So letting you go is the best choice for both of us to receive joy. Scratch that, I don’t have the right to tell you I would let you go.

  Because I never stood a chance did I?

7

[YOUR JOURNAL]

  After graduating, I moved in with Christopher. He let me listen to some of the tracks he had created to stop me from bothering him all day.

The music he had composed was nothing personal and was based on people from different perspectives. I had never felt the same experience as well but something about the way he writes and produces brought me to tears. The pain and emptiness inside were well shown in the midst of harmonies. He was also a genius writer with well-structured sentences and livens up feelings in the words to make the listener feel as if he or she was the one narrating it. His father is a musician, but to think he would be able to express that much in songs just shows how deeply connected he is with music. He wasn’t motivated because he tries to stop himself from being like his father but it was a pity for him to stop something he is incredibly good at.

“You’re really something Christopher! Do you know that?” I hugged him from behind and heard his little laughs. “I think I’ve fallen for you all over again. But honestly, I knew you’d write and produce this good” I wore on a smug look as he asked while giggling because of the face I’m giving.

“How?”

“How about calling it an intuition from an expert music lover?” You playfully rolled your eyes in my response because you expected something more detailed. You urged me to explain it to you so you’d knew my opinion about the music and so I did.

“Your words are beautiful that it makes me believe anything you’ll say, Christopher” I smiled and kissed your cheek. I rested my head near your neck as we were sat on the bed, facing each other.

It was true. You made me feel different feelings and opened up a new perspective to move on from my past. You influenced me a variety of changing thoughts. I don’t like the idea of losing myself to someone because it forgets the real me. I don’t like the concept of being crazy in love with people because it doesn’t feel sweet somehow whenever the risk of it being one-sided and unable to move on is present. Not realizing that whenever the talk comes about you, it feels heavenly. I don’t know who I would be if I wasn’t yours but it all feels enchanting. Although you made me insecure, at the same time you made me laugh throughout the day. You were a gold rush. Perfect and gentle, to think that someone like me got you is like winning once in my entire life. Luck is rare but fate was there. By fate, it turned out you were destined to meet me and get me out of the hell hole, no one tried to do. By fate, it means I will love you and will forever do. By fate, we’ll stand strong and fight the cracks alongside our journey.

8

[CHRIS POV]

  You wouldn’t take a no for an answer when I was asked to create more songs. A single shed of tear from listening to my music encouraged you to push more song requests unto me. Make-me-a-song was all I could remember hearing from you.

I remember you publishing one of my songs and I was accepted by it. You were jumping up and down as I was worried about its outcome. I was starting to get known, that was also the beginning of how the unforgivable musician started to forget about the important ones in his life. It was as if the result would be dragging my only light into my darkness. I don’t want to be a musician and yet, here I am composing more songs even if I knew what was coming soon.

I’ve started with light romance that I think you’ll enjoy but seeing you look so happy with just a simple work of mine, gave me that motivation I least wanted to have. And like a recorded cd, everything was played the exact same way in different men. I hated it but it was truly like father, like son.

I continued to write songs with deeper ones but as I got the recognition all the more, I produced as if I was possessed. I was indulged in the way words can be conveyed differently and ideas, stories, and theories were constantly overflowing my mind. I was wrapped up in music and I hated myself for it. Even though I despised the process, I couldn’t help but continuously write. All of my pent-up feelings in the past years were expressed in my songs, making me create heavy tracks and don’t run out of stories to tell. The man I’ve been hiding and was traumatized from came back and it’s as if he mocks me that we are on the same page after all. I felt myself sinking and sinking despite you telling me that I am not like my father because I made you feel the definition of love. I was trapped in a room with no escape that relates whenever I had started making music, I couldn’t get out of it. I wasn’t forced but this drive is what makes me continue because I feel like I’m creating a new genre that makes people deeply appreciate and maybe understand what I’ve been going through.

4 years came by but it felt like days in my studio.

“Chris, are you sure you’re fine? Get enough rest okay?” the young girl called me but I was busy finalizing the song.

“Yes, thank you,” I replied shortly after your question. I wasn’t paying much attention so I didn’t know the accurate response for it.

“Anyways, what’s that ab-“

“I’m working on music that’s going to be showcased and submitted to the famous JYP company later. It is really important so I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t distract me by asking so many questions. Come by later, we’ll talk about it then.” I looked at my watch on my right arm and noticed how I still got a few hours left before attending the ceremony. The albums will be released soon after but I have to submit another title track.

I was busy with all the scheduled dates and songs that I hadn’t realized

  she wasn’t smiling anymore.

  “Mr. Bang Chan?” hours came by and truly the CEO came. We have a friendly bond and he gives me advice so it’s casual for him to call on me. I hurried up to the door and went to the car.

“Why didn’t you invite her to the big event?” The CEO of the company asked me to start up a conversation. He crossed his hands and tapped his fingers as if he thought of something so deep and significant because he was getting impatient.

“It’s a big hassle. She isn’t good and comfortable in interacting with people she doesn’t know” I simply stated and smiled for respect.

“I don’t interfere or meddle in the personal affairs or lives of others but I hope you aren’t neglecting her because of this, are you?”

“She will understand” I looked up to the car window and stared at the illuminating lights from buildings. I know you took a lot of time waiting for me, but please don’t give up and let me finish this song about you. By then, our Disney-like dreams would finally come true and I swear I’ll make you even happier.

  I held a box of ring in my pocket. I’ll make you happy, just hang a bit in there okay?

9

[YOUR POV]

  The CEO told me about the new album he’s been working on. It was about his first love. It would be no other than me, right?

I went up to his room and read the paper scattered alongside his desk. There were lots but I decided to read the one that I assumed was already done. It was near the porch and I understood how he wanted to compose in front of the moon.

  The moon shone brightly that night

 but I realized that wasn’t my source of light

You look lovely

as the smiles you beamed lasted an eternity

I was persuaded and lost in thought

unknowingly, my heart was caught

Because even under the moon, you’ve shone the brightest

and cleared my problems at most

Even under where light lies,

 I was indulged deep in your eyes

Even when it illuminates through the void,

a different view is what I’ve enjoyed

Because even if their minds were fixated on the scene,

looking at you felt more serene

  I stopped reading the paper and placed it back on the desk.

  “That can’t be me..” I thought.

  Starting from the mentioned smiles, how could that be me? You stated you enjoyed looking at me, but I felt like I was invisible whenever you compose songs. Did you make songs while thinking of me? I don’t think so. You should’ve known that you were dragging me along with your darkest nights. I wasn’t even your light anymore, it died down. I was overshadowed by your passion or the one you’re talking about in this script. Can I still make you happy? No. Am I still happy? No. The whole lyrics proves how you didn’t even take a single glance at me right now. Because if you did care, you would've known I changed because you did. I changed because the person I was relying upon, didn’t find motivation in me. We started together but it lost while it progresses just like how you started music because of me but lost my figure in your sight along the way. It was reality, I was being forgotten. When I was alone crying, where were you? I know you don’t understand me quite well but I was the whole climate. I changed for seasons unlike in the past where it was mild swings. Because you know what hurts the most? Not the fact that I waited and kept waiting as I am already used to that and no matter how many years it may take, I’ll always wait for you. But it’s all because everything went back. You picked me up from the trauma and showed how love is but it’s as if my past resurfaced from the waters and told me how tragedies would always stay the same. That I would always end up this way no matter who I’m faced to. I felt guilty for slightly regretting that I praised your songs. Indeed you were meant to be connected with music and it’s your passion. I’m happy that I was able to show it to you but wouldn’t these happen if I didn’t start it all? I was wrong. I thought it made you happy but no. None of these made us happy. Your pieces of music weren’t to blame, I shouldn’t be blamed and neither were you. Where did everything go wrong? I don’t know, it just started to fall off. These lyrics were deeply engraved in my mind. You seemed so in love when I wasn’t able to show you what love is. If it was a person, she must’ve been so kind and understanding. She must’ve been someone who understood your secrets and feelings. And me? I couldn’t still get to you. I’m confused about what’s best for you or what you wanted all along. I don’t recognize the woman you’re writing about. Either it was the past me or someone new. Chris,

  who is it that you’re in love with?

  Cold air rushed through my skin as I closed my eyes and inhaled the scent of calm air. It wasn’t possible but it was enough to make me feel calm. I still appreciated our moments but I feel like I can’t wait anymore, Chris. It’s not because I’m tired but because I feel like you’ll be better without me. I hate the idea of me regretting I showed you your passion. I’ll be nothing but a whole burden. You’ll meet someone better who recognizes your life and by then she’ll be a brave one who can communicate with you. You’ll find someone new, or you already did. If anything, happiness is all I need in the end, at least at the ends of the world. It did happen. I was happy because the next thing I’ll do will be the bravest thing I had ever done after all my cowardly decisions in life, and it’s all because of you.

I stood up at the top of the porch and imagined a vivid scenery. It was you kneeling down to someone new. She did accept it and you were celebrating. Tears ran down my cheeks but was I smiling? Yes, it was indeed happiness seeing you take a break from the pressure and realize you needed to receive joy. I wasn’t able to give it to you but to think someone else would, contrasted the happiness and pain. “It’s time to let go” I opened my eyes slowly as I thought and saw the moonlight. I snapped out of my thoughts and cleared out my head. Because no matter what happened in between us, you crossed my mind in a second. And that’s when I knew, I still loved you despite the bittersweet rain.

10

[CHRIS POV]

  I heard sirens in front of the place that doesn’t feel like home anymore. Why? I heard how young and innocent the girl was and it was a pity to see her leave. It was a shock for me to the point that I hadn’t shed a single tear. Empty, hollow. It was all I could feel at the moment. Was she gone? Did she conclude to leave her out of my life?

Paper. That’s all I’ve seen on the desk. It’s prohibited to enter but I couldn’t believe what I’m seeing. The paper was crumpled and I believed you took the time to read this. Was my perspective wrong about you? Wasn’t this about you? I read the paper without further thinking and realized how I painted her as an angel. She is human, she was a human. Yet I’ve acted as if she was happy all the time, trying to save me from being a mess. Did I take a look back at her? No, instead I assumed too quickly. But what could that change? I was late and you’ve already given up. I was this close to preventing this but because I was so into writing a song made for you, I had forgotten the purpose to the point that it doesn’t seem like you anymore. Can I turn back time? If only I could. I needed to feel your warmth, I needed to see you one last time. I need you.

“Excuse me, do you know the victim?” A man from the authorities asked.

“Yes.”

Mixed emotions were vivid. I felt guilty but hoped you were happy in your last breath. The context of mines was complicated and I didn’t even notice it before. I abandoned to treat, as what I comprehend. Miscommunication rode the tides but it was undoubtedly true when I started to ignore people that surround me. I want to focus on you without realizing I left you. Is that even possible? It is now that I’ve seen it. Just like CDs, everything was played out in deja vu. People were different but things were just the same. It was how I became just like the person I despised all my life. But I did it for a reason, it’s not like I forgot about you. I just didn’t think how your feelings are right now but pursuing this song, is how I still remembered every bit of you. Would the ring I held on be given if I arrived earlier? No, I should’ve realized. I should’ve loved and made you feel how important you were to me in the days back then. In times you felt a hole in your chest, I should’ve been there to feel it up with love. I should’ve been there when you felt insecure. I should’ve been there when you felt all alone. But no matter how much I hurt myself, tear myself apart, it all ends with “I should’ve.” I’m sorry I couldn’t show you what I wanted to. I’m sorry I couldn’t love you until the very end.

I continued explaining to the man, 

  “She was my fiancée”

would you love me if I let go?

[sk8rwillie]

Forever & Always

aka a juke wedding au

taglist: @reggieshamster @owenmercers @oldsmobile-hotdogs @iridescentkippen @screamin-amuseum (lmk if you want to be added to my permanent taglist)

Today was the most hectic and chaotic day of Julie’s whole life, at least that’s what she thought when Flynn dragged her out of bed to get ready at 5am this morning. For her wedding, she was actually getting married to Luke and it felt like a dream. She swore everytime she looked at any of her friends and family, they were wiping away tears. Everyone in the entire world knew that Julie and Luke were meant for each other and everyone wanted this day to be perfect.

It was now 3pm and everything was going smoothly, the flowers- dahlias and roses of course, had arrived and the venue and caterers were moving everything along. It was the same place where her parents got married, a beautiful botanical garden just along the coast. Flynn and Alex had been keeping her busy so she wouldn’t get so anxious over everything.

Flynn was doing her makeup, using small bursts of purple around the corners to match the color scheme chosen. Julie had obviously chosen purple, a light lilac, as to not seem so pretentious (which made Luke snort when she told him those exact words). Julie wanted this day to be as much his as it was here, but Luke wasn’t having it. He told her he would be happy marrying her behind the Taco Bell down the street from their apartment. As long as they were together, it didn’t matter.

Alex was now doing her hair, which was still a secret but she had faith in Alex’s abilities. He had fought hard to be one of Julie’s bridesmaids which made her and Willie giggle up a storm. She knew Reggie and Willie were with Luke, but she missed them. Especially Luke, she hasn’t seen since late last night because Flynn wanted them to stay apart for as long as possible before the wedding tonight. They had both agreed to her plan, but now regretted their decisions, since their phones were also hidden.

So as she sat as still as she possibly could for Alex, she drifted into a daydream. Well, a memory at least. It was the day Luke proposed to her, which made her giggle just at the thought of her fiancé- husband to be.

It was a quiet night for them, cuddling up on the couch and watching disney movies. He had mentioned he needed to get something, but Julie refused to move from his warm embrace. Tilting her head up to meet his gaze, she pouted. Luke grinned, pressing a kiss to her forehead which seemed to distract her enough for him to move.

As he stood, something fell out of his pocket, but he continued towards the bedroom. Glancing down, Julie’s breath hitched in her throat and tears pricked her eyes. It was an engagement ring, specifically the one she had pointed to in a jewelry shop months ago. She picked it up and admired it, a simple diamond in the middle with oval cut amethysts on either side of it. Everything was silent for a moment, as she looked back to find Luke standing where she found the ring, mouth agape and a creeping blush on his cheeks.

“This was going to be so much better- I had a plan, it wasn’t extravagant but it was definitely less idiotic than this.”

“Yes.” She knew it wouldn’t click for a few moments but she had to say it before her voice got too shaky, her tears already making her vision fuzzy.

“Julie, I love you. You are the best thing to happen to me and I don’t know what I would do- wait did you say yes?” He was so focused on telling her how much she meant to him and how much he loved her and now he was at a loss for words.

She only nodded, bringing her hands up to cup his face. He responded very quickly, wrapping his arms around her waist. It really wasn’t a question of whether she’d say yes or not, he’s known that answer since their 5 Grammy wins a few years ago. She reminded him everyday that she loved him and wanted to spend forever with him. It was the question that all of their friends had been asking since they first met, who will propose first?

Julie was surprised it took this long, in all honesty, knowing how anxious Luke had always been to show her that he only wanted her. They were still fairly young, Julie having only turned 24 two months ago. But it didn’t matter, as long as they were together..

“Jules? Julie?? Earth to Jules!!” Alex had tapped her on the nose and was now waving a hand in front of her face to get her attention.

“Yes, sorry. I’m here,” she smiled and Alex squeezed her shoulder. Handing her a mirror, she held it up to view the work Alex put into her hair and she gasped. It was a simple style, half up half down but Alex had put intricate and small braids into her bun and butterfly clips adorned her head. She hopped out of the chair and squeezed him tight, making Alex laugh and kiss her temple.

“Alex! It’s perfect!” She couldn’t help the tears in her eyes as she pulled away slightly from him. Which only made Alex sniffle,

“Oh come on, Jules. Now you’re making me cry! I guess I'll be crying later anyway. But i’m glad you like it, I’ve been counting down the days to get you all dolled up for your wedding!” Julie only rolled her eyes and lightly shoved Alex’s shoulder. He feigned hurt until she giggled, “You better not mess up your makeup or Flynn will kill me!!”

Now she was standing in front of her wedding dress, trying not to ruin the beautiful work Flynn had done her makeup earlier. A moment later, Flynn walks in, squeezing her best friend’s shoulders. Both staring up at the beautiful dress, “I can’t believe you’re getting married, Jules. I’m so happy for you!”

“Hey don’t forget you and Carrie are engaged now!! So next we’ll be planning your wedding!!” Both girls started giggling, Julie pulling them in for a hug. Until Flynn realized the time and rushed Julie to get into her dress.

There was no better way to describe the feeling when Julie put it on other than she felt like a princess. The intricate embroidered flowers and mesh that ran down her arms. The lace that decorated every inch of the dress. The sleeves comfortably sitting on the edges of her shoulders, allowing her mother’s dahlia necklace to shine against her delicate, copper skin.

Walking out of the dressing room, she is met with Alex and Flynn of course, at a loss for words. But also Willie who’s smiling so wide it looks like it hurts and Reggie who’s wiping tears cascading down his red cheeks. Julie only smiles bashfully,

“If you all start crying then I will too!!”

“You look stunning, Jules. If we’re all crying I can’t imagine Luke is gonna be able to hold it together!” Reggie snorted. Julie gasped quietly, she wanted to see Luke so badly it hurt. She knew she’d be seeing soon obviously but it didn’t mean she didn’t miss his cute laugh and pretty eyes and honest kindness…

Willie walks forward and wraps her in a tight hug, making her immediately melt into their embrace. Willie always gives good hugs and always seems to know when people need them most. As he pulled away, they cleared their throat,

“I know I’m not one of your bridesmaids,’ he giggled lightly as he looked back at Alex who huffed proudly in response. “But I wanted to give you this- something blue, something Luke. He doesn’t know but me, Reggie and Alex put our heads together.”

Looking down at Willie’s hands, she found a silver necklace with a cerulean blue guitar pendant. She can’t help the wide smile from appearing across her features. Willie takes this moment to clasp it around her neck, watching as it sits nicely above her dahlia.

Before the boys can get in another hug session with Julie, Flynn is rushing them out to get ready for the ceremony. Sitting Julie back down, she spruces up her makeup and helps with her shoes (beat up old vans because comfort over style Flynn, no one will see them anyway!). She notices how glossy Flynn’s eyes are and now it’s her turn to fix her makeup,

“I’m only crying because this is actually happening and I love you.”

“I love you too, Flynn. I couldn’t have done any of this without you and I don’t mean just the wedding plans,” Julie presses her forehead to Flynn’s, making them both smile. Flynn squeezes her hands before turning to head out into the venue, Julie’s father taking her place.

Ray can only stand and admire his daughter’s radiance and happiness. He presses a kiss to her forehead and locks their arms together, walking to the edge of the actual venue. No one can see her yet, but everyone is sitting and chatting amongst themselves. She sees Kayla and Nick laughing together, Carrie and Bobby making sure no one can see them cry while their father, Trevor, sniffles stoically.

Ray tugs on his daughter’s arm lightly and she glances back at him. They smile and laugh, “I’m so proud of you, mija. You deserve only happiness and I can see that everytime you look at each other. I only wish your mother was here to see this.”

“Thank you, papí. I couldn’t have done it without you, I love you. I know mom’s watching, I can feel it,” Julie glances up at the sky and smiles. Ray only watched and thanked the heavens for giving him such a wonderful daughter. Handing her the bouquet of lavender and wisteria, he nudges her again, “Ready, mija?”

He walks her out and she knows she can hear music playing because it’s a song that Luke wrote for her. But it’s like everything else disappeared and all she can focus on is Luke. Standing at the end of the aisle, fiddling with his hands, mouth curved into a wide smile. He tugs at the sleeves of his suit jacket, she giggles lightly- proud that he’s even wearing sleeves. His cheeks are flushed and dusted pink, gray eyes big and shiny as they watch her walk closer with pure adoration.

As she reaches him, Ray lets her go and smiles at the both of them. Julie hands her bouquet over to Flynn standing behind her, finally facing the love of her life. They both aren’t really paying attention to what’s being said, just focused on each other. Until it was time for their vows. Luke went first:

I’ll tell you now, I could spend a lifetime telling you how much you mean to me, Jules. I have loved you since the first time I saw when I was 16 in that boring math class. I found myself giddy and excited to get to school just to see you and hear your laughter. You’ve brought out the best in me and my songwriting. When I’m with you, I know I can do anything. I never believed in soulmates until I found you and it felt like coming home. Your warmth and kindness fuels me with the strength to live my dreams- our dreams. Being in a band with you has truly been the best experience of my life and I cannot wait to see what the future holds. I love you more than words could ever say.

Willie hands Luke a ring and he gently places it on her ring finger, sniffling and laughing. They’re both crying by this point, not worried about anything else going on. Julie quickly wipes some of her fallen tears away as she locks eyes with Luke again. Fiddling with the new wedding band around her finger she begins her vows:

When I first met you, I never thought I would play music again. Not after losing my mom, but you gave me a new passion- a new spark for music and I cannot thank you enough. Playing music together became a love language and it only made me realize how deep in love I was with you. You are my rock, you’re ambition and relentless passion in everything you do made me a better person. We compliment each other, two flames bound to one another. Loving you is like watching your favorite movie or reading your favorite book, it’s exhilarating. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you when you let me play ‘Bright’ a song you had written and shown to no one else. You trusted me with something so close to your heart and I knew then that I wanted to memorize all of you. You are my favorite song and you are my person, I love you.

Now it’s Alex’s turn to hand over the ring, Julie slipping it onto Luke’s calluses finger. Now she’s sure there isn’t a dry eye in the room, not after they’d just shared snippets of the true love they had for each other. So when it was time to ‘kiss the bride,’ Julie didn’t hesitate. Wrapping her arms around Luke’s neck and pulling him down to brush their lips together and finally sealing them in a smile.

Pulling away, still smiling, they lock their fingers together and walk back down the aisle as husband and wife. Truly a power couple for the ages. And before rejoining their friends and family for the reception, Luke steals another kiss and another and another. Cupping her cheeks and bringing her as close to him as he possibly can. She snakes her hands back around his neck, digging her fingers lightly through his hair, earning her a small noise in response.

Pulling away, breathless this time and leaning their foreheads together. She presses a kiss to his nose, which he scrunches up when she moves away.

“I love you, Mrs Patterson,” Luke breathes out. Julie only smirks and playfully rolls her eyes.

“And I love you, Mr Molina,” she replies, trying to hide her love stricken smile. Luke only quirks an eyebrow,

“I kinda like the sound of that.”

She smacks his arm lightly to which he only shakes his head and pulls her in for another kiss. Yeah she could get used to this forever.

[pl-panda]

To Marry a Vigilante: Part 10

MASTERLIST || First || Previous || Next

To Marry a Vigilante: Part 10

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Chloé felt that something was wrong. She knew that the drama would only start with the class kicked out. She tried to enjoy the evening and do what she did at all other galas: be a star. As the daughter of the mayor of Paris and a famous fashion icon, she attracted quite a bit of attention. Now that she was the only reliable source of information on Marinette and Hawkmoth-related stuff, she found herself in the center of attention. Someone even asked her about her time as Queen Bee. She loved it here!

She just finished a small talk with the wife of… someone important, when unmistakable sausage hair flashed in the crowd. She would recognize her anywhere. Lila was still at the gala. 

The blonde tried to find someone to tell it to, but she couldn’t do it fast enough. She saw her disappear into a corridor that led to the kitchen. Making a split-second decision, she followed her alone. On her way, she got a bright idea and sent the text to whoever she called last. There was no time to search through the contact list. It better be someone who can help. 

The doors to the kitchen were closed and inside buzzed with the work of several hired helpers. They were preparing for the midnight toast. There was no way Lie-la could hide there. The only other doors led to the servants’ staircase. 

“Ugh! The sacrifice I make for friendship.” She sighed before entering the tight passage. 

This led her to the second floor, where she found the doors already open. It led to a long corridor with several doors on the one side and large windows overlooking the back garden. She realized she was in the west wing, which was the second oldest part of the manor. 

“More creepy secret passageways…” She quickly checked her phone to see if somebody answered, but a crashing sound coming from one of the rooms got her attention. 

Slowly, she crept toward the only room with lights on. She managed to get a sneaky peek inside before something hit her in the back of her head and everything turned black. 

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“So… he really asked you out on the first day?” Allegra starred at Marinette in disbelief.

“Yeah. He was all shy and flustered, almost certain I would reject him.” She giggled. The two girls were standing on the sidelines while Jon got the boys to finally talk their differences out in a safe manner. 

“That guy? Flustered?” Allegra giggled. “I think not.”

“And you? I thought Damian had no friends? Well, Jon was more of a family friend from what I heard.” 

“My dad is the Gotham Mayor. Probably the only one who stayed in office longer than a week in the last decade.” 

“No way!” 

“Yes, way.” Allegra nodded. “I met Jon during the interview his mom was doing in Gotham for the Daily Planet. Then, we met at Gotham Academy. Damian was kinda just tagging along. And he still does. Well, I think he actually likes the occasional hanging out with us, but Claude disagrees.” She nodded toward the boys, who seemed to be coming their way. “It’s going to be nice to have a second girl in the pack.” 

“I should totally introduce you to Chloé.” Marinette giggled before walking to meet Damian half-way. 

“Tt. Felix is not his cousin.”

“And the floor is indeed made of floor.” Jon chuckled.

“I have the dusters…” He threatened, but his friend just laughed. 

“Can we dance?” Marinette asked fast. Truth to be told she was waiting for a chance for quite a while, but with the press and then the drama and all the people wishing them well. 

Nodding, he led them to the dancing floor and they joined many other couples. 

“I just hope I don’t fall over… Or step on…”

“If a man doesn’t come to this thing with reinforced shoes, it’s his fault.” Damian stopped her before she could spiral. Then, his voice softened. “There is nothing to worry about. The only important person today is already dancing with me and the rest can stuff it.” 

She blushed bright pink but didn’t respond. Instead, she hugged closer to his chest and allowed him to take the lead. The pair glided seamlessly through the dance floor, moving between other pairs and completely obvious to the stares they received. They melded in perfect harmony, losing the sense of time and space. 

Inside Marinette’s head, they were dancing between the stars, bathed in subtle light coming from nowhere and everywhere. In the distance, her imaginary eyes could’ve seen the comet passing by and the full moon glowing in the sky. The music seemed to be coming from everywhere and encompassing them in soothing tones. 

For Damian, they were the only constant in the sea of darkness. There was nothing to distract them from dancing. Even the music faded to the background when they moved in perfect harmony. The only source of light seemed to be Marinette. And even her glow was only an aura around her, not illuminating the rest of the place at first. In his imagination, everywhere they stepped, she would leave a small trail of light in the darkness. 

Finally, the music stopped. The couple didn’t notice at first until the applause finally broke to them. They both realized they were now in the center of the large circle where people watched. One old lady had a tear in her eye. Marinette blushed at the attention, but did her best not to appear shy. Damian shrugged. He was superior to them, so it was obvious their dance was the center of attention. He bowed slightly to the crowd while Marinette curtsied before rushing away from the prying eyes. 

“That was something…” Allegra smiled at her. “You two looked amazing. I really love how your dress reflected the light.” 

“Thanks. I ma… nevermind.” She stopped herself. She wanted to reveal she made it, but Allegra was still unknown to her and she wasn’t comfortable with revealing that she is MDC so soon. Even if Jon vouched for her. 

“Mari-bear!” Chloé rushed to the pair. “Quick! You need to come with me!” 

“What’s going on Chlo?” 

“It’s Lila!” The blonde motioned. The reaction was immediate. Marinette’s eyes narrowed and her whole body tensed. She nodded and followed the blonde, who led her toward the kitchen and servants’ staircase. 

A saner part of Marinette’s mind noted that Chloé had no problem with the tight passage used only by ‘peasants’ but the majority of her focused solely on stopping whatever evil scheme Lila concocted. 

On the second floor, the blonde led Marinette toward Bruce’s private office. Blood started to run cold in her veins. Did Rossi discover the entrance to the batcave? But no, Chloé would be calling the whole Batfam then. She was probably just scoping around and now awaits inside. Or maybe she just broke something in rage?

When they got close, Chloé opened the doors. Inside was in perfect order, except the chair was turned back. As it rotated slowly, Marinette managed to see disheveled blonde hair before pain exploded from the back of her head and she collapsed into the embrace of darkness. 

Nobody noticed one more person in the corridor when Marinette left the office alone.

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Damian was ‘enjoying’ the small talk with some rich snob, doing his best to appear as the perfect son and heir to Bruce Wayne. Inside, he was cursing Allegra for stealing his angel so close to midnight. He could see the waiters hired for the evening spreading the champagne already. 

“Hi. You’re Damian Wayne, right?” A girl asked him. Her blonde hair was let loose to form a large mane around her head. She looked maybe a year younger. What attracted attention were her eyes. One was bright pink and the other was brown to the point it was almost black. 

“Tt. I need to get a better mask.” 

“It’s the eyes. They give you away.” She smiled. 

“What is it?” He scoffed. “I’m looking for someone so if you excu…” 

She grabbed his wrist in a strong grip. “I’ve got a message for Damian Wayne. You will listen to what I have to say.” Her hand squeezed his wrist to the point it started to sting. “You’re far from victory yet.” 

She then let go of his hand and disappeared into the crowd. She was small enough for him not to be able to track her. He took a sip of his (non-alcoholic) champagne and returned to his search, promising to check on the cameras later. Finding his beloved was now even more important. 

Cursing under his breath, he turned. Marinette was just coming back from where Chloé dragged her. As soon as she saw him, she rushed toward him. A small smile ghosted his face when they met. Except something was wrong. She looked ashamed and scared. 

“Damian… I… I think… I must confess something…” She said loudly, attracting the crowd. “I’m so sorry. I really am! It… I never wanted to push it that far! I just wanted a bit of the fame…” Tears welled in her eyes.

“What are you…” He started. 

“They were right! I was just a filthy gold digger! But your family was so kind and you’re so precious and smart and I feel so bad for manipulating you! I can’t continue like that! It’s over between us. For your own good!” 

A sword was suddenly pressed into her neck to the point it drew blood. Nobody was sure where Damian got the sword , but by now the guests were used to the fact that he could get the sword at any point in the Manor.

“Who are you, harlot, and what did you do to my Angel?” He seethed. People around quickly made a space for them, not wanting to accidentally find themselves on the business end of the sword. 

“I’m sorry Damian. I know it must be hard but…” 

“You are definitely not Habibti and you can drop the act. She would not act like this. You don’t even know her well enough to realize that this gold digging crap is laughable,” he accused. His voice was full of cold fury. 

“You must let go. I… I really don’t want to hurt you.” 

“You can’t even tie someone correctly.” A new voice joined the discussion as another Marinette pushed her way through the crowd. “Or check if someone sees you change. You’re pretty amateurish for a villain.”

“But… but…! Impostor!” The Marinette at the end of the sword screamed. People were already too confused for that to have any real effect.

“Tt. You’re the only impostor.”

“She wants to get the hands on your fortune!” The girl tried. “I’m so sorry!” 

“For the love of god shut up. You sound like a broken record.” Marinette snapped. “And for your information, I don’t need to try and attach myself to someone. I have my own source of income.” Marinette hesitated. Even if the impostor, whoever they were, was dealt with, the media would still keep accusing her of trying to marry into wealth. And at school it would be even worse. She would not give Lila more lie material. “After all, I made my dress for today’s evening.”

Murmurs immediately broke. So far, everyone assumed that it was an MDC original. Very few smarter ones caught up on that, but the majority was scratching their heads. Slowly, the small intelligent percent explained to their oblivious colleagues what that meant. 

“Yes, I’m MDC. It used to stand for Marinette Dupain-Cheng before I switched to Marinette Désign et Création.” She gazed over the crowd. “You can ask uncle Jagged if you see him.” She grinned. “Or Tim Drake. He has a signed CD. In fact…” She pulled her phone and made a quick tweet about the Wayne Gala on her MDC account. 

“No…” The other Marinette starred in disbelief. 

“Yes. I wanted to keep it a secret until I graduate, but someone forced me to unmask a bit earlier…” She glared at the impostor. 

“No!” They screamed. Black bubbling energy covered them. Damian tried to stab with his sword and fell right through it, with his suit burning in several places. When it stabilized again, A teenager stood there. She looked mostly human, except her hair was fluorescent orange and her dress was torn in several places now. She had no accessories and her feet were bare. “You ruined everything! This was supposed to be my trip!” 

Marinette took a battle stance, mentally giving herself a pat on the back for making her dress combat-ready. She didn’t bring the rope dart this evening since it would clash with her look, but she did put a small, almost unnoticeable sheethe with a knife on her left thigh. She quickly drew the blade and got ready. 

“I will not be denied again!” The villain charged at Marinette. The girl tried to strike with her knife, but the blade broke on the first contact, shattering into small pieces that flew everywhere. Several cut her arm. In retaliation, the criminal delivered a punch that pushed all the air from her lungs and made her tumble. 

Impostor was just preparing to deliver a final strike when suddenly a blade cut off her right hand before being stabbed through her calf, making her fall one one knee and pinning her to the ground. 

Sabine was there, with fury on her face that would make demons run for cover and saints pray to God. 

“No one.” She delivered a spin-kick at the downed enemy’s head. She tumbled down and spread like a run-over frog “Hurts.” Before the villain could catch the second wind, she pulled the sword from her calf and stabbed it deep into her left palm, pinning her into the ground. There was no blood whatsoever. “My daughter.” She spat on the impostor and stepped on her head with enough strength to knock out any normal human. 

Just as her leg was supposed to give the villain a concussion, she turned into purple bubbling energy and moved. Sabine’s leg passed through the energy and her leg started to smoke a bit and turn red. 

“That hurt!” The villain screamed once she reformed, all wounds gone like they were never there. A purple butterfly-shaped mask appeared over her face and the few people that knew what happened in Paris gasped. “Ugh! Fine!” She tried to lunge at Marinette, but a chair smashed into her head and batted her away like a baseball ball. 

“Run!” Tom screamed at her daughter and charged with the chair. Marinette looked at her mother and Damian and all three nodded at the same time. Using the panic and people running away, they ducked into an empty corridor and locked the door. 

“Tikki! Spots on!”

“Plagg! Claws out!”

“Roaar! Prowl!”

The light of three transformations was blinding. When it died, Sabine looked over the couple and noticed that she was the only one that had an unchanged outfit. 

Damian’s outfit consisted of what were dark gray linen pants, a linen shirt with long sleeves and a hood with two folds on the top of his head that resembled cat ears. Over the shirt, he wore a black vest with dark-green finishes. On his left breast was a cat symbol. His forearms were wrapped with gray straps, over which he wore green armguards that reached a bit over the back of his hand. His dark-gray gloves had sharp claws at the end of each finger. His feet were covered with soft shoes that would make no sound as he moved. Behind him, a loose sash of gray imitated cat’s tail. The final touch was the black mask almost identical to what he wore as Robin, except the white eyes were green in this case. His baton was safely attached to his right thigh for easy access.

Marinette now wore a much more stealthy outfit. The core of it was black with dark-red accents. The boots that reached beyond mid-thigh had a single black spot on each vamp, knee, and at the top. There were dark red spots on each of her hips that doubled as some protection. Over her shoulders she wore a dark-red bolero with a black spot near her neck. The sleeves of her bolero ended just below her elbot and on each end was another black spot. She had an additional, very large black spot, on her back. A simple red mask covered her eyes. Her dark hair, which she wore loose these days, was tied into low twin ponytails with red ribbons. On each hand, she wore a red fingerless glove with a single spot on the wrists.

Sabine looked over the two of them. She immediately noted that Damian’s outfit was much more assassin-esque than the leather tights Chat Noir wore. Her daughter also looked more mature now. 

“What happened to your outfit?” She asked, curious why the change happened now. 

“Ladybug and Chat Noir are connected. Since I’ve got a new cat, I have a new outfit.” She smiled. 

“Black Cat. In the outfit, I’m Black Cat. Chat Noir was a bastard.”

“Um… Akuma?” Ladybug waved her hand toward the main room.

The three jumped out of the corridor to the pandemonium that was happening there.

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Masterlist // Next