#i have so much existential dread about my wips...🙈

[acacia-may]

4, 11, 52, and 65 for the 100 writer asks? 👉👈💖

Thank you so much for the ask, Erika! I'd be delighted to answer these questions for you! Cheers!! 💖

4. What is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven’t written it yet and experience deep existential dread?

SO.MUCH.EXISTENTIAL.DREAD.

I answered this question here and talked about my Langris x Finesse Beauty and the Beast AU. Super fun stuff that I never got around to writing at all unfortunately. I have a lot of plot bunnies, but I think that's the oldest I'm still carrying around and have never made any concrete progress on.

11. What's something neat you’ve learned while doing research for something you were writing? also, how much do you worry about doing research in general?

...do you want to know how the human knee joint works in excruciating detail??? I now have my honorary PhD in Patellar Instability thanks to fanfiction.

Jokes aside...I think a lot of the things I've learned for fanfics are related to injuries. I know way more about corneal lacerations, punctured lungs, broken fibulas, amputation recovery, and direct blood transfusions in World War I than I ever expected to know (among a lot of other things).

I also try to research the personal experiences of people who have similar struggles to the characters I'm writing if I don't have a personal frame of reference. For instance, I think I've read at least 100 first-hand accounts from widows and widowers who eventually remarried detailing their specific struggles in processing their grief and opening themselves up to love again. (A special thanks to the Widowers Support Network. They were very informative.)

Sometimes I just disappear down the research rabbit hole. I once spent literally an hour and a half researching cantera fountains for one throwaway line in a one shot. If the story takes place in a historical setting, I'll spend a lot of time researching that or (more often than not) researching whether or not certain things existed yet.

Recently I have been learning a lot about bridges. (I have this OC who is super passionate about bridges, but I know absolutely nothing about them 🤦‍♀️ so it's been a struggle). Last weekend I watched a 45-minute documentary about cantilever bridges just so I'd know how they work--only to discover that the cantilever bridge in this city where the fic was taking place had been torn down at this time and a new cable-stayed bridge had been built. So then I had to watch a bunch of YouTube videos about how those work too.

Oh I also do a lot of canon research too (i.e. going back to reread or rewatch relevant moments from the story because I generally want my fics to be as close to canon as possible. There is nothing worse than catching continuity errors in my work. Yikes 🙈

So yeah...needless to say, I do a ton of research--probably WAY too much because it's most likely that nobody even notices these things but me. But it's still important to me to be accurate to the source material and as realistic as possible.

52. How many unfinished ideas/stories are you working on at the same time?

I try to only actively write one story at time, but I generally work on actively drafting and outlining up to and around 5 at once (by shuffling around the ideas in my head). I specify "actively" because I constantly juggle a lot of WIPs and story ideas, but I can only make concrete progress on a few of them at a time. That doesn't mean I've abandoned my wips, just that they don't have my attention and therefore, won't get concrete drafting, outlining, or writing progression.

Going back to question #4, this also fills me with existential dread.

65. What is your favourite title for a fic you’ve written? 

Probably "A Ceiling Made Of Stars" (which is DRV3 fic). In a once-in-a-lifetime event for me, I actually titled that fic before I wrote it. It just came to me when I had the initial idea for that story, and I think it's poetic, especially in context. I'm also very fond of "The Hero You Loved" (which is an OMORI fic) though I haven't written the 2nd chapter of that fic which would fully explain where the title comes from yet.

It's worth mentioning though that a lot of my fic titles are borrowed from/inspired by lines in music so I felt I should share my favorite titles in this category too (the fandom is in parentheses): "Tackle The Monsters" (DR UDG) "Hearts In Tune," (OMORI) and "Lights Will Guide You Home" (EOA)

My favorite cheeky title is probably "Everything I Need To Know About Love I Learned From Latin" (Horrible Histories; The Movie) though "How To Catch A Mermaid" (OMORI) is a close second. 😁 "It's a Future Problem" is another fun one especially given what that story is about (and that's actually a Black Clover fic unlike the rest of these😅).

To be honest, I think some of my unfinished wips actually have some of my favorite titles I've ever come up with so I'll mention them too: "Lightning In Their Eyes" (Fairy Tail; about how each of the members of the Thunder Legion first met Laxus) and "Dissonant Melodies" (YTTD; about the Yabusame Siblings' (who are both musicians) extremely strained relationship). But alas, these stories never got finished...maybe someday...

[acacia-may]

Hiya Acacia! For the ask game; may I ask for 4, 7, 31, and 46 please 🥰?

Hi there, Lyra! Thank you for the ask, friend!! 💜 These replies got really long so I've put them under the cut.

4. What is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven’t written it yet and experience deep existential dread?

Since I have way too much WIPS, I am going to take a very narrow focus for this question and make myself choose from plot bunnies I have never written anything for (rather than including any existing wips). In which case, I've got to go with my Langris x Finesse Beauty and Beast AU where the Golden Dawn is all turned into the palace furniture (It's based off the Disney movie (loosely) and Alecdora Sandler made an excellent uptight clock, William was a candlestick, and David is particularly hilarious as a wine glass). I wanted to write this one so badly but just never could figure out how to make it into an actual story rather than vignettes of scenes and shenanigans, so it never came to life. 😭

And yes, I feel deep existential dread when I think about all of my wips and the stories I will (probably) never get to write... 🙈

7. Tell us about the plot of the first fanfic you ever wrote

I think I was "writing" fanfiction pretty much my whole life. When I played make-believe as a little kid, it was always continuations of my favorite stories or putting my favorite characters into AUs. I remember writing some short stories about my favorite book and cartoon characters too, but I'm not sure what my very first one was about. I want to say it was Star Wars because my friend and I wrote this whole series when I was about 9 called "The Adventures of Space Cat" (which was my friend's Star Wars OC: a talking cat who was basically adopted by Luke, Han, and Leia and brought on all their adventures after the end of the original trilogy).

When I was in middle school, I wrote what was essentially Ben 10 Alien Force fanfiction for an epic poetry school project and just changed all of the names and some of the more specific details. This absolute gem (I say with total sarcasm) is unfortunately lost to time but my sister swears she vividly remembers this one particular line that was basically, "Character A paused during the battle because of his trauma and confidence issues" (which I think probably says a lot about me & the kinds of characters that compel me even back then...).

I don't think I got serious about writing fanfiction until high school though when I wrote my big, long Secret Garden epic which was 46 chapters and 176,134 words long (and was going to be a duology so was technically never finished even though book 1 has a complete first draft...) The plot was pretty basic. It was a sequel to my favorite book of all time, The Secret Garden, and (believe it or not) a period romance that took place when all the characters were adults mostly during World War 1. It was split perspective and had OCs as major characters too, so it was, honestly, a really ambitious project.

I made so many changes to it after I had a complete draft so I'm honestly very relieved I never posted it anywhere and just shared it with my friends and family irl. They seemed to like it well enough but...it's a bit of an embarrassment for me tbh as I feel my writing has gotten so much better since then. A friend I met in college wanted to read it but I had made so many changes to the draft & had never finished the 2nd draft so it was basically unreadable (i.e. the beginning no longer matched the ending, random plotlines were taken out and added ect.) so I wrote Secrets and Sugar Mice for her as a little taste of my overall ideas and also to introduce her to one of my OCs (and I actually did post that to AO3 (linked here) if you are at all curious).

Writing that story helped me grow so much as a writer, character creator, and storyteller and I'm so grateful for the experience, but I'm not sure I will ever actually resurrect this project, especially since I'm not sure this particular 100+ year old book has much of a fandom.😅

31. Tell us about one of your characters who’s an absolute joy to write

I've answered this here (about one of my OCs) and here (about Black Clover canon characters I enjoy writing), but since we're doing blast from the past here a little, I will give a shout out to very first real OC, Julia, who taught me so much about how to create a character and fit them into an existing world (and as an eventual love interest for an existing character). Some of the most fun I have ever had as a writer was writing her and Colin's quick-witted rivals to friends to lovers plotline. They're both highly intelligent people, strong-willed, and stubborn as heck, and their plotline took place in a hospital (mostly during the war) where he's a doctor and she's a nurse and they are just butting heads about how best to run things at every possible turn. They end up playing up their rivalry because neither wants to admit defeat or that they actually have a lot of respect & admiration for each other and want to be friends. (Secrets and Sugar Mice is about that specifically if you're at all interested).

Here is a short excerpt if I can be completely self-indulgent (just a short little exchange between her and her dad (who technically is a canon character but we know next to nothing about him so he's basically an OC too lol):

Julia stopped abruptly, staring at the medical supply cabinet. It was exactly as she had left it with supplies organized for practical use—bandages next to gauze as they would often be taken together and so on. It only made sense after all—at least to Julia anyway. Some people were of the opinion that it would be better if the supplies were arranged alphabetically.

“Dr. Craven didn’t rearrange the cabinet today,” said a voice from behind her. She turned and found her father, Dr. Louis Cartwright, dressed in his white coat with files in hand. He smiled slightly at her.

 “So I see.”

“He was very busy,” her father explained. “It’s alright if you’re a bit disappointed.”

Her cheeks flushed, but she frowned. “Why would I be disappointed?”

Her father sighed and smiled knowingly at her. “I think you enjoy your little squabble over it.”

Julia could feel a deep blush rising in her cheeks, but she huffed indignantly. She most certainly did not enjoy arguing over the cabinet. It was bad enough that Dr. Colin Craven had somehow convinced her father to move them across the country to work in his hospital, but to then refuse to organize said hospital in a practical manner was even worse. Well, perhaps the rest of the hospital was alright, but this blasted cabinet simply wasn’t practical. She had reorganized it almost immediately, and he had rearranged it right back stubbornly insisting he couldn’t find anything unless the supplies were organized in alphabetical order. She insisted that putting frequently grouped items together saved time and rearranged it again. Then he reorganized it alphabetically again. And so on and so on. This had gone on for months now. It was a matter of pride not something she enjoyed—or at least not something she’d ever admit to enjoying no matter what her father said.

“It’s a matter of principle only, and if this is a sign that Dr. Craven has finally conceded, I would be glad of it.”

Her father laughed—his dark eyes sparkling. “I think it’s more of a sign that he was busy and had lots of patients today. I suppose, we’ll see tomorrow. Unless of course you want to ask him. He hasn’t left yet.”

Julia blinked. As much as she relished the idea of him admitting she was right about the cabinet, she was fairly certain that, as her father had said, this spoke more to Dr. Craven’s workload than to him conceding to her.

“I think I’ll just wait to see. Plus, I think this is a new record for my organization system.”

Her father chuckled quietly to himself but shook his head. “Don’t you think this cabinet squabble has gone on long enough?”

“We haven’t reached a resolution yet.”

“I don’t think you’ll ever reach a resolution this way.” Her father sighed. “I don’t understand why you won’t just admit you want to be friends and find something else to talk about.”

Julia’s cheeks grew hot, but she huffed and shook her head. “I don’t want to be friends.”

Her father raised his eyebrows and tilted his head slightly at her. Julia fidgeted. He could always tell when she was lying. The truth was she wouldn’t mind being friends. In fact, maybe a part of her did want to be friends—but at the same time she barely knew the man, and the little she did know of him was not particularly flattering. Still, she couldn’t help but concede that he was at least intriguing—this heir to a grand estate who spent his time as a doctor in a country hospital—or at least he would be if he was actually sociable from time to time and wasn’t so stubborn.

Julia huffed again. “It’s beside the point. Even if I did want to be friends, he clearly has no interest in making friends with me.” She sighed. “And besides, even if we did try to make friends, I doubt we would even get on—we so often disagree.”

“I think you’d get on extremely well if you got to know each other a little better. You have lots of common interests.”

“Which he never talks about,” Julia protested.

“He’s just shy and…”—Her father paused as if thinking of the right word—“awkward.”

“He’s very opinionated for someone who’s shy,” she countered her brow furrowing. 

Julia’s father laughed, but he smiled kindly. “He is a bit of an odd duck, but he’s a kind person at heart and very generous.”

“Why don’t you make friends with him then?” Julia teased with a chuckle.

Her father laughed. “I already am friends with him, and it’s quite pleasant.”

Julia wrinkled her nose, but her mouth turned up in the corners in spite of herself. She sighed. “I know that you’re very fond of him, Papá, and I can tell that he admires and looks up to you, but he has been nothing but cold and standoffish to me. Arguing about that cabinet and occasionally discussing work related issues is the full extent of our interaction. It’s not nearly enough to build a friendship.”

“I haven’t seen you try to talk to him about anything else, either,” her father countered pointedly before his face softened. “I know he wants to be friends, but I don’t think he knows how to strike up a conversation with you especially since you’re so set on disliking him.”

Julia sighed. “I’m not set on disliking him, but it is difficult to like someone who is so often disagreeable.”

46. what time are you the most productive when it comes to writing?

First thing in the morning or the middle of the night. But I think it changes based on my health and how busy I am. I am a very slow writer in general so it takes me a lot of time in the drafting/outlining stages before I actually sit down to start writing.