#i have so many nb friends and hookups and exes that i’m now thinking like… huh. that’s kinda strange. i’m connecting some dots yk

[alluralater]

i been thinkin lately about why a lot of people i’ve been with end up coming out as nonbinary or are nonbinary and sometimes people are like what’s your gender and i’m like [shrug] i’m a woman, whatever that means :) cause it’s all generally defined by my experience and oppression opposite those who are classified as men, whatever that means. and i tend to have great big feelings for nonbinary people because we always feel so incredibly safe with one another. like they are the nearest and dearest to my heart for some reason even before i know they are or they know they are. anyways all this to say, i don’t really care what you call me or whatever cause gender is a construct and i’m not bob the builder

[iisabclla-blog]

queen  isabella maria  of france !  ﹙ a bed untouched and blankets on the windowseat, immaculate hair and porcelain skin,  what have i done, what have i done?  an untouched plate and an empty wine glass, books piled up on an unused bedside table, a plate of cherries, if only i had died too            a worn bible with a small length of ribbon sewn into the cover, candles burned to quick, crescent-moon shaped cuts on the inside of a soft palm, black kirtle, black shawl, everything black ﹚ 

hi all !! sorry this is so loooong, i’m big into character development so once i got started i couldn’t stop ! i’m enna, i’m 21 and from pst. my pronouns are she/her !!

 i have discord, so hmu if you want to contact me there, and if i’m online, i’m always available thru ims !!   i’ve played isabella before a few times and she’s the angry-sad love of my life so i’m thrilled to bring her here !! 

feel free to like this to plot. there are connection ideas at the bottom so please take a look and see if anything fits your muse and it might help us brainstorm something fun! 

ⅰ. —     statistics & appearance.

𝚗𝚊𝚖𝚎 —  isabella maria 

𝚝𝚒𝚝𝚕𝚎 —  queen of france

𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚜𝚎 —  trastámara of spain

𝚗𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚗𝚊𝚖𝚎 —  bella, but only by her favorite lady’s maid and closest friend 

𝚖𝚎𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 —  devoted to god

𝚊𝚐𝚎 / 𝚍𝚘𝚋 —  twenty seven, born 23rd may

𝚗𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢 — spanish

𝚜𝚎𝚡𝚞𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢 —   bisexual ;  she’s aware of and has acted on her attraction to women in the past. although it is, naturally, a secret, she is not ashamed of her love for other women. 

𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛 —  female

𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚜 —  she/her

𝚑𝚎𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 —  5′4

𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚡𝚒𝚘𝚗 —  her skin is soft, warm and blemish-free, a necessity in her station. she likes to keep her skin clean of any marks and pale, like a doll. she augments the warmth and softness of her features with sharp, simple jewelry & wardrobe choices, although notably she does not display her wealth through jewelry, and instead chooses simple and elegant designs over heavy and ornate

𝚋𝚞𝚒𝚕𝚍 —  she’s small and well-built, not skinny, but soft and with a certain amount of roundness to her. she has the typical feminine shape and a bit around her tummy, thighs, and arms

𝚑𝚊𝚒𝚛 —  her voice is lovely and her accent is chocolatey, carefully schooled to be soft and convincing; when she’s angry, her voice becomes much louder and less delicate, slipping further into her accent

𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚝𝚜 —  she carries herself like her station, with an air of superiority: her chin is always held high and her neck long, her whole posture ramrod straight; she rarely smiles without coaxing these days, but when she does it’s usually warm and surprised, like she’s forgotten that she knows how to do that

ⅱ. —     personality. 

tw / miscarriage, depression, mentions of suicide

𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚍𝚑𝚘𝚘𝚍 —  as a young girl, isabella was a more naive and patient thing. her family ties were strong, and her loyalty to her father & later her brothers was as unwavering as the moon’s rise and fall. she was raised a perfect princess ; educated, crisp, pious and penitent, faithful to the last and hopeful for the future.

𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 —  after having lost all of her children thus far, isabella’s disposition has hardened, and her love and loyalty has started to chip away. she still acts a quiet, faithful and penitent wife, sewing her husband’s shirts and spending an hour or two in the chapel a day. beneath it all, however, is a boiling rage, born of shame, injustice and sadness that she cannot tame.

𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚝𝚎 —  were she a more modern woman, she would hunt for sport and retire to a country house. the business of being queen sits heavily on her shoulders. suffering from depression and often times a passive narrative that her life has been wasted and will continue to be wasted, isabella is about as unhappy as any queen has a right to be. she bears it quietly and acts the part of pretty, perfect wife, although nearing closer and closer to her limit.

𝚊𝚜 𝚊 𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚎𝚗 —   although she was perhaps spoiled and too young when crowned, isabella has become known as a thoughtful, keen-witted and fair queen. remarkably thoughtful, every action and position she takes is well-informed and thought through; she is known for heeding evidence and admitting when she’s wrong. her favorite subjects to learn about are history and economy, and as such she’s done good things for trade and public infrastructure, making her relatively popular with the smaller towns and common people benefiting from her strategic work. she has come to love france, although she does not love governing, and consider its people hers.

𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚏𝚏 —  although a haughty and strict mistress, isabella finds herself more and more drawn to common folk. it seems the servants are the only folk that show her empathy within the french borders.  

𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚘𝚢𝚊𝚕𝚝𝚢 — depending on the person, isabella ranges from curtly polite to quietly warm ; she does not particularly enjoy french court, but she’s always polite and graceful. there can be no rest for her; although her home and a country she’s deeply proud of, france feels not unlike a claw trap closed tight around her ankle.  

𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚝𝚜 — choleric, intelligent, bold, vindictive, poised, restless, fierce

𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚙 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚒𝚘𝚗 —  she no longer believes in god. her prayer is show, her piety is act, and if she did believe, the things she’d pray for would be any manner of blasphemy, treason and regicide.

ⅲ. —     brief backstory.

— will be updated and changed with plotting and development; relationships with family and french royalty are purposefully left vague until plotted — tw / miscarriage, depression, mentions of suicide 

born the middle princess and good for little but bargaining, isabella was spoiled and coddled by her governess from a young age. education, hope and foolish naïveté let her believe the future was wide and wild, that her betrothal was a thing she could become accustomed to, that her father could do no wrong, and that her brothers were blessed by the sun itself. she was looking forward to a life atop a throne with an endless library, travelling and dancing.. and children. happiness. old age and grandeur.

married life quickly disabused her of these childish notions. though she is its queen, she often feels trapped and cornered by france, by her marriage and her duty, willing her body through hatred and shame to do its damn job and provide one squealing shouting babe so she could point to it and say see, i am worth something, i am a princess of spain and i cannot be made less than i am —   but an heir never came, and happiness never followed, and the years have made a bitter, hollow woman of one that was once bright and playful.

though miserable and often times wishing for a grave alongside her buried children, she forces herself to persevere through spite alone; she can think of many worthy things to fall to, but a failed marriage and shame are not worthy things to die over. instead she cultivates the anger over the sadness and tries as hard as she can to put herself back together in the wake of her collection of small tragedies.

her only solace is the repeated hope that one day she will be allowed a child she can keep and hold, the stories and poetry she finds among the pages and pages of the french library, and the art and music that calls france home as much as she has to. she keeps tokens of her lost children, even ones she knew for weeks alone. a small ribbon on her bible for the babe she birthed, and river stones for the ones she did not.

ⅳ. —     connection ideas.

platonic —  

closest friend, confidant ( future or current ) 

unlikely friendship ( preferably someone with an opposite personality ) 

earned trust & loyalty  ( put some of that endless loyalty and hero worship she’s capable of to good use ) 

casual friendships, gossip partners, reading circle

political allies, spanish courtiers who she’s remained friends with, a younger noble/royal she’s vaguely maternal towards

negative —  

hatred at first sight ( we all love drama ) 

enemy of france or spain, enemy of her brother or husband, 

someone who’s been cruel to her ( french people who have been cruel to her ) 

someone who dislikes her backbone, rivals

almost lover turned sour

romantic —  

formative young adult love ( can be m/f/nb, royalty or no, idc i just like angst )

forbidden temptation ( can be one-sided ) 

 previous betrothals pre-marraige ( can ofc be negative and/or platonic ) 

an ex lady’s maid she was lowkey in love with 

an ill-advised comfort hookup that she’s now avoiding

[fyrapartnersearch]

LGBTQ+ Roleplays || Email Only

Hello, Kermit the frog here.

Some basics about me:

- Name’s Kermit, Age’s 21, Timezone’s EST

- Not really a frog (But only because a kiss transformed me into a human, presumably.)

- Trans guy who writes LGBTQIA+ stories exclusively

- 3rd person, past tense, paragraph style, 3+ paragraph replies (generally on the longer side), quality and quantity

- Loves making Pinterest boards for characters and roleplays, making playlists for them, and sending doodles and headcanons

- Some of my favorite things are Marvel, Horror, musical theater, and dinner

- IDK? what else to put? Maybe we can get to know each other better later on? 

Some basics about our potential roleplay: 

- I am likely to respond anywhere from once a day to once a week, just a heads up. 

- I am disappearing and break-taking friendly. Life happens, I get it, friends.

- I only role play over email, but if you wanna chat over discord I am open to that!

- Honestly? I don’t really enjoy m/f as a main relationship in a roleplay, but I’m open to it in side characters. BUT I do love writing m/m, f/f, nb, and trans characters, with a preference for m/m. Hit me up with what you’re feeling.

- Doubling, tripling, and side characters are lovely although not required, aside from side characters, those are more or less required. 

- You need to be 18+ if you are going to contact me. I used to think it was silly when people said that back in the day, too, but now I get it. It just ain’t comfy writing with people below 18.

- I am open to including sex, kinks, gore, violence, drug usage, and potentially other mature themes into our roleplay, with a few exceptions… Here are some no-no’s for me: Beastiality, Furries, Werewolves, Pedophilia, Incest, Scat, Water sports, Excessive descriptions of self harm, Eating Disorders, Eye gore, and Mpreg. Tell me your limits!

Genres/Vague Plot Ideas?: 

- Modern/Slice of Life stories are my favorites! Sorry I’m lame. Here are some ideas I have under this category: 

> Falling in love at a support group 

> Best friends slowly falling in love 

> Meeting and chatting over a dating ap

> A group of unique and quirky friends (Think Friends or RENT) 

> Ex-lovers rekindling an old relationship

> Coming back to your hometown and reuniting with old friends, acquaintances, or even enemies

> Continually running into a hookup as if you guys are soulmates or something

> Falling in love with that cutie who works across the street from you 

> 80s Gay club scene

> Odd Pairings to mix and match with any of the above or one another: Out / Closeted or Questioning, Drug Addict / Straight Edge or Sober, Rich / Poor, Single Parent / Nanny, Single Parent / Teacher, Single Parent / Single Parent, Country / City, Fiance / Best man or Maid of honor, Artist / Muse, Traditional / Unconventional, Creative / Analytical, Prostitute / Client, etc!

- Modern Fantasy 

> Witch/Warlock covens. Love this shit. Rival covens, witch hunters, magic classes, mastering your powers, I have tons of ideas, so lets talk!

> Merpeople are cool? I would love to do something like The Little Mermaid, honestly.

> Something Percy Jackson inspired? Descendants of Greek Gods hanging out and doing heroic shit with their magic powers.

> How about a college for Superheros? Like the movie Sky High, but Sky University or something. 

> Suggest? I’m super open to modern fantasy plots, but I just don’t have as many original ideas for them.

- Disney Inspired Plots:

> Ask me about my ideas or suggest your own! Here’s some movies I particularly enjoy: Tangled, The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Brother Bear, Mulan, Tarzan, Aladdin, Princess and the Frog, Hercules, and Frozen. OCs only!

- Musical Theater Inspired Plots: 

> Ask me about my ideas or suggest your own! Here’s some musicals I would enjoy writing about: The Heathers, Dear Evan Hanson, Be More Chill ( Mostly just want to write something based off the song Michael in the Bathroom), Grease, Little Shop of Horrors, RENT, Avenue Q, Hairspray, Waitress, Mean Girls. OCs only!

- Various other fandoms, OCs only!

> Pokemon

> Digimon (I’ve only seen and are familiar with the mechanics of season 1 and 2.)

> American Horror Story

> Avatar the Last Airbender (Please, maybe with a modern setting?)

God, this is long? Okay, I think that’s everything!

Contact me: eggslikethese@outlook.com

Tell me what you’re looking for, try not to skimp on the intro email, and I hope to hear from y'all soon!

[jeremyknox]

i was tagged in 3 tag games in the last day or so and instead of making 3 separate posts in which i tag much of the same people, i decided to consolidate. i love you all who tagged me.

uh....idk if i have anyone to tag? you guys kind of covered everyone i WOULD tag. i guess @flowerparrish, @colormekorrasami, @jordanetalaredead, @megayest, @twin-ace, @lakesandquarries, @peachy-shrimp, and @hotdamnlookatthispan.... if any of these look interesting, you should totally do them!

okay everything under the cuuuuut

tag game number one: tagged by the sweetest human, @carrie-frances

what’s your favourite song(s) to sing/hum? this is a tough one? currently i’ve been singing You by Keaton Henson a lot and also Ophelia by The Lumineers. Let Her Go by Passenger is another goodie for singing lately. Oh and Lost Boy!!!! by Ruth B.

what’s your favourite flower/tree/plant? I love nature wow. My favorite tree is definitely a Weeping Cherry Tree or Willow. My favorite flowers are sunflowers and roses! Plants in general, I just really love cacti? It’s a product of having family I adore in Arizona haha

what do you always doodle? hm... cats, mostly

how do you take your tea/coffee? With plenty of splenda and some milk

favourite candle scent? Vanilla, mostly. just sweet things

what perfume do you wear? body sprays from bath and bodyworks, usually vanilla or peach

what’s your go-to dance move when you’re alone? i have zero clue haha

favourite quote? i don’t know off of the top of my head! perhaps the one i have tattooed, from star wars. “luminous beings are we, not this crude matter.”

favourite self care routine? putting on good smelling lotions. reading a book. snuggling oliver. calling someone i love.

fuzzy socks or house slippers? both! but mostly fuzzy socks

what colour are your eyes? just plain ole brown

what’s your favourite eye colour on others? idk? i think blue or green but i adore brown eyes on everyone

favourite season? why? autumn, i like the colors and the clothes and the smells

cheek, neck or nose kisses? cheek! but the real MVP are forehead ones

what does your happy place look like? the beach but without all the people. or a quiet forest with light filtering in

favourite breed of dog? i’ve always loved boxers the most, and cavaliers

do you ever want to be married? if so, what colours would you pick for your wedding theme? yes, i think i do? i don’t know what colors, it’s always changing. i think it depends on the person i’m with because their input would matter. i’d want the colors to be whatever colors they think of when they see me and vice versa

cursive or print? it’s a solid mix but mostly print

favourite weather? raining and warm, but not thundering

tag game number two: tagged by the amazing @dancyon

— What was your last…

1. Drink: iced tea

2. Phone call: my aunt calling with some hard news

3. Text message: my aunt with an update

4. Song you listened to: love me by the 1975

5. Time you cried: yesterday and i’m gonna cry later today @ love, simon

6. Dated someone twice: yeah

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: for sure

8. Been cheated on: by two different people, apparently im easy to cheat on

9. Lost someone special: sadly, i’ve lost a few

10. Been depressed: lmao got that good good depression goblin

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: god yeah whoops sorry friends

— Fave colours

12. purple (any shade really)

13. blue (any shade really)

14. soft yellow

— in the last year have you…

15. Made new friends: ahhhh!!!! yes i have ♥

16. Fallen out of love: hhhhhhhhhh

17. Laughed until you cried: probably

18. Found out someone was talking about you: oh yeah

19. Met someone who changed you: yeah, in more ways than one

20. Found out who your friends are: idk???? kinda yeah

21. Kissed someone on your facebook friends list: uh i think i have my ex still

— General

22. How many of your facebook friends do you know irl: majority

23. Do you have any pets: my boy @ollycat and then my dogs and cats @ my parents house

24. Do you want to change your name: i actually did but now i’m back to my birthname bc being NB is one big ???? of what do i want 

25. What did you do for your last birthday: oh shit well w my friends i got drunk on rum, dressed up like a pirate, and played d&d. and then fam was the usual cheesecake factory adventure

26. What time did you wake up today: uh around 8 something officially?

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: i think i fell asleep before midnight? if not i was watching Critical Role

28. What is something you can’t wait for: my next tattoo!!

30. What are you listening to right now: just the sounds of my grandparents house

31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I have an ex named Tom and a Grandpa named Tom

32. Something that’s getting on your nerves: just like....everything about this breakup and stuff i guess

33. Most visited website: god uh...tumblr and twitter????

34. Hair colour: naturally a dark brown with some reddish in it. it’s currently died as close as possible to that

35. Long or short hair: medium?

36. Do you have a crush on someone: no currently i’m avoiding all romance like the fucking PLAGUE

37. What do you like about yourself: i’m pretty tenacious

38. Want any piercings: nah, i’m more the tattoo type

39. Blood type: ..............why

40. Nicknames: bird, birb, kbird, kbirb, broseidon

41. Relationship status: single

42. Sign: aries

43. Pronouns: they/them

44. Fave tv show: on air right now it’s b99 and the good place. in general, buffy and gilmore girls

45. Tattoos: i currently have 6 and i want sooooo many more

46. Right or left handed: left!!!!

47: Ever had surgery: tonsils and stomach yeah

48. Piercings: none

49. Sport: none currently but football (soccer) will always have my heart

50. Vacation: currently in arizona!! i’ve been all over though, i miss mexico a lot

51. Trainers:  what does this....mean....like.....shoes???????

— More general

52. Eating: currently nothing? 

53. Drinking: iced tea currently

54. I’m about to watch: LOVE, SIMON AGAIN BITCH!!!!!!!

55. Waiting for: life to feel right

56. Want: a nap, like always

57. Get married: okay your answer of “if i get past my commitment issues and find someone that loves me, sure” was fucking perfect

58. Career: teacher!

— Which is better

59. Hugs or kisses: hugs

60. Lips or eyes: eyes

61. Shorter or taller: taller

62. Older or younger: older

63. Nice arms or stomach: arms

64. Hookup or relationships: relationship

65. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

— Have you ever

66. Kissed a stranger: nope

67. Drank hard liquor: hell yeah

68.Turned someone down: in high school yeah. and like once in college

69. Sex on first date: ........im an ace baby

70: Broken someone’s heart: supposedly

71. Had your heart broken: mhmmmm

72. Been arrested: nah, just brought home by cops

73. Cried when someone died: yeah, i cry at everything but especially death

74. Fallen for a friend: ..........only friends tbh

— Do you believe in

75. Yourself: trying to? cullen says my heart’s vibranium

76. Miracles: some days i do

77. Love at first sight: probably not, i used to though

78. Santa Claus: not anymore

79. Angels: i’d like to

— Misc

80. Eye colour: brown!

81. Best friends name: i mean..... jenny, ellie, michelle, and cullen? plus like max and jor, of course

82. Favourite movie: i guess the princess bride is the Most Favorite of All

83. Favourite actor: my MAIN MAN, hugh jackman

84. Favourite cartoon: danny phantom right now

85. Favourite teacher’s name: in HS it was mrs haley and in college it was dr trainor....grad school so far it’s been jen lynady

final tag game: tagged by the cutest, @blurredmxnds

bold the statements that are true

APPEARANCE:

I am 5'7" or taller

I wear glasses

I have at least one tattoo

I have at least one piercing

I have blonde hair

I have brown eyes

I have short hair

My abs are at least somewhat defined

I have or have had braces

PERSONALITY:

I love meeting new people

People tell me that I’m funny

Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me

I enjoy physical challenges

I enjoy mental challenges

I’m playfully rude with people I know well

I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it

There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY:

I can sing well

I can play an instrument

I can do over 30 pushups without stopping

I’m a fast runner

I can draw well

I have a good memory (lmao about some things???)

I’m good at doing math in my head

I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute

I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling

I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch

I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES:

I enjoy playing sports

I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else

I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else 

I have learned a new song in the past week

I work out at least once a week

I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months

I have drawn something in the past month

I enjoy writing

I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES:

I have had my first kiss

I have had alcohol

I have scored the winning goal in a sports game

I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting

I have been at an overnight event

I have been in a taxi

I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year

I have beaten a video game in one day

I have visited another country

I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIPS:

I have a crush on a celebrity

I have a crush on someone I know

I have been in at least 3 relationships

I have never been in a relationship

I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them

I get crushes easily

I have had a crush on someone for over a year

I have been in a relationship for at least a year (on and off)

I have had feelings for a friend

MY LIFE:

I have at least one person I consider a “best friend”

I live close to my school

My parents are still together

I have at least one sibling

I live in the United States

There is snow right now where I live

I have hung out with a friend in the past month

I have at least 15 CDs (somewhere in my things)

I share my room with someone

RANDOM SHIT:

I have breakdanced

I know a person named Jamie

I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce

I have dyed my hair

I’m listening to one song on repeat right now (i JUST ended my thing w this)

I have punched someone in the past week

I know someone who has gone to jail

I have broken a bone (just a toe)

I have eaten a waffle today

I know what I want to do with my life

I speak at least 2 languages

I have made a new friend in the past year

[nonbinaryfinary-blog]

Coming out

I came out to myself as genderqueer ten months ago. Coming out to everyone else is turning out to be somewhat harder.

Here’s where I’m at: I did a friends-only Facebook post two days ago, saying that I am genderqueer/non-binary, and asking for they/them pronouns. I had been putting this off for months. I’m not sure why it was so scary, but asking in public (friends-only is definitely public in my view) was hard enough that I needed a good long run-up at it.

The first person who knew was my partner L. L is genderqueer, and in fact fully came to the realisation that they were so after getting together with me (we had the anniversary of our first hookup last weekend!) I’ve been increasingly attracted to genderqueer and trans partners, and over the last few years have got a lot out of the process of learning how to be the most supportive lover of trans folk that I can be. Not in a fetishising way, I hope, just like “oh my goodness human variety is so gorgeous, and I really want to find out what language and touch you prefer to make you feel seen and respected”.

I felt like L’s genderqueerness was visible to me very early on. The aforementioned first hookup, which took place at their tent at a festival, involved swapping clothes before re-emerging into the outside world, which was very lovely. This is the story of my gender journey, not their’s, so I don’t want to share too many intimate details about their process. But suffice it to say that as they became more confident in their genderqueerness, I had an increasingly strong sense that we were the same gender. And if they were non-binary, maybe that meant that I was, too?

The night I fell in love with them, we had sex that occurred to me as delightfully gender-fucked. I had the experience of swapping genders with them; that sometimes they were fucking and penetrating me, and sometimes I was fucking and penetrating them. It was beautiful and intimate, and something in the balance and exchange of it felt so harmonious, and so right.

More than in my relationships with cis-identified women, I feel that my relationship with L is a same-gender relationship, or as close to one as non-binary folk can have. It is certainly a queer relationship. And looking back, I have always felt sense of solidarity and connectedness with genderqueer lovers, although admittedly not as strong as it feels now. One NB friend, when I came out to them last year, mentioned that they were not surprised at all, as they had found me very gender sympathetic when we played together.

My gender experience isn’t only about sex. But sex is one of the occasions when I tend to have a gendered sense of myself, and sex with L as well as conversations with them was definitely a catalyst in figuring out my genderqueerness. But more on that later.

So L was the first to know; and then other genderqueer and trans friends, whom I told one by one. I came out at the kitchen of a girl-flavoured play party to a bunch of queer and non-binary AFABs. At events where I was asked my pronouns, I started to give them as she/they rather than she. It was only a couple of occasions before I dropped the she, and started asking for they.

L and I are co-organising a queer theme camp for Nowhere, the European regional burner event. Inclusivity and respect are a big part of that process, and it was the camp organising meetings where I first started consistently giving my pronouns as they/them. I discovered how good it felt. It began to feel weird when, in the rest of my life, people would say “she”, or refer to me as a girl or woman. I particularly noticed it when I was feeling more neuter or masc, or had made a bit of an effort to dress butch. There’s a feeling of invisibility, of being ridden roughshod over by people’s assumptions, which doesn’t feel good at all.

Last week, our anniversary took place at another burn: Burning Nest, the UK regional. I was “they” all week, and apparently even kickstarted some gender conversations with other people starting to explore their genderqueerness. Goodness knows I don’t have this figured out for myself yet, but it was lovely to be part of a group where “they” was the default unless told otherwise, and everyone took pains to be respectful of each other’s preferences.

A week and a half earlier, I’d split up with my partner of 12 years, so I was feeling pretty emotionally bruised. The day before we travelled to the burn I got a Facebook notification from that partner wherein they correctly used “they” to refer to me. I hadn’t seen or heard him do this before, and it hit me so hard in the feels that I cried for an hour, although I couldn’t exactly tell you why. It struck home that if it made that much of a difference to me, I should just fucking step up and tell everyone what my preference is. People can’t support you if you haven’t told them who you are.

The day after getting back from the burn, I went to a friend’s wedding. It was a raw experience, the first time seeing my recent ex, and also the first time I talked to a lot of old friends about my genderqueerness. I realised how ludicrous it was that I hadn’t made an announcement yet. This is an important thing about me and if it feels good when people get it right, and bad when they get it wrong, it really does make sense to just tell everyone.

I think if I hadn’t been a bit drunk on my way home from the wedding, I wouldn’t have had the confidence to do it. But I drafted a post on the train - inspired by L’s courageous and articulate coming-out post, but hopefully not ripping it off too much - re-read it a few times, and finally pressed send. All but one of the people who responded were supportive.

So, I’m now out, at least to the several-hundred members of my social circle who look at Facebook. It feels good, and exposing, and vulnerable, and terrifying. I’m glad to have got that out of the way, but I know that coming out is an ongoing process, and there’ll be a lot more of it to come.

[iisabclla-blog]

queen  isabella maria  of france ! ﹙ a bed untouched and blankets on the windowseat, immaculate hair and porcelain skin,  what have i done, what have i done?  an untouched plate and an empty wine glass, books piled up on an unused bedside table, a plate of cherries, if only i had died too           a worn bible with a small length of ribbon sewn into the cover, candles burned to quick, crescent-moon shaped cuts on the inside of a soft palm, black kirtle, black shawl, everything black ﹚

hi all !! sorry this is so loooong, i’m big into character development so once i got started i couldn’t stop ! i’m enna, i’m 21 and from pst. my pronouns are she/her !! i was part of this group during the og version and i’m excited to go for this again !!

i have discord, so hmu if you want to contact me there, and if i’m online, i’m always available thru ims !!  

feel free to like this to plot. there are connection ideas at the bottom so please take a look and see if anything fits your muse and it might help us brainstorm something fun!

ⅰ. —     statistics & appearance.

𝚗𝚊𝚖𝚎 — isabella maria

𝚝𝚒𝚝𝚕𝚎 — queen of france

𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚜𝚎 — trastámara of spain

𝚗𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚗𝚊𝚖𝚎 —  bella, but only by her favorite lady’s maid and closest friend

𝚖𝚎𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 —  devoted to god

𝚊𝚐𝚎 / 𝚍𝚘𝚋 —  twenty seven, born 23rd may

𝚗𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢 — spanish

𝚜𝚎𝚡𝚞𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢 —   bisexual ;  she’s aware of and has acted on her attraction to women in the past. although it is, naturally, a secret, she is not ashamed of her love for other women.

𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛 —  female

𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚜 —  she/her

𝚑𝚎𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 —  5′4

𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚡𝚒𝚘𝚗 —  her skin is soft, warm and blemish-free, a necessity in her station. she likes to keep her skin clean of any marks and pale, like a doll. she augments the warmth and softness of her features with sharp, simple jewelry & wardrobe choices, although notably she does not display her wealth through jewelry, and instead chooses simple and elegant designs over heavy and ornate

𝚋𝚞𝚒𝚕𝚍 —  she’s small and well-built, not skinny, but soft and with a certain amount of roundness to her. she has the typical feminine shape and a bit around her tummy, thighs, and arms

𝚑𝚊𝚒𝚛 — her voice is lovely and her accent is chocolatey, carefully schooled to be soft and convincing; when she’s angry, her voice becomes much louder and less delicate, slipping further into her accent

𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚝𝚜 — she carries herself like her station, with an air of superiority: her chin is always held high and her neck long, her whole posture ramrod straight; she rarely smiles without coaxing these days, but when she does it’s usually warm and surprised, like she’s forgotten that she knows how to do that

ⅱ. —     personality.

tw / miscarriage, depression, mentions of suicide

𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚍𝚑𝚘𝚘𝚍 — as a young girl, isabella was a more naive and patient thing. her family ties were strong, and her loyalty to her father & later her brothers was as unwavering as the moon’s rise and fall. she was raised a perfect princess ; educated, crisp, pious and penitent, faithful to the last and hopeful for the future.

𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 — after having lost all of her children thus far, isabella’s disposition has hardened, and her love and loyalty has started to chip away. she still acts a quiet, faithful and penitent wife, sewing her husband’s shirts and spending an hour or two in the chapel a day. beneath it all, however, is a boiling rage, born of shame, injustice and sadness that she cannot tame.

𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚝𝚎 —  were she a more modern woman, she would hunt for sport and retire to a country house. the business of being queen sits heavily on her shoulders. suffering from depression and often times a passive narrative that her life has been wasted and will continue to be wasted, isabella is about as unhappy as any queen has a right to be. she bears it quietly and acts the part of pretty, perfect wife, although nearing closer and closer to her limit.

𝚊𝚜 𝚊 𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚎𝚗 —  although she was perhaps spoiled and too young when crowned, isabella has become known as a thoughtful, keen-witted and fair queen. remarkably thoughtful, every action and position she takes is well-informed and thought through; she is known for heeding evidence and admitting when she’s wrong. her favorite subjects to learn about are history and economy, and as such she’s done good things for trade and public infrastructure, making her relatively popular with the smaller towns and common people benefiting from her strategic work. she has come to love france, although she does not love governing, and consider its people hers.

𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚏𝚏 — although a haughty and strict mistress, isabella finds herself more and more drawn to common folk. it seems the servants are the only folk that show her empathy within the french borders.  

𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚘𝚢𝚊𝚕𝚝𝚢 — depending on the person, isabella ranges from curtly polite to quietly warm ; she does not particularly enjoy french court, but she’s always polite and graceful. there can be no rest for her; although her home and a country she’s deeply proud of, france feels not unlike a claw trap closed tight around her ankle.  

𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚝𝚜 — choleric, intelligent, bold, vindictive, poised, restless, fierce

𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚙 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚒𝚘𝚗 — she no longer believes in god. her prayer is show, her piety is act, and if she did believe, the things she’d pray for would be any manner of blasphemy, treason and regicide.

ⅲ. —     brief backstory.

— will be updated and changed with plotting and development; relationships with family and french royalty are purposefully left vague until plotted — tw / miscarriage, depression, mentions of suicide

born the middle princess and good for little but bargaining, isabella was spoiled and coddled by her governess from a young age. education, hope and foolish naïveté let her believe the future was wide and wild, that her betrothal was a thing she could become accustomed to, that her father could do no wrong, and that her brothers were blessed by the sun itself. she was looking forward to a life atop a throne with an endless library, travelling and dancing.. and children. happiness. old age and grandeur.

married life quickly disabused her of these childish notions. though she is its queen, she often feels trapped and cornered by france, by her marriage and her duty, willing her body through hatred and shame to do its damn job and provide one squealing shouting babe so she could point to it and say see, i am worth something, i am a princess of spain and i cannot be made less than i am —  but an heir never came, and happiness never followed, and the years have made a bitter, hollow woman of one that was once bright and playful.

though miserable and often times wishing for a grave alongside her buried children, she forces herself to persevere through spite alone; she can think of many worthy things to fall to, but a failed marriage and shame are not worthy things to die over. instead she cultivates the anger over the sadness and tries as hard as she can to put herself back together in the wake of her collection of small tragedies.

her only solace is the repeated hope that one day she will be allowed a child she can keep and hold, the stories and poetry she finds among the pages and pages of the french library, and the art and music that calls france home as much as she has to. she keeps tokens of her lost children, even ones she knew for weeks alone. a small ribbon on her bible for the babe she birthed, and river stones for the ones she did not.

ⅳ. —     connection ideas.

platonic —  

closest friend, confidant ( future or current )

unlikely friendship ( preferably someone with an opposite personality )

earned trust & loyalty ( put some of that endless loyalty and hero worship she’s capable of to good use )

casual friendships, gossip partners, reading circle

political allies, spanish courtiers who she’s remained friends with, a younger noble/royal she’s vaguely maternal towards

negative —  

hatred at first sight ( we all love drama )

enemy of france or spain, enemy of her brother or husband,

someone who’s been cruel to her ( french people who have been cruel to her )

someone who dislikes her backbone, rivals

almost lover turned sour

romantic —  

formative young adult love ( can be m/f/nb, royalty or no, idc i just like angst )

forbidden temptation ( can be one-sided )

previous betrothals pre-marraige ( can ofc be negative and/or platonic )

an ex lady’s maid she was lowkey in love with

an ill-advised comfort hookup that she’s now avoiding