#i have one pie in one hand that's comedy and in the other i have a rube goldberg machine ready to throw an angst pie hee hee

[hazeldough]

yaaaayyyy i did a rough outline of the timeslip au......!! hopefully i'll actually make it lol

[lqveharrington]

Lucky King? | L.M.

summary: Lucifer takes pride in everything he has, especially his wife.

pairing: Lucifer Morningstar x wife!reader

includes: fluff, lucifer being a sweet and attentive husband and father, suggestiveness, possessiveness, that’s pretty much it (let me know if i missed any!)

a/n: okay but like, i am on serious hazbin brain rot, i have written more for HH than any other fandom so far.

Being the embodiment of pride meant that Lucifer constantly flaunted everything to his fellow sins and his people. And being the King of Hell meant he had a lot to brag about. Especially his family. God, Lucifer loved his family and would do anything to talk about them in every conversation.

An overlord meeting about movie productions on VoxFlix? Add romantic comedies, they’re his wife and daughter’s favorite. Speaking with Beelzebub about her different alcoholic beverages? Make sure to make mojitos, they’re his wife and daughter’s favorite.

He took pride in who he married and who his daughter was. After all, they were the royal family of Hell.

“Mom, I think it’s as tight as it can go— MOM!” Charlie’s eyes flashed red as she squealed, grabbing your arm.

“Sorry!” You tilt your head back as you let a laugh fall from your lips. “I thought you said—“

“No no no no noooo!” She turned around, eyes wide. “I think I’m good.”

“I’m sorry, baby.” You kiss her cheek and adjust her crown.

Charlie beamed at you and traded places with you. “My turn!”

You hum as she tightens the corset around you, eyes flickering up toward the mirror when you hear the door creak open. “Hey, handsome.”

“Hi, my love.” He pressed a kiss to your hand and then one to Charlie’s forehead. “Hi, apple pie.” He watched his daughter tug on the strings attached to the corset, moving forward when it seemed like you were going to fall from the platform. “Charlie, what are you doing to your mother?”

“Pulling her corset tight—“ She grunted as she held the string in place, tying the back. “There.” You gave her a thumbs up as she finished, watching her glow at your silent praise.

“Gorgeous as always.” Lucifer stole you from your platform, the devil’s tail wrapping around your waist.

“You know? Vaggie is probably looking for me! I should leave…” Charlie let out an awkward laugh and fled for the door. “Text me when you need me for the entrance!”

Lucifer dipped you down, chuckling when you let out a noise of surprise. “You look breathtaking, my love. Maybe we should just skip the gala and do better activities right here—“

“Lucifer!” You lightly smack his chest, face flushed from his words. “You horny devil!”

“Says the queen of Hell.” He captured you in a quick kiss, red lipstick staining his lips. “Come on, Charlie can handle it on her own.” He squeezed your hips as you walked over to the vanity with his head resting on your bare shoulder.

You glance at your beloved with a soft look, “Luce, we didn’t coordinate a whole gala just to have our daughter host it herself.” You clip on a pair of earrings, the golden snake and apple shining through the light. “We also didn’t have these outfits made for us just for them to be wasted away on our bedroom floor.”

“I mean…” He nipped on your exposed shoulder, earning a gasp and glare. “They made you a maroon dress with a slit exposing your legs, my love.”

“Because it matches your maroon and black suit.” You turn in his arms and tug at his lapels. “Which I have to admit, kinda does it for me.”

He smirked as he slowly pushed you up against the vanity, “Yeah? Maybe we should ditch.”

“Nope.” Your hands clasped behind his neck, eyes widening when you feel one of his hands trail down to your exposed leg. “Luce…”

“You started this.” He slotted himself between your legs and continuously peppered kisses to your collarbone and neck, softly sucking. “You’re a tease.”

“Lucifer—“ Your protests were cut off with a quiet moan, but you quickly covered your mouth when hearing him chuckle. “Nope, we’re leaving now.”

Lucifer separated from you, a wide grin adorning his face as he scanned you. He pressed a soft kiss to your lips, “Let’s go then, my love.”

You raised a brow but didn’t protest, letting him wrap his arm around your waist to guide you toward the ballroom. You both were quickly accompanied by your daughter as you made your way to the landing of the grand stairway.

The lights flashed off and the spotlight projected on the Morningstar family, the crowd’s voice hushed when spotting the monarchy. Lucifer gave a welcoming speech to the sinners, overlords, and sins who attended, making sure to mention his family and how they helped make the gala entirely possible. Final rounds of applause echoed through the ballroom as Lucifer finished off, letting everyone go back to their socialization and dancing.

“Mom,” Charlie caught you before you could follow Lucifer to greet his fellow sins. “Did you… Do you know why… You have bruises on your neck.” She finally mumbled out, eyes not meeting yours.

You felt yourself warm from embarrassment. Not only did your daughter tell you that you have hickeys on your neck, but you stood in the blinding lights with an audience staring at the three of you. No doubt photographers caught this and snapped photos for the internet. “Thank you for telling me, baby. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to murder your father.”

“Mom—“

You scanned the room before your gaze zeroed on Lucifer. He was laughing with Asmodeus before meeting your gaze and gave you a wink. Oh, he was going to pay.

“Lucifer.” You appear by his side. You give his fellow sin a quick smile but turn back to the little devil with a scowl. “Can I talk to you?”

“Of course.” He wrapped an arm around your waist. “It was nice catching up with you, Oz.”

You guided Lucifer back to a secluded hallway, eyes flashing bright red when you were alone. Within a blink of an eye, you had Lucifer pinned against the wall with your forearm.

“Do you know how embarrassing it is to know that I went out there with bruises all over my neck? Or, better yet, that our daughter was the one who told me what was on my neck?” You seethed. You were beyond embarrassed and pissed, you’re surprised you haven’t become a full demon yet.

“To be fair, it was more than just your neck—“

“LUCIFER!” You use your free hand to reach up your collarbone. The room felt ten times warmer, and it didn’t help that you felt Lucifer’s devil tail decided to wrap around your calf.

He remained pinned on the wall, giving you a cheeky grin. “This is really hot.”

“Oh, my god!” You release him with a glare. “There’s going to be photos everywhere! What will the public think about—“

“Lucky king?” He shrugged as he let his fingers trail up your waist, pulling you flush against him. “Listen, we’ll get rid of the photos. But is it really a crime to show off what’s mine?”

You grumble a small response, propping your head on his shoulder. “You’re crazy, Luce.”

“I love you too, beautiful.” He chuckled.

The photos never made it outside of Pride Manor, but the teasing you received from the other sins made you flush every time. Lucifer listened to each jeer, a smirk present on his face from the constant reminder that you were in fact his.

Especially when the bruises scattered around you spelled out his initials.

©lqveharrington - all rights reserved. do not copy, translate or share my work on other media platforms

[mlm-writer]

Thoughtful (Wade Wilson x GN!Reader)

Pairing: Wade Wilson aka Deadpool x Gender Neutral Reader Rating: Mature (because reader says fuck) Words: 821 POV: Second Summary: Little domestic snippet with your boyfriend <3 Note: No proofreading because I am lazy. If you see a typo, no you don't. Tags: domestic fluff, cuddles, established relationship and chocolate milk

A waft of cold air infiltrated the apartment, rousing you from your warmed nap by the radiator. “NO,” you exclaimed reflexively, without even regaining full consciousness. You thrashed around on the couch, the thick blanket you had draped over yourself got tangled in your legs. A leather-clad hand came to rest on your shoulder. You relaxed and felt the blanket slowly being freed and tucket under your cold body.  

“Just stay half-asleep,” Wade’s gentle voice soothed you as he placed the blanket over you again. “Just don’t fully sleep, cause then the writer will have to write me doing stuff to you while you sleep and while I am a good guy, it still feels a little weird.” 

You turned over to your other side. “Shut up, Wade,” you mumbled, making your boyfriend giggle like a little lovestruck teenage girl. A bit later you felt a large weight crushing you just as you were about to fall back asleep. You groaned. “You’re heavy, get off me!” Wade pulled the blanket off your face and started peppering it in little kisses. 

“Come on babyboo, you love me so much, how can you resist me?” You thrashed around, trying to wrestle Wade off you, but he captured your lips with his, going in for the killer move of distracting you with slow and deep kisses. His rough lips slid against yours; his tongue coaxed its way inside your mouth to dance with yours. Your lips parted with a gasp and in the split second that Wade was distracted too, you chucked him off you, sending him from the couch to the cold hard floor. 

“You underestimate how much I love breathing,” you grinned in victory. Wade shifted on the floor, getting into a more elegant position where he laid on his side with one knee bent and an arm supporting his head. You rolled your eyes as he made suggestive eyebrow wiggles at you. “You woke me up. You owe me a hot chocolate.” It took your boyfriend less than two seconds to get on his feet and be on his way to the kitchen to fulfill your very high demands. You stayed on the couch like a burrito, staring at the black screen of the TV. Turning it on would require sticking your arm out into the cold. 

“I love this show!” Wade quipped from behind you where he was heating up the milk in the microwave. “I love the part where the person does the thing at the place. Don't you?” You rolled your eyes so hard they almost proverbially rolled out of your sockets. Wade chattered on an on about ‘the show’. “And I really like the entity that says the words that mean a lot. You know when it said the thing that helped the other character do the other thing? Oh what a great episode that was!” He didn't shut up until he came into your field of vision and kissed your cheek. “Here you go my little love spring roll.” He said down next to you and turned on the TV. He held the mug at your neck height. In the Pinkie Pie mug sat a glittery pink reusable straw. You smiled and craned your neck down to take a sip without exposing anything but your face to the air. 

“Thank you, baby,” you hummed happily as he put on a bad comedy movie and diligently held the mug up for you. When you had drank it all, he put it down and tugged softly at the corner of your blanket. “Fine, you have earned cocoon rights…” you sigh as you open up the blanket long enough for Wade to also crawl under it. You hissed at his cold skin coming into contact with you. “Fuck you're so cold,” you complained as you wrapped your arms around him, warming him with your body heat. Wade tugged his head under your chin, drinking in your warmth and scent. 

“You'll have to deal with it baby. The nonnie requested cuddles.”

“The who?”

“Oh don't worry about it sweet cheeks.”

You diverted your eyes back to the screen. Wade had the tendency to wiggle around, but your steady arms around him kept him safe and warm. He was surprisingly still. You didn't make it to the credits, the warm coziness lulling you back into a peaceful slumber before dinner. When you woke up, you noticed two things. One, you were a lonely burrito. Two, you could smell take out. You rolled off the couch and followed your nose to the dinner table, where a white plastic back with red lanterns on it was waiting for you. The receipt was taped on top with the back facing you. Red ink adorned the back of the receipt, the message “will be back after killing some bad guys! Love you!” was surrounded by little hearts. A smile stretched over your face. How thoughtful. 

—————

REBLOG TO SUPPORT YOUR FANFIC WRITERS

Likes do not help exposure!A comment in tags or replies can sustain a writer for months!

[strangesem]

Dropping in with a request!

Could you do either Miles or Hobie (you can choose) with a Spider person reader who everyone thinks is scary and intimidating but actually just really quiet and shy?

THIS IS SO CUTE (and also very much fits my spider-sona 🤭)

hobie brown x intimidating but shy reader

a/n: I took a brief hiatus bc I’m trying to get my license but I’m back and more feral than ever

FIRST OF ALLL I feel like part of the reason people think you’re intimidating is bc of your spider-suit?

like maybe the mask is “spooky” or it’s super dark or what have you

and if you have good posture that would definitely make you seem sm more intimidating? like you’re just standing there upright saying nothing

even though you’re only quiet bc you’re shy, no one knows that!!!

except for hobie

tbh I feel like he originally approached you to annoy you or knock you down a peg?

but when your response was so quiet and soft he was like ?????

he doesn’t believe in consistency soo you’re basically his new best friend

but genuinely you would both bond so fast, largely due to how well your personalities even each other out

but also because no one else really talked to you bc you seemed “scary”

I also feel like you’d end up forming a trio with pavitr bc he’s too sweet to be intimidating by your “rough exterior”

and pav is the number one supporter of you two getting together I’m serious

“I can feel the tension, you guys should go to dinner after this”

“DID YOU SEE THE WAY HE LOOKED AT YOU? he’s in loooooveee”

speaking or pav; when you first met he *did* get jumpscared a little bit with how quietly you move around, and compared you to a ghost

it really stuck with hobie bc he immediately started calling you “ghostie”

(you’re crushing way too hard at that point to care let’s be real)

once you get together he’ll probably start spending more time in your world; just chilling at your place

teasing you occasionally about how nervous you are to even just open your door and talk to a delivery guy (he WILL do it for you if you ask though he doesn’t care lmao)

he’d also want you to spend a bunch of time in his dimension bc he wants you to go to his shows! go to all his favourite pubs with him!!

but if that’s all to overwhelming for you, even just lounging in his bed is more than enough to appease him

he likes that it smells like you after you leave

also!!! he definitely would want his partner to wear his clothes

if you’re bigger and his “normal” shirts don’t fit you comfortably? he’ll steal some oversized shirts and wear them a bit before handing them off to you!

hobie loves loves LOVES taking part in conversations where people are talking about how intimidating you are bc it’s hilarious to him

peak comedy even

“nah they’re a little cutie pie; couldn’t hurt someone if they tried”

“[spider-sona name]????”

miguel absolutely despises you both though bc hobie’s full time job is already being a menace to him and then you just stand off to the side and stare? WHISPERING TO HOBIE??? he can’t.

peter b parker though? he LOVES you guys. you’re his otp and she will sometimes point to show mayday what “true love” looks like

[vixstarria]

The Sheath of Frontiers

So, in light of the disparity between the amount of Wyll content compared with the other companions, I felt it would be prudent for my Tav and Astarion to seduce him. Enjoy!

AO3

Astarion x F!Tav x Wyll

18+, humour, smut, threesome, soft dom/service top Astarion, sub/bottom Wyll, Tav and Astarion are both little shits, anal etc

This is probably more really lewd and descriptive comedy than erotica, you have been warned.

Approx. 3,400 words (gods, these things just keep getting longer and longer)

Written in 3rd person, and Tav's name is... *drumroll* Tav. Hey, I don't know who you want to relate to here, take your pick.

Tav, Astarion and Wyll occupied a booth at the Elfsong. They were the last ones still up drinking after a long day roaming the city. 

“But don’t you ever feel... tempted?” Astarion threw Wyll a sultry look from beneath his eyelashes, circling the rim of his wineglass with one finger.  

Tav had been watching the subtle seduction show unfold for the past while. She wasn’t sure whether Wyll was oblivious to Astarion’s flirtation, or impervious to it, but either way, the man would not budge.  

“Call me a hopeless romantic, but I want the moment to be special for my one and only. Anticipated. Meaningful. And what could hold more significance than waiting until after marriage vows?” Wyll answered. 

“Yes, yes, you are ever the romantic hero and want to make it ‘special’ for your chosen one, blah blah...” Astarion rolled his eyes, sipping his wine spiked with Tav’s blood. “But you’ve admitted you’re no virgin, it’s not as though you’re ‘saving yourself’ for anyone. What about casual no strings encounters? Simple carnal lust, for hells’ sake!” 

“You never know when or where you might find true love. Wouldn’t want to accidentally spoil it from the beginning,” Wyll said, with a smile and a head shake. 

Astarion threw a quick look of pure vexation at Tav, as she tried to hide her laugh behind her own goblet. She’d told him he wouldn’t be able to crack the ‘Blade of Frontiers’ - something he took as a personal challenge.  

“Hmm... You know, you should marry us!” Astarion suddenly exclaimed. “I would make an exemplary spouse for a duke! You should see me entertain at balls. Tav might be found to be acceptable as well, after a good scrub.” 

Tav threw a piece of pie crust at Astarion in response. 

“We wouldn’t accept your proposal without a test ride, though,” Astarion warned.  

“What, marry both of you? ...First of all, polygamy is not legal.” Wyll seemed a bit thrown off by the sudden change in the direction of the conversation.  

“So make it legal, the reigns of power are in your hands. Or will be,” Astarion shrugged. 

“Astarion, we both know the entire legal system would collapse if polygamy was to be permitted officially. Can you imagine all the complications? Especially all the implications it would bear for noble families and their hereditary lines of succession,” the future Duke Ravengard rambled.  

“I see what you’re saying, and I agree, but there could be a provision to allow persons who are unable to produce heirs to marry into the noble families as secondary spouses,” Astarion countered. “And you could always implement obligatory prenuptial agreements to simplify asset division.” 

Tav screamed inwardly: once Astarion started talking legalese the only way to get him to shut up was by literally occupying his mouth with something else, one way or another. 

Meanwhile, Wyll shook his head. 

“That would only serve to provide obligation-free unfair advantage to such persons,” he said. “It is nothing but furthering nepotism.” 

“I see nothing wrong with persons gaining unfair advantage, as long as I am those persons,” Astarion parried. 

“I could marry Tav and provide you with some kind of concubine status, if you wish,” Wyll suggested. 

“Not interested,” Astarion scoffed, sipping his wine. “I’m afraid we’re a package deal.” 

Tav groaned in frustration and got up.  

“I’ve had enough of this. Wyll, you don’t need to worry about spoiling any 'precious moments’ here - neither Astarion nor I have any interest in letting you make honest people of us anyway.” 

“Speak for yourself,” Astarion muttered with a huff, sipping more of his wine. 

“Shut up, Astarion,” Tav threw. “I’m going upstairs, and I, for one, intend to fuck this vampire before the night is over. Are you coming with us or not?” 

Astarion choked on his drink. If this was all it would take to lure the Blade into their bed – Tav would never let him live it down. 

“I uh... I must confess – I have never done that before,” Wyll said, visibly flustered. 

“What, fuck a vampire? Most people haven’t.” Tav shrugged. 

“Not that either, but what I meant was... be intimate with a man,” Wyll forced out. 

He jumped a little as he suddenly found Astarion’s lips a hair’s breadth away from his ear. He hadn’t noticed the vampire inching closer to him. 

“Would you like to..?” Astarion purred. 

“It’s nothing you haven’t done yourself hundreds of times, what’s so shameful and difficult?” Tav teased. 

“That's not true,” Wyll protested.  

Tav tilted her head and shot him a look that said ‘oh please’. 

“No, I mean that. Ever since I... entered that contract, I’ve hardly ever indulged. Never know when she might be watching. ...Doesn’t your patron ever watch as well..?” 

“Sometimes...” Tav mused. “But after a while it’s like fucking with a cat in the room. You learn to ignore it. As long as it doesn’t jump on the bed and sniff your asscrack while you’re in the middle of it, it’s fine.” 

“Ahem,” Astarion cleared his throat. “Can we please concentrate on the matter at hand?” 

Astarion sat on the edge of the bed in full naked glory as Tav, also in a state of almost total undress, sat behind him, resting her chin on his shoulder, one arm wrapped around his waist, the other stroking his cock.  

Meanwhile, Wyll perched on the opposite edge of the bed, trying to look anywhere but at the couple in front of him.  

“Eyes down here, darling,” Astarion drawled. “If Miz-” 

“Don’t say her name!” 

“If that skank decides to show up, she’ll get more than she’s bargained for.” 

Wyll finally allowed himself to gape openly at the scene in front of him.

Astarion’s cock was surprisingly thick and veined, and flushed at the tip. Perhaps it was the only part of him that could be flushed with blood. Wyll tried, habitually, to distract himself from his own arousal with thoughts of the workings behind vampire erections, to no avail – his own cock was straining against his pants almost painfully. He observed, almost in a state of a surreal daze, as Tav used her thumb to spread a new bead of precum over the head of Astarion’s cock, and reflexively licked his lips.  

She noticed and let out a satisfied hum. 

“Why don’t you come help?” she purred. 

“Hmm?” Wyll seemed to snap out of his daze. “You want me to take over..?” 

“No, like I said, this is hardly something you haven’t done before – try something new.” Tav grinned. “Why don’t you come down here and kneel in front of him?” 

Somehow, Wyll’s legs got him down onto the floor between Astarion’s thighs. The vampire himself leaned back against Tav, his head thrown back over her shoulder, with a vague smile on his lips. 

“Really...?” Wyll breathed a shaky laugh. “I thought we would start with some baby steps. Maybe a kiss..?” 

“No, no darling...” Tav cooed. “Don’t be silly. Kissing is way too intimate. Just lick his balls for now.” 

Still not quite believing what was happening, Wyll went ahead and did as he was told. Two things, he noticed immediately. One, the overwhelming scent of Astarion’s musk was making his head spin. He wanted to simply bury his nose in the spot between his shaft and balls and inhale, but he wasn’t sure whether that would be appropriate. And two, his ministrations immediately made Astarion groan, the sound sweet music to his ears. 

By then Tav had moved out from behind Astarion’s back and lounged on the bed next to him, her hand still stroking his cock, and watched Wyll’s efforts. 

“Good boy,” she purred approvingly. 

“Love?” Astarion said.  

“Hmm?” Tav hummed. 

“You talk too much.”  

Wyll watched Astarion push her head, quite unceremoniously, down towards his groin. She let out a somewhat annoyed sound, but went right on, taking his cock in her mouth. 

“Finally, some silence,” Astarion groaned.  

Once again, Wyll found himself gawking at the display now mere inches before him, as she worked the length of Astarion’s erection with her lips, her cheeks hollowing - obviously a practiced motion for the two, as they entered a familiar rhythm, Astarion’s hips bucking up, his fingers tangled in her hair, as she bobbed her head.  

Tav’s eyes met Wyll’s, and she released Astarion’s dick from her mouth, with a loud plopping sound and a sigh. She lifted Wyll’s chin with one finger.  

“Now you can take over,” she whispered, getting up.  

Wyll hesitated, taking Astarion’s cock in his hand.  

‘Huh... Not cold at all,’ he thought.  

“Don’t tell me the Blade is intimidated,” Astarion taunted. 

Wyll tried to think of a witty retort, but, for once, his mind was blank, and in any event it hardly seemed appropriate to orate and put on heroic airs whilst on his knees between Astarion’s legs. He decided it would be prudent to simply put the dick in his mouth.  

Tav had made it look so easy... She slurped that thing up like a horse with a carrot. But Wyll found himself struggling, despite quite enjoying the taste and sensation of tender skin on his tongue. 

Astarion sucked his breath in, with a hiss.  

“Teeth...” he said. “We keep our teeth behind our lips, darling.” 

Wyll tried to mumble an apology without removing Astarion’s cock from his mouth.  

“And don’t talk with your mouth full. Gods, you’re from a decent family, haven’t they taught you any manners..? ...There, that’s better.” 

“Is he doing a good job?” Wyll heard Tav’s voice somewhere in the room.  

“Well...” said Astarion.  

“Hey!” she exclaimed. “Wyll, honey, you know you can bite him if he’s mean to you, right? You’re the one with the power here, right now.” She got back on the bed, holding something in her hand. “But why are you still dressed?” she laughed.  

Wyll released Astarion from his mouth and fumbled with his clothing. Meanwhile, Tav had slid onto Astarion’s lap, and they busied themselves with each other. Their sheer hunger for one another, as they kissed and exchanged caresses, made Wyll feel like a third wheel, but Tav quickly turned her attention back to him.  

“My love, I think he’s bored,” she said to Astarion. “Should we wake Halsin up again?”  

“Are you trying to educate or traumatise him..?” Astarion murmured in response. “But that reminds me of something...” 

Astarion positioned Tav to sit on his lap with her back against him, guiding her onto his cock. She moaned as he entered her, his knees spreading her legs as his hands roamed her body, stroking between her legs as he bucked his hips up into her.  

“It was such a breathtaking view, I thought he would enjoy it as well,” he murmured. “Like what you see?” he directed at Wyll. 

Nothing in Wyll’s life had prepared him for this. Eyes locked on the spectacle before him, he had at last begun stroking himself, staying in time with Astarion’s movements. He didn’t notice as Astarion went to whisper something in Tav’s ear.  

“Do you want to taste her?” Astarion goaded.  

“Yes,” Wyll breathed, leaning forward. 

“Ah ah! Not like that.” Astarion intercepted him, pulling out of Tav. She got up, returning onto the bed with a giggle. Astarion’s cock glistened with her juices.  

“Go ahead now,” Astarion purred. 

Wyll eagerly took Astarion into his mouth again. Tav’s taste on Astarion’s cock combined with Astarion’s own precum was absolutely divine, and Wyll greedily lapped up as much as he could.  

“Much, much better this time...” Astarion purred approvingly. “Consider that a little treat... But that’s enough now. Come here...” Astarion pulled Wyll up by one of his horns, directing him onto the bed and pushing against his chest until he was on his back.  

Tav angled a pillow under his head so his horns wouldn’t get in the way, and laid down on her side near Wyll, and smiled at him, lightly caressing his face with her fingertips. Wyll’s heart beat like a mad thing trying to break out of its cage, as Astarion crawled on top of him, with a predatory look in his eyes. 

“So just how... ‘intimate’ were you thinking of getting?” Tav asked, softly.  

Wyll swallowed hard as Astarion emitted a soft growl and started kissing down his neck, his hand slowly working its way up the inside of Wyll’s thigh.  

“Is this about my blood, or are we now well enough acquainted to kiss..?” Wyll managed. 

Astarion lifted his head with a small sigh. 

“She’s asking whether the Blade might want to become a sheath for a spell,” he explained.  

Wyll found himself at a loss for words again.  

“...Can’t the Blade remain a blade?” he asked, finally.  

“That’s not on the table today, darling,” Astarion shook his head. “But we can entertain ourselves in other ways.” 

“Well then I uh... I think yes maybe..?” Wyll sputtered. 

“Yes what..?” Astarion asked, his voice low and husky, rolling over to lay on Wyll’s other side. “Do you want me to fuck you? Say it.” 

Any words Wyll might have said died somewhere between his racing heart and his suddenly parched throat, but his cock twitched visibly, jerking up and landing with a resounding thud on his abdomen.  

Tav and Astarion both turned their heads at the impressive display. 

“Why don’t I take it slow, and you can tell me if you want to stop at any moment..?” Astarion asked, unable to contain a grin. 

Wyll did not object to that. 

Tav had been trailing her fingertips lower and lower, leaving feather light caresses on Wyll’s skin, until she reached his straining erection. Meanwhile, Astarion had reached for the object she’d retrieved earlier. It turned out to be a vial with some kind of oil.  

“You’re in expert hands, you know,” she whispered in his ear. “I’ll admit, I’m actually excited for you.” 

Wyll watched Astarion pour some of the oil on his fingers. Lying between Tav and Astarion, he gained the distinct impression of having a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other.  

‘Who am I kidding?’ he thought. ‘They’re both devils.’ 

Tav reached and took his cock in her hand, just as Astarion spread some oil on it, before moving down to cup and gently tug on his balls with his hand. 

“Ah, you weren’t kidding about bumps and ridges!” Tav giggled. “My, they look fun!” 

“Bring your knees up,” Astarion purred.  

Wyll swiftly complied, and the vampire went to nibble on Wyll’s earlobe as his hand slipped lower. His finger circled and teased his puckered hole, while Tav continued to stroke his cock. 

“Do you want me to stop?” Astarion whispered in his ear. 

“Hnngaa-ah!” said Wyll, bringing his knees higher. 

Tav and Astarion exchanged a look.  

“I think that meant ‘no, don’t stop’,” said Tav.  

“I think so too,” Astarion agreed. “Very well.” 

Astarion applied more and more pressure as he teased Wyll’s hole.  

“Try to relax,” he purred, working a single finger in. “Breathe... It’s just a finger, for crying out loud.” 

Wyll whimpered, his cock twitching again, to Tav’s immediate delight, as Astarion continued to gradually work his digit in further, thrusting in and out, spreading more oil in and around.  

“That’s it,” Astarion whispered. “I think we can add one more.” 

Astarion’s thrusting had grown more persistent, as he added another finger, all the while watching Wyll’s expression with a lidded gaze.  

Wyll was finding himself being reduced to a blushing, mewling mess, throwing his head back as much as his horns would allow, with his eyes shut.  

Tav had begun licking and nibbling on his neck. 

“Do you like it?” Tav purred, as Wyll nodded. “Think you’re ready for more?” 

“Yes,” he whispered, almost inaudibly, rolling his hips in time with Astarion’s fingers now. His cock was leaking obscene amounts of precum onto Tav’s hand as she continued to play with it. 

“Get down here then,” Astarion directed him closer to the edge of the bed without pulling his fingers out.  

“Do be gentle, Astarion, it’s his first time after all,” Tav called out as Wyll slipped out from her hand, drawn after Astarion. She got up to wet a washcloth in the basin, leaving it within Astarion’s reach.  

‘Is that..? Oh. Well, that makes sense.’ Wyll’s scrambled brain thought.  

“Well, if I can’t marry into the Ravengard family, I guess I’ll settle for deflowering the heir,” Astarion grinned. 

Wyll let out an involuntary whine as Astarion’s fingers left his ass. 

“Don’t worry, darling, there’s more on the way,” Astarion drawled.  

Wyll watched Astarion spread more oil on his own cock, before falling back again, shutting his eyes and whimpering in anticipation.  

Astarion set a torturously slow pace as he worked his cock in, stretching Wyll more and more with slow, shallow thrusts that gradually grew deeper and deeper. 

“Good...” Astarion groaned, slowly sliding in and out of Wyll almost fully now. “Who knew you’d be so good...” 

He picked up the pace, setting a steady rhythm with his thrusts once it was clear Wyll was comfortable with it.  

“So how does it feel to be fucked?” Astarion asked with a devilish grin.

“Oh leave him be, he’s already going through a lot” Tav cut in, reclining near Wyll again.  

Wyll looked up at her. She was smiling at him so sweetly... He reached towards her. 

“I didn’t say you could touch her,” Astarion warned with a forceful thrust, making Wyll yelp. 

“I wouldn’t anger him, if I were you,” Tav whispered, slowly running a finger down between the ridges of his muscles. “He still holds a grudge about your little seduction attempt back in the Shadow-Cursed Lands, you know.” 

“What in the hells are you two gossiping about..?” followed from Astarion.  

“My heart, he’s doing so well, don’t you think he’s earned another little treat?” Tav asked Astarion, ignoring his question.  

“I’m the only one here who’s earned any treats,” Astarion muttered. “But sure.”  

He slowly pulled his hard length out of Wyll. 

“On your feet!” 

Wyll scrambled up, bending over the edge of the bed. Tav stayed on the bed, edging over to sit before him with her legs spread. 

“Still want a taste?” she purred with a wicked smile. 

Astarion entered him again, with a perhaps slightly too forceful thrust, making Wyll collapse face-first between Tav’s legs. With a groan, he plunged his tongue between her folds, earning a moan from her.  

Wyll’s efforts might have been somewhat sloppy, but he made up for it in sheer enthusiasm as he lapped at her, eagerly. 

Unbeknown to Wyll, Astarion caught Tav’s eyes and raised a questioning eyebrow at her. She shrugged and waved her fingers in a ‘so-so’ motion back at him. Astarion nodded with a roll of his eyes.  

Wyll was caught off-guard when Astarion reached around him to take his neglected cock in his hand.  

“Let’s get you off and let you rest, little prince,” Astarion murmured.  

His cool hand was firm and practiced in a way that Tav’s simply could not be, its deliberate movements incessantly urging Wyll towards a release. 

Wyll completely lost all traces of composure and simply moaned between Tav’s legs as Astarion worked him.  

“Can’t multi-task, darling?” Astarion teased. “That’s alright, I’ll finish that job myself later as well.” 

Wyll lifted himself on his arms, trying to push his hips back against Astarion’s as Tav slipped out from under him. 

“Alright, give him a peck, I know he wants one so desperately...” Astarion said begrudgingly. 

Tav returned to lift Wyll’s head and kissed him, tenderly, her tongue swirling and dancing against his, as Astarion continued to fuck and stroke him.  

“I said a peck! Gods, woman, offer you a hand – you'll take the whole arm, every time.” 

Astarion’s grip on Wyll’s cock tightened, his hand speeding up, until Wyll couldn’t take it anymore and finally erupted, crying out and whimpering into Tav’s mouth, as he spilled a thick and well overdue load onto the sheets as Astarion continued to stroke him.  

He was still gasping, trying to catch his breath when Astarion slid out of him, giving Wyll's ass a loud smack, before wiping himself and Wyll down.  

At last, Wyll collapsed on the bed next to Tav.  

“Gods...” was all he could muster.  

Astarion gave him a self-satisfied smirk as he joined them on the bed, kissing his way up Tav’s leg.  

“Now shall I show you how to actually satisfy a woman? So you know what to do with your ‘one and only’ later?” 

~~~~~

Hope you enjoyed, this work is part of a series, check out the rest of it

AO3

~~~~~

Tag list:

@littleenglishfangirl @something-pithy @darlingxdragon @tallymonster @tragedybunny @spunky-89 @acourtofpenandpaper @yoonshope @spacebarbarianweird @brabblesblog @leomonae @wilteddreamsofbaldursgate @mothmans-rotund-asscheeks @micebear @littlejuicebox @cool-ontherun-world @justagirlwithfeelz @jellymellydraws

[kalmiaphlox]

Crash Landing

AO3 Link / Masterlist

Astarion has never been a bat before. He's never wanted to be a bat before, but a little sneeze is all it took for him to be stuck as a disgusting rodent.

Wait- He can fly!

But maybe flying isn't all it's cracked up to be...

Main Tags: Batstarion, FLUFF!, Dadstarion, Established Relationship

Waking up next to Astarion is a new experience every time, and this morning is no exception. 

The moment she opens her eyes with a yawn, his head looms above hers, ruby eyes boring holes into her face as if she might dissolve into nothing if he looked away for even a moment.

“Any particular reason for being a weirdo this early?” Kalmia asks while placing a hand over his eyes, but he leans forward to nip at her fingers instead and once she pulls away, Astarion bares his teeth. “Ah, so no reason.”

“Do I need a reason when I'm with you, little wyrm?” He holds her wrist and presses a chaste kiss to her lips. “I just want to see every side of you, even when you snore louder than a dragon… Oh, wait…!”

She pinches his nose. “Awe, the vampire has learned comedy this morning. How fun.” 

“I'll show you fu-” Astarion rears back, blinking in bewilderment. His nose scrunches up, sniffling before sneezing - violently.

She didn't even know vampires could sneeze.

Gone is the dastardly man with the killer good looks though. Just… gone from her sight. Kalmia sits up swiftly and an alarmed squeak brings her eyes down to the emerald green duvet. A fluffy white bat with overly large ears and a short, pink snout stares up at her with confused red eyes. 

Well, isn't this something? 

“My, oh my, irthiski, seems I'm not the only shape changer around.” She rubs at his fuzzy head with a finger, and in typical Astarion-fashion, he bares teensy fangs that shimmer like pearls. “What a cutie pie! I could eat you right up!”

That raises another squeak from him, though she can hear the rage burning behind it. How mighty it is, but a dragon does not cower from such things. 

“You should be able to speak normally, come on, use your words.” Kalmia nudges him a bit too hard, knocking him over on the sheets. “Oops, sorry!”

There's little grumbling noises that sound suspiciously like speaking, he must be getting a grasp of this new body, it'll take time. Astarion is wobbling around best he can, using his wings as crutches to stand up, the little hook at the end catching on the bedding so he gets stuck, letting out more angry squeaks.

Oh gods, her heart might explode from the cuteness.

“I'm going to pick you up, can't have you tearing all the bedding.” Gingerly, Kalmia wraps her hand around his fuzzy body, picking him up and offering her other hand as support beneath his legs.

The grunting finally becomes audible, “You- What have you…” His lungs aren't at their usual capacity, a full sentence is a struggle. “What have you done, you witch?!”

“Oh, I turn you into a cat once and now it's my fault?”

“What in the…" He gasps, "hells am I?” His small head is angling around to get a look at himself, but she'll do him one better.

The Truesight mirror, its shiny reflection and lacquered wood encasing reveals all.

They stand now in front of it, holding her hands out so Astarion can gaze upon his visage - his favorite activity, but definitely not hers. “You're a bat, irthiski. I've heard vampires can do this sometimes, but maybe you're a late bloomer.”

“Late bloomer-!” He erupts into more enraged squeaks and growls, almost completely falling off her hand before his grabby feet latch onto her finger on instinct, dangling precariously upside down. “A damned bat! I don't want to be this! Where's my beautiful body?!”

Ignoring his dramatics and pressing a smooch to his head, she smiles widely. “I know someone who would be very excited to see this sight.” And they depart from their room, striding into Izmezine's where the girl is just waking up. “Good morning, anon ! Who do you think this is?”

Izzy sits up, blinking her bleary eyes and rubbing them with a big yawn, before scrunching her button nose to inspect the white ball of fluff in Kalmia's hands. Her lips form into a frown, turning her head away in disgust. “It's ugly.” 

That was not the reaction I anticipated. 

The wail of anguish that leaves his tiny bat body is very impressive, if not over-reactive. Setting Astarion down on the bed, Izzy pulls away slightly, what a terrible start but Kalmia will fix this. “Izmezine, sweetie, please, this is your father. He's turned into a bat by accident. Let's be nice.” 

That gets Izzy to take a peek again, and she looks to Kalmia for confirmation. “T-Th-That’s my papa?”

“Yes.” 

Poor Astarion is trembling against the bed, the words of his daughter like a stake straight through his heart, but at least he's stopped crying. Izzy reaches forward hesitantly, brushing a finger against his fur and she gasps, “He's s-soft!” She goes back in for a more gentle pet, “W-Why is papa a-a baby?”

Finally finding his words again, Astarion speaks up, “I don't know, I just turned into a bat, but kitten, you think I'm ugly ?” That last word barely makes it out as a squeak. Gods, he's going to be hung up on that for ages.

Izzy scrutinizes him further, golden eyes narrowing and appraising the bat before her. “Uhm, a l-little ugly?” Kids are always so blunt, Astarion should feel lucky that Izzy has enough sense to walk her statement back. The gold eyes turn up to her now, “Kalli, I'm hungry.”

“Me too, let's go have breakfast. What would you like?” Kalmia scoops up the whinging bat and places him on her shoulder, then holds Izzy against her hip. 

“Cake!” Is Izzy's first breakfast suggestion.

“Normally I'd agree, but a cake takes a long time to make, how about we make one later and we can have some scones and jam now?”

The dhampir thankfully concedes to that idea and they settle in for an easy breakfast while bat-Astarion clumsily scrabbles along the counter, whining, “I'm hungry too, you know.”

Seems Kalmia isn't the only one that becomes ravenous when changed. “I'll get you food in a bit. Let me take care of my anon first.”

He collapses into a sad pile, crying endlessly, “My daughter thinks I'm ugly, my lizard is starving me. Where is the love?!”

Kalmia slathers some jam onto a scone, ignoring him, “Izzy, what would you like to do today?”

“Can p-papa go in my h-house?” She asks around a mouthful of food.

“Hmm,” Kalmia eyes the worming creature before her, the image of Astarion being stuffed into the doll house is hysterical, but… “I don't think he would like that. Bats are supposed to be able to fly, maybe we can help him learn.”

Both Izzy and Astarion perk up at that, their eyes shining with new possibilities. “You really think I can?” Astarion seems apprehensive at the prospect.

“I don't see why not, irthiski. We can try it out once you get some food.” With breakfast finished, Kalmia takes the bat downstairs, leaving Izzy with the task of gathering pillows and blankets. “What blood do you want?”

“Yours.”

She brings the bat in her hands close to her face, “If you have it now, you can't have it later.”

More grumbling follows, “Fine, get me a glass of the boar.”

Filling a goblet to the top, Kalmia rests them both on their desk. Astarion's little wing hooks grab onto the lip and he shimmies his little body up the length of it, long tongue lapping up the blood. She watches quietly with her head tucked between her hands as a red stain begins to bloom along his snout and neck as he drinks. 

“Kalli! The-The blankies and p-pi-pillows are ready!” Izmezine shouts down the stairs.

Astarion pulls away, flopping down to the desk, “I'm full.” The goblet's halfway empty now, she's impressed by his apetite. They return upstairs now after a cleanup, finding the sitting room absolutely covered in blankets and pillows. 

Setting her bat on the couch, Kalmia gives Izzy a big kiss on her cheek and squeezes her into a tight hug, “I knew I could count on you to go above and beyond! Wow, look at all this coziness!” 

The girl giggles in her arms and Astarion pouts, crossing his wings in a pitiful stance, “What about me? ”

“I didn't forget you, irthiski!” Kalmia showers his tiny head in kisses and Izmezine does the same. He melts at their love. “I don't know how different it is from being a dragon, but my first time flying was… a little wild, you know? I think my mother just threw me off a cliff a few times until I got it. Be thankful for our care, Astarion.”

Izzy nods like she completely understands the lengths they are going to take care of him and he scoffs, “Your mother is a brute.” Kalmia only remembers those days with fondness, he wouldnt understand.

“No! Nafl i-is nice!” Izzy corrects him with a tap to the snout.

“I turn into a rodent and you both gang up against me? Where is the-”

Kalmia interrupts, “Enough. This should come somewhat naturally to you, but we'll start here on the couch and move up in height, ok? Now get to flapping.”

His beady little eyes glare at her and she just smiles sharply back. He's testy, big or small. With a despondent huff, Astarion shuffles along to the edge of the couch, stretching his leathery wings and shaking them out. 

The first few attempts end with an immediate face plant to the ground, and while he may not admit it, Astarion is very thankful for the pillows now. The fifth attempt though? His wings find the right rhythm and angle, so he glides down to the end of their makeshift protections. More tries are made, his gliding and flapping now consistent. 

Kalmia and Izzy erupt into applause, and she isn't quite sure if she imagines the blush on those little bat cheeks. “Higher now, Astarion?”

“Yes, yes!” He's glowing with pride at his newfound capabilities. Raising him up to the fireplace ledge, he huddles on the ledge peering down to the blanket laden ground. “Alright, I can do this.”

Izzy cheers from the sidelines, “Papa can f-fly!”

With one step, Astarion dives over the edge, flapping vigorously to maintain his height, and it sticks. He's flitting about excitedly, if not a little haphazardly, cackling gleefully. Kalmia, while very happy for Astarion, is concerned he's being too reckless. “ Irthiski, you should slow down and watch where you're going!”

His head whips to her, “Never! Nothing can sto-!” and he smashes head first into a wall, crumbling to a heap of bat limbs on the floor. Izzy shrieks, running over to his still form.

The downside to an undead partner? Can't really tell what kind of damage they've sustained because they don't breath or exhibit any of the normal symptoms.

Astarion is probably fine though. 

I hope.

“Don't worry, Izzy, your father will be ok. He'll just need to… sleep that off.” Kalmia strokes the girl's head, whose eyes are welling with large tears. “We should find him somewhere to rest.” She is concerned that he's not changing back… but vampires don't die that easily, no matter how small they are.

Izzy zips downstairs and returns with two doll-sized beds, laying them down by the fireplace with extra bedding so it's very cozy. Kalmia assists in putting his bat-self onto the bed and covering him with blankets. “Kalli, m-ma-make a f-fire! Papa’s c-cold!” Stacking some logs, Kalmia breathes fire onto them, stoking the flames until the room is toasty. With a sniffle, Izzy lays out next to her father and rests her hand on him, “I take c-care of papa.”

“I know you will. You watch over him so I can get lunch started, ok? We can eat here.” Kalmia kisses her forehead before setting off to the kitchen. 

It's always an adventure with them.

++++

Over an hour later, Izzy has fallen asleep looking after Astarion's limp body, which hasn't even twitched all this time. 

Maybe it's time to take matters into her own hands. 

Or fingers.

Pricking the tip of her index finger, Kalmia places it up against Astarion's bat snout, hoping the pooling blood will work like vampire smelling salts.

And of course it does, she should have thought of this earlier. 

His snout wiggles side to side, seeking out the delicious scent before him, and begins licking at the drop the moment he makes contact. Red eyes blink open, looking haggard, “What- What happened?”

Kalmia picks up her sad bat, cradling him in her arms, “You crashed into the wall going much too fast. Izmezine took very good care of you, so you should thank her once she's up.”

“How do I change back? If I spend another moment like this, I'm going to become quite cross with-”

“Hush, you're always angry. I normally just think about being me, so maybe try that?” 

Astarion goes silent for a while, so he must be trying anything to be himself again. Nothing happens though and he grumbles unhappily, “This is stupid. I don't want to be stuck as a flying rodent for the rest of my life. How will Izmezine be able to introduce me to people? ‘ Oh, come meet my father! The bat? Yes, that's him!’ Kalmia, I can't stay like this!”

“Shall I tickle your nose? A sneeze seemed to set it off the first time.”

His bat face goes through a range of emotions, before settling on sadness, “This is so unbecoming, but fine. Do it.”

Kalmia locates a feather pretty quickly, Gale has quills laying out everywhere, and lightly shuffles the tip across Astarion's nose. His nose wrinkles but nothing happens, and he folds in on himself in defeat. 

“I'm sorry, irthiski. We'll figure something out.” She does feel terribly for him, nothing is worse than being stuck in a form at the wrong time. She knows it well.

“Mmm, papa?” Izzy’s sleep laden voice pulls their attention as she starts grabbing at the doll beds, but realizes nothing is there, so she shoots up, alarmed. “Papa?! Wh-Where are y-you?”

“I have him, anon, it's ok.” 

Crawling over, Izzy pets her father, also seeming sad that he's still stuck like this. Who's going to read the bedtime story for them?

But if Astarion continues to be a bat, might as well take advantage of this opportunity. “You know, Izzy, I think he's kind of dirty. We should bathe him.”

The girl's eyes light up, “Yes!”

“What?! What do you think-” Astarion begins to shout.

Kalmia presses a finger against his snout. “You've been outvoted. Accept your fate.”

He whines and complains all the way downstairs, and once the bath is filled a few inches deep, she settles the little bat in. Izzy gets to work swiftly, wetting his fur and carefully working in the shampoo. Kalmia assists from the sidelines, but Izzy has it handled. 

Astarion's taking this with as much grace as possible, letting Izmezine do as she pleases, because there is never a world in which he would deny her.

But this time must come to an end, it seems.

He makes a strange noise, like a sharp intake of breath, and sneezes, splashing water everywhere when a vampire reappears where a bat once sat.

His resting clothes are soaked and Astarion is absolutely covered in soap, hair flattened against his head as he sneers at the two of them. ‘You two have had a lot of fun today. I think daddy needs some payback.” Izzy and Kalmia both shriek with laughter as they attempt to run, but Astarion grabs them both, dragging them into the tub, turning the water on. “If I had to suffer, then so should you!”

Once they're all soaking wet and giggling, they climb out of the bathtub, drying off, Kalmia has a new idea. “Ready to make a cake, Izzy?”

The girl jumps up and down in excitement, “I w-want pink frosting!”

“Any requests, irthiski?”

He runs a towel over Izzy's curls, “One of Gale's nice bottles of wine. I'm just… going to lie down, my body hurts.”

Kalmia laughs, “You'll get used to it.”

“Ugh, I sure hope not. If I never turn into a rodent again, it will still be too soon.”

++++

Notes:-anon = flower (draconic) -nafl (short for nafldask) = grandmother (draconic)

[marta-diablo]

‘Noel and Julian were possibly aroused’: The Mighty Boosh turns 20 – in pictures

 ‘Something magic happens when they get together’

While filming the surreal comedy, Dave Brown AKA Bollo was on hand with a camera to snap awkward kisses, creepy venues … and crack foxes ordering pie and mash

Tony & Dennis (Series 3 – The Strange Tale of the Crack Fox, 2007)

Dave Brown: ‘Lunchtime on set was a feast for the eyes. It was always a treat seeing cast members milling about munching on a jacket potato with ridiculous full face of makeup, asking for more cheese on their beans. Here, Noel Fielding (Tony Harrison) and Julian Barratt (Dennis the Head Shaman) pose for a quick shot before tucking into their pasta bake. Behind the Boosh 20, an exhibition by Boosh cast member Dave Brown AKA Bollo, is at the pop-up Behind the Gallery, London, 10-13 October. All photographs Dave Brown

Up on the Roof (Series 3 – Party, 2007)

‘During a particularly long scene, Noel and Julian look a little nervous and possibly slightly aroused as they contemplate their upcoming big kiss scene. I love the light and composition of this shot’

Tony & Saboo (Series 3 – Eels, 2007)

‘This was a particularly special scene. On Head Shaman Dennis’s stag do, Saboo rubs sun cream into Tony Harrison’s smooth pink crease, saying: “Don’t leave it in thick blobs, rub it in. Factor seven?! Shit off! I need factor 67 you ball bag!” It was always a hilarious pleasure to witness Noel and Richard Ayoade riffing off of each other in scenes, kinda like jazz, but jazz on bikes. Two very funny humans in ridiculous costumes at the top of their game, trying to out laugh each other with hilarious absurdities’

Luna Looks (Luna Park, Melbourne comedy festival, 2001)

‘Noel throws me his best blue steel look beneath the giant face of Luna Park as I lie on the pavement among the chewing gum and cigarette butts trying to get the angle. Melbourne festival was always very special, such an amazing city with brilliant crowds’

Come Play With Us (Aberdeen Future Sailors Tour, Press and Journal Arena, 2008)

‘The last gig of an insane tour. A strange place to end things after 99 dates that included Brixton, Wembley, Manchester and Sheffield but still, it was a great gig. Rich Fulcher was doing his usual dicking about pre-show in the corridors, grooving to tunes, practising his fossil moves. As I walked around the corner he was at the end and the blue suit reminded me of the Shining twins. I took two shots of him stood holding his own hand then comped them together. Way more terrifying than Kubrick’s version’

Hitcher Nabootique (Series 3 – Eels, 2007)

‘Loved this set: the sign, the lighting and one of my favourite characters, the Hitcher. Him walking up to the door in the rain was just a perfect moment to capture. All undercut by the ridiculous graffiti. Not sure why “loose change” makes me laugh so much, it’s one of those perfect examples of Noel and Julian’s writing and their way with language’

Noel Draws (Noel’s House during the Future Sailors Tour, 2008)

‘I spent many an evening pre-tour and sometimes during tour, in my flat or at Noel’s place, scribbling artworks for tour posters, DVDs, the book. The two of us produced all of that material. Old art school mates getting busy with the fizzy. We could draw those Boosh faces in our sleep, which became a bit of a problem some nights on tour in posh hotels’

Moody Naboo (Series 3 – Journey to the Centre of the Punk, 2007)

‘Naboo was indeed an enigma. Often found gazing into the middle-distance meditating deep astral conundrums, solving some of the world’s biggest problems and answering those age-old impossible questions like what flavour Pot Noodle he was going to have later when watching Columbo. Here is one of those moments in-between scenes shooting series three in a warehouse in a disused Ministry of Defence site somewhere in Surrey’

Foxy Man (Series 3 – The Strange Tale of the Crack Fox, 2007)

‘One of my favourite characters: those two voices, the laugh, the costume and makeup, terrifyingly hilarious! This is me capturing Julian just after lunch break walking back on set. It was a wonderful vision seeing the Crack Fox stood upright on two legs by the catering van ordering pie and mash from a visibly disturbed catering assistant, all while the real hungry Hackney crack foxes looked on through distant bushes in awe and jealousy’

Fossil Faces (Series 3 Rehearsals – American International Church, London, 2007)

‘Rich isn’t really acting in The Boosh. The character Bob Fossil is 92.4% Fulcher. A force of nature, he will crush any down moment anyone is having with his comedy fists and have you wetting your little blue pants in a hot minute. These shots were taken during rehearsals for series three in the American church on Tottenham Court Road in London. It was a pretty intense afternoon with some writing issues and a few moody clouds brewing. Then Rich provides these six faces and everyone’s laughing again’

Hippy Boosh (Series 2 – The Call of the Yeti, 2005)

‘Vince, Parsley and Naboo in full Polyphonic Spree get-up in front of the big blue studio 11 doors at 3 Mills Studios in east London. We’d just been shooting the song scene in Call of the Yeti and I was still in my Bollo suit. It always amused me when cast and crew from other shows filming at 3 Mills would walk past and assume this show had a Gorilla as the official set photographer’

Bendelack Directing (Pilot Episode –Tundra, Pinewood Studios, 2003)

‘Steve Bendelack directed loads of our favourites: Lee and Herring, Newman and Baddiel, League of Gentlemen. So when he was directing the pilot episode of Arctic Boosh at Pinewood Studios it was a pinch-me moment. Paul King took over from Steve when the first series was commissioned by the BBC. Steve was no doubt busy on something else. Or maybe he swerved it? Stewart Lee, who directed Noel and Julian in the Arctic Boosh stage show for the Edinburgh fringe in the late 90s, said it was like ‘trying to direct smoke’

Mutant Readers (Series 1 – Mutants, 3 Mills Studios, 2004)

‘Mike [Fielding] having some down time in his dressing room sipping on a brew and glancing across at a coupon for 10p off Monster Munch. Two trained thespians sit beside him on the smallest sofa in Europe; one reads a crime novel and an unshaven Pete from Dixons in the middle reads about how Bolton are on the brink’

Graffiti (Series 3 – The (Power of the) Crimp, 2007)

‘I’ve known Noel for over 30 years and Julian for over 25. Something magic happens when those two get together. They’re one of the great double-acts. It was never easy getting a decent shot of them together. Noel on his own was easy; he’d spot a camera lens a mile away in heavy fog. Julian, on the other hand, was usually eating, talking, squinting those already tiny eyes or hiding somewhere in a cabinet. I love these two nincompoops like brothers’

x

[lovelybucky1]

Neil trying to be cool to get the attention of a client (disinterested in him) being totally cringe and geeky with his movie recommendations

im a filmbro just like neil so i really resonate with this

my inbox is open for requests!

warnings: one mention of sexual content, mild mentions of violence, neil being a geek with zero rizz

masterlist

It’s not often hot people walk into Gumshoe Video. There’s the regulars, the families, the loser film bros who are there at least four times a week, the teens who try to rent pornos, and old people looking for the classics.

When you walked in, Neil almost dropped his fast food cup filled with Dr. Pepper. You’re exactly his type, and he pushed the other employees out of the way so he could be the one to help you.

“Hi, I’m Neil. How can I be of service?” he greets you, perhaps a bit too enthusiastically. You look down at his name tag and note that it says owner underneath his name.

“I don’t need any help, thanks,” you smile politely and continue walking. You aren’t trying to be rude, but you had a long day at work and this puppy dog of an employee is only going to get on your nerves.

“Are you looking for anything specific?” he asks, following you down the aisle.

You sigh. “No, just something to watch.”

“We have a huge selection. What’s your favorite genre?”

You resign yourself to the fact that this man is going to be up your ass until you leave the store.

“I don’t know. Action? Comedy?”

“Well, right over here we have Fast and Furious.” You wrinkle your nose. “We also have The Dark Knight.”

“Uh, no thanks. The villains in those movies are always so cheesy.”

Neil hums and scans the shelves, looking at the collection of videos for rent. “If you want a comedy we have Daddy Daycare, Superbad, American Pie…”

“I think I’ll just look around myself-”

“Or if you want something classic, we have Citizen Kane, Casablaca, The Godfather, Apocalypse Now-”

“Look, Neil,” you sigh. “I appreciate the suggestions but I really don’t need any help.”

Feeling rejected but not letting it show, Neil nods and steps away. “If you need anything, I’ll be behind the counter.”

You nod and watch him walk away before turning to browse the movie selection by yourself. It takes you a while to find anything that you were interested in, but you settled on Friday the 13th. It’s not what you’d usually go for, but your life needs a little excitement here and there.

From across the store, you could hear the other employees ridiculing Neil for “striking out”, though you’d have to argue that he never even got up to bat.

When you walk up to the counter to rent the movie, no one is to be found. You look around and find a bell on the counter labeled ring for assistance. You hit the button and the bell rings, and immediately following the chime is a thud and a curse. You peak over the counter to see Neil crouched underneath it, rubbing the top of his head.

He stands up and looks at you, putting on a charming smile like he didn’t just embarrass himself.

“All set?” he asks.

“Yep,” you reply shortly, handing him the box.

“Friday the 13th,” he reads. “That’s a good one. You didn’t tell me you’re into horror.”

“I’m not really. Just wanted a change,” you reply, figuring if you engage in his small talk, he’ll let you off the hook sooner.

“Did you know this was filmed at a real summer camp in New Jersey?” You shake your head. “It’s still operational, actually. The only set piece they had to build was the bathroom; everything else was already there.”

“That’s really interesting,” you smile, lying.

Unfortunately that was the wrong thing to say, because it made him perk up. “If you think that’s interesting, wait until you hear this…” He ducks under the counter again and comes back up with another movie in hand. “Scream was based on a series of real murders in the 90s. Ghostface was based of the Gainesville Ripper who killed five students in Florida. He wore a black ski mask, which was the inspiration for the movie.”

Neil must have noticed your concerned face and stopped.

“Uh, sorry. I guess giving a stranger facts about a serial killer is kind of weird,” he chuckles.

He scans your movie, swipes your card and prints out your receipt. Before he handed it to you, he scribbled something at the bottom.

“Thank you for renting from Gumshoe Video. Have a nice day,” he smiles.

You give him a polite smile back and on the way out of the door, you look down at the paper in your hand. He wrote what looks to be a phone number, but his handwriting is too messy for you to make out the digits.

[italoniponic]

Caught | Trey Clover

Synopsis: Because of your difficulties with alchemy class, you asked for Trey’s help to study. However, as Heartslabyul is full of problems and crazy people, the moment between you two is interrupted. Many, many times.

Trey Clover x gender neutral reader / fluff / a bit of comedy / established relationship / use of “you” pronouns

Word count: 1327k words | Masterlist

Notes: This was something I wrote a long, long time ago. It was basically lost among my fics files but since it’s Trey, I decided that I could share a little bit of “general Trey appreciation” once in a while. Stan the baker glasses boy to good cakes and better kitchen skills!

Caught

Trey’s voice was sweet and clear, filling the room with an incredible sense of comfort as if you two were actually in the kitchen preparing a cake together. But he was only reading the contents of the book of alchemy. Nothing else.

You were split on whether the idea of asking your boyfriend to help you study had been good. On the one hand, the theoretical content seemed much more understandable when it was explained by him. On the other hand, having Trey by your side in bed and having his voice so close to your ears was also becoming an immense distraction.

What to do in such cases? You were at a crossroads between pushing yourself to pay attention and not falling into the temptation of putting your head on Trey’s shoulder to finally fall into the world of dreams. His bed was large and comfortable, the cotton blanket had a very nice smell of cinnamon.

“Are you paying attention to the alchemy lesson?,” Trey asked suddenly.

The question shook you a little, putting you back to reality. Despite this, his tone wasn’t impatient. In fact, it was quite teasing.

“I’m trying,” you replied. “But next time, we’ll study in the library. It’s too comfortable here.”

“Oh? Why do you say that?,” Trey raised one of his eyebrows, his smile widening more.

“Because... uh... you... your room... I d-don’t have to answer! Just believe me!”

Trey let a little laugh slip away. 

How difficult it was to please such a simple person sometimes! But he understood what you were saying. He was also almost dozing off himself with the first-year’s alchemy theory book, a part of the subject he thought he would never have to deal with again in life. It was the reason Trey had become used to writing down Crewel’s lessons so as not to fall asleep in class.

However, being there reading that boring content on a bed that practically begged for someone to take a rest in and right next to the one he loved the most, his desire was to stretch out and leave study for later. 

Just to lay side by side, no much more than that. Letting the afternoon go by while they held a tea party in their Wonderland. 

But if anyone caught them in those conditions, Trey would hear a lecture from Riddle as if his own mother, Mrs. Clover, were there.

“Why don’t we go to Ramshackle, then?,” he suggested.

“The ghosts always interrupt us and Grim gets bored very easily. It would be the two of us running after him and preventing some good old chaos,” you explained, laughing a little while remembering how the cat must have been sleeping alone in your room. “Well, only when I’m around at least.”

“Heartslabyul is a quieter dorm in your opinion?”

“Of course I do. You all have a great leader and an amazing, super-responsible and caring vice…,” you touched the tip of the young man’s nose. “... that is you!”

Trey smiled and stared into the depths of his beloved one’s eyes. He was happy that his company was so dear to you and you saw him in such a positive way. This made Trey wish to reward you for words and confidence. Could he make you a cake? Maybe a pie? A Coconut “little kiss”? Or, who knows, another type of kiss.

Noticing the new glow of Trey’s big honey eyes behind his glasses, you had a small premonition of what you were going to receive. 

You closed your eyes and waited for Trey to get closer. When you two could practically feel your breaths collide, someone knocked on the door.

“Clover-senpai!,” you both moved away the moment Deuce entered. “Ace is making the flamingos fight and helding bets on them!”

You held back from asking how the whole thing was possible when you heard your boyfriend take a deep breath.

“Grab the flamingos’ food and drive them back to the fence. It won’t take too long before they stop fighting,” Trey explained. “And hit Ace on the head for me.”

Deuce nodded and gave a small embarrassed nod to the couple. The door quickly closed, welcoming again the comfortable silence of the room.

You approached each other again, returning to your original positions. You held Trey’s nape, preventing him from escaping again and he held your free hand. The book of alchemy became a mere souvenir, forgotten somewhere in the blanket. You could feel Trey’s lips rubbing so close to you when a squealing sound suddenly became audible. 

The door opened yet again.

You somehow jumped in the best spy action movie stunt move off the bed and stopped with your knees on the floor to face Ace, whose torso was clamped by some pink flamingo’s legs. However, that’s not what the freshman came to warn you.

“Clover-senpai! Deuce is choking on a hedgehog cub!”

“How?!,” you both questioned at the same time.

“I… m-mean… the flamingo may have accidentally made a shot on the hedgehog and it flew right into Deuce’s mouth. At least the poor thing didn’t fall into the flamingos stable like last time,” Ace scratched his hair, half relieved, half worried.

“Are you talking about Deuce or the hedgehog in that last part?,” you asked more concerned.

“It doesn't matter,” Trey interrupted. He was getting tired of all this. “Do the Heimlich maneuver and Deuce will be able to spit out the hedgehog. Now, stop throwing things at him! And don’t make the flamingos fight anymore!”

“O-okay.”

Ace then paused for a moment, thinking about inquiring about your presence there but he ultimately gave up. Instead, he closed the door and ran away. More quacks were heard along the way — the flamingo very happy for the new ride.

You two gave up on trying to kiss again and just layed together on the same pillow, equally tired. You turned to face Trey’s exhausted expression but you smiled as you saw him play with one lock of your hair. Trey took off his glasses for a moment and closed his eyes, enjoying that moment of silence while it could still last.

You also closed your eyes, hugging your boyfriend’s torso. The scent of cinnamon — with light touches of vanilla — seemed stronger than before. Suddenly, peace was reestablished and you were in your own world again. Nothing could interrupt this sweet moment.

“Trey! I swear I’ll exterminate this entire dorm someday!,” Riddle opened the bedroom door and entered in pure rage. “A group of seniors did the favor of burning three cakes in the kitchen! Flamingos and hedgehogs are all over the place! Roses everywhere! Ink spilled where even the Queen of Hearts could doubt! And... u-uh... er… eh!”

Riddle suddenly stopped, his eyes stuck on the bed where the couple were together and were trying to sleep. Trey sat down and stared at his childhood friend, although completely blurry. And the fact alone that he was trying to focus his sight in vain was quite nervous and intimidating. But mildly unintentionally. 

I said, mildly.

You turned around in time to see Riddle’s face intensely colored red and he looked away.

Extremely embarrassed, Riddle walked around a few times until he finally reached the exit and closed the door quietly. Or at least, you both wanted him to stay that way.

“Anyone who dares to interrupt Trey and the Prefect’s moment of intimate privacy again will lose their heads!,” Riddle threatened the whole dorm in a loud voice.

Trey hid his face in his hands, wanting the floor to swallow him. He knew that Riddle tried to help you with all the good intentions but he couldn’t have had the most awful time to misinterpret the situation you were in.

It was the first time you had seen your boyfriend so embarrassed and flustered since he was forced to sing at a surprise karaoke night organized by Cater.

“L-library?,” you suggested hesitantly.

“Please…”

[pascaloverx]

Rewrite The Stars

Chapter Nine

Summary: One photo changes your whole life, when you accidentally bump into a celebrity and the world starts to believe that you are a couple.

Notes:

In this chapter, we have an extra character, whom I'd like you to imagine as the actor Enzo Vogrincic. He'll only appear in this chapter and the next one and is not a romantic interest. And for those who enjoy the fanfic, I appreciate if you reblog or like. Thank you to everyone who is following the fic.

chapter eight chapter ten

You didn't want to go to your mother's house without Pedro, but in the end, it was for the best. This way, you avoid confusing what is work with what is your personal life. After nearly five hours of driving, you arrived at your mother's house. She lives in a small but very cozy town. It almost seems like the hometown of a romantic comedy protagonist. You're nervous about seeing her after she probably expected to see you with your famous boyfriend and you came alone.

"Y/N, be careful. Your mom was picking up laundry and almost fell into a hole." A very familiar male voice shouts to you as soon as you park the car, which Pedro insisted you take.

"Enzo, is that you?" You ask as you carefully avoid every patch of dirt in front of you, afraid of falling into any hole. Enzo then takes your hand, as if he wants to guide you, and leads you closer to him. Which wouldn't be weird at all if he weren't your ex.

"Your mom asked me to come over for dinner with you tonight. She said it would be good for both of us to see each other. I think she's trying to convince you to stay. By the way, sorry for the closeness, but I think if you stay close to me, there's less chance of falling into a mysterious hole and avoiding breaking your foot." Enzo says as he holds you close to his body. You look at him, analyzing the situation, and understand that you've fallen into a maternal trap.

"She called you here to convince me to stay and get married, have kids, and a little house in the countryside, right?" You ask, already knowing your mother. Enzo has always been a great friend of yours, and during a brief phase of your life, you thought he would make a good boyfriend. And he did. But when you decided to move to the big city, where there are celebrities and dreams could become reality, Enzo thought it best to set you free. Unfortunately for you, your mother hasn't gotten over it.

"I tried to tell her that you're dating a big Hollywood actor, but it didn't work. Good luck convincing her of that. " Enzo says as he holds your hand tightly and leads you towards your mother's house. She, in turn, must be cooking.

"It's about that..." You ponder whether you should clarify that you're not actually dating a famous person and are just pretending to be in a relationship with one.

"I'm happy for you. You deserve to be happy with a good man, and from what I've heard, Pedro Pascal seems like a great guy." Enzo says as you enter your mother's house.

"My dear, I see you've found Enzo. Did he tell you that he just built a house and is working as a carpenter in town?" Your mother says as she holds a chicken pie in her hands. You start to take off your coat and leave your things on the living room couch.

"Yeah, Mom, I found my ex-boyfriend that you invited to our dinner. I'm really happy that he's doing well and that he built a house." And the atmosphere at your mother's house gets even better. 

"Thinking that you could be living with him in that house if you hadn't run away to live an adventure." Your mother speaks clearly trying to hit you in your weak spot. She never accepted that you left, mainly because she thought you would follow in her footsteps. Being a housewife with a working husband. 

"Mom, forget about it. Enzo is a good man and deserves a good person by his side. But that person would never be me. And besides, I'm doing fine. I'm even dating an extremely kind and famous man." Yes, you know. Bragging about a fake relationship makes you seem pathetic.

"My daughter. Don't get me wrong, but a relationship with such different people, taking into account that you are a simple woman and he is a celebrity, is doomed to failure. The most you could get out of all this is the reputation of being a freeloader. What I don't want for you. So maybe it's time for you to become more realistic."  Your mother says in a high-pitched tone, but sounding like she takes pity on you.

"As famous as my boyfriend is, he is a person who is capable of being in a relationship and not paying attention to nonsense like that. And if you haven't noticed, I'm being realistic. My reality is that I found a good man, with whom I am having a relationship. He's famous and that's just a detail." 

"So where is he now? If this relationship is so real, where is your boyfriend, my daughter?" Your mother responds, clearly upsetting you, but before you can reply, you hear Enzo shout from outside the house for the two of you to come to the front. You and she quickly go to see what happened and come across a strange car arriving. Enzo seems worried that it might be one of the neighbors my mother dislikes coming to pick a fight, but you recognize the car minutes after it's parked.

"I hope I'm not too late. I was shooting a commercial, but I brought some good wine to make up for the delay. I hope I'm not interrupting anything." Pedro Pascal says as he gets out of the car with a dozen roses and a bottle of wine. You're speechless while Enzo and your mother seem incredulous.

"What do you mean, darling? What boyfriend lets his girlfriend come alone to her family's house?" Pedro says, still with his lips close to yours. He then turns around, holding the bouquet of flowers towards your mother.

"So you really are my daughter's boyfriend?" Your mother says as she holds the bouquet of flowers as if they were the most precious thing in the world.

"I really am, you can believe it. What fake boyfriend would come here to introduce himself to his mother-in-law?" Pedro Pascal asks as he approaches your mother to hug her, who seems even happy to be meeting him. Enzo still looks lost, and you laugh seeing the scene. Here in this little town, a celebrity appearing is like a comet falling.

"See, Mom? I told you this relationship was real." You say, hugging Pedro Pascal from the side, laying your head on his chest, as if to make it clear how comfortable you are.

"I confess that until now I thought all of this was a farce, and I still think so. But I'm a polite woman. So whether you're my daughter's boyfriend or not, you're invited to dinner. In fact, let's go in now, the food is getting cold. Enzo, you can come in too." Your mother says, entering the house, and Enzo follows right behind. Pedro gently pulls you by the arm.

"Who is that man, and why is your mother looking at me as if I'm suspicious of something?" Pedro asks, close to you. So close that you feel like kissing him.

"Well, that man is my ex-boyfriend, Enzo. He's a nice guy, and I'm pretty sure he's a fan of yours. My mother, on the other hand, doesn't believe we're dating and she's all grumpy and suspicious, so use your acting skills and make her believe in this relationship, understood?" You say, then give Pascal a peck on the lips, noticing that your mother and Enzo are eavesdropping on your conversation.

"Alright, love, let's convince your mother that you and I are a beautiful, loving couple." Pedro Pascal says as he approaches you and subtly kisses your cheek, pulling you inside your mother's house. And you go in hoping it will be a good experience.

tag: @wanniiieeee , @hungrhay and @leilanixx

[thatmexisaurusrex]

Goofy bucktommy prompts: some busker plays a song as they're walking past. One of them twirls the other into a dance, right there on the street

Send Me Ridiculous BuckTommy Prompts

I'd call this more cute than goofy, but I shall allow it 😆

That's Amore

So, Tommy wouldn't say that he usually took boyfriends back to locations where they had terrible, terrible dates.

But.

Evan had been asking about pizza. He had been talking about how it was healthy to go to places and have better memories there.

Not.

Avoid them.

And, well, yeah, maybe Tommy hadn't been back to the Miceli's since that date. Possibly because of how the date went down. And it wasn't as if Tommy didn't like Miceli's anymore. It was a good thing to go back.

And, you know, it was actually pretty close to where Tommy lived.

Tommy had made the poor choice to live in Hollywood of all places. Great house. Fantastic garage. The Time's Square of neighborhoods. But hey, it was nice to walk to Miceli's from his house, holding hands with Evan Buckley.

And, okay, it was kind of cute when they turned the corner only to hear a busker sing, "When the moon hits your eye; Like a big pizza pie, that's Amore!"

Like they were in an actual romantic comedy.

And Tommy hadn't expected it.

People didn't just spin Tommy. It wasn't a thing people thought about doing usually, really. But he found himself a little lightheaded as Evan twirled him to one of the most ridiculously cheesy songs in the world.

And.

It didn't even look like Evan had expected himself to do that. But he was still smiling, nonetheless. And Tommy - his smile grew so large that he was scrunching his nose.

And.

And maybe they danced a bit.

Which was sappy and almost too saccharine to be real. Laughing and dancing along as the busker kept singing about Amore!

And Tommy didn't want to be anywhere else but here.

[fukia]

Fun Peanuts character facts

Linus

Linus used to say “Bang” a lot before he could really talk, mostly to mess with his sister (ie, respond to her pestering) or deal with other people

He gave Violet a bundle of French fries wrapped with a rubber band once…

has a weird set of otherworldly abilities; blowing cubed balloons, talking to leaves (stars too), asking a beachball to return from the ocean if I recall correctly, petting birds and getting them to like him

Linus gets increasingly stronger and more blunt/threatening towards Snoopy for constantly trying to take his blanket

Linus wants to be a doctor most of the time

Offered to shared his blanket with Charlie a few times

Kissed Peppermint patty on the cheek to comfort her; “Like this, sweetie?”

Kissed Frieda’s hand after she expressed that carrying a blanket around isn’t a bad thing

He gives a girl named Eudora his blanket because her smile was cute - he regrets it and fails to retrieve it himself - she kisses him on the cheek, calling him a “sweet babboo” - Eudora is Sally’s friend lol

Schroeder

Charlie introduced piano & Beethoven to him

As a baby, Charlie put him in front of a real piano (as opposed to his toy one) and he cried

He specifically said baseball is one of his loves, besides playing music & Beethoven

Found baby Linus fascinating as he resembled Beethoven

Before Lucy was obnoxious to him, he told Charlie that Lucy has beautiful eyes

Threatened to beat up Lucy if she scratches his piano with her elbows

When Lucy moved briefly, he missed her presence; some say it’s out of character, [I think he doesn’t miss her as a person at all but he does miss the routine of having someone who listens to his classical playing even if it’s for shallow reasons, idk I sorta relate]

Regularly listens to Charlie Brown’s venting back in the day

The one character who stands up for Charlie Brown (multiple times)

Spoke in agreement with the girls that Charlie looked cute surrounded by dandelions

Whatever subtext in that 70’s Blue Boy strip

Charlie Brown

Was briefly a couple (of sorts) with Violet

Violet had a weird mud pie era where she’d serve them to Charlie and Charlie would consume them

Enjoyed messing with the girls back in the day, I’d say he’s capable of being a subtle tease aged up

Has gone on a carnival date with Peppermint Patty

Often cheers up Linus and defends him from Lucy

Often defends and shows interest in Schroeder’s love of music - he went out of his way to save Schroeder’s piano from the kite-eating tree and the sewers after the nonsense Lucy pulled

Was the original one to lean on Schroeder’s piano, they often engage in actual, normal conversation

Often seen reading to Schroeder Beethoven’s biography or Mozart’s

Schroeder and Charlie Brown tried to play music together a few times but they could never find fitting music for the improvised instruments Charlie would bring

Makes conversation with the kite-eating tree; has offered to feed it a kite in defeat and also bit the tree out of revenge (the tree world fall in a following strip)

Has some sort of mommy thing goin on

“Poor, sweet baby”

Edited to add: Lucy has a weird thing for Charlie’s “toesies”

Sally

Started off kinda picked on by the other kids like her brother but grows up to be more assertive

Has a penchant for comedy

She talks to a fucking school building and it “talks” to her

The school building falls for her???

She talks to the new building after the previous one fucking collapses

Marcie

Had a guy named Floyd call her “lambcake” and cute

She thinks she’s not cute

When she’s angry, she hits well

Definitely has a fighting spirit and a stubbornness that flares up

Says she doesn’t like sports but does decently at it

Speaks fluent French

Edited to add: says she’s not ready for a boyfriend but would marry Charlie Brown

Franklin

He’s like the nicest character

He’s the sanest; he left Charlie’s neighborhood thinking it was weird

I just think it’s funny how he actually finds the running gag personality traits of the others so strange, I had to include him despite his minimal appearances

Pig Pen

Got picked on a bit in the early days for his dirtiness; but he handles it better than Charlie Brown, he doesn’t seem to really mope

Apparently enjoys cleaning and taking baths, he just gets dirty real quick

Charmed Peppermint Patty into falling in love (the two enter a sort of unofficial relationship)

Peppermint Patty

Has a sentimentality that mirrors Chuck

Her dad calls her a “rare gem”

Says she likes beautiful material things, earrings, and certain sparkly outfits too

Originally pierced only one ear

Her nose is big and she’s real sad about it

Really likes to take moments with Charlie to be sentimental; often talks about how she wishes to be “beautiful”

She admits with embarrassment that she broke down upon seeing the red-headed girl’s face, because she sees why Chuck loves the girl instead of her (Linus kisses her cheek to reassure her; all around sweet strip)

Called Lucy “Lucille”

I have more to go, but those are some interesting things I’ve read in the comic strips so far.

[corey-cumminghams-malewife]

🌻how slashers calm down your anxiety🌼

slashers x gn reader

this is how i imagine certain slashers would calm their s/o down while experiencing minor anxiety and negative thoughts

🌲 jason voorhees 🌿

would make you tea from the stash the both of you kept from disposed-of campers

would awkwardly pat your thigh if you're sitting together or your head if you're standing

he tries so hard to be gentle but after so much time of being brutish and heavy handed its still difficult for him

gives you small bones and skulls of dead animals that he has polished to display in your shared cabin so that you can touch and feel to keep your mind off of the panic within you

has you sit in his lap and lets you focus on and touch his mask

takes you for a walk to the lake or to your secret meadow where the two of you can breathe in the crisp air and make flower crowns with all the pretty wildflowers

🎃 michael myers 🔪

stares at you from the doorway while you're curled up in a ball on your bed

wants to do something but doesn't know the first thing about giving comfort

tries real hard though

brings you anxiety medication he finds in his victims' medicine cabinets

you won't use other people's medication of course, but its the thought that counts

lies next to you on his back as stiff as a board for you to cuddle into

hates it but if it will help calm you down he'll grit through his touch aversion

will sit next to you and let you explore his mask

otherwise he will just hover close by, hoping his presence will calm you some in letting you know you're not alone and he's here for you. in his own way

👻 billy loomis 🔪

will put on your favorite horror film or comedy and lie with his head in your lap so that you can play with his hair

will have the two of you make choccy milkshakes in the kitchen together, to keep you busy with something you enjoy

will smother you with gentle attention to keep your mind away from its panicked self. soft kisses on your forehead, cheeks, lips, nose, chin. everywhere

will take you to your special spot: the outlook overlooking the valley. will then hold your hand and chat away about movies and music

otherwise he will simply be the big spoon on your bed and hold you close while whispering soothing words to you

🚜 thomas hewitt 👔

once you show signs of your negative emotions and anxiety he will quickly lift you up and take you to the porch swing where he'll sit both of you down and bask in the warm sunshine while he holds you close to him and nuzzles into the crook of your neck

will keep you busy with tending the farm animals and let you pet the friendly ones noting how you seem to calm down feeling the warm fur beneath your fingers

if the house has the ingredients for it he will bring you to the kitchen where you and him can bake pie or cookies

if you experience some anxiety at night in the bedroom he'll have you sit on his lap by the rocking chair next to his open window to feel the crisp night breeze waft over you and cool your flushed skin down

🔧 bo sinclair 🧢

doesn't know how to comfort you and gets angry

will start cussing at himself and pace back and forth in a panic

will ask you what you want a hundred times over

"you want a soda pop?" "you want a snack?" "maybe a burger from the diner. i can quickly go and get you one?" "can i put a dvd on for you?" and on and on he'll go

will eventually break down himself and hold onto you so tightly you cannot breathe anymore

will then whisper words of affirmation and praise to you, begging you to stop feeling so bad

if that fails he'll guide you to his truck to take a drive on the highway knowing you enjoy short roadtrips and the feeling of the wind whipping against your face from the open window

will stop at the next town's convenience store and buy you lots of candy and chips

if you struggle with anxiety or anything else that impacts on your life in a negative way please know you are not alone and are loved and that help is not hard to find.

[magicxc]

Movie Genres

Pairings: Survey Coprs - their fave movie genres

Word Count: 835

Warnings: netflix and chill? hulu subscription? binge watching disney?

A/N: I LOVE a good movie okay!! Put me in front of a juicy plot and I'm SAT. Here are the genres that I think the boys would enjoy most!! Tell me yours 🍿🎥🎬 

Headcannons Masterlist

Eren  - Action/Thriller 

Eren def strikes me as the type to enjoy loud movies that’s fast paced and chocked full of fighting scenes. Even though he has a special appreciation for the martial arts he can still get down with some good ole hand to hand combat. Anything that elicits excitement and anticipation does it for him.

Levi - Western Film

Walk with me here. I’ve seen Kenny reference and even dress cowboyish. I think he’d be all for the genre and considering his influence on Levi, it’s safe to say our short king would too. While the culture may be different from his own, it adds to his amusement all the more. Featuring cowboys, gunslingers, and bounty hunters it’d feel like a dramatisation of his old life underground; and while he no longer affiliates himself with that lifestyle, he does find the genre interesting. 

Erwin - Historical Drama

Fight me. Erwin strikes me as boring lowkey lmfao. I genuinely believe he’s only watching things that stimulate his mind or shows that he can take away from. He doesn’t mind the messiness too much as long as the movie in question is thought provoking or at the very least holds some truth to it. And honestly, the Commander might be onto something here cause historical drama pieces fucking slap. Movies/series like The Crown, Apollo 13, Hotel Rwanda, etc is what he’s tuning into if he wants to watch tv.

Throwing in National Geographic or shows like The Most Extreme for when he wants some background noise.

Connie - Animation/Musical

Connie is such a vibe and while he is comedic relief he’s also super sweet. It's said that he’s basically a runner up to Armin on the emotional scale in regard to how deeply he feels. Our boy started out super naive and trusting and although it shaped him into someone a little more serious; he’s still that sweetie pie at heart. And so I believe animation is his thing and can bring a deep sense of nostalgia from time to time; allowing him a chance to cater to the child within. And the plots genuinely be plotting. That early 2000’s Disney and Pixar was un-fuck-witable. Musicals are just as fun for Connie btw, anything with a happy ending he’s down for.

Jean - Drama

Jean is literally so messy he can't help it. The call is coming from inside the house with this one. Even though Jean is a realist, he can also be an asshole with little regard to how what he says may affect Eren people. That doesn’t mean our boi is heartless, noooo, there has been lots of maturation over the seasons. But he LOVES a good conflict chile. Movies/series like RHOA, anything Tyler Perry, Moonlight, etc is his go to.

Onyankopon - Crime/Mystery

Similarly to Erwin, Onyankopon prefers films that are stimulating. He doesn’t mind indulging in the occasional reality show, but that's usually if he just so happens to be walking past his girl and a good scene comes on. Other than that, Ony is all for the suspense. He loves trying to stay one step ahead of the character but finds it's equally as fun to pick up some cool trivia along the way as movies like these tend to touch on a wide range of topics.

Reiner - Comedy 

After almost losing his mind and his life, Reiner is cool on the movies that bring about intense emotions. He wants to laugh and not regularly either, but full on knee slapping laugh when he decides to indulge in a film. You know the kind where you have to beg your friend to stfu so you can catch your breath? The kind of laugh that feels like you just did a ab workout? That's what he wants. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t watch other genres, but they’re certainly not his first choice.

Armin - RomCom

It's self explanatory with this one. Our munchkin still views the world and its people with big doe eyes of hope, even against all odds. He is a little more realistic in his hopes but he’s still hopeful nonetheless. And he’s much the same when it comes to movies. He wants to see the film where the guy gets the girl, against all odds, and they kiss in the rain; and he’ll love it even better if you slide a joke or two in the mix. 

Floch - Slasher

I genuinely feel like if Floch had a Tumblr, he’d be like one of the slasher girlies with their ghost face fics, only he’s posting ghost face thirst traps hahaha. He gets a thrill from the gore, the screams, the plot, and the kills. I think Floch is just all for the scare, even if he's on the receiving end of it. Anything to get his adrenaline pumping while keeping him on the edge of his seat will do. Thankfully though he’s able to separate fiction from reality and we can only hope he doesn’t get any cute ideas.

[littleplantfreak]

Mari my sweet angel!!!! I used my echolocation to find you!!!!

(meaning that I nearly typed your name into the search bar again 🤦🏻‍♀️) 🎃

Anyway, given that it's nearly Halloween .... kind of .... I have some Halloween and fall related questions for you and Ume!! 🎃

What fall activities are you doing together? Are you picking your own pumpkins or buying them from a store? What designs are you carving into the pumpkins? Are you going to a corn maze? Maybe a haunted house? 🎃

What does fall look like for you and your beloved Ume? 🎃

Love you, have a wonderful day <3

Roxy my beautiful bumblebee bat i felt you trying to echolocate me!!

I started internally running around and freaking out because although i love summer most, I’m absolutely wild about doing fall/halloween stuff!

We’re totally picking our own pumpkins. We do the pumpkin head photoshoots that were a trend for a while? I did one with my sister last year and aaa it’s so fun. We carve and choose each other's designs but they vary every year! Also we make flavored pumpkin seeds after carving them (it'd be a waste not to)

Corn mazes and haunted houses for sure. I'm used to going first in haunted houses, but I'll hold his hand the whole way through! For corn mazes, I like to race through them and see who finds the way out faster!

I make a lot of pies in the fall for people so he'd be helping me slice the apples for them and rolling out my pie crusts (I'm making sure he puts those arm and hand muscles to good use) or helping me bake pumpkins so i can mush them up if I go hard and get the actual pie pumpkins instead of using pumpkin puree

For him I think he enjoys going hiking and catching the trees when they're at their most colorful. Where I live everything ends up bursting with reds, yellows, and oranges so once everything is at their peak, we hop in the car and go climb a mountain about it!

Ah one more thing! Horror movies are necessary. We have a list of them to go through that we make ahead of time. Sometimes actual horror and other times horror comedy. I'm surprisingly jumpy during the horror horror movies and end up half on top of him squeezing his arm like no tomorrow especially with jumpscares

[twilight-saga-headcanons]

is it possible to ask for some general headcanons for paul and emmett? They're my favorites :3 not relationship headcanons, just general stuff please!!!

Hello, darling! I hope you enjoy these <3

Paul Lahote:

Keeps a few bottles of water and a pack of energy bars in his bedside drawer, just in case. The man likes being prepared.

Had a bittersweet childhood. He loves his mom to D E A T H and he knows she's practically a saint for putting up with all of his shit from childhood and his high school years.

His dad is still alive and his parents are still together, but they've always been distant from each other. There's no particular reason; he thinks it's because their personalities have always clashed. It's basically as if he lives with a stranger in his home.

Falls in love a lot; falls out of love just as fast. Has gone on a lot of first dates, but not a lot of second dates, which is where his reputation of a heartbreaker emerged. He just loses interest pretty quickly.

Not much a book person; he likes music, but he can do without it most of the time. But movies? This man is a movie buff. Movies of all types - the classics, action, comedy, weird artsy foreign films, fantasy, romance? He loves them all.

Emmett Cullen:

Is very proud of his home town of Gatlinburg, Tennessee. He really loved growing up there, but doesn't go back often. The last time he went back to Tennessee was in 1986, when he dragged Rosalie about twenty minutes away to Pigeon Forge for the Dollywood Grand Opening.

LOVES video games but he gets so stressed out for no reason. Has broken 14 controllers and 6 TV's. Tends to favor Playstation and Xbox - the nintendo consoles and controllers are surprisingly easy to break.

Only has small glimpses of his life before Rosalie - the sound of his father chopping wood; loud, boisterous laughter as he joked with his brother; a sting on the back of his hand when his mother swatted him with a spoon for trying to sneak a slice of pie.

He's not upset about it, though! I mean, it's sad, sure, but he keeps himself moving forward. He loves his family and he adores this blonde goddess who saved his life.

One of his biggest dreams is to become TikTok famous. Still pissed because Carlisle says he cannot do anything stupid on social media "for the views."