#i have nothgin to say

[moncuries]

[majimemegoro]

im too late but i do just want to say my rationale for picking a fight with saejima. think about it for 2 seconds. i pick a fight with saejima. hes twice my size (not bc im very very small but bc saejima is twice EVERYONE's size). can he pummel me to a pulp in two seconds flat? yes absolitely. is he GOING to? no hes not. he knows im not a threat. yes im vicious and i know my way around a punch but even if i pull a kinfe or something im not a threat to him. whats he going to do? hes going to stop me without hurting me. hes going to deflect my blows. bend my wrist back just enough to make me drop the knife, but not enough to hurt my old wrist injury. as i tire myself out, my swings becoming erratic, as my breathing gets hard to the point where im nearly sobbing from frustration, he doesnt have to worry about himself. this isnt even a real fight to him. he starts to worry about me. finally i throw a cross punch at him—shoddy—my aim is alright, but i've already exhausted myself—and he catches the fist in his hand. it closes around mine easily.

"what are you so angry about?" he asks, and his face is craggy and hes twice my size, but his eyes are so full of understanding and worry and sadness and—

anyway wake up babe new saejima copyasta just dropped

[pjackk]

Yep another miesrable "F my life" moment just hapened to me i basicaly walked 10 miles up the mountain to get to behind to the gas station to see my plug to buy me my with my favorite delta 8 pipe rocks and grab another 6er of tall boy steelies and i forgot i had my lit pre roll from brunch at the Country Grocerys buffet and i tripped on a congom on they away out and fell directly into a puddle of oil which normaly is fine when i fall and hurt myself ebcause nobody gives a fuck about me but the pants got stained wich is not unusual for me either but this time with motor guel or some shit but my pre roll was smoldering still and it set my ptants on fire so i dive in to the muddy ditch to put wet mut on my body to estinguish the fire and it and it shook the fuck up out of my steelos and the bursted all over me and it put out the fire but now i dont have any booze at all and my delta 7 "Fuck n chill" rocks burned tf up and i dont got nothgin left and my pants were all fucked up so i had to go home thru the woods wihtout them and it was so dark out and my peice of shit phone died even thouhg it was at 27% and i couldnt see shit and i was lost for along time so i decide to go to sleep in the woods to find my way back in day time + the animals sounds were high key scary as fuck so i cover myself in leafs and dirt and sticks and mud and other shit to hide from them and i woke up in the adfternoon still tired as fuck cuz i dont sleep good without some shit to put me asleep like my medicidne prescribed from Dr Maltlikker if U catch my drift lol or Dr thc Gummy lol if u get what im saying and these stupid little cunts with 22 rifles were plinking at me and tlaking about how they wanted to shoot my big ugly rusty head right in the head or to shoot a hole in my nippels so i got up and trioed to get them to stop i begged but htey just kept lauhging at me and shooting at me and it realy hurt my feelings so i pick one up and threw it into the sky then they all ran away screaming which is a classic "Dont fuck with honest joe,because he might try to hurt you or kill you if u piss him of moment" but the miracle of the story if that i went to walk 20 feet to findm y way out and i found my busted as shit old as fuck camry with a litle gas left ive been looking for it for a few days cuz i did a lil cruising when i was blackout and did lots of crazy shit i didnt remember at all but it was all on my story and 100 ppl were snaping and whatsapping me telling me to kill myself when i checked my huwawai thats how u know u had a crazy fcking night when u get that shit!!😂😂 but it had a litle gas left and it wasnt super busted so i was able do get back on I81 and soem stupid fcking crazy ass north carolina motha fuckas are driving insanly as fuck as usual and they keep almost hiting me while im just trying to read my fukcking phone to get rid of all these stupid messages and shit i still dont know how to use the app and its hard to type shit with my hands but eventualy i got back to my fuck buddys houe im crashing there even though he hates me now but i have nowehre left since ive been down on my luck and im realy not able to pay the bills no more with my online black jack/DarkRp trial moderator gigs and basicaly he owes me cuaz i got him 1 pack of menthols back when he was 19 and Sleepy Joe Brnadon banned them since "Freedom to do real shit" was aparently removed from the costitution when he was elected😂 but anywas now im sitting here bored as fuck with nothign at all do do cuz i got nothing to get fucked up wthi and i spent the rest of my meony on shit thats burned and blasted im realy worried i wont be able to sleep tongith since i cant get fucked up and thats when the demons starts to flow in my head i might do something realy bad to myself like pluck out my screws or some shit if u care abotu my which u probably dont my cashuapp is $pjack9 im desprate for another bottle to numb my p[ain away

Pic of my ride when i found it thankuly it still had gas😋

[hella1975]

Reading Tams Chapter 4 : )

Haven't started yet but if whatsherface dies im going to be very disappointed 

Muchen is being a real twat right about now

I feel like Zukos going to fire bend at him

He didnt

Lihua to the rescue!

Are they going to kill her???

No they didnt okay 

I was scared there for a second

FUCK IS SHE GOING TO DIE AGAIN???

No???

HELLA WHAT THE FUCK

YOU KILLED HER

I cant BELIEVE TYOUVE DONE THIS

Im not mad im disappointed

Im not going to recover from this 

I dont think Zuko is either, seems like the type of thing thats going to haunt him the rest of the series.

“if you have me on tumblr then you know lihua was always going to die” idk if you mean like ‘hellas inner circle’ people or people who follow you in general but if its the latter NO THE FUCK I DIDNT 

I HAD FAITH IN YOU 

I HAD FAITH IN YOU AND IT BIT ME IN THE ASS

You let me get emotionally attached I cant believe you

This is traumatic

I didnt have the intention of all but three of these points being about Lihua but thats your own fault

Im getting her name tattooed onto me now i feel the burden to carry her memory with me the rest of my life

Oh my God hella this is the worst thing you’ve ever done

I can excuse you torturing Zuko for like 3 or 4 months (???) and giving him a macBeth level mental breakdown BUT I DRAW THE LINE AT YOU KILLING LIHUA

idek if im spelling her name right.

Im going to have a macbeth level mental breakdown now

Ill try to move on

Have you seen that post that says like ‘when you read multiple fics from the same author sometimes you notice certain like patterns and things that just keep popping up in their writing and stories’? Thats not to quote it but thats the general idea.  

Like in my thing about the last chapter I mentioned the whole ‘leaving a blade behind to tell someone you didnt leave willingly’ thing is prevalent in both taob and tams.  WELL APPARENTLY YOU ALSO GET OFF ON KILLING PEOPLE WHO ARE VERY YOUNG BUT ALSO OLDER SIBLINGS AND THEYRE YOUNGER SIBLINGS ARE ALSO DEPENDANT ON THEM’

 Lihua is with Lanse now in a very specific part of heaven reserved for the characters you have the absolute audacity to murder in cold blood

AND THEY BOTH START WITH THE LETTER L!! COINCIDENCE?? I THINK NOT!

That should have been the first sign

I am never growing attached to people who has L as the first letter of their name again that you write.

Currently scanning my mind of any of the taob people whose name starts with L and I cant think of anyone so this might not be a reliable indicator.

THESE ARE PEOPLE YOUR KILLING HELLA DO THEIR LIVES MEAN NOTHGIN TO YOU???

I cant believe this

Okay serious now

I think

We’ll see

Another thing for my ‘favorite things about hella’ thing and this time it isnt about your writing skills!

(which are magnificent btw, you make it too easy to praise your writing)

You do this thing where you add an x to the end of your messages.  Like I’ve seen you do it on discord and when you screenshot messages you do it and I just think its neat.  

Its not prominent or deep but its worth mentioning

LIST ANON DISCOVERS BRITISH KISSES AT THE END OF SENTENCES IT IS ME GIVING YOU A LITTLE MWAH ON THE NOSE WHEN IM DONE TALKING <3

your live reactions kill me both bc you're so lovely and also seeing INSTANT contradictions is hilarious. im glad you liked the chapter my love <3 i always look forward to your asks, they make my day x <- a kiss for u <3

[freak60000]

tmw cw for r*vhound hate(?)

[4mulaone]

when u all use terms like maxiel and lestappen and sewis do u mean it in a strictly shipping tense or r u referring to just those two drivers and cant be bothered to type their names out

[slitherbop]

what if we stayed together in the afterlife 😗 ....

[brokenlinesacrossme]

unfinished business.

                                                                                     Quarentine diaries              

#1

24/04

Things aren’t happening as I thought they should. I felt anxious as fuck after some misscommunication episode with a friend of mine. I was rude to her and choose the worst words and moment to say how I felt about having the graduate cerimony online via Zoom. Even though I apologized to her, she didn’t responded me ever since. I spent most of the day paralised, just going back and forth in what I’ve done to her. Honestly it did me more harm than her, probably.

After hours just stucked on my bad feeling bad about myself, I decided to do something with my life. Binge watched the news: fashion, design and about all the situation worldwide. Being informed in this quarentine is making me feeling good someway.

However, the problems were far to end. I felt completely drained after arguing with my boyfriend about the ways he’s dealing with life through this madness. He’s just costing and playing it safe, spending most of the time in bed. I know it’s been a hard time for all of us, but I like to look throught this period as an amount of time that we can improve ourselves.Professionaly, personaly and mentaly.

So I decided that it’s was time to just shut the world and focus on me. Watched last week’s RPDR episode and Little Woman. He texted me to apologize - even though he was not wrong. But this is just how he is: he would apologize to me knowing that he has done nothgin just so I won’t be mad at him. One of his many flaws. Ended up the night by talking to him on the phone and just remembering the old times of my previous life.

[inenaffable]

*hungry tummy noises*

they read it and they ask me "what the fuck is wrong with you" and i just can cry and laugh a little bit cause its funny, you know? its funny when no one else exists besides you and you still cant do anything. youre so stupid, you know that, you know that? you cant do anything because youre caged inside yourself so you create fantasies to pretend your life is interesting and youre not a hollow of a person, a carbon copy of whoever is the closest, unable to survive without a partner, a disgusting parasyte. god, youre not even good enough to ruin people, to mark them in any way possible. you just bore them, then your thrashed to the side. its not even dramatic enough to be written about, its just logical. youre so bad at being anything, its pathetic. you cant be good, great, you cant be filthy, despairful, youre nothing, notghin nothign nothing notghin nogthing nothing nothgin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no one can hate you if no one gives a fuck about you and you know that you know that the only one who hates yourself is you and you are the only fucking reason to all your problems because theyre all in your head and theyre fake, fucking fake, fake fake fake fake fake because you cant entertain yourself on your fucking life because everyone leaves you when they realize you are just a shell a copy a parasyte that sucks and sucks and sucks and doesnt give a fuck and is locked inside their own head and blames people for the crazy things your dumb fucking brain created fuck fuck fuck fuck

no one asks you what the fuck is wrong with you because no one cares, and everyone knows those things are only in your head, because you tell them, and you know, you fucking know, and thats the worst part of it

i dont know how to be a human being , even when imbeing the most disgusting one that exists - but im not, because its all in your head and youve never done anything

im perfect, its incredible, its amazing, really, you should look at me,look at me

i do bad things and dont feel guilty for them, i guilty myself  for things that arent bad, and then i blame people for my own judgement, but i dontknow how to live outside of this

its scary, scary, scary, scary, scary, scary,scary,scary so so scary outside of here, dont let me go, dont let me go, youre gona go back all over again

except you cant go back to something that never even existed

what am i going to tell my therapist tomorrow? lies, lies, unconscious lies that im very aware of, all over again, excuses after excuses

why dont you just fuck me, tell me, why? i dont have to think, i dont want to think,  im spending so much time alone and yet im doing absolutely nothign, im disgusting

but im perfect, so perfect, how can anyone ever hate me? everyone loves me, right? you love me, right? hey, are you reading this? hey, hey, wont you just fuck me? wont you make me forget i have a mind of my own? 

im so disgusting, how can you love me? you like it, dont you? how im so very fake, how i cant take no’s, how im just barely nothing but annoyment when striped down. what, what? you want to see me strip? silly, silly, if i do that, then youd want to go away. its just too bad i cant control myself, right? i just want to be seen oh so badly. 

theres no liquor in this house and i hate it, i hate it how i could just ask for it, but i wont, and ill still hate that theres none. thats me, thats me for you. dont you like it, love it? dont you just want to fuck me now?

i dont need to pretend in front of you, if you dont like it, just leave, im tired of you. i can say fuck and i can act like everything i do is coated with so much honey  its nauseating, annoying, because thats who i am. lousy, annoying, nasty, spoiled, a horrible liar and so much more. but im nothing you guys like, im nothing i like, so ill wear baggy clothing even though i want to show my tits to everyone. my room is just too hot. i must not forget, nobody cares about me, nobody remembers me, no one will come back for me, so i can tear it up. i can say fuck and i can lick every single inch of my mirror and i can be whatever i want to be, because, because-

she said i love myself, i said i loved myself, and thats why. but maybe that was a lie. see, how havent you seen through that? i actually hate myself. oh, i do, so very much. its funny. dont you find it funny? tell me, tell me you laughed, tell me you could tell from the start, and that its okay, that ill learn to love myself at somepoint. i want to have sex with so many people because i hate myself and i dont want to think

hey, look at me, arent i ugly? arent i destroying myself? say, dont you think no one will never apreciate me again?

i dont know if what im preteding is to believe or to doubt. do i love it, do i hate it? its so tangled, its funny. i cant remember what came first. does it really even matters?

im so very hungry. i want to drink and let people touch me and touch them back, i want to feel whole. dont you just want to fuck me? im perfect, see? i promise, i promise, you wont regret it! come, come, just fuck me already.

imagine it,, imagine me, miserably sitting down in my bed, sweating, hungry, and writing all this jumbled mess on my dumb little notebook, typing on this double keyboard, listening to dumb little rain sounds on my dumb little one-sided earphone cause im too scared of the silence but cant listen to music cause my brain is just dumb dumb dumb and cant concentrate on more than one dumb little thing at a time

im so hungry, and its not even a metaphor anymore

im not doing it on purpose, i promise, i could eat so so much but theres just nothing  to eat and most of the things are just icky

i could eat a whole hamburger if i could go out

dad, please, buy me a hamburger, please, please, im so hungry, wont you just buy me one

hey, dont you want to buy me things too? that would be nice, so very nice of you. say, give me your money, wont you? i could buy so much with it! i need it, i need you

fuck, fuck, tell me, how am i supposed to sleep now?

i sometimes wonder if i should take pills for it, but that would probably be a bad idea

i dont need any of it, and starting it would probably get me into something worse

think, wouldnt it be cool if i could stay up till 4am?

but i cant, and i need to sleep

wont you kiss me goodnight?

pretty, pretty please?

ah! thank you! thank you so much! i love you, i love you, i love you!

[billyranger]

Do you ever have like phrases stuck in your head? Like just a few words, said in a very specific way. And they will just pop up occasionally?

Two examples: Ted Cruz saying “Why am I persucated” from that Crucible clip, that Sam B dugged up and Seth Meyers saying “Who knows” on his election night show, right before he gets weepy.

And I feel like those two specific sound bites say a lot about me as a person. Nothgin good, but a lot

[lokh]

that's the only thing i'm good at.