#i have no time for myself bc she's home 24/7 and wants company all the time

[finnickodaiir]

My sister barged in my room while I was sleeping to talk about some stuff she saw on tiktok and now I can't fall back asleep and I have to be up in like 6 hours....

[sophiekarim]

I am actually beyond disgusted with myself for ever looking up to Selena. To first claim you’re taking a break from social media because of everything that happening with Palestine & i*rael and making a genocide about yourself & your own family by posting a picture of your sister who is living luxuriously in the comfort of your mansion whilst talking about other children who needed that attention instead. I’m sorry but is your sister the one facing brutal occupation & bombardment? You might have the luxury of taking a “mental break” but the thousand of Palestinians suffering out there don’t.

As if that wasn’t enough, madam decided to claim she’s deleting her Instagram at a time when Palestinians need these big figures to spread their message. It’s so clear where she stands in this, she just has to have the attention on herself 24/7, doesn’t she? She didn’t want to post a picture of the children she claimed she was talking about because obviously she was going to get caught out. If not by one side, deffo by the other. I guess ma’am doesn’t want to lose followers or her business OR her pro-Zionist besties such as racist Amy Schumer.

This isn’t “hating” on your fav celebrity, it’s calling out someone who is uneducated to the core. You absolutely CANNOT claim you’re on both sides in this situation. You either side with the oppressor or the oppressed. You cannot claim your beauty business is donating to both Palestinians in Gaza AND Israel at the same time thinking it’s all okay & that people are going to start liking you again, where is the logic in that? AND YOU ABSOLUTELY CANNOT INCLUDE AN ISRAELI ZIONIST IN YOUR LIVING UNDOCUMENTED SERIES AND SYMPATHISE WITH THEM WHEN THEY CRY OVER HOW AWFUL IT IS THAT THEY DON’T GET TO GO FOR VACATION IN THEIR “HOME LAND” ISRAEL WHICH IS STOLEN OCCUPIED PALESTINIAN LAND WHILST THOUSANDS OF PALESTINIAN REFUGEES WHO STAYED THERE ARE NOW STRUGGLING AWAY DROM THEIR RIGHTFUL HOMELAND.

Clearly, that money is all going to Magen David Adom (who literally FUND THE IDF, the same sick & twisted animals bombing the Gaza Strip in the first place. THIS IS WHY IT IS SO IMPORTANT TO BOYCOTT RARE BEAUTY AND ALL PRO-ZIONIST COMPANIES. PALESTINIANS ARE NOT RECEIVING THESE DONATIONS. THE CEO IS A ZIONIST FOR GOODNESS’ SAKE.

I’d say boycott celebrities as a whole, they have no fucking idea what they’re saying or doing OR they’re pro-Zionist which itself is the BIGGEST L.

Before you call me a hater, this is literally coming from someone who looked up to Selena for YEARS. I am SO hurt & disgusted. Imagine having 430M followers on potentially the BIGGEST social media platform out there and claiming a post won’t help. It’s so obvious she doesn’t want to help the Palestinians bc compare this sob story to what she posted for Ukraine a few months before.

Only just signing a letter to call for a ceasefire whilst enjoying your luxurious life ain’t it. Posting ONE story in 2014 ain’t it. GO OUT THERE AND PROTEST IF YOU CARE ABOUT PALESTINE. USE THAT PLATFORM TO SPREAD AWARENESS LIKE KEHLANI & LAUREN JAUREGUI. DUMP ANYONE ASSOCIATED WITH ZIONISM, PERIOD.

To anyone who still finds way to defend their favourite celebs or sympathises with these zionist sympathisers & claim they support Palestine at the same time, WAKE THE FUCK UP.

[loucipherrrrr]

Talk to ya later

but probably not.

Tbh i’m tired, fed up, bored, annoyed, beat down, exhausted. Tired of checking up on you. tired of asking how you are. tired of begging to hang out. tired of you not making time to do things with me. tired of you flaking.

NO: I have been talking about going together since november maybe even october. every month you’ve pushed it back. one month we were supposed to go and the week of you tell me your friend is coming too… “she always comes anyway” like i was supposed to know she was coming this time like she has a permanent spot when you go back home. how are 2 large dogs and 3 adults supposed to fit in your lil honda? why didn’t you think about this before i took those days off. why didn’t you say she was coming to begin with? yeah she’s Always going with you, so i thought you’d tell her not to come this time bc i Never go with you. wtf. Then january comes around i’m asking ab going again and you say you’re going for madi gras…???!!!! in february the weekend before my birthday like I don’t have plans. bitch come on!!! you got into a accident so you have no car. this literally reminds me of louis. LOL!!!!!! I would have to take my car so we’d be taking 2 cars I might as well go alone. why sit here and say let’s schedule something so we can just do things with the dogs. i think we’re actually scheduling something looking for days i can take off so we can actually do it and you FLAKE every time.

R/L/L: I’ve dropped people over flaking. Why you’re so dif idk. You flake all the time. we’d make plans to watch movies together and instead you’d be sleep. you’d rather pick up a bottle than stay up sober. “i’m so tired, i just need a nap. why didn’t you wake me?!you can still come but i’ll be sleep.” Every time i think you’ll actually wake up ON YOUR OWN to make time to WANT to hang with me. but instead i’m begging you to hang. IM always coming to you. When you did have a car you rarely came here. yes theirs stairs and blah blah bs but you work 5 minutes up the road but i’d always be meeting you at your house? I’m so tired of doing things for fuckers that wouldn’t do the same for me.

N: I’ve watched your child multiple times for you while you’ve gone to wherever. i’ve asked you to watch stella once. i never go anywhere as is but if i were to “need a break” i’d still have to deal with mine bc you’re normally “going through it” too. like it’s never equal? “i’m getting another job can you watch her until i get my life together?” i say sure bc my child needs a play fucker but what if i’m tired of mines but you’re going through it too? like wtf.

Tired of me asking you if you’re good. asking if you’re alive. asking if you’re okay. asking about you. asking this that and the third without you asking me for shit. yeah i can’t keep my mouth shut and i’m just rambling half the time anyway. but when i’m not you’re silent… no are you okay without me saying i’m not. no are you goods from you.

You always got company. always doing some shit then complaining about it later. Complaining about having people at your house till 4am then saying you didn’t get any sleep and also getting drunk after you said you’re done drinking. “this is my last night out” Everytime you go out. Lmao i just be wanting to be included but for that to happen i have to ask instead of you just offering… but you’ll tell your company about whatever y’all got going on she’s always invited. Am i to much? To little? What’s the problem??If you don’t want me there just say that before I make a fool outta myself. I swear you be thinking that shit is funny.

you said you were spirling i said i am too. i asked you the next day if you were good but you didn’t ask me. haven’t asked me shit since actually. you stay MIA often and i’m always trying to figure out if you’re okay or not. If you need anything or whatever but i swear you be forgetting ab other people around you. But I’m not talking about your company that you have around you 24/7 i’m taking be me the nigga who dropped whatever they got going on to make sure you’re good thinking you’ll do the same. LMFAO.

your company you always got with you is all you think about. i’m so mf tired of it. i bet you lost my house key i gave you. lmfao i’ll be changing my emergency contact soon. don’t worry ik you’ll be to busy to come out anyway

ps: lol you remember when i made a matching set of earth girls and the one i made you, you didn’t want ᵒʳ ˡⁱᵏᵉ. ʷᵉ ʷᵉʳᵉ ˢᵘᵖᵖᵒˢᵉᵈ ᵗᵒ ᵍᵉᵗ ᵗʰᵉᵐ ᵗᵃᵗᵗᵉᵈ and that never happened. but now all of a sudden i make a betty pic that you like better and you want to get that tatted instead… it doesn’t work like that.

definitely weird behavior. don’t wanna be around it anymore. tbh i’m good in solitude. 🧑🏽‍🦯😘🕺🏽🫡

[windsweptlassie]

On Love

So as you know I made this uquiz with an open-ended question at the end, tell me something about love, and I’ve gotten the most wonderful responses! They range from descriptions of wonderful partners: 

Lauren: oh, how long I went without being myself until I met him and he showed me who I truly was and that my worth was higher than I ever thought was possible

Levi: I love who we are with each other. I love who I am with you. In your company I am me. In your company I am the best of me. The best with the best, I've told you. I wouldn't give you up for anything

Daniel: i fell in love for the first time when i was 17... at the time, i didn’t realize it was the first time, i thought i’d been in love before, a couple times actually, but falling in love at 17 was such a fulfilling experience, it felt so forceful yet so right. it’s when i first truly understood what love was. never before had i felt so understood and so cared for as i did when i was in love with her, and she was in love with me. it’s been nearly 4 years since then, and nearly 3 years since we broke up and stopped talking, and still, i think about her almost every day. i’ve never known anyone like her; to me, she was love itself.

El: oh i’m in love with everyone that i know op!!! especially my girlfriend, of course ,but also my friends and my family and random people on the street and uh

Grace: i’ve met my soulmate and we plan on getting an apartment and marrying after college

A: I’m going to ask the woman I love to marry me and I just wanted to tell someone because I am so excited

Jeremy: you ever have that feeling where basically after years of denying that someone couldnt understand you in a way or love you and then the next thing you know you happen to find that person and its just great from then on out? idk how to explain it anyways I love my boyfriend so much he means the world to me

Lucy: i am so happy i have found the one i love

to descriptions of best friends and favorite people:

Nightbyrd: Love is a hug from an alzheimer's patient who hasn't the foggiest idea who you are, but they know you're worth hugging.

H: I have been doing so much yoga with my roommate recently!! It's a great way to center my mind for an hour

Riv: [platonic] i’ve literally never met anyone who understands me in the way that my best friends do. they’re literally the best people in the whole world and i genuinely don’t know what i’d do without them. i love them with my whole heart

Cillian: when i talk about how much i love my best friend i get so teary eyed because i cant believe that such a genuinely wonderful person wants to speak to me every day - i care for her more than anyone else on this planet

O: my two besties are my sources of happiness and they’re so pretty i would die for them :D

to beautiful quotes:

Kai: "you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on." DARCYYYY PLS MY HEART CANT HANDLW THIS PAIN

Dorian: When the plane went down in San Francisco, I thought of my friend M. He’s obsessed with plane crashes. He memorizes the wrecked metal details, ____the clear cool skies cut by black scars of smoke. Once, while driving, he told me about all the crashes: The one in blue Kentucky, in yellow Iowa. How people go on, and how people don’t. It was almost a year before I learned that his brother was a pilot. I can’t help it, I love the way men love. (accident report in the tall, tall weeds- ada limon, bright dead things)

Adam: every day I think about lemony snicket I will love you if I never see you again I will love you if I see you every Tuesday or however it goes. and it KILLS ME. love only fits in small things

Hero: “Your heart beats in my ribs and mine in yours, and both in God’s… The divine magnet is in you, and my magnet responds.” - Herman Melville to Nathaniel Hawthorne

Mary: "Love is watching someone die."

Alex: "meet me at blue diner, i'll take coffee and talk about nothing baby"

Sparrow: "How dare you love me like you've never known fear?" and "For you, the world," and "Darling, I was born to press my head between your shoulder blades," and "Will you start where I end?"

V: " You want to die for love. You always have. " and "someone will remember us, I say, even in another time" are living rent free in my mind 24/7 and I'm shaking. When will I finally be not the only one falling ?

Sahar K: To love another person is to see the face of god!!!

Miriam: all the love in the world is useless when there is total lack of understanding- kafka

Juls: Don’t you think they are maybe the same? Love and attention

to practices of love:

Leo; i love feeling happy bc somebody that i love is happy and comfortable....like its not about me i just love seeing you smile. we are safe together...idk i just feel it bro

A: I like to think love is leaning on each other during the light or dark days. Its a personal mission of mine to find out who I am and what I want. Yet I never seem to find my place in this world and as I look and look , I realise the only place I can be myself even with or without the efforts to find myself was done on that day or not, I am always tired so shall I lean on you? And you can lean on me as well. I shall be your fig tree and you shall be my favourite willow tree.

L: It's too late at night to be soul searching, but it's a journey we all seem to find ourselves on these days.

Anthi: feeling safe and at home, I guess (also I love frogs)

Julia: ive found that loving someone is like becoming your own thesaurus. you have to find or come up with infinite ways to say, you’re beautiful, or, i love you. it’s a gift

Galexies: ive been writing letters to the person i'd love one day since i was 14. i write them in a little journal usually, but i've been digitizing them into emails and sending them to one account that i'll give to them someday. i'd like to put pictures, but i haven't been outside much recently so theres that. i wonder if they'd like the sunsets i have on file, or if they'd find my cat cute in a bowtie.

Caeles: Love is sharing fruit slices and making someone tea at random

Dundy: Love is sending your friends cursed shit and watching them react in horror

to crushes and potential loves: 

Jess: I have a crush on my roommate. It sucks, but it's also wonderful. I get to be around him all the time when we're at school. we share a life together; it's rather domestic. I think a lot about marrying him and being domestic with him forever. It won't happen, and I'll move on eventually, but I'll be happy with him for as long as I can. I hope you feel loved tonight, because you are. Sleep well.

Aki: I so desperately want to believe that love is fake because I’ve seen what happens when loved ones leave but whenever I start to convince myself that I’ll never love anyone my best friend messages me telling me she loves me. She’s the only person I’ve ever pictured having a future with but love scares me and I don’t really know what to do but I think as long as she’s with me in some way, I’ll be fine

Hi: her her i keep thinking abt her.... gonna see her in 8 days or so i really miss her. its ok if shes never gonna love me like i want her to really being her friend spending time with her makes me the happiest girl on earth.... outsold antidepressants

Kit: this guy i have a crush on has hypnotically dark brown eyes and he's wonderful and shows me kindness like no one else

Juno: my crush has all the stars in his eyes

Mads: When I have the courage to meet my eyes with hers, the world stands still

Be Nice To Me: Look bro I never do these but I am yearning to hold them SO badly right now and someone needs to know it besides me

to the trials of love: 

Pppppp: I just wanna love like from the movies and what I read about.. but everyone tells me that that’s fictional and rare to find in the real world and it sucks bc it seems like all the guys I’ve met are terrible and the norms of society are all about not respecting women and uthdjdjdk

Manny: I have been in love before and I will be again but I’m not now and I miss it

Ok: I don't think I've ever been in love, though I love many people. I am waiting for the day I look at someone and can say, YES. IT'S YOU.

Chloe: idk rn i'm like okay with my love and i'm happy so we'll see i'm just a little cautious rn bc my last partner told me i didn't know how to love

L: love is so fucking complicated I don't even know where to start

Corrin: He’s not real and it worried me that I will never allow myself to live or be loved because I will always be waiting for him

Sean: Good luck it dont exist

Serena: i want 2 b in love :(( </3

13: I don’t know anymore

M: I just really don’t like dealing with it lol

to beloved characters: 

Janaya: I’m madly in love with my comfort and kin character and I hope maybe in the afterlife I can relive a life with him in some sort of dimension

Jhgjdf: when i was a kid i had a crush on ash ketchum from pokemon and id always daydream about being a female pkmn trainer and meeting him and we fall in love

to advice and prose: 

Mikolai: Love is earth, gentle and soft at first flight but upon being broken, drowns you in the dry choking wastes of its consequences...

Thex: Your hands will not go cold without someone to hold them. I am here. I will be here.

Kat: it is the nearest proof to god that i find myself surrounded by people who love in a way that complements so wonderfully the way i love

H: believe in love out of spite believe in love to prove everyone wrong believe in love because you were told not to and we will not do what we’re told anymore believe in love because it’s the strongest act of teenage rebellion we have left believe in love because it’s easier not to and when is easy worth doing? believe in love because everything says otherwise but you are untouchable, you are your own, you are not made by their design believe in love because, perhaps, you are love

Ali: I used to want a kind of love that feels like coming home and now I want nothing more than to be away from home on many different adventures

Em: you dont need to love yourself to accept it from others

to the small, the simple, and the sweet:

Ireal: Poems

O: Flowers

Fay: ah im sorry that i’m feeling unmotivated but you are very kind.

Ad: we love LOVE

A: <3

Isak: small things

H: intense

Hey: Listening to a clock ticking away

S: her

E: <3

Hania: Amorous, I adore that word ^^

Catboy: wholesome

J: i love love so much it hurts

Emmy: hi i love the song darkest of discos!! try and give it a listen!! <3

Nora: Love is painful, but most of the time love is great

Ariel: i like the comfort it can bring

M: i love love

to food!

Cool Whip: Matzoh ball soup!!

Woop: I love sausages.... I hope that's ok with you?

and animals too <3

Nee: hmm i have pet geckos and i love them very much!

96: raccoons ????

DJ Big Penis: cats

:3: I Love frogs,,, love is stored in the frog,,,

I hope that this serves as a sweet compilation of what love means! Love to all of you, it warms my heart so much to hear about your people and your geckos and your characters and soup and all the songs and quotes you love. <3 Strength to all of you who are figuring out to do about your feelings for your crush, and congratulations to you who are proposing or moving in with your person! Your words are a source of light to me, truly.

[goldenites]

sad vibes man

cw uuuuh existential bullshit and general depression

ive just been really going through it lately my mental health has never been on the up and up i mean i was pretty content and happy most days in college i felt really good about being productive and i didnt have really any friends but i just plain like being around other people even if i dont talk to them i feed off knowing there are other regular people around me living their lives i just like being part of a crowd even if theres no other commonalities between us

but now im 25 and i feel like such a loser i have nothing to show for it i have nothing but a college degree i have basically nothing else to show for being an adult its rough man i feel like ive wasted so much time and for what who am i what do i contribute to anything i dont believe in the capitalist idea of productivity but i dont like just hanging around at home not interacting with people and not giving to other people

i feel like i chose art because its something ive always been good at and its something ive always done and i love making art but is that a good reason to have an art degree or try to build a career off it? i just feel like maybe i fucked up big time and now i have nothing to show for it other than being 25 and basically a loser i hate being a burden on other people and knowing i have to rely on others to support me

so ive taken a big mental hit i mean its been building up for a while ive felt this internal timer ticking down in my brain ever since i graduated and that was years ago now theres nothing im counting down to i just feel like i need to have something anything to really show that i didnt make a huge mistake and im not just a burden on those around me

i dont really talk about it a whole lot with anyone but im a pretty spiritual person i mean i dont like to say that i or anyone knows for certain what life is about or if we have souls or whatever but i feel like theres got to be something mystical about life? anyway im starting to feel like all my spiritual beliefs are just bullshit and maybe im wasting my time on that too ive spent so long studying spiritual concepts maybe this is dumb but feeling my faith in that sort of stuff crumbling is really scary for me i always felt that if nothing else at least my inner self is separate from this outer world like the I Am of my mind isnt determined by what happens outside of me but now im feeling like im wrong and actually everything i use to comfort myself is just a bunch of bullshit like everyone says

idk ive always coped by going inside myself and that hasnt always been good bc ill check out of reality and go into my own mind for hours just to escape things i dont want to think about so ive always felt really disconnected from what happens outside of me bc im never fully engaged and its always something ive worried about bc i dont want there to be this layer between me and everyone or everything else ive lived so long connected more with my own thoughts than with anything happening outside of me to the point i dont know if i can fully be in the moment i dont know what that means because im always half in my own fantasies or ideas of the future

i guess its just been building up inside my mind for a while and since i cope with disengaging ive been stuck in a loop of my own thoughts for months on end i feel crazy and delusional and just plain sick of my own company im sick of being me i wish i was someone else i havent felt this way in a long time but i just wish i wasnt stuck with myself 24/7 im sick of this bitch shes insane

i feel gullible and dumb that i would believe spiritual bullshit like manifesting and assumptions and thoughts crafting reality bc its comforting to think that maybe i have some control over things that ive always been told are outside of anyones grasp i hate having to give up control to anything i have always felt this anxiety to have full control over my body and my circumstances bc i dont want to be a victim to the things outside of me i just feel like OF COURSE someone so mentally unstable would believe stuff like this bc im already living in my own fantasies and i just feel like,,,, idk everyone else has such a better grasp on life everyone else is doing things right and im constantly fucking up im not doing something right im not making this work everyone else is able to be an adult and i still feel 14 i feel like everyone SEES me as 14 like im some kid incapable of fully having control of my life

its scary im not a kid im an adult i should know how to do this i should be able to stand on my own two feet but i just cant im not doing something right im not being the person i should be

i hope it gets better thats all i have i hope please please please that something will get better i need something to really live for i cant keep living like this im not suicidal or anything ive never really been the type thats able to hurt myself i just need to have something to wake up for i just hope my future self is doing better than i am right now thats all i want

[torque-witch]

Exactly three years ago I was on day three of being admitted to the hospital for my entire colon bleeding from prolonged inflammation. Had to do a colonoscopy on my birthday and was doing a regimen of Tramadol every 4 hours and Morphine every 6 until they found it was Crohn’s and switched me to IV steroids. My legs essentially turned into sausage tubes from continuous IV fluids and I had to be checked for clots bc I couldn’t move a lot. Lost a 40 hour paycheck bc I wasn’t working at my last job for even 6 months at this point (no sick leave) and had to return 2 days after coming home so I could pay rent. (I had to practice walking for those 2 days so I could work)

Queue me being on oral steroids for 1 year and starting biologic therapy. Ripped off of steroids bc my at the time GI decided my case was too complicated (she was just honestly bad at her “speciality) and was handed over to a trial program through UPMC instead. Steroids were causing me to test at beginning fatty liver disease and being ripped off them too quickly caused me to be diagnosed with severe IBS on top of Crohn’s. My body essentially can’t function without steroids properly bc of prolonged use (another mishap caused by previous GI) so I was having 24/7 intestinal cramps and had to be put on a different drug to control it.

Every single doctor said I would be better. It’s only up from here!

And now I am officially 29 and can barely shower, eat, have energy at all and developed 3 co-morbidities after starting biologic therapy.

I’m only typing this because it’s 3am on my birthday and I’m having intestinal cramps and am off biologics still on like month 3 bc of insurance + waiting for after dose 2 of vaccine now. Took Valium bc it’s the only thing over the last 8 years that seems to work in emergencies. Feeling nostalgic in good and bad ways.

Yeah obviously I’m not hospitalized and that’s the point of lifetime med regimens, but I’m not better and I won’t be getting better anytime soon. Aside from not internally bleeding, I’m very certainly worse. And tired of being worse.

All things aside my life is good but I’m still well within my rights to complain. I had the best paying job in my field and was within the top 10 for best in company performance. Now I struggle to even complete orders on time that are WELL SPACED OUT and it feels awful. I have maybe 2 hours a day when I’m not nauseous or fatigued or panicked or in pain and that’s it. How did it go so far downhill in just a year?

I know that I wasn’t doing well. I know I only achieved that much because I pushed my body to its absolute limits. It was a pipe dream and a ticking time bomb since I was 22. And maybe I’m a little mad that I couldn’t overcome that and that every dream I ever had for myself was squashed. That no one appreciated the work and progress that I did make because it wasn’t “what we wanted for you” until I literally was internally bleeding and people saw how bad it really was.

But a year later I am free to be sick, at home, during a pandemic, with a loving husband and a wonderful community that supports me and has supported me through all of my seasons. And that makes me happy above all else.

[kayliemusing]

42: top 3s

1: Top 3 ice cream flavors - classic vanilla, birthday cake/birthday batter, bubblegum

2: Top 3 Disney Movies - Mulan, Onward, Soul (but this changes frequently lol)

3: Top 3 vacation destinations - I've never been outside of my home country so I'll say my top 3 DREAM destinations: NYC, Hawaii, a random countryside in either France or the UK

4: Top 3 places to shop - Dynamite, Sephora, Winners/Homesense

5: Top 3 subjects of study/classes to take - English/anything creative writing related, Interior Decorating/Design, Communications?

6: Top 3 make up products - YSL Touche Eclat Foundation, literally any Mac Lipstick but it has to be matte, & Fenty Beauty contour stick

7: Top 3 music artists - Taylor Swift - Of Monsters and Men - The Lumineers

8: Top 3 spices/herbs - Cinnamon - Nutmeg (literally tastes like autumn) - Paprika

9: Top 3 drinks - Diet Coke - Hot Chocolate - Vanilla Bean Frappe

10: Top 3 apps to use - Instagram - Pinterest -iBooks

11: Top 3 months of the year - May, October, December

12: Top 3 clothing items - My black/white turtle neck, high waisted jeans, plaid blazer

13: Top 3 binge perfect tv shows - Bones, Supernatural, Brooklyn Nine Nine

14: Top 3 romantic dates - (I've never been on a date but if I had, it would be this) Evening walk, late night drive, late night coffee date (tbh anything at night feels romantic)

15: Top 3 kinds of flower - Water lilies, cherry blossoms, roses

16: Top 3 christmas movies - A Christmas Carol (2009), Home Alone, The Polar Express

17: Top 3 OTPs - Nesta and Cassian from ACOTAR series by SJM, Manon and Dorian from Throne of Glass series by SJM, Casteel and Poppy from From Blood and Ash series by JLM.

18: Top 3 quotes to describe your life - "I write not to find, but to leave" by Scherezade Siobhan - "I want to be myself again. I want to be six. I want to stop knowing everything I know" by Catherynne M. Valente - "The truth is, I pretend to be a cynic, but I am really a dreamer who is terrified of wanting something she may never get" by Joanna Hoffman.

19: Top 3 characteristics you love about yourself - my kindness bc it's not surface level kindness, but actually something deeply rooted within me - my resilience even tho sometimes it doesn't feel like resilience - my loyalty bc it is a hard as steel kind of loyalty

20: Top 3 kinds of candy - Maltesers, Kit kats, smarties

21: Top 3 ways to exercise/ be active - Walking, dancing, mowing the lawn/shoveling the sidewalk

22: Top 3 spirit animals - wolf, hummingbird, tiger (i googled it bc i didn't know and i was scared it was a joke but)

23: Top 3 petnames - I like 'lovebug', 'love', 'sweetheart'

24: Top 3 books read outside of school - The Hating Game by Sally Thorne, A Court of Silver Flames by Sarah J Maas but viewers discretion is advised, Crush by Richard Siken

25: Top 3 most used websites - Youtube, Tumblr, Pinterest

26: Top 3 people you last texted - my mom, my bestie megan, and my sister bc they're the only people i text...

27: Top 3 hashtags you use - the only time i use hashtags is if i'm trying to promote some of my writing so I'll usually use writingcommunity, writersonig, poetryonig lol

28: Top 3 instagram accounts you follow - Trista Mateer, Griefmother, obviously taylor swift

29: Top 3 guilty pleasures - buzzfeed quizzes, early 2000s music, romance novels

30: Top 3 summer activities - Going to the zoo, long evening walks, campfires and s'mores

31: Top 3 things to draw/doodle - hearts, flowers, random swirls bc it's the only thing i can doodle...

32: Top 3 aesthetics - cityscape aesthetic, autumn aesthetic, rustic aesthetic

33: Top 3 things you'd buy if you gained three million dollars - a new car, a condo, another cat

34: Top 3 ways to treat yourself - facial, a large bag of maltesers, buying the makeup i really want but have been putting off

35: Top 3 celebrity crushes - Evan Peters, Matthew Daddario, henry cavill

36: Top 3 books from your childhood - Love You Forever by Robert Munsch, The Big Friendly Giant by Roald Dahl, and Madeline by Ludwig Bemelmens

37: Top 3 accents to hear - Australian, super poshy british accent, new zealand accent

38: Top 3 scents - Fresh rain, vanilla, sweet cinnamon pumpkin from bath and body works

39: Top 3 "Friends" quotes - "WE WERE ON A BREAK" -Ross, "Guess things were just going too well for me" -also ross, and "it's so exhausting waiting for death" - phoebe

40: Top 3 cupcake flavors - tbh I haven't tried that many cupcakes so your typical vanilla, chocolate, and Pink Lady Cupcake from Babycakes Cupcakery

41: Top 3 fruits - Pomegranates, Strawberries, Raspberries

42: Top 3 places you've had amazing pizza from - Pizzahut, Dominos, Pizza73

43: Top 3 sports teams to watch - i don't

44: Top 3 crayola colors - uh, i guess red, purple, and pink??

45: Top 3 things you hope to accomplish in college - Certificates/Degrees in Copyediting and Creative Writing, and I think simply just deeper critical thinking skills when it comes to writing and books

46: Top 3 fanfictions you've read - I read more books than fanfics, I've read a couple on tumblr but don't remember the names sorry :/

47: Top 3 people you miss right now - my dad, my best friend bc she's in vancouver, taylor swift bc she's not on tumblr anymore rip

48: Top 3 fears - Failure, Loss, not achieving anything in life/not reaching my full potential

49: Top 3 favorite literary devices - Foreshadowing is always god tier, cliffhangers although evil i love those too, symbolism

50: Top 3 pet peeves - People dragging their shoes on the floor when they walk, when you tell someone your fav hobby/music artist/interest and they immediately go 'oh I hate X!', and people who go 'you're so quiet!!!' but in a way that draws in more attention and/or makes me feel more uncomfortable like i would literally rather die

51: Top 3 physical things you find attractive - Hands, nice hair, defined jawlines

52: Top 3 bad habits - Nailbiting, picking at my blemishes oops, lip biting

53: Top 3 pets you've had/wish to have - Cats bc they complete me, I've always wanted a Samoyed, and I've always wanted a turtle

54: Top 3 types of foreign food - Chicken Chow Mein, deep fried shrimp, japanese chicken wings

55: Top 3 things you want to say to someone in your lifetime - 'I quit', 'I love you', 'you changed my life'

56: Top 3 dog breeds - Samoyed, german shepherds, collies

57: Top 3 cheesy romance movies - You've Got Mail, How To Lose a Guy In 10 Days, 10 Things I Hate About You

58: Top 3 languages you speak/wish to speak - French, Sign, and maybe Japanese?

59: Top 3 series (book, movie, television) - The Cruel Prince series by Holly Black, A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J Maas (but literally only for Cassian and Nesta), From Blood and Ash by Jennifer L Armentrout

60: Top 3 pizza toppings - Mushrooms, alfredo sauce, pineapple

61: Top 3 youtubers you're subscribed to - Game Grumps, Charlotte Dobre, Megan Batoon

62: Top 3 tattoo / piercing ideas - I want to get a tattoo on my wrist of the last thing my dad ever wrote me, a hummingbird tattoo right next to it, and then a cross on my index finger

63: Top 3 awards you want to win - National Book Awards, Nobel Prize, and maybe even Goodreads Choice Awards lol

64: Top 3 emojis - Laugh/Crying emoji, the please sir emoji that kinda gives off those puss n boots eyes, and the stars emoji

65: Top 3 cars you dream of owning - 1970s Chev Impala, tbh a cute little Hyundai Venue, and maaaaybe the 1964 ferarri 250 gt luso (idk if that name was totally right but i had to do tons of googling to find it. i don't know a lot about cars and i don't really have a top 3 lol)

66: Top 3 authors - Right now I'm really into Sarah J Maas, Sally Thorne, and Holly Black maybe?

67: Top 3 historical figures - Jesus, Anne Frank, Vincent Van Gogh

68: Top 3 baby names - Ryder, Leila, Gracie

69: Top 3 DIYs - Candles, refurnishing old furniture (i.e. my mom and i painted our wooden garbage can), and really just any type of autumn diy

70: Top 3 smoothie combos/flavors - Strawberry/Banana, Mango, Strawberry-Mango

71: Top 3 songs of this month - Happier Than Ever by Billie Eilish, Biblical by Calum Scott, and Visiting Hours by Ed Sheeran

72: Top 3 questions of this post you want to be asked - I did them all bc I made it a survey instead of an ask meme ;)

73: Top 3 villains - Regina/The Evil Queen from Once Upon a Time, Cruella De Vil, and Moriarty from Sherlock

74: Top 3 Cities you want to see - Montreal, NYC, Vancouver (honorable mention: LA)

75: Top 3 recipes you want to try - different kind of salad and/or burger bowls, Stuffed bell peppers, and homemade lemon loaf

76: Top 3 dream jobs - Bestselling author, the person who runs a companies social media accounts, youtuber/blogger

77: Top 3 lucky items - tbh don't have one

78: Top 3 traditions you have - Christmas Eve Service and if I don't go to that at least incorporating reading the christmas story on christmas day or eve, idk if this counts as tradition but going to the corn maze every fall, and whenever it's easter/christmas/thanksgiving we always have a big meal w/ family

79: Top 3 things you miss about being a kid - reckless abandon, dreaming about growing up with hopefulness and no dashed hopes, experiencing holidays like halloween and christmas as a kid

80: Top 3 harry potter characters - I've never read or watched Harry Potter rip (ok well i saw the first and second (and maybe third?) movie in the sixth grade I think) but I think I really liked Hermoine, Harry obviously and Dobby

81: Top 3 lies you were told - i don't have 3, but this one has a story but basically when my sister and i were in elementary school my sister got hit by a car and so the insurance thing was that she would recieve 10k when she was 18 and as a child i thought that was unfair so my dad told me that my sister had to split it with me when we were 18 lmao obviously that didn't happen (i think i realized that wasn't true in middle school)

82: Top 3 pictures in your camera roll right now - Pictures of my cat, one of my sister in a hilarious filter, and a picture of my rocking my TS merch

83: Top 3 turn ons - Kindness, defined jawline, easy going

84: Top 3 turn offs - arrogance, unkempt, super loud and obnoxious

85: Top 3 magazines/news papers/ journals to read - I don't read much of those so I'll tell you some sites I love for writing purpose's: there's Wellstoried, justwriterlythings, springhole.net (which is filled with generators if you're stuck and also tons of infomation and advice)

86: Top 3 things you wish you had known earlier - that toad in Mario Party was wearing a mushroom hat and that it is actually not his head, that immaculate means 'clean' before i misused that word like several times over the years, and that the one turn i always take on my way to work where i thought everyone didn't know how to drive was actually bc i didn't have the right of way rip me

87: Top 3 spongebob episodes - the one episode where spongebob and patrick find a ghost ship, that one episode where they form a bikini bottom band and perform it at a football game in a little fish tank, and the one episode where squidward has his first snowball fight

88: Top 3 places to be in the world - I'd love to be in NYC, Montreal, or Hawaii

89: Top 3 things you'd do differently - I would not have applied for RDC, similarly I should have just paid the 500 dollars to the one certificate program I wanted to do instead of overthinking it, and I wish I wouldn't have ended a friendship the way I did

90: Top 3 TV shows from your childhood - Spongebob Squarepants, That's So Raven, and Hannah Montana

91: Top 3 meals you love - Turkey Burgers, Chilli, and Instant Pot Chicken Tortilla Soup

92: Top 3 kinds of tea - i don't drink tea

93: Top 3 embarrassing moments - one time in sixth grade I tripped and fell right on my face in front of my crush, this other time like a couple years ago i opened the door to my car and only realized much too late while i was staring at this random family that it was not my car, and when i went to the gas station to get gas and couldn't get my gas lid on my car opened and this guy had to help me which was already embarrassing enough but then the gas pump wouldn't work so i had to go inside to pay just to realize i forgot my wallet and had to shamefully walk back to my car and then run back inside the convenience store and then pay and then walk back to my car and finally fill my tank.

94: Top 3 holidays to celebrate - Christmas, Halloween, Thanksgiving

95: Top 3 things to do in the rain - have an existential crisis, pretend you're in a music video, walk through puddles like you're six again

96: Top 3 things to do in the snow - Sledding, Build a snowman, shovel it even tho you don't want to

97: Top 3 items you can't leave the house w/o - phone, keys, wallet

98: Top 3 movies you'd like to see - Jurassic World 3, Hotel Transylvania: Transformania bc i'm a child, and the animation of the addams family

99: Top 3 art mediums - Writing fiction/poetry, painting, music

100: Top 3 museums you've been to - Royal Tyrell Museum, Canadian History one in edmonton lol, and heritage park in calgary

101: Top 3 school memories - Middle school dances when the popular kids would grind to the song "Low" which was always an interesting experience, in the twelfth grade at winter formal when we all shouted "SHUT UP AND DANCE!" at the same time when they played Shut Up and Dance, and the day i left

102: Top 3 things you don't/Won't miss - School, my sisters ex, 2016 bc she was a rough year yikes

103: Top 3 pick up lines - "My name is Will. God's Will.", "I'd like to take you to the movies but they don't like you bring your own snacks", "are you from tennessee bc you're the only 10 i see"

104: Top 3 sports to watch - none of them

105: Top 3 taylor swift songs - all too well - exile - coney island

[visibleblueunicorn]

Rant post bc i need to get it out of my system!! Possible TW

My mom is really really getting on my nerves lately. She loves accusing me that I’m lying even if it’s something as small as buying cat biscuits! Look, i haven’t gotten paid for nearly a month and my salary came in just over the weekend and yes maybe it’s my fault for not telling her but she has this awful history of pressing and interrogating like crazy that i dont tell her anything anymore! I didn’t tell her about my salary because then she’ll start blaming the company and will force me to find another office job which i'd like to avoid!

The pandemic is screwing our projects over and it doesn’t help that the client kept messing up our account number either when it comes to transferring our funds over! 

Aside from that my mom is just messed up in the head. My dad will be divorcing her soon and my sis and I will be living with him once it’s settled. At the same time we’re both scared what she would do to herself because she is known to grab attention by harming herself. It raises alarm bells already on her mental health but whenever we push her to go see a therapist she would just say no! 

Now that’s not my problem whatsoever if the person doesn’t want to help themselves. I just want to move on from her, she’s incredibly toxic, I’ve just been living in complete anxiety the last few years. It’s screwing up my memory, my cycle, I feel like I can’t retain anything anymore.

I know I’m a smart gal, I thrived so much when I lived alone, had amazing friends, a great work-life balance between studies and my part-time job. I’m afraid the years I build myself up will come undone because of one narcissistic asshole.

I don’t know what she gains from accusing me of things, maybe momentary happiness that she got her stress out from her system? Either way I don’t care what she does anymore. I simply don’t care if she’s going to harm herself, she’s not my responsibility. She’s a physically and emotionally abusive adult who put me through mental hell the last 24 years. Clearly she has a lot of issues and because of her destructive behaviour, she is literally pushing her kids away. Some people shouldn’t be parents!!!!

Since my memory is absolutely crap I’m just going to leave some pointers here for me to remember:

1) Accuses me of being my father’s favourite, has made me cry as a result 

2) Tried to turn my siblings against me/Would often talk shit about me to my siblings, my baby sister actually believed her at some point until my mom became physically abusive towards her

3) Has punched/hit my baby sister’s face so hard, she bled from her nose and to put the cherry on top, she asked ME to take a photo and send it to my dad and guess what! I still have that photo!

4) Broke plates when my dad didn’t give her money

5) Went through my dad’s wallet to check how much money he has

6) Would often interrogate me on my dad and brother’s whereabouts and picked fights with me as a result

7) Picked a fight with my dad early 2018 by taking a knife to commit ‘not alive’ which my dad had to try his very best to grab her to take the knife away, funny story, she told everyone that my dad ‘dragged’ her around while conveniently missing the part she had a knife. I found her diary and took photos of her account where she DID mention about the knife and I’m saving it to defend my dad if it comes to that

8) She locked me out from her house because I came home late (from work!) only to take advantage of the situation and interrogate me about my dad late at night! I left home the next day for 2 weeks, couch surfing because i can’t stand her!!

9) She actually keeps accounts of her insane outbursts and the next time she gets mad and i bring it up, she has said “i haven’t gotten mad in a while, you’re talking about this as if i’m mad all the time!” 

10) Gaslights me to no end, I questioned my reality a lot, i kept blaming myself for my poor memory when really it’s just her this whole time!

11) Has actively deflected the topic when I brought up about her punching my sister 

12) Blamed ME for my brother not wanting to come home. I was incredibly disheartened because it isn’t true, my brother left because of her 

13) Has said that I don’t really need to focus on education as much because I’ll end up becoming a housewife(negative connotation) anyway

14) Has said that I’ll never be a professional because I didn’t do well in maths and sciences 

I know there’s more and I know these things happened. My siblings can confirm, there’s a lot more that they remember as well. I’m just determined to leave in whichever way now and I’ll cut all contact with her as soon as I’m out 

[artsoupsoupart]

Chrave Fic: A Night In

Title: A Night In

Pairing: Raven and Chelsea

Rating: M

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters or ideas to That’s so Raven or Raven’s Home.

A/N: I have no shame for writing this lol. This not my first fic ever, but my first time writing something in a LONG time. I wanted to have this up on Valentine's Day, but I never make the deadlines I set for myself lol. I've recently started to kinda ship these two bc of some posts i saw on tumblr and this story came from it. Also, I’m lanassupport group on here, but on Ao3 I’m artsoupsoupart.... it’ll probably always be like that. 

Read on Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22822261

It’s not too often that they get nights like this, where the house is quiet, candle light bouncing off the walls, smooth jazz playing on the stereo, utter peace and serenity. The kids, all four, are gone for the weekend on a school trip to Washington D.C., and while there is a certain sadness about their apartment not being filled with the sounds of video games being played or practiced steps for a music video, the two moms can’t help but feel absolutely relaxed and content.

Raven and Chelsea make their way to the kitchen hand in hand, both clad in satin pajamas after an eventful bubble bath. Chelsea’s emerald green teddy pairs well against her fair skin and ember hair while Raven dons a two piece pants set, in a fabulous blush pink and gold pattern.

They sit down at the moveable island in the middle of their kitchen where their dessert is spread out. They had moved the stools from the partition that separates the living room from the kitchen in order to feel a bit closer to each other. Chelsea’s the first the break into a marvelous smile and she nudges Raven with her shoulder. She receives a small chuckle from the other woman and a squeeze of her hand.

“Wow, Rae, I think I could get used to this.”

“Only for you. Though, the kids are definitely going to be back sooner than we expect.”

The redhead grimaces a little, a frown forming on her face. “Yeah!”

“You miss them, don’t you?”

“No, no, no!” Her eyes widen as she fibs. “Psh... we’ve been so relaxed and been able to focus on each other. It’s.... great.”

Raven smirks at her best friend, lips pursing. “But you miss them.”

“Oh God, yes, Rae!” The two break out into a laugh. Chelsea continues. “So.... what have you prepared for me now?”

This was all Raven’s doing, the ambiance, the dinner, the hot bubble bath. It’s been her motivation to show Chelsea how much she truly cares for her. She felt as though, for so long, she didn’t really value Chelsea’s company or even the work that she does around the house. Raven vowed to herself and to any God that may have been listening at the time, that she would never take Chelsea for granted, never wonder when she’d finally not burn a meal, when she’d contribute to the rent, because the redhead delivered so much more.

She delivered love and compassion, a dizziness that only Chelsea Daniels-turned-Grayson could ever produce. It was beautiful. There were moments, whether with the children or not, that Chelsea brought an entirely different view to whatever Raven or the kids were going through.

“Well, we first have a mini-sweet treat.”

The dark-haired beauty brought forth a plate of toasted bread and sweet apple jam. She took a small slice with a scoop on it and held it up to rosy lips. Chelsea took a bite with a soft hum and Raven couldn’t help but follow her lead. The moan was beautiful, almost intoxicating to the point where she needed more.

“That’s delicious! What is it?” she asked. Raven told her, let her know exactly where she brought the bread and jam and the brand name. Her eyes never left Chelsea’s face though. They focused on the way dark eyelashes fluttered, the way her pink tongue poked out to capture the remaining jam on her list. All Raven felt was lust.

“Did you make this bread yourself?”

It’s a beat before she responds, still lost in her own images in her mind. “Mom taught me. It’s a special recipe that doesn’t need a lot of time for the bread to rise”

“Perfect for a late-night snack” Chelsea grins as she sees a smirk pull at the corners of her brunette lover’s mouth. Raven turns to her then she gives her a light but teasing kiss to the lips.

“You didn’t have to go through so much trouble to impress me, you know?” the redhead smiles, millimeters away from another kiss waiting for her on plump lips.

“It was no trouble. Plus, you deserve the best of the best. The finest jam and the most delicious bread.” Raven moves to move the dessert that had been baking from the oven to cool.

Chelsea responded after taking a deep whiff of the scent that surrounded her. “That smells good.”

The brunette looks up from inspecting the pie, dipping her finger in it briefly after it had cooled a bit. “Just about ready. Do you want a taste?”

Chelsea leans over and captures the covered finger between her lips. She hums as she pulls away, making sure to give it a small suck when she reaches the tip.

“Mmm… that’s amazing. What’s your secret?”

“Love?”

“Aw, Rae! Good answer.”

Raven smiles at her as she removes the pie from its pan to cool better on the rack. She takes this moment to pour them both a glass of wine.

“We are surrounded by kids and work 24/7. It’s amazing and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world, but it does tend to mean that our moments are shared with others.” Chelsea hums in agreement, her eyes sparkling with affection that is only reserved for the raven-haired beauty in front of her. “I also like doing this for you myself… especially since you do so much.”

“It’s so sweet of you, Rae.”

Chelsea leans over and kisses her. It’s so soft yet holds so much passion behind it. If it weren’t for the dessert before them, Raven would carry her off to their bedroom immediately. Instead she returns the kiss, and another, and another, then licks her lips as she pulls away. Raven moves to plate a piece of pie and a dollop of vanilla. She puts it before her love and hands her a spoon. Chelsea grins wide and does a small happy dance as she scoops up the dessert. She raises it to her lips and takes the bite, gentle brown eyes fluttering close as the taste mixes and mingles on her tongue. She hums softly and Raven simply looks on at her.

“I hope I’m not enjoying this alone,” she smirks.

“Never, just enjoying the view.” Raven returns the smirk, mimicking Chelsea’s earlier words and picks up her spoon.

The duo sits and talks as they polish off their dessert and wine, even sneaking another scoop of ice cream to share. They exchange kisses and spoonfuls of the cold treat. The conversation continues on and on, flirty little jokes being passed between the two. Their dessert is long gone, two glasses, a bowl and two spoons forgotten in the small space between them as they get lost in each other’s lips. The kiss is soft, firm, but just as passionate as any other one they’ve had. It isn’t until Raven pulls away that they realize they’re still in the kitchen.

“We should move this somewhere more comfortable.” Chelsea smiles brightly, lip caught between her lips as she winks.

“I couldn’t agree more.”

Raven takes a moment to deposit their empty dishes in the sink, that was tomorrow’s problem, and put away the leftover ice cream so that is doesn’t melt. She rounds back around to her best friend and takes her hand, leading her to their bedroom.

They barely make it, lips locking just as the door opens and they stumble in. Raven kicks it closed with her foot and walks the redhead back to the bed where they fall into a fit of giggles. Hazel eyes meet brown and Raven’s hands find Chelsea’s waist while the other woman’s push a lock of ebony hair behind her ear. They look at each other for a moment, the briefest of seconds before capturing the others lips all over again, this time with a renewed fever.

Raven’s hands make their way under the Chelsea’s night gown, fingertips dipping against unusually warm skin (the woman was usually freezing cold). She gives her waist a light squeeze before grabbing the fabric in her hands and pulling it upward. Chelsea shifts, assisting in getting the pesky clothing off. Her lips reconnect back to her love’s, moving to her chin then down her neck. She focuses on a spot, just above Raven’s collarbone, eliciting a low moan from the brunette. Pink lips smile against skin as she makes her way lower and lower, removing pants to find nothing underneath (a sight that has her gasping), but skipping over where Raven wanted her most.

The brunette whimpers in protest. “Tease,” she breathes out.

Chelsea frowns playfully at that, clicks her tongue and takes a swipe of her girlfriend’s warm center. It elicits the exact response she wants, a slightly loud whisper and a small twitch. She does it again, slower this time, and again, and again until Raven is pent up, hips desperately rolling for more friction. Chelsea tosses her hair over her should and she props herself up on one forearm, sending a dazzling smile up to Raven. She holds up two fingers to brown lips and Raven follows her silent directions, wetting the digits with her mouth.

“Good girl, Rae,” the redhead whispers as she slides slim fingers into her girlfriend, her pace torturously slow.

Raven makes the comment again and her girlfriend throws her a look saying Patience, Rae. She doesn’t make her wait too long as she increases the speed of her fingers, curls them upwards, pressing them at just the right angle. Raven moves with her, her own breathing becoming rapid. She’s on the brink of her orgasm, Chelsea can feel it, has learned her body so well in the past two years. Pink lips attach themselves to a throbbing clit and sucks to the beat of her heart and Raven’s hips roll against her mouth. Moans and gasps and whimpers fill the air. The brunette grabs at the sheets, grunts, pleads, and Chelsea has no problem giving her exactly what she wants. Her body tenses and she gasps, losing control of herself as she releases.

Chelsea lets her ride out her orgasm, smiling and humming as she massages her girlfriend down. She places a lasting kiss to her core before feeling hands pull her upwards. Raven instantly finds her; hands raising to cup her face and smash their lips together. The taste of herself on Chelsea’s lips make her hum hungrily. She turns them so that they’re on their sides, a single hand reaching to stroke down a fair leg to toss over her hip. They’re a tangle of legs and kiss, of arms and caresses. She wedges her hand in the small space between them and feels just how ready Chelsea is, how she always is when she starts them off.

Had they not been in the position they were, Raven would have placed persistent kisses to the redhead’s core. Tangled together, she simply stokes at her girlfriend’s pussy, the wet heat causing her to let out a moan of her own. It’s intoxicating, she’s intoxicating. She moves her hand back and forth back and forth, rubbing, caressing, stroking. She captures Chelsea’s swollen bud between her fingers and circles it gently, adding pressure when she hears the grunt that comes from the woman against her. Her lips take Chelsea’s and she kisses her while moving her own hips in time with her fingers. It is when she dips two then three fingers into her warm center that she gets the loud groan she’s been dying to hear all night. It’s her favorite sound, one that spurs her on, gives her the fever she so desperately desires. Chelsea herself gets her bearings and snakes her hand between the two of them.

“With me,” is all the redhead can grunt out.

Raven had been rocking against her and hadn’t been expecting the joining of her love. She accepted slim fingers willingly, nods her head as she tips the redhead’s chin up to connect her lips to a pulsing pressure point in her neck. The moans coming from the other woman have her wetter than ever. Stroke after stroke after stroke has both women clinging to each other, gasping, whining, moaning, cursing into the air between them as they both tip over the edges of their orgasms.

They bring each other down, their breaths slowing and the lethargy starting to set in. Brown eyes meet hazel in the pale light of the moon. Smiles are exchanged, kisses too, with a side of soft caresses and murmured I love you’s. Hands find themselves around the other woman in stead of between them as they slight chill of the room starts to replace the heat of their lovemaking. They move under the covers and reconnect; final kisses being placed to plumped lips as they drift off to sleep.

When morning comes, the sun beams down on the duo. Chelsea tries to hide from it by burrowing into Raven’s back, having shifted their position during the night. The brunette murmurs they should get up, the kids will be at the school soon, they have to pick them up. All Chelsea does is groans, never a morning person, choosing to stay in bed for five more minutes.

The couple finally gets out of bed and ready for the day. Raven showers first, stating that if they did together, they’d be late. While she’s occupied Chelsea makes the bed, straightens up, cleans up the kitchen from the night before, putting things back in order. She then takes over the restroom, in her own process of getting ready.

They figure they’ll get breakfast with the kids so the forego making it themselves and head out the door to the school. Still high on their weekend alone, they trade kisses until Chelsea notices the large charter bus pull into the parking lot. Raven pops the trunk and the two of them get out to greet their children.

It’s a rush, a rapid change from the calm from the past two days but they smile anyway as Booker already starts recounting the weekend, help the kids put their bags in the trunk. The four of them squish into the back seat and Raven and Chelsea return to their front. They share a look before pulling out of the parking lot and making their way back to the apartment, back to normal.

[bluesfm]

(  park  chaeyoung  ,  twenty two  ,  &  cisfemale  )  who  ?  these  days  ,  it’s  all  about    blue hyong,  who  comes  from    los  angeles  &  ca    and  is  making  headlines  as  a    singer    .    she   currently  has  a  fan  count  of  42k    ,  no  thanks  to  the  rumors  of  them  being  inflexible  !  but  ,  on  the  other  hand  ,  their  most  devout  fans  say  they’re  actually    imaginative    .  last  i  heard  ,  they  caused  quite  a  buzz  when    she   publicly   dissed    her  new   record    label  and   the   misogynistic  treatment   she  was   receiving   from   their  reps  !  it’s  no  wonder  they  remind  me  of    long   rants   in  the  notes  app   being  posted   to  her   twitter  account  ,  empty  bottles   of  wine  laying  at   recording   studios’   floors   &  notebooks   upon  notebooks   filled  with   lyrics   she  might   never  use   but   refuses   to   let   go  of   .  

well hello human friends !! n also hello to the non human friends too , wassup . i’m angie a  dumb  noodle  from  the  middle  of  the  south  american  jungle  , and i’m here to introduce yall to this mess i call blue  who’s  a muse i have had  for yrs now n carry w/ me wherever i go , with some minimal changes but she’s still the  same  messy  bitch  on the  inside  don’t  worry  folks !  so   i  will   provide  u w/  some  background  info  on   her  n  some   possible connections  under   the  cut . issa  lil messy  but  we’ve   been  away  for  a while   pls  bear  w me

blue  is  the  only  daughter  to  a  couple   of  south  korean  immigrants  that  came  to   america  when  they  were  in  their  very  early  20s  n  already  expecting  blue  in  order  to  chase  the  american  dream  n  create  a  better  life  for  themselves  n  their  family  .  their  life  was  pretty  hard  for  a  big  part  of  blue’s  childhood  ,  while  they  were  both  studying  n  working  odd  jobs  to  pay  for  their  education  all  the while  taking  care  of  a child .  so  blue  didnt  have  the  best  childhood  ,  not  that  her parents  were  bad  or  anything  they  just  didnt  have  time  for  her  . nowadays  ,  they  are  a  lot  more  comfortable  in  life  ,  since  her  dad  became  a  lawyer  n  her  mom  is  a  nurse  ,  but  they  definitely  didnt  have  an  easy  beginning  .

ok  so  maybe  bc  they  werent  present  durant  most  of  her  childhood  they  didnt  notice  a  lol  of  signs  that  might  have  made�� things  a  lot  easier  for  them  ,  bc  by  the  time  they  were  available  to  emotionally  be  there  , during  her  early  teenage  years ,  blue  was  already  kinda  a  mess . she  had  grown  up  w  very  lil  structure  n  refused  the  rules  they  tried  to  instill  on  her  n  was  already  used  to  doing  things  her  own  way  .  that  lead  to  a  lot  of  conflict  between  them  ,  since  they  expected  her  to  study  hard  n  do  well  for  herself  in  a  nine to fiver  when  she  was  already  sure  art  was  the  only  way  to  go  n  while  she  did  ok  ,  she  definitely  wasn’t  as  good  as  her parents  expected  her  to  be .

so  ...  u  know   her  teenage  yrs  were  basic  girl  angsty  she  fought  a  lot  w  her  parents  n  rebelled  frequently  n  ran  away  from  home  like  ...  weekly  ,  but  she  never  rly  had  any  real  hardships  .  life  was  reasonably  good  but  she  always  had  something  to  complain  abt  ...  just  as  she  liked

[  MENTAL  ILLNESS  TW  ]

but  then  she  reached  her  late  teens    they  all  realized  there  was  something  going  on  other   than  the  usual  teenage  angst  she  displayed  all the time  when  she  had  her  first  manic  episode  .   her  parents  thought  it was  a  “  blue  thing  “  at  first  bc  she  was  usually  a  very  impulsive  person  n  she  rly  didn’t  have  a  habit  of  thinking  before  acting  on  her  impulses  ,   but  her  mom  quickly  noticed  the  signs  of  a  manic  episode  when  she  realized  how  aggitated  n   restless  she  was  , specially  when  blue  described  an   hallucination  she  seemed  to  be  having  .   they  took  her  to  a  psychiatrist  ,  she  was  admitted  to  a  hospital  n  diagnosed  w  type 1  bipolar  disorder  n  very  quickly  medicated .  while  the  medication  brought  her  out  of  her  episode  ,  n  she  was  allowed  to  go  home  after  her  mood  seemed  to stabilize  ,   blue  also  noticed  it  stunted  her  severely  emotionally  n  decided  (  against  medical  n  parental  advice  [  pls  dont  do  it  fam  !!  take  ur  meds  ]  )  to  quit  her  medication  ,  falling  into  her  first  major  depressive  episode  a  few  weeks  afterwards  . n  for  abt  four  years  she’s  been  living  w  her  disorder  ,  n  she  doesn’t  medicate  at  all  .  she’s  super  open  abt  her struggles  n  she  has  a  Lot  of  them  ,  specially  w  how  much  drugs  n  alcohol  she  consumes  .   i  never  said  she  was  smart  yall  .

[  END  OF  TW  ]

ok  so  as  u  probably  assume  ,   blue  is  an  emotional  mess  .  she  has  a   very  chaotic  personality  ,  n  most  of it  isnt  even  from  her  illness or  anything  she  just  is  a  very  chaotic  person  in  general  ?  she  is   one  of  those  artsy  ppl  who  forgets  to  wash  her  own  clothes  so  she  ends  up  wearing  the  same  dress for  like  ,  3 days .  she’s  super  outspoken  n  outgoing  n  rly easy  at  making  friends  if  u  can  get  past  the  dumbass energy  she  exudes 24/7  ?  but  yes  just  a  very  outgoing  person  n  a  outright  mess  most  of  the  time  .  she  is  also  soooo stubborn  u  will  never  get  her  to  change  her  mind  abt  smth  she  believes  to  be  right  about  in  any  way  .  u  just  cant  .  she  loves  a  good  time  n  loves  partying  n  is  the  lack  of  impulse  Queen  soo if  u  got  any  bad  ideas  she  is  the  one   u  should  go  for  if  u  need  any  company  .  also .... so dramatic  .  she  makes  a  big  deal  of  everything  n  has  0  apologies  abt  that  .  just  catch  her  crying  over  high  school  musical  3  or  smth  like  that  .

but  yea  on  the  bad  side  tho  ,  blue  takes  up  n  gives  up  on  projects  so  easily  n  she  can  be  super  fickle  abt  things  in  general  .  like  ,  she  will  defend  an  idea  for  7  hours  but  2  days  later  she’s  already  onto  smth  else  n  doesnt  even  remember  being  so  obsessive  abt  that  other  thing  ?  a  mess .  is  also  Quite  abrasive  ?  if  she  thinks  ur  acting  dumb  shes  not  gonna  be  scared  to  call u  out  on  it  .  can  also  have a  Reaally  explosive  temper  .  not  usually  but  specially  during  manic  episodes  she  can  be  quite  easy  to  annoy  ngl  .  is  very  unreliable  ,  especially  if ur not  too  close  ..  tbh  that  is  something  connected  to  her  disorder  .  when  she’s  on  a  manic  episode  ,  she  will be  too busy  planning  things  she  will  never  get  around  to  doing  or  painting  her  entire  house  or  spending  3  days  awake  n  drunk  writing  17  songs  by  herself  .  n  during  her  depression  is  very  hard  to  get  her  to  do  anything  n  even  if  she  feels  terrible  , she  rly  cant be  an  available  friend  .

in  regards  to  her  sexuality  ,  she’s  an  open  bisexual  and   also  is  a  crazy  romantic  n  falls  so  hard  for  literally  no  reason .  but  like  ...  doesnt  have  the  healthiest  mentality  for  relationships  ?  not  like  in  a  toxic  way  but  she  will usually  give  145%  of  herself  at  all times  n  honestly  believes  all  of  the  ppl  she  falls  for  are  the one (1)  just  wants  to  make  things  work  no  matter  what  .  she’s  v  impulsive  w/  meeting  n  falling  for  ppl  tho  so  things  dont  rly  end  up  working  n  she  always  ends  up  heartbroken  over it  .  Well  .  At least she’s  trying  right  ?

in regards  to  her  career  n  art  , she’s  posted  youtube  covers  n  original  songs  for  a  couple  years  and  gathered a  decent  following  ?  she  wasnt  huge  or  anything  but  she  did  get  a  record  deal  w  an  actual  big  label  out  of  it  a  few  months  ago  .  blue  was  pretty  happy  abt  it  but  then  when  the  recording  process  started  she  realized  they  werent  treating  her  as she  thought  she  deserved  at  all  ?  which  resulted  on her  taking  her  thoughts  to  some  reps  of  the  label  n  when  she  didn’t  feel  any  difference  in  the  way  she  was  being  treated  she  took  it  to  the public  ?  which  definitely  caused  quite a  sitr  bc  she  wasn’t  a  huge  name  but  she  was  big  enough  ?  so  now  she’s  in  some  considerable  trouble  w  her  label  but  Also  more  famous  than  ever  so  they  are  choosing  not  to  bury  her  for  now  ?  she’s  in  some  definite  trouble  though  so  it’ll  be  fun  to  see  what  happens  next  n  what  her  moves  will be  ?  spoiler  alert :  it’ll prob  be  smth  dumb.

i  still have  so  much  to  say  but  i’m  so lazy  wow .  dont  start  ur  intros  so  close  to opening  time  folks  thats  my  tip  as  an  old  internet  auntie  .  OK SO  ONTO  SOME  CONNECTIONS  NOW  

some label  mates  who  she  may  or  may  not  get  along  with  ?

hookups !!  she  prob  has  a  few  she  regrets  too   bc  who  doesnt  am i  right

best  friends !!  ppl  who  actually  support  her  n  she  loves  w  no restrictions  just  love  all  around  friends

exes </3  not  gonna  lie  i  have  some  sad  ideas  abt  this  one

good  influence  bc  blue  is  a  mess she  needs  one  of  those  pls  someone  slap  her  head  n  make  her  drink  some  water

a  fling  she  has  feelings  for  but  may  not  be  requited  ...  i  like  my  romantic  connections  to  be  angsty  did yall  notice

artistic  soulmate  !!  someone  her  artistic  bitch  side  just  vibes  with  ?  could  be  a  songwriter  or  singer or  anything  tbh

some   indecisive  romantic   shit where blue rly  knows  sh’s  too messy  n  this  person  is too amazing ?  but  they still  have  feels  so   ... now  what ?

this is  p  mcuh  it ??  it  has  taken so long  to  finish  this  i  hate  myself  but  HEY  if  u  like  blue  or  dislike  her  u  should  hit  me  up  so  we  can  come  up  w  some  plot  ideas  ?  i wish  i  had  a  quirky  goodbye  idea  but  my  brain  has  just  quit  working  guys  so  u  get  nothing  from  me  other than  a  good  old  fashioned goodbye  thanks  for ur  attention  i  love u

[ssweeneys]

i’m having a REALLY bad day

or really past couple of weeks where work is concerned and i just wanna vent bc you know sometimes people out there in the working world understand ya know???

its long, beware. idek if i’ll keep this up its more so for me to just let it out.

so like i’m an office admin for a company (we’ll leave it nameless for protection purposes) and like i supervise receptionists for my office so i’m kinda an office manager but not technically? if that makes sense.

anyway. people these days just don’t want to fucking work like EVER and like to start jobs and then up and vanish to collect that unemployment which to me is really just dumb since there are rules to it in every state and nine times out of ten you’re making like 60% of what your normal paycheck would be and thats surely not enough to live on, so like ??? i don’t get it.

there’s been a constant rotation of receptionists come and go over the last couple of months and two girls who work for me have stepped in on numerous occasions. one lady is in her 60s and doesn’t know anything about computers and is kind of dense?? to say the least. nothing against old ladies. i actually find a majority of them cute or hilarious bc they say what they think and dont give a f*ck who it offends and sometimes that blunt honesty is refreshing and you just need it in a world where people bullshit you 24/7 to further themselves for selfish gain and yaddy yada

anyways.. over recent weeks she’s become more and more intolerable to deal with. i ask her to do things and she gives me attitude and its like the simplest of things.. like email this person, make sure you let this person know they got a package, etc, etc. she can’t do even the most basic of tasks without screwing up. her attitude is just atrocious.

and due to people coming and going i’ve had to alter our schedule a lot. recently, one girl requested off so i adjusted the older lady’s hours (lets call her--carla) mind you carla only works 1 day a week and i’ve been super generous in giving her the entire week of christmas off so -- yeah.

anyways the girl who requested off (we’ll call her nicole) told me she didnt need those days off anymore and so i fixed the schedule one more time to her original days/hours.

now, i print off the schedule every time a change is made and whoever is at the reception desk i tell them to let the other girls know and post it right by the computer they sit at every day so theres no excuse for anyone to say i didnt make them aware. well carla is not the brightest bulb as we already established and she doesnt pay attention so we pretty much have to coddle her apparently and make sure she understands (although its pointless bc she doesnt no matter how hard you try to explain something to her) ANYWAYS she comes in on nicoles day when she wasnt supposed to anymore bc the schedule was fixed, posted, etc. and she gets mad when i ask her why shes there. and yes, i understand that the rotation has fucked us all over and up in so many ways. she is not the only victim here. this has been stressing me out left and right and to no end for MONTHSSSSS. so like i get it? i’m sympathetic to that. i understand the confusion and frustration, i’m right there with them.

HOWEVER, because she’s annoyed/mad/whatever she gives me attitude all day yesterday and is flagrantly disrespectful. i’m her supervisor, regardless is someone upsets you, act professional.

but she doesn’t. we know that. or at least I DO. anyhow.. she’s mad. she’s pissed off right? she’s got an attitude. she sees the new schedule, she brings it to me in my office and asks if its the correct one for tomorrow WHICH SHE IS ON!!! let me make that clear. she was on. she asks if its correct, i’m in the middle of composing an email so i take a moment to respond ‘yes’ she huffs, storms off and goes “you know what? nevermind” i’m like.... okay?? i brush it off. i’ve been brushing off her poor attitude all damn day and i dont say A THING. BC I GET IT. I UNDERSTAND. IM SYMPATHETIC TO THAT. we all have bad days. we all get a little frustrated sometimes. we’re human, yeah?

yeah. right. ok.

so then like... carla is working the morning shift for nicole. both carla and nicole showed up. carla pitched a fit bc she came in and was already there and didnt want to go home so nicole was so sweet about it and said thats okay, she can work i understand. bc even though nicole is like half her age, she’s MATURE.

at this point i dont even understand why carla is so upset? she got to stay. she got the hours. she’ll be making the money. all is good right? WRONG.

when the next girl comes in for the afternoon shift, i over hear carla telling her about the mishap that happened that morning (yesterday) and my office is literally maybe 6-7 feet from the front desk so i can hear EVERYTHING that goes on. i mean this is my job. i’m pretty much in charge of making sure the office is running, our employees are happy, etc.

so yeah i over hear carla telling this girl that and i quote “yeah nicole came in this morning and the schedule was switched around and i stayed because i was already here. (then something unintelligible I cant make out bc her voice lowers) you know, it really pisses me off that this keeps happening.”

SHE SAID THIS. TO A NEW GIRL. MAKING ME, NICOLE, EVERYONE LOOK BAD EVEN THOUGH SHE GOT WHAT SHE WANTED, NICOLE APOLOGIZED, I APOLOGIZED FOR THE MISHAP, IVE DONE EVERYTHING FOR THIS LADY TO PACIFY HER OR WORK WITH HER OR COMPENSATE HER.

so its so infuriating, disrespectful and really downright disgusting for her to trash me, my name, etc to someone. but you know what? I DONT SAY ANYTHING. I dont cause a scene. I go about my business and let it roll off my shoulders bc at this point I know if I say anything its just going to turn ugly and I’m in a professional setting. Sometimes its better to bite your tongue, hold your head up high and move the fuck on about your business.

NOW... oh now, we’re on today. carla is scheduled to work. she came into my office, confirmed it, she was FULLY AWARE OF THIS.

so nicole calls her 5 mins before shes scheduled to clock in and is politely like hey you on your way? and carla is like oh no i don’t work today.

BITCH! THE FUcK YOU MEAN????? WE CONFIRMED THIS LITERALLY!!!!!!!!

omg i cannot at this point i really cannot

but lets proceed... so carla. she’s like yeah i dont come in, tells nicole to check with me. nicole comes to me, i smh and just sigh and am like ok i’m sorry can you please call her back and tell her shes supposed to be here and if theres any issues, transfer the call to me. so nicole calls her, they’re talking, carla is being a cunt (sorry at this point you are) and so i talk to her and shes like you know, this is so frustrating i came in there i asked you if i was supposed to work and you said no (the other girl she trash talked to idk who to name her) and IM LIKE SITTING THERE GOING ????? WHEN????? TO MYSELF BC WE JUST HAD THIS CONVERSATION

MY PATIENCE IS SO THIN, ITS NON EXISTENT AT THIS POINT IM OVER IT

IM TIRED

IM SO FUCKING TIRED AND SICK OF HAVING TO PICK UP THE SLACK AND DO EVERYTHING MY FUCKING SELF BC NO ONE CAN COME TO WORK, DO THEIR JOB AND GO HOME.

can i just make a point too that we make $12 an hour here. sometimes we are LITERALLY SO BORED we have nothing to do. we can read books or watch netflix if no one is around or i even have time to rp at times. so like THIS IS THE EASIEST JOB IN THE WORLD A FUCKING MONKEY could do it.

all you do is answer phones and transfer calls or send an email

its LITERALLY. THAT. FUCKING. SIMPLE????

so like i just dont get it

but back to the point... carla is arguing with me, basically saying my communication sucks, i’m unprofessional (which is laughable but ok) etc...

and i just cant hold it in anymore?? and i’m like well carla, i’m sorry you feel that way and i understand where you’re coming from but i don’t appreciate that you were disrespectful yesterday, you told (new girl) that you were pissed off about what happened and proceeded to talk about me in a really unsatisfactory way.

and she WANTED TO TRY AND SAY THAT THIS WAS A DEFAMATION TO HER CHARACTER. WHEN SHE FUCKING SAID IT!!!!!!!!!!! i mean you can’t but if you were to ask anyone i know i have freakishly good hearing and it gets on my family’s nerves all the time bc i need quiet when writing and i have to beg them to turn their tvs down low just so i can concentrate.

I FUcKIng HEARD THESE EXACT WORDS COME OUT OF HER MOUTH!!!! and she wants to sit here and say that i’m defaming her character.

NO BITCH. Im repeating what I fucking heard you say!!!

why would i make that up? why??? how does that benefit me in any way??? what does that do for me???? NOTHING! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! i’m not benefitting from anything here.

in addition when talking to her on the phone i bring up the fact that she brought the schedule to me (the correct one which SHE IS ON) and asked me to verify if it was correct. but then proceeds to say in the same breath (contradicting herself) that she’s going off the old one????? like okay????? but you’re wrong?? SHE EVEN SAYS ITS AN OVERSIGHT ON HER CHARACTER, SHE ALREADY MADE PLANS YADDY YADA, SHE CANT COME IN TODAY

moral of the story is... she’s dumb. she’s a fucking cunt. and i hate people who try to spin things and victim blame and tell you you’re defaming their character when you call them out on something real they actually said because they’re scared little pussies and can’t just admit its what they fucking said.

yo i’d have a lot more respect for you if you just admit it. i’m not even mad??? i dont give a fuck what you think or feel about me. when i leave here every day i dont come home and cry about work or how people feel about me there.

work me is different from real me. I. DO. NOT. FUCKING. CARE. work people do not know me on a real level only a professional one. i am here to do a job, to make money, to pay bills, to LIVE. i am not here to fret over the opinions of people who do not follow me home, who do not know the real me. WHO. DO. NOT. FUCKING. MATTER.

POINT FUCKING BLANK.

THANK YOU AND GOODBYE

like seriously?? GOD FUCK! i’m so angry.

if you read all of this, like thanks for letting me vent to a total stranger lmao you’re a real one, may you be blessed today and always.

onto that note... i gotta get back to work. (lmfao fucking irony at its finest)

[leggomylino]

Hi hi~ I was tagged by @love-and-live-for-skz <3 Rules: Answer 21 questions and tag 21 people (I’ll be tagging mutuals and random followers after when and if I run out lol)

1. Nickname: I have a handful: Celi, Cece, Ce, Cecily, Spaghetti, Sunshine, Sunny, Sun, Fairy Queen, Panda Queen, White Queen (from Alice in Wonderland; one girl in high school used to call me Genevieve bc she could never remember my name and she was like “you’re so innocent and nice and look like her”), Angel, Mom...that’s all I can think of off the top of my head. 

2. Zodiac sign: Aries! 

3. Height: I’m about 5′2 1/2 to 5′3 if I stand as straight and tall as I can 😂 that’s roughly 160 cm--

4. Hogwarts house: Hufflepuff!! x3

5. Last thing googled: Messletters emojis I could use for this post since I’m on my laptop teehee 💕

6. Favorite artists: I HAVE SO MANY: Adib Sin, BTS, Chung Ha, Golden Child, Lindsey Stirling, Mayday Parade, NCT 127, NCT DREAM, Of Monsters and Men, Okdal, Owl City, Paramore, Priscilla Ahn, Ruth B., State Champs, Stray Kids, Tauren Wells, Tori Kelly, Twenty One Pilots, and Waterparks

7. Song stuck in you head: Questions by Stray Kids 🎶 (every time Felix goes “What the...?” I giggle oops)

8. Favorite time of day: I’d have to say evening, between 9 and 12 am. I close my curtains and turn on my salt lamp and watch YT with a cup of tea, or read a book. It’s very relaxing and the world just seems...still and peaceful. 🕊

9. Favorite Color: Pastels and soft, earthy, natural tones 🌼🎨

10. Following: 68

11. Followers: 151 ✨ I’m really grateful and I love all of you guys! 😭❤️

12. Do I get asks: Not often, I’m hoping more of y’all will come to me for anything, even if it’s just to start a meme war or tell me about your day, what’s on your mind, etc. 🌸

13. Amount of sleep: I’m a night owl but I also sleep late so...I usually get around 8 to 12 hours. It still ain’t enough tho lol 🤷

14. Favorite number: 3 -> 7 -> 24 -> 97 (all b-day related numbers 😅)

15. Why is there no number fifteen: Umm I didn’t get this question at first but once I did the answer must be that it is either Han Jisung or Haechan’s fault 🤷☕️

16. Dream job: Either to be a writer/editor for a novel publishing company or to work on a script with a small group of people for a video game company like Square Enix or Game Freak

17. Instruments: Okay so I tried playing the clarinet in junior high for a year, but my band teacher and I didn’t get along, so I quit to continue pursuing choir which was my musical strong suit. I bought myself a violin bc I’d always wanted to learn how to play since I was a little girl?? But I can barely screech out Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and that’s it oops. I’d also wanted to learn how to play guitar and piano but those ambitions also died out ^^” I can kind of punch out small basic melodies on the piano/keyboard after finding the notes and that’s all sadly. But I have experience reading sheet music from six years of choir so...I guess bottom line I’d have to say my voice? But I’m not a professional or anything lmao 

18. Language: English primarily...I know some American Sign Language from high school and a semester of college but I’m not fluent because I rarely get a chance to use it. So I can hold a basic conversation or maybe describe something and that’s it. I’m currently trying to learn Korean because I find the culture and history very interesting, and I’d like to visit someday c: I’m doing okay for studying on my own but it would definitely help if I had people to practice with, so if anyone here knows Korean or is learning as well, hmu and we can study together! 🤗🌟

19. Favorite songs: Oof this is a tough one...I’ll try narrowing it down to a few tho: Last Call by Adib Sin, Awake by BTS, DamDaDi by Golcha, With Me by Golcha, Crush by Golcha, Narrow by Mayday Parade, Paper Plane by NCT 127, almost everything by NCT DREAM, Sloom by OMAM, Honey and the Bee by Owl City, Back Home by Owl City & Jake Owen, almost every song Paramore has ever done bc I can’t choose I just adore Hayley Williams, Dandelions by Ruth B., Soak Up the Sun by Sheryl Crow, Mixtapes # 1-3 by Stray Kids, Awkward Silence by Stray Kids, Known by Tauren Wells, Tear In My Heart by TOP, Holding On To You by TOP, Stupid for You by Waterparks, Royal by Waterparks, We Need to Talk by Waterparks

20. A random fact: Umm I’m super clumsy and gravitate into everything, yet other times I have the skills of a ninja?? I’m a paradox smh 

21. Aesthetic: One of my closest friends Kumi describes it as “soft anime uwu girl” -> pastels, soft earth tones, warm spearmint tea or hot chocolate, a library of books and romcom novels, Shakespearean plays, plushies, long loose/baggy sweaters and hoodies, leggings, sometimes overalls and turtlenecks, ballet flats or slip on shoes, converse, low pigtails, maybe the occasional bun, or braids, chill acoustics and downtempo r&b, walks on the beach or in the park, daydreaming, rpg games, card games, nerd culture, cute semi-girly gag manga (Sleepy Princess in the Demon Castle is my FAV lol), fanfiction, butterfly knife tricks, being a meme 24/7, shopping, baking, dancing in the kitchen (and probably hurting myself), insisting I’m fine and then crying about it for about five minutes, getting over it and flaming myself, hmm...that’s all I can think of at the moment 💖

I Tag: @kumihoai // @kpoptrashx2 // @straykidstea // @jisungx2 // @mingiholic // @daydream-jwoo // @jisungverse // @joully // @viptrash // @adorableyoonoh // @wonwowzers // @hanniesunshine // @strayneoculturekids // @doux-joon // @anothershorthuman // @boxer-skz // @bangtan-gal // @thevampywarlock // @kpophuntress1723 // @xxsanshinexx // @127-mile

[kirstielol]

December Blog A Day

6. SST: A sexy memory i don’t wanna get too nsfw on this blog so i’ll just say that any time i get to wear lingerie is a good sexy memory lol. i love lingerie!

7. Favorite color and why pink. it’s cute and it makes me happy. i love all pastel colours though, a close second would be lavender. i also really love green, and yellow. and i recently discovered i really love wearing orange/yellow tones.

8. Mental Illness get ready for a long ramble about my mental health-

i have, and still do struggle with mental illness. i struggled with depression in my teens and early 20s. i self harmed from age 13-21. my arms are covered in scars and i hate it. i’m constantly conscious of it when i’m wearing short sleeves. my thighs are also badly scarred, but those are easier to hide. i wish i could get the scars on my arms tattoo’d over. i hate them and they make me feel stupid.

depression kicked in even harder by the time i was ~17. i barely finished high school.. i had to take an extra year to get all of my credits. i had really poor grades bc i just did not give af about anything. i took a year off between high school and college. i did literally nothing. lied in bed 24/7 and gained like 80 pounds. i didn’t take care of myself at all.

after that year, i ended up going to college for software development, loved it, got amazing grades, but then had to drop out in year 2 because my social anxiety was horrible and i couldn’t take all the panic attacks anymore. social anxiety is something i’ve struggled with since i was a kid. i was put into therapy at 8 years old because i kept having panic attacks before school. i’ve quit the only 3 jobs i’ve ever had because of social anxiety. i landed a pretty sweet work-from-home job when i was in college, i was developing mobile apps for some pretty big companies, but even that was too much for me.

i also suffer from agoraphobia, meaning i have a fear of going out in public. this is worse when i’m alone, if i’m with my SO i can manage a lot better. but alone, i cannot even go to a grocery store without feeling extreme panic. i feel very lucky to have my SO and a life where i don’t need to work. 

i attempted suicide in 2012 and it was because i knew i wouldn’t be able to be a “proper adult” and have a real job to support myself. i felt completely useless. and my parents were not helping. i know now that it was just because they don’t understand mental illness, but it was rough back then dealing with all that, then having my own mom tell me i’m being dramatic and making shit up, and to “just grow up”. i was barely making it through college and all i could think was, what the fuck am i going to do after college? my mom was very clear that if i’m not in school or working, then she’s kicking me out.

thankfully my attempt was shit and i’m still here, because i no longer want to die.

i also deal with a lot of health anxiety. if i didn’t have so much social anxiety i’d be at the doctors office every week complaining of something new. when i have a headache, i start panicking and convince myself it’s actually an undiagnosed brain tumour. period cramps sometimes send me into a panic attack thinking it’s actually uterine cancer. when my heart rate speeds up because i’m feeling anxious, i convince myself i have a heart problem and i’m gonna die in my sleep. maybe it sounds silly but it feels really real to me when it’s happening.

anxiety sucks.

[cloudywithachanceofvengence]

I was asked to answer all 99 gayish asks, and I never get asked to do these so I'm gonna do em all. Here you go :)

1. How tall are you? 5'10

2. What is your body type? Athletic/muscular

3. What is your favorite thing about your body? Legs/butt

4. is your current hair color your natural hair color? No but close

5. are you more outgoing or more shy? Shy

6. are you more femme or butch? Femme

7. Are you tol or smol? Tol

8. wine mom or vodka aunt? Vodka aunt but lately a beer dad

9. Weird habits? Sometimes i talk to myself

10. favorite meme? Anything spongebob

11. do you sing in the shower? Sometimes

12. Ever use a bow and arrow? Yes

13. are/were you a theatre kid? No

14. Have you ever seen a Broadway musical? No

15. do you think musicals are cheesy? A lil

17. favorite Cards Against Humanity Card? Not my fave but for some reason the only one I can think of is "pixelated bukake"

16. Have you ever been part of a protest or March? Not yet

18. Last movie you watched? Solo: a star wars story

19. behind the camera or in front of it? Behind

20. Favorite TV show? Sense8/parks and rec

21. meaning behind your url? Uhm basically I was being emo and depressed and came up with it

22. Reason you joined tumblr? My sister told me to get it

23. Closest tumblr friend? Probably cheerswitches

24. what’s something most people love that you hate? Men's sports 🤷🏼‍♀️

25. Have you ever taken narcotics? Yes

26. Have you had sex? No

27. have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? Yes 😂

28. What's the worst/funniest lie you've ever told? That I'm straight

29. describe your passion without mentioning it. Run, kick, score, win, celebrate

30. Describe your best friend. Independent, goofy, cant make a joke, passionate, beautiful ambitious, intelligent

31. give us one thing about you that no one knows. Idk my twin knows everything about me

32. How do you feel right now? Sleepy but good :)

33. What's your biggest fear? Turning into my mother or not living a happy life

34. what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? What's up by non 4 blondes

35. what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far? Taking time off school to focus on my mental health

36. have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end? Uhm that's my life

37. something you fantasize about. Being in a happy, healthy relationship

38. Last time you cried and why. I think I was drunk and lonely

39. what was the last thing that made you laugh? My friend making a joke ab bring gay

40. do you really, truly miss someone right now? Yeah :/

41. who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? My twin

42. the last time you felt broken? Idk it's been a while

43. are you starting to realize anything? That I'm gonna be happy and that things will workout how they're supposed to

44. are you more dominant or more submissive? Probably submissive personality wise.Sexually, well, you'll have to find out for yourself ;)

45. i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank) if you respect me

46. do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older? Same age

47. describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail. Myself

48. do you have any kinks? 🙈🙈🙈

49. first thing you notice in a person? Their smile, sense of humor, if they're kind

50. how can someone win your heart? Sing to me

51. been rejected by a crush? Oof yea

52. have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? 🙃🙃🙃

53. would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? No lol

54. is trust a big issue for you? Yes

55. did you hang out with the person you like recently? I dont like anyone atm thank god

56. is confidence cute? Yessssss

57. what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? I'd probably pretend it didnt bother me but go home and cry about it later lol

58. would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Hell no

59. does the person you have feelings for right now know you do? I'm tryna love myself

60. ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? Ugh only all the time

61. do you want to get married? Idk maybe

62. worst thing you’ve ever done? Pass 😅

63. three things that turn you on. Biting, scratching, grinding

64. who do you hate? I dont waste the energy to hate anyone

65. favorite term of endearment? Probably something mean like dork or idiot lol

66. who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening? Alycia debnam-carey

67. intimidating girls or kind girls? Both 😍

68. what do you look for in a possible partner? Kindness, fun, adventurous, goofy, can have good conversations, respectful, generous, bold

69. do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls? Feminine

70. are you good at flirting? Fuck no 😂

71. Who was the first person you came out to? I think it was my best friend from college. Or my sister I cant remember

72. do you have any friends who are wlw? Push me to the edge, all my friends are gay. But seriously all my friends are gay. The gay population in Cleveland is staggering

73. Is your crush wlw? Dont have a crush

74. last person to make you reconsider your sexuality? Every man I ever have the displeasure of speaking to

75. write a short love poem to your crush/self? "I love me, bitch. I ain't ever gonna stop loving me, biiiiitch"

76. do you fall in love easily? Definitely not

77. is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? Yea lol

78. are you good at hiding your feelings? I'm so bad at it

79. are you a forgiving person? Yes but sometimes I shouldn't be

80. what is your “type?” brunettes, femme athletic girls. Confident but also goofy

81. fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours? Both but preferably her fall asleep in mine

82. Tall or short girls? I'm not picky :)

83. hugs or kisses? I love a good hug

84. twirl her around or get twirled? Hmm guess it depends on who I'm with

85. tummy kisses or thigh kisses? Oof do either and I'm yours

86. hairline kisses or neck kisses? Neeeck 🤤

87. play with her hair or stroke her tummy? I wouldn't know lmao

88. making out or soft kisses? Never had a soft kiss so makeout

89. hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist? Around the neck

90. how confident are you in your sexuality? Not a lot but getting better

91. when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach? I blush at everything I look like a tomato. And it's more like butterflies on fire

92. have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them? Yes and yes and it ended horribly

93. how old were you when you realized you were into girls? Just after my 21st birthday

94. most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl? Yikes honestly it could be anything bc I'm so awkward

95. do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon? Clexa 🤩

96. what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality? "I don't care what you do or who you do it with but homosexuality is a disease on society."

97. when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter? About 7 months ago :/

98. what is love to you? Commitment and compromise. Understanding the other person and when you dont try to see where the other is coming from. Being friends, enjoying the others company and not having to talk or say anything. You want to be a better person bc of them. Growing and learning together

[huangels]

➧ 85 questions

tagged by: @jencto ty my love! ♡

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people @ohdaddy-nct @dcyoungs @rxnjuns @reunjun @angelita-gordita @taeybear @taezhu @lycheechann and all who wants to do!! (only if u want too bbs)

↳ Last…?

1. drink ─ hot burning coffee that i almost spilled while driving to class bc it’s pouring outside

2. phone call ─ laura (my friend who just graduated high school !!)

3. text message ─ my mom (telling me to drive safe in the rain uwu) 

4. song you listened to ─ jump by shinee (the album = a whole ass bop) 

5. time you cried ─ oof i cry for the lamest and dumbest reasons but last night i was looking at nct fanart and i saw a cute ass noren one where jeno was dressed in a big moomin costume and wished renjun a good day w/ a ballon and it was all hella cute and shit lemme find it i rb on my personal (THIS ONE) it was,, so cute,, i actually cried,, 

↳ Ever…?

6. dated someone twice ─ oof i rarely date let alone the same person twice lmao yikes

7. kissed someone and regretted it ─ i kissed this huge asshole in high school for a dare and he wouldn’t stop saying we had sex for a whole ass week,, this is why i dont date

8. been cheated on ─ nope

9. lost someone special ─ yeah but that’s the circle of life i guess :(

10. been depressed ─ oof did you mean: my four years of high school 

11. gotten drunk and thrown up ─ uhh psh no i don’t drink underaged,,, mhm

12. fave colors ─ WARM TONES!! nudes (skin colors), maroon/burgendy (just like a dark bloody red), rose gold/dusty pink (the light shade of pink but not pastel), black (just bc), royal blue (the only cool toned color i like idhhdh) 

↳ In the last year have you…

15. made new friends ─ yO making new friends is my middle name (i love making new friends !!) 

16. fallen out of love ─ i’ve never BEEN in love... 

17. laughed until you cried ─ if it’s after midnight, anything will make me laugh and cry (also i laugh at everything so yes)

18. found out someone was talking about you ─ lmao hell yeah high school drama everyone was out for me bc i look like a bitch and people are so quick to judge ://

19. met someone who changed you ─ umm not really everyone’s pretty chill. my roommate, who’s also like my best friend, is a huge party addict so she brings me to many parties, so i guess i’m more out there ? idk moving on 

20. found out who your friends are ─ literally once i graduated high school and went to college, all of the snakes just left and now i’m surrounded by my real friends uwu :^] why tf is everything related to high school i don't wanna remember that

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list ─ bruh i only have facebook so i can get extra rewards on iphone games ksjkdj 

↳ General

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl ─ refer to #21

23. do you have any pets ─ i, myself, don’t have one bc i live in a dorm, but back at home, i have a doggo. she’s a thai ridgeback and her name is 巧克力 (qiao ke li = chocolate) and i miss her vv much :’))

24. do you want to change your name ─ for the most part no, i like my name, but when people call me ‘ran-you’ or something of the sort, i question why i live in america

25. what did you do for your last birthday ─ i traveled around china alone (well with my two friends back in china) without my parents for the first time bc i was an Adult™ now

26. what time did you wake up today ─ i was supposed to wake up at 8am but i didn't roll out of bed until 8:30am but hey, i made it to my 9am class 10 minutes early somehow

27. what were you doing at midnight last night ─ looking at nct fanart on tumblr and wishing that i coud draw/paint like that :’))

28. what is something you can’t wait for ─ my trip to spain!! i’m traveling to spain for 2 weeks with my friend at the end of june to july and i’m so excited bc i haven’t hung out w/ him in forever

30. what are you listening to right now ─ i���m in my accounting 2 class rn,,, so my professor lecturing about debits and credits (yes i know i should be paying attention but i’m an independent learner so i prefer reading the textbook and taking notes,, i’m just here bc attendance is graded)

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom ─ my old high school teacher whose first lecture was about corn and how it’s in EVERYTHING that is mass- produced today,,, well his full name is actually thomas

32. something that’s getting on your nerves ─ it was raining as i was walking to class and even though i had an umbrella, somehow my pants are still all drenched and this lecture room is SO DAMN COLD and i’m shivering someone save ME

33. most visited website ─ my school website lol

34. hair colour ─ jet black but in the sun it turns reddish brown ?

35. long or short hair ─ super long, it reaches my waist lol 

36. do you have a crush on someone ─ does renjun count? jk kinda ?? but not really bc,, idk dating doesn’t really act as a major objective for me right now

37. what do you like about yourself ─ friendliness and outgoingness ?

38. want any piercings? ─ oof i already have a lot but i want more yes (i have 3 on both my lobes, 1 on my both cartilages, and on my right ear i have a snug ? is that what it’s called idk) lowkey highkey i wanna pierce my nose but we’ll see

39. blood type ─ o 

40. nicknames ─ all nicknames i’ve ever gotten: ren, renu (my baby cousin calls me that bc she can barely pronounce words), fish..., nyu, rennie, r, human fish, + many puns on my name

41. relationship status ─ single and tired

42. zodiac ─ scorpio 

43. pronouns ─ she/her

44. fave tv shows ─ the office, black mirror, we bare bears, law and order,  futurama, stranger things, bob’s burgers, bate’s motel, american horror story (i love the duality between cartoons and fucked up shows dsdkjh) 

45. tattoos ─ i want ones !! (prob small in hidden places) but um maybe once i graduate undergrad at least 

46. right or left handed ─ right handed

47. ever had surgery ─ no - kinda? i have a scar on my eyelid bc when i was like 3-4 y/o, i was playing hide and seek w/ my uncle and cousin in china and i was running around and i turned quickly around a counter the same height as me and the corner of the counter cut open my eyelid,, this is kinda tmi but i was so stunned bc blood was running literally out of my eye so i didn’t even cry, i just stood there like ‘oh...that’s a lot of blood...’ i went to the ER to get it stitched up but idk if that counts as surgery :p

48. piercings ─ refer to #38 

49. sport ─ currently i play volleyball and basketball for club, but played a lot in high school too

50. vacation ─ anywhere i love traveling !! also east asian,, mostly just china i miss my friends and family :’))

51. trainers ─ ?? uhh as in shoes? or the gym? idk,,

↳ More general

52. eating ─ as in what i ate today? if so, a bagel and a boiled egg for breakfast

53. drinking ─ coffee that’s now cold rip

54. i’m about to watch ─ uhh my professor continue talking about accounting and economics 

55. waiting for ─ this class to end so i can eat lunch 

56. want ─ a change of pants bc i’M WET AND COLD 

57. get married ─ i sure hope so

58. career ─ i want to start and own a fashion brand/company/line (i’m double majoring in international business and trade + leadership management right now)

↳ Which is better

59. hugs or kisses ─ both i just want affection ;((

60. lips or eyes ─ these are hard to pick but eyes !

61. shorter or taller ─ taller even though i’m pretty tall as it is 

62. older or younger ─ older or the same age ? (rip sorry renjun) 

63. nice arms or stomach ─ arms? i need you to be able to put me in a chokehold and KO me (not in a kinky way,,, maybe,,,)

64. hookup or relationship ─ relationship duh ?

65. troublemaker or hesitant ─ team too-lazy-to-be-either

↳ Have you ever

66. kissed a stranger ─ uhh prob not

67. drank hard liquor ─ no officer i don’t drink underaged mhm

68. lost glasses ─ i literally have like 6 pairs of glasses that i keep thinking i’ve lost but then find it again 

69. turned someone down ─ oof yeah sorry 

70. sex on first date ─ no i have standards 

71. broken someone’s heart ─ i hope not ! at least not intentionally  

72. had your heart broken ─ prob once or twice 

73. been arrested ─ in my good christian household?! (i’m not even christian tf)

74. cried when someone died ─ well of course i have a heart

75. fallen for a friend ─ all my friends are hot as fuck no lie

↳ Do you believe in…?

76. yourself ─ always :D !!

77. miracles ─ eh,,

78. love at first sight ─ maybe not LOVE but something similar

79. santa claus ─ i-is he not real... (i’m kidding dbksj)

80. kiss on a first date ─ sure why not

81. angels ─ renjun is a walking angel on earth

↳ Other

82. best friend’s name ─ vincent, alyssa (my two fave people) 

83. eye colour ─ dark poop brown

84. fave movie ─ i watch too many to have 1 favorite but for the sake of this tag, i’ll say coraline 

85. fave actor ─ i have a big gay crush on dilraba dilmurat also tom holland 

el fin

[blackkudos]

Audra McDonald

Audra Ann McDonald (born July 3, 1970) is an American actress and singer. She has appeared on the stage in both musicals and dramas such as Ragtime, A Raisin in the Sun and Porgy and Bess. With her full lyric soprano voice, she maintains an active concert and recording career performing song cycles and operas as well as in concerts throughout the U.S. She has won six Tony Awards, more performance wins than any other actor, and is the only person to win all four acting categories. She starred as Dr. Naomi Bennett on the ABC television drama Private Practice.

Early life and education

McDonald was born in West Berlin, Germany, the daughter of American parents, Anna Kathryn, a university administrator, and Stanley McDonald, Jr., a high school principal. At the time of her birth, her father was stationed with the U.S. Army. McDonald was raised in Fresno, California, the elder of two daughters. McDonald graduated from the Roosevelt School of the Arts program within Theodore Roosevelt High School in Fresno. She got her start in acting with Dan Pessano and Good Company Players, beginning in their junior company. "I knew I wanted to be involved in theater when I had my first chance to perform with the Good Company Players Junior Company." "The people who have had the most impact on my life: Good Company director Dan Pessano and my mother." She studied classical voice as an undergraduate under Ellen Faull at the Juilliard School, graduating in 1993.

Career

Theatre

McDonald was a three-time Tony Award winner by age 28 for her performances in Carousel, Master Class, and Ragtime, placing her alongside Shirley Booth, Gwen Verdon and Zero Mostel by accomplishing this feat within five years. She was nominated for another Tony Award for her performance in Marie Christine before she won her fourth in 2004 for her role in A Raisin in the Sun, placing her in the company of then four-time winning actress Angela Lansbury. She reprised her Raisin role for a 2008 television adaptation, earning her a second Emmy Award nomination. On June 10, 2012, McDonald scored her fifth Tony Award win for her portrayal of Bess in Broadway's The Gershwins' Porgy and Bess, thus tying Angela Lansbury and Julie Harris. Her 2014 performance as Billie Holiday in Lady Day at Emerson's Bar and Grill earned McDonald her sixth Tony award and made her the first person to win all four acting categories.

McDonald appeared as Lizzie in the Roundabout Theatre Company's 2007 revival of 110 in the Shade, directed by Lonny Price at Studio 54, for which she shared the Drama Desk Award for Best Actress in a Musical with Donna Murphy. On April 29, 2007, while she was in previews for the show, her father was killed when an experimental aircraft he was flying crashed north of Sacramento, California.

McDonald is known for defying racial typecasting in her various Tony Award-winning and -nominated roles. Her performances as Carrie Pipperidge in Nicholas Hytner's 1996 revival of Carousel and Lizzie Curry in Lonny Price's 2007 revival of 110 in the Shade made her the first black woman to portray those (traditionally white) roles in a major Broadway production. Of her groundbreaking work in encouraging diversity in musical theatre casting, she said in an interview for The New York Times, "I refuse to be stereotyped. If I think I am right for a role I will go for it in whatever way I can. I refuse to say no to myself. I can't control what a producer will do or say but I can at least put myself out there." In a 'Talk of the Nation' interview on NPR, Asian-American actor Thom Sesma said McDonald's performance in Carousel "transcended any kind of type at all", proving her to be "more actress than African-American."

McDonald appeared in a revised version of Porgy and Bess, at the American Repertory Theatre (in Cambridge, Massachusetts) from August through September 2011, and recreated the role on Broadway at the Richard Rodgers Theatre, which opened on January 12, 2012 and closed on September 23, 2012. For this role, McDonald won her fifth Tony Award and her first in a Leading Actress category. This American Repertory Theater production was "re-imagined by Suzan-Lori Parks and Diedre Murray as a musical for contemporary audiences."

She appeared at the Williamstown Theatre Festival, Williamstown, Massachusetts, in Eugene O'Neill's play A Moon for the Misbegotten in August 2015, co-starring with her husband Will Swenson.

In 2016, McDonald starred on Broadway as the vaudeville performer Lottie Gee in a new musical titled Shuffle Along, or, the Making of the Musical Sensation of 1921 and All That Followed about the making of the 1921 musical Shuffle Along. McDonald left the show on July 24, 2016 to begin maternity leave. Shuffle Along closed on July 24, 2016.

Lady Day at Emerson's Bar and Grill

McDonald played Billie Holiday on Broadway in the play Lady Day at Emerson's Bar and Grill in a limited engagement that ended on August 10, 2014. After previews that began on March 25, 2014, the play opened at the Circle in the Square Theatre on April 13, 2014. Of the play, McDonald said in an interview:

It's about a woman trying to get through a concert performance, which I know something about, and she's doing it at a time when her liver was pickled and she was still doing heroin regularly...I might have been a little judgmental about Billie Holiday early on in my life, but what I’ve come to admire most about her – and what is fascinating in this show – is that there is never any self-pity. She's almost laughing at how horrible her life has been. I don’t think she sees herself as a victim. And she feels an incredible connection to her music – she can’t sing a song if she doesn’t have some emotional connection to it, which I really understand.

McDonald won the Tony Award for Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role in a Play for this role, making her the first person to earn six Tony Award wins for acting (not counting honorary awards) and the first person to win a Tony Award in all four acting categories. In her acceptance speech, "she thanked her parents for encouraging her to pursue her interests as a child." She also thanked the "strong and brave and courageous" African-American women who came before her, saying in part, "I am standing on Lena Horne's shoulders. I am standing on Maya Angelou's shoulders. I am standing on Diahann Carroll and Ruby Dee, and most of all, Billie Holiday. You deserved so much more than you were given when you were on this planet. This is for you, Billie." This performance was filmed at Cafe Brasil in New Orleans and broadcast on HBO on March 12, 2016. McDonald received a 2016 Emmy Award nomination for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Limited Series or Movie for her role in the broadcast.

McDonald had planned to make her West End debut as Holiday in Lady Day in June through September 2016, but after becoming pregnant she postponed these plans. She will perform in Lady Day in June 2017 through September 9, 2017 at the Wyndham’s Theatre in the West End.

Recordings and concerts

McDonald has maintained ties to her classical training and repertoire. She frequently performs in concert throughout the U.S. and has performed with musical organizations such as the New York Philharmonic and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Carnegie Hall commissioned the song cycle The Seven Deadly Sins: A Song Cycle for McDonald, and she performed it at Carnegie's Zankel Hall on June 2, 2004. She sang two solo one-act operas at the Houston Grand Opera in March 2006: Francis Poulenc's La voix humaine and the world premiere of Michael John LaChiusa's Send (who are you? I love you). On February 10, 2007, McDonald starred with Patti LuPone in the Los Angeles Opera production of Kurt Weill's opera Rise and Fall of the City of Mahagonny directed by John Doyle. The recording of this production of Mahagonny won two Grammy Awards, for Best Opera Recording and Best Classical Album in February 2009.

In September 2008, American composer Michael John LaChiusa was quoted in Opera News Online, as working on an adaptation of Bizet's Carmen with McDonald in mind.

McDonald has recorded five solo albums for Nonesuch Records. Her first, the 1998 Way Back to Paradise, featured songs written by a new generation of musical theatre composers who had achieved varying degrees of prominence in the 1990s, particularly LaChiusa, Adam Guettel and Jason Robert Brown.

Her next album, How Glory Goes (2000), combined both old and new works, and included composers Harold Arlen, Leonard Bernstein and Jerome Kern. Her third album, Happy Songs (2002), was big band music from the 1920s through the 1940s. Her fourth album, Build a Bridge (2006), features songs from jazz and pop.

In May 2013, Audra McDonald released her first solo album in seven years, Go Back Home, with a title track from the Kander & Ebb musical The Scottsboro Boys. To coincide with the album's release, McDonald performed a concert at Avery Fisher Hall in New York City that aired on the PBS series Live from Lincoln Center titled Audra McDonald In Concert: Go Back Home.

At the 2010 BCS National Championship Game on January 7, McDonald sang America the Beautiful for the sold-out stadium fans to celebrate the final game of the college football season.

In May 2000, Audra McDonald appeared as "The Beggar Woman" in Lonny Price's concert version of Stephen Sondheim's Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, performed at Avery Fisher Hall at Lincoln Center, New York, with the New York Philharmonic with George Hearn and Patti LuPone. She reprised the role in some performances of the March 2014 Lincoln Center concert production, again directed by Price, this time opposite Bryn Terfel and Emma Thompson. She performed three concerts, titled "Audra McDonald Sings Broadway", in the Sydney Opera House in November 2015, which also included "The Facebook Song" by Kate Miller-Heidke.

Television and film

McDonald has also made many television appearances, both musical and dramatic. In 2001, she received her first Emmy Award nomination for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or Movie for the HBO film Wit, starring Emma Thompson and directed by Mike Nichols. She also has appeared on Homicide: Life on the Street (1999), Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (2000), Having Our Say: The Delany Sisters' First 100 Years (1999), the short-lived Mister Sterling (2003), The Bedford Diaries (2006), and Kidnapped (2006–2007), and in the 1999 television remake of Annie as Daddy Warbucks' secretary & soon-to-be wife, Miss Farrell. She sang with the New York Philharmonic in the annual New Year's Eve gala concert on December 31, 2006, featuring music from the movies; it was televised on Live from Lincoln Center by PBS. In 2013, she appeared in the HBO documentary Six by Sondheim.

McDonald appeared as Naomi Bennett in Private Practice, a spinoff of Grey's Anatomy. She replaced Merrin Dungey, who played the role in the series pilot. McDonald left Private Practice at the end of season four, but returned for the series finale at the end of season six to bring closure to Naomi's storyline.

In films, McDonald has appeared in Beauty and the Beast (2017), Ricki and the Flash (2015), Best Thief in the World (2004), It Runs in the Family (2003), Cradle Will Rock (1999), The Object of My Affection (1998), and Seven Servants by Daryush Shokof which was her film acting debut in (1996).

McDonald played Mother Abbess in the 2013 NBC live television production of The Sound of Music Live!.

Since 2012, McDonald has served as host for the PBS series Live From Lincoln Center, for which she shared an Emmy Award for Outstanding Special Class Program with the show's producers.

Personal life

McDonald married bassist Peter Donovan in September 2000. They have one daughter, Zoe Madeline Donovan, named after McDonald's close friend and Master Class co-star Zoe Caldwell. McDonald and Donovan divorced in 2009. She married Will Swenson on October 6, 2012. On October 19, 2016, they became parents to a girl, Sally James McDonald-Swenson.

McDonald attended Joan Rivers' funeral in New York on September 7, 2014, where she sang "Smile".

McDonald lives in Croton-on-Hudson, New York.

Discography

Solo recordings

Way Back to Paradise (Nonesuch, 1998)

How Glory Goes (2000)

Happy Songs (2005)

Build a Bridge (2006)

Go Back Home (2013)

Featured recordings

Dawn Upshaw Sings Rodgers & Hart – duet on "Why Can't I?" (1996)

Leonard Bernstein's New York – duet with Mandy Patinkin on "A Little Bit in Love" and "Tonight" (1996)

George and Ira Gershwin: Standards and Gems – sings "How Long Has This Been Going On?" (1998)

George Gershwin: The 100th Birthday Celebration – sings Porgy and Bess selections (1998)

Myths and Hymns – sings "Pegasus" (1999)

My Favorite Broadway: The Leading Ladies – sings "The Webber Love Trio" (1999)

Broadway In Love – sings "You Were Meant For Me" from The Object of My Affection (2000)

Broadway Cares: Home for the Holidays – sings "White Christmas" (2001)

Bright Eyed Joy: The Songs Of Ricky Ian Gordon – sings "Daybreak in Alabama" (2001)

Zeitgeist – sings "Think Twice" (2005)

The Wonder of Christmas with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir (2004)

Barbara Cook at the Met – sings "When Did I Fall In Love?" and "Blue Skies" (2006)

Jule Styne in Hollywood – sings "10,432 Sheep" (2006)

Sondheim: The Birthday Concert – sings Too Many Mornings and The Glamorous Life (2010)

Stages – duet on "If I Loved You", 2014

Cast recordings

Carousel (1994 Broadway Revival Cast Recording) (1994)

Ragtime (Original Cast Recording) (1998)

I Was Looking at the Ceiling and Then I Saw the Sky by John Adams (Studio Cast Recording) (1998)

Wonderful Town (Berlin Cast Recording) (1999)

Marie Christine (Original Cast Recording) (1999)

Sweeney Todd Live at the New York Philharmonic (2000)

Dreamgirls in Concert (2001 Concert Cast Recording) (released February 2002)

Wonderful Town (Studio Recording) (2005)

110 in the Shade (2007 Broadway Revival Cast Recording) (2007)

Rise and Fall of the City of Mahagonny (Concert Cast Recording) (2007)

Rodgers & Hammerstein's Allegro (First Complete Recording) (2009)

The Gershwins' Porgy and Bess (New Broadway Cast Recording) (2012)

Lady Day at Emerson's Bar and Grill (Original Broadway Cast Recording) (2014)

Video recordings

Audra McDonald – Live at the Donmar London, VHS (1999)

My Favorite Broadway: The Leading Ladies("The Webber Love Trio"), DVD & CD (1999)

Bernstein – Wonderful Town with Kim Criswell, Thomas Hampson, Wayne Marshall, Simon Rattle, and Berlin Philharmonic, DVD (2005)

The Wonder of Christmas with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and Orchestra at Temple Square, DVD (2005)

Weill – Rise and Fall of the City of Mahagonny, DVD (2007)

Sondheim! The Birthday Concert, Blu-ray DVD (2010)

Audio books

Alice Walker, By The Light of My Father's Smile (1998)

Connie Briscoe, A Long Way From Home (1999)

Rita Dove, Second-Hand Man (2003)

Wikipedia