#i have like six toy mice in my room rn bc almost Every Night she does the 'Mother I Have A Gift For You!!' meow meows

[arcadian-vampire]

[More Medical Anomaly Blogging, yippee] Putting this one under a readmore bc it's like six paragraphs of absurdity, you know how it is w the mental illness abt the physical illness 🥳

Last night I went to use our pulse oximeter while my family was standing around chatting in the kitchen, and the silence that fell when the device proudly informed me that my oxygen was only at 84%,, yeah. That was fun

I Have noticed that number hasn't really been the best lately (not That bad, but not ideal either- it's supposed to be above 98%. at the height of covid, nurses told people to go to the ER if that number was 88% or less). It's not very surprising either, considering my limbs have been displaying Slightly Alarming shades of blue/purple more and more these days

I have a doctor appointment in two weeks and I'm. finally gonna inform him that Hey My Feet Have Turned Red/Purple Whenever I Stand. since I was like. 17 probably. My heartrate Very Rarely falls below 110 when I stand now. Shit's fucked!! I've been too scared to talk about it until now because supposedly nothing is wrong with me, I'm just really bad at being a person, and it's my fault somehow.

I don't know what I'm gonna do if they tell me I did this. Lie facedown on the carpet and scream for a solid six hours, maybe. If they find a way to Fix Me though, I won't complain- it'd be nice to not worry about scaring little kids when I go to the store in shorts and flip-flops, y'know? It'd be nice to not stuff my hands in my pockets when I notice my nails are blue again, because it scares me so much I can't handle looking at it

In other news, my mom has hunted down an Ehlers-Danlos specialist in our nearest big city- a solid five hour car ride away if you don't stop at all or hit any traffic. We've been hoping I could just,, wait a bit, until we can move to that state so we'll be closer to better doctors, but woops looks like my body is Not gonna allow that, for whatever damn reason. My legs lock up so bad during even an hour long car ride, I'm gonna Fucking Die ( < being dramatic) on a trip to that city omg

And if we go there and they tell me this isn't EDS, it's some other junk nobody can figure out, I'm gonna walk out into my nearest corn field and scream so loud that six different farmers show up w their shotguns bc they think either someone is being brutally murdered, or there's an absolutely fucked up fox coming to eat all their chickens. And then I'm gonna steal some of their corn, but that's unrelated to my health situation

TLDR; I'm still going insane, but my cat keeps bringing me her mousey toys so like. it's all good