#i have her look in mind but itll never be brought up in the fic

[gornackeaterofworlds]

Saw this and did it cuz I make OCs super different from myself

Used my bay oc Anni since that's who I've written for. Also literally every OC would win in a fight. Not that most are that strong, I'm just that week(and also I make them significantly smarter than me..)

@little-mouse-gardens

Writer v. OC!

Tagged by @theluckywizard. Here's me v. Eilan. If you'd like to give this a shot, you can find the piccrew here.

Tagging @bluewren @flaggermuser @oliversrarebooks @mrslyncx @narravero @moonlightheretic @hekaerges @varric-tethras-editor @megasaurusssss

[parkaiur]

The Skater Boy (Pt.2) - Yoonbin

❀Angst 

❀ *WARNINGS: Parental abuse (GRAPHIC) & suicidal thoughts

❀ Word Count: 6.3 K

❀ A/N: dont ask me for a part 3 :) your ask will not get answered :)  anyways hope you guys enjoy this !! i really enjoyed writing this series hehe thank you for all the nice comments/asks/reblogs ! I really enjoyed reading them and it made me feel happy so many people were supporting me and this fic! and p.s. im not saying not to send me a part 3 ask to be mean, but im not going to write a part 3 so itll be a waste of my time and your time to ask for one 

❀ ❀ ❀ 

I woke with a jolt.

I uncrossed my arms and looked around at my surroundings. It was raining hard and darkness was still surrounding me, meaning it was night time. 

I eased myself down, feeling nothing around me. 

Until I heard shouting to my right. My heart beat faster at the intense fear of being found by my father. But, my father would never look for me.

“Y/n! OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!” 

Wait... I recognize that voice.

I quickly unlocked my side door and Yoonbin came flying in, soaking wet and all. I groaned and scooted away from him as the coldness oozed off of him. 

Then, after the disgust, shock suck in.

“What are you doing out here? You should be home.” He deadpanned like he didn’t just walk to me in the pouring rain, and only God knows how the boy found me. 

My jaw was still dropped in confusion while the boy just wanted an answer.

“Y/n, what are you-”

“How did you find me?” I interrupted. I was immensely confused and this whole night has been....something else. 

Yoonbin sighed and wrapped himself in his wet coat. I rolled my eyes and took off his jacket, which surprised him. 

“Start talking.” I snapped. The boy gulped and started to spill.

“Ok, after I hung up the phone, I was so mad at you that I wanted to talk to you face to face so I took off to your house. That’s when your dad answered the door, telling me that you left and didn’t live there anymore. So I asked him on places you would be and then... he shut the door on me so I went searching myself.” I nodded slowly, barely comprehending his words. 

“Wait, where is your car then?” The boy gave me a cheeky smile. 

“Um, I had to drive back home so that my parents would think I was home...” He trailed off, scratching his head while doing so. I almost let out a laugh.

We sat there in silence as he was now sitting in a short sleeve shirt and dirtying my entire passenger seat. 

“I’m not going back home.” I stated with a stern look. “You can’t make me.” I mumbled the last line. The boy stayed silent. 

“Fine. I know a place, let me drive.” He tried to get into the drivers seat but I pushed him away. “Yoonbin, dude-” 

“Just trust me on this!” He was too strong for me and pulled me over to the soaking wet passenger seat. I closed my eyes at the disgusting, irritating feeling. My back and butt were all wet thanks to Yoonbin. I opened my eyes and saw the boy grinning back at me. 

“Fine, I have no where else to go, I guess.” The boy said nothing to my grumbling but instead started up the car. We drove in silence through the night sky and pouring rain. 

Soon, he pulled into a driveway, leaving me to raise a brow. The house wasn’t too big, but wasn’t too small. It looked like a normal suburban house in the area. I raised a brow at him. 

“Where are we?” Yoonbin smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

“We’re at ... my house.” 

My jaw dropped in surprise. The boy got out of the car and then grabbed my bag for me. Quickly, he came to my side and opened the door for me. I squinted my eyes at him, but got out of the car anyways.

“I didn’t know you were so much of a gentleman.” I joked to hide my racing heartbeat at the sight of his home. 

What would his parents think of me staying over? What would they assume of me when they see their son drenched in water? Or what would they think of my tear-stained face? What would-

“Don’t worry, my parents are really nice people.” Yoonbin ushered me forward and opened the door quietly. He poked his head in, and then waved me forward.

I didn’t think he would wave me forwards if his entire family was sitting in the living room. 

But he did.

And now they were all staring at me. 

I recognized their faces vaguely and nodded and bowed to them. 

“Oh? Yoonbin? You weren’t home? Who’s this?” His mom bombarded him with questions until she saw him soaking wet. “OH MY GOODNESS! I’ll go get towels!” The shorter woman sprinted away as Yoonbin gave me a gummy smile. 

His dad stood and walked over to me. I felt my palms go sweaty and my head go numb. I felt Yoonbin grasp my hand gently and squeezed it. 

Yoonbin’s dad was now right in front of me, his expression unreadable. He lifted his hand, causing my body to go into a frenzy. 

He’s going to hit you. He’s going to hit you. He’s going to hit you.

Surprisingly, he patted my shoulder and peered down at me with a concerned look. 

“Sweetie, are you okay? Do you need some water or clean clothes? Or some food? We can heat up leftovers.” 

My body froze and my throat closed up, unable to speak. 

“We just had some fried chicken, an easy meal. It’ll be real easy.” His dad continued, taking his hand off my shoulder.

Yoonbin squeezed my hand gently which zapped me back into reality. 

“N-no sir, I’m fine. I just ate not too long ago.” Lies. I hadn’t eaten dinner or breakfast today. But I didn’t have much of an appetite anyways. 

Yoonbin’s dad laughed. “Just call me Mr. Ha. And if you change your mind, just take whatever you want from the fridge.” I nodded and thanked him. 

Suddenly, Yoonbin’s mom came flying down the steps with a bunch of towels in her hand. 

“Here, here, dry yourselves.” She threw a towel at her son, then one at me. I caught it clumsily as Yoonbin had to retract his hand. “Why are you all wet, Ha Yoonbin! You’re going to get a cold! And in the middle of the summer!” She tsked. I bit my lip to hide my laughter when Yoonbin just rolled his eyes. 

Then, his mom turned to me. “Sweetie, if you need something, just call us. First, you both need a change of clothes.” She shoved a pile of clothes at me. “Here, these are Yoonbin’s sister’s clothes who is currently working in Germany. And Yoonbin will show you to the bathroom.” 

She glared at the boy, but then smiled. I opened to my mouth to protest, but she was already pulling me away to follow Yoonbin. The boy tilted his head in the direction he wanted me to go.

“Here, you can use my room. I’ll just change in the bathroom in there since I need to dump all the wet clothes in bathtub anyways.” I nodded and stepped into his room. 

It was exactly how I imagined. The walls were a dark blue, close to black, and there were posters of random bands hung around. The only light source besides the lights on the ceiling was a black lamp that was seated on his desk. Clothes was flung around and I almost tripped on his t-shirt that was lying on the ground. 

“Sorry, I’m a bit messy.” He scratched the back of his neck and blushed. I shrugged and gave him a small smile. “It’s the first time I’ve brought a girl home, so sorry they’re all doting on you.” 

That surprised me. 

Yoonbin was anti-social as an anti-social person could be, but he was an attractive dude. He had fierce features and a smile that made me melt. His humor was dry and he could be quite annoying, but he did have a caring side even if he didn’t want to admit it. 

I mean he was letting me stay at his house. 

“It’s fine, it’s the first time I’ve been doted on.” I said honestly. We awkwardly stood and stared at each other until Yoonbin cleared his throat. 

“I’m going to get changed now, um, I’ll knock before I come in.” 

I nodded and he gave me a tight smile before disappearing into the bathroom. I looked down at the clothes his mom had given me. I pulled on the simple black leggings and the red t-shirt that hung nicely on my body. I then felt the t-shirt stick uncomfortably to my body because of the wetness, so I stripped it off and dried my torso with the towel.

Suddenly, I heard Yoonbin knock on the bathroom door. 

“Wait-”

Before I could respond, the boy opened the door, his eyes immediately landing on shirtless body. His eyes widened and I could see him visibly gulp. 

I raised a brow and cocked my head. 

“Yoonbin, what was the point of knocking if you were going to open the door before I could speak?” I teased. The boy turned beet red and shrugged. 

“Um, I thought you would be done.” He finally tore his eyes from my body. “C-can you please put on a shirt now?” He stuttered out, breaking his cold facade. I decided to tease him a little more. I left my shirt on the bed and took long strides towards him. 

He tried to look everywhere but my body. 

He’s so cute.

I reached out and pulled him closer, inhaling the smell of his fresh clothes. I brought my head closer to his neck, breathing softly for only him to hear.

“Y/n, please, don’t-” He whispered quietly in a small voice. I ignored him and softly kissed his neck. His whole body turned stiff and his hands clenched, willing himself to stay still. “Please.” 

Then, I raised my hand and flicked him on the forehead. “OW! What the fuck!?” 

I laughed and pulled the t-shirt over my head. 

“I’m starting to think you had ulterior motives bringing me to your house mister Ha Yoonbin.” I scoffed and turned away from him, who was still dazed from our previous encounter. “Yoonbin, c’mon, you can’t be that hot and bothered, if we stay in here too long, your parents will think we’re fooling around up here.”

Yoonbin then snapped out of it and followed me to the door.

“You’re something else.” He mumbled, a blush still apparent on his face. I smirked and shook my head. “And no, I did not have ulterior motives, it was an accident, ok?” I rolled my eyes but before I could say anything, he opened the door to walk downstairs. 

Immediately, we ran into his mom. 

“Changed already? Good, good. Now, I’m sorry to say this but we don’t have a spare room since we painted it this morning and it’s all stinky and chemical-smelling so you’ll have to stay in Yoonbin’s room, if that’s alright with you.” 

I felt my body freeze at those words. What kind of parent would let their child sleep in a room with the opposite sex? Or with anybody really? 

“That’s fine.” Yoonbin replied quickly. I almost glared at him. Almost. But instead I nodded at his mom.

“Ah, that’s fine.” 

His mom nodded and winked at me. “I trust you guys, but if you do anything, just please, be quiet.” 

I felt blood rush to my face in embarrassment and a sudden shyness and wonder in front of his mom.

“Mom! Oh my god, it’s not like that.” Yoonbin shouted with two red blotches on his cheeks. His mom giggled and hit him on the shoulder.

“Just joking!” She winked at me. Oh gosh, she thinks it’s like that. “Oh! We also heat up some fried chicken for you just in case you were hungry!” She picked up the bag she had on the floor and plopped it in my hands.

“Goodnight kids, and nice meeting you y/n.” 

“Thanks for letting me stay here.” I said before she could leave. All of a sudden, she got a soft look in her eyes. 

“Anytime, honey. Anytime. As a mom, I can’t leave a child lonely. It’s not in our blood.” She  patted me softly on the head and nodded to Yoonbin before heading to her room.

I felt my eyes well up with tears at her kind gestures. First they let me stay in their house, then they give me clothes, food, and love. 

Something I never received much of.

“C’mon.” Yoonbin guided me to his room and set down the bag of chicken on his table. I wiped my tears hurriedly so he wouldn’t see them, but they were falling out like raindrops. 

“Why are you crying?” He whispered gently. I suddenly broke, hearing his soft voice. He wrapped his arms around me, shaking me back and forth to calm me down. 

“Your parents... they’re just so nice.” I cried out. I felt the boy pat me on the back slowly. His hug was tight, yet I could tell he was scared of breaking me. I pushed him away slightly to wipe my face with the tissues he gave me.

Yoonbin gave me a gentle smile. “They are.” He rubbed the back of my head gently and pressed his lips against it as well.

“Um, m-my dad... he.” I took a deep breath, unable to finish my story. He then patted my back softly. “It’s fine, I don’t have to know if you don’t feel comfortable or ready to tell me. I’ll be here for you.” 

I felt more tears spill onto the floor with his words. 

“Do you wanna eat the chicken now or tomorrow morning?” My stomach felt like it was going to eat itself, but my eyes felt like they were going to shut any minute. 

“Tomorrow.” I whispered. He nodded and placed it in the bathroom so we wouldn’t be able to smell it. 

He started to take some blankets and set them on the ground. 

“What are you doing?” I questioned out loud. He looked at me like I was dumb. 

“Um, setting up a makeshift bed.” I shook my head and stopped him. “No, I don’t sleep with that many blankets, I’ll be fine.” Yoonbin gave me a weird look before laughing.

“Y/n, I’m sleeping on the ground. You’re sleeping on the bed.” My eyes widened in surprise while he pinched my cheek. “You’re so cute.” He mumbled. 

I pretended to ignore that, unable to say anything when he was the one teasing me.

“Are you sure? I don’t mind sleeping on the ground.” Yoonbin rolled his eyes, not even listening to my words. “Positive. Now sleep, you look like you’ve aged 60 years from just today.” I rolled my eyes, but I knew he was right.

Soon, Yoonbin rolled in his bed and stopped moving. I bundled up in his bed, inhaling his scent on it. I wiggled around on the bed, feeling like I was sleeping on clouds. 

“Thank you, Yoonbin. For everything.” I whispered, not thinking he could hear me.

A few moments later, I heard him whisper back “you’re welcome”. 

❀ ❀ ❀

I woke up to a loud alarm. 

It wasn’t even a song, it was just a loud beeping noise. 

“Yoonbin, turn it off!” I whisper-shouted. The boy groaned and searched for his phone. I rolled out of bed and sighed. “Do we have school today?” The boy yawned and nodded.

I laid back in bed. “Can’t I just skip?” I mumbled. Yoonbin pulled me out and shook his head with a grin. 

“Nope.” He guided me towards the bathroom and took something out of his cabinet. “That’s a spare toothbrush. You’re welcome to use it.” 

Suddenly, I broke into my normal routine, feeling at ease with Yoonbin by my side. 

I decided to go to school in the clothes Yoonbin’s mom gave to me. 

I already knew school was going to be hell, like it always was, but I felt better with Yoonbin with me. He made me feel safe, secure, and like I had a friend.

“Ok, first things first, no one can know we’re living together. And second, nothing has changed about us now that we live together, ok? If we stick together like glue, people will definitely think we are dating. And that cannot happen.” Yoonbin spat. I felt my heart hurt at his harsh words.

What would be so wrong with dating me?

I didn’t bother to ask and just nodded my head, trying to hide the sadness in my face. 

Do something y/n would do, don’t be sad.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “Okay weirdo, I’ll stay away from you. I do owe you one anyways.” Yoonbin nodded, almost surprised that I agreed so easily. 

As we walked towards the school, Yoonbin walked a bit faster than me. I felt empty once he left my side. 

Soon, Yedam and Jihoon caught up with him. I swear, these boys come out of nowhere. Jihoon then looked back to me and waved. I gave him an awkward wave back.

“Hey, y/n, how’re you doing?” Jihoon asked. I was confused for a second, wondering if Yoonbin told him my homeless situation. 

Yedam nodded rapidly. “Oh yeah, that hit you took to Yoonbin’s body was pretty bad, as well as that fall. Are you better now?” 

Oh, they were talking about that. 

I laughed and nodded. “Oh yeah, I feel fine now. It wasn’t really too bad when I got hit, more surprising than anything.” That answer seemed to calm the two boys.

“Hey, Yoonbin!” Suddenly, a girl popped in front of Yoonbin. “Did you do that homework sheet from Mrs. Hong over the weekend? It was absolute torture.” A girl I noted who was in my computer science class asked him. She had long brown hair and big doe eyes. She was stunning, but also nerdy. Probably more of Yoonbin’s type than me.

The boy smiled goofily and put his hands in his pockets. “Uh yeah, it was terrible. I hated every second of it.” The girl laughed and held his arm while she did, something girls did when they liked a guy. 

“Yeah, like she wants us to fail or something! Anyways, you going to the skate park this weekend? I mean.. I know you went on Friday but...” Her eyes flickered over to me and suddenly, I felt awkward. 

Yoonbin’s eyes followed her’s and he shook his head rapidly. “Oh no, we’re not together. That was an accident, uh, she fell on me. You know Changbin, he’s clumsy and accidentally tripped her. I barely know her.” The girl laughed and brought her hand to his arm again. I felt my blood boil as he looked at her with kind eyes.

“Oh that’s funny! Anyways, see you later today then?” He nodded rapidly and I saw him gulp nervously. The bell rang and she took his hand.

“Of course. Um, let me walk you to class.” He mumbled. 

Then they were gone. 

Yedam and Jihoon were still on both sides of me, watching the same scene play out in front of me.

“Y/n, he doesn’t like her, not really, he’s just-” I held up my hand and rubbed the back of my neck. Jihoon looked at me with sad eyes.

“It’s fine, I know he didn’t think of me that way anyways. I didn’t expect anything.” I lied. I thought our entire relationship had changed over night. 

I was wrong. 

I barely know her. I heard his words echo throughout my mind.

I felt tears sting my eyes but I blinked them away. 

“Whatever, let’s just get this day over with.” I walked ahead of the boys who were obviously distressed, but I had no time to ease other’s pain when I didn’t know how to ease my own. 

❀ ❀ ❀

Lunch rolled around soon enough. I walked into the lunchroom, seeing Yoonbin, Yedam and Jihoon laughing and gooding around a their table.

I grabbed my tray of food and started to walk over to them. 

“Hey, guys! What’s up?” The same girl came out of nowhere and sat at their table. Yedam and Jihoon’s faces brightened immediately, easing her into their conversation. It was a very different experience when I had sat at their table. 

I felt my heart drop as they laughed with her, talked with her, and welcomed her as their own. Yoonbin’s face was smiley and giggling with her. As it should be.

People like her, smart, kind, bubbly girls deserved to be with boys like Yoonbin. She was someone who could make him smile. Someone who could bring him out of his shell. 

I turned around, tears threatening to fall from my eyes, and dumped my tray in the trash.

And then I ran out the back door of the building.

❀ ❀ ❀

He never liked you. You can’t really be mad at him. 

I chanted in my head. 

I just ditched school and I felt amazing about it. The warm air hit my shoulders as summer was approaching. 

It was a beautiful day.

It was unfortunate my mood was so sad. 

I felt a buzz in my pocket and I pulled out my phone. 

‘where were you during lunch?’ -yoonbin

‘on a walk outside’ I lied.

‘...why didn’t you sit with us?’

‘i thought you told me to leave you alone.’ 

I saw him typing which made my anxiety buildup. 

‘i didn’t think you would listen’

‘well now im listening, aren’t you supposed to be thinking me?’ I snapped over text. I saw the familiar dots appear.

‘well ... thanks i guess’

I didn’t bother responding. 

❀ ❀ ❀

I found myself walking back to Yoonbin’s house for some odd reason. I sighed and saw my car sitting in the driveway. I thought about how easy it would just to run away. 

“Y/n? Hey, what are you doing back so early?” I jumped up at the voice. I turned and saw Yoonbin’s mom staring at me with a smile on her face. “Doesn’t school end in a couple more hours?”

I felt my mind try to cough up some lies. “Oh yeah, I had a bad headache after lunch so I decided to go home. I couldn’t focus anyways.” I lied. His mom frowned. 

She brought her hand up to my forehead. “You’re warm, must be getting a fever.” She sighed and opened the door for me. “You should’ve told Yoonbin to drive you home. He doesn’t focus in class anyways.” I chuckled and shook my head.

“It’s fine. I don’t feel too bad.” She sighed and patted me on the back. “Go get some rest honey.” I turned walk to Yoonbin’s room, but turned back around.

“Um, by the way, thank you a lot for letting me stay here. I’ll be out your hair soon.” Instead of saying ‘you’re welcome’ quickly, the woman stared at me until I started to feel holes in my face. 

“I don’t know what’s wrong with your home life, but I could never let you go home knowing you aren’t safe.” She then took my hands and patted them gently. “You’re welcome to stay as long as you like. I know Yoonbin seems like a pain in the booty, but he’s really a nice kid. You’re the first girl he has taken home, and he rarely even lets his guy friends in the house. He’s quite secretive like that.” She winked at me and then shooed me along. “Now rest child.” 

I nodded and fell face flat into Yoonbin’s bed, trying to hold back my tears.

From the sadness, anger, and happiness all surrounding me. 

“Go to your room.”

“Why?! I want to eat chocolate cake!” The cake was swiped off the table immediately. I gasped and tried not to shrink back in fear, but it didn’t work. 

“You don’t deserve cake! You’re getting bad grades in all your classes! And you’re only 8 years old, you’ll be a disappointment when you’re older. GO!” My father yelled at me. His face turned red and spit splattered all over the floor. 

I started to cry and ran to my room. 

I felt myself cry at the memory, hoping I had found a better family.

❀ ❀ ❀

“Get up!” I felt the blanket being stripped away from me, making me shiver at the air. “GET UP!” I felt someone shaking me, which made me roll over. 

“Why are you waking me up?” I asked numbly. 

Yoonbin tsked and tried to sit me up. “You’re going to get sick germs all over my bed, my mom said you were sick. And I hate when sick people sleep in my bed.” I rolled my eyes and stumbled out of the bed. I could feel my forehead was burning when his cold hand pressed against my face. 

“You have a damn fever. Ugh, you ruin everything!” I stood in silence as Yoonbin threw his sheets off his bed. “First, you ruin my perfectly normal, humble life and make it a big shit show! Then you ruin my afternoon with a girl that is actually normal?! What did I even do to deserve this?” He spat, falling on his bed. He covered his face with his hands.

I didn’t know how to respond as I was feeling groggy. I guess lying about being sick gets me sick. Karma. 

“First of all, I didn’t ruin anything of yours. Second, why didn’t you just go out with that girl!? It’s not like I was stopping you!” I shouted. He stumbled at my volume. He then stood and glared down at me.

“Because my mom said that you were fucking sick! And that I had to come take care of you like you’re a baby or something!” 

“Well, I didn’t ask you to be here so why don’t you just leave!?” I felt my head throb at every word I said and every word I heard. 

Yoonbin laughed maniacally. “Leave?! This is my house, y/n, if you didn’t know!” 

I grabbed my keys and said, “fine, then I’m leaving. I can’t stay here and look at you!” I turned towards the door but he jumped in front of me. 

Usually, I let him do this, but this time, I shoved him out of the way and glared at him. “Why?” I whispered suddenly, shocking even me.

He furrowed his brows at me. “Why what?”

“Why did you even let me stay here?” 

The boy shrugged and avoided my gaze. “I don’t know. I really don’t but I regret it now.” 

I pulled my lips together and scrunched my nose around. It felt like neither of us were breathing and the only thing I heard were out heartbeats, or just mine. 

Then, I sighed and opened the door.

“Fine then.”

His parents were nowhere in sight when I left the house. 

“Y/n, what are you doing?” 

“LEAVING, DUMBASS, WHAT DO YOU THINK?” I shouted loudly, letting my feelings out. He looked distraught at me moving to get in the car.

“Wait, wait! Just wait, just listen!” He tried to stop me, but I shoved him away. Tears filled my eyes as he stared at me with sad eyes.

“Just stop, Yoonbin. Haven’t you done enough? You’re already ignoring me at school, don’t you realize I have no friends? No family? No one!? I literally have no one but you right now and...” I shrugged while laughing. 

“And that’s nowhere to being enough.” I said softly. I stood against the car, willing my tears away. I looked up at Yoonbin, and he wasn’t even shedding a tear.

“Goodbye, Yoonbin.” 

I got in my car and drove away.

And he didn’t try and stop me.

��� ❀ ❀

I didn’t know where I was going. 

I drove aimlessly in the cold air with a throbbing headache and tears falling down my eyes.

I drove until my hands hurt. 

And I drove until my gas ran out. 

“Shit!” I yelled while hitting my steering wheel. I pulled over quickly and parked at an abandoned skate park. 

Of course, it just had to be a skate park. Just another thing to remind me of Yoonbin.

It was pitch black at this point and I hadn’t eaten anything in two days. I was going to die and I wasn’t even sure if that was going to be a problem with me.

I hit my head. No, don’t think like that. Don’t ever think like that.

I pulled out a blanket I always kept in my backseat and leaned my chair back. 

I was always alone. I had to do things alone. How did I ever think I would get a stable family with a stable life?

I closed my eyes and fell asleep. 

❀ ❀ ❀

I only had enough money for gas. 

I had enough juice in my phone to look up the nearest gas station and filled up my tank. I was sad to see I hadn’t gotten any messages from Yoonbin or even Jihoon, anyone, but it was expected. 

Everyone pushed me out of their lives anyways.

“Hey girlie, you driving out here alone?” I fought the urge to roll my eyes. 

“Yes I am.” I said curtly while getting back in my car. I drove off before he could do anything else. 

I looked in my wallet and saw the 5 dollar bill and a few quarters. 

I had to go back. I had to set down my pride and do what was right for my health. No longer my mental health, but my physical.

I drove back on the same road, regretting every second I was driving. 

I parked my car and got out. I placed my hand on my chest before knocking on the door. I felt my heartbeat pick up as I waited for a response. 

In about one minute, the door opened. 

I swallowed my scream as my father pulled me inside

❀ ❀ ❀

He was sober. 

I wish he was drunk. 

He got clumsy when he was drunk. 

He was precise when he was sober. 

I felt a hit on my head, making me fall to the ground. I gasped at the pain. It hurt 10 times worse when I was sick.

“YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST LEAVE AND THEN COME BACK? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?” He grabbed my flimsy sleeve and pushed me backwards, making me hit the counter. I hissed in pain at the sound of my shoulder hitting the marble.

“YOU COULDN’T EVEN SURVIVE ON YOUR OWN, YOU’RE WEAK. AND STUPID!” He laughed in my face while clutching his knuckles. I felt another slap hit my face, causing me to bite my tongue. 

Beginner’s move. 

I spat the blood on the ground out of instinct. 

“YOU ANIMAL, THAT’S DISGUSTING! CLEAN IT UP!” He picked me up by my hair and made me stare at him. I tried to ignore the dirt caked underneath his fingernails as he slid them against my face. 

I held in my tears, but they came naturally at the pain.

“Crying? How pathetic.” He spoke sternly. I tried to hide them, but it was no use. He already saw. “I didn’t raise someone so pathetic.”

I left my pepper-spray and taser at Yoonbin’s house. 

I teared up even harder, knowing he wasn’t even looking for me. He was probably glad I was gone. I coughed loudly, trying to hide my sobs.

I felt him drop me on the ground and followed by kicking me. I grunted at the pain. He kicked me again.

And again.

And I don’t know how many times. 

I felt my vision blur and I lost count if it was him hitting me or was it me just imagining the kick as they came at a constant pace. 

I closed my eyes, feeling the fight in me give up.

Right at that moment, a bright light blinded me and I flinched to avoid it. 

I felt no more kicks as I heard grunting and ringing in my ears. I felt someone pick me up and carry me away. Like I was floating in the air.

“You’re okay, you’re okay.” Someone yelled in my face. 

“You’re going to be okay.” The same voice said. 

“Y-yoonbin?” I mumbled out. I caught a glimpse of the face as I pried open my eyes.

“No, it’s Jihoon.”

Then.

It.

All. 

Went.

Black.

❀ ❀ ❀

White.

All I saw was white. 

Being in the darkness for so long, you forget what the color looks like.

“She’s awake, she’s fine. No major injuries.” A feminine but stern voice said. 

My vision was blurry as I tried to force my eyes open.

“Ssh, don’t force yourself.” The soft voice said once more. I blinked rapidly and suddenly a full force of colors came flying at me. 

I saw a smiling Jihoon staring down at me.

I couldn’t help but smile back.

“I’m so glad you’re okay.” He mumbled while patting my head brotherly. I tried to give him a small smile, but it came out forced. 

“Thank you.” I whispered. He nodded. I looked around the room and saw Yoonbin’s parents sitting there. I gave them a small smile as his mom patted my leg. 

“I’m glad you’re safe now. You almost gave us a heart-attack.” The woman tried to keep her tone hushed, but it still came out kind of loud. 

“He’s in the bathroom.” 

I stared at Jihoon. 

“Yoonbin, he’s in the bathroom.”

I felt a rise of nervousness run through my body at the name. 

Soon enough, the door flung open.

Yoonbin stood and stared at me with wide eyes. He was wearing a baby blue sweater and looked like he hadn’t slept in a few days.

As we locked eyes, I felt the whole world stop. 

“Um, we will be waiting outside.” Yoonbin’s dad said as the three of them stepped outside. 

Yoonbin took careful steps towards me, like he was afraid of me running away.

I scoffed. “You’re being too cautious, it’s not like you.” I joked. 

Suddenly, tears started to flow down his face. He sat down in the chair next to me and held my hand tightly. I didn’t tell him it hurt; he seemed to need the comfort more than me.

“Yoonbin-”

“I’m sorry.” He breathed out. His speaking was deeper than usual and he had to force words out. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He chanted while tugging at my hands a little harder. “I should’ve-” I held up my hand to stop him.

“Stop right there. You can’t change what already happened.” I said sternly. He didn’t seem comforted by my words as his tears fell harder. 

“I’m sorry.” He buried his head on my stomach. I patted his head gently as he sobbed even harder. 

As he pulled away, he cleared his throat, needing to tell me something.

So I took the change to speak first.

“Why did you flirt with that girl?” I deadpanned. 

He paused and wondered who I was talking about. “Oh, you mean Sooyoung? I don’t know, I guess I... I don’t know... good practice?” I rolled my eyes at his dumb answer. 

“Then why didn’t you flirt with me?” He calmly looked in my eyes as he told me the answer.

“Because... it feels too real when I flirt with you.”

We said nothing for a few moments, enjoying each other’s company as well as wondering what the other was thinking.

Then, he grasped my hand tightly. “Y/n, I know I’ve been a jerk to you, and an asshole, and just a dumbass, but...” He took a deep breath, like he as struggling to say the words. I’ll admit, I was amused. “But I realize now that I like you, and a lot. And I know I’m bad at showing my feelings, but this is all so new to me and I’ve been a jerk, but I’m willing to change.”

He cleared his throat and looked me in the eyes. 

“So, um, yeah, I like you. What is your response?” He said awkwardly. I gave him a small, yet sad, smile.

“Yoonbin...” I trailed off which made him flinch. “I like you too...” He gave me a tight smile which broke my heart.

“I hear a but coming...”

“But I just can’t right now... you’ve hurt me so many times, Yoonbin. So many. Not even romantically, but also as a friend. So right now I just can’t, I’m sorry.” I spoke softly, careful to speak my words gently. 

His head was down for a second, but he lifted it slowly with a sad smile.

“I expected that. I know I was a douche.” I nodded. “Totally.” I agreed.

We laughed about it until he looked at me seriously.

“Ok, you might not trust me now, but that doesn’t mean you can’t learn to trust me.” I raised a brow and slunk back in my bed.

“I’m going to fight for you. Just like how you tried to fight for me and tried to get me to be your friend. It’s my turn to fight for you

because you deserve to be fought for.” He sounded proud as he said those words, like he really meant them. There was a competitive glint in his eyes which meant he was serious. 

I held in my tears at his  passionate words, but a few dropped from my eyes.

He wiped the stray tears, yet some still stained the white bed.

“Do you really mean that?” I whispered softly. He smiled. 

“I mean it. One thousand percent. I’ll make sure you’ll come back to me, you’re too good for me to lose.” He said cockily. I let out a burst of laughter and ruffled his hair. 

“I’m holding you to that, skater boy.” He nodded and held my head close to his.

“I never liked skater boys anyways. Do you think you can change my mind on that too?”

“I promise.”

[antihero-writings]

The Things We Say Aloud—Pandora Hearts Fic for Phmonth18 Rainsworth Trio Week—Prompt 2: Family (Full Fic)

Fic Title: The Things We Say Aloud

Fic Synopsis: The Rainsworth Trio has a tradition of midnight snowball fights. But what if this is Break’s last?

Notes: This is another fic I wrote last Christmas (for the prompt “Rain”), but I think will work well for Phmonth18. I think it works best for the Rainsworth Trio Prompt 2: Family. You don’t have to have read the previous Christmas fic to understand it, but they are supposed to take place in the same year, and there are a few connections/references between them. (The other one is called “In Plain Sight” and you can read it on this blog, and/or at I_prefer_the_term_antihero ‘s Ao3!)

Out of all the PH fics I’ve written so far, this is honestly probably my favorite. I would deeply appreciate it if you commented to let me know you enjoyed it!

I feel like the Rainsworth Trio–especially Sharon and Break–don’t really talk about Break’s death, even though they know it’s coming. I thought it would be interesting to explore how such a conversation would go, and almost made myself cry writing it!

Also, point of interest, a song that I think works really well for the section of this fic where Break is pondering if it will be his last Christmas is “Into the Open Air” from the Brave soundtrack.

P.S. This is a repost of an old fic!

Fic:

Rain pounded its tune on the roof. It was the kind of rain that swarms the air, making it misty, grey, and cold with the buzzing of a thousand tiny drops.

It wasn’t that he disliked the rain. There will always be something about the rain that’s soothing to people dealing with sorrow. But rain like this; that pounds, and pounds, and doesn’t dissipate, sometimes serves to extend the mistiness inside too. Though it could be a rest, a relief, people like him always pray for the sun to come back. For sunny days and summer light were something people like him, with red eyes, and a past full of sin, knew they didn’t deserve, but couldn’t help seeking all the same.

Xerxes Break walked through the hallway of the Rainsworth manor. He wore his turquoise and gold outfit, half of his white hair falling across his shoulder, the other, shorter side, messily added to the covering the bandages provided—bandages over the place where his left eye should have been, though it rarely bled anymore.

As he passed by one of the rooms, he saw Sharon. She looked so small, but so regal, sitting on the windowsill, with her back to the glass, now frosted with condensation. Her chestnut hair was pulled back with a ribbon, and she was wearing her little pink dress. The little girl was pouting, staring at the ground, her arms folded over her chest in the characteristic expression children wear when they don’t get their way.

He paused, resting his hand on the doorframe.

She lifted her head.

When she met his eyes, he remembered very quickly that was not in his skill set to comfort little girls.

When he glanced back, she was giving him a look that said Well? Aren’t you going to come comfort me?

He knew better than to disobey such a look. He took a deep breath and walked in, hopping up on the windowsill next to her.

Like the rain, it wasn’t that he disliked kids, he just didn’t know how to deal with them. When they cried and threw tantrums…in short, he didn’t know how to deal with emotion (well, strong ones anyways). He couldn’t help hoping that kids like her could stay happy, and innocent forever. Like he had hoped for his young mistress from another time, and seen it go so very wrong, then later heard, through his own interference, that he had made it go far worse. But children would have to get hurt, they would have to grow up, some day. And in turn, they would become the kinds of creatures who hurt, and caused pain, who even killed, and made excuses for it…creatures like himself.

Luckily, he found that Sharon was a much happier, much kinder, much stronger child than most.

When she didn’t speak—(he didn’t dare ask, for fear of making it worse)—he turned to look outside the window.

“Xerx-niisan,” she began at last, “Why is the sky crying?”

He turned back to her, raising an eyebrow. “Huh?”

They weren’t siblings; they weren’t even remotely related. But for some reason, the name fixed itself in her mouth, and nothing he did or said could change that.

She could be a little tyrant sometimes.

At his misunderstanding, she continued to pout, averting her eyes. Then she jerked back to look at him, (he flinched a little), and said in a high pitched voice, “It’s almost Christmas! Why is it raining? It should be snowing!”

“Oh,” he relaxed a little, contemplating his response, “Well…it’s not going to stop raining just because you want it to. Sometimes,” he gave a sardonic smile that was more painful than the frown that seemed fixed on his face, looking away into the rain, as if he would find answers reading the drops, “things…people…that should be happy, just can’t be. And no matter how much you want something…”

He trailed off, and when he turned back, he saw tears welling in her eyes.

Nice going, Xerxes, you barely have to open your mouth to make a little girl cry.

There they were, brimming to the surface: all those emotions he didn’t know what to do with. He could only sit there, waiting for her own brand of rain to start, wanting more than anything to escape, to not have to figure out the right words to fix her.

It was the crying he hated the most. Maybe it was because it reminded him too much of a certain day, long ago, of a certain girl…but the snow did fall that day…

Still, he wasn’t going to tell her that if she just wished hard enough, if she believed in hope, the-general-goodness-of-the-world-and-its-inhabitants, and maybe a little bit of magic, that the snow would fall, that she could change things. Wishes were dangerous things, and he didn’t suggest anyone make them. You never know who, or what, might be listening.

Fortunately, before the tears reached her cheeks, Sharon’s mother, Shelly Rainsworth, appeared at the doorway. She looked almost exactly like an older version of her daughter, the same chestnut hair, the same smile that shined with a light of its own.

Upon seeing the tearful look on her daughter’s face, she marched into the room, put her hands on her hips, and turned to Break.

“Xerxes,” she said his name like he really was Sharon’s brother, “what did you say to her?”

“Why do you assume it was my fault, Shelly-sama?” he muttered, sounding like the child she was calling out.

“Let’s just say you have a habit of stepping on people’s feelings.”

He sighed. “I was only telling her that it won’t start snowing simply because she wants it to.”

“It’s almost Christmas, mother!” Sharon said like she was pleading her case, the tears reappearing in her eyes.

Shelly smiled, shaking her head.

“What am I going to do with you two?” she crouched down in front of Sharon, and paused, contemplating her own question for a moment. “Tell you what, sweetie; I can’t promise it’ll start snowing because you want it to, but I can promise this:” she pushed her daughter’s tears away, “The moment it starts snowing—or, I suppose,” she interrupted herself, “the moment there’s enough snow on the ground, but no later!—we’ll go outside, and have a snowball fight. How does that sound?”

“Really?” Sharon raised her head, the sadness lifting a little.

“Even if I’m busy, or it starts snowing in the middle of the night,” Shelly elaborated, grinning, “No, especially, if it’s in the middle of the night,” she placed a finger on Sharon’s nose, at which the little girl giggled, “I’ll wake you up—or you me—then, while everyone else is asleep, we’ll run around the house in just our pajamas and coats, we’ll wake Xerxes—”

“What?!” Break blurted out.

“Yes, we’ll wake Xerxes,” she repeated smirking, “drag him outside—”

“Do I get a say in this?!”

“Nope,” she grinned mischievously, “Don’t think I’m letting you get out of this one.”

“Tch.” He looked away.

She walked calmly to the couch, picked up one of the pillows, as if she was going to fluff it, brought it over to them, and smacked him with it.

He growled, his red eye starting to blaze, like some caged beast.

She threw the pillow back onto the couch, sighing, saying seriously, “I don’t want you sitting here on this windowsill forever…I know, somewhere inside you, there’s someone…” she pondered it, then smiled, saying simply, “Someone who’s not afraid. You’re stronger than you think. Deep down, I think, these sorts of things that seem childish, like snowball fights, and tea-parties,” she smirked, “fun things, you actually enjoy.”

He looked away, as if knowing he could only disappoint her.

She added softly, placing a finger on his chin, making him look at her,

“We’ll see that smile someday, Xerxes Break.”

He stared at her as she took her fingers away, then he blinked, averting his eyes again. murmuring something about, “Really, Shelly-sama…I’d just ruin—”

“Sharon,” Shelly interrupted his mutterings, turning to her daughter, “Do you think Xerxes should sit here sulking, day in and day out, or do you think he should join our snowball fight?”

“Xerx-niisan should come with us!” she didn’t even take a breath before she answered.

He stared into the little girl’s eyes, so full of hope, no question, no hesitation, just…kindness, endless kindness.

Shelly smiled at her daughter, which turned into devious smirk when she looked at him.

“Checkmate.”

He bit his lip before jumping back down to the ground, muttering incoherently his displeasure, knowing once they were set, he couldn’t change their minds.

They could be tyrants sometimes.

Most people wouldn’t have gone near him, much less want him to be a part of something…well, fun. He knew what people said about him. It didn’t matter, it had been a long time since he had cared what other people thought, plus, he more than welcomed the lack of company. But, the thing is, he knew they were right; he was creepy, and dark, and very, very dangerous. So, he too, often wondered why they had taken him in, why they treated him like something worth saving, worth dragging out of bed for snowball fights, and tea-parties, rather than being sure, like rest of the world was—like he was—that he would just darken everything with any amount of light in it.

That’s what Children of Misfortune were for, right?

A little girl, who should have been more scared of him than anyone, who should’ve wanted him as far away from her and her snowball fights than anyone, could not only go near him, but fail to hesitate as she bounded up to this dark-and-dangerous man, looked into that blood-red eye, and asked him why the sky was crying, gave him flowers, and called him “brother.”

And that was worth more to him than he would ever dare admit aloud.

*****

It was from nightmares about knights, and blood, little girls, dolls, and names that he never mentioned, that Xerxes Break awoke from.

Breath and heartbeat weighed heavily on his chest. Once the memories faded enough for him to remember that, though it may have been real, it was not now, he gritted his teeth together, slamming his fist into the wall behind him. He didn’t care how much pain was pulsating through his hand.

If only it would take his mind off the throbbing in his empty eye socket.

If he had been a weaker man, perhaps he would have screamed, even cried, perhaps he would have whispered something pitifully to the sheets about not wanting to remember again, not wanting nightmares like this one to show their faces in his head. But he had already made a wish, and these nightmares were its descendants. He didn’t have the authority to dream anymore.

All he had was the anger and regret surging through his body, and nowhere for it to go, except make his past a weapon that shattered him just as much as it did his enemies, into glass shards, and cold bones, and bloodstained roles.

Still, there was some part of him that hoped after so many years they would have stopped haunting him. And sure, maybe it wasn’t every night, but they did come. Perhaps that’s why they call them ghosts; There were too many horrors to be reminded of, too many sins to feel guilty for, too little he could do to fix it, and the nightmares were all too eager for the task. One lifetime was not enough for them to let him forget.

They say ‘there’s no rest for the wicked’, and his mind was often cruel enough to remind him.

When he raised his gaze, he saw that the curtain was open just slightly, and something in the sliver of window flickered.

The Mad Hatter sighed, throwing his legs over the side of the bed.

It was awfully cold.

He stepped up to the window, gently pulling back the curtain, just enough so he could see.

He drew in a breath softly, his eye widening at the view:

It was snowing.

There was enough moonlight to see flakes falling upon the grounds—which were cloaked in white by now.

Like that time years ago, for the whole month, the only thing that fell from the clouds was rain, and finally, the sky decided that Christmas Eve was no time to be laying in bed, sleeping, or else dreaming about past follies.

“Well, Shelly-sama, what do you think?” he spoke softly to the merciful sky, “One last snowball fight?” he paused a moment, turning, leaning against the window, as if waiting for an answer to be whispered in his ear.

He stepped over to his wardrobe, throwing a coat over his pajamas, taking up some winter gloves, putting on socks and boots, and, as always, placing Emily on his shoulder (she wouldn’t want to miss this).

Lighting the candelabra on his nightstand, he ventured into the hallway, making his way toward Sharon’s bedroom.

Opening the door as quietly as he could, he walked in, setting the light on her nightstand.

Sharon was sleeping soundly on her curtained bed, her hair splayed all over the sheets, wrinkled in the night’s sleep, and she hugged her pillow.

He resisted the urge to laugh at her un-proper appearance.

Break sat on the side of her bed, by her head, saying quietly,

“Ojousama.”

She stirred in her sleep, muttering something indecipherable.

He gently ran his hand through her hair, saying louder, “Sharon.”

She blinked open fuchsia eyes to see her servant.

“Break,” she muttered his name softly.

Slowly, she sat up, yawning, looking around.

“Break, what’re you…?” she began, fatigue weighing down her words, then shook it away by shaking her head, “What are you doing in my room?! In the middle of the night! How dare you wake me up!”

He knew what was coming next: she grabbed one of the pillows, and he dodged it before she hit him with it. “Do you think you can just come in here as you please?!”

“Really, Ojousama,” he laughed, standing back up, “You think I’d risk injury without good reason?”

She folded her arms over her chest, pouting. He walked over to the window, throwing open the curtain, standing beside it.

“This better not be one of your pranks, Break,” she muttered, walking over to the window.

“Relax. When have I ever been that cruel?”

She glared at him, as if to say I-could-name-a-few-times, then turned to the window, surveying the landscape outside.

Her aggravated expression broke for widened eyes and a smile.

“Break!” she exclaimed, all grievance forgotten, grabbing his hands and spinning him around, “It’s snowing!!” she let go of him, and jumped up on the bed, repeating, “It’s snowing!! It’s snowing!!”

He smirked, folding his arms over his chest; No matter how old she really was, she still looked like that little kid to him.

“What do you say?” he helped her down from the bed, “One last snowball fight?”

“What are you talking about ‘one last’?” she grabbed the pillow and managed to catch him off guard this time. “You better not be talking about that again!”

She didn’t wait for him to respond as she dropped the pillow and ran over to her wardrobe, found a little coat to throw over her nightshirt, boots, and gloves, then handed him a ribbon to tie her hair back.

“Ready?” he tapped her on the shoulder when he had finished tying her hair.

She nodded, beaming.

They weren’t too far from Reim’s room when Break asked her to hold the candelabra, and stepped down the stairs to the front door.

“Where are you going?” she asked, “Reim’s room is this way.”

“This will only take a moment,” he grinned.

She put her hand on her hip, scowling at him as he ran out the front door. Quickly he returned, with the first snowball in his gloved hand.

“Break! Just what are you intending to do with that?!”

“You’ll see!” said Emily.

Sharon sighed, placing her head in her hand.

Reim stayed at the Rainsworth’s often enough that he had his own room (albeit, not a very fancy one). They quietly entered it to see the servant laying on a bed, much neater than either of theirs, facing away from them. His glasses, and some extra paperwork he just couldn’t leave at work, lay dormant on his nightstand.

Break tiptoed up to his friend, gently pulled back the collar of his shirt, and stuffed a snowball down the back of his shirt.

It was a moment before it took effect, but when it did, Reim skyrocketed out of bed, dancing around, until the snow fell onto the floor.

Break could barely contain his laughter.

He rested his hands on his knees panting. When he regained his bearings enough to figure out what had just happened, and saw Break laughing, he shouted,

“XERXES, YOU BASTARD!!”

Reim lunged at Break, at which the older man only needed to step out of the way, to make Reim trip onto the floor.

“Yes, a tired Reim-san, without his glasses, is definitely a match for me,” he remarked, leaning over him,

“A normal Reim-san isn’t exactly a match either!” Emily squeaked.

“Now, now Emily,” Break chided his doll playfully, “we mustn’t rub this sort of thing in people’s faces.”

“I’m gonna kill you,” Reim’s voice was muffled by the floor

Break laughed, “Is that so?”

“All in good fun!” Emily chirped.

“It’s not fun for me!” he retorted, sitting up, “How can your idea of fun be tormenting your best friend!” Reim got up off the floor and sat on his bed.

“Come now, Reim-san, ‘torment’ is a little harsh, don’t you think?”

“I meant what I said! I mean, who in their right mind thinks a good way to wake their friend up is to stuff freezing-cold snow—”

He interrupted himself, looking at each of them with question in his eyes. He repeated the word, “Snow…?”

Sharon and Break grinned at each other.

Break helped his friend up, saying, “And whoever said I was in my right mind? Didn’t you know? All the best people are mad.”

Reim rolled his eyes.

Sharon and Break stepped up to the window to unveil the answer to his question. Reim followed to inspect the view outside.

Then he looked at each of them, shaking his head and smiling. “Really, you two, after all these years…”

He trailed off, going over to his wardrobe to put on the winter clothes he kept there.

They barely had time to blow out the candles before Sharon grabbed both their hands and dragged them out into the moonlit hall.

They were like little kids trying to get a peek at Santa; bumbling down the hall, almost falling over each other, shushing each other, as they made their way through the manor, down the stairs, out the front door, into the cold grounds.

Even with their winter clothing, the cold still crept in. The snow muffled ordinary sounds, falling seamlessly, sparks of scattered moonlight gleaming off the flakes.

“So, we’ll—” Reim was interrupted by Break throwing a snowball at the back of his head.

“Oy! I was talking!” he whirled around.

“What’s there to talk about, Reim-san?” Break tossed another snowball up and down in his hand.

“I was simply—”

This time it was Sharon who threw the snowball at his face.

“Nice shot, Ojousama,” Break mentioned.

“Thank you,” she grinned, “You’re next, Xerx-niisan.”

“Alright, you two are going down,” Reim challenged.

“That’s more like,” Break smirked.

It didn’t make sense that three adults could have so much fun doing something so childish as playing in the snow. But between exploding snow and shouting, their laughter was what radiated like light from the scene. Maybe they forgot they weren’t children, they forgot that they had grown up things to do, responsibilities to attend to, and that the world was really comprised of blood and pain, and worthless names, not innocence and friendship.

The mad tea party, forever trapped in a moment, forgotten by time.

It was a while later when another voice broke through:

“Hey, what are you guys doing?”

They paused, turning to see Oz at one of the balconies.

“Our humblest apologies, Oz-sama!” Reim shouted back, bowing low, “We didn’t intend to be so loud!”

“No worries!” he yawned, “Are you…having a snowball fight?”

“That’s right, Oz-kun,” Break answered, “Would you like to join us?”

“Really?! You’ll let me?!”

“Sure,” he tossed a snowball up and down in his hand again, “but we certainly won’t be going easy on you!”

Oz beamed. “Hang on a sec! Lemme grab Gil and Alice!”

Not long afterwards, they heard the all-too-familiar sounds of Gilbert and Alice shouting, and they their annoyed faces appeared on the balcony.

“Why are you three having a snowball fight at 6:00 in the morning!” Gilbert yelled down to them.

“Oh? You scared you didn’t make the cut?” Break taunted . “Clown! Is this your doing?!” Alice demanded, “I’ll come down there and make you pay for waking me up!”

As Break spoke to them, Reim saw it as an opportunity to get his own revenge, and snuck up behind him. Break, of course, still heard him coming and, once again, tripped him, as he got close.

Break walked around him in a circle, grinning shaking his head, “You’re going to have to try harder than that to beat me.”

Reim gave an expression akin to Gilbert’s evil eye.

Break kicked some snow onto his head as he walked by, just to rub it his face (quite literally).

Oz, Gilbert, and Alice tumbled down the front steps, already laughing and yelling at each other before they even joined the fight.

“Well look who it is,” Break taunted, leaning over them, then Emily continued,

“The dumb bunny, the spoiled brat, and—” he didn’t get to finish, because the two lunged at him.

There weren’t really any teams, or way of keeping score—it was everyone against everyone else, though each of them had their own approach: Gilbert had a more meticulous method; creating a stash of snowballs, and walls to hide behind, (often getting hit in the building process). Oz was would sneak up on people, and took particular pleasure in knocking down, or stealing, Gil’s hard work, while Alice ran around pelting everyone in sight, holding a particular grudge against anyone who landed a hit on her (who were mostly Break and Oz).

Near the end of their fight, as Break snuck up on Sharon, just about to land a hit on her, he found himself falling, and was then somehow on the other side of the yard,

He paused to regain his bearings, and stood back up to his full height, quickly discerning what had happened.

“Is that really fair, Ojousama?” he called across the yard, knowing she had used her Chain.

She chuckled like it was a trivial offense, “Since when have you cared what’s fair Xerx-niisan?”

Well, she got me there.

It was at this moment he felt a rush of cold! against his neck, and tensed, resisting the urge to spill some choice words. He spun around to see that Reim had been waiting behind a nearby tree and, as he addressed his mistress, Reim had managed to get the perfect revenge.

Break pulled back his shirt to make sure the snow fell, scowling at his friend.

“Say it,” Reim folded his arms over his chest.

“What? That you got me?”

Reim’s expression was unmoving.

“I’ll say nothing of the sort, Reim-san,” he flicked his glasses, “After all, you merely copied me. You should be more creative next time.”

Reim’s fingers curled into fists, practically growling at him.

“I didn’t know we could use Chains!” Oz called, running up to them, having noticed Sharon’s expert use of Eques, (but not the following exchange between Break and Reim.)

“Seaweed-head! Release my limiter!” Alice shouted when she heard, “I want to smash the clowny bastard to smithereens!”

“Is that so?” Break called, “You really want to go down that path, Alice-kun?” Break smirked evilly, “My Mad Hatter would destroy you before Gilbert-kun even had the chance.”

“You wanna go, clown!” Alice hollered, and Gilbert had to hold her back to keep her from rushing at him with teeth and claws.

Reim looked worried, and Oz—wearing a similar expression—spoke in hushed tones, “No, Alice! You don’t want to go up against his Mad Hatter!”

“Try me, Manservant!”

“Break! No one wants to see you killing yourself over some stupid fight with some little girl!” Gilbert scolded.

“Oy! Who you callin’ ‘some little girl’?!” Alice snapped at Gilbert.

That seemed to return Reim to his senses,

“That’s right!” Reim scolded, “What did I tell you about being reckless with your powers?!”

“Always so tense, you two,” he walked up to Alice and ruffled her hair, “I’m only teasing.”

Alice broke free, and the fight resumed, though the others were glad to see neither managed to draw blood, and that it quickly returned to the antics of the snowy game.

And for one brief moment, Break forgot about everything else. About the nightmares, the regrets, and the answers he clung to so desperately as a reason to keep himself from falling further. And for one moment, he could see those flickering lights behind dark eyes, and he was happy he could feel the cold biting his skin, he was happy he could see their faces—rosy-cheeked, all smiles and laughs, even if they were yelling at him—for one precious flicker of a moment, he was happy to be alive.

That moment would end. The shadows would crawl back from the corners of his mind, the smiles would become fake again, the world would become a wax museum of happiness. Reasons that were just that, empty reasons; desire had left them behind in an alleyway long ago, for better, darker wishes. The pain would come back, and once again he’d convince himself, I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care about them. About what happens to me. The snow white chaos would return to tears too fast. But in this moment, it was okay. He was okay.

Sharon and Reim ran at him, but instead of getting out of the way, this time he let them bowl him over, the three of them collapsing in the snow.

Shock flitted across their faces, which broke for smiles.

He wanted to say he was sorry. He wanted to tell them over and over I love you both so very much. But he wasn’t the only one who knew that those words falling from Xerxes Break’s lips was all too close to admitting defeat. Because if he admitted he cared, then he wouldn’t be able to let them go when the end came. And he knew it would come all too soon. His lips wouldn’t dare betray him with such miserable words.

So they settled for a smile.

His real smile. Not the smirks and grins he gave away at a moment’s notice. The smile that was barely perceptible, but which, for them, captured within its folds more sunlight than anything else in their world.

Sharon and Reim glanced at each other, then smiled back at him, deciding not to sully the moment with words.

And, as soon as it came, the true smile was replaced with a smirk.

“You two really are gullible,” he put snow in their hair.

They jumped up, shouting his name, trying to rub it out, then quickly ran after him.

He couldn’t tell them the truth. He couldn’t tell them that he was thinking how this might be his last Christmas. He couldn’t tell them how he was wondering if they would still put his stocking on the mantelpiece when he was gone.

He didn’t get a chance to anyways, because it wasn’t long afterwards when beads of citrus and crimson light began tracing the navy sky.

They paused, panting, raising their eyes to look into the sunrise.

For a moment they stared silently at the art the morning made of daybreak, gentle smiles tracing their lips at the beauty.

Then Oz broke in, exclaiming,

“Merry Christmas, everyone!”

“Merry Christmas!” they answered, a little tiredly.

“What do you guys think?” Reim asked, “Ready to go inside?”

“Aww, but we were having so much fun!” Oz protested, trying to mask the fatigue in his voice.

“Easy for you to say, we’re exhausted!”

“To be fair, we were out here much longer than them,” Break panted, realizing just how tired he was. “Perhaps I have gotten old after all. If you youngin’s want to go on—” he flapped a shirt sleeve their direction.

“There he goes again calling himself old!”

Sharon broke in, “Don’t you want to open presents?”

“Presents?!” Oz repeated, like a dog who had seen a squirrel, glancing at Gilbert and Alice, his grin widening.

They began to make their way inside, still laughing and talking about the plays they each had made, and how they would eventually get each other back. As they walked back, instead of joining the conversation, Sharon gently tugged on the corner of Break’s coat, holding him back.

He turned to see that instead of the tired, but joy-full smile that had traced her face moments earlier, she was hanging her head low.

“Ojousama?” he asked worriedly, crouching down beside her, seeing tears begin to grace her cheeks.

The others noticed, and stopped too.

“Xerxes! What did you do?!” Reim demanded.

“Yeah, Break! How dare you make a girl cry on Christmas?!” Oz questioned, running up to her.

He rolled his eyes at them.

“I’m fine, everyone,” Sharon reassured them, giving a somewhat plastered smile, “I’ll just be a moment.”

They all glanced at each other, knowing something was clearly wrong.

“Are you sure?” Gilbert asked.

“Yeah, Sharon-chan, if you need something—”

“Yes. Please, go inside. Break and I will catch up with you.”

They glanced at each other.

“Alright, Sharon-chan. Just let us know if you need anything, okay?” Oz put a hand on her shoulder.

“Thank you, Oz-sama,” she smiled.

The others gave similar smiles back to her, then they gave Break a collective you-better-not-make-this-worse look before walking up the stairs into the manor.

“Sharon?” he asked softly.

No matter how many years went by, he still couldn’t handle the sight of a child in tears.

“Xerx-niisan,” he could tell she was fighting back against the tears, “What if… What if this is your last Christmas?”

He gasped; he didn’t expect her to be thinking about the same thing.

“What if…” she continued, breath taut, “What if we never get to have another snowball fight? What if…?”

“Well,” he rubbed his neck, looking away, “you and Reim can still—”

“Don’t act like everything will be the same when you’re gone!” she threw snow into his face.

He fell back onto his elbows, gently brushing it out of his hair. After a moment a laugh bubbled in his throat, and he put his hand on his face.

“What’s so funny?!” she demanded, scowling.

Obviously that was the wrong thing to do.

If only she had chosen someone else to comfort her; someone like Oz, who could read the situation, and chose his words carefully. Or Gilbert, who was sensitive enough to understand. Even Reim would be better, despite his rather unemotional, straightforward nature. But she had chosen him.

“It’s funny…to tell you the truth,” his voice became more serious, “It’s just…I was thinking about the same thing.”

Shock added to the concoction of hurt and yearning in her eyes.

“Y-You were?”

He looked at the ground and nodded ever so slightly.

“How dare you laugh at that?” she balled a fist in the snow, but the strength seemed to leave her.

She shook her head, tears fluttering back to her eyes, “You can’t…Xerx-niisan, you can’t! I…I don’t want to be alone!” she put her arms around him and fell onto him.

His eye was wide, his breath harsh and cold as he looked at the girl in his arms, forgetting for a less than a moment that she was not that little girl in a darkened room, surrounded by coffins.

He shook his head of the memory.

“You won’t be alone, you’ll have Reim, and Sheryl-sama, and—”

She lifted her head to scowl at him, as if to say must-I-repeat-what-I-said and he cleared his throat, changing his method of attack.

“Well, I won’t go down easy, that’s for sure. But, despite how it might seem,” he gently ran his finger along her cheek, giving that sad but true smile, and whispered, “I am not that strong.”

“You think you can talking about you dying all the time and I’ll just—?!” she tried to fight back, to be angry, but her words fell like the snow, and she murmured again, she let her head fall back onto his shoulder, and whispered back, “Xerx-niisan…”

He gently wrapped his own arms around her.

“I want to be there for you…” she murmured, “I don’t want you to do something stupid…You’re always running into fights without a second thought…” she sobbed for a moment before saying, “Maybe we could…maybe we could stop it? I-I could go into the fights with Eques…Oz-sama and Gilbert-sama—”

He pressed a kiss into her hair, and as she lifted her head off his shoulder to look at him with the wide and teary eyes of her younger self. The look in his eyes was enough to say I’m sorry, Sharon.

“It’s just like I told you, Ojousama,” he ran his fingers through her hair, and murmured into her ear, “No matter how much I may want it to, I can’t stop it from raining.”

She lifted her head off his shoulder to look at him.

“No matter how much we might want it to, we can make the snow fall. Our wishes can’t change things. Even if…” his words were blown by the wind into the stars.

She shook her head gently, murmuring that name.

“Just promise me you won’t make any illegal contracts to bring me back,” he laughed a little, which turned into a grimace, and she knew just how serious he was being.

She smiled for the first time since the conversation started. “I promise.”

For a moment they sat there, together, in a sort of limbo, watching as the sunrise turned into a light blue sky—a present sorrow caught between the earlier joy, wondering which emotion of the two would soon come. Moments were so finicky.

“I can’t promise I’ll have another Christmas, but we still have today. Let’s not waste it with talking about depressing things.”

She nodded, smiling.

He gently reached down and picked her up.

“Xerx-niisan!” she protested at first.

He touched her nose with his finger.

After a moment, as he took her inside, she rested her head against him sleepily, murmuring, “Xerx-niisan, I don’t want…I don’t want you to pretend you’re okay for my sake.”

His eye widened and he jerked his head to look at her.

“Don’t give me that look,” she responded, “I know you do it. You think I can’t handle it.”

He took a deep breath, “I’m fine, Ojousama,” he murmured, and smiled, “It’s Christmas, after all.”

She shook her head, “No you’re not!”

Once again he kissed her head gave her his real smile, “No, really, Sharon. I am. At least for today.”

The smile she returned was real too.

And that was worth far more to them than either of them needed to say aloud.

[homeofthelonelywriter]

Romeo to my Juliet Pt. 1

(A/N) So, here’s a new story. Itll be a multi-chapter-fic. As you can probably tell, there is a huge age gap between Tom and the OC. So, if you’re not comfortable with that, please refrain from reading this! If you’re reading this, I hope you enjoy it! And special thanks to @beenthroughalot for helping me with the title and for reading my mind!

Summary:

Imagine, after working for an idol company in Korea, you move to London, where you apply for a college that teaches music, dancing and acting. You get accepted, but the headmistress asks you to teach dancing at the college. In return you can live and go to school there for free and get to live in the teacher’s dorm. You agree of course and start your live there, where you meet the famous Tom Hiddleston that teaches acting for one year. Let’s just say you have a lot of fun together…maybe a little bit too much.

Pairings: Tom Hiddleston x OC (Juliet)

Warnings: age gap

Tags:

@beenthroughalot @elliecapper @psychotichummingbird

If you want on or off the tag list, let me know!

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After I decided to leave the famous company, I looked around for something to do. Since I never got to go to a college, I decided to apply for one in London and start a new life there. After waiting for months, I gave up hope that I will ever receive my acceptance letter. But it came and with it, one ticket to London. Filled with excitement, I packed my bags and said goodbye to ma friends. Suho, Kai and Sehun even brought me to the airport which made the farewell even harder. In the plane, I listened to music, watched some movies and slept. The food was tolerable and the seat hard as steel, but the joy of finally being out of the company’s reach, made it all better. From the airport, a car picked me up and brought me to the college. On the way there, I couldn’t help but fall asleep. The flight and all the stuff had to deal with on the airport, just tired me out. But, thankfully, the driver woke me up before we reached the college, to safe me from the embarrassment. The school itself…well…from the front, it looked like an old castle. Behind that, was a modern school, with big lecture halls, rooms for dancing and singing, a big stage and some record studios. I was absolutely awestruck while one of the professors gave me a tour through the college. She explained which class was held where and how stuff worked around the school. Thankfully, it was the start of the year, so I didn’t stand out too much. And apparently, every new student got their own private tour. There was no other way I could explain why I had one. The tour ended in front of the headmistress office. The professor told me that there were a few details she wanted to discuss with me and knocked on the door before she waved goodbye and walked back to the entry hall. “Enter.” A feminine voice called from behind the doors and I hesitantly opened them. And at this exact moment, I realised that I left all my suitcases in the car. Hopefully it wouldn’t drive away to pick up another student. “Ah! Miss Jones. Please, have a seat.” Out of habit I slightly bowed my head, before I sat down in one of the soft leather seats, in front of the headmistress’s desk. She smiled at me and motioned for me to wait for one moment, while she read a paper and signed it. “I’m sorry. There is always so much paper work to do, at the start of the year. Back to the matter at hand, I hope you had a pleasant journey? It’s a long way from Korea to London, isn’t it?” I nodded and answered her question as politely as possible, still nervous what kind of details she wanted to talk about. Maybe there were no rooms left and I had to sleep in the broom closet for one year. Call me Harry Potter from now on. “You don’t have to be nervous, Miss Jones. You’re not in trouble. I just have a small request, but please, don’t feel obligatory to say yes, just because you’re going to school here, okay?” I nodded again, feeling my tense shoulders relax a little bit. “Okay. So, I read your CV and I was highly impressed. You’ve worked for years for a Korean entertainment company, for much longer than it is officially allowed. You’ve coached a lot of different, very successful groups and were responsible for the choreographic department in that company. And all that with only twenty-one years. To say me and the other professors were impressed, is an understatement. And after a lot of discussing, we decided that we would like to ask you something. We would like to know if you would like to be a teacher here at this school. For the year you’re going to college here, I mean.” That was a lot at once. Point for me, they liked my CV. Another point for me, they want me to teach here. And wait, one year? “Only one year? I thought I would have to school for at least three years.” “Normally, yes. But you have so much experience, it would be a shame to keep you in school longer than you actually need to and keep you from the art world. One year should be enough.” The headmistress nodded at the end of her sentence, as if to show that she was definitely right. At the perspective of teaching again, I couldn’t help but smile. “From your facial expression, I take that your answer will end up positive?” The headmistress smiled knowingly. “I’d love to teach the students. So, yes. I accept your request.” The woman clapped her hands together, a grin on her face. “Perfect! You can’t believe how happy I am! Oh, and you since you are a teacher here, you don’t have to pay for your tuition. About your payme-“ “No! I mean, I can’t accept that. Going to school here and getting paid for that, I really can’t accept that.” “But you’re also teaching here.” She looked confused. No ones ever denied money, I guess. “What about…I don’t get paid and I don’t pay? This way, both of us will be happy.” I shot here my winning smile and after thinking about it for a few seconds, she nodded. “Okay, but if you ever need something, new clothes, books or whatever, you come to me and let the school pay for it, okay?” I nodded, smiling at her, before I shook her outstretched hand to seal the deal. Of course, I had to sign various contracts and we still had to discuss a few small details, but after about one hour, we were finished, and she walked me to the doors. “You’ll live in the teacher’s dorm. Your suitcases and your schedule are in your room. We’ll see each other at dinner.” She smiled at me again, before she waved me goodbye. Outside her doors, I looked around and came to terms with the reality. I had no idea where the teacher’s dorms were. Not wanting to disturb my new boss again, I started to wander around the school, trying to look as if I knew where I was going. After I probably walked through the whole school, I finally found a hallway with arrows. One pointed to the teacher’s dorm. Relieved, I took off running, avoiding all the other people, before I arrived in front of two big doors, labelled with the words ‘Teachers Dorm’. Realising that I didn’t have a key, I hesitantly knocked on the door and prayed that someone was there to hear it. And there was someone. It took a few minutes, but the door was opened, and a young woman stood in front of me, smiling. “Hey, how can I help you?” Her voice was soft. She was definitely popular with the students. “Hey, uhm, I am a new teacher…and student. Ahm…the headmistress, she-“ “Oh! You must be Juliet! Just say so, we know you’d be coming. Come in, come in! How was the journey?” Her bubbly personality was almost too much for me, but I did manage to answer her question without making a total fool of myself. “Right now, we are the only ones here. The others are showing groups of students around the school, or are helping Jen.” “Jen?” She gave me a tour through the dorm, while she explained why it was so empty. “The headmistress. We all call her Jen. You can too, of course. Oh, and my name is Felicia, but the others just call me Fel.” She brought me to my room and told me to take my time unpacking and that she would pick me up for dinner. In my room, I stared at the wall for a few minutes, comprehending everything. I came to this college, thinking I would go here for three years and now I’ll be teaching here for one year, besides going to school at the same time. Wow…that was a development. My thoughts were interrupted by the vibration of my phone. Knowing, it would be my old friends, I scrambled to get my phone out, smiling at the message. There, on my screen was a picture of my old group, together with some others. “We wish you all the best! Take London by storm and knock them on their ass! Come and visit us sometime and don’t forget us. Love, your friends.” My eyes filled with tears. As much as I loved being here and as grateful I was for getting this opportunity, I missed them. And my heart ached, knowing I left them behind, even though it was their idea to apply for this college. Still, I missed them and there was no way I’d ever forget them. One glance at the clock, brought me back to reality. I had to unpack. Fast. Dinner will start in half an hour and I should be close to done by then. So, I started. Turning in some music, I put the first suitcase on my bed and got my clothes out and into the wardrobe. After that, I set up my computer and put away my books. Well, tried to at least. There was not enough space for them, so I started to put small stacks around the room. I was just putting away my suitcase, when there was a knock on my door. I turned the music off and opened the door. “Hey there. Dinner is in five minutes, but I quickly wanted to introduce you to the rest of the bunch.” Fel stood in front of the door. Some others stood behind me, smiling at me. “This is George. He teaches different instruments.” George stretched out his hand and I shook it. He was tall, had dark brown, short hair and kind, grey eyes. Next to him stood an older woman, who reminded me of the picture book grandmother. “This is our good soul, Maria. She teaches acting.” Then there were Lila and Renée, who both taught singing, Marion and Phillip, who were responsible for classic music (piano, violin, opera, …) and Sherry and Robert, who taught basic stuff, like management and so on. “And this here, is our newest and most priced addition to the family, Tom Hiddleston. He teaches acting too.” Tom walked up to me, smiling. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Juliet.” He took my hand and brought it to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to it. I guess, the blush on my cheeks was evident, because Fel and the others started to laugh. “Stop it, you. You’re making her blush!” Tom laughed along with the others, and winked at me, as soon as he caught my eye again. “Okay, I’m hungry. Let’s go eat.” The others agreed and together we made our way to the dinning hall, where all the students were already sitting and chatting. At the teacher’s table, the headmistress and four others were already sitting. “Right. This is Connor, he teaches the most important languages and of course, English. Beside hi-“ “Oh my god, you’re Juliet, right? I love your choreographics! They are just amazing!” Connor interrupted Fel and jumped up to shake my hand. I couldn’t respond, nobody ever recognized me for my work. Well, except for the groups, they loved my work. The others stared at me, some smiling, others laughing. “Oh…ahm…thank you?” Now, everybody laughed. Even Tom quietly chuckled, behind his hand. “Back to before I was so rudely interrupted. Beside Connor, sits Laurel. She teaches…well…we call it ‘Public Appearance’. It’s about how to answer questions, talk with others and how to act in public, you know? And those two help our lovely headmistress. Lee and John.” They waved at me, before they returned to their conversation. Fel smiled at me, before she sat down. The others did the same and at the end, I was the only one left standing. Tom waved me to him and told me to sit next to him. I did as I was told, sitting there quiet and awkwardly staring at my hands. The others talked, discussing and joking around. Nobody really noticed me not joining in, but I didn’t mind. I was happy just sitting there and listening to them, I always did that. I hated meeting new people and always felt like a burden when I talked to people who barely knew me. So, I kept quiet, laughed if I found something funny and concentrated on not raising any attention. “Are you okay?” Smooth British accent reached my ears in a whisper and I turned to the source. “Y-Yeah, why?” He leaned towards me, smiling. “You’re so quiet. I just thought you’re not feeling well.” “No, I-I’m fine. I’m just not good with meeting new people. It will go away after a few days.” I smiled back, shaking my head slightly. He nodded understandingly and squeezed my hand under the table. He turned back to the others and joined the conversation again, and I thought that he would let go of my hand, but he didn’t. He kept holding it, stroking his thumb over my hand from time to time. It comforted me, having something to hold on to. The others continued to chat, until the headmistress stood up and walked to the front of the room. “First off, welcome! Welcome back to everyone that already spend one or two years here. And welcome to our college to everyone that is new here. Welcome to our family, we all hope you enjoy this year and have fun. Of course, you should learn one or two things, but don’t forget that you’re young and you’re supposed to have fun. This year we also want to welcome two new teachers. Tom Hiddleston will support us this year and teach acting. He will also be the one responsible for the annual play. The other one is Juliet Jones. She comes from Korea and will be as much a student as a teacher. She will teach dancing and study along with you. Please show her respect.” The students applauded after Tom and I stood up. Especially when Tom stood up, they started to whistle and yell. He had to be well known if the students reacted that way. The headmistress continued her speech, but I barely listened. Instead I thought about Tom, if I know him or if he is someone famous. After all he teaches acting, so maybe he was a famous actor? I didn’t know. Since I lived in Korea, all I ever watched were Korean Dramas and stuff like that. No wonder I wouldn’t know him, even if he was famous. Before I knew it, the speech was over, and the students shuffled to their feet, to get to the buffet. The other teachers staid seated, and since Tom still held my hand, I ignored my hunger and staid at the table too. “Right. Juliet, just so you know, the teachers go and get their food after the students. Just to make sure all the students have enough. After all we have our own kitchen and we can make our own food if we want to.” Fel turned to me and explained why they all staid in their seats. I thanked her. Before I could do anything else, my phone started to vibrate. I quickly excused myself and got my phone out of my pocket. The name on the screen read Suho. Why was he calling me now? It was in the middle of the night in Korea! “What’s up, Suho?” I stood put and walked away from the desk, feeling curious eyes following me. “Have you seen it?” “Seen what? Suho, what’s wrong?” I frowned at his frantic voice. He sounded more than just concerned. “The article. SM is spreading shit about you.” Fear hit me, but not as much as I thought. After all, it was clear that SM would take revenge. But…I kind of hoped they wouldn’t do it public. “Can you send it to me?” “Sehun is on it. I’m so sorry, Juliet.” “It’s okay, Suho. I’ll manage it. I’ll call you back later, yeah?” Suho confirmed and after we said our goodbyes, I hung up. Sehun’s message with the link to the article already arrived and I opened it with shaking hands.