#i have had three (3) ounces of yuzu sake and now im lost in the sadboy sauce

[lbhslefttiddie]

Currently fucked up considering that the central point around which 79's agonies are built—yq's promise to come back when he was stronger and save sj—is a child's fantasy. Because even if he had come back? What could he do? Sj was considered qjl's property, it was legally within his rights to do whatever he wanted with him. He had money, now, but qjl would never have given up sj. Being a cultivator wouldn't have put yqy above the law, and exerting his newly-acquired strength to save sj by force would have only earned him a warrant.

Yue Qi becoming a cultivator wasnt some magical cure to everything. There would still be work and planning necessary in order to get him out of there without huge consequnces. And the thing is, I think sqq understands this. I think he understood this when he burnt down the qiu estate, perhaps even long before that. He probably considered plans for it—what to do once Yue Qi came back. But even when he understood, he waited, because the important partof their promise wasnt who precisely did the saving, it was that Yue Qi would come back for him, that Yue Qi cared about him, even if he found a better life for himself

Yue Qingyuan, i think, doesnt understand this at all. I think he really believes if he was just a little faster, if hed just gotten there sooner, if he hadnt been trapped in the caves, if he hadnt messed everything up, then he would have been able to show up in time to whisk sj away. The sentiment of the promise isnt so important to him—of course he loves sj, he always has put him first in all things, it goes without saying bc every single thing he does and says is an "i love you"—to him, the part of the promise that sat most heavily was the responsibilty. Its not enough to come back without strength, its not enough just to care—he had to save sj, and he failed.

Had sqq known he'd tried, he'd surely have viewed his failure as an inevitability, and it wouldnt have bothered him at all. To yqy, his failure is crushing. It is the basis around which every pathetic facet of his personality will be built for the rest of his life.