#i have gotten less nervous more recently but there's yknow always anxieties lol

[splinteredsweets]

im bored and i don't wanna sleep yet but i can't seem to write today so i'm just gonna start rambling a little bit about my felix + turbo (i say it like this bc it's not inherently romantic the point is moreso that they're close in some shape or form) fic i'm writing bc as awkward as i feel about it i just think i'd feel weirder dropping it completely out of nowhere whenever i do finish it sooo

rambling go !!

it's essentially about that one headcanon where they exchange awards bc i love that hc c: the entire fic is gonna be made up of 5 different scenes - the first two are showcasing how the initial trade-off came to be , the next two are about them reminiscing about each other , and the last one is after all the sugar rush stuff happens

i don't really wanna give toooo much away mostly bc i am a very secretive person and i like being weird and vague about the stuff i'm working on bbbuuuuuttt i am veeeerrrrrrryyyt close to being finished . i think . pretty sure ? ive been working on this for almost a month already and i pretty much have the first three sections done with constant editing and small changes here and there , im currently finishing up the fourth , and i need to start working on the fifth ... which the latter is gonna be tough bc ... im not even entirely sure how it's supposed to play out yet ive kinda been putting it off entirely until i had everything else written since it depends a lot on what happens before then so im still trying to figure out what exactly im trying to get out of the scene .:. i'll get there eventually tho no idea when

oh yeah btw . i hope you like angst . bc i LOVE the stuff and there is a loooooot of it . like 8k+ words of it hEhEheHeGe ok like tEchNiCallY the first 3k or so are mostly fluff the first 2 parts are kinda sweet i think but there is an overhanging feeling of dread for the pain that is to come ... c:<

ig that's enough rambling about the premise for now , although i'll share just a few out of context authors notes unfortunately i don't have very many bc i was way too worried with how everything was turning out so most of it was like 70% worrying and 30% plotting

'what actually is on felix’s medal like … is it a number one … or his name … or a hammer … why is it both the latter in the movie … that doesn't make any sense … i can work with any of these i just need to know which one it actually is …IM ORETTY SURE ITS BOTH ugh im going to scream … ok i think like on the screen it's his name but in the actual game it's a hammer .. ? kill me what the fuck do i go with ' (decided to go with the name bc i had more to work with)

'one of the nicelanders is like ‘you have a visitor’ and he's like ‘wow already .. ?’ and there's like only one person he can think of that that's fast . SONIC SPEE- no '

'to roadblasters or not to roadblasters … that is the question ..'

'he can get a little overwhelmed by emotions right as a treat ?'

'ppffftttt i was just thinking random thoughts and my silly brain thought of that one thing that's like 'annoying gay couple + annoyed lesbian' with fucking hammertastic and gene pppfpfffftttt that's so stupid lmao'

'feel like this is kinda sweet ... this looks like a good spot for my roller skate and my marbles ... it's just such a shame i'm going to RIP IT ALL AWAY HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA i love angst <333 you gotta have some lovely happy moments to maximise the pain'

'... i do not know a fucking thing about clothes is what kc's wearing under his tailcoat a waistcoat or am i stupid ... is it a normal shirt idk ... is that immersion ruining if i just keep it im going to die' (didn't end up using it)

'i really love it when my brain gets excited and goes hehhehehehehahahahahahHhdeHgff do EEEEAAAAA i don't know if i can utilise this power properly tho :C i can try tho … hey looks like the worrying is back on yayyyy (boooo)'

'fuck it we ball we go into the liiiIIIIII'

there is also a whole bunch of evil laughter in the notes and i noticed i use a LOT of italics especially when it's from turbo and especially especially during king candy's section lmao ... he just feels the need to be very expressive and emphasise the way he says and thinks things lol

yknow what just for fun - and bc i have no idea where else to put this - i did once have a very . interesting . bunch of authors notes i wrote a few years ago for something else but i never ended up writing it . it makes absolutely no sense at all and it's completely out of context so hopefully it's still kinda funny

'pictures of giirrrllss are noooot for meeee you seeee

she be down in hollywood (that's not the words) (idc)

ur actually insane yeah thanks i know

WE GET GIRLS !!! WE ARE CUTE !!! WE ARE COOL !!

dom

i eat sand

shut up

metroman finally starts falling for megamind but oopsies poopsies it's too late he's already fallen for the hot reporter roxanne (what the fuck why did you make this comparison) (also that just sounds like a normal megamind fic)'

i would draft similarly to ^that in school too with my boring essays and once i accidentally submitted one of those drafts and i got sent to the counsellors office for 'concerning behaviour' lmao

anyways i might maybe perhaps ramble some more and let loose some more details perhaps maybe another time dunno uhh but i think that's enough for now ... bonus rambling in the tags

[du-hjarta-skulblaka]

So about Sunny: Age,Interests,family,profession, weapon of choice, love interest. clothes? Give me everything!

Hi i love you so much for this

Age: I dont have it exactly pinned down, but somewhere around the 80-90 mark. They're a half elf so I imagine them having maybe three, four times the lifespan of a human. For comparison they look to be mid 30s.

Interests: Being drunk as much as possible actually, they've gotten a lot better about that. They still drink more than they should but are a bit less reckless about it. But, yeah, still have a thing for whiskey and cigars lol. They're kind of into mechanics, not in a big way but enough to tinker with their bike and make some modifications to their gun. OH, heres a secret one; yknow those trashy romance novels? Im talking Chuck Tingle shit. They collect them. They're not like, into themyou understand, they just find poorly written erotica to be absolutly hysterical. If they're reading a book its probably a bad romance novel that they'reaughing at.

Family: They only have a couple of living blood family; their dad, Garlin, who is the classic absent father trope and they don't actually know, and (in wow at least) a recently rediscovered great grandmother, Rhyneia. Rhyn is a night elf demon hunter who's been alive since the war of the ancients. Old, thousands of years old badass hunter who has grown extremely jaded and cynical, and is basically just sort of drifting through life desperate for excitement. Welp. Sunny sure is interesting, at least

Found family is a big thing for them though! They have several people who consider them family (including another entire extended elf family and a fae) and it surprises them every time. There's this ancient orc warrior who's almost as old as them and kind of thinks of them as a sibling, they have a weirdly tight friendship that no one else understands bc Sunny just turns into a grumly old person around him, there's another p young orc who theyve known most of his life and basicly adopted as a little brother. AND once the Shadowlands scourge invasion kicks off, they're going to adopt a half orc/troll orphan named Rishi! Tbh the end goal for them is a few decades down the line they end up running a kind of foster home for lost kids and end up with a gang of children

Proffession: I mean, the answer they give varies. Generally they'll keep ot vague and just call themself a trader or businessperson. The truth is more like smugler/mercenary. The sort of person who can get a hold of items they really shouldn't by questionable means. They've worked as an assassin in the past too, but they're trying to move away from that.

Weapon of choice: guns and knives. They always have half a dozen or so knives on them as well as a couple of pistols, in in game their main weapon mog is like. Axe blades mounted on gun stocks? So I picture them being like a short range shotgun blast. They also have a sniper rifle that they treat like their firstborn child.

They used to be able to do all kinds of knife tricks, juggling etc but they haven't tried in a few years due to the condition of their hands worsening.

Love interest: They actually have a couple lol. They're poly and historically are not great at relationships because of anxiety, trust and commitment issues, etc. They currently have two partners though, a dranei void preist named Szae who they? Kind of see on and off, its fairly casual but they also just get each other on a really deep level so there's a lot of trust there. AND, a half elf death knight named Relm, who they only really started dating recently and are still kinda. Nervous about.

They do this thing where they'll hit on everything feminine that gives them a positive response and act like a really smooth operator but the second they actually develop feelings for someone it freaks them the fuck out and they turn into the most nervous sappy romantic imaginable and thats kinda where they are with Relm rn. Its adorable.

Clothes: they have fairly practical casual clothes for the most part, baggy shirts and trousers full of pockets. But they also have this big sleeveless duster that they think looks badass, and a fucking cowboy hat. There is no deep emotional significance to the hat. They just think it looks cool.

If theyre bein fancy they'll go with big flowy buttons shirts with like a waistcoat on top. That sorta, dashing rogue style look.

Ty so much ;-; I have. So much in my head about them. They have a ton of trauma and depression and bad coping mechanisms but theyre TRYING damnit and theyre getting better and their partners are helping them. Makes me happy, man

[izzpeng]

Unsent Emails

25/08/2016

To: julian.smith@jus.edu.bn

Subject: Surprise bitch, I'm back!

Dear Smithy,

First of all I would like to say, fuck you for telling me I wouldn't get an A* in maths just because I messed around in class too much. Second of all, I would like to thank you for being a fraction of motivation in my math studies. I have to admit, I liked you enough to study 10% harder than I usually do and for that you deserve a blog post dedicated to you, just kidding you worthless piece of shit who wont even dedicate your thoughts to me. But it's too late now, so you're very fortunate for even being mentioned in my oh so popular blog.

Thanks for being a great teacher/supporter/motivator/useless advisor/racist bastard/...friend. See you in the afterlife you dick.

With cold fury,

Izzati Azhan

To: roland.lopez@jis.edu.bn

Subject: God Bless the Lopez

Dear Lopezo Mighty,

You don't deserve a 'fuck you' because you knew my potential and only encouraged me day after day, with your sadistic humour and the quiet blazing fire dancing in your eyes which was the only sign that you're actually human. I'd express my gratitude in a 10,000 word essay but I'm sure you'll just read the introduction and conclusion and base my grade off those two paragraphs. But without your life coaching I would not have gotten A*A* for both my Eng Lit and Lang. Dare I say it, thank you for setting us a Date Wiv Des Tinny, those practice papers were torture each week but well worth it in the end. You are my spirit animal in all dimensions, maybe except in Hell where you'd be Satan but...

Stay Healthy Senôr!

With all my love (though you believe it is just another concept of convenience),

Izzati Azhan

To: beenal.roberts@jus.edu.bn

Subject: bust out the roti, girl its about to get some of this izzatikkamasala

Dear Beenal the Brindian,

I know I know, this time its a fuck me for getting an A and not an A* but Miss I was 3 marks of an A* if that makes you feel any better, it does with me! I actually don't feel that thankful towards you since I do feel I did hm... mostly all the work, I took the exam after all. But an email of gratitude to show manners and my kissing ass abilities can't hurt can it? So terima kasih for all the lessons you spent dramatically telling us your stories, sometimes even twice of the same one, thanks for letting me doodle in class just because you talk a lot of the time and therefore I am allowed to half listen. I wouldn't be the indian food loving person I am today without you, oh and almost forgot... of course thanks for helping me achieve that almost A*! Fuck the examiner for me next time will ya.

With all my beloved assets,

Izzati Azhan

To: andy.mcculloch@jus.edu.bn

Subject: smile at me wit ur eyes, nat yo mouth only

Dear Turquoise Eyes,

I'd like to get to know the 16 yr old you but my chance has passed. Inappropriate flirting aside, guess what sir! I got exactly what I got in the most recent geo mocks 149/180 and I thought the mocks weren't an accurate indication. I'd like to thank you for having beautiful eyes and smiling at me even though on the inside you be like "lol fucktard thats the most incorrect answer ever, like not even close." I enjoyed your classes and you're sometimes funny but not on purpose, more like weird funny yknow? I think you'd like to get credit for my success but honestly i learnt how to answer case studies properly through Ajmal through Mr Cook, so who is really my teacher here? Me. Because I taught myself to sought answers and techniques elsewhere but sure I guess you can have some credit, those eyes deserve at least a generous 5%. lol ok bye tq

With a 9 on the Ritcher Scale,

Izzati Azhan,

You guessed it, the wait is over! #gcseresults2016 was trending on twitter and the sounds of 16yr olds packing their bags, getting ready to get disowned by their parents was the most honest and lit af song this year (after Frank Ocean's Blond of course). I admit its always nerve-wracking receiving results, where a single exam determines your ability to understand (or memorise) a two year course. But I had faith that with my prayers and hard work Allah gave me the results I truly deserved, so presumably my anxiety was on the down low while my trust in God was at sky high.

Alhamdulillah I got 3A's 6A*, I was so confident I would smash an A* with Business and Art but alas the grade boundaries proved me otherwise. With three fucking marks off an A* in Business I was so irritated at which examiner marked my paper, not irritated to risk a request for a remarking though. And Art, I hoped for an A*  but instead faced it's less prestigious sibling, an A. I asked around of course, not trying to compare or anything but I just needed to know what the students who I thought was for sure going to get A* actually got, to my delightful (?) surprise they too got an A which led me to believe that scoring an A* in Art is no easy business. Business isn't easy either lmao.

To this, I must admit defeat to my mother. She's been on my back for my choice of Art as an A-level subject saying its hard to score high in Art, but my cocky ass just waved it away and dismissed it altogether. Doubt has risen up in my throat, threatening my artistic capabilities to spill out across the walls of abandoned buildings as grafitti instead of street art. So thats something to think about before Saturday Morning.

UPDATE:

I attended Enrollment day alone, my heart beating, my eyes watering and my mind wandering. I chose to do IB diploma, for many reasons. I am just so drawn to how different it is, I think of all the future local Bruneians who did A-levels asking for the sam scholarship then I imagine the MoE going through the applications like "Great a-levels, a-levels, a-levels Oooo IB whats this?" and I just feel like I would have a standing chance you know? It would also help me to mix around with more international students and prepare for the university life so when I do go to university Insyallah I wont feel vulnerable and small.

But I just feel like my mother is against me taking IB, like she's trying to be supportive by giving a tight smile and grim nods but inside I know she's not convinced and this all happened on the way to the Arts Centre which made me even feel more queasy. My Father on the other hand, gave me a genuine "Go for it" which helped me so much on every level, I just need the motivation, just that little push to help me get going, feed me a trickle more of confidence.

So I had a choice to approach either Duckling or Dickinson on my IB subjects, and okay Dickinson was full okay there was a long queue and I ended up going to Duckling because I really had no choice! hehehhehhehehhe. Anyway I waved the papers in my hand high above to indicate that I was next and he laughed and told me to come and sit, so naturally I did. He took a look at my grades and praised me and then circled my subjects that I intend on studying, giving me advice that I should only need Math Studies seeing as how I'm not thinking of a mathematical kind of career. He then said " blablablabla Youre subjects are a smart choice, I think you're good to go, Welcome to the IB program"

And that was the clarity I was searching for, that little- push.

NOT JUST BCS HE'S HIM BUT BCS I NEEDED TO HEAR IT.

Just before that, Brindian approached me asking me  about my business results and encouraging me to take that remark because I was three marks off an A* saying that theres no reason I dont deserve the A*. I was uncertain because sure it makes me feel so fucking good about myself and so very satisfied, but who really needs an A* in GCSE Business to get accepted into a University? So I made a face. The face. and She went "What do you have to lose?" And of course one thing instantly came to mind "Um money?" then she gave me a look. The look. So I said I'll think about it and apparently only 1 or 2 students got A*. The thing is I actually would get it remarked if my Art grade also got bumped up to an A* but I have no idea what Ms Stroud is trying to do by contacting the exam board?

So thats that, she asked me about my ever so popular brother. So I told him oh he did well, she asked about which university and I replied Leicester and I told her that Im actually going off and missing 3 weeks of school. Then she went "oh you know Leicester's my hometown, in what area is he living because Im there in December" and i was like wtf creepy. And she continued saying "Oh Imagine if we just bumped into each other on the streets" and I was going to say something awkward because like what the fuck right? But Mr Duckling was open and ultimately saved me and she gestured me to go ahead.

After that, Mr mcluck approached me well not really, well kind of but it was super fucking awkward because I was waiting for my turn with Mrs Krüger and he was on the table nearby and made eye contact and he smiled and I returned it and i was like fuck am i suppose to go over lmao so i slowly sat down while he came over to me. YAKNOW gotta play hard to get. SO again he asked me are you happy with you results blablablabla were you nervous getting your results so I told him that I wasnt as nervous because other people were like "oh my life is over" and he laughed and blablablabla just mostly nodding and smiling. Then he asked me about my brother's results hi ok 2nd teacher to ask about my brother cool. I gave him a vague oh he did well and told him Leicester University on 18th September and I added that I was actually going to send him off and missing 3 weeks of school. Blablbalbalbalabl then he finally asked about IB saying that oh great choice.

And Wendy told me that at the YC Mcluck was talking about me to wendy asking me what I got and he saying that i Was exceptional kekekekkekekekk fuck man his eyes are so blue, dont think about it dont think about. Did i tell you I had a dream of him as Ben Affleck like wtf, first of all why would I even dream about him, maybe it was because I crossed his mind like just the night before omg. but whatever. Idk that made me feel so good about myself. Then Brindian thought that Fatin was Hana and approached Fatin and Wendy haahhahahahah and somehow started talking about me?? Like boi they both love me so much, I wonder if Lopez or Julibear bear talks about me like that. Sigh imagine

Smithy: Shes a fucking pain in the ass

Lupez: Intelligent fucking pain alright

Smithy and Lupez: But she's our pain in the ass.

OMGGGGGGGGG I loved all my GCSE teachers and classes! like those were the best days of my JIS experience so far. Art was super chill, she let us sing out loud together saying that we were the only class who did that and that she'll miss us :(((((((( Smithy couldnt care less, he just moved on click like that. Anyway, hope everyone got what they expected with their results or better and just remember kids, grades DO define who are and where you'll be in life. lol goodluck fam.

Izzati