#i have felt safer around cishet jews than i do around cishet and even queer goyim

[shalom-iamcominghome]

"We need more diverse queer representation!"

You cannot even handle queer jews.

[himbo-the-clown]

Okay yes I’m Jewish Father Brown posting again but I don’t yet have the time/energy to write my Jewish Inspectors fic and I want to project my Jewish Feelings onto these men so hear me out

Not only are all the inspectors Jewish, but they all deal with being Jewish in a heavily Catholic post-war small village in a different way

Valentine:

He’s kind of come to terms with the fact that antisemitism is just... part of his life. It’s gonna happen. He won’t actively antagonise anyone or flaunt that he’s Jewish, but he’s also not about to pretend to be xtian either

Yes he’s an atheist, yes he’s Jewish, no those two aren’t incompatible and he will be pissy about it if you ask him how he can be both. He’ll answer you, sure, but he’ll make it Very Clear he doesn’t appreciate it

Generally, he’s Not Here To Educate the xtians about Judaism

When he first meets Sullivan there’s a sort of moment of Recognition. He makes sure as he’s leaving to drop a hint that he’s also Jewish. Just so Sullivan knows that he’ll at least mostly be safe there

Okay so side tangent Sid headcanon that will become relevant: Sid’s Jewish. He was sent away during the Blitz (I’m estimating based on vague calculations that he was about 15 or so at the time) to an xtian family, and when his parents died he just sort of had to stay. So he was raised xtian and was never allowed to acknowledge that he was Jewish. I mean, most people can sort of tell and he gets stereotyped a lot for it, but he doesn’t know why because he’s just totally oblivious and the family he stayed with were Very Insistent that he was a good xtian boy and not a Jew and he ended up pretty much forgetting. He’s kind of heard hints of it from his grandmother when he gets to see her, but she wasn’t in a position to raise him and she thinks he’s probably safer not knowing

Anyway Valentine is very protective over Sid cause he sees this young Jewish guy who doesn’t even know that he has a whole culture, a whole family of people all over the country. A family who are collectively grieving. Sid doesn’t know what horrors have befallen his people (he knows what happened, but not that they’re His People). Valentine’s heart aches a bit whenever he thinks about it and he sort of vows to protect Sid in his own gruff way.

Valentine is proud of being Jewish but in a very quiet way. He’s not going to change himself to fit xtian society but also he’s sensible enough to know it’s a pretty bad idea for him to be Too Loud about it in Kembleford

Sullivan:

Oh this man fakes everything. He has never been authentic a day in his life. He pretends to be xtian, he pretends to be cishet, he pretends to be neurotypical. Nothing about how this man presents himself is authentic

He’s valid though, he knows the dangers of being different and he’s not about to give people a reason to hurt him

He’s from the East End of London, so he’s actually not used to hiding his Judaism as much. He’s from a heavily Jewish community and he was terrified when he got transferred to a small village

Why does he wear so much hair gel? Curls. Big springy Jewish curls. He can’t let people see them. He’s very very very strict about having hair gel in any time he leaves the house. Enough hair gel to keep his hair straight, which is a lot

He’s sort of... trying. To pretend to be xtian. But he’s really not very good at it. Like I said, he grew up in a heavily Jewish neighbourhood, he doesn’t know much about xtians other than, y’know, all the times they’ve oppressed the Jews. So he sort of goes to church when he remembers and tries to copy everyone else, but it doesn’t work very well. And he’ll pretend to celebrate Christmas but it doesn’t make much sense to him and he’s very uncomfortable

Most of his hostility towards Father Brown is because of the big alarm bells that go off in his head when he sees a priest in general. At all times he’s half expecting the Father to start talking about the “hypocrites in the synagogue” or some other equally thinly veiled antisemitism. He’s had Bad Experiences, he’s traumatised, and he’s having a Very Bad Time

He’s half envious of Sid and half pities him. Part of him wishes he was as ignorant of antisemitism and Judaism as Sid is, part of him wishes that Sid was as painfully aware of it as he is. But all of him feels a weird attachment to Sid because they’re both queer nd Jews, even if Sid doesn’t know it

He also sort of hates the Father for hanging out with Sid because he’s heard all the stories of priests stealing Jewish children to raise them xtian and while it’s not Quite the same situation with Sid, it’s a painful sort of echo of it, and he just desperately wants to save Sid, to teach him about who he is. And because of this mental association, seeing Sid do anything xtian feels like a punch to the stomach for him because it reminds him that Sid doesn’t know he’s Jewish

He got this sort of painful gut wrenching feeling when he saw Sid dressed as a priest. Like he felt physically sick even once he realised it was just an undercover job. It just hit way too close to home, especially with Sid not even knowing he’s not xtian

He’s calmed down a lot and is less jumpy by the time he leaves. He even thinks it’s a little funny when he finds out that the man taking over for him is also Jewish. He thinks about Valentine, he thinks about himself, he thinks about Mallory, and he thinks about how they’re sort of like a family. Almost like three generations, like being the Inspector is a family business. It makes him feel kind of warm and fuzzy in a way he hasn’t felt since his last Passover back in London with his whole family sitting around the seder table, and he can’t wait to have Passover with them again soon

Mallory (beloved bastard man):

He leans into it hard

Yeah, he’s Jewish, and what the fuck do you plan to do about it?

Durham has never really been known for it’s Jewish community, so he’s more than used to being the only Jew around

Part of why he’s such a horrible little bastard man is that he’s come to just accept Jewish stereotypes. His thought process is a little something like “if you’re going to accuse me of it anyway, I might as well do it”

He’s a stubborn guy, so he just decides to embody all the stuff people think he should be. Sure he’ll be annoying and rude and immoral and promiscuous and weak and all the other horrible things xtians think a Jewish man is

No he will not participate in xtian things if he can help it. He will not go to church, he will not celebrate Christmas unless he has to, he will not call Father Brown “Father”

He calls him “padre” because he refuses to call a priest “Father” it’s just too weird and xtian to him

He does NOT like Sid. He hates Sid a lot. He kinda blames Sid for not working harder to hold on to his Judaism (he’s Not valid for this, but it’s how he feels)

Anyway I’m not saying any of this is Good, but like.......let me have my Bad Jewish Representation

Also I like to think he speaks Yiddish :3

Anyway, one day I’ll write my Jewish Inspectors fic