#i have eye bags that only a seasoned wage slave would earn and they age me

[postmanlinksbootyshorts]

imagine, you are me. you are sleep deprived bc ofc you are. you're on your way to the airport to fly down south where it's like 15-20 the grease hotter on average this time of the year than you're used to because you live in the midwest. you are restless, because you're meeting up w ppl you met on discord 4 years ago. you are me, and that means you don't like to talk to people you don't know fr.

this man is very clearly into you because you are pretty. whatever, not the first man to fall for the weird goth person who looks like they accidentally put on all black without meaning to. because you are me you just wear all black and call it a day 90% of the time. you have a mask on, otherwise you would be rocking black lipstick and that usually gets the point across. people leave you alone when you're wearing your black lipstick, and you mourn what the plague took from you every time you go out and speak to someone.

the driver starts talking to you while you're trying to vibe to fiona apple. this man is not reading the room and keeps trying to small talk. you're not that rude so you respond back, albeit with not much enthusiasm.

then, the dreaded question: "oh, did you go to [ some event held in this city, tbh i was not listening ] with your bf?" because you have foot in mouth syndrome you answer no, that you went by yourself. you had not left the house in at least 3 weeks outside of going to get your hair done. he goes "you're a beautiful black woman and you're SINGLE?"

your mask prevents the very obvious cringe on your face from being noticed. you go "oh, well i'm not really looking" which is true! you work 10 hours a day 4 days a week and you speak to at least 50 people a day, when you're off the last thing you want to do is pretend to be normal enough to attract someone who wants to date you.

dude completely ignores that. "how old are you? do you have kids?" very much sussing out whether you are old enough to date and if you have to deal with a bd.

"i'm 24, i have no children" you answer honestly for some reason yet again. you're texting the friends you're meeting up with and chronicling your blunder. they're basically like "girl, why would you tell the truth?". you wish you knew why you old the truth, you know how this goes.

"do you plan on getting married and having kids in the future?" another dreaded question, because people still have a hard time believing modern women don't mind becoming spinsters. "well, y'know i'm still kinda young so--"

you are cut off. "yeah, but not really though. your age is catching up to you faster than you realize."

whatever polite way of saying "im too preoccupied with gay porn to get into a relationship" instantly dies on your lips, and by the grace of god your mask is concealing the fact that you are slack jawed. this man is trying to FLIRT and just called you a HAG basically.

he notices your eyes react and tries to subtly clean what he just said up. it's not working, because why would it? you move onto another topic, not without a quick "you should think about settling down soon". you consider pulling the lesbian card, but you figure that would probably lead to more headaches.

somehow the topic lands back on him, but this does not surprise you at all. "one of my previous rides thought i was 25! i'm 34, how old do i look to you?"

your foot in mouth syndrome flares up again. "hmm, you look your age to me--"

"no i don't! i for sure look like i'm 25."

you cock your head. "well, you know people have this idea that anyone over the age of 30 is like DECREPIT, but that's not the case. you do look like you're--"

cut off again. "you're right, but i don't look my age at all!"

who are you to tell him what his truth is? you cringe behind your mask and nod, "uh huh...!"

the conversation continues awkwardly for a bit, until he stops talking for long enough for you to put your headphones back on and turn cradle of filth all the way up. you're texting your friends abt making a playlist specifically for scaring the hoes away.

i'm never forgetting this uber driver who tried to convince me that i am running out of time because i am unmarried, single, and childless at the age of 24