#i have done it with lots of tumblr friends and we've always had a great time

[qqueenofhades]

The other day I had to spend forty minutes on hold with the RNC, to tell the long suffering patsy who finally picked up that I needed them to cancel the SUSTAINING MEMBERSHIP in my name that someone opened, I can only imagine as a bizarre joke. (They sent me an CARD). I don’t know exactly why I feel like you would sigh in sympathy with this and go have a coffee with me, but I like to think you would.

Listen. You're clearly a far more patient and understanding person than me, because if someone got me a membership to Orange Fascists Dick Sucking Club of America even as a joke, and I then had to spend 40 minutes on hold to tell them to jump off a bridge, I would then probably kill that someone. So. There is that.

Anyway, I am very glad that you extricated yourself from the horrible predicament of anyone thinking that you were, or indeed ever had been, a Republican. We can indeed sit in a virtual coffee shop and kvetch about it.

[amethystfairy1]

🎉 Happy New Years! 🎉

It's been a loooong year so I figured I may as well make a post about it, as well as talk a bit about my plans for 2025! As you know, I tend to ramble, so this got a little long, and maybe sounds a little too much like an Oscars acceptance speech...whoopsie 😅...but from the bottom of my heart I genuinely just felt like I needed to get all these emotions that were emotion-ing today thinking about the New Year out for those of you who have played a part in giving them to me.

If you have a few minutes, please do give it a read through!

The Mushy Stuff:

Firstly, and most importantly beyond a doubt, I want to thank everyone who's been so incredibly kind and supportive of my writing this past year! Every kudos, comment, like, follow, ask, all of them have been treasured by me!

I've had a very difficult year. As I've mentioned before, I'm a full-time masters student. I also work a nearly full-time job on top of that. And while I don't like my blog to have anything to do with my train wreck of an irl life this year, let's just say it hasn't been great...lots of stuff went down, lots of things went wrong, so on and so forth.

Point is, my tippy taps have been crucial to my mental health. I started TTSBC, literally posted the first story 'Pretty Boy' on my very first day as a grad student, sitting there in the office with the knowledge that between school, work, and things happening in my own life, and I'd be having a really rough couple of years to get this degree done.

I finish in May, and I feel confident with my work, I'm ahead of the curve, I'm doing well, and I think that's in no small part because of my tippy taps. These AUs, the writing challenges, the amazing friends I've made and the little community that's somehow decided for whatever reason to form around my obsession with the block people, they've been a very big part of what's kept me going through all of this.

Knowing I could count on people to read my work, to enjoy it, that I could give someone out there something to relate too or even just make them smile if they were feeling as shitty as I was, that made me feel better. It's been so, so important to me.

So thank you. Thank you for following Through the Sky-Blue Cracks and Traveling Thieves. Thank you for screaming over my Whumptober and Febuwhump collections. Thank you for following me, for chasing me and my thoughtful Batman gif around in the asks, for playing along with my goofy-ass side blog, for commenting and kudos-ing and somehow materializing the instant a chapter goes up even before I post the tumblr notif. It means a lot more than I think any words I could come up with would convey.

I also really really really want to thank my Tinted Glass crew!

@silver-sunray This is all your fault. You started this 😤 And by that I mean you made these AUs and me screaming into the void alone so much more than that. It's because of you that I started to fight the fear, scuttle out of my shell and start actually trying to talk to others in this little online sphere. Your incredible work on the Beyond project and now in helping with my side blog and all our other plans and projects mean the world to me! You always have so much spunk and confidence whenever any ideas pop up that I suddenly feel like it's so much more is achievable thanks too you. I'm so very happy you reached out to me this year and I know so much that I've done with my writing wouldn't have happened without you 💖

@boo-the-ahh you're just the sweetest! You always make everything feel so light even when things are complicated or heavy, and you don't even know it! I love getting to work with you on the podfics and our other projects we've been plotting! You're always so full of energy and enthusiasm and encouragement that makes me feel like I can come up with the most whack-ass idea and you'll just back me up, and that's absolutely amazing! I'm so happy you reached out to me and started podficcing for me! Your work is incredible! You put in so much effort, your final products are always so beautifully polished and you always go the extra mile even when it makes things trickier. I admire that so much! And I apologize in advance for the sheer amount of my writing you're probably doomed to have to read out loud in the coming year 😅

@khoirkid You're just a marvel, in my opinion, which I know you don't share but shhhhhhhh. You come up with masterpieces at the drop of a hat, and the fact that you are willing to draw my whack-ass lil guys is still just unfathomable to me. You're always so easy to talk too and down to earth, and you're so creative and imaginative with how you weave symbols into your art with different imagery and color! I feel like half the time the stuff you come up with is so articulate and amazing that it goes over my head, but that's fine! 😆 You're so knowledgable and you have a perspective on things that helps me think things through. I love getting to work with you and I'm so very grateful for all the gorgeous illustrations, and for all the time you've given to me that's made me feel a little less alone.

All three of y'all are just so cool and supportive and talented that most of the time I don't get why you're hanging out over here and giving so much of your time and energy to these projects of mine, but I'm forever grateful that I have you as my friends. So thank you. 💜

Plans for 2025:

Ok, now that I've gotten my emotions all emotion-ed out, let's talk a little bit about my plans for the New Year!

Of course I'll still be continuing TTSBC and TT! No doubt about it! There's big things happening in both the AUs, and I'm so very excited to share them with everyone!

I'll be finishing my degree in May...to be perfectly honest, I'm still unsure of how much of a workload I'm gonna end up having academically this last semester, so I think I'll just say that if updates slow down a bit, just assume Amethyst is drowning under piles of revisions doused in red ink and a bunch of reference texts and papers due to be graded. I promise I'm not gonna just stop tippy tapping! I don't think my brain would be able to handle it if I did 😅

As far as some of the typical challenges go, I will not be participating in Febuwhump this year. I wish I could, but I know I'll definitely have too much going on academically to commit to another writing challenge...also I think Whumptober almost killed both Khoir and I, and we don't need to be doing that again anytime soon 😵‍💫 I'm still gonna check out the prompt list, and if I see a few prompts that I find particularly intriguing maybe I'll write those up, and do a few of the days, but I won't be doing the full writing challenge.

Jury is still out on Hermit-a-Day May, which I'm hopeful will be running again this year! I'd love to do it, but I'll have to make that later, once I know for certain how my workload is feeling since I'll be doing my final revisions, my defense, all that good stuff in late April, which is when I'd typically be working up my fics for Hermit-a-Day May.

I will be doing Whumptober. No questions about it!

I have a few other Hermit/Traffic/Empires fanfic projects on the back burner that I'm working on here or there whenever I need to take a lil break from TTSBC and TT. One of them is a project that all of the Tinted Glass Crew is working on together, and while I don't wanna give spoilers, I'll just say that it's going to be a ton of fun! It's unlike any other AU or one-off I've ever done before, and even just brainstorming it has been incredible so please look forward to it!

I also have my original series. Which...I haven't talked about, not really. I'm pretty nervous about putting it out there, to be honest, but it's my baby and I've been working on it for over four years now. It's written in a similar style to TTSBC and TT, that is, focused on queer romance and found family in a ton of stories all organized in chronological order and written up and down on a timeline. One of my big hopes for this year is to finally share this series. I dunno where yet, or when...it'll definitely wait until after I finish my degree in May, that much is for certain, but I suppose I just wanted to prime everyone. The Tinted Glass Crew has already been so amazingly kind as to agree to help me find a way to get this story that's so dear to me out to all of y'all someway somehow...and I'm confident if I have those guys on my team we'll figure it out! 😅

I hope, if you've enjoyed TTSBC and TT and any of my other work, you'll at least give my original blorbos a shot whenever they are freed from their little cage in my notebooks and save files. They're not so different from the way I write my MCYT characters, they're a bunch of big gay idiots with personality issues, a ton of tangled up secrets, and more trauma than you can shake a stick at...and they're mine, which means I really like to put them through the wringer. 😆 But after everything I've done over this past year and even further back here on this blog, on A03, and in this little community, I feel like maybe they might find themselves a home in at least some of your hearts...or maybe just piss you off with their poor life decisions and accidentally give you brainrot, who knows.

Anyway, this has been a lot. Sorry I tend to ramble...all of this is just to say thank you. I had a lot of fun this year, getting to share my stories with all of you, and I hope you'll continue to support me as I tippy tap my way into the New Year!

-Amethyst

[solaris-amethyst]

💫The last day as the mc trio💫

✨Pairing: idol!Xiaojun x gn!idol!reader x idol!Yeosang ✨Prompt: It is your last day as an mc on The Show together with Xiaojun and Yeosang. ✨Genre: fluff, non romantic, idol au ✨Word Count: 2.3k ☀️Authors note: Since I reached 50 followers here on Tumblr I wrote this to celebrate that✨💓

For some reason you had not expected to feel all these emotions that you were currently experiencing whilst sitting in a make up chair getting your make up and hair fixed for today's episode of The Show.

Perhaps it was the fact that it was your last day here as an mc before you were to retire from the job. Had it been up to you, you would have continued on for far longer than you had been allowed to but unfortunately for you your company had decided after four months you had done enough and were going back to them with no real plan on what to do next.

Which honestly scared you. Not knowing what the next step would be for you, your company hadn't mentioned anything about a comeback or any other job opportunities yet.

You always looked forward coming to The Show, the staff were always so kind to you, chatting about potential upcoming comebacks for you, life in general and so much more and you always appreciated it so much. Not to forget your lovely co-stars and co-mcs Xiaojun and Yeosang.

Both who had welcomed you with open arms when you joined them four months ago. It had been a bit awkward in the beginning, all three of you a bit shy and trying to get to know each other but after your special mc-stage in which you had performed Infinites Bad it had gotten much better. Working together, learning the choreography and singing and practicing had brought you all together very quickly and soon enough the three of you were playing around and joking like you had been friends all your life.

Xiaojun had even once brought along his dog Bella to let her meet both you and Yeosang and she had absolutely adored Yeosang to the point she didn't want to listen to Xiaojun to yours and Yeosangs delight.

You had endless of memories on stage, off stage, in your group chat and much more and to know that a lot of that would stop happening created tiny little cracks in your heart. No more playing around with them, no more hearing Xiaojun sing to his hearts content or filming yet another chaotic TikTok and hearing Yeosangs wonderful laugh at that. No more seeing and hearing Yeosang giggle if he made a mistake when next to you on stage while you mc:d together.

No more of any of what made your days brighter.

"You okay there sweetheart?" The makeup lady asked kindly, stopping what she was doing to check in on you. "You look like you're feeling some big emotions right now." She says quietly and you nod at her.

"I am." You whisper, giving her a small smile before blinking quickly hoping you can will away the tears for now. You could cry later, when you were alone in your dorm room instead.

"You're gonna do great today sweetheart I just know it." She smiles kindly again before going back to putting your make up on once more. The Shows producers had been kind enough to give you three new performance, a farewell performance to you before everyone truly has to say goodbye at the end of today's show.

It had been decided that you would do a cover of Backstreet Boys song Larger Than Life. You three had a few songs presented and the decision had ultimately landed to you and you chose the Backstreet Boys song, practicing the song had been very fun especially going for a more 90s inspired look and dance.

It had caused you three to sometimes very playfully and dramatically pretend you were a group from the 90s doing some of the choreography they did back then. It was corny and very funny causing some dance movements to become inside jokes between the three of you.

"There you are! We've been looking for you!" Xiaojun singsongs as he and Yeosang enters the room, already dressed up in that classic white 90s boyband clothes you were soon gonna be adorning as well.

Both come up with big smiles to your chair, Yeosang can't stop himself from touching a part of your hair that's standing up slightly with a lil giggle causing you to smile.

It was impossible not to smile when you saw him. Yeosang just had that aura that made him instantly likable, like a moth to a flame, it was impossible to stay away and not find him endearing or funny.

"Ready for today's show?" Yeosang asks while tilting his head at you and you can only look fondly at your two friends.

"As ready as I'll ever be I guess..."

"Hey we'll have fun, let's just enjoy this stage and blow everyone's minds." Xiaojun said brightly quickly sharing a look with Yeosang before he looked back at you.

Once you got the go ahead you hurriedly got out of the chair and quickly changed clothes and got your mic on as needed.

In the room you left them, Yeosang and Xiaojun made sure their surprise which consisted of a headband and sash that said Y/ns graduation! Plus a banner they had put together with some lovely words your friends and staff had written down about you, ranging from words like how they will miss you to admiration about your work ethic or your kindness and much more.

Yeosang had even drawn a lil hehetmon holding a lil graduation flower to you and Xiaojun had managed to get Bellas paw print onto the poster as well.

"Do you have the flowers for the farewell speech?" Xiaojun questioned as he took everything to the place near the stage so they could quickly get it all at the end of the performance.

"Yeah, I got the cake as well. It's hidden well, we can try and sneak off and get it when Y/n is holding their speech." Yeosang replied glancing backwards to make sure you wouldn't come back inside and hear about their plans.

"Should I bring some tissues as well? In case they cry?" Xiaojun asks curiously thinking that you might appreciate some tissues in case the waterworks starts flowing when you're holding your very last speech as an mc. He's totally not asking because he knows his own tears might start falling down if he sees you cry, no not at all.

Yeosang gives him a quick nod when he hears you returning and Xiaojun rushes to hide the tissues near the flowers before coming back to you two.

"Ready to perform like we were a 90s boyband?" You ask with a smile feeling the familiar feeling of adrenaline and nerves settling into your bones and body.

"Let's have fun up there okay?" Yeosang says while his hand slides into yours and gives it a gentle but supportive squeeze.

"Have you thought of what to do for your ending fairy?" Your other friend asks and you nod, thinking back on how he had suggested you do the heart signs on your cheeks thinking that would be a good way to end todays stage.

"Can you three please come up on stage and get into position? We're about to start?" A staff said waving his hand so you three would hurry up.

Walking up on stage and into position made all the fans scream in anticipation of seeing what you had prepared. Right before the music started you gave a lil wave to the audience causing another stream of shouts and squeals.

When the familiar starting beat of Larger Than Life came on you and the boys started to dance and perform like you had practice.

The performance flew by quickly, the adrenaline from being on stage and from having fun with your friends made it go back so quickly. You didn't even realize as you finished your pose for your ending fairy that both Yeosang and Xiaojun had quickly run away from your sides with bright giggly smiles only shown to the audience.

You were so focused until Yeosang suddenly came into your view with a smile making you give him a surprised look, a little "eh?" escaped your mouth as he puts on a little headband with the lettering he had prepared.

"There!" He smiles and you can hear a little hehet escaping him as he giggles before stepping aside as Xiaojun comes up with a big sash and putting it on you.

"Ta-daaaaa!" Both of them hold up their little sign and Xiaojun is beaming while Yeosang looks a bit shy doing this infront of everyone in the audience.

"What?!" You exclaim in shock not fully processing what they've just done.

You stand back, mouth agape as you take in the words on the sign.

/Thank you for everything our sunshine./ /The very best at always cheering us up and seeing it from the bright side./ /Loveliest of friends./ /I'll miss you./ /Best mc bestie./

And so much more was written that it honestly brought you to tears and all you could do was run into their arms and hug them both tightly. Screw what others would think, if it would spark dating rumors or not.

You needed to hug your friends in that moment and you had never been happier when you felt them both return the hug just as tight. You could feel someone kissing the top of your head and the fans present screamed louder at the cute display between the three of you.

It took a lot of coaxing from the staff to get you three to eventually let go of each other to head back so you could change and then head out for the finale where you'd announce this weeks winner of The Show.

Yeosang made sure you had your little headband and sash on before smiling brightly again.

"There fits you perfectly." He murmurs after finally adjusting it all and his hand quickly finds his phone when he sees that Xiaojun is taking pictures of you, wanting to do the same.

"Smile Y/n!!"

"Yeah give us a pose!"

It makes you laugh at their seriousness and you can't help but pose while still fighting those tears back. It gets even harder to not cry when Xiaojun lines the three of you up so he can take some cute selfies making sure you do some goofy ones as well.

"Could you three please head up on stage? It's time for the ending of today's show." A staff member told you.

"Of course, we'll be up in a minute." You told them with an appreciative smile.

"Let's do this one last time together?" You ask looking at them both, both are smiling and you can't help but feel like you're home, right where you are supposed to be and soon it will all be ripped away from you and that hurts.

A lot.

The ending honestly flew past, greeting everyone as you made it up on stage at the front with your cue cards and hand mic, standing in the middle of Xiaojun and Yeosang, bickering and having fun during and after announcing the winners and such. The bright lights where blinding and suddenly you got your cue that it was time to wrap it up and for you to say goodbye to what had been your favorite idol gig for the past four months.

"I don't even know where to start." You said into your mic after Yeosang had asked if you wanted to share some last words.

He looked at you with such kind eyes, both of them did. Giving you encouraging nods to speak from your heart.

"I will miss this so incredibly much. I want to say thank you to all the staff here at The Show who have been so incredibly kind to me, who have made every day I've been here an absolute delight." You could feel the tears building up again, your voice starting to get full of emotion as you were speaking. "Yeosang, Xiaojun." The first tear fell when you looked at your two friends and Yeosang was blinking so much you'd think he had gotten something in his eye while Xiaojun was quick to give you a tissue while fighting back his own tears.

"Thank you for everything. Your friendship has meant more to me than you can imagine. I've loved every single minute I've spent with you two here, mc-ing with you have been the highlights of my days and I will miss you both so much now that I have to leave. I will miss you two so much." Was the last thing you managed to say before you saw them both tell you to wait, rushing off stage in a hurry as if they had forgotten something only to come back with a bouquet of roses and a little cake.

You were sure there would be pictures of you ugly crying all over the internet tomorrow but at this moment you couldn't care. You let the tears fall and the sobs to be heard as your two friends stood there with flowers and a cake for you.

"We will miss you too Y/n. We will miss our sunshine who never fails to look at the bright side of things." Xiaojun started.

"And we will miss the way you always bring a smile to everyone's faces no matter how down someone might have been." Yeosang finished.

"We love you!"

"I love you too!" You responded as the director showed they had cut the cameras after that.

You, Yeosang and Xiaojun took no notice being in your own little world of emotions and hugs, tears and laughter.

The night eventually ended with you three going out to eat at a restaurant. Determined to end the day with happiness instead of tears of sadness.

For you, your heart was warm with all the love you had been showered with throughout the day and despite it leaving a bittersweet feeling in your chest perhaps it would still end up okay.

Especially with both of your friends just a call away.

[mysteria157]

hello hello mystie 🩷 bon has decided to visit you once again.

i am recently going through quite some turbulence with my writing. i have been working on a aot reiner piece for quite some time but it's been feeling rather... unfulfilling? i guess i just want to open up a bit.

as a black woman, i've seen a number of posts on here of other woc having takes about how we should 'embrace our blackness' and write our fics in a way that reflects that. i always understood that this is a valid opinion, as we are often pushed by society to 'calm' ourselves down and water down our personalities and our way of speaking (often not to fall subject to a number of disheartening stereotypes.)

but i've come to a more different, personal conclusion over the past few months. i am a black south african girl who grew up watching british cartoons in order to learn english. my mother took me to a catholic school where english was the language of instruction and we had a similar education system as most british schools (colonisation has a role in this system but that's a discussion for another day.)

i've always been called 'whitewashed' as i am fluent in the language. there's still heavy racial tension where i'm from, so ever since i was little i was compared to speaking as a white person. a 'coconut' if we want to go that far, lol.

besides this, we've become more westernised and my peers around me began to see the struggle of african americans as our own (since we're all experiencing the same biases and discrimination as poc.) now for some reason, seeing the takes of other woc made me feel as if the way i write and speak was incorrect. i felt like a phony, like someone who was dodging away from racism by writing like a 'white person' to stay unattacked.

to cut this short (as this has already been quite long), your writing put things into perspective for me. it might not be 'that deep' but seeing another black woman write and speak similar to myself has healed a small part of me. not only is your writing excellent, but it makes me feel as if that i don't have to pretend to be the stereotypical black writer all the time.

that my way of writing does not make me any less 'black'. i now know exactly how i want to create stories and write them down, as i always could've done.

thank you for being the talented individual that you are. love you lots.

-Bonnie 🩷

Hello my beautiful, Bonnie 💕

I apologize for the delay, I’ve been traveling for work so my activity on Tumblr has been low recently.

It’s a weird sensation of fate to read your post, because I resonate with your thoughts deeply. Growing up as a military child, I moved frequently, so I never really had a “home” like others. The friends that I had were all military children too and made up a melting pot of race, diversity, and background. I did not have a primarily black friend group and because of this, others often made fun of me for not being “black” enough. The way I spoke, wrote, dressed, and my mannerisms were all representative of a “whitewashed” version of a black woman. The concept of whitewashed is a topic for another day 😒

I’ve dealt with being called an “inside out Oreo”and constantly heard the annoying micro-aggression of “talking really well for someone like myself.” And for years it bothered me more that I wanted to feel and act like others, instead of embracing myself. Thankfully, I got over that.

Joining Tumblr and finding a community of black writers has been a great experience, and I definitely agree that we should ‘embrace our blackness’, but embrace it in a way that represents YOU. Not everyone else.

For myself, I embrace with what I write about, not necessarily how I write. Because I write how I think and talk, but I try to share plot and experiences that normally resonate with who I am as a black woman. Cookouts, extended family mannerisms and traditions, how I do my hair and take care of my skin, etc.

You are not a phony and you are not ‘whitewashed’. You’re Bonnie, and Bonnie writes how Bonnie speaks, acts, and feels. Period.

In my opinion, trying to write a certain way to appeal to someone else only takes away from your own authenticity. This isn’t to invalidate someone else’s experience, but you shouldn’t have to pretend to embrace your ‘blackness’. Being able to overcome this feeling is such a strength that you should continue to hold close 💕

Girl, look at me rambling LMFAO. THE POINT IS, I’m so happy that I was able to help you embrace more of who you are. I’m happy that you enjoy my words. I’m happy that you have the strength to create how you want. And I’m just…really happy for meeting you 🥹

Create your stories however you want. As long as Bonnie is happy and Bonnie is enjoying it and Bonnie is not intentionally hurting others, that’s all that should matter.

Love you lots as well. Thank you for being the beautiful mootie that you are 💕😘

[louiesselfshipramblings]

Once in a Lifetime: ENA selfship!!

My relationship with ENA as a series is a bit interesting. I knew of her through tumblr for a while, I'd say, but never looked into it. My friend showed me the trilogy of shorts that had her (it was "Auction Day", "Extinction Party", and "Temptation Stairway" at the time), and I thought the style was cool! I didn't think much of ENA as is, but to be fair, I was still a blossoming bud when it came to figure out what I liked. After all I was only, like...eighteen. Lol.

Ena is def one of my more recent selfships, and I was kinda unsure of her when she re-entered my mind. I was unsure if it was really smth special, or just kind of a spur of the moment situation. I was still kinda feeling that as I got this quite frankly amazing commission, but seeing the WIPs and ESPECIALLY the final product made me go "Oh yeh...that's my gf!!!"

The Lore!!

My sona here is known as Lüc, which is a somewhat corruption of my own name? I wanted something that matched the sorta off-kilter, fake-video-game vibes of ENA as is. Tho, given the sparse nature of world building as of now, I'm kinda just making the setting...Earth-like with special features, lol. Maybe DreamBBQ will change things, idk yet.

But!! Lüc!! He's a starry eyed (quite literally) mid-twenty-something who owns a local theater, but it's a lil crummy. Has an old, 80s style appearance due to lack of budget, which also effects the showings. Since I can't afford big releases, I mainly show older public domain films and cartoons, with "new" content being indie films. It attracts...people, at least. I also sell cashews instead of popcorn cause I don't like how kernels get stuck in my teeth (and in lore an unpopped kernel cracked a tooth of his as a kid)

Ena sorta just stumbled in, as she does, and hung out in the lobby. Didn't even see a film, but she did buy some cashews. We did chat for a while. It was a brief encounter, but...I kinda fell for her at first sight XD

The feeling of liking was mutual, course, but she didn't really think it romantic at first. Which is why she visited so often! To see her friend! Yippie...but eventually I had the guts to tell her how I feel (we were close enough friends by then), and she was a little surprised at first! I was worried I upset her at first, but turns out she was just thinking it over. The look of realization on her face and the way she blurted out "THAT'S WHAT THE CARNATIONS MEANT!!!" still stick in my head, heh!

We didn't start right there, exactly. Ena said she needed time to think it over, so of course I let her. I was bracing myself for waiting a whole week of not seeing her, but she ended up popping back in three days later, roughly. She seemed a lil lost for words, which shocked me seeing as she usually had such colorful vocabulary. I tried to give her some support in realizing her feelings and such, before she blurted out, again, "I LIKE YOU A LOT TOO?? CAN WE DATE MAYBE???"

And we just kinda started dating! I took her out to a very nice restaurant, and that's also where we had our first kiss!!! And we've just been kinda going regular since! She still lives at her place, but she visits a lot to mine (second floor of the theater, saves space and money!!).

We're still very much enjoying being each other's bf and gf, so marriage is hardly on the table. No kids either, probably. Neither of us think we'd be able to handle it, lol. Moony visits sometimes too! We...get along best we can. I realize she's Ena's best friend, she realizes I mean a lot to Ena. We tolerate one another for her sake.

But yeah! That's my self ship with Ena! The series timeline is kinda...nebulous? Especially with DreamBBQ and the whole "second" Ena. I mainly just ship with the OG blue-yellow pre-TempStair version of her; gonna have to wait and see with this new gal!

The amazing art of me and Ena coming together was done by the always spectacular @cupiidzbow! I said before but you did just AMAZING here!! Like my sona is great but also your Ena is so cute???? I def gotta get more with her from ya! And you, the reader, should support Freddie and his monkey business!

[mosspace]

Dear PTJ, please develope your female characters

Someone complaining abt the way PTJ writes his female characters (truly, a never seen before concept); 1st Afilliate Arc and Cheongliang Arc spoilers (at this point, I think most people are up to date w/ the story, but I'm still gonna put this warning just in case)

Look, I don't take Lookism super seriously. In fact, I think I never did that, mainly thanks to the outlandish concepts it had since the beginning. I'm just here to have fun at this point, and to finally learn the truth about Daniel's 2nd body (omg, it's been 400+ chapters-).

I definitely wasn't expecting to find super well written female characters (even though I definitely should, it's 2024, for God's sake-), something a good number of fighting-related webtoons seem to struggle with. But damn, does Lookism waste its female characters in a way not many have done before.

Since the focus of the story has shifted primarly towards fighting and taking down the Four Crews and Charles Choi, I'm gonna focus on two of the characters most connected to these aspects: Mary Kim and Crystal Choi (ik Lua and Sally are also connected in this way, but I don't really have a lot to say about them and, besides, they've already been covered by another user here on Tumblr)

Mary Kim

The perfect opportunity to get her more involved came up not so long ago, in the ep just before the Allied vs 1st Afilliate fight properly started. We see Mary's reaction upon hearing Vin Jin tell her that Taejin Cheon is alive; we can see her anger asclear as day both in her expression and her words. She literally expresses how much she wants to kill this guy.

And yet, PTJ doesn't make her go and get her revenge. Instead, we have Vin Jin basically saying that he will do it for her because 'his hands are already dirty" (i heavily paraphrased his words, but you get it), which to me, at least, doesn't make sense.

Time and time again we see how close the two of them are in spite of the many jabs they throw at each other. Even without knowing the details of their shared past in Cheongliang (which comes up a couple episodes later), it's very strange that she would let Vin jin go to face him just like that.

By this point, it's already stablished that he murdered somebody, an act that even if deserved by the deceased person, takes a mental toll on the one who does it. Taking this into account, I don't see why Mary would just let who's basically her best friend go through the same thing again, alone. And I especially don't see why she would obey him and stay behind. Her, Mary, the person who never takes Vin Jin's bullshit and always calls him out.

Why not have them both go together? It would be a great opportunity to 1) deal with the last negative reminder of their past, and gain a little bit of closure once and for all, and 2) have Mary finally fight seriously and be able to demonstrate why she's called 'The Empress of Two Seconds' and why she's considered so strong.

We've only seen her take down minor opponents a very, very small number of times, all of which are altercations that don't ever last too long (i guess this last thing is to back up her nickname but, eh)

TLDR: Let Mary dirty her hands as much as Vin. Let them take down together one of the people who has brought them so much pain as the pair of strong besties they are. Stop telling us how strong she is and actually commit to showing it.

__

Crystal Choi

Oh boy, this character-

Like, you mean to tell me that the sole offspring/child of the Big Bad Guy tm the protagonist and his friends are meant to take down, who also happens to be friends with said protagonist, doesn't play a major role on the story? Absolutely insane

And that isn't even taking into account that she also has 2 bodies, which is something only one other character (Daniel, the PROTAGONIST), has and is a major plot point

I'd like to see her be more aware of her privilege as a rich person. Yeah, she was relentlesstly bullied and undermined for her appeareance (which is a horrible thing for anybody to go through) but at least she wasn't poor, too. Does she actually use her money or her status as the daughter of one of the richest men in Korea to change things or solve problems?

Jay literally bought an ambulance of the same type used by the 1st Afilliate so that Allied could sneak in, so why can't Crystal do something similar to help them, too? She helped them during the Gambling Arc by bringing Kouji

I'd like to see her realize and come to terms with the fact that her father's a horrible person. I don't think she knows everything that's going on behind closed doors, but she's definitely smart enough to have noticed that there's something shady going on with his bussiness.

Let her discover the truth. Let her pick either her father's or Daniel's side (the latter which I believe is the most plausible, since she doesn't seem the type to excuse murder, extorsion, etc.). She could act as an informant, helping Allied from the inside.

Heck, you could have her fight, too, if you wanted to. She trained with Gun, after all. And yeah, maybe she's not as strong as the other characters, but we know that she can hold her own against most people. We've seen it.

TLDR: how the hell do you set up a character with so much potential and don't do anything with it. Also, think abt the angst potential!

________________________________________________

Final thoughts, I guess:

I think that Crystal siding with Allied has a higher chance of happening than PTJ letting Mary fight. There's still a good chunk of the story yet to be told, so anything could happen.

I'm actually considering believing that the reason we rarely see the female characters is that they, also, are working secretly to take down the Four Crews and it's gonna get revealed in the last arc for the sake of my sanity

[keepmovinjunior]

respond to the following prompts out of character, then tag others you'd like to get to know a little bit better.

ROLEPLAYER NAME: jenn :)

ROLEPLAYER PRONOUNS: she / her

MUSE NAME: megara

PREFERRED COMMUNICATION: here or tumblr IM

EXPERIENCE: i started on myspace back in 2006 ; my first ever characters were rouge the bat and rita from oliver & company. so many fond memories of that honestly! we all had a group of lady disney dogs who were friends <3

PREFERRED ROLEPLAY TYPE: i really like everything, honestly. banter, crack... just those little fun things are great, because i don't always have time to do longer things, and they're just so much fun and good for keeping a muse's voice fresh and having characters bounce off of each other! but longer threads are great too, and i really enjoy them a lot for world and relationship building between two muses.

PET PEEVES & DEALBREAKERS: too much like... out of character moping tbh, like. i get that sometimes we all have to let it out and that this place is very supportive and therapeutic in a lot of ways, but... at the end of the day, everyone is responsible for themselves, and they have actual therapists in the world. also. this is my happy (hopefully) drama free place to escape from the issues of the real world and have fun, and i assume it is most everyone elses' here, too, and it gets really draining to see people playing victim all of the time (it's obvious when that's being done), so i don't engage with that kind of energy. also, if you're pushy. like the "hello???" messages if i don't respond, or the asking if i'm responding to you more than once, that's one million and one percent gonna turn me off. just be chill, no one owes anyone anything here, we're all having fun and we have lives.

PLOTS OR MEMES: hmmmmmm, this is hard. probably plots. i appreciate memes for the icebreaker aspect, but they don't always fit my character. sometimes i edit them a bit to sound more like meg, and i would encourage any of my followers to do the same too, if they want to with me!

BEST TIME TO WRITE: i have more time during the day if i'm wfh / have the day off, but i usually feel most creative at night, lol. i try to run a queue though. it's not working v well because i'm excited and always want to post things right away but we're getting there team

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE: in some ways i think so; she's more like me than a lot of muses i've written. i think meg, jane, and maybe elsa are the disney gals i'm most like, personally. we're both women around the same age (meg's older for a disney female romantic lead, which is refreshing), we've both had our hearts broken, we both don't have any biological family whom we keep in touch with... and we both have been guilty of using dark humor as a defense mechanism. also, i am soft and enjoy *~ kisses and hugs *~ like meg, but don't tell anyone no one can know i am a geek and nerd ok. but at the same time, meg is not entirely a self insert. she's a lot funnier than me. she's had a harder time in life than i have by comparison, and she lives in a much worse time for women, lmao. also i really admire her sacrificial side, the fact that she'd do anything for her loved ones, and her moral compass. she won't harm someone she loves, even if she dies in the process. i want to be that way, and she's an inspiration to me because of it.

tagged by : @peculiarbeauty the one and only belle, ty queen <3 tagging: anyone who wants to!! steal it ya filthy animals

[auxiliarydetective]

End-of-Year Appreciation Post

Let's see if I can get this done before midnight - I have 36 minutes! But I really wanted to get this posted, so... time for a speedrun! This post won't nearly be able to say everything I wanna say, so, first and foremost: I love and appreciate all of my mutuals and people I've gotten to talk to this year, so thanks for coming to my corner of the internet and gifting me a little (or a lot - because lord knows I don't shut up if someone mentions one of my favourite fandoms) of your time!

With that being said, time for some special thanks!

@wheresmybloodynauglamir The encyclopedia of Star Trek and one of my closest friends on this hellsite. Thanks so much for literally everything you've done for me this year and all the lovely conversations. Let's have a lot more of those next year! Live long and prosper <3

@littlemervie Thank you for indulging my very nichest of niche interests like The Little Prince and for always sending me a kind message when I least expected it.

@fluffle-system My favourite bnuy in the whole world and a fellow FNAF enjoyer. I hope I always get to be the auxiliary to your detective (yes, this is actually sort of an accurate aitiology of how my url came to be - if you know you know). Let's solve more mysteries and riddles together.

@supermarine-silvally You may have only very recently stumbled into my corner of the internet but I adore every conversation we've had and I hope that many more are to come. If I had to make a choice to pass on my OCs to anyone, the great Donna Aurelia would be yours, and that's a great honor, so I hope you know how much I appreciate our conversations!

@carriagelamp We didn't talk too much this year and that's frankly a crime, but I still stare lovingly at every piece of art you've created for me, with me, or simply for the fandoms I'm in - and the ones for fandoms I don't know I stare at from afar. Just letting you know that I smile everytime I see you on my dash :)

@faerieroyal Dolly my beloved! I hereby sincerely apologize for all the times I've hopped into our Discord chat to ramble about my OCs or whine about my hour-long adventures of looking for faceclaims and/or names, but I'm not planning on stopping anytime soon. The amount of positivity and support you bring into my life is immesurable and I absolutely adore you for supporting each of my OCs, even if you don't know their fandom, and how you let me introduce you to my newest hyperfixations when the brainrot strikes. - To many more rambling sessions!

@come-along-pond who allowed me to participate in the fyeahonepieceocs blog and gave me a platform to launch my own little project of a OP resources blog from. - Through anon hate and plot bunnies, you've helped me and supported me through so much and I'm really, really thankful for that!

@oneirataxia-girl @endless-oc-creations and everyone else in the Discord Server, thank you so much for suffering through my countless pings and appearing when I need you most to offer your advice and help. You've saved many of my OCs in the past and I'm certain you'll keep doing so in the future.

@starcrossedjedis @bravelittleflower and @ninjasawakenedmystar aka the angels who made Cora's creation possible - and by extention then also that of Lily and La Donna! Thanks so much, my fellow One Piece girlies!

@thehedgehogat221b who has been keeping me tethered to the A-Team fandom, making sure that I never forget how happy it makes me, and who always has time to spare to hear me ramble about Kit Kelley and her conman boyfriend

@daughterofhecata @bistdueinbaum and the entire Die Drei ??? fandom. You brought me onto Tumblr and though I may not be as active in the fandom anymore, Tumblr still considers my blog a Die Drei ??? blog and I don't plan on forgetting my roots anytime soon, so I promise you more detective content in the year 2024 - featuring my beloved Jelena, of course! My token adopted side character... Maybe I'll also hop into the Tatort fandom, who knows? Also, can we make Rosenheim Cops a fandom? I feel kinda lonely and silly over here lol

@claramurphyqueenoffandoms the VoicePlay supporter. Man, was I happy to find someone who loves these dorks as much as I do. We haven't talked much, but thanks so much for enabling the hyperfixation that triggered my character development into a happier person and letting me relive those memories.

@cody-helix02 @thoughpoppiesblow @footprintsinthesxnd @kafka-ohdear and the entire Band of Brothers fandom. You've been so nice to me from day one when I first stumbled into the fandom and you still are incredibly lovely people! I'd like to give something back, so, if you ever need any research done for your fic and you can't find anything, let me know and I'll traverse my resources and my university's library to see what I can find <3 Also, I shall present to you more Anita content in the future! There's one fic featuring Luz and one featuring Bull curently in my projects list!

@maxwellshimbo @asaturnerofficial and all the other lurkers and people I constantly find in my notes - you always brighten my day. I'll have had an awful no good time but then I see you and I go: "Ah yes, my friends are still here" and I feel so much better!

Thanks to much to everyone on and off the list, and have a very lovely new year!

[chubsonthemoon]

Binderary 2023 Wrap-Up!

Binderary 2023 is over, and I come bearing some stats, thoughts, and a compiled list of my QOTD answers! :3

Stats:

Books planned: 7

Books completed: 7/7 (woohoo!)

Fandoms: 3 (Yuri on Ice, Harry Potter, and The Sandman)

Total word count: 340,654

List of books (from left to right):

Maybe sprout wings by @moorishflower

Flower King by @landwriter

The Politeness of Princes by @aboxthecolourofheartache

Uncertain Results (also by Box!)

I'm caught inside every open eye (also also by Box :3)

Not pictured (on account of them being given away as gifts!):

My Immortal by Tara Gilesbie (aka xxxbloodyrists666xxx) (community typeset by @renegadepublishing)

Until My Feet Bleed and My Heart Aches by @kazliin (typesetting by @ziezie13 <3)

QOTD answers under the cut (and these are copied directly from our DW post, just with added tumblr @'s!)

1. What does Renegade mean to you?

Renegade has, in all honesty, probably changed the course of my life! That's not hyperbole--it's had such a huge influence on my hobbies, my friendships, my academic trajectory, even my career. I was still in undergrad when I found ASH's post on fanbinding, and I was very lost as to what the next steps would be. And like so many others experienced, the pandemic only made things even murkier and more isolating. Then I found ASH's manifesto in June 2020, worked up the courage to join the Discord in July 2020, and found a community of like-minded weirdos who were just as passionate (if not even more so!) about their favorite stories, and a craft that I fall a little bit more in love with every day (well, most days. fuckin printers man XD). I wrote my honors thesis thanks to Renegade; I've made lifelong friends thanks to Renegade; I have my current job, in a field I love, thanks to Renegade. (My first Rocky Horror Picture show at Havencon 2022? All thanks to Renegade :D) This really feels like my forever fandom home-- even when I jump around from fandom to fandom, there's always a wonderful and supportive community to fall back on. In short, I really love it here, I'm so pleased with what we've done so far, and I can't wait to see where we go! ❤️

2. Favorite Fic

As everyone else who answered this, this question is IMPOSSIBLE. However, if you put a gun to my head and told me to answer right now, I'd have to say Tell Me About the Big Bang (my binding of it here!) It's one of the fics that has touched me most deeply and which has probably had the greatest influence on my writing. It was one of the first fics I'd ever bound, and I really wanted to rebind it to see how far I've come!

3. One thing you'd like to learn more about

GOD SO MANY THINGS. Backing! Headband techniques. Chisel trimming. Edge gilding. Tiny books. More advanced Cricut techniques. More cohesive and professional-looking graphic design. This hobby is really a dozen hobbies in a trench coat, and there's so much to explore.

4. Paper!

For my textblocks, I use 20 lb. cream Hammermill paper! I order it in 11"x 17" and get it cut in half for short grain, like a lot of other folks at Renegade. Recently I've started experimenting with quarto-sized Legal (8.5"x 14")and fell in love. I also want to try a bunch of the other paper that folks have suggested (looking at @robins-egg-bindery Mohawk Via o.o). For my endpapers, I usually use scrapbook paper from those scrapbook paper packs you can get at Michaels and Joann's (and when they're on sale...WOOF)

5. Cloth!

DUO BOOKCLOTH MY BELOVED. God I wish I'd gotten in on the Renegade group order - but ah well. Big fan of making my own though! There are just so many options to choose from, so it really expands what you can do (again: a dozen hobbies and crafts in a trench coat)

6. The Glue War

LOVE me some PVA! I know that it gives you less time to do things, but I get impatient XD. Plus it's cheap and easy to find and ready to use right out of the bottle, which is great. I've tried my hand at making starch paste + PVA with very mixed (ha!) results, although I had a wonderful time with some methyl cell that @simply-sithel gifted me at Havencon last year <3 So mayhaps will have to buy more of that for a future project!

I also love my Cricut Explore 2, Charlotte! She holds up very well, although I think she's due for a blade refill soon. I've just been setting my pressure higher and higher LOL

7. Machines

Love my Epson ecotank! I recently bought it--for the first two years I was going to my local print shop because the quality was great and I had a discount card. Unfortunately the discount card eventually expired, so I decided to bite the bullet and get my own printer. I really love it! I didn't want to have to deal with laser and printing in color can get pricey--the cartridges are just so goddamn expensive, although I do think laser prints in higher quality. Mayhaps a future purchase, because I'd really like to experiment with foiling!

8. Favorite binding technique

Ooh this one is interesting! I know which part of the process I enjoy the most, which is sewing! Kettle stitch my beloved. ALTHOUGH I am a sucker for the French link too--it's just so pretty! And we just had a wonderful workshop put on last week by @queercore-curriculum on their...embroidered binding/long-stitch binding (??? I don't know if there's an official name for it yet), which I LOVE. Glueless bindings are SO cool and I would love to experiment more with them.

9. Your best tip/trick

Ooh! Hmmm...I'd say: never bind while you're super tired/hungry LOL. I've made many a preventable mistake very late at night because I wanted to get something cased in or glued before bed when I probably should've waited till morning XD That being said, on the flip side I think you should never be afraid to experiment! Go hog wild!!! Use those glitter pens!! Try out that fancy silk for your endbands!! Try that new binding style! And if you fuck up, remember that's okay too! These are handmade objects and those mistakes are proud proof of that, and of your journey as a fanbinder. Stick 'em in the channel on the Discord, laugh and (maybe cry a little XD) about it, and then keep going. tldr; ya live and learn!

10. Favorite Detail

Ooh, this one's hard! I love leaving little Easter eggs in my designs. I'd say my favorite is putting my maker's mark on things! My imprint is Moonham Press (a fun mix of my usernames, chubsthehamster and chubsonthemoon), and the logo includes a little crescent moon. I'd actually been binding for about two years when I finally made the imprint--I used to think that it was...idk, kind of weird to put myself in the book? Like I was taking away from the story inside it. But then I got to thinking--well, hey, I'm the one who made this book, right? If nothing else, putting my mark on it tells someone who may pick it up one day that I was connected to this story. Some conversations with some folks at Renegade during Havencon 2022 also helped me embrace this. So these days I put my imprint logo in the typesetting, and I also put it on the cover somewhere! My favorite spots are either on the spine, between the title and author name, or on the back cover, in the bottom left corner :D

11. Spines

Spines are the bane of my existence. Haha, jk. They're mostly just tedious, since they're one of the only parts of the process that still require precise measurement (I've cut templates for everything else by now, and I use my guillotine to cut boards, so that goes super fast). For my thicker books I use Bristol board; I actually still use the same sheets I bought in 2020 when I first started binding--I didn't know how much I would really need so I think I ordered four massive sheets which will probably last me for ten years LOL. For my thinner books, I use Davy board, which is a pain to cut but gives the book a really nice board feel. And for my paperbacks, the spine is just the cover, which I make out of kraft paper for the backing + the decorative paper (usually scrapbook paper or something I've designed and printed)

12. Mistakes/Fails

Ooh BOY are there many. My most recent was my experiment with making a hardback quarto letter. I made the hinge waaaaay too small so when I tested the case the textblock was sticking out of it LOL. But I've been pretty lucky--this is only the second case I've had to remake in my time as fanbinder *KNOCKS ON WOOD*, but my printer fuck-ups when I was trying to figure out how to print on legal sized paper (since my printer doesn't duplex) probably make up for the luck I've had in the case department XD. Casing in, though--I think I've had maaaaaybe...two or three case-ins where I was completely happy with the results. A large part of this is because my guillotine doesn't cut completely straight, so my squares are never even LOL. But hey, I'm not getting paid for this, and I'm having fun, so eh.

13. Process

Ooh, interesting! My process has remained largely unchanged--I think the only thing that has really changed is now the frequency at which I print. I used to print at a print shop, so I'd make typesets in large batches--usually two to four books, sometimes more (I think the most I've done at a time is five?), and I'd make a day out of it. Now that I have my printer at home though, I can do things in smaller batches! I can also test print things, so I've been able to get a lot more experimental with my books sizes and my covers. Everything else has remained largely the same--the first book I did I typeset in MS Word, but everything after that I've all done in Affinity Publisher. I typeset > print > bind > take pictures! I really like how different each step is (like I said, twelve different hobbies in a trench coat), so there's always something different to do if I get bored. My favorite parts are probably designing covers and sewing the signatures!

14. Storage solutions

OUGH. I have one of those rollaway drawer thingies for all my tools, a dozen scrapbook paper containers, several large baskets for my vinyl and cloth, a hanging stand for my larger sheets of decorative paper, a standing desk which holds my Cricut and printer (a few of the aforementioned vinyl baskets are under this desk too), another rollaway basket thingy that holds my printing paper and my press (also under the standing desk), another desk which holds both my two guillotines and cutting mats (and under that desk are all my scrapbook paper containers and Cricut mats), and a final third desk where I keep all my sewing stuff and where I do my typesetting and other sitting-down parts of the process. And of course my shelves for all my books! This doesn't really give a sense of where everything is, but it's actually fairly organized, and for the most part I know where everything is (except for my FUCKING bone folder god that thing is always ending up in places I do not remember putting it XD)

15. Your Workspace

Ah, see my answer to 14! I'll probably upload a photo here later XD

16. Dust jackets and covers

Oooh, I've never made a dust jacket before--I don't think my printer could handle the wonky paper size that it requires, but they look really cool and I'd maybe be up for making one someday! And covers! Both my greatest love and my greatest enemy. They're super fun to design, but this is one part of the process that always feels like an uphill battle for me! There are so many skilled and talented folks in Renegade with GORGEOUS covers, and it's always a mix of being incredibly inspired and getting some design envy--but either way it's very motivating to keep me out of my comfort zone and to always keep trying new things. I use decorative paper and scrapbook paper mostly for the base material (although I've begun experimenting with designing things digitally and printing them out on Epson matte presentation paper), and then the rest is fuck it, we ball. I usually design the cover last, so I have an entire typeset and title page already when I begin, which makes things a little easier since I have an already established aesthetic to work with. My font selection is kind of determined by how small the text for the title/author name is, since my Cricut isn't great at cutting super small sizes (Times New Roman, funnily enough, is one of the only fonts that it can do at smaller sizes LOL so a lot of the text on my covers/spines are in TNR). I'm excited to keep improving and experimenting in this area!

17. Published inspiration

Ooh!! This one's fun--when I first began making my Master pages in Affinity publisher, I literally grabbed the first few books I saw on my shelf and said 'alright, this looks good' and haven't looked back since LOL. Those books were Vintage's editions of Toni Morrison's novels, Picador's Gilead by Marilynne Robinson, Vintage's edition of Willa Cather's The Song of the Lark, Fall River's omnibus editions of Shakespeare and Sherlock Holmes's works, Penguin Classic's Deluxe edition of Jane Austen's novels, and a few others that I can't remember. I looked at all these books, found what they had in common (for example, a simple title page before the decorative title page, the use of a single graphic or design at the beginning of each chapter, etc.) and went with that! I don't usually take inspiration from specific books, EXCEPT for a project I'm currently working on which I'm super excited about :3 More TK here eheh (ADDITION 3/7: I was talking about Maybe sprout wings here LOL)

18. Illustrations

FANART MY BELOVED. I LOVE including fanart in my books, because it's such a lovely demonstration of the communal nature of these stories and it's so fun getting to collect all the pieces. For free use graphics my favorite sites are Adobe Stock images and Heritage Library. Heritage in particular has a beautiful selection of free vintage graphics packs that I've used for years now. And very occasionally, wingdings fonts will have something I really like XD

19. Favorite tool

Despite my gripes earlier about always misplacing it, I ADORE my bone folder. It's a funky lil dude and it makes all my edges nice and crisp! I can't wait for the retreat bone folder fufu :3 Also a very big fan of my guillotine, which despite its flaws makes my life a hell of a lot easier in the long run, as well as my presses, which were handmade by my dad and do their jobs very well (squiiiiiiish)

20. Favorite part of the binding process

Oooh, this one's fun! I really like the actual construction of the book--sewing sigs is always relaxing and has been one of my fave parts since the very beginning. Recently I've started to really enjoy designing covers, especially if there are a lot of physical elements (like layering scrapbook paper or playing around with Mod Podge).

I had the absolute privilege to hold @clovenhoofbindery's copy of Away Childish Things at Havencon last year. Literally every book Space makes I fall in love with, and her designs are a HUGE inspiration for me. Everything from the typesetting to cover design to physical construction--I lose my marbles every time.

21. Inspo: The binder that inspired you!

Ohhh this one's so hard! Literally every time I check the #show-off channel in the Discord I'm struck by so many beautiful books. I'm going to cheat and name a few people here, but this list is by no means comprehensive and doesn't even begin to cover everyone I could name.

Everything @pleasantboatpress binds is just so beautiful. Their color choices are always inspired and their headbands make me want to cry! Their bind of Unconditional in particular had me foaming at the mouth.

The quality of everything @zhalfirin-binds makes, likewise, always blows me away. Her books are so polished and professional, and her photos make me feel like I'm in a museum when I'm trawling her blog for inspo!

@simply-sithel's tiny books are literally the coolest things ever! I'm still working my way through the Binderary vids and I can't wait to get to hers. Six plays with form in mind-bending and truly innovative ways, and her blog is wonderland of tiny and fantastical book creatures.

@teleportbooks's binds are the definition of classy and refined. They're so good at designing their books according to the contents of the fic--their binding of Thirty-Three Lashes in particular is just the best design centered around fic content and title I've seen. Their designs always make me melt a little when I see them!

@no-name-publishing's endbands are to DIE for. Like fr I am in awe every time!!! And Kam's cover + title page designs are a huge source of inspo for me--forever in love with this bind of theirs, with the beautiful painted cover + matching endpapers T_T

And of course!!! I (and everyone else) wouldn't be here without our beloved leader, @armoredsuperheavy. He's the first binder that ever inspired me, and he continues to do so today!

22. Inspo: The fic that inspired you!

My original answer was also my answer for 27 ("First bind"), but I'm gonna say something a little different here! I usually know pretty quickly whether I'm interested in binding something, but very rarely has a fic gotten me hook, line, and sinker the way @that-banhus's King of Infinite Space did. Like, from the first line I was like "oh god I need to hold this one." And eventually I did! :3

23. Author spotlight: Someone you've bound

AHHHHHH this one is so hard too! I've bound a good number of authors over the years, many of whom are my dear friends, and to spotlight only a single one would be impossible. So I'm just going to poke @dodici12, whose killugon fic See You Upside Down is one of the best killugon reunion fics ever in my very humble hamster opinion. Hiiiii Tessa ilysm <333

24. Author spotlight: Someone you'd like to bind

OOOOOH. Many, many fics are in my queue. I'll keep them to myself for now, since I prefer to ask for author permission via DM, but atm I have my eye on a few Good Omens authors whose work I adore!

25. Favorite bind by you!

THIS ONE IS SO HARD AJLSKDJF. I love all my babies so much and I'm proud of what I was able to accomplish and what I learned from each of them. However, if you put a gun to my head and asked me to choose right now, I'd have to go with my most recent bind of Maybe sprout wings by @moorishflower. I'm really pleased with both its construction and particularly the curation of its contents, which includes the work of nearly a dozen people. It was my attempt at capturing the communal nature of fanfiction's creation and dispersal, and it was also my Big Project this Binderary. I'm ridiculously fond and proud of it!

26. Favorite bind by someone else!

THIS ONE IS SO HARD TOO HELP. Okay this is only one of my many many favorites, but dragging Space back out here again to say that her bind of Away Childish Things permanently altered my brain chemistry. Like, the cutout!!! The patronuses!!!! The title page cutout???? THE KEY??? Again, I held this book in my hands IN PERSON last year and I'm still not over it. The quality of the work is absolutely bonkers crazy incredible and I think about it Often.

27. First bind

The very first fic I ever bound was On Stranger Tides by @theroyalsavage. It's still one of my favorite fics ever today--it has the perfect blend of action/adventure, romance, humor, and fantasy. It gives me the good ol' "roaming the high seas with found family and magic and pirates" ache. It holds a very special place in my heart!

FINAL THOUGHTS

28. Latest bind

See 22! But for funsises, I'm also ridiculously fond of the binding before that, of @aboxthecolourofheartache's fic The Politeness of Princes, because I got to do lots of fun arts and crafty things with the cover!

This was my first year doing Binderary, and I had such a blast! It's so crazy seeing how far Renegade has come, from a little Discord for book shop chatting (ASH mentioned in one of the talks how it was just called, like, "Bookbinding Discord" at the beginning LOL) to now. We're well on our way to a proper organizational structure, with several yearly events, in-person meetups, and thousands of members all over the world. And we have so much more planned! It feels truly special, and I'm so grateful to everyone who makes this possible.

Okay!! That's all from me for today, folks. If you made it this far, thanks so much for reading! <3

[ithinkshesprettyy]

JOURNAL ENTRY #4

hi! long time no see!! first entry of 2025 and first in a longggg time!!!! happy new years and merry christmas to all who celebrate <33 sooo i took a long break off tumblr lmao i've been on and off lurking but haven't really posted on any of my accounts. i think it's done me a lot of good and i feel more in touch with myself and more connected to my friends and the world around me.i've missed my mutuals ofc but i've been talking to lots of you on discord or insta anyway!! i've had the last month and a bit since nov 22nd off school (!!!!!) because i finished my exams THANK GOD failed half of them but i don't even careeee lmao. but yeah i've spent so much time with my friends and writing and just reconnecting with myself over this summer break i feel a little bit more like myself now!! but christmas is always such a messy time for me and there's been so much going on in my life, it's honestly hard to keep up. my family is lowkey a mess but my cousins (8 and 11) got back from japan after living there for TWO YEARS!!! that was my december high probably it was so good to see them after so long, especially the girl because we've always been so close and it was so great to catch up!! i just got back from a camping trip with my mum, it was great but we (somehow??) forgot our pillows 😭😭 but it was so good and lots of thrifting and walks and swims i loveeee summer!!!! reccently i've been having an existential crisis about the fact that i'm starting year 13 (last year of high school in nz) on FEBRUARY THE THIRD??? it's honestly insane to me and it made me realise oh fuck theres under 200 days of school until i GRADUATE??? hello???? like???? it's terrifying but oh so freeing i honestly hate school so much lmao it'll be suchhh a relief to be out of that hellhole. me and my best friend had a sleepover last night and we made a cake with a stripper rat on it (no context xx) and watched some movies and yapped for like 2 hours. we cleared up some stuff that went on in our friendgroup last year which was SUCH a relief and we just yapped so much i love 1am talks they're so perfect and they always clear everything up and get things off ur shouldersss. then we fell asleep with her cat cuddled in between us purring like a literall machine!!! idk if i'll regularly use this blog but this was nice to write i love you all <33

[boysbeloving]

Happy 1st Anniversary of KinnPorsche the Series!! 🎉 🎊 🥳 🥂

allow me to be emotional a bit (i say this as if i'm not emotional over the series and the actors every other day lol)

kinn and porsche are SO precious to me...as individuals and as a couple...i relate to kinn a lot: his struggles with a parent, his crushing sense of duty, trying to fit into the world he's forced to be a part of, him not always knowing how to communicate feelings...i had talked about it a bit here about how soft he is despite everything around him and ya...kinn is extremely close to my heart because of these things...i see myself in him (barring the killings and sadly barring the butt sex too)

porsche is just....SO MUCH lol!!!! if i spend time with him i would need 3 to 5 business days to get my energy levels back! but i understand his love for his brother and relate to how he's fiercely protective of him (i'm the same with my sister...but she's older than me)

and ofc mile and apo

man i related a little too much with apo's early life struggles lol...him being told to always 'correct' himself, him feeling disconnected with who he is made to be, being subjected to casual homophobia at workplace (he talked about these things in the On That Day interview and that press con that had happened with the entire cast)...the fact that he felt so unhappy coming back home from the US...it broke my heart and it hit a little too close actually...i had talked about this a bit here (i feel apo is queer coded) coz it reminded me of things that had happened in my life quite recently at that time and the fact that both apo and i were still going strong gave me a sense of kinship with him (hahha 'kinn'ship haahhhaha)...i ofc don't have a mile who has been a positive and happy addition to apo's life since he came back but i am making efforts to have those positive and happy additions in my life

and one of these positive and happy additions happens to be the kpts fandom....y'all....it is SO AMAZING TO BE PART OF THE FANDOM.....y'all are SO TALENTED! the art, the gifs, the meta, the fics, the vids, the polls, the thoughts on the characters, the crackposts, the textposts, the fandom archivers! i'm so thankful to all of you...each and every single one of you

and lbr we've had our fair share of trials and tribulations but because i'm only on tumblr and not on any other social media sites, it has been generally a brilliant experience...i have made such great friends, have talked to a bunch of you, received amazing mile thirst traps in my inbox, have been entirely inappropriate in writing my shameless tags in posts, have openly admitted to my armpit and armpit hair fetish (i made armpit appreciation gifsets ffs), have again very openly talked about my other kinks as well (i think y'all know 🙈) (the armpit fetish admission has led to a beautiful friendship that i cherish <3 and my thirsty tags have led me to meet my feral twin <3)

personally as well i felt like investing myself more into the fandom and the series and the characters and the actors....it made me do things that i had not done before! i talked to fellow fans actively, i made gifs (low quality and using free software lol but i'm actually happy with them), i wrote stuff, like i legit made an ao3 and wrote some stuff lol! i have not done that before and again it is primarily for me and i'm proud of myself for doing these things y'know

last but not the least, kinnporsche the series gave me my thai husband: mile phakphum romsaithong .... and for this alone, it is the best thing out there in the world 🙈🤣

the anniversary of my foray into the series will be next month (it was mile's asscrack that convinced me to finally watch the series that kept trending on tumblr from time to time) but let me be emotional today too

thanks y'all and happy 1st anniversary!

[aspartaime]

I'm in a mood tonight so if anyone who i have ever known see this, let's read further. This is truly so stream of conscious. It's just a general life update.

CW: drug use, mental health themes, emotional?? idk it was to me, SA

My friends on this site, I know we've been out of contact for years. I have been in a season of life where I am extremely sentimental. I look back on my friends I made here/friends I have IRL that also followed me here, and it makes my heart swell.

I was going through some severe mental issues when I was on Tumblr regularly. I've since pinned it down to "being a chronically online, easily influence teenager". There were a lot of things either glorified, justified, and normalized on Tumblr that messed up my nerf ball brain. I was not a great friend because of it. I realize in hindsight as an adult whose brain is less nerf-bally that the lot of you who cared about me must have really cared about me to stick with me through that shit show. This is my formal apology in the least direct or awkward way for my behavior. Know that I love you all and pray your lives are full of home cooked meals and laughter and peaceful Sunday mornings.

Since my PTSD diagnosis I have done a lot of making sense of old memories. My life from age 13 through age 17 is such a blur. My girlfriend doesn't know what to say when I bring it up. You all would love my girlfriend, by the way. We live together now. She's the light of my life. She makes things worth remembering again.

I finally stopped acting like a doormat. My constant need for validation that I experienced in my youth has become a mildly nihilistic disposition. But like, the cool nihilism, where nothing matters so everything is super chill. I realized it doesn't matter if I don't like someone or someone doesn't like me, we all have different preferences and needs and all. I dunno. It's kind of nice to be free of clingy baby hell. I'm attributing that to the PTSD diagnosis as well.

I got into weed. This is not a surprise to anyone who have ever had a conversation with me, I'm sure. I started smoking to take the nightmares away. Then it became just a normal part of my day. I don't abuse it though. I just find that it helps keep my head quiet.

I got in a lot of fights along the way. It's kind of funny. This last fight was really my tipping point into my "go-with-the-flow" phase. Given it was the third (or possibly even fourth? PTSD makes it difficult to care about keeping track) I was sexually assaulted, I just had to make a decision then and there I was done caring. It also reinforced my belief that people who go through hard stuff have a flashing sign over their heads that tell other predators this isn't their first rodeo. At least it felt that way to me. I digress. This person was my best friend, allegedly, and it just blew up on me.

Anyways. All that negative aside I have been doing better than I ever have. My mental health is taken care of. I stimulate my brain and challenge myself with my three jobs, LOL. It keeps e out of trouble. I am with the most darling woman I've ever met. She saved me. My two cats are my prides and joys. I'm in a longplay of the Sims 4 right now.

I sign off on this post by requesting:

If you knew me and took the time to read this, I care for you always. Thank you for helping me get to where I am now, getting me through the hardest years of my life when I was also constantly using this site, and teaching me so much about true friendship. You guys rule.

[musewrangler]

#2, 6, 15, and 18 for the fic writer ask game, please!!

Have I mentioned before that you are the coolest for asking me things about my writing? Thank you friend. :D

2. What fanfic do I wish I got more response on?

I think that has to go to my Star Wars Western---Showdown At Alliance Ranch. I had SUCH fun with it and I really worked the research and descriptions. But it is admittedly a very niche thing, so I'm at peace with its humble hit count. :D

6. Have you written any fanfiction featuring OCs? Elaborate.

Ha. This is hilarious coming from you. You're just handing me a microphone and smirking because you KNOW about this. ;D So. Stretches fingers.

Why yes. Yes I HAVE written OCs. xD AND featured them! This is an amusing one, because when I started writing here, particularly the Empire Reimagined series, I was determined not to do any OCs. I think I found so many of them rather shoe horned in with other works and I didn't want my stories to feel like that. I liked the feel of the original canon characters. However, we all grow don't we? And it made sense in my AU to have more characters to make the galaxy more three dimensional. Doctor Henley was the first OC and there was NO WAY he was going to let me just use him and lose him. So even early in my writing, I broke this little private rule and carefully put in a few OCs. Henley, as mentioned. Then Braxten, a medic, and Sergeants Havel and Ellery.

However, in terms of FEATURING one. That didn't happen until my young friend, Matthew Scraps, showed up. I had once again written him as a nice little filler character. A newbie to interact with canon characters in a one shot. But then, I needed some characters for a short series I did featuring Commander Fox and I thought---hey. This would make sense and we've seen him before.

I'm not sure when the idea of putting him on as the head of Piett's security squad hit my brain, but when it did, I realized I had someone I had made indispensable. And then he and Piett developed this wonderful father-son energy. The rest, as they say, is history.

15. Are there words, mannerisms, phrases or scenes you tend to use a lot?

Ha there sure are. I'll try to stay brief. I love thinking of Piett and Veers as exceedingly British. I mean---the actors ARE so that shapes the way I portray them. Thus, both are fairly understated in the wonderful way that the Brits can be, especially when faced with fearful odds. ;D Veers tends to convey a great deal with his 'Iron General' persona. Piett has very expressive eyes and eyebrows so I utilize that a lot in my work. I love having him do little things like tug his jacket into place or rub at his temple to convey various emotions. I find that the way people hold their mouths is very effective with conveying feeling: chewing a lip, pressing them together, allowing the edge to curl a little, scrunching a bit in distaste etc.

In terms of scenes---I have to follow a hurt with a comfort. It may not be right away, but I find I'm not an author that can do hurt no comfort very often at all. So my fics usually have a concluding wrap up with people where they should be, a conversation that needs to happen or healing etc. I love a good confrontation scene between characters and have done a lot of those.

Phrases. Well. Piett will always call Leia 'my dear' and I like that he uses Scraps' full name. Always 'Matthew' not Matt. He and Veers use the 'Good Hunting' 'Safe Stars' when they have to split up to complete a mission. Piett also tends to use 'I'll endeavor' when instructed to do something and it's usually a somewhat playful response.

18. Recommend some else's fic [and tag them if they have a tumblr]

There are so many tremendous writers on here and I confess that I write more than read. But. I would HIGHLY recommend the incredibly talented @hollers-and-holmes. She has done phenomenal things with Tolkein fan work and is a Rembrandt with word painting.

Thank you again for this friend!!

[docmedecal]

Hi~! Long post inc (or above, I haven't uploaded things on Tumblr in ages) I'm Kassandra (or Kas or whatever just don't call me late for dinner haha) and today was the one year anniversary of the medical side of finding myself (and everything else that's come with it) 2023 had so many challenging moments, but it was also the happiest year of my life and greatest time for my own personal growth and well being. I started HRT on Jan 18th 2023 (after a long internal battle with acceptance that sometimes spilled out into external conflict) and I have loved every day since. That's not to say there wasn't struggles with it, the couple months of feeling plateau'd, finding out my blood work wasn't hitting the desired marks and then finding out months later I was at the upper end of the hormone range and my levels were all great, and learning how to express myself confidently (therapy helps a lot too!) The past year has been a lot of trial and error (and lots of Amazon/Romwe crap clothes) to find my sense of self and how I wanted to express myself. I also had a lot of help from the loveliest person I know (more on them later though hehe~) and I've finally been able to be that person I always would daydream about being all throughout my life but never had the courage (or means) to do and be. I've learned that a lot of the "scariness" in the world that being semi-professionally terminally online would show me, while valid, was not the reality of things that I would face. I've dealt with conflict around my transition, as nearly all trans people do, like having to break ties with one of my closest friends of 14 years because he stated I was an "abomination" among other things. But I also found love and acceptance among many of my closest friends especially in my best friend who most likely couldn't tell you what any given letter in the alphabet soup is but supports me fully and talks with me daily. Surprising most of all is the middle aged women that come up to me every few times I leave the house and compliment my outfits (a shock from the assumption that I would face a slew of TERFs on the daily from any Reddit thread) and the neighbors of the home I moved into who have treated me as a women in every interaction. It's been a long journey from being a small kid sneaking into heels when my parents were gone to being in my Sophomore year of high school and seeing Against Me! where my dad explained to me that the singer had transitioned and I was shocked that was an option to the first appointment at my local Planned Parenthood so anxious about the blood draw that was the smoothest I'd ever experienced to the first little blue fem 'n m I took to the one I took a few hours before writing this. And I know that even if the rest of the journey is filled with highs and lows, I will love every second of living my life as the person I've always wanted to be.

2023 was also the year of reconnecting with an old friend @arrogantmrcnry (over a Tinder joke profile of all things) and having friendship transition (hah) into them being the best partner in the world and love of my life. Whenever my transition comes up, they tell me how proud they are of me and I tell them that I couldn't have done all of this (to the extent I have) without them always being there to support and love me I have had some of the happiest celebrations and holidays with them at my side this past year and gone on so many little adventures (and many more to go) There isn't a single person in this entire universe that I would have rather started this journey with. They always know how to tell what I'm feeling and exactly what to say to make my day better. Even if we'll eventually stop communicating verbally since we seem to make the same damn jokes in unison always haha. We've kept each other sane through moving in together and fixing up our home, yoinking a street cat together, and the general highs and lows of life. You are the greatest partner I could have ever hoped for and I'm so elated to one day be your wife 🖤

The Pre-E but not yet Post E-Girl Era (back when I used a foundation that gave me super bad breakouts) Still some of my most fun makeup sessions besides the ones with @arrogantmrcnry also let the love of my life pierce my nose so I could stop using $2 fakes that always fell out while taking pics 😂

Some extras I didn't really know where to place but more snapshots of the year (also the best son and street muskrat anyone could wish for!)

For 2024, I've set some transition goals to start getting laser on my face (one of my last real anxieties looking in the mirror) and work on some slight voice training so I can fully utilize and embrace my deeper voice in a more femme manner. I know that this will be another amazing year of learning to be me and love life~

[probadbatch]

Feel free to ignore this - it's just some uncharacteristically melancholy musings about the past that I needed to get out of my head. Everything's fine, don't worry.

I've been going through my archive from the early days of this blog and just. So many people have deactivated since the season one days. I know some of them remade and are active now but more are just gone. I feel like I'm seeing ghosts.

If you're new here - things are better now but they were pretty ugly in the beginning. This blog really only exists because I got so damn frustrated with the negativity and fighting and I needed to channel that into something a little more positive. A lot's changed since then. Friends deactivated, bullies moved on, but I'm stubborn so I'm still here.

It was weird coming into this fandom at first. I've been on tumblr since 2011 and to say I've seen its ugly side is an understatement. This blog is relatively small for me but I have another that... well, let's just say I get hate mail there on the daily. Coming into the SW community here was the ugliest I've ever seen tumblr. I won't call the whole fanbase toxic but there were definitely a few people who were and unfortunately they were organized and extremely loud about it. They tried to drag everyone into their war and if you tried to stay out of things, that made you a target.

A few of them are still around. They've moved on to other things but every once in a while I break my own cardinal rules and check in on a few of their blogs. They don't seem any happier than they did back then. I'm sad for them. It looks like such a miserable way to be. The fans who stayed definitely seem happier than any of the bullies ever did.

I wonder about the fans who didn't stay. I like to think they just found somewhere more pleasant to be and they're living good happy lives now and don't give much thought to the old days. But I don't know. And with how bad the bullying got back then, I worry.

If anyone I don't know about remade and is reading this - please don't feel like you have to tell me. If you're happy and safe, that's all I care about and if your privacy is how you've managed that, I'm okay with not knowing. But I think about you - even if we didn't know each other back then. I think about all the fans who've disappeared. I hope you're doing well.

I don't know what I'm trying to say. I guess partly I just wanted to say goodbye to everyone who left before I could tell them. I guess I also wanted to say that bullies might win battles but they don't win wars. We've lost good people but the fandom is still here, still going strong.

This blog is for anyone who's ever had someone else try to tell them how to experience fandom or to stay out of it entirely. People who would say that are miserable and the only thing misery loves is company - so much so that it will go to great lengths to create more. Pity those who would rather spread their misery than accept joy.

I don't care who you are or how you identify or what your politics are or what you ship or how long you've been in fandom or what someone else thinks you've done. If you ever need someone to talk to, my inbox is always open for you. I promise you aren't bothering me.

I'm tired of seeing deactivated blogs.

[firesign23]

I am so sorry you are not having fun anymore, is there anything we could have done? But thank you for the Heads Up and also thank you for the reminder to always immediatly download everything I want to keep re-reading! Are you absolutely sure you don't want to do the orphaning option, so more new people can find joy in your work in the future? And you don't have to curate anything, you can just ignore it! (I have no experience with orphaning my work, but I believe that's how it would work?)

So, first of all, thank you (and everyone else) for the lovely messages. This response might be a little long and I apologise in advance for that.

My reasons for planning this deletion are not, really, about not having fun with it anymore, because I am still foolishly besotted by these noble idiots. It's been on my mind for a few months for various reasons, and honestly the specifics aren't super important and until recently were outweighed by the good parts of participating in the fandom. But once that balance began to tip, I took a few days serious contemplation to make sure this was the route I wanted to take, consider alternatives, etc and reach the conclusion before making any mention of it, even to friends. Because the absolute last thing I wanted to do was enter into a cycle of… validation, I suppose? where I feel bad and people say nice things and then I kick the underlying issue down the line and repeat the cycle. A few very long time followers (well before JB) might recall exactly why this is on my radar. It's not a good or healthy way to approach fandom. I debated posting about the deletion at all, for fear of that same cycle, but as someone absolutely awful at downloading I have mourned so many fics lost to me and decided it's what I would prefer from another author.

As for orphaning, I am generally hugely in favour of it over the deletion. I am often the person making sure people know it's available, because it's a great option! In this case, the loss of control (we'll be coming back to this in a moment) over my work was definitely not the route I wanted to go. I considered anonymising them all instead, but that wasn't actually a solution to my specific problem.

Here's where it gets… well, I don't want to say interesting. 😂 But psychological, I suppose. I made this decision the way I usually make decisions. Matters were weighed up, factors thought through, I made sure it wasn't an impulsive choice. We've all got brain gremlins and this is how I make sure mine are not calling the shots, because they're dicks. And I posted yesterday very confident that it was the best option.

Enter: one asshole (my husband) (affectionate(mostly))

Because he pointed out (far less articulately than I am going to now, but damn if he didn't nail it) that if I really had been considering it for months and not yet acted, was I sure I wasn't doing this in reaction to the Grandmother Situation? My grandmother, beloved, died recently. Tumblr isn't the place for all the details, but suffice to say it has been a clusterfuck, as deaths in families often are, and it has been made significantly worse by the fact I am a continent away and have absolutely no way of dealing with the fallout. And, well, "Exerting control via social withdrawal to deal with the complete lack of control elsewhere" is… plausible. Having one's art shared, anonymously or not, is exposing. And usually that's one of the real joys of fandom, but when you're already exhausted and worn thin by Drama even a pebble in your shoe can be A Lot.

What does that mean? Honestly, I don't know. It doesn't mean that I was wrong in my conclusions. It doesn't mean that I won't delete the fics. It does mean that I will be putting a pin in the deletion plan until the Grandmother Situation gets a little less ridiculous and I can re-evaluate though, and I'm not sure how long that will take. It's really fucking ridiculous. Some real Lannister drama on a redneck budget.

I do still recommend people make sure anything they want to keep is downloaded in the near future, and if I do delete and you have missed a fic you're welcome to message me and I will send a copy. And maybe, instead, I'll find my equilibrium and not delete at all. That's going to be something I have to figure out myself. But there is some absolute joy in this fandom, and whatever I end up doing I'm very glad to share it with you all