#i have been slacking on answering asks lately. ☹️ | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lesbolieeh · 3 years ago

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The Notebook

Best friend!Jeon Somi ✦ Crush!Fem!Reader

WC—3.1 ✦ k

WARNING—anxiety ✦ titles/ pet names

THEMES—light angst ✦ best friend au ✦ crush au ✦ future fluff (?)

NOW PLAYING—DUMB DUMB ✦ SOMI

[A/N.] i’m rly sorry for being away for so long but the news abt soojin has taken the fun out of kpop for me. i’m still trying to process it but for now i’ll just rewrite old fics from my wp and post them so i don’t leave u guys w/o queer content!

언니 (unnie) = older sister

M.LISTS—f!idols ✦ latest updates

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Today was one of those bad fucking days.

One of those days when you can't find any positivity in anything.

One of those days when you don't feel like talking to the people you love the most.

One of those days when you just want to give up.

The first thing you saw in the morning was a the notification of a text from your girlfriend.

Looking at the white speech bubble is something you usually look forward to when you see Sakura's name bright up your screen, knowing she always has something entertaining to tell.

But this particular morning she said something you wish were a joke.

BabyKura

[ive been thinking lately and i think we need a break ___]

My gf🤠💦

[You're not going to tell me why?]

Seen 10:17

You asked her the first thing that came to your mind.

She couldn't possibly just expect you to be OK with having a break without a reason, right?

After an hour you accepted the fact that she had left you on read and that she wasn't going to reply anytime soon.

Maybe it was because she called you ___.

She never called her by your name.

Only your friends called you that.

She was supposed to call you weird or cheesy pet names and nothing else!

Maybe it was because you had noticed that she'd gotten distant.

But that didn't matter, because she left you with no answers.

She left you with a headache.

She left you with your bad thoughts and theories.

Damn you, Sakura.

It was very human-like of you to be in a bad mood.

Only a robot would feel nothing in this situation.

The day couldn't get any worse. You were going to make sure of it! Your mood may have been bad, but you weren't going to let anyone else get affected by it. Lashing out on innocent people because you don't feel good on the inside is something you hated doing.

Today you were going to hang out with your best friend, Somi, at a nice secluded area by the nearest river. You had planned out a picnic with the classic blanket and basket consisting of your favorite foods and snacks that were small enough to actually fit into the small ass (but cute) basket. For a whole week you hadn't met up and you both missed each other and wanted to make up for the days you had spent apart so of course you went for the nice, cliché picnic hang out session.

But no.

You weren't going to meet her and ruin her parade with the rain cloud that was following you around wherever you went since the morning.

No, you weren't going to let the first time you meet in such a long time be ruined by the sad but somewhat expected news you got this ugly morning.

언니 ❤️

[I can't hang out today, sorry]

Princess Somi

[why not?☹️]

언니 ❤️

[I'm not feeling too well]

Princess Somi

[it's ok i'll get some soup for u😊]

언니 ❤️

[No, you don't need to, I don't want you to get sick!]

Princess Somi

[but ive missed u sm☹️]

언니 ❤️

[We'll meet another day I promise to make up for this!]

And so you put the phone gently on the table (lol) to lay on the sofa and binge watch some random show. You made sure to turn your phone off first since you knew you'd cut Sakura some slack in case you read any persuasive text from her — she's good with words and making you feel loved.

Whilst you were looking through all the lists Netflix had created for you, which were filled with movies and series you either had already seen or weren't interested in, Somi was still expectantly waiting for her screen to go bright.

She must be joking, she thought.

Excitement had filled her body from the moment she opened her eyes this morning. You hadn't hung out for a whole week and she had missed you. Spending time with you was one of her favorite hobbies!

Needless to say, she liked you a little more than a best friend should and that was a bit of a problem.

For so long she'd known that it was a bad idea to like you. You didn't like her in the same way, and you even had a girlfriend for pete's sake — and a really pretty one at that! But no matter how many red flags there were, she still wanted to spend every day with you. She wanted to be the only one you called Princess. She wanted to be the main person you spent your time on. She wanted your attention to be on her. She didn't want a week to go by without being with you.

Wondering why you called Somi Princess when you already were in a relationship?

Well, Princess had been Somi’s nickname before you even met Sakura (yes, you'd known Somi longer than you'd known Sakura, yet you still found yourself in a relationship with gher). And though your girlfriend never liked it, you had convinced her it was just a friendly pet name.

Because it was.

To you.

To Somi it the closest she'd ever feel to being your girlfriend.

But you started using that pet name less ever since Sakura came around and ruined everything more than it already was ruined.

She loathed Sakura.

Sakura was always the reason why you couldn't hang out with your bestfriend for too long, why you couldn't call him Princess on certain occasions and why you couldn't look at her as a potential girlfriend.

Sakura was an attention thief.

Not really.

But it felt like it.

Somi was jealous of everything Sakura had with you.

Because your girlfriend obviously was a threat, Somi felt like she needed even more validation than before (which was already a lot). She needed your attention. If you ignored her she'd think it was your way of telling her that you had left her completely for Sakura.

Ridiculous!

She shouldn't feel like you owe attention to her.

Again, your friendly (fucking) friendship was the closest thing Somi had to being together with you in the way she really wanted, thus she valued it a lot. Not having you as her girlfriend was hurtful enough, but not having you as even her friend would break her.

Like normal, she needed your validation.

Unlike normal, she wasn't getting it.

You weren't validating your time together, nor your friendship — or at least it felt like it.

Emotional Somi’s smile dropped and so did her excitement for the day.

Was this the end?

She knew that spending one week without each other would lead to more time for you to spend with your damn girlfriend but she didn't know it would lead to the end of your friendship.

No way she'd bail on our plans.

Princess Somi

[can i pls come over? the food will b bad tmw and i dont want it to go to waste😬]

Princess Somi

[idc if i get sick or not bc i still wanna hang out w u]

Princess Somi

[pls 언니]

Sent 11:33

You had ignored her only once before and it was a horrible experience.

The way you ignored her (on accident) was so painful that she had to leave the gathering that she had looked forward to for so long, confusing the others, to go and lock herself in a bathroom so she could cry without bothering anyone. You'd gone right after him since you knew it wasn't very Somi-like to leave a fun time for no reason. After you had knocked and reassured her you were her best friend and not someone there to make fun of her, she let you in.

The sight you were met by was her crumbling figure on the floor and overflowing tears on her cheeks.

She had thought that you wanted nothing to do with her.

Stupid you didn't see the obvious sign.

It was because of the fact that you hadn't paid any attention to her that Somi'd gotten the idea that you had grown bored of her or that you wanted to leave her for Sakura (but she didn't tell you the latter part, of course).

How much your lack of attention and affection for her had affected her was scary.

And a fucking sign, you idiot.

Ever since that incident you'd made sure to always remind her of how much you valued your friendship.

Except for today.

She thought she had made it clear enough to you that you never ever should ignore her unless you really meant it. Unless you really wanted them to part ways.

Therefore she thought that you wanted to go from the bestest friends to cold acquaintances.

Some people might think it's crazy to be this attached to a best friend but you weren't just her best friend. You were her love and happiness.

Without you she didn't have either.

Five minutes passed since she triple texted you and she still had no reply.

Slowly she felt how her tummy was turning into knots and how her eyes started stinging.

Princess Somi

[ur making me worried]

Princess Somi

[hey!!]

Princess Somi

[r u ignoring me?☹️]

Princess Somi

[unless u have corona, meet me by the river at 7 if u care abt me. i need to talk to u abt smth important]

Sent 12:00

If you didn't show up then she knew for sure that you had left her behind forever. If you did show up then she'd confess to you. So spontaneous. She couldn't keep her feelings inside for another year because it wasn't healthy and she knew it. She knew she would have to tell you about her feelings sooner or later. And after being without you for a whole ass week and after experiencing the cruel punishment that is being ignored and even thinking you broke your dear friendship off, she knew the time had come for her to confess.

Whilst she was anxiously thinking through why she made such a bold move and possibly ruined any future she had with you, the girl she loved was casually being lazy and stuffing her face in pillows in front of a TV.

two seasons of random show later...

Tossed between blankets and an overflow of pillows, you roared like a lion. You hadn't eaten anything yet. Maybe it was time to do something other than numbing your feelings with Netflix and the drinks (soda if you're underage) you had at home?

As you stood up you felt heavy. You had moved maximum 50 meters in the past few hours — to go to the bathroom and back to the living room — and it had taken a toll on your body physically.

Fuck.

You sat back down on your sofa and brought your phone to view after hours without it.

[6 new messages from Princess Somi]

Fuck.

The last message was sent so long ago.

You looked at your windows. It was dark outside.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

As fast as you physically could, you put on a pair of shoes and a jacket with your aching limbs.

In just a few minutes you were behind the steering wheel and driving as fast as you were legally allowed to. Because of the quarantine the roads were almost empty and that made it thankfully more convenient for you to get by.

The whole ride to the river was filled with you thoughts putting you down. Your favorite person in the world was emotional and you knew it. You hurt her. You let her down. You were supposed to not let your bad mood affect anybody around you. But who were you kidding? Of course something had to go wrong with an idea you constructed and analyzed for four microseconds.

Before you knew it you had arrived to the destination.

But to your fear, the parking lot was empty.

Fucking empty.

You didn't even feel the pain in your legs anymore, the pain in your heart had taken over any feelings you had before.

Were you too late?

Had she gone?

It wouldn't be shocking, it was past midnight after all.

You were naive enough to think that isolating yourself from your bestfriend [who didn't have corona] and your phone would help solving your problems, so you were certainly naive enough to go and check if Somi was still at your meeting place although there was no trace of her here.

Every step towards the place you were supposed to meet at hours ago was tough.

What if she wasn't there?

What if she was there?

On a bench by the water that was shimmering from the moonlight was a thin, tall silhouette. Your eyes widened. Could it be...?

Sniffles.

That's the sound that came from their direction.

You walked closer and could make out the lines of a figure that was all too familiar.

"Princess?"

The silhouette turned around and though it was dark you could see that it in fact was her. You quickly sat down beside her and noticed that a couple of notebooks were scattered on the ground next to a bike.

So that's how she got here.

After another particularly loud sniffle you turned your attention back to her. The light of the moon was illuminating her figure but exposed the redness and tears on her face. For hours she'd been outside and her face was still wet with tears.

"Why are you still out at this hour?"

She choked on her tears and rested her face in her hands, "Because I'm a fool."

"No, you're not a—"

"Why are you here?" she interrupted you.

Touché.

"You told me to meet you if I care about you."

"You weren't here at seven, so you already proved that you don't care about me," she hurried out before her voice could crack.

"If I didn't care about you I wouldn't show up at all," you spoke with a soft tone. The last thing you wanted was to be harsh, especially since you were the reason your bestfriend was upset.

"Why did you do this to me, 언니?" she asked and looked you in the eyes as if she'd find any answers inside them.

"I promise I didn't do it on purpose. I would never hurt you on purpose," you took her hands into yours, oblivious to what the simple gesture did to Somi on the inside.

Her hands were so cold it was shocking that she was shaking because of her crying and not because of the ice-like coldness. That's what happens when you're out for hours when there's no sun — or person — to keep you warm.

"I saw the messages 20 minutes ago and got here immediately. I would never purposely ignore you, Princess."

You made sure to use her nickname in almost every sentence you spoke, silently telling her that you don't want to fight. Slowly you brought her hands to your lips and kissed them lightly, five kisses on each hand for every finger. She looked at your lovely action and felt how her tears were slowing down. The kisses didn't make her warm — maybe for a second — but at least they made her feel somewhat better inside.

"I'm so, so sorry you had to be here in the cold," you apologized and kept her hands in yours as an attempt to warm them.

One part of Somi wanted to continue being mad and make you feel bad for the hurt you'd caused he, but the bigger part wanted you to hold her in your arms. She loved you and couldn't stay mad at you for long even if she tried.

"I-It's OK, 언니. At least you're here now," she whispered and looked at your locked hands, admiring the sight since it may never happen again — or maybe she should make sure her hands are cold—

You sent her a sorrowful smile and let her head rest on your shoulder, resting your own against it as an instinct both from being comfortable and tired.

"From now on I will check if I have any texts every hour for you," you said with an exaggerated joking voice to lighten the mood.

She giggled. You weren't even being that funny but you were both tired and sad, so anything even a tiny bit funny was hilarious to both of you.

"What did you want to tell me before, Princess?" you whispered into her fluffy hair and petted it.

Should she tell you how she feels? Should she possibly ruin this?

Would you ever kiss her hands like you did just now? Would you ever touch her this caringly ever again? Would you continue to call her Princess?

For hours she'd been outside in the cold waiting for the love of her life so she could tell her the truth. But it took time before you, the love of her life, showed up.

When a person is alone outside with notebooks filled with blank pages to write feelings and stories in, it's easy to let emotions take over. She ended up writing around seven songs. Some lyrics were really cheesy and written in the spirit of the moment. Some lyrics didn't even rhyme. Some were a perfect description of where she was in her non-existing love life.

But they all had one thing in common.

They were melancholic and written in the point of view of a woman who was hopelessly in love with her bestfriend.

"Nothing. I just wanted to have a picnic with you, 언니. I was just being dramatic to convince you to come despite feeling under the weather," she lied right through her teeth.

You chuckled lightly, believing her immediately.

"Then where are the snacks?" you asked, confused since the only things around you were notebooks, a bike and water.

"I ate them."

Laughter filled the air; your genuine one and her fake one.

You put your face in her cheek, making her blush (not that you'd notice, since her tears had made her red from before), "Well, my tummy is a lil' too thin right now, so let's go somewhere."

"In the middle of the night?" she questioned.

"Yes," you smiled against his cheek and she felt it, making her smile too.

"OK."

You both were still smiling when you were picking up all the notebooks to get ready for the ride. Jokes were thrown here and there. It was as if nothing had happened. You both knew it was a misunderstanding and you valued the friendship with the other too much to put energy into arguing. And you were tired too, so the argument wouldn't even be that epic even if you tried.

"Wait! We can't leave your bike," you exclaimed suddenly at the realization.

How is it so that when you're tired and alone you're just lazy but when you're tired and with your best friend you're more energetic than usual?

"You know what? Since I was a jerk I'll let you drive my warm car while I ride in the cold," you said impulsively and tossed her your keys.

"B-But, 언니—"

"By now you should know not to try and go against what I say," you interrupted her and sat down on the bike. Anyone who had spoken to you knew you were stubborn.

She laughed. The little sadness she had inside was gone by now. Her cheeks were dry. Still red, but not from crying, now they were red from blushing.

"OK, whatever you say, 언니."

"I warn you, don't break my car or else I'll break you, Princess," you said teasingly.

"I would never~ See you in an hour, 언니," she winked at you and waved with a smile brighter than the moon before making her way to your car.

You waved back to her and got ready to bike — you definitely needed a head start.

But before you started you couldn't help but see something white standing out in the darkness.

It was another one of Somi’s notebooks. You must've been too tired to notice it when you were picking them up. Thankfully the notebook was open or else you wouldn't have noticed it as it had a dark cover. You took it into your hands. To make sure it really was Somi’s you needed to read at least a snippet.

You prayed it was Somi’s because it would worse if you read a stranger's private thoughts than your bestfriend's since you already knew all her secrets.

The snippet was Somi’s.

It was from one of the pages of lyrics that barely rhyme, that was very cheesy but depicted how sappy she was feeling and also told her part of the story of the situation.

I want to feel my best friend's lips on my lips

I want, more than anything, for her to call me HER Princess

So that's what she wanted to tell you.

✦ ੈ ✦ ‧₊˚ * ੈ ✦‧₊˚＊* ੈ ✦ ‧₊˚ * ੈ ✦‧₊˚＊* ✦ ੈ ✦

❝ 난 네 머리 꼭대기에서 춤춰 you dumb, dumb 영혼까지 끌어 떠는 내숭 결국 이게 다 널 위한거야 Dumb, dumb, dumb 순수한 내 눈빛보고 잔머리 굴리지말고 Let's play, dumb, dumb, dumb ❞

( I'm dancing on top of your head, you dumb, dumb Trying my best to put up a front to impress you At the end, it's all for you Dumb, dumb, dumb When you look into my eyes, don't think too much Let's play dumb, dumb, dumb )

—jeon somi; 2021

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