#i have been overwhelmed by my guys today fr LMAO

[acebytaemin]

HI if anyone sees gifs of wino doing the i like it dance…. you know who to call…..

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Im never getting that baby karasu butterfly scene out of my head also wait adding this to the sweetheart karasu agenda but maybe he really likes animals too?? Like there’s obv the crown motif all over but we see him like gazing at it so fondly too like bro crows and butterflies this boy is so precious HDJSHSJSJAH and no because atp the authors fr just copied you like fwtkac karasu was actually so on point it’s scary

NAH BC WHAT DID WE SAY?? MIRAEITA CANON FR we got the first epinagi appearance guys epimiraeita next fs look at all these signs

On that note im seeing all your shitposts on Otoya and laughing you fr fell into the Otoya agenda trap (me too honestly) LMAOO I also can’t unsee that eyebrow meme but what’s also really funny is wayyyy back when when I first read the manga I was like “bro id never give two shits about Otoya so idc and it’s fine that he’s a cheater LMAO” (look at me now :(((((((() Also wait I also did not know about the green eyebrows it never processed in my mind…that’s…interesting….bro has blades of grass as eyebrows…..

Also the BEANIE I cannot I’m sure he’s worn it so often that his skull and hair have been like permanently MOLDED into a beanie shape like let’s be real let your scalp breathe

LMAFAOAO “buddy we can tell” HAS ME ROLLING but nah fr he just said it is what it is no thoughts empty head

But ok wait pause again this just makes all the previous tabieita moments even more special HEHJSJS like when karasu prevents Otoya and Bachira from stopping off the bench to their recent game interactions and their third selections interactions too like goodbye im ascending we love tabieita power duo (also from what we’ve seen im also assuming himizu probs came first!!)

FR the length of the epinagi chapters is sm nicer whatever’s going on in the bm pxg match just passes like i feel like I read four panels and the chapters over LMAO

We love karasu relevance….i feel like he’ll definitely have a moment but i wonder if maybe it won’t be as tied to shidou so that it still allows Rin to score while he gets some spotlight…like maybe he finds a way to shut down Kaiser or Isagi (good parallel back to the whole Ordinary Isagi from third selection etc)…I also considered that maybe he’d help Rin!! Honestly that was kinda my ideal situation where maybe he breaks apart the current dual system (which seems kinda inefficient imo) but I wasn’t sure how likely that was to happen LOL either way I trust karasu awakening moment soon…

FRRR I get that Isagi is the mc but I’m DYING to see other matches like please we haven’t seen any of the other matches barcha has been straight up dead for like the past 60 chapters

Another nagireo breakup NEEDS TO HAPPEN like let them grow I’m begging (also I too like to doom scroll through Reddit but then I see some extremists debating some points or talking about characters glazing and whatnot I’m like ok maybe this was a mistake LMAOOO)

Yeah there’s no such thing as a non ooc piece there…also I think just generally (at least in terms of my preferences) the writing style is very…unsophisticated…which makes sense since it’s like middle schoolers writing but I cannot bring myself to continue reading some of that like…(LMAOAO I like that philosophy if it doesn’t exist I’ll make it myself HAHA)

Well either way we were fed well today with that chapter I dropped everything to read it

-Karasu anon

HE IS JUST A CUTE SPARKLY BOY PLEASEEE he’s so 🥹🥹💖💖 i can’t…he loves all animals except the marine ones TRUST!! bro finds wonder and joy in all living creatures as long as they stay far away from the water. and HAHA omg karasu is basically mine atp i should be getting royalties for letting bllk use him 🥱

YES MIRAEITA SO REAL SO TRUE HIGHLIGHT OF THE CHAPTER 🤩 first in bllk now in epinagi…it’s obvious what the best ship is!! NO BUT SAME when i first saw him i was like okay weird guy his best friend is hot asf though (i was so overwhelmed by karasu that i did NOT care abt otoya) and then i read he was a cheater and i was like yikes…never liking him…now i shitpost abt him constantly and just posted the first chapter of a fic for him 😓 he used his ninja skills on me or smth tf…

I JUST NOTICED IT THE OTHER DAY so ig his hair is naturally green then?? does that mean he bleaches the rest of it?? he confuses me a bit 😭 don’t get me started on the beanie LMAOAOA he keeps that thing ON ‼️ yeah ykw at least he admits that he’s dumb as hell though like he truly is just floating through life and chilling i have to respect it

TABIEITA IS PEAK OVER THINKER + DOESN’T THINK like they average out to a normal person’s levels of consideration to any given subject HAHA karasu is always analyzing shit and internally freaking out about every little thing meanwhile otoya is like “cool 🥶👍” to literally whatever 😭

pxg vs bm has been like so many chapters and yet i feel like nothing has happened…i think it’s the curse of weekly releases though because i bet on reread it’ll flow well!! it’s just that as it’s coming it’s like please i need MOREEE

i do think karasu is going to have some kind of relevance!! i see a lot of posts on tik tok abt rin and shidou possibly linking up and i think karasu could be an avenue to that. but also YES bro i can’t wait for the epinagi manga to catch up w nel in twenty years i need to see what’s going on nowwww let me see my boys again 😓 BUT NOT TOGETHER. REONAGI ANTI RIGHT HERE (not actually hehehe but yk)

honestly i’m not a reddit lurker…embarrassingly enough i happened upon the thread while looking for manga panels of otoya on google 😐 goofy ass mf taking over my life and whatnot

100% i think it’s almost a self fulfilling prophecy — kids start off writing on wattpad, so the quality isn’t great, which means adults searching for smth better written go to sites like tumblr/ao3, leaving mostly people who can read objectively more beginner work on there, and because they’re so used to that, that’s what wp authors will put out. then because the ecosystem is as such, there’s no motivation to improve as authors can get away w a simplistic writing style and still be popular. ofc this doesn’t apply to everyone — i myself post on wp sometimes, so there’s obviously going to be other people who can write fairly well and upload on there for various reasons — but for the most part that’s kind of the case. actually ime more complex/better written stories will get less popular and more hate/complaining-type comments than the very surface level y/n-harem type of stories. that’s not to bash on the latter kind of story but it’s just an interesting observation i’ve made!! i think it speaks a lot to the wp audience

[zwei-rhunen]

li am legitimately on 3 hours of sleep and I just had the wildest healing experience lmao

>am AST, qued for leveling, end up in Halatali

> tank is buck-ass naked, dont think much of it

> notice him HP keeps dropping like a fly, think ‘that’s weird!’ and press on

>just before the first boss, rational thoughts and a hint of beginning-to-care wiggles itself through the fog of sleep-depravity, and i check his gear.

> nothing zilch nada. i think, well maybe its the “emperor’s new clothes” glam? but no, hovering gives me zero pop-ups. i’m mildly confused. i ask in chat.

and he’s been doing (i think) decently big-boy pulls the entire time, and so at this point the mobs all overwhelm him quicker than my 2.45 second cast time -

I’m not even mad. like, i felt annoyed at first? but then just bemusement settled in, and i was intrigued. i wanted to study him under a microscope like some kinda fungus i found on a tree in the backyard. so i check his character info just to see what i’d find.

wow, (/tired incredulity)

but now i have an excuse to just hit one button for 90% of the run, and if he dies we all know why :) like i am absolved from all responsibility so this is an ez run and i actually felt less like, stressed/worried about playing right ig? bc already it doesnt matter lmao so like idk keeping tank alive is no longer a pressing priority in a self-motivating sense. i’m still gonna heal him but if he dies, you best not give me lip abt it, mr tighty-whities xDDD (no but fr today i am guaranteed to bite heads off at the slightest hint of whatever towards me. today is not a social day. today is a ‘begrudgingly acknowledge the fact that other people exist but i’m going to go off on my own adventure waaay tf away from civilization’ kinda day

he dies again at some point ofc bc nakey + i am trying to do my rotation whenever i find a safe moment. got 3 comms at the end, pretty chill run. prefer not to do it but that wasnt so bad, on a lvl 20 dungeon. /shrug

cocnutty up in that head damn. no one talk smack about my gear no more, bc i could definitely be worse - i could be this guy. at least im not subjecting people to those kinda shenanigans lmfao like holy shit? xD

also like at best. this’ll be over in 15 minutes (with the way our pace was going) and at worst, it’s ragebait and not worth holding a convo b/c what is it going to change. i dont have unlimited amounts of energy and attention, why would i donate it to this guy lmao. im here for exp and if we can do that then im set bb

[midnight-and-sapphire-variables]

((Sometimes I hate how slow my mind can process things- ahh autism problems lmao))

((Also I’m a little slow on some asks because I’m drawing a few of them, esp the story heavy ones.

And today I wanna get through them and then probably take another break. Cuz a personal thing came up and I’m not feeling my emotional best atm.

And yeah, I know. If I feel this way I don’t have to work on it, well, the asks I wanted to draw for have been sitting in my drafts for almost a week and I want them done and out of the way. Esp since I love doing those~. Tho I overwhelm myself too much when I’m hyper focusing on something else entirely with the bois lol

that’s hard af. lol why must my special interests do this to me when I have seasonal depression coming, esp with that personal thing I mentioned to top it off?? 👏🏻👏🏻 lol idek but yeah~

sorry if I’m so slow with them, I’m just kinda struggling answering questions rn esp if they’re coming more and more without me expecting it. I’m used to not getting this much asks. If I ever got any at all lmao.

I’m just grateful you’re all understanding and patient and sometimes I feel I don’t deserve you guys lol.

But yeah, I will get to the ones I wanted to work on and then make another post about taking a break after they’re done. Just to let ya know, y’know~?

love you guys, fr~ 🥺💙❤))

[bxoken-heartss]

@tu-sonrisaaa-te-amooo asked: Could you do the 8 and 17 fluff with Joel? tht would be cute (ik u hate him lol u could do zabdi if u want)

Lmao I don't hate him Bby..he can just be a bit dramatic sometimes...that's all 🙆‍♀️

Prompts: (I did a bit of alterations in it so excuse me)

“I want to dance through an army of fireflies with you.” (Prompt 8)

“My hand was made to fit into yours. That’s all there is to it.” (Prompt 17)

So Y/N is your name

~ ~ ~ means change of scenario.

✓ ✓ ✓ means the end.

So...ahem...this went a bit more than I intended it to go...I swore I would just write drabbles but I guess old habits die hard? So this is it? I hope you like it Dia! 💕😅 (oh new nickname alert)

This song is beautiful and sorta inspired me! 💕

- - -

Y/N and Joel were friends ever since they were little kids...They had met when Joel had gotten lost wandering around in a series of pet shops staring at pets (especially various dog breeds and puppies). When his senses had hit him..he understood he had gotten lost..he began to feel nervous and uneasy and let out childish sobs as he began to run around looking for his mother.

He barely paid attention to anything around him as he only focused in searching for his mother that which eventually ends up with him bumping onto someone.

"Ouch! Why can't you watch where the hell they are going?!" A voice speaks

Joel falls down as he looks at the person speaking...a little girl who held a husky in her arms on the floor angrily glaring at him

"I'm so sorry...I didn't..." He begins as he stares at the husky...

"It's fine...Just watch where you're going at least the- -" She begins

"Is that the Siberian Husky?" Joel asks interrupting her as he stands up

"I'm kind of offended that you interrupted me...But yes...yes it is.." She replies as she possessively holds her husky

"Can...Can I pet it?" He asks as he looks at the husky eagerly

"Well sure I guess..." She says as Joel begins petting the husky.

A few minutes later, the duo had already begun talking about...dogs things in general..

"Y/N! There you are!!" I was looking all over for you!" A voice speaks, tone concerned

"Oh..Mumma..I was just on my way back but then this boy bumped into me and apparently loves Zachary a bit too much.." She says as she points at Joel

And that's when our oblivious little Joel realizes that he was lost and was supposedly supposed to find his mother..not stand here fanboying over a husky.

His eyes widen as he looks around, searching for his mother a.k.a his official/ main intention...Panic strikes his system as he realizes he was obviously potentially lost..

"Are you okay Joel?" Y/N asks

"I'm LOST!" Joel replies as he looks at her letting out childish sobs

"Oh god...Mumma...Help him!" Y/N says

"Listen lil boy...we'll find your mother...do you like know her number or anything.." Y/N mother asks

"Yes..." He replies as he tells her the number letting out soft sobs

The husky jumps onto Joel's arms as it began licking his face. Joel stopped crying slowly as he began smiling a bit.

"Oh my god...He is just so adorable..." Joel says as he pets the husky

"Yeah...he seemingly likes you..strange..he's not pretty comfortable with strangers.." Y/N comments

Soon Joel's mother comes in, her eyes scanning around, her eyes instantly gleaming with happiness as she finds Joel.

"Joel!!!" She says as she runs over and hugs him, Zachary jumping out of Joel's arms onto the ground.

"Mumma!!" Joel yells as he hugs her, sobbing quietly

Y/N stepped away a bit letting them have their moment.

"Thank you for finding him! He's always roaming around..pet stores...or just everywhere in general...I'm so sorry for his careless actions...and all the inconveniences he has caused you..." Joel's mother apologizes

"Oh not at all...He wasn't a bother at all.." Y/N's mother reassures

"Joel...at least next time don't go around without telling your mum! If you want a pet come over to my place...We can play with Zachary together..." Y/N says as she smiles at him, holding her mother's hand

"Okay..I will." Joel says smiling at her as he pets Zachary one last time...

"Bye Joel! See you...well...soon?" She says as she walks off..

That was how it all began...After that, one day he had turned up at her place surprisingly...They were next door neighbours...And eventually they spent a lot of time together..which lead to their everlasting friendship which began at the age of 6..

~ ~ ~

"Joel...when am I going to see you again?" Y/N asks as she lazily sat on his bed whilst she helped him with her luggage.

"Around 9 months...I'll be back soon.." Joel says as he puts in another shirt

"Oh come on...that's technically the entire year!" Y/N comments as she rolls her eyes

"I swear I would have taken you if it wasn't for your Fashion Designing Course..If that had been completed..then you could have joined.." Joel says as he stuffs in something else

"Yeah yeah..it's important right...I'm going to miss you Jo..." She says as she looks at him

"Me too..I wish there was something I could do.." Joel says as he walks over towards her.

"Just promise that you'll facetime me before all your performances..and just text me once at least every day...send me those lame audios of yours...I don't care.." Y/N says as she holds his hand...

He was still here...not gone..why did he have to leave?

"Hey...I'll text you and call you everyday.. You're my best friend...If I wouldn't call you.. who else would I?" He asks as he holds her hand and hugs her

~ ~ ~

"Wow! That was a spectacular show right boys?" Joel asks obviously excited as he walked behind the stage...

"Yes..exhausted but overwhelming..." Richard replies as they walk into the room backstage

Zabdiel immediately falls onto the couch, Erick cools off, Chris begins to fix his hair

"God..Why hasn't Y/N even seen my message! She didn't even facetime me today or even call me! Isn't that just mean?!?" Joel comments as he slumps onto the couch

"Yes...call her mean and every other negative word you could think of Ho-eL! She brought her arse from miles away, sat on a 13 hour flight just so she could surprise her best friend and yet you call her that?" A voice speaks from behind him

"Wait...a minute..." Joel trails as he instantly turns behind and sees Y/N

"Y/N- - !!!!" His tone surprised and shocked as he leaps off the couch and hugs her, a few years falling through his cheeks in the rush of excitement.

"Curls!!" She yells as she hugs him.

They hug on forever none of them every wanting to let go...Until an intentional cough from the guys pulls them away

"Ah...err...Guys! Meet my bestie Y/N!" Joel says as he grabs her hand heading towards the boys

"We talked Curls...I talked to everyone and they all helped me hide...You guys were amazing...The performance was just fantastic!" She comments as the boys yell out a chorus of thanks

"Okay so everyone except me knew that you were here?" Joel asks

"Duh curls...I couldn't sneak into backstage without their help..." Y/N says referring to the boys.

Joel grabbed her arm and pulled her into an empty room and pulls her into a hug again

"I'm so glad to have you here...Thank you for the support.." Joel says

"Wow wow...I never knew I'd see a sweet side of you Joel..." Y/N remarks

"Shut up and just hug me..." Joel says rolling his eyes

She returns the gesture as they kept hugging, an odd source of comfort filling both their veins.

~ ~ ~

"Joel...this is beautiful..." Y/N comments as she looks around the woods.

It was a small forest sort of place filled with thick green trees and a small river which gleamed with reflections of the littered stars that laid scattered in the skies.

"I know right..." Joel says as he looks at the river and at her..

They spent a lot of time making jokes and just talking about life...he had just returned from tour a few days before and thought he ought to spend some quality time with his best....friend...

He almost sighed at his own thoughts..he had begun to have feelings for her...but he didn't want to let them interplay..he didn't want to lose her...he needed her as a friend at least in his life..his feelings didn't have any part in this...but he couldn't help but wonder everytime she smiled..was she thinking about him? Did she think of him..as something more than a friend?

"Joel..Joel...HOEL!" Y/N yells.

Joel's eyes widen in shock as he falls off the log he sat on because of how loud she yelled and how distracted he was..

"Oh god...you are so clumsy sometimes Curls! Wait..actually all the damn time!" She says as she holds out her hand, Joel gratefully accepting her extended hand as she pulls him up.

"Look at that Y/N..My hand was made to fit into yours..” Joel comments as he sits up

Y/N face floods with a tint of pink as she nervously laughs it off..but never lets go off his hand..

"Of course you dummy...We are besties so god made sure it would work that way.." She replies uneasily

"Y/N I want to tell you something.." He says interrupting her from speaking further

An awkward moment of painful silence fills the air...

"What is it Joel?" She asks nervously

"It's.. it's..." Joel begins but his anxiety kicks in.

"If you don't tell her now...you'll never tell her or know if she felt the same.. you'll probably live in regret but you have to! " His inner voice encourages as he takes a deep breath

"I...I like you..." He breathes out

"I like you too Joel! You are my best fr- -" Y/N begins

"No Y/N...I like you more than a best friend.. you make me feel warm and mushy on the inside..I don't feel anything else around anyone else...You make me feel safe, happy. You understand me...We fight..but that's only because you care..but I like you in a different manner...You make me want to the cringy -est stuffs like taking couple pictures, share smoothies together, go on dates...and make me wanna dance with you in between an army of fireflies under the moonlight and what nots.. and to think that you make these cliché activities look normal...that's weird and definitely not something I feel one fine day.. I knew I always had these feelings..But I realized them...only recently...I understand if you don't feel the same..but just so you know I'll keep loving you..on and on..." He finishes off

"Who said I never had feelings for you Joel?" She asks "Every night... I'm just waiting and wondering if you have found someone that'll make you feel like that..Because why not? There are millions out there..prettier, hotter and just beautiful girls out there waiting for you so why would you choose me over them? Yeah... nothing.."

"Y/N I don't care...for you were..are the only girl I've had my eyes on...from the start.. today and forever..." Joel says as he holds both her palms. (I'm low-key swooning 🤧)

Before she could answer, Joel extends his free hand and pulls her up.

They walk over towards a place where the moonlight reflected brightly and the clear water flowing gently, causing small ripples as if it was singing a song.

"Well...can I have a dance with you?" Joel asks as he extends his hand out in a sorta gentleman style

Y/N nods softly as she takes his hand, his hand instantly softly interlocking with hers as she rests her free hand on his shoulder, his free hand holding a space above her waist securely..

As they began to softly dance in sync, an army of fireflies had encapsulated around them causing her to smile wide.

"Look Joel...True to your 'cliché' wishes..the fireflies are here..." Y/N jokes about it as Joel's face floods with a bright pink colour.

They enjoyed the overall aura, the silence suddenly turning comfortable...as they merely enjoyed each others' presence without any words being exchanged.

"So..Y/N..." Joel begins

"Hmm?" She asks as they continue dancing

"Will..will you be my girlfriend?" He asks nervously

Y/N stops dancing as she tries to catch Joel's gaze..but the boy would look at anyone or anything but her..

Y/N stood on her toes as she holds his face with both hands as she stares at his beautiful dark brown orbs, her eyes filled with nothing but love..that too only for him.

Joel looks at her nervously and before he could speak anything, she softly presses her lips against his. He instinctively bends down a bit to reach upto her height as his hands wrap around an area a bit above her waist.

She pulls away, Joel's arms still firmly fixated above her waist as he looks at her

"Did that answer your question Pimentel?" She asks, her tone filled with sassiness

"For real Y/N?" He asks in disbelief

"Yes Joel..For real...I promise you...I'll be there for you..." Y/N says as Joel smiles

"I love you Y/N.." He says

"I love you only..Joel Pimentel.." Y/N says as Joel pulls her in for another kiss.

✓ ✓ ✓

The Ending kinda sucked tbh...but anyways hehehe... I'll try to improve! 😅🙃

[ilegnangeli]

Random May Thought #3

The monsoon season is almost upon us. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for rain. I was born in September. I’m used to the monsoon season breaking my heart because it’s almost always raining on my birthday but I never get used to it, I don’t love it.

I am sat right in front of our window as I stare at the cloudy grey skies. Our family’s group chat is full of pictures of the skies and I kinda actually don’t miss the cerulean skies right now—specifically because I’ve been praying for rain for some time now. It’s just so hot in the Philippines. I guess everywhere else in the world, too. At least in the northern hemisphere. It must be nice to be somewhere in the southern hemisphere right now. I know these are conflicting statements BUT I would love it if it rained right now. But I don’t like the rain, okay? Lol

Anyway, this week was full of surprises. I got transferred to a different section. Praise God! Fr, I’ve been praying for this to happen and now that it’s finally happened, I have no words but THANK YOU, GOD!

I feel like I’m going to miss the Board members. I’ll miss asking them for their meals. I’ll miss joking around with them. I mean I’ve only worked with them for a couple of months but it felt like we’ve known each other longer than that. It was a privilege serving you, honorable members of the Board for recruitment and promotion. But here’s me, officially signing off.

There’s a bittersweetness to it. I loved being with the people in the recruitment and promotion section of our organization but God, I just wanted out. And you made a way. Thank you, Father. My heart will never be at peace if I stayed there longer. I would have eventually broken down (again and again) and never recuperated. It was just that bad. It was really dark for me to be in that place. It was just heartbreaking. I wasn’t growing. I was just THERE.

Plus, it felt like I won’t be able to improve things in the system because it isn’t up to me and I don’t want to be impeded like that. I don’t want to stay blinded by practices that go against my principles. I don’t want to keep on pleasing people. It’s tiring. And I’m knocked out. Totally.

I do pray for the people who need to remain in that darkness. And those who have newly joined and rejoined the team. My goodness. I pray that they keep their principles in tact. I pray that they don’t feel gaslighted like I did. I pray that God sustains them. I had to tap out because I couldn’t take the abuse any longer. I even cried in front of the Board members because of how heavy it felt to be in that section. Dear LORD, thank you for coming to my rescue.

Everything’s new to me in the section I was recently assigned to. I have never been assigned in the records section before. But what’s nice about it is that I’m already familiar with some of the things that I’ll be “chief” of from now on. I actually hate being called “chief” of anything because I’ve never been a chief of a section before. Lmao. There was an order from last year that made me “acting” chief of a section but lmao, I never felt like I was the chief because there was someone else who kept on “taking” the role so I never really “got the hang of it” nor did I get to “embrace” it. Because I might take the spotlight away from that person. And I don’t play dirty like that. I actually never knew my place there. In fact, I even wondered myself which “section” was I “acting chief” of since I never really got to call the shots. There was someone always in the way. I sighed, my goodness. I was even often told I was already “receiving so much help” that I wasn’t even “performing” well enough because I might be “getting overwhelmed” of so many tasks.

I’ve never felt so manipulated.

Truth be told, I was truly bombarded by tasks without proper timelines nor prioritization. The decision makers were indecisive and I was being blamed for their incompetence. Their lack of direction. Their lack of accountability. Their lack of responsibility. And I also began questioning myself if I was underperforming. Was I? Was I unprofessional? I started blaming myself for not being ENOUGH for them. I was losing myself. It was a dark tunnel I journeyed the past few weeks, if not months. I hope when these people get a chance to read this, I hope you understand how it felt like for me to be there. I was as confused as you were. At least have some empathy for your co-workers. Your co-workers aren’t robots. If that was how your previous bosses treated you (like shit), please don’t do that to us. We’re not being snowflakes, we’re ACTUAL human beings with feelings, if you know what I mean. Just like you?

The lack of proper communication and the amount of talking behind other people's backs and the amount of misunderstandings. The worst. I don't want to be in that place. EVER AGAIN.

This is why I always pray that I get mentors who have the same ideals or principles as I do. But it's so hard to find those kind of people.

However, I’m just glad I’m out of that tunnel now. I get to breathe again.

On another topic, our air-conditioner broke. It’s eight years old so it’s understandable. But I kinda feel sad that electronic appliances’ life spans are so short nowadays. Our aunt’s air-conditioner from MY CHILDHOOD still lives. They even got to bring it to their new house lmao. Meanwhile this air-con from only eight years back has given up on us. Anyway, my sister and I are getting a new one tomorrow. So I pray it rains tonight so I won’t have to endure this midsummer night���s heat.

So I printed my manuscript and have been editing some of my poems for binding. I’m thinking of giving this away as a gift to my friends for my 30th birthday or for Christmas this year, idk. I’m still thinking about it. IF I COULD AFFORD PUBLISHING IT. Lmao. But I’ll pray about it. I found an independent book publisher but I haven’t had the courage to inquire about their service fees. I’m afraid I can’t afford it. BUT GOD WILL PROVIDE lol. I’ll just be faithfully saving up for my book’s publication.

We did a general cleaning inside the house today. And I found so many boxes of the many things I bought from January 2020 up to present. When I think about it, I could have saved so much money right now. If I only had been patient enough. But dang, I wouldn’t be typing on this laptop right now if I didn’t dare purchase one lol.

The pandemic has ruined my timeline for EVERYTHING I had planned after returning from China. I planned that after two years, I would leave the organization. I would be teaching in Japan. And I would live on my own. But COVID-19 had to happen. I have postponed my graduate studies. I haven’t thought about leaving the country. And I am still dependently living with my sister and/or sometimes my parents lmao. I’m sorry. I WANT TO LIVE INDEPENDENTLY BUT THINGS ARE HARD RIGHT NOW. And also I really hoped and prayed for autumn, winter, and spring. But you can’t have everything.

LMAO, I was just having this conversation with my sister, like right now. She told me that she was going to check if she’s won the lottery, I told her that if she won, we should resign immediately and I would just leech off from her. And SHE SAID YES! Whoa! That’s UNCONDITIONAL LOVE right there. Lolol

Oh I just wanted to share another story because this was a conversation I really liked about this week, too. My lovely co-worker and I had a chat about her plans of getting married. This biatch, let’s just say that she is my biatch, we are each other’s bitches. Whatever. We’re friends, I get to call her that and she’s also welcome to call me her bitch. Capisce? Comprende? Alright, on with this story:

She told me that she and her boyfriend have spoken about settling down. CUTE RIGHT? But they’ve been talking about whether having a kid first or getting a house first. So she’s thinking about saving up for a house or applying for a loan so they could get a house and start saving for their wedding.

Ah, it’s cute, isn’t it? How like just six months ago, THIS BITCH TOLD ME SHE IS DONE DATING AND WILL JUST PROBABLY DIE ALONE, LIKE ME! AND NOW THIS BITCH IS ALREADY PLANNING A FUTURE WITH SOMEONE—HER BOYFRIEND! Okay, I’m not even angry or disappointed but it’s just somehow ridiculous and surprising at the same time. They say that when the right one comes, you’ll know. But man, I feel like THE RIGHT ONE for me got hit by a bus or something. WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? Lmao

To be honest, I don’t feel like in a hurry dating or marrying. Even though the rest of the world feels like I’m running out of time. I don’t live by the world’s standards—at least not anymore. Even though I often hear these resounding statements: “You’re just saying that,” “You’ll change your mind about it,” “You should explore because you’re at your prime,” and “You need a boyfriend.” I don’t feel pressured. Though I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently because these people keep putting these thoughts in my head LMAO. Should I be grateful though? Thank you?

But I have people surrounding me who pray for me and for my future partner or spouse or whatever the hell he will be (but I hope he’s in human form, okay?). Because for now, I know it’s insane and a pity (for you guys, but not me), I just enjoy watching other people’s blooming love lives. And I get happy and excited for them, like no other. I feel genuine happiness for people who are settling down right now, getting engaged right now, and falling in love right now. Because it’s their time. Not mine. So I will stay and I will wait. Because until I meet THE ONE, I can’t mess up fate. So I don’t mind, if you come into my life late.

P.S. Whoever you are, wherever you are, I’m excited to spend the rest of my life with you.

P.P.S. I’m already feeling the heat and it sucks we can’t turn on our air-conditioner. Imma cry.