#i have been fine. arguably good after the breakup

[adaine-party-wizard]

the sadness really do be coming in waves

[shinygoku]

Please Please Me (1963)

Part 1 in the CutCat Reviews Beatles Albums series, and what better place to start than the beginning?

Dang... they were sure Baby Bugs back then!

I ain't yet listened to every song on this here album, so this'll be interesting and strangely new, haha (Though I should disclaim that I'll be listening to the highest quality versions I can find on YT, so some will be innately more advantaged than others)

SIDE ONE

I Saw Her Standing There: One, Two, Three, FAUWH!! While part'a me raises eyebrows at "Well she was just 17, and you know what I mean" part (which is also somewhat mitigated by their own youth at the time! lol), the rest is such a fun, high energy bit of Rock n Roll that I enjoy this quite a bit, and it makes a great energetic opening to the album to boot!

Misery: A sad song set to jaunty music, if I didn't understand English I'd prolly miss that detail XD - Though I defo prefer said upbeat instrumentations to the otherwise kind of stock breakup song

Anna (Go To Him): Ahh, our first cover! Not keen on their harmonies here, something sounds Off. The song itself is fine, but as they didn't write it I won't be going into much about the words :P

Chains: Harmonica! Another cover so I'm gonna skip the lyrics, but the instruments and harmonies are on good display here~ I'm sorry to say I didn't notice it was George on vocals until I checked though, sorry! ^^;;

Boys: Ringo's turn with a cover!! He puts a lotta energy into this, and I like that they didn't change it to Girls or something instead lmao - His range works well for this, there's great guitar and Paul screaming in the background too, but the lyrics themselves don't stick in my mind much, it seems to be mostly "Talk about Boys, [Yeah Yeah Boys]"

Ask Me Why: We leave the sea of Covers for this side, for a lot of stringing out single words lmao, it kinda feels like an inverse of Misery, being much lower key but being Glad, though again the lyrics ain't really making a strong impression on my memory so when I get to the next side I doubt I'll be able to recall it well

Please Please Me: NOW WE'RE TALKING, BAYBEE! The words may be cheeky and arguably shallow, but it's got such energy and rhythm that I really do feel motivated to stand and move in response! The instruments all do a strong job here, and I think I actually first heard this as an instrumental and knew I needed to check it out more lmao. I can't think why Love Me Do got the #1 and this didn't, man!!

SIDE TWO

Love Me Do: I do not care for this song! Objectively it has a lovely bass, nice steady drums and impressive harmonica. But URGHHHH I cannot stick the vocals saying such inane, repetitive words! I feel like this is the only Beatles song that Beatle Haters hear, and form their entire opinion on. I can't fathom how it reached a #1 slot, other than it having been an exceedingly slow period for Tunes, or maybe the mouth organ really WAS that novel?! But when playing the Number Ones CD I always, always skip it, and even the newest version with the Now and Then release fails to win me over. And Ringo ain't even the drummer here!!

P.S. I Love You: Really benefits from following LMD, lmaoooo. It's a nice little tune with some instrument I can't identify (castanets?). I feel like From Me To You kinda does the long distance thing better, but there's a nice rhythm and harmonies that make this pleasing. It's also not Ringo drumming, again - no offence to Andy White, but y'ain't one'a the Lads! :T

Baby It's You: We're back in the Cover Realm. This song is nice. When I first heard the "Cheat" I thought they were saying "Shit" though, which I think woulda made it better XD ...15 mins after listening to it I have no memory of how it sounds :v

Do You Want To Know A Secret: In original and George territory! Gotta say the "secret" was extremely predictable :P The music is perfectly nice, but it doesn't strike me as Beatles Standard, ya know? That applies to a fair few on this album, not just this, but it's now that I really Am Thinking it ^^;;;

A Taste Of Honey: Cover! Less to say! They do good! When I listen to it my brain tries turning it more into a meme song, like it goes "A taste of Honey! Tasty!!", so idk what that says about the song itself but it's not the most glowing of reviews lmao

There's A Place: Ahh, the last Original on this album~ Sounds oddly modern in the sense of maladaptive daydreaming...! They really WERE ahead of the time (or having a Mind Palace is old as Hunter Gatherers maybe, both work lol). It's another inoffensive but hard to really talk about number, musically.

Twist And Shout: I've been pretty Cool to all the covers here, but this is quite the exception, and OOOOH IT'S SO RAAAAW (Infamously so, we all know John had to save this one for last as it shredded his vocal chords somewhat!). Another one that actually makes me Move, which is impressive, and it closes the Album on a very strong note~

CONCLUSION

Best 3: I Saw Her Standing There, Please Please Me, Twist And Shout

Blurst 3: Love Me Do, Anna (Go To Him), Baby It's You. [To be honest I kinda wanna put LMD here three times instead, but myeah]

Overall Quality?: It's Decent! In the context of it being their debut album, it's more impressive, but knowing how much the songwriting and music would develop does rather cast this in a long shadow. My 3 faves here are also the only ones* that got Red Album remasterings by the looks of it, and I sure see why they were chosen over the rest (*Though Love Me Do's omnipresence baffles me!)

🪲🪲🪲🪲

Neeext Time on my Bug Music reviews, we shall be With The Beatles ;3c

[anotherblblog]

Jack o’ Frost Binge thoughts

so I had some time free today and wanted to binge something. After MSP, MLC, MBMs2 and such ended, I’ve been not exactly inspired by bl’s lately but usually when I feel this way, I’m watching only Thai series, so I decided on a JBL to watch because last time I did this I watched My Beautiful Man and I was hoping for a similar restoration of faith.  So 2 hours (plus a dinner break) later, here’s some thoughts on Jack o’ Frost

With the amnesia/lying being the main plot, I thought the flashbacks were used well to show how their past relationship was and what Fumiya was hoping to return to. I did feel they packed a good amount of emotions and depth into the first 5 episodes. I think ep 6 could have been 10 minutes longer to make the resolution more satisfying for me but I still saw what they were going for and I think they achieved what they wanted to with the memories come back scene and then confession. Not a perfect series but I think it's pretty high up there for how the series kept the emotional stakes high even with relatively not a big action oriented plot. A birthday party goes awry and then it's a weird slice of life plus second chance romance.

I'd say Jack o Frost is a sleeper hit. It's low stakes, medium heat, and fairly uneventful but the desperation and futility of Fumiya trying to have it both ways and the poignancy of Ritsu being open and vulnerable kept me interested. Amnesia!Ritsu seemed really compelling and I could see why Fumiya was attracted to him and wanted that innocent beautiful perfect love back. The whole time I was wondering what went wrong and then it was still a fairly mundane reason for the "breakup" which arguably wasn't a breakup because they didn't confirm it, Fumiya just said he wanted to but they didn't conclude the conversation/acknowledge they were broken up. So the whole premise worked for me because they were beginning the breakup proceedings and then the amnesia. So Fumiya has gotten to a let’s end it place and then the person he wants to end things with is kinda returned to factory settings.  I think it also worked because the moment when Fumiya first says they’re roommates, they’re in a public setting, so arguably it’s not the best time to say they are/were dating.  BUT it was hella underhanded and devious for him to keep that façade for so long. It reminds me of the 90s romcom While You Were Sleeping but like inverted.  Also the amnesia plot reminds me of Love Syndrome 3 and absolute mess of a series I’m watching because three of the main actors are hunky favorites of mine. 

But anyway Fumiya as a protagonist is a quietly awful person (and that’s not a bad thing for the story or plot). He’s not malicious or vindictive but passive to the point of having a major case of acedia. When we finally get the reveal of why he wanted to break up with Fumiya, it’s pretty much a case of under communication meetings bottled up feelings.  Obviously Fumiya’s feelings are valid but he himself said he kept them inside because he was afraid the relationship would crumble if he admitted he was unhappy. And at that point, I was like, “oh fuck, I’ve been there. Several times across several relationships.” Jack o’ Frost is just so normal to me. Like that lack of trust in the relationship’s strength is why relationships fizzle out. Ritsu was blindsided by Fumiya wanting to end the relationship but not that they had been having stress. So to me it wasn’t that Ritsu was checked out but they weren’t on the same wavelength even while they were in a period of stress and even minutes/hours after they had sex. 

I enjoyed this series. I enjoyed these characters. The JBL 6 episode power combo strikes again. I would love to see more from this world. I doubt it’s coming but I’d welcome it if it did. Also Kyoya Honda is hella fine. Top 10 face card for sure.

9/10

[enamoured-x]

Sweet Release | Part 2

Angel Reyes x Reader

Summary: Things don’t go as planned when you attend Ez’s party. 

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, Angst

Word count: 4.8k

Excerpt: “Your salvation and your destruction kneeled before you, ready to prove to you how deadly the mix of the two was. Your angel on his knees ready to sin.”

*gif is mine!

a/n: thank you for all the love on this mini series! With that being said there will be a part 3 and it will be the final part! Enjoy! (part 1 can be found here)

Part 2

One long fucking month. Since the day you left Angel at the clubhouse with his come leaking out of you, you had been a wreck. Honestly, you were proud of yourself for holding it together so well when you broke the news to him. Maybe because you knew eventually you’d break. You were a mess. Hating Angel for what he put you through, hating that he led you to walk out on him in the first place. He tried calling every day for the first two weeks and then it simmered down to a call every few days. None of which you answered. For some reason you couldn’t bring yourself to block his number just yet. You still cared for him, still wanted to be able for him to reach out if something was wrong as long as it didn’t pertain to your failed relationship. You didn’t want to talk about how stupid that logic was because you knew keeping his number was because a part of you still wanted it to work. 

You played with the idea of maybe. But you couldn’t tell him that because you weren’t sure. You put yourself through all of his shit already and if he was going to do it all over again if you gave him a second chance you’d kill him. It would kill you. With that being said, you were going to let this play out. You knew you were supposed to get over him, knew you made a choice that day to end it with him. But a girl could dream that he’d make some grand gesture to win you back like in the movies, but this wasn’t a movie and Angel definitely wasn’t the romantic male protagonist. 

“Angel’s a mess.” You glared at Ez for bringing him up. You ignored his comment and sipped your coffee. You and Ez still kept in close contact over the month, sharing funny videos and checking in, just the usual stuff. Today he invited you to hang out and catch up since you hadn’t seen him since that day and you had agreed, happy to go somewhere that wasn’t work or your home. Happy to see your friend again.

“How’s pops?” You asked, trying to get the topic off Angel. You weren’t here to talk about Angel, he made his bed and now he could lay in it. If you were open to the idea of giving him a second chance, and that was a big if, he would need to do a lot more than having Ez tell you how miserable he’s been. You had been a wreck long before you broke up with him, he deserved to know what it felt like. 

Ez sighed and didn’t bring up Angel again, “he’s fine, he sends his best.” You nodded, making it a point to stop by soon and say hi, just because you and Angel broke up didn’t mean you couldn’t be friendly with his family still. They were practically your family. 

Ez twiddled with his coffee cup and you sighed. 

“Go ahead.” You told him, crossing your arms and leaning back in your chair. The outside seating offered you a breath of fresh air you desperately needed when talking about the one and only Angel Reyes. 

He stopped his movements and looked up at you, “what?”

“You obviously either have an opinion on the breakup or you told Angel you were meeting me and he asked you to tell me something for him. Hell, maybe you only asked to hangout with me to deliver a message. Whatever it is, spill it, Reyes.” You knew Ez enough to know when something was on his mind or when he was holding back. This was one of those times. You weren’t exactly mad at him for it but after your grief died out, you were just confused about Angel. You knew you made the right choice at the time but it didn’t mean you still didn’t miss him. It didn’t mean you were over him. 

Ez held his hands up, “I swear I just wanted to see you. No secret motive. If Angel wants to work things out with you, he can do it himself, I'm not his messenger.” You sighed. You knew he was telling the truth. 

“There’s something you’re not telling me.” He was still holding back. He may not be there for some ulterior motive but there was something. 

“You know I’m getting patched in…” He trailed off and you nodded your head. You were excited for him when he told you the news a few weeks ago. Ez had put all his time and effort in the club and he was finally going to become an official member. He deserved it. 

“The club is throwing me a party.” He stated and you shook your head. 

“No.” He scoffed at your answer and sat up. 

“Come on, you have to come. You don’t have to talk to Angel, just stay with me the whole time.” He begged. You groaned at the idea. 

“Ez, I don’t know. I don’t think it’s the best idea.” Showing up to the clubhouse just a month after you broke up with Angel and fucked him in the middle of it was probably not the greatest idea. 

“Please. You’re my only friend outside of the club, I want you there.” Ez’s brown eyes pleaded with you. You were his only friend and as that friend you owed it to him to show your support, even if it meant having to see your ex again. 

You bit your lip and Ez smiled, knowing he had you. 

“Fine, but I’ll be glued to your side the whole time you’ll regret asking me to come.” You pointed at him and he laughed. 

“This should be fun.”

You should’ve taken that as a warning. 

You hated the fact that you were putting effort into what you were wearing to the party. Trying on basically all the clothes in your closet. You figured if you were going to see Angel you had better make it good. Eventually you settled on a simple red summer dress, flowy enough to be innocent but short enough to showcase your legs. You opted for some white sneakers with it, deciding that you were definitely not going to dress up to this thing, Angel or no Angel. Either way, this night wasn’t about him or you, it was Ez’s night and you were going to be there to support him. 

Your nerves got the best of you when you pulled into the packed scrapyard, Chucky directed you where to park and you took a deep breath before stepping out. The party was already in full swing, people scattered outside and around the fire, already drinking and having a good time. 

“Hey, you made it.” Ez said as he walked up to you as you made your way toward the clubhouse. You had yet to spot Angel and you were thankful for it. 

“I told you I would come.” You pulled him into a hug and he wrapped his arm around your shoulder and then led you inside. 

“Thought you might back out last minute.” He shrugged. You were about to say something when you saw him. The man who had taken up space in your mind this past month. The man you left after reaching one last high with him. He was laughing at something Coco said, his smile not reaching his eyes. You could tell that what Ez told you had been true, that he was miserable. He looked good, just not all there. Both men were standing against the wall, what stirred jealousy in you was one of the club hang arounds to his left touching his arm. You swallowed hard, you forgot that before you and Angel got together, he was a hot commodity amongst Vicky’s girls. Now that he was off the market, you were sure the women were jumping at the chance to share his bed, they probably already had. Lead filled your stomach once again. 

You were about to turn to Ez to take the beer bottle from him when Angel finally looked over and stopped in his tracks. Gone was the smile and in its place was shock. You stared back at him, into those dark brown eyes you loved so much. Seeing him stung more than you cared to admit but you held strong. 

“You good?” Ez’s words snapped you out of your trance and you turned to him, finally taking the bottle from his hands. 

“You didn’t tell him I was coming?” You asked him as he led you over to take a seat at the bar. He looked guilty. 

“If I had he probably would’ve been by the gates waiting for you. Figured this was better.” You couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Hermosa, haven’t seen you in a while.” You turned around to face Bishop. A genuine smile lit up your face and you got up to hug him. He graciously accepted, giving you a tight squeeze before letting you go. Bishop was always so kind to you, always so supportive of yours and Angel’s relationship. 

“Hey, Bish. How are you?” 

“I’m doing good. How are you? Which Reyes brother are you really here for?” He teased you and Ez chuckled. Obviously the club knew about yours and Angel’s split but he still welcomed you with open arms despite it. You were thankful for it. 

“Very funny, but I’m here for Ez.” He laughed and placed a kiss on your temple before excusing himself. 

“Is he still looking over here?” You asked Ez, bringing the bottle up to your lips and taking a sip of the cold liquid. You welcomed the alcohol as it sat in your stomach. 

“Yup and Vicky’s girl does not seem too happy about that.” You felt a sliver of satisfaction run through you. But Angel wasn’t yours, you made that clear. So you had absolutely no right to be jealous, you had no claim over him anymore. At least not in that way but with the way you felt his eyes on your body, you knew you still had some sort of pull over him. He had that same pull over you but tonight was not the night for that. 

“Let’s get you drunk, Eziekiel. You deserve it.” You changed the subject. You weren’t going to sit here and talk about Angel who was a few feet from you during Ez’s party. No, you were going to celebrate the man of the hour. Your friend, arguably your best friend. Also arguably your only friend. 

“Sounds good to me.”

Ez was a bit tipsy but not nowhere near drunk after many rounds of beers and a few shots. You on the other hand kept it to three beers and then opted for some water, not really one to drink all that much. That didn’t mean that you weren’t having fun though. Coco had eventually came over to talk to you during the night and you were glad none of the men held any animosity towards you. It felt nice to see them again and you could honestly say you were glad you came. 

“Six o’clock, mamas.” Coco said and nodded behind you, you were turning around completely ready to see Angel. You were surprised he hadn’t tried to get your attention sooner seeing as how he still tried to contact you weekly. But it wasn’t Angel. The man who now stood in front of you was a stranger, albeit a very handsome stranger who was part of another charter by the patch on his vest. He was tall enough to tower over you, his dark eyes pulling you in. He ran his hand through his raven black hair and smiled at you, even with his facial hair you could still see prominent dimples. 

“Hello, sweetheart. I’m Jay. And you are?” He stuck his tattooed hand out for you to take and you took it into your own. Jay was a tall glass of water, honestly a wet dream. Just not yours. But he could be. At least for tonight. A rebound wasn’t a terrible idea but you guessed there had to have been some rule about finding a rebound at the party of your ex boyfriend's brother’s party while he stood just a few feet away. You still introduced yourself nonetheless. You were a bit too distracted to notice Coco and Ez had left you to your own devices. 

“So, what brings you to this party?”

“I’m a friend of Ez’s.” You told him. You swore you could still feel Angel’s eyes burning through you, you had felt it since you locked eyes with him. Whether he was giving you your space or he really didn’t want anything to do with you tonight, you didn’t know. But judging by the same girl who was still trying to get his attention, you figured he wanted nothing to do with you tonight if it meant him getting laid. 

“Hmm,” he looked you up and down and you shifted under his gaze. You were kidding yourself if you actually thought you’d go through with a rebound. Especially with a Mayan. And you were kidding yourself if you thought a rebound was going to help. As if it was going to magically make your feelings for Angel disappear. As if sleeping with a stranger was going to give you that release you needed again, no, only Angel could do that. You hated it. 

“So, this party is dying down, I was thinking maybe you wanna get out of here?” That was extremely forward, all he knew about you was your name. But who were you kidding, guys like him didn’t care, hell, you’d be lucky if he even remembered your name. You were just about to turn him down when he trailed his hand up your thigh skimming just under your dress. Your eyes widened at the gesture and you shoved him off you and backed up.

“Woah, what the fuck.” You hissed quietly, not wanting to make a scene. He laughed.

“Oh, come on. You're not here for Ez, you’re here to get laid.” What the fuck. You were about to tell him off before a hand wrapped around your waist and a warm body pulled you into his side. You didn’t even have to look to know who it was but you looked up anyways. Angel. Your damn angel.

“You touching my girl, homie?” He asked him, ice in his tone. You were surprised the guy wasn’t on the floor already, Angel’s girlfriend or not, he didn’t like people touching you if you weren’t willing. Maybe he knew punching a guys lights out right now was no way to win you back and it was definitely not needed at Ez’s patched-in party. 

“Nah, man. Sorry, I didn’t know she was yours.” You scoffed.

“I’m not anyones.” You weren’t going to cause a scene but you hated men like this, men who thought women were just objects. You felt bad for the girl he would somehow convince to go home with him. 

“Get fucking lost or we’re gonna have a problem.” Angel told him, fingers tightening on your waist. Your skin ignited at his touch, at him being so close, at his cologne infiltrating your senses once again. It all felt like home. You hated it. The guy held his hands up as he walked away mumbling curses under his breath. Before you could say anything to Angel, he was whispering in your ear. 

“We need to talk. Now.” He didn’t give you room to argue as he led you down the hall and into his dorm room, closing the door. You didn’t like this. You didn’t trust yourself to be alone in a room with Angel right now. Give it another month or two then maybe, but right now? When your breakup was still a month fresh? No. It was dangerous. Angel turned to face you and you crossed your arms looking anywhere but at him, not wanting to look into his eyes. Not wanting to lose yourself in him. 

“What do you want to talk about?” He laughed bitterly, shaking his head. 

“Us. You coming here dressed like that.” He motioned to your dress.

“There’s nothing to talk about, Angel. What’s done is done.” You explained, biting your lip. Seeing him one foot away, eyes locked on you, it was a bit too much. One month was not nearly long enough to get over Angel Reyes. Hell, you didn’t think any amount of time would be sufficient. He was a damn drug, one you couldn’t stay off of.

“So you came here to torture me? Rub it in my face? I fucking miss you and you come to my clubhouse and act like everything’s cool? Act like I didn’t mean shit to you?” He was angry, that was easy to see. But you could tell his tone carried a deep hurt, one he was desperately trying to contain. Your heart ached. You wanted him to hurt, at first. But now seeing him, seeing the desperation and anguish in his eyes? This wasn’t what you wanted. You didn’t like hurting the people you loved, even if they hurt you. 

“Angel, that wasn’t my intention. Ez asked me to come and I wanted to support him. I’m not trying to hurt you.” You explained, stepping closer to him. That was also dangerous, you should be on the other side of the room, not a few inches away from him. 

“Too fucking late.” He ran his ring cladded fingers through his hair. 

“What do you want me to say, Angel? You hurt me, you didn’t make time for me. Our relationship was over long before that day.” It was the truth. You subconsciously knew your relationship was over with Angel before you had officially broken it off. You were just too scared to admit it to yourself, too desperate to hang onto the hope that he’d actually show up for you. But he never did and you knew it was time. 

“I know, I fucked up. I know that. But what you did that day… that was cold.” You chewed on your bottom lip. Part of you did feel bad for giving him a false sense of hope that day, using him for your release and then dropping him. But you needed to end the relationship on a high note, end it with a sweet goodbye and not a bitter storm of curses, in the end it was all just bittersweet. 

“I just… I needed you, Angel. I had missed you so much and I needed something…” You couldn’t find your words but you knew he knew what you meant, even if that day hurt like a bitch for him. He stepped forward, making a move to grab your arm but you backed up and shook your head. 

“Mami, please…” He begged, this time you went still as he grabbed your arm with one hand and cupped your cheek with the other. Your body buzzed to life at his touch, like Angel flipped a switch and you were back on again, like you were just being dragged through life this past month on auto pilot, like he had finally given you the reins back to your body. 

“Angel…” You were weak, your wavering voice gave you away. He leaned forward, his lips grazing yours slightly, his warm breath mingling with your own. You felt giddy as he surrounded you, as he invaded everything you were once again. And when he pressed his lips to yours, you melted into it. He licked along your lips and you opened your mouth, tongues sliding against each other. You moaned into it and grabbed onto his vest, trying to steady yourself at this heady feeling he gave you every time his lips were on any part of you. His hand slid to your waist and you had half a mind to snap out of your daze. You pulled away and he craned his neck, trying to chase your lips. You pushed on his chest lightly, wanting him to stop. 

“No, Angel, we can’t…” You couldn’t get hurt again. You couldn’t just fall back into him just for him to keep you at home waiting up for him and waiting on his call, and when neither came you’d be right back where you started. 

“Querida, I love you… I need you.” He whispered against your cheek. Hearing him say those words only made your heart ache worse and only made you want him more. It was damn confusing. You wanted him but you couldn’t put yourself through that shit again. 

You knew what he meant. I need you. He didn’t just need a release, he needed you. Just like that day you broke up with him, you needed him to give you that high but you quite plainly just needed him. 

“Fine. Let’s fuck and then go our separate ways.” You said, pulling him in for another kiss, needing the distraction. Not wanting to think about how fucking stupid that offer was, how fucking stupid you were. Sex wasn’t going to do anything but fill your base desire, it wasn’t going to give you back that piece of your heart that was ripped away from you when you left. He didn’t let the kiss go on more than a few seconds, pulling away, confusion and despair written all over his face. 

“What?”

“Fuck me, Angel. We need it.” You stated plainly. He shook his head and backed up from you. 

“No. I need you.” His words pricked another pain in your heart. 

“Then take me.” You offered. You were sure you had lost your damn mind. But you wanted Angel, maybe it wasn’t exactly the way you wanted him but you’d take it. 

“Fuck no. That’s not what I want.” You sighed, he wasn’t making this easy. Because it wasn’t what you wanted either. Yeah, you were desperate to feel him inside you again but it’s not truly what you wanted. 

“That’s all I can offer.” Your words came out softer than you planned, sadder. He scoffed, running his hand down his face. 

“You want a release, mami? I’ll give you one, but you’re not getting my dick. I can’t… I can’t be inside you without wanting to stay there. Can’t give you that if I know you’re just going to leave again.” You weren’t sure what he was offering. But it didn’t matter because he was more upset than he had been just a few moments ago. 

“Angel…” You shook your head not knowing what to say. Fuck, if he fucked you right now you wouldn’t want him to go anywhere either. But that wasn’t your reality. The reality was that he fucked up and sex didn’t fix it the first time and it certainly wasn’t going to fix it this time. 

“I’ll make you come on my tongue, and then you can walk out that door but you’ll walk out knowing only I can take you to heaven.” You swallowed hard at his words as he crowded your space again. Your breath hitched as he pulled you into his chest, making you look into his eyes. 

“I’m not going to stop. Not gonna stop calling, texting, not gonna stop until you give me another chance to prove to you how much I fucking love you. But right now, I’ll give you what you want. Even if it kills me.” And with that he slid to his knees. Your whole world stopped at the confession, at him kneeling before you, ready to worship you in a way only he could. The sight of him on his knees, the rush you felt as he trailed his hands up your bare thighs, it was like no other high you had ever felt. Your salvation and your destruction kneeled before you, ready to prove to you how deadly the mix of the two was. Your angel on his knees ready to sin. 

His lips trailed up your thighs and you threw your head back, steadying yourself by placing your hands on his shoulders. His warm breath getting closer to the place you needed him most had your core clenching around nothing, had you squirming, waiting for him. 

“Fuck…” You breathed out as he lifted your dress to get his mouth right on the skin above your panties. You bit down hard on your bottom lip as you felt yourself getting wetter at his teasing. His lips skimmed your stomach before he forcefully yanked your panties down, a contrast to his gentle and slow movements. You gasped at the action but before you could react further, he buried his face in your pussy, throwing one of your legs over his shoulder in the process. You yelped at the sudden intensity, at his wet tongue sliding through your folds and flicking against your clit. 

“Oh god.” You cried, grabbing onto his hair and grinding yourself into his face. He let you, following your movements, never relenting, never taking his mouth off you. Heaven. He wasn’t wrong, only your angel could take you there. 

“Missed your taste. Missed you.” He mumbled against your slick. He said the last part so quietly you almost didn’t hear him, but you did. You heard him and it stung but the pleasure he was also giving you was overpowering your thoughts on his confession. 

“Feels so good, Angel.” Your words spurred him on as he trailed his tongue to your hole, fucking you. You whined at the intrusion and rolled your hips and pulled his head in deeper. You were drowning again, or flying, or possibly dying. It felt too good, felt too sweet to be anything but something so fucking dangerous yet so damn exhilarating. 

You were so lost in your pleasure you almost didn’t notice the door open, Angel obviously didn’t, head still buried in your pussy. The head that peeked around the door was the same woman who had been trying to fuck Angel all night. Her eyes widened at the sight and you should’ve felt embarrassed, but all you felt was that satisfaction again. Angel was here with you, on his goddamn knees for you. Pleasuring you and wanting nothing in return. At your mercy. Your head clouded with need at the thought, not because he was here with you and not some other woman but because he’d only ever do this for you. 

You moaned a little louder and the girl snapped out of her shock and displeasure as she awkwardly closed the door. 

Now that she was gone, you were once again focused on your man. Not your man. Angel said this would kill him, he didn’t know it was going to kill you too even if you got your release. 

“Gonna come…” You cried as he flicked your clit with his tongue. You were yanking at his hair, which only made him moan and made for a sweet vibration on that bundle of nerves. You rolled your hips against his face faster, nearing the edge. The sounds his tongue and your slick were making were enough to put a porno to shame and it only brought you closer. 

“Come, let me take you there.” Heaven. You could see it behind your eyelids, could fucking feel it as your orgasm finally shot through the surface, taking you sky high. You let out a litany of curses mixed with his name, eyes watering at the intensity of your high. Earlier you didn’t know if you were flying or drowning, what you realized now was that you were flying and drowning. A mix of gasping for air while simultaneously flying right through it. 

Finally you caught a breath as your climax started to fade, Angel still licking his way through it with gentle strokes. You whined as you finally came down, finally came back to this world. He lapped you up slowly and then placed a small kiss to your clit before pulling away and looking up at you. Your breath shook as you looked into his eyes, as he kept your gaze and laced his fingers through yours. You let him. Not having the energy to fight him. He knew what this was, he said it himself before he dropped to his knees. It made you feel slightly less guilty about only taking and not giving. 

He finally got to his feet. You saw the tent in his pants but he adjusted himself and cursed under his breath. He didn’t seem to care about that though as he looked at you. You didn’t like the look. A look that held a lot of promise. His beard was slightly damp from your come and your core throbbed at the sight. He licked his lips as if he knew what you were thinking about and took your face in his hands. 

“Forgive me.” He whispered, desperate again. You knew what it was. He said he’d get you off, nothing to it, but of course there was a small part of him that thought you’d change your mind after another orgasm. 

“No.” Your words stung him, you could tell. But his face hardened and you thought he’d pull away. But instead, he stroked your bottom lip with his thumb.

“You will.” And with that promise he was walking out the door, leaving you more confused than ever. 

Taglist: @starrynite7114​ @xladymacbethx @fear-less-write-more @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @glimmerglittergirl @vicmackeybullshxt @miss-nori85 @blessedboo @kalimont83 @ctrlbitch​ @angelreyesgirl​ @langiinspirations​ @lilac-tea-time​ @melancholymelanin​ @-im-fantastic-​ @withmyteeth @isisafrofairy​ @elektriknachosss​ @krysiewithak​ @thegirlwhoisalwayswriting @mental-bycatch​ @smurfflynn​ @blackmissfrizzle​ @arination99​ @bucky-iss-bae​ (if you want to be removed from the taglist for this fic pls let me know!)

[flightfoot]

Marinette (unknowingly) attempts to use some of the same coping mechanisms Adrien does, she’s just not very good at it - and that allows her to get the support she needs.

In Gang of Secrets, Marinette’s breaking down underneath the strain of the secrets she must keep, on the ways that they interfere with her regular civilian life, as well as just having to keep secrets and lie to the people she cares about in general. Add in a breakup, and well... she’s not in good shape.

So what does she do?

She pretends to be fine.

She doesn’t tell anyone about the breakup.

When Alya catches her crying in the bathroom, she pulls out a pair of Groucho Marx glasses and twirls out of the stall, talking about how happy she is.

After defeating an akuma, she still seems to be looking around, trying to find some excuse to keep being Ladybug. However, her mannerisms are different enough from usual that Chat picks up on it, prompting him to ask her what’s wrong - but she’s still pretending (badly) that everything’s fine, and just wants to not talk.

She can’t stop from blowing up during the movie Chat takes her to though, ranting in a way that makes it obvious that she’s not talking about the movie, but her own circumstances. Chat tries to talk to her again, but she blows him off, pretending to be happy and just engaging in a distraction by going to the pool.

Even while at home afterwards, she... well, she’s obviously NOT fine, but she keeps on stating that she is, even while she’s laying depressed on her bed.

Trying to spend more time as a superhero in order to escape her civilian struggles, deflecting from her problems when asked, and pretending that everything’s fine, to the point that it’s not clear who she’s trying to convince, the people around her, or herself?

Now who else does that sound like?

Adrien’s smoother at it, better at downplaying his issues. He’s better at compartmentalizing and fooling not only himself, but others as well.

Adrien constantly escapes as Chat Noir when his civilian life isn’t going well. Glaciator for instance, where he eagerly sets up that dinner with Ladybug after his father made him cancel his previous plans with his friends and STILL stood him up. Or in The Collector, when he was just lectured by his father, pulled out from school, forbidden from seeing his friends, and his only hope of getting out of that situation is to find the Grimoire - and he doesn’t know where or how he lost it. And while the emotional toll from that is visible with Adrien, as Chat Noir, you would never know how sucky his day had been - he just joked around like normal.

But that also meant he didn’t get any emotional support for the situation, beyond what Plagg could give him. Ladybug certainly couldn’t try, since she had no idea there was a problem in the first place.

Heck, he’s good enough at hiding when something’s wrong that Marinette was really surprised in Glaciator, partly because he was sensitive, but also seeing him down like that. And in Chat Blanc... well, even the summary said that Chat Noir was the last person she thought could be akumatized.

And when she DOES inquire about his issues, when she does pick up on something being wrong, he tends to deflect. In Sandboy, after seeing Chat Noir’s nightmare version of her, one who screamed about how she didn’t need him, how she’d always wanted to get rid of him, Ladybug asks Chat Noir whether he really thinks she’s as evil as his nightmares. Chat Noir says of course he doesn’t, she’s the lady of his dreams.

But he doesn’t open up about why he had that nightmare. Technically he answers the question she asked, but not the unspoken, implied question - why was his nightmare like that? And in doing so, so smoothly, so assuredly, Ladybug never thinks to question further.

Which means it doesn’t get resolved either. Not until around the New York Special, when Chat Noir actually DOES have a breakdown, and Ladybug gets an idea of exactly how much her approval means to him - and how much it devastates him when he thinks she doesn’t want him anymore.

And even more recently, Adrien ALSO went through a bad breakup - arguably worse than Marinette’s, since Kagami was one of the few people he could consistently spend time with, and they not only broke up, but he lost her as a friend as well. But you couldn’t tell that from his attitude during Gang of Secrets, when he appeared mostly okay - as Chat Noir, anyway. Though he DID talk about knowing what heartbreak felt like.

He’s not breaking down. But he’s not getting support either. He can’t, because no one knows that anything’s wrong in the first place.

Of course, it makes sense why he has these coping mechanisms - he hasn’t been able to rely on getting outside support when he looks like he’s breaking down, unlike Marinette. It’s unknown how Emilie responded when Adrien was troubled or upset about something, but Gabriel isn’t exactly supportive when Adrien expresses negative emotions, and it’s not like a squad of friends can come over to the Agreste mansion at the drop of a hat to provide support - he HAS to be able to cope mostly by himself.

He does, notably, open up to Plagg - the one person who’s aware of all sides of him, who he never has to hide anything from. But there’s a limit to how much Plagg can help.

Ultimately, as good at Adrien is at using his coping mechanisms and as successful as they’ve been at keeping him functional and at maintaining his emotional wellbeing, even in terrible circumstances, I hope that he gets to have a breakdown eventually, like Marinette had - and get relief like she did as well.

[general-kj]

Are you really so sure of Byler’s endgame? I’m asking this sincerely, not maliciously.

It’s just… I’ve seen this before in multiple fandoms. People read deeper and deeper into the “subtext” that just actually isn’t really there, when it’s all said and done. These ultra subtle clues that the creators are theoretically leaving just… don’t make a lot of sense. TV isn’t that subtle. The Duffers aren’t that deep.

They literally had Mike say he loves Eleven, in front of everyone. Pretty bold for this type of drama. He tried to tell her directly in the grocery store. And Eleven said I love you… and then kissed him. It’s romantic love.

I guess I just worry about people’s disappointment because while it’s fine to ship Byler, I think it’s likely going to remain a crack ship.

Hmm I cant tell whether you are actually being sincere or not because I've seen people acting like this before to try and get rid of my hope but I'm going to answer like your being sincere. I'm not a theorist so I'm not going to explain this as eloquently as others but I'm going to give it my best shot.

I'm not going to deny the fact that queer baits have been a problem in media for a very long time. But I've never been invested in those ships nearly as much as Byler because there is just something different about it. The duffers are very supportive of the LGBT community so I sincerely doubt they would do a queer bait. If anything Mileven is a straight bait, the duffers already done it once with Stobin, why cant they do it again?

This is actually a very deep show, if you've seen Kaypieces theories on things like the DID system you would know this. There is so much going on behind every action. There has to be a first time for everything and this is it. As soon as you look behind the surface level Mileven its all Byler. You could call it coincidence if we had only a few proofs but we have literally hundreds.

Lets talk about specifics now for a bit. In s3 I believe Mike uses El as a beard, he may not be aware he's doing it but he is. Mileven start of the season by kissing to cant fight this feeling anymore which is about someone falling for their friend, El wasn't his friend as they jumped into romance too quickly. Hes only known her properly for a few months and in those few months all they have done is make out. How can you fall in love with someone if you never talk to them? Its also awfully suspicious how he removes her hands from his shoulders when she tries to touch him whilst they kissing.

Throughout s3 Mike seems to be annoyed at her, there is a large compilation of pictures of Mike pulling weird expressions at her. If that's what love is I don't want it. When the mileven breakup happened Mike again seemed more annoyed than upset and the whole scene was framed as a joke whilst the garage sequence with Will was easily the most heart breaking scene of the season. Mike didn't chase after El but he did chase after Will.

I don't think El loves Mike either. She liked the idea of him she formed whilst sitting alone in Hops cabin watching soap operas but she doesn't like the real him. She gets annoyed when Mike starts singing and shows no interest in any of his hobbies. The only interest she shows in him is the fact that he's male and was kind to her. Within minutes of breaking up with Mike she was thinking of new boyfriends. She showed more interest in the karate kid than she did in Mike. At the end of s3 she went back to Mike because she needed the stability of a relationship after losing her father figure not because she actually loved him.

At the end of s3 Mileven kissed after presumably being separated for 3 months. Mike was taken completely by surprise because he had accepted it was over as the only reason he said what he did in the cabin because he was trying to win the argument he was having and just spat it out. Mike made no effort to kiss back and kept his eyes open the entire time, they even kissed in front of a open closet whilst Wills stuffed toy was in the background for goodness sakes. Meanwhile the scene with Will was arguably more romantic with Mike worrying about Will finding another party and at the end of the season I believe Mike makes his full realisation that he's in love with Will when he cries in his mothers arms.

Mike and Will were giving each other heart eyes from the first scene of s1, they might not of realised at the time they were doing it but they were. Mike constantly considered El a weapon he could use to find Will throughout s1 and only got the idea to kiss her because Lucas kept suggesting it. In s2 he stopped calling El the second Will needed help again and he was calling El out of guilt, he made no attempt to search for her like he had Will even when he thought he saw her. The crazy together scene is iconic and I don't think I even need to go into how much of a I love you scene that is. Then there's the best thing I've ever done and the you said yes scene which sounds an awful lot like a marriage proposal.

So in conclusion, both El and Mike are using each other in different ways whilst Mike is in love with Will. There is so much more I can talk about but I will save it for now. There are so many instances that have no hetero explanation like Mike and Wills reaction to the lingerie store and the sauna compared to Lucas's. The only things Milevens can come up with in return is that they kissed and said I love you. If you think that equals love god help you. Mileven is a toxic relationship and I'm glad the duffers aren't romanticising toxic relationships like other tv shows have in the past.

[amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines]

Jason//don’t blame me for falling

Request: Can I request a jason/reader where Polly is jealous of the reader because she's dating Jason and she tries to break up both of them up but the bulldogs and the vixens confront Polly and tells her to back off because the reader and jason are end game and can the reader also be co-captain and Jason Captain of the bulldogs and can the reader being bestfriends with Cheryl! And thank you btw I love your writing!!!!

hey! i hope everyone is having a good day!! i don’t really get/have a lot of jason imagines so this was super fun to write. title is from harry styles’ ‘to be so lonely’. i hope you like this!! k, byeeee

Polly Cooper has done some things in her time. She’s lied, stole and caused more drama than you can wave a commentary youtube channel at. 

But this time, she’s gone too far. 

You knew she was jealous when you and Jason started dating. It was understandable, they’d dated and he’d essentially broken up with her for you. But thats as far as it went. There was never any cheating or lying involved, and Polly was your friend...sort of. 

But everyone could see that Jason was miserable with Polly, whether that was her fault or not, nobody knew. But when your friends saw you and Jason talking to each in the corridor. When Cheryl would invite you over to hang out after school and she’d find you with Jason instead of getting a snack like you’d told her, everyone knew it was inevitable. 

The captain of the football team and the co-captian of the cheerleaders...it’s just destiny. Especially if they’d grown up together. Especially if your best friend was his sister. It was bound to happen eventually, it was just a matter of waiting for the timing to be right. 

And eventually, after years of waiting and pining and staring longingly at each other...it happened. 

You went to a party together like you always did on a Friday night. You snuck both Cheryl and Jason out of their house with a little help from the Vixens and Bulldogs and then you were off to Hayley Grey’s party!

There, the two of you drank a little too much (it was for a good reason, Jason was upset about his very messy breakup and the fact that Polly now hated him and you, even though you weren’t even together then) and by the end of the night you’d played a very drunk game of truth or dare, made out in the bath tub, confessed your undying love for each other and then fell asleep in the back garden.

You were woken up the next day by Hayley’s dad shouting at the two of you to get off the freshly mowed lawn otherwise he’d call the police and the neighbourhood watch. You’d grabbed Cheryl, ran past Hayley being scolded by her mom and went back to the Blossom’s. 

Once you got there, Mr and Mrs Blossom were stood outside the gate with their arms crossed and scowls on their faces, and stood next to them was your parents, also looking more than annoyed. 

The three of you had been grounded for three weeks, but it was worth it. 

Without that party you and Jason would still just be friends, so you silently thanked Hayley Thomson and her parents, while you and Jason stood beside each other, your fingers still intertwined as your parents shouted at the three of you. 

And the rest as they say, is history...

Or at least thats what you thought they’d say. 

But this is real life and nothing is ever that easy. 

Because yes, for the rest of the weekend you were happy. Texting each other in secret with hidden phones the two of you had gotten ages ago so you could continue to talk to each other. 

You told your friends, he told his and they were so happy.

Cheryl the most because it meant she didn’t have to listen to you mope about Jason whenever he was with someone that wasn’t you, or listen to Jason try to subtly mention you in conversations that related to you in no way, and failing. 

Everyone was happy. 

But by Monday morning, word had gotten around and one person wasn’t happy. 

Polly Cooper. The older and arguably more annoying sister of the Cooper children. She’s always been a little wary of you, you did hang around with her boyfriend a lot and she’d heard the bets about how long it would take for you to get together. 

But when Jason broke up with her, that was it. 

Even though you two didn’t get together until like three weeks after they broke up so you don’t really know what she was complaining about.

She had a list on enemies and you were number one, Jason followed closely at two and then Cheryl was three, just because. 

Her hatred started off slow. She would glare at the two of you whenever you walked past her. Then there were the whispers, laughter and of course the name calling, which then bizarrely evolved to middle school-esque notes passed during class that made you roll your eyes and Jason laugh at the crude drawings. 

“Do I really look like this?” He asks, holding up the latest note that has been shoved through his locker. 

“Hmm.” You think for a few seconds, glancing between him and the paper. The hair’s the same colour, but apart from that, “nah.” You shrug and he nods, looking at the drawing one last time before throwing it in the bin. “You’re much more attractive.” You say, a smile tugging at your lips as you lean over the lunch table to kiss him. 

“Slut!” Polly shouts from across the cafeteria and you pull away reluctantly, both you and Jason sharing a look of annoyance. 

“Do you want me to talk to her?” Cheryl asks from beside you, too busy staring at her phone to actually pay attention to anything around her. 

“Its fine.” You say. “I’ve got it.” You turn in the direction of Polly and flip her off, a sweet smile adorning your lips and your friends laugh loudly. “This is the 21st century, there’s no such things as sluts Polly.” 

“You’re the exception to that.” She replies.

“Well done Polly. That was actually really good for you.” You compliment. “You keep working on your insults and come back to me when you have something better than slut. Oh and how did you get in my boyfriends house to put your bra in his bed? We’ve spent hours trying to figure it out and nothing.” The room goes quiet at your revelation and Polly glances at the table, trying to regain her composure. 

She looks back up a few seconds later and the usual smug grin settles on her face. 

“I must have forgot it the last time I was there, which was what Jason? Last night?” 

“I don’t think so Polly because I think I would have noticed you there.” You reply and hushed gasps and giggles echo around the room. 

She shuts up after that, thankfully letting you eat the rest of your lunch in peace. 

You know it won’t last, but you’ll take the small victory. 

----

“Did she seriously put a bra in his room?” Cheryl asks as the two of you walk out of the changing rooms and towards the front doors. 

Vixen and Bulldog practice both finish at the same time so the two of you wait by the doors for Jason and the rest of your friends. 

“Yep.” You reply, popping the p and she looks at your amused. “I genuinely don’t know how she’s getting in there. Jason thinks she never left, she’d living in the walls.” You giggle. 

“But why though? I would never leave any of my bras in anybody’s room. They’re all too pretty.” 

“I agree.” You nod. “I dunno. She’s been trying to break up us since we got together. She’s spread rumors about both of us, left bras in his bed and faked texts between the two of them.” 

“Well thats annoying.” 

“If anything it’s just sad.” You sigh. “I kind of feel sorry for her.” 

“What? Why?” 

“I dunno. I mean, her boyfriend did break up with her and then start dating his best friend three weeks later. He was miserable but it still doesn’t make it any less upsetting for her.” You frown as you speak. 

Despite being together for over 5 months now, you still can’t help shake the feeling that maybe you’re in the wrong. You don’t want to upset anyone, it just so happens that you’ve been in love with Jason Blossom for as long as you can remember. 

“Well, you’re a bigger person than me.” Cheryl shrugs, looking around the empty corridor. “Where the hell is he, this bag is heavy.” She complains and unlocks her phone, sending another text to Jason and huffing loudly when she doesn’t get an answer immediately. 

You laugh and go to rearrange your bag on your shoulder when your realize that you’ve forgotten it. 

“Shit, Cheryl. I left my bag.” You say and she rolls her eyes. 

“How do you forget a bag that big?” She asks and you shrug. “Go on, I’ll wait.”

“Thank you Cheryl, you’re the best.” You smile sweetly before rushing back towards the gym and changing rooms. 

All the way back you feel like you’re being watched. 

It’s not an intense feeling, its just makes you a little bit more aware of your surroundings, a little bit more jumpy when one of the janitors drops a mop on the floor. You look over your shoulder a little more often when you searching for your bag, and when you finally find it you walk a little quicker out of the room and into the corridor. 

You start the slow walk back to the front of the school, deciding to keep Cheryl waiting for a bit longer. And it’ll be even better if Jason is stood with her, both of the Blossom’s annoyed. 

But just when you think you’re safe, Polly appears and you can already feel the headache starting. You force a smile and stare straight at her, trying to feign niceness. 

“Hi Polly. Great practice wasn’t it?” Thats right, she follows you literally everywhere, even to practice, despite not listening to anything you or Cheryl says. 

“Stay away from my boyfriend.” She replies and your eyes widen, now fully invested in wherever this conversation is going. 

“Excuse me?” You blink. 

“You heard me. Stay away from my boyfriend.” She moves closer to you, effectively backing you into a corner and the only things thats keeping space between the two of you is your gym bag...of course it is. 

“Polly, he isn’t your boyfriend anymore. He broke up with you, remember?” 

“Remember?” She laughs bitterly. “How could I forget. You stole the love of my life away from me.” 

“I di-” 

“You’ve been planning this haven’t you. I mean I get it. Your friends with him for ages and then it slowly develops into something more. I understand that. You know, he always told me I had nothing to be worried about whenever I asked about you. That was a lie wasn’t it? Because here you are, happy and in love while I’m alone. But remember this. He chose me first. He was your friend for years and he never wanted you until now.” 

“Look Polly, I don’t know what you want me to say.” 

“I don’t want you to say anything. I want you to shut up, and listen.” She says, backing you further and further into the corner. 

“Okay.” 

“I will get Jason back. Slowly but surely, he’ll realize he made a mistake and that he’s supposed to be with me. You’re only supposed to be his friend, nothing mor-” 

“Is everything okay?” A voice asks. 

Polly pauses and both of you move to look who the voice belongs to. A small smile twitches at your lips when you see your friends from both the Vixen’s and the Bulldogs. 

“Yeah.” Polly says through gritted teeth. “Everything’s fine, isn’t it Y/n?” 

“Are you sure? Because from where we’re standing, it looks like you were threatening Y/n. Doesn’t it?” Juliet continues and looks around at the rest of the group. They all nod, glaring at Polly. 

“Jason’s chosen who he wants. Do everyone a favour and back off.” Cheryl says in a cold tone. 

The group of Vixen’s and Bulldogs part to let her through, and as soon as she’s at the front, she’s backing Polly into the wall. You quickly side-step to avoid being squashed and watch as Cheryl continues to subtly threaten Polly. 

Its not how you would prefer to tackle the issue, but she ignores everything else, so maybe Cheryl will do the trick. You don’t know for sure, what you do know is you’re very thankful to have friends that find you when your in trouble, even if they do want to go home. 

Cheryl finishes her threats with a very sweet ‘got that?’, and even you’re a little scared as to how she can change her tone and entire demeanor so quickly. She then grabs your hands and pulls, the two of you walking towards the front doors, your friends following all talking loudly. 

You see Jason stood by the door, pacing up and down while he frantically texts. Once he hears noise he looks up and the worried expression disappears as soon as he sees you. 

“You okay?” Jason asks, his eyebrows kitting together as he takes in your shaken appearance. 

“I am now.” You reply, sending him a small, but relieved smile. He nods, but you can tell he doesn’t believe you. 

He knows when you’re lying, he knows everything about you, but he also knows you’ll tell him later if you want to. He knows right now he just needs to see you smile properly.   

“Pops?” He suggests and slings an arm over your shoulder, the two of you set off in a slow walk out of the doors and towards his car. “We can split a milkshake.” 

“Why can’t I get my own?” You ask, feigning annoyance. 

“Because in all our years of friendship, when have you ever gotten your own milkshake?” He replies. 

“Never.” You sigh. 

“Exactly.” He nods. “Just because we’re together doesn’t change anything.” 

“Thats fine by me.” You grin. 

[incoherentbabblings]

can i get a long post about why tim/steph worked out when tim/ari, tim/zo and tim/cassie didn't?

To be honest, I really struggled with this one because...well, so here’s the thing. Tim and Steph didn’t work out. That is, if you are saying 2011 is the end of that timeline with those specific iterations of those characters, Tim and Stephanie as a couple failed. Fairly spectacularly really. Like, you can make an argument that people died because of it even. Twice if you count the very end of Robin with all the crap with Ulysses. 

There are things which they got right that the others didn’t, sure. And you can say Convergence was the genuine last time we saw those iterations of those characters, in which case, yes, they got there in the end. And though I would like to think that the two would have reunited in the end, their respective solo runs do not end with them as a couple. Tim doesn’t even really get a mention in Steph’s final issue, and vice versa. Like, they focus on the main thematic points of their series - Tim and his relationship with his fathers, Stephanie and justifying her existence as a vigilante. Don’t get me wrong they matter deeply to each other and they probably do still love each other...they just have more important things on their mind when the other is not in the room.

But even so, between 2004 and 2015 (or 2016 if you count Rebirth instead of Convergence), Tim and Stephanie were not a couple. And one of the reason they failed was the same as for Arianna, Zoanne, Tam etc., didn’t work out. (Cassie is kind of it’s own ballpark). Tim could not keep his girlfriends in the loop. Either as Robin or as Tim Drake. There are other things that made them flatline, and I think at the end of the day what made Tim’s relationship with Steph fail was a little different, but that’s the jist. For the long and short of it:

Ari/Zo: Largely Tim’s fault. Too secretive about Robin.

Tam: Entirely Tim’s fault. Too secretive about both Tim and Red Robin.

Steph: Equally at fault. She trusted Bruce over Tim. Tim didn’t trust her enough period.

Cassie: Equally at fault. Grief is not a good reason for a rebound.

Lynx: Boy was just horny.

So, for Ariana, it was genuinely just because they were too young. They were fourteen when they split up. Ariana said it was because they were getting too serious at too young an age; Tim because he was tired of lying to her about Robin and also the will they/won’t they of Tim and Steph had been rolling on for fifty plus issues and Steph was just a more interesting character than Ari and was the preferred option by the readers so hey. There you go. End of. Tim cheated on her with Steph repeatedly, emotionally and smooching. Ari cheated because she felt ignored and left behind by Tim. He fell asleep in the car as she was telling him. Also Ari was insecure, because she was fourteen and every fourteen year old is insecure, so she did things like dye her hair (because Tim was staring at Steph at funeral not because he was gobsmacked by her beauty or anything it was less of a ‘holy shit she’s so pretty and blond’ and more of a ‘holy shit if she sees me my secret identity is blown’) or try to keep Tim’s attention on her by sleeping together. Which, again, they were fourteen. So in many ways, she was right in her reasoning. There was a lot going on there for people barely starting adolescence, but Tim’s general emotional and physical absence made their problems seem huge and overwhelming, when really, it was just because they were fourteen. Everything is such a big deal when you’re fourteen.

It’s kind of a similar thing with Zo. Now, I don’t know if it was intentional, but it’s sometimes said that your next partner after a big breakup is often the complete opposite of your previous. Zo comes from a nice middle class background with parents who are still together and are very loving. She is very school orientated and in fact tutored Tim. She is also (bless her) very boring. Which is arguably what Tim wanted. He’s still trying to convince himself that there’s a Tim Drake life worth living. However, same issues as Ari arise. Emotional and physical absence. Only this time it’s both the pressure or Robin plus the lovely trauma of dead family and friends. He can’t keep up with Tim Drake anymore. He falls asleep on a rollercoaster and can’t tell Zo why. He cheats on her with Steph (again emotionally and smooching). He breaks up with her over the phone. He kinda gets a bit grabby and manhandle-ly at points, physically lifting and carting her around when they are having an argument and she does not want to listen. Tim is... not good to Zo. At all. 

Ari and Zo fail as relationships because they only know Tim Drake, except who Tim Drake is... is Robin. So they aren’t really in a relationship with Tim as a whole, so inevitably they both crumble.

The reason Cassie didn’t work out was just because they were out of their minds with grief. The cult arc and the cloning was bad. Like it was just a bad storyline. Rebounds like that (which timeline wise was occurring at the same time Tim was taking an interest in Zo) were bound to fail. Cassie deserves better!!!!!!!!!! Stupid goddamn writers.

Tam is tricky. Because she, like Steph, actually gets the privilege of knowing about Tim and Red Robin. She does it ‘backwards’, so her issue is having the realisation that yeah Red Robin is really cool but Tim Drake is a mess. And he still lies to her. There’s a few times where she has moments of realisation of how messed up Tim Drake is by the time she meets him. Her leaving is explicitly because that cool person who saved her from the LoA is also the kind of person to lie and throw people under the bus if it serves the greater good (what Tim thinks is the greater good). And she wants no part in that. It’s emotionally taxing to say the least. Also Tim cheats on her with Lynx. Constantly. And Steph, less constantly. He deserved that slap to be honest.

So we’re left with Steph. Steph also does things backwards, meeting Robin first. However, she gets moments with Tim (kind of) before she knows who Tim actually is. So she gets to go to the cinema with him. She gets her birthing classes with him. She gets the evenings sat at her kitchen table chatting about school. She gets him before the absolute shit show that was 2004/5 for Tim Drake. She is more patient than the other girls, either owing to a general lack of self esteem (hence being more willing to put up with long unexplained absences' than the others) or just by nature. At the same time she’s also more likely to tell Tim to belt up when he’s being mopey or secretive or whatever. Tim to be fair makes it pretty clear the ground rules of the relationship - she can’t be in all aspects of his life. Managing expectations and all that.

This fails. Obviously. Bruce is Bruce and uses Stephanie repeatedly to manipulate Tim. And she trusts Bruce. Repeatedly. For reasons. Bad writing. Low self esteem. Desire for approval making her throw out common sense. 

But, here’s why maybe Tim and Steph would one day work again. It’s a minor thing I know, but Tim falls asleep on his girlfriends a lot, as I have shown above. What is Steph’s reaction when he does so?

Sweet dreams then, honey...

She knows him. So she is able to put the pieces together. Zo and Ari were not given that opportunity, so it could be said they couldn’t ever love Tim because they didn’t know him. Tam didn’t even like who Tim was when they broke up. Cassie never really stopped loving Conner. Steph pretty much consistently remained in love with Tim, and vice versa, even after their relationship imploded. It’s a lot easier to forgive your significant other for things like falling asleep over the phone when you know there’s a high chance they were probably out all last night working a case you know? 

Stephanie had the sheer determination (stupidity) to stay around Tim until brick by brick (hoho) she was allowed behind those walls into all aspects of his life (unlike Zo and Ari), and she loved all aspects of Tim, regardless of how... disagreeable those aspects or actions were (Tam).

Flipping over to Tim’s feelings towards the girls... Steph won over Ari because he enjoyed sharing his night life with someone who understood. She was wittier, sharper, and less insecure than Ari. Steph won over Zo because of the omg you’re not dead factor and by this point she was a presence in both Tim and Robin’s lives so was just around him more often. And again, bless her, Zo was kinda dull, especially in comparison to Steph.

Steph didn’t win over Cassie or Tam as such but Tim did make a move on her whilst dating Tam. The problems that had ruined their relationship at the end of the Robin run had been proven moot after she’d shown how much she’d matured. So it’s possible in Tim’s mind, just for that split second on the roof, he thought things could go back to the way they were. Only for Steph to remind him that one of the reasons she had grown so much was because of his absence. And then he had the lovely reminder that Tam existed via engagement announcement.

Finally Lynx... well. He just wanted to bonk there to be honest. Which is fine. If he wasn’t seeing Tam at the same time. 

#TimDrakeStopCheatingOnYourCivilianGirlfriendsChallenge

[kingstylesdaily]

Why Harry Styles Just Scored His First No. 1 Song

Like any boy band alumnus, he first had to overcome radio’s bias against teen heartthrobs.

Late summer is a great time for sleeper hits: songs that have been hanging around the charts for months and finally hit their stride. Four years ago, in August 2016, Sia’s “Cheap Thrills” reached No. 1 after knocking around the charts since the prior winter, getting its final boost from a Sean Paul remix. In September 2018, Maroon 5’s year-old “Girls Like You” slipped into the top slot after wafting around the Top 10 for more than four months, with a Cardi B verse putting it over the edge. Last year around Labor Day, Lizzo finally topped the Hot 100 with “Truth Hurts,” a song that was two years old and had been rising gradually on the chart since the spring.

This year’s sleeper hit is “Watermelon Sugar,” a wisp of a song by boy bander–turned–self-styled rock star Harry Styles. With a name inspired by Richard Brautigan’s hippie-era, post-apocalyptic novella In Watermelon Sugar, Styles’ lackadaisical tune is not only a sleeper but a grower, the sort of hit that sneaks up on you—I wasn’t sure it even had a fully written chorus the first time I heard it, and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone. Indeed, the whole nation took its time deciding that this quirky ditty would give the starriest, most eccentric member of One Direction his first-ever U.S. chart-topper.

“Watermelon Sugar” is the third single promoted from Styles’ second solo album Fine Line, which was released last December. That alone is remarkable, given the challenge in the digital age of generating chart interest in anything other than an album’s first couple of singles. Generally, in an era when all of an album’s songs are available to be consumed the day the album drops, you need a remix or a special guest of some kind to gin up chart action months after the song first hits streaming. “Sugar” has none of those. To be sure, there was some gimmickry fueling the song’s leap to the top, albeit of an old-fashioned kind: The song had its best week of sales ever thanks to an assortment of limited-edition vinyl and cassette singles that came bundled with a digital download. Those sales got “Sugar” the last mile on the charts, but Columbia Records wouldn’t have put the physical goods on sale if the song wasn’t already a radio smash—“Sugar” currently has the second-biggest U.S. airplay audience—and they knew they had an opening between current hits by Taylor Swift and a pair of lascivious female rappers I’ll almost certainly be writing about in this space next week. So, fair play to Team Harry: They took advantage of an open chart window, a tactic as old as the Hot 100 itself.

As “Sugar” leaps from No. 7 to No. 1 on the Hot 100 this week—essentially switching places with his ex-girlfriend Taylor Swift’s “Cardigan,” which falls to No. 8—Styles scores only the second-ever chart-topper by a member of One Direction. That includes all of the hits by 1D itself. In its five years of recording, from 2011 through 2015, the band never scored a Hot 100 No. 1. This despite topping the Billboard 200 album chart with its first four studio albums, the only group in history to launch a career with that haul. So … what was that other 1D-affiliated Hot 100–topper I mentioned? It was by ex-member Zayn Malik, the only member to break from the crew while it was still active. Zayn’s smoldering, Weeknd-esque boudoir jam “Pillowtalk” debuted at No. 1—and spent a solitary week there—in the winter of 2016, fueled by blockbuster streams and downloads ginned up by 1D superfans still mourning his departure the prior year and the group’s resulting, presumably permanent hiatus.

Explaining how the top-selling boy band of the 2010s could shift so many CDs and downloads but generate only two No. 1 singles means briefly recapping the fraught history of boy bands and the charts. Selling albums has never been hard for pinup pop groups, since the days of Meet the Beatles! and More of the Monkees. And in the ’70s and ’80s, such precision sing-and-dance troupes as the Jackson 5, the Osmonds, and New Edition managed to generate both gold albums and chart-conquering singles. In 1989, New Kids on the Block had the year’s second-biggest album and four of the year’s top singles, including a pair of No. 1s. But starting in the ’90s, as U.S. radio networks consolidated (fueled by the 1996 Telecommunications Act) and programmers more narrowly targeted specific demographics, radio stations shied away from maximalist teen-pop that appealed primarily to under-18 audiences. By the end of that decade, even as boy bands were enjoying a new wave of TRL-fueled popularity, radio became a chart handicap for them. The Backstreet Boys and ’N Sync had the top-selling albums of 1999 and 2000, respectively—the diamond-selling Millennium and No Strings Attached—but only scored a solitary Hot 100 topper between them, ’N Sync’s “It’s Gonna Be Me.” (Backstreet never hit No. 1: The deathless “I Want It That Way” peaked at No. 6.)

This radio bias against boy bands has persisted into the 21st century. And ever since the Hot 100 went digital about a decade and a half ago, teen-pop’s chart placements have been the result of a battle between rabid downloaders and radio gatekeepers—massive digital sales compensating for modest radio play. For example, radio was what kept the Jonas Brothers from scoring any chart-topping hits during their original wave of teen idoldom; their biggest hit of the ’00s, the No. 5 hit “Burnin’ Up,” sold 2 million downloads but only ranked 55th at U.S. radio. By the ’10s, the same fate befell one-man boy band Justin Bieber. In this long-running Slate series, I have chronicled the blow-by-blow between Justin Bieber and radio programmers that swung from Justin as hit-starved teen idol in the early ’10s to dominant young-adult chart-dominator in the late ’10s. In the early ’10s period, Bieber was a YouTube and iTunes demigod with not a single radio smash to his name. He could sell a half-million downloads of “Boyfriend” in a week and still fall short of the No. 1 spot, thanks (no thanks) to radio.

For One Direction, the chart patterns were the same. A Frankenstein’s monster that Simon Cowell famously threw together in 2010 on his televised competition The X Factor from five solo competitors—Niall Horan, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne, Harry Styles, and Louis Tomlinson—1D continually found its singles dragged down on the Hot 100 by radio, even as the band sold truckloads of albums. The pattern was set in fall 2012 when “Live While We’re Young” debuted with a staggering 341,000 downloads but could only get to No. 3 on the Hot 100, thanks to its 50th-ranked radio airplay. In the summer of 2013, the slyly Who-interpolating “Best Song Ever” became 1D’s highest-charting hit ever, debuting at No. 2 with record video views and near-record downloads, but at radio it never got past No. 53. “Story of My Life” (No. 6, 2014), “Drag Me Down” (No. 3, 2015)—no matter how many downloads sold or videos viewed, 1D could never top the Hot 100 so long as its radio spins remained limited.

The reason I’m running down all of this granular chart data is it reveals the hurdles both 1D and its post-breakup soloists had to overcome to top the Hot 100. Like Justin Bieber, they had to become credible radio fodder with adults as well as kids. With his early break from the group, Zayn was the first to pull this off. Though “Pillowtalk” debuted at No. 1 largely due to massive sales and streams, the carnal song did eventually become a No. 4–ranked airplay hit. Cleverly, Zayn had chosen a then-current EDM-inflected R&B mode and dropped his debut while the Weeknd was between albums. Other former 1D-ers have had their share of solid radio hits, including Liam Payne’s hip-hop–inflected “Strip That Down” featuring Quavo of Migos (No. 10 on the Hot 100, No. 4 on Radio Songs) and Niall Horan’s softly bopping pop jam “Slow Hands” (No. 11 Hot 100, No. 2 Radio Songs).

And Harry Styles? He decided to make things harder on himself. His 2017 debut album was chockablock with old-school classic rock. This would be like launching a career in 1964 with big-band jazz. While Styles’ fame ensured a big launch for his Bowie-esque single “Sign of the Times”—it opened, and peaked, at No. 4 on the Hot 100, fueled by strong downloads—radio showed only moderate interest. It eventually reached a modest No. 21 on the airplay chart. Later Harry singles like the twangy “Two Ghosts” and the thrashy “Kiwi” missed the Hot 100 and had little radio profile beyond a handful of pure-pop stations that were loyal to Styles from his 1D days. One admired Harry for following his artistic muse—more Joni Mitchell than Justin Bieber—but as a pop star, he arguably squandered his momentum coming out of One Direction.

What has made Fine Line, Styles’ sophomore album, such a clever left turn is he retained the rock flavor he naturally gravitates toward but converted it into mellow California-style surf-pop, and he let his production team—Tyler Johnson and Thomas “Kid Harpoon” Hull—fashion the songs into percolating radio jams. Each single has opened the door a bit wider: “Lights Up,” a No. 17 last October, is lightly strummed beach music with ethereal backing vocals. And “Adore You,” a No. 6 hit in April (for my money, still Styles’ best single), is thumping electropop. “Adore” in particular served as Styles’ entrée onto radio’s A-list—it reached No. 1 on mainstream Top 40 stations and No. 2 on Radio Songs by early summer.

With this beachhead established, Harry was finally free to let his freak flag fly with “Watermelon Sugar,” which is simultaneously his oddest single and his most infectious. The chorus consists of nothing more than the line “Watermelon sugar high” repeated a half-dozen or more times, with emphasis on the “HIGH.” (TikTok users have keyed into this idiosyncrasy, sharing videos in which the “high” gets its own video edit of the user playacting her best stoner face.) Last November, when Styles did double-duty hosting and singing on Saturday Night Live, “Sugar” was one of the songs he performed, and in that indoor setting, it came off as willfully quirky and seasonally incongruous; the song’s first verse line is “Tastes like strawberries on a summer evenin’.” Now, timed for 2020’s beach season—complete with a video filled with beautiful people on the shore, shot just before the pandemic and, according to a title card, “dedicated to touching”—it’s sitting atop the hit parade.

In short, Harry Styles finally has a profile on the radio and on the Hot 100 that matches his profile on magazine covers, and he achieved it on his own schedule and something like his own terms. Like John Lennon in the ’70s—the founder and nominal leader of the Beatles but the last former Fab to reach the toppermost of the poppermost as a solo artist—Styles just had to find his own way. As that onetime teen heartthrob sang, “Whatever gets you to the light, it’s all right.”

source: Slate

[jessconrad]

Fine Line by Harry Styles: The Sunshine We Needed Through A Very Dreary Year

Or An Album Review (One Year Later)

On December 13, 2019, Harry Styles graced the world with his second studio album, Fine Line, and I don’t think it has ever left my Recently Played section on my Spotify account since its release.

I honestly don’t know how I would have survived 2020 without this album. As I reflect on everything this year had to offer, I realized this record will always shine through as it is tied to my best memories of the year.

I listened to this album a lot, with three of my five top songs from my Spotify Wrapped coming from Fine Line. (They were “Sunflower, Vol. 6″, “Golden”, and “To Be So Lonely”, respectively, if you were curious!)

I spent dull afternoons in January walking around the freshly snow covered ground on my college campus blasting “Lights Up” in my headphones. This single was released in October 2019, two months prior to the release of Fine Line, and had been a top favorite of mine with its 70s soulful style. Not to mention, the small choir of backup singers and layering synth gave me an almost nostalgic as the Christmas season started to come to an end. This song was all about finding who you are- and I was starting to figure out who I am with it.

The next month I visited Denver for a conference and I began noticing how this record was starting to become the soundtrack to my year. February’s track was “Sunflower, Vol. 6″ where I started to feel my attachment to this song. I am not sure if it was the mesmerizing lyrics, the drums, or even the Indian instrument known as a sitar that made me really hooked to this song... But as I walked through the streets of rainy Denver (which would normally make me feel very gloomy), I couldn’t help grinning from ear-to-ear as I listened to this song. It’s the feel-good musical track you listen to, in whatever mood you’re in.

Sometimes I can’t fathom how apocalyptic March felt. The beginning of March was completely normal, and I was at my peak. Looking back now, I can’t wrap my head around that I attended five live shows within one week during that month. But all good things come to an end, right? And of course suddenly, it all came crashing down. I was sent packing up my college freshman dorm and moved back home with my parents while juggling all my courses remotely. There was a song that I was always replaying though, and that was “Golden.” Arguably one of the most upbeat tracks on Fine Line, next to “Sunflower, Vol. 6,″ but the lyrics say otherwise. As the opening track, it has a very chill pop vibe, but listen closely to the lyrics. The contrast pulls at my heartstrings every. single. time.

“Cherry” and April go hand-in-hand for me. As I continued to navigate my thoughts and feelings with the pandemic, struggling with the course load of online courses, and overall the anxiousness of all the unknowns- “Cherry” was the comfort I needed. With its soft acoustic guitar, it is the perfect song for any in-your-feels playlist. And trust me when I say that the fragility of “Cherry” really helped me when I was in my feels. 

Arguably the biggest summer hit of this year was “Watermelon Sugar,” and my go-to anthem of wanting to feel any normalcy of a summer that I stayed mostly indoors for. I remember when the music video dropped in May, I was grabbing coffee with a friend and begged her to watch the video with me. We sat in her car in the middle of a park, watching the YouTube video count down to the premiere of “Watermelon Sugar”. That “this video is dedicated to touching” opening message made me laugh and realized how truly brilliant Harry’s mind is. The warm, very enjoyable tune made this the perfect summer anthem with its really good electric guitar and slide guitar mixed with the horn. It’s the one song that will stay in your head for weeks.

Another song that feels like summer to me is “Canyon Moon.” In the end of June, I went ‘glamping’ (otherwise known as glamorous camping, we stayed in a very nice tiny house in the middle of the most wooded area that Nebraska could get) with my family. It’s a very upbeat song with a nostalgic feel, and the fun instrument rhythms can’t help but make you beam. The song also experiments with a dulcimer; a musical instrument with a long rounded body and a fretted fingerboard played by bowing, plucking, and strumming. I think this is what makes the song more upbeat and happy, especially the beginning as well as the slide guitar giving it unique sounds throughout. It personally is one of my least favorites on the album, but it does make me think of warm summer days and spending time with family every time I do listen to it.

July was starting to feel a little rough for me again. I was really getting tired of staying indoors and barely seeing any of my friends. I was really longing to go back to school and being around my people again. “To Be So Lonely” was a song that felt like it really understood me. Harry revealed in an interview with Rolling Stone that the song was composed on a guitalele, which resembles the sound of guitar, for that light and upbeat tone that the chords give off, backing the lyrics. It’s the perfect song you listen to when you’re sad, and you’re ready to push past it. And I knew that I was ready to push past my sadness because I had one more month until I was surrounded in community.

“Adore You” was the second single of Fine Line that was released. This song is filled with so much love and passion- and it was the same immense feelings I had in August when I got ready to move back to my college town and see all my friends again. As I packed my bags and moved into my sorority house, I constantly played this song. What can I say? This was a really great song to vibe with, especially with the opening keyboard and the consistent bass that you cannot help but groove to!

Out of all the months of this year, surprisingly September was one of my darkest. With only two weeks living into my sorority house, I made the decision to move out for the safety of mine and my family’s health. I moved back in with my parents again during this month, and I felt completely lost. “Falling” had the same underlying message of being lost. This love ballad displays a theme of brokenness and creates a tone of unhappiness- the perfect song for a post-breakup or an in-your-feels playlist. I had this song on repeat more times than I can count- the soft piano setting a broken and lonely tone. 

The beginning of October began to really turn around for me. I moved into an apartment with one of my best friends and I was back in my college town. I was starting to find community again and “Treat People With Kindness” became this month’s anthem. Coined after Harry’s Treat People With Kindness (TPWK) campaign, this song has a 1970s sound and makes you want to dance along with the catchy choir lyrics such as “Maybe we can/Find a place to feel good/And we can treat people with kindness”. The lyrics were very prevalent in my life, especially with the amping news of the presidential election and the continuation of the pandemic. This song was the best reminder to be kind to myself, and those around me. And let’s not forget the conga sound throughout! I believe Queen would have been very proud of this underrated track.

The timeless mature sound of “She” could have not fit November anymore. I celebrated my twentieth birthday this month (which of course included a Harry Styles themed birthday party with my roommate and some close friends). The guitar kicking in at the chorus giving so much emotion to Harry’s voice, and that’s exactly how I felt around my birthday. Lots of emotions. Not to mention, the guitar solo played by Mitch Rowland sounds like it could have been something that was released years ago, with a little modern touch. It’s growing to be one of my personal favorites on the album.

Lastly, we get to December and I felt as if this year was the longest year of my life (but also flown by way too quick). The song that resonated with me most this month was “Fine Line,” the last track of the album (and the longest at 6 minutes and 16 seconds). My favorite memories in December consist of driving around with my friend, looking at all the Christmas lights as we drink hot cocoa and blast “Fine Line”- singing our hearts out to the repetitive lyrics of “we’ll be fine line” and “we’ll be alright.” Harry discussed in an interview with Capital FM that this song would always be the last on the album, and how fitting that I resonated with this song most in the last month of the year. “Fine Line” represents the ups and downs of life, and the thin line that separates the two. This song that includes an orchestra, drums, horn, acoustic guitar, and melodies building in the background, it could not be the most perfect finale to the album- and to the year 2020.

Today is December 13, 2020- exactly one year after Fine Line has been released. Since then, Harry Styles has made headlines from petty to political. He has shown up for Black Lives Matter, cared for our sleeping habits by releasing an audio bedtime story, made us feel confident in wearing whatever we want as he appeared as the first solo male on American Vogue- all while accomplishing some of his greatest achievements with this album: releasing five music videos, being nominated for three Grammys, and climbing the music charts and catching the hearts of critics. 

But Harry accomplished something even greater- he made an album that made us feel good when it was nearly impossible to. To put it frankly- Fine Line was my comfort album, and I know that it was a lot of other people’s too. And as we step into the new year, with the help of this album, it does in fact feel like... we’ll be alright.

[nateserenas]

what do you think of nate and serena’s break up? did you like it?

i don’t like in the sense that it made me sad, but also i think it kind of made sense. serena had been a little bit lost for a while at that point arguably from the night of the shepard’s wedding but probably before that. at that point she believed herself to be a bad person and she tried so hard to be someone else during season one because of that. and i don’t mean trying to be better, i think some of it was serena just deciding to be somebody completely new. and you obviously can’t just decide to be a someone else so when that ended and when she and dan broke up she was even more confused. and throughout season two there’s college which is terrifying and she and blair are fighting and she doesn’t really know what she wants to do so she’s still a little lost. and then season three with her and carter do whatever they were doing all over the world and her father rejecting her and not going to brown and tripp. so when she and nate get together a lot of things in her life are very uncertain. it’s fine for a while but than everything with her father resurfaces and now she’s really lost and feeling alone and uncertain. and she has a tendency to run so she kisses dan. and i think that’s when she realises that she is so uncertain and unsure of herself and lost and she needs to find herself. and she and nate wouldn’t have a chance if she doesn’t. so she breaks it of and it makes sense why because she does need to find herself. and it’s sad but it was necessary.

i have a problem with what happens after the breakup more than the breakup itself. first of all why paris? it doesn’t really seem like the place serena is going to find herself. i think what needed to happen wasn’t paris, drinking and new people. what needed to happen was serena learning how to be herself, free and happy and light and alive, but not in a self destructive way. it should have been in a she takes a dance class and she starts to paint and she learns how to cook and she takes an acting class and tries all these new, different things to figure out who she is and what she likes and what she wants to do. i think it should have been about learning how to be who she is. free and alive but not with excesses of drugs and alcohol and losing herself in another people but through trying different things and learning how to anchor herself. after the breakup should have been serena finding herself because that’s the reason they broke up.

and then i think serena and nate should have become friends for a while. and eventually tried again when they were both in a much better place and ready for the relationship.

i think the reason for the breakup makes sense but i think it was invalidated by the fact that there was follow through in what the breakup promised. for it to have been a better arc it should have been: the breakup, serena finding herself, them being friends, them getting back together. the reason for the breakup made sense and i think it could have been good if they actually stuck with the reasons for the breakup.

[oveliagirlhaditright]

I could never understand either why modern Dark Angel viewers seem to hate Logan so much. I mean, as you pointed out, he's probably the most like today's civic focused millennial generation out of the show's characters, you would think that alone would make him very popular (a breakout character, even) with today's audience. Then to be fair, Max, Original Cindy, and several of the other characters eventually developed a lot of those traits themselves (especially during season 2).

There are a few reasons for this that I’ve been able to guess.

I think one of them is that they see Logan as ableist. And he definitely is in season one. But I feel that they’re looking at this in the wrong way. Like, he went through this horrific experience that left him paraplegic, and he reacted to that trauma accordingly. That’s why I’m okay with this. And I feel like people are up too high on their high horse when they hate on him for it. I don’t think rightfully being against ableism means you should hate on characters or RL people, who are at first being that way when they’re understandably mourning all that they’ve lost. 

And he’s over it by season two, which is good... even though a lot of that’s through the exo-skeleton--which I wouldn’t have written, because it somewhat defeats the amazing thing of having a disabled hero in this story, but whatever.

I think a lot of it also Alec and MaxAlec fans exaggerating all of his flaws to try and make Alec look better. I also think a lot of fans are told to get into this show for Alec (Jensen Ackles, rather) and MaxAlec, and I think that affects their view on things. There are even people--who are only watching for Jensen--who have said they skipped season one altogether, and just jumped into season two. And I can see how that could give you a distorted (and somewhat) biased view of Logan. Even though I think stuff about season two Logan is blown way out of proportion.

Arguably, S2 Logan is a better person (but he also falters in other ways). As he’s not angsting and depressed about not being able to walk all the time. He actually gets out and does things with people and has friends--Max’s friends: and I think it’s really sweet that he makes the effort to become friends with her peeps and finally starts going with her to Crash, like she always wanted him to--and he’s much more chill about all of the Eyes Only stuff (that he was somewhat using as an escape to not have to deal with the “less ideal” stuff about his life in season one, anyway). 

Like, in season one, he and Max are supposed to go on a vacation together, but Logan brings his job with him--because of course he does (and Max is understandably pissed)--and he has that line that’s something like, “How can I think of having a good time, when the man responsible for the (civilians’) executions not only got away with the murders, but got promoted for it?!” Then you have him in season two, where Max is laughing that the Eyes Only Informant Net has seemed to temporarily turned into gossip about crooked politicians’ sex lives, him say something like, “You can’t find crime and injustice twenty-four-seven. At some point, you need to kick back and relax.” #characterdevelopment And it’s something he surely learned from Max. 

Also, in season two, Max is Logan’s priority, because he surely regretted wasting all that time he had with her in season one, after she died at the end of it. 

And while I think the way he treated Max in season two was mostly fine--I actually have more issues with how Max treated him in season two--after the fake breakup, Logan realizes that maybe he’d been selfish in holding onto her and let’s her go be with Alec, since maybe she needed another transgenic who could understand what she was going through during the anti-transgenic riots. And he still helps her out in all her endeavors after that as a friend; and says that whatever their relationship is, he’ll always have her back. So again: character development (even though I don’t think he really needed this character development here. Ehh). 

So I feel like the issues with season two Logan are greatly exaggerated. And repeating myself here: but I think in some ways, season two him is better than season one him. And this also proves that he had character development in season two, so the people who tried to say he didn’t are just wrong.

I’ve also seen some people try to blame him for all of his and Max’s relationship issues (again, I think these are MaxAlec fans. And often times even fans who don’t like Max, but are more okay with her for the sake of their ship). Which isn’t fair, because they both made mistakes there. Though I will say that season one, it was usually Logan who pushed Max away. But in season two, it was her pushing him away. So they’re pretty equal there. But the people who have issues with Max and Logan’s relationship somewhat baffle me, because they seem to be all about Max and Alec because they’re love-hate and Max is always being mean to Alec and hitting him and stuff. What?

[sage-nebula]

I binged season two of Aggretsuko over the span of a couple days, and thought of course I really enjoyed it (though I think I might have enjoyed the first season a tiny bit more), I at first didn’t have too much to say about it. However, the popular topic at the moment seems to be Tadano and his treatment of Retsuko, and I wanted to post my thoughts since I can’t really bring myself to agree with either of the popular takes at the moment, mostly because I feel they’re both too extreme on either side of the divide. In other words, I don’t see Tadano as completely innocent and incapable of manipulation, but I also don’t see him as a malicious and definitively abusive partner to Retsuko, either.

Further analysis beneath the cut.

As noted above, the two popular takes I’ve seen regarding Tadano have been:

Tadano only wanted what was best for Retsuko and he never did anything to compromise that (usually served with a side of blaming Retsuko for not speaking up sooner) or

Tadano was manipulative, creepy, and borderline abusive and it’s good Retsuko got out of there when she did

While these are the two most popular takes that I’ve seen, the truth is, in my opinion, a blend of the two. Tadano did have some manipulative behaviors (particularly with one line in particular, which I’ll get to in a moment), but I don’t believe that his manipulation was entirely conscious, nor do I think it came from a place of malice. Instead, I think it came from a place of desperate loneliness, and the desire to keep the happy little bubble that he and Retsuko had going in tact for as long as possible.

Tadano is an interesting character not for his political views or for the fact that he’s a love interest, but rather because he truly is as much a failure (harsh though that word may be) as he is a success. Retsuko and the audience learn through the course of the season that Tadano is, in fact, not unemployed, nor is he poor; instead, he’s a very wealthy tech visionary who is revolutionizing the world of artificial intelligence, and has aspirations to overturn the economic system as we know it. But although Tadano is (at least thus far) a successful businessman in his field, he is also living out of his limousine . . . and is completely alone.

At no point throughout the series do we see Tadano have a meaningful connection with another character, apart from perhaps ENI-O, which is an A.I. that Tadano himself invented. He has a driver, but he and the driver barely talk; the driver spends most of his time playing a game in the front seat, while Tadano sleeps in the back. ENI-O monitors Tadano’s health and keeps track of his appointments (/makes the appointments), but it doesn’t really seem to have a personality despite being an artificial intelligence, and isn’t really one for conversation. Tadano doesn’t have any other business partners; he didn’t choose Retsuko’s company himself and as such doesn’t have any connections there; and the fact that it’s ENI-O that he’s returning “home” to after the breakup (in contrast to Retsuko) speaks volumes about who he has in his life. Retsuko cries to Gori and Washimi after the breakup. Tadano . . . just has his A.I. It doesn’t seem like he has any friends or family to return to after the breakup.

So, enter Retsuko. Tadano instantly jumps at the chance to talk to her at the driving school because he noticed that she was about his age. Note that this is something that Retsuko had noticed about him as well, but it wasn’t enough to prompt her to approach him, possibly because she has others (e.g. Gori, Washimi, Fenneko, Haida) in her life that she can talk to. But for Tadano, who seems pretty isolated and alone, seeing another adult at the driving school (someone his age who also didn’t have what is considered a basic skill for those their age) was exciting enough to strike up a conversation. He starts calling her by a familiar nickname (“Re-chan” / “Retsy”), even though in Japanese such a thing is usually reserved for close friends. Retsuko doesn’t call him on this (though it would have been perfectly acceptable for her to), which is fine, but the more important point here is that making acquaintances (because they weren’t even friends yet, really!) with Retsuko at the driving school was enough for Tadano to feel like she was enough of a friend that he wanted to use a friendly nickname with her. One could argue that perhaps he’s just a nickname-y guy, but at the moment we can’t really make that argument because we don’t see him use nicknames for anyone else . . . because we don’t see him interact with anyone else in a friendly manner. For all that people claim that Haida’s character was reduced to pining over Retsuko, it’s worth it to note that Haida still maintained past relationships (e.g. with Fenneko) in this series, and forged new ones as well (e.g. Anai, Gori, Washimi). Tadano, on the other hand, was completely isolated apart from how he latched onto Retsuko pretty much immediately, going so far as to leap out of his limo in the middle of a traffic jam to run up to and strike up conversation with her when he saw her on the sidewalk.

So for possibly the first time in his life (or at least the first time in a long while), Tadano has a connection with another person his own age, and it’s someone that he finds likable and fun, at that. She’s interested in spending time with him, just as he’s interested in spending time with her, and so he pursues it . . . as much as he pursues anything else he likes, which is about 50%. Because as Tadano himself says when he explains to Retsuko what he meant when he said he was just “fooling around” with work:

“If you take something you enjoy seriously . . . it becomes a full-time job.”

As a side note, I think this is the real reason Tadano is against the idea of marriage. Everything he says about it being “pointless” and “unnecessary,” while arguably true (my feelings on the subject slide closer to what he said versus what Retsuko would want), is just a logical-sounding excuse to hide the fact that, in reality, Tadano has commitment issues. He doesn’t commit himself fully to ENI-O or the work he does because he doesn’t want his work to feel like work. He enjoys it, and he wants to keep enjoying it, so he treats it like a hobby instead of a job. Similarly, Tadano enjoyed hanging out with Retsuko. He wanted to hang out with her forever. Marrying her would be taking their relationship seriously, which he didn’t want, because in his mind that would make it feel like work (and in a way, it is; relationships do take work to maintain). Therefore, he was against the concept of marriage, even though not budging on that subject cost him the relationship he so cherished.

But that’s a bit off the subject.

Back on subject: Tadano did cherish the time he spent with Retsuko. As he himself told her, he wished that they could stay together (read: hanging out) forever. The thing is, I believe that Tadano meant that in a slightly different way than Retsuko did, and not just with regards to marriage. Retsuko was fine with not spending every moment with Tadano because, again, she had other things going on in her life: She had her job, she had her friends, and she even had her overbearing mother. But although Tadano does have his work with ENI-O, again, he doesn’t have those other people in his life. All he has is Retsuko. And for a guy who has been very lonely for possibly a very long time, suddenly having someone to spend time with like that is probably like finding a warm blanket in a blizzard. Metaphorically speaking, he grabbed Retsuko and never wanted to let her go. Not in a commitment way, mind you---again, he doesn’t want to take the things he enjoys seriously!---but in a “let’s spend every second together” kind of way.

And here’s where the manipulation comes in.

After the article is published and the online harassment starts, Retsuko starts staying in Tadano’s limo (which, remember, is also his home given that, limo or not, the man is literally living in his car because his commitment issues apparently run so deep he can’t even commit to an apartment). Retsuko, of course, is super upset by the turn of events, which is probably why she’s choosing to stay with him, given that being with him at least affords her some comfort (given that she thinks they’re going to get married). As for Tadano . . . of course he doesn’t want Retsuko to be upset, but at the same time it would likely be wrong to say that he’s at all upset by the idea of her staying with him in his limo. In fact, he is probably thrilled. This is why, though he does ask her if she’s all right when she doesn’t respond to the first thing he says, he takes her “oh yes, I’m fine!” as truth, even though her body language clearly says otherwise. Yes, Retsuko could have been more honest . . . but:

It’s somewhat of a cultural thing in Japan to not complain unless the issue is Very Important, because you don’t want to seem a burden;

Retsuko was curled up on the car seat, faced away from him, wrapped in a blanket, not really responding to what he said. It’s pretty obvious she was lying, even without being in her head;

Even if her body language didn’t make it obvious, anyone who knows Retsuko even a bit knows that she tends to bottle things up, even if they don’t know how she eventually lets it all out; Tadano not picking up on that (particularly if it wasn’t him willfully not picking up on it, which I believe it was, even if subconsciously) goes to show how little the two really do know each other at this point.

So whether Retsuko could have been more honest or not, the fact that Tadano didn’t so much as ask “are you sure?” after she said she was fine speaks volumes. Instead, he dismisses her obvious upset as, “That’s Re-chan for you” with a little smile and goes back to work. Now, as I said, whether this is Tadano willfully not picking up on the fact that Retsuko is upset (i.e. he can tell but is choosing not to pursue it) or whether he just honestly doesn’t notice doesn’t change the fact that it makes their relationship look bad. Either he doesn’t know her well enough to tell, or he can tell and would rather not push because this works out in his favor. There is no positive outlook on their relationship here. But while I do not think that Tadano has malicious ulterior motives, I do think he was purposefully ignoring the fact that Retsuko was upset---not because he doesn’t care about her feelings, but because she’s here, with him, for the foreseeable future, and he’d rather like to keep it that way.

And this brings us to the uncomfortable line of dialogue I mentioned at the start of this post, the one that first jumped out at me as a red flag. This line comes from later in the final episode, when Retsuko has missed work for several days and is still staying in Tadano’s limo with him. At the start of the scene, Tadano asks Retsuko if she’s worried about missing work. Retsuko says that she is, a little. And that’s when Tadano says this:

“Don’t force yourself. If you go back now, they will all talk behind your back.”

I’m using the Netflix subtitles here, but while I would need to double-check this with my friend who is fluent in Japanese (particularly because Tadano’s speech is a bit hard for me to parse), but that first sentence sounds less to me like “don’t force yourself” and more like “don’t be” --- as in, “don’t be worried” rather than “take it easy,” if that makes sense. Like Retsuko confirms that she is worried about missing work, and Tadano tells her she shouldn’t be---and then he tells her why.

And it’s how he tells her why that strikes up a red flag for me, though again, I don’t think it’s Tadano being maliciously controlling or possessive.

Tadano tells Retsuko that if she returns to work now, everyone will talk about her behind her back. Setting aside the logical flaws (won’t they be talking about her behind her back right now? wouldn’t they talk about her behind her back if she returned several days from now?), the reason Tadano gives Retsuko about why she shouldn’t be worried about work is not that she dislikes it (that comes up later when he’s pressuring her to quit), but rather that everyone there will talk about her behind her back, i.e., her fellow employees will be against her. Tadano is including Retsuko’s friends, such as Fenneko, Haida, Gori, and Washimi in this. Not specifically---it’s doubtful he even knows their names---but he says they will all, meaning he’s including everyone in her workplace. They’ll all be against her, they’ll all talk about her behind her back, so she should stay there, in the limo, with him. Despite how he told Retsuko to dismiss the internet backlash in just the previous episode because all they had was baseless slander and “the number of flamers is fewer than you think,” here Tadano is making it clear that the gossip will definitely be a problem if Retsuko returns to work now. Therefore, she shouldn’t. Tadano is playing on Retsuko’s anxiety and insecurity to motivate her to not go to work and instead stay there in his limo for him, waiting for him to return whenever he has to go to a business meeting (at her company!), and hanging out with him whenever he doesn’t.

Now, again, as I said before, I don’t think Tadano is doing this maliciously. I don’t think that he’s consciously thinking up ways to manipulate, control, or possess Retsuko. But I do think that by this point in the season, Tadano has become so excited at the idea of hanging out with Retsuko full-time that he’s rushing into it full throttle, using everything he can in order to get her to stay with him. This is shown to us by how he not only suggests to her that she quit her job, but also pushes forward into her space as he suggests it: 

Being a visual medium, Aggretsuko uses more than just character dialogue to show us character intention and motivation. The fact that Tadano is so passionate about the idea of Retsuko quitting her job to be with him that he actually gets up from his seat, puts a hand on the car seat next to her, and leans in so that their faces are only a couple inches apart, is meant to show us just how gung-ho he is about this, how he’s throwing everything he has into it, as much or perhaps more than he ever does. Even though Tadano is usually pretty laid back (illustrated by how I believe this is the first and perhaps only time he pushes into Retsuko’s space like this), he isn’t laid back, not about this. And make no mistake, although he tells Retsuko that she can start her own business or do whatever she wants to do, he also doesn’t let his true motivations go unspoken in this scene:

Not via marriage, mind you, because that’s taking it seriously, and taking it seriously means work. But still, if Retsuko never has to go to work, and if she lives in his limo, then they can hang out and be together all the time. It’s the ideal solution in Tadano’s mind. It would make him super happy, and Retsuko says she’s happy (and is smiling, even if forced), and he can go along with and believe that, so everything will be better and their future will be “so much better.” If Tadano doesn’t take their relationship too seriously, then he doesn’t have to think too hard about whether Retsuko is being honest with her smiles or not. If Tadano doesn’t take their relationship too seriously, they can stay as they have been. It can be fun hangout times forever. That’s what he wants, and at this point he’s willing to say or do what he has to in order to keep it . . .

. . . but as we all know, it doesn’t work out.

I think that Tadano’s desperation really shone through during the scene in the karaoke room, in the build-up to Retsuko’s song. Before she turns on the music, he doesn’t give her a chance to respond to one excuse before he throws out another: Marriage isn’t essential to their relationship, marriage doesn’t guarantee eternal love, social status is an empty expression, marriage isn’t part of the future he’s laying out, and she should think about whether marriage is really that important. Once Retsuko says that it is important to her, and the music starts, Tadano becomes even more desperate, his voice rising, his speech becoming faster, his expressions becoming more wild as they finally start to have a back and forth dialogue:

Tadano: “It’s fine as long as we’re together!” Retsuko: “No, it’s not.” Tadano: “Don’t you trust me?!” Retsuko: “I do.” Tadano: “Then why . . . ?!” Retsuko: “I want to marry you, Tadano-kun.” Tadano: “Marriage is an illusion!” Retsuko: “I . . . want that illusion.”

That first line is Tadano expressing what it is that he truly wants: He just wants them to stay together, forever---not married, not committed and serious like that, but together. When Retsuko says that it’s not fine so long as they’re together, Tadano assumes that she must be worried about him cheating (and in his mind, likely thinks marriage would prevent that), hence the “don’t you trust me?” line, which she again rebukes. By the time he gets to “marriage is an illusion,” he looks truly upset---but that’s also when Retsuko’s song starts, and there isn’t much more to say after that, as he finally gets the message.

The fact that Tadano does get the message and leaves, alone, after their breakup speaks to what kind of person he is. If he were truly controlling and possessive, I think that he would have said or done anything---even lying about marriage, perhaps even going through with it if that’s what it took to keep Retsuko---in order to prevent her breaking up with him. But once he realized that Retsuko could not and would not be happy hanging out with him forever (and perhaps that not even he could pull the wool over his own eyes enough to make himself believe she was, especially if she wasn’t going to fake it anymore) he let her go. Tadano isn’t a cruel person. He’s not an abusive person. And I don’t think that he’s intentionally, or maliciously, a manipulative person. However . . .

I think that, at the end of the day, Tadano is a very lonely person who, perhaps, does not have a lot of experience with relationships, even platonically. I think it’s entirely possible, perhaps even likely, that he didn’t really have romantic feelings for Retsuko, or at least not in the same way that she did for him. Retsuko was looking for a boyfriend, but I think that at the end of the day, what Tadano really wanted was a friend---a best friend, even. He was fine with being Retsuko’s boyfriend if it meant they could get ramen together and hang out in his limo. He wasn’t interestd in the whole romance aspect of it as much as he was interested in the companionship and friendship. The thing is, Retsuko has friends and companions, and so she wants a different kind of relationship---one that Tadano, quite honestly, is probably not ready to provide.

I think what Tadano needs, before he can pursue a romance like this, is just . . . more friends, honestly. More experience in social circles that aren’t about promoting his software. Someone to talk to who isn’t an A.I. that he created. I think that friendship with Retsuko was good for that reason, but I think both of them approached the relationship from very different places, they didn’t know each other very well at all (Retsuko was jumping the gun with the whole marriage thing, but I think in her mind she just wanted marriage to be a someday thing, not a right-then-and-there thing, and it was just poorly explained), and as such they couldn’t quite be what the other needed. (Well, it’s not healthy to keep a friend full time in your limo either, but that’s why Tadano needs multiple friends that he can interact with regularly, not just the one. Also maybe an apartment. That limo is nice, but I don’t believe it has a shower. Seriously, get over your commitment issues enough to at least get an apartment, Tadano, please.) I think at this stage it’s too early for them to be Just Friends, because they’re both pretty hurt by the breakup, but perhaps someday, once they’ve both moved on, they can get there. And then Retsuko can properly introduce Tadano to her friends, and perhaps they can become his friends, too.

But in the meantime, what I leave you all with is this:

Tadano is not a malicious, abusive person. However, I think that his social isolation and probable lack of relationship experience of all kinds has left him unequipped to deal with a romantic relationship in a healthy and balanced way at the moment. For all that Retsuko was jumping the gun with marriage, Tadano latched onto her arguably more quickly. Tadano was manipulative toward Retsuko near the end, though it again was not out of malice (and was more out of tunnel vision on his own ideals and desires, and willful ignorance toward Retsuko’s feelings), and that is not okay no matter the reason or intention, but I think that since he’s not a malicious person by nature, he could learn how to better handle relationships with more (platonic) experience, which would leave him better equipped to try romance again with someone else in the future should he so choose.

TL;DR:

Tadano is not a monster, but he’s not an angel, either. He’s flawed, like pretty much every other character in the series, and I hope for his sake that he masters at least some of the commitment issues soon, and gets some non-A.I. friends in his life, because goddamn, he needs them.

[elsaclack]

hi! I'm rewatching the series and I just always wonder what people's perspectives are on jake and sophia (if he was really in love with her and such). You're characterization in your writing is always so good and I love your b99 meta/long responses to asks so I was curious about your thoughts.

hi!!! i got this ask the other day and i’ve been letting it sit because i’ve been having really bad brain fog all week and i wanted to be able to fully dedicate my focus to answering this bc it’s such an interesting question and i’ve actually thought about it a lot!!!

i will qualify this by saying that i can’t speak for everyone so there are probably people who will disagree with me and that’s fine!!! the great thing about the show is that it leaves a lot of motivations-type stuff and the in-between not-seen moments up to personal interpretation so there can be a lot of different answers to this question and none of them are right or wrong unless dan goor says otherwise lmao

SO in my opinion, i think jake genuinely had feelings for sophia and probably really thought he was in love with her at the time. like i think that in his mind, he had sort of realized that amy was with someone else and was not into him in that way and he accepted it, and was doing his best to move on. like maybe initially sophia was just going to be a drunken one-night stand, but upon realizing that she was In His Life for better or worse, he also realized he actually has a lot in common with her and finds her genuinely funny and was attracted to her beyond just physical looks. so like yeah i definitely think that jake had real feelings for sophia - that’s why he stays with her for several episodes after amy and teddy break up. like i never got the feeling that jake was just bidding his time with sophia while waiting to make a move on amy after x amount of time passed post-breakup - like he was with sophia that whole time and was doing his best to connect with her coworkers/be more involved in her life and he was legitimately crushed after she broke up with him. he even spent the whole episode after their breakup trying to distract himself from constantly checking his phone for new messages from her. like that was very real and tbh i felt it in my soul, and people don’t act like that unless they were emotionally invested in a person

BUT i also think jake never really stopped having feelings for amy. it’s like i said, he’d come to the conclusion that amy was not interested in him and would most likely Never be interested in him in that way, so rather than disrespecting her and wasting his own time by waiting around on the remote possibility that she might someday develop feelings for him, he decided to move on with his life and find romantic fulfillment elsewhere. but like clearly we all know that doesn’t end up working out (for either of them lmao suckers) - in my head i think jake had convinced himself that his feelings for amy were gone and it was all purely platonic and he was genuinely happy with sophia and honestly probably would have stayed with her indefinitely (idk about a marriage proposal for them...i go back and forth but s2 jake still kind of strikes me as being afraid of commitment, i think he developed and matured later on within his relationship with amy to the point where he felt confident proposing and idk that that would have happened with sophia) but i think it was like trying to deny a fundamental part of who he is by pretending like he didn’t have feelings for amy. he could keep up a charade for a while, even convince himself that the feelings weren’t there anymore, but eventually the feelings came surging back, arguably stronger than they were before. i don’t think jake was ever lying to sophia or leading her on or anything, i think he legitimately thought at one point that sophia was The One for him, but after falling in love with amy and marrying her and starting a life with her, what he had with sophia is nothing more than a pale imitation of love. i mean i think that’s the case with most relationships that precede Real True Love - they feel so real and intense and cosmic at the moment, but once you find the Real Thing, everything that came before it sort of falls flat.

idk i don’t mean to like...romanticize...romance...especially bc i’m single and i haven’t had real romantic feelings (beyond like an occasional fleeting glimmer of attraction) for anyone in a long time, but like i’ve been in relationships that have felt all-consuming and heart-stopping at the time that ended similarly to the way things ended for jake and sophia and it was CRUSHING in the moment, but now that i’ve had some distance and i’ve grown and matured as a person, i can look back and understand that we were fundamentally different people and even if x thing that caused the breakup hadn’t happened, we probably would have broken up eventually anyways. and i think Finding True Love just further emphasizes that for a lot of people

not saying finding true love is the end-all be-all purpose of life or anything god knows fulfillment can be found in SO MANY other places, but in this specific case i think that’s basically what happened for jake. what was love at the time became a flickering baby candle flame of attraction compared to the all-consuming wildfire that is how he feels about amy.

ew i hate myself lmfao

anyways THANK U i always feel like i ramble on for way too long when i get asks like this so it’s encouraging to know people even read them let alone like them?? you’re v kind and i appreciate u VERY much

[theotherboywhonevergrewup]

My Top Songs of 2019

It’s that time of the year again when I take a look back at all the great music that was released throughout the year and choose my top 10.  Quick disclaimer as usual: These are not what I think are the best songs of the year.  They’re not even my favorite songs of the year.  They’re simply the top 10 songs that have defined my year.  (See the end if you’re interested in the rules of the selection of this top 10; also, most of this was written in 2019 but some was written in 2020).

10. “Think About Us” - Little Mix featuring Ty Dolla $ign

“When you're dancin' in the club And the nights are getting hard Do you think about us?”

Everyone knows that I have a weakness for girl groups.  UK’s Little Mix isn’t exactly my favorite, but admire how strongly they’ve stuck together as a group.  Their chemistry is undeniable, both as people and as vocalists.  To me, “Think About Us” was the standout track from last year’s LM5, and the addition of Ty Dolla $ign was the little shove it needed to be great.  The girls shine with their vocal prowess both on their solos and together on the chorus, and Ty$’s verse splits the track nicely.  The accompanying video is mesmerizing.  Each of the girls look absolutely stunning, and they have individual sets representing the different parts of a relationship, with Perrie as the butterflies-in-my-stomach beginning and Jade as the icy, cold end.  The lyrics are quite vague, but I think that’s the intention.  It’s applicable to any stage of a relationship; it could be a love song or a break-up song.  With it’s fun beat, it’s hard to pick if you want to dance to it, belt it out, or try to do both, but it’s definitely been an infectious part of 2019!

9. “Lonely for You” - Armin van Buuren featuring Bonnie McKee

“No, you're never gonna see me cry I already got a brand new life Don't you know I'm moving on And everyday I'm stronger? I don't even know you're gone”

The Netherlands’ Armin van Buuren has a recipe to get trance music to pull at your heart, and one piece that makes this apparent is “Lonely for You.”  With the assist from US’s pop hit writer Bonnie McKee, this track is different yet familiar, a haunting disconnect to match the mixed feelings of the lyrics.  From light synths to disco-esque drums to pure piano, Van Buuren’s track pushes and pulls the same way the tumultuous narrator’s lyrics go back and forth, with McKee’s vocals surfing on the top.  The music video has a couple choreography emphasizing the push-and-pull theme, and McKee looks fantastic as usual.  Van Buuren’s Balance is full of more emotionally-rich tracks for both happy and sad times, many of which utilize beautiful piano to highlight amazing vocals.  “Lonely for You” is an altogether addictive track that was perfect for all the lonely nights of 2019.

8. “Antidote” - Mr Hudson

“You of all people After all we've been through Started out an angel And now you get away with murder”

As a huge fan of the UK’s Mr Hudson, I waited basically a decade for his sophomore album, and it did not disappoint.  While When the Machine Stops features several tearjerking songs, “Antidote” is on the next level.  The song takes the subject of betrayal and perfectly captures how trust can die.  The genius is in its simplicity.  Not a single instrument starts until the entire first verse is complete, letting the lyrics speak for themselves.  Even when the instruments do come in, it’s just soft percussion and synths.  As much as I love vocal runs and ad-libs galore, the straightforward melody had me humming this song for much of 2019.

7. “Me & You” - EXID

“Oh 야야야 더 이상 우리라는 말 하지 마마마 안 봐도 뻔하잖아 야임 마마마 지금 날 어디서 속이려 들어 그건 네 엄마마마 한테나 가서해 baby I don't care”

As I mentioned in last year’s post, 2018 was the year I fell in love with K-Pop, mostly due to Blackpink at the time.  As much as I love Blackpink (and got to see them live this year!), their limited discography didn’t leave much to be loved.  Enter EXID.  This group is stacked: arguably South Korea’s best female rapper in the game LE, one of the best vocalists Solji, and the girl who is absolutely beautiful, sexy, cute, and smart all at the same time Hani (who may or may not be my ultimate bias, sorry Rosé).  Their previous single “I Love You” missed my 2018 list because it was released so late in the year, but it turned out to be my most played song on Spotify this year.  In fact, several of their songs were on that list.  Like many of their previous singles, “Me & You” is an infectious dance track utilizing each member where they excel: Hani with her soft, sultry vocals, a splash of LE’s sick flows to split up the song, Hyelin’s powerhouse vocals to bring up the first chorus, Solji’s even more powerful vocals to take the song to its climax, and Jeonghwa on the dance break (low key kinda sounds like she’s singing “Baby Shark” but that’s a jam too I guess).  The duality of the track is what makes it stand out, with the pretty vocals and simple verses largely contrasting from the deep and dirtier synths of the dance break.  The video plays with this duality by featuring EXID as brides in white versus clubbing in neon.  The rest of the WE mini album isn’t quite as dance-y but is fun to vibe to nonetheless.  The group unfortunately may be over, since Hani and Jeonghwa are leaving their record label, but they’re at least sticking together for their activities in Japan for now.  So many more K-Pop hits were released this year, some of my favorites being Mamamoo’s “Gogobebe,” SEVENTEEN’s “HIT,” Super Junior D&E’s “Danger,” Park Bom’s “Spring,” KARD’s “Dumb Litty,” NCT 127′s “Highway to Heaven”, NCT Dream’s “Boom”, Ong Seongwu’s “Heart Sign,” and another release to be mentioned later on this list.

6. “Heartbreak” - Hunter Hayes

“Another, ‘Almost perfect’ Didn't work, but totally worth it Better to have loved and lost my mind Than lose the nerve to even try”

I remember watching the 2013 Grammy’s and watching Hunter Hayes lose all three of his nominations, at that point becoming the “Leonardo DiCaprio never wins an Oscar” meme to me and my friends.  He went on to lose two more nominations, but honestly, I always liked his music (and Grammy nominations are no small feat in the first place!).  While 2017 was technically the year I had my first date and 2018 was the year I had my first girlfriend, 2019 was the year that I really put myself out there and dated the most.  And yes, there was a lot of awkwardness and stupidity and mostly me messing up, but that’s just a part of life.  And “Heartbreak” perfectly captures all those feelings.  From the guitar to the bit of twang to the drums, this song is unabashedly fun country, and the optimistic lyrics always made me feel better.  It’s like a c’est la vie Rascal Flatts’ “Bless the Broken Road” before he found the girl. The accompanying video is also fun with a groundhog day theme as he tries to win over a girl.  The album as a whole is a fun listen, with “Dear God” being the other Wild Blue (Part I) standout to me.  Here’s hoping Part II comes out with some vibes in 2020!

5. “Tempo” - Lizzo featuring Missy Elliott

“He look like he could gain a little weight Lick the icing off, put the rest in your face”

Lizzo exploded this year, and I’m not mad about it.  She has confidence and charisma galore, and her resulting music is mad bouncy, earning her several Grammy nominations for next year, including Best New Artist.  Her songs like most of Cuz I Love You can be quite loud and in-your-face, which is fine, just not exactly my style.  However, get her on this more subdued R&B beat and throw in a Missy Elliott feature, I’m in.  This will make any upbeat R&B lover dance, and the music video is the kind of hot and fun you would expect (with a cowboy hat you may not expect).  Missy also made an imprint this year with Iconology which is her first group release since 2005′s The Cookbook.  I’ve always been a fan of her work, and this is a perfect feature for her.

4. “NONE of this has been about you” - Spencer Sutherland

“I'm afraid that you would hate me if you knew, That I've become insensitive, It's true, But even if you do”

Spencer Sutherland’s “NONE of this has been about you” off his debut EP of the same name has a lot of elements about it that I would personally want in a song of my own.  It starts off with a very simple piano and vocals with a tinge of soul.  As he continues to sing, he puts more soul and emotion into his voice, and splashes of harmonies start to come in.  A couple short riffs later and just a second before the drop.  Although, it’s not a dance drop.  A choir drops in for the chorus with some drums to announce that, in fact, none of this has been about you.  The song eventually escalates to Sutherland’s soaring ad-libs over the choir.  Beyond the musical stylings, I enjoy the message of this song.  Sure, the narrator is telling someone, possibly his lover, that his struggles are personal and not something she or he should worry about, but I also like to take it as a reminder not to always worry about others or what they are thinking.  For example, 2019 was the first full year I had an ex, and a lot of that time, I was worried about posting on social media because maybe she’ll think this or that is about her.  Honestly, I don’t recall ever “subtweeting” about her.  We’re good.  Any breakup song or black and white photo I post has nothing to do with her.  So this song is a nice reminder to keep it pushing and stay in your own lanes.  The remaining songs on Sutherland’s EP were all also on repeat throughout the year.  The man’s just got a solid voice, and I’m glad he’s continuing a soulful pop sound that is rarer than before.

3. “Beautiful goodbye” - Chen

“다시 시간을 되돌려 처음 만난다면 가로등 옆에 서 있지 말아요 미소 짓지도 왼손으로 머릴 넘기지 마요 그래야 내가 그대를 지나칠 테니까”

Now, when it comes to a piano and vocals, nothing dominated my year more than Chen, especially his debut solo single “Beautiful goodbye.”  I won’t repeat all the reasons why I love his voice so much (see last year’s post), but long story short, he’s my favorite male vocalist right now.  Don’t get me wrong, I love EXO and the energy they bring to their songs, but a full EP of just Chen really lets the listener feel his artistry, pulling on heartstrings every which way.  In this song, the narrator is recognizing that his relationship is dead but proposing that they can hold onto it just for a bit longer until they peacefully part in spring.  There’s a respect to their relationship and what it has done for them that they can take with them as separate people before they part ways.  Chen’s voice takes the listener on an adventure, starting soft and simple then escalating and crescendoing to unveil the hardened pain in his voice.  It’s not a sudden angry breakup, it’s more subtle and more somber.  In the end, his soft vibrato and the final notes of the piano leave the listener in just as an uncertain position as the narrator; is it better to hope it stays winter forever or hope for spring to come?  While I also wanted some upbeat songs from Chen, his April, and a flower EP followed by Dear my dear is chockfull of beautiful and emotional ballads.

2. “Never-ending Summer” - Cyn

“What if we don't ever have to say goodbye? I wanna keep living like we'll never die If you're mad then I'm mad too You're crying, I'm sad too I'll watch your back for you, watch mine”

Newcomer Cyn’s “Never-ending Summer” is, to me, an experience.  It took me a while to appreciate its simplicity, but then it became so addictive that it itself became never-ending.  The guitar or synth (or whatever that instrument is) plays on loop to emphasize the never-ending nature of the song and gives a dreamy vibe that’s somehow both modern and reminiscent of the 70s.  Cyn’s simple vocals evoke a carefree feeling reminiscent of running on the beach and all the accompanying imagery with her photoshoot and lyric video.  It makes sense that Cyn is part of Katy Perry’s record label Unsub Records, as this song feels somewhat like Perry’s hits off of Teenage Dream including “California Gurls” and the title track, albeit much more in Cyn’s own understated style.  This summer, I learned how to surf and have fallen deeper in love with the beach (even though a stingray stung me my last time there), and this song would keep the surfing mentality continuing throughout the year, even when it gets too cold for it to be summer (or, even if my foot is bleeding to death).  Doesn’t hurt that Cyn is unbelievably cute too.

1. “Lovebird” - Far East Movement featuring Lay

“I can sleep here alone, but you know it's better with you You could be by yourself, but you know it's better with two”

As I grow as a person and become more proud of who I am, I think it makes sense for me to become more proud of my Asian heritage as well as support Asians and Asian-Americans out there, especially in the music industry as music means a great deal to me.  That said, it’s important to me that I don’t support people just because they’re Asian as if it’s some kind of nepotism.  That kind of segregating mentality can also be unhealthy.  Far East Movement are technically a one hit wonder; they have yet to outdo their 2010 hit “Like a G6.”  However, this year I found out about their record label Transparent Music that has been around since 2016 with a goal of unifying eastern and western music.  Their previous album aptly named Identity features a ton of artists from both sides of the word, from Hyolyn and Loco to Macy Gray and Soulja Boy (shoutout to my favorite song on that album, “Freal Luv” featuring Tinashe and yet another EXO member, Chanyeol).  To me, music is about unification.  It is about bringing a deeper understanding through melody and rhythm.  Those are the simplest terms I can put it.  I hope this is evident through this list that I appreciate people and music from all kinds of backgrounds.  Even if my tastes lean one way or another from year to year, I hope my lists maintain diversity and well-roundedness.  Somehow, Far East Movement has managed to capture this sense of unification in “Lovebird,” featuring Chen’s EXO bandmate from China, Lay.  It’s not the most complex song; in fact, like many songs on this list, it’s quite simple.  The synth bends in a carefree way that celebrates togetherness along with the lyrics, and I find that beautiful.  2019 was a year of growth and life, and “Lovebird” was the perfect song to accompany it.

*To qualify for this list, the song must have been released this year.  An artist can only have one song on this list, excluding features.

[jimlingss]

Bed of roses was inspired by Charlotte, student council prez I was inspired by maid sama. And now jungle park gives me golden time vibes lol. It also reminds me of the kdrama what's wrong with secretary kim

LOL Bed of Roses was inspired by Gakuen Alice, but you’re right about student council prez. Jungle Park on the other hand was inspired by two things....#1 - the relationship between Michael and Toby in The Office #2 - Ending Scene by IU.

I’ve never actually watched WWWSK. or Golden Time but I’ve heard about both of them.

[SPOILER ALERT]

Anonymous said: DAMN! JUNGLE PARK CHAPTER 16!!! OMG OMG OMG I CAN'T BE PATIENT ENOUGH NOW! You said Hoseok doesn't remember anything but... am I misunderstanding? the last sentence of chapter 14 when Hoseok said he can't erase her? Or he means he can't erase the memory of that night? (not necessarily about the past)

It means even if he doesn’t remember, Hoseok will never be able to completely erase the mark she’s made on him. She’ll always be there, consciously or not.

Anonymous said: Jungle park is making me sweat! I’ve been so busy I didn’t even notice you dropped 15 and 16! And that last chapter!!!fuck like I knew it was a deeper relationship but that still shocked the hell outta me. Oc must have a really good reason for keeping it a secret and yet being willing to be in the same room as him. I keep tryna figure out what coulda happened but I’m just drawing a blank. I’m so excited for it to be revealed—🦋

Thank you for still having time to read :’) sometimes I worry I post too much and it gets overwhelming but eh, my stuff will always be here for people to read on a later date ((and im gonna take like an entire month hiatus in june soon so lol it’s fine to do a little binge posting for now))

Anyways, I’m glad you were surprised :D definitely tho shows a lot that OC can even stand being in the same room as him - think it goes to show just how her will is steel. she’ll be ok no matter what.

Anonymous said: Okay but you know what actually I’m curious about? Like everyone is saying Oh I’m must be hard for y/n when what happened happened all these years ago and it’s clear that Hoseok was the A hole one... etc. But, Like.. what about hOsEok? I know that maybe he was an A hole but I’m sure she meant a lot to him as well! How was he feeling after the breakup and before the accident when he forgot everything?! I’m REALLY Curious. I feel like he felt guilty AF. I’m curious! That Hoseok is so mysterious!!!

ok you know what tho?? you’ve hit the nail right on the head. definitely for sure this isn’t just all about oc. like sure oc’s situation sucks but can you imagine Hoseok’s??? there’s a lot to uncover here. perhaps, arguably more than oc’s side.