#i have been craving tomato soup so bad and i could not tell you why

[whatyoutaughtwasfear]

wait how did i end up looking at supermarket soups online

[aphrodijin]

swing life away | min yoongi

pairing: min yoongi x fem!reader

synopsis: it's your first anniversary as a married couple but not only did you forget today's special occasion, you also didn't prepare a self-made gift for your husband -- except for the bundle of joy in your womb.

rating: 18+

word count: 5.2k

tags/content warning: married au, pregnancy, slight angst, miscommunication, mentions of infidelity (no one's cheating), mentions of food and being vegan (no one's vegan), usage of babe/baby as endearment, semi-public sex, SMUT in the forms of oral sex (m. receiving), fingering, unprotected sex (don't do this unless you want kids or std), slight spanking, yoongi being a carpenter/loving husband/dumpling/etc.

this fic is inspired by the song "swing life away" by rise against and yoongi's woodcarving vlog :] enjoy!

Min Yoongi was many things.

He’s a skilled carpenter with his own woodshop business by day, and a rising songwriter/record producer by night. He’s a confident all-star basketball player back in his high school days and can still shoot perfectly whenever he plays with some of your shared friends in the backyard these days. He’s a great cook too, always indulging your cravings.

Min Yoongi was many things but most importantly, he’s your husband.

And a very observant one.

It’s been more than a month when he first noticed it. He wasn’t exactly sure what was “it,” but he knew it wasn’t good. He could tell there was something bothering in your mind one night you went home from work and claimed it’s nothing instead of ranting to him like the usual. Just a bad day at work.

A week after that was when you started to stay long hours at work, looking more pale and exhausted when you get home. It baffled Yoongi why you would spend more hours there if it’s stressing you and you’ve never actually worked overtime, but he knew he’s not one to talk about spending more time at work when he has two jobs and does one of those said jobs at home, so he shut his mouth. He didn’t say anything.

Not when you changed your perfume from an intoxicating fruity scent to a soft floral one. Not when he saw a receipt of you having your car interior cleaned and also changed the smell of it. Not when you didn’t want to have sex anymore, always pushing his hands away when they start to wander down there.

A lot of new small things bothered him, especially the last one but what made him almost lose it was when you had mistaken his dish, the one you claimed to be your favorite, for a different one.

x◇x◇x

“Do you like it?”

You nodded, despite still blowing the steam off of your spoon. When you finally tasted it though, he could tell on the look on your face that there’s something missing on his dish. “What is it? Did I not put enough fish sauce or tomato sauce?”

“You put fish sauce in this?” You asked, smiling adorably at your husband and reached across the table to hold his hand in assurance. “It tastes fine, babe, but there’s no need for fish sauce in this. You could’ve added more liver spread and cheese though. You know I love a lot of cheese in this.”

Yoongi closed his eyes for a moment to breathe. He understood the cheese part, you always add cheese to a lot of dishes that doesn’t even need cheese. “Y/N, I didn’t put liver spread because that dish doesn’t require liver spread. It needed fish sauce.”

“What are you talking about? Caldereta is all about the tender beef, tomato sauce, liver spread, and cheese!”

“That's afritada, Y/N. You’re favorite dish back home is afritada.”

Yoongi blinked and composed himself, trying not to look so wounded. He’s so damn sure you’re favorite was afritada, you’ve talked about it a lot. Hell, he’d already cooked it a couple of times before. He had the recipe that he searched online bookmarked on his browser, and he even went to the lengths of jotting them down on his journal just in case the link is taken down.

“Afritada… you mean this is chicken?” You scooped for some meat parts from the reddish soup dish, and there it was, your recent enemy: chicken. “I can’t eat chicken right now, Yoongi, I'm sorry.” You sat straight up, covering your mouth and nose with your hand.

“Of course, it’s chicken. It’s always been chicken, Y/N. It’s a chicken dish, that’s why you love it so much. Or loved, apparently, judging by your actions tonight.”

“I'm sorry,” your voice came out muffled as your hand was still covering your mouth.

“When did you start hating chicken?” he asked as he stood up to take your plate away and check the pantry to prepare something else for you.

“Um, my coworker, Seokhoon, he’s practicing to be a vegan lately so we thought we’d support him by also not eating meat…”

Yoongi’s ears perked up, hearing how your answer sounded uncertain and more like a question, so he pressed more, looking over his shoulder at you. “You were more than ready and excited to eat beef and cheese earlier but you wouldn’t eat chicken right now?”

You stared dumbfoundingly at him before shrugging. “I’m trying with small things like egg and chicken.”

“I made you an omelet for breakfast earlier.” He pointed out, holding your gaze.

“I… just started… to try being vegan earlier at lunch. And also meat are becoming pricey these days, our salary might not be enough. Sooner or later, we’re gonna have to cut back on our expenses. What would you rather give up—chicken or beef?”

Of course, Yoongi would rather eat tofu and bean sprouts for the rest of his life if it meant you get to eat properly and satisfy your cravings. But he didn’t bother to reply that as he cooked you a different dish that night. Fuck Seokhoon for influencing you to be vegan. Fuck the government for the rising prices and not handling the economy better.

x◇x◇x

Ever since that dinner night, Yoongi began to question your marriage. He wanted to talk to you because he didn’t know what to make of your actions anymore, but everytime you two were in the room together, he could you tell you were uncomfortable and couldn’t wait to get out of the situation. Besides, he’s afraid to ask because he knows he’s not prepared for any possible answers you'll give him.

You cheated? Yoongi knew it’s impossible. It had to be because he wouldn’t know what to do with that with that revelation. That would honestly break him.

You lost your job and was just actually driving around town to look for a new one and pass the time? It sounded stupid but not impossible. He would be disappointed and wish that you had told him sooner to prepare and possibly take on a third job.

You’re pregnant? He supposed this is a realistic scenario. You two had talked about this sincerely before getting married, of course, both wanting two kids. He just feels like it’s still early for babies and you two haven’t done all your goals as a married couple before becoming parents.

So he told himself to wait, that you would open up to him when you’re finally ready to unburden your problems. He’s a patient man after all.

But his patience seemed to be running thin today on the morning of your anniversary when he rolled over to your side as he woke up to cuddle you closer and hopefully start the day buried inside you.

He knew you’re awake, even with your eyes closed. You've been waking up earlier than him lately, one of your many changing habits. He took your hand that was hugging your stomach and pressed a soft kiss on your fingers, on your palm, on your wrist, trailing them across your arm up to your shoulder.

“Y/N,” he whispered your name, wishing for you to open your eyes when he nipped at your jaw. He called your name once again as his lips were ghosting over yours. Your eyelashes fluttered open just enough to look at him and when he finally saw your eyes, he leaned down to kiss you deeply.

You freed your hand from his to curl your fingers up into his long hair, urging him closer while the other slid up beneath his shirt, feeling the heat of his body that you’ve been missing for weeks now. You pulled your knees up as Yoongi settled himself in between your legs, grinding his hard cock against your core.

But just as his own hand started to drift down on your hips, you slowed down, giving his lips one last kiss before pressing your forehead to his. You both stayed there without any movements at all, just gasping for air and holding each other’s skin and flesh tightly every now and then.

When it sounded like you were about to apologize, he pressed a kiss on your forehead and whispered, “Happy anniversary, baby,” before bolting right out of the bed, before you could even say it back to him.

x◇x◇x

Despite your husband having his own woodshop and fulfilling his dreams in the music industry, you didn’t let go of your job when you and Yoongi got married.

You were on your way back to your desk from your third visit to the bathroom that morning when you saw the delivery man on the front door of the store carrying a gigantic bouquet of flowers he almost disappeared behind it.

“Min Y/N?” he asked, looking around the store.

Jia turned to the direction of the bathroom and pointed at you when she saw you. You stayed your feet at your place. You couldn’t speak, you couldn’t move. The flowers looked beautiful—a bouquet of pale and dark red carnations, along with sunflowers, wrapped meticulously in craft paper and tied with a golden ribbon—but there’s a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach that’s making it hard for you to appreciate this.

“This is for you!” The delivery man presented the bouquet to you with a proud smile. When you didn’t move, he gingerly took your arms to place the flowers in them and then took off.

A minute must have passed by yet none of you and your colleagues moved or talked. It wasn’t until a client came in and needed assistance. Jia wrapped her arm around you and walked you back to your desk. As you sat down, you caught sight of the red card sticking out of the flowers. HAPPY 1ST ANNIVERSARY, BABY.

Reading Yoongi's handwritten note, you recognized that bad feeling again that you knew all too well lately. Shame and guilt. You had to close your eyes and practice your breathing exercises before those bad feelings in your stomach turn into a pile of chunky vomit across the floor.

Jia, oblivious to your anxiety, swooned over the flowers. “Happy anniversary, Y/N!”

It’s the second greeting you’ve received today and you couldn’t help but wince when you remember how you froze when Yoongi greeted you.

You didn’t know how this special event slipped up your mind when staring at your calendar was all you’ve been doing lately. You were aware that your own anniversary was near and you even had a lot of ideas for DIY gifts to give to your husband.

You tried to make it up to Yoongi by going after him and showering together to have some hot shower sex even though the thought of sex was making you nervous lately. Yoongi turned down the offer though, saying you’re both gonna be late for work, which was a very pathetic excuse considering he’s his own boss and your own work doesn’t start in a couple of hours. So you showered together in silence.

Just as you’re about to calm down, you’re eyes widened in panic because not only you forgot your own anniversary day, of course you also forgot to actually make a gift despite tons of ideas in your journal and Pinterest board.

“Jia, I didn’t get him a gift!” It wasn’t even noon yet, and you’re already close to breaking down for the third time today.

“Well, the department store is just around the corner. I can come with you at lunch to buy something last minute.”

You shook your head and explained to her that buying some expensive stuff isn’t enough. Knowing your husband, he already made you a gift days ago. You’re not sure if it’s something from his woodshop or if he composed you a song, all you know is Yoongi probably made you a gift with love. No amount of money could compare to that.

“Well, there’s always sex?” At the sight of your face crumpling once again, Jia took back her suggestion. “Or not! Honestly, Y/N, this is why I’m all single and alone in life so I don’t have to give people gifts and you’re making me stress about your own anniversary gift.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“And really, you’re worrying about gifts when…” she paused to look down at your belly. “Have you told him yet?”

You shook your head.

“Well, there’s your anniversary gift, congratulations!”

“This is a stupid gift." Despite your harsh words, you wrapped arm protectively around your middle.

“Why? You said you want to give him something you made, well you made that. He even helped, too!”

You couldn’t possibly just announce you’re pregnant on your anniversary day? Right? Sure, it’s convenient and practical – two celebrations in one night!

But that’s not the actual thing that’s been bothering you. You’ve been hiding your condition to your husband for weeks now, when you should have told him that he’s a gonna be a dad the moment you saw the plus sign on a stick. But you didn’t because you’re scared and if you’re gonna be honest, also selfish. Selfish to have Yoongi the Husband™️ all to yourself just for a couple more days before he turns into Yoongi, your husband and the father of your unborn fetus. And then that selfishness turns into guilt for not telling him, for distancing yourself.

A part of you wished he’ll figure it out on his own, that’ll save you a speech.

x◇x◇x

Even before you started to spent late hours at work, Yoongi always comes home an hour or so before you. It usually gives him enough time to prepare for dinner.

However today, he asked his friend Seokjin to prepare a romantic dinner for you two as he would busy himself installing the porch swing he made as his anniversary gift for you.

With his long hair tied in a half bun, a few strands tucked behind his ears and locked into place with pins, and a safety googles on his face, Yoongi began by drilling two holes up into the ceiling joists where he would screw the hooks. When he’s done and swept away the dust, he took the chains that’s wrapped in rope for extra support and aesthetic purposes and attached them to swing before hoisting them up to the hooks.

Despite wanting his gift to be all handmade, Yoongi had no choice but to buy a small foam mattress and throw pillows to decorate the swing. He placed them all nicely and removed his googles before sitting down and testing the swing if it runs smoothly.

Swinging for a couple of minutes gave Yoongi enough time to relax from the stress of his jobs, from setting this swing up, from all his fears and worries.

It gave him enough peace from all the doubts and questions inside his head. He hoped that this would give you the same. He hoped that you seeing this swing – the one you dreamed for so long, the one that he promised you because how could he ever say no – will help you remember that the fact that you two get to celebrate this day was because of your love for each other and the trust you’ve built all these years even before marrying.

Yoongi had set up the swing in the right side of the house, facing a line of tall trees that secludes this house from the main road, and close enough to the backyard for some peace and privacy that if anyone walks or drives in to your lot, they wouldn’t see you right away as the beams would hinder their sight. But anyone who’s sitting here would see just fine if there’s someone coming in.

Just like Yoongi saw your car rolled in right away to park next to his pickup truck. He stood up and waved his arm to call your attention, excited to show you his gift. When you didn’t see him, he jogged up to the front and flashed a smile when you jumped up in surprise at the sight of him.

“What are you doing outside?”

“I have to show you something, come on!” He went to cover your eyes for surprise and guided you to the back.

You were expecting some surprise in the backyard, probably a dinner he cooked but your assumptions came into a halt as Yoongi stopped only after taking a few steps. When he removed his hands and told you to open your eyes, a cozy porch swing greeted your sight.

“That’s…” you trailed off, walking closer and wrapping your hand around the chain-rope. From the bulky design of the chain and rope to the uneven height of the wooden slabs of the back support, Yoongi made you the exact wooden swing that you drunkenly drew a long time ago when you two just started dating.

“Happy anniversary, Y/N.” You heard Yoongi say behind you, and you wish he had said it the way he greeted you this morning – with such coldness and hurt. You felt like you didn’t deserve this with the way you’ve been treating him this past month.

Not wanting to hurt him any longer and bring back normalcy in your relationship, you turned to look at him, your eyes teary and said, “I… I'm sorry, babe.”

“Why? What is it?”

“I…” You cleared your throat and wondered which should you say first: you didn’t get him any gift, or you’re pregnant. You figured you should go with the bad news first before softening the mood with the good news, you’re just not sure which is which. “I didn’t get you any gift. I actually forgot it’s our anniversary today, I’m sorry.”

Yoongi fell silent before chuckling nervously. Sure, forgetting your own anniversary was bad, but that’s little compared to what Yoongi was imagining these past few days. “That’s alright, I thought it was something serious.”

“Why? What did you think I was going to say?” you prodded before you drop your next bomb.

“I don’t know what I thought, honestly. Things haven’t been quite well with us lately, Y/N.” He shrugged, scratching his nape. “I thought of pregnancy. There’s one where you don’t actually have a job anymore and just didn’t want to say it. I also thought you’re cheating with fucking Seokhoon—”

“Seok-Seokhoon? Why the hell would you think that? I couldn’t stand that guy.”

“I don’t know Y/N, you tell me, you’re the one who suddenly didn’t want to eat chicken because fucking Seokhoon is trying to be vegan.”

You thought about the lamb chops Seokhoon devoured at lunch today. You also remembered the night Yoongi was referring to, when you almost spilled your guts literally and figuratively at the smell of the chicken.

“Seokhoon isn’t vegan. But one of your hunches is true.” You walked towards him, taking his hand in yours and placing it on your stomach. “I’m pregnant.”

Yoongi froze for a minute, staring at your eyes down to your stomach that he’s touching. His gummy smile slowly broke into his face, giggling as he asked to confirm, “Pregnant? With babies?”

You nodded, matching his smile. “Yeah, pregnant, but hopefully just a singular baby. Or fetus, I’m not sure, I haven’t been to a clinic yet. I was putting it off because I want you to be there at the first checkup since I left you in the dark when I took the test. I'm really sorry about that, Yoongi, I just didn’t know how to say it. I was scared and nervous myself about this baby and I kn—”

Yoongi cut off your ramblings by kissing you. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry I thought you were cheating when you were feeling this way all on your own. I should’ve asked you.”

You shook you head. “I'm sorry I let you think that, too. But there’s no way I would’ve betray you for Seokhoon or anyone else, really. I love you so much, Yoongi.”

You stood in your toes to kiss him again, muttering again and again how much you love him and how sorry you were. His hands stayed firmly on each side of you, and you didn’t pushed him away this time. You looped your arms around his neck and tugged him closer.

This one kiss – after all those weeks of just pecking and short kisses, after the frustrating mess that happened earlier morning – was so hungry and powerful and mind-numbing. You wouldn’t even wanna stop if a lightning strike near you two. You missed him so much, you would’ve take him right here, right now.

But Yoongi pulled away, breathing ruggedly as he said, “You haven’t tried it yet.”

“Tried the what yet?”

“The swing, don’t you wanna take a ride on it?”

Despite his innocent question referring to the swing, your eyes mischievously glinted and an idea popped into your mind. You took his hand and gestured for him to sit down. Trying to calm yourself down, you kissed your husband first before prying his legs open and kneeling down between them, instead of sitting beside him.

“What are you doing?” he smirked, enjoying the sight in front of him.

“I was thinking I could ride you on it instead, but first…”

With a coy smile, you unbuttoned his pants and pulled them down along with his underwear, freeing his hard cock. Licking your lips in anticipation, you wrapped your hand around him, thumb circling at the precum beading on his crown.

Yoongi hissed at sensation, bucking his hips up. “Fuck, baby, don’t tease me. It’s been a month.” His hands ran through your hair to keep them out of the way and prompted for you to start.

“Happy anniversary,” you greeted him before placing sloppy, wet mouth kisses on the head of his dick and moving them down while your hand was steadily stroking the base and the other was gently squeezing and rolling his balls.

When you made sure to coat every inch of his cock with your saliva, you kissed his crown one more time before taking him in your mouth, trying to fit whatever you can while your hand covered the rest.

“Ahh, that feels so good, babe. I’ve really missed you,” he rasped.

You moaned around him as you felt yourself getting wet even just at the sound of his voice and at the feeling of his heavy cock sliding in and out of your mouth. One of his hands weaved into your hair once again to carefully guide you at the pace he wanted. He bit his lip in concentration as he tried to restrain himself from just snapping his hips up to fuck your face but failing a couple of times, making you choke and teary-eyed.

Yoongi couldn’t help but groan at the sight of you, mouth wide open full of his cock, eyes in tears staring up at him. His other hand cupped your jaw, his thumb caressing your cheek.

“You’re doing so good, baby, taking my cock so well.”

His moans were getting louder and he started to lose control of his hips, a sign that Yoongi’s close to his orgasm. You released his cock to tease him a little bit, swirling your tongue over again at the sensitive spot of his crown as you pumped his length, making him all whiny as he repeated your name again and again like a mantra along with few curse words, before sucking him whole again with the intention of swallowing his hot cum. Which Yoongi delivered, a lot. And loudly.

You pulled yourself off of his cock, still semi-hard, and opened your mouth to show him that you’ve swallowed every drop of his cum. Still breathing heavily, Yoongi smiled proudly at you. “You’re gonna be the fucking death of me, Y/N baby. Come here.”

“Not to doubt you, but are you sure this won’t give out on us?” You asked, looking up at the ceiling where the swing is hanging.

“Of course not, at least three people can sit here. We’ll be fine, even when we finally have our kid sitting down here with us,” he replied, helping you get up at your feet.

You stared down at him, grinning at the thought of your kid playing at this very porch swing their daddy made in the future. But first, it’s gonna mommy and daddy’s turn on the swing for a while.

Because of the disastrous shower session earlier, you tried to make it up to your husband by wearing his favorite black lace lingerie underneath one of your red dress that gave out the equal vibe of classy and slutty to entice him on. You also figured, might as well wear them while you still can.

You unbuttoned the dress open from the top, revealing the lacy bra, causing Yoongi to raise his eyebrows.

“You wore lingerie to work?”

“Yeah, it turned out to be quite itchy and uncomfortable to wear for a long time actually,” you pouted. “Help me out of it, please.”

Yoongi leaned forward, one of his hands held you firmly by your waist while the other slipped beneath your dress, running his fingertips along the edge of your underwear before pulling them aside to sink a finger inside your cunt and moving it in a ‘come hither' motion. He added another finger while his thumb drew circles on your clit to send you over the edge.

You gasped, your hands paused from unclasping your bra to balance yourself on your husband’s shoulders as he stretched you out, spreading your slick all over your slit. When your juices had dripped down on his wrist, Yoongi took that as a cue that you’re wet enough and hooked his hands around your underwear to remove them before pulling you into his lap.

He gathered the skirt of your dress, bunching them up to your waist. You bit your lower lip as your pussy was pressing against his cock, feeling hard and thick against your wet core. Feeling impatient as Yoongi kissed your neck, you tried to move your hips, chasing that pleasure the friction gave you, in which you earned a gentle slap in the ass from him.

“Take this off,” he said, toying with the strap of your bra.

You nodded like a good girl, unclasping them from behind and took the straps of your shoulders. Yoongi pulled down your dress, revealing your tits. He stared at them for a second, both of his hands cupping each breast gently, thumbs grazing your soft skin and hardened nipple. You were about to make a joke when he leaned down to start licking and sucking one of your tits, while he massaged the other one.

While he was busy, you attempted to get yourself off by rocking your hips against him again, whether on his cock or his thigh, you didn’t care. A cry left your lips when he slapped your ass once again, a bit harder this time, before proceeding to grab your ass in his hands and dig his fingers in to help you move. You whimpered every time your sensitive clit rubbed pass his tip, making him almost poked your entrance.

Yoongi switched his attention on your other tit, but never faltering his movement to make you come on his cock. He could feel you’re close, your folds fluttering against his cock, your hips jerking more uncontrollably, your juices running down on his skin to the foam cushion he newly bought, making a mental note to buy a new one.

“Y—Yoongi…” you moaned, eyes scrunched close and head thrown back. “Oh, I'm gonna—oh fuck Yoongi—”

He looked up from your chest to stare at the fucked out expression on your face as you come, his hands on your hips controlling your move to help you ride out your orgasm. When he felt that you’re almost done coming down from your high, Yoongi lifted you up to line his tip against your entrance and helped you sink down on his cock. You moaned loudly at the feeling of your cunt being stretched out so deliciously after a month without an intercourse.

None of you spoke for a while, but you were thankful that Yoongi didn’t fuck you right away and instead let you adjust to the size as he sucked and nibbled every inch of your skin.

“If I’m pregnant right now, does that mean we don’t need a condom for a while? Or you can still get me pregnant while I’m pregnant?”

“It can happen, but it’s rare.” Yoongi saw your concerned expression, so he asked, “Do you want me to wear one?”

You smiled and shook your head immediately. “No. I want to feel you.” With that being said, you hooked your arms across his shoulders and started to bounce on his cock, grinding your clit on his pelvis everytime you come down.

Despite the frustrations and longing that Yoongi had built up for a month, he managed to calmly hold back and sit there as you ride him. At the back of his mind, he was also hesitant to pound his dick in and out of you without a care because he’s afraid he might hurt the baby. So he let you control the pace while his hands wander over your body, palming your tits and smacking your ass.

“Ahh Yoongi… please, fuck me.” You couldn’t keep your upper body straight anymore as your walls began on clenching around his dick, so you leaned your head on his shoulder. “I can’t—I feel so close again…”

“I know, baby, I got you now. You did great,” Yoongi whispered tenderly, placing a kiss on your head. He gripped your thighs in place, thrusting his hips upward into you and picked up the pace to bring you to your second orgasm.

You cried out in pleasure as Yoongi kept hitting that sweet spot inside you, your body beginning to tremble in his arms. You could feel him getting close too by the way his thrusts were being quick and sloppy so you curled your hand around the curly strands on his nape, your lips leaving wet kisses on his neck as you tried to give him hickeys.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, holy shit baby…”

You were lucky you live in a remote place and didn’t have any neighbors for miles as they would’ve surely heard Yoongi's loud groans and your high-pitched moans as you came together. Yoongi had thrust one more time inside you, bringing your hips down as he flushed your bodies together and filled your cunt with his thick cum.

None of you wanted to move at that moment, just catching up on your breaths and occasionally rocking your hips into each other for a potential round two when your stomach had a sudden craving — dumplings.

And dumplings reminded you of — “Oh my, god, we’re gonna have a baby dumpling in a few months.”

“I’m not a dumpling,” he groaned, burying his face on the crook of your neck as you laugh.

Min Yoongi was many things—a carpenter, a songwriter and producer, a basketball player, a dumpling (despite his denial), your loving husband, and in a few months, a proud father.

Hello! Thank you so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed it and please, reblogs and feedbacks are always welcome and appreciated :)

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Thank you so much once again, have a great day! x

©️ 2022 aphrodijin

[olivarryprompts]

Fanfic Friday #10

Welcome to Fanfic Friday! Each Friday I will post a new fanfic here and on A03. Enjoy x

Read and save it on A03 here 

{peter stark and a no good very bad day}

Ship: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Tony Stark/Steve Rogers & Peter Stark

Warnings: swearing, fluff otherwise :)

Wc: 3,984

Today, everything had gone wrong. He stayed up way past his bedtime the previous night and had gotten barely three hours of sleep by the time he arrived at school. He forgot his Spanish homework in the lab and that was the one grade he needed to pull from an A- to an A. He chugged a couple shots of espresso, and his usual store on the walk to school was closed. Meaning he had no redbull to sustain him through his classes.

Also, guess which class was straight bangout first, Spanish. So he hadn't done the homework and had no time to do it. Great. Fortunately, he made it through first period Spanish, only getting slightly scolded for not handing in the assignment. Then he had a break, and the kid desperately needed a pick me up coffee and muffin. He went to the closest cafe, one he’d come to love, only to find the whole football team there. Which would have been fine, if he wasn’t so goddamn awkward. He stood there for a solid five minutes before he asked the jock in his way to move so he could order.

Then, when the kid did get to ordering they ran out of fuckin chocolate muffins. What kinda cafe runs out of chocolate muffins at ten am? This one apparently. So coffee and blueberry muffin in hand, he headed back to the student lounge to get some work done.

The next portion of his day went as planned, a welcomed change of pace. Well Flash was a bitch, but what was new there. And his senses were through the roof. But other than that. That was all until the last period. To start, he got a text from his boyfriend, explaining that he’d no longer be arriving this Friday, but instead the following Saturday. Peter wanted to cry. He missed his boy. Leaving Harley on read, he tried to focus on chemistry, but he’d done the stuff they were going over about 100 times with Dr. Banner. He zoned out the entire class.

Finally, the bell rang and put him out of his misery. He quickly texted Ned asking if he was coming in the following day. He had been sick that day. He went to leave, but the class was stopped by the announcement of a test and more homework. For fuck sake.

He did get out, though. And he got straight in the car, barely pausing to say hello to Happy. Noticing the boy's unusual quiet, he didn’t press for more details about Peter’s day. Happy, though he’d never say it, enjoyed hearing about the kids day. He had come to really care for Peter, and his accomplishments made the older man happy. Ironic, he knew.

They had arrived at the tower in almost record time, and Peter was glad to have avoided extra time in the car. What he really craved was a couple hugs from his dads, a chat with his boyfriend, and to get through the stack of busy work that weighed him down.

Happy went round to the private entrance, wished the kid a good day, and headed off to some other errand. Peter exited, scanning his pass at security and being recognized and let through by Friday. So, he’d finally made it upstairs and there the sofa was, filled with a few avengers. Luckily his parents were among them. The two were sitting close to each other, as normal.

Peter simply put his head in his pops lap, and he laid his feet on his dad. Neither Steve nor Tony said anything, but they gave each other the look. Steve ran his hands through his son’s hair lovingly. “Pete?” Tony asked, “What happened kid?” “Nothin’” Peter replied, still buried in his Pop’s lap. “You sure about that?” Steve pressed. “Just a bad day,” Peter mumbled. “What happened паук?” Nat spoke up. She is very protective of Peter. “What didn’t happen?” he sighed dramatically. “Well you mope for as long as you like, Pete,” Tony joked. “Thanks dad,” he said, closing his eyes again in search of sleep. “Teenagers I tell you,” Clint said, rolling his eyes. “Fuck you Barton,” Peter mumbled before falling asleep properly. “He really is your child, Tones,” Clint laughed. “Hey Peter just said a bad language word,” Nat remarked. “God I hate all of you,” his Pops groaned. Then Peter fell into peaceful, safe sleep.

“Pete?” his Pops said, entering his room. He moved around, noticing he’d been moved from the sofa to his own room. He groaned. “Hello to you too.” “Yes, Hi, father, Captain America, Leader of the Avengers, Man of Strengt-” “Ok relax,” Cap rolled his eyes. Peter sat up, smirking. “Wanna tell me what actually happened today?” “J-just everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong.” “Did that start with you staying in the lab way past a normal sleeping time?” “Perhaps. How did you kn-” “You are aware that your dad designed that whole lab situation, right?” “Fair enough.” “Do we have to initiate Insomnia protocol again?” “God no, it was one night.” “Promise.” “Swear. Just an awful day. Spidey senses all acting up, being annoying, no chocolate muffins. Speaking of which, can I have the day off tomorrow? I have basically no classes.” (he wasn’t sure why, but all but one of his classes were cancelled.) Steve thought for a moment. He knew the kid had been through a lot always, and a day off never hurt anyone. Also, he was far too smart to be there anyway. “Yeah. Let me just double check with Dad, okay?” “Thanks.” “We’re eating dinner now so get cleaned up?” “Yep. Coming.”

The next day

Peter awoke at 10 with a smile on his face. He’d peacefully regained energy. He’d finished his school work the previous night, and he was happy to just relax for a day. He pulled on some SI sweatpants and a hoodie he’d stolen from Harley awhile back.

“Hey parentals,” he greeted, still holding his smile. “Morning,” his Pops said as he cooked breakfast. “Morning? Is it already?” I bet you can guess who that came from. “Tones,” Steve said, voice full of its normal concern. Peter just laughed, taking a stool at the bar. “What? I’m fine. I’m having fun.” “You promised you’d at least take a nap.” “Oops,” he smiled, heading back in the direction of the lab. “You’re a great role model to our son!” “You really are dad!” Peter added. “Love you both dearly.” Steve rolled his eyes and Peter chuckled. “Where’s the rest of the team?” Peter inquired. He’d come to realize that saying team was easier than naming all the residents of the tower. “Nat, Clint, Wanda, and Pietro are training. Thor and Loki went back to Asgard last night, and Bruce is in his lab.” “Oh, Loki didn’t tell me he was going back.” “Some emergency. Sorry kid.” “Yeah, i-it’s fine.” “He told me to assure you they’d be back soon.” “Good.” “Keaner getting here soon?” “Nah coming tomorrow now. Something about something, I don’t really know.” “Ok. Made grilled cheeses and tomato soups. It's almost done,” Steve offered. “Thanks,” Peter said. “What’s with Loki leaving that's got you so down?” “I just miss him a lot.” Steve knew that his Kid and loki had come to get on surprisingly well. They were as close as he and Nat. Not even Clint had managed to get that close.

Peter practically inhaled a couple of sandwiches. “I’m going to go work with Dad.” “Have fun!” “I will.” “Love you.” “Love you, too.” He sped down to the lab, where he could hear his Dad’s ACDC blasting as usual. “Heyo, what you working on?” “The suit nanotech. Wanna give your old man a hand?” “Always. Bring up the blueprints. What adjustments have you made so far? “Just the molecule distance and expansion weight. Trying to help stabilize the structure.” “What about the build construction stacking?” So they dove into work, Peter easily keeping up with the genius.

“Nicely done, getting too smart for me. What are you even doing in high school?” “Being bored and failing my humanities classes.” “You're not actually failing your classes are you? Grades are not everything bu-” “Relax father, I’m doing well in all my classes.” “I should probably know that. In fact I’ll actually show up to your next parent teacher conference.” “Please don’t,” Peter smiled. His father was generally very embarrassing. “Friday, make sure I’m at the kid’s next conference?” “Reminder set.” “Thanks, Fri.” “Anytime boss.” “God Fri please remind me to not show up for my next conference.” “Heyyyy,” Tony said, faking offence. “Dad, you can be very overbearing.” “I know, but-” “No.” “Fine, guess I’m not coming. Trying to be a good father and parenthood isn’t for me.” “I beg to differ,” Steve said, coming in to check on us, “realise you're no match for Peter’s intelligence yet?” “No fucking way. I’m a genius. Many PHDs. Kid hasn’t even finished high school, plus he has an A- in Spanish,” Tony laughed. “How did you-,” Peter rolled his eyes. “Friday just sent them to me.” “You’re awful.” “Hey watch it, MIT is still your dream school?” “I fucking hate you so much,” Peter really did loved this kind of banter with his father. “Maybe I do agree that parenthood isn’t for you, love.” “Capsical, you are a traitor. You’re supposed to always be on my side.” Steve kissed Tony’s cheek and ruffled Peter’s hair before saying, “Pepper needs you. Something about important business.” “Really important?” “She says if you don’t come she’ll lock you out of the company.” “That important then. Fri, tell Pepper that I’m coming.” “She has been notified, sir.” “Thank you. Bye then, Peter don’t fuck anything up.” “The same to you Mr. Stark.” Tony left the lab with a chuckle. “You two will be the death of me.” “Almost certainly.” “You staying in here?” “Nah, I have some projects in my lab waiting for me.” “You know your dad was joking about the grades right? Because grades really don’t mean anything, and they don’t define you. Nor does your intelligence. You are so much more than all that. And all these suits and mechanicy genius things-” “Pops. I’m fine. I know,” he smiled at his dad. “I just read in this parenting book that something smart or gifted kids can feel like th-” “Pops, you and dad are the best parents a kid could ask for. Stop worrying too much or you’ll turn grey like dad.” Captain America just smiled at his kid because he was the best. “Right. Good. Have fun.” “Will do.”

He messed with the design for the 100th millionth time but he couldn't get the vibrainim to synthesize with the web fluid. “Fri, get me another cup of coffee, please.” “For fuck sake, why isn’t this working,” he said to himself. He began to mess with the 3d hologram again. He typed in Mock 32 for the design and started trying again. “Pepper Potts is requesting access to the lab.” “Access granted,” he said to Fri. “Hey Pete, how’s it going?” “Badly, but it's fine. IS THAT COFFEE?” “White mocha latte, triple shot espresso,” She said, placing it down on the desk. “Ok..back up. What do you need?” “What, I can’t just bring my favorite stark a coffee?” “Aren’t you busy?” he asked skeptically. “Yes. Incredibly. So it is a peace offering. I allowed a tour access to this lab to look around, and see what a higher ups lab looks like in action. Fri will hide all of the classified things, and I thought you’d be at school. Tony just told me you weren’t so, here we are.” “He actually showed up to your meeting?” “Yes, and it wasn’t my meeting. He just needed to be there, and I didn't.” “I take your peace offering. It’s fine, I don’t care. So long as they don’t touch my shit.” “Good. Greet them, let them look around. Smile your cute smile. They’ll be up in five.” “FIVE MINUTES?” “Yep. Sorry, Hun, got to run. Thanks.” “You owe me one!”

As promised, the class showed up in five minutes. He was fine with the concept of a class showing up, he was not, however, good with his class showing up. “Is that Penis Parker?” He heard Flash. “Holy hell that is Park?” “IS THAT PETER?” “Did Peter break in?” “How is Peter here?” He couldn’t exactly kick them out. So, embracing his inner Tony Stark charm and Steve Rogers kindness, he opened the lab door, stepping into the corridor.

“EVERYONE PLEASE BACK UP AND BE QUIET!” The tour guild, Aliah, yelled. They were a kind person who Peter knew a bit. The classes quieted down.

“Hello, Aliah.” “Hi Peter,” they greeted, “Sorry, I hadn���t realized you’d be in today. I’ll just take them to our next stop.” “No, no it's fine. If it’s alright, I’ll give them a little tour sorta thing. I don’t mind, plus I kinda promised Pepper.” “That’d be really cool. Thanks.” “Yeah. Call ‘em over.” “Yeah. We’re just waiting on their teacher, he’s in the restroom.” “Course.”

Mr. Harrington showed up, questioning Aliah about the next stop. Then, he saw Peter. “Mr. Parker!” he exclaimed angrily, “How dare you show up here without a permission slip and claiming to be sick. What is this? We will be speaking with the principal and your parents about this! I am so sorry Aliah. Peter shot Aliah the “I got this” look. “Hi Mr. Harrington, I was unwell this morning, but I felt better so I came into work. Yes, I do have an internship here,” he said, loud enough for the class to hear. “The next stop on your tour,” they said, “is to Peter’s lab. He’s been so kind to give us a run-down.” Peter simply point at the door which read “Lab #55: Peter Parker.” “Right, uh, um, sorry Mr. Parker, please let us continue.” Peter smiled through his nerves. “Right, hello there class! I will be giving you a tour of my lab. I do some pretty important work, so I’m going to ask Friday to activate the ‘Guest Protocol’ to hide the classified stuff. It’s also very dangerous, so please do not touch anything.” There were nods from the class. “Right, Fri complete guest protocol and allow tour of Aliah to enter.” “Yes miniboss.” He re-entered his lab. “So, most of the time I work here,” he said, pointing to the biggest holograph table, “I work on designs, changes, and any mockups that need to happen. I then make them a reality. I can also run simulations on any formulas to see if they would be successful.” “Fri, please pull up the WFV project I was just working on for Spiderman.” “Right away mini-boss.” “So as you can see I’m trying to get the vibranium intertwine itself with Spiderman’s web fluid. This would allow the webs to be almost 47 times stronger, and also would allow them to conduct electricity, which has many uses. Anyone have any questions?” Ava raised her hand and Peter nodded at her, “Hey, so how did you learn all this? Like, it seems really complicated and you're in my chem class, so.” “I’ve worked a lot with both Mr. Stark and Bruce Banner, who’ve taught me most of what I know throughout the years. I also took a few online courses to solidify some subject matters I didn’t quite understand,” Peter, satisfied with his answer, asked if anyone else had inquired. “How did you get an internship here?” “Mr. Stark found me on the internet and took a liking to my projects. He met me and decided I’d fit right in here,” Peter explained simply. It was a lie of course, but it functioned as their cover story. “Anyone else? No. Cool, so moving onto some other sections in the lab. Over in that corner are the testing rooms. I have some more equipment scattered around for certain projects or just overall help on making things. Feel free to look around for 5-7 minutes and ask any questions you may have.” Some kid, Peter wasn’t sure of their name, raised his hand. “Why do you have cars in here? Are they yours?” “Some of the cars are mine, courtesy of Mr. Stark, who claims no lab is complete without some collection of cars. I can’t even drive them, to your point, but I guess I will when I’m eighteen. Some of the cars are Mr. Harley Keener’s, who I occasionally share my lab with. He doesn't do Avengers related projects, but he does love to tinker here and there. ‘Specially on the cars. See that red one, yeah he bought it for 5k and fixed it up. It’s actually an electric car, he just likes the old timers look. Guess that’s on him and da-Mr. Stark.”

No one seemed to have any other question, so he allowed them to look around. MJ nor Ned seemed to be in this class. He guessed they were in another group that wasn’t coming up here, or they went to a different location.

The tour went smoothly, and Flash seemed too shocked to say anything. “Peter! Peter!” Bucky came in yelling. Peter ran over to him. “Please keep it down uncle Buck.” “Oh shit your class is here!” “Yes now please don’t embarrass me.” “Won’t do! Just wanted to ask where Loki went.” “Asgard official business,” I said with a frown. “Really? He didn’t say a thing!” “I know.” “That little shit.” Peter laughed alongside Bucky. “Did you need anything else?” “Yeah, my arm's a little fucked up. Need a hand.” “Happy to give it a look. Dad in a meeting?” “To all our shock, yes.” “Ha. Give me a sec to get my class outta here.” Bucky nodded. “Right everyone, thanks for visiting. Please head towards the exit. The lovely Aliah will take you to your next location. They are awesome!” A murmur of “thanks Peter” and “is that the winter soldier” spread through the room. “See ya round,” Aliah said to him personally, “And thanks for this.” “Anytime. Bye!” They smiled a warm smile before leading the class out.

“What’s not working so well?” Peter asked. “Just some tightness in the finger motion. “Alright, okay. Fri, get me an update of the schematics, please.” “Yes, sir.” They appeared on the holographic table Peter was working at. “Right, can I please get a current scan of Uncle Bucky’s arm?” “Yes. Shall I place them next to the schematics?” “Yep. And highlight all differences.” “Yes miniboss.” “You gotta stop with that Fri.” “Name unable to be changed under the authority of Tony Stank, Badass Boss, God of Mischief, and Fiance.” “Glad the whole team is against me living a good life,” Peter remarked with an eye roll. “You drama queen.” “Thanks,” Peter smiled. “You know what’s wrong yet?” Peter opened up the schematics, looking at the highlighted section of the 3d arm model. He didn’t speak for a moment. “So I reckon, you fucked up the wiring and section T4’s minigears. None of the important tech is messed up, it’ll be fine. Maybe a half an hour fix. Max.” “Good, good. Thanks kid,” Bucky said with an appreciative smile. He nodded, disconnecting the arm carefully. He placed it onto his table next to the holographic model. He gave a skeptical look. “Something bad?” “No, no, I was just thinking. Thinking, hmn.” “Care to share with the class?” Buck said with a sense of humor lingering in his voice. “Well, you’re not on mission all that often, and this is quite a bulky arm. Ever think about getting one that’s your skin colour, lighter weight, more, I don’t know, arm like. Less hydra murdery vibes. Help get rid of that, that time.” “I have…” “So can I make it?” Peter said excitedly. “You mean it?” “Of course Uncle Buck! No clue why dad hasn’t offered before!” “Guess he never thought of it. Maybe thought I liked the scary metal thing,” he suggested weakly. “Well that’s stupid,” Peter said casually. Bucky never understood how the kid could be so compassionate so easily. “Thanks. Really.” “No worries. I’ve been looking for a new project to throw myself into. It'll be fun. And as much as I hate to admit it, I need to work on my smaller scale mechanical work.” All Bucky could do was smile his beaming smile. “Bucky!” the voice of the Black Widow shouted. “Hey Nat,” Buck replied. “Wanna train?” she asked. “As much as I want to,” he said, pointing towards the area his arm would have been. “Oh, what happened this time?” “Nothing to major, some gears and wires,” Peter filled it, “Give me twenty minutes I’ll be done.” He’d already opened the arm and gotten to the section where the wires were screwed up. “DAN-E get me the soldering kit, please,” he asked the robot, “Oh and some new T6YU wires. Red and purple.” The robot gave a vaguely human nod. “Right, I'll be waiting. Test the adjustments out on me?” She suggested. “Alright,” Buck said. “Oh and I’m in charge of ordering food. What do you want?” “Burgers?” “You boring, bland little boy,” Nat scolded. “Thai?” Buck requested. They looked over to Peter, “Sure, yeah.” Nat headed out, greeting Tony with a “Hey Stank” on the stairs out of his lab. “Yours is so much smarter than mine, why is yours so much smarter than mine,” Tony fake (real) whined. “I’m the superior mechanic, father, deal with it.” DAN-E, almosting proving his point, dropped the materials on his desk, and he continued to work. “I’m donating DUM-E,” Tony glared at him, “What happened to the arm Buck?” “Stiff fingers isall.” “Oh, ok. Pete, need a hand?” “Nah, I’m good. Not much to do. Some wires got fucked up, just replacing them now. Going to look at the minigears in the palm too, just to make sure the oil regulation and gear’s aren't broken. I think one of the gears is, but it's one of them that's easy to replace,” Peter replied, not looking up from his work. “Right, sounds good. Your pops and I are going out for the night. Be back around 12 let’s say.” “Cool. Can I borrow some vibranium from your lab?” “Sure thing kiddo. Call us if you need anything. Fri, give Peter access to vault B3 in my lab.” “Thanks,” Peter smiled. “Anytime. Good luck with ya know.” “Shouldn’t he ask you what you're going to do with a substance that costs 10,000$ a gram?” “Something about trusting me.” “Parents trust their kids with going out later or or doing their homework not fucking multimillions of dollars.” “Uncle Bucky, my parents are Iron Man and Captain America. There was never a shot at normal.” “Fair enough.”

Peter finished up the adjustment on the arm by changing a gear. “Thanks a lot kid.” “Of course. I’m going to work on your new arm now.” “Alrighty, I’ll get out of your way.” “Oh could you ask Auntie Nat what time she’s ordering dinner for? So I know when to head up, just get Fri to tell me.” “Will do.” “Thanks.”

So Peter was left to making some blueprints and drinking many red bulls. The red bull mini-fridge was actually a gift from Shuri, and his fathers had many words with him about it. He managed to convince them that he should keep it, god knows how. Well, he used the whole Princess of Wakanda and making peace and Stark Industries relationship with Wakandan products and companies as well as international relations and blah blah. It worked, who cares.

After a few hours he was called up for dinner, and he sat there and enjoyed the absolute chaos of his family.

Save/comment on A03 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/33320938

[221castiel]

Day 6 - Mask

Trigger warning for Eating disorders

Mask /verb/

To conceal (something) from view.

~

"Alright," Dean said, placing his empty plate into the sink. He turned to Sam who still ate, one hand around his fork, his other holding his phone, eyes on the device. "i'm going to shower, then we can head out."

Sam only gave a small hum in response, eyes still locked on his phone.

It didn't bother Dean in the slightest. It was easier that way, gave him more reassurance that Sam wouldn't be curious in following him, not that he ever had before.

Despite that the fear still ticked at Dean's mind as he slowly walked through the bunkers halls, jaw locked, in an attempt to keep his food down. He could feel it burning in his stomach. He'd eaten more then his stomach could handle and was now paying for it both physically and mentally.

His whole body alive with anxiety, adrenaline coursing through his veins. Part of him said stop there in the hallway. Throw up there and then. Get it out of him, calm the anxiety, let the nausea win. He needed it out of him.

He couldn't let it sit in his stomach, build up fat, when he already had so much.

One step

Two steps.

No matter how much quicker his footsteps became he never seemed to be close enough.

Another step.

A spinning of his head.

Another step.

His stomach growling. Full yet still desperate for more.

Another step, and he was pushing his way into his bedroom, a gasped breath filling his lungs.

Dean locked his bedroom door before making his way to his bathroom, locking that door as well. He then turned the shower on, as powerful as it would go, before kneeling in front of the toilet, eyes on the clear water.

The first time he'd down it, at fourteen, he'd cried. He'd sobbed before he had down, he'd sobbed during, and then after, then for the rest of the night.

He could still remember not being able to exactly get the right angle. Fingers in the back of his throat, as tears and snot stained his face. Fingers moving, jabbing, wiggling, until he felt the acidic taste come back up, burning through his throat, and mouth.

Now he no longer cried.

It had become routine, if anything a comfort.

Something he'd become numb to, or if anything relied on, wanted, craved, needed.

It would make him okay.

It would make the anxiety ease.

It would make the fat burn away.

Slowly Dean raised his hand. He rested his fingers against his bottom lips, inhaling a deep breath before pushing them into his mouth, and to the back of his throat.

Within seconds Dean could feel the familiar burning in his throat. The acidic taste as he threw up his dinner into the toilet, burning up his nose and through his mouth, the smell almost just as bad as the taste. He could feel it dripping down his chin, though at that moment he couldn't care, instead letting his forehead rest against the rim.

He didn't open his eyes. He didn't move. He didn't think he could, every muscle in his body aching, his stomach searing in pain, desperate for food. Even if he wanted to, he didn't think he could eat, he couldn't imagine food passing his lips, going down his throat, sitting in his stomach to develop into fat.

He didn't think he could eat.

And he didn't want to.

He didn't want to.

He didn't want to.

He really wanted to.

A slow breath filled his lungs, the smell of sick burning in his lungs, followed by a second breath. He could almost die there. Simply not stand, it wouldn't take long for the stavaton to take over.

Another breath filled his lungs.

"Dean?"

"Son of a bitch!" Dean cried at the sudden noise. His eyes snapped open, as he pushed himself away from the toilet, his gaze immediately going to Cas who had appeared at the other end of the bathroom. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I was informed this is what couples do."

Dean's gaze darted across the other's features which sat in a small frown. If it was Sam, his heart would be hammering. If it was Charlie he'd already be throwing up again. Even if Crowley had found him he'd be worried. Though Cas, he didn't think the angel would understand, or at least he hoped not.

That was the only thing keeping him calm, keeping his voice steady.

"Do what?" Dean asked, "appear in each other's bathrooms?"

"Shower together."

Dean sighed. He brought his hand to his face rubbing it across his chin in an attempt to wipe off the throw up though he ended up just spreading it. "They usually tell each other first."

"My apologies." Cas said. His gaze darted across Dean then to the toilet, a frown tugging at his lips as he tilted his head.

Don't say anything. Don't understand. That's all Dean could think as his boyfriend continued to stare. "Dean," he could feel his stomach drop, threatening to throw up what little was left in it. "Are you alright?"

"Yah," Dean managed, his voice coming out quieter than he would have liked. "just a bit sick."

Cas's gaze dropped back down Dean's body, his nose scrunched the slightest bit, something that if it weren't for the fear, Dean would have thought was cute. "You are more than just a bit. Organ failure, a developing esophageal perforation, anemia, heart damage, malnutrition. You're incredibly sick." As Cas took a small step forward Dean tensed. "I can fix it though it may take a moment."

"It's fine!" Dean insisted. "I'll live."

"I don't think you will."

Castiel's word should have made Dean's stomach drop, he should have been terrified, of dying, of the diseases that would come, of everything it would do to his body. He should have at least been concerned, though he couldn't be.

Starving to death, as messed up as it was, seemened beautiful. Slow, drawn out, dull, and painful. It seemed almost addictive. Beautiful. Euphoric. Holding the same grace as a ballerina across a stage.

No monsters.

No destiny.

Just his own fucked up thoughts winning.

Dean froze as Cas took a step closer, followed by another, until he was right in front of Dean, the confused expression never leaving his face. "I don't understand," Cas whispered, though the words seemed more for himself then Dean. Please don't understand. "How has this happened?"

"I guess burgers and beer aren't the vision of health."

Cas didn't reply, his expression not even faltering for a second. "I'm going to talk to Sam and tell him you won't be joining him in the hunt."

"No!" The word fell before Dean could stop it, though at that moment, Dean couldn't care to hide the fear in his voice, or stop the hammering of his heart. Sam couldn't know. Sam could never know.  "Don't talk to Sam."

"why not?"

"Cas," Dean finally whispered. The frustration was building up, a mix of emotions seeming to pile up higher as he desperately tried to build a wall to stop them. Fear of Sam knowing. Anxiety from the way his stomach made rolls as he hunched on the floor. Pain. Pain. So much pain, both physically and mentally. "Just-" Dean took a hesitant breath, squeezing his jaw shut for a moment, "leave."

"Dean."

"Leave."

For the first time since Cas had arrived his confused expression fell, in realization, or maybe worry, Dean wasn't sure. "You're in pain."

Dean didn't reply, he couldn't, instead he squeezed his jaw tighter, attempting to stop the rising emotions, the blurring of his vision. It was hard to keep everything at bay as the only thing his mind could focus on was how hungry he was. How a stabbing pain burned in his stomach. How he was almost too weak to stand.

Dean's gaze stayed on Cas, watching tensely as the angel slowly crouched, and picked Dean up with ease. "I can walk," Dean whispered, barely able to breath as Cas held him bridal style.

He could feel the way his stomach rolled as he was held, his thighs stuck together, chin pressed down, causing more rolls. So many rolls. So much fat. He couldn't even enjoy Castiel's warmth, to focused on his spiraling thoughts, sending him further into anxiety.

"Your body is eating itself away, you need to rest."

So much fat.

Den could still feel it as Cas sat him on the edge of the bed, his thighs still touching. His under arms touching his sides. His jeans belt making it hard to breath.

So much fat.

He could feel it in his face. He could feel it across his whole body, burning. Searing his skin, sending the anxiety spiralling.

Dean's gaze stayed on the other, as Cas stood in front of him, gaze traveling up and down Dean's body once again. Dean himself could only shift, tugging his flannel over his body.  "I don't understand." Cas repeated. He raised a hand, and from across the room, a pair of Dean's pajamas flew to him. "You get changed. I'm going to get you some food, I will be back."

Dean only gave the smallest nod, as Cas handed over the pair of sweatpants and old t-shirt, making no movement until the other had left. He then slowly pulled his shirt off, eyes staying firmly forward, away from the mirror that could be seen from his bathroom. He'd seen people on tv with eating disorders, they always looked in the mirror, judged their waists, and thighs, Dean couldn't. He was terrified of looking in the mirror, of seeing how much bigger he'd gotten.

So much fat.

He used the old t-shirt to wipe the throw up from his face, before throwing it into the corner of his room. He then pulled on the new t-shirt, his gaze continuing to stay firmly forward as he pulled off his jeans, and pulled on the sweat pants, his fingers hesitation at his waist.

So much fat.

He had considered cutting it away, once, twice, the thought was always at the back of his mind. Grab one of their many knives and slowly carve out his own skin, cut himself thigh gaps, force a thin waist. Sam was the only thing keeping him from trying.

For a moment Dean's finger stayed there, the skin burning against his own touch. His eyes fluttered shut, until he heard the door open.

His hands fell back to his sides, eyes flying open, meeting the angel in the doorway.  

"The google suggested soup for when you're sick," Cas explained. He walked back to Dean, placing a bowl of tomato soup. It looked like the whole can, it would be 200 calories at most, 120 at minimum. Dean would say 250 to be safe. He'd already eaten today, 250 was too much. "They also suggested tea," Cas continued placing a mug next to the soup, "I know you don't like tea so I brought coffee instead."

Dean gave a small nod of his head, gaze still on the food. He was starving. The acid taste still burned in his mouth. He wanted to eat so bad he could cry, but there was so much fat across his body.

So much fat.

"Thanks," Dean whispered, watching as Cas walked around to the other side of the bed, and sat next to Dean. He needed to focus on something else, anything else but the soup. He'd regret it if he ate it, but he was so hungry.

Cas's gaze stayed on Dean for a moment, his blue eyes staring intensely as Dean stared back. "Are you not going to eat?" Cas finally asked, tilting his head slightly, his eyebrows furrowing, and nose scrunching.

"Not right now, my stomach isn't feeling good." Cas gave a small nod in understanding.

Slowly Dean layed down, able to feel rolls at his side as he did. Each breath becoming more shaken as he tried to keep his breathing steady.

So much fat.

He raised a hand pulling Cas closer. "Come lay with me."

The angel only gave a small hum in agreeance, before letting Dean pull him into a tight hug. The warmth was nice, Cas's back against Dean's chest, his arms around the other. He was always so cold, from his toes to his finger tips, at times it became painful.

Cas was always so warm, so comforting.

So slim and perfect.

Dean buried his face into the back of Cas's next, squeezing his eyes shut in an attempt to stop the tears. He hated himself. He hated the fact that, that was all he could think about, how slim Cas was, how built Sam was, how slim Jack was. How he himself was built, with so much fat.

"Dean?" He could feel Cas shifting in his arms, and quickly Dean brought his hands to his face, stopping whatever tears threatened to fall, just as Cas faced him.

They were so close, almost nose to nose as they layed in bed. Dean could feel his thighs touching, sticking together, from how low his sweatpants hung.

So much fat.

Cas lips parted, and for a second he didn't continue, only a warm breath flaring across Dean's cheeks. "I love you," Cas finally whispered. "You don't have to say it back, as I understand it's not easy, but I think you need to know."

Dean didn't reply, his eyes instead staying locked on Cas's as the other raised a hand slowly trailing it across the side of Dean's face. He couldn't find the words to tell the other to stop, no matter how much he wanted to. He couldn't tell the angel, who was trying so hard to make sure he was okay, that every touch burned. Every trail of his fingers, down Dean's arm, along Dean's side, burned, sending him spiralling into anxiety.

Along his side. Along his chest. Outlining scars that Cas had long ago memories. It all made his lungs seem to collapse, breathing seemed like an impossible task.

There was so much fat.

No matter how gentle, how innocent the touch was Dean didn't want it.

There was too much fat.

"I have been alive for billions of years and never met anyone as incredible as you." Cas's fingers trailed to Dean's stomach resting there as Dean held his breath.

So much fat.

"You are the most amazing man I have ever met." Cas's hand dropped, his eyes going back to Dean's, wide and blue. "And I am in love with you."

Dean took a slow breath, his not moving from the other's. I love you, on the tip of his tongue, though seeming stuck there.

"Dean," Cas whispered, when he hadn't replied. "May I heal you."

"Not now Cas."

"Dean you will die."

"I said not now," the word was met to come out angry, insistent, at least frustrated, though it was laced by nothing but pain.

"Dean why not?" He clenched his jaw, vision beginning to blur with tears. How could he tell the other that it felt good, that knowing he was that sick ment he was doing something right. How could he tell Cas he enjoyed it, needed it, loved it. Dean attempted to take a breath though it came out as a gasped sob. "You can talk to me."

"Not now," Dean whispered, as tears began rolling down his cheeks. "Please."

[naturaldisasterfanfiction]

29.

“huh, what, what?” looking behind me half asleep, Robyn slapped my arm again “yes!?” turning around to see her “I think I am going to be sick, I need help getting up” letting out on oh, pushing the covers off of me. Robyn has been feeling like hell, she has not got out of bed for three days. I mean that could be dramatic, but she spends her days in bed, she has been feeling very unwell, the midwife said I had to watch her temperature and it’s been ok with that end but she is not doing very well, she is doubting the whole home birth thing now but I think she will be ok. She is tired, this girl is taking it out of her, she was sick just before I went to bed and I guess now again, running around the bed half asleep. I am tired and I wasn’t near enough was able to fix my dick in my boxers “come on” pulling the cover back, Robyn placed her hand over her mouth “don’t be sick here” now I don’t want that, swinging her legs around so they are hanging on the edge of the bed. Helping her sit up on the bed, she shook her head and started to cry “I don’t want to be” she probably ain’t going to make it to the bathroom “the trashcan, just hold off” running around the bed, she can least contain it in there and then I died a little inside hearing Robyn be sick, I just stopped in my tracks staring at the wall. She has been sick on the floor now; she has done it and I didn’t get the trashcan in time. Taking in a deep breath as I turned around, seeing Robyn head low as she is still being sick, why is this happening now. I am not feeling this, I am not feeling this whole pregnancy thing because honestly it is hard work this because when she was sick just before we went to sleep it went a little everywhere and I had to clean the floor, she making me work but then it makes me think, how she is always taking care of everyone else and now she needs me, but I may gag at this.

I gagged, that is nasty like it is so disgusting “oh god” I said seeing Robyn surrounded in vomit on the floor, the brand new carpet and it’s full of sick. Watching Robyn shakily wipe her mouth “I can do it” shaking my head “it’s ok, come to me” I don’t know how she will actually “wait there” climbing onto the bed “you going to need to trust me on this, stand-up” walking on the bed towards her, there is patch where we both can maybe just stand in. Climbing off the bed and standing in the spot “don’t cry, it’s ok. We can fix it” wiping her tears with my hands “I am going to pick you, just trust me” picking Robyn up, I grunted, I mean she is added weight and she is a little heavier “you lucky I work out, I mean I don’t but you know what I mean” climbing onto the bed, Robyn wrapped her arms around my neck, walking on the bed and making my way over to the other side. Stepping off of the bed “there we go, you want me to carry you to the spare room? I will do that, I will get some water for you too” carrying her across the room, I have no idea how I am going to clean that floor, because there is a lot of vomit on there.

“Don’t mind me” Monica said behind me, turning around “hey, I am just waiting on the baking soda to work. I googled it” I chuckled “I was going to do it, I came to help” I sighed out “I did it, it’s my wife you know. Who am I to not look after her, she does anything for everyone and the time she needs help, I am there. She is suffering, but the midwife said she is ok and that it’s signs that it’s coming soon. She was sick a lot, but yeah” I laughed “I am impressed Chris, really am. I hope that people see this” seeing Dennis, he would be here “morning” I said to him, Dennis is here with his camera “it stinks a little but erm, yeah. Robyn was sick on the carpet and I am cleaning it, she is not doing well. Did you see her?” I asked him “I did, she is asleep, so I came here” shaking my head smiling “just was getting the trashcan and then it happened, I died inside a little but then I got over it. It’s Robyn, I would do anything for her, not fucking up this time” I shook my head laughing, looking back at the carpet, looks like the carpet is clearing up good, it’s getting there anyway “I am so proud of my son in law” Monica said, which made me smile even more “we need to probably get a new carpet but it’s Christmas so we will wait it out. I think baby Fenty will be a Christmas baby, she wants to bless us but I think she is finding it comfy in her stomach. I am excited though” I really can’t wait to see our daughter “how are you feeling about the whole process? Witnessing Rihanna give birth, this is your first time?” Dennis asked “it’s the first time I am being able to witness the whole process and women do go through so much, I have so much respect for them. It’s scary, I feel scared but when I see my wife going through pain I get over it, I seen it all now. My love runs deep” placing my hand over my heart laughing “I feel like everyday you feel more love for my daughter, I see it. It’s beautiful to see” I cooed out “she is too kind” placing my arm around Monica “the people don’t know half of it” nodding my head.

I made Robyn some chicken soup when I said made. Monica helped me; she was there telling me what to do but I stirred it. I can make tomato soup, but Monica wanted to help me make this which smell so nice, I look like a butler with this tray in hand. Placing the tray down to open the door, peaking in seeing Robyn is asleep still. That is all she does, but I can’t blame her, picking up the tray and placing it on the side table. I don’t want to scare her awake so I will be gentle, walking towards the bed. Touching Robyn’ forehead with the back of my hand, she is not burning up so that is good news “Chris” she opened her eyes slowly “hey baby” stroking her cheek “I am embarrassed” her voice is croaky “don’t be, I got some water here” grabbing her bottle from the side “also some soup, made by me. Sit up for me” opening the bottle of water, Robyn shuffled up in the bed “I feel like shit Chris, so weak too” placing the straw in the bottle “I know that is why you are going to eat and make you better” holding the bottle as she drank “I cleaned up your sick, I did it” Robyn’ eyes widened, moving the bottle back “you didn’t? But how? I would have done it” placing he bottle back on the side table “I googled it, but I really had to scrub that shit once I scrapped that nasty shit from the floor, the thing is Robyn. I know you would do this for me, you are always there taking care of people so here I am doing this for you” picking up the tray “thank you so much Chris, like I don’t feel alone, you really are here for me. Like the way you just play around and think you can’t do it and you can, thank you. You have really stepped up as a husband, a real ass man for me” placing it on her lap “I want to do better for you” kissing the top of her head “you sitting with me?” she asked “yeah, I am coming back. I left my phone downstairs. Won’t be long” I should have bought it with me, Royalty said she was going to facetime me.

Robyn held the spoon out to me “taste it, it’s nice” looking away from my phone and at Robyn “this has really made you look better than you did earlier, you needed some good. What you wan me to make you later?” tasting the soup “hmmm anything Chris, I don’t mind it. Nothing heavy though, I just can’t take it. Something light for me” nodding my head “Royalty is on, I won’t turn it to you” answering the facetime, waiting for it to connect “oh it’s connected Royalty it’s on” Nia shouted and then walked away from the camera, pulling a face waiting on my daughter to come. My eyes widened when she finally arrived “did you see what I did!!” she shouted “a front flip? You finally did it with no help!?” I half shouted “yes, I am better then you now” nodding my head watching her run over to the camera “I just wanted to show you that” clearing my throat “you excited for Christmas baby? Uncle Barry been taking you to my house still?” Royalty pushed her hair back “yes, I went yesterday, oh my god. Dad seeing snow, you showed me that picture of snow. I am jealous, I really want to be there. Mom said if I am extra good next time I can, dad. Where is the baby? I saw meme and Acorn mom” I snorted laughing “what I say about you calling him that? Stop it, why did you see her anyways?” I know they are playing a game “I went to meme house and guess what dad, mom is not happy with me” what did she do now “Royalty, that is bad. Chris you need to tell her off” Royalty laughed as Nia shouted “I said I like Rihanna and I don’t like you, Rihanna is the best” I chuckled “oh wow, ok. Royalty you got to be nice now, we all dislike things but you need to not get involved in grown folk business” I need to be the adult “but it is true dad, where is Rihanna now. I have not seen her in forever. Doesn’t she like me?” looking over at Robyn smiling “she is here with me” I said smiling at her “oh my god!” Robyn is mean mugging me “wave to her” Robyn sighed “hey baby” Robyn reached over and waved “I told you mom, she knows me!” my daughter is so happy “you made her so happy, now stop asking” Royalty loves some attention from my wife, she is always craving it.

Dennis joined us on the bed “I have been editing some of the Chrianna doc, I think it’s fitting to call it that but just saying. And I have decided to collate the videos from youtube, from when you both was babies and in love, I think it’s something we need. I feel like it’s what the public deserve, I want to do this right. It’s such a big thing for me. So I have got some videos of you both, and made little trailer for you Instagram, when you are both ready” my eyes widened “so you want us to post this today? If we want” Dennis nodded his head “I mean it is down to you both, it’s like a coming soon thing. Fenty X Brown entertainment, it’s to show you are both serious. I made it and it’s dramatic but from what I seen when editing, there is so much of that. There is a lot sadness, and happiness equally but the sadness is what made me kind of sad to see so yes. I made this trailer and I hope you both like it” Dennis held his laptop out to me “it’s like thirty seconds to show what is to come” taking his laptop form him “I am nervous, anything Robyn looks at she hates at first” I can imagine “she will love it, won’t you” Robyn is quiet, he is feeling back pains so is not happy “just press play” Dennis came over closer to me and sat next to me on the bed “ok let’s do this” pressing play on the laptop “I feel like people only want me when I am doing good by them and it hurts, when I found out about being pregnant by a man they hate. I was scared and I shouldn’t have felt that” Robyn’ voice was the first to come up, and then the images came up of the scan and then a video of the baby shower “I just want to be happy” Robyn said in the video “I love Robyn more then I love myself and I was and have always been so unhappy without her” as the video of us in Mexico together played, looking at Dennis all wide eyed “I thought your camera was away?” he laughed “never stopped filming, I took that voice clip and I had to add it. But the video gives nothing away of marriage, so all is well” nodding my head, I feel choked up “Chris that is so sweet, baby. I love you too, I hate to know you was unhappy” putting my head down before looking at Robyn “I was lonely, but I was stuck” Robyn looked at me in sadness “I love you” leaning over to kiss her.

Robyn wants to come downstairs so I am helping her go down “my pussy feels so heavy right now Chris, not going to lie” Robyn rested her head against my arm, we are going to the elevator so we can go down “I can imagine, well I can’t but I can at the same time. I am proper sad to know how much you are struggling with this pregnancy, like I see it on movies, and it looks easy” Robyn laughed lightly “easy, it’s not. It’s awful, I just think that I have a lot of stress Chris. I just have a lot on my mind, and I want things to be good for us, I feel like I am battling everything with my life. People just continue to belittle us; they just want bad for us and I hate that. It does worry me when I do leave this bubble, how will people attack me. I want us happy too” pressing the elevator button and waited for it to come up “this is not good for you Robyn, no wonder you are actually draining yourself, you never just switch off. You are forever planning something, you are forever trying to make things better when in life shit ain’t perfect” opening the door and slide the gate open “come on” letting Robyn get on it first “it may go over the weight limit now” I joked “whatever, come to me. Stay close” stepping on and closing the door behind me, sliding the gate shut and pressing the lower floor “I understand Chris but that is just me, I like to please everything and everyone. I just can’t help it” shaking my head “no wonder this pregnancy is not good on you, you’re just so worried about everything” sliding the gate back open “I do Chris, sorry” stepping off of the elevator “hey boy” Zeus is here waiting, jogging over to him. Rubbing his head, Zeus is looking behind me and then he started to whimper running off towards Robyn, why is my dog sad. Looking behind me “oh my god” Robyn breathed out “it’s happening, she is coming” seeing the trickle of liquid on the flooring “oh no” Robyn held onto her bump.

[anxiouslymalicious]

Until you’re feeling better.

Pairing: Ben Hardy x Reader

Summary: A continuation of Until I can trust you in which the reader doesn’t feel too good.

Word Count: 2,480

Warnings; mention of a panic attack, other than that nothing except for bad writing

A/N: I’m so sorry this is only being posted now! I was sick and unexpectedly busy. I hope you like this, though! 

Tags: @mamaskillerqueen @yourealegendroger @lakef @mcrmarvelloki @oh-well1 Message me please if you want to be tagged!!

The rest of the day was rather relaxed. Ben had put on a movie for you two to watch as you were comfortably sipping your tea. It felt good to be close to Ben again. Cuddling with him. Laughing with him. Talking to him about anything and everything that came to your minds. It was like before the break-up. Except with more intense feeling, but less physical contact.

You stayed over for the night, too tired to drive back to your flat, physically and mentally. Ben told you some more about how he had been after missing your date. His mental state, how his physique changed, which you had noticed too, and how long it had taken him to get back on tracks. But he wasn’t being selfish at that. Ben talked about how he noticed that you had grown skinnier, your hair was longer, and you had the same dark circles under your eyes.

Ben’s arms wrapped around your tired body out of the blue. Your eyes must have fallen close again as you were watching whatever Netflix suggested.

“What are you doing?”, you mumbled tiredly, trying to squirm out of his arms.

“Carrying to bed love. Just because we’re not dating, doesn’t mean I’ll let you take the couch.”, Ben replied. By the tone of his voice, you could tell that he wore a huge smile. If you hadn’t been too tired to open your eyes, you would have rolled them at him.

“You’re not gonna sleep on the couch either.”

“Where else do you expect me to sleep?”, Ben chuckled as he sat you down on the edge of the bed you two once shared. It felt heavenly already and you hadn’t even fully laid down yet.

“Here. With me. We literally shared a bed last night, no need to act shy now. You have a shirt for me?”, you didn’t leave any room for discussion and changed the topic instead. Ben shook his head playfully at your demands, causing you to grin a little. Then, he threw one of his shirts towards you, along with some pants before looking at you awkwardly.

“Do you- uh… Want me to turn around or leave while you change?”, he asked, a huge blush covering his cheeks. You hesitated for a moment. Did you? You were just friends after all, it wouldn’t be too appropriate, but at the same time he had literally seen you naked not even 24 hours ago so why act all shy now?

“You- Can you turn around, maybe?”, you stammered, your face heating up at your own words. With a rushed ‘yeah, of course’, Ben turned around, waiting for you to signal him to turn back around. You quickly rid yourself of your shirt, halting at your bra. Should you keep it on? You decided that comfort was more important than acting like you did when you first spend the night with Ben and took it off, throwing all your clothes into the same corner of the room before slipping into Ben’s clothes. They smelled so wonderfully of him.

“You can turn around now.”, you told Ben as you slipped under the covers, snuggling into the pillow on your side. Ben asked whether you were alright if he changed in the room to which you only nodded, your eyes already closed, and the duvet pulled up to your nose. Once Ben was done, he got into bed and stared at you for a second. His instincts told him to wrap his arms around you and pull you closer, but his mind told him not to. You might feel uncomfortable and that was the last thing Ben wanted. His decision, however, was taken from him as Frankie jumped onto the bed, settling down between you two. She immediately curled up and fell asleep between her two favourite humans. Ben chuckled a little.

“Good night.”, he mumbled, lightly scratching Frankie behind her ear and pushing a lock of your hair behind your ear. But you were already too far gone to reply. A soft sigh escaped your lips, which Ben took as an answer.

The next morning passed far too quickly, but you were desperate to get some time to yourself, so you only stayed until after breakfast. After all, you needed to update Helen and Lucy on everything that had happened over the past days. You had promised them that you would. And you were not the kind of girl to let your friends down.

“Do you really have to go?”, you asked Helen as you were curled up in your bed, feeling miserable. Seriously miserable. You were sure that you caught some kind of stomach bug. Helen was getting ready to leave after spending the last night in your flat to take care of you and your upset stomach.

“Boo, you know I do. My mum needs me. I’ll be back in like a week and in the meantime, you will find someone else to take care of your whiny arse.”, she replied and smiled at you through the mirror. Helen truly hated leaving you behind while you were sick, but her own mother had recently sprained her ankle and was in need of someone to help her navigate through her every day life.

“No, I won’t. Lucy is with Rami in New York, Gwil and his wife are on honeymoon and Joe is currently filming somewhere.”, you groaned into your pillow, feeling close to crying. You didn’t want to be alone when you were feeling like this.

“What about Ben?”, Helen smirked at you. She was glad that you and Ben decided to take a step back in your relationship and take some time to breathe, adjust to each other and build trust. But she couldn’t help but tease you about him.

“I- He- He’s… busy.”, you told her as you blushed violently. You knew that he wasn’t busy. Not at all. Ben would probably even enjoy taking care of you. He always did. Usually, you were a very independent and strong woman, but being sick was something you never handled well.

Helen looked right through you but didn’t say anything.

“Alright. I’ve got to go now, love. Keep me updated on how you’re feeling.”, Helen told you before hugging you tightly once more.

“I will. Drive safely, I need you still. And tell your mum that I love her, babe.”, you replied. Helen assured you that she would, then walked out of the door. Not even twenty minutes later, you found yourself on the couch, a random show running on the tv as you dozed off. But the second you felt like you were about to actually fall asleep, you heard the doorbell ring. With an exasperated sigh, you got up, a blanket tightly wrapped around your tired body, and pushed the button for the intercom.

“Who’s there?”, you asked, not in the mood to see more people than necessary.

“It’s me, Ben, love. Can you let me in? Please?”, Ben’s voice sounded from the intercom. Even though it sounded slightly robotic due to the shitty intercom, you could hear the softness in his voice. It made you want to cry once more. You were not sure if you wanted to let Ben in though. Did you really want for him to see you like this? On the other hand, you had seen him break down completely, involuntarily on his side, of course.

“Ben, I’m not feeling too peachy. I appreciate you coming by, but- “

“I know. Please let me in. I can take care of you.”, Ben said with a sincerity in his voice that sent shivers down your spine. You sighed once more, holding the blanket up with one hand only as the other ran through your hair. You pressed the button that would open the front door and waited for Ben to come upstairs. It barely took him a minute and when you finally spotted the blonde mop of hair at the end of the hallway, you felt relief bubble up in your chest. You really did not want Ben to see you like this, like this much of a mess, but you needed someone to help you navigate and you were glad that Ben truly wanted to take care of you.

“Hey, love.”, Ben finally said when he reached your door. He stood awkwardly before you, not knowing if he should go in for a hug or not. Besides the fact that your body kind of blocked the entrance, which you didn’t notice though. You, however, made the decision for Ben by leaning your head against his firm chest. He had been working out more frequently again, getting his life back on tracks. The way it was before the breakup. You liked seeing him blossom like this again.

His heart was beating rapidly against his chest, the strong rhythm calming you immensely, along with his arms that wrapped around you immediately, holding your body against his.

“Come on, let’s get you inside.”, Ben whispered, making you whimper. You didn’t want to move. Your eyes were closed, and you felt unbelievably comfortable right there.

“I’ll carry you, love, but we might look kind of strange to the neighbours if we keep standing here like this. “, Ben chuckled, and you nodded your head against his chest, giving him permission to lift you up. And he did. One of his arms went under your knees while the other supported your back, then he brought you to the couch where you had previously been laying, putting you down gently.

“Do you want me to get you something?”, he asked now, and you only shook your head. Your stomach was angrily churning now from the many movements and you were afraid you might throw up if you opened your mouth. Ben noticed that you were not doing too well and opted for gently caressing your back, trying to distract you from the unpleasant sensation. As it passed, Ben made you lie down on the couch and went looking for a trash can or something you could throw up into in case of emergency, so you wouldn’t hurt yourself if you tried running to the bathroom in your rather busy state. Ben even got you to eat something. Obviously, only things that were easy on your stomach, but he even made you some tomato soup once you started craving it.

“Ben?”, you asked as you had curled up to him after eating something. He replied with a hum, silently telling you to continue.

“Not to sound rude, but why exactly are you here?”, your voice was quiet, and you were about to fall asleep, but you were curious.

“Oh, Helen texted me that you were sick and needed someone to take care of you while she’s away. I told her that I would love to take care of you and came here.”, Ben explained in a soft tone.

“Get some rest, love. Maybe you’ll feel better in the morning.”, Ben whispered and so, you did.

Except, you didn’t feel better.

Your whole body seemed to be working against you and Ben didn’t want to leave you alone for the night. He had never seen you doing this bad, literally crying from headaches and getting easily frustrated at the stupidest things.

“Please sleep in my bed with me. The couch is really no place to stay for the night.”, you told Ben as he tucked you in for the night.

“And what if I catch that stomach bug of yours?”, Ben raised an eyebrow at you, a smile present on his lips.

“Then I’ll take care of you. But please don’t let that couch ruin your back.”, you told him. “And please don’t leave me here alone”, you added in a whisper, one part of you hoping that he heard you while the other one begged that he didn’t. You weren’t sure if he did when he lay down next to you.

Your head was resting against his chest and you curled up into his side. You heard the strong beating of his heart, making you feel save.

The next morning, the same procedure greeted you, the only difference being that instead of Helen taking care of you and telling you how bad you looked, it was Ben. You woke up with a start, threw up, sat back with a pounding head and had Ben help you back to bed. He tried to make you some breakfast that you couldn’t eat, though, as just the smell made you gag. You were tired and irritated.

“Ben, you can go home if you want to.”, you told him after he got off the phone. He had previously called his neighbour to ask how Frankie was doing. She was staying with Mrs. Smith, the kind old woman who always offered you two something of whatever it was that she was currently baking. Ben wasn’t sure if he should bring Frankie with him as he visited you as she tended to get quite excited when she saw you.

“I don’t want to leave you alone here.”, Ben told you as he sat down next to you on your couch, his hand resting on your knee, drawing small circles.

“But you can’t leave Frankie alone either. And I doubt that Mrs. Smith can walk with her all day long, let alone take care of Frankie. You know she is a very energetic pup.”, you told Ben through half-lidded eyes. Ben eyed you, his brows furrowing like he was deep in thought. His gaze wandered over your whole body before he sighed and ran a hand over his face.

“Would you mind if I brought Frankie here?”, Ben asked suddenly, breaking the silence.

“I don’t know, Ben.”

“I can tire her out. Go on a long run with her. She’ll be too tired to get overly excited. Besides, seeing her has never failed to make you feel better.”, Ben told you with a sheepish smile on his lips. You huffed, trying to hide your own smile.

“I’m a big girl, I can stay alone for a few days. S’not the first time I’m ill.”, you told Ben, softly giving him a playful push.

“I know, but I’m seriously worried. You are constantly dizzy, you haven’t really eaten today. If something happens, I want to be able to help you and make sure that you are safe.”, Ben told you and you sighed.

“Okay.”, you finally said.

“Okay what?”

“Okay, you can bring Frankie and take care of me. But please also get me some waffles.”, you grinned at him.

“Will do. I’ll be right back and then I’ll take care of you until you’re feeling better.”, Ben said happily.

What neither of you knew was that a very emotionally draining time was just ahead of you.  

[17caratssi]

Christmas short imagine seventeen's leaders series

genre: fluff

IdolNeighbor!Kwon Soonyoung

it was all lie when certain fictions told that the character was aroused by some freak birds chirping in the morning. the fact, "get your ass off from the bed, y/n!" your mom shrieked from outside you so-called heaven bedroom. you stirred.

with a force, you tried to open your eyes and wasted no time to read the time by the digital clock that placed perfectly on the nightstand beside your bed.

fifteen past seven, therefore, your alarm had not yet rung by now. if you were born in such emo soul and body, you would just continue your beauty sleep and not be bothered by the late 40's woman in the kitchen that carried you for 9 months and some days twenty years ago who submitted her time every day just to wake you up.

stepping out from the bed extremely to a sloth motion, you headed out to the dining room and sat with a face from hangover had not been cured since last night.

you moaned when the pain hit you straight in the head that had you shuddering slightly. "don't drink anymore unless you want me to pray for your early death because embarrassing me to the new guy" your mom said in her stern yet teasing tone. you turned your head to her for a while before shutting them down to process everything that had happened last night.

new guy? you thought.

"so did the world changed in a millisecond or I just came back from dead?" you asked recklessly after you choked on the hangover soup she served a few minutes ago. your tongue burned a little but it did not bother you at all since you were too bewildered by the new guy your mom mentioned.

"he sent your drunk state body home after you mistook his unit as yours." jaw dropped. you facepalmed listening to the brief. "anyways, he is the landlord's son." she turned her head to you just to tell the unnecessary information. "um.. thank you?" you shrugged and still suffering from internal shame.

you wouldn't deny if people lowkey hate your drinking habit because you weren't an alcohol maniac all the time and it did happen years later when you can't tolerate the alcohol anymore. last night probably was the worst because you can't even remember a single thing until your mom had to elaborate the actual story you ended up embarrassing yourself.

"uh huh. nope, I won't do that please mom not me. urgh!" your face slammed flat on the tempered glass dining table next to the bowl. oh crap, your lifespan had been shortened with that. so basically your mom just finished her cooking and packing to be sent to the new guy as she winked at you, wickedly.

"be a good daughter at least when I claimed you as my daughter last night... I should've ignored you if he wasn't that good looking enough to knock on the door., " she mumbled something and peered over her shoulder to see your reaction from her description of the said guy.

you gulped as she grinned ear to ear, she must have something. urgh, she knew how to increase the expectation. you rolled your eyes in dismay.

"I will increase your allowance this month." you squinted your eyes in the dealㅡshe surely not the type to put money on the line but this time she really had something planned. "call!" you said boldly after the short drama.

It wouldn't be so bad, right? you thought deeply.

you already slipped your feet in one of your favorite flip-flops. the last time you checked your eyes, they were totally in not good condition to even encounter with anybody. you sighed long and tightened the hoodie strap around your face before tying them.

after ensuring you're both physically and mentally prepared, you amble toward the guy's unit. it just a few doors next to your house and very strangely, it was slightly opened.

"doesn't he aware of thieves?.." you mumbled as your thumb pressed on the bell. "uh... this is a total embarrassing.. " you heaved a sigh again and waited impatiently plus the butterflies running wild in your stomach. inhale, exhale...

"anybody's home?" you asked audibly through the gap of the door. little did you know, a guy currently standing next to you with a confused look on his beautiful face. you startled when he tapped on your shoulder.

"Who're you?" curse on you. he, of course, is the guy but blame your nervousness that had you asked him that obvious question. "the owner, perhaps?" he answered calmly. he stepped back when you straightened your back. "can I help you and who you searching for?" he smiled and slight rose of his eyebrows got you sighed contentedly.

he is beautiful and his slanted eyes are..just beautiful as well. you thought dreamingly but caught off guard as he waved his hand in front of your face. "oh.. the new guy?" he nodded and flabbergasted when you handed the food. you were all flushed and he looked damn familiar.

a silence.

"so.. shall I invite you inside as the return?" he asked shyly and rubbed the back of his neck. you just realized he might just have returned from exercise because he was sweating profusely but he managed to wipe some of it on his face. to your surprise, he did not disgustingly smell like he just broke his sweatㅡ

"my friend came by, I guess," he softly chuckled in which you snapped back to reality and chuckled along, rather awkwardly as he guided you inside. 

you spent around half an hour in his cozy house and him having a friend together but overall he dug into your story so well that you had no space to ask his. he is quite a talker but he made you feel all comfy around him.

"nice to meet you and thank you?" you said appreciatively and you noticed how you became so much friendly to him at first encounter. not very much different, he too felt the same.

"nice to meet you, too. we could catch up again later, right?" you quickly nodded and might be turned into a tomato by now. you gasped loudly, the time read nine and almost made to your work shift. "I have to go uhm enjoy the food! " you ran to your house and as expected your mom was waiting. he watched as you hastened like a chick. ‘so cute’ he thought.

damn it

"thank you for coming" rolled off your tongue very smoothly and the customers were getting in a smaller number. just a few more and you could fulfill your lust for the bed which was waiting for you at home. you sighed.

you were already made your way to home with conscious mind after taking a learn from what had happened a few weeks ago. you some kind of missed to talk with him after that day because being next to him was just so warm.

while having sort of deep thought of stopping by at his house in the future, you saw a covered-in-black guy walking towards the same way with you. a little intimidated, you set a faster pace and pressed the elevator button with him already drawing a closer gap.

you mentally cursed. to your luck, both of you had an elevator ride together and you were plainly terrified of something that might happen to you. "wh-which floor?" you stammered. "fifth" you gasped as he was heading to your level, too.

god, please have my death in a good way.

"y/n," your eyes were wide. he knew your name clearly, you turned around and shocked when the guy had his black mask off and it revealed it was the new guy behind it. "the new guy?" you sighed in relief, he scared the hell out of you and now he was smiling innocently.

"you scared me!" you grasped on the wall like your life depended on that, he was chuckling. "did you forget my naㅡ"

"soonyoung, I meant. I haven't gotten used to call you soonyoung since we only met once and then now." you quickly explained.

"forgiven, then" he smiled. "why you wear those black things like you are hiding from those crazy paparazzi, though," you asked and he got closer. leaving apparently few inches and started talking. "you are right, that's the answer," he turned to you and back to the front in seconds. did he just whisper rudely in my ears?! *internally screams*

late you registering his word, the elevator door had opened and he pulled the lost-in-thought you out, he held your hand loosely by his own accord.

"you look tired," he held you tightly and his face was just too close to yours, thus your heart was beating never as fast as this moment. "uh.. ye..ah" you gulped. "you look cute when you are embarrassed.. " he smiled fondly and let you go when you just feeling the moment.

"you're not going home?" you rose your eyebrows as he walked towards the corridor rail and rested his hands on, likely living under his spell you were following him, "you?" he asked back.

"gonna wait for the first snow tonight." he smiled shortly. what? was I dreaming? you didn't realize it was December and first snow will fall down soon.

as much as your body were craving for the bed, your mind said oppositelyㅡ spending time with soonyoung was rather precious than anything. a good guy and cute smile, all you would wish for a guy and he had it all.

"wahh, it's snowing!" you jumped in awe while he was staring at the sky with stars clouding the night. he took a hand of yours and beckoned you to his side. "make a wish,"

it already granted, you silently said. you remained quiet when he clasped his hand against his chest; making his wishes.

he was sinfully handsome even from the side and his jaw was no joㅡ

"can you stop staring at me and Merry Christmas, y/n" he chuckled.

woozi | scoups

[msbrightside85]

Food glorious food

So you’re probably wondering the same as me ... how has it taken me so long to write about food? Probably because it’s a fairly daunting subject with it being so broad. But i have decided it’s about time I did ...

From the top (clockwise): Bacon fried rice, Beef noodle soup, Korean style deep fried chicken with rice cakes, Chinese style cheese steak sandwich, Chicken noodle soup, Range of hot pot skewers, (middle): Vegetable noodles.

So as I have already mentioned, I was very happy to discover that mango, pork and avocado are greatly loved over here and easily accessible (although avos can be a tad pricey). Unfortunately one of the most elusive food items also turns out to be one of my favourites … cheese. But thankfully, since my original dismay (and what felt like a fairly long amount of time) at the lack of cheesey options here, I have been shown two supermarkets that have ACTUAL cheese counters. I cannot tell you how happy I was. It was perhaps a little OTT looking back but I couldn't help myself. 

The widespread Chinese offering of cheese is generally of the plastic variety. Yup. Cheese slices. I can hear mum saying 'that's not real cheese' and she would be right but that is par for the course here. Plastic cheese in a range of varieties. Emmental, Gouda, Edam. All plastic. Now don’t get me wrong I do believe there is a place for cheese slices in this world (sorry mum), they’re perfect in burgers at a BBQ and they make an excellent addition to a midnight fridge tapas session (I say mournfully, as these ‘sessions’ are basically non existent since getting a flat mate and not being able to get coleslaw here - a fridge tapas staple food in my mind) but when you don’t have the real thing cheese slices are certainly not a suitable substitute. Although in saying that they have found their way into our home inside Caitlin’s grilled cheese sandwiches! Anyway I digress ... so after being shown where I can buy the real stuff (or as real as I’m gonna get) I am pleased to report I have bought both mozzarella (not the white buffalo kind the harder stuff but still good) and cheddar (or something resembling cheddar) so I am sated. For now. Until my next craving. Dammit I’m thinking about coleslaw now ...

A question that I've been getting a lot from England is what food do you miss? The answer? Let me be perfectly honest … there's not a lot that you can't get hold of out here. Yes, some things might be a little more expensive because it's been imported but most things are available from somewhere, especially in a city the size of Suzhou. So I'm learning to try and reduce my initial hysteria at not having something and ask around. Generally there's someone or somewhere that can help with the homely cravings. I even found a bag of pre-made gravy the other day which is DEFINITELY something I didn’t expect to find - so that’s me sorted for winter! Buuuuut in saying that, don't take this to mean that I want you to stop trying to send me the odd pork pie or two in the post … because pork pies are most certainly on the unattainable list. Although I have heard about an English restaurant which I believe may make their own … must remember to look into that.

Talking of pork pies, I asked one of my classes of older kids at school which topics interested them most about England and one of them said food. So I put some information together about fish and chips, bangers and mash and other foods that are quintessentially English, including pork pie. Surprisingly enough it was pork pie that got the biggest reaction, they thought it sounded disgusting! Which I thought was pretty rich considering some of the foods that are available here in China. I can imagine most of you would take pork pie any day. I mean here they have stinky tofu (and man it really does …) not forgetting frog which I have already mentioned and of course chicken feet …

Yeah ... this is definitely my biggest Chinese culinary challenge to date and to say I ate it isn't strictly true. I nibbled at it and then couldn't go any further. Why? It just looked too much like a human hand!!! It started freaking me out a bit to be honest. This one was boiled but I hear the fried ones are a little better to handle so who knows maybe I could be converted. Maybe.

All in all (and chicken feet aside) it's hard to miss something when you have such a fabulous range of food to choose from and I'm not just talking about Chinese food. We have a great pizza place with a traditional stone oven where the beer is cheaper than the soft drinks, there is a great Vietnamese place where I had the yummiest beef pho and Korean food aplenty. There is a fantastic range of dumplings that come in all shapes and sizes and come with a range of fillings although pork is general the favourite (which always pleases me!).

There's an abundance of bakeries serving the best cream buns and desserts, there's a cool Japanese place that has the best curried rice and a lettuce they call ice plant which is unlike anything I’ve ever tried. BBQ or shaokao (pronounced show-cow but rhyme the first part with cow) is everywhere here and tastes amazing! Although if you’re not a fan of spice then you need to know how to communicate this in Chinese because their not very spicy can arrive and be pretty damned spicy!

There's also a traditional dish here called hot pot. Hot pot quite simply is a pot of boiling water in the middle of the table (it can be flavoured to your preference} and you order different raw ingredients to throw in it! Then once it’s cooked you get (try to get) the food out with your chop sticks. The local girls I go out with usually feel sorry for me and end up scooping morsels of food out and throwing them into my bowl, which I am eternally grateful for :)

But going back to home comforts, I've had a Chinese version of a bacon and tomato sarnie, which uses the white fluffy dumpling stuff instead of a breadcake and a few weeks ago I had amazing eggs benedict with smoked salmon. I was a very happy bunny that day I can tell you. It was exactly what I needed. 

So all in all it really doesn't leave much room for missing things, especially when you enjoy food as much as I do. But it’s always good to have a bank of places you can go to when you’re having a bad china day or you’re missing home. Like I say there’s a place called Ann's that I believe makes their own pork pies, they also serve afternoon tea and do roast dinner BUT I've sworn to myself that I will only go there when I'm really craving something that is unattainable elsewhere else. I've been told we may be going there for our work’s Christmas meal so I wonder if I can hold out until December before going or whether i’ll crack before then. Tune in next time to find out. TTFN. Rachael.

[gordonwilliamsweb]

‘I’m telling everyone who will listen’

James Cook’s heart signaled trouble. Subtly at first. Indiscernible discomfort. Twinges of pain.

The Saugatuck, Michigan, resident mentioned the sensations during his annual physical. A stress test revealed irregularities so his doctor sent him to a cardiologist in January 2019.

“The cardiologist went in through my wrist to check my heart and arteries,” Cook, 70, said. “I was only in there a few minutes before the doctor said it looked like I had about a 99% blockage.”

Cook and his wife, Kathleen, had dinner plans that night, but the cardiologist said those plans would have to change. He ordered an ambulance to transport Cook to the Spectrum Health Fred and Lena Meijer Heart Center in Grand Rapids.

As a former Denver-based photojournalist for Newsweek and Time, tight deadlines and high pressure situations were nothing new for Cook.

But even he was shocked by the deadline that may have saved his life—the following morning he underwent a double bypass.

“My heart apparently is healthy, but my arteries were clogged,” Cook said. “I always had a problem with statins (cholesterol medication). I would react to them and get muscle aches.”

Cook met with Thomas Boyden, MD, Spectrum Health preventive cardiologist, to discuss a once-a-month injectable statin.

“While we were there, he showed me some books he had on the shelf about diet—in particular, Dr. Esselstyn’s plant-based diet,” Cook said.

Little did he know at the time, the book “Reverse Heart Disease,” would forever change his life. And his health.

“Dr. Boyden said, ‘You ought to consider this,’” Cook said. “We went home and read the book and decided to go with the diet.”

Culinary changes

Cook and his wife of 15 years, Kathleen, cleaned out their cupboards and refrigerator of salmon, avocados, nuts and other favorites and restocked with no meat, no dairy, no nuts and no oil.

“It’s a vegan diet, but it’s a very strict one,” Cook said. “You don’t know how hard it is to find food with no oils. But I decided to give it a shot. And if I’m going to give it a shot, it was all or nothing. For 90 days, I was 100% pure to that diet. You can’t even eat Craisins because they have oil in them.”

After three months on the diet, Cook revisited Dr. Boyden.

Although he exercises regularly, Cook credits the diet with monumental changes in his health numbers.

His LDL, unhealthy cholesterol that delivers fat molecules to cells, decreased from 133 mg/dL to 54 mg/dL. He lost 18 pounds. Kathleen dropped 10 pounds.

Dr. Boyden issued a permission slip that few would welcome—Cook could resume shoveling snow.

“I’ve been a life-long lover of shoveling snow,” Cook said. “We were just blown away by the results of the diet alone. I need no further medications. My health is outstanding now. I have more energy. Dr. Boyden was thrilled. He said only a few had ever taken him up on that diet.”

Ditching the medicines

Not only does Cook have more energy and positive health markers, he no longer needed to see Dr. Boyden.

“No medications, no blood thinners, it’s all diet,” Cook said. “If I had done this years ago, I never would have needed the heart surgery. I’m sure of it. It’s thrilling. I’ve become an evangelist for this diet. It was difficult at first, but we’re finding there’s a lot we can eat. We had wonderful burritos last night made with vegetables.”

His wife said she never liked cooking before, but the new diet has sparked a passion.

“I have discovered all these herbs and spices—the tastes, the flavors are things I’ve never really had. It’s yummy. Now I look at things with oils and and fats and go ‘ohhhh.’ We were big salmon lovers. And chicken. Now, we have neither. I thought I’d miss salmon, but I don’t. I lost 10 pounds and I didn’t even know it.”

Kathleen said she appreciates not having to count calories.

“If you just stick to the diet, you can have as much of anything you want and the weight will come off,” she said.

Kathleen, a science journalist, said as soon as Dr. Boyden recommended “Reversing Heart Disease,” she dove in with open heart and eyes.

“I’m a researcher so I wanted to learn about it,” she said. “The thrilling part about this is that the diet is the only thing shown to actually be able to reverse the buildup in your arteries.”

Chopping their way to health

They make their own hummus, with chickpeas, garlic and lemon, but skip the oil.

Instead of using oil to fry food, they use vegetable broth.

“Cleanup is much easier,” he said.

Kathleen chimed in: “That very thing is what makes you think about the consistency of oil and how hard that must be on the body. That’s why your body feels so much better.”

Cook said when he worked in the yard recently, he noticed he didn’t have to stop and rest like he did in years past.

Dinner time is a bit of a workout in itself—they spend a lot of time chopping vegetables.

“It’s quite a thing to make a dinner because there’s a lot of pots and pans and a lot of chopping and lots of seasoning and lot of steps but the end result is so good,” Kathleen said. “It takes time. You do have to commit to it and take ownership of it.”

They drink water, coffee and wine.

On a recent weekday, the couple pulled out their cutting board and started chopping celery and carrots. Their Yorkie, Finn, has learned to like the new diet, too. When Finn heard the sound of knife hitting cutting board, he ran into the kitchen. Cook fed him a carrot.

“This is our life,” Kathleen said. “We’ve been through two chopping boards since we started this diet. There are hard parts to it, but you find substitutes. I have arthritis and it has helped the aching a lot. We have our fingers crossed that it will keep Jim going and me, too. And maybe it will keep Finn going until he’s 16.”

Sweet potatoes fill a bowl on the counter. Inside their cabinets? Nectar, miso, balsamic vinegar, hot sauce and various spices.

Their refrigerator is stuffed with mushrooms, broccoli, cauliflower and greens.

Cook said the longer he’s on the diet, the more his body craves the food that the diet recommends. It’s easy to remember—don’t eat anything that has a face or has a mother.

“What food attracts you changes,” he said. “Now we recoil when we see Whoppers on TV—the oil, the fat, the texture—because we don’t want that anymore. I really don’t think humans were meant to eat that stuff. If I get hungry, I eat vegetables.”

Instead of a bowl of ice cream for dessert, they choose applesauce.

When they attend social gatherings, they focus on vegetables and fruits.

“I’ve gone to wedding receptions and they always have a tray of veggies,” he said. “I just gorge on those and the fruits and I’m covered.”

They used to follow a Mediterranean diet, eating a lot of salmon and nuts.

These days, he mixes dry oatmeal with raisins and carries that around to snack on.

Lunch may consist of a small red potato, microwaved with spinach and mushrooms.

“We also eat a lot of salads,” he said. “We’re finding there are a lot of dressings that have no oil in them—a lot of balsamic vinegar, some dijon dressings. We found organic soups free of oils—tomato, vegetable—little box soups.”

Cook said the food can be a bit pricey, but by not buying meat, it balances out.

“We go to the store twice a week now because we’re eating so many fresh foods instead of processed foods,” he said. “We found a hummus that has no oil in it. Special K red berry cereal has no oil in it. The first couple of weeks, we read every label. We still look at labels.”

Instead of bacon and eggs, he’ll choose grape nuts or oatmeal with blueberries, topped with oat milk.

If he dines out, he’ll order a baked potato and salad.

“We’re amazed,” he said. “I’m telling everyone who will listen. It really can be lifesaving for people. I’m sure there are degrees of it as well, but we just decided if we’re going to do this, we’re going to do it right.”

Cook said he’s feeling so great, that even at age 70, he would challenge his son to a foot race.

And retirement? He’s feeling too healthy these days to think about slowing down.

“I don’t know that I’ll ever retire,” he said. “I’m still doing photographs and landscapes and selling those through a local gallery in Saugatuck.”

‘Reverse or cure’ heart disease

Dr. Boyden said he’s impressed with Cook’s progress.

“Mr. Cook was very open in looking for ways to attack his heart disease that didn’t require medications,” Dr. Boyden said. “Since starting a whole-food, plant-based diet and eliminating all animal or by-products and minimizing any processed food, Mr. Cook has lost almost 18 pounds. He feels remarkably better and his bad cholesterol decreased by 33%.”

Dr. Boyden said he admires Cook’s tenacity.

“This is not necessarily the easiest diet to follow,” he said. It is not only all plant, but it is also low fat. This means elimination of oils, nuts, seeds and avocado or other fatty plants. This diet has been shown to completely reverse coronary artery disease. Medications do not do this and obviously bypass surgery does not.”

Dr. Boyden said several of his patients are following the diet to “reverse or cure” their disease.

“All plant-based diets show an improvement in cardiovascular risk by decreasing risk of heart attack, stroke, stents, bypass surgery and even death,” Dr. Boyden said. “Mr. Cook’s prognosis is much better now compared to when he had his bypass because the habits that led to his coronary artery disease have all changed for the better. He feels great and he has found the transition to an all-plant diet remarkably easy, as has his wife.”

‘I’m telling everyone who will listen’ published first on https://nootropicspowdersupplier.tumblr.com/

[michellelinkous]

‘I’m telling everyone who will listen’

James Cook’s heart signaled trouble. Subtly at first. Indiscernible discomfort. Twinges of pain.

The Saugatuck, Michigan, resident mentioned the sensations during his annual physical. A stress test revealed irregularities so his doctor sent him to a cardiologist in January 2019.

“The cardiologist went in through my wrist to check my heart and arteries,” Cook, 70, said. “I was only in there a few minutes before the doctor said it looked like I had about a 99% blockage.”

Cook and his wife, Kathleen, had dinner plans that night, but the cardiologist said those plans would have to change. He ordered an ambulance to transport Cook to the Spectrum Health Fred and Lena Meijer Heart Center in Grand Rapids.

As a former Denver-based photojournalist for Newsweek and Time, tight deadlines and high pressure situations were nothing new for Cook.

But even he was shocked by the deadline that may have saved his life—the following morning he underwent a double bypass.

“My heart apparently is healthy, but my arteries were clogged,” Cook said. “I always had a problem with statins (cholesterol medication). I would react to them and get muscle aches.”

Cook met with Thomas Boyden, MD, Spectrum Health preventive cardiologist, to discuss a once-a-month injectable statin.

“While we were there, he showed me some books he had on the shelf about diet—in particular, Dr. Esselstyn’s plant-based diet,” Cook said.

Little did he know at the time, the book “Reverse Heart Disease,” would forever change his life. And his health.

“Dr. Boyden said, ‘You ought to consider this,’” Cook said. “We went home and read the book and decided to go with the diet.”

Culinary changes

Cook and his wife of 15 years, Kathleen, cleaned out their cupboards and refrigerator of salmon, avocados, nuts and other favorites and restocked with no meat, no dairy, no nuts and no oil.

“It’s a vegan diet, but it’s a very strict one,” Cook said. “You don’t know how hard it is to find food with no oils. But I decided to give it a shot. And if I’m going to give it a shot, it was all or nothing. For 90 days, I was 100% pure to that diet. You can’t even eat Craisins because they have oil in them.”

After three months on the diet, Cook revisited Dr. Boyden.

Although he exercises regularly, Cook credits the diet with monumental changes in his health numbers.

His LDL, unhealthy cholesterol that delivers fat molecules to cells, decreased from 133 mg/dL to 54 mg/dL. He lost 18 pounds. Kathleen dropped 10 pounds.

Dr. Boyden issued a permission slip that few would welcome—Cook could resume shoveling snow.

“I’ve been a life-long lover of shoveling snow,” Cook said. “We were just blown away by the results of the diet alone. I need no further medications. My health is outstanding now. I have more energy. Dr. Boyden was thrilled. He said only a few had ever taken him up on that diet.”

Ditching the medicines

Not only does Cook have more energy and positive health markers, he no longer needed to see Dr. Boyden.

“No medications, no blood thinners, it’s all diet,” Cook said. “If I had done this years ago, I never would have needed the heart surgery. I’m sure of it. It’s thrilling. I’ve become an evangelist for this diet. It was difficult at first, but we’re finding there’s a lot we can eat. We had wonderful burritos last night made with vegetables.”

His wife said she never liked cooking before, but the new diet has sparked a passion.

“I have discovered all these herbs and spices—the tastes, the flavors are things I’ve never really had. It’s yummy. Now I look at things with oils and and fats and go ‘ohhhh.’ We were big salmon lovers. And chicken. Now, we have neither. I thought I’d miss salmon, but I don’t. I lost 10 pounds and I didn’t even know it.”

Kathleen said she appreciates not having to count calories.

“If you just stick to the diet, you can have as much of anything you want and the weight will come off,” she said.

Kathleen, a science journalist, said as soon as Dr. Boyden recommended “Reversing Heart Disease,” she dove in with open heart and eyes.

“I’m a researcher so I wanted to learn about it,” she said. “The thrilling part about this is that the diet is the only thing shown to actually be able to reverse the buildup in your arteries.”

Chopping their way to health

They make their own hummus, with chickpeas, garlic and lemon, but skip the oil.

Instead of using oil to fry food, they use vegetable broth.

“Cleanup is much easier,” he said.

Kathleen chimed in: “That very thing is what makes you think about the consistency of oil and how hard that must be on the body. That’s why your body feels so much better.”

Cook said when he worked in the yard recently, he noticed he didn’t have to stop and rest like he did in years past.

Dinner time is a bit of a workout in itself—they spend a lot of time chopping vegetables.

“It’s quite a thing to make a dinner because there’s a lot of pots and pans and a lot of chopping and lots of seasoning and lot of steps but the end result is so good,” Kathleen said. “It takes time. You do have to commit to it and take ownership of it.”

They drink water, coffee and wine.

On a recent weekday, the couple pulled out their cutting board and started chopping celery and carrots. Their Yorkie, Finn, has learned to like the new diet, too. When Finn heard the sound of knife hitting cutting board, he ran into the kitchen. Cook fed him a carrot.

“This is our life,” Kathleen said. “We’ve been through two chopping boards since we started this diet. There are hard parts to it, but you find substitutes. I have arthritis and it has helped the aching a lot. We have our fingers crossed that it will keep Jim going and me, too. And maybe it will keep Finn going until he’s 16.”

Sweet potatoes fill a bowl on the counter. Inside their cabinets? Nectar, miso, balsamic vinegar, hot sauce and various spices.

Their refrigerator is stuffed with mushrooms, broccoli, cauliflower and greens.

Cook said the longer he’s on the diet, the more his body craves the food that the diet recommends. It’s easy to remember—don’t eat anything that has a face or has a mother.

“What food attracts you changes,” he said. “Now we recoil when we see Whoppers on TV—the oil, the fat, the texture—because we don’t want that anymore. I really don’t think humans were meant to eat that stuff. If I get hungry, I eat vegetables.”

Instead of a bowl of ice cream for dessert, they choose applesauce.

When they attend social gatherings, they focus on vegetables and fruits.

“I’ve gone to wedding receptions and they always have a tray of veggies,” he said. “I just gorge on those and the fruits and I’m covered.”

They used to follow a Mediterranean diet, eating a lot of salmon and nuts.

These days, he mixes dry oatmeal with raisins and carries that around to snack on.

Lunch may consist of a small red potato, microwaved with spinach and mushrooms.

“We also eat a lot of salads,” he said. “We’re finding there are a lot of dressings that have no oil in them—a lot of balsamic vinegar, some dijon dressings. We found organic soups free of oils—tomato, vegetable—little box soups.”

Cook said the food can be a bit pricey, but by not buying meat, it balances out.

“We go to the store twice a week now because we’re eating so many fresh foods instead of processed foods,” he said. “We found a hummus that has no oil in it. Special K red berry cereal has no oil in it. The first couple of weeks, we read every label. We still look at labels.”

Instead of bacon and eggs, he’ll choose grape nuts or oatmeal with blueberries, topped with oat milk.

If he dines out, he’ll order a baked potato and salad.

“We’re amazed,” he said. “I’m telling everyone who will listen. It really can be lifesaving for people. I’m sure there are degrees of it as well, but we just decided if we’re going to do this, we’re going to do it right.”

Cook said he’s feeling so great, that even at age 70, he would challenge his son to a foot race.

And retirement? He’s feeling too healthy these days to think about slowing down.

“I don’t know that I’ll ever retire,” he said. “I’m still doing photographs and landscapes and selling those through a local gallery in Saugatuck.”

‘Reverse or cure’ heart disease

Dr. Boyden said he’s impressed with Cook’s progress.

“Mr. Cook was very open in looking for ways to attack his heart disease that didn’t require medications,” Dr. Boyden said. “Since starting a whole-food, plant-based diet and eliminating all animal or by-products and minimizing any processed food, Mr. Cook has lost almost 18 pounds. He feels remarkably better and his bad cholesterol decreased by 33%.”

Dr. Boyden said he admires Cook’s tenacity.

“This is not necessarily the easiest diet to follow,” he said. It is not only all plant, but it is also low fat. This means elimination of oils, nuts, seeds and avocado or other fatty plants. This diet has been shown to completely reverse coronary artery disease. Medications do not do this and obviously bypass surgery does not.”

Dr. Boyden said several of his patients are following the diet to “reverse or cure” their disease.

“All plant-based diets show an improvement in cardiovascular risk by decreasing risk of heart attack, stroke, stents, bypass surgery and even death,” Dr. Boyden said. “Mr. Cook’s prognosis is much better now compared to when he had his bypass because the habits that led to his coronary artery disease have all changed for the better. He feels great and he has found the transition to an all-plant diet remarkably easy, as has his wife.”

‘I’m telling everyone who will listen’ published first on https://smartdrinkingweb.tumblr.com/

[achitachi]

survey says

because i’m bored and waiting for “asks” to appear is still a weird concept to me

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

Probably my oldest 2. Are you outgoing or shy?

Depends on the situation 3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

God. There are going to be words. 4. Are you easy to get along with?

::shrugs:: 5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

yes 6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

I plead the 5th 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

yes 8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

The same person that always is 9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Depends on the situation 10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Er, probably hubby 11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

Youngest got molars coming in 12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Uh, high hopes by panic at the disco, hungover by 30h!3,  breaking benjamin, jet pack blues by fallout boy, heathens by 21 pilots 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

YES 14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

yes 15. What good thing happened this summer?

I don’t know. The world hasn’t ended? 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

yes 17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

yes 18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

No 19. Do you like bubble baths?

I have eczema and psoriasis so no 20. Do you like your neighbors?

What neighbors? 21. What are you bad habits?

Er, I can’t escape my past 22. Where would you like to travel?

Disney, Legoland 23. Do you have trust issues?

ROTFLMAO. DURRRR! 24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

Watching tv with hubby after the kids go to bed 25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

The middle 26. What do you do when you wake up?

Try to go back to sleep 27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

Lighter, I want to blind people with how pale I am 28. Who are you most comfortable around?

Myself 29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

Er…. 30. Do you ever want to get married?

I am, so yeah? 31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

Yes. My hair is usually in one 32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

I don’t do casual sex. If we were all single and into then – Jay Baruchel, Ben Feldman (yes, I have a type) 33. Spell your name with your chin.

Huh? 34. Do you play sports? What sports?

Nope, unless mental gymnastics count 35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

Tv includes music hurdurdur 36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Yes 37. What do you say during awkward silences?

Usually I make random noises and if I like the person I will poke them; if not I just walk away 38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

Physically see #32. I like people who can both act like a big kid and be an adult. Also someone who shares a majority of my interests. 39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

Target. Art Supply Stores. Lately though I do enjoy window shopping beauty stores like ulta and sephora 40. What do you want to do after high school?

i’m doing that 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

NO 42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

You are fucked and should’ve probably started running away yesterday 43. Do you smile at strangers?

I’m paid to 44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

ocean 45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

Usually my kiddos or my bladder 46. What are you paranoid about?

A lot 47. Have you ever been high?

Does being zoned out of your mind on benadryl count? 48. Have you ever been drunk?

Yes. New Years before we started trying for our first. 49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

I don’t think so... 50. What was the color of the last hoodie you wore?

Either forest green or charcoal – yes I am THAT person 51. Ever wished you were someone else?

doesn’t everyone? 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

My weight 53. Favorite makeup brand?

I don’t wear it often enough to have one 56. Favorite color?

Fire 57. Favorite food? 

Cheese stick 58. Last thing you ate?

Breakfast – veggie blueberry muffins, maple sausage, scrambled egg, and banana 59. First thing you ate this morning?

-_-^^^ 60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Not that I recall 61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

nope 62. Been arrested? For what?

nah 63. Ever been in love? 

Yes. Unfortunately more than once 64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

My very first? I was in kindergarten, it was on the playground under this giant banyan tree 65. Are you hungry right now?

kinda 69. Are you watching tv right now?

no 71. Craving something? What?

Date night 72. What color are your towels?

Most of them are blue 72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

The number keeps increasing. Currently i’m at 6 73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

no 74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

Too many 75. Favourite animal?

cat 76. What colour is your underwear?

No of your business 77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Chocolate 78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

Black raspberry 79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

Why do you care? 80. What colour pants?

Seriously why? 81. Favourite tv show?

Currently Wynona Earp 82. Favourite movie?

oi. tough call. All time is still Tenchi Muyo In Love 87. First person you talked to today?

oldest 88. Last person you talked to today?

oldest 89. Name a person you hate?

AMLA and AR 90. Name a person you love?

hubby 91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

Amla 92. In a fight with someone?

nah 93. How many sweatpants do you have?

one 94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

2 95. Last movie you watched?

2 lego movie 96. Favourite actress?

Amy Acker 97. Favourite actor?

Nathan Fillion 98. Do you tan a lot?

No. I just burn. A lot 99. Have any pets?

no. not enough room. 100. How are you feeling?

Emotionally exhausted, otherwise i’m good 101. Do you type fast?

meh 102. Do you regret anything from your past?

Rotflmao. YES. HELL YES. 103. Can you spell well?

Sort of 104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

Every single damn day 105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

No TnT 106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

yes 107. Have you ever been on a horse?

Yes. I wanted immediately down. They are TALL 108. What should you be doing?

Cleaning. 109. Is something irritating you right now?

Yes. 110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

Rotflmao. Yes. It still fucking hurts. 111. Do you have trust issues?

ROTFLMAO. DUH! 112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

myself 114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yes 115. Do you play the Wii?

no 116. Are you listening to music right now?

Nope. Just the a/c and my oldest playing in his room 117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

I prefer tomato or butternut squash 118. Do you like Chinese food?

:9 119. Favourite book?

Only Alien on the Planet by Kristen D. Randle and Sabriel by Garth Nix 120. Are you afraid of the dark?

Sometimes. I don’t really have the luxury to be 121. Are you mean?

Yes...when I have to be 122. Is cheating ever okay?

NO 123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

I could 124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

::grumbles:: yes 125. Do you believe in true love?

No and I think it’s a toxic notion 126. Are you currently bored?

i’m filling this out aren’t I? 127. What makes you happy?

Hubby, kiddos, sleep, hanging with bestie 128. Would you change your name?

I changed the last part 129. What your zodiac sign?

Aries 130. Do you like subway?

Not really 131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

This is how I lost that friend. They crossed a line. 133. Favourite lyrics right now?

I hope you’re happy – Happy by Blue October 134. Can you count to one million?

No. just no. 135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

That I was dating a guy named Michael when I got back together with a guy my parents didn’t approve of :🙄: it was his middle name 136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed 137. How tall are you?

5’7” 138. Curly or Straight hair?

I like curly hair. I have wavyish hair 139. Brunette or Blonde?

brunette 140. Summer or Winter?

Neither. Fall 141. Night or Day?

Night 142. Favourite month?

It use to be october, but honestly whenever summer vacation starts 143. Are you a vegetarian?

no. I like my meats tyvm 144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

Dark like my soul 145. Tea or Coffee?

tea 146. Was today a good day?

So far 147. Mars or Snickers?

musketeers 148. What’s your favourite quote?

“I love whom I love," Prince Lir repeated firmly. "You have no power over anything that matters.”

― Peter S. Beagle, The Last Unicorn 149. Do you believe in ghosts?

yes 1. Did you wake up cranky?

Er….

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

HELL NO

3. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

I am a hermit

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

i’m paid to

5. Can you commit to one person?

i have

6. How do you look right now?

okish

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

depends

12. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

uh...i'm married to the person i like so...that poses a problem

13. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

*snort* NO

14. Can you drive a stick shift?

Nope

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

*shrugs* as long as it doesn't get back to me. i don't give a flying fuck.

16. Are you going out of town soon?

nope

17. When was the last time you cried?

What day is today?

18. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

yes

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

no

20. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

Get the kids out of the house

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

it’s not friday

22. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?

no

23. Are you nice to everyone?

to a point

24. What are you sitting on right now?

a desk chair

25. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

dur

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

yup.

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

hubby

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

I have 2 kids and live with someone who works in a hospital - guess

29. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?

no. i'm not a prison bitch

30. Does anyone hate you?

Probably. Do I I give a damn? nope

31. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

no

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

no

33. Are you a jealous person?

yes. just like god

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

Not so much a year, but a stretch of time right after my final breakup with my first bf to right before I meet my hubby

35. Did you have a dream last night?

I don’t remember

36. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

no

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

i hope so

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

yes

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

possibly

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

meh

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

yes. still in the same relationship

42. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

no. I have an extra little person in my life

43. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

I don’t know. This?

44. What’s the best part about school?

THE SUPPLIES! i have an addiction to pens, pencils and markers

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

Old ones

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

yup

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

constantly

48. Were you single over the last summer?

no

49. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

cleaning

50. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?

yup.

1: Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette? yup

2: Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused? taken

3: What if I told you that you were pretty? um, thanks

4: Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”? no. that’s a stupid line anyway

5: Are you interested in anyone right now? yup

6: What are you looking forward to in the next week? Going to a museum with the kids

7: Do you want to be single? nope

8: Did you go out or stay in last night? Stayed in. always staying in

9: How late did you stay up last night? 11pmish

10: Can you recall the last time you realized you liked someone a lot? sorta

11: Last three things you had to drink? Water, flavored seltzer, water

12: Have you pretended to like someone? no

13: Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it? yup - to my mom, she lies to me too, so we're even

14: Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months? yes

15: Is it hard for you to get over someone? Gawd, yes

16: Think back five months ago, were you single? nope

17: What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon? Putting youngest down for a nap

18: Hold hands with anyone this week? yes

19: Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? yes

20: What would you name your future daughter? I’m done with having kids and I have 2 boys so the point is moot

21: Do you miss anyone? all the damn time

22: Have you kissed three or more people in one night? yes

23: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed? no

24: Are you good at hiding your feelings? hell no

25: Have you ever cried from being so mad? yes, yes i have

26: Who did you last see in person? oldest

28: What is something you currently want right now? Either a brand new king size mattress and my OWN bathroom

29: What is the last thing you said out lot? don’t forget to put the “oldest” to bed

30: How is your heart lately? Stitched together and always sore af

31: Do you wear the hood on your hoodie? not usually

32: Are you wearing socks? now? no.

33: What do people call you? my name

34: Will you talk to the person you like tonight? i live with him, so yea

35: Are there any stressful situations in your life? always

36: Who did you last share a bed with? my hubby

37: Did you do something bad today? no

38: When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you? Recently, oldest did

39: Do you get stressed out easily? YES

40: Will you sing today? I sing lullabies to my kids, so probably

41: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t? yes

42: Who do you go to when you need to talk to someone? Right now, my own mind

43: Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance? yes

45: What is wrong with you right now? I can’t escape my past

46: What is on your wrists right now? skin?

47: Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing? the store 0_o

48: What do you like better: hot chocolate or hot apple cider? Chai tea

49: Do you make wishes at 11:11? er, no

50: Are you a good artist? i like to think so

51: Love really is a beautiful thing huh? No. it’s messy, it’s ugly, but it’s the most precious thing in the world

52: Do you miss the way things were six months ago? can i remember six months ago....um. no

53: Ever been on a golf cart? yes

54: Do you have trust issues? hells yeah

55: Ever stayed up all night on the phone, with who? Yes. Twice with hubby. I think once with my ex...not sure

56: Do you own something from Hot Topic? Not anymore. i’m 35

57: Do you use chap stick? sometimes

58: Have you ever slapped someone in the face? heh. yes. with a wet towel in fact

59: Do you have a little sister? yes

60: Have you ever been to New York? yes

61: Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? yes

62: Have you hugged someone within the last week? yes

63: What were you doing at midnight last night? Trying to get youngest to fall back asleep

64: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? yup

65: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? yes

66: Were your last three kisses from the same person? uh....

67: Have you kissed anyone in the last five days? yes

68: Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? Alone. Honestly even after so many years, I miss having a bed to myself. Hubby is a friggin’ space heater

69: Will next Friday be a good one? dunno

Name: i have a lot of them and few i actually answer to

Does your name mean anything? strong Were you named after anyone? yes Nick Name(s): not in the mood to share those Date Of Birth: March 31, 1984 Current Location: earth Sign: Aries Religion: heathen Height: 5'7" Weight: none of your business Hair color: silver blue What do you look like? me Innie or Outie? Innie Righty, Lefty, or Ambidextrous? right like a left Gay, Straight, Bi, or Other: ok. Currently cis, demisexual biromantic. Have fun with that Do You Have... Any sisters: one Any brothers: technically two, one living Any pets: no A Disease: eczema, psoriasis, anxiety A Pager: nope A Personal phone number: yup and you can't have it A leather jacket with studs on it?: nah A heroin needle: nah, heroin is too expensive A Pool or hot tub: no. too much maintance A Car: yes Describe Your... Personality: tired mom Driving: cautious as fuck Bed: not big enough Relationship with your parent(s): interesting to say the least Do You... Believe in yourself: most of the time Do you believe in love at first sight? sorta... Consider yourself a good listener: yes Consider yourself a good friend: i try Pray: sorta Believe in reincarnation: yes, been there done that and i think i've done this all before 0_o? And i’m really really really not looking forward to doing this crap all over the fuck again Like to make fun of people: no Like to talk on the phone: no Like to drive: yes Get motion sickness: yes @.@ Eat Chicken fingers with a fork: sometimes Dream in color: don’t you? <_< Type with your fingers on home row: yes Sleep with a stuffed animal: no What Is/Are/Was... Right next to you: computer On the walls of your room: an ugly cream On your mouse pad: map of westeros Your dream car: van Your dream date: any that involves a babysitter for kiddos and hubby and I leaving the house Your dream honeymoon spot: well, my honeymoon took place at disney Your dream husband/wife: honestly, someone who gets me Your bedtime: 11pm Under your bed: wires and story stuff The single most important question: do you trust me? Your bad time of the day: 4:50pm Your worst fear(s): something happening to my kids or hubby The hardest thing about growing up: growing up, moving forward Your funnest experience: there've been a number of them Your scariest moment: being so happy to hear my boyfriend at time cursing The silliest thing you've said: i've said a lot of foolish things The funniest or most desperate thing you've done to get the attention of the opposite sex?: shit. a lot of things. beg is at the top of them The craziest thing that's ever happened while with your friend(s): damn, a lot of things The best feeling in the world: being loved [ favorites ] Color: the colors of fire Day: monday Song: anything by breaking benjamin Movie: tenchi muyo in love Food: string cheese Season: FALL Class: art Teacher: ms. ariel Drink: seltzer water with lemon Veggie: frozen peas TV Show: wynona earp currently Radio Station: TnT don’t have one Store: target Animal: kitty Flower: peach roses State: denial sounds good City: the one were old rich people go to die [ love and relationships ] Do you have a bf/gf?: no. i'm married :D Do you have a crush?: yes How long was your longest relationship?: long and going How long was your shortest relationship?: a month? Who was your first love?:  technically micha, but I was in kindergarden. Love love: JMD What do you miss about them?: everything [ the past ] What is the biggest mistake you've made in your life?: dating amla Who is the last person you kissed? youngest Who is the last person you hugged?: oldest Who is the last person you fought with?:myself Who is the last person you were on the phone with?: I honestly have no idea [ the present ] What are you wearing?: pjs what are you doing?: this? Who are you talking to?: no one at the moment What song are you listening to?: none Where are you?: my apt Who are you with? The kiddos How are you feeling?: thoughtful [ future ] What day is it tomorrow?: tuesday What are you going to do after this?: put youngest down for a nap How old will you be when you graduate?: graduate from what? What do you wanna be?: happy and well adjusted? What is on of your dreams:? to own a place of our own that has some green space Where will you be in 25 years?: i'll be 60. who knows [ have you ever ] Drank?: like alchol? Yes. don’t care to though Smoked?: just j00r mom Had sex?: dur Stolen?: once Done anything illegal?: nope Wanted to die?: a few times Hit someone?: yes [ other ] Do you write in cursive or print?: small print What piercings do you have?: I use to have 2 per ear, they probably need to be redone it’s been so long ;_; Do you drive?: yes Do you have glasse or braces?: both at one time, now just glasses Did you like this survey?: meh [ Physical appearance ] What do you most like about your body? : my eyes And least? The middle and could I swap brains for one that works? How many fillings do you have? : in my teeth? 2 I think... Do you think you're good looking?: i am teh smexy Do other people often tell you that you're good-looking?: yes actually Do you look like any celebrities? : no clue. I was once told I look like winona ryder, but I have no idea where they got that from <_<; [ Fashion ] Do you wear a watch? : that's what my cell phone is for Favorite pants/skirt color? : jeans most expensive item of clothing? : wedding dress Most treasured? my stolen black gap tee What kind of shoes do you wear? : slip on shoes with memory foam insoles Describe your style in one word : comfy [ You ] How old are you mentally (as in are you mature?): ancient What are your worst qualities: I can’t escape my past What are your best qualities: i’m loyal af How long does it take you get ready in the morning: +hour [ School ] Do you like school?: use to Why/why not?: friends What's your fave subject? : art Most hated subject? : english Do you have a fave teacher? : ms. ariel Ever had a crush on a teacher? : ew no

[ Friends ] Do you have heaps of friends?: no Do you have a best friend?: yes Do you have more guy friends or more girl friends?: I have one girl friend Do you ever get annoyed at any friend?: sometimes Have you ever lied to a friend?: yes Have you ever stolen a friend's boyfriend/girlfriend?: nope, but i've been stolen [ Family ] Do you like your parents? : er... Ever run away from home?: should've Ever thought about it?: read the above Do you feel your parents spoil you?: no Do you not get along with any of your family?: all of them [ Relationships ] Have you ever experienced unrequited love?: too many times Do you find it romantic or hurtful?: hurtful j00 weirdo 2. What is bothering you right now? That I can’t escape my past 3. Will you kiss the last person you kissed again? :-* chuu! 4. What is in your wallet right now? Cards, money? what’s in your wallet? 5. Wallpaper on your computers desktop? Burnt toast 6. wallpaper on your cell phone? kiddos 10. Where do you work? Where the lie “where shopping is a pleasue” came from 11. What is the last thing you ate today? food? 12. What are you doing this weekend? what's this weekend you speak of? it is a foreign term to me 13. What are you wearing? Clothes? 14. Who was the last person to send you a text message? hubby 15. If you could have one person with you right now who would it be? They are here 16. Listening to? a/c 17. Have you ever kissed anyone named Phillip? on the cheek. he's my cousin 18. What do you smell like? Nothing on a good day. Bog swamp thing with a side of potato chip on a bad day 19. Eating? souls 20. Have you hit someone today? No 21. Do you believe in a soul mate? Yes and no. and I think the whole fucking thing is toxic as all get out 22. What do you wear to bed? pjs 23. Are you excited for school? only the supplies 24. Do you burn easily in the sun? OH GAWD IT BURNS! CLOSE THE F*ING WINDOWS! 25. Have you ever been gambling? nah 26. What is your dream car? van 27. What did you do last weekend? Work? 28. What have you learned recently? Stuff? 31. Have you ever had a crush on your sisters/brothers friend? actually yea...he lived across the street 32. How good is your eyesight? i can see the colors in white walls, you tell me 33. What was the last thing you drank? water 34. Whose house did you go to last? my own 35. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? hubby– bad vertigo 36. Do you love someone right now? :3 yesh 37. What do you wear more: shorts, slacks, jeans, or sweatpants? jeans. 38. Name three drinks you drank today? water 39. what are you excited about? Sleep? 40. What is your dream phone? dream phone pfft come on 41. Ever broken a promise? *laughs* 42. Favorite Yankee Candle scent? Mountain Lodge ::snort::

43. Last birthday party attended? uh.... 44. Last vacation? Where? Huh? 1. How many people do you have feelings for? What kind of feelings? 2. Who is your worst enemy? myself 3. What's on your mind? Why do i still care about this shit? 4. What are you doing right now? thinking 8. Are you jealous of someone right now? yes 9. Who makes you happy most of the time? The kiddos and hubby 11. How was your halloween? it hasn't happened yet 12. When is the last time you have been to taco bell? not in long time 13. Are you mean? i am the meanest bitch alive XD 14. Where would you rather be right now? i’m good 15. Are you mad at anyone? yes 16.What was the last thing someone said to you on the phone? bai? 17. Who did you last hug that wasn't family? uh...i'm not big on the touchy feely with people who aren't my family 18. Have you gone out of your way to make a new friend? no, they just sorta come outta the wood work 19. Do you shower? most days 20. What's the worst thing you've done when you were mad? 0_o oh geez, most of that shit i don't remember and for good reason 21. Ever made anyone cry when you were mad? most likely 22. Do you cuss when you're mad? and not always in english 23. When was the last time you REALLY cried your heart out? Hmm...let’s see what day is today? 24. Do you like crying? sometimes, yea. i feel better and can breathe better 25. are you normally a happy person? uh...*shrugs* 27. Does being with your friends make you happy? ^-^ 28. Do you hold grudges? I make arya stark look like a saint when it comes to that 29. Are you annoying to people? prolly 30. Is cheating ever acceptable? NO 31. What's one thing you hate right this second? Lord moldy cheeto? 32.What really bothers you? My memory

33. Animals around you at the moment? there’s a black cat outside 34. Drinking anything at the moment? nope 35. Ever thought you were going to get married? sorta 36. Last person from the opposite sex you told you loved that wasn't family? that wasn't family? *shrugs* 37. Last person who told you they loved you? oldest 38. Where did it go? OVER THERE! IT'S BEHIND YOU! RUN!!!!! 39. Favorite video game? Halo 2 and left 4 dead 41. Do you like spiders? Only spiny ord weavers. The rest if they come inside my home they are DEAD 42. Are you a cat person or a dog person? cats have claws, dogs your suppose to pick up their poop 44. First kiss? i was in kindergarden, his name was Micha 45. Tan or pale skin? tan = skin cancer 46. You're deserted on an island, what do you have with you? the red pill 47. Favorite lyrics? All those fairy tales are full of shit One more fucking love song, I'll be sick 48. Biggest regret? dating amla 49. Did you have a New Years kiss last year? don’t remember 50. Do you want children? I has 2 1. Who was the last person you hung out with, actual one-on-one? bestie 2. Do you think you're approachable? When I want to be 3. How do you feel about the person you kissed last? cutie 4. Do you regret doing anything in the past week? yes 5. When was the last time you had alcohol? uh... 8. What does your last received text say? dunno 9. Do you have a dirty mind? dirty and morbid 11. Have you been pressured to do anything recently? no 12. Who's the sweetest person you know right now? kiddos 14. Do you know anyone with a serious illness? yes 16. Is anyone interested in you right now? yesh 18. What's your favorite number? 13 21. Do you hate anyone?

Lord cheeto, amla, ar... 29. Who do you miss? its not so much the people, but the time we had together 30. Have you ever quit a job by just not showing up? wanted to, but no 31. Have you ever lost a person? yup 32. What would you do if your ex is engaged?

Both ex’s are married. First I wish him the best. The second – karma is going to catch up with you one day. 34. Would you rather feel pain or be numb? Both suck 36. Do you like competition? no 37. Would you take someone back after they cheated on you? No 38. Have you ever taken anyone/anything for granted? doesn't everyone? 39. Do you hate being alone? um...depends 40. Has anyone ever broken your heart? broke my heart, ripped my soul, fractured brain...etc 43. Last time you went swimming in a pool? Weeks ago 44. Where was the last place you went shopping? Big box store 45. How do you feel about your hair? it's on my head 46. Want to kick anyone's ass? hehe >:D yes, very much 47. When was the last time you were hugged? a few hours ago 51.Who was the last person you hung up on? idiots

Do you think somebody's in love with you? hai<3 Is it easy to make you cry? yes and no it's not a good idea to try Do you consider yourself lucky? sometimes Can you honestly say you're okay right now? Lol no What are you planning on doing after this? Put youngest down for a nap and hopefully nap myself Next time you will kiss someone? soon Have you ever read an entire book in one day? I am the devourer of books Have you told anybody you loved them today? hai How many months until your birthday? A lot. won’t have another one till next year What's a word that rhymes with "tower"? bowser. *shrugs* What's on your agenda for tomorrow? Get kiddos out of the house Who do you not get along with? My mom What's your biggest fear? Something bad happening to my kids or hubby Last time you had grilled cheese? Not in a while Do you think you can last in a relationship for three months? Yup. Am and going Besides your mouth where is your favorite spot to get kissed? heh...neck How did you feel when you woke up? can i sleep in some more? What does your hair look like? A hot mess. it’s brown and mauve right now. Need to fix that. When was the last time you saw your father? recently Do you wish someone would call or text you right now? Yes Do you crack your knuckles? no. causes artheristis and i like my hands, even thou they hate me What were you doing yesterday at midnight? Trying to get everyone to sleep When was the last time you laughed really hard? really really hard? that's an easy answer: 9th grade during lunch. ian just knew what to say to have the liquid i was drinking come out my noise. funny yes. hurt like hell thou *shrugs* Last awkward moment? um... What did you do last night? sleep Are you tan? i have a moon tan Who is the next person you'll hold hands with? Oldest or hubby Are you afraid of the dark? I don’t have the luxury Do you have good vision? no Have you ever tripped someone? dunno. my bookbag has thou. so far 200,000 kills and counting Have you ever slapped someone? yes. yes, i have. Do you use chap stick? sometimes Do you have any scars? on my right thumb, in the middle of my nose, on my right cheek... What's bothering you most right now? Memory and hormones Is there someone you will never forget? Yes and I wish I could damnit Would you marry someone 8 years older than you? no Can you go in public looking like you do? Could, but won’t Where were you at 9am this morning? Making breakfast Do you take walks often? No, but I should What woke you up today? youngest How has the week been? meh Do you find it hard to trust others? *laugh* this is me your talking to. of course i have trouble trusting people. i mean come on, seriously Are you single/taken/heartbroken/crushing? Taken by the sea….points if you get the reference How fast does your mood change? how fast is j00r mom? Do you miss the way things used to be? often. Where is your phone? Infront of me Want someone back in your life? Yes.no. it’s complicated What are you excited for? sleep Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? Cut them out of my life Are you planning on going to college? Nope. Have my AA. i’m done Will tomorow be better then today? Hope so Is there anyone who understands your relationship status? 0.o wtf kinda question is that?

1.Your ex is on the side of the road, on fire.which ex? first ex: yea, he IS fire. second ex: point and laugh 2.Your best friend tells you she's pregnant. uh... 3.When is the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face? recent 6.What are you craving right now? Alone time with hubby. Hey you asked 7.What was the last thing you cried about? Stuff I can’t change 8. When you buy something and your change is a penny.What do you do? save it up 9.What color is your tissue box? blue or green 12.Scariest thing you've experienced in the last year? Hubby having bad vertigo 13.Have you ever had a garage sale? yea, they're not fun 14.What is the last alcoholic beverage you had? uh...i don’t recall 15.Are you happy right now? mostly 16.Who came over last? bestie 17 Do you drink beer? looks like piss, smells like piss, so yea my theory is that it IS indeed PISS 18.Have your brothers or sisters ever told you that you were adopted? XD that’s how you know you’re related 19.Dark or light jeans? come to the darkside, we have cookies :D 20.What was the last movie you watched at home? 2 lego movie 21.What is in your pocket? no pockets :( 22.Who introduced you to your boyfriend/girlfriend? exbestie 23.Where do you hurt? my heart, my head 24.What is your favorite aisle at Wal-Mart? face wash section? 25.When is your birthday day before april fools 27.Who was the last person you went shopping with? myself 28.What about your favorite dessert? What is it? Dark chocolate 29.Do you have the same name as one of your relatives? yes. both my aunts 30.Do you like pickles? sweet jerkins :9 31.Is someone in love with you? hai <3 32.What color is your couch? brownish 33.Has anyone ever mistaken you for a family member? only on the phone -.-* 34.Does someone like you right now? durrrrr 35.Do you know anyone in jail/prison? hmm...i dun think so 36.Who was the last person to send you a text message? hubby 37.How many hours did you sleep for last night? i don't keep track. i sleep. i wake up. 38.Do you swear at your parents? I don’t bother anymore 39.Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? prolly my ear is ringing 40.What is the last thing you spent money on? food 41.Name one thing no one can ever take away from you? ....that's a deeper question than you really think it is... 42.What is the last thing you ate that had onions in it? Bloomin’ onion :9 43.Crunchy or Puffy Cheetos? crunchy! 44.The first person on your friends list just called you a bitch. LOL, i call them a slut, they call me a whore, etc... XD – this is an old answer. I want to cry. I don’t talk to them anymore and I miss this. 46.Do you wear a name tag at work? Unfortunately and I don’t know why everyone has a weird interest in what my full name is 49.Say you were given a pregnancy test right now. Negative 50.What were you doing at midnight last night? Attempting sleep

Who is the funni​est perso​n you know?​​ youngest What kind of first​ impre​ssion​ do you think​ you make?​ I honestly don’t know Name your last reaso​n for using​ a camer​a?​​​​ kids doing something cute Type a lyric​ from the song you'​​​​​re liste​ning to? I walked the path, it led me to the end, remember Do you own a pair of conve​​rse?​​​​​ TnT no What color​ are your eyes?​​​​​ ice blue Where​ was the last place​ you fell aslee​p other​ than your bed? couch Do you have a best frien​d​?​​​​​ hai Who was the last perso​n you talke​d to on the phone​?​​​ dunno Whose​ bed did you sleep​ in last night​?​​​​​ mine own What are you excit​ed about​?​​​​​ going to the museum Seven​ days from now, will you be in a relat​ionsh​ip?​​​​​ yes, and the world will end Do you like to cuddl​e?​​​​​ hai <3 but not with random ppl,  Have you spoke​n to your mothe​r today​?​​​​​ *rotflmao* NO Have you ever thoug​ht you liked​ someo​ne and then found​ out that you reall​y didnt​?​​ ...once, after 4 years....it's a sad story back from my brainwashed days -.- *sigh* Are you too forgi​ving?​​ fuck that Do you think​ someo​ne is think​ing about​ you? yes. you. now. mwahaha! If you could​ pack up and move,​​​​​ would​ you? Yes. But I hate packing Are you a happy​ perso​n?​​​​​ eh Would​ you ever get a tatto​o?​​​​​ yuppers Did you enjoy​ your weeke​nd?​​​​​ mostly Do you regre​t anyth​ing you'​​​​​ve done recen​tly?​​​​​ no... Is there​ anybo​dy you wish you could​ see? yes Have you ever kisse​d anyon​e with a name that start​s with J or C? Yes  Looki​ng back,​​​​​ did you ever waste​ too much time on a certa​in boy or girl?​ who hasn't? How many peopl​e of the oppos​ite sex do you fully​ trust​?​​​​​ *laughs* fully trust? you're asking me this? Do you have good eye sight​?​​​​​ no, but i still can see THAT What was the first​ thing​ you did this morni​ng?​​​​ wish I could go back to sleep Do you think​ you’l​l be marri​ed in 10 years​?​​​​​ yes... Where​ were you at 9 pm frida​y night​ and with who?​​​​​ probably at home Do you know anyon​e with the same name as you? yes.... Have you ever cried​ and didn'​t know why? nope. i generally know why Do you have any plans​ for tomor​row?​ blergh. Yes. errands Have you ever kisse​d anyon​e who'​s name start​ed with a B, or A? unfortenately yes, yes i have How old do you think​ you will be when you final​ly have child​ren?​ I was 30 What made you happy​ today​?​ kiddos What are you think​ing about​ right​ now? sleeping Do you like count​ry music​?​ does old town road count? What are you looki​ng forwa​rd to in the next coupl​e of month​s?​ dunno Do you do your own laund​ry?​ yes Is your hair curly​?​ wavy a bit Are you cheat​ing on someo​ne right​ now? -.-* no Have you ever gone to a party​ where​ you were the only sober​ one? yup Do you strai​ghten​ your hair often​?​ Don't have to. Who was the last perso​n to smoke​ a cigar​ette in your prese​nce?​ coworker Do you wear a ring on your finge​r?​ no. none of mine fit anymore TToTT Who was the last perso​n you had a phone​ conve​rsati​on with for more than 2 minutes? Huh? If myspa​ce made you pay would​ you still​ use it? Hells no. Is there​ someo​ne who meant​ a lot to you at one point​ and isn'​t aroun​d?​ *dripping the resentment* yes Will tomor​row be bette​r than today​?​ hope so Do you hones​tly belie​ve that good thing​s come to those​ who wait?​ i don't believe it in , but it happens anyway Do you belie​ve in love at first​ sight​?​ sorta What catch​es your eye more?​ Eyes or smile​?​ whole package Do you think​ the last perso​n you kisse​d cares​ for you? hai <3<3<3 Are you weari​ng somet​hing you borro​wed from someo​ne?​ currently no What time did you go to sleep​ last night​?​ 11ish Who'​s someo​ne you can alway​s count​ on? myself Who'​s the last perso​n to text you? hubby What are you two talki​ng about​?​ life Are you seein​g anyon​e?​ hubby Who was the last perso​n to piss you off? hubby Anyon​es birth​day comin​g up? hubbys Who is one perso​n you want back in your life?​ uh...plead the 5th Do you like where​ you go to schoo​l?​ done with school Where​ were you last night​?​ work, then home

What will you be doing​ in the next 2 hours​?​ napping Who were you datin​g aroun​d Sprin​g last year?​ no one. I be married Do you want any tatto​os or pierc​ings?​ yes please What'​s the one thing​ you would​ be doing​ if it wasn'​t Winte​r?​ wishing it was winter? What was the last alcoh​olic bever​age you consu​med?​ no idea Are you singl​e?​ nope How did you feel when you woke up today​?​ why Are you a jealo​us perso​n?​ yes. Just like god Where​ were you at 2:​02am?​ in a blissful coma Did you hold hands​ with anyon​e today​?​ not yet How has the week been?​ interesting Could​ you go the rest of your life witho​ut drink​ing alcoh​ol?​ yup Where​ were you at 9am this morni​ng?​ getting breakfast for the kiddos Whats​ your natur​al hair and eye color​?​ ice blue eyes, dark brown hair What was the last song you liste​ned to? Something on the radio Do you think​ two peopl​e can last forev​er?​ ask me again at forever When is your birth​day?​ day before april fools Can you do split​s?​ XD no! Who did you last shoot​ a dirty​ look at? customers What is in your pocke​t?​ hankie ​ Where​ did you buy the shirt​ you'​re weari​ng now? store Do you have any tan lines​?​ i ish a vampire and NO i do NOT sparkle! Do you remem​ber the name of your kinde​rgart​en teach​er?​ nope Last time you cried​?​ what day is today Are you weari​ng makeu​p at the momen​t?​ Nope. What do you reall​y think​ of Starb​ucks Coffe​e?​ nice store, keep your coffee gimme the hot chocolate Do you have a camer​a?​ no Are there​ certa​in thing​s that can'​t be joked​ about​?​ yes Is the last perso​n you kisse​d your ex? no Are you happy​ with where​ you are relat​ionsh​ip-​wise now ? er...so so Are your paren​ts still​ toget​her?​ No, lol. Are you cold right​ now? no Can you crack​ your knuck​les?​ nope Would​ you go in publi​c looki​ng like you do right​ now? nope. Have you ever liked​ someo​ne that you knew you shoul​dn'​t have?​ yea, and now i know better When was the last time you had your hair cut? *shrugs* Does your head hurt?​ on a daily basis Is there​ anyon​e you would​ like to get thing​s strai​ght with?​ yes, but sadly hell is going to freeze over first Do you still​ talk to the perso​n who hurt you the most?​ yes and no

1. Who was your FIRST prom date?  first prom date? i only went once and no i did not have a date and yes it sux'd 2. Do you still talk to your FIRST love?  no 3. What was your FIRST alcoholic drink?  red headed slut - it was awful 9X 4. What was your FIRST job?  receptionist... 5. What was your FIRST car?  Lil’ black car 6. Who was the FIRST person to text you today?  hubby 7. Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning?  youngest 9. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane?  New York

12. Who was the FIRST person you talked to today?  youngest 14. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning?  Wish youngest would go back to sleep. Too early 15. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to?  3DD concert 16. FIRST tattoo?  no tattoos, just scars 17. FIRST piercing?  ears 18. FIRST foreign country you've been to?  canada 19. FIRST movie you remember seeing?  uh...bambi? 20. When was your FIRST detention?  detention? fsk that shit, i was a good kid. i never got caught 21. What was the FIRST state you lived in?  denial 22. Who was your FIRST roommate?  my lil' brother

[txskax]

"Wait, these are hella cute questions"(do them all)

((whoms’tvem sent this???))“Fantastic now that others are learning about me....”

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?... had to think a bit but I believe my close boy Ji

2. Are you outgoing or shy?Too outgoing but I will be shy once I realize3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?My pet rabbit4. Are you easy to get along with?Kind of? most people view me as intimidating5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?I fucking hope so, but I have a strong feeling he would get drunk too6. What kind of people are you attracted to?I don’t have a specific type, but I am into the gentle souls7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?Not really.. if I do its going to be open8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?... The girl from the bakery down my street9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?No.10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?my dearest Ji?11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?you can choke on my dick for all I care, I want my money now12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?Billie Eilish - When the partys overBillie Eilish - IdontwannabeyouanymoreTodrick Hall - No place like homeIndila - Derniere DanseIndila - Tourner dans la vide13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?Kind of?14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?No.15. What good thing happened this summer?I got laid16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?Yes17. Do you think there is life on other planets?Perhaps, thats 2am talk18. Do you still talk to your first crush?.... No I hate him ... despise is better

19. Do you like bubble baths?Yes

20. Do you like your neighbors?I am never home but they are respectful, sure21. What are you bad habits?Smoking, drinking, cracking my knuckles, fighting22. Where would you like to travel?Paris23. Do you have trust issues?Yes24. Favorite part of your daily routine?Making coffee and looking out my apartment window as the sun rises25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?My freckles, cheeks... I always have makeup on.. second hated is my hair, i perm is straight26. What do you do when you wake up?Do some yoga to get active then a swim, then have a quick breakfast and shower before work27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?neither I like my tanned skin28. Who are you most comfortable around?Ji again29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?I wish he was on his knees now begging30. Do you ever want to get married?not really.. im not marriage material31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?It used to be! I had it out to waist length now I cut it into a messy beach wave bob thingy... but i guess a teeny tiny ponytail works32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?The rock,  Chris evans, Chris hemsworth. anyone know them? tell them to hmu, I am ready to be cucked33. Spell your name with your chin.asxdiunb Z ...perfect assdumbz34. Do you play sports? What sports?I play volleyball recreational and sometimes archery 35. Would you rather live without TV or music?Without tv36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?No.. I am straight forward with my feelings37. What do you say during awkward silences?Nothing, I will sleep 38. Describe your dream girl/guy?Dream girl.. she should have this heart of gold, a smile that just makes the sunrise like shit,  a warmth to her that autumn spices cannot provide.. Dream guy... same thing.. preferably older than me, so like 35-40s? I am already 3139. What are your favorite stores to shop in?Brand names? dunno, depends, usually bargain stores are fantastic40. What do you want to do after high school?I am done high school. I had dreams to work as a nurse or marine biologist, but I ended up getting a degree to become a jeweler 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?3 chances, one time is a mistake, the second is a learning progress, the third one if you fucked up then you are an imbecile 42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?Over thinking or being over analytical, usually if its after an argument its a seal that I am no longer friends/family with you at that exact moment, forgiveness is not given.43. Do you smile at strangers?sometimes44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?Bottom of the ocean45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?The fact that there is food in this world I have not tasted46. What are you paranoid about?Nothing really47. Have you ever been high?yes48. Have you ever been drunk?yes49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?Now if i elaborated on that everyone can figure it out, can’t fool me today!50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?Pink51. Ever wished you were someone else?All the time52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?I wish I was just born in a different family and was just a better child53. Favourite makeup brand?Mac? Dior? not sure54. Favourite store?Not sure55. Favourite blog?Design for Mankind, the author writes good essays and works56. Favourite colour?Neutrals57. Favourite food? Melomakarona Its a Greek sweet more than a meal 58. Last thing you ate?Stifado - Again a Greek dish, which is a stew of meat , herbs, tomato and onions59. First thing you ate this morning?Cereal, Cheerios60. Ever won a competition? For what?No61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?Funny story, in my design class some girl pissed me off and so I sewed her sleeves to the fabric she was working on

62. Been arrested? For what?Killing63. Ever been in love? Sure64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?Stupid as I was I thought it was love and so it felt like it would be as a fairytale to every 12 year old girl.. I hate it now65. Are you hungry right now?STARVING66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?The hell is tumblr?67. Facebook or Twitter?Twitter68. Twitter or Tumblr?Twitter69. Are you watching tv right now?no70. Names of your bestfriends? I don’t have any, ever since immigrating to asia I never bothered much and those that i am close with are horrible influences i chose to stick by71. Craving something? What?Dick Yogurt, maybe some rice and baked beans72. What colour are your towels?Dark grey72. How many pillows do you sleep with?6?73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?No74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?None75. Favourite animal?Penguin76. What colour is your underwear?Right now? Black77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate.. especially dark chocolate78. Favourite ice cream flavour?Chocolate chip mint.. you hate it? well then you are a fucking tool79. What colour shirt are you wearing?A beige sweater/hoodie80. What colour pants?Black leather skinnies81. Favourite tv show?Taboo82. Favourite movie?Mad Max83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?Mean girls 84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?Mean girls85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?Mrs. George86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?Dory87. First person you talked to today?Ji88. Last person you talked to today?Probably Ji as well89. Name a person you hate?My first ex90. Name a person you love?Myself91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?My ex, and my filthy clients92. In a fight with someone?Not at the moment93. How many sweatpants do you have?20 pairs94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?20 pairs95. Last movie you watched?Venom, it wasn’t bad96. Favourite actress?Audrey Hepburn97. Favourite actor?Jason Statham98. Do you tan a lot?Yes, naturally i am already tan so i just go darker99. Have any pets?A black rabbit with otter fur (meaning the fur looks like velvet)100. How are you feeling?Hungry, horny, sleepy and shit.. so just peachy101. Do you type fast?yes but i am lazy to send102. Do you regret anything from your past?Running away from home which was in Greece to come to Korea and live with an aunt and now going no where by dating old as fuck geezers for high income money103. Can you spell well?yes104. Do you miss anyone from your past?Not really105. Ever been to a bonfire party?Yes106. Ever broken someone’s heart?yes107. Have you ever been on a horse?yes108. What should you be doing?working but I am here with this long ass interview109. Is something irritating you right now?not really110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?Yes111. Do you have trust issues?yes112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?No one sees me cry113. What was your childhood nickname?Ada, DiDi114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?Yes115. Do you play the Wii?No116. Are you listening to music right now?yes117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?YES118. Do you like Chinese food?Yes and not the noodle but literally everything119. Favourite book?House of leaves120. Are you afraid of the dark?

No121. Are you mean?Sometimes122. Is cheating ever okay?NO NEVER123. Can you keep white shoes clean?Yes124. Do you believe in love at first sight?No125. Do you believe in true love?I am very iffy on this one126. Are you currently bored?yes127. What makes you happy?sweets and snacks128. Would you change your name?I would to maybe Adonis or Basil129. What your zodiac sign?Leo130. Do you like subway?I dont like sandwiches too much131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?Probably nothing, tell them that the feeling isn’t mutual respectfully132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?Ji133. Favourite lyrics right now?“If I love you was a promise, would you break it if you’re honest?”134. Can you count to one million?yes but why?135. Dumbest lie you ever told?I dont really remember136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?closed

137. How tall are you?177 cm138. Curly or Straight hair?I like straight hair on myself139. Brunette or Blonde?Doesn’t matter140. Summer or Winter?winter141. Night or Day?night142. Favourite month?October143. Are you a vegetarian?no144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?doesnt matter but dark is preferred145. Tea or Coffee?both146. Was today a good day?has not ended but its boring147. Mars or Snickers?Snickers148. What’s your favourite quote?“Find a way to smile and never let it go”149. Do you believe in ghosts?No150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? House of leaves‘Spreta latet silvis pudibundaque frondibus ora protegit et solis ex illo vivit in antris;’ (not the full thing)

‘So she was turned away, to hide her face, her lips, her guilt among the trees;’

[culinaryinquisitor-blog]

You Had Me at Step One: The Recipes We Can't Quit

New Post has been published on https://culinaryinquisitor.com/you-had-me-at-step-one-the-recipes-we-cant-quit/

You Had Me at Step One: The Recipes We Can't Quit

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[Photograph: Vicky Wasik, J. Kenji López-Alt]

What are your criteria for a Valentine’s Day crush? Exciting and obsession-worthy are good starts. But we look for other traits, too—tender and comforting is nice, and trustworthy, steadfast, and reliable are all musts. Ideally, they’ll also be eye-catching and captivating, they’ll stimulate your senses, and they’ll always, always leave you wanting more. And, of course, variety in texture is of paramount importance—and we’re definitely partial to a balance of sweet and salty, tart and herbal…

Oh, that’s an important distinction. We’re talking about our food crushes here, not human ones.

Romance with a real, beating-heart life form is all well and good, but a beloved recipe will let you have your cake and eat it, too—or your pie, or the eggplant parm of your dreams, whatever the case may be. Below, you’ll find the recipes that, for us, check all the above boxes and more. These are the dishes that we come back to time and again—the meals we gaze at lovingly, take countless pictures of, and can’t stop bragging about. You might say we’re too engrossed in our work, that maybe we should consider stepping out of the kitchen and tending to our relationships with friends and family. To that, we can only reply: These recipes would never say that about us.

Pressure Cooker Chicken With Chickpeas, Chorizo, and Tomatoes

[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]

Whenever someone asks me what I make in my Instant Pot, I tell them about this recipe—it’s the first pressure cooker meal I ever made, and it’s super easy. Why? You simply throw in the ingredients and cook them on high pressure for 15 minutes, and dinner is ready. What’s more, most of the ingredients are things you likely already have in your pantry, like chickpeas, paprika, chicken stock, and diced tomatoes. Just pick up your chicken and chorizo, and you’ll be good to go. I really can’t say enough about how delicious this is—it’s spicy and salty, comforting and filling. It’s hearty, but the dash of sherry vinegar at the end gives it a wonderful brightness. I like to pour in some couscous at the last minute or prepare some rice on the side, then eat the leftovers all week long. —Ariel Kanter, marketing director

Get the recipe for Pressure Cooker Chicken With Chickpeas, Chorizo, and Tomatoes »

The Best Cherry Pie

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

When Stella first joined the Serious Eats team full time, among the first things we asked her to prioritize were classic fruit pies, like apple, cherry, and blueberry. She was not excited. “I don’t really like pie,” I remember her telling me, her slight Southern drawl dragging out the word “like” so as to more delicately deliver the bad news. “No kidding? That’s crazy…but you can make pie, right?” I shot back, the pushy New Yorker in me cutting to the point. “Sure, I can make pie.” I wasn’t too worried. With Stella’s talents, her pies weren’t going to be bad, that much was certain. So when she flew to New York to make and photograph her pies for publication, I looked forward to tasting them. Still, given her warning, I wasn’t expecting to take a bite and then have my eyes bulge from their sockets, a condition that I believe has caused a permanent change to my glasses prescription.

Stella’s pies, and her cherry pie in particular, are the greatest pies I have ever eaten anywhere in my entire life, full stop, period, the end. And I love pie, so that’s saying a lot. The fillings explode with fruit, and she’s dialed in her sugar and starch levels for pitch-perfect texture and flavor. And her crust! It’s the flakiest, the crispiest, the golden-est, the moisture-resistant-iest, the still-perfect-the-next-day-iest (yes, even the bottom crust, after it’s sat below the filling overnight). How a person who claims to not like pie could make the world’s best version, I’ll never know, but I’m eternally grateful. —Daniel Gritzer, managing culinary director

Get the recipe for The Best Cherry Pie »

30-Minute Tuscan White Bean Soup

[Photograph: J. Kenji Lopez-Alt]

I make a batch of this soup at least three times each winter. It’s incredibly easy (as all soups should be, in my opinion), and, in the words of Kenji, it has a great flavor-to-work ratio. The white beans give it the heft I want from a hearty winter soup, and the addition of a Parmesan rind to enrich the broth is a revelation. Pro tip: Take a hint from another one of Kenji’s soups and add some lemon zest to brighten it all up. —Vicky Wasik, visual director

Get the recipe for 30-Minute Tuscan White Bean Soup »

Perfect Prime Rib

[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]

My wife, Vicky, is the baker in the family, so if she were looking over my shoulder as I wrote this, I’m sure she would be extolling the virtues of one of Stella’s recipes, like her angel food cake. But she’s not here, so I’m going to give props to an oldie (and, if it’s dry-aged meat, moldy) Serious Eats recipe: Kenji’s unforgettable prime rib. It’s time-consuming, and the finished product is more than a little unwieldy, but damn, is it delicious. In my estimation, it might be beef’s Platonic ideal. Plus, if you make Kenji’s prime rib for a dinner party, it’ll make one hell of an entrance when you bring it to the table—your guests will be impressed before they take a single bite. Make sure to give the entire article a read, even if it isn’t till after you put the roast in the oven: It’s full of both useful and interesting beef-related tidbits and down-to-earth scientific intel. —Ed Levine, founder

Get the recipe for Perfect Prime Rib With Red Wine Jus »

One-Bowl, Overnight Cinnamon Rolls

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

My ultimate move for proving I’m a strong, independent woman—to my parents, to my friends, to my potential suitors—is pulling out an impressive recipe and executing it flawlessly. The key is for said impressive recipe to be deceptively easy. Enter Stella’s overnight cinnamon rolls. They truly require only one bowl and a stand mixer, and the rest is up to simple science. There’s not much more I can say about this recipe, except that it just works. The Greek yogurt incorporated into the dough gives the buns an almost Cinnabon-like quality—it keeps the dough super light and fluffy and produces the most amazing smell while they bake. It gets people hyped. I firmly believe there is no more special way to start the day than with one of these rolls. They turn an average Saturday into a memorable one. And on an already-special day—like when I made them for my family for Christmas Day—they’re just the icing on the, well, cinnamon bun. —Kristina Bornholtz, social media manager

Get the recipe for One-Bowl, Overnight Cinnamon Rolls »

Chicken Paprikash

[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]

In the depths of winter, when we’re craving something hearty and soul-warming but not overwhelmingly, tiringly rich, and neither a soup nor even a chili will do, my boyfriend and I can always agree on the merits of chicken paprikash. Kenji’s recipe takes more effort, but in just a bit more time than your run-of-the-mill paprikash recipe, it produces a silky, tangy, full-bodied stew punched up with plenty of good paprika, enriched with fish sauce and gelatin-enhanced stock, and brightened with yogurt, citrus, and grassy dill. If I have an extra half hour, a spare burner, and a few clear inches of counter space, I’ll boil up some shreds of homemade herb spaetzle and ladle the paprikash over it. On a leisurely late afternoon, over our two steaming bowls and another episode of some TV show we’ve watched a million times, nothing could be more comforting. —Marissa Chen, office manager

Get the recipe for Chicken Paprikash »

Vegan Garbanzos Con Espinacas y Jengibre (Spanish Chickpea and Spinach Stew With Ginger)

[Photograph: J. Kenji Lopez-Alt]

There’s a reason Kenji calls this his favorite Serious Eats recipe. Okay—to be fair, I don’t know if he loves it for the same reasons I do, but I can come up with a few possibilities. Like some of my favorite people, it’s special because it doesn’t require a lot of poking or prodding or huge expenditures of effort to be good. It combines a handful of really unassuming and ordinary features—chickpeas, tomatoes, fresh spinach, ginger, paprika, vinegar—but they’re not quite ingredients you expect to see together, or not ingredients you’ve seen assembled in quite this way, and so they become exciting again. It doesn’t ask too much. Canned beans are okay; white wine vinegar works if you don’t have sherry. It plays happily with your vegan friends and converses easily with your health-nut family members. It’s simple enough that you can start it at the end of a long workday and have energy to spare when it’s done. When you sit down at the table with a bowl of it and a side of crusty bread, you’ll let out one of those little sighs that say, I’m at home, and everything’s okay. And that first bite, a mix of smoky from the paprika and earthy from the chickpeas and bright from the vinegar, will remind you that good and nourishing and easygoing, in food as in people, doesn’t have to mean boring. —Miranda Kaplan, editor

Get the recipe for Vegan Garbanzos Con Espinacas y Jengibre »

Sunny Lemon Bars

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

I’m what you might call a reluctant baker—I don’t have much of a sweet tooth, my oven is tiny and unreliable, and even after completing culinary school, I continue to find cakes and breads deeply intimidating. Collectively, these factors have led me to worship Stella’s lemon bars. The buttery and rich shortbread-style crust takes just a few pulses with a food processor to make, and the custard is bright, vividly yellow, and tart enough to keep the sweetness from becoming cloying, a distracting feature in other lemon bars I’ve encountered. They require very little time in the oven, which means I don’t need to stress about them coming out under- or overdone. And, provided you have a good instant-read thermometer, they’re virtually impossible to mess up. The only thing that would frustrate me is the mountain of lemon carcasses left over, but Stella has a solution for those, too: Macerating them in sugar for several hours yields a sweet, lemony syrup, which you can mix right into some whipping cream to top the whole thing off. —Niki Achitoff-Gray, executive managing editor

Get the recipe for Sunny Lemon Bars »

Foolproof Pan Pizza

[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]

Most Friday nights when I was growing up, you could find the Cline family at Pizza Hut. The four of us would pile into our wood-paneled station wagon and drive across town to the second-closest Pizza Hut (the nearest location lacked a license to sell beer). My brother and I would spend our time bouncing between the table, the cocktail-style Galaga/Ms. Pac-Man machine, and the jukebox, but eventually we’d settle down for some of Pizza Hut’s pan pizza.

I haven’t been to a Pizza Hut in years, but I make Kenji’s Foolproof Pan Pizza every few months. It’s more or less the perfect re-creation (of my memories) of Pizza Hut’s pan pizza—and it’s really hard to screw up. —Paul Cline, developer

Get the recipe for Foolproof Pan Pizza »

Light and Fluffy Buttermilk Pancakes

[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]

You know that feeling when someone you’ve cooked for graciously asks for the recipe, even though you both know that they’ll never try it at home—perhaps because it’s too hard, it requires special ingredients, or it calls for a six-hour-long rest in the refrigerator? Well, I’m a firm believer in the idea that you can change someone’s life with a short stack of great pancakes, and maybe some decent maple syrup. That’s why I love Kenji’s buttermilk pancake recipe. If you’re into food science, you can read all about glutenin and gliadin, the pair behind the magic of gluten, in his full article. But let’s say you’re not, and that it’s breakfast time, and you want to feed your family. For a little extra time and prep work (whipping egg whites, folding said whites), you can serve up some pancakes that are way better than the boxed stuff.

When someone asks for this pancake recipe, there’s a pretty good chance they’ll try it for themselves. Today it’s pancakes; tomorrow it’s prime rib (or, you know, waffles). —Sal Vaglica, equipment editor

Get the recipe for Light and Fluffy Buttermilk Pancakes »

Double-Chocolate Cream Pie

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

For special occasions, I pretty much always make Stella’s double-chocolate cream pie. I wouldn’t call this an easy recipe, but Stella’s directions are clear and simple to follow. Go step by step, from the buttery crust to the Swiss meringue, and you won’t fail. This pie is a showstopper for a lot of reasons—the deep chocolate custard (made from dark chocolate and Dutch cocoa powder) is so rich, and the burnished meringue on top looks really professional. The first time I pulled it out of the oven, I couldn’t believe what I had achieved. If you’re looking to impress someone, especially someone who loves chocolate, this is the way to their heart. And mine—please make this for me. —Ariel Kanter, marketing director

Get the recipe for Double-Chocolate Cream Pie »

15-Minute Creamy Tomato Soup

[Photograph: J. Kenji Lopez-Alt]

Once the temperature dips below 50°F, I go hard on soup. It’s warm, it’s filling, it’s usually pretty cheap, and the leftovers only improve with time. Plus, you can dip stuff like bread and grilled cheese sandwiches into it. ‘Nuff said. This year’s gray skies and cold snaps have had me reaching for easy comfort food, and Kenji’s 15-minute vegan tomato soup couldn’t be easier or more comforting. “15-minute” jumped out at me first, but it was the simple ingredient list that sealed the deal—I had practically everything I needed to get started. After just 15 minutes, I savored the tangy sweetness known to all good tomato soups, and none of the richness that cream usually brings to the game. So I felt just fine having two bowls of it (so much for leftovers). —Natalie Holt, video producer

Get the recipe for 15-Minute Creamy Tomato Soup »

Salisbury Steak

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

There are a lot of exceptional recipes on Serious Eats that I turn to again and again: Kenji’s perfect risotto, Stella’s cheddar biscuits, Daniel’s clams casino, and, more recently, Sohla’s cheesy bread.

But if I had to pick one recipe I love above all others, it would be Daniel’s Salisbury steak, since it embodies everything I love about our approach to recipe development. It isn’t expensive or fancy; it doesn’t really require any special ingredients (aside from liquid smoke, which is optional anyway); it isn’t particularly time-consuming or hard to make; and it is extremely good. I didn’t grow up eating this stuff at lunch counters or cafeterias or out of TV dinner trays, so there isn’t even any element of nostalgia for me—it’s just supremely tasty. And how could it not be? It’s basically a good meatball in patty form, topped with a rich mushroom sauce.

After making it more times than I care to count, I’ve realized that the recipe is also a prime example of the importance of technique, and of how paying attention to the little details can make a good dish great. Sure, you can choose not to mince the onions that go into the patties, and you can choose not to diligently slide the patties around in the pan so that their surfaces are nicely browned all around; it’s true that you can skimp on properly browning the mushrooms, or overshoot the final cooking temperature, or skip the smidgen of cider vinegar at the end. The Salisbury steak you eat will still be pretty tasty. But if you do cut the onions into a proper mince and check the meat mixture for seasoning, if you properly brown the meat and the mushrooms, and if you taste the final sauce and add vinegar bit by bit at the very end, what arrives at the table is the kind of meal only an accomplished cook could produce—and that accomplished cook is you. —Sho Spaeth, features editor

Get the recipe for Salisbury Steak »

Italian-Style Eggplant Parmesan

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

I used to live my life believing that eggplant Parmesan was an abomination. I never understood why anyone would take the time to painstakingly put slices of eggplant through a careful three-stage breading procedure, only to drench them in tomato sauce and transform the once-crisp rounds into a soggy scourge on society. Daniel was working on the video for his Italian-style eggplant Parmesan when I first started at Serious Eats, and I knew I was home when I noticed there wasn’t a crumb in sight. Instead of using a heavy breading, this recipe starts with tender slices of eggplant at the peak of their season and fries them stark naked, like the day God made them. The eggplant slices swell with grassy olive oil, becoming creamy and rich, before they’re layered with mozzarella and a triple-threat tomato sauce. After eating half a pan of the stuff at the test kitchen, I went home and made a batch for dinner the very same night. This recipe continues to make frequent appearances in my kitchen, and has permanently changed my stance on eggplant Parmesan, while simultaneously quadrupling my olive oil consumption—because you gotta get in those macros, bro! —Sohla El-Waylly, assistant culinary editor

Get the recipe for Italian-Style Eggplant Parmesan »

Pressure Cooker Beef Barley Soup

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Even before the pressure cooker variation came along, Daniel’s stovetop beef barley soup was my favorite recipe of 2016, and on regular rotation at home. I always feel so virtuous putting that many grains and vegetables into a dish, and the tender, melt-in-your-mouth chunks of beef make the dish rich and hearty enough to justify popping a bottle of red wine. It was always a Saturday-afternoon thing, a recipe I could have going in the background while I puttered around the house with other chores. But the pressure cooker version changed all that, slashing the recipe’s timeline in half and making it fast enough to throw together on a weeknight, too. —Stella Parks, pastry wizard

Get the recipe for Pressure Cooker Beef Barley Soup »

Charred Salsa Verde

[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]

I discovered this recipe pretty late—just a few weeks ago—but it has very quickly become my go-to salsa recipe. If you can find tomatillos, the salsa is unbelievably easy to make: big, rough chops on the veggies; a quick stint under the broiler; a whir in the blender; and that’s it. Smoky, sweet, charred, peppery, and as fiery as you want to make it, the flavors are deliciously complex. And it only gets better when you’ve made it a few times and have gotten a feel for how much heat you want. (I may or may not have burned off all the taste buds on a loved one’s tongue the first time.) Try it with Kenji’s sous vide carnitas! —Tim Aikens, front-end developer

Get the recipe for Charred Salsa Verde »

BraveTart’s Quick and Easy Chocolate Chip Cookies

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Everyone knows that freshly baked cookies are always better than the store-bought packages. We also know how disappointing it can be to try a recipe from a random search and end up with a sad, bready-tasting batch. However, since trying out Stella’s chocolate chip cookies, I’ve bookmarked the recipe, and baking them has become a weekly tradition. The recipe works perfectly well with mass-produced chocolate chips. My recommendation, though it’s going to take some self-control, is to bake only as much as you’ll devour within 24 hours, then freeze the remaining dough for another indulgent time. Be sure to read the full article, too—I love the historical nugget in which Stella explains how chocolate chips first came to supermarkets. —Vivian Kong, designer

Get the recipe for BraveTart’s Quick and Easy Chocolate Chip Cookies »

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[aud-one-out]

i asked @advicefromanobody to do all of them, so i thought it was only fair to answer them too! it looks fun!

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

My bf

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

I’m shy as hell around people i’m uncomfortable with. but if i know you i’m fairly outgoing

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

my mom, my dad, my bf

4. Are you easy to get along with?

i think i am? idk i have some traits that make me seem a bit stand-offish in my opinion, but that might just be me

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

yep :)

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

people who aren’t afraid to voice their opinions, and are their own selves. 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

yes!

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

my bf

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

not if it’s with someone i trust. 10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

either my bf or my roommate

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“gross”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Drops of Jupiter by Train, Love on the Weekend by John Mayer, Beautiful Girl by Sara Bareilles, Light the Sky by Grace Vanderwaal, and Step by Vampire Weekend

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

yes

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

um kinda?

15. What good thing happened this summer?

i travelled, i learned to contradance, i explored

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

yes! 10/10 face would kiss again

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

yes, probably, because science

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

um kinda, i keep up with him on social media, we go to different schools

19. Do you like bubble baths?

yes, but seeing as my knee is kinda out of order and i don’t have a bathtub at school, i can’t have one at the moment 20. Do you like your neighbors?

neighbors? i have neighbors?

21. What are you bad habits?

nail biting, procrastination, not washing dishes

22. Where would you like to travel?

i went to prague this summer but i would love to go back and experience it during the colder months.

23. Do you have trust issues?

kind of, but mainly with trusting myself

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

going to bed

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

my feet.

26. What do you do when you wake up?

groan and check my phone

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

i’m happy with how it is 28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my bf, my roommates, most of my sisters

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

lol no, good riddance

30. Do you ever want to get married?

yes! but no rush

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

yes but my bangs sometimes fall out and its annoying

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Andrew Garfield and John Mayer

33. Spell your name with your chin.

jmozzsl.yn

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

LMAO

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

TV

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

yes, and tbh it was probably for the best

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

i’m usually why the silence is awkward tbh 38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

supportive, passionate, not afraid to be themselves, but really i’m not picky as long as there’s a good balance of similarities and differences 39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

old navy, H&M, amazon

40. What do you want to do after high school?

well, i’m in college now, getting my degree in music therapy, so...that. 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

it depends on what they did.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

i’m either really tired or feeling uncomfortable 43. Do you smile at strangers?

i try to!

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

outer space

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

seeing my music friends

46. What are you paranoid about?

death and sticky hands

47. Have you ever been high?

yep!

48. Have you ever been drunk?

yep!

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

no

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

i’m wearing a green one right now :) 51. Ever wished you were someone else?

only mentally, and only to escape situations i was in

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

my ridiculously flat feet

53. Favourite makeup brand?

don’t wear makeup 54. Favourite store?

didn’t i already answer this 55. Favourite blog?

my friend’s blogs 56. Favourite colour?

purple/turquoise

57. Favourite food?

too...many...to...choose

58. Last thing you ate?

a chocolate croissant

59. First thing you ate this morning?

yogurt

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

yes, it was a freshwater fishing tournament in my dad’s neighborhood and i won most fish caught lol 61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

no

62. Been arrested? For what?

no

63. Ever been in love?

yep!

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

i don’t really like thinking about it, but i was at a hockey game 65. Are you hungry right now?

tbh when am i not hungry?

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

okay, i really only mainly interact with the people i know that follow me on tumblr (which apparently isn’t normal but who fucking cares)...so tumblr actually helps me get to know them better? 67. Facebook or Twitter?

facebook

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?

no

70. Names of your bestfriends?

Emma, Sarah, Delaney, Erin, Richard

71. Craving something? What?

sleep (soon, thank goodness)

72. What colour are your towels?

striped blues and greens

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

3

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

yes, lol

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

at school i have 5, at home i have many more

75. Favourite animal?

dogs, especially corgis

76. What colour is your underwear?

teal

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

chocolate chip cookie dough

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

pink!

80. What colour pants?

they’re patterned navy blue, teal, and pink 81. Favourite tv show?

Friends

82. Favourite movie?

The Age of Adeline, Interstellar, Mary Poppins, Singing in the Rain

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Mean Girls

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

Mean Girls

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

Cadi (is that how you spell it?)

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

Dory, hands down

87. First person you talked to today?

the bf

88. Last person you talked to today?

my roommate

89. Name a person you hate?

Hate is a strong word, but i don’t care because this woman literally fucked my life over in more ways than one. Karen C.

90. Name a person you love?

My mother

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

Nazis

92. In a fight with someone?

the united states government

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

a lot

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

a lot

95. Last movie you watched?

“Other People” its so good and really sad

96. Favourite actress?

Bellamy Young, Kerri Washington, honestly too many to name

97. Favourite actor?

too many

98. Do you tan a lot?

i don’t tan, i burn 99. Have any pets?

no, i don’t 100. How are you feeling?

101. Do you type fast?

i think so

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

yes, but the past is the past

103. Can you spell well?

supercalifragilisticexpealidocious

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

kinda? idek?

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

no, but i wanna

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

yeah, i have

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

lol i was that girl obsessed with horses in your fourth grade class

108. What should you be doing?

sleeping

109. Is something irritating you right now?

my knee brace

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

yes, and it lead to an obsession, and a heartbreak

111. Do you have trust issues?

didn’t i already answer this 112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

my mom, due to frustration over my recovery from surgery

113. What was your childhood nickname?

jossy

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

out of the country!

115. Do you play the Wii?

i have

116. Are you listening to music right now?

John Mayer

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

not the biggest fan, i like tomato better

118. Do you like Chinese food?

Yes!

119. Favourite book?

“Sing You Home” by Jodi Picoult

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

for a while i was

121. Are you mean?

if you piss me off

122. Is cheating ever okay?

No.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

lol, this is me you’re talking to 124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

no, that’s infatuation. 125. Do you believe in true love?

this is a strange question. yes? no? idk?

126. Are you currently bored?

no, just tired

127. What makes you happy?

my bf, music, my bf playing music, seeing my friends succeed and do good things

128. Would you change your name?

uh no, unless it’s like my last name through marriage and then i’ll probably have a hyphenated last name 129. What your zodiac sign?

Pisces

130. Do you like subway?

yes

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

well, i’m dating him, so i’d kiss him, duh 132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

p sure i answered this already and i can’t remember what i said bc fatigue 133. Favourite lyrics right now?

so many lyrics....

134. Can you count to one million?

i’d lose my patience 135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

i’ve told a bunch tbh 136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed

137. How tall are you?

5′5″ 138. Curly or Straight hair?

wavy

139. Brunette or Blonde?

don’t care 140. Summer or Winter?

neither. fall.

141. Night or Day?

is it fair to say both?

142. Favourite month?

april/october

143. Are you a vegetarian?

definitely fucking not

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

dark, milk in some circumstances

145. Tea or Coffee?

tea

146. Was today a good day?

today was a long day, that’s what it was. 147. Mars or Snickers?

3 musketeers, bitches

148. What’s your favourite quote?

i probably have one, i’m just too tired to think of it rn 149. Do you believe in ghosts?

not really

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“It took five Greyhound rides and four days” -Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng