#i have around 15 chapters in my disposal right now. waiting to be beta-ed

[deiaiko]

#20.1 Sulk

Her footsteps echoed through the hallway, stopping in front of one particular room where her god resided in. She knocked on the door to make her presence known, not expecting her god to answer. Not today, at least.

Hwaryun opened the door and saw her god curled up on the sofa. He peeked at her and quickly looked disinterested at her presence. She considered it better than getting herself kicked out before she could talk some sense into him.

She invited herself in and went straight to the pantry. "Grace couldn't come today, so he asked me to look after you. Would you like some tea?"

Her god didn't answer, but he did perk up at the name. She brewed him a cup of tea anyway, adding a little more sugar than she would have liked for herself since her god had a sweet tooth. She set his cup on the coffee table and took a seat on an unoccupied sofa next to him.

Viole sat more upright, still hugging the sofa pillow. He gave her a once over before he went back to staring into the far off distance. "Why can't Hyung come?"

Hwaryun took a sip of her tea before answering, "He said he needs time for himself."

"Is it because of me?" Viole mumbled into the pillow, eyes shadowed by his long bangs.

"No. He's grieving for his late friends."

"Oh." Viole loosened the grip on the pillow, although only momentarily. "Can I see him?"

'I want to be there for him' was what his gaze seemed to say. Her god was such a compassionate person; it was endearing. Still, she had to shake her head. "You won't be of any help to him with your plate full."

"Why? What does that mean?"

"You have a lot on your mind. It's better to sort them out first before helping someone else." Hwaryun traced the edge of her cup, "Do you want me to guess or would you like to tell them yourself? Putting words into your thoughts will help you to untangle it."

Viole blinked. "I don't know. I feel bad."

Hwaryun hummed. "Do you know the cause of it?

"...Rachel." Viole turned his head away. "My chest aches whenever she comes to mind."

"She betrayed your trust, didn't she? It's expected that you feel that way."

"I've been���I just wanted to help her. Yet…" Viole trailed off. "I know I have forgiven her for making me live like this. But…"

When Viole couldn't find any words to continue, she decided to help him fill in the blanks. "You feel sad and angry because it feels like you're wasting your time thinking about how to get her back, only for her to walk away from you."

Viole buried his face on the pillow, staying quiet.

Hwaryun decided to help herself to the cookie jar on the coffee table and pulled out a book from her pocket. Opening the bookmarked page, she began reading where she left off while she waited for her god to gather his thoughts.

Moments later Viole shifted on his seat and mumbled, "Miss Hwaryun, why should I keep going?"

"To climb the tower?" Hwaryun didn't look up, even though her book was quite boring. "Or to be FUG's slayer?"

Viole stiffened at the latter question. Unlike the book, her god was easier and more interesting to read.

Hwaryun took another sip from her half empty cup. "Well, if you refuse to be a slayer, then what would you be?"

Viole didn't reply. It wasn't like they gave him enough time to think about it before.

"Being FUG's slayer isn't that bad, you know? You have backup here, and we will support you with whatever we have. Connections, money, information. I'm sure Jinsung, Grace or Agni had told you how important those are to help you climb the tower."

Viole bit his lip, "I know that. But that's–"

But nothing they could offer would satisfy him, Hwaryun knew. Because her god didn’t care about money or fame. What he wanted was companionship, his cherished friends, and FUG had cruelly taken that away from him. However, "Believe me, it could be a lot worse than what you have now."

"How much worse could it be?" Viole's voice cracked a little. "I just…want to be with my friends, is it too much to ask?"

"Is it?" Hwaryun clapped the book close, eyeing the untouched tea on the table before looking to its owner in his eyes. "Considering everything I've seen in my lifetime, you're quite lucky your friends are still around."

Viole blinked, staring back at her with a look that could kill. She realized she had worded it like a threat.

"Don't take me wrong, I'm just saying that in general. The tower is just a cruel place, and people who climb it know that they must put their lives on the line to get what they seek. People kill and die for a lot of reasons, and we are no exceptions." Hwaryun placed her finger on her eyepatch, "This eye could have been my life, if I didn't dodge in time. Did you get what I mean?"

Viole frowned. "Then what do I do? I don't want to lose anyone anymore."

Hwaryun hummed thoughtfully, "That is impossible. All you can afford is to do your best by getting stronger, so at the very least, you won't see them get killed in front of you."

Fear reflected in Viole's eyes and he gritted his teeth. "How could you say such a thing?!"

"It's not impossible. If Hansung were to take Khun and Rak as a hostage, would you be able to fight back and win before he's able to hurt them, or worse?"

Viole bit his lip.

"Hansung wouldn't do that, don't worry. But I couldn't say the same thing with other rankers and regulars that will come across you."

Viole considered her words for a long time. "...I don't think I would be okay if I lost them."

"I know." It would be just like what happened with Jinsung.

Viole suddenly jumped down on his feet, staring sharply at her. "They are all still alive, right? My friends, I mean."

"Yes, they are. Grace would have told you otherwise if anything were to happen."

"Then, do you happen to know who Hyung's friends that's…?

Hwaryun shook her head, "No. None that we knew of."

"Ah." The sulking brokenhearted boy he was before was no more, and Hwaryun couldn't help but smile at her beloved god. "Do you think I can help him somehow?"

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