#i have an excuse to take a break for the first time since elementary school :)

[mapsareforbraindeads]

i hate to say it but i already feel my mental state improving after stepping back from that fandom. that shit was DRAINING

[writing-mlm]

Hey pookie, can I please request a Damian x male reader where they're enemies/rivals to lovers? Like both of them are the top students in their college and they tried to top the other by getting a better grade and showing it off to the other?

(can I please have soft damian too? Please 🙏)

Summa Cum shut the fuck up [D.W]

Summary: Stanford was your dream and some rich kid wasn't going to stop that, but damn those party lights make him look really nice. Pairing: Damian Wayne x Male reader WC: 5.2k a/n: ngl in the first draft the roommate died and it was so left-field field I had to rewrite the whole thing

Summa Cum Lade and Valedictorian, that was the only option. 

Having been your high school valedictorian, gotten into the national honor society, and taking every single AP class you could all four years just for a chance at being at the top. Over seventy applications across the U.S. and every single one had a large accepted letter attached to it. It was your moment— Stanford was yours. 

You’d taken out loans for whatever your scholarships didn’t cover, like your meal plan and housing. But it didn't matter, you were prepared for anything and everything. Nothing was about to come between you and that number-one spot. 

Until you saw Damian Wayne. 

He lived across from you with your roommate's best friend, Jaime Reyes. But the two were painfully different and Jaime would more often than not hang out in the common area just to get away from their suffocating dorm. As such, their dorm door was painfully barren in the hallway filled with decorated doors. Not that Jaime didn’t try, it’s just Wayne would take it down as soon as he noticed. Not to mention Wayne had a thing for glaring at anyone who dared to knock on his door. Never mind that Jaime had been making friends left and right. 

You didn’t care at first, why should you? Some rich kid who doesn’t want anyone to steal his valuables. It’s whatever, not like it’s going to affect you. 

Until it did. 

The two of you happened to have most of the same classes, being the same major and all. And at first, you didn’t pay any mind to him, he was just another one of the kids in the sea of students until the first marking period came around. 

And his name was above yours. 

You remembered staring at your screen, looking at the 99.7% right below the 99.8%. It was the first time since elementary school that you had come in second. It made this feeling bubble up and you nearly had a breakdown. That feeling was pure hatred. This— this stupid rich boy born with a silver spoon in his mouth was not about to take away your goal. 

“Looks like you got competition,” Jaime had laughed from his dorm. You’d only heard it because you needed some fresh air before you tried to scoop your brain out. 

“The gap won’t be as small next time,” Wayne replied as Jaime opened the door. The two of you made eye contact while Jaime awkwardly tried to excuse himself to the bathroom. 

You’d be damned if you let some rich kid who probably bought their way in be better than you. 

You spent all of your free time at the school library or in the common area at night, studying and memorizing. Homework and projects were done in record time and you absolutely used the most out-of-office hours with your professors. All of whom were confused as to why their top student was coming in without needing any actual help. 

Test after test, you saw that the top two students were you and him. Your first finals were tough though. You probably averaged an hour's worth of sleep that entire week and drowned yourself in whatever textbooks or worksheets you could to prepare yourself. 

“(L/n),” Wayne greeted you as the two of you were in line at the TSA. Break officially started the next day but due to your finals being done, you got to leave earlier. 

“Wayne.” It’s a little surprising seeing the son of a billionaire fly commercial, let alone with Spirit Airlines but to each their own. You didn’t care enough to give it another thought. His eyes wander over you and he quietly hums. It doesn’t look like you’ve packed anything other than clothes and toiletries. And your electronics. 

He isn’t stupid. He knows you’re overworking yourself to be the best in school. He knows you obsessively check over the dean's list, that you probably have an alarm to make it a point to never drop below the number one spot for the freshmen. Overall, you rank three, which you’ll take. There are smarter people than you, just not anyone in your year. 

A part of him wanted to relax a bit, and make himself get a few questions wrong to ensure you remain in that number one spot. Maybe then you’ll ease up on yourself and not look like a zombie every single day. But he can’t bring himself to. It feels like pity and Damian Wayne doesn’t do pity. 

Besides, he’s never had someone to go head to head with him who wasn’t almost a decade older than him. To him, this rivalry was fun. To you, it was a means to an end. You felt that deep within you, you needed to beat him. If you weren’t willing to sacrifice your time and energy for that then what was the point in high school of isolating yourself? 

As the line moves up, you cover a yawn by rolling your neck. This stupid red-eye flight is worse than any final you’ve taken. 

You’re beyond tired and you’re sure your expression displayed nothing but that but you were counting on that nap in the flight to fix that. 

Thankfully, there’s not much of a wait as you’re at your gate less than half an hour later, checking in. 

“Oh,” The man at the desk pauses as he scans your ticket. You panic a little, did you get the dates wrong? The time? The location. Shit, maybe those hours of lost sleep had gotten to you. “You’ve been upgraded from economy to first class. Enjoy your flight.” He smiles and hands you back the ticket. You thank him and take your seat, silently happy you were going to sleep in first class. 

—

Returning to Stanford from winter break, you were happy to be back. You felt wasted— almost hollow not studying at home, as if nothing else mattered except studying. But your family didn’t let you get much studying in, after four months apart they missed you. A lot. And you went back to where your family was from to visit them instead of going home so you were never given a moment of

solace unless you were asleep. Your siblings and your extended family were always around you, asking you about college, how they’d seen your grades, and how exciting it was that you were in such a huge school. 

It also felt a little weird without having Wayne there. In a weird sort of way, you missed glancing at his results to see if he got higher than you. To share those smug glances as you passed each other to the showers. Like it or not, he’d become a staple in your day-to-day life on campus. 

You found yourself daydreaming about him being there as your family had parties and celebrations for various reasons. The holidays, your return home, and two birthdays happened in those two months you were away from campus. And they were sad to see you go for another four months. 

Of course, you returned with a bunch of gifts and mementos from your family. 

Wayne noticed it first, he saw you return to your dorm actually looking human. He’d gotten so used to the eyebags and the pain medications you’d take because the headaches were getting too bad, and the early signs of hand tremors you tried to shake off. A part of him was glad you were taken care of during the break, he’d seen a lot of people break down in Gotham for less and just hoped he didn’t have to deal with that at Stanford. 

Maybe he just didn’t want that to happen to you. 

But he doesn’t say anything. 

Instead, he watches as you fall into the same pattern. And no one around you seems to give a shit that you’re basically slowly killing yourself. He resents Frankie in a way, as a roommate and a friend of yours, he has the most power in that situation to force some sense into you. Instead, he jokes and laughs at your state, unaware of how damaging it truly is. 

“All that studying won’t help you much, (L/n).” Wayne says as he walks past you the second week back from break, two textbooks tucked under his arm and a cup of water in his hand. You glare at him but only for a moment before going back to reading. For some reason, you can’t really focus knowing he’s around you. Somewhere, probably watching you. Hearing him sit a table away, you check the time for the first time that night. 

4:34 am

What was he doing up so late? Normally, you had the common area to yourself at this time. No one in their right mind would be awake at 4:30. Maybe he was feeling the stress of the new classes, too. Or maybe Jaime was snoring too loudly and he figured since he was awake he should study, too. 

Either way, he wasn’t going to take away from your study time. He already occupied a space in your mind against your will. And that was more than enough. 

Feeling a yawn crawling its way up your throat you swallow it back down and reach for your cup of energy drink mixed with coffee when you feel something hit your neck. You can’t tell what though, as the second you feel it, you’re out like a light. You do feel a hand save your head from hitting the hard table, though. But it was the last thing you remembered from that night. 

—

“You’re finally awake!” Frankie, your roommate, greets you as he walks into your dorm with a slushie and cupcake in hand. You’re sitting, blinking at the floor trying to remember how you ended up in your room. 

“Did I start sleepwalking?” You croak out, your mouth dry and throat tight. Frankie only grins and sits on his bed, watching as your face scrunches at the pain. “God, did you leave the window open again?” Blinking over to the window, you see it wide open and groan, throwing yourself back down to the bed. 

“Wanna head down and grab lunch? It ends in like twenty,” He asks, grabbing his phone from his pocket and checking the time. “Nineteen minutes until lunch is over.” So it’s almost three. You’d slept most of the day but it was a Friday so you didn’t have any classes. You didn’t miss any classes, thank god. 

Then again, you could’ve been studying. 

“I’m good,” Standing up, you crack your back and sigh. Not that you’d admit it, but you needed that nap. “Gotta shower and study.” Frankie frowns, watching as you collect your stuff before leaving the dorm. As you leave, he sees Wayne exiting his room and the two of them make eye contact. He shakes his head and Wayne turns to watch as you leave before nodding to him and leaving. 

Frankie frowns as he watches you leave. You’re stumbling and still trying to shake the sleep off, unaware that your left pants leg was halfway up your thigh and the right one was somehow twisted around. He grumbles and rushes to catch up to Wayne. 

Half an hour later and you’re inside the library. There’s one seat you’ve always sat at and you’re glad to see it’s empty; seeing as you’d be spending most of the day there. 

Setting your stuff on the table that’s pressed against the wall and diving back into where you left off the night before. It’s perfect in the library, there’s hardly anyone inside and the temperature finally isn’t bone freezing or blistering hot. Your headphones are on and there’s no one around, so you’re free of any possible distractions. Not to mention not tired after your ten-hour nap. 

About twenty minutes into studying, you can feel someone behind you; staring. But it’s probably the librarian so you don’t pay it any mind and continue on with your work. The feeling stays for another minute or so, and it’s making you a little uneasy, the Liberian would’ve moved on by that point. Hell, you’ve moved on to your ten-page essay, having enough of reading from the illegal copy of the textbook you downloaded. 

Maybe you should just turn around. It’s probably someone asking for the wifi password. 

Another minute passed and suddenly a slight shadow was cast over your laptop. You can see the outline of the person and go to groan when Wayne sets a cup of your favorite drink and lunch down to your left. It effectively shuts you up, halting the annoyed groan you were fixing to let out. 

A nice gesture from him? That’s… strangely nice. 

“Thank you…?” Sliding the headphones off, you turn to see him but he’s already walking away. Weird. Looking at the food, you almost— almost smile seeing that the food had those protective films covering it. The film was covered in a thin layer of condensation, having been hot but lunch had since ended. Had he been looking for you all that time? 

There’s also a note on it. Grabbing it, you flip it over to read it. 

You need to eat and maintain a good sleep schedule to remain at the top. 

That’s all it says, but that’s all you need. The paper can wait and you basically know all the material by heart already. A break couldn’t hurt. 

—

“A hundred and two. Suck my dick, Wayne!” You grin, slapping your test down in front of him before he can pack his things up. He looks at the paper and then at you. His eyes flicker to the extra credit questions he didn’t have time to finish and it only makes you smile harder. 

“(L/n),” He greets with faux enthusiasm. His eyes flicker across your body in one motion that makes it look as if he is looking down at the paper again. “Don’t let it go to your head.” He’s reluctant to show you his score but you had seen the giant red 98 from three seats behind him. 

“Just let me know if you need a tutor,” Taking the paper back you wiggle it in his face one last time before leaving him alone and you hear him scoff as you walk off to your next class. 

It’s mid-February now and while California doesn’t get as cold as the more Northern states, it is a little chilly especially now that it’s started to rain. 

There’s not much wind, surprisingly enough, so you’re able to keep your umbrella stable as you wait for the campus bus to arrive. While you’re waiting, listening to some music and enjoying the clouds as they roll by, Wayne walks over. He doesn’t say anything, but he stands next to you. 

His hood is wet and he doesn’t have an umbrella, but he’s far from affected by it. You guess Gotham is normally colder than SanFran, plus you heard it rains a lot there. Actual acid rain. But you doubt that. 

“If this is you asking for me to tutor you…” He glares at you and then rolls his eyes. 

“I’m the last person on this campus in need of a tutor.” He snips, his posture getting a little straighter as he speaks. 

“And the only person who needs an umbrella.” You chide. He doesn’t argue that fact and you look down the road. The bus isn’t even in sight, and he’ll probably catch a cold if he doesn’t get dry soon. But if he’s sick he can’t do well— no, you need him at his best. Winning because your opponent cannot put their best foot forward isn’t winning.

That’s probably why he’d given you the food. 

Internally, you sigh and step closer to him. Just enough that the both of you are covered by the umbrella. 

“Thanks,” He mutters, pulling his wet hood down. The red Stanford hoodie is absolutely drenched but it’ll dry soon. Hopefully faster than the cold bus. His hair is a little wet, too. You never noticed the curl to his hair before. It looks nice. You hum and scroll on your phone with your free hand. 

“By the way,” He starts after five minutes of silence between the two of you. “I got a hundred on Professor Guetta’s exam.” The two of you have that professor, but not at the same time. Gritting your teeth, you have half a mind to move your umbrella but decide against it. 

“Don’t let it go to your ego, Wayne.” You’d gotten a 98, never mind the fact that you overslept and missed a good ten minutes and never got to finish the exam. 

“Never, (L/n).” He hums as the bus finally pulls up. 

Shutting the umbrella, you all but push past him to get inside and away from him. Never mind the fact that you can hear him snickering quietly. 

—

“99.” Wayne shows you his paper before you can even stand up. You stare at the paper and sigh. The two of you had been having this feud for two years now. One might think that as juniors in college, you’d give it a rest, maybe finally relax and actually put this… academic one-upping a rest. And you almost did. 

But going into junior year you learned who your roommate was. Somehow, by some stupid chance, Wayne had managed to be your roommate until senior year. And sure, you could ask to be transferred to a different room but it’s about the principal. If you ask to be moved then he won. And he wasn’t about to win against you— at anything. Which is why you always wake up at five in the morning. Thirty minutes before he does. It used to be later in the day, but he started waking up earlier just to spite you. 

And you’re too prideful to let that happen. 

“Same,” Showing him your paper, he grabs it and flips through both of them. You watch, trying to find the question the two of you had gotten wrong. Apparently, it was the same question. It makes you feel a little better, knowing it was probably an advanced question meant to trick students. 

He hands you the test back and you stand up. 

“Won’t happen again, though.” You say as you slip the paper into your bag. He watches and cringes— don’t you have a folder for fucks sake?

“Because I’ll get better marks than you, yes.” He adds and you suck your teeth, looking up at him. 

“Just worry about making sure your pretty face doesn’t get wrinkles, Wayne.” You tease and catch up to Frankie and Jaime at the door. They actually still lived on the same floor as the two of you, so you hung out whenever you weren’t studying. Which, admittedly, was less these days. Sometime during finals freshman year, you’d overworked yourself to the point of almost developing hypertension. 

Frankie greets you first, offering you one of the donuts he’d stolen from his job. Jaime waves, his mouth too filled with his own donut to say anything. 

“Some of us are heading to that secret tunnel under the south side of campus,” Frankie explains as the three of you walk to the courtyard for your hour-long gap. Wayne has a class, though. So he doesn’t join— not that he ever would, but sometimes Jaime offers. “Caddie, that Kappa Alpha Theta girl who’s majoring in political science—“

“Your ex-girlfriend,” You add and he huffs. 

“That too. She managed to get access to that tunnel and is planning a party. Booze provided. Friday night.”

“I dunno,” You frown, using your jacket as a blanket to lay your head on. “I got a pretty shit grade for the last test in Jenkins class and I gotta study.” The two sigh loudly and you roll your eyes. 

“You gotta study every single day!” Frankie reminds you, holding his phone above your face so you can see Caddie’s Instagram story. “One little party won’t hurt.” Looking at Jaime, you see

him pleading and let out a grumbled “Fine.” that the boys cheered at. 

“What did you get anyway?” Jaime asks once they stop cheering. 

“Lemme guess,” Frankie grins. “You finally got a 60?” You’d actually kill yourself. 

“No,” Rolling your eyes, you stare at a cloud that’s shaped oddly like a dog shitting. “I got a 90.”

“I fucking hate you.”

—

Friday rolls around and Frankie all but breaks your door down as you’re getting some last-minute work done. Nothing major, just some homework you’d been putting off and finally got to it with your downtime. 

“Does your incessant knocking ever work?” Wayne asks when he opens the door after two minutes of the knocking. He doesn’t say anything but it reminds him of his brothers. He’d been doing the same, but you recognized his work as some work you’d completed the week prior. What a slacker. 

“Not really,” He laughs, shuts your notebook, and tosses it to your bed. “Let’s go! Jaime has the car.” 

“You’re going to that party in the run-down tunnel?” Wayne raises an eyebrow as you rise from your chair, twisting your back to get out any cracks. He’d noticed your outfit from your normal loungewear but didn’t think anything of it. “Yeah, wanna come?” Frankie grins and checks the time. “We got time to wait for you, if you want.” While you hope he doesn’t, you sort of want him to. Maybe it’s so you both will lose time that could’ve been spent doing work, maybe it’s so you can have someone you know won’t do anything stupid at the party there. Maybe you just enjoy being around him. But Wayne looks between the two of you before he rolls his eyes and gets off the bed. 

“I’ll be ready in five.” 

And he was. 

The theme was Rave in a Cave, or whatever that meant. So you were inclined to wear neon clothes or something flashy. But you didn’t have anything of the sort. As such, a pair of shorts and a sweater will do. Wayne opts for a white T-shirt and black pants. 

“I won’t drink,” You offer as the four of you get into Frankie’s car. “You three can.” 

“I don’t partake in drinking,” Wayne adds as he puts on his seatbelt making you feel compelled to put yours on as well. “Especially in these settings.” He almost physically turns his nose up at the idea of drinking booze provided by people he doesn’t know, let alone trust. 

“Respect that, totally,” Frankie pulls out of his parking spot while Jaime plays some music on the speakers. He glances at the two of you but you’re busy on your phone and Wayne is making note of where the car goes to notice. Jaime smacks his arm and makes a motion that makes Frankie laugh. 

It’s not a long drive to the tunnel— but it does take a minute to find parking. 

“Why don’t you drink, if I might ask?” Wayne asks as the two of you trail behind Frankie and Jaime. They’re recording some videos and taking pictures that they’ll occasionally make the two of you join in. 

“I hate the taste,” You shrug. “And addiction isn’t something I’d want to fall into. You?” He moves to the side as a couple runs down the pavement wearing bright clothes and clearly already tipsy. 

“I’d prefer to be sober when I’m away from home.” He returns to his spot and his eyes flicker to the entrance of the tunnel. “So my actions aren’t due to an inebriated state of mind.” Humming, the four of you are allowed inside and there are a lot of people. 

Half of the student body must be inside the tunnel. It stretches for a couple of miles but gets blocked off by a wire gate. The walls are chipped and almost rotten looking with graffiti and posters messily placed along. There are color lights strung up along the walls and if they went out the place would be pitch black. 

The DJ is one of the music majors, you recognize him from one of the random people who followed you when your high school posted the school you were going to. He’s playing some loud ass music with extra bass that makes you cringe. 

“Here,” Wayne hands you one of the glow sticks turned into a necklace and you thank him, slipping it over your neck. He has one but it’s around his wrist instead. Frankie and Jaime went separate ways almost immediately— they asked first and you just nodded and went to a corner. 

How the fuck do you even act at parties. 

“Hi-hi!” A woman stands in front of you, dressed for a rave with a lot of Kandi bracelets running up her arms and those weed glasses. She’s in one of your classes. 

“Hey,” You offer a smile. 

“Saw you’re nervous! Rave virginity!!!” She laughs and looks along her arms. “Here, this is called a Kandi trade— but you don’t give anything.” She starts to pull off a large red and black cuff and motions for you to grab her hand. Against your better judgment, you do and she does some hand movements before she transfers the cuff to your arm. 

“That’s cool! Thank you!” She laughs again and nods, leaving you in the corner to do more trades. 

An hour or so passes and Wayne spots you in the sea of people. He sees you have a lot more jewelry on than when you first came and you’re enjoying yourself. Dancing and singing along to the music, jumping with others, and such. But he’s been keeping a close eye and knows you haven’t drunk anything. Not even the water bottle that was offered to you some time ago. 

He feels at ease with that and his eyes linger on Jaime. He’s impressed that… bug is keeping cool at the party and he sees Frankie laughing with some of the chem majors by the DJ, requesting songs. 

He’s been stuck to a wall for the entirety of the party, he didn’t even want to go in the first place. But he figured it would be best if he did, something in him told him that. And he understood why when he saw your face go from joyful to sour. 

His eyes scan the people around you and he sees something yelling at you. Their face was red from the alcohol and the anger they were feeling. He pushes himself from the wall and makes his way over to you. 

“Is there an issue?” He asks you, completely ignoring the loud guy. You give him a thank you look and shake your head. 

“Just some drunk idiot thinking I’m trying to hit on their date,” You snicker and he raises an eyebrow, seeing the drunk person now tongue-deep with their date. He looks away, almost embarrassed for them. 

“How fun,” He smiles and you laugh. He thinks that’s the first time he’s actually made you laugh from something that wasn’t you beating him. 

“Wayne, you dance?” You ask as the song changes to something made to move to. He shakes his head, unable to look away from you. “Me neither! But we should!” 

He agrees, forgetting his home training and dancing along with you. He’s sure at some point someone will hurt their ankle from the jumping and the very uncoordinated movements but he doesn’t care. Anything to relish in this moment. 

At some point the song changes and you're out of breath, dragging him to a wall to sit against. He wants to protest but he sees you’re sitting on fabric and not the ground directly and joins you. The little area is tucked into a divet in the wall, your backs to a cold, metal service door. So no one could step on either one of you. 

“Hey, Wayne.” You call and he looks over. His eyes trace over your face as you’re not smiling as hard but the excitement in your eyes hasn’t died out. Your forehead is covered in sweat and he has to stop himself from wiping it off. “I didn’t know you’d be such a nice party partner. We outta do this more often.” You look at him and admire his eyes. In truth, you’ve never given him a real look before. 

Sure, you know his eyes are green. But you never noticed how green, or how in this light you can see the rings of blue in them. Or how there’s tiny little white scars on the exposed skin of his neck. Or the scar above his right eyebrow. 

“We should,” He agrees and wow, you’re really close. You can feel his breath ghost over your lips. Tentatively, you look down at his lips as he licks them then back to his eyes. 

“Should we?” You grin, swiping your tongue over your lips. 

“Yes.” He nods and closes the gap. His hand holds your neck and you hold his collar. At that moment, as the butterflies are alive and well in your stomach, as his lips press to yours, as his grip pulls you tighter, you’re so glad he agreed to go to the party. Even happier than this action— that kissing him was a completely sober choice made by the both of you. 

This will either be the best or the worst decision of your life. 

—

A year after the party, Damian enters the dorm after finishing up his last class for the day. You’d been on your phone, checking up on your internship application before setting it down when he walked in. 

“I got a hundred on the fake final.” You grin, reaching over to pull him down onto your bed. He lets you, stopping his fall by planting his hands on either side of your head. He shifts his legs so one is between yours and the other is locking your left leg between his. You’ll never understand his upper body strength, but you’d definitely never complain about it. 

“Me too.” He smirks and kisses the corner of your mouth. You frown and grab his face, pulling him in for a proper kiss. He adjusts himself on the bed by moving one arm to slide underneath you and you love that feeling. Your hands slide from the sides of his face to his shoulders, pinching the fabric to try and get it off. 

“Lock the door next time,” Jaime groans as he walks into the room. Damian pulls away and glares at him. You roll your head to see him and not very discreetly try and wave him away. “Aye, I’m just here for your charger. Mine broke and you’re rich.” He holds his hands up, showing Damian’s charger and the two of you watch him leave. 

“I’m getting the higher score on the final,” You tell him once the door shuts. He looks at you, an eyebrow raised before he gets up to lock the door. 

“Doubtful,” He grins, returning to his previous spot on top of you. His eyes scanned all over your face and his hand traced along your hairline. “I’m still on top.” His eyes flicker to yours and you scoff. 

“Pretty sure you bottom,” 

“Just this once.”

[woso-fan13]

Sicktember 2023: 11

Beginner’s Guide To Faking Sick

In an effort to assess the team’s fitness and any improvement in performance, someone thought it would be a good idea to have fitness testing twice- once on the first day and once on the last. You would really like to talk to the person who made this decision, because they need to know that they just made twenty-some new enemies. 

Everyone had been complaining about it since it was announced, and you had been very vocal about how much you were not looking forward to the beep test specifically. 

Andi had the pleasure of being your roommate, which meant she also had the pleasure of being the person who had to drag you out of bed in the mornings. She’s lucky you’re relatively easy to get out of bed, she could have been stuck with a lot worse. 

—-

“Y/N, come on. You need to get up, the bus leaves in 20 minutes,” Andi’s voice woke you. 

You groan, “Ands, my head really hurts. Can I please go back to sleep?”

You hear footsteps before you feel a hand pressing against your forehead. 

“You don’t have a fever, you’re fine.”

“Andi, please. It really hurts,” your voice is quiet. 

“Y/N, I’m not stupid, I know you’re trying to get out of fitness testing. Next time, commit fully to faking sick if you want to skip. It’s a little embarrassing, I was better at faking sick when I was in elementary school.”

“‘m not lying, I promise. My head feels like it’s going to explode.”

“I’m leaving,” Andi sighs, “be downstairs and ready to go in 15 minutes. Take some Tylenol if your head hurts that bad, and get up. If you really want to stay in your bed, you’ll have plenty of time when you’re dropped from the team for skipping.”

With that, you hear the door open and shut as Andi leaves. The girl really was all about tough love, which was usually good. She could always push you to reach a new best, never accepting any excuses.  

Just this once, you wished she would. But you knew she was right, Coach had dropped people for less than missing fitness testing. So you pulled yourself out of bed, got yourself together, and headed to the lobby. 

Your steps were slow and somewhat wobbly. Which made sense, because your head was spinning and felt like it was being split in half. But you made it to the elevator and stumbled into the lobby, joining the group of players. 

Andi, noticing your presence, walks over and slings her arm around your shoulder. Leaning down, she whispers to you. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t need to be so harsh this morning. I was just frustrated and I really couldn’t put up with your antics. We’re fine, right?”

You force a smile onto your face, “of course, Ands. Sorry for being so stubborn.”

If Andi hadn’t believed you earlier, you knew she wouldn’t believe you now. So you decided that you would mind-over-matter your way through the situation. If you pretended you felt normal, you eventually would feel normal, right?

—-

You didn’t even make it through the warm up. You managed through stretches, but you only made it about halfway around the field when your body decided to prove to Andi that you weren’t a liar. 

With a thud, you dropped to the ground. Everyone froze for a moment looking towards you, as if waiting for you to stand up. Instead, you began seizing. 

Everyone took off running, the vets crouching around you and shooing the younger players away. Andi, who had crouched by your head, watched in horror as you began throwing up, your seizure still not breaking. 

As the medics arrived, they quickly pushed everyone back. Andi begged to stay, and she was finally allowed to if she promised not to get in the way. She was directed to your feet, and she grabbed your ankle tightly. 

She watched as they shine a flashlight in your eyes, speaking rapidly. She catches words such as “dilated” and “uneven” and she knows enough to know that those aren’t good. 

But she doesn’t know what could have happened. A headache wouldn’t cause this, and you were fine yesterday. You had played the full 90 and scored two goals against the Canadian team. You had been totally fin- oh. 

Andi’s thoughts screech to a halt. In the 91st minute, you had gone in for a header and had been instead met with the goalie’s fist. You had landed on your feet though, and you seemed okay. There had only been a few minutes of injury time left, and the ref had waved off the medics and resumed play. 

By the time that the final whistle blew, it seemed that everyone had forgotten about your injury. The medics didn’t come or pull you aside in the locker room, Coach had been too busy doing whatever he does to check in on you. And your teammates had been distracted with celebrating the win to remember that you had taken a serious knock. The only person who seemed to remember was the goalie, who had asked mainly out of guilt if you were fine. 

(of course, the fans remembered. when you were finally cleared to use screens, you would see edits of you being hit and then swaying on the pitch as everyone forgot about you. not how you wanted to go viral.)

No one had noticed that you had skipped out on the celebrations to go to bed once you had returned to the hotel. The only person who had any clue that something was wrong had told you off for lying. No one even knew until you hit the ground. 

[bbrissonn]

𝐋𝐚𝐜𝐲 - 𝐂𝐨𝐥𝐞 𝐂𝐚𝐮𝐟𝐢𝐞𝐥𝐝

in which even if you've been there the longest, you'll always be second to her

disclaimer: english is not my first language and this is not proofread so please excuse any errors and if any words are missing add them in your head :) also this is a work of fiction, this doesn’t reflect how these boys act in real life, and it isn’t how i imagine them acting 

warnings: angst, swearing , not proofread  

pairing: cole caufield x reader

wc: 5.4k (including lyrics)

a/n: the end is complete shit, but i really wanted to be done with this fic cause ive been working on it for like a month now so yeah sorry about that

guts masterlist

Lacy, oh, Lacy, skin like puff pastry

Aren’t you the sweetest thing on this side of Hell?

Dear angel Lacy, eyes white as daisies

Did I ever tell you that I’m not doin’ well?

Ever since you could remembered it had always been you and Cole, the first picture taken of you two was the day of your birth, two days after Cole’s. Your dads meet at work, and quickly became best friends, and so did your moms when they met. When they all found out they got pregant around the same time, they were over the moon, already knowing their kids would be best friends. 

And they were right. The two of you spent everyday together, your moms always taking walks with the two of you when you were still babies. When you became toddlers, playdates happened almost every evening when you’d get back from daycare. Cole was by your side when the two of you started kindergarten, graduated elementary school, started middle school, graduated middle school, and when you started high school. You were there for each other through it all. 

You went to Cole’s games every weekends and week nights, even going away for a tournament with him and his family during spring break of 8th grade. It was like your two families became one the day you were born, something neither of your parents minded. The longest period of time you were apart was maybe five days when you went to visit your grandparents out of town in 9th grade. 

Of course, that all changed when Cole made the NTDP team, meaning he would have to move to Michigan for the whole season. You were happy for him, obviously, but the fact that you’d be losing your best friend pained you. The two of you promised to talk everyday, but of course things always got in the way with his busy schedule and you started to work a part time job. 

Eventually, your daily phone calls turned into weekly phone calls, and then every two weeks, and eventually you wouldn’t hear from him for a whole months some times. It hurt, of course it did, you always saw his snapchat stories of him and his new friends having fun, messing around, and he couldn’t even find the time to send you simple text. 

You didn’t really understand where his sudden lack of communication came from, but it all quickly made sense when you found out from his brother that he had gotten a girlfriend, one that clearly wasn’t comfortable with how close the two of you were. You had cried in Brock’s arms that night, Cole couldn’t even bother to tell you himself about this, instead finding out from Brock when he was in town for a game. 

When your mom told you Cole would be coming home the next week, your reaction confused her. You didn’t show any signs of happiness at the thought of being reunited with your best friend, instead just shrugging and mumbling a small okay. Later that night, your mom called yours, and she was as surprised as your mom about your reaction, neither you or Cole had mention about a falling out, and the two of you barely ever argued.

Cole’s mom questioned him when he came home, asking if anything had happened between the two of you, the boy quick to answer with a simple no. He hadn’t asked to stop by your house before going home, something he always did when he’d come back from an away tournament, something she found really odd.

When your parents mentioned going to the Caufield’s house that night for dinner, you lied and said you had work. Your parents questioned you about it, you hadn’t mentioned having a shift that night, so you lied again, saying you had to cover for someone else’s shift. They didn’t believe you, at all, but clearly going to see Cole wasn’t something you wanted to do, so they didn’t push it. 

You didn’t hear from him the whole summer, but to be fair, you hadn’t reached out to him either. It was like he became a total stranger in the last year, slowly slipping away from you, and he did nothing to stop it.

But that all changed the day before he left to go back to Michigan. You had woken up that morning with a text from him, asking to meet up at your usual spot at 11. You accepted, of course you did, all you’ve wanted since the boy left the previous year was to see him again. 

You were sitting in the same booth the two of you always sat, watching your phone as the seconds ticked by. Then, 20 seconds before the clock hit 11, he walked in. His skin was tan, his hair a little longer than usually, the only thing that hadn’t changed was his height. 

“Hey.” He spoke softly as he sat down in front of you. Your eyes were piercing through his as your mouth stayed closed. “It’s nice to see you.” He added once he realized you were not going to great him back. His words made you nod a bit as your eyes stayed focused on him. He looked so different, but he still looked like your Cole, the one you spent every second of every day with for sixteen years. 

“Mhm.” 

“I wasn’t sure you were gonna answer me, honestly.” He admitted, even the way he talked had changed. You finally looked away from him, and instead down at the menu. He knew you were doing it simply because you didn’t want to look at him, the two of you had gotten the same thing here ever since the first time you came after one of his hockey game. 

“Wasn’t sure I was ever gonna hear from you, honestly.” You mocked him a little. The boy in front of you sighed as he looked down at the menu as well. 

“I am sorry.” Was all he could say, making you scoff before looking back up at him. His head was straight, but his eyes were still staring at the menu. 

“Fuck you, Cole. I haven’t heard from you in almost nine months and all you have to say is I am sorry?” 

“I know, I know. I fucked up, okay? Trust me, I know. And I am so sorry, Y/N/N, it’s just Bella… She wasn’t comfortable with how close we were.” 

“So you decided to pretty much just end our seventeen years of friends for some girl you just met? Thanks, Cole, that just makes me feel so much better, truly.” You spoke, your voice laced with sarcasm. 

“I didn’t end our friendship-” 

“Oh, then what was it? ‘Cause last time I checked, you just decided to not answer me anymore, without giving me any type of explanation. For fuck’s sake, I had to find out from Brock that you had a girlfriend. I though we promised we’d always tell each other everything! You could’ve just told me how she felt and I would’ve backed off instead of just cutting me off like that. How do you think I’ve been feeling since you left? Have you ever thought about that?” You said, making him go speechless. Luckily for him, a waitress came and took your order. Cole started, going with his usual, but his eyes quickly focused on you when he heard you select something else off the menu. 

“You changed your order?” 

“Yeah, you’d know if you hadn’t cut me off.” You sassed, making the boy sigh slightly before looking down at his lap. 

“Y/N/N…” The boy sighed, his eyes looking back up at you. “I’m sorry, I really am. I shouldn't'… I shouldn’t have pushed you away, and I am sorry I hurt you.” 

“You should be. I had to find out from Brock if you were even still aliv. Have you even thought about how I’ve been feeling? First, you leave, promising we’ll talk everyday, and then you cut me off like we haven’t been friends since we were literally born.” You said, tears starting to form in your eyes, but you quickly blinked them away. You had already cried enough because of you. 

“I know, I know. I am so sorry, Y/N/N. Let me make it up to you, please.” He begged, and you could tell he was being honest. Nothing about his body language was showing you that he was telling you the truth, you just knew. You always knew. 

“Promise me, when you leave again, you won’t do the same thing. Promise me, Cole.” It was now your turn to beg. You wanted nothing more in the world than to get your friendship back, but you did not want to get hurt again. You refused to get hurt again. 

“I promise. I promise, Y/N.” He whispered, his eyes staring right into yours. You nodded slightly, sniffling a little, and the two of you sat in silence until your meal arrived. You slowly started catching up, Cole telling you about his new life in Michigan, while you updated him on all the drama from your high school. When the topic of his girlfriend came up, you stiffened slightly. You knew she was reason he had stopped talking to you, and you knew they were still together since you saw them not long ago. You only wondered if she knew he was here with you. 

“Her name’s Alana, I really think you’d love her. She reminded me a lot about you at first, I think that’s why I was so drawn to her.” He explained, a smile you had never seen before plastered on his face. Those words were exactly the ones you didn’t want to hear. He hadn’t just pushed you aside, he replaced you. He found someone to fill the gap in his life that was missing. 

“Your mom talks about her sometimes, she seems great.” You said, forcing a smile onto your face. The truth was, from what you had heard from Kelly, she was nothing like you. Not only physically, but also in the way she behaved. She seemed a lot more outgoing and high-energized, just like Cole. 

They were a great match, you thought. Perfect for each other. But then, the conversation you over heard your mom having the night before while you were in the kitchen and she was in the living room replayed in your mind. Kelly claiming something felt off about his girlfriend, sometimes giving the family weird looks while she was at their house. In the moment, you didn’t think much about it, but now it kept playing in your head. Cole loved his family so much, they held a very special and important place in his heart, so would he be okay with his girlfriend not getting along with them? 

You wanted to ask him, you really did, but you knew you shouldn’t. Questions about how you knew that information would be asked, and having to explain that you just overheard a silly little conversation your moms had on speaker phone would be weird to explain. So, you stayed quiet. 

Ooh, I care, I care, I care

Like perfume that you wear, I linger all the time

Watching, hidden in plain sight

And ooh, I try, I try, I try

But it takes over my life, I see you everywhere

The sweetest torture one could bear

When Cole left for Michigan again, your friendship was almost what it used to be. There were multiple things that hadn’t picked up again, like your weekly movies night cuddling on the couch in his basement. He has a girlfriend, he can’t just cuddle with a girl now, you had to remind yourself every time you’d think about it. 

It felt weird, like the guy in front of you wasn’t the one you grew up with, like he was replaced by some stranger. But it was him, it was Cole’s eyes staring back at you, not some stranger’s, his smile lighting up the whole room, his voice echoing in the house. It was Cole, just not your Cole. 

Thankfully, he had kept his promise of keeping contact with you, face timing you once a week, and texting you everyday. But it was all so different. He was always busy, either with hockey, or hanging out with Alana, and when he wasn’t busy, he was sleeping. It was hard, but it all changed when he came home from the holidays, alone.

Your families shared a Christmas evening, giving each other gifts, talking during dinner around the table and in front of the fireplace. Festive songs were playing the whole time, the volume so low you couldn’t hear it if multiple conversations were taking place. Eventually, you ended up in Cole’s room, laying on his bed as he sat on his desk chair. 

“I have somethin’ for you.” He mumbled, sitting up and walking over to his closet. He pulled out a letter, your nickname written messily on the front of it. “Wrote it when we were, I don’t know, seven maybe. Found it when I came back last summer, thought it’d be a good time to give it to you.” He explained, handing you the envelope. 

“You had a horrible handwriting when we were young, there’s no way I can read a whole letter of this.” You joked, pointing at the messy letters that spelt your name. 

“Shut up and read the damn thing, Y/N/N.” He whispered, his cheeks turning a little red front your teasing. He was now next to you, sitting next to you as you pushed yourself up. You carefully opened it, pulling the letter out carefully. 

Dear Y/N/N,

I donot kno when you will read tis but I want to tel you that you are my favorite person ever. You are a great bestfriend and I hope you will be in my lyfe for a long time. I realy enjoi when you come to my gamez, I play a lot bedder when you are tere. I think you are very prety two Jacob talk about it all the time. I wish when you read this we are stil bestfriend becoze I love you so moch. 

Cole :)

You couldn’t help but laugh at the spelling mistake he had made, Cole was probably the worst kid in your class at spelling, while you were one of the best. You felt your heart warm up at the thought of seven year old Cole writing this, the sweet smile of his on his face as he messily wrote. 

Cole was reading the letter over your shoulder, he hadn’t opened the envelope when he found it, wanting you to read it before him. His cheeks redden a bit again as he read the second to last sentence, coughing a bit as he looked away. 

“That’s real sweet, Coley.” You whispered, looking over at him with a soft smile once you were done reading the letter. “Your spelling wasn’t cute, but you know, you learned.” 

“Okay, considering I was seven, I think I did pretty good.” 

“You did, you did.” You mumbled as you wrapped your arms around him, his going to your waist as the two of you sat there for a couple of minutes, holding each other close. Well, that was until you were interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing, Alana’s contact popping up the screen. 

“Sorry.” He said, picking up his phone and leaving the room. You couldn’t help the heartache you felt as he left you for her, once again. It wasn’t right, you shouldn’t be feeling so jealous towards her for having his attention, but you were. You had been feeling this way ever since he left for Michigan, you didn’t understand it at first, but now it was all so clear to you. 

You loved Cole the way he love Alana.

Smart, sexy Lacy, I’m losin’ it lately

I feel your compliments like bullets on my skin

Dazzling starlet, Bardot reincarnate

Well, aren’t you the greatest thing to ever exist?

The next summer, right before the draft, you finally met Alana. Her hair sat perfectly, her outfit hugging her perfect body as the two arrived at the restaurant. Your parents decided to have a night out to celebrate the two of you finishing high school, and of course since Alana was in town, she was invited. 

You were sitting next to Brock, Cole in front of his brother and Alana in front of you. Your parents were in their own little worlds, your moms gossiping about who knows what, and your dads talking about sports like always. 

“You look really pretty.” Alana said after a couple of minutes of the two of you being quiet and listening to the brothers. You were previously focused on the two, but your eyes quickly moved over to her when you heard her voice. It was so sweet, like an angel had just talked. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Cole look over at her briefly, a grin appearing on his face. 

You knew she was trying to be nice, befriend you since you were such an important part of her boyfriend’s life. Yet her words made a bullet shaped hole form in your heart. A year ago she had pretty much forced Cole to leave you behind and forget you even existed, and here she was, trying to be all friendly and nice to you. 

“You too.” You mumbled, thankfully the server arrived at the same time, taking your orders meaning your conversation witht he girl wouldn’t continue any longer. 

“So, Alana, where are you going to college next year?” Your mom asked once all your plates had arrived and you all started eating. 

“Wisconsin.” She answered with a smile, smiling shortly at Cole before looking over to your mom. Great. Now you’d be stuck having to see them together every single day next year. Fucking amazing. 

In the car ride home, the only thing your mom was capable of talking about was how amazing Alana was. Alana this, Alana that. You were so fucking tired of hearing everyone talk about this girl all the time. You tried to block out her words until your name was mentioned. 

“Honestly, Y/N, I always thought you and Cole were going to end up dating one day, but this Alana girl, god, she’s perfect for him!” She exclaimed, unaware of your burning crush for the youngest Caufield siblings. That was the last thing you needed to hear your own mother say. When you finally arrived home, you were quick to make your way to your room, locking the door and going to sleep. 

The next morning you woke up to a couple of texts from both boys, but mainly from Brock, asking if you were okay and why you hadn’t answered either of them. Normally, whenever you wouldn’t text the siblings after telling them you would, Cole would text for hours, spamming you letters just so you would answer. One time, he almost came over to your house at midnight after you hadn’t text him for ten hours. 

This time it was different thought. Cole had only left two messages, compared to the hundreds he used to send. 

Hey you get home okay?

Are you alright? 

That was it. No, do I need to come over? Did something happen? Is everyone okay? Answer me please. Nothing. Not even a good night, granted you didn’t text him that either, but it all just felt so weird. It was like your friendship was back, but with an obstacle that made it impossible for the two of you to go back to how your friendship was before he left for Michigan. The obstacle being Alana, of course.

You eventually texted them, telling the both of them that you had fallen asleep almost as soon as you got home and forgot to text them. Brock answered you almost immediately, while Cole didn’t answer you until later that night. You found out during the afternoon that him and Alana were spending the day together, just them, meaning all Cole was focused on was her. Not you, her.

Ooh, I care, I care, I care

Like ribbons in your hair, my stomach’s all in knots

You got the one thing that I want

Ooh, I try, I try, I try

Try to rationalize, people are people

But it’s like you’re made of angel dust

You never thought of yourself has a greedy person, well that was until Alana, of course. You hated her. You had been in Cole’s life since the beginning, literally, you were there for him through every step of his career, whether that be his first game to away tournaments. You were there for all of it. Until you weren’t. 

You weren’t the first person he hugged after his game anymore, and you sure as hell weren’t the first he hugged when he got drafted by Montreal. You weren’t even in Vancouver, the boy completely forgetting to ask for a ticket for you. So, here you were, on your couch watching as Cole smiled brightly into the camera, the habs jersey engulfing him. 

You knew it was rubbish, he shouldn’t have gotten picked at the fifteenth spot. He was so much better than many guys that got drafted before him, but you knew deep down why the teams had chosen them over him. He was too small. Guys before him were almost all at least half a foot taller than him, stronger than him, of course general managers and scouts would look at them before him. But if going fifteenth meant getting drafted by the Canadians, then you were fine with it. 

When you were kids, the Caufield siblings would always talk about one day being the coach of the Canadians, even going as far as taking French classes in high school. Back then, you would all just laugh about it, but now here he was, getting drafted by them. You couldn’t remember the last time you had felt so proud of him, this moment not even coming close to when he told you he made the NTDP squad. 

Tears formed in your eyes as you watched your lifelong best friend, who felt like home and a completely stranger at the same time, accomplish his dream. Yet your heart ached as the camera showed his family, Brock and Alana sharing a hug as they all cheered for him. That should’ve been your spot. 

You had been there for everything, and suddenly this girl just shows up and takes your spot? It made you angry, so angry. She had everything you wanted, she had the one boy you ever wanted. Knowing you’d have to be on the same campus as them next year only making it hurt so much more. You’d be stuck seeing her be with him every single day. See her enjoy having the one thing you’ve ever truly wanted. 

You hated yourself for not realizing your feelings for the boy sooner, maybe if you had you’d be the one wearing his new jersey at the moment. Instead, you’re laying on your bed, Brock on the other line of the phone since Cole was apparently too busy to answer you. 

“It was weird.” The oldest sibling stated, making you fur your brows slightly. 

“What do you mean?” You questioned. 

“Not having you there. It was so peaceful, I loved it.” The boy joked making you roll your eyes as a grin grew on your face. Brock laughed, clearly proud of the very sad joke he had made. 

“It was so obvious I wasn’t there. I would’ve never let you walk out the hotel room with that suit.” You teased, making the boy gasp a bit. 

“Was it really that bad?” He whispered after a couple of seconds making you giggle a bit. 

“No. You looked great.” 

“I am serious though, Y/N/N. It was weird not having you there. I know Cole will never admit it, but he regrets not inviting you, you know.” The boy told you, his tone going from a light one to a very serious one. 

“Is it bad if I say I am not that mad I am not there?” You mumbled after a short period of silence. Your words confused the boy on the other end of the line. 

“What? But you and Cole have been talking about this for years. He should’ve invited you.” Brock stated, getting a little worked up at the end. “You’re more family than she is.”

“She’s more important to Cole than me. She’s his best friend now, not me.” You told the boy. You had been thinking about it for a while, but saying the words out loud hurt so much more than you though it would. 

“He’s being stupid. He remembered to invite some of our cousins we haven’t seen since we were babies, but forgot you? He’s so fucking stupid.” 

“She doesn’t want me there. She thinks of me as like… an obstacle, I guess. I was getting in the way of her relationship with him at the beginning, she asked him to stop talking to me and he did. I wouldn’t be surprised if she asked him not to invite me and he agreed.” 

“Do you? Get in the way?” You knew he wasn’t asking it in a rude way. He just wanted to know if you had done something to make her act that way about you. 

“No. At least I don’t think so. But if Cole would’ve told me before they started dating that he was seeing, I probably would’ve became one on purpose.” You admitted into the phone, leaving Brock a little shock. 

“You love him?” 

“Yeah. I hate her for taking him away from him, but she makes him so happy. She makes him happy, not me.” You cried out, tears starting to form in the brim of your eyes. 

“Does he know?” The boy asked. You scoffed loudly, blinking the tears away before they fell on your cheeks. 

“Of course not.” 

“Are you gonna tell him?” 

“And give her a reason to actually think of me as an obstacle and possible lose my friendship with Cole? Absolutely not.” 

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh

The first month of college surprisingly went quite smoothly, you barely ever ran into Cole and Alana. But that all changed when the first game of the season approached, Brock asking you to be there of course. Being so close with Cole meant you had also always been there for Brock’s big moments in the show. You were for his first USHL and College game, having to skip a little school sometimes. But now you had no excuse not to come. 

So, here you were in the stands of the Khol centre, your friends standing next to you as the crowd cheered the Badgers on. Alana was sitting a couple of rows in front, sitting with the friends she had made over the last month and a half. You couldn’t help the jealously you felt every time your eyes landed on her, a Wisconsin jersey hiding her frame, C. Caufield written on the back. 

Your feeling only grew stronger when you made your way down to where Brock had told you to wait, which was of course where Cole told Alana to wait for him. The two brothers came out at the same time, the girl next to you letting out a squeal when her eyes landed on Cole. 

“You were amazing, babe!” She exclaimed as she threw her arms around him. Thankfully, the eldest sibling came in front of you, hiding the couple from your line of sight. 

“Thank you for coming, munch.” He mumbled, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and bringing you into his chest. He didn’t use that nickname often, only during moments where he was really thankful to have you there. 

Your friendship with Brock was one you held so close to your heart, he was like the brother you never had, and you were the sister you never had. You could always talk to him about anything, whether that be something stupid you did, or just wanting to gossip. He had helped you with your nerves on your first day of high school, giving you a tour of the place himself before class started. He was one of your favourite person ever. 

Another reason why you were so scared of telling Cole how you felt about him. What if that meant losing Brock as well, and their parents. You didn’t know how you’d survive without him in your life, he was somehow always right there when you needed someone, becoming more of a comfort person than Cole was. 

“Let’s get out of here, I am hungry.” The boy told you after looking over his shoulder, getting glimpse of his brother and his girlfriend deep in a make-out session. He made sure you didn’t see them, but the sound of their kisses was something he just couldn’t hide from you. 

“They’re disgusting, anyone could see them.” You mumbled as the two of you walked away from the couple, Brock’s arm still around your shoulder. The boy chuckled slightly as he opened the door for you. 

“Be glad you’re not his roommate. Think I might have to invest in earplugs soon.” He joked, making a sour look creep up on your face. 

“You can come crash at mine if you ever need, you know.” You told him. Brock had always been there for you, helping you through though situation, it was always fair for you to return the favour. 

“Got place for an extra tonight?” 

Lacy, oh Lacy, it’s like you’re out to get me

You poison every little thing that I do

Lacy, oh Lacy, I just loath you lately

And I despise my jealous eyes and how hard they fell for you

Yeah, I despise my rotten mind and how much it worships you

As the year went by, your feelings towards Cole’s girlfriend slowly became mixed. You couldn’t help but hate her, but you also envied her so much at the same time. You wanted to be her, you wanted to live her life. Be the most important person in Cole’s life, but most importantly have the boy look at you like you hung the moon. 

But that was never going to happen. You would always be second in Cole’s life from now on, meaning you’d eventually have to move on from this overwhelming crush you had on him. Even if the two of them ever broke up, he’d find another girl to take her spot, a girl that wouldn’t be you either. You were his childhood best friend, and that’s all you were every going to be to him. 

You hated it, but you eventually found yourself trying to become another version of Alana. Picking up on some of her little quirks and manners, something that didn’t go unnoticed by the older Caufield. 

“You’ve been acting weird lately.” Brock stated as the two of you sat on the couch of his shared dorm apartment with Cole. You furred your brows slightly, lifting your head from his chest and looking at up. 

“What? No I am not.” You scoffed, only making the boy next to you sigh. 

“But you are. You switched your coffee order, the order you’ve had for four years. You switched from silver jewlery to gold, you’ve been doing your hair differently, you dress completely the opposite of how you used to. It’s like… it’s like your trying to become Alana.” He mumbled the last part. Now it was your turn to scoff. 

“‘M not.” 

“But you are. Gosh, Y/N/N, you even talked about dying your hair the same colour as hers. Look, if this is how you plan on getting Cole to look at you differently, you need to stop. Becoming someone you’re not isn’t going to help you, it’s only gonna hurt you.” 

“Then what’s gonna help me, Brock?” You asked harshly, fidgeting with your fingers. The boy next to you sighed once again before answering you softly. 

“You need to move on, munch. I know you don’t want to hear this, but Cole loves Alana. I mean yeah, he had like the biggest crush on you when you guys were in third grade, but he moved on, and so should you.” He explained softly. His words hurt, a lot, but you knew they were true. “Why not me? Why her, and not me?”

guts taglist <3 @cixrosie @nhlfs @privatemythss

[taesanluv3r]

pas de deux

hip-hop dancer! kim woonhak x ballet dancer! reader (ft. myung jaehyun & lee hyein as their best friends!)

rivals to lovers, a moderate amount of cuss words, lowercase intended, excuse any grammar / spelling mistakes </3

wc: 7,942

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖

“woah look at that, first place gets a cool trophy and everything!”

kim woonhak tells his best-friend jaehyun, eyes gleaming as he looks at the new poster that had just been put up on the school’s bulletin board. “guess that means i’ll be going home with a cool trophy then!” the all too familiar snarky voice is followed by the sound of feet strutting towards him. the boy turns around and is met, much to his dismay, with his sworn rival and arch nemesis, yn ln and her own best-friend, lee hyein. see, the young pair had been enemies since the elementary school talent show. he just couldn't believe that his powerful and energetic hip-hop routine tied with some flimsy ballet. and similarly, she just couldn't get past the idea of her graceful performance having the same score as his repetitive moves. and so, stubborn and arrogant as ever, the competition between the two continued on through middle school and up to this very moment right now, in the heart of their shared high school campus, right in front of the bulletin board. 

“you wish!” the boy's friend says sternly, inflicting an eye roll from the rival girl. “no wait, he’s right…” hyein begins, her own eyes wandering off to inspect the poorly printed poster. “it’s a duet competition this time” she finishes, a finger pointed at the bold writing that very clearly said: 

star academy’s annual DUET competition. pas de deux, or don’t!

“so?” yn scoffs, “i’ll just have to find a partner to beat you with” her words are sharp, her eyes shooting metaphorical lasers through his own narrow ones. the boy just laughs, adjusting the strap of his bag against his shoulder, “if anyone even wants to partner with such a prissy princess like you” his words make her smile, “aw…” she drags out, clutching onto her satin pointe shoes as she takes one more step closer to him, “you think i’m a princess?” the girl’s eyes are big, batting her eyelashes mockingly at the now fuming boy. the silence had become too loud, the hateful pair cussing each other out with just the fiery looks on their faces. “alrighty then!” hyein says, breaking the tension and pulling her friend out of the petty staring contest. “you’ve got a partner to find so let’s get going!” she continues, tilting her head to the side as she drags the girl away. “good luck finding someone to willingly dance with you!” yn yells one last time, catching a final glimpse of the boy’s middle finger up in the air before he was out of her line of sight. 

౨ৎ

“i just don’t get it!” yn groans, head falling against the lunch table as she does so. “why won’t anyone partner up with me?” she turns to her friend who’s busy munching on the mystery meat-loaf that tasted a little too good that day. “maybe it’s because you’re an extremely pretentious prick?” hyein says while simultaneously chewing on her food. “ugh, this stinks!” her voice is hoarse from all the complaining she had been doing, “if you weren’t recovering from some stupid food poisoning, we could’ve done it together!” the ballet dancer whines, playfully hitting her best-friend on the shoulder and receiving a nasty look in return. “not my fault! i didn’t even know the cake was expired!” the girl sighs, deciding not to take all her frustrations out on her friend. “whatever, i’m gonna go blow off some steam” yn gets up, grabbing her pink duffle bag and water bottle. “don’t drive yourself insane, yn. i’m sure your knight in shining armor will come to you soon” hyein assures, still stuffing her face with her lunch. the girl smiles at her friend’s sweet words,

“let’s hope that happens soon, the competition is only two days away”

౨ৎ

“bro fuck this!” woonhak’s feet drag against the marble floors as he enters the classroom. “still no luck?” jaehyun asks, mindlessly stacking up his playing cards into some sort of structure on his desk. “seriously! why doesn’t anyone wanna dance with me? i’m literally the kim woonhak. i’m the best hip-hop dancer in this whole school!” the boy exclaims as he slumps down on a chair, the strength of his words sending his friend’s card structure to fall apart. jaehyun sighs, “dude, maybe if you weren’t such an arrogant asshole, someone would actually willingly work with you. just a thought” he ends his sentence with a click of the tongue before beginning to pick up his cards again. “ugh, whatever! it’s just so stupid…” the frustrated boy hunches over, the contact of his lips against the fabric of his jacket muffling his voice. “why don’t you dance with me, jae?” he suddenly suggests, head tilting to the side hopefully, but his friend just sighs once again. “and what? risk hurting the leg i just finished healing again? nah bro, you’re on your own for this one” the hip-hop dancer lets out one last annoyed groan before he suddenly gets off of his seat, causing his friend to look up at him confused. “where are you going?” jaehyun asks him, wondering why he was beginning to grab all of his things. “to get my mind off things, i’ll see ya later bro” woonhak bids, throwing his backpack over his shoulder. “don’t stress so much, man. you’ll find someone soon, trust” 

“yeah, i better”

the kim boy doesn't know what to do. he had tried everything, and had asked everyone but he still had no one to dance with. that and with the competition being only two days away, it felt as though the boys head was about to explode. sulking, he wanders off to the academy's sports centre, his feet guiding him towards the dance room at the very end of the hall. his mind is all over the place, he doesn't even think to knock before he enters the room, it's usually empty anyways. the boy is lost in his thoughts for a moment, just a moment before the sound of piano enters his ears.

woonhak looks up, quietly shutting the door behind him as he does so and that's when he sees her. yn's eyes are shut, far too lost in the music to even notice his presence. he doesn't make it known either, watching in silence as she twirls on her toes, arms flailing up and down so gracefully as she turned. his eyes begin to glisten, the sheer passion in the way that she moves, 'has she always danced like that?' her feet tapped so delicately against the glossy wooden floors, her energy was strong, it was fierce and yet so vulnerable, like the slightest wrinkle in her light blue leggings could just ruin it all. the boy is in awe, eyes never leaving as they followed her across the room. her eyes remain closed, the piano number getting faster as she waltzed over to one end, preparing herself for the climax of her routine. taking a deep breath, her arms extend and a single leg lifts up into an arabesque. slowly, she returns into the fourth position, one foot crossing over the other, and her arms resting in front of her lower abdomen. yn twirls into a double pirouette, her arms swinging to her side as she leaps into a grand jeté. she's done it, her killing move that's supposed to win her all the roses, but just before her toes could grace the floors again, a loud thud had shaken her out of focus, causing her to slip against the ground and fall.

catching her breath, the confused girl looks up to find the culprit. her eyes wander over to the mirror, narrowing angrily as she watches her sworn enemy pick up the bag he had dropped just a moment ago. the bag that had made the loud noise that ruined her routine. yn gets up from off of the floor, fixing her leg warmers as she walked over to him. "what the fuck is your problem?!" she yells, not giving him enough time to explain before yelling some more. "i was literally about to land that jeté off so clean and then you just had to come in here and ruin it, didn't you?!" if this were a kid's show, there would be cheap cgi steam blowing right out of her bright red ears. "and you're not even gonna say anything? what are you, stupid?!" her breaths get heavier, partially from the routine she had just done and partially from the immense anger she was feeling. woonhak stares blankly at her, breathing softly before he finally speaks.

"woah"

the girl scoffs, shes at a lost for words, the singular person she hated the most interrupts her alone time and the only thing he can bring himself to say is "woah?!" yn's about to throw a fit, veins popping out of her forehead in rage. he notices, finally pulling himself back into reality. "no, it's just..." woonhak finally speaks coherent words, her eyebrow raises, unsure of what idiotic thing he was going to say next. "i never noticed how good you are at what you do" his voice is hushed, as if he were embarrassed to speak any louder, and his words shock her, a faint gasp escaping her lips. the ballerina's features soften, as though all the anger had left her body in the blink of an eye. "huh...?" she asks, still taken aback. "no, seriously. i don't think i've ever seen someone dance with so much..." he pauses, eyebrows furrowed as he searches for the right word, nodding his head slightly when he finds it. "passion. i've never seen anyone dance so passionately like that. the way you move so effortlessly yet with so much energy...i mean i hate to admit it but, that's impressive" yn doesn't understand where this was all coming from, what happened to the mean and arrogant woonhak, why was he being so sweet?

"oh...thank...thank you" shes never been complimented this way before by anyone, much less by her sworn nemesis himself, she didn't know how to react and all she could do was just stare at him blankly. they held eye contact for a moment, it was different from their usual staring contests though. this time, instead of pure hatred for one another, there was some sort of peace. after about a minute the girl feels reality seeping back into her skull, she clears her throat before awkwardly averting her gaze over to her water bottle that was sitting atop the wooden shelf to her right. "so um...what brings you here again?" yn asks after taking a large sip of water, her voice going back to normal as she straightens out her back to look at him. "nobody wanted to be my partner for the competition so i came here to blow off some steam, that's all. i didn't know you were in here...sorry about that" woonhak scratches the back of his neck and to his surprise yn laughs, the boy swears this was the first time he had ever seen her smile- well, genuinely smile at least. "what's so funny?" he asks when she keeps laughing, his tone going back to it's usual intensity. "nothing. i just...never thought i'd be talking to you like this. you know...with out the whole cussing each other out every two seconds thing? i guess it's just kind of...silly" yn bends down to pack up her things as she talks, woonhak watching as he leaned against the barre in front of the mirror. "yeah...i guess so" he says, trailing off and not really knowing how to continue their conversation. "anyways, i'm done in here so i guess i'll leave you alone now...have to find a partner anyways" the hip-hop dancer nods, watching as she begins to leave. the door shuts closed and the boy is left with this pressure in his chest and a weird feeling in his tummy. an idea begins to simmer into his brain and the boy is left in dilemma. 'no, no, it's a bad idea- no, just do it! no don't it won't work no-' he sighs,

"ugh, fuck it!"

within seconds the boy is running out the door, "yn!" he calls out and the girl stops in her tracks. "what do you want now?" she asks, rolling her eyes tiredly as she turns to face him. "well..." he stutters, mind suddenly melting into mush as he hastily gathers his thoughts together. "you don't have a partner yet, right?" she rolls her eyes once more, "woonhak, if you're just here to rub my loss in my face just get it over with already!" the girl remembers he's her enemy, the atmosphere going back to it's competitive ways, juxtaposing the peace they had before. "no, that's not it- just listen to me" he practically begs, a side of him she had never seen before, intriguing. she takes one step forward, so as to invite him to continue. "the competition is in two days, and neither of us have partners and i saw you in there just now, i saw your talent and i just..." he rambles for a moment and then trails off, taking a deep breath in before letting it out again. "okay, have you ever seen honey 3?" his question confuses her, "i mean yeah...it's one of my favourite movies but what exactly is your point here, woonhak?" yn raises an eyebrow, beginning to get impatient. "melea and ishani hate each other but they come together to work on that show and it turned out amazing! i'm just saying...your ballet and my hip-hop..." he drags, nodding slowly in the hopes that she'd get what he was trying to say. yn snickers, looking down at the floor as she slowly makes her way closer to him. "are you suggesting we combine ballet and hip-hop and enter this competition together?" she asks and he nods almost hesitantly. she lets out a long sigh. a sigh that worries him a little bit. "c'mon its just one competition, and i know you want that trophy as much as i do" the ballet dancer's ear perks up at the sound of the grand prize, her eyes trailing up to meet with his own hopeful ones. "i guess it would be cool to combine ballet and hip-hop..." the moment those words came out of her mouth the boy felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. shooting her the brightest smile, a smile she had never seen before, "so you're in then?" woonhak asks one last time, his now shining eyes full of hope. yn rolls her eyes as she nods finally,

"as long as i get to bring the trophy home"

౨ৎ

"so you found a partner for the competition?" asks hyein as she walks closely beside yn, their arms intertwined as they entered the school's cafeteria. the ballet dancer nods, "mhm and we're gonna be busy working on the routine, so i'm gonna have to skip out on our fro-yo run today" she says and her friend hums in response. "so...who is it?" hyein wonders, widening her eyes with curiosity as she inquires her best-friend. "i'm...i'm not telling!" yn replies, a rosy tint painting the tips of her ears and her cheeks as she did so, as if she were embarrassed. suspicious, hyein thought, but she just sighs, deciding to let her friend do what she must and not really wanting to pressure her into telling. she was going to find out anyways.

on the opposite end of the hallway, the kim boy and his friend are on their own journey towards the cafeteria. "c'mon man, you're seriously not going to tell me?" jaehyun complains when woonhak shakes his head for the hundredth time. "no. you'll find out later, i'm not telling you- you'll laugh" the tall boy says, stroking a hand through his dark hair. "ugh fine...i wonder what's for lunch" his friend trails off as they enter the large dining hall, stomachs gurgling slightly as a familiar scent entered their noses. the two guys exhale in unison, "pizza"

"look who it is" the voice shakes the boys out of their trance. "if it isn't mr. hip-hop wonder boy and...and" hyein racks her brain trying to find a good enough nickname for his friend. "ugh, i got nothing. loser" she says finally, a hint of spite in the way she spoke. jaehyun rolls his eyes, "hyein" he responds, eyes squinting slightly. "hey..." yn suddenly speaks, looking up awkwardly at the tall dancer boy. "'sup" woonhak responds in a similar tone, an arm reaching up to scratch the back of his head. their friends look at each other confused, why are they being so...weird? just then the boy's stomach makes another loud noise, to which he clears his throat in embarrassment. "well um...gonna go eat, see ya around" the usually obnoxious hip-hop dancer nods softly at the ballerina before turning on his heels and walking away, leaving the girl and her best-friend standing there dumbfounded.

"see ya around?" hyein repeats his words, a look of blatant confusion present on her face. "what was that about?" she asks, looking over at her best-friend who seemed to be staring off into space. "huh? what do you mean?" yn asks back, fixing her posture and the fold of her knit bolero that was beginning to slip down her arms. "yn, do you even realize what just happened? that was your literal enemy and you guys just interacted without arguing or trying to kill each other!" the girl's statement is dramatic, over-emphasized, and her eyes are wide like she had just seen a ghost. her friend just shrugs, "so?" her voice is calm, but there was a hint of hesitance. hyein just sighs, taking a seat beside the girl who was acting so very...

"strange" jaehyun states, taking a large bite out of his slice of pepperoni pizza. "what is?" woonhak asks after swallowing a bite of his own. "you. you and yn" the boy is confused by his friend's words, "what about me and yn?" jaehyun sighs, pushing away his now empty disposable plate as he takes a sip out of his water bottle before turning to fully face the other boy. "you guys just talked to each other without uttering a single cuss word, and to be real with you bro, the last time that's ever happened was like before the elementary school talent show" the dancer rolls his eyes, shrugging as he did so. "so what? i can't talk to her normally for once?" woonhak was defensive all of a sudden, his friend taken aback by his attitude change. "i'm just saying man...it's just strange, that's all"

౨ৎ

"okay i gotta get to practice, i'll see you at the competition tomorrow, right?" yn asks her friend, looking up from where she had bent down to tie her shoe. "mhm! i'll be there...i really want to know who you're dancing with- i can't believe you still won't tell me! i mean he can't be that bad!" hyein rambles, her arms crossed over the purple note-book she had pressed against her chest. yn rolls her eyes as she gets up, stretching softly before fixing the strands that stuck out of the top knot on her head. "you'll see tomorrow, i gotta go now. love you, see you!" the ballerina bids her friend goodbye, walking away towards the sports centre. "something tells me you'll see me a little sooner..." hyein whispers to herself as she watches her friend disappear, a mischievous smirk playing against her lips.

"i'll catch you later bro. good luck" jaehyun tells woonhak, turning around to leave as the dancer boy entered the sports centre. his steps are slow at first, lifting his phone up to check the time as he walked. "fuck" he cussed, picking up his pace when the numbers on his screen registered in his head. panting, the boy finally makes it to the front of the dance room, the sound of faint music seeping into the atmosphere as he opened the door.

"you're late"

yn looks annoyed, her forehead twitching slightly as she paused the song to glare at him. "by like ten minutes! relax a little" he rolled his eyes, dropping his back-pack down on the floor and taking off his jacket. "yeah, ten minutes of our precious time wasted!" the girl spat, arms crossed and eyebrows furrowed. woonhak chuckled, "i knew ballerinas were all uptight but damn, you really are something else" his words are laced with mockery as he begins to walk towards her. she's fuming, gathering up all the strength and composure in her body to stop herself from pushing him right out the door then and there. "i hate you" she mutters, a pout taking over her complexion as she turns away from him angrily. the boy laughs, "c'mon princess let's start this thing before we waste anymore of our precious time" the condescending tone paired with the sudden nickname catches her off guard for a moment, a pink tint that matched her pink track-suit growing against the skin of her face. he noticed it, smiling to himself proudly when she wasn't looking.

"and one, two, three and four and jump down, pop and lock. there you go!" the boy claps as he counts, watching her moves closely from the mirror. the girl pants, bending down with her hands on her knees as she tries to catch her breath. "that was good...finally" he smirks sarcastically, a prideful look on his face when she shoots him a breathy "fuck you". yn stands up straight again, her face is red and stained with sweat from the intense sequence of dance moves she just did. woonhak can't help but laugh, "i didn't know ballerinas could sweat" he teased, tossing her a towel in the process. the girl just sighs, "whatever" but that only fed into his ego, "those weren't even the hardest hip-hop moves and you're already struggling" his words brewed a sort of fire in her veins, "i'd like to see you try landing a grand jeté en pointe" she says sternly, staring him straight in the eyes. the boy scoffs, "your fancy french words don't scare me" she takes this as a challenge, a smirk placed prettily on her plush lips as she throws her towel across the room.

"follow my lead"

he watches as she twirls over to the center of the room, even in a pair of sneakers, yn grows an inch taller as she effortlessly stands on her toes. her arms form a perfect circle above her head as she spins once, then twice before jumping off the ground as though she could fly. without making a single sound, the girl lands right back down on her toes, her heels never once making contact with the wooden floors until she returns to the fourth position, her torso bending forward and her arms stretching back like a swan. the ballerina stands back up again, the edges of her mouth cracking into a proud smile when she looks in the mirror to see the amazed look on his face. chuckling softly, she turns around. "your turn"

locking back in, woonhak's face goes from stunned to arrogant in a matter of seconds. his chest puffed out as he walks over to the center of the room. "watch and learn" he says, eyebrows knitted together as he begins to recall her moves. the boy twirls over before trying his best to stand on his toes, stumbling a bit as he did so. his form almost makes her cringe as he attempts at her signature double pirouette, she winces as he leaps into the jeté, if you can even call it that, on the wrong foot, sending him flying almost stupidly in the air. she could feel the punchline coming, giggling quietly as she pulls out her phone and begins recording. the hip-hop dancer is about to make his landing, his breath hitching softly as he begins his descent onto the floor. for a moment it was perfect, the boy landing right on his toes. just for a split second though, before he slips down and falls right on his bottom and onto the ground.

"ah!" he groans, laying his back down in frustration. yn laughs out loud, walking towards him with the camera right at his face. "stop it" he whined, hands moving up to push her away and then to cover his face in embarrassment. "aw, cheer up woonhak! look, i got you stellar landing on video!" she teases, still recording the poor boy as he rolls around in despair. yn laughs, putting her phone away before reaching an arm out for him to grab and helping him up. "so you agree that ballet is just as hard as hip-hop now?" she asks, smiling in victory as the boy massages his sore feet. he rolls his eyes, "i guess...but in my defense that was probably like an extremely professional move or something!" he argues, not wanting to lose to her. the girl laughs, "whatever you say..." yn pauses to have a sip of her water, trying her best to ignore the way that he stared at her. woonhak shoots her a smile before making his way to the speaker.

"now come on, let's finish this routine"

the next three or so hours are spent perfecting their performance, pausing every now and then to monitor their moves and go over every meticulous detail. when they felt complacent with their practice, the supposed rivals sit down beside each other on the floor, their backs leaning against the mirrored walls as they watched the recording of their routine on his tablet. yn's eyes are sharp as a hawk, not blinking once as she goes through every single second of the duet, breaking into a slight smile when she likes something. similarly, the boy's lips are pursed as he focuses in on the video, letting out little hums every now and then along to the beat of the song.

"aye~" woonhak says as the video comes to an end, clapping his hands in satisfaction before turning to look at the girl to his right who displayed the same pleased expression. "you're really good" yn says plainly, her tone coming off a little shy, perhaps because she had never complimented him before. his breathing gets louder, stunned by the sudden praise. "thanks. so are you" he says quietly, the room falling silent as they sat and stared at each other. the moment lasts longer than usual, it felt like the world around them had just stopped. there was something new about the atmosphere, were his eyes always this bright? , did she always smell this sweet? about a billion questions ran through their heads but not a single word was uttered within those five minutes of solitude. just then, the buzz of her phone snaps them out of their daze. yn shakes her head, blinking rapidly as he clears his throat, looking anywhere but at her.

"shit, it's getting late- um, we better go home and get some rest. it's the day tomorrow so..." the ballerina stutters, something people rarely ever see her do, but he's been seeing it a lot recently. the boy nods, getting up after her and beginning to gather up his things. woonhak waits for her, watching as she carefully puts all her belongings in her duffle bag. he noticed the way she organizes, the biggest things going in first and then all the smaller ones. "okay" yn says, de-tangling her wired earphones as she walks up to him, finally looking him in the eye again. they share an awkward smile before the tension in the room started to feel...silly. the girl laughs softly, covering her mouth with her hand as she did so. cute, he thought, but he didn't have the heart to say it out loud. "c'mon" woonhak says, tilting his head towards the door. the pair walked quite close to each other, making small conversation about their competition that was just one night away. at one point he makes some cheesy joke, it wasn't that funny but it sent the girl into a fit that made her stomach hurt.

they were about to exit the sports centre, his hand already on the handle when a figure (or two?) emerges from the shadows. "HAH! you've been caught!" it's hyein, "so your partner is..." and jaehyun. the supposed rivals' best-friends look each other in the eye before turning to look back at the pair in shock, "YN?" - "WOONHAK?" they spoke, or rather yelled, in unison. the dancers' eyes widen in surprise at the sudden appearance of their friends, her mouth fell open to speak but no words seemed to have come out. "look over there!" woonhak exclaims, pointing at the roof, waiting for his friend, and hers, to look away before grabbing yn's hand and running out the door.

the dancer duo laugh manically as they skipped through the cobblestone of their high school, their feet tapping on the ground in sync as they began to slow down near the gated exit. woonhak tries to catch his breath, his hand still intertwined with hers. yn is the first to notice, but for some reason she couldn't bring herself to let go. maybe it was the sunset illuminating against his hair, maybe it was the slight shimmer of his sweat, combined with the giddy feeling in her heart that she just could not describe, but it was perfect. something about this whole sequence of events just felt right.

unbeknownst to the both of them, their friends stayed close by, watching from behind the bushes at the scene unfolding before them. hyein snorts, finding it all to be just so amusing. jaehyun sighs, a joyous look on his face as he turns to the girl. "you thinking what i'm thinking?" he asks, eyebrows wiggling up and down as he did so. hyein nods before her gaze falls back onto the so-called enemies.

"they're soooo into each other"

౨ৎ

that night yn couldn't bring herself to sleep, her stomach swarming with a million butterflies and her mind just clouded with anxiety as she ran through the choreography over and over again. woonhak's night was no different, his dinner felt like it was about to exit through his mouth as he silently danced in front of his bathroom mirror. he could lie and say he was nervous to perform, he could lie and say that was why he felt so uneasy, but the truth was that it was her. no matter what the boy tried to do that night, when he tried to sleep, when he tried to dance, even when he so much as tried to think, his mind would go back to her. yn ln, the so-called arch nemesis that he seemed to be hung up on all night.

eventually though, the dancer duo did sleep. the exhaustion from non-stop practices finally crashing onto their tired teen bodies. a loud beep wakes the girl up, an arm reaching out to turn off her obnoxious alarm. yn lays there for a moment, gathering her thoughts before sitting up, stretching her torso forward until she touched her toes. she yawns quietly as she gets off of her bed, waltzing over to her desk and unplugging her fully charged phone. she smiles softly as she skims through her best-friend's countless of texts from last night, letting out a sigh as a new notification from her calendar pops up.

'D-DAY! take home that trophy, yn!'

over in the neighbouring complex, kim woonhak is woken up by his mother's voice. "woonhak! don't you have a competition to go to?" the woman's words wake him up almost immediately. sitting up straight and reaching to grab his phone from the bed-side table next to him, a large grin takes over his face at the countdown timer,

'just a couple hours remaining! go get em' tiger!'

the rest of the pair's morning was spent preparing for the main event of the day. she took a shower, spreading her outfit out on the bed before taking the time to do her make-up so that it was just perfect. the boy did the same, even taking the time to shave the hair he barely even had on his face. before leaving the house, yn checked her reflection in the mirror, she wore her light-pink leotard and her favourite lilac leg warmers but, to feed into their duet's concept, she wore her hair down and paired her leotard with oversized denim jorts and some sneakers. it was different, definitely something you'd rarely see her in, but it made her smile. something about this new look on her felt good, she felt...

"pretty" woonhak says as he stands before her in their usual dance room at the academy's sports centre. "huh?" yn asked as if she didn't catch what the boy had said, but she could hear him loud and clear, she knew exactly what he said. "pretty" he repeated confidently, much to her surprise, as he walked closer to her. "you should wear your hair down more often" the girl could not believe her ears, her mind going blank as a blush crept up against her cheeks. woonhak laughs at her flustered face, smiling to himself as he passed her and over to the speakers.

"let's run through the choreo once more, shall we?"

౨ৎ

what felt like a split second had gone by and the pair were suddenly back-stage, standing amongst a bunch of other duos scrambling around to rehearse once more before the show had to start. five minutes before the show hyein and jaehyun came by to wish their friends good luck, telling them to have fun and whatnot before they left to get to their seats in the crowd. the show begins shortly after, the mc making a few opening comments before bringing in the first few contestants. yn watches from behind the curtains, her breathing getting unsteady the more she did so. "damn...they're good, but we'll be better, right?" woonhak asks, turning to his left when he hears no answer. "right, yn?" but the ballerina that once stood beside him was long gone, disappearing right before his eyes.

it only takes the boy two minutes to find her crouched down behind an abandoned prop, her knees to her chest and her head resting down on them. "yn?" he calls out softly, taking cautious steps towards the shaking girl. "what's wrong?" woonhak crouches down in front of her, his head tilting off to one side in confusion. he had never seen her this way before, the ever-so-confident girl was...

"nervous?" she nods shakily at his inquiry, slowly lifting her head up to look at him. "i um...i kind of have like...stage fright" the boy is dumbfounded, he looked so lost. how could a star ballerina like yn ln have stage fright? woonhak took a seat next to her, "but you always do so well on the stage? i thought you loved it" he speaks, his tone calm and, to the girl, somewhat comforting. "no, i do. i have no problem when i'm on the stage...it's just the moments before it- like right now, it freaks me out" for some reason it ached him to see her this way. the girl who never showed fear being so vulnerable just for him to see, it made him feel something like a burn in his chest.

"listen..." he starts all of a sudden, moving his body fully so that he faced her. "i know we're sworn enemies and everything but i've seen you dance long enough to know that you've literally got nothing to be freaked out about" the boy's eyes are big when he talks, like he was speaking straight out of his heart. "like those duos out there? they don't stand a chance against us! i mean ballet and hip-hop? they won't see us coming" he ends his short pep-talk with a smile, a contagious one that causes the girl to mimic it. "when did you get so civil? i like this new civil woonhak" yn laughs, finding her rival's switch in demeanor strange. "you make us lose this one and civil woonhak is gone forever" he jokes, earning an eye-roll in return. "well i guess we better win then" she says just in time for their names to be called out through the large speakers that synced with the mc's microphone.

"let's go show them. you know, like the french say..." the boy trails off. "pas day do or don't" she cringes at his awful pronunciation. "it's pas de deux. and no, i don't think the french say that." yn teases, "but yeah..." she shoots one last smile at him before they climb onto the stage.

"let's go show them"

the infamous rivals' entrance to the stage is followed by a round of applause and a couple surprised gasps and whispers. getting into position, woonhak and yn look each other in the eye, mouthing faint good lucks before the music began to play. just as choreographed, the routine begins with a somber piano tune, the girl showing off her technique as she twirls into the ballet portion of the piece. her partner gets into character, moving along with her, their arms and legs moving in sync. the piano music quiets down as the pair begin to circle each other, their feet waltzing coordinately when the musical number gets faster and faster. with fierce eyes the girl skips to the other side of the stage, still en pointe, and he trails closely behind her, catching her in his embrace as she gracefully poses in his arms. the music fades away as the pair stare into each other's eyes, woonhak spins her around once and then twice before lifting her up into the air. yn's arms flail up delicately, her eyes shut and her head titled towards the sky. they hold this pose for a beat, a singular beat before the music changes, her head turning to face the crowd with a cocky smirk and a wink. woonhak tossed the girl down, yn landing right into the starting position of their transition into his style.

the dancer duo part ways, jumping around to hype up the audience for the second portion of their routine. following the beat, they reunite right at the center of the stage, shooting each other a cheerful look before the beat drops and they fall right back into their choreography. the hip-hop tune is loud and up-beat, juxtaposing the previous classical number. woonhak gleams as he does what he knows best, his arms waving energetically as his feet glide smoothly against the floor. yn, who worked extra hard to adapt to his style, follows right beside him, the two of them having too much fun getting lost in the music. coming to the end of the song the boy kicked off the freestyle portion, his legs ricocheting as he finishes his criss cross into a dougie. the girl giggles when he bows down to her, offering the center of the stage for her to show off her own moves this time. yn smiles, taking a moment to let the beat sink into her body before she gets on her toes again. the feeling of doing ballet to a hip-hop track was new, but like all the new things she had experiences these past few days, it felt just right.

yn ends her freestyle off with her usual double pirouette, landing right in front of the boy before dropping into the pop and lock move he had taught her the day prior. woonhak's mouth drops at her sudden dance, head turning towards the crowd who began to cheer all too loudly. the dancing pair nodded at each other, signalling the grand finale of their unexpected duet. to the beat of the song, yn spins over to one end of the stage, opposite the boy who had freestyled his way to the other side. suspense builds as the girl stretches one leg out, her torso bending towards it as she hits the infamous swan pose, hastily getting up on her toes, preparing herself for the grand jeté. she breathes in deeply as she runs, building up the momentum for her final leap. yn's legs at a perfect angle, her arms curving over her pretty face, it looked like she was floating. below her, woonhak had hammer-timed half-way through the stage, striking a pose reminiscent to that of michael jackson's as he awaited his partner's landing. about a second later yn lands soundlessly on the tips of her feet, wasting no time before twirling once and twice, finally reaching his embrace again. the song comes to an end, woonhak and yn holding eye contact for a moment before turning away from the crowd, hands intertwined as they sashayed further into the stage. they stopped, turning back to face the audience as they ended their performance off with a deep curtsy.

౨ৎ

"hell yeah!" woonhak cheered as he and yn made it back-stage. she laughs happily, lifting both her hands up for a high-five, which he gladly returned. the duo shared gleeful conversation as they caught their breaths, heading straight to their water bottles to quench their thirst. being that their performance was closer to the end of the event, it didn't take long before the mc's voice struck through the speakers once more, inviting the contestants to join him on stage for the awarding ceremony.

nervously, the ballerina and the hip-hop dancer make their way back onto the stage of their school's auditorium, waving slightly when they make eye contact with their best-friends in the audience. the pair sat down beside each other along with the other contestants, who were complimenting each other and wishing each other good luck. "the judges have decided, and i've got all the scores right here in the palm of my hand" the mc speaks, his mic ringing faintly at the feedback. "but first, the prizes!" he says, moving to the side to reveal the medals and the giant gold trophy. yn's eyes twinkle at the sight, mouth almost watering at the thought of having such a pretty trophy to add to her collection. woonhak notices this, chuckling to himself at the girl's longing expression.

before long, the mc speaks again. this time, to finally announce the winners of the school's annual duet competition. "at third place..." as usual, he drags out his words, inflicting suspense- and impatience- from the contestants and the audience alike. "hikaru and bahiyyih!" the crowd cheers as the female duo get up from their seat, a short dark-haired girl and a taller blonde who did a modern dance performance. they got up on the podium, being awarded the bronze medals before posing for some pictures. "second place..." yn gets anxious, only two more winners left. woonhak grabs onto her hand, causing her to turn to him confused. he just smiled, squeezing her hand in his own as a means of reassurance. "jungwon and riki!" as the runner ups get onto the podium, suspense fills the atmosphere. the ballet dancer and hip-hop one hold their breaths, eyes shut as if to escape from reality. "and in first place...an unexpected duet..." their eyes open once more at the mc's words, it can't be...

"woonhak and yn! congratulations!"

the world stops for a moment and they find themselves drowning out the sound of loud cheers and claps. "dude, that's you! go!" the contestant behind them says, tapping the shoulders of the stunned pair. alas, they get up, finally breaking into large grins as they make their way up to the top of the podium. "congratulations, you two" says one of the judges as he hands each of them a gold medal before finally handing the boy the golden trophy. woonhak catches yn's envious eyes through his peripheral vision, chuckling before nudging her arm making her look at him. "here" he says, letting her hold the grand prize all to herself for the cameras.

"winner, winner, chicken dinner!" jaehyun cheers as he and hyein walk over to their victorious friends. "congrats guys!" the ballerina's friend says, handing them each a single rose. "spent my allowance on fro-yo...that was the best i could get you guys" she said, scratching the back of her neck. "thank you, hyein-ie!" yn exclaims, wrapping her friend up into a big hug. "no problem, girl. and i'm so proud of you- first place!" the boys laugh from beside them, "damn yn, i guess you really do always get what you want" jaehyun jokes, causing her to roll her eyes at him. "what princess wants, princess gets!" woonhak too, teases, patting the girl's head in the process. "whatever...." she trails out, her eyes wandering down to the trophy in her hands.

"what's wrong?" the hip-hop dancer boy asks, his face softening as he looked at her. "nothing....it's just..." yn looks up at him again, pushing the prize onto his chest. "you keep it" his eyebrows furrow at her words, "no..." he begins, pushing the trophy back into her arms, "you keep it. you're the one who wanted it so bad" she scoffs, not wanting to succumb to him, "no you!" their friends watch in silence as the rivals, if we can even call them that anymore, tirelessly bicker, pushing their shared prize back and forth towards each other.

"fine!" the boy finally says, putting an end to their short-lived argument. the girl is about to scream in victory but is interrupted when he starts to speak again. "i'll keep it....if!" woonhak emphasizes the if, the ballerina gulping as he walked closer to her. "if you let good ol' civil woonhak to take you to the movies this weekend?" what was meant to be a clear statement came off as a hopeful question, the boy biting his lip anxiously as he awaited an answer. she wants to tease him, she badly wants to say no, but there's this pathetically hypnotizing look on his face she just can't refuse. "alright. but only if that means civil woonhak is here to stay forever" she finalizes, proposing an end to their on-going rivalry. woonhak smirks, "why? got a little crush on him or something?" he teased, wiggling his eyebrows menacingly as she glared at him in annoyance. "shut up before i change my mind about our date" her voice in monotone now, her face expressionless. "that's not a no~" the boy continues to joke, only stopping when she had balled her hands into fists, threatening to have a go at his face. "okay! okay! i'll stop! don't hurt the face- anything but the face, please!" he pleads and she laughs. "so i'll pick you up tomorrow at 6?" he brings up the date again, smiling sweetly at the ballerina who just nods. "come late and i'll kill you"

"of course, princess"

౨ৎ

"who's civil woonhak, again?" hyein whispers to the boy beside her, watching as their friends get lost in their own world, forgetting about the fact that they were still standing there. "beats me" jaehyun says, "but something tells me they don't hate each other anymore..." the girl nods in agreement, a moment of silence shared between the two.

"called it"

the end.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖

finally finished this fic! i've been planning n writing it this whole week, i can't believe she's finally done! TT reblogs and feedback is highly appreciated! hope u guys enjoyed reading this as much as i did writing it <3 also if ure a dancer, apologies for any inaccuracies TT

[forbebeandjam]

My Sleepy Head Pt. 2 | Minah Lee X Fem Reader | 21+

Summary: You have been holding back from touching your girlfriend. Little did you know, she has been more needy than you.

Word count: 2.1k

Warnings: 21+ very explicit scenarios. SMUT! Fingering, eating out, etc. MDNI

READERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED

A/N: Here is the second part that I promised. This is a smut so I hope you like it •u• anyways!! Enjoy!!!

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Finals week was at your door. You and Minah had spent all of your nights together and you watched her shine brighter in every performance. Even though you two had been dating for almost a year, you were still too shy to ask her to do anything in bed with you.

Now it was more difficult than anything because you needed to study and keep your focus on your books, classes, and notes. It took everything in you to concentrate. Her performances kept replying in your mind. You wanted to do good so you could be free and graduate for good.

You spent around two weeks always working and going to school. You didn’t take a break and worst you couldn’t even see Minah. This is as heartbreaking for you and her. Your finals were finally here and you were going to school every day when your friend would pick you up.

You always managed to post about your food breaks and healthy snacks since you were a wellness influencer and Minah was always the first one to see them and comment.

On the last day of finals, your friend picked you up and he drove you to your school. You took your final exam and stretched in your seat as you felt the pressure lift off your shoulders.

Your friend had texted you, inviting you to grab lunch with you and you agreed. You knew Minah had to work till late so you decided to grab her some food as well so she didn’t have to cook later.

As you were eating, you made a quick video with your friend and posted it sharing the healthy meal you got and the healthy meal your friend got as a pro boxer.

“You’re doing good at this influencer thing, Y/N. Thank you for making me part of your journey,” he said as he started to dig in.

“It’s no problem. We’ve been friends since elementary. I’ll go order some food for Minah before eating. Do you want me to get any for your boyfriend?” you said and he shook his head.

“He’s taking me out later,” you nodded at his words before placing an order for Minah. After eating, you two walked outside and he got in a taxi but he kissed you on the cheek before getting into the car.

Minah on the other hand wanted you. She would try to hold back every time she would see you buried in your books. She would go to sleep craving your kisses and touches. What you didn’t know was that Minah was in rehearsal in the building in front of where you stood with your friend. She looked through the one-way glass and tried to control her emotions. She wanted to run down and rip you away from him.

This caused her to have a hard time focusing during practice causing her leader to pull her to the side.

“Minah, what is going on with you? Are you okay?” The tall girl asked. Minah rubbed her face and tried to smile but nothing worked. How would she tell Bada that she wasn’t okay because she needed you?

“Yes, I… I’m sorry. I’ll try harder,” she said and Bada nodded giving Minah another opportunity to prove that she was indeed okay. They walked back to the center of the room and started to practice from the beginning. Bada set the track to Cockiness by Rihana

As the music started, Minah began dancing as best as she could but the song made it nearly impossible for her to focus as she thought about you and all the ways she wanted you. Just as she was about to go into the chorus, she missed a step and fell to the floor. She couldn’t deny any longer that she was frustrated emotionally and sexually.

She excused herself to the bathroom and locked herself in a stall as she tried to catch her breath.

“Minah, get it together,” she said as she fanned herself. She took a deep breath before walking out of the stall when her phone went off and she saw a notification from your Instagram.

You posted a story of your workout outfit and it drove her insane. She splashed water on her face and walked back to the room where the girls were looking at her in concern. Bada walked up to her and held her hand to her forehead.

“My gosh! You are burning up! Minah, go home and rest. You need it,” she said. Minah didn’t protest. She knew if she stayed she would make the same mistakes and would be unable to focus.

So with a small nod, she picked up her things began to walk out of the building, and took a cab to your shared apartment. As soon as she arrived, she dropped her bags on the floor and walked to the room. She let her hair down and undressed herself till she was only in undergarments.

She walked to the shower and turned on the cold knob drenching her body completely. Her body shivered and she bit the side of her cheek as the cold water ran down her heated body. After showering, she wrapped herself in a towel and walked out of the room. She was looking through the drawers for clothes when she realized today was laundry day and she seemed to have forgotten to put the clothes in the washer.

She grabbed her clothes still wrapped in the towel and quickly threw them in the washer before going back to the room.

“Minah?” She heard your voice and froze in her spot. She heard your footsteps and realized she was naked with only a towel covering her. A small shiver ran through her body when she felt the bed sink.

“Baby, are you okay? You look kinda tense,” you said placing a hand on her shoulder.

“Why are you home so early? Did something happen with Bada?” You felt her body tensing up even more.

“Y/N please,” she said in a soft begging voice.

“Minah?” You asked as you dragged your hand down her arm. She bit her lip and shut her eyes tightly.

“Y/N, you’re… you’re teasing me. Please stop,” she said as she grabbed your arm. Her hand let go of her towel and her bare figure was revealed to you fully for the first time. Your breath got caught in your throat and that’s when she felt the cool sensation on her body.

“Oh my. I’m sorry! I’ll change and be right out,” she fumbled to pick up her towels but you grabbed her hands.

“You’re beautiful,” you said as you moved the towel aside and kissed her shoulder. She seemed to melt under your touch when a soft moan escaped her lips. You looked at her face and smiled softly.

“Y/N, I need you,” she said and you nodded.

You as well as her have been holding back your lustful desires and you were ready to give in to her desires. You kissed her lips hungrily and her hands found their way to your breasts.

Sloppy kissing sounds filled your room as she undressed you and attacked your neck feeling every inch of your body and cupping your now wet pussy.

You moaned as you felt her hand on your core and she threw you on the bed.

“Minah,” you called but she didn’t reply to your voice. She kept sucking and biting on your neck as she enjoyed your taste and the marks she was leaving.

“Minah, wait,” you said again. She looked at you as she used her hands to hover above you. Her eyes were dark and her brows were furrowed.

“You know I don’t like when others touch you. Care to explain why that man had his hands on you today? Why did he kiss you?” She asked.

“Baby, I’m sorry. It’s not like that. I promise,” you said. A slight smirk appeared on her face as she lowered herself on you.

“Prove it,” she said and with one swift move, she flipped you so you were on top of her. You were startled.

Of course, you weren’t new to sexual intercourse with women but something about Minah made it all feel new to you. The way she touched you, the way she kissed you, and the way her eyes were locked on yours made it feel like it was the first time.

“Prove it, Y/N. I want you to show how sorry you are. I want you to prove to me that I am the only one,” she said with a seductive tone. You couldn’t hold back your desires any longer so you smashed your lips into hers and kissed her sloppy.

You used your hand to grope her breasts and traced her figure. Soft breaths escaped her lips as her eyes were shut. You had never seen her so vulnerable to your touch and it turned you on making your folds wetter.

As your hand reaches her core, her legs part willingly and you smile at her actions. You used your middle finger to collect her juices to draw circles in her sensitive clit. Her sweet moans started to fill the room and they rang in your ears.

You decided to give her more. More pleasure, more love, more of anything she asked for. You were willing to do anything she asked of you.

You brought your fingers to your lips tasting her and went back down inserting two fingers into her. You noticed how her eyes opened wide as well as her mouth. She gripped onto your shoulders and her nails dug into your skin.

You bit your lip as tears build up in your eyes. You were new to pain and pleasure and you loved that it came from Minah. The woman under you has always made you feel new emotions that you were unable to describe but you loved everything about it.

You pumped your fingers in and out at a slow pace making sure she took all of you and you curled your fingers trying to find the right spot. Every thrust emitted a new sensation inside of her and you kissed her lips to trap all of her moans.

As you thrusted again you finally found her sweet spot and you pressed on it hard. You moved faster and she let out the most beautiful pornographic sounds and in a matter of seconds, she released all over your hand.

She dropped her body on the bed and let out a last moan when you pulled out of her. Her chest moved up and down as she tried to regulate her breathing. She licked her lips and opened her eyes.

“Good girl,” she said as she used her towel to wipe your hand.

“Lay down for me, my love,” she said and gently lifted you and placed you on the edge of the bed.

“If it hurts, just hold my hand,” she said and you nodded as you intertwined your hand to hers. She moved down on you and bit your inner thigh and placed a kiss on the same spot.

You let out a moan before gripping the sheets. The next thing you did was arch your back as you felt her wet, warm tongue against your sensitive bud and she inserted two fingers inside of you with no warning and with great force.

She moved inside and out of you rapidly and ate you out. Your moans were loud and high-pitched. Your hand was tightly gripping her hand and the other one gripped the sheets.

What finally drove you to the edge was when you felt her digging her teeth into your clit. The amount of pain was just enough to bring your entire body immense pleasure and she hit your spot at the same time making you cum all over her face.

She licked her lips and went up to kiss you passionately as you tried to recover from your high. As she broke the kiss, a string of saliva and your juices connected your lips.

“Minah~” you mumbled as she helped you get cleaned up and she helped you to the bathroom. She got you in the shower and hopped in with you.

You took a warm shower with her as you helped each other clean up. After the shower, you dressed yourself and her in your clothes and you both sat on the couch together.

“So… who was that?” Minah finally asked as you played Singles Inferno on the TV.

“A childhood friend. We met for lunch and to film some content but he had to leave because his… boyfriend was waiting for him,” you said with a smile and looked at Minah’s flustered face.

“Sorry, baby. I got overly jealous,” she said as she hurried her face in your neck.

“If that was your jealousy state, remind me to make you jealous more often,” you smirked when she hit your arm softly.

Thank you for reading!!!🩵

[atlas-library]

Once again, @mana-jjk inspires me with her analysis of Toge. She reminded me of his harmless pranks, like the one where he steals Maki's skirt— And she doesn't seem to care that much, right.

So I've been having a silly headcanon, dancing around in my mind.

I usually headcanon Toge as trans, not in a binary way though— He mostly uses he/him and they/them pronouns in my mind, but is very much close to the genderfluid label. A bit of pangender and agender at the same time, if we had to use some other labels. He's all and nothing, his gender fits his moods and outfits, he's Toge, that's it.

But what if? What if it didn't cross his mind before the school (it didn't, it was still there but he'd think "That means I'm a guy" when he's never been one, at least not entirely)? What if the first time he gets to break gender norms is by stealing Maki's skirt?

He keeps staring at it, wondering, and when Panda teases him about it (thinking Toge is having other thoughts, or probably knowing he doesn't yet still teasing), Toge shakes his head. Fish flakes.

So Panda tilts his head to the side, deep in thought, and then— "Wanna prank Maki?" And it's the perfect excuse.

Toge nods. Salmon.

The first time he steals Maki's skirt and puts it on, it feels... weird. They're not the same height or size, Maki's hips are slightly wider than his— But then, Toge convinces himself it's just for the prank. Panda loves pranks, he loves Panda and pranks are funny.

Maki doesn't find it funny, though, just annoying; she rolls her eyes at them, calls them stupid and childish (in a typical "Boys are stupid" fashion she's learnt in elementary school), and flicks Toge's forehead as she walks past him. She doesn't even ask for her skirt back... which seems obvious, since she probably has a spare.

So Toge doesn't take it off right away.

He walks around the hallways dressed like this, feels the wind on his calves, and twirls to watch the pretty movements the skirt does. He does this the rest of the afternoon, until the sun goes down and Maki taps his shoulder with a pout. Oh. She wants it back.

So Toge follows her to her room, waits until she invites him in, and doesn't look around in case she doesn't want him to— But her closet has a glassdoor on the inside. He sees his reflection and, when Maki isn't looking, slowly lifts up his shirt until the waistband of the skirt is visible.

It's slightly too big. It doesn't fall prettily on his hips. Still, he likes it.

Behind him, from the corner of her eye, Maki watches Toge as he shyly admires his reflection. She'd seen that look before— On Mai, every time they'd get new clothes she felt really fit her.

Maki doesn't get Inumaki a lot, but she gets him in that specific moment. He does look pretty in a skirt.

[vxntagedior]

hii i have three requests, but totally up to you if you wanna tweak them or something. they're all steve harrington x fem!reader, sfw, angst with hea. thank youu <33

1. reader receives gifts or poems or little trinkets with the sender giving hints about his identity and feelings. the thing is, they're from steve - who is reader's best friend. she asks for his help to find out who this mystery sender is and he agrees. but what if there's like a mistaken identity and she thinks they're from billy (and like who isn't attracted to bad guys and stuff) and steve just goes all pouty (loljk i dunno but something along those lines)

2. king steve era where he makes reader fall in love with him as a dare and she finds out about it breaking her trust and all that. but like i also kinda want it to happen when steve knows about the upside down already and reader will be in danger (near death for more angst haha)

3. reader confesses to steve, but he says he doesn't like her. then reader's all 'okay fine, i'm gonna move on' and when she actually does that, steve is 🥺

moving along

summary | after pining after steve for years, and finally getting the courage, steve doesn't reciprocate your feelings

pairing | steve harrington x fem!reader (one-sided), ??? x fem!reader

warning | i did choose the 3rd one, each were amazing but i just love the third one, angst, fluff ending (for reader), king!steve era, bully!steve, mean!steve

word count | 1.3k

It had to be freshman year of high school when you really saw Steve. Though having known him since elementary school, neither of you were close. It wasn’t until you had trouble opening your locker on the first day of school when your locker neighbor, Steve offered to help you.

Not having any classes with him during freshman year, the two of you talked and catched up during passing periods when you were switching out books.

You liked that Steve, you grew to love that Steve.

But King Steve, hanging around Tommy and Carol, you didn’t like him. 

“Excuse me.” Your voice was barely loud enough for Carol to hear. Rolling her eyes, she turned her head to you. 

“What?” She spat.

It was now junior year, you and Steve were no longer friends anymore, your friendship had ended towards the end of the first semester of sophomore year, when he met Tommy and Carol and started to gain more popularity. 

“You’re in front of my locker.” You sighed, it was a daily occurrence at this point. Usually Carol would come up with something to say to you but she just scooted closer to Tommy, turning back to the conversation. 

Turning to look at the group, you saw for a split second Steve’s eyes on you before he quickly casted them back to Tommy. 

Being as quick as you could you just grabbed your stuff, and walked into math. 

Walking into your usual seat, you smiled over at Nancy, the two of you good friends. “Did you hear about the Winter Formal?”

“I did.” Nancy nodded, “My mom wants to take me dress shopping this weekend.”

“Going with anyone?” You asked. You hoped that this would be the perfect time for you to ask Steve to dance with you, and finally confess your feelings for him. 

“No, no one has asked me and I am not going to ask anyone.” Nancy shrugged, “It doesn’t matter to me.”

You wished you had the carefree attitude she had about it, you were stressed out, worried about everything. Would Steve say yes, would your dress fit, would you and Steve be a couple afterwards. 

Coming home that afternoon, you made up the plan that you were going to ask Steve to Winter Formal the next day. Coming up with ideas in your head, you went to bed that night, dreaming of the two of you together. 

Your outfit was more put together than usual, a nicer blouse and a maxi skirt, that covered your legs, tights covering your legs from the freezing weather in Hawkins. Wiping off the nonexistent dust of you, you saw Steve at his locker, alone for once. 

Taking a deep breath, you made your way towards your own locker. 

Hearing the clicks of your shoes, Steve turned to see you coming up to your own locker, looking down, taking in your outfit.

“Hi Steve.” You said sweetly, turning towards him.

“Hey.” He just nodded. The old Steve would have probably loved talking to you but this new Steve, he didn’t know what to think. 

“So uh, winter formal is coming up.” You didn’t know why you were so nervous, you had pumped yourself up all last night and now you were stressing. “And I was wondering if-”

“Wait.” Steve interrupted you, your eyes now lowering to your feet. Feeling your heart starting to break, you already knew where it was going to end. “I think you’re great, but I’m planning to ask someone else.”

“Okay.” You swallowed, just nodding your head, “See you.”

Holding back your tears, you let out a shaky sigh, going into class. The rest of the day went by a blur, now walking out of school, making your way towards your car. 

Opening up the driver's door, throwing your bag into the passenger seat, you rested your hands on the steering wheel. 

Turning your keys, you heard the engine sputter, cursing under your breath. Turning off the car, you tried again, hearing the same sound.

“Are you kidding me!”

“Need a ride?”

Turning around, you saw your neighbor, Billy, leaning against his own car. Billy and his family had moved in towards the end of summer, you heard of his reputation and left him be. 

“It’s fine.” You sighed, “I’ll just go to the office, call a tow truck.”

“Like hell.” He opened your passenger door, grabbing your bag and bringing it towards his car. You had no other choice now, locking up your car and following Billy.

The ride home was quiet, his music filling the silence.

“Thank you.” You whispered, playing with a string on your bag. 

“It’s the neighborly thing.” He smirked, looking over at you. There was another beat of silence before he spoke again. “Saw you with Harrington this morning.”

“It was nothing.” You brushed it off. “I asked him to winter formal, he said no, that was it.”

Billy could tell there was more just by the sound of your voice but said nothing. Pulling into your driveway, you bid Billy a goodbye. 

“Y/n!” You turned, seeing Billy calling out your name, “If it’s worth anything, Harrington doesn’t know what he’s missing.”

You just smiled, and walked inside. 

-

No one had ever asked you to winter formal and hearing through the grapevine, Steve had asked Nancy, who gladly said yes.

After some self reflection, you were over Steve, if he couldn’t see how you felt and ignored it, you didn’t need him.

Staring at your dress in your closet, you sat at the end of your bed just sighing. Your group of friends had invited you to go with them and all their dates and you couldn’t be the only one without a date. 

The doorbell had brought you out of your daydream, blinking a few times before going down the stairs.

Opening the door, you were met with a sight. Billy stood on your porch, all dressed, slacks, button up and a jacket, his hair freshly done and a corsage in his hand. 

“Billy.” You murmured, “You look handsome.”

“Thank you.” It was probably the first time you truly ever saw him smile. “Why aren’t you dressed?”

“I don’t know if I’m going.” You shrugged, letting him come inside, “Your date must be lucky.”

“Well, she isn’t dressed yet, and I’m here to persuade her into coming.” He smirked.

Catching his drift, your eyes widened in shock, “You want to go with me?”

“If you let me.” He said, “I know we haven’t been that close, but Harrington shouldn’t stop you from going.”

You just stayed silent, smiling softly, excusing yourself, running upstairs.

Getting dressed and doing your makeup in under thirty minutes, something that surprised you, you slid on your heels and made your way back downstairs.

“You look beautiful.” He said in awe, seeing you in your dress. Opening up the box that held your corsage, Billy nudged it towards your wrist.

Giving you his arm, Billy delicately tied the corsage around you, squeezing your hand before pulling away. 

“You ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

Walking into the gymnasium, one transformed into a winter wonderland, you looked around everywhere smiling softly. The dance had started less than an hour ago, the room starting to fill up.

You let Billy bring you to the dance floor, offering you his hand. Smiling, you accepted, letting him wrap his arms around your waist. 

In your own worlds, neither of you noticed Steve looking towards your way. Steve had noticed you the minute you entered the room. And seeing Billy next to you, made him jealous.

After rejecting you, Steve had felt horrible and wanted to apologize but he had let Tommy get into his head saying that he needed someone better.

But that night, Steve came to realize, there wasn’t anyone better than you.

fin.

[bamdelune]

In Hindsight 📹 Ch. 02 : "Room 613"

notes. this chapter will mostly be text-based & will try to ease the plot better so excuse the length! I'll be putting a line break after the first few to consider the scroll time on tumblr <3 the social media portion of this chapter is below the 19th block of text if you're curious,

cw! mention of nosebleeds (once)

After the day you were admitted into the hospital, the rest of the week was dedicated to thorough laboratory tests and consultations. Care of Dr. Baizhu, of course.

Dr. Baizhu has been your physician ever since you were in elementary school. Before you checked in, you had called him about unusual pains and abnormalities you noticed with yourself. You suffered from additional headaches that were severe to a level and nosebleeds seemed to happen more often. He in turn advised you to come to the hospital to get it checked. The process was daunting and exhausting but you finished, falling face-first onto the soft cushions of the ward's bed.

Saturday, you woke up early to meet with your production team to discuss your upcoming album—though it happened online since the nurses specifically told you that coming outside in this state wasn't exactly the best course of action.

The meeting went by after about 45 minutes. The mood sampler ABYSS Entertainment posted a week ago was merely something to keep your fans from suspecting anything, mainly how you haven't actually made any progress on the album. But the meeting bore fruit, much to your joy. "Pieces of Love" would be taking on a dreamy, floaty, ethereal theme which was a complete contrast to the mood sampler video's gloomy one. The album would have twelve tracks and as always, you took the responsibility of writing and producing the majority of each song with a little help from your team. This process provided you a certain peace whenever it happened and you were more than glad you have the chance to do it now.

The sound of knocking resonated within the walls of your room before the sliding door shuffled open to reveal Dr. Baizhu and a young man and a nurse following suit. Your mind questions the stranger but your attention comes back to the doctor.

"Y/N, good morning. I see that you're up early." Baizhu greets with a gentle smile you had long grown familiar with.

You stuff your laptop and writing notebook into the depths of one of your bags before placing it down on the floor beside your bed. You sit down on the edge, and face Baizhu. "Oh, yes. I had to meet up with the production team today." You reply, mirroring his smile.

The nurse shuffles forward to take your vitals, just as she had for the past week. Dr. Baizhu then continues to converse with you, the young man that followed him in here still behind him. standing silently. "I take it you're coming out with a new song?"

"Full album now, actually." You smile at the thought of the achievement. It was one of your goals to release a full album and now that was in the making. You notice the stranger shift as if he wanted to say something but he remained silent.

Baizhu notices the direction in which you were peering at and chuckles. "Ah, right. Forgive me, it seems that I forgot to do some introductions."

"Y/N, this is Kunikuzushi. He's a— well, honorary intern here at the hospital. In reality, he's in his fourth year of college just like you are. And Kunikuzushi, this is Y/N. I'm not sure if you've heard of them but I believe they also attend the same university as you do."

Your lips form a small 'o.'

Honorary... intern? This kid must've done some talented things for him to intern this early. Doesn't internship come later?

"I've heard of them before, doctor. They've made quite a noise in the music industry." Kunikuzushi replies curtly. You couldn't blame him, perhaps he was just the awkward one.

"Well, I suppose that makes this easier then," Baizhu pushes his glasses to the bridge of his nose. "Kunikuzushi here will be coming along with me to grasp the concept of working at a hospital so I hope this doesn't pose as a problem for you, dear?"

"Not at all, doctor." You reply with understanding.

"Thank you. Well, I believe your vitals are okay as of the moment so I'll leave you alone now. Please do make sure to rest, Y/N." The green-haired physician advises you as he leaves through the door with the other two. "Call the staff if you need anything, yes?"

You only nod in response before waving him off, welcoming back the silence of the room when the doors slides closed.

You take this as a chance to flop back down onto the comfort of the mattress, throwing your head back onto the pillows as you stare at the white crowned ceiling. Just then, a vibration shakes the wood of the side table.

For the second time this morning, the sliding door hisses open going to the left of the wall. Your best friends shuffle inside your room holding some paper bags and Lumine seemed to be holding a small box tied with a white ribbon.

"You know it's scary how easily we got into your room." Aether blurts out, setting one of his shares of paper bags on one of the two free chairs in the corner. The other two shuffle around to take the contents of their bags out and on to the small coffee table between the chairs.

You breathe a sigh when you kick your feet off the edge of the bed and onto the cool floor, "I told them to watch out for three sleep-deprived college kids today." Aether shoots you a frown while Xinyan then comes closer to you with an open box of snacks, holding one of them in between her fingers and you open your mouth to pop it in. You munch on it slowly as a slightly sour but sweet stream of flavor explodes in your mouth.

"Strawberries?" You ask in between chews, Xinyan nods with a smile.

"You said you were craving them so I bought some from Xiangling from the culinary department. She was trying to offer me some more items but they looked... er, you get it."

You nod in acknowledgement of her words, quietly watching the twins settle down.

"What's the box for?"

Lumine looks in your direction before her face lights up in realization, grabbing the small box from earlier and digging for three envelopes from her sling bag. "Letters. We were originally planning to send only three from each of us but apparently, some of the professors and people on campus had the same idea."

She hands the two items to you and you turn them slightly to examine them. Your hands shake the box to hear a few solid knocks on the cardboard. "Seems 'some' isn't the right word," you laugh, slightly taken aback by the sound of the amount of messages inside.

The rest of the hour and a half that your group spends in your room, they managed to feed you just a little bit of the food you missed. Truth be told, you were kind of getting sick of the hospital food again. Xinyan explains the gist of your current lessons and offers to lend you her notes. Aether suggests that all four of you could binge watch something until their visitation time is over.

You opted to read the messages in the box after your friends left. It was sunset by the time they did and you were just getting tired from the talking you did.

The only light in the room came from outside the sliding door which led to the floor's front desk, and the warm lighting of the drop-down ceiling when you started going through the letters in the container. Most of them were just your professors and classmates wishing you well and good health, congratulating you on the process of making your album, and whatnot. You saved the three's letters for last, figuring that it must've been special and lengthy just by how much paper they used.

Frankly, your friends' messages were the ones responsible for breaking the dam of tears as you read along. As you dry the salty remnants from your face, you take out your notebook dedicated for songwriting and use the night to begin writing one of your b-sides.

synopsis. You are a singer-songwriter. Music has always been a part of you, it's a part of your identity that no one can ever take away. However, there's always a catch: you are diagnosed with a chronic illness that puts your life on a timer. Those who have heard your countless melodies have grown to notice that the notes on the sheet played a gloomier tune. Would the snarky and capable medical student you've met be able to bring life back into these melodies? Even as life begins to seep out of your own body? (scaramouche x gn!reader)

tags. gender-neutral reader, angst, fluff, crack, heavy contexts of death and illnesses, friends to lovers, slowburn, profanities, drinking (characters are in college), suggestive themes but no nsfw.

taglist. (open, reply or send an ask to be added/removed) — @beriiov @alatusorrow @br0oke96 @ohmyfinggod @itzblazekun @featuredtofu @sketcheeee

masterpost ★ masterlist © bamdelune 2023. do not repost, translate, plagiarize any of my works without permission, thank you so much! reblogs, notes, and comments are always appreciated!

[weirdest-worlds]

~Kin list!~ pt. 1

I’m just giving my opinion on how I think you act if you are one of these kinnies. So, don’t take everything really personally, this is all my opinion and thoughts. I will take recommendations, if they’re sent.

Fell Sans-

You have a pretty hot temper, and tend to act like an 8 year old at the word “no”. Every discord meme of those guys shouting and breaking their keyboards is a perfect description of you the second the headphones are on. You know the minute an 18+ video game is released. I think you enjoy hanging out in trees. Just, for no reason. You only enjoy the snow because you’re the first one to declare a snowball fight. That one kid in elementary school that was at the principal’s office daily.

Dream Sans-

Tiny ray of sunshine. Had the kid core aesthetic till 16, or still do, either way. You need more mental help then anyone you know, but don’t want to admit it. You go out of your way, way too much for other people. Loud noises are intimidating. You are more introverted then first thought from anyone you know or meet. Would make flower crowns all day if you could. Likely straight, trans, bi, or pan. If not, that’s okay, you’re just even more supportive. You wanted pets for the longest time, since those 17 fish didn’t do it for you.

Dust Sans-

You wear hoodie, everyday. No excuse. Must cover, all body. You like looking like it’s -55 degrees outside, and take one or two accessories off in the summer. Baggy clothes, are life. Tights? Jeans? Tube tops? Never heard of those. In every friend group, and I mean everyone, you are the one that’s there just to be there. You don’t get into fights, or keep up the conversation, just there. And people remember you the most, for some reason. You likely have OCD, or completely don’t. No in between. You either get irate when a pot is in the wrong spot, or can never find your phone charger, and live in a room that could be described as a landfill.

Fresh Sans-

You played FNAF SB, just for the experience of the neon and music. You also really like the DJ music man. Basically lives in the internet, because people think you’re funny that way. Again, kid core for the longest time. Insane amounts of bubblegum. On the road? Gum. In school? Gum. At home? Gum. Kidnapped and being held hostage? Gum. You were immensely interested in sports from the ages of 4-7, but eventually gave up because funny haha memes. Made an oath to yourself that you wouldn’t swear till you’re 18, or have every cuss word in your vocabulary. Again, no in between. You love soda and soft drinks. You like to hold it in your mouth till the sides of your face feel tingly.

That’s all for now! I will take recommendations…

[sugarsfics]

New Girl

Summary: There is a new girl in town that catches his attention. Will he be smooth enough to ask her out? Or will he get nervous and bail on it. Does he get help from his fellow best friends?

A/N: Hiiiii thank you so much for the love on Crushing on The Babysitter I am still in shock tbh. But here is my first Steve fic enjoy;)

Warnings: Use of Y/N, fluff, horrible writing, like one cuss word.

Word count: 1.1k

There she is Steve thinks as you walk into Family Video. The new girl he has had his eye on her since she moved to town. Your family moved in from Arizona, your dad got a huge job opportunity in the town next to Hawkins but decided to move to Hawkins for its charm. Your little sister went to Hawkins high; your little brother went to Hawkins Elementary, and you work at the Hawkins Café. Both your parents work so take your siblings to school and pick them up. He saw you when he dropped Robin and Dustin off, when he found out you work at the Café and he went in and ordered a black coffee, he hated it but still goes in every morning to talk to you well more so gawk at you. 

It was Friday and you decided to get so movies for the weekend to spend some family time together. You walked in and saw the man that always comes in the café and order a black coffee Steve. You must admit he is very handsome, his hair is perfect, but he probably has a girlfriend, that is what your mind tells you, so you don’t get your hopes up. Steve just stares as you walk around the store grabbing movies. Before he knows it, you are in front of him waiting it check out, “Hi did you find everything you were looking for” “Yes, I did thank you” “Well these are great movies you have amazing taste.” “Thanks” “So are you having like date night or” “No they’re for my family” this is your time Steve thinks “Oh cool well-” “Excuse me” a customer interrupts “I need some help” “Yes ma'am right away” he bags up your movies then you are on the way. He watches you leave “I’m still waiting” “Yes am coming” as he rolls his eyes. 

Thought out the rest of you day Steve didn’t leave your mind. As you watched the movie with your family you couldn’t help but think that the pillow you were laying on was Steve. Imagine lying on him while you play with his hair and then he plants kisses on your head.... No No stop it he most likely has a girlfriend stop thinking about him. Then you went to bed dreaming about him FUCK 

Robin and Dustin both look at each other, “Comon Steve who's the girl?” “ Pff girl what girl there is no girl” ‘Steve” Robin says “ you have been day dreaming more than usually, there was two pretty girls that walked in and didn’t even flirt Steve so once again who is the girl” “Fine her name is Y/N L/N” “L/N” Dustin pipes in “ I think her sister is in my history class” ‘How is that relevant Dustin” Robin says “ It’s not but I was just saying but anyway Steve continue” “Thank you but yea Y/N L/N she works at the café down the street I see her every morning when I get my coffee-” “But hate coffee” Robin and Dustin both said “JINKS” “HA Dustin” “Guys really” Steve says in his mom pose “Sorry” “So how are you going to ask her out” “I don’t know wing it like I always do” “Yea and how many dates have you gotten by winging it” “wow just wow” “let use help Steve-” “No both of you stay out of my love life” “But-” “Got it stay out” then he walks into the break room “ Dustin-” “HA you said my name” “Not the time but how are we going to get them together?” “I got a plan” 

Dustin walks into history class the following Monday “Hey your Megan L/N right” “Who’s asking” “Oh sorry I’m Dustin Henderson” “Ok did you need something” “Um yes so you have a sister correct?” “Yeah why” “Well I have a friend who has taken a liking to her and was hoping you would help” “What's in it for me” “Um well I have some that could change your grade in any class” “Deal” After Dustin explains the plan, they go separate ways. “Hey sis how was school” you said when Megan sat in the car “interesting very interesting” “oh ok then”  

“Sooooo sister do you know Steve Harrington" your sister says a little too sweetly “Vaguely why” you answer questionably “Well um I heard he was king of the school when he went there” “And that he is really good looking” “Oh and that he is great with kids and-” “Where is this going” “Ok I'm just going to cut to the chase this curly head kid name Dustin came to me in class asking about you and said that Steve as taken a liking to you” “What Steve as in the hot guy at the video store Steve” “I think. You like him too” “Well I wouldn’t say that like he is hot but I thought he had a girl so never went for it” “Now we know he doesn’t so go for it” “Yeah I will” Megan stares at you “You mean now” “YES go go” you quickly grab your keys and head for the door “I will been back in time to make dinner” you shout as you close the door. 

Steve was having a bad day. He woke up late, so he was late to take Robin so then he was late to work so he couldn’t grab a coffee, that he never drinks, and didn't get to see you. Now he is restocking the shelves because some kids thought it was funny to rearrange the films. The door all of sudden flings open scaring Steve “Aaaa.. Welcome to family video how can I-” “Steve hey um can we talk” Steve has no thoughts in his head you want to talk to him “Um yeah sure what’s up” “Do you have a friend name Dustin that is in high school” wow he thinks after all this time that’s all you have to say to him “Yes I do” he replies while running his finger through his hair “Ok just make sure before I make a big fool of myself” “What-” “Do you want to go on a date Friday night” shocked that is what Steve was shocked then he realized that he kept you waiting for so long “Let me check my schedule and see if I have anything......Nope so yeah I would love to go on a date with you” “Great here’s my number, call me when you get off of work so we could talk and plan” “Yes will do” “Bye” “Bye” as you to your car with the biggest smile on your face that matched Steve’s “See just winging it and she came running to me” Robin and Dustin roll their eyes and pump their fist.  

[bmodiwrites]

And My Heart Ran Away From Me

Pairing: Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson Rating: Explicit (E) Notes: There's no real excuse for this one. I've been watching far too many Hallmark movies, I think. Word Count: ~12.5k Warnings: There’s definitely some smut in here, but it’s me writing, so that’s not really a surprise. Other than that, there’s not too much aside from some good old Christmas fun! Summary:

Eddie unexpectedly loses his job. After years away and hopes for many more, Eddie has nowhere to go but back home. There, he runs into an old crush turned elementary school principal. It's love and lust at first sight for Eddie all over again. Read to find out what happens when assumptions are made and two people who are meant to be dance around each other in every silly way imaginable.

Or, Steddie meets a Hallmark movie!

Read the rest on AO3 here!

The decision to drive seemed like a good one when Eddie first pulled away from his downtown Chicago apartment. His head was filled to the point of near explosion – the time alone would do him so much good. At least, that was what Eddie initially thought when he sat behind the wheel to start the twenty hour drive back to Hawkins, Indiana. Eddie didn’t take into account the anxiety and second guessing that would start to bombard him the closer he got to his childhood home. It’d been thirteen years since he stepped foot in Indiana, much less Hawkins. As he inched closer, Eddie’s skin got tight, started to crawl. Dread settled in under the already residual cloud of sadness that was now Eddie’s constant companion. No, it never crossed Eddie’s mind that he’d have to deal with the ghost of feelings long forgotten the closer he got to the place he used to call home. He probably wouldn’t have even attempted the journey if it did.

Leaving after high school was the best decision that Eddie ever made – despite what happened, Eddie still believed that to his very core. He struggled to get by in the small town he grew up in and some freedom was just what Eddie needed. Being different was a death sentence that Eddie felt lucky to escape. Though they all knew it was a long shot, Eddie and his buddies, the boys who made up Corroded Coffin, all set off for stardom the day after graduation without looking back. It took a bit of struggling, but the band finally caught a break about six months later. Eddie, despite everyone looking down at him or doubting his talent and risky choices, was actually making something of himself.

The high of a dream come true lasted for a couple of years – Eddie lived up the moments where he got to play music for a living all day, every day. The band toured and made a couple of records that took off and brought them even more success than Eddie ever imagined. They were headed towards something so good that Eddie had to go and absolutely fuck it up – that was the natural order of things, after all.

They were back in Chicago for a couple of weeks to celebrate the holidays before the second leg of their third sold-out tour. Eddie was high on life and a couple joints that made him feel invincible. He didn’t see the patch of black ice, didn’t feel the car flip, didn’t even remember what happened until many months later when his memory started to resurface.

A concussion, of all things, was the thing that yanked all of Eddie’s music dreams and ambitions right from his hands. The severe bang on his head, which cost him four staples in his skull and several stitches across his cheek, caused irreversible hearing damage. Though he wasn’t deaf and hadn’t lost the ability to hear completely, Eddie’s ability to keep a tune or fluctuate throughout the different pitches was nonexistent. A tone deaf guitar player was no good for anyone, no matter how good Eddie was before.

Healing took up enough of Eddie’s attention that he didn’t notice the lack of music in his life at first. He was too caught up in the idea of getting his hearing back that the reason for all the effort sort of slipped through his fingers. The reality of the situation stayed away long enough for Eddie to come to terms with the new silence in his life. When the consequences of his truth really sunk in, Eddie was somewhat prepared for the fallout. He kept himself together enough to not have a complete mental breakdown, to think fast and find a workable solution, instead. Eddie wanted to stay in the band and luckily, had the perfect way to do it.

Always having an artistic eye, Eddie took to photography almost immediately. He always wanted to freeze time and capture moments as a kid but the lack of monetary means to do so doused the flame of that desire. No longer a poor, struggling child, Eddie splurged with his well-earned tour profits to get himself a quality camera and a new start in life. It took no time at all for him to read the manual and understand how it all worked. Once he got the hang of the little machine in his hands, Eddie let himself loose artistically and created a space for himself. If he couldn’t be in the band, he’d sure as hell capture their candid moments, instead.

And that’s exactly what Eddie did – for a decade, Corroded Coffin had the best behind the scenes footage in the music business. Eddie’s photos were well known by fans of the band and photo artists alike. He had a unique eye that told a story unlike any photographer before him. He loved his work and would’ve been happy to continue it for many years to come.

Of course, allowing for complacency to set in meant Eddie was in for the shock of his lifetime. Corroded Coffin was scheduled to start their tenth world tour a couple of weeks before Christmas. Eddie had already used the travel as an excuse to put his uncle off for another year. While he missed Wayne more than he cared to admit, Eddie had no intention of ever going back to Hawkins. He thought he had the greatest job in the world that would always give him an out. Except, the job he thought was his forever was quickly yanked out from under him.

Eddie should’ve saw it coming. Jeff and their newest guitarist, Kurt, started pulling away months before the news came. After so many years of friendship, Eddie brushed off Jeff’s distance, chalked it up to too much time spent together after a long stretch of road shows. It never once crossed his mind that the guys were planning to trade him in for something younger, prettier, and more busty than Eddie could ever be. Walking up to the bus to see a petite blonde with a camera bag strapped across her extra booby chest shouldn’t have come as such as surprise – but it did. Eddie was so shocked that he stood there dumbly as the tour bus rolled away, until there was nothing before him but dust and broken dreams.

It took Eddie an admittedly long time to drag himself away from the life that’d been his just moments before. He was numb and lost, completely not with it when he called Wayne to cry and complain and finally break down. There were no inhibitions left when he readily agreed to go home for Christmas. His mind was completely gone in those tender minutes of insanity. By the time that Eddie realized what he’d done, seven hours and two gas fill ups were already under his belt. Aside from that, he’d given Wayne his word; Eddie disappointed his old man enough to know that doing so again wasn’t an option this time around. Despite hating the thought of retracing his steps anywhere near the home he used to have, Eddie gripped the wheel a little tighter and kept on driving. When all was said and done, what did he really have to lose?

Unfortunately, Eddie had several more hours to ponder that exact question. His sanity seemed to be the only thing hovering on the edge, though that wasn’t much different than the past few months for Eddie. The crazy right turn he was taking at the moment was inevitable – Eddie felt the need to break free and change everything bubbling up for a long time. Too bad it took the sudden jolt of being stabbed in the back to set Eddie on the right path. In the long run, Eddie was lucky his uncle gave enough shit about him to invite him back at all.

Thinking back to their conversation, Eddie let himself smile – the quirk of his lips almost felt foreign after being in such a perpetual bad mood. Wayne was known to do that, though.

“What’s the matter boy?” Eddie recalled Wayne saying. His uncle’s voice was rough and deep, but Eddie recognized the care there, too. “You calling more than once in the month is too rare of an occasion to be a coincidence.”

There was a moment of silence where Eddie tried to remember why he spent so much time avoiding the man on the other side of the line. The unsubtle way Wayne just laid himself down was too much for him in that moment. Eddie was embarrassed to admit that his uncle was grossly correct – he went out of his way to make the time between calls longer and longer. It seemed silly now, in a desperate moment where Eddie needed the comfort and Wayne offered it so willingly.

So, Eddie spilled his guts. He told Wayne everything about the unsatisfactory nature of his life, how he missed the connection that music brought, how he never really fit in after having to step away and take up a new role. Eddie let so much of his troubles go that Wayne even knew about his loneliness by the time the words had run dry and the truth was the only thing that remained. There was no real argument when Wayne suggested coming back to Hawkins – Eddie was even shocked to hear that some work opportunities might be available to him. Desperate and ready to be back in someone’s orbit that cared for him, Eddie agreed, packed a bag, and set off.

He was still thinking about the hastiness of that decision when the Hawkins sign on the side of the road came into view. Sucking in a weary breath, Eddie tried not to anxiously clench his jaw. It was obviously too late to turn back – aside from nineteen hours of committed driving time already, Eddie couldn’t help but wonder if maybe a break from all the bull shit was a good thing. It’d been so long since Eddie slowed down that he truly couldn’t remember the last time it happened. Resolving himself to that positive attitude, Eddie flicked on his turn blinker to make the final descent into Hawkins proper. As he let go of the brake and shifted the wheel, Eddie shook his head and let go.

Driving down Main Street, Eddie was pleasantly surprised to see that while a lot had actually changed, not so much of it had, either. The huge grocery store was still the same, even the little cart rack by the road was eerily familiar. Eddie would’ve sworn it was a decade ago if it weren’t for the huge coffee shop that now took up the space that used to be a thrift store. The empty parking spot right by the door drew Eddie in as the siren of coffee made it impossible to drive any further without stopping. Eddie parked his car and climbed out with a surge of excitement rushing through him – he thought he would have to get by with Wayne’s special brand of sludgy-black coffee. Knowing he had a place to escape to made his arrival back to a place he tried to avoid a bit better than he first imagined. Maybe he’d actually be able to get through his visit after all.

Of course, thinking those sorts of wishful thoughts was dangerous, giving Eddie the kind of hope that had no business residing in the same vessel as his perpetual bad attitude. That truth made itself abundantly clear when one of the most haunting ghosts from his past met Eddie at the door of the coffee shop.

Steve Harrington, the most beautiful man himself, was parked at a small table on the right side of the shop. He was facing the doors so that Eddie spotted him the second he strolled in. All the confidence in Eddie’s step drained from him at the sight of his childhood crush. As he sat there, Steve looked more gorgeous than ever. The glasses that framed his hazel eyes were stylish and fit the shape of Steve’s cheeks too well – Steve’s fine features certainly didn’t need any extra help. They drew Eddie’s eyes first thing, though the David Bowie concert shirt was a close second. While more than ten years had passed, Steve Harrington still looked like the eighteen year-old that Eddie remembered. If it weren’t for the facial hair and barely noticeable lines by his eyes, Eddie would be certain Steve was some sort of time traveler or immortal who didn’t age. In truth, the man simply looked good – as if anything aside from that was ever an option for the best looking guy that Hawkins had to offer.

Quickly realizing that he’d gone still to think up all of those not so pure things, Eddie straightened his posture and walked further into the shop. He dragged in a long breath of air, only to let out a soft sigh of relief at the tantalizing scent of freshly ground coffee beans. Closing his eyes for a moment, Eddie let the familiarity of being around something that brought him comfort sit in his chest and warm him up. After everything he’d been through, a simple thing like good coffee was more than enough to bring him a little happiness.

The sound of someone saying “Welcome to Henderson’s” brought Eddie out of his trance. Looking up, Eddie was shocked to see Nancy Wheeler, of all people, standing expectantly behind the counter. Eddie had to work hard not to let his jaw drop at the sight. Out of all the people he expected to be back in their sleepy little town, Nancy wasn’t one of them. She had a lot of gusto in her personality and the brains to match. For a moment, Eddie allowed himself to marvel at the funny way that life worked.

“Holy shit, you’re Nancy Wheeler.” Eddie was still so shocked that he forgot to check his mouth at the door. Trying to smile through the awkwardness, Eddie forced himself to count to ten and not flee from his very spot. On top of Nancy’s brainy prowess, Eddie couldn’t help but recall the badass streak the little woman before him had in her. He feared for his life for a brief moment. Then, the cutest look of confusion overtook her face and Eddie relaxed.

Her, “do I know you – “ was elegantly interrupted by Steve Harrington standing up from his chair and joining the conversation. “Eddie Munson, as I live and breathe!” His exclamation rang so loudly throughout the store that even Nancy drew back a little. She smartly cut herself off and went about fiddling with the cash register in front of her. Eddie, ever the brave one, turned to greet Steve, a soft smile on his face. “I didn’t believe Wayne when he said you were coming back to town.”

At the mention of his uncle, Eddie forgot the drool he’d been trying not to let drip down his chin to shfit his attention elsewhere. “You know Wayne?” Eddie asked stupidly, his tone perplexed. He cringed at himself for a second before pushing past the oddness of it all. For some reason, Steve Harrington knew his uncle and Eddie planned to find out why.

Steve, the gorgeous little asshole, didn’t even blink an eye. “I sure do. He’s one of the best substitute teachers in town. I don’t know what we’d do without him – especially at this time of the year.” Steve smiled then, the look almost wolfish. His teeth were white and blinding, much too distracting for the discussion at hand.

“What in the world is happening?” Eddie asked, looking up at the ceiling dramatically. Wayne, the man who didn’t even want to help him with his homework, was a teacher… at a school? Just when Eddie thought things were already thrown way out of whack, another oddity came slamming down on the pile. “I can’t believe Wayne’s a teacher. You,” he said, pointing over at Steve, “I can see being one, but Wayne – he refused to proofread for me before I started high school!”

A sharp laugh cut through Eddie’s downward spiral. Steve’s lips were pulled back in a genuine expression of mystified enjoyment. “I’m actually the principal, but you’re not all that far off. I was a teacher for the first couple years of my career.” Crossing his arms, Steve relaxed his long limbs and leaned against the front counter with the slightest pop of his hip. “One of my kids got under Wayne’s skin a couple of school years ago. It’s hard to say no to the little monsters once you’ve come to understand the power of puppy dog eyes and little lip wobbles.”

Dumbfounded that Steve seemed to know more about his uncle now than he did, Eddie mumbled out some half-assed response, then turned away from the conversation completely to babble out his coffee order, side-eyeing Steve the entire time. Things stayed silent and tense for the entirety of the three minutes it took for Nancy to make his quad-espresso and slide it across the counter towards him. Eager to do something with his hands, Eddie swept it up and brought the cup to his mouth. Pushing past the scalding his tongue was taking, Eddie felt immediate relief as the caffeine hit his taste buds and sunk down his throat to get blissfully lost in his blood stream. The fire in his mouth was nothing when compared to the warm feeling that settled in his chest. “You sure know how to make a good cup of coffee, Wheeler,” Eddie finally said, breaking the silence with a throw away comment. Not sticking around to see how she was going to react, Eddie gripped his cup and made a beeline for the exit.

He was almost to the door when Steve’s voice stopped him dead in his tracks; it even had Eddie turning around to face him once again. “See you around, Munson. Tell Wayne I said hello.” Steve looked triumphant and grossly beautiful as he stared Eddie down. Raising his cup in a silent salute, Eddie used that as his answer before actually running out of the shop.

The fresh air hitting Eddie’s face helped him to reset himself. His heart was beating rapidly, the thrum of it so heavy that he heard it in his faulty ears. A fine sheen of sweat had started to collect on his brow, sticking his hair to the skin there. Even the tips of his fingers felt a little tingly from the craziness of the situation. Now that he was a bit more removed from it, Eddie was floored to know that his uncle had inadvertently befriended the one boy Eddie hadn’t ever been able to stop thinking about. No amount of distance drove the visage of Steve Harrington from his brain. Leave it to his oblivious uncle to make the connection that Eddie craved to have himself.

Stewing on that for the rest of his drive to Wayne’s, Eddie took long, pensive sips of his incredibly tasty coffee. Though he used the compliment as a spring board out of the store, Eddie was genuine with his words. The beans were obviously high quality, picked with the sort of care only a person like Nancy Wheeler had. The press and subsequent grind of them left no remnants behind, creating a smooth and satisfying mouthfeel with each gulp. Eddie had admittedly lived in the big city for too long – most of the drivel they called coffee there was subpar, barely better than the swill that Wayne liked to cook up for himself. It only made sense that Eddie’s slow down came with a reminder that sometimes things were done their best in a place where care and love led the way. Chicago, despite all of its perks and pluses, was not that type of city.

Regardless of all his inner turmoil, Eddie perked right up when he pulled into the driveway of Wayne’s bungalow. His old man was excitedly standing by the screen door, eagerly waiting for Eddie to return. Adorably, Wayne was out of the door before Eddie put his van into park. The warm set of arms that wrapped around him the second he stepped down from the driver’s seat was one of the main things Eddie’s life had been missing – he knew the truth of that fact the second Wayne pulled him close. How had he gone so long without feeling his pseudo-father’s embrace?

“It’s so good to see you, Wayne,” Eddie said as they pulled away from each other. He kept his hands fisted in his uncle’s flannel shirt, unable to fully detach himself from their rejuvenated closeness. Wayne wasn’t any better off, both hands had moved to cup Eddie’s elbows, his grip light but determined to keep Eddie near all the same.

“You’re a sight for sore eyes, that’s for sure,” Wayne slapped back, laughing through the real feelings encased in that sentiment. “I see you haven’t changed the way you wear your hair.”

And just like that, the distance of thirteen years no longer existed. Eddie leaned into the grief Wayne gave him about his even longer hair and the new collection of tattoos that Eddie added to his skin. He laughed and smiled and felt at home for the first time since he took off and never looked back. As they settled in with a beer and some surprisingly delicious Christmas cookies, Eddie tried to recall again why he ever thought stepping away from such a place was a good idea. He knew, rationally, that the feeling of welcome and the affection of being around a person that cared about him no matter what was pretty blinding. Still, Eddie couldn’t brush off the feeling of rightness that surrounded him.

At least, not since he stepped foot in that stupid coffee shop.

Eddie woke the next morning to the sound of loud knocking on the door. Staying perfectly still on the mattress, Eddie tried to silently will away the person disturbing his sleep. He’d been dead to the world for the first time in thirteen years, stubbornly, Eddie wasn’t ready to give up the satiated feeling.

Wayne, who could be the only person interrupting him so early, didn’t seem to care about the floaty haze of sleepiness that Eddie was chasing. In fact, the knocks that came next were louder and much more persistent than the first round. “Eddie, you need to get up, son. The timing belt in my truck is on the fritz again and I need a ride into school. Harrington called about a possible sub job and I want to check it out.”

“Wayne, I’m on vacation – “ Eddie tried to say, but was quickly stopped by a sharp, high pitched laugh.

“Well, I’m not. Welcome home, son. Get your ass up and give your old man a lift.”

There was no refusing an order like that. Eddie rolled over petulantly a couple of times before realizing his fate and getting up. He was slow to pull on his trusty pair of jeans and shrug into a flannel. Wayne knocked again when Eddie was finishing up the laces on his boots. “You sure know how to take your sweet time. Come on, Ed – I’m going to be late.” Wayne looked so serious saying those words that Eddie’s plan to be a little shit went by the wayside. Despite not really understanding the change in his uncle, Eddie liked what he was seeing. Wayne had a zest for life that Eddie never noticed in him before.

They were just pulling out of Wayne’s neighborhood when Eddie decided it was finally time he got a couple of answers. After all, it was the least Wayne could do after dragging him out of bed so goddamn early. Gripping the steering wheel tight, Eddie shifted into a cruising gear and let himself talk. “When did you start subbing? Steve Harrington was happy to let me know you’re one of his favorites.” Waiting a beat, Eddie tried to calm himself down before saying, “and when did you two become so close? He made it sound like you were buddies or something.”

Wayne’s chuckle meant that Eddie didn’t succeed in remaining cool and unaffected. Eddie turned his head more firmly towards the road to hide the blush his uncle’s reaction brought about. The old man already knew him so well, even with the thirteen year hiatus – Eddie didn’t need biology to continue to give him away.

There wasn’t any further teasing in the silent moments that followed. Eddie wondered if Wayne was simply going to ignore him when his uncle finally spoke up. “I got conned into volunteering at the elementary school a couple of years ago. This woman I was dating had grandchildren that were first and third graders there, so I went along with it. I met Nancy’s youngest boy, Evan, at the fall fair I was working a booth at. He had the brightest little smile, Eddie – just like you when you were a boy.” Wayne looked ethereal and happy, like that moment truly had changed his life. Eddie listened a little closer as Wayne continued. “I started volunteering more and more until one day, Steve asked if I’d be interested in becoming a substitute teacher.” The smile grew bigger, driving Wayne’s next point home even further. “It’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, son. I really enjoy working with the kids.”

Eddie didn’t need any further evidence past those words and the happiness radiating off of his uncle in waves. Nodding lightly, Eddie buried all of the other things he wanted to ask – what more could he really question when it came to his uncle’s life? Not being there meant not having much room to talk or suggest or even launch an interrogation. It made him warm and satisfied to know that Wayne had found something that brought him true and tangible joy – even if that meant having to spend any time at all with Steve Harrington. The small moments they were in each other’s presence were a hostile torture that Eddie wasn’t all that sure how he felt about.

As if the universe were listening to his thoughts, Eddie pulled up to Hawkins Elementary to the glorious sight of Principle Steve in action. The same glasses from the day before remained artfully pushed up his nose, but that was all Eddie could find of the man from the coffee shop. Denim was replaced with a dark khaki that accentuated the nice cut of Steve’s thighs. Eddie tried not to think too much about the pert swell of Steve’s ass in the fabric, though the struggle was real. A burgundy button up showcased pecs and biceps and the flash of muscular forearms that rolled up sleeves showed off so teasingly. If Wayne weren’t in the passenger seat, Eddie would’ve parked the car just to stare. It’d been so long and Steve Harrington truly had it going on.

Which meant, of course, that he had to be the worst kind of unobtainable. As he pulled into a parking space to let Wayne out, Eddie caught the tail end of an exchange between Nancy and Steve. Holding the most adorable little boy, Steve looked radiant, like he was right at home. The two obviously knew each other because the child perked up almost immediately. Nancy was smiling her own little grin as she watched the two of them. Then, the worst thing happened – Steve leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Nancy’s cheek. There was a second where the entirety of Eddie’s heart broke into tiny little pieces, though he only allowed the hurt to remain for a second. By the time Wayne unclicked his seatbelt and made to get out, Eddie had himself under control again – his heart and Steve Harrington be damned.

Not making any move to join Wayne outside of the car, Eddie was taken aback by his uncle’s expectant look – “you coming, son? I won’t be able to come back out to the car if they assign me a classroom.” Eddie wanted to shake his head and say no vehemently; after what he just saw, Eddie needed some alone time to cry a bit and lick his wounds. There was only so much heartbreak a person could take. Instead, Eddie shut off the car and followed his uncle into the school.

Despite knowing his uncle was popular with the students, Eddie wasn’t prepared for the welcome Wayne received. All of the kids they passed seemed to know him and the lady working the front desk practically lit up like a Christmas tree when Wayne smiled her way. It was odd to see a Munson received so well in the city of Hawkins – Eddie never would’ve left if he knew the family name he carried wasn’t going to continue to drag him down and through the mud.

Shaking that thought away, Eddie made to follow Wayne but was stopped by Steve Harrington’s torturously lovely voice. How had he managed to sneak up on Eddie again? Not having the willpower to keep pressing on, to ignore Steve and the way he made him feel, Eddie braced himself for another emotional roller coaster ride. Trying to be casual about it, Eddie pulled in a long breath before turning to meet the biggest tease of the century.

Steve looked even better up close. The dark maroon of his shirt brought out the paleness of his skin. That only worked to magnify the beauty marks and freckles Eddie so desperately wanted to map out. For the first time in what seemed like forever, Eddie’s fingers ached to be wrapped around his camera. The vision that Steve made deserved to be preserved on film. Quickly pushing through that urge, Eddie buckled down and did his best to remember his manners. “Hi, Steve. Long time no see.”

Eddie wanted to slap a hand over his face the moment the lame greeting left his mouth. It stood in the air much too long for Eddie’s taste, embarrassing him further. He already was a quivering mess, constantly making a fool out of himself wasn’t going to do Eddie any further good. Though, reminding himself that Steve wasn’t on the market should help to clear up the tripping over his own feet thing. Without the hope of something tangible, Eddie could live his life without trying to impress Steve.

Maybe.

Blinking back, Eddie managed to pick up the last of Steve’s sarcastic – “That’s the magic of living in a small town. We’re bound to run into each other everywhere.”

Already sure he missed half of what Steve said before, Eddie bit into his bottom lip and worked hard to focus. The last thing he wanted to do was make Steve think he wasn’t interested in their conversation. Despite knowing all was lost, Eddie was pathetic enough to still want to revel in Steve’s presence. His heart could take the beating if it meant getting to look upon the work of art Principle Harrington was. Eddie was only a man, after all. He wasn’t above taking the least he could get while the going was still hot.

“Right – how could I possibly forget?” Eddie smiled through the anxiety of those words as their truth settled. They were worth it, however – Steve’s lips quirked into a soft little smile.

“Thirteen years is a long time to be gone, Eddie. The mind lets go of little things like that all the time.” Steve looked serious for a second then that cheeky grin of his returned. “I’m just kidding. Small town life is inescapable, no matter how long you try and run.” There was a moment of silence where Steve stared at Eddie, those hazel eyes taking him in like a specimen under a microscope. Just as quickly as that gaze was upon him, it was gone in a blink – Steve looked over Eddie’s shoulder and beyond, his attention elsewhere already.

Eddie thought that was the end of it, his brief two minutes of connection with his coveted crush, but Steve surprised him by speaking again. “Your uncle continuously bragged on your photography work over the years.” Steve emphasized his words by pointing behind Eddie. It took turning his entire body to see what Steve was gesturing at. Though, the effort was worth it. There, on the far wall, was one of Eddie’s more famous pieces. The far off look Steve had just moments before suddenly made a lot more sense.

Looking the picture over, Eddie thought fondly about the moment captured so beautifully. After a concert in Mexico, Corroded Coffin had their usual meet and greet with fans. Eddie joined in by taking the fans’ Polaroids and official snaps for the band. In between a moment of chaos where one set of VIPs made room for another, Eddie noticed a young boy waiting with his family in line. For some reason, Eddie felt compelled to capture the absolute joy on that boy’s face. Eddie hadn’t ever been so excited to get into the dark room after a show. Months later, that very photo won him a couple of different awards and some noteworthy attention. Of all his work, Eddie was secretly proud of that off the wall accomplishment the most. Though, Eddie never knew that Wayne was, too.

Ducking his head to hide the immense satisfaction he suddenly felt, Eddie willed the blush creeping up his neck to halt in place. When it didn’t, Eddie shifted his focus back to Steve – Steve, who was staring at Eddie like he hung the moon – Steve, who, not even half an hour ago, was kissing Nancy Wheeler’s cheek with a child in his arms. Thankfully, that sudden flash of reality was grounding, much more than enough to bring Eddie back from the floaty yet totally unattainable sense of reality he was trekking towards.

“He’s a proud uncle, what can I say?” The words broke the odd silence both men were lingering in. Even Steve seemed to blink back to himself.

“With every right to be. You’re talented, Eddie.” Steve looked genuine as those words spilled from his mouth. Even more so when he spoke again – “Would you be willing to pick up some work while you’re here? I know you’re on vacation, but the school really could use a bit of a makeover.”

Dumbfounded by the offer, Eddie tried not to sound silly in his reply. “You want me to take photos for you? Portraiture isn’t my usual bag, Harrington.”

Eddie watched Steve turn his eyes back to the photo on the wall before saying anything. Already knowing he wasn’t going to be able to say no, Eddie steeled himself for whatever argument Steve was going to throw his way. Surprisingly, the principle went right for Eddie’s heart. “The winter festival is coming up and the kids get so excited. You’d have the perfect subjects at their very best. Just think of all the candid stuff you’ll be able to get.”

Done in and completely aware of it, Eddie readily agreed. He was smart enough to know that whatever argument Steve came up with next would be even more thorough and heart string pulling than the first. It seemed to be his best bet to simply give in and hang on for the ride. After all, Eddie was never one to look a gift horse in the mouth. Despite the tiny little detail of Steve being unavailable, Eddie wasn’t above using the events he’d be working to spend a little extra time with his lifelong crush. When all was said and done, Eddie was the one that had to deal with the fallout of unrequited feelings. If he wanted to play with fire a bit before getting burned, well, that was no one’s business but his own.

Bundled up in his leather jacket and a borrowed beanie from Wayne, Eddie met up with the Hawkins Elementary kids at the tree farm. The day was beautiful enough for Eddie to feel eager about pulling out his camera. After talking it over with Wayne, Eddie was kind of honored to be tasked with such artistic creation. He’d been more than ready to branch out past sweaty guys on stage for a long time now. A project that obviously meant a lot to the people involved in the school was a great stepping stone towards work in other areas. It didn’t hurt, either, that Eddie was home during the most picturesque time of the year. No matter what Eddie shot of his subjects, the pictures were bound to be beautiful.

Upon arriving, Eddie tossed a cursory nod Steve’s way before getting right to work. The entire tree farm had been rented out for the school, so Eddie had his choice of chaos to document. For a while, Eddie walked up and down the tree lines, snapping whatever moved him or caught his attention. There was a wonderful shot of a group of small children that were gathered around a big tree looking up at it with awe that Eddie was giddy to develop later on. It’d been way too long since Eddie felt that sort of excitement towards his work. It felt too soon to revel in it but Eddie was genuinely ecstatic about the needed change in attitude.

Still riding that high, Eddie wasn’t prepared for the storybook scene he walked into a couple of hours into the event. Just his luck, Eddie rounded a corner, only to bump into Nancy and Steve talking softly amongst themselves. They looked so cozy that Eddie wanted to shout and scream, to cause a scene – anything to break up the touching little moment happening between the king and his queen. Gritting his teeth, Eddie nodded at them both before powerwalking in the opposite direction he needed to go. The trek back through the trees he already explored was a complete waste of his time, yet anything was better than playing witness to the literal soap opera happening before him.

Tucking himself back into his work, Eddie pointed and clicked until his fingers were numb from all the exposure to the cold. He pushed through it until the tip of the finger he needed to shoot was tingling. Finally able to look up from his trance, Eddie couldn’t help but notice how gorgeous everything around him was. Fresh snow capped the trees and shined brightly in the sun. Chicago was too urban of a place to get a view that wholistic and natural. Usually, Eddie looked out his window to see the next apartment building over or something crazy happening out on the sidewalk. He had to ride his bike or take a cab to the parts of the city that had any foliage at all. Letting himself dwell too much on what the pang in his chest meant was not what Eddie needed in that moment; so, he shook himself out of the haze of dreams and wants to step back into reality.

A reality where, after spending an entire day trying to avoid him, Steve Harrington found Eddie, anyway. It seemed as if that smile and the infuriating man attached to it was following him everywhere. Eddie was too preoccupied with his own internal struggle of not finding Steve absolutely adorable to conjure up a safe and not completely obvious escape strategy – in other words, he was stuck. Stuck and cornered talking to the one person he wanted more than anything else but couldn’t have. The refreshed knowledge of that sad truth made even being around him too hard to bare. Especially after seeing him with Nancy again. The hurt wasn’t new but the scrape against bloodied flesh was raw and fresh. Gritting his teeth to tamper down all of that misery, Eddie tried to smile in Steve’s direction. “Enjoying yourself, Mr. Harrington?”

Steve stared at him for a second, almost as if he were trying to clock Eddie and his attitude, before straightening up and slipping into his normally suave persona. “Abundantly,” Steve said with an air of sarcasm to his tone. He looked over his shoulder, then leaned in to get closer to Eddie. He cupped his mouth like one would when speaking a secret. “I’m allergic to pine. Being here makes my skin crawl for days.”

Taken by surprise, Eddie was unable to stop the laugh that bubbled up from his chest. The noise was loud and rich, in an octave that even Eddie could hear. “Sorry – that’s just… ironic. Why is this one of the activities you plan if you have to down a couple of Benadryl to get through?”

The contemplative look that flitted across Steve’s face was too good a thing to miss out on. With lightening quick hands, Eddie brought his camera up and snapped a handful of shots before Steve caught on and decided to frown or purse his lips unattractively. Eddie didn’t need to look at the back of the camera to know he’d just taken the best images of the evening – he felt their greatness down in the very marrow of his bones. Smiling at the thought, Eddie shifted his attention back to the subject at hand.

Too much of a gentleman to mention it, Steve didn’t say a word about Eddie’s chaotic interruption. He simply smiled a little wider as he went on to talk about the school board and the many decisions that Steve actually didn’t get to make despite being the person literally responsible for the children always being volleyed back and forth and voted over. Despite himself, Eddie listened closely, even felt a bit bad for a principal that just wanted to make positive changes without the means to do so. He wanted to joke about Steve’s ability to charm anyone, to say something about that dazzling smile always getting him his way, but the tone of the conversation didn’t call for that. Eddie was certain an ill-timed joke would make Steve more upset about the situation, not less.

“Keep chomping at the bit, Steve. From the sounds of it, you’re looking to do some real good and make a true difference. That has to mean something to someone. You just have to find the right person.” He gripped his camera in his hands tightly, trying to tamper down on the urge to continue to talk and talk. Instead, Eddie rolled his shoulders and let some of the anxious tension go out into the universe. The urge to babble abated, so Eddie felt confident to speak again. “You’re obviously good at your job, Harrington. Keep that up and things are bound to change.”

Steve was silent for a long moment following Eddie’s last statement. He simply looked over at Eddie unblinkingly. Just as it was starting to get a little eerie, Steve perked up. It was like a switch had been flipped or something. Now full of energy, Steve shifted on his feet until he was suddenly reaching out into the space between them. Shockingly warm fingers were brushing against Eddie’s cheek before he had a chance to brace himself. Eddie tried not to go still or lean into the touch, though he wasn’t all that sure of his success. Steve continued to stare at him, even as he drew his hand away, even as Eddie sucked in a long breath to try and get his heart rate under control.

“You had a – “ Steve started, finally breaking their eye contact to look at his empty hand. “You have snow on your cheek.”

Dumbfounded and a little bit turned on by the weird sequence of events, Eddie nodded his head in thanks. Words were not his friend at the moment – even if he had access to them, Eddie didn’t know what he’d even say. Of course, hitting his knees and begging for more was always an option. Though, taken guys didn’t always react the best to that sort of public display of lust. Something in Eddie’s gut said that Steve probably wouldn’t be THAT opposed, though. For someone committed to one of the most beautiful people in the city of Hawkins, Steve certainly was loose with his attention. Since starting their conversation, Eddie was certain Steve’s eyes hadn’t left him. What did that mean coming from a person that was already someone else’s?

Eddie pondered that question all the way home and well into the next evening. While Wayne was at work, Eddie took up space in a local dark room. Despite never coming back to Hawkins, Eddie didn’t lose touch with all of his friends there. Jonathan Byers, the man who originally put Eddie in the path of his very first camera, was more than happy to lend out his developing space while Eddie was in town. It was a great excuse for the two of them to catch up and talk shop while Eddie got ahead of his work. Steve wasn’t expecting any of his prints until after Christmas, but the excitement coursing through Eddie was too much. If he didn’t put his hands on his photos right from the start, the creative juices could fly right out the window again. Knowing himself and the way his artistic drive worked, Eddie understood the need to wrap himself up in his shots from the get-go. Luckily, Eddie opted out of doing things the new, high tech digital way, and still needed to tactilely work with his images. The excuse to be in the dark, by himself – Eddie always enjoyed the call of film over digital for that reason alone.

The hands-on nature of the job was enough for Eddie to push his quandary with Steve away for a little while. His eyes lit up with excitement and pride as each of the shots Eddie was stoked for the previous day came to life before him. The photo of all the kids gathered around the lot’s giant tree was as gorgeous as Eddie figured it would be – and so was the snap of Steve. Eddie managed to keep him out of his head all the way through the developing process; the mindless nature of culling, printing, and soaking the film took up a lot of brain bytes, almost to the point where thinking about anything else could be detrimental to the ritual. In this case, it wasn’t – Eddie was extra careful with the print of Steve’s smiling face. He soaked it for a couple of extra seconds and took great joy in watching the life of the image overtake the blank whiteness of the printing paper. When it was complete, Eddie hung the photo up to dry, staring dazedly at it. Despite himself, Eddie didn’t get any more work done that afternoon.

Coming out of his Steve induced haze just in time, Eddie took down all of his creations and tucked them into a long brown envelope. Thankfully it was dark as Eddie left Jonathan’s dark room – he wouldn’t need to worry about the sunlight staining the images. With a surprising tenderness and care, Eddie placed the envelope on the passenger seat, watching it with hawk-like vision as he took turns and navigated his way back through town. Eddie toiled over whether to bring them in with him when he pulled up to the elementary school but thought better of it. He would need both hands free to shoot the Christmas play that was next on the work docket, anyway.

The auditorium was decorated to the nines. Upon opening the door, Eddie had to bite down on his tongue to hold back the gasp. In short, the makeshift theater looked like Christmas had reared back and vomited all over every surface. There were hanging snowflakes coming down from the ceiling, while every inch of the walls seemed to be covered with some version of tacky garland. Fairy lights of all hues of white were strung up to give off a haloing glow to contrast the harsh brightness coming from the stage. Eddie blinked a couple of times to finally find the magic in it all. To a small child, the plethora of decorations probably seemed like a typical part of the season. All of the kids funneling out onto the stage were much too young to understand the commercial idiocy that adorned the walls. By the time the show started, Eddie found himself appreciating the gaudiness – after taking a peek at his latest shots and their quality, Eddie couldn’t care less about the backdrop or the environment they were in. The kids and their energy shot so well that happiness and excitement were tangible in every image Eddie looked at, no matter the location.

As the show came to an end, Eddie fled to the back of the auditorium in hopes of staying out of everyone’s way (and avoiding a certain someone, though he’d never admit to it). Eddie worked to break his equipment down and put it away while proud parents and exuberant kids passed him by. He tried to smile and return each of their waves but the sheer abundance of attention felt like too much. Ducking his head to get the job done was much more efficient and had the added benefit of allowing him to hide. Eddie figured he did an okay job of it – he managed to get his flash and all of his lenses away before someone demanded his attention again.

“You’re pretty sneaky, Munson,” Eddie heard Steve say behind him. Straightening up, Eddie turned to face Hawkins Elementary’s principle. Like usual, Eddie’s breath caught at the sight before him. Steve wasn’t quite as casual as Eddie saw him that first day but the button up shirt and khakis were gone, too. Instead, Steve had on an obnoxious gingham sweater and dark blue jeans. He looked every inch an infuriatingly attractive dad. Eddie wondered if Steve’s kids understood the magnitude of their father’s appeal. They probably never would, not with him being the principal and all.

Shaking his head of all those thoughts, Eddie did his best to focus in on what Steve actually said. “It’s part of the job, Mr. Harrington. You can’t see the photographer flitting around at the front of the stage. I’m kind of like Santa in that aspect – everyone is better off not knowing when or where or how I managed to get the shots I do. There’d be no magic, otherwise.” Eddie found himself smiling then, those fresh words coming from his mouth more true than anything else. It’d been such a long time since Eddie saw his art for what it actually was instead of the hustle it became. There was nothing like surprising an audience with a shot that no one expected.

“Well, Mr. Claus, I’m happy you ended up making it. The show was way too good to miss.” Steve’s eyes were alight with amusement and mischief. Eddie couldn’t help but laugh at the look. Only someone ballsy enough to take a principal gig could make a joke like that.

“You’re not wrong. That last solo was killer.”

There was a moment of silence where Eddie went back to packing up his things. Upon turning his back to Steve, Eddie figured the other man would head out like the rest of the crowd – after an hour’s worth of listening to crooning, escape was a basic human necessity. The fact that Steve was still standing there when Eddie was done confused him even more. First the lingering looks and now the incessant need to always be around – if Eddie hadn’t seen Steve and Nancy together with his own eyes, he would’ve been questioning the soundness of their relationship. Most happy people didn’t flirt with the returned town outcast.

Going one step further to totally screw Eddie up, Steve politely invited Eddie out for hot chocolate. He used the guise of wanting to see some of the photos Eddie took already, but they didn’t actually end up looking at any of them. The minutes were passed with easy conversation and moans of satisfaction as Eddie drank not one but two mugs of the best hot chocolate he’d ever had. Steve told him about college and getting into the teaching game. He spoke about being a student athlete and getting hurt, becoming one of the old foogies in his group of friends, even about the reunion he went to with his basketball buddies every year. Yet, never once did he mention kids or a wife. Eddie spent more time wondering why that was than trying to reciprocate with his own half of the conversation. Aside from not having much to contribute (Eddie’s life had been pretty much the same for a decade), Eddie simply liked to listen to Steve talk. It was a beautiful thing that made Eddie’s chest tighten with warmth and want and a new sort of affection that was both foreign and scary. It took genuine effort to push that feeling down and away when they parted later that night.

Still so confused and done in by all that was happening with Steve, Eddie wasn’t at all prepared for Wayne’s annual game night. Despite a thirteen year gap in being home, Twisted Christmas (as Wayne had taken to affectionately calling their big night) was an old tradition. Eddie remembered a couple of Christmas before moving in with Wayne permanently where his parents and grandparents even took part. Usually excited for the evening, Eddie tried hard not to dread spending time with the people he really did care about. Being back home reminded him of all the friendships (or could be ones) that he left behind. Jonathan and Will Byers were the type of guys that Eddie saw himself spending copious amounts of time with. Maxine, who strictly went by Max now, was a spitfire, still filled to the very brim with personality and spunk. There were so many humans in Hawkins that Eddie was already dreading leaving behind. Even a particular one that never seemed to stop haunting Eddie’s steps.

Because the world was out to get him (or maybe it was Wayne), Eddie obviously drew Steve’s name out of the hat when it was his turn to pull for a partner. It only made sense that the person torturing him unknowingly at every turn would be his only hope for salvation throughout the night. With Eddie’s luck, they were either going to win the whole thing or completely flop belly up. He had more random run ins with Steve when actively trying to avoid him than ever before. The odds had to be in his favor.

And thankfully, they were. Eddie dug deep and worked extra hard to stay focused on the tasks at hand. Steve dragged him through beer pong and quarters so Eddie could really shine during all of the card games. They ran the Spades table for so much of the night that Wayne cut that tournament short on account of everyone getting their asses handed to them. At the end of the night that coveted trophy Eddie never managed to win before was finally in his hands. It was made better by the fact that Steve was crowded into his side, beaming with a similar happiness. Eddie had to look away lest he use the ease of the moment to palm Steve’s cheeks and kiss him soundly. Nancy’s presence on the other side of the room helped dispel the urge, too. Despite being wild and rambunctious and admittedly crazy, Eddie wasn’t a homewrecker.

Except, that thought was easy to push away a couple of hours later. After cementing their victory and the party ending, Eddie was too wound up to sit around and do nothing with Wayne. Steve seemed just as excited to get out and celebrate, so he called up Robin and Chrissy to invite them out for the evening. Seeing Chrissy swollen with a baby was such a shock that Eddie completely bypassed Robin talking about their marriage a couple of years ago. Eddie knew that time marched on and people changed but the visual representation of it knocked him off kilter. People their age had families, babies and wives and commitments for the holidays. Being a drifter suddenly didn’t have the same shine to it as before. Not for the first time, Eddie felt the sharp pang of loneliness in the pit of his stomach.

Maybe that was why he allowed himself to do it. Getting drunk was one thing but allowing Steve to drift closer as the night went on was another. Eddie wasn’t strong enough to fight off the closeness but he should’ve been on his toes, should’ve been watching his own back. But, those thoughts made little difference as Steve got closer and closer, as he pulled Eddie into him and pressed their lips together. The warning bell going off in the back of his head wasn’t louder than the raging want that threatened to consume Eddie from the inside out. He was just drunk and desperate enough to climb into the back of a cab with Steve Harrington in tow. A better man would’ve sent him home to Nancy, but Eddie never claimed that title for his own.

For a while, none of the havoc they were wreaking with their actions actually mattered. Eddie was too preoccupied with the taste of Steve on his tongue to care. Like most guys who got way too much action in their teens, Steve kissed like a dream. His lips were eager and soft against Eddie’s. With every push in, Steve countered with a shift of his head or the clench of his hand on whatever part of Eddie he could reach. The twist of their tongues made the onslaught of want flooding Eddie’s brain overtake all of him. He didn’t notice the single man’s apartment they were walking into. He didn’t take into account that only Steve’s stuff was littered around the floor. The only thing that Eddie noticed was the harsh press of Steve’s lips and the rise and fall of heavy breaths.

The two of them untangled from each other long enough to shrug off coats and shirts so bare skin was on display. Eddie didn’t need any further enticing – his hands made quick work of surveying all of the new land on display for him. Clever fingers pinched at nipples and traced the valleys and crevices of Steve’s ribs. The hair artfully splayed along Steve’s lower stomach got too much attention because Eddie had imagined the softness there for much longer than he cared to admit. They were both panting and completely undone by the time Eddie unbuttoned Steve’s pants and stuffed his hand inside.

Steve’s moan echoed throughout Eddie’s head, making him even more desperate to touch. In the years since losing some of his hearing, Eddie hadn’t thought about noise or sound the same way. His touch pulling long groans from Steve’s lips was like music – the loudest, most enticing beat that Eddie had ever heard. The pitch of it didn’t matter when Eddie could lean forward and feel the tangible pleasure in Steve’s chest. His lips were ravenous as his hand worked to stroke Steve from root to tip and back again. Eddie did his best to remember the feeling of Steve in his grip, the softness of his skin despite the rigid nature of his beautiful cock. There were too many things swirling around for Eddie to truly grasp onto anything, however. Especially when Steve dragged himself back enough to say “wait, you too” in a wrecked voice. Focusing following that was much more difficult.

It took a couple extra minutes for Eddie to comply with Steve’s huffed out request. Steve’s cock was just starting to bead pre-cum at the tip, making the glide of Eddie’s hand much smoother. The years of imaging the weight and size of Steve didn’t do the man justice – with so much before him to explore, turning his attention towards anything else was next to impossible.

Though, it ended up being worth it – Steve was impatient enough to tangle their hands up in a lame attempt to get into Eddie’s pants, too. Sucking in a breath at the mere thought, Eddie finally got with the program. He felt bereft without the warm heat of Steve’s length in his hand. The seconds it took to undo his own pants and shove them down were torturous. Now that Eddie had his initial taste, trying not to come back for more was going to be a problem. Already, the small touches they were sharing weren’t enough. At least, that’s what Eddie thought until Steve took Eddie into his own grip and joined in on the fun.

Sometime throughout their desperate song and dance, Eddie’s fingers ended up braided with Steve’s, both of their cocks in that extra tight grip. Their lips were pressed together, though no kissing was happening. They were simply sharing breaths and moans and pleas for more and tighter and faster. Eddie’s mind was hazy at best but even the drunkenness couldn’t hold off the geyser of heat that bubbled up and boiled over without prompting or permission. A surprisingly tender groan of Steve’s name fell from Eddie’s lips – his orgasm sweeping over him like a tidal wave. The weight of it held him under just long enough for the ropes of cum covering his bare chest to feel like the biggest and most satisfactory relief Eddie had ever experienced. It was gloriously capped off by Steve stiffening against him and following him over the edge.

Eddie blinked awake the next morning to a blinding headache and his phone ringing. Turning over onto his hip, panic started to settle in the pit of Eddie’s belly. Instead of the blank wall of Wayne’s guestroom staring back at him, Eddie was met with Steve’s back, instead. All of the sudden, every moment from the night before came rushing back, practically drowning Eddie in all the stupid mistakes he made. Very careful, because Steve was still sleeping like a rock next to him, Eddie got up and out of bed. He hauled in a couple of long breaths to calm himself, to stop the ridiculous regret threatening to take him under. Despite the situation he found himself in, Eddie didn’t normally partake in such illicit affairs. He felt like a hypocrite to say never but Steve was the exception – always had been, always would be.

Hurrying to dress and get the hell out of dodge, Eddie didn’t snoop or explore. In all of his running around, the thought of leaving a note didn’t even occur to him. All that Eddie wanted to do was get away before shit hit the fan. Between humiliation and the desperate desire to do it again, Eddie felt all sorts of twisted up and confused. So much so that he absently answered his phone on the way out to the curb to wait on his uber. The voice on the other side of the phone slowed him down, made Eddie take a step back to actually use his brain and think.

“Hey, Ed. I’m so glad you finally picked up.” Eddie didn’t need to check the caller ID to know that Gareth was on the other side of the line. After making music with him for years and being friends even longer, Eddie recognized the way he said his words and articulated his phrases. He didn’t attempt to hide the shocked noise that came out of his mouth.

Or the expletive – “Gareth – what the fuck do you want, man?”

There was a laugh on the other end of the line, then silence when Eddie didn’t return the gesture. For a second, Eddie thought about hanging up – it would be the right kind of poetic justice that he figured he deserved. Instead, he waited for Gareth to speak. After fucking up Eddie’s world, contacting him at all had to mean something – had to be important somehow.

“Uh, right. First off, I wanted to say sorry. Jeff and Kurt were twenty steps ahead of me when everything happened. It doesn’t excuse our behavior at all but I didn’t know. Not until it was too late.”

“You’re a piece of shit, you know that? I’ve been your best friend for years and you let them replace me. Me, Gareth. I fucking started Corroded Coffin for fucks sake!” Noticing how loud he’d gotten, Eddie bit down into his lower lip, tempering himself. “Tell me what you want, Gareth. Now’s not really the best time.”

“We want you back, Eddie.”

The following conversation kept Eddie company throughout the rest of his ride back to Wayne’s. Gareth told him about Amber and her torrid love affair with not just Jeff but Kurt, too. It was funny to hear his friend recall all of the dramatic breakdowns that happened their first week of touring. Eddie didn’t stop himself from laughing or saying shit like “serves you right” as the tale unfolded. The final fight was the knock in the head everyone needed to remember their loyalty. Though, Eddie couldn’t help but wonder if everything Gareth said was just some elaborate rouse to make up for the fact that Amber was terrible, that the band had made a mistake and needed him back. Not hearing that by the time Gareth was finished felt like an even bigger kick in the pants. Despite his want for this very opportunity just weeks ago, Eddie couldn’t put his heart into saying yes. Not with so much going on in the other parts of his life.

Eddie ended the phone call with a promise to call Gareth back when he made his decision. The mere fact that Eddie didn’t say yes right from the get-go said a lot but having an exit strategy was important, too. With everything that just happened with Steve, Eddie might not have much of a choice. He couldn’t be the person that broke apart a home, no matter how much he wanted to.

A couple of days passed before Eddie resurfaced from the emotional storm he found himself smack dab in the center of. He holed himself away and refused to talk to anyone, to answer calls, to even eat the food that Wayne set out for him. The torrential downpour of so many things happening at once was already too much to handle – inviting anything (or anyone) else into his space just wasn’t an option.

Especially Wayne. The man had a certain sixth sense when it came to Eddie. Walking into the bungalow after his night with Steve, Eddie didn’t even have to say anything. Wayne simply wrapped him up in a hug and pulled him close. Eddie needed the comfort, so he leaned into the embrace. It didn’t last for long, though. Instead of sticking around to explain the situation or ask for advice, Eddie isolated himself. He curled up into a stinky little ball and tried not to think about anything.

The third day of solitude did not go unbothered, however. Eddie heard the door open before Wayne’s booming voice drove him out of bed. “Get your ass up, son. I got you some work today. You need to be at Hawkins Hill in an hour.”

Feeling a sense of deja vu, Eddie turned over in bed to shoot his uncle a seething look. “Not today, Wayne. I can’t take a decent picture right now. My mind’s not right.”

Wayne’s eyebrows furrowed at the sound of Eddie’s sulky voice. Eddie watched him scrunch his nose, noticed his features soften. It was pitying and Eddie couldn’t stand it. “No, no wait – I’ll do it. Just – I need a minute to get my shit together.” His uncle’s sigh of satisfaction meant that he’d been had and bested. At that moment in time, Eddie couldn’t bring himself to care. He needed to use the forward momentum Wayne’s pity made him feel to get through the day and onto the next. At least, when all was said and done, Eddie could make a little money for his time.

Eddie regretted his decision to take the job immediately upon arriving at the hill. The very vivid sight of Nancy Wheeler standing there with Steve made his stomach heave. Stuck between immense guilt and a silent rage for Wayne and his manipulative ways, Eddie made slow work of getting out of the car. He practically crawled to the trunk where he clumsily assembled his camera. Why his uncle would do such a thing to him was beyond Eddie, but he planned to find out and make the man’s life an absolute hell because of it. Taking a deep breath so he didn’t slam the trunk harder than needed, Eddie straightened himself up, plastered on a smile, and went to meet his fate.

Walking up to see Dustin Henderson with his arm wrapped around Nancy’s shoulders was not what Eddie expected when he approached the group waiting for him. He looked between the three adults with so much confusion his head spun. Unable to process the situation, Eddie wordlessly turned right back around and practically sprinted towards his van. His professional reputation be damned – Eddie was missing something and didn’t have the time nor energy to puzzle out what it was. He’d been locked up in his room feeling guiltier than ever. With a completely different situation in front of his face, Eddie’s mind quickly replaced that feeling with shame and embarrassment, instead.

Steve, ever the hero, didn’t give Eddie any space or time to run away completely. “Eddie, wait – “

Eddie stopped in his tracks and turned around sharply, a frown on his face. “What is there to wait for? I’m such an idiot. I thought you and Nancy – that those kids were yours. I’ve been head over heels in love with you, hating myself for it.”

“I didn’t realize you misunderstood the situation until it was too late. Eddie, I’m sorry. Misleading you, even if it wasn’t on purpose, was never the objective.” Steve looked defeated, like he too was deflated like a popped balloon. He tried to smile in Eddie’s direction, though – at least he still had enough hope to do that. “I’m their godfather. Dustin is my best friend and those kids feel so much like mine. When he’s away, I help Nancy with the workload. Little Evan is a handful.”

Laughing, because Eddie had come to know the chaos that was Nancy’s youngest pretty intimately. Like Steve, the little boy was Wayne’s favorite. Throughout their interactions, Eddie got to know Evan better than most of the adults he interacted with. Too bad Eddie didn’t have the foresight to ask the poor kid who his daddy was.

“I’m so embarrassed, Steve. Does everyone know how stupid I am?”

Not answering verbally, Steve closed the space between them to sweep Eddie up into his warm arms. He kissed Eddie’s nose before nodding lightly, his face pinched with affectionate entertainment. “Yes, but we all think it’s cute. Dustin is very flattered by the ego boost – if he can score someone in my league – “ Steve trailed off, saving his friend the humiliation of finishing that statement.

Despite himself, or maybe because of his ridiculousness, Eddie smiled.

One Year Later

The Christmas fair was in full swing – Steve was very firmly wearing his principal pants while Eddie enjoyed the freedom of wandering around at will. The little beings that usually clung to his leg were off somewhere with their mother, trying to con her into buying a corn dog or a second helping of cotton candy. Nancy corralled the kids for a little while to give Eddie a few minutes of peace to work. Since moving back to Hawkins, Eddie took up the mantle of town photographer, capturing all of his neighbor’s memories and triumphs. Though it was a far reach from his former position, Eddie appreciated the flexibility of not being on tour nine months out of the year. Every day brought him something new while the opportunity to work with those he loved never changed. For Eddie, after years of loneliness and not fitting in, the job was picture perfect.

Bringing up his camera to capture a soft moment between Robin and her youngest daughter, Eddie was reminded of his good fortune once again. In the past year of existing, more laughter, fun, and happiness lingered in Eddie’s life. He made friends with fellow creatives like Robin, who ran the local radio station, and Lucas Sinclair, who painted in the studio where Eddie rented his dark room space. The people he always imagined hating him quickly became extended family that never blinked an eye at him and Steve together. No matter how much Eddie learned about Steve and his love, the doubt always lingered.

Of course, all Eddie had to do now was look down at the smooth tungsten on his left ring finger. As Eddie snapped another couple shots of Chrissy and Dustin chatting with each other, Eddie vividly remembered the complete feeling that struck him when Steve hit one knee and asked him to be his forever. The happy looks on his family’s faces constantly reminded him of that joy. Later, when Steve waited for Eddie at the end of the aisle, he hoped to see similar looks to cling to and recall.

Like the universe was listening to him, Steve appeared out of nowhere, his arms wrapping around Eddie’s shoulders from behind. Leaning back into him, Eddie gave himself over to the happiness coursing through him. The kiss on his forehead had Eddie looking up, a soft smile overtaking his lips.

[studentofetherium]

Hello. I am the person who sent you and your friends several messages earlier today that I was worried I was becoming a nazi and was begging you folks to kill me before I did. I want to explain why I did so, both as an admittedly very inadequate apology, and as an attempt at helping you and your friends find closure. I understand there is no excuse for how I bullied, retraumatized and terrorized all of you.

It is great if you consider me an antisemite and hate me forever, for indeed someone like me deserves such treatment. I have seen your posts describing me as a gross, pathetic loser, and I understand that you are completely right.

A few months ago, I became addicted to Arknights and spent 1000s of dollars on it, only stopping when my parents took away my bank account access. As such I began to view the game and Hypergryph and Yostar as evil, fascist, ableist, and antisemitic.

I became somewhat obsessed with trying to tell other people how bad it was, and convinced that Reunion was heroic, but the first two times I published essays about this I had to delete them because people called me a terrorist and braindead for supporting Reunion and not liking the game. This initially hardened my conviction that Arknights was ableist antisemitic pro-slavery propaganda.

Coincidentally, I have severe autism and ADHD, and due to being bullied by teachers in elementary school I have had severe anxiety, depression, and self-loathing ever since, considerably aggravated when I was beaten by a police officer following my first suicide attempt at the age of 15 and institutionalized for 4 days following my second attempt at the age of 16.

I say this not as an excuse, for there can be no forgiveness for my heinous actions, merely to help give context.

Last night I had nightmares about my daddy attacking me and couldn’t sleep very well, so I forgot to take my antipsychotic medications in the morning. I also had a somewhat stressful doctor appointment in the morning. When my third attempt at criticizing Arknights was somewhat poorly received, mommy says I had a self-loathing psychotic episode.

As I read in your essay that you mentioned you were Jewish, and I figured that the worst possible way to treat a Jewish person is the way a nazi would, and I misinterpreted you as defending Rhodes Island, I figured that Reunion, and by extension myself, must be nazis, and Rhodes Island, Hypergryph, Yostar, and the gacha gambling companies I had previously hated must be antifascist good guys.

This does not make much sense to me, since I was previously a socialist and thought that corporations and capitalism supported bad things like fascism and antisemitism, but I now understand I was wrong. By sympathizing with Reunion, I accidentally set myself on the path to becoming a nazi.

Since I have seen lots of memes that nazis deserve death, and I agree with those memes, I tried to start searching for ways to kill myself. Unfortunately I am too cowardly to jump out the window again, and could not break my skin with a kitchen knife, so I felt I had no choice but to ask people on the internet to come shoot me.

I attempted to apologize profusely in these posts, but I understand now that this was merely attention-seeking. Again, I am sincerely sorry, although I understand these words ring hollow, and indeed are an abuse tactic, unless I actually make good on them and kill myself. Please rest assured that I will continue trying to do so beneath my parents’ notice.

While my mommy has insisted over and over again that I am not a nazi or an antisemite because I do not hate Jewish people, I now understand that even calling myself those words permanently and irrevocably turns me into them. And nazis, of course, a category which I unwittingly have become part of, are hateful antisemitic genocidal monsters.

While I have never been very religious, I will now dedicate the rest of my life to finding redemption for my sins by committing suicide or finding someone willing to kill me, in hopes that God will forgive me for the crimes I have committed against an innocent ethnoreligious group. I am not currently aware of any methods I could use to successfully commit suicide, or any ways I could get someone to kill me, but I will at least continue to search for them until I either succeed or die of old age.

As long as I search, I hope I will no longer pose a threat to the safety of you or any other Jewish people.

Though I know it is asking far too much, I must try to humbly request that you post this to share with your followers. I have seen them making memes about me being an example of the alt-right pipeline, and since I suspect they are correct in this, I would like them to understand why I became trapped as a Reunion nazi so that you and your friends may more effectively protect yourself from me and nazis and Reunion members like me.

Please wish me luck as I embark on this final journey to atone for my unforgivable sins. Oh, and my mom doesn’t want me to die, so please don’t tell her either. Thank you for your time.

[autistic-science-cryptid]

And the reasons I was bullied were as follows:

1) in elementary school, because I was a girl and the boys didn’t want to play with me because of that and a teacher thought it was okay for seven boys at once to literally dogpile me on a class trip to a park (which is especially hypocritical when that same school won’t even let you wave a stick around as a pretend sword, like ever, because “you’ll poke someone’s eye out” as if dogpiling can’t risk squishing someone’s organs), and to minimize the dogpiling as “tackling” and suggest that maybe she might join in on the “tackling” too.

2) also in elementary school because one annoying little “pick me” girl decided to pretend to play with me by doing a rhyme and ending it by punching me for no damn reason, and similarly from boys who’d pretend to offer me stuff and then yank it back and go “psych” (like seriously, don’t do that it’s not funny, just don’t offer your stuff in the first place if you don’t intend to give it to the person)

3) this may not be exactly personal, also in elementary school, one boy thinks it’s funny to block the stairway and demand a password he made up on the spot so none of the students can get in

4) in middle school, with me sitting curled up in a ball with my back turned to the aisle (about as sexually uninviting a pose as you can imagine) a boy, on at least two separate occasions, literally yanks up my shirt and licks my back with his tongue - which is a form of bullying I have experienced, as I said, but the only fictional characters I have seen engaging in that particular behavior were villains from the anime Sword Art Online (and even those villains didn’t immediately pull up the girls’ shirts, even the worst of those villains started with the licking while the girls’ clothes were still on, and most of them weren’t ten or eleven like that boy was and no, the boy being that age doesn’t excuse him).

And when I say those were the only fictional characters doing that same behavior as that real bully of mine, I mean the only ones, I have never seen a single fictional bully character do that. Maybe because that sort of behavior is usually seen as suggestive. And the only way I could have “deserved” that is if I was supposed to be able to transform myself into an animal on the spot and nobody else was going to be sexually attracted to that animal.

5) various things throughout middle school and high school that were the result of me standing up for my opinions (oh the horror) and stuff the kids could have just left to the teachers, and interestingly enough very little of it was for me doing stuff other people see as objectively annoying (since I mostly did that stuff at home anyway and my parents just responded by talking to me like a human being, no bullying necessary)

6) one incident in high school where a bunch of kids on the school bus (it was a special ed high school and the boys were younger but this doesn’t make it less scary) ganged up on me and one literally threatened to break my arm (and the fact that with my current abilities and even some of the abilities I had later in my high school career I probably could break his arm doesn’t make him right for saying it, or me breaking his arm the right thing to do, and whether I could or not, people have good reason to take this sort of thing seriously even when it’s a kid attacking someone older)

7) a repeated pattern of one particular boy in my middle and high school classes carefully and heartlessly exploiting my guilt points in a way that’s unusually sophisticated for a boy that age, doing that knowing I felt guilty about those things because the teachers were abusive and made sure I felt that way, and not stopping this nonsense until I demonstrated that I was perfectly willing to torture him to get him to stop (thankfully not real torture, but it sure convinced him that next time it could be real).

Note that in none of these instances is there any reason why I could have deserved this nonsense. And even in the cases where someone could argue I did deserve it, that’s where the teacher should have done their thing to a reasonable and non-abusive degree, left it at that, and not encouraged or allowed the kids to chime in on that.

Speaking of which, I know kids did that gambit to another boy who was on the school bus with me, and I’m pretty sure they’d have done worse to them if they weren’t worried I might go apeshit on them as a result due to the basic psychological truth that for some folks it’s easier to make a good show in standing up for someone else than for oneself, especially when that person you also bully has a history of standing up for things and that’s one of the big reasons you bully her.

None of this stuff justifies bullying, and last I checked, I’m pretty sure willingness to demonstrate that you’d willingly torture someone to get them to leave you alone isn’t exactly the kind of character trait you want to encourage in people. It’s the kind of thing that, if not stopped, could lead to someone becoming the bully themselves. Or at least get them in serious trouble if they went to the next step. And that’s not even accounting for the fact that physical self-defense is not an option for everyone and the main reason I was able to do what I did was a tricksy approach anyway (and the fact that the particular teacher I had was willing to not punish me for that since none of the stuff I did actually hurt anyone, just made them think I might, and some teachers will punish that too).

honestly I think no child deserves to get bullied, and I hate the trend of people going "the bullies were just normal actually" or "I deserved it." I know I didn't. was I a little shit? yeah. did I deserve it? no. like, imagine the most annoying kid you can imagine. they wouldn't deserve it either.

[sol-arium126]

One of These Days

————————————————————————

It’s a rare occasion that their shifts don’t match up. Wolf had taken on an extra shift to cover for Dr. Wells, she unfortunately fell ill from the petri dish for all sorts of viruses she calls her home. Guess that’s life with two kids in elementary school and a college professor for a husband. 

He’d gotten a call earlier that morning from Dr. Wells asking if he could cover her shift, as she had a new patient who was coming in to see her today and no one else was able to cover. 

Of course he agreed, Dr. Wells, or Annie, as he’d been told to call her now, has been nothing but kind to him since they first met when she started on the Neurology/Psych floor. 

Despite the no-brainer agreement to cover for Annie, Wolf had previously decided his plans for his day off would include spending time with none other than a certain handsome doctor he is currently dating. 

They’ve been going out for a couple of months, but it feels like they’ve been doing this forever. Like an ever-shining light has been cast over his life, happiness, making its presence known at every turn. 

However, the last couple of days have been odd. 

Very odd. 

Josh called out of work sick yesterday and has been seemingly ignoring him. He’s not answering his door or any calls. Which is very strange behavior coming from the guy who would make up random cases to talk about as an excuse to see him. 

Nevertheless, though his plans of figuring out what was wrong with Josh, or if he did something wrong to upset him, were thrown out the window, he’s sure Josh probably just needs some alone time. And that time he will get. 

—————————————————————-

Coming up on his lunch break, Wolf had managed to make his rounds on a few of his own patients and see some of Dr. Wells’. The new patient she had mentioned earlier was quiet and seemed rather shy. She had been diagnosed with a brain tumor, thankfully benign, but she was nervous about the possibility of surgery and her treatment options. Her fiancé accompanied her and provided comfort when needed. 

Wolf had no problem providing the care and information she needed to take the next steps, he got her scheduled with a follow up to see if any of the medications she’ll try shrunk the tumor. If not, he knew a great neurosurgeon who would be able to do the job.

Speaking of that neurosurgeon, Wolf had not heard from the man all day. 

He may not be good with electronics, but at least he’s been trying since Nichols got him a phone. It doesn’t really have a lot on it, just a few contacts and his emails set up. 

Maybe he’s just not texting or calling right? 

He’s thinking about calling again when he hears a knock at his door and it opens. A young nurse, probably new to the floor based on how nervous she is entering his office. 

“Um, hi I’m Samantha, I’m a new nurse here on the floor.” The nurse says, nervously wiping her hands on her scrubs top. 

“Oh, hello, nice to meet you, is there something wrong? You seem rather nervous.” Wolf replies. 

“Well, there’s a guy asking for you down in the ER, he was brought in by an older lady and her grandson. They said they were his neighbors. It looks like he’s been having a migraine attack. For a couple days at most, I think it’s called status migrainosus. That’s what the other nurses were talking about. They brought him in because they were worried that he was having a stroke, he was having trouble talking and vomiting a lot. We put him on a migraine cocktail and he seems to be doing a bit better now. When he stopped vomiting he asked for me to get Dr. Wolf.” Samantha says.

“Did he give you a name?” Wolf asks.

“Oh yeah, he said his name was Josh. And the neighbors confirmed his full name, Josh Nichols. Wait, isn’t that one of the neurosurgeons here? I’m sorry, I don’t know everyone yet, but I’m pretty sure he works here.” Samantha replies, coming to the realization that Josh was in fact, the hospital’s chief of neurosurgery. 

“Can you take me to him?” 

Wolf hurriedly grabs his coat and follows Samantha down to the ER. Their supposed argument be damned, he can’t let Josh go through this alone. 

The ER is filled with doctors and nurses alike, the careful shuffling of patients and medications like a merry-go-round. 

In the far left corner of the rooms lies Josh, clad in a baggy shirt, sweatpants, sunglasses, and a vomit basin in front of him. In the chairs next to him are an older woman and what looks like a teenager, presumably the grandson, Wolf notes. 

Josh looks almost frail in this state, his cheeks and eyes are sunken in, and he’s pale and clammy. He has an IV in his left arm and is clutching the basin with his right, like it’s a lifeline for him. 

When Josh notices him standing in the doorway he shies away. He’s probably embarrassed of the state he’s in, no wonder he wouldn’t talk to anyone.

Wolf walks into the room and sits down on the chair to Josh’s right. 

Josh immediately grabs Wolf’s hand and squeezes it.

“Oliver?” Josh finally makes eye contact with Wolf. 

“Yes, I’m here now, do you need anything?” Wolf replies, holding Josh’s hand with both of his, placing a light kiss on top of his knuckles. 

“No, just you. I’m sorry for not telling you and not answering your calls. I didn’t want you to see me like this, and it rarely happens, I thought I could just take care of it on my own. Obviously, I could not.” Josh tears up a little at the statement. 

“No, no it’s ok. I’m glad you’re okay. I was worried and frustrated thinking I had done something to make you upset with me and that’s why you were ignoring me. I’m just glad you’re here and you’re going to be okay.” It’s an honest statement, yes he was glad Josh was okay, however, he was also reserving a little bit of frustration from their communication struggles.

“You’re right, I shouldn’t have ignored you, I couldn’t even look at my phone and I should have taken it as a sign something wasn’t right. And I should have told you before that I got migraines sometimes, usually I can just handle it with my meds and it doesn’t happen often, but I’ve just been so stressed lately, It must have triggered a big one.” Josh sighs, he knows he messed up, he could have prevented this whole mess if he’d pushed down his pride and just asked for help.

Wolf, for once, was rendered speechless. He didn’t know how to respond, he’d been caught up in a cloud of happiness and bliss that he forgot about real life problems he might face in his relationship. He knows they’ll get through it, they both have their struggles, but he’s willing to work on them, and that’s enough. For now, he just holds Josh’s hand and doesn’t let go.

“So this is the mysterious man you’ve been bringing over? The boyfriend, I presume?” The older lady on Josh’s other side pipes up, she has a big smile on her face, like she just uncovered a big dark secret. 

“Oliver, this is Sandy. Sandy, meet Oliver. Yes, he’s my boyfriend.” Josh says, quick introductions, as he battles another wave of throbbing in his skull.

“It’s nice to meet you Sandy, and is this your grandson?” Wolf greets, then looks towards the boy, not older than sixteen he’d guess. 

“Hi, I’m Liam, I drove here.” He sticks out a hand for Wolf to shake. 

Wolf removes one hand currently holding Josh’s and shakes the young boy’s hand. Then goes back to holding a comforting presence for Josh. 

“We’ve been Josh’s neighbors for years, ever since Liam was a little boy. He was supposed to come over for lunch today but he didn’t show, that’s when we knew something was wrong. He always shows up for lunch. We share keys for each other’s apartment incase of emergencies, such as this. I found him in his bathroom vomiting, shaking, and he wasn’t talking right, I remembered he was saying he had a headache a couple days ago so I dragged him here to get checked out. Thankfully, it was just a really bad migraine, he had me worried for a minute there.” Sandy’s near tears recounting today’s events, it’s clear she cares for Josh a great amount, almost like a mother to a son.

“Hey Grammy, how about we give them some alone time, they probably need it, do you want to go have some lunch in the cafeteria?” Liam asks, clearly trying to give Wolf and Josh time to talk. 

“That’s not a bad idea, we’ll be back soon.” Sandy takes Liam by the arm and they leave the room. 

“Josh, how are you feeling?” Wolf tentatively asks, he looks awful, but he’s hoping that Josh feels better than he looks.

“Oh, like I’m being hit in the head with a hammer, repeatedly. But in all honesty, with you here, being there for me, I’m okay.” Josh smiles at Wolf, as best he can in this state. 

“The doctors told me they’re going to keep you here for a couple hours, to monitor and make sure you’re okay to go home. Do you want to try and get a nap in before then?” Wolf brings his chair closer. 

“Yeah, I should, I’m exhausted, would you lie here with me?” Josh yawns and scoots to the side of the bed, making room for Wolf.

“Of course.” Wolf gets on the bed with Josh, throwing an arm over Josh’s torso, holding his hand, and placing the vomit basin on the floor next to the bed. 

“Oliver?” Josh asks, sleepily, barely having his eyes open.

“Yes?” Comes Wolf’s reply. 

“I love you.” 

Oh, that’s the first time either of them had said those words. In the months since they started dating Wolf imagined how their first “I love you” would go. This certainly wasn’t how he’d imagined it, but he wouldn’t ask for it any other way. Sure, he’d hoped he’d say it first, considering he made the first move. But it was sweet, charming even, that it came from Josh. 

It felt like his heart was soaring, higher than the clouds and stars in the sky. 

He loved Josh, of course he did. What he didn’t expect was that he thinks this is it for him. He wants to spend the rest of his life, right here, maybe not exactly here, but he wants to spend his life at Josh’s side. Comforting him in hard times, uplifting when he’s happy, do everything with him. Even though pain is inevitable in life, so is joy, and his joy is with Josh. 

Wolf sighs, content, pressing a kiss to Josh’s temple, careful not to jostle his sunglasses. 

“I love you too.” Wolf says, not that Josh hears it though, because a light snore emits from him. Wolf is glad he’s finally sleeping, his brow calm and not scrunched up in pain.

Even if Josh didn’t hear him, it’s okay, Wolf has all the time there is in the world to let Josh know how much he loves him. To tell him every day, every night, the three words that let him know that he is his world.

[fuck-comphet]

So can I ask what you think about my fucked up comphet? Crush?

Well, it all started in high school (were I live we only have six years of elementary school (I think that's the english name) and six of high school, then university), I saw this guy and for some reason I thought he was boyfriend material? I don't know, but I liked how he looked. Then one day I decided to talk with him because we were with friemd and not only he treated me well (like, idk, he teach me how to draw anime shit and didn't laugh at me, that was a lot of attention) but he said to his friemds that I was the girl "that he talked about" with a proud smile and that was it, I knew he liked me. A guy liked me, liked-liked me. Then things happened (bulling, fights over stupid shit, friends before crushes, 12 years old's stuff) and for at least a year I didn't saw him as boyfriend material, actually, I was looking at other boys who treated me like a human and thinking "oh yeah, the perfect boyfriend, im so in love ❤", but then the feeling cameback and I made the worst mistake of my life: I tell a friend about it. A friend who was his friend first, also. Idk why, but once I take the thpught away, it exploded. I liked him, I was obssesed with him. But he was started his incel era and was being a jerk and getting worse with time. Even if I didn't know how to keeping him away from my mind, I just couldn't stop thinking about him because one time a long time ago he was nice with me. But I was terrified of him, of what he could think of me, of him not liking me back. I was so scare that even having the chance I didn't talked with him, I had a lot of chances actually, he was alone and with a free sit at his side most of the time, I could just go and talk with him but nah, I would avoid him at all coast. But I was jealous of other girls just breathing near him. But I really, REALLY thought he was the ugliest bitch in town and tried justify myself because "I like ugly guys" even if people told me that he wasn't that bad and actually one person got so tired that had to shut me up with a "STOP, IF YOU REALLY LIKE HIM YOU SHOULD THINK HIS IS CUTE", but I thought he was cute, just not in that way, in a "so little" way. I was so disgusted about him liking women in a sexual way (I mean, he was a teenager, you know how gross straight boys can be). But also my legs shaked when he was just a little close to me. Also I really giggled and smiled and squeaked when he, starting to left behind his incel phase, was actually nice with me again after so much shit, because he call me cute (THAT WORD) and said he really liked me and laughed at my jokes and imitated my laugh withput realizing it... Even 2 years after that. But I really hated him. But I really wanted to be his bestie. But I wanted to make him my wife. But I still think about him even if I know its not HIM, because I don't know what happened to him since 4 years ago, I just like the Idea of him.

I know that im a lesbian, but you think that I had romantic (not sexual) feelings for him? Because its making me crazy

Tbh being into the idea of a guy (and not the reality of who that guy is) when he is not accessible is classic comphet to me…

In highschool when I was dating my first boyfriend, I developed a “crush” on a different guy I had never even talked to and that lead to me breaking up with my first boyfriend because I realized I actually wasn’t into him. In my head, I justified it by thinking to myself that I was with the wrong guy, but now in hindsight I’m realizing that I wanted any excuse to get out of the relationship I was in and go back to “liking” guys in theory without having to follow-through (meaning kissing/dating them).

It’s hard because as kids/teenagers, we’re insecure as fuck so any positive attention from a guy, which comphet leads us to believe is the ultimate goal in our life, leads to us latching on to that positive attention. But liking the validation of someone being nice to us/being into us is not the same as liking that person romantically.

I’d encourage you to maybe ask yourself: if that guy hadn’t showed that he was interested in you (if he hadn’t called you cute, or if you knew he only liked you as a friend and nothing more), do you think you’d still have developed a crush on him? Have you ever had a crush on a guy that was both accessible (as in he was part of your life already) and who didn’t like you first?

I hope this helps but I’ll mention that I’m only speaking from my own experience with comphet and confusing “crushes” on guys which were not actually crushes after all, I’m not an expert on comphet and I also can’t tell you how you feel because your experiences are your own.

Regardless, if you identify as a lesbian than your identity is valid 🧡🤍💖❤️