#i have a wip thats just of maria. about her life and what she might have gone through. i need to finish it...

[crows-home]

Do you sometimes wonder if Maria had oldest daughter síndrome ™ and what was going through her head while they were haunting down his little baby brother who she never was able to protect and knows how poorly he is treated by everyone else but her ?

hooooo boy ok. i have so many thoughts about Maria Robotnik anon. You're lucky i have free time right now to ramble.

THIS ENDED UP SO MUCH LONGER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD SORRY LMAOOOO

Maria is somewhat of a blank slate, no? at least, she was in the beginning. Her main purpose was "tragic backstory." and there's something to be said about girls/women in media and their only roles being support for the male characters and their arcs. but those are big conversations that other people are more verbose in digging into. also i'm sleepy.

Maria, to me, has always been a blank slate. If not, she's always been the "perfect, proper, glass child." Poor Maria, so soft-spoken, so kind, but sick. She died sacrificing herself, don't you feel bad for her?

i don't think Maria has eldest daughter syndrome. It's something adjacent, though. It's a suppression of emotions, especially negative ones, that can be seen as eldest daughter syndrome. It's the expectations that have been put on her, by herself, to be kind, be courteous, be good.

Because Maria has a terminal illness, perhaps since she was born. The people in her life care about her so much, her grandfather takes her to space because it lessens her condition, there is a massive project going on to save her life!!

Maria doesn't get to be sad. She doesn't get to be angry. She can't show any of these emotions, can't scream and cry about how unfair all this is, can't speak out against people talking like they've already lost her when she's right fucking here. She can't be "difficult". Because her family has given so much to her, for her. They're so sad when they look at her, she can tell. So, I think, Maria puts this pressure on herself. To smile and be happy and positive, so as to not worry or bother anyone.

Children do that, when they perceive themselves to be a burden. It doesn't matter if they're explicitly told that or not. Maybe the adults in their life tell them "God, taking care of you is so expensive. Do you know how much better things would be if you weren't here?" Or maybe their family is loving, but at the end of the day, they see their parents struggling to pay bills, struggling to put food on the table, and wonder "Is it because of me? Am I weighing them down?"

So they become what I like to call "low-maintenance." Never taking more than is needed, because they're hyper aware of the resources they're taking. They make sure to stay happy and agreeable, because they don't want to cause trouble or bother anyone.

In my head, this is where Maria was at. She was happy, sure! No doubt, she loved her family and her grandfather and she loved Earth so much, so desperately did she want to be a part of it.

But she could never talk about the ugly bits. About her anger and frustration and even the depressing thoughts.

I think she started to with Shadow.

Here's her little brother, this little guy that was born from a test tube to be her cure, but has a soul all his own. Who she could talk to about these tough things.

"I sometimes wonder why I was created," Shadow might say.

And Maria, her soul aching, understands.

They come to their own conclusions, on the ARK, about who they are. Shadow is treated like an experiment, a pet, a thing, rarely ever with respect. By most, except for Maria. Maria looks at Shadow and sees family.

With Shadow, she can be moody. She can be snappy. Shadow can be silly and as unserious as he wants without constantly being under the proverbial magnifying glass. They are siblings, that's what they do!!! They don't have to put up this front like they do in front of other people. They don't have to be perfect when they're around each other.

"I feel guilty," Maria might say. Her voice might quiver and shake, like she's admitting something damning. "For existing, sometimes."

Shadow, absolutely floored by the admission that his sister is not always happiness and sunshine, understands.

I love headcanons and aus where Maria is allowed to be just a Weird Little Girl or really get into what she might have been into (goth, macabre, art, etc.) It gives her depth. It gives her life.

So I imagine all this, all the ways this young girl kept herself amicable and calm and pleasant, because she's so afraid of being anything but. Then I imagine all of it coming away when she's with her brother.

Then I imagine her running down the hall, grabbing his hand as the alarms blare. She is filled with love and hope for a world that she was never sure she would get to see. But by God, Shadow will see it. I imagine that there was always the possibility of death looming over her life, and the bullet just sealed it. I imagine the guilt that she feels when she pushes the button that sends him down. I imagine the fear and sadness she feels at the thought of him being alone, ultimately knowing there's nothing she can do. But hoping it was enough.

[queer-vampire]

sooooo what are your active WIPs? 👀

ok my guy you asked for it. also i miscounted originally, i have NINE WORKS IN PROGRESS

disclaimer: ALL CHARACTERS ARE BISEXUAL UNTIL STATED OTHERWISE (no one is straight)

Invictus

this is my firstborn. my child. my love. it started out as a mcu fanfic but holy shit it’s grown so much bigger than that. it’s about Lilith, my beloved vampire child, who lives her life trying to figure out who she is. she’s got her adopted brother, Jared, who is like her second half. her adopted sister Isabela who could care less about morality. then she’s got her closest friends: Maria (trans woman!) and Abraham Van Helsing (siblings), Mordecai (love interest), Moira, and Thomas Harker, Samson (Helaku) and Shaw (Waya) Harlow. there is SO much more but i have the other 7 to talk about lmao. i have a blog for the book series and have a pinterest board for the story (characters are separate on my account)

Under the Windy City

its my version of the YA genre. but the kids are actually in their 20s cause teens should NOT be doing these dangerous tasks. again its a hefty plot so i’ll keep it simple. its set in modern day. the only change is that natural disaster is closer than we predicted. three 20 somethings end up being experimented on to save their lives from terrible accidents. as a result, they are brought into a whole new underground world of scientists and activists trying to find ways for the human race to evolve and to save earth. there will be three sides: extremists (the first trio of the experiments but it went wrong), the middle (the scientists, activist, and our new main trio), and the deniers (your billionaires, your closed-minded christians, your climate change deniers, etc etc). the clock is ticking as natural disaster is on the rise and the trio must try and save humanity. yes, i have a pinterest board for the story (characters are separate on my account)

The supernatural trilogy: Dark to Light, Whose Woods These Are I Think I Know, and Reapers

yes, its a trilogy, but none of the books are connected by characters. its connected by the fact that its based in reality and follows detectives with a supernatural twist. 

Dark to Light follows a woman who is a detective and she has many psychic abilities such as speaking with the dead, sensing death, etc. 

WWTAITIK follows two retired detectives (who are also husband and wife) dragged back into the world as an old case of theirs comes back to haunt them. her deranged sister killed his younger sister just before killing herself. the sister confessed to all the serial killings they were following. but she also told everyone that the spirit told her to do it. after laying their family members to rest, the couple retired and moved north to remove themselves from society. now they work at a lumber company to get by. they also have to raise their niece that his sister left behind. after nearly 10 years, their old friend comes back with a case that mirrors the past case down to every detail. basically they gotta figure out wtf is going on and oh shit ghosts arent real, are they?

Reapers follows another married detective couple. she dies while getting to nosy on a large case. a year later she’s resurrected by a native american woman from legends ago. there is a whole cult of women resurrected to get vengeance on their killers. our main ch finds her husband again and the rest of the story follows this group taking on the case that killed our girl. its has deeper roots than they thought and opens up many other issues to follow. this book will be a big one with two volumes. this book could be two books easily but i gotta keep it a trilogy so...

If I Should Die and What Lies Underneath

this one is my second child. ive had it for a while now. 

the plot of both follows a woman (young adult in the first book) as her niece goes missing and she goes on a suicidal mission to try and get her back. the first book ends without a happy ending. the second book takes place almost 20 years later and our girl is a detective (she now works with the detectives that worked on her case and helped her do some illegal shit). we find out who took her niece, but it isn’t a fun reveal. this is so vague but i feel like this covers it fairly well. holy shit i keep forgetting i dont have a pinterest board for this story ahhh

Blood on These Hands

a new baby. the newest. i got inspired by mudbound (2017). it follows a woman returning back from WWII after getting the highest honor and getting honorably discharged in early 1945. she served with both the soviets and the usa. instead of returning to her home state, she fulfills a promise she made to a close friend from the war. she moves down south to work for his family. she deals with sexism, racism in the eyes of a white women and how sometimes her helping actually harms, and all the psychological effects of war and childhood trauma. this pinterest board was easy to make since i knew exactly what the aesthetic would be

Untitled work

another new baby. this one was actually a dream i had. the dream came in two parts, and im unsure about the second part so idk if that will make a 10th work in progress or not. 

this one also follows a woman returning home from the iraq war. she ends up having to take care of the family cabin so she decides to just move in. the town is small so word travels fast. and since she’s had a rough past, the town still whispers about her. for work, her adopted sister and the sisters girlfriend open up a center for women, kids, mentally ill, lgbtq, victims of systematic or direct racism, and all abuse victims to come and get help and shelter. most of the townsfolk dont like it so the conflict is trying to keep the shelter alive and growing. our main ch also connects with an old childhood friend. his family cabin is across from hers, and she finds out quickly that hes not really there by choice. with trying to keep the shelter alive, she also tries to help her childhood friend get out under his fathers abusive ruling. and yes you bet your ass i have a pinterest board

and there you have it! all my active WIPs. will you be able to read any of these soon? i can say with complete honesty: no. will you ever be able to read any of these? i have no fucking clue. one thing is for certain: Invictus will get done no matter what. if it kills me, thats how i want to go. everyone needs to experience that book series otherwise i might go insane. @sweetstilesofmine (and by default my sis @p-rincesskaguya) dont hear the end of my rants about invictus. so they might lose their minds if i dont publish it either. 

anyway i hope you enjoyed this and yes PLEASE ask me specifics if you want to know more! i’ll never shut up about them so if you’re willing to give an ear, i’ll scream.

(also idk if i need to do this, but uh, don’t fucking steal these ideas or titles. this shit is MINE and let it be known that i CLAIM IT)