#i have a tiny duck glued to the lid of my hydroflask

[theinvisiblequestion]

a duck story

it was crowdstrike day. i had come into the office at 7am with zero clairvoyance to find every single PC in the building had been bricked. we didn't know why, and we didn't know how to fix it. our IT department opens at 8am and my entire day explodes. i'm in the administration outbuilding getting instructions from an exhausted IT tech. no, i'm in the foyer directing another tech to our mission critical computers. no, i'm in the back updating my manager. i'm in the outbuilding. i'm in the foyer. i'm in my cubicle eating a snack before i pass out. i'm in the foyer. i'm in the clerical room. i'm in the foyer. i'm in the outbuilding. i'm in the hallway. room 5. room 10. room 60. room 12. room 54. our building is 500 feet long and everyone who needs me is always on the other end of it. my watch tells me i've done 4000 steps and it's 10:03am. i'm in the hallway. my water bottle is empty again.

i'm in the training room. time is an illusion, and these innocent new employees are still learning, because a single computer of 20 survived the destruction and someone scraped up pens and notebooks. the alternate trainer at the desk by the door gives me a smile. "we're alright. you look like you could use a duck." she holds out a bowl full of tiny, translucent plastic duck figurines.

i take the duck with gratitude and move on. i am everywhere and nowhere. there are 2 guys with the ability to fix our 300 bricked PCs. my manager petitions the IT manager to give me and my single coworker the ability. we have the training, we just need the permission for the day. the IT manager refuses, so i keep walking. i try to cheer up my frustrated coworkers with the duck. "the trainers gave him to me, but he doesn't have a name." i ask a coworker who i know is, as a trans woman and ttrpg player, an expert at naming creatures. the gal next to her names the duck "penelope" without hesitation, and everyone agrees. penelope and i move on.

the day ends, eventually. i'm 5'4" of pure ache and i sleep like the dead when i get home, but at least i have a cool story about how i helped save the agency from the big bad technology. this story is for sure going in my resume. plus, i have a tiny duck.

penelope sits on my desk for a few days, and then i get some e6000 epoxy in for another project and i realize that this is actually perfect. what better way to honor penelope than to take him with me wherever i go? so i glue him to the top of my water bottle. i now have the single coolest water bottle in the world: covered in stickers, and adorned with a tiny plastic duck.

fast forward a few weeks. it's my son's birthday and penelope and i are fast friends, because it's 105F and this birthday party is outside in my yard. i drink as much water as i possibly can, but by the end of the day it's not enough, and the hostess (that's me) is laid out in bed at 7:30pm with a migraine. the blackout curtains are drawn, the fan is up as high as i can stand the noise, and all the lights are off. i can't see anything but i'm still thirsty. i roll over to the nightstand, silently hoping i don't knock my water bottle onto the floor trying to fumble for it in the dark. and then, a pretty little miracle.

penelope glows in the dark