#i have a place with the ferals even with my illness its my wounded ego causing issue. just cause the rfc coach was passively a dick | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lupismaris · 9 months ago

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Sometimes self care is having a very stern talking to with the wounded scared parts of yourself that don't want to do the hard and difficult things and reminding them that nothing will get better if the hard and difficult things aren't even attempted

And then as a reward you promise to buy those wounded parts of yourself an entirely hot pink/pastel pink practice set if they agree to do the work required, as a little treat

#my doctor hasnt cleared me for the pitch yet so I haven't been practicing or playing yet this season and it sucks #i went to nola to support the team and did so! but i still felt out of place and forgotten about because i wasnt playing #i was rooming with players and the majority of them were very self involved (semi derogatory) which i wouldn't fault them for #if it hadnt been so deeply exhausting and so constant even after the tourney. but it is what it is i was there for them #im just tired of always feeling like the forgotten 'oh right and the other james' and feeling unwanted which isnt true #i have a place with the ferals even with my illness its my wounded ego causing issue. just cause the rfc coach was passively a dick #doesnt mean i need to pass up a wonderful opportunity for play time and friendship. ill have a chance to play with the guys #in time and ill have time to socialize with them as well in time #but i shouldn't squander an opportunity just because im wounded and bitter because of old traumas #besides more time to get fundamentals ironed out #so im ignoring my doctor somewhat and km gonna start practicing this week #lightly. just light stuff you know. cardio and working with the ball maybe since i shouldn't be on the heavy bag yet #and then next week ill buy my practice set and customize it as a Bribe to myself

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