#i have a not at all funny joke about this song in my drafts that i dont want to publish

[seventh-district]

7am, eating cold leftover teriyaki stir-fry for breakfast and crying over blorbos

[cxffecoupx]

what 2 am with them looks like

seventeen × gn reader comfort, healing (kinda, idk) warnings: mentions of making love, food wc: 1.3k author's notes: this was a random thought, and has been in my drafts for so long, so i decided i had to complete it. writing this gave me a peace i didn't know existed, so i love this work very much. i hope you guys love it too <3

➼ choi seungcheol

in bed. he's probably fucking you into the next week, making you cum at least 5 times before he kisses you gently and washes you up and prepares to sleep. if not this, then you're probably on your side of the bed. the other side of the bed remains empty, because your cuddly clingy boyfriend is wrapped around you, strong arms trapping your movements and legs tangled together.

➼ yoon jeonghan

dumb conversations. lying in bed, your head resting on his arm, your arm wrapped around his torso that shakes with the laughter. it's probably one of your lame jokes that only he finds funny, or one of his hilarious stories about seungkwan and chan, but it's got you both clutching your stomachs after a while. he pulls you close with his arm that's under your head and presses a light kiss to your forehead before finding another interesting topic. when do you sleep that night, that's a question you both have no answer for.

➼ hong jisoo

deep conversations. you're both sitting in your bedroom, hugging pillows as you slip into deep conversations about the universe and your future. you aren't sure how you got here, you were in your bed to sleep one moment and in the next, you're both sitting as you talk about your wedding and your house and the stars and the moon and his mom and his job; the conversation flows easily into the next topic. he only stops when he sees you suppress a yawn for the 3rd time before kissing you and suggesting you both go to sleep.

➼ moon junhui

watching cat videos. it all started a few hours ago, with you and jun on either side of the bed, scrolling through phones. you roll over to him, perfectly landing your head on his chest as you show him your screen. "look junie," you said as you shoved the phone into his face. he chuckles before holding your hand and focusing on the video of an orange cat tripping over it's own feet. he laughs watching it, and it ends up in you lying on his chest as you both watched every single cat video available on the earth. your laughs filled the room and tears filled your eyes, but it felt so good, spending time doing silly things like this.

➼ kwon soonyoung

passive watching soap operas. its the time of calm and quiet after the rush of the day, so when you turn on the tv after dinner, you stay like that until late hours. except the focus has moved from the drama on the tv to drama from work. from sitting at the ends of the couch, you end up tangled somehow - his head resting on your lap or him sitting on the floor, hands held with yours. the tv drones on at a low volume, but by then you've both shared all the tea from your work and are giggling over the littlest of things. in the morning, you're both probably on the floor, one of the cushions as a pillow and keeping warm by hugging each other.

➼ jeon wonwoo

playing games. after much practice and pain, you'd finally gotten better at the games wonwoo often played. most nights you'd be a team going against your other friends, but sometimes you prefer to play against him. and when that happens, it ends in either of the two ways: you're winning and start shaking your hips, or he's winning and decides to deliberately lose to help you win. either way, he wants to see your happy lil dance.

➼ lee jihoon

in his studio. jihoon's seated in his studio, working on a new track. when you arrive, he immediately pulls you to him, making you sit on his lap as he hands you his headphones. you look at him, confused, but wear them anyway and listen as he plays the track he was just working on. as you fall deeper into the melody of the song, he grips your hips in anticipation. it was a song to you, from him, containing the most heartfelt emotions he'd felt for you, but couldn't communicate properly. so he decided to put them into a song, a language he speaks so well and one that you understand.

➼ lee seokmin

having breakfast cereal. you'd gone through great lengths to find and buy the brand of cereal you both highly enjoyed. so now that you have it, why wait for the morning? when he wakes you up in the middle of the night, anxious and groggy about your reaction, he'd worried you'd judge him. but maybe it's the sleepiness hanging in his mind that he forgot you both basically share the same braincell. so the next minute you're stumbling into the kitchen, looking for bowls and cartons and giggling over spilling milk and noisy spoons. by the time you're done, your stomach's filled with food and heart's filled with love.

➼ kim mingyu

moments of soft intimacy. the evening goes by peacefully: you both come home, tired and exhausted; have a silent dinner mingyu lovingly prepared and talk about work; after some leftover work you both head to bed. but slowly, the stroke on the cheek becomes kissing, drawing shapes on your back as you kiss and nip at the base of his neck. mingyu's vulnerable now, only with you, but neither of you are in a rush to haste. his hands cup over your ass and thighs; your hands are braided in his hair. his palms knead the flesh of your breasts; your fingers gently brush across his chest and abs. whether or not you make love comes later, but you sleep peacefully in each other's embrace.

➼ xu minghao

sky-watching. when you poke him awake, he's definitely concerned, but the first thought that pops to his head when you say you cant sleep is to go sit in the balcony. so now, at 2 am, you're in the balcony, a cup of warm tea in your hands and xu minghao at your side. its silent, but its a comfortable silence that wraps around you like a blanket, and warmed up by the tea he specially made for you. and although for others, the silence might seem awkward, minghao knows that this is exactly what you need to escape from the thoughts racing around in your mind.

➼ boo seungkwan

late night walks. seungkwan's energy peaks after he comes home and sees you, so walks to tire you both out becomes a staple in the routine. youre walking the streets in matching hoodies (that's because you take one of his) and even in the cold, he makes it a habit to hold your hand in his. you wander through new streets every night, discovering new neighbourhoods, having a quick snack from the convenience store, and usually stumble over a park or play area. you can feel seungkwan's eyes light up and the next thing you know, youre on the swings, side-by-side. with the little squeeze of your hand, he lets you know he's ready to go back.

➼ chwe hansol

watching a movie. to hansol, any logical being would be asleep at this hour. (un)fortunately for him, you weren't as logical as he thought. but maybe he enjoys it because why else would he allow you to keep him awake at this ungodly hour, watching 'Tangled' for the twentieth time now? all frowns erase the moment he sees pascal on the screen, and a smile places itself. he becomes so engrossed in the movie he doesn't even notice that you'd fallen asleep about halfway through the movie. when he does notice tho, he silently closes the laptop and places it away, before slipping back into the bed to get his precious sleep.

➼ lee chan

listening to him talk. chan loves to talk, and you love to listen to him talk. while mostly by this time you're both dead asleep, sometimes you end up in the balcony, the wind playfully ruffling his hair as he goes on and on about something he's so so passionate about. it could be the most trivial things, but the way his eyes go wide as he's expressing his emotions and the way they catch the moonlight in them like little stars. you're gonna be pretty tired the next morning, but when chan's with you, you couldn't care less.

[cheqorb]

More Between Us.

You’ve always been just friends, but they can���t ignore how their heart races whenever you’re near.

FEAT. Isagi, Bachira

NOTES. probably my most tooth-rotting post yet! annnd I totally forgot I had this in my drafts Bring this duo back to me though pleasj

ISAGI is easygoing, and mild-mannered by nature (though perhaps his rivals disagree on that). It’s literally harder to not be friends with him. Your relationship was equally good, nothing particularly special and not abysmal. The type of friends who might talk on the way to class if you spot each other, but never go out of their way to do so either.

If asked, you wouldn’t even say best friends; he’s too busy with his teammates, and you have your own friend group.

See, Isagi enjoys thinking about stuff in a logical sense, using reason and evidence to support his ‘theory’. Both in real life and in football.

So before he even comes to the conclusion of a crush, firstly, there’s the small details he picks up about you.

Your eyes shift colour slightly if the sun hits them right. But, he reckons that happens with everyone’s eyes. Your eyes crinkle upwards when you smile, and maybe even dimples form on your cheeks as you do so. He likes seeing people smile, and yours is… in a way, cuter than anyone else’s? If he had to rank smiles, he’d put yours near the top. All hypothetical, obviously!

He’s always been observant, even as a kid, so Isagi figured he was just feeling a little more insightful as of late but it doesn’t stop there.

Suddenly, Isagi finds himself unconsciously lingering in places he knows you'll be. He tells himself it's just coincidence, but deep down, he has a feeling that he’s seeking you out more often.

Practicing with his team becomes a lot more strategic, with him making sure he's near your usual route home (not in a stalker way, at least, he hopes not), and just on time so that he can ‘bump into you’ and walk together.

And he lives in the complete opposite direction, so, while you don’t mind his presence, you find it a little odd.

Isagi begins to remember every little thing you mention, even the small stuff, like your favorite snack or the song you've been listening to on repeat. Next thing you know, he’s casually surprising you with them, acting like it’s no big deal but loves it when you get visibly excited about it.

He fumbles with his words a little more around you now, overthinking simple things that never used to bother him. It’s not like he’s shy (actually one of the best communicators out of everyone), he just doesn’t want to mess up or make you think he’s weird!

If he says something that could be interpreted as mildly creepy, he’s actually the first one to call it out and apologise over and over again. Beats himself up about it at home, even if you thought it was mildly funny that he knew what you were doing last week Tuesday at around 5:06PM…

When his teammates joke about him having a crush, he laughs it off, but there’s always a little pink in his cheeks that he hopes you don’t notice.

He'll start texting you first more often, just to share something funny or ask for your opinion on something trivial. It’s an excuse, really, just to have another reason to talk to you.

Also catches himself smiling whenever he sees a notification from you pop up on his phone, and his heart does a little flip when he reads your replies, no matter how mundane they are. Literally a “hey, I’m bored. Wanna hang out” is enough for him to lose sleep over it.

When you two do eventually go to said hang out, he pays extra attention to you: whether it's making sure you’re comfortable, or that you’ve got enough to eat, he’s always subtly looking out for you.

Despite all these signs, Isagi convinces himself it’s better this way — giving you small hints for you to understand rather than straight-up confessing. If you notice them and accept, great! If you notice and don’t accept, that’s fine too, he hopes you can remain friends though!

If you’re completely oblivious, well… he’ll muster up the courage to say it outright.

You and BACHIRA are like two peas in a pod together! Where there’s one, the other’s probably lurking nearby somewhere. Every second of every day seems to be spent with each other (and to anybody with common sense, you two already look like you’re dating).

When the crush starts, he thinks about you more than he already did, if that were even possible. Every little thing you do seems to make his heart race, but he sorta brushes it off as just excitement from being with his best friend.

Kind of a trickier situation than Isagi’s one this way though, because now you’re so close, Bachira doesn’t even feel that different about you. He might not even realise it’s romantic until his mother points it out in the midst of another one of his rambling sessions. About you, that is.

I won’t sugarcoat it; he’s nervous if anything. You’re one of the few friends he has and genuinely seem to care and like about him and if he ruins your friendship over his feelings, he’d be devastated.

But he’s back to his usual self and gains a little confidence after some encouragement from others!

Bachira’s clinginess ramps up a notch, but it’s so typical of him that you might not even notice. He’s constantly draping an arm around you, leaning on you, or just being in your personal space as much as possible.

Willing to share anything and everything with you. For example, if it’s snacks he’s got, he’s always picking out the best pieces just for you and handing them over with a cute smile.

Bachira finds himself staring at you a lot more now. Sometimes you’ll catch him and he’ll just laugh it off with a playful comment, but on the inside, his mind is racing with thoughts he can’t quite put into words.

When you talk, he listens with full attention, his usual playful demeanor softening into something more tender. He hangs onto your every word like it’s the most important thing he’s ever heard — and you could literally be talking about a bug you saw on the sidewalk this morning.

If you ever need anything, Bachira’s the first one to jump in and help, no questions asked. He’d go out of his way just to make you smile, even if it means a truckload of extra effort on his part.

Sometimes, he hints at deeper feelings in his usual roundabout way — in little jokes that might just have a hint of truth behind them. But he always plays it off as just that, a joke.

If you’re feeling down, he’s the first to notice, offering comfort in the form of goofy antics or just sitting with you in silence if that’s what you want.

If you ever confront him directly and ask if he feels something more than just being friends, Bachira might just spill everything in a rush of words; unable to keep his feelings hidden any longer. But until then, he’s content simply being by your side, even if it means he isn’t being entirely honest to himself.

[moonlight-prose]

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE

a/n: all i'm gonna say is this song is so benny coded i'm losing my shit over it. he's absolutely the man to leave you in tears by the end of the night. also someone stop me from writing heaps of angst for him, because i genuinely can't stop making wips in my drafts for him. this is entirely unedited because fuck it and i'm nervous he doesn't sound right, but oh well. the divider is made by the incredible @saradika-graphics.

summary: benny cross was trouble, he was a storm waiting to cause damage, he was everything you wanted. but men like him have a tendency to break hearts without even trying.

word count: 2.6k+

pairing: benny cross x f!reader

warnings: EXPLICIT SO MINORS DNI, crying, benny is a toxic man in this, emotionally constipated men, reader's favorite color is red. stupidity, violence, blood, fixing up wounds, makeup getting messed up, thigh riding, spitplay, he's filthy.

"He'll get you into trouble honey."

Five months ago you wouldn't have thought anything of the words Johnny said over a glass of whiskey, his eyes trained on the way you looked at Benny. The far off gaze that he'd seen cross his lady's face more often than he expected. At first it meant love—hope that you might finally meet the one you longed for—but reality always seemed to crash down around you quicker than you expected.

You laughed as if he told you a joke, a funny one liner that would be a distant memory on the day of your wedding to the man by the pool table. You thought nothing of his words and found yourself lost in the gaze of blue eyes and red knuckles.

You should have listened.

The door slammed shut with a resounding bang as you stormed through the small house—your jacket discarded over the leather chair Benny claimed belonged to him. Anger burned in your chest at the realization that one day...it wouldn't sit there. One day he'd leave and you would finally have the gall to throw that piece of shit outside. You glared at it as he followed you, shutting the door with a soft click, a distant sigh leaving his lips.

"Baby—"

In all the months you'd known him, Benny being scared was unthinkable. He was a man who made more trouble than he sought out, the same man who came home bruised, bloodied and begging for mercy. The man you promised to love forever. Yet when your gaze fixed him with a look that could have killed him if you weren't weaponless, you watched that small inkling of fear cross his eyes.

Benny was scared.

And not because he nearly got killed in a fight. Not because he leapt across the bar, a blade in his hand, and a smile on his lips. He felt terror at the thought that you—the person he found his little inkling of peace in—might finally be the one to turn him away.

Tonight very well could be your last straw in this relationship, the thing that finally cracked you in half, and Benny felt his heart drop to his stomach.

He swallowed thickly around words that would never leave his mouth, a cold sweat beginning to form along the back of his neck as you stayed silent. There was nothing either of you could say to fix what broke tonight. He threw the first punch and felt satisfaction at the crack that followed when his knuckles met bone and blood stained his skin.

"I'm s—"

You huffed, fingers curling into fists. "I swear if you so much as say a single word I will break your nose."

The grin that crossed his lips wasn't helping your anger—merely fanning the flames of something catastrophic—but he couldn't stop the thrill that nearly flipped his heart at your threat. His girl, so pretty and dolled up, ready to send a fist flying towards his face. Maybe he should talk to someone about why that made him smile. Why he wanted to kiss you senseless all of a sudden, until neither of you could breathe.

He should have realized it was fucked.

Instead he licked his lips and yearned for more.

Exhaling a deep breath, you closed your eyes to the image of him with blood still smeared across his knuckles and a bruise forming on his cheek. Johnny warned you. He told you Benny Cross was trouble. Yet even now, you found yourself unable to unravel the tangled thread that tied him to you. That set in stone your future with this man. You gave your heart over without thinking about the consequences. But wasn't that supposed to be what love is?

Weren't you meant to fall fast and quick and pick up the pieces later?

"Go sit down, I'll get the bandages," you muttered.

Thankfully, he didn't give you a fight on that front. He nodded silently, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth, as he took a seat in his chair. You half expected him to let your jacket fall to the ground. Instead he folded it gently, placing it on the couch with enough care to break down a small bit of your anger.

He wouldn't speak. Not until you asked him to.

But he could show you he loved you in ways that went unnoticed by others, yet meant everything to you.

You returned silently, handing him the first aid kit as you poured alcohol on the once clean towel. A feeling he often fled from began to eat at his insides, clawing up his throat, as you bent down to evenly wipe at his open cut. He didn't flinch, barely even registered the sharp sting of pain. His mind was reeling, heart pounding, with the knowledge that he felt guilty.

"Johnny warned me," you sighed, seeing the beige towel begin to turn red.

Benny hummed, blue eyes meeting yours—that soft gleam of an apology shining through. You tried to avoid looking at him, knowing your resolve would break. Not even you could deny how irritating his gift for softening you up was. Yet somehow...you always let him get away with it.

"He said you were trouble."

"Johnny says that about everyone," he sighed. He wanted to touch you, to place his hand on the back of your thigh as you stood between his legs.

The harsh and final swipe at his cut sent pain down his face. Enough to have him reaching for you blindly, a soft grunt falling past his lips as you began to clean his bruise. You should have pushed him off, maintained your level of anger, but with Benny things became complicated. Anger bled into your love until you couldn't discern between the two.

Love and hate toed that invisible border between the two, but with him...the line simply disappeared.

"I asked you to stop fighting." He handed you the bandage softly, still trying to meet your gaze. "I don't like you coming home broken. Bloody. Do you think this is fun for me Benny? Stitching you up every time?"

His breath washed across your wrist, eyes falling shut as the guilt practically ate him alive. You could see the conflict on his face. A struggle he didn't know how to win. Fighting was all he knew, all he could count on most days, and whether you liked it or not, it helped him keep the control he desperately needed. The one thing in his life that remained unwavering.

"No," he murmured into the skin of your wrist.

"Then why?"

"I just gotta do it baby."

Bullshit always sounded prettier coming straight from his mouth. More often than not you took it without a second guess. You let him be the wild man they needed—the person who would fight without question. But tonight as you watched him pummel a man into the ground, you caught a glimpse of your future. Of the path that you willingly said yes to.

And it terrified you.

"I know the club needs you," you sighed, cupping his face and finally meeting his soft gaze. "I know Johnny needs you. But so do I."

The sting of tears wasn't unfamiliar when it came to Benny, but you wanted it to be different. You didn't want to cry over his mistakes anymore, you didn't want him to be the reason you were like this. He let out a breath, his hands reaching for hips with a gentleness that gave you whiplash. There was no resistance in your body left, no arguments to be had, because this was just how things were.

Benny Cross remained himself at the end of all of this.

Even as you broke in his hold.

Tucking your face into his neck, you allowed your worries to slip into the background. What more could you do? When you loved a man so reckless he barely remembered to breathe before jumping headfirst into danger. His hand ran down your back, lips finding your temple, as the night began to settle, and you found yourselves back in the same spot. In a position that felt familiar.

"You've got me," he murmured, feeling the collar of his shirt grow damp with your tears.

"The club comes first though."

"I don't know what you want me to say—"

You shook your head and pressed your face into his palm, his thumb running along the top of your cheekbones. "That's just it Benny...you can't say anything I haven't heard before."

A flicker of something foreign creeped along his face, peeking its head out before sneaking off again. A part of him that he'd never share with you. The trepidation, the grief, the worry that he barely let himself feel. How could he give that to you? How could he let you see it all without scaring the shit out of you?

Keeping that to himself was what kept him there. It stopped him from running at a moment's notice. And you knew that.

You figured it out the day you met him.

"C'mere," he mumbled, gripping your chin with the softness of a lover who yearned to apologize but didn't know how.

So you fell into his touch and let his lips slide along yours. You kissed him back with a worn out sigh of pleasure, your hands creeping along the neck of his jacket—until your skin pressed against his. Benny didn't kiss you with passion or fervor. He kissed as if he had all the time in the world to do nothing but. To tease out every manner of sounds that might be trapped in your chest.

His tongue dipped into your mouth, hand gripping at your hip as his breathy grunt was swallowed by your lips. By the moan you fed him—the need that echoed from your chest directly into his.

"You taste like me," he groaned, his hand finding the back of your neck at the same time he gripped your ass, pushing you a bit closer. Until no space remained but the clothes you wore.

You smiled, stealing a quick bite to his bottom lip he felt right down to his cock. "I taste like cigarettes."

"My cigarettes."

"You all smoke the same cigarettes baby."

He mumbled something you couldn't hear—not because you didn't try, you did—because he chose that moment to press his thigh between your legs, catching you in a kiss before the sound could escape. What you might have recognized as a soft warmth that spread through your stomach, suddenly burned you on sight. A whine spilled from your mouth, your fingers tangling in the hair at the base of his neck, and yet he merely smiled against your lips.

Whatever argument that might have continued long into the night, died in the back of your mind the second he guided your hips along his leg. The rough fabric of his jeans catching along the seam of yours. You wanted to focus on him, to see the slightest bit of crimson dust his cheeks, but the haze of bliss began to bleed into your vision. Blurring anything but him and his thigh and the open mouth kisses he tracked along your throat.

"B-Benny—"

The squeeze on your ass let you know he was listening, and perhaps you were too far gone to realize how your heart fluttered at the touch. Maybe he knew that this was too much for you to give up on. The unconditional pleasure he was willing to give you.

The ache he could fill with ease.

"That's it," he mumbled against the corner of your lips, gripping your chin in his large calloused palm. "Ride it. Take what you want."

Soft panting breaths was all you could get out with each stunted grind of your hips along his leg. With any other person you might have felt ridiculous. Like you were the show they were paying for. But with Benny...you existed beyond whatever this was; you were the person he'd ride to hell and back with. The person who gave him a reason to come home.

He watched you with awe in his eyes, his thumb rubbing along the eye makeup that you cried off. The mascara that you'd later have to remove with his help.

"How do you feel?" he finally said, his voice a low rumble in his chest.

If he wanted coherent sentences, he wasn't getting them. And some part of him knew. He could see the effort it took to even keep your eyes open as blinding pleasure began to course through your body. Ripping at what anger might have remained and replacing it with want.

His name was a soft sigh on your lips, eyes glazed and begging for that final push. When it came to you, he willingly gave in, gave you the need that he could feel in his own body.

"What do you need?"

He knew what would push you over the edge; could practically see the plea in your eyes. And his lips curled at the sight. Your hips dragged along his thigh in short stunted thrusts, working yourself past the point of feeling that blistering ache in your legs. Pulling your face closer, he pinched your cheeks slightly, silently waiting for you to follow his move. He wasn't a patient man, but when it came to you...he'd endure centuries if it meant getting to have you like this.

"I know," he murmured, sliding his nose along your cheek. "Lemme give it to you."

With a soft moan, your lips parted open, fingers grabbing onto the front of his vest in the hopes that it would stabilize you. He dipped down licking into your mouth with a groan, before the all too familiar sensation of his spit landing on your tongue sent heat flaring towards your stomach.

"That's a good girl." Your eyes fluttered, body trembling. "Swallow."

Few things existed that made him feel that flutter in his chest. The sight of your eyes rolling back as the release you'd been aching for finally spilled over and down your spine, was at the top of his list. He'd watch it on repeat without ever tiring of what he could bring you to. A feeling that if taken away from him, would bring a sane man to madness.

"Benny," you sighed, feeling his forehead press to yours, his chest heaving with deep breaths as he tried to settle his body. You needed a moment to gather yourself before he dragged you back to that comfortable bed you made him find the first week you began dating him.

"I'm sorry."

The words weren't a promise, nor a confirmation that a future spent with him would change. Or even be easy. But you took what little he could give. The pieces of his heart he let you have, even as he fought everything screaming at him to leave.

"I know," you whispered, giving into his hug, and soaking in the affection he offered.

You came to the conclusion that this is where you differed. You loved with everything, all that you could give of yourself. And Benny loved like the wind. There for moments of the day, but gone by the time the moon began its ascent into the sky. You never knew when you'd finally catch him for good—perhaps you never would.

His hold tightened, lips finding yours, and it was then you finally settled on the answer you'd been searching for. You didn't want to find out the future, because this right here...this was enough.

[spirkkock]

Queer Text/Subtext in Shallow Grave (1994)

CW: BLOOD, STABBING, MURDER, NON-SEXUAL NUDITY, DRUG USE

I guess I wrote a rough essay... about the queer subtext in Shallow Grave... Here... have the rough draft if you'd like...

Overt references to queerness:

When we look at contemporary movies, we often have a knee-jerk reaction to dismiss any “funny” references to queerness or sexuality to be taken as jokes and nothing further than that.  Unfortunately, this has become all too common, and does a disservice to the films we watch. So I will be taking every moment of referenced or implied queerness as serious, even if it is delivered in a humorous way. Especially because this movie is not meant to be a comedy (despite some humorous moments).

Furthermore, references to queerness in movies should be taken seriously because they establish not only the existence of queerness (in universe, as one might say), but can also demonstrate the character’s attitudes towards queerness.  Its important to notice that at no point in this movie are any references to queerness played for a laugh – they might be humorous, but we are not meant to laugh at the character for being queer, which indicates that queerness is taken seriously within the universe of the movie (or at least between the characters).

The first overt reference to queerness is when Juliet asks an interviewee if he is having an affair with a man or a woman and the man is not given screen time to answer. This same man bursts into tears after Alex, a man, says, “When did anyone last say to you these exact words, ‘you are the sunshine of my life’?” (this is a reference to the Stevie Wonder song of the same name). While it is technically (according to the script) said by Alex to a different interviewee, the arrangement of the shots does not indicate that, as it cuts directly from Alex asking the question to the man crying. This could imply a number of things.

The second overt reference to queerness comes at the charity ball, where a Scotsman says, “ladies and gentlemen, and those of you who are neither or both,” which is then met with a drumroll. Alex immediately responds, offended, “where did they dig him up?” implying that Alex finds the joke to be outdated and, perhaps, distasteful.

The third overt reference is when Alex dresses in drag. He also appears in the same scene, on the tape recording wearing some rather flamboyant costumes.  The fact that Alex is in drag is not addressed by any of the other characters, nor by Alex, indicates that this is either a usual occurrence, or, for some reason, entirely unremarkable to the characters.  Specifically, it is interesting that David does not comment on it, as he walks into the scene unsuspecting.

The fourth, and final, overt reference to queerness is when, upon being told of Juliet and David’s relationship, Alex says to Juliet, “I’d do exactly the same thing except I don’t think I’m his type.” If the line is interpreted sarcastically (which I think most viewers will) then we can assume that he is jealous of David for being with Juliet. If it is interpreted as earnest, then we can assume that he is jealous of Juliet for being with David. It also could be an ambiguous combination of both.

Queer Subtext:

Now let us dig into the subtext, which I actually find to be much juicier....

The Squash Scene and the Car

Directly after the interviews have concluded, we are given a scene which helps frame the relationship between the three characters as one built on dynamics of domination and submission and gives us a baseline to understand each of the character’s roles within this dynamic. This scene takes place on the Squash court.

There is a deviation here between the script and the film, as several lines have been cut, but I will include them as they add some context to the scene.

In the above text, Alex indicates that he sees this game of squash as a struggle for dominance. In this case, the game between Alex and David is won by Alex, who then, despite having called David a “bad loser,” demonstrates that he is a sore winner when he gloats over David by saying, “defeat, defeat, defeat – sporting, personal, financial, professional, sexual, and everything.”

David is clearly annoyed by this and storms off. This scene sets up the ongoing power dynamic between Alex and David in which Alex is the dominant one in the relationship. It also is the first time that we see David being emasculated by Alex, which will continue occurring for the first half of the movie.

Immediately after David leaves the court, Juliet takes his place to play a match against Alex.  In this scene she is wearing a rather masculine outfit which is similar to that of the two male characters. She also sports short hair throughout the movie, but this is the scene in which she appears the most “boyish.”  When she enters the court to play, Alex begins to make the same statement (“Did you know squash is-”) that he made (in the script) earlier, to David. Thus he is using this exercise as a way to exert dominance, not only over David, his male sexual rival, but also over Juliet, thus implying that she is on equal footing – therefore also a sexual rival. However, Juliet cuts him off and tells him, “Alex, just serve.”

The action of cutting off Alex denies him domination in that moment, thus establishing that the two of them are on much more equal footing, or possibly that Juliet is in fact the dominant one between the two of them.  This scene serves to establish that typical gendered dynamics are somewhat blurred between these three individuals, and that David, instead of Juliet, takes on the most feminine/passive role in the group.

The next scene once again highlights the complicated gender and power dynamics within the group.  Juliet drives the car (masculine) while Alex and David bicker with one another from the back seat and passenger seat, respectively.

In this scene, addressing Alex’s win, David says, “Victory is the same as defeat – it’s giving into destructive competitive urges,” which distances him from competition, and could be interpreted as him rejecting the masculine urge to dominate.  Alex, in return, emasculates him by belittling his reliance on a “discussion group,” (implied to be therapy). During this scene, Alex and David are looking at one another, however, the rear-view mirror blocks both of their eyes. This symbolizes their unwillingness to see “eye-to-eye and perhaps a certain level of repression between the two of them.  Also in this scene, Juliet physically dominates Alex by elbowing him in the chest, and attempts to emasculate him verbally by implying that a woman that he is interested in hates him. She does this specifically in response to Alex’s emasculation of David, thus establishing that while Alex might be dominant over David, she is dominant over him.  During this exchange, however, in her attempt to protect David from Alex, David is further emasculated because he relies on someone else to defend him.

Discovering the Body / Three Friends, Three Bodies

When the trio discovers Hugo’s body we see some more of this interesting dynamic.

David stands by shocked while Alex ransacks the room searching for paraphernalia, while Juliet (the doctor among them) attends to the body.

Hugo’s nude corpse in this scene represents male vulnerability. He is prone and exposed on the bed, having overdosed on heroin, and can do nothing while his privacy is violated (by the dominant, Alex).  The injection of drugs into the body, in this case, could also be said to symbolize emasculation - the breaking of the body barrier through penetration of a syringe (phallus). This exemplifies a significant cultural fear at the time – death of the male body via penetration, which had become a major concern due to the HIV/AIDS epidemic. (If I was writing this essay for real, this is where I would insert articles that demonstrate horror’s preoccupation with AIDS and gay stuff during the 80s and 90s, but this is just for fun)

David, of course, is enamored by this display of the fragility of the male body. I would suggest that he identifies with Hugo’s vulnerability in death, and that the treatment of Hugo’s body by Alex and Juliet mirrors the way that they treat David. While Alex takes advantage of Hugo’s vulnerability in death by violating his privacy (thus dominating it), Juliet emasculates Hugo’s corpse by tending to it.  In one shot, we also see Juliet’s fingers dangerously close to penetrating Hugo’s mouth.

We can also expand upon this by recognizing that the two male characters that are pursuing Hugo and the trio in search of the money, are parallels to Juliet and David.  The two men are able to dominate Juliet and Alex through violence, only then to be killed by David. Thus, the three bodies that the trio end up burying are parallels to the trio themselves.

David Overcomes Emasculation, Alex Becomes Emasculated.

Alex’s emasculation of David continues throughout the first half of the movie, culminating in David being forced to dismember Hugo’s body (the very body that he identifies with).  When this occurs, he becomes the violator/aggressor/dominator.

This occurrence proceeds the change in the group dynamic. Around the midpoint of the movie (during the charity ball) we see David transition into a dominant role in the trio, while Alex becomes submissive.

This is demonstrated first by Juliet dominating Alex while they dance. Alex falls to the floor, drunk, and Juliet takes that moment to step on Alex’s mouth, forcing him to lick the bottom of her shoe.  He then willingly kisses her ankle, meeting her eye contact submissively. It is made clear through his facial expressions and laughter, that he finds joy in this act, thus embracing the emasculation (whereas David had always responded poorly, rejecting it).

Alex then attempts to re-exert control over David by forcing him to toast when he doesn’t want to. David eventually concedes after Alex yells at him, demanding that he toast to “love and happiness forever.”  (Alex also humiliates and emasculates Cameron in this scene).

David finally exerts control when Brian McKenly (a man keen on pursuing Juliet) interrupts their conversation. David responds by standing on level with Brian and stating, “If you want to talk to my girlfriend, you talk to me first. If you want to dance with her, you apply in writing three weeks in advance or you end up inside of a fucking bin bag. You didn’t apply – so you don’t dance!”

While David shrinks a bit afterwards, admitting that he found the interaction stressful, both Juliet and Alex embrace him, in high spirits (one might say… aroused…). Alex exclaims, “He [David] was really good – fucking bin bag – I really liked that. You really explored your maleness to the full there! You were magnificent.” This statement indicates that Alex, who has rarely had an encouraging word for David over the course of the movie, is invigorated upon seeing that David has stepped into a dominant role, exerting his masculinity onto others. Immediately following this, Alex is assaulted in the bathroom by Cameron (who he had emasculated twice prior) and two other men, who beat him quite badly, thus emasculating Alex.

The following day, Alex’s emasculation is made complete when he dresses in drag and spends the day in debauchery with Juliet. The framing of his and Juliet’s bodies during this scene is also worth noting, as they are often visually indistinguishable from one another – with Alex being noticeably more feminine than Juliet in several shots due to his makeup, jewelry, dress, and rather delicate shoulders.

(Notably, during the entirety of the ball scene and much of the drag/video scene, Alex is often pictured smoking a cigar instead of his usual cigarette, which could be said to stand in for a phallus.)

From this point on, David is almost always dominant over Alex. (One notable exception is one moment where Alex leans in close to David during dinner and orders, “now swallow,” while making very intense eye contact. David regains control by reminding Alex that David was the one who dismembered Hugo’s body.)

After this point it is clear that David is undergoing some extreme psychological stress, and has become paranoid and aggressive.  His shift in demeanor is most clearly symbolized by this shot, where he calls out of work so that he can begin making plans to protect the cash.

The Wickerman

During one scene, an injured Alex lays on the couch and watches the final scene of The Wickerman (1973). 

The Wickerman tells the tale of a conservative Christian police officer who goes to a Scottish isle to investigate the disappearance of a girl, only to discover that the locals are practicing a form of paganism that involves human sacrifice. The police officer discovers that he is in fact the sacrifice.  It is implied that he is the sacrifice because he is a virgin and a heterosexual, and he is unwilling to have sex with Christopher Lee’s character.  Christopher Lee was most well known at the time for playing the lead in Dracula (1958) – another movie with extremely well documented queer subtext. The audience of The Wickerman would have been aware of this.

During this scene, the drumbeats of the pagan ritual, where the police officer is being marched to his execution/sacrifice, synchronizes with David’s steps overhead, a sound that the characters and the audience come to associate with surveillance and dread.

Honestly this scene has me a bit stumped. Who does Alex identify with in this situation? The heterosexual victim? – is the ending subverted because his submission culminates in… the penetration of Alex's body… thus making him queer? Idk it's been a long day.

Surveillance

During the second half of the movie, David moves into the Attic and rarely comes down when his housemates are home.  He is protecting the money, both from his housemates and from the men who eventually come looking for it. While Alex and Juliet are brutalized by the men, David is the one who has set a trap for them, and is able to kill them. He also leads the trio to dispose of the bodies, and drives the van (whereas Alex had driven the van the first time they disposed of the bodies, when he had been the dominant one in the relationship).

During his time in the attic, David drills holes in the ceiling so that he can spy on his housemates. He is literally in a dominant position over them, looking down on them while they go about their daily tasks. In one scene, he spies on Alex and Juliet while they are sleeping. In this scene, he is shown first to be watching Alex. David is also in a state of undress that we have not seen before, implying a certain sensuality to the observation. We do not get to see Alex in a state of undress, but the scene finishes with Alex putting his shoes on, the camera looking down from above, implying David’s Point of view, and that he had watched the whole time. After Alex leaves, David moves to watch Juliet, in a scene that is much longer and more explicitly inappropriate and sexualized, especially because we come to understand that David’s temporary attic bed is located directly over her bed. However, before she begins undressing, he looks away and holds his head in his hands.

This scene simultaneously offers us a leveling effect between the two objects of David’s gaze (Alex and Juliet), while simultaneously prioritizing the heterosexual coupling. However, the implication that there is shame associated with the heterosexual gaze, complicates the situation.

Penetration with the Drill (Phallus)

When Alex goes into the attic to look for the money (and finds it in the water tank), he climbs back down the ladder only to be confronted by David, who is holding a drill (phallus) as a weapon.  Alex’s hands are wet from the water, and he frantically wipes them on the seat of his pants, behind his back, visually placing his hands as a barrier to his anus. The Drill makes contact with Alex's head and breaks the skin in an act of penetration (the body barrier is broken). This is the first scene in which David directly engages in domination (and penetration) of Alex.

David’s Glasses and Alex’s Photo

Lenses, mirrors, and portals/doorways are deeply significant visual aids in this movie, but I want to highlight the one that stood out to me the most. When Juliet and David have (implied) sex, at which point they solidify their status as a couple, David removes his glasses, and places them on Juliet’s bedside table.  Underneath the glasses is a photo of Alex in costume, a cigar in his mouth, framed through the lens of the glasses.  The photo was taken on the day in which we see Alex at his most feminine, at a point where he had been thoroughly emasculated (beaten in a bathroom by a man that he had emasculated multiple times). The framing of the photo, through the lens of David’s glasses implies that this is how David sees Alex – costumed, emasculated, and with a phallus in his mouth.

This photo is also shown once more in the film; David holds the photo of Alex as he lies in his attic bed, and he pins it above his head so he can look at it. The scene cuts to Alex, also in bed, who then gets up. It once again cuts back to David, who also gets up, and we see that Juliet lies asleep next to him. This follows a pattern of shots that we’ve seen before in the film (see the Surveillance section), where we see David watching Alex in what could be interpreted as a sexual or romantic way, before the camera reveals Juliet and lingers significantly. The implication is that whatever there is between David and Alex always gives way to the relationship between David and Juliet.

Returning to the glasses - the final time that we see them is during the climax of the movie. The three characters are struggling against one another, and David’s head is forced into the refrigerator so that Alex can try and smash him with the door.  He manages to throw Alex off, but not before his glasses are caught on the shelf of the refrigerator, thus knocking them off his face.  Having David’s glasses be knocked off would not typically be significant in a fight scene such as this, however the camera goes out of its way to linger on this shot, indicating that the symbolism here is important.  The other time that we have seen David remove his glasses has been before he has (implied) sex with Juliet. In this case, the removal of the glasses occurs just before David pins Alex in his final act of domination, which then culminates in the ultimate symbolic act of sexual penetration – David stabbing Alex with a knife (phallus).

NOTE: David is also pictured without glasses at the beginning of the film, where he is lying on his back, and halfway through the film, after he has dismembered Hugo in a symbolic act of violence against his own vulnerability.  In the first scene we hear his monologue; “I’m not ashamed, I’ve known love, I’ve known rejection. I’m not afraid to declare my feelings. Take trust for instance, or friendship. These are the important things in life. These are the things that matter, that help you on your way. If you can’t trust your friends well, then what then? What then? This could have been any city, but all the same.” It is unclear until the end, but it seems that the first time that we see David, right at the beginning, we are actually seeing him postmortem in the morgue. Meaning that the monologue is a lament on his life... (You're not ashamed of what, David? Being a bit gay, perhaps?)

Penetration with the Knife (Phallus)

At the climax of the movie, after David’s glasses have been removed, we arrive at David’s final act of domination over Alex.  David pins Alex to the floor by sitting on his stomach, with Alex’s legs pinned underneath his knees in a position that could be interpreted as sexual.  He then holds Alex by the throat, and stabs him in the shoulder, slicing clean through and penetrating the floor.  The act of stabbing (penetrating) a victim with a knife (phallus) is one often noted in analysis of horror films, as having sexual implications (again – I’d find some article about it here if I was a serious writer lol).

Before David can stab Alex again with a second knife, David is stabbed with a knife through the throat from behind by Juliet.  Thus Juliet, who has been a dominant character throughout the movie, is symbolically penetrating David with a phallus. Furthermore, the location of the stabbing in the throat and from behind, implies that David has now suffered, once again, an emasculation, just as he had just preformed on Alex.

David collapses and dies, just as Hugo did, from emasculation through the body barrier being broken from penetration. Thus, David’s identification with Hugo’s corpse and the vulnerability that it represented, is complete in this moment.

Juliet then kneels over Alex, taking up the same position that David had just occupied, and places her hand on the knife in Alex’s shoulder, pressing on it, thus taking David’s place as the one to dominate Alex.  She then removes her shoe, and in an act that mirrors the scene from the charity ball in which she dominated Alex by having him lick her shoe/foot, she uses her shoe to hit the knife three times, driving it deeper into his shoulder, further penetrating him.  Thus, in her final interaction with both David, and Alex, she has penetrated them.

As she puts her shoe back on, we can see inside of the refrigerator, where we once again see David’s glasses, recalling once again that this scene is coded as sexual in nature through the movie's visual language.

As the movie closes, we discover that Alex is alive (probably), and that he has hidden the money underneath the floorboard. In the ultimate irony of the movie, the character that spent the second half of the movie being coded as the submissive (homosexual receiving) partner, has come out on top, despite the other two character’s attempt to dominate (and kill) him.

Uhhh the credits roll, and they're all shown as they were in the first scene of the movie, smiling, laughing, and the love song "Happy Heart" plays...

[chrissv4mp]

tornado warnings 🌪⚠️

warnings: vulgar language, maybe gets a little sexual but not real smut, getting back with an ex (don't do this seriously its the WORST decision you'll ever make)

author's note: GUYS i am so obsessed with sabrina carpenter so i js HADDDDD to make a matt oneshot based on one of her songs!!

edit: yall are getting this early bc i couldn't wait to post it & i also just hate having stuff in my drafts!!

_____________

"matt," you laughed, stumbling over your own feet as you tried to make your way to him.

"c'mon, just a few more steps. don't fall now, darling." he joked, and you swear you felt nauseous at the thought of it.

your eyes glanced to the ground, and you forgot how high up you were. was the alcohol just making it seem higher?

you took the last few steps with caution, and right at the last one, you stepped on your shoelace, causing you to stumble forward.

"shit," matt gasped, grabbing your forearm tight but gentle enough that it wouldn't hurt. he pulled you back, the both of you falling on your asses on the roof.

matt laughed at your shocked expression, acting as if you hadn't almost broken bones. he was always like this, never feeling anything. and even if he did, he would just find it funny.

"what the fuck?" you gasped, and before you could even yell at him, you started to laugh. his laughter was contagious, everyone would agree.

his hold on you didn't last long, quickly pushing you out of his arms and getting to his feet.

your smile faded as you watches him crawl back into the house through the window, leaving you by yourself.

what kind of boyfriend does that?

you shook your head, fending off the bad thoughts and quickly thinking of how many other guys were worse. matt wasn't even a bad boyfriend.

he just... was a little scared of relationships. it was the commitment, he always said.

_____________

sighing, you stared up at the ceiling of the office, the only sound in the room being a pen writing on paper and your quiet breaths.

"so, back to what we talked about last session, your boyfriend?--"

"ex." you corrected, looking back in your therapists direction.

"oh, i'm sorry ms. y/l/n. uhm, you said you felt unwanted, but that you still believed he had a good heart, is that correct?" the man asked, looking down at the paper in his clipboard.

"yeah, yes, that's right." you breathed, fidgeting with your hands as you looked around the room.

"you also said that you planned to breakup with him, cut off all communication. have you spoken to him since said breakup?" he tilted his head, looking up from his clipboard.

shit.

"no, no i haven't. never saw him. never kissed him." you said, your voice growing quiet as you said the last words.

if he didn't see it, it doesn't exist. he doesn't have to know.

the man sighed, taking his glasses off before placing them on a table to the side, "ms. y/l/n, this is a safe space, you know that. we've been doing these sessions for a little over 7 months now, and i'm sure that you know everything you tell me in here is private and is never spoken of outside this office."

"i know, i do feel that this is a safe space. and i swear to you i'm telling the truth. im over that son of a bitch. he's the worst." your lips curved into a reassuring smile, and unsurprisingly it hadn't helped your case.

"okay," he sighed.

_____________

you glanced at the clock on the wall, sitting at the island in your kitchen as you finished up some work on your computer.

your phone was left untouched next to your mouse pad and you silently prayed that it remained silent.

the screen lit up, and an array of messages suddenly blew up your phone.

great, just what you wanted!

you didn't take your eyes off the computer screen, but as soon as you saw matts contact name in the corner of your eye, you couldn't help but grab the phone.

matt🫀: 'can i come over???'

matt🫀: 'nvm im already On my way!'

matt🫀: 'bringing snacks btw, we should watch a movie if ur down'

matt🫀: 'was gonna ask what u wanted but u take centuries to reply soooo coke and kit-kats it is :)

"what?" you whispered, chuckling quietly at his texts.

no, you can't laugh. none of this was funny, and he knows that he's crossing your boundaries right now. why does he always do this?

you: you js keep gaining red flags every day, we're not playing capture the flag, ykw that right?🚩

matt🫀: we're always playing capture the flag, the only flags i collect r green tho!💋

he couldn't be serious. was he even real?

you: sassy man apocalypse has started yet again😱

matt🫀: you take the man out of the sassy apocalypse, not the sassy out the man🤷‍♀️

you: your the worst

matt🫀: you're*

your thumb hit the power button, and not even a minute later, the doorbell rung.

having forgotten about your laptop, you quickly jumped to your feet and ran to the door. a smile was plastered on your lips, and you couldn't seem to get rid of it.

why must you always fall for his tricks. he's such a dick.

"hey, darling," he smiled, his backpack hanging off one shoulder and a plastic grocery bag hanging off the other.

his pet name caught you off guard, and you swore your knees almost gave out. no man has ever made you as weak as matt has.

who does he think he is?

"hi, matt." you smiled, and he didn't hesitate when he leaned down to kiss you.

your hand went to his chest, pushing him back and moving your head to the side even if your hand kept him back.

he scoffed in fake offense, pulling away, "you're no fun, y'know?"

"i'm fully aware." you laughed before moving to the side to let him in.

he went straight to your room, having known your house so well since he had been living with you for a while before.

all doubtful thoughts were thrown out the window as you made your way to the bedroom. you caught matts eye as you made you walked in.

"c'mere," he smiled, gesturing you over with a wave of his hand, "what movie should we watch?"

you couldn't help but smile, almost forgetting all the prominent red flags that he had. he was the worst.

or maybe he wasn't as bad as you thought. maybe it was just you.

he was good for you. he kept you on your feet, kept you grounded.

"baby." he said, his voice breaking you out of your thoughts, "come here,"

matt smiled as he patted the empty spot next to him, and you wasted no time in getting on the bed and situating yourself beside him.

his hand grazes your thigh as he reaches over you for the remote, turning the TV on before scrolling through endless amounts of movies.

"superhero movie?" he asked quietly, looking over at you as you shook your head.

"wow, surprising." he joked, clicking through some more movies that didn't catch either of your eyes.

matt ditched the remote on what used to be his nightstand before he rolled over to face you.

his eyes were still that deep blue that you loved, and the smirk on his face didn't help as you tried to look away.

"i missed you," matt muttered, his voice soft as his fingers danced along the skin of your arm.

your breath hitched as his hand found the hem of your shirt and went under it, that stupid smirk on his face making it impossible for you to deny him.

"matt, we can't--"

"shh," his lips were dangerously close to yours now, and you didn't even want to question how he got so close to you in just a few seconds.

"there's not a rule that we can't, and we both know you need this. just let me relieve your stress, yeah?"

what the fuck is matthew sturniolos secret.

his hand traveled further up your shirt until it landed on your breast, and you couldn't help the gasp that escapes your lips as he squeezed it.

with his free hand, he propped himself on top of you, knees on either side of your body as he leaned down to your lips.

you couldn't resist him, not now that he was corrupting all your senses. all you knew was him now.

"no, matt." you muttered against his lips, your hand gentle against his chest as you tried but failed to push him away.

you couldn't do this anymore. it was killing you. he didn't want anything more than just a fuck-buddy and you both knew that.

so why was it so hard to push him away?

"matt," you gasped as you felt his lips on your neck, his smell intoxicating as your eyes fluttered shut.

no, you wouldn't do this anymore.

"matt, get off." your gentleness was gone now as you pushed him with real strength, he didn't give a single fuck about you, really.

the boy didn't hesitate to stop, quickly climbing off you before plopping right back next to you on the bed.

"shit, i'm sorry, baby." he muttered, real worry in his voice.

you shook your head, sitting up as you covered you face with your hands.

"please, just leave. we can't do this anymore. seriously." you sighed, tears pricking in your eyes.

"but--" matt tried, but you cut him off just as he was about to start begging.

"get out, matt." your hands went back to your sides, but you didn't dare look at him.

he would only reel you back in.

the boy sighed, frowning as he collected his stuff slowly.

he stopped when he reached the doorway of your bedroom, turning back to look at you, and this time you looked back.

"i do love you, y/n." he said quietly before leaving, shutting the door gently.

your lips parted as you took in the words that had just left his mouth.

no, it was a lie. it always was.

it wasn't true, right?

this was just another red flag to add to the list. all the lies he'd say.

fuck, he drives you crazy.

. . .

[kalisseo]

clone high season 2 episode 8

this post has been the hardest to make for me, I've made three drafts that were so messy that I'm just making a fourth one but I really wanted to talk about this

I've been meaning for months to make this post I just didn't bc idk I'm #lazy but I'm finally writing it

so yeah, this fucking episode ohmygobbbruhhhhh

// cw for sa , grooming and mentions of sex (basically everything that involves talking about this episode)

i want to start with saying that I'm not against any form of art using heavy topics like sa, not everything needs to be easy to consume, but everything needs to be treated with all due respect, something that clone high didn't

my general opinion is that this episode shouldn't exist in the first place, I can think of a few ways that it can be replaced with another plot/themes/ideas and still work out. and the fact that it was watered down a lot too, and they deleted another weird plot it's just. UGHHH, scary to think that even watered down it's so bad, the storyboards are so much worse

we all know the original show and love it, but it had many inappropriate weird jokes about the clones, and the reboot is supposed to be the modern and respectful (woke, if you will) clone high, so why make something so much worse than those jokes?

saying this about the reboot because I think it's pretty obvious that's kinda the intention, the meta comments in the sleepover ep and random stuff in the show, like the sea-men song in the same fucking episode, but whatever this is just my very personal view so idk

well it's easy just because they hate abe with a burning passion

overall, i feel like the reboot was way more explicit with the sex jokes (joan's dream about abe, the abe anxiety scene where joan and jfk are just doing it but with clothes THE EYE SEX SCENE IN SEASON 3) which is just unnecessary

"oh but teenagers have sex haha!! those are just jokes!!" jokes that are not even FUNNY, and just uncomfortable and totally unnecessary

and the blackmailing plot is just another example of this, the worst one, because this involves a heavy and delicate topic like sa

like I said, I'm not against media talking about these topics, but clone high simply shouldn't talk about it

it's a COMEDY, a PARODY, and even though these genres can deal with these topics, it's only if it's WELL EXECUTED, and with all due respect, something that clone high didn't. Also clone high never got too serious or deep about this kind of stuff, so again, it's just another uncomfortable unnecessary thing

I'd say that it's just a joke, but it doesn't even feel like it, it doesn't even feel like it's supposed to be funny (maybe one of the many failed attempts of this show at being funny) it feels like the clone high writers just think they put abe in an awkward situation, when in reality it was a traumatic event, it wasn't treated with respect, and more like something bad but not traumatic that happened to abe, saying this because it wasn't even acknowledged, just like two times, and again it felt that way

overall the whole episode is weird and sucksass (i guesss kahlopatra is the only normal thing), completely unnecessary and could've been easily replaced with other stuff

want joanfk to get back together? ok but why with sex? why is their whole chemistry just sexual chemistry? Why not make a valentine day episode instead? scudworth can make potions or serums or whatever those liquids were, why not make a love potion so they fall in love again? why not just , you knowww try to make them get back with NO sex involved

and why is abe obsessed with his virginity?

want topher to get in the way of joanabe? ok but why like that? the blackmailing plot could've even been funny if only the material was different. why not Topher took an ugly photo of abe instead? or why can't he just be there and ruin the moment for joan and abe? the whole virginity thing and convincing him to have sex with the teacher it's just unnecessary

and I get it, Topher's a freak and an asshole, and many people say this is ooc, but if it's ooc or not it's rather irrelevant. to me, the important thing is that the idea could've been executed in a different and better way if they wanted to portray topher like an asshole

the writers just wanted something to get in the way of joanabe, and topher was the most viable option, and I like the idea of him just being there ruining everything but again, using sa was completely unnecessary and weird

might make another post about this, but I want to say first that when posting about canon, I've always imagined that topher did blackmail abe, but with something like an stupid ugly photo of him picking his nose

whatever, if you hate this episode bc it's weird you're totally right and if you hate topher for this I totally understand you

this version ended up being a mess too but I don't feel like making a fifth one ❤️ might make a pt 2 who knows feel free to add your own points in the comments or reblogs

[kindest-little-fella-in-town]

I need the dobqi lore actually I am hearing you out so hard

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH ANON! infodumping under the cut (also warning i’m gonna start typing like a normal person cause i wanna get my thoughts down right lmao!)

Personally I have a whole AU in my brain made up for them, but I might write a fanfic eventually and I don’t want to spoil it too much, so I’ll try to stick to pseudo-canon.

The main gimmick of the ship is that Qi has reached an enlightened state where he is self aware of the player and the code and can break the fourth wall, whilst Dobson is quite literally stuck IN the aforementioned code. There are two main ideas I’ve been basing the ship on here— one, that Qi knows Dobson is stuck in the code (and possibly why), and two, that Qi is possibly the only one who would even know that Dobson ever existed in the first place.

With these basics, I think you can take the ship in a lot of directions. I joked about it in the tags of the fanart I made, but the idea of them getting romantically involved/having a dramatic breakup and Qi trapping him in the code out of embarrassment is kind of funny to me. That prompt specifically also means that there’s a lot of room for this shit:

(Fun fact, this was actually my first fanart of them. It looks like shit cause I never finished colouring it but you get the concept lmao! Weird DDLC type toxic creepypasta yaoi.)

RE; Qi’s role itself, I also think there’s a lot of room for Undertale/When They Cry/EEAAO timeline shenanigans (which is the idea I go for the most because i’m such a sucker for it!). I mean, it’s implied that Qi knows you’re playing a video game, so I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that he COULD find a way to be watching every player in every save file at all times. How Dobson is involved is up to you, but I just think it would be really fun if this was involved somehow beyond as a vague statement…

…Personally, I really adore the idea of Dobson and Qi being foils in the sense that Qi plays with the farmer for enjoyment, whereas Dobson plays with the farmer to win. I think if Dobson made it impossible for a player to complete the game, for instance, or if he was a particularly sore loser, that even a man like Qi who trusted and loved him enough to hand him the metaphorical Eden apple on a silver platter would take it away in a heartbeat for the good of the valley and the joy of the game.

My final real Thing Of Note is about the 2nd point I mentioned, because I think regardless of why Dobson was sealed away, the idea that Qi would be the only one to remember him is kind of tragic and haunting. I very much enjoy the idea that a man who lacks even the quality of basic existence would have such a profound effect on a man like Qi, who is, knows, and has everything anyone could ever ask for. This song reminds me of the situation a lot, especially this part:

…But those are just my takes. Like a lot of SDV side characters, they’re so malleable that within reason, you can honestly headcanon whatever you want about them (which is the part of the appeal to me!) I think part of me just likes it because the idea of Qi having more fanonical demons beyond like “might have been into your Grandpa” really gets me going.

Anyway, I don’t really know how to end this, so here are some goofy fic lines I had in my drafts about them and also more lyrics from Miracle Aligner (the song in the caption of that post), because I think THAT fits them really well too!

[hughessdemon]

Do you even miss him ? || j.Hughes PT.2

Social media au -

summary - you haven’t interacted with the Hughes after since Jack draft until recently when you returned to New Jersey for an event .

Ever since I moved to California the night of Jack draft , I haven’t been communicating with anyone in Michigan. My parents seemed to disown me respectfully understanding I guess ? More specifically I haven’t spoken to my best friend Luke neither Quinn . I stopped and changed my number afterwards when I arrived , I didn’t want to have communication with anyone back home especially Jack , why would I break him more if I answered his calls , his nonstop texts hurting us both . Anyways I have had a nonstop schedule with award shows, films to writing music for my albums . Most of my award winning songs were always about Jack but I never hinted at it due to fear fans finding out . Even though they probably knew who he was due to the NHL draft , my phone went off couple of time in the span of seconds knowing it was my publicist telling me my schedule for the next week .

S.P : you have been scheduled to hockey private event on May 2nd , 2022 in New Jersey you’ll be representing whatever hockey team you want . Xxx

that text put me in a moment of distress and disbelief, like was she joking or is she being serious that I have to attend a private hockey event ? and before my birthday really , I couldn’t even reply back due to shock , oh instead I immediately called Trevor Z yeah we kept in contact well he’s the only one who did everyone seems to cut me off . The phone was ringing a bit which was annoying since he always picks up fast . “Hey what’s going on Y/n?” As you hear him speak you sighed “I got chosen well invited to a private hockey event in NJ.” you whine telling him , you could hear him laughing at the other end but also worried knowing how it might end bad . few moments of silence you hear him laughing again “well I’m going if that helps you .” amusing as it was to him you were nervous “haha you’re so funny Trevor what a wonderful way to help me.” Trevor got serious again “ I can be honest here and ask why tf you would be invited to a event like that but I won’t ask , anyways all I can say is the whole Hughes clan is gonna be there so is …” Trevor paused not knowing what he was gonna say you asked “who else Trevor?” curiously wondering who is he talked about . “His girlfriend is gonna be there as well.” Your breathe halted for a second, not knowing what to say or really anything. You pushed your feelings away , “okay and what do you want me to do about that Trevor ?” Trevor seemed shocked when you even said that .. it wasn’t something he wanted to hear really , he always loved you and Jack together especially knowing you would always save him from Jack anger issues . “I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or honest?” Trevor says at the end of the line . You faked a good attitude to hide the hurt in your voice , after all you’re an actor for a reason . “I’m being honest Trevor I left to be where I am today I knew what would’ve happened the day I walked out of the room , ignoring his calls . I’m happy for him he deserves nothing but happiness..” you lied through your teeth knowing you’re not happy he moved on but it was your fault at the end still … Trevor brings you back to the conversation by breaking the silence “ anyways you wanna flight out together since you’re an hour drive away from me ? I can have you picked up on the 31st at 6:00 pm ?” you nodded “yeah sure just text me three days prior so I can mentally prepare myself for your annoyance .” you laughed as knowing Trevor was offended by that as he hung up on you .

||May 1 , 2022||

you arrived to NJ , few hours back it’s currently 4 pm , you were chilling in your hotel room with some friends you decided to bring along to hide the fact you’re gonna see your ex and his new girl tomorrow night. Vinnie , Jack , Jett and Avani became your closest friends ever since you met them in 2019 when you guys all stupidly decided to live together, becoming roommates with them was a nightmare in the beginning as we were all just new and awkward around each other . Hiding every time when someone when to the kitchen . Back to the topic yeah ever since we got here Trevor ran off to be with of course Hughes family , you didn’t really care as you had your publicists running you and your friends over on behavior and how to stay engaged with people for tomorrow night , since they’re all influencers it makes us our job easier knowing what to do and how to act . There always been a rumor about me dating Vinnie since we were always close together, I’ve been spending the holidays with his family for like 3 years now . His mom and dad became my parents , while Reginald became a little brother to me . But we never cleared up the rumors because it was useless , anyways we went out for dinner and came back the hotel to knock out early for tomorrow big event .

|| MAY 2, 2022||

next morning was so bad , we all struggled waking up on time , hung over and all . Jett sitting up staring out in oblivion asking me “do we really gotta get up this early .” as if I enjoyed it being awake at 9 am , I heard my phone dinging receiving a message from Jack and Trevor , curiously ignoring Jack message I looked at Trevor’s message.

T.Ziggurat : I’m excited for today but also terrified for you didn’t even have the guts to mention to them you’re appearance tonight . Okay bye im shit bent right now happy early birthday dukie 🤘🏼.

as always Trevor reminding you , the Hughes family will be there and not mentioning you to them seems cute as he protected you from the fact you probably would’ve had Luke up in your hotel room asking you too many questions , that you weren’t ready to answer yet . “Hey Y/n what should we do for you birthday since we close to NYC wanna head out there after all this?” You hear Lydia say while sitting to fix Avani nails , Lydia arrived this morning last minute as a surprise which made me think they’re all planning some wonky crazy party again this year for me . “ I don’t know what should we do ?” As the door rips open to Jack yelling “MAY THE 4th BE WITH YOU!!” laughing at the star war pun for your birthday.

Few hours passing

you were done getting ready, matching with Vinnie in Ami and the others wearing other designer brands they represented, fixing up as you head to the event . Sitting nervously looking out the window , voices of people around you sounding like water to you as you’re panicking when you arrived to the carpet . Vinnie opening the door for you , giving a slight smile towards you as while you’re thanking him “don’t be nervous if he looks at you ima make sure to eat him alive with my own eyes .” Vinnie says making you feel little better as you laugh at it off . Making it through the carpet posing and taking solo shots , you all make it inside , holding on for dear life as your feet started to hurt . Your publicist points at your table for everyone to be seated but you and Vinnie weren’t allowed to sit as you guys were being introduced to higher people in NHL , few people you have met before . The event was about to start when your team told you and Vinnie to make a speech on behalf of Ami sponsoring this event . you haven’t ran into any of the Hughes yet or Trevor yet whichever was a good sign to you . “Now I introduce you to the these two young duo who one have changed the music industry and acting industry as well with her young age making award winning movies and the other one having girls and guys swoon over him with his work and talent in gaming and fashion , both working and living together to achieve their dreams….. Let’s have Y/N and VINNIE HACKER up on here on behalf of Ami!!!” you laugh as you walk up the stairs to the stage and Vinnie helping you up , “thank you for having us tonight it’s a honor to be here for Ami and being in a room full of amazing people tonight.” You say ending your little speech as Vinnie about to start his speech , you look around to see your friends laughing and having a good time, cheering you both on . Corner of your eyes you can see the Hughes looking at you in awe mostly Luke and Quinn , Jack seems to shocked silently as he seems to be busy flirting with his girl , you’re ignoring eye contact with anyone else for the moment as your attention got brought back to you leaving the stage , handing the mic off to your publicist . Vinnie basically hiding you with his 6’1 built body from eyes of Jack as you both walk to your table sitting next to Avani , she came close to you whispering “I kinda wanna punch him they’re all staring too.” You smile as you tell her “ I hope they don’t come over here making me feel uncomfortable.” The whole night was actually great , you were having a good time talking with everyone around , Trevor giving you side eyes from the Hughes table making you feel bad for him being stuck there but it was his choice anyways . End of the event , you were about to head out when you felt a hand on your shoulder seeing a somewhat a 6 foot big foot towering over you , “damn when did you get taller.” You said to Luke looking at him dazed out , Ethan and everyone you used to go hang out at school with was behind him smiling at you awkwardly, Luke speaks up asking “you don’t even care to call me back even once I thought you were dead!” Luke silently yelling at you , feeling bad as you see Luke tearing up a little as he pulled you into a hug “ I missed you Y/N.” He says gripping on as if you’re a ghost . You smile a little “I’m sorry I left like that but I also lost your number sorry Lukester” . You lied a little bit not wanting him to know you didn’t wanna hurt him by telling the truth. “You know you have my Instagram right you could’ve contacted me there too !!” “I’m sorry really Luke.” he lets you go from the hug as the other boys came in to give you guys Ethan spoken up asking why you haven’t came home for summer break curiously . “I just been busy 24/7 I rarely get a break when I do I just sleep in maybe one day I’ll be back home one day …” you smiles at them awkwardly wanting to go back to your hotel room , Jett came to your rescue in the moment “Hey Y/N let’s go the car is waiting for us to go already.” You knew Jett was lying but you were glad to be saved -

[trashcanwithsprinkles]

i love love love the new fic and im sooooooo excited for where you'll take this 🥰❤️

just curious, could i ask how many chapters ur planning for the new fic? like just in general, cause i know that can change from time to time - but like how long do u see it going on for?

i'm sorry it was too funny not to slap those at the start,,

genuinely? on a hopeful estimate? i want to say 30-40.

realistically? i've no fucking clue. i'm so sorry. that's like- a running joke at this point here. i do not control the chapter count or word count. i just write. when i think it's only going to take five more chapters, there's 200k words after it. when i say we're nearing the end, we end up on the first third.

so like- the safest thing i can say is that it shouldn't be longer than cyanide. but like. fuck if i know if that's actually going to turn out being true. plus it could still be longer than cyanide on word count even if it has less chapters given cyanide only started hitting 9k words average per chapter on like... chapter 30 and up i think. whereas jadeite's chapters are all 8-9k (i know there's only 4 so far but still) not to mention, 'not longer than cyanide' doesn't tell you much given cyanide is- quite big.

so uh- TL;DR - i'm sorry i just have no fucking clue LMAO

fun fact though- i know i laugh about it and i honestly am more flaberghasted by it than annoyed? about this not being able to control the lenght fo a fic thing. but i won't lie and say i sometimes wish i could bc then i could like- coordinate chapter titles.

geuinely the only reason why most of my fics have no chapter titles is bc i've always wanted to coordinate them, and only a few fics on the shorter side lend themselves to having basic chapter names about stuff that happens in the chapter (like babysitting and every good intention). not that i couldn't do that for the others, but i just wanted to coordinate them from the start, but ended up not doing that since well. you know.

so the actual fun fact is that i actually started jadeite- obviously for various reasons, but one of the things that got me writing was the idea that i could coordinate the chapter titles of this zhongli-centric fic idea i had to one very specific song's lyrics. as in, have each verse be a chapter title.

for that reason alone i really, really want jadeite to have 37 chapters in specific. but since i know that's mostly wishful thinking, i've left the chapters titleless. if i somehow actually manage to get it to stick to 37 (i'll take 38 or 39 even, could probably fit it in 40 as well), then i'll change the chapter titles to what i had originally intended them to be. but we'll have to see if the fic ends up matching the draft i had when it comes to matching the lyrics. or we could accept it's just for the cool aspect of it and have some chapter's titles have nothing to do with the chapter, all in the name of being able to open the chapter index and read an entire song that does vibe with the fic as a whole hahah

[elliestation]

ALYXCAT'S PAWSOME PLAYLIST - MY FAVORITE PARTS OF MY OWN ALBUM

I WANNA…i love the stereo space in this track. it just feels so wide to me and im being hugged by my guitars. im just so proud of myself to making this so quickly as proof of concept that i could make something really good if i just chose to have fun.

ANYTHING….the first and last verse of the song was written by my girlfriend. she wrote a song for our first anniversary that turned me into a SOPPING WET CRYING MESS and i had to reference it in some way. i ended up making this song for this years anniversary with a bunch of cute art i doodled with the lyrics on it…she cried and i was so glad.

TRACK THREE. this one encapsulates what writing this album felt like to me. everything was in perfect alignment. i feel like i really cracked the code. like i finally crossed (krossed haha) a hurdle that i'd been stuck on for many years of my life. its so corny and full of things i love about the songs i love, but thats the point. this is the song that taught me to embrace the rough and scrappy drafts and ideas and throw my feelings of inadequacy to the side. Polyana's verse really cemented this for me too because she just freestyles at the end and it just felt right to keep it in. TLDR: this song taught me to trust my gut. i love it so much.

HEADSPACE. i wrote this song after having a "regular" conversation with someone in my family and i was realizing i was dissociating as a defense mechanism whenever a specific sort of interaction would occur. i've always wanted to write a song that gets really intense and is really grand, rough, and intense, and this song really did it for me. its the first time i really appreciate my singing and screaming voice in its natural range, so im glad it was the first one on the album to feature it.

RECHARGED. i wrote this on a bad day but originally as a joke to make myself feel better. the starting sample is actually a stupid deku meme put through many layers of botanica ass sound design to hide it. i got a bunch of funny reactions from my friends after showing them. i actually did feel pretty refreshed after making this. enough to keep moving forward for the day <3

HOLD ME (sunglare from the sun). aside from the weird title shit thats going on with this track, this song is about a conversation i had with myself. my weeks kept feeling like moments of drowning mixed with the most euphoric times of my life on repeat. as much as i wanted to give up on everything i held dear to me, some part of me couldn't let go and encouraged me to keep going. despite all my self-sabotage, a part of me still had some fight left. the way that this song progresses is something that i never thought i could ever accomplish, and im glad that fighting side of me won because i would have never made this song without it.

CANT LET YOU KNOW. the person that this song is about changed my life. i know that the chorus and all that sounds like they sucked, but really i can't help but hope they're doing okay. though i may be afraid to tell them to their face, i hope they find this song and know that im glad they were apart of my life. i just love how corny this song is and I LOVE POLYANA'S VOICE SO MUCH. okay anwya yeah I ALSO LOVE THIS FUCKINNN OUTRO ITS SOOOO PRETTY TO MEEA AAA

SENTIMENTAL ALIBI. kros… FUCKING. KROS. THIS GUY IS MY FUCKING GOAT. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. THIS SONG WASN'T EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE ON THE ALBUM!!! i made a little sketch one day and sent it to him just to hear his thoughts and HE CAME BACK WITH A WHOLE VERSE THAT MATCHED THE VIBES PERFECTLY WITHOUT ANY CONTEXT! and it ended up becoming the WHOLE SONG and one of the biggest projects i've ever worked on. for this entire album being the first times i've ever started working with people, im SO GLAD that my first experiences have results like this. these people have become such important pillars of my life and im so glad we were not only able to communicate that into a song together and work so well together doing it. my fav part of this song is the final climax…this is the first time i really sang my heart out on a chorus,,,,,and I LOVE HOW IT SOUNDS!!! THAT USUALLY NEVER HAPPENS!!!

TAKE A STEP. this song pushed me with the sound design a little and im really happy about it. when i hear this song i always feel a bit of me choosing to be a little hater and cringe at the conry ass message i have in this, but strangely i feel such comfort knowing i can look at those feelings, accept them, and move on despite them. i may think its stupid, corny, cringe, whatever. but i'll keep following those feelings because they have only led me to create this entire project. i will keep taking a step towards the realest parts of me no matter how fucking stupid i sound because its the only way to grow. im really glad this is the last song on the album for this reason.

the entire album means so much to me because this (and hopefully future projects too) will continue to serve as reminders of the lessons, memories, and joy i experienced when creating this project. dare i say, i would need a Sentimental Alibi to free myself from the nostalgia of this project.

i really hope these messages resonated with you <3 thank you so much for reading.

love you, stay safe.

[lemonlyman-dotcom]

New fic now live on Ao3

TK Strand’s Sweet 16 (times 2) (minus 2)

G | 7k | Tarlos, canon compliant

Six months after a loss that shook the Reyes family to its core, the entire extended family gathers to throw the blowout party of all time for its newest and sweetest member, TK Strand.

I want to express my sincere gratitude to @freneticfloetry for giving this one a beta and sensitivity read, and to @carlos-in-glasses for reading a very early draft and reassuring me that the vibes were vibin’ and the jokes were not just funny to me 🩷✨ I am honestly honored and humbled to have such lovely friends in this fandom who believe in my writing and offer up their time and encouragement. Seriously, it means the world.

Official Party Playlist

Official Party Invitation

This is how he’ll remember TK Strand. Forever. Years from now, when he’s in his 80s, sitting on a porch swing reminiscing on his prime. He’ll think about his gorgeous husband. In this moment. On this night.

Call me good

Call me bad

Call me anything you want to, baby

On the night of his thirtieth birthday. The silver chain snaking out of his white button down, unbuttoned dangerously low for all the family they’re surrounded by. Shining with sweat, smile as big and bright as the moon.

Gyrating in-time with the beat of the Wham! song thrumming through the backyard speakers. Singing along with the words, a finger pointed at Carlos where he stands in shock-induced stupor.

But I know that you're sad

And I know I'll make you happy

With the one thing that you never had

It’s their song. Well, not their song their song. It’s become something of a special song over the last few months though. One that TK plays when he’s subtly trying to cheer Carlos up. Dancing around the loft in his skimpy blue shorts, Carlos’s own personal George Michael. He’s not as subtle as he thinks he is, but it melts Carlos’s heart every time. Heals it a bit too.

Baby, I'm your man (do do do that, don't you do that)

Don't you know who I am?

Baby, I'm your man

“That’s your husband, mijo,” Andrea says from Carlos’s side, a fond smile on her face as she shakes her head.

Six months after the wedding it still sets his heart fluttering, hearing TK referred to as his husband. He glances around the yard, primos mixing with friends and coworkers, Owen directing his sisters into a Charlie’s Angels pose so he can snap a photo with his Polaroid camera, TK and his friends in the center of it all, dancing like idiots. He feels an uncontrollable laugh bubbling out of his chest as he puts an arm around his mom.

“That’s my husband.”

Continue reading on ao3

You’re invited to the party, taking place on ao3 now 🎊

Tagging some folks who might be interested @carlos-in-glasses @chicgeekgirl89 @ambiguouspenny @lightningboltreader @liminalmemories21 @ladytessa74 @never-blooms @welcometololaland @alrightbuckaroo @rosedavid @iboatedhere @rmd-writes @freneticfloetry @basilsunrise @bonheur-cafe @mikibwrites @heartstringsduet @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @thisbuildinghasfeelings @goodways @reasonandfaithinharmony

[arokel]

10 questions for 10 writers

thank you so much for the tag @strangethings-everywhere ! secretly I've always wanted to do one of these

1. Is writing a hobby or a way of life?

Way of life for sure; I'm basically never not thinking about it. I start to feel awful and purposeless if I go too long without writing at least something.

2. A journal full of notes or a clean completed manuscript?

Clean completed manuscript, unfortunately. I wish I could be less persnickety about my first drafts but so far that hasn't happened. I do sometimes make extensive outlines though and those are always by hand, but they're usually pretty clean too :/ no scribbly scribbly for me

3. Who or what inspired your writing?

I've been writing since I was five years old and telling stories since I could talk, so I guess I'll say that when I was first reading chapter books I asked my parents why books always have a few blank pages at the end and they said it was so you had space to continue the story yourself if you wanted. They made it up on the spot and they don't remember saying it at all, but it's always stuck with me.

4. Which is worse: Someone you ‘idolize’ reading your first draft or listening to you sing?

Listening to me sing, 100%. I post my barely-edited first drafts on ao3 all the time lmao. But I also feel like with a first draft it's easy to say hey this is a first draft, if there's stuff you don't like I'm happy to hear criticism! Whereas with singing, that's just your voice. You can practice the song but at some point whether they like it or not just comes down to something about you that you can't change. (Although I am a hashtag classically trained singer so my feelings of needing to live up to that might not be universal.) (Don't ask me to sing opera for you because I don't actually like opera.)

5. Has writing from someone else’s POV changed your perspective?

I think most of the perspective changes that have come out of stories have been from reading for me? Like the first time I was really exposed to the idea of transness was a Harry Potter fic (suck on that, JKR) and that obviously really stuck with me. But I think the desire to write from queer povs really helped me come to terms with my own sexuality, maybe more than actually doing it. I guess writing narrative essays, which I do less frequently than straight up fiction, is usually a way for me to explore things I feel about myself and about the world.

6. Tumblr, AO3, LiveJournal, or FFN?

AO3 foreverrrrrrr. I was on ffn in my misspent youth and Very briefly on lj, but ao3 has been my home since 2014 and it would take a lot to get me to move.

7. AO3 word count? And are you satisfied with it?

646,046, and soon enough it'll jump another 100,000. Honestly not sure how I feel about that.

8. What movie/book gripped you irrevocably?

I will never not love Tamora Pierce's Tortall series. I know they're kind of dated and don't hold up in some places, but they've been in my bloodstream so long that they're basically a part of my understanding of the world. They shaped so much of my ideas on literature - how to create compelling characters and relationships, what makes a world believable, what fantasy even is - and honestly I think they're responsible for about 50% of my sense of humor and at least a quarter of my relationship to gender. They were my first fandom and in the end I'll always come back to them.

9. What’s the highest compliment you could ever be given, and have you been given it?

One of my plays deals with a very difficult emotional subject and is quite frankly pretty depressing the whole way through, and after the premiere a friend of mine came up to me and said "it was so so funny; I was laughing the entire time." That's what I always want my writing to do, not so much in fic but out in the world - I want to give people catharsis, and I hope they leave the reading or viewing experience feeling a little better than they did going in. And also I want people to laugh at my jokes.

10. What defines your writing style?

Can I say inconsistency? No but really it's definitely dialogue. I struggle with descriptive prose sometimes, but I never have to work at dialogue. I think it's my strongest area and people always tell me it's snappy (thank you Tamora Pierce). Other than that uhh... too many commas probably.

tagging @violasmirabiles @fregata-magnificens @kjxlll @borealopelta @uwu-dowoon @teaforarteza @icegreyrose @shadowquill17 @ris-d-deridex and using my 10th tag for anyone else who wants to participate!

[nitrateglow]

Warning-- unpopular opinion ahead

I watched M*A*S*H (movie, not the show) for the first time, mostly spurred on by the recent death of Donald Sutherland.

I really should have just rewatched Klute instead.

Wow, I disliked this film. Like, it took all my willpower to finish it. I hated the characters, and found the jokes cheap and obnoxious. As a Vietnam-era satire of war's absurdity, I would much rather watch Nichols' Catch-22, which people often compare unfavorably to M*A*S*H for some fucking reason. Catch-22 is actually funny and has powerful moments. I find the characters in that interesting, even the ones who are terrible, terrible people. M*A*S*H is just a headache.

And this opinion is not coming from someone who dislikes Robert Altman's directorial style. I love Thieves Like Us. 3 Women and The Long Goodbye are good. I think That Cold Day in the Park is underrated. Even Poepeye, which I don't like all that much, has Shelley Duvall perfectly cast as Olive Oyl and some good songs and set design.

This-- nothing. Just the longest two hours of my life. I'm with Tim Brayton who said he feels a lot of what this film does well was done better in Altman's later work. He characterizes the film's humor as "snotty," which I think is an apt adjective.

Okay, there were two moments that made me crack a smile. "Hot Lips" asks how Hawkeye ended up with such a prominent position in the military, and Father Mulcahy replies in the driest way possible, "He was drafted." The other moment was the very meta presentation of the end credits. I thought that was neat.

But that's about it.

Okay, rant over.

[cannibal-nightmares]

did you know may is mental health awareness month?

text under the read more: an unreality ramble about my dog. he is a good boy.

have a peaceful song -

where do I even begin

I guess I'll start with that I don't like talking about my delusions. there's some I want to talk about but can't because they're either scary and/or too confusing in that theyre too real. or im "not allowed" to. but this one exists in a neutral space, so a neutral story this will be

I only got him when he was 1½ years old and he was kenneled at the shelter w another dog identical to him, but if he wasn't someone's service/emotional support animal, then he must have been in a past life. or he has a human consciousness. or something. my friends joke about the latter often but I'll get there in a second. the way he responds to my emotions and actions is uncanny. he is a rather quiet dog, but if he notices me freeze up and go quiet to an uncharacteristic degree, he will very blatantly try to get my attention. if I lie on the floor from anxiety, he will lie on my legs; if I lie on the floor in being depressed, he will get in my face. he's intervened self harm (namely hitting, but, if he's alert, he's interrupted trichotillomania episodes). The thing is, idk where he gets it from. I didn't train him to do any of these things

my friends joke that's he's "just a dude." "a man in a dog's body" etc. it *is* a funny joke. he likes people more than other dogs; his eye contact is oddly human-like (ask my friends). it *is* a funny joke, and the following isn't directly related, but I do have great fears about him. some of which the noise isn't going to let me say outloud here but. what I can: sometimes I fear it's true--an organic thought outside of what my friends have said, the two ideas don't feel the same--or perhaps that he was someone in a past life. or is a positive-neutral force sent to look after me. idk. it's hard to explain why while it would be/is theoretically positive, how it is still unnerving. and how it feels like something will change in one direction or another when I post this. I digress. He's just a guy. I have bigger fears on it, but that's the simple of it.

A coworker asked and suggested why I don't get a service dog. at first, I considered the question as courteous, but then realized... I struggle to walk my current dog, if I am honest. I do it, I take him out every day, etc, but as much as I got a dog to help me w paranoia, it has not curbed it. in ways, in ways, it has made it worse. countless of times I have tried to walk him around the block, made it halfway, and turned around due to feeling like a force was watching me, like something was waiting around the corner, like there were traps ahead, and many other more specific and pertinent things I am not allowed to say here (plus it'd be safer if I didnt). taking him outside is like flipping on a geiger counter to gauge the state of the day. I feel really bad for him in this. I can't imagine trying to get a proper service animal in these regards.

My friends like to joke that he's some sort of bending entity in that he's just shaped funny. I mean, he is. His legs are goofy-long, his nose is angled funny off of his snout, his ears are huge. Etc. But--again, separate from what they've said--sometimes I look at him and he doesn't feel real. It's difficult to explain. I look at him and it's like I'm missing something. Like how you can't reach into a tv and grab what's on the screen. idk.

The reason I'm saying all of this is because... As much as I am sometimes scared he isn't real to some degree, I consider that, even if he isn't, I think he's worth "wasting time" on. I love him, he's a good little guy, and so far, at least, everyone is pretending along. Sometimes I pick him up and feel like a question mark is above my head hahaha. Like I'm missing something. But he's worth my time. He's worth my time in the same way daydreaming can be fun. I don't know how to fckng word this. He is good. Real or not, he is good. I can't imagine trying to "prove" his "realness," and I also don't know how. I don't mind devoting time to him, real or not, because he is good. agh. I hope this makes sense. I've been sitting on these thoughts for at least three years now.

[stacywaters]

Coffee and Violets (SUGA) CH10 - Golden

(YOONGI POV)

The light flickers on, my head staying focused on my notebook in front of me.

"Are you still writing? You've been in here since 6:00 am" Hoseok gawks.

"What can I say," I laugh, "I've just found something interesting to write about"

"More like someone.." he teases. My smile just widens as he gasps, "you're not even going to hiss at me for teasing you? You must be down bad"

"Ugh, I don't know, Hoseok" I cover my face with the lyric book, "what if she doesn't feel the same way? And I'm just wasting my time?"

"Loving someone is never a waste of time, Yoongi"

I lift my head, "but what if I just end up hurt?"

"You might. And if you do, you know I'll be here to help you pick up the pieces. But you might not, you might take a chance on something great and find yourself better than you've ever been. You have to love her enough to take the risk," he rests his hand on my back, "and you have to love yourself enough to know you deserve it"

I sit up, "you're right. Thanks Hobi, I needed that"

He pulls me into a hug. I groan.

"I said I needed the advice, not a hug"

"You looked like you needed a hug," he laughs, "now go finish your love song"

I chuckle and continue writing. It all comes to me so easily, stanzas pouring from my pen like waterfalls as my feelings spill from my heart onto the page.

I'd say I lost track of time, but time must've lost track of me. I found myself wandering into a whole other world while dreaming about her. Just the image of her in my mind was enough to make me completely lose my mind.

Golden hour drew shadows of monstera on the wall as I breathed in the fading light. I close my eyes, imagining the warmth of her hand in mine. Trying to picture us together, my heart pounding at the thought. As I sat there, my eyes began to flutter closed.

-------

"Yoongi"

...

"Yoongi?"

A warm hand shook my shoulder, "Yoongi, it's me, Y/N,"

I bolted upright, immediately taking notice of the lyrics sprawled out in front of me and stealing my notebook from the desk.

"Hey, just brought you some coffee"

I gasp for breath. She's standing way closer than she ever has before, and her hand is still rested on my shoulder.

"What's in the notebook?" She asked.

"Um, nothing" I sank into my seat.

She giggled, "okay. You don't have to tell me, but now I'm very curious"

"It's, it's uh," I stuttered, "my joke drafts"

She burst out laughing, "joke drafts?"

I grinned, "yeah. I like to write them down first to see if they're funny or not"

"Can I hear one?"

"I kinda feel like I am one right now," I replied.

-----

The afternoon together faded with the golden light, and soon it was just the two of us and a sky of stars. It was dark, but neither of us reached to turn on the too-bright fluorescent lights. Words stretch into the depths of the night. I take a sip of my americano, the cold of the ice now a faint memory. Driven by our caffeine delusions, the night marched on. Time has forgotten us in this patch of the universe.

"I have a lot of ideas, but I haven't pieced any of them together yet" she says.

"Ideas... like?"

"Well, um," she pauses, "I've always dreamed of having a character that, like- has become so focused on the routine of work that they kinda.. forget what inspired them in their work? But then as they find themselves meeting new and different people, they find who they themselves are, like- as an individual," she looks to me, then exhales, "there's also a romance in the book, but... but I don't know if that's too weird, or too basic, or, or maybe I just don't have the skills or the time to write something like that"

"Of course you do" I say before my mind second guesses.

She giggles, "well how would you know?"

I scoff, "because just listening to you, I know that you're brilliant enough to write whatever you want. Plus, it's not like you could write it wrong, not if no one's written it before"

"Yeah..." she plays with the lid of her drink. It's been empty for a while now, "maybe I'm just not good at trusting myself, at being patient with myself. I can never find the time to write anymore"

"If you can't believe in yourself, then let my belief in you be enough," my hand absentmindedly finds hers. I think back to Hoseok's words earlier, "love yourself enough to know you deserve to make time for things that are important to you"

She looks at me. Like, turns to face me fully while holding onto my hand with both of hers. I never noticed before, the way her eyes seem to sparkle in this glimmering way. Even in the darkness of this room. Her eyes shine like fresh snow, reflecting light into my life. I see it all around me.

"Yoongi, there's something I need to-"

"Yoongi! It's time to close the shop!" Hoseok calls from outside.

Instantly she pulls away, dropping my hand. Damn it, Hoseok!

"What did you want to say?" I pried.

She mumbled, "I uh, it's nothing. I've been here a while, I should go"

"Wait, at least let me walk you home!"

Hoseok yelled again from the storefront, "Yoongi! I need your help closing!"

I sigh. Y/N just smiles, "see you again tomorrow?"

"Yeah," I pause, "wait, you don't have work tomorrow though?"

"I know! Would you be up to maybe hanging out?"

I beam, "yes! What time?"

"Meet me at my store, around 8:00?"

"I'll be there" I grin.

-----

After I saw Y/N off, I stormed over to where Hoseok was sweeping.

"What the hell, Hoseok?" I fumed.

Hoseok stopped sweeping, "I should be saying the same thing! I was working all day and you couldn't bother to even help clean up?"

"Y/N was about to tell me something that could've been really important!"

"Oh my gosh," He choked, "I completely forgot you were talking to her. How did it go? Did everything go okay?"

"It was going great! We talked for hours, I got to know so many things about her, and then she said she needed to tell me something-"

"OH MY GOSH, DO YOU THINK SHE LIKES YOU TOO???"

"Well I WOULDN'T KNOW because SOMEONE interrupted..." I attacked.

"Oh Yoongs, I'm so sorry,"

"It's alright" I mutter, "I just really wish I could've heard what she was going to say"

"Well, you'll know soon enough."

"Huh?" I ask.

"With your song! Once you tell her how you feel, you'll be able to find out pretty quickly whether or not she feels the same way" he smiles, "did you finish writing it?"

"Pretty much, just gotta put it to music"

He smirks, "when are you going to play it for her?"

"I don't know... I mean what am I going to do? 'Hey Y/N, I wrote a song about you, so we need to find a piano so I can play it for you, and if you hate it it'll be a really quiet drive when I drop you off'? ...It'd be awkward"

"What if you recorded it and played it for her?"

"And just sit there while she listens to it?" I question.

"Or, or what if you said 'Hey, I made some new tunes for your cafe' and then sneak it in the mix?"

"Yeah, and what if she's like 'no, I hate this one! Why would you even make me listen to this'" I burst out laughing.

He chuckled, "I really don't think she is going to do that"

Stay Tuned...