#i have a new coworker and we get along soooo well. i haven't gotten along that well w a person in years!

[tkbrokkoli]

c:

[dear--charlie]

Dear Charlie,

I hope you, and all of us who write you letters, have been well. My lower back is killing me right now but I'll bear it.

I had a videocall with this incredibly handsome guy from the internet the other day and it was moderately awkward and so so so sweet!! And also a week ago I went out with beautiful boy for coffees and unleashed soooo much relationship drama on him at the costa like relentlessly so.. and it was so liberatingg! and then we went charity shop snooping about and I got him a dvd, And we went to the polish shop (there's a polish shop in town now! absolute godsend it was So needed 😤) and he got himself a croissant without actually double-checking the label... thot he was having white chocolate flavour it was champagne.... incredible....

Anyways but then he said I could come along to bowling with him and some other ex coworkers in the evening and I didn't manage to make it for the bowling part of the evening but I did go to the pub with them! Shocker! Who is he! I had one whole pint of some fruity cider and then shared some of my organic lettuce with beautiful boy (and he was standing opposite me in this little alleyway and his eyes were so brown) and it was overall such a delightful evening. Like yes admittedly it is august and I haven't been to a pub since december. Yes before that it had been several years. Yes I've gotten so much worse at masking with all this isolation. I'm glad I had prepared for that and had brought myself a full bag of odd stuff to fidget about with. I hadn't however packed earplugs, and I am about to go buy some after I send this letter. Because I would like to do this again.

Naturally it all came with repercussions. Fiance had a very predictable swing where me having gone out to a pub by myself for the second time in our four and a half years together (need to try really hard to remember if there's been another time I'm forgetting) was just Such a thing and he was so upset, and obviously tried to complain to his mom and his new friend, both of whom were probably like um. you what. so he was cranky for two days there then switched to getting me a ticket to a cool movie in the cinema - awesome move! He then goes ahead and tells our child a few days after that his friend will be looking after her while him and me go see a cool movie. Hasn't mentioned it to me and when he does hours after and I tell him yo just run things involving the kid past me before getting her all excited he. He actually did it. He'd been out until two am the night before, hadn't said more than three sentences to me all day, and he did it. He came in my room and told me. "Well the reason this is happening is we have serious communication issues"

Charlie I don't know how I managed to hold myself back. The gall! Mr fan of technology consistently forgets he can text, much less call. Everything has to be a Conversation that happens on his own terms. I don't know whom to ask strength of.

Anyways. It's all chill now Mr man went camping last night he's all chill he's going to be stopping drinking allegedly and he's going to be going camping more often. Music to my ears - and I do mean this solemnly. I hope he gets what he needs out of this existence. I hope I too manage to. I hope you live I hope we both live. Long and away from and despite of one another.

I'm too tired to keep trying.

On to the ear plugs website it is! I will see those eyes under those lights again. I will make socializing tolerable.

And tomorrow, I will nail a mirror to my wall. And I will try to stop and look at my own eyes, sometimes.

And on it goes, Charlie. On it has to go.

Love always,

Dmitri