#i have a more profound version of this SOMEWHERE in my drafts but its buried in the mess that is me trying to scribble down my hcs

[palehottubchild]

all my walty hcs are based on 2 principles and those 2 principles only:

henry is a spoiled rich boy who always gets everything he wants (both bc he is used to that bc he's rich and through being very very determined and driven himself)

and walter is a little shit whose sole purpose in life is to annoy henry as much as possible and doesnt care what happens in the process

[lady-bertrams-pug]

"You love me and you know it" and ererijean? :)

Oh man this took me so long I’m sorry oTLMy only excuse is I got more than a little carried away :D

Read under the cut or on AO3

A vacation to bumfuck nowhere in the middle of New Hampshire was about the last thing Levi ever would have expected of Eren to suggest.

Miami, yes. New Orleans. Anywhere that was queer and loud, where you could chill at the pool and go sightseeing, buy cheesy souvenirs and party all night.

But not  - what was it again? - Lake Winnipesaukee. Which, frankly, sounded like mosquitos the size of your hand, bears in your yard and eerie forests to get lost in (Levi was a person who had a deep and profound distrust in anything that had a population under a hundred thousand and “rural”, to him, meant bear, cougar and raccoon infested.).

But then, when Eren, Jean and Levi all had managed the rarity of all getting vacation at the same time, Eren had mentioned his father’s cabin somewhere in the woods of New Hampshire, and Jean surprisingly had seconded it.

So now here they were, three city slickers with all the survival skills of a three legged pug.

To Levi’s immense relief, the cabin proved to have electricity and water, in addition to a beautiful view from the large windows, and an open fireplace.

It wasn’t warm enough to go swimming in the lake, but they had a canoe and managed to only sink it twice before they got the hang of it. They went hiking and neither got lost nor eaten by wolves, and even the mosquitos had average size.

There was a small town / village / hamlet (they couldn’t agree on the term) nearby with a gas station, a store and a bar & grill. That bar was where they bent their steps every night. The cabin had neither internet nor television, and although they were content to spend the evenings reading, playing with the large variety of boardgames or huddling up on the porch with hot cocoa, a telescope and a glow-in-the-dark star atlas, the siren song of good food and draft beers at reasonable prices was irresistible.

Tonight, however, Levi recoiled as he saw a new board placed on the sidewalk. ‘KARAOKE 2NITE!’ it boasted, and he groaned. All his plans for a relaxed evening over a mushroom burger and Stoneface beer, then a refreshing walk home and maybe some fireplace snuggling dissolved in the chilly evening air.

He turned on his heel when strong hands gripped his arms from both sides. “Oh no. No, no, no, no.”

“Levi. It’s only karaoke.” Eren managed to sound amused and mildly chiding.

“Look, if you guys want to have your brains dripping out the bottom of your skulls from butchered versions of ‘I will survive’ and ‘can’t stop falling in love’ and then ‘I will survive’ again, that’s your choice. I’ll go home and just eat a granola bar and an apple.”

“It can’t be that bad. And if you don’t like it, we’ll just quickly eat our grub and be on our merry way home, okay?” Jean, always the solicitor.

Eren rounded him so there was no escaping his puppy eyes. “Please? It will be so much more fun if you are there to poke fun at the locals.”

Jean placed a soft kiss behind his ear. “And we would be worried if you didn’t get to eat a decent meal.”

Oh, screw him. The two menaces that he named his boyfriends knew exactly how to pull his levers.

“Okay,” Levi grudged. “But one note of ‘Okie from Muskogee’ and I’m outta that door quicker than you can say ‘me and Bobby McGee’.”

The bar was more crowded than usual, but they were still early enough that they could be seated, and even got their by now customary booth with a view over the woods.

Sure enough, the small stage that had always been dark during their earlier visits was lit now, and a disco ball let specks of red, green and purple flitter silently through the room.

Christa, the tiny blond waitress, came to take their orders with swaying hips and a smile that was as genuine as ever but more heavily enhanced by bubblegum pink lipstick. Her customary careless ponytail had been replaced by a carefully wrapped bun.

Jean, hopeless bi that he was, was smitten. In an attempt to keep her as long at the table as possible he asked for the specials, played indecisive about the choice of beverages and finally inquired after the karaoke night. Eren and Levi rolled their eyes and bit their knuckles - Can you believe we both fell for him? Me neither - and snickered when Jean finally became aware of the death glare he received across the room from a tall brunet waitress.

“Dude, what’s her deal with me? Always giving me the stinkeye when we’re here,” Jean muttered to his companions after Christa left with their orders.

Eren shook in helpless laughter, but Levi took mery in Jean. “Don’t tell me you never noticed that she and blondie wear matching necklaces? With half a heart each?”

Eyes whipping from Christa to the intimidating girl and back again, Jean made a choked little sound that set Eren off again. When their drinks arrived, he couldn’t meet Christa’s eyes and buried his face in his root beer.

“No wonder you’re so terrible with women,” Levi remarked. “You always try to hit on the ones that have ‘gay’ written over their heads in mile high neon letters.”

Jean pouted, but Eren tapped his hand with a smile.

“Hey. But it’s good, isn’t it? Otherwise we wouldn’t have met. If you hadn’t tried to chat up my sister…”

“Oh God, don’t remind me.” The night he and Levi had met Eren was one simultaneously one of the best and worst nights of Jean’s life. Eren had stopped Mikasa from ripping him a new one and steered him back into Levi’s arms. He would have been angry at being bossed through the club by a guy who was nearly a head shorter than him, but fuck those eyes had been a goddamn distraction. Levi had, in impeccable manners, apologised for his douchebag boyfriend being such a nuisance, and neither of couple had missed how Eren’s face had sagged at the mention of boyfriend.

Still, for whatever self loathing reason that he kept to himself even to this day, Eren had swapped phone numbers with them, and after weeks of probing and pondering over the concept of polyamory, and exploring his feelings, cautiously asked to date them. Asked them, totally unaware that they were near tearing their own hair out over wanting him so much in their lives.

It warmed Levi’s heart to see him so much more at ease now with them, most doubts and fears about butting in on an established couple or of being a third wheel long drowned in the secure knowledge of being loved and cherished, of being an equal. Sometimes, Eren’s insecurities still flared up, and his boyfriends did their best to ease him through it with all the understanding and loving attention they could muster. Levi understood it wasn’t easy to come into an already existing relationship that had its own character and history, and it wasn’t like he or Jean hadn’t been plagued by insecurity or occasional stabs of jealousy too.

Relationships meant work, and poly relationships even more so, but when Levi thought of the happiness he found he would retrace every step, bear any ache again. He chewed his - delicious - burger with a smile, only paying partial attention to Jean’s and Eren’s playful banter.

A couple of people had performed a song by now, and he had to admit it really wasn’t as bad as anticipated. For the most part he could blend it out, although the version of ‘wrecking ball’ by a bespectacled brunette with gratuitous leering and lewd gestures was mildly scarring.

A lull in orders allowed Christa to climb the stage, and as she started singing ‘Royals’ she was accompanied by her girlfriend and another waitress, a pretty girl with a chestnut ponytail and a bright smile. They were good, really good, and the way Christa performed the chorus lines was no less than captivating. The first real applause of the evening was theirs. The ponytail girl took it in stride, the brunette looked indifferent, but Christa changed back from the stage act to her more timid self, smiling nervously and blushing at the praise and good-natured whistles.

She tucked a strand behind her ear, took a deep breath and rushed to remove the dishes from their table with a muttered apology. “Would you like another round of drinks?” she asked, and Levi opened his mouth to decline and ask for the tab, but Eren was quicker.

“Yes, please!” He beamed, and when he had smiled her to the bar and turned back to face his boyfriends he chose to ignore Levi’s glare. A kick in the shin effectively got his attention.

“Ow! What?”

“Didn’t we say we’d leave right after dinner?”

“But we always get a second drink,” Jean interjected. “And besides, I noticed you tapping your foot. Why not hang out a little more?” He placed a discreet hand on Levi’s knee and squeezed lightly.

Their insistence should have made him wonder, but he let it pass with a huff. The patrons were remarkably well behaved, and no truly cringeworthy acts had been performed, and if it meant so much for Jean and Eren… Lord knew they always put up with his antisocial tendencies without much complaint, and he couldn’t honestly expect them to be as content over evenings of Scrabble and Backgammon as him.

He settled back and sipped his second beer, smiling as they softly sang along with the next songs, the atmosphere in the bar slowly becoming more boisterous. Then someone started singing ‘Say a little prayer’ and okay - this was maybe his cue to take a leak because the whole bar chanting reminded him too much of a damn movie scene.

When he returned, Eren was gone.

Or rather, he was consulting with the guy at the karaoke machine. Apparently he was given  a positive answer to his request, for he grinned like an idiot and grabbed the microphone. Levi sat down at their table and shot Jean a quizzical look, but only got a helpless shrug and a quietly panicked expression in return.

“I don’t know what he’s up to,” Jean stage whispered. “He shot over to the stage as soon as you were gone and I couldn’t stop him.”

A couple of soft guitar chords, then the lyrics started.

You know just what to sayShit, that scares me, I should just walk awayBut I can’t move my feet…

Eren sang softly, obviously nervous, eyes glued to the screen. There was a couple of murmurs and giggles among the audience, and Jean and Levi glared daggers.

With the chorus, Eren finally gained his confidence, his voice came out stronger, and he started to move. The giggles gave way to cheers and whistles as he swung his hips and looked up through his eyelashes.

I didn’t know that I was starving till I tasted youDon’t need no butterflies when you give me the whole damn zooBy the way, by the way, you do things to my bodyI didn’t know that I was starving till I tasted you…

Encouraged by the reactions, Eren danced more sensually, ran a hand over his neck, down his torso and thigh only to let it travel back up the same way. Levi’s and Jean’s breath caught when long fingers danced inches away from his crotch, hitched the t-shirt up ever so slightly, teasingly revealing a sliver of skin. By now Eren was really into it, moved his lithe, graceful body in ways that were simply heartstopping. Sang the lyrics with a voice that shifted from playfully flirtatious to seductive and promising.

Levi swore he could feel his soul leaving his body, and next to him, Jean let out a ragged whine. Warmth spread in his lower belly, and he desperately tried to conjure up unpaid bills, tax declarations, the broken lawnmower, but every thought flew right out the window at the sight of Eren circling his butt and shooting a sly smile over his shoulder.

Jean clawed at his thigh. “Make him stop,” he whimpered. “I’m popping a fucking boner here, Jesus, this is so embarrassing.”

“Too late,” Levi hissed back, nodding down at the tent in his own pants.

Finally, the song ended, and Eren bowed and smiled at the applause before sauntering over to their table and slipping into the booth. Jean had his head on the table and refused to look up.

“Christ, Eren, were you attempting to kill us? Because you fucking nearly succeeded.” Levi was hyper aware of the heat blossoming on his cheeks.

“So, did you like it?” Eren asked with a filthy grin.

“Yeah well, we both can’t get up right now, which is frankly a little mortifying, and as soon as I can I’m going to strangle you.”

“Nonsense.” Eren looked far too pleased with himself. “You love me and you know it.”

Jean finally raised his head to join in on the conversation, and caressed Eren’s fingers lightly, treacherously gently. “Oh no, we are doing something much more fun than strangling him,” he purred. “We can’t have him starving, can we? Gotta feed him all our love. Feed him good.”