#i have a meeting with My Rabbi (sponsoring rabbi) and i might bring this up. we've only spoken once face-to-face (zoom)

[shalom-iamcominghome]

I've been doing a lot of reflection as of late, especially after this past class.

This past class was about the Torah and Tanakh in general, and the way the rabbi talked about the commandments (specifically the ten commandments) has made me really reflect on how I interpret them, specifically the fifth commandment, or honoring your mother and father.

This is a commandment I have wrestled with for a long time - in fact, it brought me away from g-d at multiple times. I was severely abused when I was incredibly young by my mother, and I used to feel insulted at the implication that I were to honor her while she got to live a better life. It was hypocritical, in my eyes.

But this rabbi surmised that this particular commandment was because parenthood is an act of creation, something that is like the g-d from which we come from. My realization is this: I don't think we're necessarily meant to take even these commandments literally.

I this particular commandment is more of a call to honor creation - creation is a gift, and like any gift, many people simply will not like it and will discard it. The person who abused me created me, but she did not honor creation. She didn't honor me, but I can still honor it.

I have started to honor creation much more. I'm too young, too unstable, not mature enough to be a father (though I fantasize about it), but I create all the time. I create relationships, I create with my hands through crochet. I create memories, I create my world. And I can honor who I am and where I came from that made me who I am. I've been learning one of the mother tongues of my family (Italian, since part of my family originates there) and it was judaism that inspired me to do this.

I don't think g-d wants me to honor my abuser. I think He wants me to remember the Holy action of creation. When I am a father, that act of creation will be Holy, and indeed, I am already joyful about the thought.

I have seen many people struggle with this particular commandment, but I think this perspective helps me personally. I don't think I ever have to forgive my abusers (plural), and I don't think I am commanded to simply because they happened to be family. I am commanded to recognize the holy, to elevate the mundane. In doing so, I will remember g-d. Through creation, I honor g-d and everything he has done for us, for me, and for our collective people.

[thebeautyoftorah]

VAYESHEV

bs'd

Shalom.

The thought of this week of my book Healing Anger is

"It is not logical to think that everyone must do what we request at all times. One proven method to reduce anger in this area is to minimize our demands of others, especially those regarding their behavior towards us. If we would stop paying attention to how others act towards us, we would almost never become angry.”

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This article is based on the teachings of R' Yissachar Frand

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Vayeshev-What is the Secret of Success In Life?

In this parsha Yaakov told Yosef to go check on the welfare of his brothers and the welfare of the sheep and to bring back a report. [1] This mission changed the life of Yosef and his brothers, and indeed, it changed the entire history of the Jewish people.

The Torah says[2]: “A man found him  [Yosef] and he was wandering in the field and the man asked him what he was seeking (Mah Tevakesh?). Yosef responded ‘I am looking for my brothers, tell me please where they are pasturing.'” The man gave him directions to his brothers and he went to find them.

The Kotzker Rebbe (Rav Menachem Mendel of Kotzk) gives a “drush” [homiletic interpretation].

The pasuk says, “A man found him.” The Medrash Tanchuma states that the “man” is the Angel Gavriel as we find the Angel Gavriel referred to as “the man” in the book of Daniel [9:21].

Next the pasuk says, “And he was wandering in the field.” This is a metaphor for man and his life on earth. People often do nothing more in their lives than wandering and searching. They are seemingly lost and don’t know in which direction to go.

Finally, the pasuk says, “And the man asked him what he was seeking.” The Angel Gavriel told Yosef: “Listen well. You are about to embark on one of the greatest odysseys in human history. You are going to be thrown into a pit. You are going to be taken down to Egypt and be sold into slavery. You are going to be falsely accused and spend time in jail. Then you are going to be taken out of the dungeon and become the viceroy of Egypt. In your lifetime, you are going to experience the greatest heights and the greatest depths. What is the key to success under those circumstances? To remember one thing: ‘Mah Tevakesh?’ You always have to be focused and persevere on what you want to accomplish in life (what is it you seek?).”

If a person focuses and persevere on what he wants, then no matter what happens to him in his lifetime – whether be it the greatest troubles or the greatest success – nothing will ever spoil or corrupt him.

Yosef hatzadik, despite all that happened to him, did stay focused. He was never corrupted. When people endure terrible troubles and ask themselves “Why is this happening to me?” [Maybe the right approach is to ask, "Why is this happening FOR me?], they are many times tempted to throw in the towel. One’s natural inclination might be to give up and forsake everything including his faith under those circumstances. A common reaction is, “This is not fair” and despair.

On the other hand, when people meet with undreamed of success, they also tend to forget where they came from.

“Yosef”, the Angel said, “I am telling you two words. Remember these two words: ‘Mah Tevakesh.’ Keep what you are seeking in focus with consistency. If you hold to that goal, nothing will ever corrupt you.” [Needles to say that our goals must always match was Hashem wants from us, as it is written in Pirkei Avot (2:4) ".. Do His will as if it was your will that He may do your will as if it was His will." We must  constantly ask ourselves, what does G-d want from me now?]

Many times, we meet people who are very successful. We ask ourselves what made them so successful. Why are some people successful and others not so successful? We tend to say that the key to success is talent, brains, good fortune or some combination of them. This insight of the Kotzker Rebbe is teaching that the main ingredient to success in life is FOCUS and PERSEVERANCE. A person will usually be successful if he has a goal and he keeps to that goal and never loses sight of that goal.

The importance of this message is emphasised by the Midrash quoted by the Ein Yaakov, discussing the most central pasuk in the Torah:

Ben Zoma said: We found a pasuk which is all inclusive, “Shema Yisrael, Hashem Elokenu, Hashem Echad.” (Devarim 6:4). Ben Nannas said: We found a pasuk which is all inclusive, Vehhavta lereecha kamocha.” (Vayikra 19:18). Ben Pazai said: We found a pasuk which is all inclusive: “And the first sheep you shall offer in the morning . . . “, referring to the Korban Tamid (Bamidbar 28:4).

The Maharal explains why the third pasuk, describing the Korban Tamid, could be considered by anyone more important than the  ‘Avodat Hashem’ aspect of Judaism (Ben Zoma’s opinion), and the ‘Moral Code’ aspect of Judaism (Ben Nannas’ opinion). He explains in Netivot Olam, that consistency and focus are the most essential aspects of both religion and a fulfilling life. In Judaism, we can clearly see that focus and consistency are the secret for success in life.

Rabbi Yaakov Luban once illustrated this idea by referencing the physical phenomenon of laser beams. Lasers have revolutionized the world of medicine, technology and defense.

A laser is basically a beam of light that is focused to a high degree that increases its power to such an extent that it can even cut through a diamond. Such a laser might use about 15 watts of electricity. The distinction between laser light and ordinary light is that laser light is focused and regular light is diffused. This metaphor is applicable for success in life as well, not only to material and monetary success; it applies to spiritual success as well.

If a person knows what he wants, is committed to what he wants and can always maintain the focus to achieve what he wants then he can undergo the trials and tribulations of a Yosef and can still come out on top.

This was the message the Angel Gavriel gave Yosef. All of us wander on this world. We do not know where to go and what to do. The solution to this uncertainty is to focus and persevere on “Mah Tevakesh”, that which we want to achieve in life.

_____________________________________

[1] [Bereshit 37:14

[2] Bereshit 37:15-16

Le Iluy nishmat Eliahu ben Simcha, Mordechai ben Shlomo, Perla bat Simcha, Abraham Meir ben Leah, Moshe ben Gila,Yaakov ben Gila, Sara bat Gila, Yitzchak ben Perla, Leah bat Chavah, Abraham Meir ben Leah,Itamar Ben Reb Yehuda, Yehuda Ben Shmuel Tzvi, Tova Chaya bat Dovid. Refua Shelema of Mazal Tov bat Gila, Zahav Reuben ben Keyla, Yitzchak ben Mazal Tov, Chana bat Ester Beyla, Mattitiahu Yered ben Miriam, Yaacov ben Miriam, Yehuda ben Simcha, Menachem Chaim ben Malka, Naftali Dovid ben Naomi Tzipora, Nechemia Efraim ben Beyla Mina, Mazal Tov Rifka bat Yitzchak, Rachel Simcha bat Yitzchak, Dvir ben Leah, Sender ben Sara, Eliezer Chaim ben Chaya Batya, Shlomo Yoel ben Chaya Leah, Dovid Yehoshua ben Leba, Shmuel ben Mazal Tov, Malka, Yosef Yitzchack ben Bracha.

Atzlacha and parnasa tova to Daniel ben Mazal Tov, Debora Leah Bat Henshe Rachel, Shmuel ben Mazal tov, Yitzchak ben Mazal Tov, Yehuda ben Mazal Sara and Zivug agun to Gila bat Mazal Tov, Naftali Dovid ben Naomi Tzipora, Elisheva bat Malka. For pidyon hanefesh & yeshua of Yosef Itai ben Eliana Shufra.