#i have a lot of feelings about lucifer rediscovering his passion and hope

[trellanyx]

A remedial creation for me!

[bbnibini]

PSISLY: An Obey Me!CYOA – forty-five🔖

[ Hesitate ]

(Mammon's affection -50)

{ OPEN STATUS : YES

> approved > displaying capture targets

Mammon: 50♡/100♡ Satan: 85♡/100♡ Barbatos: 0♡/100♡ Lucifer: 5♡/100♡

CLOSE STATUS : YES >approved }

You turned on the gas lamp and admired the fire that burned within---a small and steady vermilion unlike the storm brewing in your heart. The words With Love, From Your Secret Admirer on its envelope mocked you, calling you a hypocrite as you remembered Mammon's troubled face in the bus stop. You removed the globe and witnessed the flames flicker and sputter, now mimicking your troubled mind.

Did you really love Mammon? Or did you love the ideals you built with the words he had written for you? You couldn't help but mull it over and over and over, tears streaming down your face. The letter hovered over the flames as your shaky hand refused to let it burn. You couldn't help but laugh at the fact that Mammon may be right.

"I'm the worst," you said bitterly as you moved the letter away from the fire, cries turning into desperate sobs. There, he had proven his point. He claimed he was scum, but you were an even worse one. You failed to notice the several knocks rapping at your door until it burst open upon your sobbing. You didn't even know who it was. You only realised someone was there when you found yourself in his arms. The soothing strokes he made on your back only worsened your crying. The way he called your name was unbelievably gentle, affections which you realised you weren't even capable of, permeating with every syllable. Eventually, his presence calmed you enough that you finally stopped crying and had enough sense to apologise for staining his shirt.

"Thank you, Levi."

Levi didn't say anything. Instead, he took the letter from your hand and made a small and calming smile. "Henry would do the same for the Lord of Shadow." You couldn't help but smile back a little in agreement.

"I heard everything from Mammon. I smacked that idiot for you." when you looked betrayed upon his words, he immediately said, "I didn't come here to ask you two to make up. I just…" he looked awkward as he continued speaking. "I just wanted know if you're okay."

You were sure Levi said something else, but your mind cherry picked some of his words, "Mammon told you?"

"He's worried and angry at himself for hurting you. Satan is trying to talk some sense into him right now." he gingerly moved the flames away from you and turned off the gas lamp. "Lucifer would probably hear about this tomorrow."

"Is he okay?"

"W-wh, after he hurt you like this you're asking if he's fine?"

"You've got it all wrong, Levi." You softly sighed. "I was the one who hurt him. I was the one who loved an illusion." The fact that he asked Levi to go after you only made you feel even more sorry. Even with how cruelly you had been inadvertently treating him, he still showed you his awkward way of caring. You truly didn't deserve him at all.

"I couldn't even burn his letter. This thing! Oh Levi. Can't you see? He's right! The fact that this letter is still in my hands is already telling of what I truly think about him." your eyes started to sting again, your trembling voice echoing your heartache. "What right do I have to get angry? It should be him who is. I'm a horrible person."

"That's not true."

"Then why can't I burn it?! Why do I still claim that I love him if I couldn't?"

He called your name again with the same gentle tone and tightened his embrace.

"You do love him." he stroked your head again. "But the Mammon who wrote your letter isn't the only Mammon that exists. It's stupid to get jealous of yourself, but I think I can understand him a little."

"You do?"

Levi laughed in response. Instead of answering your question, he changed the subject. "Say, what will you do if I tell you I wrote that letter?"

Huh? Where did that come from?

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"I-it's only a hypothetical scenario, okay?! Like I'd ever write a letter to a normie like you!"

Your eyebrows knotted. "Why are you asking me that?"

You felt like Levi was blushing right now for some reason. "J-just answer the question!"

What if Levi wrote the letter? You just couldn't picture it. He never struck you as someone who would pour out their feelings anonymously(at least to you), and you were quite sure that he didn't see you in that way. Levi was a precious friend, one of your very first and also your dearest one in Devildom. Romance was something beyond your relationship, something deeper and closer that even the passions of romance pale in comparison---a gentle, steady love, always waiting for you with open arms. Levi didn't need to say anything for you to know that he felt the same way. When he noticed that you were having trouble with his question, he sighed and decided to give you a hint.

"What if you found out I wrote that letter or someone else did while you're dating Mammon? Would you call your feelings for him a lie?"

Feelings that started in lies? Loving an image of someone but not that someone himself? What do you feel about Mammon? You cared for him, that much didn't change. But if you were being honest, if that possibility were ever to happen…

"I...don't know." you looked at the letter in Levi's hands and hesitated. "What if I don't know the answer?"

Levi pulled away from you and finally smiled. "This romance stuff is too complicated for a shut-in like me," he admitted bashfully. "But I at least know that whatever answer you come up with is your own truth. It's okay now.

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Lies or not, you really loved him. Even if you don't know if those feelings will change, what you're feeling now is also true."

So it's okay to continue loving Mammon even if it is a lie? You didn't realise you were thinking out loud because Levi actually replied to you.

"This had been an unpleasant experience for both of you, but you loved each other, right? You just need more time.

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A-Asmo said I should pass that message by the way! I don't even know what he's talking about!"

Any tension or anxiety you felt at his admittance finally washed over, replaced by a hope that things will get better.

"Mammon--"

"Needs exactly that. You can talk to him later. Now, take my hand.

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D-don't just gawk at mel Just so you know, I'll cry if you turn me down!"

Now you're tempted to turn him down. "What happens if I hold your hand?"

Levi tilted his head back and held a boyish grin. "You, me and Asmo. Death Dance Revolution. Do or Die: winner gets it all."

"And what is all, exactly?" you asked as you accepted his hand.

The grin remained on his face, and now he was holding a finger to his lips as if keeping all the secrets in the world.

"Only winners get to ask, noob."

And you found out, after several rounds later of getting absolutely destroyed by him and Asmo in the virtual dance floor that you were indeed a noob, and your questions were still left hanging in the air. But there was also ice cream and lots of pizza, so you supposed it was enough if your stomach was sated...for now at least.

Healing was a two-way street. Broken bonds that severed out of love even deeper wounds---you spent the rest of your weeks in Devildom rediscovering the love that had always been there with you, although hidden at plain sight.

It was Lucifer's gentle scolding, turning blind eyes at trivial blunders and pretending it had been his oversight. It was the warm meals Satan made for everyone, every morsel of food Beelzebub shared out of the goodness of his heart. It was the warm hugs Belphegor enveloped you, warming you on colder nights. It was Asmo's nicknames and kisses filled with adoration, of finding solace in Leviathan's gentle yet awkward company.

"Hi…human."

"Yeah…hi, non-human."

It was the way Mammon crinkled in laughter at your awkward greetings, the way he seemed to look so different in your eyes for the first time.

"So…there's the festival dance going on soon."

It was the way he smiled at you despite the hurt you have caused him, his love that forgave, and continued loving despite your hesitations.

"You're askin' out The Great Me? Pretty ballsy of ya, don't you think?"

It was the uncertainty of second chances, of taking off your rose-coloured glasses and seeing him, finally seeing him for who he was for the first time.

"Earth to Human? You there?"

"Y-YES! PLEASE GO OUT WITH ME AGAIN, GREAT MAMMON!"

Love was everything around you, even the pain that made you lose all hope, it was the way you picked yourself up again and learned from your mistakes.

"H-how am I supposed to turn ya down if ya shout like that?"

"So is that a yes?"

"Dammit! I ain't fallin' for that! You won't conquer my heart so easily!"

How did Mammon look to you now without the veneer of flowery words and idealisations?

"I'm up for a challenge! How many mountains should I climb? Should I rescue you from B☆wser?"

Did he change? Did your love waver? Or is it taking shape and forming a new kind of love budding in your heart?

"S-stop it…everyone is staring, dammit!"

"I don't care!"

"Well I do!"

Something deeper, something more honest, something more heartfelt---a love that was his and yours alone.

"...Weirdo."

[ Levi's Friendship Ending ~Re: (no subject)~ obtained. ]

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"Huh?"

"Whaccchoong? (What's wrong?)"

"Chew your food, won't you Beel?"

"I couldn't find the letter."

"Didn't you bring it with you? You're gonna burn it at the bonfire tonight, right?"

"Yeah…Mammon is finally giving me a chance. I want to do this for the both of us."

"Didchuu leweet seweew (Did you leave it somewhere?)"

"Beel, finish your food."

"What should I do? I don't want to hurt him again…"

"...isn't this actually for the better?"

"What do you mean, Levi?"

"As long as it's gone, you're still technically letting yourself move on. It doesn't matter how you got rid of it."

"Ajdhdowkxuu"

"BEEEL"

"You're probably right. Oh! Mammon's calling for me. I should go..

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Burn it for me when you find it, won't you?"

"Hmmm, Vampire Bat wing cracklings are the best!"

"Sigh. This is too much stimulation for a shut-in, you know? Well, as long as they're happy, I suppose it's fine."

"...will you eat that?"

"Nah, you can have it pal."

"Thanks."

END

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