#i have a lot more thoughts about this AU because i'm mentally ill please feel free to ask me questions

[xenon-demon]

I... have no idea what this is. No that's a lie I know exactly what this is, it's 2.6k of a Frozen AU with Steve as Elsa and Robin as Anna that I wrote in a fugue state after seeing a friend's production of Frozen: The Musical tonight. I have several WIPs I'm supposed to be working on and this is exactly none of them. Bone apple teeth. (Also I'm genuinely unsure if my usual crew of beloved enablers would even WANT to be tagged in this so... for now I'm not doing a taglist, and if I write any more of this AU I'll do one next time 😂)

“Steve!”

At the sound of his name, the Prince — now King, and boy is Robin going to take a while to get used to that — turns his head towards her. Seeing it's Robin, Steve gives his apologies to whatever noble he was talking to and steps away from their conversation. He makes his way over to Robin in just a few short strides, but his eyes flick back and forth between Robin and her new... well. She doesn't really want to think about what Eddie now is to her. In any case, she can already see a questioning frown start to brew on Steve's face, meaning this will be a much harder sell than she expected.

“Robin!” Steve exclaims, his gaze almost immediately sliding over to Eddie and giving him a once-over. He sounds markedly more subdued when he continues, “I see you've... made a friend.”

“Well, I wouldn't say a friend exactly!” Robin laughs, shrill and stilted, and gives Eddie's arm a pointed squeeze when he doesn't immediately join in. Getting the hint, Eddie finally starts laughing along. Hopefully Steve didn't notice her hinting, since she's had her arm wrapped around Eddie's since before she even called him over.

Steve raises an eyebrow at her, and shit does she need to keep this moving.

“This,” Robin announces, using the hand that's not around Eddie's arm to do a quick flourish in the direction of his face, “is Prince Edward of the Kingdom of Forest-Upon-Hills. We met at the ball tonight.”

“It's an absolute pleasure to meet you, Your Majesty,” says Eddie, trying his best to show the proper respect and bow as he does so. Robin's death grip on his arm prevents him from getting very far.

“Likewise,” Steve replies, sounding incredibly skeptical of this whole conversation. He then shoots Robin a look, which, rude, but also entirely warranted given what she's about to ask him.

Steeling herself, Robin begins to say, “Prince Edward and I-”

“Just Eddie is fine,” Eddie interrupts her, leaning in a little bit closer to her as he whispers. He's got terrible volume control, however, so she wouldn't know it was meant to be a whisper if she hadn't spent the past two hours talking to him.

“Not one for formalities, Prince Eddie?” Steve asks, the weight of his gaze finally leaving Robin's shoulders for a moment. God, she often wishes her brother was easier to read, but never as strongly as she does right now.

Eddie, meanwhile, straightens up so quickly it's like he's been electrocuted.

“Uh, not particularly, no. They grate on me,” Eddie says. He pauses for a moment, and Robin can see the deliberation on his face before he adds, “Your Majesty.”

“I'm not one for formalities either, Prince Eddie,” Steve says. His mouth twitches into a very small smile. “I prefer Steve.”

There's a pause, then, where Steve and Eddie are locked into some strange stare-down, while Robin looks on in vague exasperation. She's pretty sure she could strip naked and swing from the chandelier in the center of the ballroom and neither of them would take any notice of her. She's about to intervene, actually, because they really do not have time for whatever this is, when Eddie miraculously breaks the spell himself. He blinks a bit, looking away from Steve and back to Robin, face significantly more flushed than it was a minute ago.

“I believe you were saying something to K- to Steve, Princess?” Eddie asks, just about tripping over Steve's new title on instinct before catching himself.

Robin just barely restrains herself from rolling her eyes. She really is the bravest, most long-suffering warrior in all of Hawkins.

Putting her brave face back on, Robin turns to her brother and says, “Yes I was, thank you Eddie, I was saying that Prince Eddie and I-” and here she falters, because Steve looks back at her and meets her gaze. She swallows, trying to be subtle, and looks very pointedly at Steve's forehead instead of his eyes. She can't do this if she's looking him in the eye.

She takes another half second to compose herself, then rips the band-aid off.

“Prince Eddie and I seek your blessing for our marriage.”

“Excuse me?” Steve says, more like demands, almost choking on nothing. Robin's never seen her brother this off-kilter in her life. He doesn't even try to compose himself at  all before he says, “Robin, can I speak to you for a moment? Alone?”

Robin swallows guiltily, knowing he'll see straight through her if she agrees.

“No. Anything you want to say to me, you can say to both of us,” Robin says, and how her voice stays steady, she doesn't even know. It probably helps that she's still not looking Steve in the eye.

“Robin- I don't-” Steve interrupts himself to run his gloved hands down his face. He pauses for a moment, face completely covered by his hands, and takes a deep sigh. When he removes his hands and starts speaking again, his voice is measured. Calm. Deadly.

“Rob, you can't marry a man you just met,” Steve states. The word man falls heavy off his tongue, and Robin knew she would regret coming out as a lesbian, she just didn't think it would be like this. Squaring herself up for the best performance of her life, Robin begins her improvised speech full of bullshit to convince her brother to let her do this.

Before she can, however, Eddie chimes in with, "You can if it's true love." Steve doesn't even spare Eddie a glance, but his frown does deepen significantly. Shit.

“Steve,” Robin begins, trying very hard to stay calm, “Eddie and I have a connection unlike any I've ever felt before. I lo-love him”—shit, she could feel the bile rising in the back of her throat saying that, and judging by the almost-imperceptible twitch in Steve's eye, he knows too—“and I think it's time I start giving back to the Kingdom of Hawkins.”

“Giving back?” Steve asks, and fuck he's folding his arms across his chest now. “How exactly is this giving back to the kingdom? What you're doing is running headfirst into the first bad decision you can find.”

”I'm a bad decision?” Eddie asks. Both Robin and Steve ignore him.

“No, Steve, I'm giving back by giving the kingdom a new celebration to look forward to after your coronation,” Robin hisses. “A royal wedding is another opportunity to open the castle gates and bring the kingdom together-”

“Absolutely not,” Steve snaps, interrupting her. “We are not opening up the castle gates again for a long time.”

“Why not, Steve?” Robin snaps back. “Tonight's been great for the kingdom's morale, it's been great for you to see people and actually socialize-”

“You have no idea what's good for me, Robin,” Steve says, making her stop dead. It hurts, hearing Steve say that like it's obvious and she's stupid for not knowing it already. What hurts more is that it’s true.

Once it's clear Robin won't keep talking, Steve continues, “You asked for my blessing, and I do not give it. I don't approve of this, and if you're doing this in some misguided attempt to make me happy- quite frankly you've gone insane if you think this would make me happy.”

With that, he turns to walk away.

Okay, sure, she has no idea what Steve's whole deal is or why he's always shutting her out, but Robin is sure she knows what will help.

Sure, part of this crazy scheme is the vague idea that if Robin has a picture-perfect capable-of-bearing-children partnership, then Steve will be under less pressure himself to marry someone who can produce an heir. Maybe, with less scrutiny on his personal choices, he'll learn to relax and open up more over time. That idea falls apart pretty quickly, however, as the thought of producing an heir with a man - even one as fun to talk to as Eddie - makes her want to gouge her own eyes out. No, the real reasoning behind Robin's (admittedly insane) plan to marry someone she met two hours ago at her brother's coronation is so she has an ironclad reason for Steve to open the gates again. Sure, ideally it would've been a woman who caught her eye tonight, but she can't be picky. Robin doesn't meet anyone, especially with the castle locked up like it always is, and she has yet to think of something other than a wedding that would convince Steve to open the gates. Then Eddie came along, laughing and flirting (she thinks, at least; Robin's tried to black that part out) and professing his undying true love to her, and this was the best opportunity she was ever going to get.

And she has to convince her brother to open the gates again. Steve's been thriving tonight. He clearly loves the thrum of people, all of them dancing and laughing and enjoying themselves, and he's slowly coming out of his shell with every conversation he has with their subjects. Robin's spent more time talking to her brother tonight than she has in a long, long time. Too long for her to try to quantify it without crying.

Watching her brother turn away from her, the promise of a relationship with him going forward about to slip through her fingers, she knows she has to do something.

“Steve, wait-” Robin says, reaching out for Steve. She grabs him by the hand, feeling the soft cotton of the white gloves he always, always wears.

“Enough, Robin,” Steve says, not even looking back as he yanks his hand out of her grip. She's trying to hold on, though, so she's left holding his glove as Steve pulls his now-bare hand away from her. God, how upsetting is it that it's been years since she saw the back of her own brother's hands?

Steve swears, then, under his breath. Robin almost doesn't hear it; almost.

“Robin, give me my glove.” Steve's not asking; he's demanding. Robin can work with this.

“Not unless you talk to me about why you won't open the gates. Look at how tonight went, it's been so good for you-”

“This isn't up for debate, Robin, give me my glove,” and Steve reaches for it then, but Robin quickly holds the glove up high above her head before he can grab it.

“Why isn't it up for debate? Why do you isolate yourself all the time?” Robin's almost dancing now, twisting and turning as she tries to keep the glove away from Steve's grabbing hands. It doesn't help that he's taller than her, but she's more agile than people think, especially since Steve's in full coronation regalia right now. The material's stiff as a board at the best of times.

“You wouldn't understand, just give me the- ugh!” Steve's stopped trying to grab the glove, instead trying to restrain her and make it easier to grab.

“Maybe I would understand if you'd talk to me instead of shutting me out all the time-” Steve's almost got her in a headlock, but Robin ducks out from underneath it and quickly steps away and out of Steve's reach.

“Robin, that's enough!” Steve shouts, and then several things happen consecutively.

Steve reaches out towards Robin with his right hand, the one missing the glove.

Robin thinks she's going crazy, but- what look like snowflakes shoot out from Steve's hand where he's reached for her.

The crowd, most of whom had turned to look at Steve's shout, gasp, almost in unison.

“I- Steve-” Robin says, not quite sure where to start with the -- actually quite sizable -- pile of snow now on the ballroom floor.

“No,” Steve gasps, and Robin's never heard her brother so distraught. It makes something keen inside her, the sheer anguish in his voice. “No, no no no, this can't be happening, this can't-” Steve reaches up to pull at this hair, but more snow and ice shoots out from his hand as soon as it's pointing towards the ceiling. He flinches away from his own hand, sheer terror on his face, but with every movement Steve makes more and more snow and ice surrounds him. Within a few seconds, there's a wind picking up as well, and it's like a snowstorm is starting to form right there in the castle dining room.

The crowd, originally shocked into silence, starts to move again. Robin hears screaming, people running, shouting from the guards about an evacuation plan, but it's all faint and distorted like she's underwater. All she can focus on right now is Steve, the way his terror is only worsening by the moment.

“Steve, let me help you,” Robin calls over the roar of the crowd and the storm, taking a few steps towards him. She needs to get his attention before getting closer, the last thing she wants to do right now is startle him.

“Stay away from me!” Steve yells, holding up his hands in an instinctive 'stay back' gesture. Yet more ice shoots out towards Robin as he does so. “I’m not safe!”

“I don't care! You're my brother!” Robin shouts back, but Steve doesn't seem to hear her. He's looking down at his hands in horror, then at the waist-high line of ice between the two of them.

Robin somehow knows what he's going to do the moment before he does it.

“Steve!” Robin screams, breaking into a run. Steve's faster than her, always has been, so he makes it to the doors of the ballroom well before she can catch him. It also helps that people, even the guards posted at the doors, part to make room for him whenever he draws near. Seeing Steve push open the ballroom doors just enough to slip through them, Robin yells again, “Steve! Stop!”

“Princess Robin!” Someone crashes into Robin then, nearly sending the two of them flying. (Robin mentally thanks whatever God there may be that she wore pants and not a dress.) After regaining her footing, Robin looks at her assailant to find- oh, it's that guy. The Duke of one of their main trading partners, Tommy something. Haggard? Halfwit? Yeah, something like that.

“Princess Robin,” Tommy Hapless says, bending over with one hand on his knees and the other holding Robin's elbow as he catches his breath. God, Robin does not have time for this. “Princess, you can't- we need guidance. We need someone to... to lead us while the King is... indisposed.”

“I really don't have time for this,” Robin snaps, brushing his hand off her elbow. “Steve's my brother, I have to find him before he gets hurt!”

“I don't think... he's the one who'll be getting hurt,” Tommy Hanger-On says between gasps, quietly, but not so quiet Robin doesn't hear. She makes a point to stomp on his toes as she stalks off towards Eddie, who is doing his best to help people follow the evacuation advice. He looks faintly queasy, and very much like he would rather be literally anywhere else, but he's actually doing a pretty good job of guiding people where the guards want them.

Eddie doesn't notice her coming, so he jumps when Robin grabs him by the shoulder. She turns him around to face her, then grabs him by the other shoulder as well so she's looking him right in the eyes.

“I need to find Steve,” Robin says, not waiting for Eddie to finish whatever question he's opened his mouth to ask before continuing, “Can you take care of the kingdom until we get back?”

Eddie goes pale instantly. “What? I can't-”

“You're a prince, right? I know Forest-Upon-Hills is a pretty small kingdom, but how different can Hawkins really be?” Eddie doesn't look reassured, but Robin cares very little about that right now. She claps him on both shoulders in what she hopes is an encouraging gesture.

She grabs Eddie's hand and thrusts it up into the air, shouting, “Prince Eddie is in charge until I return!”

She then drops his hand before turning and running out into the night, ignoring the chaos behind her and the faint sounds of Eddie's confused protests.

Nothing matters to her now except for finding Steve.

[stellar-mop]

The Coffin of Andy and Leyley has me thinking about gender and gender roles a lot. I know other people have done more in-depth analysis of this, but I'm just gonna throw my thoughts out into the void of tumblr (the void is welcome to yell back, just be nice please)

I think one of the things that makes these characters fascinating especially for me as a vaguely-agender nonbinary person is like the places I can see where their gender is impacting their interactions and choices. Like changing the gender of the characters would fundamentally change their story and personality (love y'all's genderswap AUs tho, this is not an objection).

Something I'm not sure how to articulate super well is how the game interacts with like neurodivergence gender stereotypes. On the surface level they line up with the "women are emotional and men aren't allowed to show feelings" set of gender stereotypes. But I think there's another layer if you look at it through the lens of how societal pressures around mental illness and gender intersect especially in like school-aged kids/teens. Like Andrew being the "easy child" and Ashley being... Ashley. In not-particularly-nuanced terms: "boy" neurodivergence shows as acting out and being a problem child (which Ashley does), and "girl" neurodivergence gets hidden via masking and passivity (which Andrew does). I think it's neat that this is contrary to societal expectations - like this would be a very different story if Andrew was a pushy chaotic mess and Ashley was apathetic but seething under the surface. Because gender! What's even up with that?

Less sfw thoughts under the cut, including some coffincest stuff. Warnings for unhealthy relationships and attitudes towards sex:

The way Ashley and the mom talk about sex is fascinating. I've read some really good analyses on here about Ashley thinking about sex as transactional and I think she gets that from her mom. In that one scene ("you fuck her") the mom asks Andrew something like "what does she give you to make it worth it?" Like, the only reason she can think of for why Andrew wants to spend time with Ashley is sex. That says a lot about the mom as a person (also wow she really does see zero value in Ashley as a person wtf), and probably the way Ashley was raised to think about sex. And that's a very gendered (like cishet women specifically) view of sex. Like sex in a relationship as something to be tolerated, and for Ashley "another way to keep him around".

But I'm also wondering about the flip side of that, like is the mom only tolerating the dad for sex? Because I don't really get the impression that she likes him very much, but they textually have a very active sex life. If so, this is also sort of counter to societal gender roles/expectations. I really don't like the parents but they're such fascinating characters too.

I guess my point with all this is like we got distracted by the cannibalism and murder and incest and demon summoning, but there's some really neat and subtle stuff about gender in here that I want to talk about too! It's just so well written there's so much depth

*slaps roof of game* this bad boy can fit so much dysfunction!

[becauseanders]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤️

ahhh hi thank you! (finally answering this!) 🖤

It Took the Night to Believe: chapterfic, complete, 100k. dragon age ii, anders/male hawke. pacific rim au. i am honestly really fucking proud of this fic, like i thought it was great even though it didn't do super well kudos-wise and i did notice that i definitely did lose readers as it went on. i truly have no idea why, this fic is fucking great. it's got angst, it's got comfort, it's got near death experiences, it's got fluff, it's got kaiju—what's not to love??

No Wound as Sharp as the Will of God: chapterfic, complete, 99k. dragon age ii, anders/female hawke. canonverse, post-da2. it took me seven years to post a second chapter of this and a total of eight years to finish it, and the whole time i was writing it after i picked it up again i was so unsure of it, but turns out i really like it. very heavy content, please do mind the tags. takes place while hawke is with the inquisition. anders positive, justice positive. a very intense, very deep, very affectionate friendship between anders and fenris is an extremely important part of the story. like, seriously, the platonic fenders is just as important as the romantic handers. a lot of angst, like so much angst, but the hurt/comfort is real. the b-plot pertains to my theory that justice cures anders of the taint. cole is there. the emotions are high and you can feel them strongly in the writing. again, be careful, but this is a good fic.

A Thing With Feathers Now, Elevate: one shot, 11k. dragon age: origins, alistair/female amell. canonverse, takes place over the course of da:o. this fic is a fucking masterpiece. another that didn't do well numbers-wise but this is easily one of the absolute best things i've ever written and is quite possibly one of the best fics on ao3. i am so fucking proud of this one. the prose, the metaphors, the handling of trauma, the found family—this one deserved way more love than it got. like, i'm serious, this fic is amazing.

It Means Tumult: chapterfic, wip, 349k (yes, you read that right). dragon age ii, anders/female hawke. modern au. okay, obviously i've got to mention this one. i have been working on this fic for eight years and i am very sorry to everyone who saw this go from updating multiple times a week and asking me how the fuck i write so fast to three years without a single update and then i think only one more in the past two years. i'm working on the penultimate chapter, i swear i am, i'm just super stuck right now. this fic is…this fic. i'm not going to lie, i don't really know if this is any longer some of my better writing, but the premise is fucking solid and i have been told more than once that it's clear this is a labor of love and that this is endearing. au where the obvious metaphors are made reality: the circles are psychiatric institutions and being mentally ill is a crime. a lot of angst, but a lot of love. pay no mind to how much better of a character and person aveline is when i write her. i also do admittedly use this fic to deal with my own demons frequently. an andrea gibson poem helped me write one chapter and i later got to tell them about it and they hugged me. this is also very heavily centered on music and has a lengthy soundtrack. please ignore the fact that when i first started writing this i used british english when i typed because i thought it looked better, as i had started doing as a teenager, which tbh i still kind of do but i also realized that's just fucking pretentious to do when you're american, and it was already so long by the time i stopped doing it that there was no way in hell i was going back to editing all of that (as i actually did do with nwasatwog). so that's just the way it is. but yeah, there's a lot of feelings happening here. also the only fic on this list that has an original title instead of song lyrics despite being the one with the most music involved, lol.

Through the Fall and the Feel: chapterfic, wip, 52k. dragon age ii, anders/male hawke. modern au. this is the one i'm working on most right because that's just where the brainworms are. hawke is a teddy bear doctor and anders goes to see him because instead of a pillow from his mother he has a stuffed cat, and she has seen much better days. this fic has a very wholesome premise but has gone into some pretty heavy angst already and i did not mean for eating disorders to be as important to the story as they have become, so be mindful of that. but this fic has a lot of heart and it's absolutely tanking, so if this piques your interest maybe go give it a look? this is also my second foray into m!handers and i am again having fun writing them. but yeah, i actually like this fic a lot and i do recommend it.

[local-idiotic-texan]

epic intro 2012 ✔️🎁

LAST UPDATED: 3 DECEMBER, 2024

HI. My name is Wise!!

You can also call me Local. Either one works because this is Tumblr. :) I WAS BORN ON JANUARY 19, 2009!!! BARACK OBAMA GOT INAUGURATED LITERALLY THE DAY AFTER I WAS BORN!! :D

Pronouns are he/him, xe/xim, and they/them!! Though I am CISMale so.. yeaaahhhh!! :D I'm gay and autistic!! With some depression thrown in for spice, ooh!

I'M FROM AMERICA AND USE CST!! AKA CHICAGO TIME!! HI!! I'M ALSO IN-FACT, FROM TEXAS!! ^^

—

These accounts are ones I own!! YEAAA!! :D

@ask-site-61 [ACTIVE!]

AND THESE ARE SOME PROJECTS I'M MAKING!! -

Site-61 - SCP AU circa. 2018 about a Site up in a Mountain in Iceland where people commit atrocities to one another.

Suicide Hotel - 1950s American Psychological Horror? Based off an animation I saw in Winter 2022. Currently being planned for "RENOVATED"!!

—

I have multiple disorders and probably a LOT more but here's all of my issues:

DIAGNOSED:

- Autism (Asperger's Diagnosis)

- ADHD

- Depression

- Chronic Insomnia? (Medicated on melatonin for something like that, but I don't take it because I'm sure it's fine tbh!!)

- Shortsighted Vision

UNDIAGNOSED BECAUSE I WOULD BE THROWN INTO A MENTAL HOSPITAL FOR THIS:

- Intrusive Thoughts

- Suicidal Thoughts

- Peripheral Visionary Hallucinations

NOT DIAGNOSED BUT SUSPECTED:

- Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (phlegm specifically)

- General Memory and/or Cognitive Issues (some days I forget how to write, others I can't remember anything anyone is telling me even DURING conversations.)

- Medicated Eating Disorder (Adderall sucks dude why the fuck am I full I'M STILL HUNGRY STOP MAKING ME WANNA THROW UP UGHRHRNJDJ)

FAMILY HISTORY (likely to receive more of or inherit in life):

- Vital Organ Complications (specifically heart and lungs)

- Mental Illness (Schizophrenia, Bipolar, Learning Disorders, etc.)

- Diabetes (T2)

- Blindness (already have!!)

BUT I'M NOT A DOWNER I SWEAR I'M REALLY FUN TO BE AROUND AND TALK TO AND BE FRIENDS WITH PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BE MY FRIEND!! HERE'S MORE REASONS WHYY :(

I!!! HAVE!! FANDOMS!! I HAVE FANDOMS!! YAH.

HERE'S THE ONES I'M MOST ACTIVE IN. AS OF RN. :3

- SCP Foundation (2017)

UHH THAT'S IT. yeahhh December and November sucked for everyone but me so I just retreated to my characters...

I ALSO!! HAVE A GOOD MUSIC TASTE.

- Mitski (Carry Me Out)

- Heathers (Shine A Light!)

- Mean Girls (Revenge Party!)

- Penelope Scott (SPIRIT)

- Lemon Demon (Spring-Heeled Jack)

- MARINA (Venus Flytrap)

- Mother Mother (Aspiring Fires)

- Tally Hall (You & Me)

- Miracle Musical (Intro the The Snow)

- Madame Macabre (Toby)

- Jack Stauber (Leopard)

- Franz Ferdinand (Come On Home)

- SODIKKEN (REDMAGEDDON)

- JerryTerry (Kiss Me (Kill Me))

- Tikkle Me (Glockenspiel)

- Portal (Cara Mia, Addio! / On Your Own)

- They Might Be Giants! (Sapphire Bullets of Pure Love!)

- A Fever You Can't Sweat Out! (These Tables are Numbered for a Good Reason, Honey. You Just Haven't Figured It Out Yet!)

- Dazey & The Scouts (Sweet CIS Teen)

- Louie Zong (Miku Quartet)

- Sushi Soucy (L.O.V.E.)

- Heavenly (Escort Crash on Marston Street)

- TV Girl (Valarie)

- Pomplamoose (Who Cares?)

- TLT (Die in a Fire)

- TWRP (HTMLOVE)

OKAY THAT'S WHERE USEFUL INFO ENDS!!

I do voice acting, art, and writing on the side!! LET'S BE FRIENDS PLEASE I WANNA BE SO SILLY I WANNA RUN AROUND YOU LIKE A LITTLE RAT AND THEN TELL YOU THAT YOUR ART LOOKS LIKE A PASTA DE LA CREME!!

Feel free to message me on Discord!! (With context of course!! I will be blocking anyone who crosses my boundaries or is just unpleasant though.): TheWiseGuest !! :D

The rest of this post is trivia. =]

Fandoms I was in but am no longer active in:

- Angry Birds (2010 to 2018)

- Minecraft (2012 to 2016 / 2019 to 2024)

- ROBLOX (TheWiseGuest76) (2016 to 2024)

- Criminal Case (2012 to 2023)

- Coraline (Reoccurring)

- Five Nights at Freddy's!! (2014 to 2023)

- A Blue's Clues Christmas! (I SWEAR IT EXISTS.)

- The Nightmare Before Christmas (Reoccurring)

- Corpse Bride (Reoccurring)

- Plants vs. Zombies (2013 to 2018, reoccuring.)

- Creepypasta? (2015? I guess? Idk I watch them though.)

- The Amazing Digital Circus (2023)

- Undertale & Deltarune (2018 & 2021)

- L4D (c. 2011)

- Miis (c. 2018)

- The Walten Files (c. 2020)

- HTF (c. 2011)

- ASOUE (c. 2017)

- DHMIS (c. 2020)

- BugBo (c. 2023)

- The Good Place (c. 2016)

- Grey's Anatomy (c. 2022)

- ENA (c. 2020)

- ARGS (c. 2020)

- Eddsworld (c. 2018)

- Total Drama (c. 2022)

- Happy Meat Farms (c. 2022)

- I SURVIVED (c. 2018)

- Object Show Community (c. 2017)

[jayflrt]

🎀 update since it’s been a while

haiiiii i haven’t been on tumblr in 5ever. i feel like im only ever on here now when u update LMAO. speaking of LIVING for jay/yn. it’s AMAZE. i’m also every excited for the next update. but anywho how have you been! we haven’t spoke in forever i really can’t remember what my last update was abt so im just gonna skim thru things!

like since the start of this year ive been SUPERERRR into f1 so i made a podcast! (podcast in question is my cf on my spam account 🥸) 😅😅 i’ve always liked it because my brother did but i’ve gotten more into it. i also took a listen to romance untold and it’s SO good my favs r defff moonstruck and royalty 🔥.

lowk this summer has been chill like any other. i went to a couple parties with my friends but then after that not much happened. there’s no guy updates bc unfortunately my life is no longer a wattpad story because that was very hard on my emotions 😅😅. i’ve lowk sworn off relationships for a while. obviously not completely but i don’t know recently a friend pointed out to me that whenever im in one its very tolling on my emotions and it’s not good so i don’t want that to happened again. i was also just not in a good place when arsal/cameron/marcus happened. REST ASSURED I AM BETTER NOW!!! #weUP

about my friends it’s going nice! we’re kinda doing our own thing since it’s the summer however one of them, m (i think i name drop too comfortably on here), recently started talking (ish) to a guy and she’s kinda obsessed with him. like it’s in a weird way in where she full blown cancelled plans that we made like 5 days prior just bc she had last minute plans with him so 😃😃😃😃 i’m so happy for her!! (NOT). i have to be honest there’s nothing wrong with him other than the fact he looks like he SNUCK ONTO EARTH WHEN THEY FIRST WALKED ON THE MOON. so 🤗🤗🤗🤗

i have been writing a LOT more recently. like not even just because it’s kpop i don’t know i get the inspiration to write and just open a google docs document. like for instance one of them the plot is mc breaks up with sunghoon and becomes closer to heeseung but plot twist! they’re in a band and there’s DRAMAA 🔥🔥🔥. and then another one is where mc and jake r ENEMIES bc her dog tried impregnating jake’s dog at a dog park 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥. one of them is a sunghoon fic that’s heavily inspired by cmbyn (MINUS THE GROOMING) the other is a jay prank call au where he calls her bc he remembers his highschool sweetheart and she doesn’t even spare him a thought 🔥🔥🔥🔥. there’s a single dad sunghoon au somewhere in there. MY GOOGLE DOCS IS COOKING.

however i don’t think i could ever post it to tumblr. maybe one day when anyone is interested ill send in a little snippet of one of them 🤗 or dm u one of them and reveal my identity 😮😮😮😮😮😮😮. but i don’t know! i’ve tried writing on tumblr before but i was in highschool when i tried soooooo. i also think that im just too busy. maybe one day when im not so busy 🔥.

but yeah that’s really it 🤗🤗. but update me if anything cool is happening in ur life. r YOU having a hot girl summer. i also think u said you went on a trip recently (?) IDK. but pleeeekkk update me - 🎀

hihi 🎀 anon !! omg please i'm honored you're sticking around to update me 🥹 they're MUCH appreciated i love reading them <3 and thank you sm for tuning into yfi786 🥰🥰

omg i have a few friends who are super into f1 too!! the races look like they must be so fun to go to :') YKWW the close friends story podcast is always sm more fun to tune into than an actual podcast 🙂‍↕️ my fav rn is brought the heat back it's just been playing in my head 24/7 and that vocal run from jay hello!!!! moonstruck and royalty are SO good though they're definitely up there for me too

i'm glad your summer's been chill !! it's always nice to just have time to unwind before getting back to the uni grind 🥲 honestly relationships/situationships can take so much out of you mentally so i'm glad you don't have to feel that way anymore!! and im glad you get to spend the summer with your friends 💗

OMG NOOOO YOUR FRIEND NEEDS TO RUN FOR THE HILLS 😭 why would she cancel your guys plans like that?? LMFAOOO PLS we're always losing an angel to an ugly man 😞💔 no that's so upsetting tho :( i hope she gets over him he's not worth cancelling plans with friends over!!!!

omg wait SLAY 😌 the rush of writing inspiration always feels so so good and i hope it lasts a long time for you!!! HELP NOT THE DOGS MATING AT THE PARK 😭 but okay i see you grinding through those plots!!! 🔥 the google drive is being FED and oml if you ever feel like sharing,, my asks are open 🤭 also yeah that makes sense!! i don't bother with aesthetics because it's just sooo time consuming,, like don't get me wrong i'd love to have a super cute theme and stuff but it's def a lot of work :')

omg yes i went on a little trip with my friends :')) we did that thing where we pulled our vacation plan out of a hat LMFAO but it was fun!! i'm very sick of flying tho! 🫤 NO hot girl summer just hot corporate slave summer 😩 i have been trying to pick up new hobbies though because i just dropped my habit of doomscrolling on tiktok 🤧

[elsiebrayisgay]

20 questions for fic writers

thank you @purlturtle for the tag; i'm honored to be thought of! The questions!

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

just one right now but i think it's extremely good! i worked very hard for a long time on it. more of these queer feelings (https://archiveofourown.org/works/43759465/chapters/110039971) is a college AU of phyrexian praetors sheoldred and elesh norn! i also have a second that is very soon to be posted once beta is finished!

2. What’s your total ao3 word count?

currently 25,912 and yes i do know off the top of my head :3

3. What fandoms do you write for?

i don't know if i'll write more magic: the gathering but i would like to; beyond that baldur's gate 3 has had a huge impact on me in basically every creative work i do and i keep going back to it!

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

there is only just the one i've posted but i will take the opportunity to talk more about more of these queer feelings! it spawned from my girlfriend and i talking about phyrexian high school/college AUs and the fact that magic doesn't have a lot of canon disabled characters; i thought (in my opinion) sheoldred would not be able-bodied in a human au and it is essentially an exploration of two characters who are brutal and terrifying but who get to learn vulnerability if they are just normal humans on earth.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i used to let my girlfriend and co-writer do all of this to remain aloof and cool but i've decided that everyone is cringe in the end and so every commenter will receive all my undying gratitude (as long as it keeps being a reasonable number.)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i think my current WIP, which is shadowzel ballet academy AU has a lot more potential for an angsty ending; shadowheart is pretty set from the start to be on a very limited clock to keep being able to dance and probably will not have any prospects to by the time it ends but i think negotiating the gap between expectations for the future and what reality brings you still has a lot of potential for growth and learning and self-acceptance so it's probably not going to be super brutal if i'm being honest. i like to give queer girls at least happy-ish endings if i can.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

in the middle of writing more of these queer feelings i decided i wanted the very end to be sheoldred and elesh norn, now happily girlfriends, saying they love each other but specifically because i want anyone who feels they relate to either character to know that they are loved and cherished if not immediately then at least through me, through the act of love of sharing parts of myself through my writing. the ending of that fic is about solidarity and love for queer women and disabled women and ND & mentally ill women. absolutely the most earnest happy ending i've ever written.

8. Do you get hate on fic?

i never have and hopefully never will but know this: if being a shadowzel blog means i am a karheart anti, i will take up arms in defense of what i believe is good and right.

9. Do you write smut?

haven't yet, probably won't, nothing against it, just isn't for me i don't think, for a number of reasons.

10. Do you write crossovers?

i find that a lot of my inspiration to write fic is in the intersection of a piece of media and the au i want to write. i don't know if college aus count as crossovers but while i haven't written anything including many media franchises, i think there is a transformation and a fitting-together of pieces that feels very similar in my great enthusiasm for a modern/period earth AU, which has been a lot of what i've written.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

no but i would be kind of honored, honestly. if what i've written is so good that someone else tries to put their name on it, i'm flattered! (uh but please don't though it's still probably bad ;-; my girlfriend said she would beat you up if you stole my writing.)

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

oh lord no, but the above answer times a thousand. if someone was to go to that effort i feel like i'd need to send them a special gift basket with seasonal fruits and everything.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes! more of these queer feelings was co-written from the very beginning with my now-girlfriend, and though i think we probably would have ended up together anyway by knowing each other, i don't think the writing process did anything at all to dissuade us from our mutual romantic interest.

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

before bg3 i don't know if i would have had an answer, maybe like mailee or katara/yue or something but i didn't have particular ships i was super into. that being said, shadowzel has hit me full force and even when it isn't being nominated for goty those ladies are still going to be living rent-free in my head.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

i've been messing around with some wolfic (FFXIV player character, for those unaware) that is probably either just for me or only to inform my roleplay in that game; i have a document but it's probably never getting posted anywhere. still, i think about it and add things sometimes.

16. What are your writing strengths?

i think images and ideas or concepts are my strong suit. i'll have ideas for characters or a scene or a description of something, and try to develop my writing around what i feel is a strong central idea.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

actual narrative structure and more traditional prose fiction skills are not where i developed my writing skills. my english literature education focused largely on poetry, and my extracurricular writing was almost all text-RP so there's a lot of stuff i haven't practiced.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i am a mostly monolingual american and while i have retained some french from speaking it at home with family and from school, it's conversational and jokes at best. that being said if i can get a « qui me frappe avec ce poisson ? » in anywhere i will absolutely try.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

i don't want to talk about the atla OCs RP beyond "those happened, and for a lot of other fandoms as well" but more of these queer feelings was the first time i gave anything a serious go with the intention to produce something good enough i'd be proud to post it.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

i'm going to copy john darnielle and say of course i'm always the most invested in the new thing when i have something new i'm working on, so most of the thoughts i'm having are about hoping other people like shadowzel ballet AU because i'm proud of it, but queer feelings will always have a place in my heart. maybe it's trite but i think i've done a good job with the writing i've put serious effort into; i hope any readers think the same.

[tuttifuckinfruttifriday]

Can you PLEASE make a small series of soulmate au. especially with chucky/Charles Lee Ray??? If possible a mandrake soulmate au. if you don't know what that is its like a imitation of your other half. Like its a animal that acts like your soulmate; haves abilitys your soulmate haves! And like some having a sociopath/depressed/rare-upcoming-Tourette's/metal.verbal.physical.emotinal abuse by the father/and-having-a-tic-where-they-pull-out-their-hair. but its slowly growing back and that they have an obsession with there hair; because it comforts them with there phonophobia (that's why I'm always on my phone. I also have Trichotillomania) i understand if this is too Pacific. its just so rare to see stuff like this especially with Chucky, and also you don't have to use my disorders, and mental illness in all of em! I would just like a few with me the gender can also be either but i am a fem. Thx♡ keep up the good work♡♡♡

Hiii! Thank you so much for dropping by c:! As you can see in my bio, my requests are closed(since I don't have much writing inspiration) but since this idea sounds nice and I feel like writing for once, I'll give you this^^ Also, in my What to know link (in my pinned post), I said I wouldn't do mental disorders that I really don't know much about, so I'll go with only some that you mentioned, if you don't mind <3 I really hope it looks a bit like what you asked, my first language isn't english :) I'll do it gender neutral

(dk if you meant a oneshot with multiple parts, but I can only come up with a small piece :,) sorry)

I hope you're doing well and am sending you lots of positive vibes your way💕

Sorry in advance if some things about trichotillomania and phonophobia are wrong, I only know a bit about it

-

Slashers' and Horror Characters' Soulmate AU

:Where you find a particuliar animal that acts like your S/O (pt1)

Warnings: depressed!reader(some allusions??), trichotillomania, phonophobia, abusive father(mention), animal fluff, not proof read(might have errors), probably a bit of shitty writing(really sorry)

Characters: Chucky

Soulmate AU masterlist

-

Chucky/Charles Lee Ray

You were tired of your day, and got home as usual. You were a bit moody since it had started to rain, and a car had splashed you by rolling into a puddle as you were walking down the side of the road. The mental abuse by your fuck of a father as you got home didn't help at all, but you had to deal with it until you had more money to get out of there.

You'd rubbed your hand into your hair as you'd put down your bag into your room, wincing as you touched the places you were missing patches of hair. It was pulled into a small ponytail, so the bare spots were hidden to anyone. You'd started doing that because your father once mentioned them, and you didn't like any kind of attention from him, especially since he wasn't stable, like a bomb. One wrong move and you could get a bottle thrown beside your head for absolutely no reason.

To try and get your mind away from things, you'd decided to go for a walk, even though it still rains.

You barely supressed the urge to tear some locks out as you suddenly heard the cupboards closing loudly on your way to the door and flinched, then evently made it out into the now soft rain. With your hood up, you walked towards the forest behind your house and strayed from the small paved path, opting to find a picnic table or something so you could be alone with your thoughts.

It was approximately 5 minutes after you found somewhere to sit that you heard a small rustle of leaves behind you, so you looked over your shoulder, a strand of hair between your fingers. A snoot and then two beautiful golden eyes were pointing at you.

You'd almost teared a chunk of your hair from anxiety as a fox suddenly came out of the bushes and towards you, it's steps cautious as it seemed to be smelling the air.

As it was near, you’d turned away and tried to ignore it as you painfully plucked your eyelashes, tears at the corners of your eyes.

You'd felt a small nudge and a bite at your ankle, which made you spring up and stop for a second, a strand of your hair now in your hand as you pulled at it a bit, your scared gaze on the fox at your feet. The latter was almost glaring at you as it jumped onto the bench where you sat seconds ago. What you thought were golden eyes were actually blue now.

That fact made you frown, the urge less strong as it nudged you again.

You couldn’t help but feel a bit uneasy as the urge was barely there and faded almost, still in the background. You were sure it’s eyes were golden. You tried to think nothing more of it since you probably were mistaken, and got up, putting your hood down as you realized it'd stopped raining.

Thinking about going back 'home', you stopped saw that the fox was following you, which kind of made you curious. Thinking that it'd go away, you continued, only for it to follow.

''Go!'' You said softly as you made a move with your hand for it to go away. Though it didn't as you kept walking, so you stopped and crouched down again, a soft but sad smile on your face.

''Guess you're my only friend, huh?'' You put your hand out and petted it as it rubbed against your hand. As you petted it, you could feel some scars on it's face, some deep and some faint, but still thought nothing about it. That's how your friendship started.

The fox was always coming to see you at your bedroom window, so it was like a kind of emotionaly support animal or a pet if you prefer. Sometimes, you even let the window open, so it could come in. It gave you company and reassurance when the days were harder and you could barely do anything.

Fun fact: You'd actually discovered that it was a male, and the name 'Chuck' literally just came randomly to mind, so you called him that, even though you'd had no idea where it came from. It was like your urges in a way, it happened suddenly. The creature looked happy with it's name, so it was good you guessed.

Whenever you're pulling at your hair, Chuck tries to nudge you and occupy your hands until it passes, and will try to comfort you if you're scared/feeling down. He can be your shelter for whatever happens.

[lovely-echoo]

Sleepy Bois Inc x FranBow!Reader

In-game AU

Part 2/? PT.1

Plantonic!SBI x Young!Reader

(10/11 years old)

Headcanons

Genderneutral reader (they/them) 💜

INFO; If you haven't played or seen game play of Fran Bow then you can skip this if you'd like. If you don't care then go ahead.

Summary; Basically if you've seen/played the game you should know how this goes, you take place of Fran. So you go/went through the same things she did and you still have Mr. Midnight. This takes place while Fran is still in the mental hospital and then got teleported near the SBI.

If I get any info wrong, I'm sorry! I rewatched Markiplier's game play so it shouldn't be way off.

P.s not everything is described the same.

(^ art by sunquids on twt)

CW/TW: mentions/includes of cussing, food/not eating properly, screaming, murder, death threats(?)

First Impressions

Philza

Was terrified honestly-

Thought you were dead at first

Mans was just walking around with his son when he heard a thud

Was 1000% not expecting a kid and a cat

Even worse when he tried to get closer the cat got defensive and swatted it’s claws at him

And when you woke up-

Oh boy-

You barely acknowledged him and picked up the cat

Which btw, the damn cat changed so quickly- it perked up and was all happy and shit

The sudden anger to happiness gave him whiplash the poor guy

Then when you started crying which that scared him to

But either way he wanted to help you

Blame the father instincts ig-

He saw the way you looked thinner and not in the way as in ‘I was born with a fast metabolism/naturally like that’ but in the way of ‘I haven’t gotten proper food in a while’

(Btw if you are a plus-sized reader, the same goes for you. I don’t want to specify anything, especially body types. But he could tell you haven’t eaten actual food :) bc we all know that asylum food is shit)

He also saw the way you lowkey gaped at his wings but shh-

^ Lowkey feels prideful about it but you didn't hear it from me-

He really tried to approach you as calmly as possible to not scare you

Can I also mention that when he saw how dull your eyes were he felt his heart shatter

He also physically winced when he heard you speak for the first time

Honestly got lost in thought with a bunch of concerns, worries and shit

Final Thoughts;

Thinks you're absolutely adorable

Wants to punt whoever left you here

Lowkey scared of your cat

Technoblade

At first did not care

Like at all

Also thought you were dead at first

Still didn’t care

But the more he examined you when you first met

There’s something about you that kinda…

Clicked?

Idk

But yeah

Was ticked off when you talked back but also impressed

Like he’s Technoblade, The Blood God.

Usually whenever he makes eye contact with people- especially kids

They cower, scream, panic and ect.

But you didn’t waver

But either way, he’s still very skeptical.

Will absolutely stay on guard with you around

Unless you don’t give him reason to

If the some of the voices are right

He will dropkick murder you

So just keep quiet about it for now, okay?

He actually kinda finds you interesting

He doesn’t know why, he just does

Maybe it’s your mannerisms but eh

Just watch yourself around him

He’s so stiff and stern around you to the point that you think you won’t wake up the next morning

Final Thoughts;

Still really iffy about you

Get's the most ill vibe from you

Wants the voices to stfu about how 'cute' you were

TommyInnit

Ima be completely honest with you-

He screamed.

Like as soon as he made eye contact with your bloodshot eyes

He just full on screamed

You don’t know what you did to scare the poor teen

But I guess you’ll never know

And ima be honest with you again

He doesn’t either.

Maybe it was the way your eyes bore into his when he first saw you

Lowkey thought you were half dead or a zombie or some shit

You just looked so…

Dead…?

You kinda looked like a doll to him

He’s not a fan of dolls

Will he apologize for screaming the first time ya’ll met?

Because that is lowkey rude to do-

Yes but actually no-

He feels bad but he’s got to much of a stick up his ass to apologize directly

But he’ll make it up to you one day

I hope-

But other than that

He’s happy to not be the youngest one around tho

Final Thoughts;

Still thinks you look like a creepy doll

Gets this vibe from you but can’t put his finger on it

Lowkey wants to take you out on an adventure and maybe introduce you to Tubbo

Wilbur;

He was actually in his room chilling

Practising his guitar for a new song he wrote

He was vibing

Then he heard a scream

Thought a cat or smt was being murdered

So he rushed downstairs expecting a dead animal or shit

Turns out it was just his younger brother

Was gonna scold him but he saw you and your cat

That btw, you were holding him in such a cute way and looked at him with these doe eyes

Mentally, emotionally and physically awed

Your farming his aw’s hold on a sec-

He’s in love omg-

Please he’s already thinking about doing sibling shit with you

He knows his dad will adopt you even if he said ‘They're staying here for a while before they go back home.'

Wil knows that’s a lie and you’ll be staying here for a lot longer

With your consent ofc

Either way finds you adorable, smol and just

You’re baby

To him, you’re baby

Final Thoughts;

You're baby

Wonders if you like music

But also gets a weird vibe from you

Bonus;

The Voices

Oh boy-

So many different opinions

Some want you dead

Some want to hug you

Some want your cat

Some hate your cat

It’s all a mess

But let’s focus on the positive ones-

A lot of them are still chanting ‘protecc tiny bean’

Some are talking about you, others the cat

‘protecc tiny beans’

Is now what they decided to chant

They love you bby dw

Even the harsher ones, they love you

They just don’t show it

For the ones who really want you dead and shit

They’ll warm up

At least I hope so

But they don’t get the chance to say more mean shit like wanting you dead

Because those voices are getting attacked by your fans

Yes, your fans

They’ve nominated themselves as your fans

Yes, they do fight for who’s the number one fan

Final Thoughts;

If Philza likes you then they do (for the most part-)

Protecc tiny beans?

Protecc tiny beans.

Feel free to submit suggestions for this series! Could just be headcanons, reactions to ___, or anything!

Taglist;

@killermich-blog | @cl0udy-grey | @roxy3457 @itsberrydreemurstuff | @shuriosansshitposts @frowningsmiles | @muchrooomm | @novelist2 | @xx-smiley-xx

Lmk if you want to be added!

[joiedecombat]

Continuing in the vein of common Pride and Prejudice AU plots: Elizabeth marries someone else!

A lot of the time this is just to set her up as a wealthy widow of a peer and turn the disparity of social standing on its head, but sometimes the writers are out for blood.

Prime example: The Events at Branxbourne by Caitlin Williams.

This is The Worst Timeline. Okay, maybe Amy D'Orazio's Mysteries of Pemberley has it beat for overall bleakness, but Mysteries is a Gothic, they're supposed to be bleak. I'm not sure what Branxbourne's excuse is.

By the beginning of this book, almost the entire cast is miserable. Jane died of a fever shortly after Elizabeth's sojourn in Kent. Mr Bennet had what appears to have been a stroke, and though he survived it's left him physically impaired. Charles Bingley doesn't speak to Darcy any more since Jane's death; Darcy has spent the last several years burying himself in Derbyshire while Georgiana, in the care of her Fitzwilliam relatives in London, has fallen in with the bad influences of the shallow fashionable set. Colonel Fitzwilliam married Anne de Bourgh and didn't realize how much he loved her until she died giving birth to his son. And Elizabeth is married to an Earl who is mentally ill, abusive, deeply in debt and might have murdered his last wife.

GOOD TIMES. The only characters doing at all well for themselves are, oddly enough, Lydia and Wickham... but not with each other.

Naturally things only get worse from there once Darcy crosses Elizabeth's path again for the first time in years and starts to realize just how bad a situation that she's in.

"Do not cry, Elizabeth. I could bear anything but that."

She trembles. Looking about, seeing we are half-hidden by the trees and that there is no one around, I reach out and press her hand, squeeze her fingers tightly, but only for a moment. "My love, do not cry."

"Your love. Is that what I am?"

"Can I be plainer?"

"Yes, please." She surprises me with a broad smile. "Please do be very plain about it."

"You are my love," I tell her. "My only love, till the end of time. Whatever else my happen, and we may expect dark days ahead, never doubt that in this moment, beneath this perfect, blue sky, on this warm September day, you are loved as no other woman has ever been loved before. You are loved for all that you are, for what you once were, for all you will come to be."

"Mr Darcy, if only you had not once hidden your talent for compliments so well, then we might not be in this terrible mess."

I love a good Darcy To The Rescue story as much as anybody, but this one's A Lot. You've gotta be in a mood to wallow in the melodrama, to want to see these characters pushed to their limits by a situation that can't be endured and which their society's laws and mores offer no palatable solution for.

The happy ending comes as it should, but the trip there is an especially rough ride with little comic relief.

Content warning: domestic abuse, depiction of mental illness, infidelity (emotional if not physical), angst, first person present tense narration.

"If you, too, would enter into this marriage for practical reasons, I would be more easy with the notion. Then we would give to each other only what was received."

He smiled faintly. "Alas, my desire to marry you is formed by the wishes of my heart, not my head, so I cannot oblige you."

"If I did feel myself forming a more romantic attachment, I would welcome it. I just want you to understand that I do not know whether it will occur. It must be yours to decide whether or not you can be in an unequal marriage."

"I have considered it," he admitted after a thoughtful pause. "I see how you loved your husband, and I did not expect to supplant that. I shall readily admit that I am a jealous man, and to know that your heart belongs to him is difficult for me to accept. However, my choice is for an unequal marriage no matter what we decide. Either I can be with you--the one I love--or I can marry another and, thus, be with one who might love me but whom I do not love. You see, just as your heart is for Henry, mine is for you. That will not change.

"So, fully apprehending your hesitation, I say yes, I do agree to a practical marriage with you, accepting whatever amount of affection you give to me because I cannot live without you."

Amy D'Orazio's The Best Part of Love, meanwhile, has Elizabeth already married and widowed by the time she meets Darcy. Her husband was murdered in a treasonous plot that required her to live incognito with her family in Hertfordshire for a couple of years, allowing Darcy to make his usual astonishingly bad first impression at the Meryton assembly and fall in love more or less at first sight.

Rather than Branxbourne's unrelenting angst, this book is a whole soap opera: unnecessarily complicated backstory, misunderstandings and mistaken identities, high emotion, a mystery, and a sharp plunge into acute misery in the third act when it turns out that Elizabeth's late husband might be considerably less dead than advertised, to the dismay of nearly everyone involved.

It's a very well-written soap opera, and worth reading if you're looking for that kind of emotional roller coaster.

The essence of the problem was that there was simply nothing he could do for the situation. He had never before been faced with a challenge for which some action could not be taken. He could neither buy anything nor persuade anyone, work at something nor study a topic, take himself away from his pain nor have the pain removed. He did not even have the comfort of despising someone. There was no one to despise, not even himself, for all had acted with honour and integrity and done the best they could with the hand they had been dealt. It was nothing more than a circumstance beyond anyone's control, and that made it insupportable.

After leaving him to wallow about in his despair for a fortnight, his cousins came for him as he had suspected they eventually would.

"Have you left your house at all, Darcy?" Fitzwilliam's face bore a look of vexing kindliness.

"What do you think--that I sit here all day pining for her?" he snapped.

"That is precisely what I think," Saye replied, tousling Darcy's hair as he walked by and then further compounding his sin by not even looking to see the angry scowl Darcy gave him.

This book also contains my favorite version ever of Colonel Fitzwilliam's older brother, here (as in all of the rest of D'Orazio's Pride and Prejudice fiction) named Viscount Saye and characterized as a languid, almost terminally unflappable dandy with very few social filters to speak of and absolutely no fucks to give. He's an affectionate cousin to Darcy and usually gleefully awful, and is a character I enjoy very much.

Content warning: very brief reference to suicidal thoughts, high melodrama.

[kookieskiwi]

Badboy!au with the quote "Yeah, well i shut everyone out. Don't take it personally." with a bit of angst pwease 🥺🥺 but a lot of fluff hihi i'm sorry i asked for a lot 🥺🥺🥺 i wub u ✨

(I love it when people ask for a lot because it gives me more to go off of ❤️ and I wuv you too!!) (I changed the I to we since I write poly stuff and no member was specified )

-

You had one of the most amazing personalities anyone had ever seen. You were always caring, you put others before yourself and you gave second chances to everyone; even those that didn’t deserve it. That character trait of yours always got you into situations that had you blaming yourself for stupidity and too much kindness. Prehaps it wasn’t stupidity but it was the fact you saw the good in everyone rather than focusing on their personas and negative traits.

Some people called you näive, others called you gullible, you’d been called just about everything since you began high school. It was normal; there would be people who hated you, loved you and those that took advantage of you. You were accepting to everyone, you helped tutor those who needed it and you gave up your free time and time to do your own work in order to guide those who asked for help through the phone in order to be discreet.

It wasn’t until you met the Bangtan boys that you realized just how much people relied on you for help. They first came to you a year ago when finals begun to ask for help which basically involved you suming up an entire years worth of material in a week. It wasn’t easy since you had your own to study for at the same time but it also counted as a review guide for yourself. Since then they’ve come to you in secret or you’d go over to their shared house to help one or all of them review a topic.

Over the past few months you and the infamous bad boys had grown close meaning what had previously been school related meetings became a friendship with meet-ups that didn’t involve school at all. They became some of the closest friends you had in a long time giving you a sense of connection you didn’t know you needed.

That was however until you overheard one of their conversations as you were on your way to your vehicle. “She’s too close, we let her in and allowed this to go on for too long.” It was Namjoon speaking as he informed the others of their mistake. “But hyung, she hasn’t done anything to make us question her intentions,” Jungkook defended you in your absence which you were grateful for. It physically pained you to hear what they were thinking of you. It was one of those moments where you could actually feel your heart tearing apart as tears welled in your eyes. “Exactly and we aren’t sticking around to find out what they are.” Yoongi chimed in with Namjoon, defending the man who wanted you out of the picture.

You stood there leaning lifelessly against the wall contemplating whether or not to make a run for your vehicle. That option seemed like the best one to choose until you were too late. Apparently they had finished up their conversation and were exiting the classroom only to be met with you; the person who had shown them nothing but compassion and helped them. The soul who was once positive now felt that fullest depth of betrayal you had ever felt before.

“Y/n-“

“No.” You snapped as you returned from your lifeless state to look through blurry eyes at the men who stood before you. “I will not let myself be spoken about behind my back by people who I’ve shown nothing but kindness towards. I have no ill intentions with anyone of you unless wanting to be friends is such a terrible thing. I’ve done NOTHING but be help you when you needed it, not to mention I was the only one who took you all seriously because of the face you put up. So no. Don’t explain because I heard everything you had to say.” You told them trying to hold your composure together until you got home. You would not show weakness now more than ever, sure the tears showed it pretty well but you wanted to scream and yell at their ignorance.

Without another word you walked out of the hallway and entered your car followed by a slam of the door shut before you exited the campus. On the way to the condo which your guardians bought so you had a safe place to stay while getting an education, you broke down completely. It hurt more than you thought it would, of course you were stupid to catch a slight case of feelings for seven different guys who happened to be dating each other (a secret you came you find out when you got closer to them, they made sure no one on the outside knew) but that didn’t stop your battered heart from skipping a beat every time they smiled or laughed.

When you did arrive home you went to unlock the door with shaky hands and after multiple times of missing the keyhole you finally unlocked it. Dropping your bags you shut and locked the door behind you, taking a second before sliding down it in utter distress.

-

The next day you skipped classes all together; something you rarely did unless you were ill even then, that was only because you didn’t want to get anyone else sick. You had a headache from crying all night, your nose was stuffy, eyes puffy and red and to sum it all up: you felt like shit.

You spent the day moping around at the loss of a friendship. When classes let out you weren’t expecting anything from the boys however you received a text message stating one simple thing.

Taehyungie: Come over please.

There were no emojis, no use of a nickname....nothing, which must’ve meant this was important. So, against your minds wishes your heart dragged you to their home with heavy feet. You looked horrible and felt it too, but here you were yet again, putting others before yourself.

You didn’t even have to knock before the door was flying open followed by both Jimin and Jungkook hugging you tightly as you just stood there too tired mentally to do anything back. You were confused and they could tell so they backed off allowing you inside. You were guided to the couch where you sat hugging the arm trying to be as far away from any of them.

“Y/n, please let us explain.” Jin began hoping for you to look up at any of them but you kept your tired eyes locked on the empty space in front of you. “We have a reputation we must keep up, we can’t seem weak or things will be different for all of us.” Hoseok stated in an easy tone trying to stay calm even though he had the urge to run up to you and hug you. “Letting people in isn’t weak, it’s called being human.” You argued in a monotone still not looking anyone in the eyes.

“Yeah, well we shut everyone out. Don’t take it personally.” Yoongi spoke defensively making you absentmindedly flinch at the harsh tone in his voice. “How am I not supposed to take it personally!? You have no reason to shut me out and I’ve given you every reason to let me in!” You begun standing up and finally looking at the men who wore shocked expressions at your tone. “I don’t know what any of you have been through but I promise you this isn’t the way to live your lives. Let me in, let me show you not everyone has bad intentions with you. Let ME be the one to change your mindset. Because damnit I’m tired of being thrown out when I do nothing but help.” Your voice wavered at the end of your sentence making you curse yourself.

“Let me in because I’ve shown everything I am to you.” You whispered as a single tear rolled down your cheek but you were quick to swipe it away. “Let me in because I love you all.”

“You what-“ Jimin gasped standing up in surprise as did the others. “I know- I know it’s stupid and you’ll probably think it’s a schoolgirl crush, b-but over the past few months when I’ve gotten to know you for you and not the bad boys everyone else knows you as...I fell. Fast and hard. Which is why I’ve been so upset over what you said because I KNOW you will be fine without me, I KNOW you can move on and shut people out like you do but I don’t want to be shut out like everyone else.” You explained giving up at wiping the tears which just kept falling at this point. It was hard admitting your feelings especially at this time but this was either the making or breaking point if everything so why not?

“If it wasn’t for you, we’d be so lost right now y/n.” Namjoon begun taking one step towards you as you remained still. “We’ve all been thinking about you a lot lately.” Yoongi stated from beside you where you didn’t know he was until then. “You are a wonderful person, never forget that.” Taehyung said making you think this was goodbye. “You deserve someone who values you.” Jin whispered softly behind you as more tears filled your eyes. This couldn’t be it, not goodbye. “Someone who will kiss away all of your pain and scars.” Jungkook said stepping forward as well. “You know the hardest part about finding someone you love but being apart even though you have six others? It’s the endless nights awake knowing that the missing piece that completes us is right in front of us but we are too afraid to take that leap of faith fearing that we’ll be rejected.” Jimin stated grasping onto Yoongi’s hand to squeeze it. “Y/n, we’ve made a complete fool of ourselves that past day because we aren’t the people who we want to be. We are so sorry little one, so sorry and no amount of verbal apologies will show it until our actions change.” Hoseok said motioning to the other men who were gazing at you with something you couldn’t identify.

Your mind was going a million miles an hour at this point. Why where they saying this? Surely they couldn’t mean you...could they?

“You deserve someone who will treat you with the most respect, give you all the love and happiness you deserve and protect your kind heart. If you’ll let us, we’d like to be those men.” Taehyung said grabbing your hands which had been fiddling with the hem of your sweater. You looked at them with the most innocent, pure eyes they had ever seen, you were in total shock at what they had asked. When it sunk it you chocked on a sob. This wasn’t goodbye, it wouldn’t be the end.

“Yes, yes, a thousand times yes.” You said in a mix of laughter and sobs before running into Taehyung’s chest to wrap your arms around him tightly. The others followed your suit as you all began to express the feelings you had kept up for so long.

-

“‘Us’ I like the sound of that, don’t you?” You said as you laid cuddled into Yoongi’s chest while everyone was spread amongst the couches. You weren’t aware of what had slipped off your tongue until Yoongi was putting his hand over his heart saying ‘Ahh too cute’ while squeezing his eyes closed.

“I love the sound of us.”

-

As always..any further ideas or chapters you want from a Drabble can be requested and I’ll more than happily do them! Part 2 or another Drabble with a quote relating to this one if requested!! With bunches of love -Kiwi (KookiesKiwi)

[canonlucidia]

Hello, it's the anon about Autistic Satan again. Sorry, I'm probably looking too much into this, but I felt the need to ask this. With your hc, has Satan actually been diagnosed? Like, does he and his brothers know he has autism? I ask because I have it too, but didn't get diagnosed till after high school so I know the pain & confusion that can come from not having a diagnosis and wondering why you act the way you do and I don't want that for Satan. Sorry, I'm probably being ridiculous 😅

Don’t apologize Anon, you’re completely fine.

I hadn’t particularly thought about this aspect of the hc (So thank you for that!) because my general take on neurodivergence (as opposed to mental illness) for non-human sentient species (demons, faeries, those sorts of things) is that sometimes, people’s brains are just different, and there isn’t a stigma about it--so there isn’t a real diagnosis, because the thought behind it is that there isn’t anything to diagnose in the first place, if that makes sense. There’s nothing “Wrong”, so they wouldn’t seek out a definition for their situation. He’s never ‘othered’ in the first place, so he wouldn’t deal with being afraid or confused or think that there is something incorrect about him (at least in connection to his neurodivergence).

Also, I tend to fill my worlds with ADHD & Autistic people anyway, so being honest with you they (we, lol) often end up being more the default that allistic and non-adhd people are. (For instance, I also hc Levi as being dual autistic & adhd, Mammon as having adhd, and Beel as autistic.)

That being said, that’s just how I like to worldbuild, and I totally understand that having concrete diagnoses are immensely helpful for lots of people. I’m really glad that you, for instance, got a lot of comfort and closure from your diagnosis! I don’t think your ask was ridiculous btw. c:

To clarify though: in human aus, they 100% do know that Satan is autistic, and he never has to feel confused or afraid due to that. I don’t get a lot of enjoyment out of making characters go through that sort of thing, so please rest assured that Satan never had to suffer for being autistic--at least where I’m concerned.

[feynavaley]

i'm not the same anon who asked about chronic illnesses and such but i decided to ask anyway -- do you have any mental health headcanons for any of the FACE family?

Thank you so much for this question, it’s a very interesting one! I also have to admit that this is a topic I’m quite hesitant to tackle, however, as I’m not an expert and I don’t want to dismiss or oversimplify complex and sensitive matters with careless words. That said, I can certainly talk about what my impressions from the manga are! Hope it all makes sense. 😊

First of all, I must make a specification: nations aren’t humans. Just like their bodies and healing rate are different from those of a human, the same goes for their brain and mental health. I often see people complaining that, for having lived through so many hardships and tragedies, personifications shouldn’t be as well-adjusted and cheerful as they are generally portrayed in the manga. I disagree with this. I think that if the manga tends to portray personifications in a certain way, that’s how they are. And the fact they aren’t weighed down by their past is, once again, due to the fact they aren’t humans. Think about it for a moment: we – humans – aren’t mentally and psychologically meant for immortality. After a bit, we just would collapse under the weight of everything we went through. Personifications, instead, are born to be immortal. Therefore, I’m also convinced that they have a different brain biology, different neural pathways – different ways to process memories and withstand trauma that make them more resilient. In short, unlike many people, I don’t think personifications suffer from PTSD or MDD by default.

—

Now, back to the characters you asked me about. I would be hesitant to ‘diagnose’ them with specific mental health issues, but I can see some things they would struggle with.

I’ll start with Canada because I think he’s the easiest one. It’s canon that he has awfully low self-esteem and sense of self-worth in general. Based on his interactions with other people, I would say he also has very high anxiety levels. (Social anxiety, in particular.) He wants to make a good impression but he feels like he never knows how to behave and ends up being awkward and self-conscious, he’s afraid of what others might think of him and he wants to please everybody and berates himself a lot for the fact he doesn’t… his not feeling worthy of other people’s time and attention (feeling like he has to do something to earn it) doesn’t help. I don’t know if Canada’s anxiety could be bad enough to be officially diagnosed or give him real anxiety/panic attacks, but it certainly has a significative impact on his relationships, holding him back a lot. Tied to his self-worth issues, I can also easily see him falling into the mindset of the impostor syndrome. (Since he feels like he isn’t good enough, when somebody claims he is, Canada thinks he has deceived them.) I also headcanon him suffering from some psychosomatic issues due to the fact he tends to bottle up negative emotions to avoid conflict. In spite of this, Canada manages to keep a positive outlook that pushes him forwards. He doesn’t cry over himself but keeps doing his best to improve. I wouldn’t say this is completely healthy (after all, he wants to improve so much because he feels like he isn’t enough) nor that he never has a breakdown, but his mental health issues aren’t (generally) so severe as to prevent him from going on with his life.

England also suffers from self-worth issues that he, instead, hides under a self-deprecating humour. He asks a lot out of himself and he’s a perfectionist to a level that isn’t healthy. He works as hard as he can in order to rise above others and looks down upon those who don’t work as hard in order to try to assert his confidence, but deep down, he will never believe he’s truly good enough. Moreover, the neglect he suffered during his childhood means he has a hard time developing healthy relationships. He’s mistrustful and hesitant because he’s afraid of getting hurt, but he also ends up feeling extremely lonely and isolated, which weighs a lot on him. He’s also unable to process his emotions in a healthy way, he bottles up and denies his feelings and ends up lashing out at people. Once again, England’s struggles aren’t bad enough to prevent him from going on with his normal life, but they make an impact. He has a pessimistic overview of everything and always sees a problem behind each corner, it’s very hard for him to be happy and satisfied.

As for France… with his melancholic personality, France actually is the character I can see suffering from minor depressive episodes when he finds himself in particularly bad spots. He does his best not to let this win over him, but there are moments he truly sees everything bleak and experiences nothing but despair. It’s particularly bad if he’s alone, and this is partly why France’s almost unable to stay without anybody. His constant need to be surrounded by people also partially stems from the fact he’s an extrovert and likes company, but he does tend to carry it a bit too far. His need to be liked by everybody can also cross the boundary of unhealthy. France wants to believe in himself and he tries to convince himself that he has a healthy self-esteem, but deep down, he has a lot of insecurities he doesn’t want to deal with. People not liking him always make those seeds of self-doubt resurface, he can’t shrug it off so easily. Aside from the first one, however, the others are fairly minor issues. Compared to many others, France is a fairly well-adjusted individual. And I think that the fact he doesn’t deny his emotions but instead deals with them plays a big part in this.

I think America is decently well-adjusted as well. He’s such an optimistic character, always able to find a positive spin in everything and focus on the opportunities each situation gives him instead of the drawbacks… if anything, I would say that his main problem is that his self-confidence is a bit too high and he’s too self-centred, but neither reach truly worrisome levels. America does have some issues, though. I’m thinking about attachment issues, in particular. America feels lonely and unappreciated, which makes him latch very tightly to people he’s close to. Moreover, due to what happened with England and Canada, part of him is afraid people are going to leave him so he turns possessive and clingy to avoid it. He also carries protectiveness to an annoying level. He backs off and apologizes if somebody makes him notice his wrong behaviour, though.

Now, I want to address another thing about America as this is a very widespread headcanon: I’m firmly convinced America doesn’t have an eating disorder in canon. First of all, I don’t think America has the right mindset for it. An eating disorder isn’t only an issue of body image, but a manifestation of deeper insecurities America has never displayed to such extents. Yes, it’s true that he tried many diets (without ever being able to commit to one). However, America’s wish to lose weight wasn’t tied to body image issues, but to health concerns. At a point, America realized he ‘weighed too much’. I have no trouble believing he could be at least slightly overweight according to the BMI: he isn’t slight-boned – which means he will always be more on the higher side of the BMI – and he has very developed muscles, which weigh a lot more than fat. In fact, many athletes would be classified as overweight if this weren’t taken into account. However, America wasn’t aware of that and he just thought he was overweight. Which does pose health concerns. America has never wanted to be thinner to look better, he just wanted to lose weight to be healthier. I’m so sure of this because it was explicitly stated in the manga. [x]

Had it been an eating disorder, America wouldn’t have stopped dieting once he had realized his weight wasn’t actually unhealthy. It isn’t so simple. But he did, which means the entire problem was rooted in a concern for his health, not a body image issue.

—

Since I envision the mental health struggles more tied to the characters’ personalities than historical events, I generally would headcanon them being the same in a human AU as well. Of course, the backstory of each character – their formative years, in particular – should be tailored to justify those struggles.

I have already talked about how picture things for Francis [x] and Matthew [x].

In Arthur’s case, I imagine him having a hard childhood and growing up in a quite dysfunctional family. Whether his parents mean it or not (maybe, because there’s a single parent with four children), Arthur ends up being often brushed aside and growing up without the support he would need. (If not with outright scorned and looked down upon by emotionally and verbally abusive parents.)

As for Alfred, I can picture his attachment issues coming from him having lived through the loss of an important person in his childhood (or also missing a parent, maybe). He never completely processes it, and whether he realizes it or not, this makes him more afraid than what would be normal of losing the other people he cares for.

[dent-de-leon]

You can give an opinion without being an arsehole, mate. Also, I just read that 'broganes' was headcanoned by an Asian, so are they racist too? I'm not 'trying to win an argument', I'm genuinely confused. I've searched for it on here, but I can only find people arguing against it being racist. Most people I've seen who think of them as siblings isn't because they 'look similar' (which they don't), but because of how they act.

Okay, let’s break this down. First off, I know who the first person that came up with the bro/ganes headcanon was. I’ve been in this fandom a long time, practically since the show aired, and I honestly have a better understanding of fandom trends than a lot of other people since I saw it all firsthand right from the beginning. So, again–I know who the first person that came up with the term was. Yes, they were Asian. And I also know that it was 1) intended to be a “fun AU” for them based off their own personal experiences with their sibling, that they based it off that, and 2) it was meant to be an AU, not canon–which is how many antis took it–and it was also never meant to bash other ships or trivialize Shiro and Keith’s relationship. 

It was a fun personal project for them, and it wasn’t meant to be used as a tool to harass others. Guess what happened anyway. Just guess. Bro/ganes might have started out as something innocuous and innocent, but antis clung to it and things very quickly went off the rails. And just because some Asian fans liked the idea, you literally cannot change the fact that I’ve heard multiple others express their concerns on just why the subject was so upsetting for them. You cannot separate this term from the inherently racist connotations built up and emphasized by antis over the years. You cannot. The person who invented bro/ganes didn’t mean for it to get out of hand and be used by antis to hurt others like that, so please don’t try to play them like some kind of trump card or drag their name through the mud. 

And if you want to see firsthand just how detrimental bro/ganes is, Barlee very innocently posted an artwork of Shiro and Keith calling them “bros.” Antis went wild over it, and she then deleted the comments. People were like, “hey, why’d she delete the comments?” And antis started making up bullshit like, “oh, she probably did it because evil shaladins were bothering her, because they were upset about bro/gans!!” And then Barlee literally made a post saying that, actually, she deleted it because she didn’t want antis harassing shaladins and running away with the whole bro/ganes bullshit like they literally always do. When you have fans literally harassing the staff over this nonsense, it’s gone too fucking far:

Copying and pasting a brief history of bro/ganes here from my other post in case you didn’t see it:

I’m not sure how many of you were around for this, but I was here well before season 2. And the bro/ganes crap absolutely predates that (BOM) line. By a lot. I’m talking like practically the beginning. They’ve literally always been like this. Hunk saying the other paladins are his brothers convieniently never gets mentioned, but antis zeroed in on that one out of context line, because that’s how they are. They were ready for any scrap that they could wave in our faces and scream about like children somehow “proving” their nonexistent point.

And if you’re saying there’s weight to the line with Keith and Shiro, then you must also acknowledge there was considerable weight to Allura’s words when she called Keith and the other paladins her family. That was a heavy scene, there’s no way around it. It’s even followed by this embrace and words of affirmation. And yet, how interesting antis fixated on one scene with Keith and found family but not the other.

The facts are these–antis have always been uncomfortable with Shiro and Keith being so close. Because the easy intimacy there felt very tangible and real. Because it wasn’t k/l. I was there when the first trailer for season 2 came out, the one with Shiro calling out for Keith at the end. The one where Shiro tells Keith to lead Voltron. Do you know what antis were saying at the time? They were pissed that Keith and Shiro were so close and it would be a “sheith season.” We’re talking before this thing even aired. How dare Keith care so much about Shiro. Where was Lance? The nerve. 

People literally said they hoped Shiro would die because then sheith could never happen. I can’t even begin describe the very visceral hatred that people had for his character at this time–because Keith had the audacity to careabout Shiro, and it drove them fucking wild. As part of some mass delusion, people arbitrarily claimed it would be a “choice” between Lance or Shiro dying–because Lan/gst and everything must be about Lance. And there were posts and posts of people saying that they would throw Shiro off a cliff for Lance’s sake in a heartbeat and how if it’s between them they hope Shiro gets killed. 

People kept trying to rationalize it by insisting the only canonically mentally ill character needed to die because he was too traumatized to lead, because he wasn’t good enough for the team. He had to step down and give Lance his time. It wasn’t until antis had that one out of context BOM line to latch onto that they finally breathed a sigh of relief and went, “look, look bro/ganes is canon!!! We’re safe!!!” And suddenly no one said he had to die right away. In their mind, sheith was “dead,” and that was just as good as killing Shiro. It’s pretty sick. 

The bottom line is this–people have always hated sheith’s relationship and have been frantically looking for ways to undermine it. Bro/ganes–even right at the start–very quickly turned into fans going all conspiracy theory, making very racist assumptions without any evidence to back it up. “They look similar, they must be related!” “Keith’s last name in GoLion was Kogane, which sounds like Shirogane!! So they’re related!!” Is that how last names work? No, not in the fucking least. Did they neglect to mention Lance’s was Kurogane? Absolutely. 

Anyway, moving on–“They’re both Asian, so obviously, they’re brothers!! That’s why they’re so close, it all makes sense!!” You know what else is pretty upsetting to me? That you have tons of teenage girls fetishizing the k/l rivalry–because someone harassing another guy is apparently hot–but then immediately showing disgust when you have two guys actually expressing mutual love and support. 

The fact is, they used bro/ganes as an excuse to make Shiro and Keith’s relationship more “palatable” because they were personally uncomfortable seeing two guys so close, so obviously open and affectionate. And not in a way that was ever staged as fan service, not in a way with juvenile love/hate “sexual tension” played up to titillate an outside audience. Instead, Shiro and Keith’s interactions are very much heartfelt and organic. Interesting how apparently more guys like she/ith than k/l. 

Anyway, the most striking thing of all here is you keep saying I’m giving shallow reasons and that “it’s just racist because I say so,” like…you’re literally missing the entire point here, which is that, it doesn’t fucking matter what I think. This isn’t about you winning an argument with me. I cannot and I can never decide what’s racist to actual Asian fans, this is about their feelings on the matter, not mine. And if you don’t acknowledge that this is a term that’s been steeped in racist connotations and used to harass others for months and months now, then I literally don’t know what to tell you. Also, “You can give your opinions without being an asshole.” You already called me a dick, mate. You don’t have to pretend to be polite now, it’s okay. 

This isn’t an issue I’ll ever budge on, so I really don’t know what you’re expecting here. But it’s not about me, it’s never been about me and my feelings. You can open up and listen to others who are personally affected by the matter. Please understand these are my final thoughts on the subject, and nothing you can say will change it for me. 

[pennylogue]

No please go off, words are good, more words are better. Here, I'll do it too:

Ha, I done did the "ah yes author I love the deep symbolism of your works", *launches into an english essay while writer shrugs and gives a thumbs up*

Yeah it's kind of a harsh read to say that "jon's trauma is why he's a good person", and I've definitely seen people argue he was always a great guy inside and hid it because anxious, trauma, etc, and I think there's SOMETHING in that, but I also think it's not giving jon enough credit for how much he changed over the story. He lost or almost lost just about everything, in s3 and s4, and that really changed his priorities. And as much as it's fun to have "jon eats lots of people" aus, I think it's very important that he canonically DID NOT EAT ANYONE ELSE after the intervention, because...well at the beginning of tma jons worst fear was that he would end up another story in the archives. And that's exactly what happened, just in the opposite way he expected.

Yeah, the asshole thing is something I really appreciate. Honestly woobie characters can be kind of exasperating because fiction tends to romanticize mental illness a lot, PTSD ESPECIALLY. but in reality, actions have consequences..like jon I'm sorry ur trauma makes u eat people and ur sad about it but uh. You're eating people hon. Like it's an awful form of denial that jon never really was allowed in canon? He could blame it on the beholding, but here "it's the owl", when strix is halfway to being him at that point. As you said tho, lol, your fic just kind of makes the metaphors reality. That's why daemons exist after all!

I feel like martin is the strongest example of a lot of the above because in this fic, he comes off as really unlikable. I think because he's so detached from pelli that it's hard to associate all the great stuff about pelli with him? He's sort of like tim, an incredibly sympathetic character who is just such an incredible ass that you end up somewhere between grinding your teeth and loving the shit out of him.

(And honestly I gotta say, I'm reading some of ur tumblr content and as great as Scottish honeymoon with asshole bird is, what about scottish honeymoon with martin, the Ultimate Third Wheel? Like jon and pelli going on these long romantic walks, talking for hours, and martin is just...trailing ten feet behind and very uncomfortable. Being the third wheel in your own daemon's relationship is so fucking funny to me.

LOOK I'M SORRY JUST THE IMAGE OF JON AND HIS BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY PARTNER TRYING TO HAVE EMOTIONAL, POETIC, ROMANTIC MOMENTS YET CONSTANTLY HAVING THE MOOD KILLED BY ANNOYING OWL AND MARTIN "MAN WHO REALLY DOES NOT LIKE ANYONE IN THIS HOUSEHOLD" BLACKWOOD IS DESTROYING ME. DOES STRIX LIKE PELLI AT ALL. DO MARTIN AND STRIX COMMISERATE OR DOES MARTIN HAVE NO ALLIES. look soft scottish honeymoon been done to death, we need distinctly more asshole energy.)

Actually that's something else that's super interesting for me, how you manage to find the most interesting layers in martin and Jon to make the core of their relationship each fic. Like here it's that anger. Sucker bet, it's lying and insecurity and being underestimated. Idk it workss. But yeah, I think that part about the anger, the envy, really spoke to how trapped and frustrated and fed up jon felt-- lot of people have felt that anger wjth the extreme unfairness of the world I think, and either you cope with it or it swallows you. I felt a major source of the anger was also how much everyone thought he was crazy re: his daemon, too. I was getting so frustrated just reading that!! And yet he had nowhere to direct that except on himself and strix, because those are the only people operating on the same level of reality , so it just has nowhere to go.

More on that weakness--Martins trauma, his fear of loss, his numbness and lack of caring about the world--he goes into the lonely for a lot of reasons but one of them is because being lonely is a very good way of pretending you're invulnerable. And yet it's such an act of weakness, too, huh? It was honestly him giving up on the world, even though he said he was trying to save it. God the more I think about this martin the more interested I am, how having that inner fire and softness externalized and disconnected affected him and pelli.

I think I've lost the plot a bit, so in summary, weak, heavily flawed characters are indeed the bomb.

Also dude your tags honor the shit out of me...like I WOULD LOVE to write fics like yours someday! I just need to like. Work on actually getting more than 2k into a project before jumping ship to my next idea ha. Idk how you write so many words and feelings but put them in a plot that builds emotions and does things instead of existing in disconnected conversations? Fucking magical.

Realized how much sense it makes that Deisha, the s!5 version of Jon, is the part of him that holds trauma. It's really interesting because trauma really is a weight around the neck of the characters of tma, dragging them down and twisting them into monsters--and yet Jon's trauma also is a major factor in him opening up, needing other people, and ultimately drop his cold shell in canon. His trauma is the source of his monstrosity, but also his empathy for other people, which is like one of the only things stopping him from being a complete monster in s5. No wonder Deisha is s5 jon, rather than jon--she carried the trauma for him. It's really interesting in how it's a push and pull, where trauma is a big root of the most objectively monstrous and objectively most human things about jon. Even more so how he pushes much of the monsterhood and negative effects of trauma into strizlx--brings a new meaning to "the owl made me" in his intervention.

Idk just dudddeee the number of lenses you can use to look at jon and co. in this fic...like how did you keep all of this straight when you wrote it????

(Your daemon au is living rent free in my head.)

Hey uh, this take is better than any take I have about that story, and it’s a more in-depth and astute reading than I knew about or intended, so...wow? Holy shit this is such an interesting take. I’ve never thought about this, but the text supports it. 

The topic of “Jon’s trauma is what makes him a good person” is one I’ve hit upon in another story, The Crow’s Funeral. There, he basically has the power and demigod status of S5 Jon, but he’s amnesiac and he’s never experienced...trauma. So he’s an all-powerful, childish shithead. I think Jon is someone who has been constantly victimized by powerful people, relentlessly, and he knows how terrible it is. He knows how much it hurts. He hates how he’s been turned into someone with the power to victimize. And he doesn’t want to inflict that pain and hurt onto anybody else. Jon’s been hurt, so he knows how horrible it is to be hurt, so he doesn’t want to cause hurt. It’s such an important part of him.

But I also enjoy, as you said (I vibe with you very hard), how TMA is willing to have someone’s trauma just turn them into an asshole. Everyone in TMA is an asshole. I’m careful to write every character as an asshole, because they’re just little Jenga towers of trauma responses and PTSD. As I say a lot - “sometimes trauma doesn’t make you into a woobie who flinches a lot and has panic attacks, sometimes it just makes you an asshole”. And a take that I used for Jon in Hope Etc, which is a little out of character but that I just had to include because it’s what I resound with, is that feeling of...fuck you. Resentment, anger, bitterness. Why me. If you want a monster I’ll GIVE you a monster. It happens, a little. It doesn’t make him a bad person, it makes him a human person under the worst circumstances possible who makes bad choices because every human is weak. As Strix said (and this is understated, but it’s a line that is kind of essential) - “It’s hard to be a good person in the Magnus Institute”. It makes him do the worst things imaginable to people, but the reasons why are painfully human. I explore this a lot - my story Martin and the Dream Boy JUMPS out with “Jon as a supervillain who is a supervillain because his pain crushes him” - but I think this story literalizes that. This story literalizes every metaphor. That’s why I wrote it jaskldf.

So bringing this characterization into daemons - Deisha is Jon’s “emotional” self. This isn’t true for every character (Basira and Daisy as counter-examples), but it’s true for Jon. Children trauma responses are different from adult ones, in this fantasy world an in real life, but I think so much trauma as a child pre-disposed Deisha towards severe trauma responses as an adult. Also true in real life. 

Jon, when traumatized, becomes kind. He also does crazy shit. So that’s Deisha. I’ve never thought about it this way, and you’re more intelligent than I am, but...yeah! It’s only briefly mentioned, but Jon’s paranoid breakdown manifested in Jon still being pretty functional, but Deisha was self-harming, having the paranoid episodes, acting aggressively and confrontationally, and just being neurotic. Which looped back into Jon and stressed him out immensely. (Jon is so upset in this fic he kind of mentally glosses over how their relationship hadn’t always been good, which I only mention in passing). So that Dark Dust swirls, and swirls, and swirls...

And eventually you end up with the person who trauma made, which is Strix. And the awful little thoughts and feelings and impulses and bitterness and resentment that trauma made, which is Strix. And you end up with the Beholding and the monstrous impulses to feed and devour, which is Strix. And you’re so weak and tired and depressed and lost that, when these thoughts become so overwhelmingly powerful, you’re too tired to resist. You don’t WANT agency. You don’t WANT choices. You “know” all of your choices just ruin your life, you never make a good choice, all you make are bad choices. You just want to have no choice. The Owl made him. 

Jon’s weak. That’s kind of what I like about him. 

Thanks for reading and the SUPER insightful comment!!

[herofics]

Can you see Tokoyami cutting himself or trying to kill himself or any other suicidal and/or stupid things? If so, what would Dark do about it? With extra angst, please.

I can kinda see it with this particular AU, but only strictly with this. So here goes then. It took a while, sorry about that. (Heavy self insert. *sweats nervously*)

Tokoyami was sitting on the bathroom floor. The floor was heated so he liked to go and listen music there, but today it was different. Sure, he was listening to music, but he was also doing something else. He was cutting, again. More scars to accompany the others that already covered his forearms. But these cuts would be his last ones.

The razor blade was pressed against his skin, he dragged it up his wrist, so there was a long cut going up his arm. He did the same thing to his other wrist. Then he threw the razor blade away, and turned the music up. He watched as the crimson liquid drew lines to the bathroom floor tiles. It crept it’s way towards the floor drain and dropped in. He was so tired, so tired of everything. So tired of the preassure from school, so tired of people being assholes at him and staring at him like he was a freak. So tired of the voices in his head that never stayed quiet. So tired of the midnight thoughts, that didn’t let him sleep. So, so tired at the nagging anxiety that never left his side. So tired of his depression, always telling he was worth nothing. And so tired of being afraid all the time. That’s what his mental illness did. It lied, it made him fear stuff that didn’t even really exist. He felt like he was just trash, something people threw aside when it wasn’t needed anymore. He had been thrown aside. He was just so exhausted. He wanted it to end. Ge just wanted to sleep, amd never wake up again.

Dark had a bad feeling. Something was wrong with Tokoyami. He just knew it, maybe this was the twin intuition. So he checked the whole house. Lastly the bathroom. And there he found him. Laying on the floor in a pool of his own blood, still wearing his headphones. Dark panicked. He kneeled to the pool of blood and tried to shake his twin. His jeans soaked up the blood but he didn’t care. His hands were covered in blood that, was slowly dripping to the floor drain. He didn’t care. His only focus now, was to try and help his brother.

“Fumi? Fumi please wake up.”, he sobbed.“ I-I gotta call an ambulance. Hang on.”

Dark called an ambulance and tried to explain the situation as calmly as he could. Which wasn’t calmly at all. He sobbed the whole ambulance ride to the hospital. It felt like hours before they where finally there. Tokoyami was pale and barely even breathing anymore. Dark was scared. For the first time in his life, he was scared his brother would die. He didn’t want this to happen. It must had to be a nightmare right? This wasn’t real. No, it was a dream. Only a bad dream, and he would wake up soon and Fumi would be okay. Right? Right?! But it wasn’t a dream. It was the cold, harsh reality that felt like it was going crush Dark. He didn’t know what to do, so he just sat on the waiting room and sobbed. Dark pressed his hands on his face, and realized, he was still covered in his brother’s blood. So he got up and went to wash most of it off.

Dark had no idea how much time had passed when the doctor finally came to talk to him. He had a serious look on his face, so Dark made assumptions.

“No,no,no,no,no…”, Dark whined as he fell to the floor.

“Don’t worry, your brother is alive. He lost a huge amount of blood and there was a risk of him dying, but he pulled through.”

“Thank god.”, Dark whispered, still sobbing to his hands.

“He kept saying something when we stiched his arms. He kept saying: “I'm… Sorry Dark… I’m sorry.” The whole time.“

Dark didn’t have anything to say. He just asked the doctor if he could see his brother, and then headed to the room he told him to go. Tokoyami was laying on the bed, asleep. He was motionless and pale, but his breathing was more visible now. He was attached to an IV so he could get more blood to his system. Dark sat down on the chair next to the bed.

“I knew you weren’t feeling well lately, but I didn’t know it was this bad… You could’ve called me you know. I would’ve come to talk with you. I know you probably can’t hear me, but Fumi, you are the only brother I have. I don’t want to lose you.”, Dark sniffled.

“But everyone else does. They want to get rid of me, I’m just a nuisance.”, Tokoyami whispered.

“You were awake?!”, Dark basically screamed.

“Yes, I’m awake now and stop screaming for god’s sakes.”

“Sorry about that. And you are not a nuisance. There is lot’s of people who care about you.”

“Like who for example?”

“Me, our classmates and our family. Isn’t that enough?”

“It might be if I knew it too. People can’t know you care about them if you don’t tell them. But it still doesn’t change other things.”

“Guess you’re right about that, but I’m always here if you wanna talk. I may not be good at giving advice, but I can listen.”

“Thanks.”

“I just want you to feel a little less bad. Please tell me about stuff, I don’t want to find you laying on a pool of blood ever again.”

“I promise to try and talk with you.”

“Can I just hug you?”, Dark sniffled.

“Just this once, and never again.”, Tokoyami sighted.

Dark basically jumped on him. After that, Tokoyami asked if Dark could leave, so he could sleep. When Dark was gone, Tokoyami cried. He cried that he had hurt the people he cared about. He cried, because he made his brother worry. But most of all he cried for himself.

[camilliar]

I'm curious about your trans headcanons now. I see occasional fic with CP characters as trans men who are already fully transitioned by the time they get to college, but I would be really interested to see the dynamics of a character coming out as a woman. Especially a character who presents very masculine in the comic, like Jack.

Hiiiii, Ilove this ask, come here, let’s be friends.

I’m not muchof a headcanon person, by which I mean, when I have ideas about characters Itend to put them into stories instead of “what if” informal posts. Thiscomplicates my cool fannish image because I look very inactive when really I’vejust been writing tens of thousands of words that, like a dodo, I absolutelywill not post as WIPs. On the other hand, it does mean I’ve written 20,000words about Jack being trans. I’ve mentioned it here,but I’m not sure to what extent it’ll end up as a story that gets posted.

At theoutset I should say that I take a center-liberal approach to fic writing, whichis to say, I like things to be canon-compliant when they’re not straight-upAUs, but I’m not fundamentalist about what canon-compliant means. I think there’sroom to write a story that adheres to the comic canon but posits that the circumstancesof the characters’ lives and relationships might shift in the future, beyondwhere canon takes them. In that sense I think you have to look at who Jack isif you’re going to do this, and there isn’t a lot of overt evidence that he’ssuffering gender confusion.

There is,however, a lot of subtext. Jack’s story is, in a lot of ways, about strugglingto conform to a neat performance of masculinity. He works incredibly hard tomeet these social expectations; the kind of person Jack is supposed to be doesn’tdeal with mental illness, or drug dependency, or like boys. There is a lot oftextual evidence in the comic that he is consciously or subconsciously fightingagainst these things by controlling the aspects of his life that he can bringin line with expectations: how he spends his days, what his body looks like,and what he reveals about himself to other people. He’s vague and sometimesobfuscating about that, and puts his experiences in terms of what he doesrather than who he is, which I find to be an interesting kind of detachment. Hegoes around telling people he is dating Bitty, but in the comic so far hasn’t identifiedas gay or bi or even something more general like queer or not straight.

I liked thatmoment where he was talking about thecosts of playing hockey that he’s willing to endure, and he mentions, “The expectations and the spotlight …. The anxiety…” Obviouslyhe has expectations for himself, but by and large “the expectations and thespotlight” are things that are external to Jack, things happening to him; Ithink given the recurring theme of people speculating on and assessing him,fairly or unfairly, it seems like he is thinking of these expectations as thoseheld by other people, not ones he’s placing on himself. His anxiety is not anexternal thing, though; it’s something that’s real but is only ever happening inhis brain, that he’s doing to himself. It might be exacerbated by a toxicsports media culture and the general drag that is patriarchal heteronormative bullshit,but his brain is something for him to own, and he’s putting some distancebetween himself, and that.

It’s interestingto me that Jack comes out to George when they’re running. Some of this ispractical; Jack wants to talk to her in as private a place as he can, and heprobably doesn’t have a lot of opportunities to get her alone at work, and itmight have been too much build-up for him to reach out and say, “I need to getyou alone so I can talk to you.” At the same time you have to look at all thethings Jack is tacitly communicating to George: I’m dating a dude, but, I’m still an elite athleteconforming to all of the other expectations of masculinity, I’ll go on this runwith you, I’m down for whatever you put on me, I’m the same person I was the last time we went on a run. He even puts on a dude-ish baseball cap before he gets out of the car, like he’sputting on his dude drag to go have this conversation. God forbid hisconfession that he’s with Bitty undermine George’s view of him as one of herhockey players.

Even hischoice of Bitty as a romantic partner is something I don’t think the fandomexamines enough. Partly it’s because Check,Please! is a yaoi slash heart-eyes adoraboo webcomic, so a good portion ofthe audience is going to just accept this canon couple as a given withoutlooking into it too deeply. I remember Ngozi saying somewhere, at some point,that Jack needs someone really special to get through to him, with theimplication being that Bitty is that special person, he is a flawless angel childwho straddles both ends of the gender-presentation spectrum with his tinyperfect ass bisecting the middle, god bless him. But I’m cynical so I can’tjust take that as a given, and I have to think about the way in which thepeople we associate with, and especially, the people we are attracted to, areways in which we practice our own identity construction. How does standing nextto Bitty make Jack look? Maybe Jack doesn’t think about it in thatstraightforward a manner, but he must be aware on some level that this is goingto reflect back on him. Why does he send Bitty a zillion roses for Valentine’sDay? I mean, the comic isn’t there yet, but let’s think this out for a second: it’sa textbook male gesture to send the person you’re dating flowers. So, Jacksends Bitty shitloads of flowers. It’stoo easy to just say that Jack is super intense and he gives 110 percent, he’sso extra, etc. Like, yes, he is extra, but why is he so extra? Because he canbe? Or because Bitty will be 110 percent happier with 110 extra roses? Or because he’strying to perform 110 percent masculinity?

Writingabout Jack coming out as a woman and transitioning is an interesting way toneedle at his character. (And also, an interesting way to needle at myself, youknow, that’s writing for you.) Back to my center-liberal mode of fannish participation:I do not think that Jack is fundamentally being written this way, but rather,that it’s one way to interpret and examine how Jack relates to himself andparticipates in traditional masculinity. There are a zillion other ways to dothis, and I find that almost every OMGCP fic I write or post I make is essentiallygetting at the problem of Jack’s character from a different angle. (Except onefic that’s the same, except, Kent Parson instead.)

For me, a majorissue in the problem of Jack’s character is that trying to establish himself inthe echelons of professional hockey caused him to suffer greatly, to the pointof almost dying, possibly intentionally—but he decided, for some reason, thathe wanted to go back for more, and try again. So much of the work I see in thisfandom is about how Jack pushing himself to overcome his issues and succeed inhockey is a positive character trait, and readers are proud of him. But Ithink, within the canon and within the fandom, there is a major unansweredquestion in the form of, what the heck is going on with this character that hecannot and will not stop doing things that have the potential to cause himserious harm? Is he just autistic, and unable to detach from this thing he’sfixated on? Is it that he has literally never thought about anything else hemight do with his life? Or is it that he cannot stop thinking of himself as ahockey player? What would happen if he did? How would he start to think abouthimself, if he stopped thinking of himself as a hockey player and began to thinkof himself as anyone or anything else, and stopped compartmentalizing hisidentity and his experiences?

His brain ishorribly roadblocked. “I don’t think about this stuff too much,” he tellsShitty.And, sure, that’s normal, especially among men raised in hyper-masculinecontexts. But it’s normal because those men exist in a social context wherethey should be afraid of what they might find out about themselves if theythought about it too much. He then makes a joke about how he’s a robot andmakes fun of Shitty’s arguably less fraught romantic life, as if Shitty havingfeelings for Lardo is some kind of weakness. He then picks up Shitty and throwshim in a pile of leaves, which is so painfully overt and demonstrative adisplay of masculine and dominant behavior that Bitty notices from inside andyells at him. I don’t think this is what Ngozi intended, but it’s a fair enoughinterpretation of what’s going on: Shitty made Jack feel a little too much, ora little too conscious of himself, and so he has to respond by emasculatingShitty. Shitty’s like, “Love has changed you,” but like, I dunno, has it, or,how has it?

Granted, alot of this is nebulous, because we don’t know and probably won’t find out muchabout what happened to Jack when he was in juniors, what happened to Jack whenhe was in rehab, or what Jack’s decision-making process was when he applied tocollege—by which I mean, it’s unclear if he just saw it as a means to an end.It’s also unclear how Jack handles his anxiety—is he in therapy, is he takingmeds? It’s unclear how he thinks of himself in terms of drug use—for the mostpart, ending up in rehab at 18 is incongruous with having a beer every now andthen, though it’s also worth asking how having a beer at key moments makes himlook to other people, or how it makes him feel about himself. We just don’tknow that much about Jack, for all the comic is largely about him. It can bedifficult to pinpoint exactly how much he knows about himself, and why he’smade the choices he’s made, because many of those decisions are opaque toreaders.

But, that’swhere fandom gets to work. So I come back to the trans Jack thing here. Jackhas spent most of his life, probably, being told (perhaps implicitly more thanexplicitly) that he needed to do certain things and seem a certain way in orderto be taken seriously, and not be suspected of any kind of femmey or queerinclinations. (He knows that being with Kent Parson could have “really messedwith” their hockey careers, for one thing.) Am I saying that butch people, like, don’treally exist, and it’s all a construct? I don’t want to stick my nose into anature/nurture thing, but it’s undeniable that the style you project is part ofa complex network of influences, some of which are prejudices. To write Jack astrans is to ask questions about how those prejudices have affected him, andwhat might happen if he discarded them.

In terms ofhow a story about trans Jack would look, I can tell you what I’m interested inexamining: biology is destiny, and Jack’s body is pretty materially mannish. Towhat extent would it be possible to conform to that, reject it, subvert it?Jack’s attraction to Bitty is probably fixed, but Bitty is gay, and being withJack is an aspect of his constructionof self. How does Bitty cope with having someone else’s decisions destabilizehow he thinks and what he thinks he knows about himself? Jack is a publicfigure with a lot of privilege, but nor does Jack seem like an ideal or enthusiasticspokesperson or model for trans (or gay, or mental health) visibility. We don’tknow if Jack has any awareness of queer discourse or narratives, or how Jack wouldeasily fit into those, or not. How long does Jack think about this—is itsomething that occurs to Jack slowly, over many years, unsure how to act on it?Or is it something Jack realizes, suddenly, and wants to act on immediately? Howdoes this change how Jack relates to Jack’s parents? To the idea of being a parent? Would Jack want to playin the NHL as a woman? How does retirement and a life after hockey fit intoJack’s process?

Ultimately Idon’t think this fandom does that great a job at interrogating characters, orthe general situations they’re in. I’m kind of shocked at how little discussionthere is of what being a not-straight-guy paying hockey means. There’s a lot oftalk about how toxic masculinity is bad and learning to love yourself is good,but I don’t think the fandom is honest about just how physically andpsychologically damaging a hyper-aggressive sport can be, and why thesecharacters put themselves in harm’s way to endure it. It’s not just makingfriends and the thrill of winning and being Canadian; there are socially coded valuesinvolved. Bitty wrestling with his fear of checking to become marginally betterat hockey (if not at NHL-level) is, through one lens, a story about personaltriumph over adversity. But through another lens it’s a story about someoneputting themselves through hell and exposing themselves to harm over and over again,voluntarily—and for what? For camaraderie, for some scholarship dollars, forJack’s ass, sure—but that’s not all Bitty’s getting out of this.

So too withJack, is the thing, but times a zillion. And I wish the fandom did a better orat least more open job of addressing this. Writing a story where Jack is atrans woman is one means of doing so, or asking, why is he so freaking extra? What’she getting out of this? What does all that extra jocular dudeishness and hockeyfervor compensate for?

What’s itdistracting him from?

And whatwould happen if you took that away?