#i have a good chance of being shittalked. most of the time i wont even know it
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man. just thinking about raiding burns me out so quickly
#nyx notes#it sucks when so many of my friends raid and i'm just here like#“hiiii i want to do literally ANYTHING else"#i'm constantly overcoming that same fear of being judged for my performance every single time i enter a party#df? you're expected to be the worst player ever. that's something that can be managed#you'll always see a duty to completion unless there's active maliciousness#outside of df and field ops? i feel so much pressure to be Good#like i know i'm above par. i know that i can blow a lot of people out of the water if i tried#but i hate criticism. not even towards myself--i hate the animosity towards ppl performing at or below par#i hate that the moment i'm not up to snuff on something immediately#i have a good chance of being shittalked. most of the time i wont even know it#but when it comes down to it#i resent parsing. i resent having to do my best. i resent the scene#the overlap between wanting to clear a high end duty vs wanting to have fun is so thin to me#that it's not even worth chasing for that golden overlap#that's why i burned out on the game in the first place. there's no room for someone like me in that scene#someone who wants to be good at it without having to be the best#perhaps the people pleaser in me is dominating my thoughts but i hate putting myself in that situation in the first place
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