#i have 40 thousand receipt papers with them drawn on the back

[broareweabouttoviberightnow]

outsiders boys they could never make me stop doodling ur silly asses (alt for translation of my awful handwriting <33)

[vandnana]

Loving You Is Easy

Part Eleven

The next month I had grown so used to life with Chanyeol and Halmeoni. The disconnection I used to feel was gone completely, and the memories of my old life became fractal in the back of my mind.

Chanyeol and I were almost always together, The relationship we had hardly resembled friendship in the eyes of onlookers, but that was all we were—friends. Slowly though, I noticed how blurred the line between friendship and lover was when we were together. The first few weeks, everything he had done with me and for me was completely foreign, and I merely accepted it as friendship. It was easy for me to dismiss the signs because there was nothing I could compare his actions to. Until I met Kai.

Kai, although a good friend, didn’t treat me the same way as Chanyeol did. We would never hug, never hold hands, only ever really touching when we would shove each other playfully. When we ate together, Kai would never serve my food for me, instead, usually stealing the food I had on my plate. Walking around in the streets, Kai would purposefully zigzag or run to irritate me, knowing that I enjoyed the simplicity of a nice stroll. When we would hang out, he never asked me where I wanted to go, always sticking to an agenda that he carefully planned out. 

The contrast between them both opened my mind to a truth that my heart already knew. I began to find meaning behind the blush in my cheeks, the butterflies in my stomach, and the smile I always seemed to have when he was around. I slowly started to realize how I felt, but confronting those feelings was never something I planned on doing. 

Halmeoni, of course, was always around but she was never a harsh presence. She would encourage me, tell me I was working too hard, and ask about my day. Some days, we would even sit in the living room, talking and joking or even watching a movie. My newfound love for shopping and the scarcity in my closet, excluding the outfit Kai had picked, prompted her to take me shopping. She only saw how little I had in my closet because she asked me to pile up my laundry one day. To say that she was appalled would be an understatement. While I held a small pile in my hands, Chanyeol kept his in the hamper, not able to hold the mountain of dirty clothes he accumulated

The next day, she closed the shop so the three of us could go to Herald Square, and once we got there, I booked it to Urban Outfitters.

This store was much bigger and much more overwhelming than the one near Bryant Park, but once I entered, I was drawn toward the men’s section, eager to find Chanyeol something.

“This sweater is really nice, and it’ll match those blue pants you have too. You’re tall, so you’ll look good.” I held up an oversized mock neck sweater over his body, and he grabbed it from me, inspecting it.

“I agree, but we’re supposed to be shopping for you, not me. Now let’s go to the woman’s section now.” He put the sweater back where I found it, then turned me around toward the racks and racks of women’s clothes on the other side of the store.

Halmeoni had many suggestions, piling up an obscene amount of options for me to choose from. She made me try on everything she picked out for me, but out of what seemed like a thousand items, I liked three: peach high-waisted tapered pants, a light blue oversized v-neck, and a gold silk cropped cowl neck top. I chose them, thinking they matched well with each other. But, I still felt unsure. I texted pictures to Kai, asking for his approval.

Kai:

You’re a regular fashionista. You can put a white turtleneck underneath the v-neck to add some flavor. And for the cowl neck, you should find a slitted skirt for a more formal look.

-Thanks. I’ll keep you updated.

Okay, also isn’t green like the worst color ever?

-No I really like green. Especially like an emerald green. Why are you hating on green?!

Okay yeah I was just joking. Green is great.

-Alright then weirdo. I’ll talk to you later.

I put my phone away, and walked out of the fitting room, still in the cowl neck top. Halmeoni and Chanyeol looked up at me, anticipating what I was going to say.

“I think I’ll get this top and the pants. And then, the blue v-neck.” I concluded, looking back at myself in the mirror. Chanyeol’s mouth hung open as he stared at me, and I saw his expression in the mirror, which made me laugh. I laughed even more when Halmeoni shut his mouth with her hands and covered his eyes.

“You’re embarrassing yourself.” She uttered, and he swatted her hands away.

“She looks pretty. I can’t not stare Halmeoni.” He whispered in a defensive tone.

Halmeoni rolled her eyes in response, then approached my side.

“You know, June, when I was your age, all the girls were jealous of me because I was the prettiest in my entire school.”

“I’m not surprised.” I replied, beaming at her.

“Yes, all the boys wanted to date me, but Chanyeol’s grandpa was the only one for me.”

“How’d you know you wanted to be with him? You know, out of the millions of boys who liked you.”

She laughed at my comment, before telling her story. “He didn’t compromise when it came to me. When I told him that I wanted to go to college in Seoul, he made a plan to follow me, even though he wanted to stay in our hometown. I told him that he didn’t have to do that, but he said that it was more painful to be away from me, and I understood because it was painful for me too. That was how I knew.”

I nodded understanding what she meant as I instinctively looking back at Chanyeol, who was looking at something on his phone. Halmeoni noticed, and a warm smile crept on her face.

“Come on, why don’t you look a little more? You can’t just buy three things.”

I searched around for another hour, finding a slitted skirt per Kai’s suggestion and a beige oversized t-shirt. Chanyeol insisted on carrying my items to the register, and we made our way over to wait in line.

My phone started to ring, and I pulled out my phone to see Kai’s name on the screen. I picked up.

“Kai!!! What’d you think of the skirt? It’s cute right?”

“Yeah, June. It’s super cute. Anyway, I’m at school right now, and you know that project I told you about?”

“Yeah, why?”

“I need a model for my clothes, and I was just wondering you wanted to do it. No pressure though.”

“Sure! I’ll be your model.” Chanyeol’s eyes raised as I said this. He still hadn’t met Kai, and still thought he was a girl.

“Really? Great! It’s going to be a while until you need to model for me. I still have to finish all of pieces, but when I need you to do it, I’ll let you know.”

“Okay, sounds good to me! Thanks for asking!”

“Noo thanks for doing it. Also, you can use my rewards points when you check out. I’ll talk to you later June.”

“Bye Kai! Thanks!”

I hung up, and put my phone back in my pocket.

“Oooo so you’re a model now?” Chanyeol teased, raising his eyebrows up and down.

“Yes I am. It’s for a school project.”

“That’s nice of her to ask you.” Chanyeol exclaimed.

I  furrowed my eyebrows at him, “No, Kai’s not a girl.”

But, Chanyeol apparently didn’t hear me as he led the way to the cash register. “Come on, we’re next.”  

“How are you guys doing?” The guy behind the counter asked, scanning my clothes.

“We’re good, how are you?” I replied. The man responded plainly, saying he was good too.

He neatly folded the clothes into a paper bag, then stated the total. “Alright, and do you have a rewards membership with us?”

I nodded, reciting Kai’s number, and the guy’s eyes lit up. “Looks like you get 40% off today. Your total comes out to $126.43. You can insert your card into the chip reader when you’re ready.”

I reached into my bag, and so did Halmeoni, but Chanyeol was ready before the both of us, sticking his chip in almost aggressively into the reader.

Halmeoni and I scowled at him, but he just laughed at us.

“Alright, now would you like a receipt?”

Chanyeol shook his head, and the cashier waved goodbye, handing the bag to me.

We exited the store, and once we got out, I slapped Chanyeol on the shoulder.

“I could have easily bought these. Why did you buy them for me?” I whined.

“June, I will literally buy you anything you want.” He stated plainly, putting his arm around my shoulder as we walked to the next store that Halmeoni was leading the way to.

“That’s not fair. I haven’t bought you anything. You don’t even want anything.” I pouted up at him.

“If I like something, I’ll let you know. I’d rather splurge on you anyway.”

We spent most of the day shopping, accumulating more bags than I thought possible. I set a limit for myself, but Chanyeol and Halmeoni insisted that I get more stuff. They almost fought each other at the cashiers, both wanting eagerly to spend money on me. When I tried to buy them stuff, they shot me down immediately, which was heartwarming and annoying at the same time.

During the course of the month, I started sculpting again too. I would sculpt at home in the living room, but it was hard because sculpting was a process. Halmeoni was worried that the clay would find its way onto her furniture and the carpet, so I had to cover every inch of the living room with plastic, and I couldn’t take the plastic off until whatever I was making had fully dried. For some figures, I would need to paint too, which also took hours. There were times when I spent the entire day in the living room, not talking to anyone, just listening to music and working.

I thought that Chanyeol would be impatient with me, as clingy as he was. But, he wasn’t. Usually, he would just sit in the living room with me, either watching me work or working on his music. Sometimes, he insisted that he be the music for the day, and he would sing or play the guitar for me. Rarely did I ever ask him to help, but when I did, he practically jumped for joy.

After a while, the clean up process got exhausting, and I voiced my complaints to Kai. He offered his own apartment, which had an empty alcove that never occupied anything. I asked if he was sure about letting me borrow his space, but he said that he didn’t mind at all, and that space wasn’t a problem because he didn’t have a lot of stuff in his apartment anyway.

I moved all of my stuff into Kai’s apartment, which was sleekly bare. The only characteristic part of it were the mannequins adorned in fabrics and a large desk with a sewing machine, along with other gadgets I knew nothing about.

Kai had given me a key, and told me that I could come anytime as long as I texted him I was there. When I felt eager to finish a project, I would come over while he was at school, but most of the time, I worked while he was home. I felt bad for the mess I would make, and I always tried my best to clean everything up. I had made countless little figurines in one week, and Kai took it upon himself to sell them to people. He reached out to everyone he knew, even displaying them in his parents’ restaurant. Halmeoni also displayed my figures in the shop, advertising them to everyone who walked in. To my surprise, they were actually selling.

Once the figurines, started selling, I stopped making them. My hands were warmed up from the long hours of molding little tiny heads and bodies, and they were ready for a more taxing project.

I decided to make a woman sitting on a crescent moon, holding up a single star. There was a lot of intricacy involved, the image itself already challenging to recreate in a three-dimensional medium. But, I felt determined and ready. Making that sculpture, I practically lived at Kai’s apartment, coming early in the morning and leaving before midnight. Chanyeol would send me millions of messages during those days, knowing that I wouldn’t respond until I had finished what I was doing that day. It never annoyed me as much as it would for any other person. For me, I felt reassured. Kai did his best to make me feel as welcome as possible, even offering his couch multiple times on the late nights. But, I always wanted to come home.

Chanyeol still was unaware that Kai wasn’t a girl, but it wasn’t like it was secret. We rarely ever talked about Kai, and even when we did, the subject of his gender never came up anymore, and to me, it didn’t matter. Every time I told him that I was with Kai or going to Kai’s, he would just tell me to have fun, and when I’d come back, we would talk about other things.

At the end of the month, I finished the piece, and returned to a normal schedule that fit more room working at the shop. Although, Halmeoni never pushed for me to work, still encouraging me to do whatever I wanted.

I left the piece at Kai’s, not knowing what to do with it. It was too heavy and too big to carry back to the apartment, so I told him he could have it as his first real decorative piece. I even made a fake art plaque for it.

At the end of the month, I was struck with intense bewilderment when Kai told me that he had submitted my sculpture to be displayed in an art exhibition based in uptown Manhattan. It wasn’t anything famous or fancy, more fitting for the underground art scene, but he reassured me that it was a real exhibition that people would dress up to go to.

I refused to believe him until we rode the train to see the exhibition location. It was just as Kai had said, very unassuming, but there was a charm to it. The building was small, sandwiched between a laundromat and a photography place. There were ivy vines snaked around the red brick exterior, and the steps leading up to an oddly Victorian door had a red carpet draped over them. When we walked in, everyone’s art was covered with red shrouds, and as we walked in further, Kai showed me mine. It was sat on a large pedestal, also covered in a shroud, but I knew that it was my piece. Its silhouette was enough confirmation for me, but Kai wasn’t satisfied. He lifted the shroud slightly to reveal a plaque that read:

June (b. 01.29)

The Moon Is Mine, The Stars Align

Oil-Based Clay

Made to marry terrestrial beings with the beings that bring us light.

The fake plaque I had made became real in front of me, and I covered my mouth. Dreams that I buried deeply started to unravel in mind, and I felt untouchable. I hugged Kai tightly because of what he had given me, and he had a cocky smile plastered on his face.

“I couldn’t just let your art sit in my apartment. As much as I love it, it looks way better here.” We were still hugging as he said this, and he rubbed my back reassuringly.

I pulled away to look at him, and somehow tears found their way down my cheeks. I wiped them hastily, looking away embarrassed.

“Sorry, these are happy tears, Kai. I never thought my art would be sitting in an exhibition. But because of you, it is. Thank you.” I said as best as I could through my teary eyes.

“You’re gonna be a rich and famous sculptor in no time. You just gotta start somewhere. You’re rising up right now.” He stated, confidence coloring his words.

I pushed him slightly, “You too. You’re already this amazing fashion designer, and you’re gonna make clothes for all the famous people one day.”

“I hope so. Hey, that reminds me. I’m finalizing the design for the last piece. I just need you to come over one day, so I can do a fitting. Then, after that I just need to take pictures and videos of you wearing the clothes, and you’ll be done.”

“Okay, sounds like a plan. Also, don’t you have a men’s wear project too?”

“Yeah, but that’s not due until next semester.”

“You should ask Chanyeol to model for you. He looks good in everything.”

He laughed lightly, a slight ache in his heart arising. He tried his best to bury his feelings, but sometimes they would find their way up to the surface.

“That’s not a bad idea. I’ll let you know when you can ask him. I like focusing on one project at a time.” He faked a smile to hide the pain in his heart.

As much as he understood that I only saw him as a friend, the butterflies in his stomach had a habit of taking over his mind’s rationality some days. There was a slight hope that he never entertained, but felt inside, a hope that I would change my mind and choose him.

[internaldynamicofthesexyfish]

ANALOG IN, DIGITAL OUT by brendan dawes

“It’s interesting that I did not stop once to think about whether my original idea was even possible technically. I didn’t care about that. I just thought, Here’s a material that is incredibly tactile, that everyone is familiar with. Maybe it could be used as an interface. There was so “sensible” person in my ear saying that it couldn’t be done. I think the possibilities for applying it are endless, especially in the area of learning tools for children. And yet even if there were no practical application for this idea, it altered my perception of what a human/machine interface can be.”

“Whilst sitting at the departure gate at LAX waiting for my plane home from Los Angeles, I started to notice how the people rushing by seemed to come in patterns or waves. Maybe I could make something that would show these frequency patterns, I thought.“

“I look back to the seat and realize that the bits of paper I thought were just rubbish are actually origami swans! And they are for me. What a way to start the weekend – receiving origami swans from a mysterious stranger.

So why am I even telling you this story? It’s a nice little anecdote, but surely this has nothing to do with design?

Well, actually it does. What really struck me about this incident was the way the message was written. The author could have simply jotted down, “Take these swans”, on the front of the paper, so I would see it straightaway. Instead, intentionally or not, the person added an extra layer of intrigue with the message “P.T.O.” It was like coming upon a slightly open door to a room you’ve always wanted to see – impossible not to be drawn into peeking at what may or may not lie on the other side? Here on a humdrum journey from Manchester, a train ride I take every night, was a brilliant lesson in suspense and drama. All it took was some words on an old receipt, a pen, and a bit of imagination.”

“Strangely enough, as I approach the age of 40, I seem to be a lot more rebellious than I was as a kid. So much that I question things all the time – sometimes silly, trivial things, such as those little supermarket “batons” on the conveyer belt at the cashier’s stand that are meant to separate your shopping items from those of the person behind you in line. We never used to have those things and somehow everybody managed to shop perfectly well without them. But now just try not putting that baton down – you’re seen as a maverick, a subversive who won’t conform to the way it has to be! The invention of that baton is all part of the “pleasant” world we now live in. Well, I say we need more people saying “no” to those pesky little batons!

One of my favourite movies of the last few years is Pixar’s The Incredibles. I truly believe that film makes a statement about society today. We’d rather not have the odd individual with “super powers”, thank you very much; we’d just like everyone to be the same. Or the flip side of that is: We want to make everyone feel super. That way nobody gets hurt or offended. Well, as the villain at the end of the film says, “When everyone is super, nobody is.”

The fact is this: We need risk-takers in like. We need people who will stand up and say, “I’m going to do things another way.” And creativity is absolutely about taking risks.”

“Instead of simply doing my bidding and uploading the images exactly as I had planned, the FTP software had digitally intervened and created completely new imagery – all because of a mistaken setting. But the bit I love is this: Something that was never meant to create art was now part of the process of image making! 

Try it for yourself, and then see what happens when you load MP3 files up as text and play them back through the browser. Yep, the sound is “glitched” too.

I’ve always been fascinated by the process of taking a very utilitarian thing like FTP software and twisting it to do things its inventor probably never even dreamed of. Doing glitch art with FTP software was fun, but it was also quite limited in scope for creative exploration. So I moved on to another three-letter beauty: PHP.

Now, according to the official PHP site, PHP is “a widely used general purpose scripting language that is especially suited for Web development and can be embedded into HTML.” But PHP can also be used to create glitch-making machines, including ones for creating generative art. I got to thinking about screwing up Web pages: taking the raw source code, scrambling the data, and then displaying it in the browser. All I was really doing was manipulating text – nothing very special – but it was kind of fun.

[...] [This project raises] interesting observations about computers and creativity. To perform well, computers need to be error free. Yet the creative process is never error free, nor should it be. By creating or at least being aware of the nature of glitches and mistakes, we can open ourselves to seeing new possibilities and exploring interesting tangents along our creative journeys.”

“But why stop at having the passersby influence only the visual side of our creation? After all, it’s just numbers. What if we compare the last frame to the next, see what’s changed, and then make sounds based on the changed color values? The brighter the color, the brighter the sounds. A digital wind chime!

As I’ve mentioned before, one of the reasons I love using webcams and video cameras as interface devices is that there is no discernible input device. There’s no over-facing keyboard or complicated joystick to get to grips with. You just move and things happen? It’s as if the air around you is the interface. If you’ve every used the EyeToy on the Sony PlayStation, you know what I mean. It allows you to play games via a small camera mounted on your TV, using motion capture. This opens up video games to a whole new audience – people like my mum. When I bought the EyeToy, my mum played her first video game ever because she could just wave her arms and things would happen! Of course she could have learned to use a joypad, but nothing is as simple as waving your arms.

As this project demonstrates, that “waving” can happen thousands of miles away. It can happen with people who are unaware that their everyday actions are making something amazing happen on the other side of the world. Or it could be used as a giant social interaction device – using crowds of people to run about and make things happen. Just think: There is all this invisible potential being generated in public spaces by people going about their everyday lives. It’s all just input waiting for you to manipulate into some kind of fascinating output.”

“What if you had a collection of vinyl records, each of which had a cheap RFID tag attached to the record sleeve, and as simply as putting the sleeve on a tabletop, or on top of your RF-detecting Hi-Fi, the album would play, together with pictures you shot at the concert?

Now this may sound like science fiction, but as someone who thinks, lives, and breathers interaction design, I feel these issues are very important. As more of our physical world becomes digitized, we must continually ask ourselves what are we losing in the process. We need to be surrounded by the things that define us, which in turn trigger social interactions. Combine the empowerment of the digital technology with our experiences, wants, and needs in the analog world, and surely we can create a warm and human digital future.”

Analog In, Digital Out: Brendan Dawes on Interaction Design (Voices That Matter) Paperback – 6 Sep 2006