#i have 20 min til 5 that was like my cap but what if i watched the sun rise. in a forest where tf is the sun

[break-upclub]

what will happen first phone die or 5am

[whatzappening]

The Zappadydoodah

Hello! I’m Jenny – I am 38, married to a beautiful (in all the ways) lady for five years. We have a son who is nearly two and another baby on the way. I’m writing this down because I’m in a transformative time of life, with deliberate hope for change occurring around some treatment for my Stuff. I’m feeling super overwhelmed, massively restless and thought it might be a) handy to channel it all into a writing area, and b) useful for anyone else in a similar sitch.

The Stuff

So here’s my stuff. Fibromyalgia since 2005, Chronic Fatigue diagnosed since 2011, Depression and Anxiety diagnosed since 2012 but probably always. Definitely always.

Here is a list of some of the things I have done to try to manage/fix/deal with my stuff:

SSRI’s

Meditation

Herbal supplements

Naturopathy

CBT

Psychotherapy

Protein shakes

Exercise Therapy

Counseling

Hydrotherapy

Acupuncture

Pilates

Yoga

All of the Elimination Diets

Gym

Walking

Alexander Technique

Kinesiology

Psychics

Hypnosis

A thousand doctors

Graded Exercise Therapy

Narrative Therapy

Rheumatologist

Physiotherapy

Massage

Reiki

All the other stuff I can’t remember

Short of fish slapping that’s all I can remember right now (I did not try fish slapping). I want to be clear that a lot of these things have been extremely helpful in managing my life and keeping me as upright and mobile as possible. The ones who promised me that they could fix me, did the opposite and caused catastrophic setbacks, in every single case. I don’t feel like me listing which ones are which is helpful because every human reacts differently to different options depending on who they are and what their experiences have been.

I will say, however, that my current team members around my health are counselor, physiotherapist, massage therapist, acupuncturist/TCM practitioner.

So that is my stuff. Read on if you fancy!

What’s happening now, and how and why?

So a couple of months ago we were taking our kid for an outing on a Sunday morning. We thought we’d head to a local market about half an hour’s drive and visit our friends who were selling food there to raise money for the local wildlife shelter. Cute! Fun Sunday outing! He fell asleep five minutes from our destination so we kept going, because sleep is golden and we had no place we had to be, and ended up driving past my sister’s place.

We hadn’t seen them for a little while (she lives there with her daughters who are 19 and 20, both at uni this year so sometimes not there) and pulled up in the driveway, waking them up because they don’t live with a toddler and get to sleep in. I have no bitterness about this, it’s just something worth mentioning.

Her youngest daughter, my niece has had severe fibromyalgia for several years now. The list of things she’s tried are varied and include things like hospital stays, ketamine infusions, morphine – and they didn’t help. Morphine didn’t touch the sides of her pain. I won’t go into too much detail but her quality of life was non existent and she was cut down at her best and brightest. It’s horrific and unfair and all the other things. I have not seen colour in that kid’s face other than green for a number of years.

When we rocked up, she was pink cheeked and was about to go out for brunch with a friend.

Let me pause there – every part of that sentence was not possible for years. So after mouthing OMG at my sister when my niece wasn’t looking, we sat down at my sister’s dining table after her she went out with her friend and my sister took my hand. She teared up and said will you please, please think about trying this thing. It works. Look at her.

And then my heart skipped a beat. It had literally not occurred to me that anything could work. That was certainly not my lived experience. I knew they were trying a thing, and I was ready to support them as much as I could (and knowing that sometimes I need to keep a stronger boundary, to protect my sense of self and eschew self pity) when it inevitably didn’t work and their desperation in scrambling for something, some relief, would continue.

“things don’t work for people like me”

That was the sentence that was ringing in my head, loud and clear as a bell. I had believed one too many times when someone had promised me they could make it all better, and then as time went on the prices would increase and the narrowing field of ways I could be pressed in on me and the possibilities vanished when things that weren’t actually physically possible for me to do (and no, I couldn’t push through or engage in mind over matter, get fucked if you think that’s a thing that can happen in this situation, frankly) and I was a bad, naughty client who wasn’t complying so their promise no longer applied. By then they had all of the money and my sense of self was at rock bottom. Snake oil merchants for the win.

Four or so years ago I had a massive breakthrough with a fabulous narrative therapist I was working on my health management with. One day she asked me how it would be if I could just accept my limitations and not place pressure on myself to be capable of anything more than I could do. That I have a serious illness that impacts every single area of my life, and the more I ignore it the louder it gets. How would it feel to accept that?

Because I was ready to hear it, and because I trusted her, and because I knew everything I knew by that stage, I took it in and really imagined how it would feel. And my shoulders dropped about fifty metres and I felt relaxed and calm.

That year I had my first winter since my diagnosis where I didn’t have a severe depressive episode. I rested more, I kept myself warm, I didn’t push myself to not be such a big whiny baby. I cared for myself. I didn’t pretend I wasn’t unwell. I acknowledged it and acted accordingly. Bloody hell – it was absolutely life altering. I will always be grateful to that therapist for that revelation. Then she went and decided to help the refugees on Manus Island with their myriad of psychological issues resulting from trauma and abuse, which I understood but felt a bit miffed about in a selfish way.

So that huge shift had informed the way I went about caring for myself. What a relief to not feel the pressure of turning every stone over just in case. Wearing myself out going to All The Appointments. Never stopping because if I did that meant giving up.

Stopping is brilliant and should be compulsory for all people in all situations.

So now I have my team around me. Every member is crucial and I’m pretty happy most of the time. I’m a great parent and wife and friend and relative, I think.

The thought of messing with that? Oof. SO risky. Terrifying. But my sister held my hand and asked me to think about it. So I did.

I don’t mean to vaguebook atcha. The thing is called TMS and is usually provided to people who have severe depression. The kind where no medication works and everything is hopeless. It’s non invasive, and uses magnetic thingamebobs to retrain the pathways in your brain that have died off due to illness. So for people with fibro, the pathways of normal sensation are often replaced with pain pathways. Recently when I was extremely distressed about a work situation and I could not deal with what was happening, my brain told me that whenever I took a step I was at risk of my ankle shattering. My ankle was not at risk of shattering, but the pain felt extremely real and terrifying. And so on and so forth. So the TMS thingo (and to be honest it’s a little bit tinfoil hat to avoid the government reading your thoughts) is a metal cap that goes over your hair on the place where the specific neural pathways are, then magnetic waves are sent through the thing which stimulate your brains. It’s habit forming, so doing it once a week isn’t going to do squat. But 3-5 zaps a week (each zap is 30-60 mins) will be highly likely to have an impact. 5 will work faster, 3 will still work the same amount but will take a little longer.

They recommend about 30 sessions and then you can taper off and see how you respond. Here’s the kick. I live 90 mins from Melbourne CBD and it’s the closest place I can go for treatment. A three hour round trip a day isn’t possible for me (both in terms of fatigue and available free time).

My work is quite seasonal so I had planned to close off my books from May for a few months, and we were all going to go as a family to rent a house for a few months and just smash it. But then we both realised my wife’s pregnancy wasn’t getting easier and sooner would be better than later. So the compromise is as follows:

Kicking off this month with a week together as a family for calibration and a couple of treatments, and then I’ll head to Melbourne Tuesday morning til Thursday middle of the day allowing me three zaps (Tues – Wed – Thurs) and on the way home I get acupuncture so I can decompress a bit before arriving for family time at home and don’t just dump all my emotions all over them. I’ll have had time to process and chat a bit. Fridays the kidlet is in daycare, Saturdays and Sundays as per usual, Monday with the wee fella. Tuesdays drop him off at daycare late on my way in to town. We’re getting some help with kid wrangling on Wednesdays from daycare pickup to bedtime so my beautiful pregnant wife won’t have to be too exhausted after working all day. There’s a lot going on. Did I mention we’re married but not legally so we’re going to do that in a few weeks as well? It’s a big time.

I turned it all over and over and over in my head, spoke with some key people and most helpfully talked with my love. You don’t owe us anything, she said, and meant it. You try it, you don’t try it, we love you. Your body and health changes, or doesn’t, we love you. If you try it and it doesn’t work and it creates massive turmoil for you then we cross that bridge. You’ve dealt with worse.

So forward we go. 

[martinlawless]

Full Gas Winter Crit, Cat 2/3

Lee Valley Velopark, Cat 2/3, Saturday 5 January 2019

So I’m back down to Lee Valley. I get there early, but have no problem fettling to fill my time. I remove my second bottle cage: to save a few aero watts, but really just to look more pro. I spend a lot of time deciding what to wear. It’s 2.5 degrees C. Real-feel hovering above zero. But it doesn’t feel too bad. I think it’s because the air is dry and there’s little wind. So I opt for full bibs, cheap fake light Castelli overshoes, clingy undervest, No-Rain arm warmers, Cheap light gloves under my mitts and one of those skull cap things under the helmet. I’ve yet to race and feel the cold: as we’re simply working so hard. So always try and avoid overdoing it.

Other lubrication routines apply: chamois cream, generous Deep Heat application (utterly irrelevant for the muscles, but the strong smell is so evocative of racing that it gets the mind and adrenaline going), and a bit of pain relief gel at the base of the spine - the tension hurts my back, especially if I’m not stretching enough).

I sign in and notice I’m the second oldest of the 30 riders in this Cat 2/3 race. By quite some way! There’s only a few born in the 70s. I let out a little sigh and wonder if I really should be doing more Masters racing. But I resolve to crack-on and going for it among the yoof. This race for me is a chance to keep in the habit of putting a number on my back and see where I am among my mostly Cat 2 friends. The last 2/3 crit I’d done was just about precisely two years ago. I had a shocker, the power demands were enormous, our average was 27mph+, and I had to console myself that albeit I was the last to cross the line in 37th and a good quarter lap off the bunch, 7-8 others behind me had DNFd.

I’ve got into a habit of trying to ride for 20 minutes as a warm-up. Based on what we do at Welwyn race training. I’ve got big gloves on and my winter coat, riding around in the small ring. My other routine is with 10 mins to go, get off the bike and go back into the warm registration room, to not lose the warm-up warmth and to do a few stretches to feel a bit more supple and reactive.

I wait until I hear the whistle to gather up and join the back of the group. There’s four from Rock & Road, so they’ll have a plan. Everyone seems to know each other pretty well and I recognise a few riders too.

We’re off. Before the start, the Commissaire had mumbled something about a crash just before, or last week, or something, on the southern bend, so we’d be cutting that bit out today and instead shooting east from the furthest west hairpin in a straight line. I quite enjoy this variation on the usual course. We’re going anti-clockwise, my favourite direction.

This feels like a ‘proper’ race, and not just a simple blast, with the group big enough to cause dynamics with wind and cornering and breaks happening that could stick. As well as there being strategies and plans clearly being played out: co-riders whispering to each other and such.

I resolve to stick in to the top 10 and not get silly or carried away. If there was a break, I planned to let it go. I’m way off any max wattage required to make an effective breakaway, unless it was a big group.

I’m enjoying myself. It’s a relief. I had wondered if I’d struggle like I did in my previous 2/3. But I can feel I’m on form and quite capable. I have a good sense of wind direction and my nous on positioning is better than ever. All the same, be under no illusion: this race is rapid, fast changing and demanding. I can remember no other time where I have never looked down at my speedo for such a long time. I’m having to work out the race dynamic so much, there’s no time to flinch and take my eye off the ball. I realise this when I look over my shoulder on a straight and my contact lenses nearly fall out as my eyes are so dry. I’ve had this happen before and it’s about being really wide-eyed and not blinking enough: like a frightened rabbit. It’s 25 minutes into the race when I first look at my computer. We’re half way through the race and have averaged 25.4mph. Precisely the sort of average I’d anticipated. Pretty tasty for this time of year and cold.

I think about preserving my powers a bit. I find myself on the front and loll around uninterested in this spot. I spend a good lap quite far up the top of the group, while Rock & Road launch deliberate constant breaks and can feel the burn. So sit back in the bunch for a while.

At one point, I made it on to the back of a decent looking big break, but it lasted, oooh… 10 seconds? Nothing was going to stick.

The five laps to go board goes up and there’s that sense of anticipation in the group. We keep it pretty tasty, but we all know this is a bunch sprint. Two to go and it’s still steady. Bell lap: and we’re off. My plan was to go long. I was flying up the mini hill after the Pringle every lap, and used this to give me a boost to mid bunch. It’s hard to see where the action is and how it will play out but as we crank it into overdrive on the final lump, I see the sheltered left side remains fairly open so go there for my sprint. The bunch is very ‘flat’ and there is no noticeable ‘arrow shape’ to this sprint. We sort of hold our places in the peloton til the last five seconds where I seem to gain ground. But, going deeper would be sketchy and I just will never be reckless in such situations. We flash over the line as a tight group. I’m 13th and 0.16 seconds off 10th and a BC point, and 0.75 seconds off winning. I really love transponders in races, they provide amazing data.

I’m delighted with my form. On reflection, I should have buried myself on the mini-hill and taken my chances on the far line. But that might have come to nothing.

I unpin and change to meet up with my family who are seeing Salford City play the Orient just over a mile from the circuit. Very strange: almost as soon as I leave Lee Valley I get ill with a super quick hitting virus. Faster than anything I’ve ever known. Fully-fit to bed ridden in just a few hours. I think it’s probably got something to do with how much a virus can attack when your immune system is low after a race. I should take more vitamin tablets after a race and/or eat an apple.

https://www.strava.com/activities/2057210948

[dfosanctum]

[1/21/2017 5:55:28 PM] Racky: 1 day after fpriest [1/21/2017 5:55:36 PM] Racky: full epic fpriests [1/21/2017 5:55:38 PM] Issac Felix: lol [1/21/2017 5:55:52 PM] Naiji (J Robinson): ............................. [1/21/2017 5:55:53 PM] Treb: damn man [1/21/2017 5:56:15 PM] Ariano: meanwhile it took ur entire hell career to get labarum [1/21/2017 5:56:39 PM] Treb: and that was an accident [1/21/2017 6:00:30 PM] Racky: gurl i didn't even run hell for like 6 months on my sader [1/21/2017 6:00:40 PM] Racky: and 3rd or so RANDOM hell [1/21/2017 6:00:44 PM] Racky: "hey rack here ya go" [1/21/2017 6:01:02 PM] Ariano: the jew luck [1/21/2017 6:01:04 PM] Shig: probably transfer [1/21/2017 6:01:07 PM] Ariano: it afflicted you [1/21/2017 6:01:13 PM] Shig: all those epic souls [1/21/2017 6:01:33 PM] Ariano: did you spend the epic frag boxes on labarum? [1/21/2017 6:01:38 PM] Racky: nope [1/21/2017 6:01:41 PM] Racky: actually when it dropped [1/21/2017 6:01:42 PM] Issac Felix: You run with Hobs the Jew luck is bond to run off [1/21/2017 6:01:49 PM] Issac Felix: Rub* [1/21/2017 6:01:49 PM] Racky: i didn't know what weapon type it even was [1/21/2017 6:02:07 PM] Naiji (J Robinson): 3 freaking years and best I can do is best weapon slot.........................on my chaos. [1/21/2017 6:02:09 PM] Ariano: you didn't know it was your bis pre90 cap [1/21/2017 6:02:11 PM] Treb: that's like when I got my weap [1/21/2017 6:02:15 PM] Racky: so i was plesantly surprised to know it was a cross [1/21/2017 6:02:22 PM] Treb: I was like what even is that [1/21/2017 6:02:30 PM] Treb: see, you have to not want something to get it [1/21/2017 6:02:32 PM] Naiji (J Robinson): and now it ain't best in slot anymore [1/21/2017 6:02:43 PM] Racky: it's argued becuase like [1/21/2017 6:02:49 PM] Racky: each skill has like a different BiS [1/21/2017 6:02:52 PM] Shig: MEANWHILE [1/21/2017 6:02:52 PM] Shig: SHIG [1/21/2017 6:02:56 PM] Shig: TRYHARD HELL MODE [1/21/2017 6:03:01 PM] Racky: for most sader skills it's DRC [1/21/2017 6:03:08 PM] Shig: ONLY THING TO SHOW FOR IT IS A WEAPON THAT ISNT EVEN GOOD [1/21/2017 6:03:11 PM] Racky: DI it's Labarum with the +313 SPR effect [1/21/2017 6:03:15 PM] Treb: well, the 90 weapons automatically become BiS [1/21/2017 6:03:23 PM] Treb: but 2nd best isn't bad at all [1/21/2017 6:03:23 PM] Racky: wisdom dawn are jupiter [1/21/2017 6:03:28 PM] Ariano: not entirely treb [1/21/2017 6:03:44 PM] Treb: well, generally at least [1/21/2017 6:03:45 PM] Ariano: altho some are just ridiculous [1/21/2017 6:03:49 PM] Ariano: like the staff [1/21/2017 6:03:51 PM] Shig: well [1/21/2017 6:03:54 PM] Ariano: what the fuck even [1/21/2017 6:04:00 PM] Shig: Byol, Any of the LoR effect weapons [1/21/2017 6:04:05 PM] Shig: berserk [1/21/2017 6:04:18 PM] Shig: they compete on the power level [1/21/2017 6:04:23 PM] Ariano: Nen Cluster is ok [1/21/2017 6:04:34 PM] Ariano: if you don't have berserk [1/21/2017 6:04:48 PM] Naiji (J Robinson): we have come to the conclusion that lvl 90 epics have really direct gameplay effects. [1/21/2017 6:04:48 PM] Ariano: look at Werry: Limit Breaker [1/21/2017 6:05:20 PM] Naiji (J Robinson): + x pct of atk [1/21/2017 6:05:43 PM] Ariano: up to +64% Mag/inde atk, -24% MP cost, and lv85 awake skills +2 at max stacks [1/21/2017 6:05:43 PM] Ariano: wdf is that [1/21/2017 6:05:54 PM] Racky: BALANCED [1/21/2017 6:05:55 PM] Treb: insanity that's what [1/21/2017 6:06:05 PM] Ariano: its not even 4% proc [1/21/2017 6:06:07 PM] Ariano: its 40% [1/21/2017 6:06:34 PM] Shig: well it fits its name perfectly [1/21/2017 6:06:37 PM] Shig: LIMIT BREAK [1/21/2017 6:06:38 PM] Naiji (J Robinson): basically just keep killing shit and it will die faster [1/21/2017 6:06:40 PM] Shig: MAGE OMNISLASH [1/21/2017 6:06:46 PM] Ariano: meanwhile the guantlets [1/21/2017 6:06:52 PM] Shig: meanwhile the battleaxe [1/21/2017 6:06:56 PM] Ariano: 45% bonus damage [1/21/2017 6:06:57 PM] Shig: +1 nskils and something [1/21/2017 6:06:58 PM] Shig: idk [1/21/2017 6:07:00 PM] Ariano: wat is bonus damage [1/21/2017 6:07:12 PM] Racky: i love gold lux [1/21/2017 6:07:17 PM] Racky: it's not even joking when it' [1/21/2017 6:07:23 PM] Racky: it's like [1/21/2017 6:07:29 PM] Racky: DAMAGE INCREASED BY WHALE STATUS [1/21/2017 6:07:43 PM] Shig: ikr [1/21/2017 6:07:45 PM] Shig: also [1/21/2017 6:07:50 PM] Shig: DBR AND SILVER BULLETS BECOME WHALE COLORED [1/21/2017 6:08:16 PM] Racky: MAN [1/21/2017 6:08:19 PM] Naiji (J Robinson): what is classified as bonus damage? [1/21/2017 6:08:19 PM] Racky: THE CANNON [1/21/2017 6:08:27 PM] Shig: YEAH. [1/21/2017 6:08:30 PM] Shig: BIG [1/21/2017 6:08:30 PM] Racky: WEIGHS 13K [1/21/2017 6:08:33 PM] Shig: CANNON [1/21/2017 6:08:43 PM] Racky: IS IT'S ZARYA'S OR SOMETHING [1/21/2017 6:09:01 PM] Ariano: its a Giant Cannon [1/21/2017 6:09:03 PM] Shig: GRAVITY CANNON AT FULL CHARGE [1/21/2017 6:09:09 PM] Shig: BZWHEEEEE [1/21/2017 6:09:15 PM] Ariano: At critical degeneracy [1/21/2017 6:09:22 PM] Racky: oh btw [1/21/2017 6:09:24 PM] Racky: the staff [1/21/2017 6:09:31 PM] Racky: eles can cast a LOT of spells [1/21/2017 6:09:45 PM] Racky: like she can just rotate through T1s until that thing is fully stacked [1/21/2017 6:09:57 PM] Ariano: new meta [1/21/2017 6:10:20 PM] Ariano: sesto annihilation [1/21/2017 6:12:20 PM] Racky: sounds about right [1/21/2017 6:15:20 PM] Ariano: with some epic armor [1/21/2017 6:15:32 PM] Ariano: Luke Raid with ele? Say no more fam [1/21/2017 6:15:34 PM] Ariano: i got u [1/21/2017 6:15:36 PM] Ariano: 1min run [1/21/2017 6:15:51 PM] Racky: luke raid is hella hard [1/21/2017 6:16:43 PM] Naiji (J Robinson): falls right in line with general raids are like in MMOs [1/21/2017 6:16:59 PM] Ariano: yee [1/21/2017 6:17:58 PM] Ariano: I like how when we got our epic weps, we didn't know what use they had [1/21/2017 6:18:21 PM] Racky: yeah LOL [1/21/2017 6:19:06 PM] Racky: come to think of it my Cross is BiS for DI [1/21/2017 6:19:09 PM] Racky: LOL [1/21/2017 6:19:33 PM] Racky: HOW TO GET BIS IN SANCTUM 1. BE COMPLETELY IGNORANT OF WHAT YOUR BIS IS 2. RUN HELL [1/21/2017 6:19:42 PM] Treb: bingo haha [1/21/2017 6:19:56 PM] Shig: HOW TO NOT GET BIS IN SANCTUM [1/21/2017 6:20:16 PM] Shig: 1. BE SHIG 2. RUN HELLS 3. GET TILTED WHEN YOU DONT GET IT

[1/21/2017 6:19:53 PM] Ariano: you just said that like twenty mins ago [1/21/2017 6:20:12 PM] Ariano: the bis DI part [1/21/2017 6:20:16 PM] Ariano: smh [1/21/2017 6:21:02 PM] Racky: well like [1/21/2017 6:21:18 PM] Racky: im still thinking about base stats vs effects vs amp scaling [1/21/2017 6:21:30 PM] Racky: jupiter is much easier [1/21/2017 6:21:47 PM] Ariano: Well worry about that when you have Jupiter in your hands betch [1/21/2017 6:21:48 PM] Racky: labarum u need to do stuff to get mp below 50pct [1/21/2017 6:22:02 PM] Racky: so basically dont pull a shig kappa [1/21/2017 6:22:22 PM] Ariano: wait til 100 cap [1/21/2017 6:22:37 PM] Ariano: when bis shifts to that epic [1/21/2017 6:23:05 PM] Ariano: Also Treb are you doing scenarios ? [1/21/2017 6:23:28 PM] Ariano: this 90 cap has turned scenarios into that scene from finding nemo with the seagulls

[bernicefitcpt-blog]

My first Sprint Triathlon Experience

I could probably count on one hand how many times I trained for each sport event leading to the weeks that I put on that tight one piece. Not that I didn't take the training seriously, but that's what my time allowed for me to do. Just so freakin' happy that I did finished my first triathlon event.... AND LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT! ... And gotta love those automatic PR's: 1:31:33

Morning of : 

SETTING UP:Found a spot in the 2nd row of the racks next to a Brazilian lady #55 who looked like she knew what she was doing, and another nice lady named Brenda who helped me a ton! First, she did mention to keep a narrower space for myself in case someone wanted to come next to me. So i did. Then another lady came super close to my front tire with her stuff. She looked a little more nervous. And even Leanne, the lady who checked me in came by and said hi to me! She said she's been doing tri's since her late 20s and she’s now 60! You go mama! She looked like early 40s. Dang, I wanna me like that! So i'm feeling super NEWBIE status and I'm here looking like a lost child haha. I asked Brenda if theres a certain way she sets up her transition area and yup! Makes sense. Place it in the order you'll be using it. 

Heres a pic of it:

Here are some things I wish I knew: Bring something I could step into to rinse my feet. Maybe a stool would help? Have my phone ready to go on my bike. Stretch your hamstrings and hip flexors with the ball and foam roller more.     And a huge thing: having a running belt! Since i knew i had to run with my number on me, I took my lululemon fanny pack strap and attached my number to it. Brenda was the one who told me I didn't need to put my number on yet as I was practicing putting my pins on haha. So thank God i had that. Or else I would be fidgeting with it. 

SWIM:

Training: Thinking back to my first time ever competitive swimming event at the Honolulu Triathlon (Sprint - 750m), it made me want to practice this more than anything else. I really thought this might be the hardest part for me during the actual race day. The last time I had am actually in person swimming lesson was when I was like 5? Lol so, I read my books (usually the most confusing bc I need to visualize everything), watched some YouTube videos, and observed swimmers as I went to Palolo Valley Swimming pool. After discovering this pool that was only 5 min from my gym, I went a total of 3 times to practice on my swim! Each time I would do at least 600m, just to practice harder than my actual race length. One time I got 700m in the 40 min I decide to swim. You don't realize how much of a workout swimming actually is! One of the biggest lessons I learned is to STAY CALM. In the midst of putting my body in a mild hypoxic state where you're not breathing as you normally would. "THE BREATH IS SO IMPORTANT" - seriously cereal! As a Yoga teacher and personal trainer that starts with talking about the breath and diaphragmatic breathing, I realized that without this, we are nothing! Well, not nothing, but we are more likely to get anxious and if so consistent, could lead to depression! No good! 

Anyway, back to the swim training!  I also swam in open water like twice only, but next time think I should do more because the ocean water vs pool water is like night and day difference. From the breathing technique to just the extra resistance you get from the thickness of the water, current, and waves, I'll definitely be swimming more in open water. Elenor, the nice older lady who's retired from doing like idk 20 or 40 ( i just know a lot lol) of triathlons, she said the same thing, especially 2 days before the race which was the last time I swam to train. 

Day of:

Favorite part!! (Surprisingly!) I was probably most excited for this because I saw how working on my technique since the HNL TRI has worked for me!! As I jumped into the water to swim to the buoys to start, i started feeling a little like "sea sick." Never felt that before going into a swim. We had 3 min to swim to the buoys bc i was on the 2nd heat! (Go orange swim caps! Pink would have matched me but i wouldve had to be doing the relay. Lol i would mention this bc my color theme was black, grey, and bright pink haha)   Ran into fewer ppl this time at the start. Thank God! Being kicked in the face and swam on my legs isn't a joy. Mma in the water anyone? Haha During the swim, I was just focusing on breathing technique and continuing to swim without stopping. OH! and making sure i was swimming in a straight line to my destination. I was actually done in what felt to me was a quick 12 min and 44 seconds. I still had energy to run barefoot to the transition area! Yeeee! Haha

TRANSITION: should have not messed with my phone and trying to put it in my ziplock bag to put in my back pocket haha. Oh well. Lesson learned! I will need to get one of those bike phone things. Also my bluetooth didn't connect to my phone and fitbit. But i put my phone and fitbit on for my bike and run.

BIKE 

Training: I purchased my bike only like at the end of July from a guy that didn't need it anymore for super cheap in comparison what they normally go for. Thanks facebook marketplace! Lol! So i was told to get clips for the pedals and to get specific tri shoes. Went to the Bicycle Shop first to let them check my bike out. Turns out that my tires were extremely flat! I get one of these . I rode it for 3 miles before that around Kapiolani park to just get used to it. Also used for maybe only 2 miles at Lanikai. Felt normal to me, but hey... what do i know! I felt so accomplished just doing that! Went to Boca Hawaii  to get those. I had no idea that i actually had to put the clips on the bottom of the shoes. Learned a lot from the chick who didn't even bike but helped me to pick out the shoes and clips. It was then i realized this is not going to be a cheap sport. $120 tri shoes, $55 clips. Then i checked out the biking gear. Got myself my tri one piece. The girl (forgot her name)told me ppl like it bc it gives less room for drag or something like that. I got the small so it was skin tight. Plus i thought maybe i would lose weight if i trained more. $150. Thankfully i got the friends of Boca discount.     

Brought myself to Ko Olina to practice with my clips. I was told by a friend and also the girl working at Boca. "Yah. You're going to fall." And me in my head: “Nah. I know how to ride a bike.” Best believe, put on clip in for the first time. Then BOOM. Fell over on the side i put my one clip in! Even the Ko Olina security asked me if I was ok. Haha. Felt super comfy with it. Riding fast is fun! Just my butt hurts after a while sitting. Did 3 miles that day too. The next time i biked, ran, and swam at Ala Moana it wasn’t that far.  My last time practicing riding was half the course of the actual. Went to Kahala area to diamond head and around Monsarrat. Learned I shouldn't stop when charging a hill. Had to test out my gears and go on a hill. One of the scariest parts for me is trusting all the cars around me to not run me over. Single lanes for a car and bike freak me out. I now know how a biker feels with cars speeding up next to him or her. Im like 1. Don’t fall 2. Don’t fall. 3. Don’t get hit. Thank God for helmets! Thankfully i didn't fall or get hit this time. Lol! 

Day of: I learned so much!! Felt fast from my swim and ready to bike like a wild woman lol. Took long deciding whether to put my phone in my back pocket in a zip lock or int pouch. Big no no bc it cost me some time!  Kind of slow getting my clips in the bike after reviewing some of the footage Rich uploaded of me. But once i was off, I was off! They had huge blue signs with black arrows which showed me where to go. One of the most challenging parts was avoiding the potholes on the road in the quick turns in the neighborhood. Here's the bike path:  

My favorite part of biking was riding down the hill on kilauea ave. I figured out to change my gears on the hills which wasn't so bad dafter all. It actually felt faster than 46 min. The hardest part was going up Monsarrat. I'm so glad that we had the whole road to ourselves so we don't need to worry about getting run over. Cops blocked traffic every time they would see a bike coming. I was so glad to come to the finish line and see Rich there recording me and cheering. I slowly got off my bike because the inside of my thighs and upper hamstrings were done. It felt like i was coming off a long ride off a horse.

RUN:

Training: i would practice a slow jog after practicing on the stationary bike to "condition" my legs. This was not nearly enough to simulate how it would actually feel on race day but what did I know! I never biked more than 6 miles outside. Only about 14 miles inside on a stationary bike then to a .7 to 1 mile jog walk. Nope! Not like it! 

At the transition: I put my Lululemon socks on, already had my number on from the bike transition, and put on my favorite Hoka running shoes. Put on my Lululemon Visor and BAM! I was off! 

Day of: i haven't hurt that much starting a jog/run. To motivate me, the little girl who was 11 old passed me up with her mom! At first, i passed her but maybe into the first mile i felt soooo uncomfortable. I felt restricted  so i unzipped the front of my one piece tri suit. Ahhhh... homer simpson status?! Lol Just wanted to get to the finish line but enjoying my last few moments of my first tri! When I ran, i felt like I could think more clearly. Talked to myself a lot to motivate myself. What was going on in my head?! Thought about how grateful I was to God for giving me these abilities to do a triathlon"Are you pushing yourself the most you could!?" I sped up. All the way to the finish line. Pretty much a sprint with my legs hurting already. Saw Rich yelling, and BOOM! Didn't slow down til I was past the finish line! At the end, i went to the booth to get my shirt - which was my medal. About 10 minutes later I saw my friend Milli and then about 20 minutes later I saw my brother, mom, sis in law, baby nephew, and their dog. It was so great to have them all there! 

After: In about 30 min to 45 min I checked the scores. It said I placed 3rd. So during the awards, they called my age group (25-29 yo) and the 3rd place winner. It wasn’t me! So I thought, it’s okay. I didn’t place. Then they said on the mic, “In 2nd place, Bernice Aurellano!” I was pretty shocked. Came home with a cool successory too! Earrings! Check it out: 

Definitely doing it again. Actually, just signed up for my next triathlon sprint this coming Sunday! Excited to see what my body, mind, and spirit are capable of doing this time around. To the Ko Olina Race we go! 

Picture of my fam afterwards: 

The traditional FINISH LINE photo! LOVE LOVE LOVE the feeling of getting through to the finish line! 

Check out this awesome Video - posted on instagram @BerniceFitCPT and Youtube - created by my love, Rich! 

Until next time.... I’ll tell you about my 2nd experience! 

Aloha,

Bernice