#i hate whichever monsters are in the writing room and i need them to quit forever

[kabruyearner]

one of the many MANY reasons i will never watch the atla live action is becuz they got rid of kataang. no thank you

[siswritesyanderes]

Would you be willing to write yandere Loki from MCU? I like this character very much and I love your writing. I would be very grateful if you could write this.

Ohh, I definitely would, but at what point in Loki's life?

So many options.

(In all cases, Reader is for Earth, as far as I'm concerned; he could've found someone on Earth anytime.)

Pre-Thor Loki is a mishievous, magical prince with no particular emotional baggage, but he does feel that he lives in his brother's shadow, advising against rashness and seemingly less impressive, to a society fond of war. Yandere Loki in this stage of life would be sweet, and not quite as possessive as he would be later in life. He would be very hungry for acknowledgement and praise. You would pretty much have to compliment him all day long, but he would give you a nice, palatial room and a flowing Asgardian wardrobe and a banquet table full of the best foods, and he'd be very affectionate.

Thor-era Loki learns about his true lineage. This could go a few different ways: three, I think.

1. Broken Loki. He's inconsolable, and you're his only comfort. He tells you what he is, and what happened with Odin, and you have to tell him that he isn't a monster, that everything will be okay. He doesn't believe you, but you have to keep saying it, because if you don't, he'll go mad. He brings you everywhere with him, to keep him anchored.

2. Close-to-the-chest Loki. After such a disruption to his self image, he can't bear to lose you. He keeps you in the dark about everything, kind of like he does Frigga. He doesn't tell you what transpired with Odin, and he makes sure to frame his own actions, with regards to Thor, in a way that paints him as helpless to contest Odin's laws, or justified in maintaining them. He's much more controlling towards you, though. After all that's happened, he can't risk letting you around other people; Sif and the Warriors Three resent him, and what if they start whispering in your ear? Making you hate him? He can't let that happen. He can't let anyone talk to you but him. You don't even have servants anymore; he'll make sure you're cared for, with magic. He needs to maintain your love for him, at all costs, now that he can't love himself.

3. Lashing out Loki. He tells you that he's a Jotunn, and he tells you that he is a monster, and he tells you that it's his fault that Odin is in the Odinsleep, and he confesses to every bad thing he's done in his life, and he tells you about the bad things he's planning on doing next. He appears to relish in giving you every reason to hate him; it's a way of punishing himself, kind of. He almost demands that you hate and fear him, while fearing that you really will. Whether you respond with hate/fear or not, he'll keep pushing. He needs to show you his worse self, needs you to see him as he is. If you (justifiably) want to leave at that point, he'll make you sound unreasonable for doing so. What, you can't love him like this? Would you prefer the polished, silver-tongued, Asgardian prince? Or perhaps you would prefer Thor? Everyone would. No matter how monstrously Thor acts, he'll never be as much a monster as Loki, will he?

Avengers-era Loki is more sadistic. If this is the point where he takes an interest in you, that's real unfortunate. This one could go two ways:

1. He scepters you. Your eyes turn a misty blue, as he takes control of your mind. He makes you walk by his side and call yourself his, with a proud smile on your face. He caresses your cheek fondly. The Avengers are very unsettled by the display of power and ownership, telling him to let you go, and that you have nothing to do with this. He asks them, "What difference does that make?" You're like a flower that he picked on a whim and put in his lapel. It isn't until they see how resistant Loki is to letting you be rescued that they realize that he's serious about keeping you. He found a Midgardian he wants, and he will have his Midgardian, even if you pose no strategic advantage for him, and even if he has to expend effort to keep you.

2. He doesn't scepter you. It amuses him to just kidnap you, and surround you with eerie, mind-controlled people, and see your fear and helplessness. When the Avengers see you (and you're not as on-display, in this version, as you are in the other), they're puzzled as to why he hasn't sceptered you, and what his plans are with you. When Hawkeye isn't needed for a mission, he's guarding you. He's fairly personable, but he only talks about how great it is to be mind-controlled and how lucky you are that Loki abducted you, and it's very creepy. When Loki himself is around you, he's very teasing and malevolent. He doesn't go so far as to actually touch you in a licentious way, but he doesn't really have to; you're trapped among his mind zombies and can't escape, and his vibes toward you are ominous enough.

Alternate ending post-Avengers Loki, just because a Loki who wins would be very spicy indeed. You're like...the spoils of war. And he'd give you lots of gifts; he'd drape you in the crown jewels of England and house you in whichever palace he likes the most, but that's more a matter of his ego (decorating something that belongs to him, like buying clothes for a doll) than your comfort. And he's still in sadistic Avengers-era mode, so he mocks you for your powerlessness and how your planet succumbed to his will. And obviously, you have to kneel to him a lot. Everyone you interact with on a daily basis (your servants and his, mostly) are sceptered, but you are not.

(In this kind of alternate ending, there would also be questions about Thanos slaughtering half the planet and the remaining infinity stones on Earth, but for the sake of this we're ignoring the lore implications.)

Post Thor: the Dark World Loki: king of Asgard, but in a chill way. Super playful, but also with absolute power. Less sadistic than Alternate Avengers Loki, less sad and dependent than Thor-era King Loki. This Loki is maybe a mischievous stalker type. He just messes with your life to prove he can do it. He doesn't even have to kidnap you, because he's so in control. (Eventually, he will anyway, though, just because it's inconvenient for you to be on Earth while he's on Asgard, and he's tired of using the bifrost. But he'll only transport you to Asgard; you don't have to live in the palace. Screwing with you is more fun when you have some freedom.) He tinkers with every aspect of your life, while you're on Earth. He finds it fun and satisfying, to know that he's left his metaphorical fingerprints on everything.

TVA, series Loki: Too soon to tell, but opens up a lot of possibilities.

[cooloddball]

Okay I get it. Some people have this image of Dean being this BAMF and won't read AU fics unless Dean is depicted 'properly' as per their standards. Same goes for Cas and Sam, though I feel like Sam is not as complex as these two but well, I don't really know.

Here is what I have to say;

Don't tell people their fic is not depicting Dean the way he should be because they are not a BAMF.

First of all Dean is yes a BAMF but he is also soft, nerdy, well read, a father, a mother, a brother, a lover, he's a flirt, he is committed, he loves women, he loves men, he drinks beer, he takes shots, he drinks wine, he eats bacon, he eats double cheese burgers, he cries, he's soft, he not a health freak, he cooks, he feels things deeply, sometimes he pretends not to feel at all, he laughs like it's his last day on earth, he's playful, he's serious, he loves food,he's open, he has secrets, he has known pain, he had known love, he has adhd, he's neat, he's untidy, he pretends to hate chickflicks but loves them, he loves action movies, he loves cowboys, he loves classic rock, he loves Taylor swift, he's a big softie, he doesn't know how to use his words sometimes so he makes thoughtful gifts, he kills monsters (both human and suoernatural), he hates and moves dogs too, he can sing, he plays the piano, he cared too much, he always makes the heart choice, he would lay down his life for people he loves, he loves Sam, he loves Cas, he was a knight of hell once, he was alsoan archangel that one time,he punched God and broke his guitar, he killed one of his oldest friends because he was a monster,he's in love with cas,he taught Jack and Cas to fish, he's the best hunter, he is afraid of snakes and spiders,he's the meatman, be met Eliott Ness, he killed Hitler, God's sister was obsessed with her, he had a gangbang with the king of hell and triplets, he did sex stuff to the Cartwright twins etc.

As for Cas, yes he is the most BAMF in the garrison, he's more human than angel, he smokes weed, he likes orgies, he calls fellow angels names like assbutt and little bitch,he cries,he gates his dad,he uses emoticons, he loves pb&j, he is dean's best friend, he is Sam's friend, he doesn't understand that reference, he laughs, sometimes he drinks a whole liquor store, he and Dean have profound bond, he's gay for deanbut also kinda not gay or straight either (who needs labels am I right?), he doesn't conform to gender norms, he's the best dad, he loves guinea pigs, he tried joining social media once but quit because of too many cat videos, he's super smart, he's super strong, his family is Dean,Sam and Jack,he does things that will make Dean happy,he and Dean are married but not really,he has different trenchcoats, he does bad things so Dean and Sam don't have to, he's a tweetie pie,he and Dean are real, he smooshed a leviathan blossom, he married the queen of the djinn, he's friends with a scruffy philistine and a talking dog, he once led armies, he gets washed up for orgies, he would lay down his life for the people he loves, he was Lucifer once, he has beef with Eve the mother of all monsters, he woke up the empty,he learned that from the pizzaman, he watches porn in a room full guys and gets a boner, he's a weurd dorky littke guy with blue eyes and sensible shoes, he'll wait here then etc.

My point is, Dean is a lot of things, he isn't just one thing neither is Cas and writers can write whichever version of them or all as they deem fit. Just read what you are more comfortable with and let creators create.

[shiroganeryo]

if you still doin that character thingy... Kanda, pls? or Krorykins, whichever u wanna do more, cuz i cannot choose 😅

*breathes in* This is it. This is how I finally get to write about two characters in one go because I also can’t choose XD I hope you don’t mind this getting long and thank you for giving me them, you beautiful human being! 🥺

Kanda

My otp for them: With Alma, no doubt (only trust!). Alma’s last moments break my heart, in a good way - they are soulmates meant to be. Their story is very sad and yet extremely touching and beautiful. I have a thing for lovers who meet again in their next lives, as I’m a sucker for the “red string of fate” myth. I get emotional just thinking of their relationship, and I wish, I really wish, that if they have another chance, that they can meet again and finally be happy together without being torn apart by the tragedies of war. My brotp for them: Weirdly enough, I’d say Allen! After Alma arc, Kanda seems to be a lot softer than before, and I’ve been loving the mutualism between him and Allen. They are very alike (as much as they hate to admit it), and that’s why they can understand each other well and know what the other needs without him needing to say anything. They’re both not good at talking about their feelings. Any other ships: With Lenalee! I know most people see their relationship as a brotherly one, but man, they have such good chemistry together. They bicker often, but just imagine what a killer duo they would be 💦 I’m weak for powerful couples. They know each other ever since they’re little, so they have shared a lot of moments together and know each other well, too - the scene in which Lenalee goes to meditate with him because she was scared of Lvellie was adorable; she feels safe around him. Their best friend: I want to say Marie! I think Kanda would rather people who don’t snoop around too much into his personal space, and Marie simply knows where these boundaries are at. He also knows how to deal very well with Kanda’s temper. He understands him but also knows of his flaws, yet he doesn’t question or confronts him, which I’m sure Kanda appreciates. He’s been recently showing that he cares a lot about Johnny as well, but deep down, Kanda does care about many of the people close to him.  My favorite nickname for them: It’s gotta be Bakanda, the pun is just great XD It doubles in greatness because, in my language/official release, this got translated as “BabaKanda”, which is also a pun! In Portuguese, “babaca” is the same as “idiot”. So I appreciate this silly pun a lot more thanks to that XD My favorite AU headcanon of them: I think that, sadly, Kanda won’t make it alive to the end of the story. I headcanon that, in case he does die, it’s after repaying his debt with Allen in a roundabout way; he did help Allen, but at the same time, he went to rest in peace together with Alma. And Allen did fight for them to be happy together, so I just... kinda want this to be true. It would pain me to see Kanda go, but this would be his happy ending and he deserves this. My favorite outfit they wear: A hard pick! Kanda is very handsome so basically, anything he puts on will look awesome. However, the one moment that made me go 💓 was when we saw him in civilian clothes (Chapter 208). Jesus Christ!? He was stunning. I really like his current Order uniform + outer coat combo too, looks so comfy and warm. Defining color: When I think of Kanda, I think of a mix of colors. Namely, Cobalt (#1338BE), Carnation (#FFA6C9) and Indigo (#4B0082). I believe it’s because of the Lotus Pain ending using this palette for the effects of the lotus flowers shining in contrast with the dark background colors. Would I date them: As handsome and amazing as he is, I wouldn’t. I know he’d hate my guts because I’m the type of person who wants to overthink and needlessly talk things over more than he should, and Kanda simply abhors the very idea of this 😂 He is a simpleminded guy, and I quite like that on him. First impression: I knew Kanda wouldn’t be the bland “angry asshole character” trope during his and Allen’s first mission together, in Martel. What he told Allen left a mark and made me think there was a lot more depth to him: "I hate the way naive people like you do things... And even more so, I hate people who don't keep their promises!" This one line told me a lot about his personality. Current impression: Pretty much my first impression, but with a lot more context! I really love Kanda and his past was a surprise to me. It made me appreciate him even more than I already did. Hogwarts House: I’d say Slytherin. He would stop at nothing until he found “that person”, and this House is well known for the ambition of its people. He’s also sharp and while not smarts smart, he is perceptive and intelligent in his own way; very skilled as well. Which Pokemon starter they’d be: Oshawott! Samurott looks as intimidating and stoic as Kanda, besides, it’s definitely based on a samurai, so they share this trait as well. Its first stages don’t look like much, but Samurott gets its own sword to fight with!

Krory

My otp for them: With Elliade! Now, this is one complex relationship. I admit I don’t like Elliade much but, at the same time, I understand her. For an Akuma, she really did love Krory; and he still loves her too. I just wish she hadn’t left him in the dark for so long. Her love was selfish and, while I understand how she felt, I feel bad for Krory since he thought he was a monster and that drove him to loneliness. I wish things could have been different, because their love was really pretty despite the downsides, their feelings for each other were very strong. My brotp for them: I want to say Marie! The latest Discussion Room (Vol.27) mentioned how good Krory is at many things, one of them being music. I love to think that he and Marie could have enjoyable long talks about their shared interest, they do look like the type of guys to appreciate music on a higher, more emotional level. Any other ships: I don’t have any, but I’ll make a mention to Miranda! While I don’t ship them personally, I totally see why people do. They’re both soft sweethearts who are always ready to do their best towards the people they care about - and they also share low self-esteem, sadly. The world has been very unfair with them 😢 Their best friend: Definitely Allen and Lavi! They were Krory’s first friends ever, and it’s clear how much he cares about them. My heart literally can’t take how they’re the first thoughts that cross Krory’s mind when he’s scared; it means that he feels accepted by them, they bring him comfort and make him feel safe and confident that everything will be alright. It’s just so sweet. My favorite nickname for them: Krorykins! If there’s one thing the English translation did right (and I can’t say that for like 80% of it), was translating “Kuro-chan” as “Krorykins”. It sounds so silly it’s cute 😅 My favorite AU headcanon of them: Just like I wrote about Miranda on her post, I headcanon he’s one of the people to either drop out of the Order to side with Allen, or actively help him in other ways. I think it’s not a mere coincidence Hoshino-sensei had specifically him, one of the people who cherish Allen the most, accompany Chaozii to go after him. I’m observing with great interest, as they might meet again sometime soon. It broke my heart to see him wanting to see Allen but, at the same time, wishing he had escaped safely. My favorite outfit they wear: There’s only one answer to this question, and it’s his casual clothes! He looks so elegant and fancy, so handsome yet so adorable! I mean, just look at him! Defining color: When I think of Krory, I think of deep red, a crimson shade like Carmine (#960019). I’m very sure it’s because of his Innocence. Would I date them: Maybe? I think I’d like befriending him more than dating him. He’s close to me in age though (unlike most of the characters I’ve written about so far XD) so I’d be down to it. Imagine dating a sweet guy who not only could cook you your favorite dishes but also has a more assertive, wilder side to him. Sounds like the complete package. First impression: Who is this? He looks scary but my intuition tells me there’s more than it meets the eye. Oh, he’s crying. He’s worried...? That’s too sweet, I’m betting he’s not a villain. Current impression: Well, he wasn’t a villain just like I had thought! Krory is an amazing but underrated character, he definitely deserves more love and appreciation. I love his personality, but what I love the most about him is how he had everything to be the “plain edgy, shady character” and then this notion was completely twisted around. I love it when things aren’t just about appearance. Hogwarts House: I see him being in Hufflepuff! The best people I know (namely, my best friend and spouse) are from this House and while they’re sweet and caring people, there’s also a lot to them more than it meets the eye, just like with Krory! Hufflepuffs are dedicated, loyal, and capable. Which Pokemon starter they’d be: Great question because when you think of him, you’d instantly think of a bat Pokémon, right? haha But I’d give him Sobble, I think! Poor shy crybaby that gets to go from water to wine upon evolving into its last stage, which is completely fabulous and badass! Drizzile even has the prominent bang falling on its face, while Inteleon has what could look like how Krory’s bang gets upward when his Innocence is activated 🤔

[sapphossidechick]

here’s the next chapter (i haven’t edited this since i finished it so there are definitely tons of mistakes sorry)

Chapter 2: I don’t like latin

When I woke up, I found a pinecone in my bed.

“What the…?”

I held it up. Where had this thing come from? A kid, I think his name was  Dakota, saw it and snickered as he passed by.

“Have you got a new teddy bear, Jason?” he asked as he drank some of his seriously sugary Kool-Aid.

“No!” I snapped. “I just found it here.”

He shrugged and walked away. Sunlight streamed through the room and lit it up. I could see Reyna was still sleeping. I knew she would have to wake up soon, but I felt bad about it. If she was tired, why shouldn’t I let her sleep? Then I remembered. I could let her sleep if she wanted to. I was praetor now. When I looked back at her, though, she was already waking up.

“Morning, Reyna,” I called.

She smiled at me. “Morning, Jason.”

As we headed over to our activities, me to monster class, Reyna to Latin, she started to strike up a conversation.

“So… what’s for lunch?” she asked.

“Whatever you want to be for lunch,” I told her.

I still couldn’t get it in my head that this was her third year. We’d been fighting so long. She probably still didn’t understand much about this place. I know that sentence sounded funny, because to you regular people, three years is a long time to not be used to something. But imagine that you’re fighting almost nonstop for three years. It’s hard to get used to normalities like that. Especially with all the blood death and gore. Yuck.

“The things that serve lunch… what are they, Jason?” she asked as we passed the dining hall.

“They’re aurae. Invisible wind spirits.”

A small wind blew by, and a small, pixie-like girl appeared for just a millisecond. Her hair was a wispy bob that didn’t even reach her shoulders. Her eyes reminded me of a sunny day. Her dress reached her knees, and in her hands was a bowl of soup. I could see that she was completely transparent, minus the bowl. The bowl was not transparent. She winked at me and disappeared.

“They’re not always invisible,” Reyna pointed out.

“True,” I said, but I wasn’t really paying attention.

I thought I had just seen someone staring at me, but I shook my head. It must have been one of the Lares. Maybe I imagined it, but it seemed to be like some hostile source was watching me, like a Darth Vader kind of thing, but also not really. You’d understand it better if you’d felt it.

“Hey, Jason? Is this your monster class here?” asked Reyna, bringing me back from my thoughts.

“Oh, yeah. Bye, Reyna,” I told her, then ran towards the building. If you’ve never seen Roman architecture, you’re missing out. By the way, for everyone who’s been to Washington D.C. and seen the White House, that was influenced by Roman architecture. The monster class building was shaped like the Pantheon, but in a bit better shape, and a bit more modern. The outside was a sleek cream color, and the inside was actually set up like a classroom. I ran inside.

Thankfully, my class hadn’t started yet. The mahogany wood seats were lined up in rows, and the chalkboard looked freshly cleaned. All the other students had already taken their seats. They started whispering when I entered. Thankfully, Jayni taught this class with one of the Lares. As I took my seat, some sarcastic someone whispered to me,

“Good job, praetor. You’re late.”

I rolled my eyes. “Good morning to you too.”

Then I focused again. Jayni had started to take roll call. When she finally finished, she brushed off her shorts. I saw some flecks of paint come off of them.

“Okay, guys. Since this is the first time we've had a class in about three years, I’ll let you guys choose what you want to study for the next quarter, praying that there’s no more battle.”

She passed out some textbooks to each desk that someone sat at, gave us a pen and paper, and told us to write the top ten monsters on a bulleted list. While she did this, the Lar followed behind her, muttering about how she did way better when she was disguised as man, killed in battle, never discovered as a woman until after death, and how when they learned about monsters, instead of sitting in some classroom, they just fought them. Each of us made a list, and unanimously voted on learning about Scythian Dracanae. Y’know, those… never mind.

Once class had ended, I headed over to find Reyna. She was sitting by herself on the steps in front of the Latin building. Her head was in her hands. It appeared that she was crying, but I’ve never been good with emotions. I honestly wouldn’t be able to tell anger from fear, or hatred from love. I just know myself. Hopefully I would be able to get that under control eventually.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

She shook her head. “I don’t belong here.”

She looked up. Now I could tell she’d been crying. I was pretty sure, but now I was positive. I have this weird thing that whenever I see someone else crying, I cry too. I think it’s called sympathy crying. I tried to keep my tears under control.

“What’s wrong?” I asked her, sniffling.

“None of them are like me. They hate me,” she said, and then burst into tears again.

“Reyna… it’s  okay,” I told her, trying really hard not to bawl.

She stamped her foot. “You don’t understand, Jason. You know what? I bet you’re on his side, aren’t you? You’re just crying because you find this oh so funny. Well, quit it, Jason. I don’t need your sympathy, or your stupid face. Whichever it is, I don’t want it.” She shoved me backwards and ran away. She’ll come around, I thought. I pray she’ll come around.

But I didn’t see her at lunch, or at dinner. As I walked back to my bunk, I took the pinecone out of my pocket. It smelled like sap. Where had it come from? I wondered. Then I remembered last night’s dream. A gift from your sister will be with you when you wake… was this it? Such a… nice, I guess, gift. I entered the bunk room, and looked for Reyna. She still wasn’t here. Something had to be wrong. Maybe I’ll find her in the morning, I thought as I climbed into my bed. How wrong I was.

The next morning, I woke with a start. I looked around for Reyna. She still wasn’t here. What had happened to her? I reported my fears to  Jayni.

“I don’t know, Jason. I haven’t seen her at all since yesterday,” she told me. She sounded sarcastic, a little bit, but I decided I was imagining it. I’d known Jayni too long for her to be sarcastic about something so serious.

“Jayni, we need to look for her. Ask the boys protecting the entrance if they’ve seen her.”

The boys were called in.

“I think I saw a little girl, but she told me to leave her be, so I did,” said the first boy.

“I told him he was an absolute idiot doing it,” the second one offered.

I wanted to break something. I was so angry. But I just took a deep breath. The boys looked a bit nervous, and I didn’t want to scare them further.

“Okay. Jayni, we need a quest,” I said, managing my temper.

She nodded. “Okay, but we need to call everyone into the Senate House by tonight, with no further warning. How on earth are we going to do that?”

I smiled. “Leave that to me.”

Later, we met at the Senate House. Jayni and I stood before the semicircle of seats. As everyone entered, Jayni learned over and whispered, “How did you do it?”

I spread my hands. “I’m magic like that.”

She glared at me. “Okay, fine. I got some of the aurae to gather everyone.”

She seemed satisfied with that answer, and we turned to the crowd.

“Senatus Populusque Romanus!” we yelled together.

Before us, the centurions echoed the chant and took their seats.

“Jason, it’s all you,” Jayni told me.

“Okay, guys,” I said. “A camper of ours, Reyna, has gone missing. We need a quest to go find her. I will be leading the quest. I need two volunteers.”

A girl, I think her name was Phoenix Randall, raised her hand. She looked determined, like a live Rosie the Riveter. She kind of scared me. Her hair was pulled back with a blood red bandanna, and I hoped that that was just the color, not actual blood. She fixed me with dark brown eyes, almost so dark, they looked black.

“Okay, great. Anyone else?” called Jayni. She sounded a bit nervous as well.

“Wait,” Octavian called out. “We’re not even gonna do a proper vote?”

I shook my head. “Too urgent.”

A shaky hand rose from the crowd.

“Cool. What’s your name?” I asked.

The person stood up. She was a tall, thin girl with dark blue hair. She had her hair in a sloppy bun, and I watched as her hair spilled out of it and the rubber band landed on the floor. A couple campers laughed. She bent down to pick it up, and straightened up, blushing. She was wearing the standard toga, though she looked a bit uncomfortable, and she was also wearing it wrong.

“I-I’m Livia Turner,” she stammered.

“Welcome to the crew,” I told her. “Thanks for coming guys. You’re dismissed.”

As everyone left, I pulled over the two girls. I could hear some people grumbling about the selection for the quest.

“Give me a second,” I told the girls. I marched over to a group who was complaining particularly loudly.

“Hey guys,” I said casually. They all jumped. “If you guys didn’t like the quest selection, why didn’t you apply yourselves?”

They tittered nervously. One of the kids pointed his finger at another one. “He told me not to do it.”

“Did not! Amirah told me not to.”

“No, it wasn’t me, it was Petunia.”

“No! I did not! It was Georgia!”

They started to argue amongst themselves. I walked back to the girls and cleared my throat, scaring them half out of their wits.

“Do you know who Reyna is?” I asked.

They nodded.

“She’s in my Latin class,” said Phoenix.

I remembered that that was the class she attended yesterday, the same one in which she got mad at me and was upset with “them” after.

“What happened yesterday, just before she left?” I asked.

Phoenix and Livia shared a grimace.

“Well, during class, um, the instructor told her that she didn’t belong here,” Livia confessed.

“Who was the instructor?” I asked.

“Well, he was a substitute for our real one. But I think his name was Octavian,” supplied Phoenix.

I groaned. Was Octavian trying to mess everything up?

“Okay. First of all, how did Octavian even become a substitute? He has been here shorter than Reyna has— had been.”

I felt guilty about having to correct myself, but it was true. What if she got attacked and— no I couldn’t think about it.

“Well, he does have family in New Rome. They’re probably the oldest family. And Octavian has this way with words. He could probably convince the most hard headed, stubborn person that they were actually smooth and easy to confer with. Plus, he didn’t straight up say she didn’t belong, he found a way to get the message out,” Livia explained.

“Can I go now?” she asked. “I have to pack up.”

I was startled. Normally, people didn’t get up and leave during something so important. But I wasn’t someone to deny anyone anything.

“Sure,” I told her.

She stood and brushed off her overalls. I couldn’t tell if they were red, or green, or blue, or purple, because there was paint splattered all over them. She tied her hair into a bun.

“I’ll see you guys later,” she said.

Then she ran out of the Senate House. Phoenix turned towards me.

“We need to see Octavian.”

We searched camp to find Octavian.

“There he is!” Phoenix exclaimed. She pointed to the scarecrow of a boy. “Octavian,” I said as we approached. “What did you tell Reyna?”

He looked at me and spread his hands.

“Only the truth,” he said, innocently.

I glared at him. “What did you really say, Octavian? Spit it out already.”

“I am older than you, Jason Grace. You have no authority over me,” he said. Phoenix started to laugh, but quickly turned it to a cough.

“Only the fact that you’re praetor,” she muttered to me.

Octavian frowned.

“Wait. Octavian, how old are you? I thought you were around fifteen,” I said.

He looked at me. I could tell he just wanted to escape this conversation as fast as possible.

“I’m seventeen. Thanks for the chat. Bye.”

Then he walked off. I looked at Phoenix. She just shrugged.

“I don’t know, man. I was thinking the same thing. He might be lying.”

I shook my head.

“I don’t think he’s lying. I just want to know why he said such rude stuff to Reyna, and how terribly bad it was for Reyna to make her run away.”

Phoenix stared at the ground. “If I’d been the receiver of that, I’d have run away, too. He said some pretty mean things, concerning the fact that he’s been here shorter than anyone at camp. He’s only on Probatio.”

I nodded. “Exactly. So if he’s only on Probatio, how come he was a substitute? Does he even know how to teach Latin? I don’t care what kind of family he has, I just want to know how on earth he was able to get the substitute job.”

Phoenix ran to stand in front of me, and put her hands on my chest. “Chill, bro. Chiiiiilllll.”

I made a face at her. “Are...you okay?”

She shrugged. “I’m just weird. If anyone calls me weird, I’ll take it as a compliment. Anyways, don’t we have more important things to do than hate on Octavian?”

I nodded. Phoenix was like the best friend I’d never had, even though I’d only known her for about ten minutes. That was probably because I didn’t really have any friends. You might be thinking, Awww, poor Jason. He’s got no friends, or I honestly couldn’t care less about whether or not this loser has any friends. If you’re thinking the first one, I don’t need your sympathy. If you really met me, and I told you that, I bet you maybe at first you’d continue thinking that, but you’d move in with your life, not caring. Whatever. I couldn’t care less. If you’re thinking the second one, that’s how most everyone feels. I don’t care. Think whatever you want, people. Anyways, we went to find Livia. We found her packing her bags outside the Senate House.

“Why are you out here?” I asked, scaring her half out of her wits.

She twiddled her fingers. “When I rose my hand to go on this quest… well, um, my cohorts other, leader, I guess you would say, was one of those people you were antagonizing, and they sort of...kicked me out. I apologize, by the way, for my un-Latin like terms.”

I shrugged. I honestly couldn’t care less. Plus, she had just been kicked out of her sleeping quarters. I wasn’t gonna push it.

“How bout you stay with the fifth cohort for tonight. You can keep packing in the morning.”

I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone look more relieved than her. “You’ve got a deal.”

the plot thickens!!! ooh i’m really excited to see how phoenix and livia are on the quest, and where reyna went to!

[phoebonicawrites]

12 Days of Winter Whumperland, day 1 - deck the halls (used as decoration/holiday restraints)

So, I’m doing the @amonthofwhump 12 Days challenge because I can’t resist writing challenges, apparently. Or writing about horrible things happening to colourful astronauts. This story features the same creepy sadistic impostor Orange (and his long-suffering partner Cyan) from that first Among Us fic I wrote for Whumptober, although in my head this takes place before that one, on a different ship. Big warning for gore/torture at that link.

This one stops right before most of the physical torture starts, but it’s heavily implied. Warnings also for: implied main character death, betrayal/manipulation, held at gunpoint and then knifepoint, creepy whumper, unwanted touching, unwanted licking, body horror (typical Impostor stomach-mouth thing), blood, someone getting eaten off-camera, briefly described vomiting, corpse desecration (it... it’ll make sense when you get there.)

...they won’t all be this grimdark. They also won’t all be this long, since I used up most of my prep time writing this one. This is unedited so I could get it up tonight. I might clean it up a bit before it goes on Ao3.

Green stepped out of Electrical, unharmed, and slumped back against the wall for a moment, taking in deep gulps of air as the tension in his chest released. He’d made it. Orange had made it. Distributors calibrated, and if they were lucky they’d never have to see the inside of that deathtrap of a room again.

Orange’s hand rested on his shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “You okay?”

“Y – yeah.” Green pulled himself together and stepped away from the wall, checking his pad. “Thanks for having my back again.”

“Hey, it’s no problem.” Orange smiled, hand moving down to pat Green’s back a couple of times before moving away. “I’m done with all my tasks anyway. You got anything else?” he added, leaning in to look at Green’s tablet.

“Just got to stabilise steering.” It shouldn’t take long, Green tried to reassure himself, as he slipped the pad back into his pack and started walking towards Nav, Orange right beside him. Tweak the crosshairs a little, and I’m done. And I won’t be alone up there.

“After that, do you want to go wait in the cafeteria?” Orange suggested. “It’s a wide open space, we’d be able to see anyone coming for us.”

“Y-yeah.” Green swallowed, throat dry. Impostors didn’t usually kill out in the open. At least, Blue and the other one hadn’t, so far…

Assuming we were right about Blue. The thought came before he could stop it, and he shivered. It had to have been Blue, Blue had been the only person anywhere near Medbay when Yellow died, but… the doubt lingered, all the same. What if there were still two of them? What if the crew was down to him, Orange and – and whichever out of Brown, Cyan and Pink was really human?

Don’t think about it, he told himself. Or you’ll spiral. Just – focus on your tasklist. If we can fix this place up and get home, we’ll be okay.

The decorations he’d hung up along the walls less than a week ago, working together with Orange and Purple, were still there as they passed Comms. There was no reason they wouldn’t have been, of course. It was just that the strands of tinsel and multicoloured baubles seemed wildly out of place now, as did the smiling snowmen and cheerful elves that had watched from the outskirts of the cafeteria as the crew all gathered around the central table, fewer and fewer of them each time. Debating who and what and where, everyone knowing that behind some of the visors, beneath some of the goofy hats, were monsters hiding, eager for their blood.

Blue had still been wearing a Santa hat, when they ejected him. It had stayed fastened to his helmet as he tumbled away, magnets holding it in place. And even now Orange had a string of fairy lights attached to his head, and Green had a miniature Christmas tree complete with tiny ornaments. He kept remembering the stupid thing was there, and then forgetting about it again. Maybe some part of him couldn’t bring himself to take it off, as though everyone might get together for the holiday party after all, when all this was over.

They reached Shields, and Green turned left to head up to Navigation, and then he realised he couldn’t hear Orange’s footsteps behind him any more. He froze, heart in his throat as the walls closed in around him. Had the impostor stepped out of the shadows and struck again that fast, that silently? Had he just lost the only crewmate he knew he could trust, the one who’d always stuck with him, vouched for him, talked him through his panic, all because he’d lost sight of him for a second…?

He forced himself to turn around, and Orange was standing there, unharmed. Relief swept over Green, only to clash with a new wave of dread as he realised why Orange had stopped. He was looking back, down toward the bottom of Shields, and as Green followed his gaze it landed on a pair of pink boots, sprawled at odd angles on the floor.

“No…” Green breathed. He shook his head, as if he could deny it all enough to make it not be real. “Oh… oh Jesus, Pink, no…” Somehow he made himself move, and move toward the body, despite every instinct that screamed to get away, because he had to report it. There’d be another meeting, another decision. Brown or Cyan – and he didn’t know, couldn’t begin to know, but… one step at a time. They’d figure this out. He wasn’t alone. If no one else, he had –

The blow was so sudden he didn’t register it, not at first. One moment he was running forward, reaching for his pad, and then he was falling, landing hard on the cold metal floor, the wind knocked out of him, and by the time he caught his breath he was able to process something hit me and then something cold and hard was pressed to the back of his neck.

“Don’t move.”

Green couldn’t move anyway. His body wasn’t listening, wasn’t responding. He couldn’t put thoughts together. He was on the floor. There was a dead body and there was a yellow bauble that had fallen off the wall and there were orange boots. Orange. Orange would help, Orange always helped and Green wanted to sit up and look for him but he couldn’t move and he wasn’t allowed to move because there was a gun against his neck. He didn’t want to be dead on the floor like Pink. The impostor wouldn’t let Pink get up, either.

The impostor had a gun.

The impostor had Green. The impostor was standing right next to him.

Orange boots.

Orange was –

Green had started shaking. He didn’t know how long he’d been shaking for. He wanted to curl up and put his hands over his head and sob. But he stayed still, as much as he could. He just couldn’t make his body stop trembling like that.

He tried to say something, like please don’t, like why?, but his mouth wasn’t listening to him, either.

“That’s right,” Orange said. It sounded like Orange, and it didn’t, at the same time. There was something dark and eager and terrible, crawling beneath the surface of that voice. “You’re doing good, Green. Just stay right there. Don’t make me have to use this. I’d hate to have to do that when we’ve been together all this time. Hate to have to end it so soon, you know?”

Okay. Okay, Green could do that, he could stay put. Put where Orange had put him. Orange stepped around him, and Green wasn’t looking up – he didn’t want to look up, if he didn’t see then maybe this all really wasn’t happening – but he could tell in his peripheral vision that Orange was keeping the gun trained on him as he walked. Until he stepped behind the console that controlled the shields, and Green couldn’t see him any more.

Pink’s legs twitched, and then slid along the floor, the rest of his body disappearing behind the console that had hidden his upper half. And then there were… sounds. Wet, tearing, crunching sounds.

Green squeezed his eyes shut, as though that would help block it out. His head was clearer now and he wished it wasn’t, wished for the hazy unreality of shock to come back. It couldn’t be Orange. It couldn’t be, they’d been together the whole time…

…hadn’t they?

The noises stopped. Something fell to the floor with a dull thump.

Footsteps, coming closer.

Green made himself open his eyes and look up, this time. Orange had taken his helmet off, or maybe he’d stopped pretending he was wearing a helmet. The whites of his eyes had gone black, and his mouth stretched too far across his face, a broad grin full of sharp teeth, and…

It took Green a second to understand what he was looking at. His first thought was that something was wrapped around Orange’s waist, but then the line of darkness shifted and opened and there was another mouth there, filled with more jagged teeth and a long, pointed tongue that snaked out to lick the blood away from Orange’s suit.

That was Pink. That was what was left of Pink.

Green’s stomach clenched, and he had to fight not to throw up into his helmet. If… if he was going to die here, at least let him keep that little bit of dignity.

He heard a soft chuckle from above him. “You’re doing good,” Orange said again, just the way he had when he’d talked Green down from his panic attack after White’s death, when he’d sat with a hand on Green’s back, grounding him as they counted breaths together. The gun was still in his hand but it hung loosely at his side, almost an afterthought. He didn’t need it, that was clear now. “Put your hands behind your back, now. Wrists together.”

Green obeyed. He didn’t even try to resist, and a little part of him hated himself for it. Shouldn’t he at least go down fighting? He was going to die anyway. There was no way that Orange was planning to let him live. But he couldn’t make himself do it. Fear gripped him, his insides knotted up and frozen. It was easier to not have to think. To just do what he was told.

Orange moved around behind him. His limbs didn’t quite seem to move right, jointed oddly. Green heard the rustling of tinsel being pulled down from the wall, and then Orange was kneeling over him, straddling his legs, pulling off Green’s gloves.

The tinsel streamers wrapped tight around Green’s hands, digging into his skin. Green’s breath came fast and shallow. He could feel the heat of Orange’s breath on his exposed fingers. The tip of that pointed tongue flickered over them, slick with saliva, and he couldn’t suppress a startled yell.

Orange laughed. “Oh, Green,” he murmured, and his hand trailed down Green’s side, the touch seeming to burn even through the layers of his suit. “You were almost too easy, you know? But damn, you’re adorable. So compliant when you’re scared.”

Green’s mouth was dry. “Wha-” he managed to get out, finally, but he didn’t want to hear the answer to what Orange wanted. If he’d only wanted Green dead, he wouldn’t need to tie him up. This was going to be – more, worse, and Green didn’t want to imagine it, his thoughts skidded off it in a panic every time he tried.

“Why?” he choked out instead. “Why would – I – I trusted you!”

The laughter this time was an outright cackle. “Oh, I know you did, sweetheart,” Orange whispered, leaning down close to Green’s face, the helmet speakers directing the words right into his ear. “I was with you the whole time, wasn’t I? Isn’t that what you told everyone?”

Green’s breathing hitched, his eyes stinging, face burning in shame. He should have known. He should have known and now the blood was all on his hands, too.

“Of course, some of those kills really weren’t me,” Orange went on. “The nice clean ones, mostly. That was all Cyan. She’s all about efficiency. I keep telling her she ought to cut loose a little.”

“Cyan?” Green blurted, with fresh horror as a torrent of new realisations crashed into his mind. Oh god where is she Brown might be with her right now and I didn’t suspect her, did anyone ever suspect her? and rising above all the others even as Green’s heart sank in despair, if it’s Cyan then that means that Blue was – we killed him, we all killed him I killed him…

“Yep!” Orange confirmed brightly. He stood up, hauling Green to his feet by his bound arms as he did so. Green staggered, unable to steady himself, forced to let his captor hold him upright, like a sick parody of the way Orange had supported him up until now. Already his hands were going numb as pain tingled along his arms, the tight bindings restricting circulation. “Oh, I know what you’re thinking. So much guilt coming off you. And yes, I killed Yellow. You guys really should’ve paid more attention while you were falling over yourselves trying to fix the lights.”

“You…” Green desperately thought back. He’d gone into Electrical with Orange, and there’d been a moment when the lights came back up and he thought he’d lost sight of him, but then Orange had walked down from the top section where he’d – he’d claimed he’d been checking for bodies… “You went through the vent?”

Orange nodded. “Sure did! See, you got there eventually. Had to make it quicker than I would have liked, of course, but the look on their face was beautiful.” He pushed Green up against the wall, holding him by the shoulders, the pressure only making the strain on Green’s arms worse. “Not as beautiful as watching you vouch for me while I could still taste their blood in my real mouth, though. That’s when I knew you were mine.”

Green swallowed down bile again. “Why?” he choked out, repeating the question desperately, as though any answer at all could make things better. “Why are you doing this to us?”

“Hmm, short version? My employers are an organisation with… business interests on Polus, and your company’s operations there are…” Orange stroked a hand down the side of Green’s helmet, clawed fingers scraping over it. “Unauthorised. We’re here to send a warning. This is dangerous territory. Bad things happen to ships that wander in here without permission.”

“…‘business interests?’” Green echoed. “Oh my god, are you working for the – the space mafia?”

Orange laughed, sounding genuinely amused, which was somehow worse than if he’d just been mocking. “That’s about right.” His hands were on either side of Green’s neck, now, and Green wondered if this was where it would end. If those hands would grab his head and twist until his neck snapped, grip his throat and squeeze until the world went black. But instead, they found the catches on the sides of Green’s helmet, and released them with a soft hiss of air. “Let me get a look at you, gorgeous. That’s better.”

He lifted the helmet away. Green shivered at the feeling of cold air on his face, that layer of protection stripped away, however fragile a protection it had been. Now there was nothing between him and Orange, those dark alien eyes piercing into him.

“Please don’t do this.” The words came out hushed, barely audible even to Green himself over the panicked rush of blood in his ears. Even as he said them he knew it was hopeless. Orange would only take pleasure in hearing him beg. Some sick, desperate part of Green wondered whether maybe he’d be allowed to live, if he was entertaining enough. “I – I’ll do anything you want,” he whispered, looking away as his face burned with shame.

“Anything, huh?” Orange mused, looking Green up and down. His tongue flicked out from between his lower set of jaws, trailing up the length of Green’s body. Green shuddered, unable to pull away, and Orange smiled. “You know, I hear that a lot but I never get tired of it. Trouble is, beautiful, you’re already doing exactly what I want.”

He reached behind Green and gripped hold of his bound wrists, spinning him around. “And now you’re going to come to Caf with me. I’ve got a surprise for you.”

Green felt a new terror stab through his chest. He hadn’t thought there could be any more. Surely soon he’d collapse under the strain, break in two and not be able to feel anything. That – that wouldn’t be so bad, would it? If he could just stop. If everything in him could just give up.

“Shh, I know,” Orange crooned, his tone sickeningly, mockingly gentle even as he shoved Green along ahead of him, through the corridor leading up to Navigation and O2. “You just want it to be over now, huh?”

Green didn’t answer. There was nothing safe to say. There was nothing else he wanted to say. Orange didn’t care.

Footsteps sounded ahead of them. Cyan rounded the corner, a knife in her hand, a spray of blood darkening the side of her helmet. The twin candy canes attached at either side of her head did nothing to make the sight less horrifying.

Orange stopped, Green stumbling to a halt with him. “You’re done already?” he asked, surprise and disappointment in his voice.

Cyan nodded. “Brown’s taken care of. I set up the body the way you suggested.”

Green’s stomach dropped. Just me now… Oh god, Brown, I’m so sorry – I should’ve �� known better, been better, done something…

“Well, now you gave away the surprise,” Orange complained, in a mock-pouting tone, giving Green’s shoulder a little pat. Green shuddered. “But seriously, Skla,” Orange went on, and it took Green a second to realise that last cluster of consonants had been a name. “I thought we were doing this together.”

Cyan sighed, pressing a hand to her forehead, just above her helmet’s visor. “Uron, I’m going along with this because you had a point about the boss wanting… spectacle. That doesn’t mean I’m interested in watching you play with your latest toy. Do whatever you’re going to do with him, have your fun, I’ll be in Nav.”

She turned to leave. Her eyes passed over Green as though he wasn’t there at all. Orange sighed behind him. “Fine. You have blood all over your face, by the way.”

Cyan paused. She was facing away, so Green couldn’t see what happened in any detail, but there was a faint squelching noise as writhing tendrils crept from where her face ought to have been around the sides of her head. When they withdrew, her helmet was clean again.

“…thanks.” The word sounded grudging. She moved on into Navigation.

Orange pushed Green forward, up toward Weapons. “Looks like this party’s just going to be you and me, buddy.”

“Please.” Green didn’t even know what he was pleading for. There wouldn’t be any mercy here.

“Oh, don’t worry.” Orange ran fingers through Green’s hair and pulled his head back, breath hot against his ear. “I’m gonna have a blast.”

They stepped through into Caf. The scent of blood hung in the air, turning Green’s stomach as it hit him without the protective distance of his helmet. And then he saw what was on the central table, and finally lost the battle he’d been fighting with himself not to throw up.

Brown’s arms had been tied behind his back, his legs bent backward and fastened to his wrists. His head was gone. It might have been perched on a table off to the side, or maybe that was just his helmet, its reindeer antler headband still attached.

What was left of him looked, at first glance, like a giant cooked turkey.

Green stared at Orange in horrified disbelief. He’d known the impostor had a warped sense of humour, but this…

Orange grinned double, every one of his teeth showing. He reached behind him to pull something out of his pack. A knife the twin of Cyan’s, gleaming in the coloured lights.

He pressed the point of the blade underneath Green’s chin, forcing him to lift his head up to avoid being stabbed. Which only exposed his throat, of course, the cold metal tracing over his skin, close to delicate arteries.

“You know why I picked you?” Orange asked, softly.

Green almost shook his head, but he didn’t dare move. And he knew, anyway, didn’t he? Hadn’t Orange said it? “Because – I was easy. I was d–  I was dumb enough to trust you, right?” His voice cracked as he spoke, tears flowing down his cheeks that he couldn’t wipe away.

“Oh, beautiful, no, that’s not it.” The words sounded like comfort, but Orange’s face was all avid delight. “Don’t get me wrong, you were delicious, all anxious and vulnerable and trusting, but you want to know the real reason?” He gestured with his free hand at the room around them. “I picked you for the aesthetic. Red and green are festive colours, right?”

Green blinked, his mind stalling as it tried to process that. “We don’t have a Red –” he responded reflexively, before the implication caught up to him. “…oh.”

Orange smiled, ruffling Green’s hair even as he traced the blade down over his chest, stopping with it pointed at his stomach. “See? You got there eventually.”

[ifridiot]

Now That I’m Flawless (fic)

Word Count: 1900 Fandom: DC Comics Rating: Teen and Up Warnings: No Major Warnings Apply Relationships: Thad Thawne/Ulf Alexeinovitch Characters: Thad Thawne, Ulf Alexeinovitch Additional Tags: Past Abuse, Angst, Comfort, Fluff Summary: Ulf thinks about all the wrongs he’s done.

Note: For those who are unfamiliar with Ulf, please read his write-up, found HERE. Written for @reluctant-reflection or @skittering-roach whichever blog actually gives you notifications <3

Ulf knew he was, as far as anyone else was concerned, a creature of rather grey morals.

If it came to pleasing his Keeper, he could justify murder, or worse. Willin’ to do pert near anythin’, that’s how Henry had said it, wondering and awed and a little afraid, as if the idea of holding that kind of power over another person frightened him.

Maybe it had. Henry had been a good man, kind and gentle and sweet, a better man than most who’d lent Ulf their warmth. Wonderful, in his own way, but he’d also been a weak man. Power, even just the power of a handgun, had never sat easy on his shoulders. Henry had wanted peace, and Ulf had given it to him as best as he could; Ulf had loved him as he’d never known he could love a person -- not like he loved Papochka, not like he loved the brush of heat that kept him sane, but heart to heart.

Henry had loved him as a person, taught him that he was allowed to just live. Memories of him were old now, the man over thirty-years dead, but he’d been the last to truly treat Ulf as a person, not a weapon or a pet.

The last, of course, before Thad.

Of course, things with Thad had been rocky at times. They’d fought, bickered and butted heads, and Thad had dragged his feet on anything that came close to feelings. An emotional anorexic, and yet there was a certain like calling to like in that, wasn’t there. Ulf himself often shut his feelings off, because feelings couldn’t always help him make his Keeper happy.

Thad hadn’t wanted to be his Keeper. Ulf had been able to tell that even as he’d started to slowly bond to him. Thad hadn’t wanted anything long term, and if Ulf had told him what was happening, to his mind and to their bond, he would have bolted.

It had been… difficult. Horrible and selfish and when Thad had left, Ulf had felt such a surge of grief, but under that misery hadn’t there been a thread of relief? A nod to his being free of the lie by omission, free of dancing around the bond he needed but didn’t dare cement. No more grudging late night confessions, no more traumas slowly revealed, no more sharing the weight of their pain.

No more kisses, no more sweet human warmth.

He doesn’t remember the months that followed very well. They are cold times, and the cold times blur together; he may as well have been running the tundra again, little more than a child, alone and lost and scared of what was happening to him. Ulyana told him that when she found him, he’d done horrible things to himself, but nothing his accelerated healing couldn’t fix, nothing she couldn’t help him repair.

But before she’d found him, after Thad had left? He knew people would have gotten hurt -- people always got hurt when he froze, because he didn’t understand his strength and all people read to him as a threat. Ulyana said, best not to think of that. Best to focus on the bright things, best to concern himself only with healing.

And she had fetched back Thad for him. She had found him, and he had returned to Ulf, the fragile threads of their bond still spooled out between them, not quite broken yet.

Thad, who remembered that Ulf loved Valentines Day, who knew he hated red wine but adored champagne on a special night, who convinced Ulyana to keep Ulf busy for a day so he could find them a room with a perfect view, a room that, if Ulf peered from the window down at the street, he could for a moment trick himself into feeling the joy of a free-fall.

Thad said he loved Ulf, and as the weather warmed, as Thad willingly spent more time simply being close to Ulf, calm and steady and grounding, Ulf started to understand that all along he’d meant it.

Sometimes in his head he hears the music box, the low rush of it flying through the air and the sad, bright sound of it breaking against the wall. Thad, with his speed and his level-headed cool demeanor, could have caught it. He simply leaned to the side and let it pass him, smashing against the wall, and in Ulf’s head, he’ll always be able to hear him so coldly say how he hated when Ulf got that way.

Ulf hated it too. To be angry with a Keeper was unthinkable. After the things he’d suffered with James Denegler; the neglect, the torment of being locked away and left alone to half-freeze, the pain, the murder -- through all of that, he’d done everything to please James when he was allowed to be at his side. Everything to win his approval, anything he’d asked and more. He’d hated the man, known him for a monster, but he was a Keeper and he’d been bound.

It was only Thad who thought him person enough to be treated like everyone else. Before the music box, before what Ulf thought of (only half joking) as their breakup, Thad had been willing enough to be physical with him, to touch and hold and kiss, but he hadn’t known what a need it was for Ulf, and Ulf had been so afraid of losing the first person to treat him as a true equal that he hadn’t told him.

Ulyana had gone and found him, Ulyana had explained as well as she could, and Thad had come for him anyway. Thad had understood enough to know that Ulf needed him, and he’d come for him. Who else in all the world would have risked their skin that way, dealing with him half-wild, frightened and freezing over.

“Stop that.”

Blinking, Ulf frowns and slowly tries to sit up, putting a little space between them without his hair tickling at Thad’s throat. He’s both surprised and comforted when Thad presses a hand against the back of his head, gently keeping him close, encouraging him to settle back to laying tucked up to the speedster’s side.

Only once Ulf has settled his head back on Thad’s shoulder does he speak again. “You’re thinking about something upsetting. I don’t need to be a mind-reader to know.”

Of course he doesn’t need to be. It’s not even the bond that translates it; it’s just Thad. He’s observant, and he cares enough to have learned all the quiet tells to Ulf’s mood. He treated him like a real person, one allowed to be more than something pretty and powerful. Thad, like Henry, gave Ulf agency and respect, but unlike Henry, Thad was not afraid of the bond, now that he knew about it. He wasn’t afraid of being the finger on the trigger of a weapon like Ulf, he wasn’t afraid of Ulf, he wasn’t --

“Ulf, come on,” he says, carding fingers through the silvery strands of his hair, soothing and warm. “Knock it off. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nichego, is fine, I’m fine.” Ulf says, and fumbles, pressing his lips together and drumming his fingers against Thad’s chest. “Only… do you. Would you be happier, had we not met?”

Thad hums in thought. He rarely mocks Ulf when he can tell that his worries are sincere. He can be a bastard, but in many ways, he is a good man, too. “I think, all things considered, I’m pretty much happier now than I’d have thought possible. So no.”

Chewing on the inside of his cheek -- he can almost remember the feel of the scars that had been there when Ulyana had first found him -- Ulf pulls away again, sitting up so he can look at Thad properly. “You are sure? I have… been ugly, many times.”

“I think we’ve got two different definitions of ugly, then.”

Ulf huffs, moving smoothly to straddle Thad’s stomach, pinning him to the swaybacked motel bed. It creaks and complains every time either of them moves. “You were not happier to be back with your… You called it Cradle? Safe and quiet and… unbothered?"

A warm hand presses to his cheek, soothing where it might have been demanding. Thad is still under him, unmoving except for to rest his palm to the curve of his cheek, looking up at him with soft, golden eyes. “I thought about you every day. Safe and quiet and lonely is what I was.”

“So it would not have been… better… for us to have never… been us? You would not be happier not having known me?”

“Would I be happier never having met someone who loves me despite knowing me at my worst? I’m going to need some time to mull that over, I suppose, you’ll have to get off me so I can think.”

Ulf scowls, but he knows there’s no real venom to it from the way Thad chuckles, even after he slaps gently at his shoulder. “I am being serious! I lied to you, I took… advantage of ignorance, I kept you in the dark so you would stay. I was bad, I was deceitful, I tried to… sneak into your life. This is not joke to me!”

Thad’s fingers curl against his face, gentle pressure that Ulf couldn’t fight if he wanted. When he curls down close, Thad easily smooths his hair back, hand pressed to the nape of his neck now, leaving them only centimeters apart.

“You did.” Thad says, easy and gentle. “You withheld vital information that would have helped shape our relationship, knowing full well that any added variables or complications were liable to send me running. You saw me, as me, and you were honest enough with yourself to know that you could not trust all of yourself to me and keep me. Because when we met, I was a coward, and an idiot, and a jerk, as you often reminded me, when it came to anything involving emotions.”

“I have never called you coward.”

A grin, easy and sweet. “Perhaps I’m paraphrasing.”

“I am afraid you will come to resent this. My needing you. Loving you.”

Closing the distance between them, Ulf isn’t sure if Thad pulls him down or sits up, only that the mesh of their lips is the source of a perfect warmth in his chest, the closing of a circuit, the completion of a promise. It’s a good kiss, sincere and powerful.

“I would have to be a fool to resent any part of you.” Thad says softly, those bright eyes locked with Ulf’s. “Do you think I’m a fool?”

Ulf can’t quite help the soft laugh, relief and fondness seeping into the exhalation. “Well, a fool, perhaps not. An ass, on occasion…”

“But an ass you love?”

Cursing under his breath, he can’t help laughing again. And when Thad draws him down to kiss again, he goes easily, no struggle, no hesitation. Because they’ve both been idiots, and they’ve both suffered, and they’ve earned this, the sweetness, the laughter, the ease of being with just one other person who treats them like they are a person.

They are imperfect, they are a perfectly matched pair of fools. But the love is flawless, and it feels like the only thing in the world that matters for the moment.

[emphoenixcat]

I have a writing prompt if that’s okay? I’m asking different writers and would like to see your take on it. It’s that while Logan is Thomas’ Logic, he is also his anger. This has already been debunked in canon, but I still love the idea. So, all it is, is Logan hiding and suppressing his anger, thinking it is hurtful and completely bad. And it turns self destructive, and into the others finding out (the easy or the hard way? Him shouting?) and helping him through it. - 🖤🐲

^^^Interesting. I’d like to see how other people decided to write this kind of story

Warnings: Self-destructive behavior, cutting, self-hate.

Logan was well aware that the Sides were complex beings.

Nobody was just one thing.

Patton was not just happy feelings, he was the core of all feelings.

Roman was not just dreams and creation, he was nightmares and destruction.

Virgil was not just anxiety and fear, he was protection and self-preservation.

But what was Logan? Was he just Logic? Or was there something more to him than that?

Everyone else’s faults and virtues were closely linked to what their purpose was. It was like smaller aspects of personalities fighting to keep balance in Thomas’ mind, even if that balance came at a greater cost.

Logan was Logic, but he had his faults. The same as all the others, he had another side to him. Another presence that haunted his part of the mindscape.

Anger.

But why do I abet anger? Wouldn’t that be Anxiety’s burden? Or even Morality’s?

Perhaps, it was because Logan was the persona that fought the most.

While Creativity fought quite literal monsters, Logic fought for what he felt was right.

Logical arguments fueled by fire. It made him more passionate in arguments, but that also made Logic flawed.

He was faulty.

And that was the main reason why Logan hid that side of himself from the others. Not only was it a difficult thing to control, but it made him feel like a failure.

Every now and then, he would accidentally let out an aggravated shout during an argument. He would have to fight to calm himself during debates, but it was difficult to keep himself from slipping.

It had been increasingly exhausting to hold it back when they had visited Patton’s room.

Feelings, Logan thought with great distaste.

He had had to make a hasty retreat. He would have just made the situation worse if he had stayed in there any longer.

Logan was no fool though, he knew that he needed an outlet for the rage. He did not want it to harm any of the others though.

Not Roman.

Not Virgil.

Not Patton.

Not Thomas.

He thought it was best to direct it at himself.

It was his burden to carry, he couldn’t drag the others into it when they had their own responsibilities to worry about.

Nobody suspected what actually went on in the logical side’s room. They all figured that Logan didn’t like to be bothered because he was working on important projects and experiments.

In reality, Logan would rush to his room after particularly distressing discussions and the room would swirl around him. Books, papers, pencils, beakers, and flasks would fly around Logan like a tornado. Glass smashing violently against the walls.

He had looked in the mirror a few times, his eyes burned red during these scenarios.

Luckily, the Sides’ rooms were soundproof or else Logan’s secret would’ve been uncovered a long time ago.

Calm down! Calm down! Logan would tell himself.

It never worked.

He felt the fury building inside, threatening to consume all reason. Struggling to possess him.

It went on like that for awhile until Logan discovered something that would temporarily silence his rage

Pain.

It would override the other feeling enough for him to take control again.

Logan would grab a razorblade or piece of glass (whichever was nearest) and carefully cut the scars into his stomach.

He couldn’t really explain it, the irrational emotion of relief that would flood over him as he watched the blood slowly ooze out of the cuts.

Fascinating.

It was a day like any other, the Sides were taking turns choosing a fun activity. It was Roman’s turn and he wanted to take the others down to his mindscape to enjoy an afternoon of sunshine.  

“It will be such an adventure! You guys really need to see the lake at this time of the year. Simply gorgeous!” the prince was saying.

Patton smiled, “Maybe we could all go for a swim!”

“What a splendid idea, Pat.”

Virgil grimaced, “I don’t care for swimming.”

“Of course you don’t” Roman rolled his eyes and turned to Logan.

“What do you think?”

Logan didn’t care for the idea at all, but he knew he couldn’t win the argument. It was Roman’s day to choose and the prince would be very pouty if he didn’t get his way.

“I guess we could all go spend time by the lake, but I’m with Virgil on this one. I am not much of a swimmer.”

“Wow, you two are just the life of the party” Roman muttered sarcastically.

In Roman’s room, they were surrounded by sweltering afternoon heat. The forest was abuzz with birds and insects, as the Sides made their way to the lake. Patton was skipping joyously ahead with Roman leading the way, Logan and Virgil bringing up the rear.

Logan glanced at Virgil, who was glumly suffering in his heavy hoodie.

“Um, Virge?”

“Don’t. Don’t tell me, I know I should take the jacket off. I’m not going to. I’m not,” Virgil said firmly.

Logan let out a huff of annoyance. I was only trying to help.

They came upon the lake, it’s surface was cool and inviting. Roman immediately conjured up some swimming gear for everyone in case Logan or Virgil changed their minds.

Patton grabbed Logan’s wrist and pulled him forward, “Why don’t you guys come and swim? It’s like over a hundred degrees here.”

The logical side withdrew from Patton, getting irritated. “No, go on without me. I am perfectly content just sitting here.”

“Please?” Patton pleaded with big, round puppy-looking eyes. “At least dip your feet in. I don’t want to see you suffering from the heat. That means you too, Virge” Patton said sternly.

Virgil sighed and obligingly zapped himself into the swim trunks that Roman had provided. His hooded jacket was still wrapped around him, he looked a bit ridiculous.

But apparently Patton approved of the anxious side’s transition. He glanced back at Logan expectantly.

Logan crossed his arms and mirrored Virgil’s actions. He kept his polo shirt and tie on as he instantly changed into the dark blue swim trunks.

Virgil sniggered at the other’s outfit.

“What are you laughing about? You look just as weird as I do.”

“Oh, but I make this work”

“I expect this out of Virgil, but not out of you. Really, what is the problem?” Patton asked.

“Nothing. I’m simply not comfortable.”

Patton frowned, “But we’re all the same.”

Logan straightened his glasses nervously, “Well, technically….”

He fumbled with his tie and smoothed down his shirt, trying not to look Patton in the eye.

Patton tilted his head, confused.

“Look, it isn’t anything we haven’t seen before, kiddo.”

Logan shook his head.

Patton sighed and they proceeded walking to the lake. Logan and Virgil sat on the edge, their legs dangling in the water while Roman and Patton jumped in.

Virgil smirked as he splashed the prince in the face. Roman retaliated much to Virgil’s dismay.

“Hey, my hoodie!”

“Your own fault” Roman chuckled.

Patton was mischievously sneaking up on Logan, he grabbed the logical side’s ankle and pulled. Logan was fully submerged.

His shirt floated up as he was dragged down, Patton let go. The moral side had a close-mouthed smile on his face as he began to resurface, but paused when he saw something. Something on Logan’s stomach.

As they both broke through the surface of the lake, Patton questioned the logical side.

“Wha–what was that?”

Logan looked exasperated as he combed the wet hair away from his face and cleaned his soaked glasses. “What was what?” he snapped.

“On your stomach.”

Logan froze.

“I’ve got to go. I’ve got to go now.”

And with that the logical side returned to his room.

Patton and the others followed.

The logical side’s room was an utter disaster and getting worse. Objects moved as if a poltergeist inhabited the residence.

Roman screamed as a book nearly struck him in the head. Virgil inched backward. Patton took a tentative step deeper into the mindscape.

“Logan?”

“Get out.”

Patton and the others shuddered at the warped voice. I thought only Virgil’s voice got like that.

“What’s wrong? Let us help you” the moral side tried again, still moving towards Logan.

Logan was rummaging around his desk for something, “You can’t help. Go.”

“But we need to know. We need to know what’s going on.”

Patton gasped in shock as the logical side turned to face him.

Logan’s eyes were completely red, no pupil to be seen. It was like it wasn’t even him. It was as if he were possessed by a demon.

The red-eyed Logan grinned, and Patton saw with dawning horror that he was holding a blade.

“Patton!” Roman yelled. “Watch out!” Virgil added as the anxious side carefully moved forward to get Patton to safety.

Instead of trying to hurt Patton though, the crazed Logan took the blade and etched a new mark on his stomach.

Everything in the room became utterly silent as the objects that had been hurtling wildly around them stopped abruptly as if the place itself was holding its breath.

Logan continued in concentration as if the others weren’t there.

His eyes were transitioning back to the way they normally were. Back to the way they should be.

As he broke out of his daze, all the items simultaneously clattered haphazardly to the floor.

Nobody spoke.

They just took in the destruction that lay around them.

In the midst of it all was Logan, still clutching the razorblade like a lifeline while streams of blood became more visible through his shirt.

“I–I’m sorry” he managed.

Virgil spoke next, “I think you owe us more than an apology. What just happened?”

Logan bowed his head in shame, “I have another side to me. I’m not just Logic.”

He glanced up and saw the confusion.

“Anger….also resides here.”

“You didn’t think that that was important information to share with us!” Roman was understandably upset.

“I thought I could handle it on my own.”

“And how’s that working out for ya?”

Logan glared at the prince, feeling like he might’ve had another flare up if it wasn’t for his fresh wounds.

“I know how to take care of it. You guys weren’t supposed to follow me.”

Patton finally spoke, “I–is that how?” He pointed to Logan’s stomach with a trembling finger.

The logical side nodded.

Roman grimaced, “Why would you do that to yourself?”

“It’s the only way the Anger will go away. I have to direct it at someone or something. I don’t want to direct it at you guys.”

“Wait? So you direct it at yourself?” Virgil asked.

“Y–yeah.”

“There has to be something else you can do….”

“No. If I do anything else, I risk being faulty logic. I have to protect Thomas from that.”

Patton was shaking his head, droplets forming in his eyes. “We’re not letting you hurt yourself again.”

Logan stared at Patton, “But I am imperfect. I have to be perfect. I have to function properly for Thomas…..and for you guys.”

Virgil, Roman, and Patton all glanced at each other.

“Lo….there’s no such thing as perfection. We’re all here just trying our best, we can’t do that if we don’t work together on things.” Patton reassured him.

“You have to trust us on this. Please tell us next time. Let us know when you’re becoming angry. When you need space or when you need comfort.”

Logan slowly nodded his head. Maybe….maybe that would work.

The Sides came together to comfort him and Logan smiled.

Maybe with their help, Logic wouldn’t be so faulty.

[elizabethrobertajones]

13x02 watching notes

i'm on a train. choo choo.

expectations: helpfully wrote them out last time for the season as a whole which this ep is introducing all the plot stuff for since last episode advanced the plot a single day of angst, but this episode especially has a few SUPER low bars to pass. Last time out BL failed spectacularly to not kill Eileen. now we have "don't assault mary, over-sexualise the day old guy, or flub introing the new characters, or reintroducing the returning ones"

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our train was like 10 minutes late out the station because there was no driver. is this a metaphor.

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i also had to eat krispy kreme doughnuts before I could dig into the episode.

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oh jeeze Drexel survived season 12... no one really has a fanclub for the random minions, probably because around Simmons we realised there was no point getting attached. and he was in some of the worst scenes of last season just because of the context. which is a shame. also he's a lucifer fan and that's not really a worthwhile position. anyway hope springs eternal that colonel sanders is such a charismatic character he makes the demon scenes worth watching... and Drexel gets to be interesting. And stop saying lines like 'make hell great again' which is so not a good thing to put in his mouth - at least the other demons who were going around saying it it was the white demon who said it and got the stink eye from the other demon.

One of the other demons says "can you even hear yourself" but idk if BL would crit their own writing unlike competent writers whose first port of call is stressing that they are bad writers and mock their corny dialogue

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this also raises the semi perpetual question since season 11 that if Crowley's throne room is here why would any of the pretenders to the throne even want it. they seriously need to justify it. We know devil's gates are a pain and not usually open so smuggling minions out to work topside is an issue but there are other workarounds than establishing a campy hell set that's not even in hell, then getting confused about if it's hell or not, and never really explaining why Lucifer would stick around in it except for the fact Crowley is really good at setting up a system and it would be a shame not to use the pre-established set up.

but eh

I really sincerely hope Asmodeus is just here because Crowley's ex-minions are here and will relocate post-haste to his plantation.

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He hung up his coat. Drexel survived though. I guess being a named character has its perks. the sun shone in my eyes the entire time so i was quite amused when the train turned a bit and i saw demons dropping with burned out eyes, angel-style. like Dagon being super duper powerful, I guess they're giving him extra powers - because this is just a few steps up from how Sam was exploding demons with his head at one point and he got his powers from a YED... though in 5x10 when Lucifer killed all those demons he also didn't burn the eyes out. it's probs a stylistic choice. in character and out.

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Nougat!!! he's so cute. he's sleeping at an angle to be behind Sam in the convo. The camera points at Sam from the dash and at Dean from Sam's POV, and Jack is in his background. methinks this is about Sam.

He's trying to make Dean sleep and calling out how he hasn't had any, which is nice because I was worried about that earlier.

Dean is calling Jack "it" which I think was in some people's pre-season fic, or else if it weren't it was in the one i didn't write :P Blatant convo is blatant but does at least have an actual honest to god lead into the next scene via the mom is dead conversation. Again we get the super zoom close up on sam being sad and questioning dean's thoughts. assert yourself, sammy! i believe in u

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(totally on your side too Dean but the sun is too bright to examine your micro expressions and the camera isn't favouring you anywho so you're a rewatch flavour today)

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Satan wants to trade Mary for Jack. Well if Dean knew he'd sell Jack for a corn chip anyway (is that Crowley's phrase from the original weird dog episode?) so that's just a great big victory. methinks the choice will fall on Sam or fall on Dean after he's had a chance to bond with Jack some more - that's the other side to the tension about Dean liking jack that i was talking about earlier whensomeone asked me why everyone wants dean to adopt jack.

ideally mary saves herself or it never comes to it but for now i'll assume whatever else happens between here and there, some version of this plan will at least be floated, even if it's random circumstances and not lucifer's hand any more or something

makes sense anyway to tie mary back into the main arc in a way like how she mirrored cas the entire time last season - if her fate and jack's are connected even tenuously it gives her a connect back into the main thing

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oh good the woman next to me has finished her dangerously over-full cup of Pimms because I was terrified it would be bye bye laptop

nnnoooo as I type she refilled it

the train is swaying back and forth so much

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anyway Mary asks Lucifer why he wants to be a parent and he hints several times in a row that he has hidden depths without actually showing any of them. i don't want him to have a redemption anyway and i really super duper don't want him to have one written entirely by BL

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Colonel Sanders continues to try and liven up the story while giving us surface level exposition

I'll be honest, 'write that down' is the first good line... must be whichever of BL is quippy currently writing. I think they just introduced a monster taht lucifer is scared of but I couldn't catch what it was and for some reason another demon is listening in so is he getting ideas? I mean why to what end? also what exactly was the thing that was locked up because it sounded like a cut price Leviathan expo dump but obvs not that because a leviathan would eat Lucifer

i mean i don't think we pay enough attention to the fact that dick roman would just gobble lucifer up and end of story. bring back dick.

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*Pimms lady sways dangerously close to my laptop*

I think Sam accused Dean of hallucinating "shit" on the road because it's too noisy to hear him say "sheep". I just assume that is what he actually said in the non-censored version

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pls drink your Pimms fast enough to end this danger but not so fast you're sloshed and throw it on my laptop before it's all gone

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Cashing in on that new Scooby Doo partnership! Some bank like Halifax is currently using Scooby Doo to sell stuff so I see that dog on telly all the time and the fact they exist in the same fictional universe as Sam and Dean is kiiiilling me. I think we have all been assuming Jack takes us to Scooby World so plonking him in front of the telly to watch some is how it all begins. Dean, like every fan fic between 13x01 and now hates Jack unreservedly for having childlike enthusiasm about the telly because Cas used to do that, while (semi)unaware that Jack is mirroring HIMSELF from 12x11 most closely right now. I think that's an interesting parallel I don't know how much work has gone into but pls poke me to write about Jack's 1 day old child-like wonder compared to sweetie pie no memory Dean if no one else has done it because they're essentially the same character from completely different angles, and we're about to hit Jack mirroring Dean excessively.

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Me: don't excessively sexualise the kid

BL: "here read a book" *chucks the Bible at him* *he opens it to the Song of Solomon* We're NOT having this chat right now.

I suppose some people just meta-gasmed all over this. I don't know much about the Bible but I do know that's the sexy bit.

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the "I can take the couch" conversation probably put the exact same thought process in Jack's head as mine when my very lanky brother looked at the lil brick hard bed set up in the corner of our hotel while we were stranded in Glasgow, and looked at me, princess and the pea-syndrome sufferer, and nobly offered to take a bed that *my* feet stuck 3 inches over.

No.

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Thanks but no.

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aw man we're only at Carlisle.

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It's the promo scene as well, which mostly just drove home how much Jack is mirroring Dean... We've had basically no character interaction in the missing day, although we can assume it's mostly gone like this... Dean annoyed, Sam forgiving Jack for being adorable, and Jack being adorable. He's getting better at sarcasm as well, which can't be making Dean feel any better about him.

And that means that the "Castiel is my father" revelation happened off-screen and we're not being given any room for a reaction about it, which is the most annoying part of this. I knew 13x01 was an anomaly and going into a BL ep so soon after would deprive us of some of the emotional depth, but it's like having a bucket of cold water dumped on us :P

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I think Dean's 'sometimes' about family being good is going to be a criminally underrated line and I don't even know if I can bring myself to remember it all the time in discussions about how Dean feels about family going forwards but this is a note that i heard him say it and acknowledged it means he has some issues with blood family ongoing.

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Jack being adorably human blah blah, Dean aggravates the issue by being really mean about insisting Lucifer is his father and asking if he reached out to Jack and now Jack's remembering him doing that. Hey leave the kid alone, Dean, his blank slate was slightly messed up by waning to be like Cas which is obviously an excellent exemption to  having a blank slate.

Maybe there's a metaphor in him agitating the bad father sitation over here.

I don't know if Jack should have asked for clarification there so let's pretend there was a hesitation and a "Ca -" "*Lucifer.* Your father." exchange. Or something.

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And now Nougat is lying about emotional strife, like's been agitated into being a Winchester from his great blank slate

GAH Stop gesturing by the STILL FULL glass of Pimms

they keep topping it up and it's not good for my stress levels

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I think I just missed basically everything that happened because all I could see was my own reflection but then they were like *rising tension music* *scuffle* *donatello* so I assume he jumped out on them. Mental note to go back and see who was defensive of Jack and what he did.

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*casually mopping up my neighbour's Pimms as it splashes dangerously close to my laptop while listening to Donatello's exposition*

the good thing about BL episodes is that you can often just kinda chill and  listen to the exposition if it's just a chunk o dialogue and nothing offensive is going on so we're making progress through the ep

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*dean is super bitter about who does and doesn't have a direct line to god for some reason*

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Awww Sam says they're brothers and it's a family crest when he is saying Jack should get the tattoo <3

*completely* robbed of Dean's reaction

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WHY DID THEY NOT TELL JACK IT WOULD HURT

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I went to the loo and came back to them wiping Pimms off their phone

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Well Jack just completely put Dean in his place RE: pain, when he told him to man up about it and Jack was like right we accept pain as a sign of maturity... this is absolutely not what Dean meant but it is probably a healthier approach to it minus all the toxic masculinity

can we get to 13x03 and an ep written by Berens soon :P

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Jack accidentally absorbs his warding. Oops. I guess that angel warding was a WEE bit OTT I mean I'm no expert but that looks like a total pain to be dealing with all the time for the makeup department :P

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Also must have taken friggin ages

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I still don't get why Donnatello is here except to use as a chip in their arguments... Ah well. Dean arguing intent doesn't matter freaky powers are freaky powers because he's still pissed about what happened to Cas and can't see the much more basic thing that Jack didn't mean to get Cas killed and OBVIOUSLY didn't intend it if he was waiting for Cas to be there for him when he popped out of the womb. I think for all the random avenues this took in fandom this is probably about as deep as the show will go if this is how BL are spelling it all out for us... And the answer is all there on the page already but we're just using Dean as the alternate side of the argument to show his own character stuff going on where he can't deal with Jack because he's upset about Cas. And he was always more concerned about Cas than the philosophy of whatever else was going on

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Train going through the Lake District... I am enchanted. It's a grey day w/ very low clouds and water on the ground and all the trees are autumnal. Sue me, this is more interesting than Donatello being unhelpful. He backed up Sam's argument earlier w/ saying Lucifer felt toxic and Jack is somewhat more like his grandfather, but then once he starts talking he's like hurr blurr as a scientist nature wins and he's a monster and then Sam's like I thought you were on my side dude and then Dean angsts about Cas some more and calls Jack the devil and he decides he better start teleporting now because leave me alone not-dad and get off my case

I hope we see his wings. Dean asks in 13x01 if he had wings and equated it to teleporting and I suppose we don't know how demons do it but the assumption is if he's half-angel adn can teleport then he has wings

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Oh no it is KILLING me how Jack's thing is sitting cross legged. PROTECT HIM.

Sam finds him, thankfully, after the Sad Kelly Montage. There's a very Northern man behind me talking loudly on the phone so I'm gonna concentrate SUPER HARD now

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The hotel is called the Black Hat which I think is western coding for the bad guy. There was a house in the prairie art on the wall, and the single isolated house is how Jack came into the world... He's dealing with towns now.

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Exposition Mooose! Telling us Dean gets some wires crossed about getting angry whe nhe's frustrated and scared  like yes good expose dean for us some more... explaining him to jack is like hey so um he's an acquired taste... trying to make this about protecting everyone instead of pointing out the obvious that he blames jack for what happened to cas

Jack is a winchester because he's like maybe i'm not worth it

help

and them Sam brings up w/o knowing it was on jack's mind that kelly thought so but also is a blatant link to how they used dead!mary to guide their lives right up until she came back...

... and then so would Cas and so would I. Sam aligning himself with Jack's parents to show he has emotional guardianship of him right now

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has dean gone down to the bar because it's called th eblack spur and obvs not the same one but i'm like 100% sure that's the bar from 10x01 where he was hanging with Crowley and I'm not gonna fact check that. it's "black" again aka more nature stuff, more coded evil stuff I guess? I don't know anything about Westerns I admit

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And hey look a blonde bartender is chatting to him - there's a Jack ale sign on one side... and hahahahahaaaa no there's a Kingdom Beer sign behind Dean over his shoulder because the director wants to kill me

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So far this is the weirdest BL episode Ive seen in a long time because they're trying so so hard to be all nuanced and deep and to explore character stuff and carry on the mood from the first episode, while being direly under-equipped to handle it, so everyone's just blurting exposition all over the place in a series of awkward exchanges. The overtness of the dialogue is actually helping in a weird way to rush through the tick boxes because Dean just admitted to seeking his neglectful father's approval from a standing start which is a sign of progress for him to just leap right into admitting his issues with John. I don't have a frame of reference for this because tired and white noise and noting we're pulling into Lancaster and it looks like rain now and there's a guy travelling with an enormous silver mirror with an ornate frame as tall as he is on the other platform and more pimms is on the table... but yeah when DID he last talk about John? Is this the increased openness since 12x22 we were hoping for? Is my backpack okay because it's in a luggage rack I can't see and if someone nicks it they're only stealing all my laundry but I like some of those t-shirts so it would be a bummer...

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Lol surprise Asmodeus, no wonder she pushed all the father stuff... Was he talking about Lucifer then? It's everyone has father issues season. He's fitting in as another mirror in it all. Like the great big shiny mirror the dude at Lancaster station had. I'd honestly not be surprised if John came back in some way just cuz we had the Mary season where motherhood was a theme, and now we're doing this. I don't think John would come back for good liek Mary but they could scrounge up a more direct way of confronting his memory at least.

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This also is so unsubtle bcos Dean had no idea what the bartender looked like so he coulda just tended the bar and chatted to Dean b4 he knew who Asmodues was, and we could have had some cool tension like we all know that Colonel Sanders is the bad guy and Dean's just chatting him up a bit. But then when do we ever get such things in a BL ep?

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Sam just goes and spells it out about Jack being molded and the ambiguity of his father figures aka the dual nature battle they think Jack should have, with a deciding vote already thrown in there by Kelly and of course that Jack has free will and choice

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So Mary just nearly got assaulted, tho not by Lucifer, which was not exactly a pleasant surprise. >.> idk what that guy's problem was but he seems to be implying women can't fight and something something I didn't catch but clearly he doesn't see a whole bunch of women. This is literally the antithesis of the show's handling of female hunters since the start so I'm going to have to assume that this is an AU thing like, total worst timeline, and everyone's sexist to boot. Not really a fan of doing this at all because why are humans made out to be just as bad as meeting angels and demons in this world - Mary being at risk from ALL of them (where is BOBBY I wanna see wtf was going on between him and AU mary and our mary and our bobby) - and it being disappointing that Mary's at risk BECAUSE she's female and might get assaulted.

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Lucifer continues to try and act like a good guy by saving Mary and then of course the Nice Guy twist that always comes - if you won't give me what I want that I'm pretending is mutually beneficial then I will just hurt you.

They're chilling by that church from 8x23 now so I guess Mikey will be along soon.

Preston Station looks like a hellscape as well - it's packed and there's no ticket barriers. I'm so glad we were only passing through

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Dean comes in and sits down with Sam with the shadows of the blinds falling over them - prison imagery I missed you! We're trapped in these mindsets...

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Sam wants to get them on the same page and Dean is like F U and Sam's like lemme do exposition while you sit with the shadow over your eyes.

I wish there was a shadow falling over my eyes... We've passed back through to hazy sunlight south of Preston.

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Sam says people who we love, and who have been in our lives for a long time, in such a way I bet some asshole is excluding Cas from one category bcos Mary doesn't count in the long time category so maybe one is for her and one is for Cas

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obviously that's the real donatello because he only cares about breakfast and is an object of ridicule while Asmodeus was presumably the other and actually talking plot.

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this is an idiot ball moment tbh because Jack hasn't been in any hotel scenes for a while and somehow we've shuffled through all the characters here and not had any of them with Jack or checking where he is despite him being the most precious cargo, and it was bugging me earlier that dontatello and sam talking meant jack was alone because he wouldn't be w/ dean so where was he but Sam didn't ask? they just chatted? And obvs that was asmodeus but yeah... no one's keeping an eye on him and D. wasn't even supposed to be taking Jack to get breakfast or what? If that wasn't him then what exactly did Sam think Jack was up to?

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Also Sam tanking the mytharc Dean tanking the personal arc - he talks to both of them w/o them knowing and guess what each's conversation is

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And also Dean came in with food as well like there's major miscommunication going on here if the real donatello was getting breakfst and so was Dean but is that the point or is that just a plothole where this doesn't add up properly if you actually try and map who knew what and - was Dean the one SUPPOSED to be watching Jack? But Sam didn't ask him either.

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Anyway here's the demon that Dean's entire fight scene is about straddling to death.

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I also loved his march down to the room where he was all in shadows

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The last shot of that fight though where Dean's cowering away from the demon on a bed while it advances on him with a knife

like wow that was a good fight scene for the dynamics going on there. Dean as a victim being absolutely dominated by that demon and all the associated knife and weirdass positions imagery. Dean on that table with his legs around the demon is like an entire meta on its own as well

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okay it was too bright when I saw the scene where Asmodeus was talking about that whatever it was he let out but I THINK that was the same demon I thought I saw overhearing it and now I am wondering what on earth that was about because Dean just killed him :P

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Awww Jack out in nature. I love the flowers and the buzz of insects and life all around him. And Asmodeus is testing him.

Okay it's been like one episode how can he have character inconsistency with himself from earlier in the episode - he now wants to unleash the things he got in trouble for unleashing before? I mean unless he's decided that Lucifer really isn't coming back so might as well just throw a party while there's no adult supervision, and get back to all that chaos and destruction he loves. If he thought there was remotely a chance Lucifer would come back he wouldn't do it, but then is he just doing it now out of spite that Lucifer told him no before, and instead of whatever nonsense he said about family dynamics back then is not really true at all because he wants to rebel now instead.

If Jack unleashes the thing because he was tricked then it will be the biggest Sam and Cas mirror thing ever and will set him up with some angst and guilt for the rest of the season.

One of the downsides of Dean not getting along with him is that Jack doesn't know how much scepticism about God is a healthy amount in this universe. He basically just knows that God is his grandfather and family is usually good. But God is suuuch a bad concept to rally behind here, it's not even like God wouldn't ask him to do it because God never tells anyone what to do about anything (which is like the first thing Dean would have told Jack if he hadn't still been sulking God wouldn't lift a finger to help him over the whole dead Cas issue), God would also just never have any positive reinforcement for anyone or get excited about having a grandson, at least in a way to get actively involved :P

I mean Chuck probs thought that Donatello making his way to Jack was about as useful as he could be and that immediately went sour when no one kept 2 pairs of eyes on each other at all times.

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Wyoming has some pretty nasty stuff under it :P

I wonder if Hell maps exactly to earth but just kinda deeper.

Also point to me for rambling about hell gates earlier and then Asmodeus actually listening to my suggestion box for once. Maybe he will be the one character who can actually hear me in this show.

Hey you, you're an asshole

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Is Lucifer aware he literally just lead them in a circle because I am so not telling him that, because it's too funny.

I hope Jack didn't inherit his sense of direction but this is Dabb era, as soon as that kid gets a car, trouble starts.

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The midlands are so bleak.

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These angels are wearing heavy tactical gear and yet more kneepads. The human had them too. This is just kneepad world. I don't see the necklaces of baby ears so maybe that design thing got ditched or maybe Bobby was being metaphorical.  The important thing is they don't look like Cas. The weird thing is we know Mikey's costume sort of does look like a ragged Cas.

Anyway Lucifer is so offended to hear Michael killed him even though it was literally the most obvious thing ever the entire time we've known about them and since 12x12 we've had extra info to prove it :P

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Omg why are you opening champagne on a traaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain

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MIKEY

He wanders in like hey I'm awesome but also I need to immediately open with super obvious exposition lines

Lucifer accuses him of being dressed like he came from a western too which goes with the thematics back in the Earth part of the story and also makes me think maybe the costuming choice was supposed to kinda mirror Frontierland Dean's 2nd costume because why the fuck not this is Dabb era, rules are for suckers :P

I can't see it w/o the hat but maybe he has a hat elsewhere.

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this hole down into the centre of the earth looks REMARKABLY like the one the 2nd season of Shadowhunters had in the season finale, so I need Magnus to just wander over the rise and close it now. Also his eyes glow gold and cat like. Is his power literally equivalent to Jack's? He's like ridiculously OP in that show. I guess all that hiatus watching was research.

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Ah, Asmodeus has learned the "Oh shit it's the Winchesters" moment already, especially recognising the car. Them driving right onto the scene has the oddest shades of 5x22 without anything being remotely like it except it's a field, hole in the earth, and car.

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Okay why did Donatello yell "that's not Donatello"

this is like the reverse of the best version of this scene I've ever heard which is the one from the end of Here Be Gerblins in the Adventure Zone which I will not spoil for you except to say this is the worst and also it doesn't take too much listening to get to that point and I nearly cried laughing so you should probably go listen. More hiatus watching research!

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The other option is D is having a total crisis of self w/o a soul or the evil D is actually the real thing and Asmodeus is helping them for some reason.

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LOL he's like hi I'm Crowley's replacement so the line now is "howdy boys" intead of hello boys

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As soon as Jack knows what's up and sees his new peeps getting hurt he stops because he is precious and he did nothing wrong and I love him

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AWW HE THINKS THEY'RE HIS FRIENDS I LOVE YOU NOUGAT

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Deal with that, Dean.

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Mary like "... should I be shuffling backwards?" "I SHOULD BE SHUFFLING BACKWARDS, BYE"

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Lucifer said he needed Mary, Mikey says he needs Lucifer... I think that phrase is being turned over and ruined now. The necessary step of Dean having said it to Cas that one time when he shoulda said I love you... They had a brief critique of "need and want" and some stuff about i and we, which was what last season was doing, but Cas feels bad bcos he feels needed but not wanted, and this is as much as Dean has said to him - from the depths of his heart - but it's not enough because that was season 8 and he hasn't felt like he belongs and he needs that I love you. Uh but w/o using "need" - look, they're gesticulating with champagne again, I have 1 eye on this at best as we roll through the midlands for an eternity :P Anyway I guess it is time to put "need" in the firing line as the Wrong Word that means that you're USING someone.

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WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING??? DEAN DOES NOT SIT AT THE TABLE LIKE THAT. OH MY POOR, POOR BROKEN CHILD LET ME HOLD YOU IN MY ARMS

I know it's probably for that wonderful shot of them through the door but Dean fundamentally does not sit up against the wall - he and Sam have their places at that table when they have their chats and it's a serious thing since the entire time theyve been using the kitchen for important plot chats.

Anyway he super not okay bcos that's his seat he sits at when he's in his proper place in the dynamic - or improper one but the point is the dynamic is the dynamic when they sit opposite each other and Dean's opted out and flopped back against the wall instead of sitting where he normally does when he and Sam are in balance. Sam's connection to his seat has some other flavours of his side of the codependency issues but largely about his lack of assertiveness or getting too messed up about saving Dean, so we'll see

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AAAH Sam is sitting one seat over as well.

I know it's a free table but there's 8 seats and REMARKABLY little flexibility about it.

Dean's wearing a black henley which is also baaad news. *pats him on the head and follows with a blanket*

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Sam stands (or sits) his ground

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Dean, gosh, I don't like when the camera follows you because this is probably going to be awful for my heart.

We also have not really had his POV much this ep except the Asmodeus chat up scene

He's mostly reacted. Like he thinks Jack is only reacting.

I DON'T LIKE THIS SCENE

PROTECT JACK FROM HIMSELF TOO

I hope he was just being curious like a super amped up version of how Kira on Orphan Black found out she has super healing powers so sliced her own arm open while being scared and fascinated with what she was and pissed off the adults wouldn't tell her anything but this was gross and violent and pls protect Jack because that was awful.

Dean's suitably horrified though because he has to contemplate Jack is just as freaked out and lost as he is about this whole thing because this is a gross and horrifying way to show that Jack is as fucked up and lost as the rest of them. I don't think he was actually trying to kill himself esp. because he knew the angel blade already stabbed him and did nothing and even if he doesn't know what it is and why that's signficant he knows he didn't die of something that should have killed him... I hope it's just childlike curiosity mixed with bleak existential horror as he comes to understand how much he doesn't understand himself even in the context of the world he's in...

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OH NO

but also good lines of dialogue they acted super well. Jack is starting to think he can't be saved if Dean doesn't think it and is silently asking him to do it because he doesn't want to hurt people and oh gosh this isn't 10x09 at all where Deran asked Cas to do it to him... But completely different emotional landscape where Dean WOULD do it and wants to and Jack is only just starting to doubt himself and wonder if he would hurt people and the important thing is not like Dean thinking there was a line he would cross and half-tricking Cas into saying he'd do it by asking him for a favour first, but Cas not being able to oblige him in 10x22... This is Jack being such a good pure piece of nougat that he's SCARED of what he is and what he can do and beginning to think that he might need to be killed esp. because Dean thinks so and this has been a bad day for him... even though again his nature shone through, Dean thinks it was a "sneeze" and Jack still doesn't have a developed enough moral compass to understand what he did except that we can see it was a good thing.

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And final shot Jack reflected in the mirror all bloody and sad and I need to zoom in on that later to see his face because like magic the sun is out again when I want to look at the screen.

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End episode here. Good. That means Dean angstily listening to music is in 13x03 almost for sure because I want it to be (uh, sorry that's not science :P) but it would be a great Berens to Berens chat with self about 9x14 and Dean angstily listening to music there.

I am not actually where were we are any more except powering towards London, but I'm gonna put my laptop away because they're still topping up the champagne and I just survived a BL episode where nothing so awful happened that I can see the fandom outrage from a million miles away and the worst I can say is that they are an exposition machine and I wish they had more nuanced dialogue because in someone else's hands that character stuff would have been delivered well rather than just delivered :P

[monster-mum]

Sorry, not sorry

Trying to be kind, helpful and respectful in an ever-growing world can seem like a difficult task at times. There are many out there who wouldn’t give someone else’s well-being a second thought but for many of us it is second nature. Growing up me and Andrew regularly saw our parents reaching out and helping others. Not huge extravagant things but the little things like holding the door open for a Mum struggling with a pushchair, or giving up their seat to the elderly lady on the train or seeing a stranger upset and going over to see if they were okay. I can remember one time, when I was around fourteen years old, the four of us were heading out in the car when we noticed an elderly gentleman struggling with his shopping while trying to cross a busy main road. Suddenly he dropped his shopping and it spilled out all over the pavement and road. Without a word to each other our Dad pulled over and our Mum jumped out of the car to go and assist the man. This was just the normal thing for me and Andrew to see our parents do and so as we’ve grown into adults we both go out of our way to follow in their footsteps. I think it is a good thing to put a little kindness out into the world when and where we can, sometimes just that one moment can turn someone’s day around. Have you ever read that book ‘The Five People You Meet in Heaven’ By Mitch Albom? If you haven’t you really should. It is a book of influence and has changed many people’s perspective on interactions with others. It’s a fantastic read. I was lucky enough to be on the receiving end of one person’s act of kindness the other day and I was so grateful.

There I am on my own with my tiniest monster who has decided that he despises Tesco’s with a passion and screams bloody murder from the entrance of the shop and down every single aisle. Half way down the shop it’s beginning to wear thin and I’m contemplating either ending the shopping trip and coming back later or cutting my ears off. Just as I am about to give in and head over to the kitchenware aisle a lady comes over and offers to carry the little gremlin so I can finish the shopping. I couldn’t believe it. I stood and stared at her for far too long, she must’ve thought I had been frozen in time with a freeze gun (totes real thing). Eventually I responded with an enthusiastic “Yes, please!”

There is this misconception with many people that parents enjoy the sound of their children screaming, like it’s a beautiful symphony. The fact of the matter is we hate it so fricking much. It is like a screwdriver to the brain for most parents. If anyone wants a screaming, tantruming child to sit down and be quiet the parents are at the top of that list. I never really understood how stressful a screaming child could really be until our little banshee Lyla Rose arrived into the word with a series of loud screams.

Lyla is a beautiful, strong, independent, fierce character. A wonderful array of personality traits for any young girl to have, unless you are the parent of said young girl. Teaching manners and respect to a child that was born knowing all the answers can be somewhat a challenge.

Set scene: I’m in the kitchen with Lyla, having just set down her lunch I begin tidying bits away.

Lyla: “Mummy can I have a drink please?”

Me: “Sure.”

I pour her drink and set it down in front of her, I wait patiently for the thank you which should follow. Lyla glances at me and gives me a look that demands “why are you looking at me servant?”

Me: “Lyla, what do you say?”

Lyla: “You’re welcome.”

Me: “No Lyla, I’m supposed to say you’re welcome.”

Lyla: “Then what do YOU say Mummy?”

Me: “Lyla you’re supposed to say thank you.”

Lyla: “Why? I’ve already said you’re welcome, which you are supposed to say Mummy. You need to have better manners.”

What! I mean seriously where do you go from here. Knowing that I have lost this round I walk away. Lyla: 2,352 points. Me: 1 and a half points. Yes, I have just been schooled and outwitted by my four-year-old. It happens to the best and the worst of us, and to me and Chris on a regular basis.

I think teaching children respect can be particularly difficult. Many parents desperate to step away from the “seen and not heard” parenting style, and not wanting to go too far towards the “free rein” style, are stuck bouncing between the two trying to find a balance. I’d like to tell you that I have all the answers and I know the exact right way to go about it but I struggle to call the right child by the right name let alone be able to give any decent parenting advice. A lot of parenting involves guess work, attempting to not sound like your own parents but sounding exactly like them and learning to adapt to how tired you are. That’s something no one really tells you when you have a child. Many new parents are aware that you are tired for a while after having a baby and that is true, but the misunderstanding occurs when they believe that you manage to catch up on all the sleep you miss. I’m sorry to tell you all but that never happens, yep never. You simply adjust to being tired and with each consecutive child you just adjust to being even more tired.

Trying to teach my kids respect seems to be particularly challenging. Our dog is better trained than our kids. I have tried to get the kids to respond to a whistle and for an hour it worked, I did treat based training and our spaniel joined in too. The three of them had a ball. I was feeling pretty chuffed with myself and was getting a bit cocky at the thought of outsmarting all those parenting books. Surely this was just a type of positive reinforcement. It was all going well until it wasn’t and that is a common theme in parenting. This happens a lot with children, you think you are on the home straight and there’s no way you can lose and then out of nowhere you get hit with a curve ball and you’re out.

Set scene: I’ve just sat down to do some writing. Lachlan is having some ‘beat the crap out of my toys’ time in his play gym. Steven and Lyla are off in another part of the house shouting and trashing whichever room they’re in when suddenly they quietly appear. Steven walks in with his IPad.

Me: “Steven what are you doing?”

Steven: Playing the role of a film director his attitude is of someone creating a piece of art as he points the iPad at me. “I am making a film Mummy.”

It’s about 1 in the afternoon and I am still in my pj’s. My hair looks like a family of birds has been nesting in it and I’m pretty sure I have some left-over breakfast down my top, so I am sure you’ll appreciate how little I wanted this moment in my life documented on my son’s iPad. He is also the type of child who enjoys showing anyone and everyone anything and everything he has done so it undoubtedly would’ve been halfway around the village before dinner time.

Me: “Steven, I don’t want to be videoed, please stop.”

Steven: Looks like I am “The Man” tearing down his right to a creative vision. “Fine Mummy, I’ll film Lachlan.”

I glance down at Lachlan and notice that he is in his favourite sleeping at gunpoint position and is out for the count. Just as I am about to ask him not to film Lachlan, Steven and Lyla shove their heads under the play gym and are practically nose to nose with the poor boy.

Lyla: “Aww Lachlan you’re so chuubbbyyyyy!”

Lyla has heard us say this a few times to Lachlan and has decided it is a term of endearment, which it is for a baby, but when you’re sat with your four-year-old on your lap cuddling into you and she says “Aww Mummy you’re so chubby” it doesn’t have quite the same sentiment.

Lachlan jumps out of his skin and opens his eyes and then jumps again at the sight of his big brother’s and sister’s faces that are about a centimetre away from his own. The next thing he sees is Steven’s blue covered IPad in his face.

Me: “Hey! Guys! Come on, Lachlan was asleep.” Lachlan pulls his sad face and I look at the login screen on my laptop, so close yet so far, and close the lid.

The kids stand up and pull their ‘sorry but not sorry faces’. You know the ones I mean where they don’t really care but they know that if they play the part they can get away quicker and with little to no lecture.

Me: “Please be more aware of others. You could see that he was sleeping and you just woke him up. That’s not nice is it?”

They Shake their heads “no Mummy.”

Okay this is looking like it’s going well. I am parenting my arse off and they seem to be actually taking it on board for a change. Feeling like I’ve done an awesome job I mentally pat myself on the back as I tell them to just be more mindful in the future and to go have fun and play. Then…

Steven: “Mummy, before I go can I just take a photo of you with two heads?”

Urgh! They fooled me again. Dammit. I need to start being more suspicious of my little monsters. I tell them both to go play and no, Steven cannot take a photo of me with two heads. I look down at my tiniest monster who by now has fallen asleep with a smile on his face as he listened to his brother and sister getting told off, he’s probably going to be the worst out of all three of them.

The lack of respect at times is infuriating but I guess even them learning to humour the idea of it is better than nothing at times, they just need to get better at humouring for a bit longer than three seconds.