#i hate tuesdays and thursdays so much
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#vent#on mobile#so dont know how to make a read more#whatever#just had a mental breakdown#pretty sure i scared my professor#i really hope he doesn't go to the school mental health thing#my other professor would#i just want to be told what to do#not make my own choices#i hate being in charge#i broke down entirely#i hate tuesdays and thursdays so much#i hate my art class#i dont want to write#i dont want to make these stupid art projects#i just want to stop working on school work#i fucking hate this so much#just give me a prompt so i can work#i dont want open ended shit#or to be given the ability to make my own questions#i hate this so fucking much#just let me graduate#before i do something fucking drastic#...
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the middle school principal wants to hire me in a full-time position so bad.
and who can blame him? i'm that substitute 💅
#he outright asked me today if i'd be interested in being a para and i told him i'm taking in-person classes right now for school#on tuesdays and thursdays so i can't do that#it's certainly something i have in my mind as a possibility#and frankly. i LIKE school like i like taking classes but in a very real sense. i prefer working#i'm a lot more comfortable working as a sub now than i was a year/year and a half ago#even on days where i get tossed around a lot like today it's like yeah whatever. i can adapt#especially if it's at the middle school as opposed to the high school#the high school... it sucks. in some ways. i don't hate going there but the admin is.... eeeugh#actually the whole district admin has some problems but the middle school admin is very bearable#tales from diana#i do turn 26 this year though and i'm gonna need health insurance. i've been very aware of that too in the time i've been subbing#yeah i like taking classes it's just hard to explain why i'm not like in the swing of things#ive never worked this many hours while taking in-person classes before at the same time#and the days i sub i have to get up earlier which is a bitch but it's so. like. yeah whatever i can do that#the largesse of a college campus is so strange to me after having taken a 2-year pause in my education#not to mention the commute which is long on both sides of the day#i dont actually wake up THAT much earlier to go to my class it's only like 90 minutes extra sleep anyway#when i sub i'm almost immediately *doing something* in my day. college is a lot of wandering and waiting around#the lack of business that i feel compared to being in a public middle or high school makes the day somehow no less weary for me#i hope i get more used to it i guess#i'm still not used to my new 5-day schedule of babysitting/class/subbing/class/subbing#every friday no longer feels like a friday and it's super odd to me#like it's delightful to be reminded that it's friday but i don't feel at all like it's even been 1 week#idk. yeah. everything's different now
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We've officially reached the 'too demotivated and drained to bother to go to class' part of the semester. Awesome
#if it wasn't for the strike I'd just go home on tuesday morning#because i don't want to miss too many korean sessions because we can't be absent more often than 4 times#but i don't plan on going to my monday and tuesday classes#and thursday is a holiday so that class is canceled and i am willing to miss wednesday's korean class if it means getting to#see my dog a day earlier#but alas i cannot#because no trains and shit#also my friend asked me if i wanted to join for drinks sometime this week(end) and i desperately need new friends#(i.e. i don't want to turn down invitations from people i don't hang out with often because i basically am getting#actively excluded from my other friends' activities (literally. if you don't want me around it's literally fine. just don't fucking act#like you do. i hate it here lmao)#no but that friend was like 'I'll always invite you' and damn i LOVE to hear it because the others apparently hate having me around#(again. fair enough. I'm not particularly outgoing or fun so i get it. i just don't want to make any effort there anymore so i kinda need#to make an effort with other people? because i really like her and all but i also don't feel like going out#and would much rather go home see my dogs- but if i turn down too many invitations she'll stop inviting me#which is only logical- idk i don't really want to have to have friends anymore#i just know life is better when i spend time with people sometimes and have someone to get through university hell with#anyway. i don't wanna go to class anymore and i really don't wanna do this degree anymore and i actually do not#want to go to korea but i have to because it's my only chance but it makes me want to kill myself but also not doing it would make me want#to kill myself so i don't really have anything going for me there#void screams
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Shit I remembered the exams sessions are getting closer and closer hhhghgcgf I'm not emotionally prepared for this 🥲
#mina.txt#lets just say im having a bit of a crisis bgvghg i need to make a plan on what i should do next#cuz i have a statistics project due Thursday economics homework also due Thursday#but before then i have a test on Tuesday that i only found out about it two days ago#and also have to go to sports this week even if i despise the subject and the teacher cvvhgfgf FUCKIN HELL 😭😭😭#sometimes overthinking too much and having lots of stuff to do can create so much stress and i hate it#its hard to manage and it overwhelms me vvvgfvv but ill do my best#but holy shit bhhhghhg i hate everything i hate myself i want a longer holiday 😭😭😭#anyways sorry for the info dump in the tags vvbhgv i should stop worrying about stuff
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*going into my uni's library and seeing there's somehow more broken chairs* *gripping my bag shaking red eyes from anger* I love public education I love public education I love public education I love public education I love publi-
#I know‼️ at least there's a place to study and chairs ‼️#but if I keep going finding there's more broken chairs I'm turning into the joker‼️#last week I went tuesday- hell day there's never space but I managed to find a chair#then I when thursday and there was 4 broken ones that were perfectly fine two days ago. like What. How.#What do y'all do with chairs this is insane#there's also two huge groups that monopolized the library so I can barely find a chair sometimes#It'll be solved when they open up the Actual library cause they renewed it but haven't finished#I think I saw individual cubicles....... I dream about them sometimes#individual cubicles........#I can't wait until the open it up There's so much more space and chairs and individual cubicles........#this is a joke btw no one can make me hate public education ever. I love it and it's such a privilege too#in my country we have incredibly good higher public education that I feel like some people forget how good we have it. like it's amazing
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Skipping a "commitment" for no other reason than wanting to finish my show lol and because a dog is sleeping on me.
#I hate that I have to feel guilty so often for deciding to skip when I am practicing pretty much every day except Saturday and have#Coaching Tuesday through Thursday and now have had some extra practices and work and pet sitting#sure I'm still not working as much as some people but ugh and ugh on having to feel guilty#personal#boring sorry it's just getting old#I want to be done having to do this every week
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#im so sad to be back at work after 3 days off#Tuesday was spent recovering from all the pain and exhaustion#and wednesday and thursday were really low pain!#but now im back to being in so much pain and i hate it#im so tired....
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#i swear if i get my period on monday i am going to cut a bitch#my period likes to inconvenience me as much as possible and will fall on my vacations 70% of the time#it's almost without fail now#tomorrow is the latest it can start where i won't be mad but i just KNOW it's going to be monday or tuesday because i can't catch a break#24/25 days is average but it depends on stress which i've had a lot of lately so i guarantee my vacation week is going to be a bloody mess#pun intended#if it starts later on wednesday or even thursday (which is pushing it for me but still in the regular range) i would be fine with that#my main problem lies in the fact i love swimming and i hate tampons#so i'm going to be super pissed#just a fun update for y'all you're welcome
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Training for Two
Chapter 7. Motivated, Sir!
Masterlist
Summary: You struggle to keep up with your freelance work - Soap has the wonderful idea of bringing you and Riley to base.
Warnings: cursing, yeah.
Sure enough, Simon had requested your services about three days after you’d run into him in the café.
He had sent you an email the Tuesday following your run in. It was the same as before – short and to the point. leaving thursday at 0900. riley will need her meds at 1300. i’ll be on base for a few days for trainig, won’t be far. call if you need anything.
You showed up no later than twelve-thirty, your backpack hanging off one shoulder and a fresh bag of peanut-butter-bacon cookies in your free hand. You cooed and smiled at Riley as she all but attacked you as you entered through the front door. She seemed to have grown to miss you, which had your heart swelling with pride. People pleaser and a puppy pleaser, it seems.
After a dose of her medicine and a much-needed walk through one of the nearby parks, you crashed on Simon’s couch to do some freelance work. With your feet kicked up onto the coffee table (politely, with your socks on and your shoes by the front door), you tapped and clicked away at your laptop, fiddling with the edge of your sweatshirt as you concentrated.
You may have bitten off more than you could chew, as much as you hated to admit it. Prancing your skill online – boosting social media posts that boasted about your expertise in logo design and marketing had brought in more customers than you anticipated. Recognition was exciting, and you had taken on four clients at once; something you were currently and mentally kicking yourself for. The burnout had settled in quickly after you finished the first portfolio of logo samples, and you wanted nothing more than to take a nap with Riley as your blanket.
You sighed, sinking further into the couch cushions and running your hands over your face. You were dangerously low on motivation.
A few moments later, you were holding your phone, listening to each ring as you chewed on the edge of your sleeve. A bad habit, one that your mother had tried to break you of in your teenage years, but you stubbornly kept to it.
Soon, the phone picked up with a click. “Hey, babe.”
“Hi Tyler…” you said with a relived exhale. “You busy?”
“Eh-“ he grunted; you heard the sound of tinkering in the background, and the voice of the secretary at his main office. “I’ve got a moment. Everything alright?”
You sighed. “Yeah… nothing’s wrong, I’m just stuck.”
“How so?”
“Well” – you sat upright, crossing your feet under you and putting your laptop to the side – “I’ve finished the one project, and now I-“
“Which project?” Tyler interjected. You heard beeping, followed by one of his coworkers asking for a wire stripper.
“The logo design for that new attorney’s office off of main and thirty-fourth.”
“Oh! Yeah yeah, I remember.”
You cleared your throat. “Yeah, I finished that one. I have three other projects now, and one is due by the-“
“Three?! I thought you just had the one!”
A sigh escaped your lips. “I did, and then more clients flooded in, I just got ahead of myself-“
“Sweetheart- here, Max, hold this for a second- you got too much on your plate. You’ve already been house-sitting for that one guy, Sam-“
“-Simon.”
“Right, yeah. But, doll, maybe you need a break. Can you tell him that you need him to find someone else for now?”
You faltered. “You’re saying quit the house-sitting gig?”
“Not quit, I know Riley likes you – but maybe just have him get another guy to finish the week.”
“I can’t do that!” you said, a bit taken aback that Tyler of all people, Mr. Work-Till-You-Drop himself, would suggest that you let go of a project. “He can’t exactly find a different sitter right now, he’s not going to be home.”
“Alright, alright- what about dropping one of the logo gigs?”
“That would look bad for my business.”
“Well, babe-“ you heard someone call for him in the background of the call. “-give me a sec, Ron, it’s important- I don’t know what to tell you. You bit off more than you can chew, it sounds like.”
Your heart dropped into your stomach; why am I bothering him? He’s working, and this isn’t something he can exactly help with. “Yeah- I’m sorry. I’m just- I dunno. I need something to motivate me.”
“Don’t be sorry, sweetheart.” Tyler sighed; you could hear the pinch in his brow. “I’m not trying to be short with you, I… eh, I guess this wasn’t the best time, hmm? Tell you what: when Sam comes back-“
“Simon.” You said with a chuckle.
“Shit, sorry- when Simon gets back, and you’re back home, let’s have a day in, yeah? You pick a movie, I’ll get the takeaway, and have a look at your portfolio. Sound good?”
You smiled, the knot in your stomach easing up a bit. “Yeah, sounds like paradise.”
“Good.” Tyler said, and you could hear the smile in his tone. “I’ll make sure it is. Let your mind rest a bit, alright? And give Riley a kiss for me.”
“What, I don’t get one?”
“Yours are automatic!”
“Leavin’ me for a dog, are you?”
“I wouldn’t leave you for Aphrodite.”
You smiled. “I love you. But go back to work! I don’t want Ron to hate me.”
Tyler chuckled, the sound sending butterflies fluttering in your stomach. “Alright. Love you too.”
You ended the call, tossing the phone onto the cushion next to you. Why did I call him? He was at work – I knew that. He doesn’t even know anything about design. I could have texted him – or I could have just left him alone. Why would I even bother him with this? How could he have helped?
You groaned, closing your laptop and moving it to the coffee table. Looking across the room, you saw that Riley was no longer in her bed, her blanket partially spilling onto the floor next to it. She whined; you turned your head to find her sitting at the door. She met your gaze, licking her lips and tapping her feet anxiously on the floor.
“Do you need to go out?”
She whined again, impatient.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” you huffed, standing on your feet and stretching your limbs. She trotted over to you with a groan, then back to the door.
You followed her there, slipping on your shoes. You reached into the closet and grabbed her leash, leaning down to clip it onto her collar. She grunted and jerked her head back, taking a few steps away from you.
Confusion settled on your face. “C’mon girl, don’tcha want to go for a walk?”
She let out a few voofs, raising a paw and stomping it indignantly. You tried again, reaching out with the clip of the leash, but she darted away once more. She stood by the closet and barked shrilly, still staring at you.
This lasted for a few more minutes; you’d stand there, taking every woo and wuff that she threw at you. After a few moments of the following silence, you’d take a step towards her, holding up the leash with a cocked brow, and she’d huff and turn in a circle.
“I’m sorry I don’t speak awoowoo.” You said in frustration, putting your hands on your hips. “spreek je Nederlands?”
She huffed dramatically, lying down and resting her nose on her front paws. You sighed yourself and headed back towards the couch – she yipped, whining at you through her nose.
“What?” you asked, throwing your hands up. “I don’t know what you want!”
She barked back at you. Helpful.
You groaned. This wasn’t getting you anywhere. You went back to the couch and grabbed your phone, flopping stomach-first onto the cushions. Riley trotted over to your side and whined, sitting politely on the rug.
With a few clicks, Simon’s contact appeared on your phone; well, it was Riley’s face, her snout taking up most of the camera and her ears tucked back against her head as she had sniffed the lens in the moment. You chewed your lip. It’s not an emergency… but maybe he forgot to tell me about part of her routine? She hadn’t acted this upset the last time you were here… and she had certainly never indicated no when you got ready to take her outside.
You pressed the call button, putting your phone on speaker. Not half a ring had passed before Simon answered.
“Wha’s wrong? ‘S Riley ok?”
“N- hi, Simon – yeah, Riley’s ok. She-“
“Are you ok?”
You chuckled. “Yes, I’m fine. This isn’t an emergency.”
You heard him sigh, and quickly tried to deescalate the situation. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you-“
“Don’t apologize,” he said, “ya did nothin’ wrong. I know you wouldn’t call if it wasn’t important.”
You laughed again. “Well, I don’t really know if it is or isn’t – I’m trying to take Riley out for a stroll, and she won’t go,”
“No?”
“No. I try to put her leash on and she runs away. She’s yapping at me though, like she’s got something to say.” You looked at her, reaching a finger to boop her nose.
You heard the faint sound of gunshots in the background of the call. You had half a mind to ask if he was in battle- war- whatever they called it- at the moment, until you remembered that he said he was training this week. “Ya sure she needs t’ go out?”
“She’s acting like she does.” You said, rolling onto your side.
He grunted. “Pain flarin’ up?”
“She’s not limping.”
“Biscuit?”
“She’s had her first daily.”
He sighed. “Beats me. I’d think she was-“
“Oi! LT!”
You listened closely, suddenly drawn to the commotion beyond the speaker. “Simon?”
“One sec, luv-“ he said quickly. “I’m busy, Soap-“
“Cap needs ye back oan th’ feld. One o’ the Jimmies hud o’ nice fall.”
“Fuckin’ wot?”
“One o’ the rookies collapsed.” Soap was now closer to the phone; close enough that you could hear he was out of breath. “Cap wants ye out there.”
“Tell him I’m busy.”
“Tell ‘im yer feckin’ self, ye dry piece o’ shite-“
Riley suddenly barked, making you jolt. She stood with her paws on the edge of the couch and staring at the phone.
“Awe, tha’ mah girl?” Soap said from the other line. “Mah Bonnie, yea? She miss me?”
“’M on the fuckin’ phone, Johnny.”
“Ah know, I’m talkin’ to the pup.”
You thought for a moment, as Simon and Soap bickered in the background. Maybe, Riley misses Simon’s coworkers? She used to work with them… judging on her reaction – panting and ears perked up as she listened to the conversation – you’d guess you were right.
“Hey, uh… Simon?”
‘- hm?” Simon halted his bickering with Soap at the sound of your voice.
“Does she maybe want to see your- team? Or Soap, at the very least?”
“Aye, she does.” Soap chimed in, making Riley whine. “Ya hear tha’? She misses ‘er ol’ uncle Johnny.”
“Bugger off, mate.” Simon grumbled.
You suddenly felt like you made a mistake even voicing your thoughts. “Sorry if it’s not a good idea, I just heard how she reacted to Soap’s voice, and, y’know – how she used to work with you all…” you chuckled at yourself. “Now that I think about it, I probably couldn’t even get on base, could I?”
“It would-“
“None o’ that keech!” Soap said, cutting off Simon for the umpteenth time. “Ghost, ye can tell the gate guards you’ll be expectin’ er. Or cap, he’ll vouch for ‘er. Want tae see my girl.”
You felt a bout of excitement roll through your veins. “I think that would be great! And I’d get to meet you all finally. I should know who Simon travels the world with, right?”
There was a moment of silence over the phone, save for the distant gunfire and the cadence of orders being called out. You wondered if you had said something wrong; ‘travel the world…’ it’s deployment, not a vacation. Why did I say that?
“Don’t see why not.” Simon finally said, and you sighed quietly.
“You sure?” you confirmed.
“It’s jus’ what the pup needs.” Soap said. “Probably misses ‘er other friends, too-“
“Jus’ head towards the naval base, n’ I’ll send you the address to the gate.” Simon said with a huff. “Tell them you’re here for Ghost.”
“Ghost…” you repeated.
“’S my callsign. Oh, and, uh- put ‘er harness on. She wears that to base, probably why she won’t take jus’ the leash.”
You smiled, heart fluttering a bit at the information. “Great! I’ll see you soon!”
“Drive safe.”
You bit your lip as the call ended, that warmth still bubbling within your chest. A thousand, fleeting questions circled within your head as you rolled onto your side, clutching your phone to your chest. Does he call everyone luv? What gave him the callsign “Ghost”? I wonder what his team is like… I wonder what Johnny- Soap?- is like. I wonder if they’re all as attractive as-
Riley barked; you yelped, body tensing as you were torn from your thoughts. She pawed at you, still standing on her two hind legs and yowling lowly in your direction.
“Alright, alright- let’s go!” you rolled off the couch, equally as excited as she was. She happily obliged to sit next to you when you grabbed the harness from the closet, slipping it over her head and latching the leash to its back. She then eagerly trotted to the door, tapping her feet anxiously and whining.
You stuffed your feet into your shoes (you hoped that a sweatshirt, leggings, and rain boots would be appropriate for bringing your client’s dog on a military base). You stepped out into the overcast day, locking Simon’s door behind you and shoving the key into your bra; excitement boiled underneath your veins as the two of you headed over to your car, right as your phone buzzed with Simon’s text.
Simon watched as your contact photo faded from the screen. His eyes hardened as he turned to Johnny – the bloke had a cheeky grin on his face, staring right back at his lieutenant. Simon wanted to grab him by his mohawk and swing him into the wall like a discus.
“Wha’?” Soap said innocently, shoulders shrugging with irreproachability. “I miss ‘er.”
“Ya don’t have nothin’ to miss, you wanker.” Simon snarled, stuffing his phone into his back pocket. “You’ve never met ‘er.”
“The dog, ya git.” Soap sighed. His eyes narrowed in amused suspicion. “Yer awfully protective o’ the lass, don’t ye think?”
Oh, Simon could have launched the Scot into next week. He knew what he was doing, the bastard. He knew Johnny was either going to try and pair you with himself, sweep you off your feet and charm you with his stupid blue eyes and bright smile – or, he was going to pitch you with his lieutenant. Simon didn’t like not knowing how to prepare himself: to either cockblock you and Johnny, or to refuse any advances Johnny made to him on your behalf.
Soap huffed, not intimidated in the slightest by Ghost’s dissociative, angry stare. “Calm doon, LT.” he said, shoving his shoulder with two, sturdy fingers. “She’s got a lad, aye? I jus’ want tae see Riley. I’ll leave your precious house-sitter alone.” He held a hand up and crossed a finger over his chest. “Scout’s honor.”
“You were never in Boy Scouts.” Ghost grumbled.
“Does it make a difference?” Soap said with a quirked eyebrow.
Simon sighed, leaving Soap on the training field to find Price. He had to let him know you’d be coming to base, or you’d be stopped at the gate and turned away – or worse, dragged off by the military police. It would be a surefire way of keeping you away from Soap, but it was also rather unhospitable. Riley wouldn’t be too impressed, either.
Still, Johnny had a point. Why was he fretting? You weren’t his.
“Jus’ keep an eye on the recruits. Be back in a moment.” He said over his shoulder.
“Aye, LT.” Soap responded: Simon could hear the grin on his face.
Smug bastard.
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Taglist (trying this again): @my-queen-rhaenyra-targaryen @jisungswiftie @sweet-tooth4you @kennyis-aloser @hyyyxr @lahniu @dory-98 @naradae @cum-tea-and-towels @boystepper @definitelynotaclown @your-wifes-boyfriend @ghostslittlegf @bossva @poppingaround @katzykat @mileyraes @chocolate-noodles @jupiternighties @sadlonelybagel @rorysbrainrot @reevesdriver @kingshitonly @ghost4love @lilyofhoon
#ghost x reader#simon riley x reader#simon ghost riley x reader#ghost#simon riley#simon ghost riley#ghost x you#ghost cod#simon riley x you#simon ghost riley x you#ghost call of duty#simon riley cod#call of duty#cod#cod x reader
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I don't need space, I need you
Mattheo and Theodore fluff
Based on this request, please don't hate me for taking 29 days to post this rather average piece, but I had a lot of requests and not a lot of time. I hope you like it!
Finally I had time to write today! Big yey for me, people. I needed it and I'm so happy I wrote something today. 💛 Sending you lots of love and of course: happy readings!
A/N: I got some stuff going on in life so if I don't respond, I'm sorry. Just know that I love you. 💛
There was a request for a Draco and Enzo version: you can read it here
Mattheo
“Where’s my princess?” Mattheo sings as he enters the common room in search of you. “Not here, I would check the library.” Blaise states not looking up from his book. Mattheo nods and is about to turn around to head straight for the library, but Draco’s snickering stops him from doing so. “I bet you’re pleased to have a moment of peace.” Mattheo focuses on Draco, not completely getting where the blond's going with this. “I honestly pity you, man, must be so suffocating.” Suddenly all eyes are on Mattheo and not just his friends, the entire slytherin common room is curious to hear what the big bad boy has to say. Mattheo moves a nervous hand through his curls and chuckles. “Yeah, she’s a bit much with her hugs and cuddles, and urgh those constant questions to check on me. I’m lucky she studies so much, so I have a break from time to time.” Mattheo sits down opposite of Draco who grins and nods, fully believing that Mattheo feels saved by your absence. However, Mattheo felt miserable sitting there, knowing that he could be spending time with you.
Just like Mattheo was searching the castle for you, you had been searching for him and ended up checking the common room. With watery eyes you turn around, unnoticed by anyone, and leave the common room. He thinks I’m too much?
***
“Who is it?!” Mattheo yells as he pushes you against the wall of an empty hallway. He rarely raised his voice with you, but now his face was close to yours, his eyes dark and piercing yours. He looks more pained than angry, but you just look confused. To him it was obvious, you had fallen out of love with him and probably found someone else. There was plenty of proof:
A quick kiss on the lips and a wish of good luck before Tuesday's test was all Mattheo got, instead of the tight hug and intense kiss you would normally give him before a test.
When you got your results back on Wednesday you jumped into Luna’s arms and just gave him a happy smile, while he was standing right there next to Luna. His heart ached to hold you and press you against his chest. Worse was when you asked Enzo about his test first and ended up discussing all the answers, barely giving your boyfriend any attention.
Thursday you went to sit next to Pansy in the common room, instead of settling in your boyfriend’s lap. Mattheo was forced to watch you the whole evening without touching you once. When you left for bed, you told him not to walk you to your room and reminded him to spend some much needed time with his friends. The sweet kiss you gave him, didn’t make up for any of it.
Were you trying to get rid of him? To Mattheo the case was obvious.
Friday was the worst. Happy to finally have you next to him as you were both reading, settled close by the fire. With his eyes still on the page of his own book his arm moved behind you to pull you closer and you let your head rest on his shoulder as you continued to read, but still Mattheo frowned. Normally you would sling your legs over his and cuddle up against his chest, wrapping your blanket around the both of you and creating this warm bubble of love. He could barely focus on his book, as his eyes constantly wandered to you reading next to him but not cuddled up against him like you used to.
So by Saturday Mattheo had pretty much had it with you. You rubbed your temple as squeezed your eyes. “I have a headache, I’m gonna head to my room and rest for a bit.” You got up from your seat to leave the library and Mattheo did the same. If you weren’t feeling well then he needed to be by your side. “Oh, don’t Matt. I’ll be fine. I’ll ask Pansy to give me something against the pain and settle next to me until I fall asleep.” Mattheo stood perplexed as you just kissed him and left. Now he wasn’t even good enough to take care of you anymore.
This was the moment he snapped. With stern strides he follows you.
“Who is it?!” You frowned at the question and met Mattheo’s dark eyes. “Obviously, you’re done with me. So who’s better than me, huh?” His voice was filled with anger, but his question sounded so heartbreaking, that you felt no need to get angry with him for pushing you against the wall and snapping at you. You cup his cheeks and softly shake your head. “Matt, I love you. I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Your voice is calm and endearing, reminding him of how much he needed your love. You were always so gentle with him and feeling you slip away the past week hurt so much that he felt like falling apart on the spot. He's too hurt and afraid to lose you to act tough and with a whisper he confesses his worries. “You don’t check up on me anymore. You don’t wish me luck before a test like you used to. We don’t cuddle anymore.” You stare at him in silence for a moment, you had never seen Mattheo this soft and vulnerable before.
Your hands still resting on his cheeks move to his neck as you wrap your arms around him and pull him against you. Mattheo snuggles his face in your neck, embarrassed with himself and desperate for your warmth. You rest your head against his and your fingers move through his curls, making him sigh at your touch. “You told Draco I was a bit too much. So I backed off, because I didn’t want to lose you. I know I can get clingy sometimes, I’m sorry.” Mattheo moves away to look at you and his eyes look guilty. “No, no. Don’t apologise. Don’t be sorry. I love you clingy and cuddly. I need you to be around me.” Your eyebrows knit together. “But I heard you say-” Mattheo interrupts you and shakes his head. “I was being stupid. Don’t listen to the things I say. Just stay with me and love me… overwhelm me with everything you have.” You tilt your head in confusion. “No, I mean listen to me, just forget about what I said back then. I- I was trying to act tough so I pretended to- you know.” You chuckle. “You pretended not to like cuddles, because you wanted to be a tough guy?” Embarrassed with himself Mattheo nods. “I’m a softy for you and I need my daily dose of love. I don’t need space.”
You sigh at Mattheo’s pouty face. “My boyfriend’s an idiot.” Mattheo nods and leans in for a kiss. “Please, let me take you to your room and let me take care of you, because I want nothing more than to be around you.” You pull him in for another intense kiss as an answer and as you walk to your dorm, he squeezes your hand the whole time walking.
Theodore
“Where’s my lady?” Theodore frowns as he sits down opposite of Blaise, who raises his shoulders without looking up from his book. Theo shakes his head in annoyance, he needed you like he needed cigarettes. He spent the whole day longing for your love and warm embraces. Merlin, all he wanted right now was for you to entangle your fingers with his hair and ask him about his day. “For once the two of you aren’t attached to the hip.” Mattheo quips and Draco snickers. “Must be refreshing to have a moment to yourself.” Theodore stays silent for a moment and a little further, near the common room entrance you halt in your step. “She’s so mothering, it’s almost toxic. I don’t know how you do it, mate.” Draco wiggles his eyebrows at Theo as Mattheo talks. “You know, if you ever need us to come save you, we could always come up with a code word.” Draco offers and Theodore chuckles, not knowing what to say. “It’s not toxic, but I’m happy to have a moment with you guys, because she can be a bit much. She’s always so… clingy.” You chew your lip and slowly take a step back, leaving the common room as the word ‘clingy’ rings in your head.
***
You didn’t want to lose your boyfriend due to being too clingy. So you decided to keep your distance.
Instead of spending your evening studying cuddled up with your boyfriend you ask Hermione to help you out with potions who of course never passes the opportunity to study. Keeping up his tough act in front of his friends, Theodore can’t protest as you leave the common room to go study with your friend instead of with him. Theo feels himself get cold as he sits by the fireplace with his friends. If you’re not there to keep him warm the room just feels empty and even the conversations are boring. He can’t help but curse himself for letting you go study with Hermione. Having to make peace with an evening without you, Theodore longs for the next day and having you next to him during breakfast while you talk about your plans for the day.
The next morning, at breakfast Theo only gets a small kiss from you before you turn to Pansy gossiping about some third years. Theodore can’t resist but snake an arm around you and you love his touch, but you try not to be too clingy and decide to not fully lean against him. Your boyfriend is happy to have you next to him, but disappointed that you stay engaged with Pansy’s gossip instead of giving him some much needed attention. Why were you not combing his hair with your fingers until it looked the way you preferred it? Why were you not checking if he had done all his homework? What was so bloody interesting about Pansy’s conversation?!! He was getting so annoyed that he was caught by surprise when you kissed him tenderly and headed for class. His mind and body were screaming to have you back by his side and walk you to class, but he just turned to his breakfast and spent the morning sulking.
Finally, after two days, he had you close to him, settled on his bed with a book in your hand. You were all alone in his room and you both enjoyed the peace and quiet. You lay between his legs with his arms around you, while his head rested on yours, reading some of the paragraphs of your book but mostly taking in your warmth and scent. He gives you a soft kiss on your cheek and you smile and lean against his chest. “I love you.” You whisper and his eyes shine even brighter than he smiles. “Love you too.” However, your romantic moment is ruined when Blaise and Mattheo enter. “Astronomy tower?” Mattheo raises his eyebrows at Theo who is about to decline the invitation, but you speak up first. “I was just about to meet up with Luna.” You jump up and Theodore's eyes go furious at the suggestion of you leaving. “No you’re not.” Theo snaps at you, shaking everyone in the room. “Why are you so eager to get away from me?” Theo questions and Blaise and Mattheo’s eyes move from their friend to you. You take a step back at your boyfriend's accusation. “I’m not. I’m just giving you space so you can hang out with your friends.” Theo shoots Blaise and Mattheo a dark glare. “Out! Both of you!”
As soon as the duo closes the door behind them and you and Theodore are left alone in the room Theodore gets up and towers over you. “I don’t want space, I want you. So tell me what’s going on, because I can’t stand it anymore.” His voice is stern, but you feel yourself relax as you no longer have to act differently and you can finally be honest with him. “You think I’m clingy and sometimes I’m too much… and I get that and I don’t want to lose you… so I did my best to give you some space in the hopes of saving our relationship.” Theodore’s heart aches at the soft tone of your voice. How could he make you feel like you were too much when you were all he wanted. “I’m such a shit boyfriend.” Theo sighs as he sits back down on his bed, making you frown and join him. “No, I was too much.” Theo’s head snaps to you. “You are not. I didn’t want those idiots to think I was whipped or soft or- so I said you were clingy, but you're not, if anything I am… I want you around 24/7.” Your eyes widen at his confession. “Soooo, you’re saying that ‘the’ Theodore Nott is so in love with me that he prefers cuddling over hanging with his friends.” Your boyfriend chuckles. “Yeah, so please just go back to reading in my arms and make me the happiest man alive.” You lean towards him and he meets your lips. The sweet kiss quickly turns passionate as you both fall back on the bed.
For the ones who asked to be tagged, here you go lovies: @ho3forfakeguys and @bitchoftoji
#mattheo riddle imagine#mattheo riddle#mattheo riddle x reader#slytherin boys#slytherin#theodore nott imagine#theodore nott#theodore nott x reader#pepercorgiworldwritings
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iiiiii aaaaam sooooo booooored
#i'm stuck here for the weekend with nothing to do#then i'm doing a gig on monday and then hopefully go home tuesday but it'll probably end up being thursday#but i cannot live in this house rn i don't wanna come back here after christmas i'm so sick of the people i live with#I've pretty much lived with them for 2 years and they were fine but now things are different and i'm so sick of them oh my god#the only one i'm not sick of yet is in spain so i'm not gonna see her for like a month#but anyway there is nothing to do bc usually i'd talk to my former best friend who has now been demoted to friend status#but he's with his girlfriend all the time and she's annoyed at me bc i asked him can he not have her round every single night#which i can understand why she'd be offended but it doesn't feel that unreasonable?#me and my other housemate both are uncomfortable with her being round like 6 nights a week#it's like she's suddenly living here and we didn't even get a say in it#and we were both friends with her and said multiple times it's nothing against her and we don't mind her being round for a few days#but apparently our other housemate is possibly stirring shit even though he's not involved but apparently he told them that we've been#bitching about them. which we haven't. maybe occasionally venting but that's like private between us two so he's literally not involved#but anyway she probably thinks that we've been bitching about her and is now ignoring us#but she's still staying round all the time like if you suddenly hate us so much wouldn't you wanna stay in your own house?#like idec if she wants to be childish and just straight up ignore me then cool good for her bc at least her bf is still talking to me#and he knows i haven't said anything bad about her but idk he could at least tell her that? but whatever we're both the least#confrontational people in existence and hate drama so neither of us wanna do anything about it#but idek anymore#anyway bc of all this i have no one to talk to and nothing to do for the next few days#so I've literally just been lying in bed watching classic coronation street for the past week#but whatever#someone send absolute help#ramble
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Sorry I missed you (on purpose)
Buck knew Tommy's schedules and habits, and he knew exactly when Tommy wasn't home.
Tommy's schedule fluctuated from week to week, so how did Buck know this? Well, Buck started anti-stalking Tommy, which is...still stalking, but he was only doing it to avoid running into Tommy. It doesn't make sense. To you, to anybody, but it makes sense to Buck, and Buck's gonna Buck, right?
Tommy liked to keep the porch light on because he fed a neighborhood cat whenever he was home, and he wanted the cat to know it was safe to come on his porch and have a bite to eat. Tommy was just good like this.
It's so hard not to love him.
Monday. Porch light on. Tuesday. Porch light off. Wednesday. Porch light on, and the curtain was open. Buck's heart raced when he saw Tommy walk past the window. What was he doing? Was he alone? Buck didn't intend to stick around too long and find out, so he drove off.
Thursday. Porch light off. Perfect. Buck left a post-it note on Tommy's front door.
"Wanted to drop some things of yours, but you weren't home and I didn't want to leave them on the porch. Feel free to call or drop by anytime! -Buck"
There. Simple enough. Now Buck just had to get the hell out of there before Tommy returned.
Two days passed and Tommy hadn't called, texted or stopped by. Why?
Did the post it note blow away? Did the cat eat it? Maybe he should've reinforced the post-it with some tape or something.
Or maybe...Tommy didn't want to talk to him at all. Maybe he just hated him.
Buck carried that thought to bed.
The next day after Buck's shift, he returned home to find a post-it on his door.
"Sorry I missed you. I have some of your things as well. You can drop mine off and pick up yours this week. Or I can stop by. Your choice. -Tommy"
Buck read the note over and over again. He could hear Tommy's voice in his head with every syllable his eyes scanned on the note. It even had the lingering smell of Tommy's cologne.
Buck stuck it to his fridge.
He missed talking to him.
The next day after his shift, Buck drove past Tommy's house. Porch light on.
Buck kept driving.
The day after, Buck returned to Tommy's again. Porch light off. This was his moment.
"Sorry I missed you again. I just can't seem to remember your schedule. Stop by whenever you can."
He stuck the post-it to the door, but he was unsatisfied, so he pulled out a second post-it.
PS: hope you're taking care of that knee that was bothering you a few weeks ago. You never took that compression sleeve. Should I bring it? -Buck"
It was a little ridiculous, sure, but Buck was talking to Tommy again. Sort of, and it was great.
Buck stopped baking as often, and everyone at the firehouse thought he was making some sort of progress. He told them he was. He just didn't explain the sort of progress he was making.
When he returned home from his shift 3 days later, there were 3 post-its on his door and his eyes lit up with excitement.
"We've gotta stop (not) meeting like this. I can't seem to remember your schedule either. I'm sure we'll sort this out soon." Buck smiled as he grabbed the first post it, before reading the second.
"My knee's better, but I'd still like that compression sleeve. Do you think you could drop it off with my stuff? Or I'll pick it up." Buck smiled wider. He was glad to know Tommy's knee wasn't bothering him as much anymore, but he was happy to know he still wanted his help.
"Let me know what works for you. PS: Is that wrist still bothering you? I hope it's all healed up now. -Tommy"
Buck stuck the post-its to his fridge and smiled to himself. He was almost convinced they'd talked via post-its enough to talk via text, but he didn't feel like it was the right time yet.
He continued anti-stalking Tommy for days, waiting for the day his porch light wasn't on. It had been 4 days since the porch light was off.
Finally. He hoped Tommy wasn't too worried. Then again, he probably wasn't worried at all, Buck assumed.
"Sorry again. I just have a lot of things keeping me busy so I stop by whenever I get the chance. I'm going to try again until we get this right." Buck stuck the first note to the door.
"PS: my wrist is fine now, thanks for asking. I've been putting it to use a lot lately because I'm baking so much."
Buck stuck the second note to the door, but wanted to leave three post-its like Tommy did, just to seem equally as invested in this post-it tag.
"PPS: I almost tripped over the bowl by your front door. Are you still feeding that cat? -Buck"
Buck stuck the final note to the door feeling satisfied. He even laughed to himself when he realized he stuck them to the door in the shape of a heart with the first two on top, and the third beneath.
Tommy probably wouldn't even notice.
When a week passed and Buck hadn't seen a single post-it on his door, he was beginning to worry that Tommy grew tired of their game of tag.
The next day, there was one, single post-it on his door.
"I think maybe I should text you."
Buck's heart was beating out of his chest. Was Tommy going to text him finally?
When? What time? What day? Today? Please be today, Buck hoped.
Buck was back to checking his phone for the next few hours. He started baking again to pass the time so he'd stop obsessing over his phone.
When he heard his phone ding, he nearly jumped across the counter for it.
Buck and Tommy continued to occasionally text for a week. Occasionally became frequently, and frequently became constantly, until they were talking again about any and everything that crossed their minds.
When Tommy addressed them finally meeting in person to exchange their belongings, Buck dreaded the thought. He was convinced that exchanging their belongings would end their text exchanges, so he blew Tommy off several times with various excuses about why he was too busy to meet.
Tommy was willing to wait and continue to text Buck, until one day, the texting turned into a phone call.
"Are you avoiding me on purpose?" Tommy asked.
"I-uh-no-I-I'm not. I'm not avoiding you. Not...intentionally." Buck stammered.
Tommy laughed on the other end of the phone. "Evan." There was that teasing voice Buck so dearly missed.
"Okay, okay. Maybe I am. I wasn't ready to do this face-to-face, in case this was going to be the last time we ever saw each other. So first, I dragged it out with the post-its..."
"I knew I saw your car that night! I thought maybe I was imagining it. Maybe...I dunno, wishful thinking."
Buck listened to the momentary silence and the soft sigh on the other end of the phone.
"The notes were cute, though. I...liked them. I suppose I was avoiding you too. Just to keep this going for a little bit longer."
"Really?" Buck smiled. "Y-you were? I didn't think you even wanted to talk to me anymore—"
"Are you kidding? Of course I do. I just...I know we broke up so suddenly. I...thought maybe we wouldn't work out. I guess it all felt too real and I...ran. I've done nothing but act cowardly since that night."
"I don't think you're a coward, Tommy. I didn't mean to scare you off. If you don't think I'm ready, I can promise you that you're wrong. Since the moment you left, I haven't stopped thinking about you. The baking was just to keep me from reaching out to you so I could give you space."
"I hate space. I hate avoiding you. I miss you, Evan. So much."
"I miss you too."
There was another silence while they each gathered their thoughts.
"Do you uh...do you still want your stuff back?" Buck worriedly asked.
"The only thing I left at your apartment that I want back is you."
Buck smiled so wide, his cheeks were aching. "You mean it?"
"Of course. When are you free?"
"For you? Whenever your porch light is on." Buck answered, getting a lighthearted laugh out of Tommy.
"Well...they're on right now."
"Yeah? I'll be right there."
Leave me kudos <3
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Void - Part 9 - Tuesday (M)
title banner by @rude–jude♡
Genre: Sci-fi with a little angst and a LOT of smut
Pairing: BTS x Reader (yup - all seven)
Summary: You are the only female crew member on a 12 year space mission with seven handsome men. The sexual tension is real, y’all.
Word Count: 5.7k
Part 9 / ?
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8
Warnings: explicit sexual content, entirely too much discussion about semen, some jealousy, possessiveness and slut-shaming, semi-accidental voyeurism
__________
A rush of cold air against your sweaty skin makes you shiver. It’s much cooler out here in the hallway than in the steamy sleep pod behind you. You leave Jungkook behind in the sleep pod, still getting his clothes back on, but your lingering arousal stays with you.
You’ve barely made it two steps into the hallway when the door across from you opens. Jimin leans against the door frame. Damn, he looks good. He has the sleeves of his dark blue jumpsuit tied around his waist, leaving him in just a loose white t-shirt that rides up his arms as he crosses them.
“Well, good morning to you,” he says. “And what have you been up to this morning?” The smirk on his face makes it clear he knows damn well what you’ve been up to this morning.
“Umm…” You wiggle your hips in discomfort, the remnants of Jungkook sliding between your thighs.
Mercifully, Jimin doesn’t actually make you tell him what you’ve been up to. “Do you have a minute to talk?” he asks, beckoning you to join him in his pod.
Lord, you really don’t want to have an awkward relationship conversation with Jimin with Jungkook’s semen still inside you. You try to brush him off. “I have a lot of work to do this morning, Jimin.”
He snorts. “Seems like you’ve already gotten a lot done.” He lets the statement hang there as he smirks at you again. It’s very annoying how hot he is right now.
The click of the door latch behind you startles you into action. The last thing you want is to be trapped in this narrow hallway with both Jimin and Jungkook. “Yeah, okay,” you say, diving into Jimin’s pod before Jungkook sees you.
“So should I plan on waking up to the sound of you fucking other men every morning or only on Tuesdays?” Jimin asks as he closes the door.
“Well, not on Thursdays.” You are trying to flirtatiously deflect, but irritation flashes across Jimin’s face.
“Yes, well,” he mutters. “I guess I’ll just wait my turn.”
“Hey, you suggested sharing first,” you reply defensively.
“With one man, not six.”
“Why does the number matter?” You’re already carving yourself into pieces to make them all happy, why did it matter how many? “You’ll still get your turn.”
“Bah!”Jimin stomps his foot in frustration. “I’m not some toddler who is bad at sharing a toy! I don’t want to have you just because it’s my turn.” He almost reaches for you again, but drops his hands in defeat. “I want you to want me.”
You sigh. “I do want you, Jimin.” Even first thing in the morning, with his dark hair falling loosely over his forehead, he’s the prettiest man you’ve ever seen. How can you explain that you are genuinely and specifically attracted to all of your crew members without sounding like a floozy? “I’ve wanted you ever since I watched that damn video of yours. And long before that too.”
“Really?” He bites his plush lower lip. “How long?”
You fold your arms and lean back against the other side of the pod. Memories come back to you of your space walk training at the bottom of the ICSE pool. Jimin always hated the overly warm training suits and would strip out of them long before reaching the men’s locker room. His sweaty t-shirts would stick to his skin, slightly translucent. It was impossible to keep your eyes off him as he’d laugh with the other guys and brush his hair back off his forehead, indifferent to your presence. “Longer than you’ve wanted me,” you finally answer.
His eyes widen in surprise. “On Earth?” he asks.
You nod. You chastise your past self for ever thinking that your insatiable thirsting for your crew wouldn’t become a problem eventually.
“Shit.” He runs his hand through his hair. “I had no idea.” He steps closer to you. “You were always so closed off.”
“Well, I’m not supposed to want you. Wanting you is highly inconvenient.”
He smiles as he leans in. “But you just can’t help yourself?” He glances down to your lips.
“Oh, don’t look so smug.” You push against his chest as his hands find their way around your waist.
“I’m allowed to be smug.” He rests his forehead against yours. “The hottest woman in the universe wants me.”
You roll your eyes. “I’m the only woman in your—“
But his lips are on yours before you can finish your sentence, one hand gripping your waist as the other finds its way to the nape of your neck, pulling you deeper into the kiss.
All your arousal that had been simmering just below the surface comes rushing back as his fingers caress your neck and along your jaw. His lips are just the right balance of soft and firm. You moan as he breaks away from your lips to begin kissing down the side of your neck.
“But then how can you only want me on Thursdays?” he asks between kisses. “I want you every day. Mondays. Tuesdays. Wednesdays. All the time. God, I haven’t even bothered to remember what day of the week it is for the last two years and now it’s all I can think about.”
“I obviously don’t only want you on Thursdays.” You gasp as his hand finds your breast over your jumpsuit, closer to the surface then it would normally be since you abandoned your shirt with Jungkook. “I’m just trying to be fair.”
“Fairness is overrated.” He sucks on the junction of your neck and collarbone as you tilt your head back to give him more access. “Shit, are you not wearing a shirt?”
His hand is on your zipper before you can answer, tugging it down to discover the answer for himself. “Good lord,” he mutters, hands caressing your bare sides and breasts. “Where is your shirt?”
“I’m having a bit of a laundry problem.” You run your fingers through his hair, holding tight as he peels down your bra and runs his tongue across your nipple. “Somehow all my clothes are covered in cum.”
He groans out loud at that, sinking to his knees as he kisses down your belly, following the opening in your jumpsuit. “Shit, really? Jungkook?” And then he pauses and looks up at you. “What did he do?”
“You really want to know?” You ask and Jimin nods. You laugh. “It’s more what I did to him.”
“Tell me,” he urges. “And take this off.” He tugs at the bottom of your zipper.
“Made him beg.” You shrug out of the jumpsuit, in your bra and panties once again. Your panties stick to you where Jungkook’s remnants have merged with your own arousal. Jimin’s eyes are glued to them. “Rode him until he came inside me.”
Jimin licks his lips and looks up at you. “Can I see?”
You tilt your head curiously. “That doesn’t bother you?”
He laughs a little, shaking his head. “Maybe it will later, but right now, it’s just super hot.”
A whole new rush of heat runs through you as you slide your panties down. This is the dirtiest thing you’ve ever done. One man kneeling rapturously in front of you to see you covered in the release of someone else. It’s debauched and it’s glorious. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you wonder if you should stop this and wait for Jimin’s assigned day, but your logical brain vacated its post the moment Jimin knelt in front of you.
“You do like being messy, don’t you?” He runs a careful finger along your labia and your legs tremble. “Doesn’t matter whose cum it is, does it?”
“Fuck, Jimin, please.” You tug on his hair, needing him to do something, anything.
He gathers a glob on his finger before flicking it to the floor. He stands up and kisses you again, the hand sticky with cum now caressing your cheek. It’s both tender and filthy. And then he’s turning you around to face the wall of the pod. “Bend over.”
Your legs are trembling so hard you have to cling to the wall, but you allow him to guide you down so you’re bent at ninety degrees, hands on the wall, ass out. You hear him strip out of his clothes and then a finger slips inside you.
“God, you’re so wet.” His hands grip your hips as he replaces his finger with his cock. “How many times did he get you off?”
Jimin eases his way into you and the tenderness makes you groan. “He didn’t,” you pant.
“Amateur,’ Jimin scoffs. He reaches around to your front and finds your sensitive clit. The trembling in your legs gets stronger as he begins rolling his hips.
“He wanted to,” you gasp. “Didn’t let him.”
“Don’t even care about your own pleasure, huh? Just want to take all the cock you can?” He pairs the teasing with a firm pressure from both inside and out and you’re shattering around him, unable to deny how much it turns you on to be used by them all.
You hear the smile in Jimin’s voice, how proud he is of himself, as he tightens his grip on your hips and speeds up his pace.
“You’re mine now though. You were mine first and you’ll always be mine. Whenever any of them fuck you, I’ll fuck them out of you. Replace them with me. The only cum you’ll be carrying around inside you is mine.”
He stills, leans over to kiss your back and neck as he fills you up. You can feel his self-satisfied grin against the skin of your back.
He slides out of you, patting your ass as he goes. Your whole body flushes as yet more cum leaks from you. God, you’re a mess. He kneels down behind you and picks up your panties, sliding them back up your legs.
“That’s better,” he says as he slides them up and over your ass, trapping his cum against you.
“Uh, thanks,” you reply, completely at a loss for what to say as a weird cold feeling begins churning in your stomach. You have the sudden worry that Jimin is going to expect every day to go like this, even those that aren’t his. “Gonna go clean up now.”
Jimin grins and kisses your cheek. “See you soon,” he whispers.
______________
And so you find yourself once again attempting to de-sperm yourself in the space toilets. Another tinge of doubt washes over you as you stare at the flimsy compostable toilet paper and contemplate trying to do this every day for the next 12 years. Is that what you’ve committed yourself to? Multiple times a day? Multiple men per day? Surely they will grow bored of you eventually, right? This falls way outside your mission parameters. Maybe you should call this whole thing off.
Despite your best efforts with the toilet paper, you’re still gross and sticky. Your jumpsuit and underwear are gross and sticky too. There’s nothing for it. You need a shower and some clean clothes.
Showers weren’t an everyday luxury on the Minos. You could only manage once or twice a week without outpacing the water reclamation system. Technically you weren’t due for another day or two, but you couldn’t wait any longer.
The showers and the laundry machines sit in the same section of the ship near the water tanks. Before heading there, you jog back to your sleep pod to gather up the rest of your dirty laundry. Jungkook is long gone. Your shirt/make-shift blindfold lies thrown in a corner. As you gather up your scattered clothes, the stink of your laundry makes another way of regret wash over you. You were only one and half days into your new plan and all your clothes are covered in bodily fluids. This is exhausting.
The laundry machines and showers also happen to sit right next to Yoongi’s workshop and you can’t help wondering about him as you walk in that direction. You haven’t seen him since your striptease in the kitchen.
“Okay, I’m in,” he had sent you. It betrayed so very little of what he’s thinking. And the question of what exactly he wants from you is still unanswered. But at least he has admitted to wanting you. Your stride slows as you pass his workshop, scanning with your peripheral vision while trying to look like you aren’t checking to see if he’s in there.
But the workshop is dark and empty. Whatever his feelings for you, they will remain a mystery for now.
God, what is the matter with you? You’ve already fucked two men this morning and here you are pining for a third. That can’t be normal, can it? The ICSE really fucked up when they decided to send the world’s horniest woman on this mission.
You continue to chastise yourself as you load your laundry into the machines. The laundry machines sit in a vestibule just outside the showers with a door to the hallway that locks, so you are able to strip off the clothes you are wearing now as well and run them through the laundry while you shower. Removing your wet underwear makes you cringe. How have you managed to go from “first woman to pass the orbit of Mars” to “woman with two different men’s semen in her underwear”?
You’re so preoccupied with your self-slut-shaming that you don’t hear the water running behind the shower door. The door was unlocked and there weren’t any clothes in the machines, so you just assumed the shower was empty. But you are wrong.
Flight Engineer Min Yoongi is standing in the shower completely naked and dripping wet. His back is to you as he washes his face. His long dark hair runs down over his shoulders. When did his hair get so long?
He doesn’t see you, face still covered in soap, but turns his head as the door clicks open. “Hey! Occupied!” he calls out.
“Oh shit!” you curse, backing up. Shit. You’re naked too. Shit. All your clothes are in the washing machine and must be soaking wet by now. You attempt to cover yourself with your hands as you debate how to get out of here.
“Oh, is that you, Officer?” he chuckles, wiping the soap and water from his eyes before turning to greet you, smirk on his face. “I thought I wouldn’t be seeing you until Friday. Come to get a sneak peek?”
Your face is on fire, you are so embarrassed. “Shit, sorry, I didn’t know anyone was in here.”
He looks totally calm, running his gaze up and down you luxuriously. “No worries. We are in a ‘consensual sexual relationship’ now, aren’t we? Or should I be hiding my dick from you Saturday to Thursday?”
His demeanor is infuriating and you feel so foolish. “Why didn’t you lock the door?”
He shrugs. “Tuesdays are my shower day. No one is ever here but me.” He looks you up and down again and there is really no hiding anything from him. “The real question is what are you doing here?”
Shit. How do you get out of this conversation? “I, umm, needed a shower.”
He laughs, turns off the water and shakes his head, long hair sending drops of water flying around the sealed room. “You know this plan of yours is gonna fuck with our whole shower schedule, right?”
It’s hard to focus on what he’s saying as he wraps his hand around his hair and pulls it up into a bun behind his head.
“When did your hair get so long?” Your voice is higher pitched than normal and you grimace.
“Oh yeah…” He tucks one of the shorter loose strands behind his ear. “It’s been getting in my way. I was going to ask if you might have time to cut it on Friday.” He pulls a towel from the wall behind him and wraps it around his waist.
“Oh, no, no, no…” you rush out, heart skipping a beat at the allusion to your day with him.
“Oh.” He frowns. “Okay. That’s fine.”
“No, I just mean, don’t cut it.” You giggle nervously. “I just mean, uh, it looks good. As is.”
“Aha.” He grins and you watch a water drop glide from his jaw down his throat. “Well, in that case, I imagine there are more enjoyable things we could be doing…” He walks closer, and reaches toward you as your heart races. You close your eyes and give up trying to cover yourself as his warm wet body comes right into your personal space. “On Friday,” he finishes, reaching the door handle behind you and popping it open.
God, you hate him. “Um, yeah, sounds good,” you mutter as you dive out of his way.
“Looking forward to it,” he replies, eyes dark with intention, before heading out the door. “Enjoy your shower, Officer.”
______________
A shower has you feeling much more like yourself again. But when you get to the kitchen for breakfast, you nearly walk right back out when you see who’s gathered around the table.
Jin, Jungkook, Jimin and Taehyung are all sitting at the table, munching on their breakfasts. The prospect of sitting next to three different men you’ve watched orgasm in the last 24 hours makes the idea of eating feel entirely impossible. Not to mention the very hot man you are just pretending to sleep with. How has your life gotten this messy?
You are about to flee down the hallway when Jin looks up and makes direct eye contact with you.
“Good morning!” Jin greets you and suddenly all four men’s eyes are on you. “Come sit with us!” He pats the chair next to him. “Taehyung made scorched rice.”
Your brain helpfully chooses this moment to remind you that the last time you saw Jin, you came on his face.
Taehyung nods enthusiastically and mumbles through a mouthful of rice. “There’s plenty left.” He swallows and gestures to the pot on the cooktop.
Jungkook springs up from his seat. “I’ll get you some!” He pulls out the chair between him and Jimin, not the one Jin was suggesting. “Have a seat.”
“Oh, uh, thanks, but I need some coffee too.”
“I’ll get it!” Jimin pops up too. “You rest.” He also clearly gestures at the seat that would put you next to him and Jungkook. Jin frowns slightly, while Taehyung bites back a laugh.
“Oh, okay…” You run out of objections and sit down at the table while Jungkook and Jimin run to bring you breakfast. “This really isn’t necessary,” you mumble, but they’re not listening.
Jungkook returns first with a bowl of stew and a plate of scorched rice for you and then sits down next to you. The memory of him on his knees begging to touch you flashes across your mind.
You take a bite of your food as the other men at the table resume eating. Jimin returns a minute later with your coffee. You take a sip and grimace at the too sweet concoction. Jimin still doesn't know how you take your coffee.
“Something wrong?” Jimin asks.
You swallow it down. “No, it’s fine. Thank you.”
There’s a few moments of silence while everyone eats, before Jin nudges Jungkook with his elbow. “Seems like someone got a pretty early start this morning, huh?” he says teasingly.
“Jin!” you gasp as Jungkook chokes on his food. “You can’t just say things like that!” You pat Jungkook on the back to make sure he doesn’t die.
“What?” Jin shrugs. “Isn’t everything supposed to be out in the open now?”
“Mmm,” Taehyung nods, hiding his mouth behind his hand as he laughs. “Like the bonobos.”
“Fucking bonobos.” Jimin groans.
“It seems more awkward not to talk about it.” Jin continues. “We all heard him in there. Why pretend otherwise?”
Jungkook finally manages to swallow. “You heard us?”
“The walls aren’t thick,” Jin laughs. “Impressive that you can go two rounds that early in the morning. Ah, to be young.”
“Two rounds?” Jungkook frowns in confusion. Your entire face feels like it will melt off. Jimin says nothing, but his hand finds your knee under the table next to him and squeezes it.
“Speaking of,” Taehyung interrupts. “Can I take you on a date tomorrow night?”
“We can take you on dates?” Jungkook asks.
“Um yeah, sure.” You answer both questions at once. “Though it’s not like there’s really anywhere to go.”
“Don’t worry. I have a plan,” Taehyung nods smugly.
“Can I take you on a date today?” Jungkook interjects. “Or do you only get one shot per day?”
“Uh… I don’t know. I didn’t really make rules that specific.”
Jimin’s thumb traces small circles around your knee and it’s a reminder that you’re not really sticking to even the limited rules you set out in the first place. Seven men is entirely too many men.
The conversation is mercifully interrupted by a shipwide message on your tablets. It’s from the commander.
“A reminder to all crew members that any activities of an intimate nature are to be conducted in the privacy of the sleep pods. They are not appropriate for the public areas of the ship, which are monitored and recorded.”
The choice to put this in a written communication rather than an in-person conversation is surprisingly passive aggressive for Namjoon.
Taehyung looks at you. “What did you do?”
“She took all her clothes off in the kitchen!” Jin laughs.
“Excuse you! I covered the camera! You’re the one who ran me ass-first into our commanding officer!”
Jin sighs in delight. “Man, you should have seen his face.”
Jimin’s hand slides further up your leg and you’ve had enough. “Thank you all so much for breakfast, but Hoseok must need me in the lab by now.” You gather the remainder of your breakfast into your arms and back out of the kitchen. “I’ll see you later.” You’re not even sure which man you’re talking to. All of them really. There’s no escape. You will see all of them later.
____________
For all your attraction to Hoseok and disappointment that he hasn’t signed your form yet, at the moment, you are a bit relieved. Hoseok puts on another science podcast and the two of you settle into your work for the day, safe in the knowledge that no one will come to proposition you.
Or so you think until the end of the day, when Jungkook shows up at the lab door with a large plastic storage bin under one arm. Hoseok spots him first.
“Hey, JK, what’s up?” he asks. “Do you have more samples for us?” He gestures to the box under Jungkook’s arm.
“Oh, no.” Jungkook swallows, glancing down at the box. “It’s actually food.”
“Food?” Hoseok asks.
Jungkook steps farther into the lab. “I was hoping to treat our biologist to a dinner date.”
“Oh!” You and Hoseok are surprised in unison.
“So you two are dating now?” Hoseok asks, looking back and forth between the two of you with raised eyebrows. “I thought this whole thing was just...”
He trails off without saying the rest of the thought out loud and a frown line appears between his eyebrows.
“I’m not really clear on myself.” Jungkook takes this as an invitation to put the bin down on the lab counter and turn to you. “What are the rules exactly? Are we dating? Are we dating all the time or only on Tuesdays? Is it time-bound and when does it end? Does it end at midnight or can we fall asleep together? Can I hold your hand? Can I kiss you? Can I only kiss you on Tuesdays?”
Hoseok’s frown deepens and you rush to cut off Jungkook’s torrent of questions. “It’s not dating,” you try to explain. “We’re not…It’s not a relationship. I’m just trying to help people fill the void of what they’re missing from Earth. Like if they miss dates, we can have dates.”
“But it doesn’t mean anything?” Hoseok asks and you are totally stumped for what he wants the answer to that question to be. “You’re just pretending to be together one day a week?”
“It’s not personal…” you reply, glancing back and forth between the two men, unsure which one you should be reassuring right now.
But how could it be personal when you’re the only option? Like obviously they wouldn’t be choosing to date you on Earth. None of them chose you at all. They just miss sex and relationships and you can help them with that. But you can’t let yourself pretend it’s real. Or that it’s about you.
“Nevermind.” Hoseok begins packing up his stuff. “It’s none of my business. I’ll leave you to your date.” The word “date” has a sarcastic bite to it that is unusual to hear in Hoseok’s voice. The temperature of the room seems to drop as he slings his supply bag over his shoulder and leaves.
Jungkook turns away from you and busies himself unpacking food from his box onto the counter. His shoulders are a bit slumped and you really wish you could have talked to him alone. “It’s nothing fancy,” he mutters. “Just some sandwiches and drinks.”
You walk over and rest your hand on his shoulder. “That’s really thoughtful, Jungkook, thank you.” He freezes for a moment when you rest your hand on his back, then sighs and leans into your touch.
“I’m sorry,” you murmur as you rub his back. He tilts his neck back and forth and groans in a pleased way. “We can hold hands. If you want. And you can kiss me.”
That’s all the greenlight Jungkook needs as he spins around and pulls you into his arms, He gives you a hungry kiss, then pulls back. “God, I would love you seven days a week if you’d let me.”
“I know, Jungkook.” A real tinge of sadness creeps into the edges of your mind. You can imagine a world in which it’s just you and Jungkook, passing the time to Europa in an endless string of orgasms and increasingly athletic sexual positions on every surface of the ship as he finds new ways to get you off. You hear Yoongi’s voice chastising you again. Nobody actually gets what they want.
But your regrets quickly melt away the more you kiss him. His kisses are full of fire and desperation. If anything, he seems even more eager than he was this morning. The memory of him kneeling before you, begging to be inside you, is intoxicating.
“I owe you an orgasm,” he murmurs between kisses.
You can get on board with that plan. “Maybe we skip dinner,” you say as you start steering him toward the door.
He finds your zipper. “Aww, but I worked so hard. I can get you off and we can still have time for dinner.”
Your hand stops his from pulling down the zipper any further. “Jungkook, this is the lab.”
“So?” Jungkook is too focused on running his hands up and down your hips and ass over your clothes.
“So…” you grab his hands to get his focus back on your face. “Namjoon said sleep pods only.”
There is more to it than that. Something about the lab feels particularly like a betrayal. But it’s hard to put into words.
“Oh come on, he just doesn’t want us on the cameras.” He starts guiding you by your hips toward the lab bench in the corner next to the door. “But I know where all the camera blindspots are.”
“I don’t know…”
“Just let me show you.” Continuing to kiss you, he slowly backs you up into the wall just to the right of the door. He leans his forearms on the wall above you, caging you against the wall in between the door and the lab counter. “Pull out your tablet,” he commands.
The camera feed of the lab visible on your tablet appears to show an empty room. “See,” he says, kissing your neck. “No one here. Nothing to see.”
He picks you up and sets your ass on the edge of the lab bench. You like being manhandled by him more than you care to admit. He wiggles his eyebrows mischievously. “And this gets you to just the right height…” And then he’s dropping to his knees again.
“I don’t know…” Your position up on the counter allows you to see out the window in the center of the lab door and out into the hallway. “What if someone sees us?” You want to sound concerned, but honestly the idea has you squeezing your legs together enthusiastically at the risk.
“They can’t see us from the main hall. They’d have to be coming into the lab.” Jungkook’s hand cups your jaw and turns your face back down to him. “Watch me.”
God, he’s so hot. Muscular hands and large eyes fixed entirely on you.
“Okay, okay, but be quick about it.” You shuck your jumpsuit and underwear down your legs.
“Yes, Ma’am.” He starts tracing little circles with his fingers up one thigh and trailing soft kisses up the other. “You remember when you were cutting my hair?”
“Yes….” you groan as his fingers reach the very top of your thigh, just short of where you really want them.
“And you were pulling my hair and using it to get my head in just the right position?”
You nod, ability to speak temporarily suspended as his mouth reaches the tender skin where your thigh meets your hip.
“Well this is all I’ve been dreaming about since then. So feel free to hold on.” He scoots even closer on his knees, resting your legs on his shoulders and guiding your hands to his hair.
You weave your hands through his soft dark hair and he groans. Arousal floods through you at the sound, your body responding in kind to how turned on he is. And then he dives in.
He starts slow, but firm, no hesitation. Long slow strokes of his tongue around your clit, holding a steady rhythm.
“Fuck,” you gasp. “How are you perfect at this too?”
He chuckles, so self-satisfied. “I’m a fast learner. Now will you relax and stop thinking?”
And you give yourself permission to let your guard down. To close your eyes. To relax into the sensations, the pleasure, the slow steady build. You’re so wet and open you barely notice when he slides a finger inside you, but you do jolt forward when he matches that steady pressure on your clit with internal pressure from his finger. It’s so good, you moan out loud and grip his head tighter.
Your eyes remain tightly shut, but you can hear his grin as he groans. “I’m going to make you come so hard.” The pride in his voice, the pleasure, it’s irresistible.
And the pleasure builds and builds until it is overwhelming, almost beyond what you can tolerate, hands clenched in his hair for dear life, unsure if you’re trying to pull him off or press him in further. But the stubborn man holds his position, even as your hips buck against his face. “Fuck, Jungkook, fuck…”
And you’re breaking, shattering into pieces under his tongue and clenching hard around his fingers.
“Ugh…” you groan, leaning your head back on the lab cabinet behind you. Your breathing slows as you calm down, fingers still tangled in Jungkook’s hair as you open your eyes.
There’s a face in front of yours when you open your eyes. His eyes are so dark that it takes you longer than it should to realize that they're not Jungkook’s eyes. Jungkook is still down on his knees as you process that the other man is standing in the hallway, watching you through the window.
“Shit,” you gasp, yanking Jungkook away from you. “Hoseok…”
How long has he been there? How much did he see? Was he watching you? His gaze flicks up from where he’s been staring at the connection between you and Jungkook and meets your eyes. The intensity there is so overwhelming that it’s hard for you to make sense of it. Is it anger? Lust? Disgust? Then his eyes go wide as he realizes you see him and he disappears from view.
“Not exactly the name I was hoping you’d yell when you climaxed on my face…” Jungkook grumbles as he stands up and wipes his face on the sleeve of his jumpsuit.
“Shit, sorry,” You reply as you frantically fight to get your clothes back on. “He was here, he saw us. I have to go.”
“But…” Jungkook gestures across the lab. “I brought dinner.”
“Sorry,” is all you can manage before you race out into the hallway.
“Hoseok!” you yell as you run down the corridor. “Hoseok, come back!”
He’s not in the kitchen. He’s not on the bridge. “Officer Jung, report your location,” you try on your radio, but receive only silence.
You are panting by the time you reach the sleep pods. The door to his is closed. “Hoseok!” you shout as you bang on the door. “Hoseok!”
You hear shuffling around inside the sleep pod and know he’s in there. “Hoseok!” you yell, almost on the verge of tears. “Hoseok, please talk to me.”
The door opens just a crack, not enough to see him. “Please, Hoseok, I need to talk to you,” you plead.
“I… I… can’t.” he stammers. “I can’t right now. Please. Just… just go away.”
Your stomach is full of lead as you shuffle into your own sleep pod next door and rest your head and arms against the wall, desperately trying to catch your breath.
He hates you. You disgust him. You’ve betrayed everything you stand for. You’ll never be able to work in the lab again.
A small knock on the door interrupts your thought spiral.
“Hoseok?” you ask optimistically, scrambling to get up.
“No, Jungkook again.” The hot ball of shame in your guts glows even brighter.
“I’m sorry, Jungkook, I can’t right now…” If you see anyone else, you’re going to cry.
“I have dinner for you.”
“I’m sorry.” The idea of eating anything right now feels entirely impossible. “I’m not… I’m not hungry.”
A long exhale comes from the other side of the door. “Okay, goodnight.”
You collapse to the floor of your sleep pod as the weight of all your shame and guilt and irresponsible choices crashes down upon you.
_____
Part 10
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A Dichotomy of Thought || 3
Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Further Parts
Johnny has a good day.
Tw: ableism; implied sexual assault
#
That night you dream about fucking the two neighbors in 5C.
It’s good sex, too. You can tell by the sweat slicking your skin and the ache in your thighs. You are naked on the big one’s lap, his huge hands on your hips while he bounces you on his cock. Behind you, the shorter one loops his one arm around your waist and grinds his cock against your bare arse.
“Did Jesus send ye?” his voice rasps against the sensitive side of your neck. You tilt your head to give him more room to suck and kiss and bite. Then, as his hand slips down to tease where you need a soft touch the most: “Are you gonna finish me off?”
The one beneath you cums, a flood of warmth deep within your aching cunt. His groans have you teetering on the edge of your cut of the pleasure. You lean down to kiss him, but before your mouths can meet, hands grip your hips and lift you free—his cock slides out with a wet rush of fluids, leaving you feeling cracked open and empty.
Your boyfriend passes you on to his friends who are waiting for their turn with you, and then it is no longer a dream, but a memory.
#
Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays are for physical therapy. Tuesdays and Thursdays are for cognitive rehabilitation. Both of these are paid for by the British government and accomplished in the ‘comfort’ of Johnny’s own home. Like that’s supposed to help; he’s going to have to sweat (literally) and bleed (probably figuratively), but as long as it’s on his own carpet, that’s quite all right. Johnny isn’t sure which he hates more, the physical or cognitive rehab. Both hurt, just in different places; one hurts the stump of his arm, the muscles of his shoulders and neck, his fake knee. The other hurts his pride, leaves him tired and second guessing his broken mind.
The other scares him. It’s one thing to lose his arm—one terrible, traumatizing thing. But the idea that he’s going (or gone) simple is too much to take.
The cognitive rehabilitation therapist’s name is Anna. She wears horn-rimmed glasses and sloppy buns that Johnny fantasizes about gripping in his fist and throttling her with during their less productive sessions.
By sessions, he means they play games together. Simon sits on the sofa in the living room pretending not to watch. He thinks he’s so fucking clever, turning his pages even, but Johnny knows. Simon’s gaze is a tangible thing, as physical as a touch, like a finger running up the back of his neck. There’s no hiding from it. You don’t get a name like Ghost without raising the hairs on some people’s arms with just your eyes.
“It’s your turn, Johnny.”
“I fuckin’ know it. Sorry—sorry.”
Anna puts up a hand to stall his sorries. She is younger than he is; shouldn’t she be older? Wouldn’t that make this less painful? “Take your time.”
It’s a simple matching game. There are less than a dozen tiles left on the board, and Johnny has seen most of them two or three times by now. He keeps forgetting their placements, even though he is burdened with the memory of having chosen them.
His shaking fingers reach for a tile…a red car. Sweat breaks out on his brow. He’s seen this fucking Red Car no less than six times. His fingers hover over the board, moving from one tile to the next. Here? Or here? If he sees the Rose again, he’ll lose his head; he knows it. He can feel his blood pressure rising like the mercury in a thermometer, up up and away, blackness eating at the edge of his vision.
Finally, with absolutely no idea where the other red car is, he picks a tile at random.
Red Car.
Johnny shouts out in triumph, holding up the tile for Simon to see. Even Anna—eternally unimpressed Anna—gives him a smile, infected by his joy.
“Good job—now do it again.”
Groaning, he picks up another tile.
Rose.
#
“Come lay down with me,” he says to Ghost after taking two of the green, oval pills that are the only things which take the edge off his pain. They make him so fucking tired, though—perhaps that’s their secret; if they can’t take the pain away, they’ll at least help him sleep through it.
“Alright,” says Simon, putting his book down. He doesn’t bother marking his place; they both know he wasn’t reading it.
The two of them slip into the bedroom. It isn’t much: a bed against the southern wall, the doors leading out onto the balcony—blinds pulled shut to keep out any hopeful rays of sunshine, a desk piled high with medical bills that the government will front.
Johnny is pretty good about getting his shirt off with just one arm. He reaches up and back, gripping the collar, and tugs it off over his head in a smooth, fluid motion. He’s thinner after his three-month stint first in the hospital and then in inpatient rehabilitation, but he still looks good.
He hates the stump where his arm used to be, but today he doesn’t even care. It’s a good day, a purely tolerable day. He presses himself against Simon and kisses him, the first true-kiss he can remember giving him since the accident, though his memory is not what it used to be. Simon’s hands—large and warm and strong—settle on his waist pulling him closer. It’s desperate and messy, too much teeth and tongue, neither of them quite settling into the old easy dance they used to be capable of; likely because they aren’t the same people anymore.
“Fuck, I want you,” Johnny pants against Simon’s feral mouth.
“You can’t,” Simon grits out, dragging Johnny’s hardened cock against his own.
“Like hell I can’t!” Though…already his knee throbs, a deep ache punctuated by glass-like shards of sharpness when he bends it. He could take it—but it would hurt. But fuck, what doesn’t hurt these days? “I need you, Ghost.”
Simon grips him by the hair which has grown out too long and badly needs trimmed. He tugs back til Johnny’s neck pops uncomfortably. “You’ll take what I give you,” Simon says, sounding on the verge of madness, at least as desperate as Johnny feels.
“‘n what? I can’t beg for more?”
“Oh, you can beg,” says Simon darkly.
He pins Johnny against the sliding doors of the balcony, rustling the blinds around his body. Knees bent to bring them to just the right height, he fists both their cocks in one large hand, his face buried in Johnny’s neck, muffling groans against his skin.
“Yes,” Johnny gasps, his nails digging into Simon’s back. “Yes, jus’ like that—fuck! Don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t—“
Simon keeps jerking off his spent cock well after Johnny cums, even after he begins whining and pulling back, shoulders thudding against the glass doors behind him. Ghost makes Johnny fuck his fist through the sensitivity until he cums too, both their seed slickening his hand and turning the sound of his handjob filthy-wet.
“Thank you,” Johnny sighs, blissed out. He doesn’t feel any pain, not in his stump or his knee or his head or anywhere. Maybe it’s the pills, but maybe it’s Ghost. Maybe it’s the relief of knowing they haven’t fucked up their relationship beyond all repair, that they’re still capable of loving one another like this. “I needed that.
Simon feeds two fingers soaked in cum past Johnny’s full lips, relishing the way his hot mouth sucks the digits clean. He admits: “So did I.”
He cleans them both up and they curl up on the bed together for Johnny’s afternoon nap—the doctors say all the sleep he needs is good for his brain.
Simon doesn’t intend to fall asleep. But he does.
And when he wakes, Johnny is not there beside him.
#
You’re just thinking how cold it is out on the balcony, wondering if it is worth it to risk going back inside for a sweater, when the balcony doors from 5C open and out steps the man you almost hit with your car. He looks likely to be cold as well, wearing only a t-shirt and loose pants, his feet bare against the concrete.
A cigarette is tucked in the corner of his mouth, unlit. He gapes at you, and it falls to the balcony floor. Glancing behind himself into the darkness of his apartment, he shuts the door with careful tenderness before bending down with a wince to pick up his cigarette.
The sleeve of his missing arm dangles innocuously. “I wasn’t expecting to see anyone out here.”
“Sorry,” you say on instinct. It’s ingrained in you; a lifetime’s worth of apologies. “I can go in and give you some privacy.”
“World’s big enough for two,” Johnny says coolly. There are chairs out here, but he doesn’t sit. Instead he leans against the doors with his good side and pretends to look out. It’s a lovely view of the parking lot. You do the same, except you can see the spot from here where you almost hit him with your car, and it makes your stomach turn. Speaking of: “Sorry about all that in the parking lot. My temper got the best o’ me.”
“I’m the one who should be sorry,” you admit. “I was distracted. I can’t say it enough, I’m so—so sorry.”
“Water under the bridge,” he says. He holds out the only hand he has left. “Johnny MacTavish.”
You hold out your own left hand, shaking via air from the distance between your balconies. When you give him your name, he mutters it under his breath two, three, four times.
“I’m going to forget that,” he warns you at length with a sad little laugh, fiddling with the unlit cigarette still in his hand. “It’s not you, it’s me.”
“It’s alright,” you forgive. “It’s pretty forgettable.”
Johnny frowns, putting the cigarette back in his mouth and working his hand into his pocket. His accent is so sweet to listen to, syrupy and dropping the consonants off of his words as he assures you: “Didn’t say that, did I, lass? Don’t get twisted.”
Mollified and embarrassed in equal measure at his simple admonishment, you duck your head.
“Got a broken brain,” he says in explanation, reaching up to tap the cigarette against the scars at his temple. “Forgot one of my own sisters’ names on the phone last week and she wept like a bairn. In my defense, I have several of them.”
“I forget people’s names and I don’t have a head injury,” you say.
Johnny snorts softly, the sound carried away by the wind.
He withdraws a lighter, one of the cheap disposable ones you can buy beside the registers at gas stations. His hand shakes as he tries to spin the sparkwheel once, twice, thrice, but no dice. Johnny takes a deep, slow breath, like a little boy trying not to lose his temper. He tries again, the familiar noise of steel rasping on steel, but no spark.
You wait, patiently, eyes turned out toward the parking lot as he begins muttering curses beneath his breath. Anxiety itches beneath your skin. His building anger is a tangible thing in the air like heat thrown off by a lit flame or the smell of burnt rubber, tires squealing in the parking lot as you slam on the breaks. A man’s anger is familiar to you. It predicts pain. Your skin flashes hot and then cold, and you are just about to make a polite escape inside when:
“Can you catch?” he asks, sending your gaze swerving to him from the parking lot.
“Can I—? Fuck!” you throw your hands up just in time, scrambling for the lighter even though he only tosses it underhanded like an easy pitch for a tee-baller. It slips from one of your sweaty hands to the other like a slapstick comedy routine, but it doesn’t clatter to the concrete nor does it fall off the balcony altogether. Holding it in your hand, you light it easily to make sure it works, missing the hungry, bitter expression that comes over his face when you do. “How? I can’t reach you from here.”
“We can meet in the middle.”
You can’t. Even with him outstretching from his side of the balcony and you from your own, there is a good half a meter of distance between you both. You can’t help but remember the other man’s words—I just want one fucking cigarette without worrying about him taking a swan dive off the balcony.
“Be careful,” you admonish when Johnny slips a little, his ribs digging into the iron-wrought railing. He doesn’t have good balance, you realize. Does losing an arm fuck something like that up? The answer you don’t know: it fucks up everything. Taking a deep breath, you glance over the rail and take note of how high you are from the ground. High enough for a healthy splat should you fall…
“Forget it,” he says morosely, his brows low. He is the picture of dejection, a kicked dog. “Doctors say ‘m not supposed to smoke anymore anyway.”
“Don’t they say that to everyone? Just—hang on.” Tucking the lighter into your pocket, you throw one leg over the railing.
“What are yeh—you-uuu fucking nutter,” he laughs as you test the stability of the railing. It doesn’t shift or creak at all under your weight. Heart in your throat, you lift your other leg over, feet lodged in the narrow space between the railing and the concrete floor. Gripping the rail with a tight fist, you let your weight lean into the space between your balconies, reaching into your pocket to remove the lighter and flick it to life.
Johnny looks like he could laugh or cry or both, stretching out his shaking arm so you can light the cigarette and then quickly bringing it to his mouth to suck it to life.
“Yer crazy,” he says breathlessly, words tinted with smoke as he watches you scramble back over the railing and to safety.
The sliding doors open. For a moment, you mistake the sound for being closer than it is—for being your boyfriend finally noticing how long you’ve been gone and coming to find you. He’s going to find you out here with Johnny and the same arguments will be born all over again—arguments about your disloyalty.
But it’s Johnny’s doors which slide open. The taller man comes out, the circles under his eyes standing out darkly against his pale skin in the late afternoon light. At the sight of Johnny, an expression of raw, poignant relief comes over his face.
Johnny drops the cigarette over the ledge of the balcony, face sheepish.
“Was just meeting our bonnie neighbor,” says Johnny, slipping his arm around the other man’s waist. If there was any doubt left of what they were to each other, it disappears: seeing them together, you can see the magnetism that draws them together. They act like plants which turn toward the sunlight, except they are the sunlight. The bitterness inside you rises up in the back of your throat. “Grateful to be doing it without a car in between us. This is Simon.”
“Nice to meet you,” says Simon.
“You too,” you offer, like perfect strangers.
You don’t find the lighter still in the pocket of your pants until later, when it is past midnight as you are collecting your clothes from the floor, aching between your legs and raw-eyed from crying. You flick the sparkwheel, watching the flame come alive. Glancing behind you, you make sure your boyfriend is fast asleep before creeping to your dresser drawers, opening the one with your socks, and shoving the lighter towards the back as far as you can.
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Weekly Instructions 4
(Yes, I will record this in audio form in a bit)
Week 4
Hey all you good girls, silly sluts, and sluts in theory but not in practice. This is the fourth and final week of this round of the edging instructions! It's my hope that this series of instructions can be used by anyone anytime, in sequence or out of sequence, as something fun to do that also provides you the direction and instruction that you so desperately need. As always, we don't count edges. Counting is for smart people. If you have to break up the edging times because you can't do it all at once, do some in the morning and some before bed, to put you in the best way all day.
Before we get into it, I want to say something to those of you who are shy about your body. You may not like your body. You may hate your body. You may be trying to make changes to your body. But I'm here to tell you that people will find you attractive, regardless of what you look like. That there's always people who will look at you and say to themselves, goddamn, she is beautiful. I promise. Take my word, because I'm smarter and more experienced than you.
Let's get into it.
Monday: One hour of edging. An hour on Monday? Yes. Use a toy for this. As the times increase, it may be more difficult to just do it with your hand, so use toys liberally for these. Plus, toys are just fun. Bonus points if you share which toy or toys you really like to use.
Tuesday: 90 minutes of edging. Your tits should always be out when you play, but they should especially be out on this, the holy holiday of Titty Tuesday. Always observe the holiday!
Wednesday: 90 minutes. Do some of this in a position other than on your back. Bonus points if the position lets you make a mess with how excited you are. It's one thing to know you're a drippy mess because you're following directions. It's another thing to see it confirmed.
Thursday: 90 minutes. It's almost Friday. No one gets any work done on Friday anyways. Do this late at night, before you have to wake up for work or school on Friday.
Friday: One hour in the morning, one hour at night. If you can't do it just like that, as always, do what you can. The edging should be making it hard to think, but really it's making it harder to worry about all the boring dumb stuff you worry about. I'm doing you a favor by overwriting your brain with desperate arousal. You should thank me.
Saturday: Unlimited. You probably ache so much anyways your hand was already subconsciously making its way down into your panties to play. Play all day. Hydrate, drink water, and just get playing. Who's a little drippy fuck doll? It's you.
Slutty Sunday: Unlimited edging. Nothing else matters. Work doesn't matter. School doesn't matter. You had plans? Cancel them. It's you in bed on your back with your legs wide open for me, desperately rubbing and teasing your cunt all day today. You need someone to do your thinking for you? This is me doing your thinking for you. Get rubbing.
Be a good slut, and tell me that you're being a good slut. Have fun!
#bimbo doll#bimbofied#edging and denial#mind corruption#edging kink#brainless#dumbification#edging slave#hypnosis#hypnotized
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THE GOLDEN LOTUS
pairing: Ollie Bearman x Reader
word count: 864
university au!! i just wanted something cute and sweet and i think i really cooked with this one. also thinking of maybe making this into a series or having other uni au's for other drivers, what do you guys think???
Ollie Bearman wasn’t one for change. Predictability was his sanctuary, a warm cocoon that he didn’t much like leaving. His life ran on routine: lectures, workouts, and pasta dinners in his dorm room. But predictability took a nosedive the day he stumbled into the Golden Lotus.
It was a small Chinese restaurant tucked between a laundromat and a charity shop, a little worn but radiating charm. Ollie’s first visit was born of desperation—he’d forgotten to do a food shop, and the Golden Lotus was cheap, convenient, and smelled amazing. He didn’t even like Chinese food that much, but the portion sizes? Enormous. Enough to feed a starving uni student for two days, if he rationed it right.
The food, however, quickly became secondary.
The real reason Ollie found himself at the Golden Lotus every Tuesday and Thursday night was the girl behind the counter. YN.
She was a computer science major with a sharp wit and a smile that felt like a reward when Ollie managed to coax it out of her. YN worked the evening shift, her laptop often open beside the register as she chipped away at coursework between filling takeout orders. She lived in the apartment above the restaurant, earning a rent discount by working their… or so he overheard.
At first, Ollie had been too shy to do much more than order his food, offer a polite smile, and retreat to his usual table. But YN had noticed him—how could she not? He was the only customer who regularly dined in. That was rare enough, but when someone started showing up twice a week like clockwork, well… she couldn’t help but be a little curious.
It had started innocently.
“You’re becoming a regular,” she’d said one night, sliding his order across the counter. Her tone was teasing but kind, and Ollie had stammered some excuse about the convenience. She’d laughed softly, and the sound stuck with him longer than it should have.
From that moment, their interactions had begun to stretch beyond the standard “Cash or card?” conversations. On slow nights, Ollie would linger, striking up tentative chats about coursework or whatever music was playing on the overhead speakers. He learned that YN hated group projects but loved building things—apps, websites, anything she could tinker with. She learned that Ollie was studying business but had a secret dream of running his own karting center someday, a nod to his childhood passion for motorsports.
It wasn’t long before they’d fallen into a quiet rhythm.
When YN wasn’t busy, she’d sit at a table with her laptop open, her brow furrowed as she debugged code or prepared for lectures. One evening, Ollie surprised her by setting his business textbook across from her.
“You don’t mind, do you?” he asked.
She blinked at him, caught off guard, then shrugged. “Sure, but I’m not sharing my Wi-Fi password.”
He grinned, and just like that, Ollie became a fixture of her workspace.
Mr. Zhou, however, was less enthused at first.
“That boy again?” he’d muttered one evening, poking his head out of the kitchen to see Ollie hunched over his notes. “Does he not have a home?”
“He’s harmless,” YN had assured him.
“Harmless or homeless?”
But Ollie grew on Mr. Zhou over time. The older man had caught him fixing a wobbly table one night, unprompted, and begrudgingly admitted the “straggler” wasn’t so bad.
By November, Ollie had started hanging around until closing. Not to pester YN—though he did enjoy the extra time with her—but because the restaurant had become a comfort to him, a little pocket of warmth in his otherwise hectic uni life. Sometimes, after locking up, YN would invite him upstairs to her flat. It was tiny, crammed with textbooks and a perpetually half-finished Lego sets, but Ollie loved it.
Their hangouts weren’t dates. Not officially, anyway. But Ollie couldn’t deny how much he looked forward to them. Whether they were watching a movie or playing video games, he felt at ease in her company.
The turning point came in mid-December, on a freezing morning when Ollie was walking to class with his flatmate, Kimi.
“So,” Kimi began, glancing at him with a sly smile, “how’s your girlfriend?”
“What?” Ollie nearly tripped over his own feet.
“You know, YN,” Kimi said, casually sipping his coffee. “You’re at that restaurant all the time. I just thought… you know?”
“She’s not my—” Ollie started, but the words died in his throat.
Because, truthfully, he didn’t hate the idea. In fact, the thought of YN as his girlfriend made his stomach flip in a way he hadn’t felt before.
That evening, as he sat at his usual table in the Golden Lotus, Ollie caught himself staring at YN while she worked. She was wiping down the counter, humming softly to herself, her hair falling loose from its tie. She glanced up and caught him looking.
“What?” she asked, a playful smile tugging at her lips.
“Nothing,” Ollie said quickly, feeling his cheeks heat.
But in that moment, he realized he didn’t want to keep playing it safe. Maybe it was time to take a chance.
Just as soon as he worked up the courage.
#fanfic#formula 1 fanfic#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#f1 fanfic#f1 fic#f1#formula one#formula 1#x reader#x yn#x you#prema racing#formula 2#ollie bearman#ollie bearman x reader#ollie bearman imagine#ollie bearman x you#ollie bearman x y/n#oliver bearman#ob50#university au#college au
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