#i hate the sunshiney james that doesn't feel any other emotion in the world other than pure unadulterated joy

[vinylfoxbooks]

October 16 - Search | @into-the-jeggyverse | wc: 1020

Regulus hates this. Of course he had to be partnered with James for this project. This is why he should’ve stayed behind in his year of potions and lived through it bored and done with life, because even being partnered with Barty -- who is undeniably intelligent, but he doesn’t like to show it so he tends to slack off and fuck around -- is better. Better than this.

James has been sitting around and doing next to nothing for the entire time that Regulus has been brewing the potion. It’s not even that hard of a potion, and James could totally just sit and put the ingredients that Regulus preps in the potion, even let Regulus stir. But no, they’re just sitting there. They’ll read out the next instruction to the potion when Regulus prompts them but other than that? Nothing, they’re doing fucking nothing other than tapping their foot and humming.

“Can you stop that?” Regulus snaps, “I have to stir this very specifically, and I can’t think about that when you’re tapping your foot constantly and being loud.”

“Sorry,” James hums, not matching Regulus with as much bravado as the younger would’ve expected. But either way, they stop tapping their foot and seem to shift their focus towards something else, which is organising the ingredients to the potion -- at least it's the ones that Regulus has put aside since he’s done with them. 

After a while more of making the potion, Regulus finally gets fed up. He’s in a group with them for a reason. They’re meant to work together, but right now James isn’t doing anything. This isn’t a fucking partnership, this is someone relying on the other to do everything for them, “No wonder you’re no good at potions.” Regulus snarks, “You don’t do anything to make an effort towards learning.”

“Sorry,” James says, once again weaker than Regulus was ready for -- he was expecting a James-typical snapback or a laughing remark, “I just… I know that the potion is better off if I don’t do anything, I’ll just muck it up.” And that’s not their usual tone. So Regulus puts a pause on what he was doing at this stage in the potion, taking a moment to search over James. They’re folded in on themself instead of holding their shoulders high and proud. Their face is… subdued. 

Regulus furrows his brows, “What do you mean?”

James shrugs with only one shoulder, “I’m not good at potions, you said it yourself. You’ll just get mad at me if I add something wrong and muck it up. This way you’ll get your potion done correctly. You can even tell Slughorn that I didn’t do anything, I can take the detention.” 

Regulus is almost thrown aback, he’s never seen James like this. They’ve always been the cocky, open and broad type. So why are they like this, “Are you okay?”

James hums, “Fine, why?”

“You’re not acting like you… you’re being self-deprecating.” 

They shrug, “Just tired. I’m fine.” 

“You’re not.”

It’s a second until they respond, and it’s with a much harsher tone than he was expecting, “And what do you care about how I’m feeling. You’ve treated me like shit for years, and for all you care, I’m just your older brother's dumb best friend who can’t do anything for shit.”

Regulus furrows his brows, “You’re not anything like that to me. I treated you like shit because I was jealous of you but… I haven’t felt that way in years, I didn’t realise you didn’t… know that.”

And he watches as James’ shoulders deflate, “It’s really nothing, you don’t need to worry about it.”

“Does my brother know that you’re struggling?” 

“Why would I tell him?”

“Because he’s your… best friend, and I know that you two tell each other everything, “

James huffs a sigh, running their hands through their hair, “Yeah, but he’s got his own issues, I don’t need to burden him with stupid fucking feelings.”

“You are allowed to have emotions and issues, James.” Regulus hums, taking a second to put a lid on the cauldron that he was working in, deciding that he needs to take a break and fully focus on James. He moves to sit next to them, “It doesn’t matter that Sirius has been through shit, you are allowed to have issues. A good childhood doesn’t mean your life is going to be perfect the entire time. If there’s anyone that you should be able to talk to, it should be my brother.” 

“It’s nothing. I get like this, it’ll go away in a couple days.”

“You’re used to… whatever is going on?” Regulus asks, alarmed, “That’s not normal James, you need to talk to someone about it.” 

“And who should I talk to about it.”

“You can…” Regulus takes a deep breath, does he really want to sign up to spend time comforting his crush? Fuck it, James needs it, “You can talk to me about it. That way you don’t have to tell your friends that something is wrong, even if I think you should, and I can help you and know that you’re safe.”

And for the first time since the beginning of this conversation, there’s some light back in James’ eyes when they look at him, “I don’t… I don’t know if I can ask that of you.”

“You’re not asking that of me, I’m telling you to do it.” Regulus hums, standing up and walking back over to the cauldron, “And I can help you work on your potions work and find a way to help you comprehend what’s happening.”

“Can we do that?”

“We can work on re-writing the notes and instructions in a way that you can understand.” Regulus shrugs with one shoulder, “Come help me with this. I promise I won’t get mad if you muck it up, we’ve got time.” And James slowly stands up, as if they’re unsure -- he doesn’t blame them if they are, he knows how he’s treated them -- but he keeps to his word and, together, the two of them work their way through making the potion.