#i hate open plan offices until some juicy shit is going on and then i love it here

[fakeosirian]

"doing my job" while DESPERATELY eavesdropping trying to find out which project is interviewing a youtube psychic in one of the offices behind me right now because what the hell

[hockeytrashgoblin]

Ice Cold ~Part 7

A/N: Hi everyone here is the next part. Sorry I’ve been working a lot the past three days but starting Monday I have 5 days off so you are about to actually be bombarded with content lol Enjoy!

I got off the subway at Union station and quickly found Amy before heading to the arena.

"Hey are you okay? You seem really quiet."

"William has just really pissed me off that's all."

"That's so shitty, what did he do?" She asked as we walked into the back halls to get to our stuff.

"I'll tell you about it later. I don't want people to hear me talk about him in a negative way." I whispered.

"Fair enough. Oh! Not to make your day any worse but Peter is going to be here too."

"Uuuugh why?" I whined, throwing my head back.

"He's got an article to write about Auston. I don't know details but I do know he's going to be wandering around the arena until the end of the game."

"Gross."

"Let's go where we need to be for warmups and just ignore Peter alright?"

"Fine. I might lose it though. I haven't talked to him since our little fight about William."

"Does William know about that?"

"Yeah I told him. He doesn't like Peter at all."

"Can't really blame him, all the shit he talks in his articles."

"He's a tabloid writer not a journalist." I said rolling my eyes opening a door that led to the empty space behind the boards. Once we were set up and taking pictures of the boys Amy brought up Will again.

"You gonna tell me what he did now that we're relatively alone?"

"He just said some shit that really upset me."

"Like what?"

"He said he doesn't trust me. He was keeping a huge secret from me and he told me. Now Auston has it in Wills head that I'm going to tell everyone the secret. Like tell you and Peter. As if. It's not my secret to tell and no one's getting hurt or in danger so I have no reason to break that trust but he doesn't even have it for me in the first place."

"That's such a shitty thing for Auston to do and for William to say! Who do they think you are exactly? Because I haven't known you any longer than they have and I know you'd never share secrets that weren't yours."

"Auston just fucking hates me for no reason. I never did anything to him and won't ever do anything to him. Or any of them. He just won't see reason at all." 

"That's shitty that he can't accept that you love William and wouldn't hurt him."

"Wait how'd you know that?"

"What that you love him?" I nodded and she laughed. "Oh darling, everybody sees how you look at him. Have you told him yet?"

"Yeah I did last night. He said it back but then everything went shitty this morning."

"That's good that he loves you too!"

"But does he though?" I asked sadly, looking at him skate past. He had a frown on his face when he saw me. "If he really loved me wouldn't he trust me?"

"I would say yes but I can't deny the way he looks at you either. I think he does love you, he just listens to Auston too much."

"That could be. I'm just so frustrated. He didn't want to fuck without sharing all his secrets I wanted the same thing but now I don't know if I should even tell him mine. If he can't trust me how do I know I can trust him?"

"If it's the secret I'm thinking of?" I nodded. "Then you'll have to tell him if this is going to work. That was an awful thing that happened to you and he needs to know what hurts you and what triggers your pain about it."

"I know that you're right I'm just so sad and salty right now."

"You have every reason to be. He's being a fucking idiot."

"Who's being an idiot?" Peter asked coming up swinging arms over both our shoulders. I pushed his arm off.

"Kasperi is bothering Freddie." Amy said casually.

"Ah gotcha. Sounded like you were talking about someone else."

"What's it matter?" I said in a snarky voice. "Need something juicy for your next story?"

"Look, you misunderstood what I meant that day."

"Sure."

"(Y/n) come on."

"No. I'm trying to do my job here Peter."

I ignored them both for a while and took a lot of pictures. Probably over 600 during the game. Peter didn't leave at all, just stared at me the whole time. We all walked together to the locker room once they were done showering and changing. Amy was supposed to film the interview with Auston and since I was her partner I had to come too but I really didn't want to. I didn't want to face Auston or William. 

Once we got there, there was a lot of people in the room. Players, security, and press mostly. I was very out of place and nervous in this room until I saw Mitch come in and sit down. I walked over to him.

"Smile Mitchy!" I said holding up my camera and snapping a picture.

"No fair I wasn't ready!" He said making me laugh. "Stop giggling, I probably look so ugly."

"No you don't but I'll take another if you want?"

"Okay good. Get my good side this time." He said posing with a serious look.

"Love, all your sides are good and you know it." He laughed and I snapped the picture. "Congrats on the win."

"You don't mean that."

"Sure I do. You're my friend, I'm proud of you for playing so good."

"Us winning was all you and Peter."

"What do you mean?"

"Auston was angry that you didn't tell them. William is angry mostly with himself but now is also angry you're keeping something from him, don't know he loves you, and that Peter was with you the whole time."

"But how did that help?"

"The angrier they are the less they hold back the power they have."

"I don't want William to be angry with me."

"I know."

"Is he gonna confront me about it?"

"He's planning on it, yes."

"Mitchy..?"

"Yeah?"

"Does he really love me? I know you don't want to butt in too much but please?"

"He does. He loves you more than anything I've ever experienced. You better go see Amy, she thinks she lost you. Or that you ran away."

"Okay I'll go, but we're talking about this later mister." I said pointing as I left making him laugh.

"Hey (y/n)!"

"Hi Kappy! Good game." I said giving finger guns as I walked up to Amy. "Hey Mitch said it looked like you were looking for me."

"I was! You just disappeared and I know how you are with crowds and your feelings.. I got worried."

"I'm okay, I promise. I just went to say hi to Mitch."

"Friends with everyone huh?" Peter asked with a weird emphasis on 'friends'.

"The fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"It's just funny that you're friends with so many different hockey players. You think you'd stick to just one whatever he is."

"Look you ass, who those boys are to me has literally nothing to do with you. And you're not going to trick me into telling you my relationships with them so stop being manipulative. My life isn't a fucking article for you to cover and tell the world."

"(Y/n) listen." He said sighing, realizing he couldn't trick me into talking. "Let me take you out to dinner and we can clear this whole mess up. We can go wherever you want. How does that sound?"

"Um..I uh..Peter I um.." 

"She's actually coming out with us tonight." William said, interrupting my blabbering.

"She could've said that."

"You're making her uncomfortable."

"William stop." I muttered quietly.

"I'm trying to fix that William. Trying to explain myself."

"Cornering and manipulating her to feel bad and share things she doesn't want to doesn't seem like an explanation to me."

"Good thing I'm not trying to explain to you then isn't it?"

"Guess so."

"Guys you're acting like fucking children. Peter let's go. We need to head to the office to upload the interview footage." Amy said rolling her eyes at them.

"Do I have to come too?"

"Nope. Just take the camera card home and store your pictures on the hard drive. Cameras stay here since we're coming back tomorrow."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely." She hugged me tight and whispered, "talk to him."

"I will." We broke apart. "I'll see you tomorrow. Message me when you're home."

"Will do. You message me too. I don't care how late or where just let me know you're safe." 

"Okay I will. Bye."

"See ya!" She said pulling a pouting Peter out by his arm.

"Thanks." I said quietly to William.

"You don't have to thank me baby." He said finally relaxing his body language and kissing my forehead. "Do you want to come out with us? Or would you feel better at home?"

"What would be better for everyone? For you?"

"For me better would be you with me."

"But it would be better for Auston if I stayed away."

"(Y/n)-"

"No. I get it Will. Auston is never going to be okay with me. Go have fun and celebrate with the boys. I don't want to make things harder on anyone. I've never wanted that."

"You don't make things harder. I promise. The rest of them love you and want you around more. It's just Auston's stubbornness that's an issue."

"But I don't want to create an issue."

"Do you want to come out with us? With me?"

"Of course I do I just-"

"No. No, you're coming then. If you want to come you're coming."

"Okay.."

"Kappy would love to drink with you. I think you'd enjoy it too. He's pretty fun."

"That sounds fun."

"Let's get out of here. We can meet the boys there."

"Okay sounds good." I smiled at him before he lead the way out of the building. It was lightly snowing outside and I shivered as he held my hand.

"Sorry did I make it worse?"

"No, give me back your hand. It's the least you can do after how shitty you made me feel all day today."

"Darling I'm so sorry."

"William you know I would never hurt you guys like that. You know. You had Morgan confirm. You had Mitch reading my mind and still. Still! You didn't trust me at all. I don't know why you told me in the first place if you were gonna regret it like this."

"I don't regret it. I don't want secrets. I feel so much better that I can be myself and not worry about how human I seem."

"All I want is for you to trust me and be that comfortable around me. It really hurt that you didn't trust me. That you'd believe Auston over Morgan, Mitch, and I."

"I promise you right now, that will never happen again (y/n). I'm willing to prove it to you every day. I will believe everything you say and do here on out no matter what. Unless it's something dumb like saying you're fine when I know you're not."

"Alright sounds fair." I said smiling pulling him down for a kiss. It was a soft sweet kiss.

"I have to ask you something about what you said to Amy."

"Oh God okay what is it?" He stopped our walking again and held my face in his hands.

"Do you really doubt my feelings for you? You think I don't love you?" He asked in his warm murmur liquidy brain voice.

"Sometimes." I said honestly. "It just seems like some kind of dream I'm going to wake up from any second. Like you're going to realize how much better you can do and leave."

"My sweetheart, who on earth made you think you were so hard to love? Loving you has been the easiest and most natural thing I've ever done. I adore you (y/n)."

"I love you." I said getting teary eyed.

"Why are you crying?"

"No one has ever made me feel like this before. I've never felt this wanted when sex isn't involved."

"Darling you are so much more than that and I intend to show it everyday even when sex is involved."

"So you do want that with me? Like sex I mean?"

"(Y/n) of course I do! Why would you think otherwise?"

"I don't know how it works with you guys."

"It works exactly the same. And baby?"

"Yes?" I asked before he lightly pushed me against a building making me gasp.

"I may be a vampire, but I'm still a man and you my love, are so sexy." He whispered, kissing my neck making me shiver in pleasure. He stepped away and took my hand making us walk again.

"God Will, you can't just do that!"

"Why not?"

"Because now I fucking want you that's why not. Because I have to go sit and try to not think about it so Mitch doesn't see what I'm thinking."

"Kind of lame that Mitch gets to see your fantasies and I don't."

"That is not my fault. I can't control who sees my brain."

"I know I'm just jealous."

"Well don't be. You'll see soon enough."

"You'll have to tell me your secret first though." He said making my face drop.

"You didn't forget about that huh?"

"Not a chance. Why would you keep something from me? Especially something that seems so bad."

"Because it is so bad. Like really bad. I don't usually tell guys about it unless I don't have a choice."

"Oh darling that's awful. I don't want to force you into telling me."

"You're not. You can ask Amy, I was planning on telling you."

"How come Amy knows?"

"It's easier to share trauma with girls who understand. Even if things haven't happened to them they get the danger and the fear. It's just a lot easier."

"I can respect that."

"I just don't want you to see me as lesser."

"I will never see you that way. I promise." He squeezed my hand a little before stopping in front of a club. "We're here. Do you still wanna go in?"

"Yeah of course, it's time to celebrate!"

"We could celebrate at my place if you'd prefer?"

"No I was excited to do this.. do you not want me to?"

"Babygirl no, I do want you to. I just also want you to myself." He said,  pulling me close to him by my hips.

"I could stay the night if you want?"

"I would definitely enjoy that." He said with a smirk.

"Alright deal. Let's go in. I'm getting a drink before we go to the boys though." 

I pulled him through the door and loud music flooded my ears. He ordered me a drink and we sat at the bar so I could drink it. He got himself a few shots while I drank two mixed drinks.

"William, just so you know I am a lightweight."

"A what?"

"I get drunk really fast on not a lot of alcohol. If I stand up right now I'll be swaying a bit."

"You silly girl. You're adorable. Are you buzzed enough to go find the boys?"

"Yes. I am ready! Let's go!" I jumped down and wobbled a bit. William steadied me before leading the way to their table. "Ehey! Kappy!"

"(Y/n), Will! Fucking finally. Thought you'd never show up."

"I needed a drink first." I said matter of factly.

"Well we're glad you're here now. I'm Stephanie!" The girl beside Mitch introduced herself.

"Stephanie." I said nodding before going in for a hug. "Nice to meet you!"

"I've heard a lot about you from everyone."

"Listen Steph, can I call you Steph?" She nodded as I took another sip from my third drink. "Okay cool. Listen Steph. Don't listen to a word Auston says about me because he's being a total fuckhole right now."

"Hey!" Auston said with a frown.

"Don't you even start Auston Matthews." I said, waving my finger at him.

"You're a brat."

"Only for Willy." I said making William choke, Kasperi and Mitch laugh, and Auston make a gagging noise. 

"Baby you can't just say stuff like that." William said with mischief in his eyes.

"Fine, whatever, sorry!"

"Sit down darling." He pushed me into the booth beside Kasperi with him on the other side.

"Okay fine bossy." Kappy laughed at that.

"Poor little (y/n)."

"I am poor little me thank you for noticing."

"How much have you had to drink?"

"Not enough for her to be acting like this." William said laughing.

"Hey I said I was a lightweight!"

"Yeah but I didn't think like this."

"I'm sorry." I said getting quiet and taking another sip of my drink.

"Hey babes come with me!" Steph said excitedly.

"Where are you taking her?"

"Calm down William I want to dance. I'll take care of her."

"Go with Mitch."

"He won't and she's an adult."

"Willy move or I will climb over." I said excited.

"Baby you can barely stand."

"Climb it is." I said as I jumped up and over him only tripping a little. Steph caught me as everyone except William and Auston laughed. "I'm gonna go dance with my new friend Stephanie. You sit here all broody and angry with Auston."

We turned around and left the table on our way to the dance floor. They were playing a lot of older party music so I was really excited jumping around and shaking my hips to the music. Me and Steph had been giggling and dancing for a while until I had to go to the bathroom. 

"You're not going by yourself. Let me come with you."

"I can do it by myself."

"At least let me stand outside and wait for you?"

"Okay. Okay deal. Yes. Where is bathroom?"

She took my hand and led the way through the crowd to the bathroom. I went in and was shocked at the sight in front of my drunk eyes. Auston was in the girls bathroom. With a girl. But something wasn't right. She wasn't moving and his eyes were red and veiny underneath. He also had blood dripping from his teeth.

"For fuck sake it couldn't have been anyone else.." he asked looking up in frustration. "What the fuck are you doing in here?"

"Gotta pee.." I said sounding dumb even to myself.

"Listen to me, you didn't see anything." He said sitting the girl down in a stall and coming over to me.

"Okay."

"I mean it. You saw nothing. You're not telling anyone about this. I could do that to you in a second, do you understand?"

"Stop I'm not gonna say anything." I winced as he blocked me in by his arms loud against the wall.

"I don't know what the fuck Will sees in you but if you say a word no one will ever fucking see you again until they find your skeleton in a shallow grave in the woods. Aww poor baby is crying." He wiped a tear from my cheek and I shivered.

"Please don't. I'm not gonna do anything I promise. Even if I did I'm drunk no one will believe me."

"No. No! There's no 'even if I did'! This is why we can't fucking trust you!" He snarled in my face.

"God Auston just stop!" I said louder trying to duck under his arm but he used his arm to push back against my shoulders and neck. I panicked as he pushed and eased off making it hard for me to breathe. He laughed.

"So frightened. Good." He pushed a little more and I was gasping for air. "And while I have your full attention. These people are my family, and if you hurt them in any way I will kill you. Don't think for a second that just because William loves you that you're safe. You're not."

"Auston I promise you I won't."

"You better not." He said lifting my feet off the ground by his arm. A lot of pressure was on my neck and I started clawing at his arm.

"You think you can hurt me? Pathetic."

"Auston you're scaring me!" I yelled as loud as I could in his face.

"Good!" He roared.

"Auston Matthews what the fuck do you think you're doing?!" He was as shocked by Stephanie's appearance as I was and dropped his hand, causing me to fall in a heap on the floor.

"It's not what it looks like Steph."

"I don't want to hear it. Get out before I call security for Toronto's golden boy perving on the girls in the bathroom."

"You wouldn't."

"Oh I so would Auston, I so would. Get lost."  He left quickly and I stayed on the floor crying. "Honey let's go find William okay?"

"No! No I still need to go pee." I pushed her away and got up to the bathroom. Once I was done she made me sit on the counter.

"Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah I will be. I'm not right now."

"I know hun I can tell. Let's go back out okay?"

"Okay. Don't tell anyone please?"

"What (y/n) you have to tell someone? He can't just do that to you."

"I'll take care of it just don't make things harder by telling everyone please?"

"Okay fine. But if I hear that no one has heard about it in a few days I'm going to tell."

"Fine that's fair."

We left the bathroom and got to the table. Auston was nowhere to be found thank goodness.

"Baby what's wrong?"

"Nothing Will I'm fine."

"(Y/n)-" Mitch said, worry and shock on his face.

"Mitchy I'll talk later okay?"

"Alright fine but you're not getting out of it."

"Okay." I sat down and took a shot of whatever William was holding.

"Darling-"

"William I promise I'll talk about it later I just can't right now." I said tears gathering in my eyes again as I thought of everything.

"Willy maybe you should take her back home. She clearly doesn't feel safe right now." Mitch said in his ear.

"I think you're right. Darling do you want to go home?" He asked, rubbing my shoulder.

"You house. Wanna go to your house. Mitchy is right, I don't feel very safe right now." I said against his shoulder.

"Would you feel safer if Kas came too?"

"I don't want to ruin his night."

"You won't. Sit here with Mitch and Steph while I go find him."

"Steph can we have a second?" Mitch asked softly.

"Of course babe, I'll get us another drink." She leaned in for a kiss and he rolled his eyes a little before giving her one. I made sure to hold that in my brain for later.

"(Y/n) you need to tell him everything. I'm sorry I didn't come help. With this many people it's hard to focus on just one. Literally for all of us it all just gets mixed up. I wish Auston would stop blocking his thoughts from me."

"I'm sorry he's doing that to you Mitchy." I said giving him a hug.

"Don't you dare apologize for his dumbass behaviour as if what just happened didn't happen."

"He threatened me Mitchy. I couldn't breathe.. I thought I was gonna die again, I-" he interrupted my crying panic with a hug. I still cried harder though.

"Shh it's okay. It'll be okay. Just talk to Will."

"I promise." I pulled away from him in time to see Kasperi and William walk up.

"Oh my God (y/n) what happened to you?"

"Talk about it later." I said going back to William.

"William you better listen to her. She's terrified." Mitch said seriously as William nodded.

"Let's go sweetheart." He pretty much dragged me out of the club. Before I knew it we were back at their apartment. I took my shoes off and locked both locks on the door. The boys looked at me weird for that.

"Um.. I know that looks dumb and it's not gonna protect me more than you guys but it makes me feel better."

"(Y/n) I'm really worried about you. Please come sit and talk to us." William said on the verge of tears himself.

I sat down on him and started telling them everything that happened in the bathroom with Auston.

"You've got to be kidding right now?!" Kasperi said in shock.

"Why would I lie?" I yelled through the sobbing. "God I knew I shouldn't have said anything. I knew you guys wouldn't believe me."

"Baby no come here." William pulled me into a hug. "We believe you. We're just shocked that Auston would go against Morgan's wishes like that."

"I'm sorry (y/n) I didn't mean to make it sound like that. It sounds terrifying."

"I thought I was going to die again." I said softly.

"What do you mean again? Has he done this to you before?" William demanded.

"No someone else did. An old boyfriend. I broke up with him because he was abusive and crazy. He broke into my old place and raped me to show that I was his whether I wanted him or not. It was really violent. He strangled me until I passed out. What Auston did just brought me back to Tommy.. that's why I'm freaking out so bad. I'm sorry. I've ruined everyone's good time again."

"You must still be drunk cuz that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard." Kappy said hugging me from the other side.

"Baby I'm so sorry that happened to you. You never deserved that."

"Can we talk about him later? I don't want to think about it anymore tonight."

"That's completely reasonable."

"Guys I'm scared."

"Don't be. Morgan is on the way to talk to us about it."

"Did Morgan see this coming?"

"He said no. He didn't see you and Auston in that bathroom at all. So it was a split second decision by Auston. I don't know if it makes it any better but he wasn't planning on doing that to you in advance."

"That doesn't make it better but it's good to know." I said softly. There was a knock on the door and I jumped.

"It's just Morgan." William soothed me.

"Can I check?"

"Yeah go ahead." William got up and came behind me while I looked through the peephole. Seeing that it was just Morgan I moved so Will could open it. I grabbed on to William as he locked the door behind Morgan.

"Thank you. I know it's silly.." I whispered.

"Anything that makes you feel safe isn't silly." He kissed my forehead and brought me back over to the couch to the other boys.

"(Y/n) I understand that you're afraid." Morgan said softly in a voice similar to William's warm one.

"Yes. I wasn't supposed to tell anyone. I'm probably gonna die now." I said wiping a tear.

"You won't. I can promise you that. We will protect you."

"But Auston is your family, I can't let this happen."

"But you're William's soulmate. We can't let either of you hurt the way that would hurt." Kas said.

"I'm just sorry and scared and still a little drunk."

"How about we go lay down? I'm sure Mitch filled everything in and Kappy knows it all if he left stuff out." William asked combing his fingers through my hair.

"Okay. I would like that."

William carried me to his room and put me down on the bed. I took a second to look around. 

"What is it?"

"Not what I was expecting your room to look like. I thought it would be more hockey."

"No I don't want to think about hockey in here."

"What do you want to think about?"

"I'm sure you could figure it out love." He said smirking and winking at me.

"Oh? OH! Aah gotcha." I said blushing a lot as he got in bed beside me and squeezed my hip.

"You're so cute. What happened to the earlier confidence when you told the whole table you were my brat?" 

"I was drunker then."

We were quiet for a bit. I curled up to his side and he kissed my head then taking a deep breath. I was thinking a lot about the vampire thing. I still had so many questions but only one seemed really important right then.

"Does me being warm feel as good to you as you being cold does to me?" I asked into his chest. I felt the vibration of him laughing.

"Darling I can't even explain to you how good it actually feels. I love when you touch me because it makes me feel warm. Nothing but a living person can make me feel warm."

"You never feel any different to me."

"That's because my skin can't warm up but I get the sensation of being warm inside. It's the same feeling probably as when you jump into your bed under your millions of blankets." He joked poking my nose. I scrunched it up and he laughed. "I love you."

"I love you. But you're not allowed to make fun of my nest ever again. I want to be cozy."

"Of course love, I'm sorry."

"Can we go to sleep? I'd really like to sleep."

"You can do that." He said reaching across my body to turn off the light. I grabbed onto his arm to stop him though.

"Wait."

"What?"

"Am I safe? How do we know I'm safe?"

"Honey are you sure you want the answer? It'll take some explaining."

"I wanna know."

"Okay. So vampires can only die one way but we can be hurt bad enough that we should die. When that happens we go unconscious for a few hours."

"What do you mean?"

"Like a broken neck for example, would knock us out for a while."

"Okay?"

"Morgan broke Auston's neck."

"Oh my God no! William! I didn't want that!" I yelled sitting up in bed.

"Baby shh.. lay down." He pushed my shoulders back down and leaned over me, trapping me. "None of us wanted this but he posed a big threat to all of us. He was more being punished for what he did to that girl than anything else."

"How come?"

"Because we don't bite people unless we're changing them. That's Morgan's rules. This happens to everyone who goes against the rules. The last thing we need is for a random person to go to police or media saying that one of us drank their blood."

"This is fair. So where is he then?"

"There's kind of a cell in the basement." He said with a dark laugh. "I decided to skip that part of the tour."

"Smart move." I nodded. "So what's keeping him in there? I know you can bend metal so what's the deal?"

"Have you ever heard of vervain?"

"The stuff from vampire diaries?" I asked, scrunching my nose in confusion making William laugh.

"It's a real herb. It's got pink flowers. It's an old healing herb. It's considered holy."

"Ooh okay."

"It has pretty much the same effect as on that show."

"So if he touches the bars at all he'll burn the shit out of his hands."

"Yes exactly."

"What about the game?"

"Mitch is going to tell them that he's got the flu. Can't stop puking so he can't even call and tell them."

"You guys have done this before huh?"

"We had to do it with Mitch a couple times when he first turned."

"You guys'll never have to do that to me."

"Don't talk like that."

"Fine whatever." I said turning my head.

"There's my little brat." He teased kissing my cheek making me blush.

"So Auston is locked up. For how long?"

"Two maybe three days tops."

"Okay."

"You're safe. Kas is here, I'm here, Mitch is going to be here too once Morgan leaves. He's there so someone is there when he wakes up but he'd rather it be Morgan for some reason."

"Okay. I think I want to sleep now. Now that I know I'm safe. I'm really tired."

"Alright darling, good night." He kissed my forehead, turned off the lamp, and curled up with me. I drifted off not long after.

[justjessame]

Avery Emerson Clay: Hook, Line, and ... Have Y'all Ever Been Bait?!

My new schedule began the next morning, tempered only by waking up in Jake’s arms, and followed by a lengthy shower that was definitely Jake’s way of negotiating for me to behave in the way my dad and brother expected me to. Trust me, if Jake was willing to wake me up this way every damn day, I’d be more than willing to go along with Daddy and Clay’s stupid script with less bitching than my tiny body would put out naturally.

If you’d ever seen Jake Jensen fully naked and covered in bubbles, which you won’t because I’d beat you bloody, you’d understand my compulsion to go with the flow.

While being put into a more malleable state, I wasn’t completely devoid of my own personality. I pulled a few choices for attire for my first day as bait. Since I’d be jogging, then running errands to the office, and - God help us all, shopping, I would need a few wardrobe changes.

“Do you really think that is a good idea?” Jake was barely containing his laughter, and I didn’t really want him to. I was pulling on my first costume, the athletic look, and I knew exactly what he was talking about.

I turned to face him and made sure I was wearing the most exaggerated perky look I could force my face into. “Now, Jake, isn’t the point to make Maxi-poo grab my tiny ass?” The shirt was tight and bedazzled with the word “SNACK” across my tits, it was a joke clearly, something my mom had grabbed on one of her and Dad’s many trips. Something NO ONE ever expected me to actually wear in public. “I have another one in here that says ‘JUICY’, if you think that’s better?” I bit my tongue and he shook his head laughing before coming close enough to kiss me.

“You’re incredible, Avery,” I was on tiptoes to keep contact, but Jake was helpful and cupped my ass through the very tight shorts I’d paired the stupid shirt with and lifted me so I could wrap myself around him. “I’m sure your dad and Clay are going to pop a blood vessel between them, but I think you’re fucking amazing.”

With that in mind, I grabbed my earbuds, my cell phone, and headed off for my extra dose of jogging that I fucking hated. Dad stared at my outfit, but refrained from offering any feedback while Clay lamented the narrow choices that it gave for hiding the tracking device and bug to keep me company.

“So I get to keep Jake inside me all day?” I caught Jake’s eye and grinned at how red and purple he could get in public. “Maybe next time lead with that when selling the op to me.”

“Ave,” Clay was tucking the earwig into my earbud, making them one, “maybe try to keep Jake alive by NOT making him a target for Dad’s fucking rage?” His voice was quiet enough that I was fairly certain Dad couldn’t hear him. “You like him, right?”

I sighed, “yeah, I do.” Which sucked, because pissing Dad off was pretty fucking fun, but getting Jake maimed would suck far worse. “Alright, so I jog down the hill and around the park and then back up the bike path,” I thought the best way to fix shit was to pretend I didn’t say anything bad at all. “If I have to do it more days than usual, I don’t see the point in diverting from the same course.”

“Right,” Dad offered, grabbing my water bottle from the fridge and handing it to me. “While you jog, keep the music to a lower level than eardrum bursting, that way not only Jake can hear you, alright?”

I nodded and he walked me out. Dad stayed with me in the driveway while I stretched, talking me through the finer points of some of the self defense shit that I hadn’t touched in awhile. “But I can’t incapacitate him, right?” I groaned, touching my toes. “The point is to get Max to take me.”

“Take you, but not hurt you, Avery.” Dad stepped closer to me. “Make sure he knows you're a Clay, princess.” With a kiss to my forehead and a pat on my back I was off on my run.

Nothing happened during my jog, or my shopping trip. Aside from mind numbing boredom. I hated to shop. Unless it was for my pets or for a purpose. Mindless shopping because I could? Boring. Glancing at the files I had on the passenger seat of my car, I felt another sigh build. Last errand on my list for day one of my ‘routine’, Guardian Incorporated.

“You’re doing great, sweetheart,” Dad’s voice cut in, as I moved through traffic. Throughout the day, Dad, Clay, and Jake had given me mini pep talks. They weren’t as helpful as they hoped to be, but I couldn’t and wouldn’t tell them that. “One more stop and then you can come home.”

“Yep,” I agreed, pulling into the garage after being nodded through the security gate. “One more chore then fetch and yoga.”

Soft chuckles broke through my earbud and I smiled. “Never thought I’d hear you sound happy about the yoga, princess.” The chuckles belonged to all three men in my life, but the comment was fully Daddy.

“Yeah, well don’t hold me to it for long.” I muttered. Grabbing the files and my employee badge, I beeped my car locked and headed for the bank of elevators in the employee garage.

The first couple of days were simple and non-eventful. I jogged. I shopped. I did errands to GI. We added stops and errands that made sense.

Rose was back at work. She didn’t say a word about the missing practice dummy or about my new schedule, which says a lot about how long she’d been with our family.

Jake had moved into my room, there seemed to be NO point in keeping up some stupid pretense in having his things in a separate room, and forcing Rose to keep it in the same state as a room that actually had a person staying in it.

It was a regular day, at least my NEW regular. Wake up wrapped up in the warmth that was Jake Jensen, get a hot shower to make my day a little easier to face, then dress for a jog that I’d rather not fucking deal with - with an earbud in my head with music and three men giving me their version of motivational advice.

Once I was miserable from the exertion, I’d come home for a less pleasant shower, redress in my next costume change, this time for mindless shopping and whatever bullshit “look at me” errands the men in my family devised for Max to find me doing. A bundle of “files” for good measure next to me in the car, and away I’d go, my earwig in place.

Jake, Daddy, and Clay would take turns to tell me how good I was doing or tell me how fabulous I was in all ways shapes and forms. I’d maneuver through traffic and I’d work through the stores and the shiny happy people that I was supposed to enjoy dealing with on the daily. Spoiler: I wasn’t enjoying dealing with these people on the daily.

Off to GI, where I’d be waved through the gate, onto the employee garage, into the employee elevators and up through the floors. Dropping a file here, there and everywhere until I was back in my car and home. Except, today, I made a different choice.

“What if I don’t park in the garage?” I had to ask out loud, the earwig wasn’t a mindreader, thank fucking God. No one answered, so I went on with my idea. “If I go in through the main entrance, maybe Max will see me. I mean it’s not like he has the same access as I do.” Fucking lightbulb moment.

“Try it,” Clay, the voice of reason, or at this point fucking try anything. “Give it a shot, Ave.”

“I plan on it, bro.” I was pulling up to the curb, hoping that I had the necessary shit for the parking meter. “Let’s hope I don’t get a fucking ticket, OK?”

The light chuckles told me they were tense, but hopeful. Could family members and your boyfriend really be hopeful for your possible kidnapping? Yes, I figured. Yes, they could. I grabbed the files and some change from the cupholder and clipped my badge onto the top folder. Here goes nothing.

I was waiting at the first bank of elevators, holding the files and doing the mental math for how long the meter would give me before I’d have a ticket to pay, when I felt it. The tingle that tells you someone is paying attention to you. Close attention.

The mantra started in my head. “Don’t look, don’t look, don’t look.” The worst thing I could do was look, right? I mean if Max was actually here, looking would be the tale tell sign that I KNEW.

The elevator dinged open and I stepped onto it, alone. And as the doors were about to slide shut, a voice called out asking for me to hold it. I just managed, and the person who stepped inside was so benign that I doubted highly that it was the Max that my brother was looking for. This man? This linen suited, perfectly coifed, somehow pansy-assed looking man was a black ops burning psycho? REALLY?

“Do you mind pressing 3 for me?” He asked and I shook my head and tapped the button. “Thank you, Miss?”

“You’re welcome.” I stepped to the right, putting a bit more space between us and focusing on the files in my hand.

“That’s not very friendly,” I didn’t answer, but he didn’t really need me to. “I’d think that the daughter of Guardian Incorporated’s founder would want to put on a more welcoming demeanor for a prospective client.”

I looked up to see him staring down at me with a hint of a smirk on his lips. “I’d expect a prospective client to know that the daughter of the founder is in disgrace right now, so pandering to prospective clients isn’t high on her to-do list.”

“Touche, Miss Clay.” He gave a small tilt of his head, point to me. “I guess I missed that tidbit. Whatever could such a striking young woman do to fall into ‘disgrace’ was it?”

I moved slightly closer to him and tilted my head closer too. “I tasered an employee's balls when he muttered ‘nepotism’ at me a time too many.” A shrug of my shoulder and I moved back to my original position. “Now I work from home, unless I’m forced to bring paperwork in that can’t be faxed or digitally sent.”

He was grinning at me with real amusement now. “Pity, I’m sure you add more than just beauty to the workplace, Miss Clay.”

My floor dinged and I exited the elevator. “It was nice to meet you, Mister -”

“Oh, I think we’ll meet again real soon, Miss Clay.” He was fixing his cuffs and I noted that one hand was wearing a leather glove. “Very soon.”

“I can’t be completely sure,” I muttered once the elevator doors were shut and it started to move to the next floor. “But I’m pretty confident that Max and I just shared an elevator.”

[randomwordsandstormydays]

The One Where Conner And Olivia Get Found Out

Some juicy happens below the break.

TW: graphic depictions of violence, cursing, aggressive language, alcohol consumption

Conner is more excited than he’ll ever admit when Olivia tells him that she’s not returning back to the Gunner Plaza with her father, that instead she’s staying at Falcon Company in order to help them. He’s even more excited when she admits that she’d like to continue seeing him, and that what they had could be more than a one night stand if he wants. And he wants. The only downside: he can’t tell anyone. Not only is she a Major while he’s a Lieutenant, which is a fraternization violation, but Olivia is nervous, and a little fearful, of what her father might do to him if he were to discover their relationship. Conner doesn’t care much, he’s never respected Brigadier Pratt, so he’s certainly not scared of him. Still, he likes Olivia, and wouldn’t want to do anything to hurt her.

For eight months, things are great. They fake meetings under the pretenses of sparing, training, discussing battle plans, or meet under the cover of night, and as far as either of them can tell, no one suspects a thing. They even manage to fake a training exercise to get away from the Company, and for a whole week it’s just the two of them, out in the Commonwealth, together without any pretending. He tells her loves her, and for some reason, that he’ll never understand, she says she loves him too. Conner will never admit it, but it’s the best week of his life. Still, secrets never stay secret forever.

Their relationship comes to light in one of the worst ways.

He’s sitting with his platoon around the fire pit after dinner, they’re joking, laughing, having a good time. Spirits are high, they just received word that their sister platoon’s mission was a success and the provisions they were sent to retrieve are on their way back. Which means better meals, happier leaders, and higher paying jobs.

Somewhere along the way the conversation drifts towards women, as it usually does once the men get a couple of drinks in them. Everything is fine, they talk about Corporal Davis’ new girlfriend, a shy scavver who comes down to trade with them once a month. Private Hastings talks about some caravanner that allegedly stopped by when everyone else was on recon and he was laid up on quarters. Half the platoon thinks he’s lying, the other half thinks she’s a chem hallucination. Med-x dreams are no joke.

Then Conscript Jennings mentions Major Pratt, and things go downhill from there. Conner tries to bite his tongue, let the joes get their ribbing and jokes out of their system- they’ll move on quick enough, but their words grate at his patience until he finally mutters a, “quiet, she’s your superior officer, show her some respect”.

The group looks at him oddly, he supposes that was out of character, normally he’d joke along with them.

“What’s up with you tonight, Sir?” Davis asks, concern lacing his tone.

“LT is just strung up cause he spends all his time with that hot piece of ass, but isn’t allowed to touch.” Jennings shouts, his statement sparks jeers from the rest of the platoon and Conner has to force himself to keep quiet. They’ll get suspicious if he says anything else. Instead he downs the rest of his drink, letting the alcohol work its way through his system, then grabs another and downs half of it. If he was buzzed before, he’s well on his way to drunk now.

They’re still talking about Major Pratt, but they’ve moved on, their comments devolving into complaints about her strict attitude and harsh training schedule. Then Jennings opens his goddamn mouth again, “I bet she’d stop barking orders if I bent her over and fucked the fight out of her.”

Conner loses it. His whiskey glass shatters as he slams it onto the ground, and before anyone can comprehend what’s happening he’s got his hands wrapped around the Conscript’s neck. He lifts him off his seat by the throat and uses his other hand to punch him across the face. Jennings drops like a sack of tatos when Conner lets go, gasping for breath, and that should be the end of it, except that he’s still furious. He’s sober enough to know that beating the shit out of one of his subordinates is a piss poor idea, but he’s drunk enough not to give a single fuck. By the time Sergeant Regier drags him off the other man, Jennings face is unrecognizable, purple, bloody, puffy, and red.

Most of his guys are trying to help Jennings onto his feet, but Sergeant Regier is trying to hold him back. Conner still has more fight in him, so he shouts over the commotion, “don’t you ever fucking talk about her like that again. You hear me Jennings? Next time I’ll kill you.”

Regier grips him by the collar and drags him away and when Jennings’ face disappears around the corner his rage begins to dissipate. His Sergeant leans him against the wall and blocks his escape path. Suddenly, the full weight of his actions crashes over him. Oh fuck.

“Oh fuck is right, Sir,” shit, he must have said it outloud, “what the hell was that?”

Conner clenches his jaw and talks through gritted teeth, he still has some anger left in him after all. “He was talking about Olivia like she was some common whore.”

“Olivia? You mean Major Pratt?” Oh fuck again. “Sir, are you two together?”

He feels the fight drain out of him. What a stupid question. “I know you’re not that dumb, Reiger, it’s pretty fucking obvious ain’t it?”

There’s no response from his Sergeant, so they stand in silence. The other man moves to lean next to him on the wall, then offers him a smoke. Conner takes it, but doesn’t light it, just twist the paper and tobacco between his fingers. Minutes pass and then Gunner Lane peeks around the corner, he pauses when he sees Conner but comes forward anyways.

“Jennings is at medical, they said he’ll be fine, gave him some Med-x for the pain and sent him back to the bunkhouse,” he pauses, glances at Conner before quickly shifting to look at Regier, “no one told them what happened,” he looks at Conner then, “and we don’t plan on telling. I think Jennings is going to keep his mouth shut, too.”

A weight lifts off of his chest, but he knows he  has to make this right. “I’m not exempt from the rules because of my rank. I’ll talk to Olivi-uh, Major Pratt.”

The two junior men look at each other, but none of them move to stop him.

The entire walk to Olivia’s room feels like he’s walking to his own execution. There were reasons why she wanted to keep their relationship in the dark, and now that it’s been forced into the light he can’t imagine that she’ll want to keep seeing him. And that breaks his heart, because he knows that as much as Olivia loves him, she’s more scared of her father, and nothing he can say or do will fix that.

When he knocks on the door he imagines that he’s pulling a noose tight around his neck, one step closer to the events that will kill him. Conner feels his heart stutter when she opens the door, both from the sudden realization that he is actually there and because he hasn’t seen her in a few days, and he’s always blown away by her, no matter how long they’ve been together.

“Lieutenant Sellmyer, what are you doing here?” He knows that she’s referring to him by his rank because they’re technically in public, but it still hurts. Will he ever hear her say his name again?

“Olivia,” her eyes flash at his use of her first name, “we need to talk.” Her shoulders tense, that combination of words is never good, never have they ever been the leadup to pleasant news. Instead of fighting him, asking him to meet her somewhere else, where no one could see them talk, she steps aside to let him in.

As he crosses the threshold into her personal bunk room Conner can’t help but pick up on the little things. Her uniform jacket is flung carelessly onto one of the chairs in the living room, the radio is on, low enough that he can’t make out the tune, and there’s a book open on the couch with a piece of paper slid into it to hold her spot. He takes in all he can, before he becomes a stranger in her life once more.

“Conner, what’s going on?” Her voice is quiet, and he hates that he can hear sadness in her tone already. Then her eyebrows drop and she leans forward, smelling the air. “Are you drunk?”

He turns to face her, swallowing as he goes, trying to give himself a little more time, just one more second. Her question goes unanswered, for now. “Something happened tonight.”

The switch from concerned girlfriend to Gunner Major is one that he doesn’t get to see often, he’s blown away by her ability to flip that part of herself on at any moment. “Has there been any attack? Any injuries? Do we need to fortify?”

She stops when he raises his hand. “No, everyone is fine, there wasn’t an attack.”

“A fire then? Did we lose supplies?”

“No, Olivia, please… just let me talk.” The desperation in his voice makes him cringe, how is he supposed to do this? She tilts her head towards the couch, inviting him to sit. There he takes a spot a few cushions away from her.

“Conner, please, you’re making me nervous, just tell me what happened.”

“My platoon knows about us.”

Her sharp inhalation of breath is expected but it doesn’t make it any less painful. Sometimes he wonders if it’s not her dad that’s keeping her from telling everyone. Sometimes he thinks that maybe she’s just ashamed of him.

“How did they find out?”

He tells her everything, leaving out what some of the men had said specifically, but sparing no details as he describes the assault on Jennings and the events that followed. The two of them are quiet for a long time, long enough that Conner’s ears adjust and he can hear the low crooning of The Bobcats singing Way Back Home. When she finally speaks he’s ashamed to admit that he jumps a bit.

“What are we going to do?”

That’s not what he was expecting. He was prepared for her to dump him, to tell him that what they had was over. “You’re not… you’re not going to leave me?”

She looks up at him so sharply that her neck cracks. “Why the hell would I do that?”

It’s Conner’s turn to be confused. “You told me that our relationship had to be a secret, that you were scared of your father.”

Her head shakes back and forth as she crawls across the couch towards him. His arms come up to support her when she climbs into his lap and wraps her hands around his shoulders. “That was at the beginning, before I was sure you were serious,” Olivia leans in to kiss him and he lets himself fall into it, he’s disappointed when she pulls back, “but I love you, and I’m not going to give up what we have.”

Relief washes over Conner and he buries his head into her neck, wrapping her in his arms and tugging her body flush against his. His words are muffled by her skin when he speaks, “I love you, too. I thought you were going to be mad. Yell at me, something.”

She pulls back just far enough to kiss him again. “No,” she rakes her fingers through his hair, soothing him, “I don’t know exactly what our next step is… I’ll probably have to leave Falcon Company, though. Fraternization and all that. But I don’t want to leave you. However…” Conner lifts his head to look at her, “you did a really stupid thing. At the very least you’ll be put on probation, they might even reduce you in rank or take your platoon away.”

The consequences of his actions are not foreign and he knows that what she says is true. “I lost it, I know what I did wasn’t right, but I couldn’t stand the way he spoke about you.”

“I can fight my own battles.”

He smiles. “I know you can, doesn’t mean I don’t want to be by your side, supporting you when you take your enemies head on.”

“I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather have by my side.”

Conner spends the night in Olivia’s room and they take the night to hold each other, knowing that in the morning they’ll likely be separated. And as he lies awake, tracing patterns onto the skin of Olivia’s bare shoulder he can’t help but wonder what he had done in his life to deserve her. He wonders if she would still love him if she knew the kind of man he had been. Or the man that he is right now.

For the first time, Conner starts to feel guilty for the pain he’s caused.

---

Click here to go back to my OC writings master list.

[wehveechen]

Shadows of Possibility - Fanfic Trailer

A test for a possible fanfiction that gives us a highly detailed alternate ending to Noblesse, featuring some scenes.

This... is literally a fanfiction trailer, I guess. I am testing the waters with this, trying to see whether people would actually be interested in something like that, since... this would be a big chungus. Giving everyone closure and character development with a whole alternative ending? What I plan would probably be a fanfiction of a real TON of chapters, so... I would hate to start without knowing if anyone would read this, haha.

Anyway... some things you all could look forward to under the cut?

„Unbelievable, isn't it? I stand corrected. I always thought if the werewolves are going to pull a shit move on us, they will do it altogether.“

The First Elder tended to speak faster when he was angry – and though he was trying to deflect it with humor, Third could tell that the recent turn of events was giving him more than just a bit of a headache. Something he was inclined to agree with. For how long had they been watching the werewolves closely, waiting for an opportunity? That opening seemed less likely than ever, now. If the nobles invaded the territory of the werewolves and if the Second Elder weeded out the traitors among his own warrior... Third sat up slowly. Before he could get up, First returned to the bed and joined him with an ungraceful flop and a huff of frustration.

“You know, I always thought... if anyone is going to betray us, it'll be Maduke. The Fifth Elder...” “.... she never really seemed to care,” Third agreed with a slow nod. How strange was it, now, to hear that she has been convicted of treason in the most recent incident involving the nobles of Lukedonia? Just months ago, she had fought them by his side...

The Third's train of thought was disrupted by First's hand running over his bare chest.

“Fuck the werewolves and the nobles,” the blond man said. “Our hour will come, sooner or later. We have waited for so long, we can wait for a bit longer.”

Third hummed, absent-minded. Even though he agreed to ease his lover's mind... Deep down, he felt as though this was just the beginning.

Deprived of sunlight, Frankenstein could no longer tell how much time had passed since the battle, a bloody haze of madness and violence. Emptily, he stared into the magic flame that would keep him company until he, too, died. Like everything else that has been trapped in this dungeon. Dark Spear was gone, where his lover was supposed to cradle his soul with black claws, a gaping pit had formed. He was gone as well. Only a single thought remained on Frankenstein's mind: failure. In failing to defeat his enemies, he'd let them reach his Master... how many had died that day, at the hands of the werewolves? What kind of horrors must the survivors have endured?

This thought gave birth to a spark that set the frayed edges of his soul on fire. There was no point in slamming his fists against the heavy stone that sealed him in Lagus Tradio's laboratory that meant to become his cold tomb.

Breaking furniture, tearing rugs, crumpling pages, he crafted himself a makeshift torch. Humans are tenacious like that – before he would die in this forsaken place, he would have vengeance. Before he stayed here to rot, he would find a way... and if he could not live in peace by the side of his Master, then he would rather die covered in the blood of his enemies.

Taking a deep breath, Frankenstein set fire to the makeshift torch and headed towards the passage that would lead him deeper into the mountain. If there was a way out, he would find it.

The manor felt emptier than ever before. Memories clung to each corner of these walls. This... this must be what torture felt like. Torn between the paralyzing inability to do something and the restless need to stay on the move... How could Raizel sit still when Frankenstein was gone and the Lord in the hands of the enemy? His heart ached at the thought of the Principal's Office, empty, deserted, deserted as the Lord's throne.

A gentle touch upon his shoulder. Raizel did not need to turn his head to know that Garda had joined him. Quiet, silence, such as she always has been.

“I am sorry,” she said softly and he said nothing. The loss they had suffered that day... could not be put into words. The ultimate sacrifice... He should have been the one to do it. This was the burden of the Noblesse: to give his life for the nobles. Instead, others had carried the weight of his duty for him, that day. He swallowed hand and, after a moment, placed his hand over Garda's. There was no need for words- he knew she blamed herself as much as he did.

“We will free your Lord, we will avenge the ones we love... and we will end the reign of terror of the monster who calls himself Lord,” Garda said softly. A slight tremble to her voice betrayed her wavering determination. Slowly, Raizel nodded. “If this will be what takes my life... then so be it,” he said softly, turning his gaze to the sky outside. “... If this will be what takes my life... then so be it. Let vengeance be the last thing I do,” Garda confirmed softly.

They had nothing left but each other and their grief.

 “I cannot believe you get to spread the juicy gossip.” Dr. Aris' voice was sweet as ever, yet at the same time, the cadence of her words felt different. Not as grating anymore. She had changed. Or maybe Yuri was the one who'd changed, and he just did not acknowledge it yet. Either way... He cast a glance at her. The way her eyes had lit up at the news... Yuri could not deny that he himself could hardly wait to try his new powers.

With a chuckle, he pushed up his glasses. “Well, remember, you're officially dead.” Aris rolled her eyes. Details, she'd say, but she bit back the comment. “... right,” she conceded with a huff. “... it's not like this won't be all over soon anyway.” “Right. Besides... You're the one getting to foil their plans. I'm jealous, you know. I wanted to test my powers for so long...” “Well, stand in line, Yuri.” Aris pouted. “Dr. Crombel wanted me to do the job, so I will do it. Besides... Tao and Takeo might be there.” Her pout turned into a sunny smile within seconds. “... and I would love to see them again. I am still very angry that they ran away from me, you know...” “... yes.. but Miss Seira would be there too, you see.” “Oh... don't worry.” Aris glanced at him and briefly ran her hand over his shoulder. “I will greet her from you before killing her.”

The cold metal of the handcuffs cut into M-21's wrists. The forest around them was calm – one could hardly imagine the battles that had taken place here just weeks ago. The mere thought of it made his stomach churn. Kentas... Frankenstein...

When he almost stumbled over a protruding root, Ignes' grip on his arm tightened and he steadied himself again. Step by step. He felt the watchful gaze of the warrior who accompanied them burning in his back. He remembered that face just too well. Ignes stopped all of a sudden and thus, he was forced to stop as well.

“Gayare?” “Yes, my Lady?” “I forgot my data folder at the castle laboratories. I need them. Go and fetch them for me.” M-21 tilted his head back to see the warrior grit his teeth in annoyance. “The Lord ordered me to accompany you at all times, Lady Ignes.” “And Your Lady needs her data,” she insisted with narrowed eyes. “Do you want me to tell the Lord you have stood in the way of my work by refusing to get me the data I need?” “I would never -” “Then go. I think I am perfectly capable of escorting a prisoner to the other laboratory by myself.” The werewolf warrior struggled for a few moments – and finally acquiesced. “I will bring your research folders to the other facility, my Lady.” “The blue one. Titled... Stable Fluid Decomposition in.... Limbal Aortas. Now off you go.”

The warrior turned around to head back for the castle while M-21 and Ignes continued their way. “There is no such folder, is there?” “Of course not.” She snorted and stopped. After a moment of thought, she let go of his arm. Her breath was shaky. “... Alright... This is about as close to the border as I can get you without arousing suspicion. Your best bet is to keep heading west, you should hit the shore eventually. Do you have everything?”

M-21 nodded and waited for Ignes to open the lock on his shackles. The scroll with the Lord's Orders and the USB-Stick both were on the interior pocket of the shirt she'd given him, reminding him of the price of his freedom.

“Hey... I just realized... I don't know your name.” “Not just you.” He stepped away and rubbed at his left wrist. “Remember your promise.” She looked... fearful. They both knew what was at stake with this scheme of theirs. “Remember. You must reach Lukedonia and contact the Union. Everyone and everything depends on you now.... so... good luck.”

[slartifartbast]

True story time! Mostly depressing, but some sexy stuff happens.

An evening of firsts

CW: Depression, explicit sexual content, internalized fatphobia, severe self-loathing & insecurity, STDs, uhhh, and if you think of something else that belongs here, please let me know so I can add it.

I’m giving my friend the pseudonym Leeta because she is, in fact, smoking hot, and she spent some time working as a burlesque dancer.

Before we get to the juicy details, the plodding backstory!

Late summer, 2002, Brooklyn, NY. It was my second year of renting a bedroom in a 4-story brownstone house near what is now referred to as the Atlantic Barclay’s Terminal. I was 23 years old and feeling somewhat secure in my place in the city again. I had a full time job, a relatively short commute, and had some spending money. I was thinking about “thinking about” dating. Spent some downtime at work looking at the Onion’s personals site, and realizing that there’s no way any of the women there would find me interesting (the dull personality persists).

One of the other rooms in the house had become vacant, and so Leeta applied. She was a 20 year old student at a nearby college. Imagine, if you will, Christina Hendricks’ physique and complexion. Morph Christina Hendricks’s face about 1/3 of the way to Kristen Schaal’s face, and you now can imagine Leeta perfectly.

The landlady had one major rule for the house: no fucking. She’s not getting any, so no one else is, either. Anywhere else, fine, just not here.

That was a rule I had no problem obeying. Hindsight tells me I had a reason to break that rule many times over. But we’re not there yet in the story.

Leeta and I became close friends. We’d watch movies together, hang out a bit after work/school, whatever. When the landlady went away on vacation, Leeta would platonically share my bed. If it was summer, I had the A/C. Winter, an electric blanket. The first time, I asked if I could cuddle with her. She found this endearing and consented. After a few minutes, she said “you’re not very good at this; where’s your legs?”

“To be embarrassingly honest, I’ve never been this close to anyone before, and I’m completely aroused. You didn’t sign up to deal with that.”

She grabbed a spare pillow to put between us, I got closer, and we fell asleep. So that was our relationship. Caring, affectionate, with some teasing here and there about my utter lack of experience. We supported each other when we had romantic prospects.

A year later, the landlady decided to retire and sell the house. We moved out, went our separate ways, hanging out once in a while. I still had all kinds of feelings for her, but never made them known. We went to the movies once, and she did the “yawn, stretch, arm around the shoulders” thing to me. I blushed, smiled, and held her hand. At dinner afterward, she showed me a portfolio booklet that she had modeled for. The cover was a picture of her, nude, laying in a bathtub. Just full frontal everything. I lost the capacity to speak for a few minutes. Upon recovering, I managed to compliment how the angle, composition, and lighting perfectly captured her delectable curves. We hung out a few more times, but eventually lost touch for a couple of years.

I was dealing with depression, anxiety, and self-loathing. I got back into the habit of eating my feelings. There was someone else I was developing a friendship with, who seemed to be interested in more, but by the time I figured that out, she had moved on to another guy in our circle of friends. I was devastated and miserable and withdrawn and just completely fucking hated myself. At this point, I was working second shift and the idea of dating was HARD. There were attempts, but I never knew what to say or do. My inbox was always empty. On a whim, at the end of 2006, I emailed Leeta to see what she was up to.

A week later, she responded: “Call me.”

And so I did! We agreed that she’d meet me at my job the next day around 7 PM, because we’d be alone by that time of day. I reminded her that my boss has an unpredictable habit of leaving work at 6, going home from Manhattan to New Jersey for a few hours, and then returning for no apparent reason.

Leeta showed up at just the right time and we greeted each other with a warm hug. We caught up on what she had been up to. She got on my computer and pulled up a website with pics of her at work, dancing in various states of undress. I tactfully complimented her, and eventually she changed the subject to me. I explained why I was in a bad way.

She took my hand, and lead me to the day-glow orange IKEA foldout couch, and sat me down. She turned away from me and began dancing. Then she sat on my lap and started grinding.

“Leeta, despite what you can feel through our pants...if this is out of pity, I don’t want it.”

She got up, turned around, mounted me face to face, took off her shirt, pulled her breasts out of her bra, and pulled my head to her chest. Hearing and feeling her heart beat, I kissed my way up to her collarbone, neck, and face. When I got to her lips, she hesitated. Her fingers ran through my hair as I held her other hand, and I asked her to please kiss me back.

28 goddamn years old, and begging for my first kiss.

After a moment, she did. Deeply, passionately. Her tongue surprised me, becoming a tornado around my own while she went back to grinding and groping me. She sat up a little, pushed my face between her breasts, and I worshipped them for what felt like either an eternity, or 0.68 seconds. I could have spent the rest of the night doing so, but my attention was eventually needed elsewhere.

“Mmmm, I’m wet. Here, feel.”

I obliged, because I’m a dutiful scientist. It’s really difficult to reach down someone’s jeans when they’re sitting on your lap. She unbuttoned and unzipped, and I was able to verify her condition.

We stood up. I pulled out and unfolded the couch while she took off her shoes & pants. She laid down and I got on top, kissing and licking from her head down to her toes, pausing briefly at her hips to slowly pull off her underwear. On my way back up, she opened her legs and guided my hand. I’d seen enough educational porn to understand what she wanted. I “come hithered” until she couldn’t take it any more, slurped her juices from my fingers, and went right back at it. By the 7th or 8th time, she was convulsing and grabbing at me. We kissed as she came down from the high. She got up on her knees, bent over and proclaimed, “I like it rough. Spank me?” I admired, caressed, squeezed, kissed, licked, and finally spanked her glorious ass. I moved to a better angle so I could finger and spank at the same time. I don’t get the whole pain/pleasure thing, but she certainly enjoyed herself.

It was then that Leeta noticed that I was still fully clothed. Not even slightly unbuttoned. I was (am) terribly uneasy about being naked with anyone, even with someone who wanted me. My face and body look like sacks of potatoes, and I felt unworthy of proceeding further. On top of that, I didn’t want to lose my virginity in my office, surrounded by dust and fumes, where my boss could return at any moment and I’d lose my job.

Unfortunately, she internalized my insecurity. “Is it because I’m ugly?” she asked.

“I’m the ugly one here. I’m so grateful to be with you, but this place is disgusting, my boss could be here soon, and I don’t have a condom. Your place or mine?”

“I can’t, I have to go to work.”

“How much do you need for tonight’s shift? I can cover you. Please, I want to be with you.”

“That’s not it; if I don’t show up, they won’t let me come back.”

I gathered up her clothes and “helped” her get dressed, kissing her all over. When she was ready to go, we embraced and made out for another minute. She proposed a FWB situation, to which I agreed.

Looking back, I realize this was out of insecurity, and she possibly wanted more. If she had asked, I would have said yes. I just didn’t know better at the time.

I let her go, and texted her as she left the building. “You’re wonderful, I can’t wait to see you again.”

I finished my shift uninterrupted, went home floating, and did some...“scientific research”.

I didn’t hear from her for weeks. The first week, I texted her every day. The messages quickly transitioned from Thirsty to Worried. After getting no response, I gave up.

Another week or so passed, and I sent a “I miss you, I hope you’re okay” text.

Finally, a response: “I have herpes.”

“Funny! Seriously, it’s ok if you don’t want to sleep with me. I can take ‘no’ for an answer.”

“I’m not kidding.”

I was not well. I was sad and angry, mostly for selfish reasons. I kept it all in, though, figuring she was going through enough stuff. I took her to dinner that weekend, and she explained what happened.

Leeta felt rejected because I didn’t have sex with her in my office. After her shift, she met a guy on the train ride home. He seemed nice. She went home with him, slept with him, spent a lot of time with him. A week later, she was at Planned Parenthood for an exam, pointed to a sore, and asked a nurse, “what’s that?”

She went to the guy, who had no idea. He had been kicked out of a very strict, religious, and anti-science (also, anti-“science”) home at an early age, had no knowledge about, well, anything. She decided to help him get his shit together. We parted that night, and I hugged her for what was probably an inappropriate amount of time.

A few months of friendly texting followed, and eventually Leeta expressed the idea of setting me up with one of her friends. The three of us would meet at a jazz club, with Leeta as a mutual wingwoman. “Denise” was super cute, and we had some common interests. It was awkward at first, but we had a good time. We shared a cab home because we lived on opposite ends of the same neighborhood. Sadly, Denise and I had opposing work schedules, and despite my efforts, we never saw each other again. It was also the last time I saw or heard from Leeta.

I have missed her ever since. But more selfishly, I miss the way I felt when I was with her. With Leeta, I never felt any kind of pressure to work and earn her affection; it was just there, and I reciprocated it. I never had a relationship like that since.

[canaryatlaw]

So, today was certainly an adventure, lol. So remember how yesterday I had the whole overslept my alarm by 40 minutes thing? Well I mostly thought it was coincidence but I have suspected the brand of melatonin I had been using was too powerful and causing my mid-morning naps. Well, after today I'm convinced that's the truth, and enough of the truth that I got off the bus and went straight to Walgreens to buy a different brand before even going home, lol. So you could say this morning was a bit of a mess. Basically, I got up fine, got ready fine, got on the bus fine. Then I felt a little compelled to close my eyes. And I mean, I have a long damn bus ride (generally a little over an hour) and I never really fall asleep like this so I'll just open my eyes every so often to make sure I know where we are. WELL. Guess what failed miserably??? That plan. I had extra time too cuz I was just meeting my boss outside the building at 9:30 so we could go straight to the CIPP (I'll explain that later). The next thing I know, I wake up and look outside and not recognize it. I look at the front of the bus and the next stop says 33rd street. Time is 9:29. FUCK. The numbered streets don't even start until you get onto the south side, and legit the only times I've been on the south side is to go to midway airport. So I was wayyyyy out of my territory here. So I did the reasonable thing- got off at the next stop and got an uber to drive me back up to work, lol. Thankfully I only overshot it by about 10 minutes or so, and my boss was also running late (which she kind of always is, which at this point I'm okay with) so it wasn't too bad. Ah, but this was only the beginning. So we go to one of the DCFS locations downtown for the CIPP. CIPP stands for clinical intervention to prevent placement- basically meant as a meeting to try and solve problems so kids don't have to switch placements, or at least that's the general idea of the meetings. This particular one was to get two of our clients specialized. If a kid is considered specialized they get more access to services, and the foster parent has to have extra certification for it (they also get some of a higher stipend for the kid, but I mean it's not that much to begin with so its not really a cash grab). It was two sisters, 10 and 13, the 13 year old being non-verbal. It seemed as far as anyone could tell they didn't have any official diagnoses other than cognitive delays but it's very possible they're both on the spectrum. So it wasn't much of an argument, everyone pretty much agreed they should be specialized. And then we still sat and talked, but I have no idea what about because I started fucking falling asleep in the middle of the goddamn meeting, and I could not control it at all. Like I felt like I was going in and out of consciousness, like I would open my eyes but not having been conscious of shutting them before that second it just happened, and my boss had to like, nudge me twice during the meeting to keep me awake. So of course I feel SO bad about it. Towards the end someone suggested a bathroom break and another one said they were gonna get a drink and looked at me like "hey do you wanna get something too?" which I took as my cue to go get some caffeine, they had cans of coke for 95 cents in their vending machine, but even with the quarter I pulled out of my laundry pocket I didn't have enough change, so one of them just took pity on me and gave me a dollar (I insisted she did at least take the change I did have). I wouldn't say I chugged the coke exactly, but I tried to get it into my system very quickly as it definitely helped. We ended not too long after that, and as soon as we're outside I'm like to my boss "omg I'm so sorry I don't know what's going on with me" and she was just like "no I'm just like concerned about your health like are you okay? Do you do need to go home for the rest of the day??" So I assured her I was fine at this point now that I had at least 12 oz worth of caffeine in my system. So we ran to jimmy johns and ate in the car on the way to our second meeting of the day (I saw "our" but of course I just sit there and watch and say nothing). This was a child and family team meeting, which is just like with the workers and such to try and handle things. Now, there are a lot of messy cases in the foster care system, but trust me when I say this case was a MESS. Basically, this girl's brother had been sexually abusing her and pulling off straight up incest since she was like 8 to the point where SHE FUCKING GOT PREGNANT BY HER GODDAMN BROTHER and when I heard that I was immediately like uh, is that baby okay????? But apparently he's 2 now and no special needs have availed themselves yet so that's definitely a relief. But basically the girl is 17 now and doesn't really want to leave home but the case got screened in anyway, but they can't find a placement for her as a parenting teen so she's been living at home with her shitbag mother and HER FUCKING BROTHER and ugh it made me so mad. My boss told me when they went to trial the mom like made the girl burst into tears because she basically testified "I don't care about you, I don't want you, I just care about my grandson" like um you're a piece of shit and shouldn't be in charge of any child, ever. So we're really far down the south side now, farther than I've ever been. And this meeting is with the family and the various caseworkers. Apparently it used to be an intact case so there was a whole transitory process of switching caseworkers. And also my boss hates the PD on the case with a burning passion, so that's fun. When she saw the new caseworkers name she like hesitated for a second and was like "I may not like her but I'm not sure, I'll know her when I see her though" and OH, she did not like her. It was really funny because my boss has like a really soft spoken voice and sounds just very sweet and calm but she also will not back down from anything, and I had to spent the majority of the meeting with my elbows on the table propping my arms up to somehow cover my mouth with my hands to cover the giant smirk I couldn't help every time they got into a skiff. I'm definitely going to need to develop a better poker face for this kind of thing, because I don't think future coworkers will appreciate me laughing at them (which is though my favorite thing to do when I want to piss someone off). So I really don't know if we accomplished shit in that meeting, but we drove the girl back to the day care place to pick up her son(/nephew) and my boss was like, if this caseworker isn't helping you you call me, ok? I'll make it work. They were talking about something regarding her not going to something the other night and the girl mentioned her son had been sick and was home with her mom, who gave him some pepto bismol which seemed to help. And when she said that I was like wait. Pepto bismol to a 2 year old? That doesn't sound right. So I google and it says there is a "children's pepto" out there but it somewhere different, but pepto bismol is for children and adults 12 and over. We were like at the day care place at that point so I just tried to like super casually ask "just curious, was that normal pepto bismol your mom gave your son?" And she just said she didn't know, which is fair enough, but gives me the feeling it was the adult stuff. So then when she left the car I go to my boss like "yeah pepto bismol is only for kids 12 and over" and she just kind of sighed and said to be careful though because this girl will never say anything negative about her mother, even if her mother's treated her like shit. Sigh. So we drove back to the office, took a bit of a scenic route and got to see the white sox stadium for the first time, and over the course of the day I just had some good conversations with my boss and I feel like we definitely bonded to some extent haha so I was happy about that. We got back to the office at like, 3:45, so I'm like okay I can at least try to be productive for an hour, so I go to my computer and now it won't even let me log in. So I just sigh and go over to the tech guys desk and he's not there, so I wait with my arms leaning over the front and he shows up a few minutes later and just starts laughing when he sees me there again haha so he comes in and figures it out and we have amusing conversations about stupid politicians and other random stuff. It was entertaining. He did get it to work, and then I almost had to go get him AGAIN because of another issue but I figured that one out and got to go back to listening to the calls. Nothing too juicy here, but no phone sex, thank GOD. I did mention that to my boss, who's not the attorney that gave me the assignment and she like died laughing and told me to make sure I included that in the report, because if mom tries lying on the stand that's like, the ultimate impeachment lol. So I listened and took some notes and after a while headed out. Fine ride home, took the bus one stop further than usual (just the next block down) to go to Walgreens and buy new melatonin. I decided to go with a brand I had used before but in their gummy form to see how that goes. And then I grabbed a few extra random things, paid, and went home. I made dinner and settled in with my laptop and started watching Iron Fist. I got through the first 3 episodes tonight and I'm somewhat less than impressed. I heard this criticism from other before starting the show, but even without hearing other people thinking it the pace of the show is just soooooo slow. Like I'm moderately interested in the central plot they have unfolding, but it's just taken them so fucking long to get there it leaves me wanting to bang my head against the wall. Like I don't know if I can take another 10 hours of this when barely anything has happened in the first 3. I'll probably stick it out for the sake of the defenders though, so at least I'll have a full backstory on all of them. The one scene where the ninja girl (I know zero character names other than Danny at this point) kicked that gross guy's ass at the cage fight because that was fucking awesome, and it left me wondering why we couldn't have had a show called "The Daughter of the Dragon" (which is what she called herself) instead? I feel like that would've been a lot more entertaining than this. Another highlight was when not-dead crazy daddy warbucks leaves his penthouse and grandma heroin shows up and scares the living shit out of him, because that was just fantastically satisfying to watch. And yeah, that was about it. Did my back exercises, and I've kind of been experimenting with some other ones I used to just kind of do for fun with putting my legs all the way in the air and just relying on my abs for support and bringing my legs down over my head to touch the floor behind me and then back up again without falling forward, and I think it's been good so far, even if it leaves my neck and head a little sore. I also just find it entertaining, so there's that. Shortly before I finished the show my roommate came home so we talked for a bit as she set up the tiny grill she bought so we can grill stuff for Memorial Day, lol. The grill is very cute and tiny. And we talked about all the shut going on at our alma mater (I forget if I talked about this yesterday? I don't think I did) because they're basically fucking everything up again and majorly changing up the theatre program by firing half the grad staff and moving the grad programs under the umbrella of the undergrad programs, which makes no sense......? And it's weird because my freshman year there the undergrad art programs were considered part of the comm/arts school, not the undergrad, and at the end of that year there was a huge thing about putting it under the undergrad studies school, and our dear acting professor was a very vocal proponent against the move, and half a year later when they decided to fire 8 undergrad professors including him and refused to give us any reason why, it was largely speculated that they were getting rid of anyone who was giving them resistance on what they want to do, and that's how our best prof got canned. So it looks like the alums of the comm school (which I'm not technically one of but they are still involved in this situation) have been leading the fight and just getting everyone to email the administration. So I figured my best argument was hey, I've noticed a disturbing pattern of you rounding up groups of people in mass firings, let me tell you how much you doing that while I was there screwed up the rest of my education there and that I very much blame that decision for it, and while they've pretty much already lost any loyalty I might've had to them I would write on behalf of the current students because I don't want to see them get screwed over like that. Then when I got the response I laughed, because other people in the Facebook group had posted the "stock reply" everyone had been getting, that only varied with some saying "we'll make sure this email gets passed on to the higher ups." Well, my email was like two lines and pretty much only said "we'll pass your email on to the higher ups." I guess I came off as a little too angry to get the "we appreciate your feedback and concerns" response which I really just thought was hysterical. So there's all that bullshit. I'm all for rebellion of course and I'll encourage everyone to fight until their last breath, but I also know that it's always going to be a losing battle because at the end of the day they just don't care what any students or alumni think, they're going do whatever they want. By all means, still fight, raise hell, let them know just how angry you are and fight to the final breath, but maybe just be willing to accept that unfortunately this is something they're going to have to live with, which sucks. I've blabbed on long enough about this though and it's 12:45 am, thank god I get to sleep in cuz I'm gonna need it. Goodnight my people. Happy weekend.

[passioninapathy-blog]

Professional

This was a little cheesy, smutty draft I found hiding somewhere in my computer. I wrote it up intending to continue the story but decided to leave it as it was. I’d appreciate any comments or criticism. I honestly haven’t tried ‘writing’ since school days and I’d like to explore it again. Enjoy, xx.

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Anna , hurriedly brushed the mascara wand through her lashes “Oh, shit!” She had smudged her eyeliner. She quickly grabbed a cotton wand and fixed it, her time was running out and she needed to leave ASAP.

By the time her second warning alarm rang, she had just finished putting on her final touch. A shiny coat of a warm, sheeny nude lipgloss, shiny enough to make her lips look juicy but subtle enough to be professional. Happy with the final outcome, she glanced in the mirror one last time and breathed a sigh of relief “Maybe I can do this!” With that, she made her way out and gathered her belongings for work. On the tube, she focused on other people, tried to imagine what their lives were like. Did they have a meeting they were scared about? Or were they bored and unexcited about their job. She’d start by observing a person’s shoes, making up each and every possible conclusion based on the shoes without looking up at their face. Then when she’d finally look up, either confirm or change her assumptions. She’d never say that to anyone, it was wrong and judgmental. People are more than appearances, but it was a fun way to pass time and she loved learning all she could about reading people. When she arrived at work, she was buzzing with a mix of nerves, giddiness and relief. She was about to go in there, and give her presentation. The one she’d been working on for months on end. It was her little baby at this stage, she’d nursed the idea from conception and grown it into a fully grown presentation. She was hoping for XY to take the message and invest in a new project she had proposed. As she was reaching out to open her office door, James came strolling along. His tall figure, with those broad shoulders. He looked domineering without even trying, she hated having to square up with him. But she would do it often anyways, last thing she needed was him thinking he had one up on her. “Ready?” He asked, only one word but full of questions.

“Of course” she replied back with a calm voice. She gave him a straight look eye to eye, then swiftly walked into her office leaving him standing in front of the door as it shut closed. “Ugh!” She whispered to herself as she settled at her desk. James was supposed to be her colleague. They were hired together at the same, with complimentary roles in the company. But every chance James got he tried to make it into a competition. By undermining her role in projects or sabotaging her work. She never knew why he did it, what did he have against a woman being regarded the same as him? As she shuffled papers on her desk, she rehearsed her opening statement in her head. Soon, she’d be able to unveil her hard work. When the time came for the staff meeting, the nerves were at an all time high. She did slow breathing exercises before going in. It was all over so fast, she came out feeling high. As she glided along, happy and trapped in thought James shoved past her looking defeated. Anna did her best to ignore him, he wasn't worth the effort. The rest of the day passed by in flurry of congratulatory office emails and light chit chat with people who stopped by her office to tell her how well it went. By the time she got home, she felt ready to escape to bed and just lie in her current state of bliss. However, she realized it was only the beginning for her plan, now that the idea was approved she had months of work ahead of her. And she had a feeling James wasn’t going to make it easy for her. With that thought her phone started to buzz, puzzled she looked at the screen. It was James, what the hell did he want? “Hello?” She answered quizzically. “Uh, yeah hi. Hello, its me James. Anyway I just wanted to say congrats on today, you deserve it”. She couldn't believe what she was hearing, she looked at her phone as if it wasn’t real. “Thanks, I guess?” She replied, at a loss of what to say. “Look, I have to go. Have a good night Anna.” With that, the call dropped. Anna was shocked that James would have the decency to call her and be humble, only slightly but still all the same. She laughed to herself as she changed out of her work clothes and into some comfortable pajamas. Looks like tonight she would be celebrating all on her own, maybe just with some Netflix and pizza. As her night settled into comfort, she was dozing off when she heard her downstairs alarm screech into her apartment. Shocked back into reality she got up to check the speaker, who on earth was stopping by now? She hadn’t made plans with any of her friends, surely this was a lost delivery man who had misread the numbers. The alarm screeched once more, so she pressed the speakerphone. “Hi?” she said hesitantly. “Its me, can I come up?” Someone answered back. “I’m sorry but I don’t know who me is and I’d appreciate it if you leave”. All she heard was the muffled sound of two people talking then the distinctive noise of the door unlocked and people walking through. Now she was freaked out, what if some crazy murderer was coming up those stairs right now? She scrambled, unsure what to do. Anna decided on grabbing the closest sharp object next to her, a rather long umbrella she had accidentally stolen from the office. They had lent it to her on a rainy day and she was home by the time she noticed she still had it. It had been leaning next to her front door every since, in hopes she’d return it. Holding the umbrella with the pointy end faced at the door she waited till she heard steps. Unfamiliar strong steps, they got closer until “ DING!” rang her doorbell. Well, at least the murderer was polite. She inched closer, choosing to look through the peephole. Outside stood a tall man his head not visible only his large chest down, wearing a messed up grey three piece suit. She could recognize that style anywhere, maybe not as polished as it usually was. But never the less, she sighed a sigh of relief and opened the door for James. “What are you doing here? How do you know where I live?” He stood there in the doorway looking worse for wear, obviously he had been drinking since leaving work. “I wanted to come celebrate with you”. He said, his words tapered off at the end of his sentence like he was afraid to finish it. She looked at him confused, what game could he be playing this time. Acting pathetic for sympathy so he can find a way to screw her over. “Well, Its actually quite late and I’m not sure what you expected us to do”. She said it hoping he would sense how inappropriate this whole thing was. He stood there looking at her in an odd way, his eyes weren’t their usual cold glare. When he moved towards her, she was frozen in disbelief. As his hands reached out and cupped her face delicately, his mouth inched closer to hers until his lips crashed down onto hers. He was kissing her, with some kind of fire she couldn't help but notice. Once the reality set in, she snapped herself out of the trance he put her in and pushed him away. “Are you serious James!” she yelled “What the hell are you doing?”. He only walked in further to her apartment, she noticed how large he was and how much space he took up next to her. His muscular frame bulged at his shirt, which was loose around the neck where he’d pulled off his tie earlier. “I just wanted to do that, all day. Especially after that meeting.” He looked down at her, his eyes big and brown. Anna was so confused, James had stormed into her apartment drunk and disheveled to kiss her and suddenly proclaiming he’d wanted to do this all day. What a weird night she was having, she didn’t know how to process it. “I’m not sure whats going on with you, but it looks like you’ve had a rough day and should maybe sober up and go home”. She felt cruel but it was necessary. She added “You can wait here till an uber comes if you’d like”. James sighed and just kept looking at her “No, I mean it Anna” was all he said. He slowly brought his arm forward and slid his fingers along her waist. “ I want you Anna”. This time she was less confused and more flustered. Oh god, James thought of her as a booty call, this was worse than she expected. His hand was still on her waist, starting to grip her and pull her in closer to him. She found herself staying silent, she had so much objections in her mind but also she was becoming aware of the heat his body emanated and how close they were getting. His smell started to drift to her it was intoxicating and alarming, she realized it was perfect for him. Then they were kissing again, this time she wasn’t frozen in her mind. Her mind was alive and alert, signals firing in all directions as he traced kisses along her jawline and down her neck making her shiver in pure desire. Soon they were two bodies moving together, edging further into her apartment. Banging onto walls and furniture as they made their intwined journey to the couch. He kept his arms wrapped around her as he pushed her back down onto the soft length of the couch. By now, they were starting to stretch and pull at the clothes that kept them apart. She let out soft little moans every time he kissed her neck and he growled and held her tighter whenever she nibbled on his ear. The heat in the room was palpable and they were undressing each other with fervor. The next morning, Anna awoke in her bed to find it a complete mess. The sheets were pulled in different directions and the mattress was leaning off the frame. The memories of the night before flooded into her mind, searing hot. Her cheeks burned red, did that all really happen? She looked up and saw a oddly large pile at the foot of her bed, moving. Oh shit! He was here, it did happen. She gasped, the reality of it all hit her suddenly. With that sound, she saw the lump rise up and there was James coming out from under the duvet with his large chest and biceps. “Morning.” He grumbled, evidently not a morning person. Well good, she wasn't either and she would prefer it if he could leave immediately so they can quickly pretend this never happened. “Um, yeah. Good morning, so its getting kind of late right?” She said. He laughed “Trying to kick me out already? Didn’t know you were so cold Anna.” He fully uncovered his figure from the bed and shifted up to her. He was laying next to her completely naked and he wasn't alone, his manhood stood up alert, looking to be having a good morning too. She stared at it, the night before she had been caught up in everything but now she got a full look in the daytime. Oh it was glorious, that explained why he got away with being such a prick to everyone. He must be composed 95% of prick with that monster he was carrying around and she had it? Shocked at herself she giggled. “Whats so funny?” He tensed up. Men were always so sensitive, easily triggered by laughter if they were naked. “Oh nothing, I just can’t believe that thing was inside me last night!” She looked down as if to be completely shocked. James laughed and rolled over, he poked her in the side with it. “Well, let me make you believe it”. With that, they were at it again, the morning divulged into long sessions of hard and fast, slow and sensual. By the time they came up for air, it was past midday. Anna lay on her bed, completely spent and glistening with sweat all down her body. James only got up to pull her up and into the shower where they continued more. As the sun began to set, they decided to eat all the left over pizza. This only renewed their energy and they were back to it with full force. Anna was melting, she came so many times she had lost count after twelve. Her voice was getting hoarse from the moaning and screaming, but her body only craved more. James was happy to oblige, exploring her whole body and giving her all the pleasure she asked for.

When he finally went home his suit looked looser, like he’d been depleted of body mass from severe exertion. They kissed all the way to the door, adding lingering pecks till he left. Then it was silent, Anna was left alone with her thoughts. Which were whirling around in her heard, loud and incoherent. She decided to push it all to the side, worrying about this wasn’t going to change anything. Plus she’d just experienced the most pleasure in her life, which kind of made things easier to deal with.

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[crunchyenglish]

Is Donald Trump a Legitimate President?

So, here’s a fun little graphic sent to me by a friend:

My friend and I are both Canadian. For us, Donald Trump is always seen through a filter, provided by our great nation’s sovereignty. To suggest that who the President of the United States is doesn’t matter to us is to be a bit naive about the U.S.’s global impact politically, but I think it’s fair to say it matters less to Canadians than it does to level-headed Americans.

(Here’s a “fun” side story. The night Donald J Trump was elected United States President, I was on a 5 hour flight back from Fort McMurray where I’d been working with disaster relief teams. Every channel you could get well in the air on this particular flight was election coverage. Your options were, provide your own entertain, buy a movie, or watch election coverage. The plane was about 15 minutes from landing when it was announced he won. The whole plane was devastated. Children crying. People were sobbing, shaking their heads. The Pilot made an announcement saying he was disappointed too but that everyone really needed to keep calm. Canadians can pretend his election doesn’t affect us, but when faced with the reality of it, everyone on that plane knew the truth.)

So we care but not as much as Americans, who are more directly affected, might. If we care, it’s probably more because we care more about concepts like justice, human decency, honesty and integrity than who gets to sleep in the big white house.

But a lot of Americans are upset, rightfully so. And some Canadians too. Because Trump is awful. 

(The fact that Trump is awful? That’s not really up for debate at this point, but if you feel the need to point out that I shouldn’t just assert Trump is an inhuman, racist, sexist, lying prick without evidence, you’re technically right. In lieu of that evidence, howabout you just boot up, CNN, Washington Post, New York Times or literally any television within a hundred miles. Chances are it’s talking about some horrible shit Trump did right now. And if you said “Those are fake news”, do me a favour:

 1) Buy a boat. Maybe give it a fun name like the “U.S.S. Spray Tan”

2) Take the boat out on to the ocean. Really get out there.

3) Pour kerosene on the boat, and then light it.

4) Burn to death, while drowning. Thanks. You’ve just single-handedly raised the level of public discourse in America.)

So Trump’s a dick, but as this chart points out, you can’t just hashtag “Not MY President” and pretend to be doing something about it. In fact, trying to discredit the sitting President, or attack his legitimacy is something we frequently got pretty mad about when people did it to Obama with such iron clad logic as “He’s Black, and therefore from Africa”. When I say “people” I mean obviously, Donald Trump, but hey, let’s not beat a dead horse. 

America is rooted in the idea that the will of the people be heard. Donald Trump won an election, and by the rules of the game, that makes him the will of the people. You can hate Donald Trump, but attacking the legitimacy of his presidency is attacking the legitimacy of the election. If trust in the electorate falls low enough, than America’s great experiment ultimately ends in failure. You can’t attack the results you don’t like without eroding the system that got you there.

And it’s not like that system is perfect. As is worth pointing out (and reminding yourself as you hug a teddy bear and rock yourself back and forth in the fetal position at night) Trump lost the popular vote by a wider margin than any president in history, over 3 million votes. Voter suppression of minorities was rampant in places like North Carolina, Michigan and Nevada.  Oh, and FBI director James Comey made public declarations about Hillary Clinton’s emails eleven days before the election in direct violation of FBI policy, commenting on a current and open investigation.  So yeah, the electoral college isn’t perfect and neither is American democracy. People have their thumbs on the scale for sure. Reforms are needed. But for the time bring, you can’t use those problems to undermine the office itself and declare and president illegitimate.

So, if you want to hold Trump accountable for his disgusting words and actions, hey, go ahead. He’s clearly broken a bunch of laws, between his fraudulent university scam, the accusations of sexual assault, and his failure to pay hundreds of people who work for him.   Attacking Trump on specific issues doesn’t negate his election, but it could deal with him without decaying the faith in the electorate. But that should be it, because calling him an illegitimate president would need massive evidence to back it up. Otherwise, you’ve set a precedent for every losing party to attack democracy itself whenever they get a result they don’t like. And surely, the evidence that Trump’s win is illegitimate doesn’t actually exist, or hasn’t been produced...right?

Actually, we have no idea. See, if Trump conspired with the Russian government to undermine his political opponents, that’s not a problem with the election. That’s treason and espionage. It would suggest that America elected, what is in essence, a stand-in for a foreign government. That would be completely illegitimate. The CIA, NSA and FBI clearly investigated Trump ties to the Russian government, but none of them seem to be willing to release too much in the way of details to the press. Ex-MI6 agent Christopher Steele leaked a massive report to the press, suggesting Trump is basically a puppet candidate, but the media focused on a juicy bit of gossip about Trump being urinated on by a pair of Russian prostitutes instead, and then turned around and called Steele “discredited”. Despite the fact that he has not been discredited and in fact jeopardized his career to release those documents when it was clear his superiors wouldn’t, because they feared revealing sources they had in Russia. 

 About a dozen members of Trump’s campaign, including Secretary of State nominee Rex Tillerson, have strong financial and political ties to Russia. And Trump has refused for weeks now to say anything negative about Vladimir Putin or his hostile regime. Remember, Russia invaded Crimea this year and that problem didn’t go away when CNN started election coverage. Russia wants the Ukraine, they want to undermine NATO and potentially start a new Warsaw Pact. That would be infinitely easier to do if Trump defunded American support to NATO which he has publicly stated he planned to do over a dozen times during the election. Note that supporting NATO and America’s European allies was standard Republican policy until Trump suddenly flipped one day. It’s highly suspicious.

But, you can’t impeach a president on suspicion alone. And whatever tack you take on attacking Trump, you can’t do it by attacking the election results or the electoral college directly. If you want to avoid a president who can lose the popular vote by 3 million and still win office, that will take thoughtful reform. If you want Trump gone, you’re going to need to attack his crimes and his words at every opportunity. But #Notmypresident accomplishes nothing, and worse, might even damage American democracy. Pick another strategy.