#i hate guilliman and his stupid marines

[p0stalfan]

do 40k fans even exist on here

[moodymisty]

so ummm. i also caught cato sicarius fleas. idk what happened but now i want to be bullied by the big arrogant blueberry. send help.

[ 𝕸𝖔𝖔𝖉𝖞𝕸𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖞'𝖘 𝕸𝖆𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙 | 𝕬𝖔3 ]

Author’s note: I hope this is what you meant by bullying cause uuuuuuuuuh -microwave noises-

Summary: Cato Sicarius tires of being your just your escort.

Relationship: Cato Sicarius/Fem!Reader

Warnings: Lewd but not nsfw, dubcon, bullying sorta, Titus is an Ultrachad™ and Sicarius gets jealous you like him and tries to show you who the captain of 2nd company really is (which is still Titus in my heart but in this case no) Nonconsensual kissing, Armor kink, choking kinda, Demeaning behavior

He is worth more than this.

Cato Sicarius is captain of 2nd company, one of the most honored Ultramarines in this millennium. He is worth more than guard duty, escorting around baseline humans. One of Guilliman’s prized diplomats perhaps might be worth more than a common guardsmen, but in his eyes, you’re nothing more than an idea he deems largely stupid.

His genefather had been collecting diplomats as of late. Sicarius sees little need in it, but as his Primarch insisted he grits his teeth and bares it. He must have ideas beyond his scope to understand, though it doesn’t mean that Sicarius doesn’t struggle to see the logic.

“Motion sick, Captain Sicarius?”

One of the younger marines dares to joke at his petulant expression.

“We are worth more than shuffling around diplomats,”

Sicarius spits out in response, and you speak up. You’ve been within hearing distance this entire trip, and even in the silence everyone could hear Sicarius seething.

“Your fellows don’t seem to mind.”

You’ve heard from them that Sicarius is more than a harsh captain; He’s a stoic, pompous man in need of a hit to his ego. Even by Ultramarine standards. Once you’d broached the subject, the men in 2nd company escorting you a previous time had been quite eager to complain.

The Thunderhawk lands and you can hear the engines kill off one by one, and the rear ramp falls. There’s a significant gap between it and the ground, and while the Ultramarines walk down as normal, for you it’s a hefty drop.

Lieutenant Titus, whom you’ve had multiple interactions with before at this point, turns just before you’re about to jump and reaches a hand outward. You accept his hand and take the jump off the ramp.

“Thank you, Titus.”

He nods, but says nothing. You follow beside him and for a moment realize you’ve lost sight of Sicarius, before Titus speaks up and distracts you.

“You’ve already spoken to Lord Gulliman?” You nod and cross your arms, entering the massive fortress and escaping from the harsh winds.

“Yes. Only to give me a few necessary details. I imagine he has far more to do than speak to me.” You laugh and gently pat the arm of Titus’ armor, fingers brushing against the dents and scratches.

“But we can only hope they’ll see reason," you say, referring to the planetary officials you're currently going to meet. "I’d hate for lord Guilliman to be forced on employing harsher measures.”

Titus nods in a gentle understanding, and you continue deeper into this fortress area you’ve been welcomed to. Sicarius elects to post himself outside of the room you’re delegated to have this meeting in, alongside two other of his men. The rest, including Titus, whose face he cannot stand anymore at the moment, will post inside.

With his hearing and the systems in his helmet he can just hear the goings on inside the closed room, hearing your lighter voice in contrast to the others in the room.

She's a useful and gifted diplomatic negotiator, Guilliman had said about you the first time he had placed Sicarius in charge of escorting you. Make sure she isn't harmed, her work is important to keeping Ultramar under control.

If the old planets of Ultramar don't wish to conform with Guilliman's return, they should be applying force to demand they submit, not touting around fellow baseline humans to placate them.

Sicarius', stuck in his own head, wrinkles his forehead and scoffs. A younger marine beside him looks for just a moment, before rubbing his nose with his gauntlet and looking away. Sicarius can hear you issuing farewells now, and since there was a notable lack of yelling, he assumes it went well enough.

Sicarius turns to the other marines beside him, his hand on the pommel of his chainblade. He turns just as the doors open, and gestures to his men while you stand behind them.

“All of you start returning to the Thunderhawk and watch our perimeter, I will escort her back myself.” They hesitate for only the tiniest moment, but do begin to take their leave. They have no ability to refuse their captain, no matter how odd the request.

You watch them walk past you, before Sicarius’ voice cuts the air like a knife and forces your eyes to him.

“With me.”

You don’t have any reason to refuse him per se, so you follow him with an apprehensive feeling, and expression.

"Shouldn't we return to the-"

"Quiet."

Your lip curls, though you're still apprehensive as you end up somewhere far from where you entered, and he stops your walking his a rough hand on your shoulder. Astartes are lightning fast; He doesn't it before you even truly realize. With said hand he pushes you against the wall, and knocks the air from your lungs, and his hand moves to your face instead. He presses your cheeks inward, your breath is harsh as your fingers try to pull at his gauntlet.

“What are you doing?”

You say trying to wrench yourself free, fear in your eyes. Such a task is impossible however, and Sicarius uses his other hand to pull off his helmet and hang it on his thigh. His short hair is messy, and his cheeks are flush red. With anger or something else you have no idea, though you know he is furious.

“You’ve gotten too comfortable with your lack of respect; Being Lord Guilliman’s favorite.” You lose any bit of snark when you realize Sicarius is deathly serious. An angry astartes isn’t something you ever want to face, and color drains from your face as you realize how tightly you're stuck between him and the wall.

"You're far too delicate and small to be walking around like you can order Ultramarines around. Titus only allows you because he knows he's being watched after his incident."

His nose wrinkles, and he glances away as his lips shift, trying to find the words.

“Why do I always get stuck with you,” He growls, speaking about how he shouldn’t be escorting around Imperium parchment pushers. You hesitantly look up at him, face red from his tight grip.

"I," You open your mouth just a bit, trying to find something to say that might calm him down, though it seems like he's mad at something in his own head, as much as he is you.

But you can't find the words, nor would you even have the time to say them, as Sicarius' face leans downward to smash his lips against yours, and freeze you in the sheer shock of it. You have no hope of pushing him away despite your effort and his gauntlet keeps your face firmly forward; You can feel his hot breath on your skin, and his even hotter skin against your own. His lips are rough, you can feel tiny scars rub against your own softer lips, his hand gripping your jaw forcing your mouth somewhat open. His kiss is so angry it doesn't feel entirely like one, when he moves his teeth brush against your bottom lip, and for a moment you think he's going to bite it.

When he pulls away you can hear the soft pop of your lips separating, and see the shine of your spit on his mouth.

“Sicar-“

He does it again, your hands grasp the collar of his chestplate for leverage to try and push him away, and to stay upright. He’s barely letting you breathe, and when his hand moves from your jaw you’re gasping for air. Though his hand simply moves to press against your collarbone, still keeping you pinned between the wall and him; It's just high enough that it slightly presses against your neck, and you can feel his one armored knee force itself between your legs. You smack his chestplate desperately for air, and he pulls his mouth away from you for a brief moment as you gasp.

He only returns moments later however, but in that brief moment you see his face had less anger than it had earlier. You feel his nose press against your cheek, how cold his armor feels as you desperately grasp it.

Your legs wobble as you groan into his mouth, and when he finally pulls himself far enough away from you and takes his supporting knee from between your legs, you crumble to your knees holding your chest and taking in air.

On the floor you're at height with his thighs, and he leans over just enough to grab your face gently.

“If you’re going to be in my company again, I’ll expect you to be on better behavior. You should act as soft as you look.”

His hand leaves your face, gently pushing as he does.

“Captain Sicarius, are you still returning to the Thunderhawk?” An astartes calls him with vox in his helmet, and Sicarius grabs it off of his belt. It'll help hide how red his lips are from how hard he kissed you, your own looking similar; He wipes his mouth with the back of his armored hand before slipping it on and responding.

“We are. I’ll be there in a moment. Just a small detour”

Sicarius casts a glance to you, out of breath with your hand on your chest, before grabbing your arm and gently hauling you up to your feet.

"Not a word about this."

He says, and you can feel his gaze through his helmet. You wipe your mouth with your hand, feeling your swollen lips and the spit on your face.

"Lead the way, Captain Sicarius."

[lemon-russ]

good news my fever broke and my regular illness of putting Cato in situations returned

this upcoming arc has been haunting my brain since someone?? prob moodymisty?? posted a list of trope-y things Cato would be forced to endure as a body guard, specifically diplomat going to a warm planet with balls and wearing revealing dresses and making him p a n i k. anyone knows the post lemme know it's haunted me forever.

Part 8/ ???

1 :: 2 :: 3 :: 4 :: 5 :: 6 :: 7 :: 7.5 :: 8 :: 9 :: 10

Cato Sicarius x F!Reader

(both POVs today)

CW: Vague alluding to sex, Cato back to being mean

Summary: Ambassador heads off on vacation with Titus, Cato takes it SUPER well and is very normal

word count: 1,720

You try not to pout as you sit on the ship heading out to the planet you were being forced to take a vacation to.

Commander Titus and a couple of lower rank ultramarine's sit across from you, talking politely among themselves. Guilliman has forced you to rest after the scare you gave him on that planet that rebelled.

You sigh a bit. You heard Cato swept through the place in a day with the second company. Titus said he was on a warpath- he always delighted in battle, but this one was a personal vengeance against the people that put them through all the trouble of having to rescue the both of you.

Now you're off to a particularly pleasant agri-world, renown for their fruits and home to hot spring baths and nightly dances. The marines with you weren't thrilled about standing around while you relaxed on warm beaches, but unlike Cato, they would never dare voice it. You were a high ranking diplomat, personal ambassador to Guilliman. Most marines show you a modicum of general respect. Then again most ultramarines were very professional all around. Cato is an outlier in his attitude and disrespect.

Which is nice. It's nice to not be bullied and teased. Nice to not have a whining huffing rain cloud following you. Nice… and a little boring. The two lower rank marines don't talk much, and when they do it’s polite “yes, Ma'am.” And “of course, Lady Ambassador.” Titus was a little better, still reserved, but seemed to at least understand you were looking for conversation, so tried his best.

You smiled at him a bit. “Will you be taking part in any of the activities, Commander?” You ask, desperate for conversation. He smiles politely. “Ah, no, Lady Ambassador. That would mean I'd not be properly guarding you, and, I am here to guard you.” He said apologetically. You sigh. “You mean here to babysit me…” you mumble, putting your head on your hand and looking out the window. Babysit was the word Guilliman used for it, specifically. Calling you a disobedient child when he'd found you sneaking paperwork.

Titus let out a soft chuckle. “I'd never want to imply you were childish, my lady.” He said with a small smile. “I am merely here to ensure a less dramatic trip for you than last time.” you sigh. You were disappointed when Guilliman told you he was removing Cato from your guard. You don't know why you were. He was a huge pain in the ass, a bully, and caused most of the issues. But your mind flashed to him pinning you to that cave wall and you flushed a little. Damn it, Cato. You couldn't get that day out of your head.

He would have just cause you issues here, too. But you had secretly hoped a bit that you'd get to convince him to join you in a hot spring- no, no stop that. Its bad enough you kissed him for some reason. Everything is so complicated with him now. You hate him a little, but you also kinda really like him, and you definitely are attracted to him… and you can't get all these images and memories of him out of your head. He's haunting you and it's making you angry at him by proxy. Stupid Cato.

Titus glances at you a bit while you think. “Lady Ambassador? You look upset, is all well…?” He asks with a small frown. You blush a little, sitting up properly. “Ah, sorry. Just have things on my mind. No need to worry, Commander.” You say, composing yourself. He looks unconvinced. “Ah, I wont pry then, my lady.” He said politely.

Cato would pry, you think. No, that is unfair to Titus. He is very kind, more personable than most other ultramarines too. But he's so… professional. And polite. He sometimes will respond with a light joke if you do so first, or laugh at something. But mostly he just smiles and nods and stands an appropriate distance away. As he should, that's how a bodyguard should act. But you'd gotten used to Cato cracking jokes at your expense, and insulting random passing nobles, and walking right next to you to force you to walk into walls and things. Which is annoying. But at least it was something.

The thunderhawk jolted a little as it began to land, and for a split second your heart skipped a beat and your hand jumped to your harness. You'd been a bit jumpy about flying in small craft since the thunderhawk crash. And much more on top of keeping buckled in.

Commander Titus frowns as you flinch and grab the belt, lifting a hand a little towards you, “Ah- my lady? Are you alright?” He asked politely, confused about what happened. You frown a bit, “oh, yes, sorry. Just, a little spooked by the landing…” you play it off a bit, giving a tight smile. He raises his brow but nods and sits back as the thunderhawk finishes its landing sequence.

The marines help you unload your things and you get off the ship and look at the pretty planet you’ve landed on. Lush tropic greenery, warm breezes, greco-romann looking buildings with lots of open to the air arches. there’s a beach and gentle waves nearby, and you think you hear a waterfall. You try and force yourself to stop thinking about how much work you’ll have back home, but what if Guilliman didn’t understand your file system? did he get those things filed in time- No, stop it, relax.

You sigh, pursing your lips. you take all your unwanted thoughts, worries about work, worries about deadlines, and the stupid thoughts of Cato Sicarius saving you from burning shipwrecks and pinning you to walls- and you file them all away in your mind in your mental LATER pile. You sigh, and try and soak in the warm air. You’ll get to it, in a few days. You were ordered to relax, and you hate not following orders.

___________________________________________________________

Cato paced the training fields, watching some of the newer aspirants to the Ultramarines do drills. They’d all passed trials, and it was one of his responsibilities to keep up on new recruits to the company. He didn’t normally take fresh marines, but he liked to keep an eye out for talented new Astartes. He needed the distraction anyways.

That world had been far to easy to run through, barley taking a day to fall to the impirium. It was meant to calm him, leading the charge, but it was only more infuriating how he had been cornered by people so weak and low tech. He growled to himself, and pulled his un-powered power sword out, practicing his regular drills on the combat dummy. Stupid primitive world. Stupid Titus, gallivanting on that stupid romance planet with the Ambassador- he chopped a chunk of the dummy off- Stupid Ambassador, kissing him randomly and then barely talking to him for two days- another chunk flew off- Stupid, warp-damned woman keeping him up all night, haunting his mind- The dummy shattered into a splintered mess with a hard swing. He growled, then stomped it a few times. Stupid combat dummy that can’t even take him going light on it.

He lets out a frustrated snarl and throws his sword to the ground, running his hands through his hair. What were they doing right now, his throne damned commander and the ambassador? Nothing good could come from them locked away together for days on a planet Guilliman described as “one of the few places left a noble could take a honeymoon.” He bets Titus is being unprofessional- he never knew how to stick to the rules. He bets he's taking her dancing- he's probably stealing a dance with her right now. She always dresses so impractically, and it's warm there, is she wearing something even more revealing? Is Titus eyeing her the way he did?

He heel stomps the dummy once more for good measure, picks up his blade, and storms off toward the Hangar. He has to go fight something, anything. He'll ask around for leads on something to kill and go focus on things that actually matter, like defending the Imperium. And not stupid, vapid women who probably are taking the first chance alone with Titus to give him secret kisses and hide away in corners with, doing emperor knows what in hot spring pools. He's fooling himself thinking he'd be an exception anyways, the way she smiles at everyone who looks at her, she's probably in everyone's beds. Everyone's but his.

He slams his fist on the button to open the hangar doors. One of his men looks up at him and grimaces. “Are we going out again today, sir…?” He asks, and Cato just nods and scowls. “Get everyone together, we're going… going… somewhere- it doesn't matter, just get the men in here!” He snaps. The marine frowns but nods, scrambling up to follow his orders.

He lets out a long, frustrated sigh, gripping his hair a bit as he runs his fingers back through it. If Titus lays a finger on her, he's going to kill him. He doesn't care if that's the worst thing a marine can do, betray a battle brother. Titus would be betraying him first, touching his woman- he stops dead in his tracks.

When did he start thinking of her as his?

Holy golden throne, she's driving him mad and she's not even here. She's broken his mind, flipped some switch he can't find to turn off again. He hates this, he hates her- but by the emperor, he hates the thought of her and Titus doing what he and she had done most. He grits his teeth and smashes his helmet on, stomping onto a thunderhawk. If his men weren't here in 30 seconds he was going without them. He white knuckled the hilt of his power sword.

In his mind he was desperately trying to shove all these feelings and thoughts into the overflowing WEAKNESS box, but there was just nothing rational left to think about. He's hanging on by a thread, and his men now have 20 seconds to be on this ship before he went and tore through some Orks alone.

[50shadesofmittens]

Eqippable Ally AU

SO during my recent conversation with coaxionunlimited I got a lot of my vague AU’s fleshed out. As in, I finally put down to words some of the insane ideas I’ve had bouncing around my head for ages now.

Here’s the Equippable Ally AU, the first one we talked about and one of the longest

More under the cut, ‘cause this gonna be LONG

So to start, ideas of each Primarch in this AU

Like Corvus winding up Equippable Ally with Sly Marbo bc why not and also Marbo equipped with a Primarch-powered weapon is SCARY

ALSO Ferrus Manus still alive kinda equipping Kitten during a moment of High Tension when Magnus for whatever reason can’t be the equippable ally- cue Magnus jealousy even given full understanding of the intense circumstances

And possibly the first thing Fulgrim does once somebody gets his soul free of the paining and his body back from the daemon inhabiting it is become an Equippable Ally to one of the Space Marines in the area- proving that he’s on the good guys side for real but also that’s he’s willing to let someone else take control of it means getting better results, and maybe also that he’s traumatized to the point where he can’t make very good decisions for himself but he recognizes this flaw and is willing to take measures to work around/through it

Also Mittens makes a powerful pair because the two can work together directly in combat- Kitten taking over the physical aspects while Magnus handles all the magical ones working in the battle- and as the two learn to work together they combine their strengths into more powerful combos

Btw I like to imagine all the Primarchs have In Love With Your Carnage literally hardwired into their DNA to some degree, which affects the crack pairings I had for the Equippable Ally AU

Like apart from Mittens, you have:

Corvus and Sly Marbo (which the Void Dragon approves heavily of as an example of Rescue Romance)

Russ and Ygrainne (ie the badass Eldar who cannon thinks is Guilliman’s girlfriend- in this AU they met in Commoragh’s fighting pits and now have UST from both considering the other inferior while also being able to hold their own against each other)

Dorn has Karstodes (and that one is explicitly They Won’t because it’s based on Dorn being unable to deny that Karstodes is a very good fighter and he finds his technique and strength in battle arousing while hating his personality, and Karstodes being an Abhorrent Admirer)

Then comes the mechanics behind the Equippable Ally bit, ie How It Works

The Primarch literally turns into a sword of some kind

Like all swords are based on the Emperors flaming sword, but some minor details causing differences between them

As for the power, there’s three ways this could work

One; swords have energy blasts, a la Zelda or Bleach. The power behind these blasts is roughly 3-12 times the amount of power a Primarch would put into the same kind of swing if it was used by his own hands

Two: if the sword can be incorporated into any other battle style, the sword will glow, possibly cause the person wielding it to glow, and then the attack will have the same power as though the Primarch performed it but with 1.5-8 times the power the Primarch would’ve had

Three- Primarch can use his Psyker powers within the sword by using the weirder as a conduit. This has a bonus of 2-10 times its usual power, but the caveat is that the weirder cannot be mind-controlled and has the ability to drop the sword at any time, meaning that the Primarch can’t force someone to be a conduit for a spell they don’t want to be part of

A Primarch-as-weapon weapon is FAR more powerful than the Primarchs-as-people are

IE the weapon they turn into can do more damage than a Primarchs alone can

That’s why any Primarchs would agree to it- the end result is more powerful than what they could create alone

Biggest downside is that using that power is hard- using it effectively is double hard

See, the power modifier the wielder gets is tied to the Primarchs ability to do that any specific move. Throw a knife while holding Konrad-sword is much more powerful than throwing a knife while holding say Sanguinius sword, because the former can throw knives much better than the latter. Of course being Primarchs they’re pretty good at anything- this is more of a way to note that some Primarchs will supply bigger bonuses than others

The other thing- and this is the big one- is that the Primarch cannot guide or directly control the movements of the weirder, and the overall strength of an attack is reflected by if the WIELDER’s exact actions were taken by a Primarch- so if someone swings a Primarch sword with horrific form, it’ll have a lot of force but if they would’ve dropped a normal sword with a move like that, they’ll drop the Primarch sword. What’s more the power output increase adds even more destabilization because people really arent naturally good at handling more power than they’re used to- kickback is still a thing, and even with the defenses of a Primarch being added, Primarchs also have enhanced pain tolerance, so what a Primarch might consider mild soreness will be shocking and difficult to handle for a normal person experiencing the same thing

TLDR; it takes a lot of skill to handle Primarch Weapons well. Hence why it’s pretty useless unless the Primarch has someone he trusts who understands him very well and can fight on or close to his level

It’s like handing a civilian an automatic gun- they theoretically have the ability to use it just fine, they know how to press the trigger and point away from themselves, but they still aren’t fully qualified to use it

Then there’s a really stupid scene with Magnus and Russ throwing a limitless supply of soft silk shoes at each other at 400km/hr, Thanks to magic arbitrary rules and/or the bs of a powerful Mars dragon or a god

So I figure this might be a good time to explain where my own Equippable Ally AU was going- it was largely based on fairy-tales and the parody and exploitation thereof

Like the basic idea was that the Void Dragon A) is alive B) has a grudge against Emps and C) is still/also very much into medieval fairytales like the one of Saint George, largely because Emps was obsessed with them when he fought it

Only the dragon doesn’t really ‘get’ gender so it decides that the traditional fairytale setting where a prince or a princess is trapped and must be freed/rescued by their One True Love is a good narratively-sound way to seek Revenge- it casts the Primarchs as the “princesses” of the tale

Mainly Ferrus Manus, who has been trapped with the dragon for 10,000 years while they both waited for someone to try to rescue him, not knowing that almost all of the Galaxy thinks he’s dead. This has given the dragon much time to play dress up with Ferrus

So when the dragon learns of the Equippable Ally thing, it decides “Ah HA! This is how I identify the One True Love who is to try to rescue the children of my enemy! My greatest threat (according to all the tropes I know)!”

Only there’s more than one Equippable Ally bond, so the dragon doesn’t know which one is, narratively speaking, the Hero/Heroine.

So it decides to make all the people bonded to a Primarch in this manner fight to the death, and the winner will obviously be the Protagonist that the dragon seeks

(I realize I failed to mention this, but the dragon has cast Emps in the role of Good King whose Kingdom is threatened and who must rely on the Hero/Heroine to save the day. This is in fact the way the Dragon seeks revenge- it believes the narrative will not LET the Emperor face it, so when it defeats the new protagonist it will have won)

(The void dragon is kinda insane and believes fairy tale logic is an actual force of nature)

Anyways, the dragon decides the best way to force the Potential Protagonists to fight is to hold their True Loves hostage- good thing it’s got millennia of practice keeping Ferrus from running away

And both Russ and Magnus wind up kidnapped for this tournament.

And the dragon doesn’t just believe in fairy tales, no it wants these battles to LOOK heroic and fairy tale like.

So it dresses all the Primarchs in medieval dresses (it’s other reason for doing this is that it enjoyed playing dress up with Ferrus and would like to try with his brothers now)

When the “tournament” goes down all the Primarchs are put on display so their “true loves” can be reminded what’s at stake

Which just means Magnus and Russ see each other and try to kill each other. The Void Dragon has them separated and magic blocked to avoid this.

The Void Dragon doesn’t want Magnus and Russ killing each other in the Equippable Ally AU bc it’s all like “No no no, you two are Princesses, your heroic knights are the ones meant to be proving themselves and fighting to the death, your role is to be the pretty trophy they win, this is not how the story goes. The HERO is the one who proves their strength, the love interest can’t die in a fratricidal duel while the Hero is fighting for his life- that would be an awful story! Here just- just stay separate, you two, at least until the tournament is over”

Thing is, at least one of the kidnapped Primarchs wanted to get out of the dress he’s in, and discovered that the dresses are self-repairing, and any pieces of the outfit lost or thrown away will be replaced instantly

Magnus and Russ take this to mean “we have infinite ammo to throw at each other”

They start with jewelry bc it’s hard and might theoretically do a tiny scratch of damage if thrown fast enough, but that gets taken away. Then they find that the shoes, which are fabric and soft, cannot do damage and do not get taken away when thrown

So Magnus and Russ ignore the entire death match going on around them to throw shoes at each other at 500 km/hr, in the futile hope that it will do some damage to the other

The entire thing has been me getting the idea for like a 30-sec scene animation, but as you can see it has WAY too much backstory behind it

I can’t remember if I started with Fairy Tale parodies combining with Equippable Ally trope, or if I just wanted Magnus and Russ to throw shoes at each other and the rest built itself around that

(Also Also, Russ and Magnus eventually do get tired of not getting anywhere, and Corvus celebrates their seeing reason and stopping their pointless (albeit commendable on Russ’ part) attempts at homicide with weapons that clearly cannot kill the other

Then Dorn points out the shoes could theoretically be used to kill a Primarch if you literally smothered a Primarch in shoes so that he had no access to air and then kept him there for the full three standard years it would take for him to suffocate.

Russ and Magnus immediately begin throwing shoes again)

(Corvus Facepalms)