#i hate civil war omg it can die for all i care holy fucking shit

[kenztheweirdmf]

can we all agree civil war is dog shit hate they made Tony and Steve fight each other

me and my homies hate Hero vs Hero events

( i ship starker, spidershield, winterspider and stucky and will always deny that movie exist )

[1000-directions]

Wait can you rank the spider man movies? I also need to do a rewatch before no way home comes out but I can’t remember if there are any I should skip 😭

so.......this is just my assumption (because i have not seen the unreleased spiderman yet and don't know what exactly they are planning to do) but unfortunately my impression is that if you are a completist, you will want to rewatch all of the spidermans before watching no way home. and i say unfortunately because holy shit most of them are T E R R I B L E (in my opinion, which does not reflect everyone else's opinion, everyone gets to like what they like and no one should make anyone feel bad for liking what they like, and if you disagree with me you do not even have to read this post!!!!!!!!!!)

original spidermans

these are the tobey maguire films. i find him...insufferable. the third one is the best, but that's because it's so batshit crazy that it's the worst but in a way that is funny? but none of them are "good." peter parker is such a creep in these, like his relationship with mary jane is skeezy to me. like they are friends, and she is dating his best friend, and he should back off and stop being such a weirdo, in my opinion. also way too much uncle ben and aunt may stuff, like i just don't care. also why does peter parker not have a cell phone OR a land line. it is the 2000s, why does his apartment only have a payphone in the hallway??? it's a minor thing but also what the fuck it's been weeks and i'm still angry about it. also like these movies aren't bad enough, you also have to deal with james franco.

spidermans part deux

these are better, i guess????? andrew garfield such a weird fucking choice for spider-man that i really don't know what anyone was thinking, he is like a skateboarding burnout mumbly lil weirdo, i kind of like it but i am kind of so confused that i don't even know where to begin. emma stone as gwen stacy is the best part of these, she is fun and snappy and their scenes together are nice. martin sheen and sally field as uncle ben and aunt may is an upgrade although i still don't especially care about them. i like that we see some stuff about peter's parents, which we don't get in any of spidermans. overall the first movie is fine and the second is pretty good, in my opinion, which is shared by no one because apparently everyone hated it so much it killed the franchise. speaking of getting killed, i sure did hate the ending to that second one, though, so i guess i'm glad there wasn't a third?

spidermans phone home

the tom holland spidermans are such an immediate, exponential jump in quality that i don't even understand how this isn't a universally accepted opinion. i love these movies anyway, but watching them immediately after the others really highlighted for me how good they were. the humor is so good, i was crying laughing at the opening scenes to each of them. peter making a documentary of the civil war events? perfection. the student newscasters' in memoriam for the fallen avengers? every last detail was hilarious. marisa tomei is the only aunt may, no further questions. i have always loved how these spidermans occupy like a fresh young quirky offbeat corner in the mcu, like they are SO funny and SO focused on the juxtaposition of teenage hijinks with like grand villains. tom holland is so likable, just a good kid trying to do the right thing. also such a good showcase for jon favreau as happy hogan. zendaya as mj is the weirdest choice for a love interest, so sullen and socially awkward and macabre, and i would die for her. omg it's only something like THIRTY SIX DAYS until we get new spidermans, that is so few days? i'm so excited??!?!?!?!

[xmenthefanficseries]

Here are my short reviews for the Marvel MCU  so far…

Iron Man (2008)

Initial: Hey, isn’t that the Air America guy? Huh, that was pretty fun. Now: The movies will never be as good and pure as this one. Oh the joys of no baggage, no bars to rise above, so innocent…

 The Incredible Hulk (2008)

 Initial: I’m not going to waste my money on this. Now: Is it free on Netflix? Yeah, still not seen it. So when are we getting a Jennifer Walters Netflix series?

 Iron Man 2 (2010)

 Initial: Woah, this movie really went into the psychological depths of Tony’s mortality and wait, why is everyone dissing this? Now: No bitch listen, this movie is amazing. IM1 was about Tony becoming Iron Man. This movie was about him being Iron Man. The third was about Tony and Iron Man becoming one and the same. I fill fight you. I will die on this hill.

 Thor (2011)

 Initial: Why is Loki the main character? I thought this was Thor. Now: Loki is my smol blue baby, you can not touch him, you can not hurt him, he’s suffered enough, let him have those last moments of happiness before his whole world crumbles around him.

 Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)

 Initial: Hey, this was pretty fun. I appreciate how we got to see Steve before and after, really adds depth to his character. Now: Peggy Carter is better than all of us. She is worthy of Mjolnir. Steve Rogers admired her and wanted to be her.

 The Avengers (2012)

 Initial: Alright, Joss, I’ll give you this, you managed to pull off an ensemble film that wasn’t overloaded, horribly paced, or convoluted. Now: Loki was tortured by Thanos, this was all just a ruse, he meant to fail so he could get away and be sent back home. PS. Fuck you, Joss, you can’t have this anymore.

 Iron Man 3 (2013)

 Initial: See, SEE! This is what I was saying! The evolution of Iron Man through the films is steadily defined. Tony and Iron Man are one and the same! Now: Okay, this was just The Incredibles but whatever, my previous statement still stands. The evolution of Tony as tracked through all three films is a goddamn epic poem.

 Thor: Dark World (2013)

 Initial: First of all, fuck whoever decided to kill off Frigga. Second of all, fuck whoever decided to kill off Frigga. Now: As much as I love Loki (and in chains), this film did too much to try to include him at the detriment of the film overall. It really added nothing to the overall universe and only marginally to character development. Also, fuck whoever decided to kill off Frigga.

 Captain America: Winter Soldier (2014)

 Initial: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? HYDRA??? SHIELD WAS HYDRA??? WHAT??? WHAT IS THE POINT OF LIFE NOW??? Now: So I have this really cool story called No Accounting for Heroes that I wrote with @geekgirl101 about the true repercussions of something like this happening.

 Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)

 Initial: Nice soundtrack, but omg this was dumb and the nostalgia was so forced. But damnit if I didn’t cry over a stupid tree. Now: Literally every fuckboi and neckbeard that comes in the comic shop loves this movie and it has become a litmus test. If this if your absolute fav, I am probably going to hate you.

 Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)

 Initial: What kind of shitty fan fiction was that? Now: What kind of shitty fan fiction was that? 

 Ant-Man (2015)

 Initial: This was… actually good? Holy shit. Now: Okay, no, hear me out, not only was the nostalgia done correctly (it FELT like a 90s movie rather than trying to force nostalgia with 90s stuff (looking at you GotG)), but as much as it was problematic, it at least tried. Like Scott admitting he’s the one going in because he’s expendable, not because he’s the best/savior/whatever. Like fridging Janet but instead of some lame accident, she went out saving the goddamn free world. 

 Captain America: Civil War (2016)

 Initial: Not bad. It was well paced, made use of the established and new characters, and the Bucky/Sam friendship is my new OTP. Now: We all agree this was Avengers 2 and Age of Ultron didn’t happen, right?

 Doctor Strange (2016)

 Initial: Problematic racism aside, why did you have to undercut every dramatic moment with a joke? Now: Hands down, the prettiest Marvel movie to date. But seriously, why did you undercut everything? And shit, Mordo and Loki need to team up, or fight each other, why have I not written this fic yet?

 Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017)

 Initial: I am not spending my hard earned money on you. Now: Kurt Russell… are you worth it to watch on Netflix… I’m so torn…

 Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)

 Initial: I have never liked Spider-Man (collective gasp from comic shop patrons). But hey, I got a MoviePass now, so… you are free. Now: First off, Peter never suffers any consequences, not really. Secondly, all the aunt may is hot stuff was really creepy. Also, everyone in this movie is funnier than Parker… funnier than Peter Parker… Peter Parker! But Michael Keaton though… you’re doing amazing sweetie.

 Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

 Initial: WHAT THIS FUCK WAS THIS SHIT??? COULD YOU NOT LET THOR FEEL FOR FIVE GODDAMN SECONDS BEFORE THROWING IN A DUMB ASS JOKE!! THOUSANDS JUST DIED FOR FUCK’S SAKE!! Now: I really appreciate the underlying message of imperialism, immigration, etc, and I think Thor and Loki both have really great character arcs that really defined WHY WERE THE WARRIORS SO THOUGHTLESS SLAUGHTER??? WHY CAN’T WE HAVE ONE SOLEMN MOMENT TO ALLOW OUR CHARACTERS TO GRIEVE???? AM I THE ONLY PERSON LEFT ON EARTH WHO FUCKING HATES THESE KINDS OF DUMB ASS JOKES??? (legit though, the falling for thirty minutes joke was amazing)

 Black Panther (2018)

 Current: My body is ready.

 Avengers: Infinity War (2018)

 Current: You know, I have invested way too much this universe. I really don’t care what happens next. Except if you kill off Loki I will fucking never watch another Marvel film ever.

 Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018)

 Current: I liked the first one… so if Loki is alive, I’m totes seeing this.

 Captain Marvel (2019)

 Current: You might be the only hope to get me back into Marvel, even if Loki dies, but that’s a big if on that. I’ll see what the trailers give me to chew on.

 Avengers: Infinity War 2 (2019)

 Current: If Loki is dead, then I won’t give you the time of day. If he’s alive, or I hear that he ‘faked’ his death again... then alright. Damn, I have invested too much in this shit. I really need to stop. Is there an AA for MCU fans?

 Spider-Man 2 (2019)

 Current: If Loki is alive and MoviePass is still a thing… meh… maybe

 Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2020)

 Current: You would literally have to put Loki (or Angela) in this film to even make me consider watching you.

 Evergreen Review: Man, what a waste of a really good actor.