#i hate PE too luckily i don't have it anymore

[mariverses]

Speaking if PE I hate pe

They make me climb to 30 feet in the air and the harness hurts and being on a log at 30 feet is horrifying

?????? what ?????? that is like 9m. on a log. that's like. why though. headscratch

[captainhowlreadyforboarding]

15 Questions | 15 People

Thanks for the tag @goodomensandbadpress <333

Rules: Answer the questions and tag 15 people (or not because you're social circle on here is as small as mine lmao)

1. Are you named after anyone? Well I did take my name from the greek goddess Athena, so yeah. Kind of. 2. When was the last time you cried? oh like two days ago from I guess sensory overloud and physical icks. 3. Do you have kids? No, but I do plan on having some eventually! 4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Too much sometimes, I think. I do love me some sarcastic banter and I have been called iconic for my one liners, so luckily people know not to take my quips personally xD 5. What's the first thing you notice about people? Their style and aesthetic, probably. Also whether they are looking at me! It's kind of weird but I look around a room so often that when somebody is looking at me, I usually notice and stare back? So I guess I notice the way they gaze as well. 6. What's your eye colour? A mishmash of brown and green, depending how the light hits. They used to be more green when I was younger tho. 7. Scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings or I'll cry. I once watched a sad movie and I literally cried about it for an entire week. It was bad. 8. Any special talents? Not sure what's meant exactly by talents, but I am pretty good at acting/playing roles! Also I love handcrafting things and I am good at it (or at least persistent) but it's technically a learned skill. 9. Where were you born? In a hospital :) 10. What are your hobbies? Oh I have many!!! Handcrafting things (knitting, crocheting, sewing), writing, drawing, fashion, listening to music, planning my future en detail, learning languages... 11. Do you have any pets? No but I want these like prehistoric crabs? The tiny things children get in these science kits? Y'all know what I mean or is this solely a thing where I live? 12. What sports do you play/have played? I used to swim and do ballet for over 10 years, as well as do karate for a few and I've always loved sport! But unfortunately my disabilities got worse and I had to stop doing these sports, and it's really hard to start again, because everytime I start to get the motivation the pain flares up again or something, leaving me demotivated for another long period of time. It's also awful that people perceive me as being very unathletic, not sporty, because that's actually not true, I love doing sports! However, I feel like no one believes me because in school. I used to always complain about PE and stuff, because I was being discriminated against for being disabled, which made me miserable looking at sports, so all my friends who witnessed that and also later on me struggling with moving caused everyone to adapt the mindset that I cannot do sports, will not do sports and hate sports, which hurts on a personal level actually. Yeah, sports is a complicated topic with me. 13. How tall are you? Like 5'1. Yeah it's small and I will not grow anymore. But I actually don't really mind. Just think it's funny that I'm smaller than pre-serum Steve Rogers. 14. Favourite Subject at school? German and English for the win! Theater as well though. 15. Dream job? To become a doctor, and I'm actually currently preparing for a kind of entrance exam!

So I knoow you're supposed to tag 15 people, but I'm keeping the numbers quite small. Also tagging people I know from my main blog, so yeah, @nelabelievesindragons and @madelineorionswan if y'all want to answer the questions, feel free!

[saviourkingslut]

I honestly hate how people treat Dima. Calling him stupid and as a psychotic (as in I experience psychosis due to my depression, don't worry I'm medicated) person, I really hate 'feral' too. And the way people sexualize his illness and turn him into a violent r*pist in their fics when he's the one who can't really consent due to his current condition? Nasty. This is why I mostly just write my own fics and hang out on the fringes of the fandom. It's always been toxic, even way back in 2007 and probably before then too.

im not great with the way his mental illness - or really, his character - is treated in some parts of the fandom either. the way some people will refer to him as an unthinking beast that deserves a gruesome death is just... absolutely beyond my understanding. luckily that's only a small part of the fandom as far as i know, but the sexualisation of his illness is much more common and i do have some thoughts abt that

when it comes to fanfiction, i generally take a 'live and let live' kind of stance. i don't believe that what a person writes mirrors what they think irl or that they condone the actions they let the characters take. however, that doesn't mean certain portrayals can't do a lot of harm. dimitri is clearly a character with severe mental illness who experiences what appears to be psychosis - and these are real, actual things! the character is fictional, but his mental illness and its symptoms are not - it's something people deal with in real life!

when a character with such traits (if you can call them that) is then written in the ways you describe, this can make people very uncomfortable and it generally sends a bad message to those who experience similar problems. sexualising a mental illness makes it seem like the illness isn't really treated seriously. it becomes a tool to create a sexual fantasy - and in dima's case, these are regularly r*pe fantasies and/or making him go 'feral', which in most cases means a character enters some kind of animalistic state where they act upon their 'base instincts' and don't really think or act like humans anymore.

such tropes on their own can be sexy! but it can also be very hurtful when the 'feral' trope is a result of a character's mental illness. the same obviously goes for r*pe: it is, to say the least, not a nice experience for many people to see a character, whose mental illness is much like real-life mental illnesses, sexually assault someone with his unstable mental health as the catalyst.

again, i am not against exploring kink etc in fiction. and i don't necessarily believe that anyone who writes dima doing any of these things, thinks of actual real-life people with mental illness the same way. but it is extremely tricky, can come off as threatening or toxic, and it can make people feel unsafe in fandom, which is a shame. im glad you've found a way to mostly avoid all that, but it's not ideal that these things cause you to not participate as much in fandom as you might want to.

[hvlf-doomed]

awkward

the thing i find most horrible about sixth form is definitely the people, there's now not enough students for me to fade into the shadows, everyone knows me!! but still not many people like me. even the select few people outside of my friend group who used to speak to me have completely rebranded themselves. its weird. it's like as soon as we entered sixth form, people suddenly started acting like poster children for maturity, as if they weren't throwing stones and food at me during lunch just 4 months earlier. anyway, as much as its a strange thing to be conscious of, i am very glad i no longer have to worry about the potential of being hit by flying objects. it makes me wonder about how much i've changed in the past year. obviously most people probably didn't intentionally start acting like adults, it was just a new chapter in our lives which definitely required some growing up, although most of the time now i just feel like i'm regressing. my mental health is absolutely awful, as it always is when i'm back at school. at least now i have home study periods and i get to do my favourite subjects, whereas beforehand, i definitely had no opportunity to sit quietly in the rec if i was feeling upset or anxious... and then i'd probably have to sit through science class or something. i honestly don't know how i did it. i guess A-level classes are a lot more hands on though, and require full attention, whereas in secondary school i could easily shrink into the corner of a room and allow the teacher to realise they simply have no time for me and then eventually decide i'll probably just be fine, which is the reason half of them still couldn't remember my name halfway into the year.

anyway, back to sixth form students, i just hate the feeling that i know everybody and they know me, and we get on just fine but still no one actually cares enough to want me to stick around. It's like i have endless acquaintances but no one wants to bother with me past that point. it's not like i'm being bullied anymore, it's weird to think that back when i was being bullied i literally had the most friends i've ever had in my entire life... and we actually did stick together for a good amount of time! lately i haven't really been speaking much in general and its reminding me of when the bullying was at it's worst, i never spoke to anyone in school other than my best friends, whether people were being nice or not, because i always assumed that no one wanted to talk to me or had the capability to be genuinely nice to me... everyone knew i was an easy target. people ended up thinking i was so rude and stuck up, which i understand, but in reality i was just terrified out of my mind of everyone. i remember once a girl in PE complimented my trainers, and PE was super hard for me and i was anxious as it was, so i immediately assumed that she was actually making fun of my shoes, so i just rolled my eyes at her and turned away, but luckily for me i think she caught on that people didn't ever compliment me out of the blue unless they were picking on me, so she was quiet for a minute and said "no, hvlfdoomed, i actually do really like your shoes, i'm serious" and i think i then thanked her, but i was so embarrassed. there are a few more instances similar to that. still to this day when i'm having a hard time i tend to completely shut down, which is kind of what's happening at the moment. i just feel like i don't belong anywhere, and i've been at this stupid school for so long that people already have different perceptions of me that might not be necessarily true, so no one really bothers. it's hard to tell whether people dont like me because i'm unattractive to men, queer, awkward, boring, too quiet, or what? i have no idea.

someone (i'll call her a mutual friend, because she was never interested in being friends with me anyways... but for some reason is still desperate for my approval and attention, despite never making the effort to even be nice to me in the first place) is really getting on my nerves with this at the moment... and coincidentally she was one of the people who bullied me lower down in the school for being queer. however, i know this doesn't excuse anything at all, but she was with a really awful group of friends at the time and lets be real, we were all stupid at the age of 13. so i decided that although i wouldn't necessarily forgive her (because obviously bullying anyone for anything at all is cruel and says a lot about your character in general, especially if it is over something they can't change), i would give her the benefit of the doubt, because i actually do enjoy when people don't act in the same way as they did when they were 13. anyways, its safe to say that plan backfired, because she looks at me like i'm some kind of predator, which honestly drives me insane because i don't have a clue why she thinks i want her... i don't even really like her as a friend and i'm sure the feeling's mutual. if the reason she gives me death glares every time i'm in the general area isn't entirely my unashamed queerness, it's probably my (ashamed) ugliness. or at least ugliness to her. not that i think i'm pretty in the slightest, but then how do you even define that? if we're defining beauty based on attractiveness to men then i immediately fail the test... but i've had other queer people tell me they think i'm pretty in situations where they wouldn't even feel obligated to, and sometimes i find myself almost believing them because i just feel like they have no reason to lie to me... and i'm not usually attracted to conventional people, so there's got to be people out there who agree right?

i think that's all for now, it's time to go watch netflix with my dad and then sit with my kitten.