#i hadn't thought about it but i am totally fine with people drawing my characters!

[raffi-cat]

I sawed and had tooo (srry if u dont want ppl drawing your characters i shoulda asked first but didnt)

aaaa oh my gosh!!! what!!! look at themmmm, oh i love them so much thank you??

oh you drew them so well i am so happy thank you <3 <3 <3

[lynninlyn]

Dark Paradise_Michael KaiserxF!Reader

This is inspired by the song Dark Paradise - Lana Del Rey. I constantly have the urge to write this although by writring is bad and English is not my native language. Please read with easy and feel free to point out my error. Thank you all!

Warning: Fluff to Angst, Major character d*ath, OOC, bad grammar and missed spelling, no-proofread.

All my friends tell me I should move on I'm lying in the ocean, singing your song Loving you forever can't be wrong Even though you're not here, won't move on

"Are you ok?" "Ok what? Stop asking useless thing, Ness. I know what I am doing."

Glaring at the brunette boy whose the worry is all over his tired face. Kaiser shake the thought off his mind, continues observing the field and calculating for the next attack session. Focusing and executing another glorious victory for Bastard Munchen, embellishes his throne.

Or that were what Kaiser thought.

Is it that obvious that to other people? How can Ness knows he is not totally dedicate to the match? How dare of him to assume Kaiser was absent-minded?

And god please let Kaiser know how stop himself from consantly looking at that certain seat in the VIP area that always reserved for his precious Y/n.

"Wwoahhhhh-" "It's him again, it Kaiser impact again" "A beautiful goal at 90', executed team XXX last hope, an absolute win 2-0 for Bastard Munchen"

The Bastard Munchen's crowd bursted in excitement for the just happened victory. His clown-like teammates make the ridiculous celebrate moves like the highschool team experiences a win match for the first time. Isnt this result is an obvious scene when they have the Kai-fucKING-ser as their savior, freed them from their arrogance like the background characters in his heroic play?

Empty. Kaiser feels nothing.

Mindlessly walking to the locker room. Shouldn't he feels satisfied as another decoration on his long-listed trophy is achieved and the spotlight is all on him? The adrenaline in him should reach it climax at this moment, he used to enjoy the afterward of every match as you will immediately rush up to him, kiss him passionately, congratulate him, sweet words pour from your cherry lips and you will discuss about the later plan on that day to spoil your loverboy for his victory.

Oh-

Kaiser realizes now. All this distraction, emptiness, and lost feelings is because of your absence in his life.

You weren't here this time, you weren't here to cheer for him, to worry for him every time he aims for the perfect shooting spot, and celebrate with him for every goal he scores in the match.

For his last 23 matches, you hadn't been here with him. He wonder how has he managed to last through that much time without you by his side.

The harsh reality that you will never be able to show up at his matches anymore, and add more to its tragedy, you are not here anymore for him to love you, embrace you, and hold you in his hands 'till the day the both of you draw your last breath.

You were gone. And he can't move on.

And there's no remedy for memory, your face is like a melody It won't leave my head Your soul is haunting me and telling me that everything is fine

From high school sweetheart to the IT couple that football fans and media use to address you and Kaiser everytime you guy drop anything on social media or Kaiser, once again, intentional drops in the middle of the interview to brag about his lovely baby.

You has been with K from the very first day, gone through up and down in his football career. Even when him tried to push you away because of his arrogance and cocky younger self, you was still by his side to work everything out together.

PDA

Pictures of you and him is all over Kaiser's social media accounts. Not a single day that Kaiser hadn't post something about his darling beauty and your caring for him and only him.

Kaiser want the world knows how much you mean to him and how good, how wonderful you are. Shutting down any chick that dares to claim themselves could be better if they could get in the place of his precious significant other. Not even in sleep they can dream about that, never ever.

Doesn't care to express his love for you even there were paparazzi taking the picture of you guys on public dates. Holding hand, peak on your peachy cheek, kiss on that honey lips, embrace you in his protection. "Turn to angle 3 o'clock babe, lets him capture my kiss on your hand when we got out the car. I will get that pic for the my new bio avatar."

Aftermath

Picking you up by your hip, winging you around and peppering your goddess-like face with kisses to relieve all the adrenaline he got from playing and shooting the whole match.

You looks like a cute bunny when hurrying run to him. And he wont tell you that you even look cuter attened his matches in winter,  the puffy jacket makes you look like the snowball rolling, but don't get him wrong. You are totally not look childish and funny (or maybe you are?)

Your curiosity when examines his new medal or trying to hold the Bastard München's just received cup.

"Hey don't bite it like I starved you. It is fake, like the pile of medals that stacked up in my exhibition room at home."

They know us but don't know these The most casual moment with you were the thing that haunted him most. The peacefulness that both of you cherish and Kaiser scared to lose, he feared when he wakes up the next day, you will not even be by his side to accomplish him for every beat that his heart beats.

When you come and wait for him to finish his late night practice.

When Kaiser want to hug you tight out of sudden while you guy were heading out the Bastard Munchen's stadium.

When Kaiser wakes up with you in his arm, hold you tight for 15 more minutes before getting ready for morning training.

When the ritual of the good luck kisses you press on his cheek, his temple and sometimes for lips before you two must parted as Kaiser back to the locker room and ready for the matches.

"Thank you my goddess. Your knight in shining armour today will once again establish another glorious victory with you endearing blessing. These clowns will be blinded by your charming power. "

"Oh dear! Please leave before Noa will rocket himself up there. He has been calling for the tenth time to get you back with the team."

"It was 35 calls last time baby. Hah, he must be used to it"

"MIKA!!!"

Every time I close my eyes, it's like a dark paradise No one compares to you I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side There's no you, except in my dreams tonight

Kaiser knows your love is immeasurable. He glad that god still has mercy on him, gives him a chance to realize how precious, one of a kind your love is before his arrogance, led by the depression he got in Blue Lock, made him lose you.

It would have been the eternal punishment for his soul.

But there were times Kaiser wishes that your love isn't that strong and you would not deeply care for him to the point that you wouldn't hesitate flight yourself overseas to support him, cheering for his match in foreign country.

"Breaking news. The Amour Airlines's flight BB-1234 on day x/y/20xx from Munich, Germany to Tokyo, Japan had been reported to unfortunately crashes on the XXX island while it was crossing the Indian Ocean due to the unpredicted storm. The passenger list had been provided by the Airlines and they are calling for the family of the passengers to contact to help the searching and identifying progress. The list- .... Y/n, female, xx years old, nationality: ____"

And everybody's rushing me, but I can feel you touching me There's no release, I feel you in my dreams Telling me I'm fine

[brick-a-doodle-do]

I am just a very sad person most of the time lol

I just use my stories and drawings to alter my thoughts and distract myselllllff

I know you don't forget I was just feeling somewhat like it hadn't been seen, you know, like you didn't see the message of it being answered at all?

I also have doubts of being liked sooooooo easily bc my dad is a jerk and a narcissist so I grew up with him putting me down when he eventually comes home...he's gone for most of the year bc of his semi truck driving job and is only home maybe three or four times a year yay

A warning I should have provided long ago for everyone interacting with me:

I easily think I did/said something wrong, feel forgotten or scared (one reason I don't immediately upload my stories when they're done), and don't feel like I'm deserving how much you love my ocs

Oh but brick, you actually pulled me out of that and had me finally start posting things on here and sharing my characters so THANK YOU

And when I mention or complain about something like I just did (I'm sorry I did I didn't know how else to say it) I usually get lost on how to approach the topic and could come off too serious or maybe mad entirely on accident when I was just curious or wanting to know if it was at least seen, oops...it's fine to not read immediately I just thought it got buried into invisibility

i did see the post and i could've sworn i liked it but apparently not,,, but i read it now! kinda upset i didn't before,, usually what i do is "i'll read this later" yk that kinda thing, bad habit but yk,, so you're never forgotten just procrastinated on!

3d i'm sorry that sounds terrible :( i hope you're doing alright nowadays <3

(sorry i drafted this in a rush)

it's totally fine, i promise that you're never forgotten in this community!! i think a loooot of people can second that :)

i'm glad i managed to help you! your brain is awesome i love seeing what you come up with :D

that's totally alg as well, maybe i shouldn't lean so hard in one direction when tryna read tones. maybe try out tone tags? they help a lot,,,

[just-like-playing-tag]

A totally self indulgent compilation of my favorite works on this blog of the year June 13, 2019 - June 13, 2020

I wanted to do this for the blog's first anniversary but then completely forgot about it lol.

The following lists are all in chronological order according to the date each post was first published.

Top 10 panel edits:

#1: Don and Gilda - Chapter 138: Demon serch (1)

Date: Jun 14th, 2019

Time: ~ 1:30 h

My very first redraw from my very first edit posted here, so it deserves an honorable mention. Back then I was young and inexperienced, I didn't even apply a gray filter (lmao I was so unskilled I even unintentionally scratched the picture, I hadn't realized until today). I'm actually very happy my first redraw was of Don, boy deserves all the love.

#2: Emma and Ray - Chapter 140: I’m Here!

Date: Jun 28th, 2019

Time: ~ 1 h

Back then this looked like so much work to me!!! And to this day, I think it turned out pretty well. I'm particularly proud of how the bow turned out. This is one I was really proud of right after having finished it; it gave me the confidence to try redrawing bigger areas. Also, the edit were I first applied the opacity of layer / opacity of brush for the gray filter that would have stuck with me.

#3: Krone's birthday edit

Date: Jul 15th, 2019

Time: 15 mins

I don't know I just really like how Krone's hair vanish to a more sketch-like style here– and consequently, how I managed to replicate such effect. I think Krone's beautiful.

#4: Emma, Norman and Ray - Chapter 153: Coward

Date: Oct 4th, 2019

Time: 4:07 h (and 67 layers lmao)

Probably the single panel redraw I'm the most proud of. That Norman panel was beautiful and very poignant at the end of a chapter I adored, so I believe it deserved all the time I've spent working on it. It's far from being perfect - the back of his head is too plain, and the difference between my brushes and the original brushes is pretty visible - but I still like it very much and am extremely attached to it. The horn looks kinda big but I honestly believe it to be more of an issue with the original than with what I had redrawn lol. Funny enough, the whole picture didn't make it to the final edit and had to be trimmed.

#5: Full Score Trio - Chapter 154: A Breakthrough

Date: Oct 11th, 2019

Time: 29 mins

I don't have a particular reason for this I just think Emma's hair turned out amazing. It took just half an hour and I didn't even use references like. Wow. @Redrawing skills where did you go please come back

#6: Mujika and Queen Legravalima - Chapter 158: The Reason I Was Born

Date: Nov 17th, 2019

Time: 2:09 h

Sis I love this so freaking much. The shift from redrawing almost exclusively people and clothes to redrawing this mess was so fun and refreshing. Even though it's a mess I think it turned out very clean and overall it looks beautiful? I remember after finishing this I felt so powerful, like now that I had redrawn this thing I would have been able to redraw anything I set my mind on lol.

#7: Emma - Chapter 161: Never Be Alone

Date: Dec 13th, 2019

Time: 57 mins

Again no particular reason except this is a very cute Emma and I think the redraw turned out pretty well. There's this big lock on the left that doesn't make a lot of sense but overall I really like it. Cute Emma is cute, and I love her determination.

#8: Emma - Chapter 166: Going Back Home

Date: Mar 9th, 2020

Time: 3:45 h

I'M SO FREAKING PROUD OF THAT RIFFLE I have not the slightlest idea why this took so damn long BUT I'M SO PROUD OF IT

#9: Norman's birthday edit

Date: Mar 21st, 2020

Time: 1:04 h

This is cool! I didn't know I could manage to draw this, but I did it! The feathers were particularly hard to clean but I think they turned out fine.

#10: Full Score Trio - Chapter 174: A New World (part 1)

Date: Apr 6th, 2020

Time: 2:11 h

I just think they're very pretty? I can't understand if I like Ray's face a lot, or not at all, but I think overall there was a lot to redraw and it turned out pretty cute! Sorry Gillian.

(Also insert pretty much every panel from the chapter 177 Isabella edit– I've spent so many hours on basically every panel there's no way I could choose only one).

Top 5 edits as whole:

#1: Emma and Ray - Chapter 140: I’m Here!

Date: Jun 29th, 2019

Complessive time: 2:57+ h

The very first edit I'm actually proud of; I'm really attached to it. It's the first edit I had put all of my effort into, and I remember feeling anxious people would have left it without notes. It kinda feels weird to think about it now, because I really don't care about notes anymore; yet, it somehow makes me happy to think that past-me wasn't let down. Thank you @neverlandstrio for your support, you may not remember but it really meant a lot to me back then! And it still makes me smile. You're the best!!!!!!

#2: Mujika and Queen Legravalima - Chapter 158: The Reason I Was Born

Date: Nov 20th, 2019

Complessive time: 7:12+ hours

This whole edit was an hella wild ride. It's midnight before a school day, when I think: "Mh, it's been a while since I last made an edit, why not make one about Musica and the queen from the last chapter?" And seven hours after this was born. I'm particularly proud of the queen's redraws on the 3rd, 7th and 9th picture (ofc), the areas which have been redrawn are pretty huge yet I think the difference with the original is almost impossible to notice?? @Redrawing skills where did you go please come back (part 2)

#3: Emma - Chapter 174: A New World (part 1)

Date: Apr 12th, 2020

Complessive time: 6:53+ h

I think the panels that were selected work very well together, especially considering the close-up / full body alternation. I love Emma, and I've always been kinda sad noticing that edits that focus one her take the less notes... She deserves all the love. Also, fun fact: for the last but one panel, I had redrawn Emma's whole left ear before remembering she doesn't have one, so I had to redraw the panel from the start. Besides from the error with the ear, the reason why this (and all the others after) took so long is because official panel take way longer to clean.

#4: Isabella and her children - Chapter 177: Mother

Date: May 22nd, 2020

Complessive time: 13:41+ h (ahah.)

Lmao tbh I can't understand how this has so few notes it's like. Technically speaking, probably the best edit I've ever done. I don't even like Isabella that much, I haven't got the slightlest idea why I decided to spend so many hours on this. Anyway, I find the composition (full body on the left / headshots on the right) really good looking in this as well! And I think the redraws turned out fine, especially Isabella's.

#5: The Promised Neverland manga ending countdown→ 1/7 chapters: chapter 1 - Grace Field House

Date: Jun 9th, 2020

Complessive time: 1:59+ h

I don't know how I came up with that idea for the composition but I find it really beautiful??? I think it does a pretty good job conveying the sudden, terrific shift of atmosphere from the first chapter, and I think that sharp bridge is very nice. I'm very, very proud of this.

Honorable mention #1: Full Score Trio - Chapter 154: A Breakthrough

Date: Oct 13th, 2019

Complessive time: 3:44+ h (+ 1:13 h of working on a panel that ultimately didn't make it to the final edit)

A very good chapter, and the edit turned out surprisingly amazing??? All the redraws look great and make it almost impossible to distinguish them from the original; honestly I feel like I'll never be able to redraw so neatly again lol.

Honorable mention #2: Don and Gilda (+ Norman) - Chapter 160: Shackles

Date: Dec 11th, 2019

Complessive time: 3:14+ h

That one is really one of my favorite scenes; I'm telling you peoples, Gilda and Don are a blessing to the earth. I think I've never mentioned it, but Gilda's hair is a nightmare to redraw??? More specifically, it takes me h o u r s to fill the texture without making it look too weird, it's the worst.

Honorable mention #3: Norman and Ray - Chapter 179: Compensation

Date: Jun 6th, 2020

Complessive time: 4:16+ h

I was so glad to finally be able to make a Norman / Ray edit, and it turned out it was just in time before the series' finale. I like how it turned out and I'm pretty satisfied with the redraws (even though my sister helped me with the lineart of some panels - it was exams time and I really couldn't afford to spend more time on it), too bad we didn't have more chapters that focused on the boys. Ray sweetie one day I'll fix your ear it's just today's not that day.

Btw, I justed realized I have never done an Emma / Norman centered edit? I'll have to make one eventually. I remember considering focusing on them alone for the chapter 154 one, but then I thought "even if the manga is gonna ignore Ray, I will chose to do not" lol.

Top 5 long posts:

#1: Reconstruction of how the Grace Field children were settled in the three bedrooms

Date: Aug 28th, 2019

I just had really a lot of fun doing it. I love putting all the little things to their own place, it's so calming to do and that's why I love making this kind of things. Also, loved how @temporoom contributed to the post! It was so nice of them to add what they had noticed to come up with more exact conclusions, that's one of the things I love the most about the internet.

#2: A study of how many times the characters of The Promised Neverland call each other through the first season of the anime

Date: Sep 10th, 2019

I REALLY LOVE IT! I mean it *was* kinda stressing to note everything, but it was very also very satisfying to see everything methodically divided and organized! And it's not just that– it's also the fact that it looks good. That's one post I have fun rereading because it's actually pretty! Also, even though it can be very stressing to learn to use new programs and sites, it's always very satisfying to look at the final result. Again, I really adore compiling these tiny little details! I would love to make more posts of that kind if i had the time.

#3: The Promised Neverland musicals headcanons

Date: Oct 27th, 2019

I mean it's literally. Putting my two favorite fandoms together how could I not love it. This is another one I really enjoy rereading, I find all the musical / character associations so fitting! I really want to make a second part, I hope to find some time to do it.

#4: Considerations on the reward / eventual series' finales (and Emma's sacrifice)

Date: May 7th, 2020

It's always nice to put down all your thoughts regarding a particular matter. It can take a lot of time (at least for me it does because... I need time to think about things), but it's so satisfying to see all of them there once you're done. Bonus points when, like in this case, it was something asked by someone else because “Wow! Somebody wants to hear my opinion on this subject! I'm flattered (◍•ᴗ•◍)”

#5: Some other considerations on the series' finale and Emma sacrificing herself

Date: Jun 13th, 2020

Pretty much the same as above. It's like some kind of clarity when the post is done and signed. Another fun fact, I had to censore the post a lot; the first version was extremely sharp and harsh, but I believe it's right to express your opinions calmly and politely.

Bonus: A thread of what the tpn characters would wear at the Oscars

Date: Feb 9th, 2020

Imagining all the children in those pretty dresses makes me so incredibly happy (╥﹏╥) I go back to look at that post a lot. I really love red carpets, I love looking at pretty dresses!!!!!

Lmao it's so funny how the post of mine I like the most are also the ones with the less notes

Anyway this was just a personal report! You don't have to read it all (or any of it actually). But it was indeed fun making it! Here's to many more months in the fandom!!!

[symonde]

Dark sun (part 1- Beckett x mc): 5 years lost

Pairing: Beckett x mc

Book: the Elementalists

Word Count : +/- 2900

Summary: It has been 5 years since Beckett Harrington was forced by his father to leave Penderghast and Joane Raven behind. Now he can return to the place and the people he has missed all these years to finish his PhD.

Author note: this is my first attempt at writing fanfiction and at writing in English since i am not a native speaker. I appreciate every comment and every correction since it will help me improve my writing. I hope you will enjoy my first attempt at a series for the choices book the Elementalists. The characters and the world belongs to Pixelberry Studios.

It had been five years... Beckett hadn't been able to write on his thesis for a whole month since he knew that he would be able to return to Penderghast College of Elemental Magicks for the remaining years to complete his second PhD in "genetic and epigenetic studies of magical predispositions and attunements". He was exited and afraid at the same time...

5 years ago he had graduated in Penderghast, majoring in "evolution of magickal abilities and attunements” and "biochemical reactions to magical influences". It had been 5 years since he walked the wide stone halls of the school he once used to call "home". Even if Penderghast had not been his official home, since his parents lived in a mansion in Galdurin, it had been the first place he felt like he belonged... before his father decided that his only son had to finish his studies in the society of Mr. Shayd - one of his fathers business partners who was also teaching in the elite university of Kawath – in Japan.

During the last 5 years he had missed his favorite tree in the school gardens where he used to study on warm summer days when the air in the library became to dense to breathe properly and not even a humidity-cleansing spell would help. He had missed the herboratory where professor Kontos used to teach him some more advanced Satyr knowledge of the natural influences of magical attunements on Beckett’s request. Most of all however he had missed his friends... - hell who was he kidding - most of all he had missed, and was still missing Joane. In these 5 years there had not been a single day where he had not missed her laugh, the way her red hair seemed to draw his gaze whenever she was near, or how easily he had been able to make her blush... She had shown him how to appreciate lazy sunday mornings and the value of friendship. She had filled his life with warmth and love – a feeling he had not known before in his life nor after...

Since he had been forced to leave her, he would often walk aimlessly in the sun to feel nearer to her. Being a Sun-Att he hoped against all reasoning and knowledge, that she would be able to sense him thinking of her. Leaving her behind without further notice had left him emotionally in a very dark and cold place for multiple month before he was able to summon back the emotional detachment that his father had taught him from a very young age. He knew his education and life had cost his father a fortune since he had been attending the worlds best programs held by the highest decorated professors. His name had opened him the doors to every field of study he wanted and everyone treated him with respect... and professional distance. He had lead a lonely life.

He had often asked himself in these years if he had simply been too happy and therefore had not been able to meet his fathers stiff standards. He had loved her too much... and yet had never been able to tell her these few precious words or how much she really meant to him. It was his greatest regret that she would probably never know just how much she had meant to him. So he did the only thing he knew would keep him from despairing. He buried himself, his thoughts and his aching heart in his studies.

He learned all he could about the fine notions of nature attunements and the human genetics in relation to them. He simulated and tested slight variations in RNA code and had succeeded in identifying the genetic predispositions for magick in humans. This had earned him worldwide recognition in magickal science. Even his father had send him a note “Continue the good work – this is what I am expecting of you – Andrew Harrington the Second ”. Beckett didn’t even care that there was no love in his message. His only hope had been to hear from her – since she would perhaps have heard his name in the news... but it had already been more than 4 years...

The first 3 years of his research, he was forbidden any contact with other magickal institutions or people outside Kawath for confidential reasons. Every correspondence had to go through Mr. Shayd himself before it was delivered. Of course he had written to her, explaining himself and his fathers decisions, but he had never gotten a reply. He wasn’t even allowed to contact people via smartphone outside of the organization, since he was working on the highly classified project of identifying the genetic factors for blood Attunements. He was tempted to do so despite the consequences so many times, he even had a hundredth messages typed out, but decided against sending them every time for it would cost him his sponsorship and his father would make sure he never saw Joane again.

4 years into his research, the note he got from his father had been the last time he heard from him. Three month later his father died unexpectedly of heart failure. How this was even possible would always be a mystery to Beckett since he was fairly sure that his father had no heart. He finished and published his works for Mr. Shayd only two month after his fathers death – not caring if he was respecting the proper etiquette of mourning. He even suspected his father would have approved the efficient continuing of his work.

The real reason for finishing his work in Japan however was, that he was now free to choose – without his fathers influence – at which university to write the wrap-up thesis of his research of the last years. It had only taken him a day to request the transfer papers to Penderghast. A week later Dean Goeffe had already approved his request – proud to welcome such a famous magickal researcher back to his roots. What a farce... he couldn’t care less about her reasons, only that he could go back.

It had taken Beckett exactly 5 hours to pack all his belongings and now, a few days later, he was standing in front of the massive metal gates of Penderghast - that would soon welcome the students for their first classes of the day. It was 6 o’clock in the morning. He hadn’t been able to sleep – his stomach was clenching nervously and his heart seemed to remember after all these years how to ache for something long lost.

He hadn’t heard from her or any of his friends for 5 years. Hadn’t allowed himself to magically research her name in the magical information network “Jinx” – too afraid to face his emotions. Now, standing in front of these gates however he remembered... the smell of her – like fresh lemons and mint,... the warmth that melted all his insides when she smiled at him before throwing herself in his arms at the end of a long day in class,... the feeling of her soft lips pressing small feathery kisses on his chest when she wanted to wake him up delicately on a Sunday morning... and what those kisses often lead to afterwards...

Beckett felt his stomach drop. Why had he come back? This was nothing but pure self inflicted torture. He couldn’t even blame his father if this would cost him his PhD – because he was fairly sure he wouldn’t be able to get his brain to work for the next weeks or months if every step he took inside of Penderghast would be filled with memories of her...

Breathing deeply in and out for a few moments he steadied himself and finally pushed the gate open to find his way to Dean Goeffe. She welcomed him briskly and he felt like he had gone back in time facing the stiff women. She handed him his teaching curriculum and the access codes to the laboratories beneath the school building that would allow him to finish his research. As a PhD student at Penderghast he had to teach at least one class for 6 hours a week. Since the teaching staff was always lacking in the more scientific subjects, Dean Goeffe assigned him to teach the graduating classes in evolution of magickal abilities and attunements which pleased him immensely and he found himself looking forward to it.

After this bit of good news however, Beckett found it hard to focus on the Deans further explanations of the school premises – his thoughts drifting back to the first time he had been to the Deans office with Joane. They had known each other only for a few days and he had been a total jerk to her. Being one of few rare Sun-Attuned and thus born with very powerful magick, he thought her a threat to his position as the best student in Penderghast. Meeting her however had resulted in an emotional storm of unfamiliar feelings for him since he found himself drawn to her sharp wit, her natural ease with people and her sunny temperament. She had him disarmed with her smile before he knew what had happened. The detention they had to fulfil following their misbehaviour in class lead to his first real friendship. During the following months, they challenged each other on every occasion. He had a deep understanding of magical techniques and a lot of discipline, whereas she had the advantage of a quick learning mind and vast amounts of raw magickal power. It always felt like they were balancing each others flaws out – magically and socially. He loved talking about his knowledge of the magickal world and his theories, and she would challenge him in this knowledge – learning more about herself and the magickal world in their mutual discussions then during class, where she preferred socialising with her friends rather than paying attention.

A few month and some disturbing events later, they had become more then friends. Even now Beckett found it hard to believe that someone like her had chosen him instead of someone like Griffin Langley – the Penderghast Thief Captain every college girl seemed to admire and fall for.

It wasn't that he thought badly of himseld, he knew that his looks had not been that bad. A lot of girls had complemented him on it since he had practiced Yoga for years and had started swimming in his second year at Penderghast which had resulted in broader shoulders and a more masculine chest. However he had never understood her decision fully but did his best to make her happy.

He had never been able to converse with people at ease about his feelings, his family or his hobbies (he didn’t have any...). This left him always as some sort of outsider – only when he was with her he felt free. Whether she realized it or not, she had always captivated everyone from the moment she entered a room.

His looks hadn’t changed that much the last five years. Beckett now preferred to leave a slight stubble and his cheekbones had sharpened – which resulted in a surprisingly positive reaction from women. He had entertained a few liaisons with random attractive women – always looking for a piece of her in them. None had lasted more that a few weeks. They weren’t her... what would she look like now?

“Mr. Harrington?...” he heard Dean Goeffes voice cut through his thoughts.

Jeeez Beckett get your stuff together – at least until you are alone... He wasn’t the shy teen that had been horrified by the Dean on his first year at school – he had to behave like the adult credited researcher he was... “I apologize Mrs. Goeffe. I am rather tired from the long flight. I believe it would be best if you could show me to my quarters so that I can take a short nap before meeting my colleagues in the afternoon.”

She eyed him suspiciously as if she knew exactly that he hadn’t been paying attention to any of the other research fields in Penderghast she explained to him during the last hour. However she didn’t want to risk offending him, so she continued “Of course! I will show you to your rooms and office. We will be meeting your co- professors after lunch in the library for your welcome. Please follow me.”

She lead him through some familiar and even some unfamiliar corridors leading to the teachers quarters. A few minutes later he found himself blissfully alone. He installed himself on his bed and pulled a few private belongings from his luggage and changed in his now usual black shirt and jeans. He checked his mailbox and read a few business notes but he couldn’t bring himself to focus appropriately since his thoughts kept going back to Joane.

What was she doing now? They had discussed their future plans on a few occasions. She always wanted to gain a deeper knowledge of the complex relations between Sun and Moon Attunements. They had thought they would both have a lot of time left together at Penderghast as PhD students. Had she taken the sponsored PhD offered to her by the Dean a few days before he left? If so was she still working here? Was she now able to use her full power? Would she hate him?...

As his thoughts threatened to go down that dark road again, he couldn’t bring himself to stay in his room. He decided to get some fresh air and check out the gardens and his study tree. Even before he met Joane, that had been one of the spots on campus where he had always felt at peace. Later the both of them would often meet there to discuss magickal theories and Joane would practice her sun-spells. He would thoroughly write down his observations on her spellwork and check them against scientific theories before sharing and debating them with her. She would often despair at his endless questions about the technique she used and the inner workings of her magick she couldn’t properly describe. She used to say she would just draw the magick from inside her heart. Whereas the magick of the secondary attunements would be drawn out of her belly.

Beckett had never been able to understand her reasoning. All the books taught that magick was innate and used a body’s energy but none specified different regions inside a body to draw magickal power from. He had tried her theory himself on numerous occasions but he wasn’t able to produce any magick like that. However, since he was no Sun-Att he didn’t know if her theory could be scientifically founded or if she was simply unable to put her inner workings into words.

Beckett found himself nearly alone in the gardens, since it was already late September and it was quite cold outside. Slowly he gained a little bit of peace. At 10h15 the classes had already begun and only a few students who had decided that classes weren’t all that important crossed his path. He didn’t care, but hoped he would be able to share with his future students the importance and the fascination of his field of study so that they wouldn’t want to skip his classes.

When he neared the tree he was aiming for, he saw a small figure sitting there from afar, reading a book. His heart started beating faster but as he approached her, he saw that the womens hair was long and a dark shade of auburn, not the natural fiery red of Joane’s hair she used to wear in a short bob. She was also wrapped in a warm winter coat. Joane had constantly and unconsciously emitted a warm glow from inside of her, which resulted in her never needing a jacket outside even in the crisp autumn months – like the sun was warming her from within. Even knowing it couldn’t be her, Beckett felt unsteady getting nearer.

It unsettled him that another person would use their spot now, and he walked over briskly. He thought of something to tell this women that would ensure her leaving and not using this spot again. He knew it was ridiculous since this was public space but it was like a last reminder of what he had shared with Joane and he wasn’t able to let this be taken from him yet.

“Excuse me Miss... would you mind leav...” his words died in his throat when she turned up her head to look at him. She was Joane, but at the same time she wasn’t. Her eyes that once sparkled with golden freckles had turned to a chestnut colour. Her skin had lost its glow and she had lost some weight. It seemed like the sun inside of her had been put out.

When she looked up at him, her eyes went wide for a few moments. “Beckett...?” her voice was only a whisper disbelieving but steady and very cold. There was no trace of the warmth and laughter it used to carry. Her voice now conveyed no emotion at all. They stared at each other for a few moments before she blinked and stood up slowly. She turned around and started to walk away without saying another word...

Not knowing what to do or say Beckett let her go. He felt like he had been shredded into tiny pieces inside. This was terribly wrong... What had happened to her during the last 5 years?