#i had two alters named heddwyn and norman who my long time mutuals may remember (heddwyn actually started this blog!) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

helianthusaster · 4 years ago

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Someone stop me from using my old delusional backstories (yes there are multiple, yes I remember them all, yes I hate it) for a MDZS/CQL au; I do not need to be diving back into all that rn

#itd be extremely cathartic and fun but sTILL #caspian rambles #i have too much on my plate already with moving and my current wips and getting medical treatment and starting a business w my sis #like i dont have time for it but i WANT #delusions #i might make a post explaining the delusional backstory in like a story format (replacing certain names cause nope) after i finish packing #but for now pls dont let me #its a lot and im honestly surprised i still remember most of it????#i think i made a timeline of it at one point but fuck if i know where it is #to sum it up: alien dragon husband dies so alien angel wife takes his soul to earth and shatters her own in the process #thats like the bare bones of it #they both have like epic saga-level backstories and two kids (who are another deal entirely!) and its just #absolute angst and chaos with a hopeful(ish) ending i guess???#does breaking out of the cycle of lies and destroying your two alters that developed out of it count as a hopeful/happy ending?#i had two alters named heddwyn and norman who my long time mutuals may remember (heddwyn actually started this blog!)#which is what the heddwyn rambles tag is from #i dont know if i destroyed them or if i just absorbed them or what but theyre gone now and its honestly the most lonely thing ever???#i thought i was lonely before but now i dont even have myself to talk to #i both hate and love it #i could switch but wasnt like jarring? it was more subtle like picking a new name #we were all p similar #i honestly dont know if i was having delusions of having alters or if i actually had alters #either way my head is far more quiet than it used to be #which is saying a lot cause ive got caramelldansen playing over rasputin 24/7 #i kinda want to turn it into a novel cause it seems appropriate #but i have to switch a lot of stuff around cause copyright shit #yes you read that right and no i dont wanna talk about it #the only say ill say on the matter is that gfdi dave audio thats gone viral on tik tok gives me a visceral reaction #the name i was using while i had heddwyn and norman was Elijah #and quite a few people knew me as ‘the kid who thinks hes an alien’ before i changed it to Caspian which is part of the reason i did

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