#i had to try and figure out blender because I wasnt sure what else to use to edit videos

[toastsartcornerthesequel]

Kon pulling out his new diary to write about how insanely depressed he is

[heyitsyn]

Manager!Seijoh Part 3

a/n: yall i love seijoh so much like theyre my favorite school and my favorite boys and i know their names by heart and im just so SOFT for them !!!!!

also: yall will find out what other fandom ill be writing for in the future in this one

for more seijoh content, check this masterlist out!

combined two anon requests:

- Could we get the boys reacting to finding out the seijoh manager is quite popular to both genders?? Maybe they over hear a confession?

- Why do I feel like half of the team would be all pouty when word comes around that a guy confessed to manager, the others would probably be annoyed/irritated. Oikawa being all bratty cause no matter what he tried,she never showed ant interest when he flirts. But now this boy comes alone ... (but like you said manager is too focused in school and the team)

MY HEART WAS RIPPED OUT OF MY CHEST AND THROWN INTO A BLENDER WHEN I SAW THIS PART OR JUST WHEN SEIJOH LOST IN GENERAL BC MY BABIES WORKED SO HARD AAAAAAA

oof girl the world is ending

so basically,,,,,

the entire just magically knew about what happened earlier and yahaba’s theory of team telepathy really does work bc not even a minute after it happened, they all spammed you messages and next thing you knew, oikawa was naruto-ing down from the 3rd floor to your class in the first floor

tbh, they shouldve seen this coming yanno?

you were ridiculously pretty and you carried yourself w such elegance and grace that it just seemed to hypnotize everyone into stopping what they were doing and watched you in awe doing the most mundane things like walking or sitting

lmao couldnt be me

your confessions usually happened over letters bc either tol boys kunimi or kindaichi are usually around you at all times so theyre too scared to do anything

hence why your locker was always filled with envelopes yet no upfront public confessions

it ranged from upperclassmen and upperclasswomen who expressed their interest in you and wanted to date you and get to know you better

but tf you dont even know them and you werent about to date a whole stranger

this made the boys a little peeved because you were popular with both the boys and the gals so they were constantly on edge on who was talking to you

it was like having an oikawa 2.0 but not indulging them and pretending theyre not even there

like when you walk to class and sit down, they would flock over and offer you drinks and snacks but you either turned them down or just flat-out ignored them

maybe this was what fueled others on more

your reserved attitude and your refusals made it look like you were playing hard to get and it was almost like a game on who could win the heart of the princess of seijoh

this was proven really difficult because not only do they have your dismissals, you also had guard dogs at every corner and would bite their head off at the slight indication of an interaction

however,,,,

today,,,

this morning,,,,

at 7:53 AM,,,,

they saw you walking down the hallway with a purple-haired boy holding your bag and you giggling at what he was saying

um EXCUSE ME MAAM WHAT

EVERYONE HAS BEEN TRYING TO GAIN YOUR AFFECTIONS FOR MONTHS YET YOU ARE HERE INTERACTING WITH A MALE WHO NO ONE EVEN KNOWS

ESPECIALLY SINCE HE WAS A MALE WHO WAS STANDING RIGHT THERE RIGHT NEXT TO YOU AND HE WASNT A MEMBER OF THE TEAM

!!!!!

and ofc, the boys would immediately know even though theyre spread all over the school

it was kyoken who saw you as he was leaning against your locker and his eyes narrowed before he secretly took a picture and sent it to yahaba, asking if there was a new guy who entered the team while he was away

when he replied with a panicked, ‘NO WHO IS THAT’

kyoken was already advancing to you

yahaba-san immediately sent the picture to the team group chat, that excluded you rood, and oikawa wasted no time and even pushed some fangirls so he could go to you

‘-and she destroyed my sheets’

you laughed at the story and hitoshi stared at you with awe in his eyes

how can someone laugh so beautifully?

like a snort should be considered ugly and gross but it was like cute little squeaks from you and he thought you were like a fairy

‘oh god, i wasnt-’

you were cut off with a hand that held your arm

you came face to face with the glaring face of one of your boys and you immediately turned to him in concern, immediately grasping an arm with the other hand on his cheek to look for any cuts

he rarely comes to you on a normal basis so you thought something was wrong

‘whats wrong, kyo-san? did you get into a fight? do you need me to patch you up?’

he didnt care what you were saying, instead heatedly glaring at this new guy, and grunted a response to agreeing with you going to the nurse

just anywhere to get you away from this,,,, stranger

‘toshi i have to-’

then you were cut off again

‘YYYYY/NNNNNNN-CHHHHHAAAANNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

‘OI SHITTYKAWA!’

‘OIKAWA-SAN!’

‘OIKAWA!’

‘CAPTAIN!’

from behind you, 5 tol looming figures were running towards you and next thing you knew, you were in the arms of your captain

‘oikawa-san! what are you doing?!’

oikawa held you tightly against his chest and had his arms tightly around your form to prevent you from being taken away

most of the volleyball team were now circling you and pointedly glaring at the poor boy who was so confused that he wasnt bothered by the death glares

‘oh, its you’

kunimi grumbled

‘kunimi, whats happening?’

hitoshi questioned

you fought away from the hold of oikawa and pushed mattsukawa and hanamaki to stand in front of shinsou hitoshi

‘so sorry about this, toshi. i’ll help you with your room later and ill text you when practice is finished, okay?’

you sheepishly smiled and he nodded, his own smile reassuring you

‘yep. ill see you later then’

‘bye’

you softly said and he turned to walk away

but as soon as he was out of sight, you turned around with a grim looking expression and your hands on your hips, a hard look in your eyes

‘boys, what was that?’

you gritted out

‘y/n-chan! don’t you see?! he was going to take you away! he was an intrude-OW!’

he yelped when you reached up and grabbed his ear before grabbing the other closest who was iwaizumi

they both whined and complained about the ear and slapped your hand but you didnt let up

‘he is a friend, oikawa-san. you have no right on who i can be friends and who i can hang out with because i still have a life outside the team!’

you scolded and the others hung their heads low like puppies

‘sorry, y/n-chan’

oikawa mumbled and iwaizumi also mumbled his apology so you let go of them, dusting off your hands

‘and the rest of you, hold back your captain and dont intimidate him like that!’

‘sorry’

you sighed but ruffled their hair before turning to go to class

‘now, be good boys and dont bother others like this again’

‘yes’

they chorused and you nodded, satisfied

‘ill hold you to it!’

you shouted as you walked down the hallway

when you turned a corner, oikawa grabbed kunimi by the arms

‘you know him, dont you? who is he? what class? address? mother’s name? father’s name? age-’

‘oi stop it, shittykawa’

but despite that, iwaizumi looked at the younger, expecting answers as well

kunimi sighed

‘thats shinsou hitoshi from class 1-3. we have gym together’

and ‘we’ was kunimi and you since you were both in the same class so you constantly saw this shinsou boy?

nuh uh, dont think so, francisco

from the looks of it, you were still single and there was a pining from shinso’s part, maybe yours they dont know

and they were going to do everything in their power to keep you away from him

this was excused to them as protecting their manager from someone else and they werent going to let you be taken by someone else

during practice, they grilled you over your relationship with him

‘i honestly dont know why this is your business but if you must know, his adoptive father, aizawa-san, is my mother’s co-worker and i usually catsit for them. dont worry, we’re not dating. just friends, that’s all’

but they know it wasnt just a friendship type of situation

so when the 4 third years saw you being confessed to by this ‘friend’ outside, they almost toppled out the window as they tried to listen to what was being said

‘shittykawa get off my back!’

‘nuh uh! i want to see clearly!’

‘everyone needs to know that code red is happening!’

yall what

mattsun took a picture and sent it to the gc about their princess being confessed to 

no one replied, possibly too upset or too busy sulking

kyoken actually had to be excused outside bc he was glaring at everyone and everything and the teacher and students were so scared that they had to take him out of class

they were even more peeved when you just walked in like nothing happened

you didnt mention the confession to anyone else the whole day and when you entered the gym, it was very tense

the coaches even looked confused

‘did you guys fight?’

you questioned but no one answered

kunimi and kindaichi were playing with a ball and glaring at it as it hit the floor

the 2nd years yes including kyobabie were pouting to the side

the 3rd years looked annoyed and pissed off 

overall just not seijoh babie vibes

i am uncomfortable with the energy we have created in the gym today🧚✨

‘hey’

you gently said and walked to the captain to figure out what was going on

‘oikawa-san, what happened?’

‘are you dating him now, y/n?’

the seriousness in his voice shocked you and you took a step back in surprise

your expression made him think that you did accept the confession and he scoffed before walking away and doing a jump serve that sounded like a canon blasting

but you were actually confused and surprised that they even knew bc you were sure it was a secluded area where no one could see you

‘dating,,,? dating who?’

you asked to them and the 3rd years just knitted their eyebrows

‘dont play coy, y/n-chan’

oikawa hissed

‘no matter how many times i flirted or asked you on dates, you never said yes. never agreed or even showed a little bit of interest. on me!! your captain!!! but now!!! this little grape boy comes along and you suddenly start dating just because he has cats! what kinda bias is this?!’

he started ranting and whining and being a brat that you pinched his nose shut

‘oi, oikawa-san, are you jumping to conclusions again? first the hickey accident and now this?’

he made a whining noise for you to let go and rubbed his nose when you finally let go

you turned around to face the others and you sighed, massaging your temples

‘everyone, who spread this misunderstanding?’

no one pointed to anyone but their gazes settled on the thick eyebrow boy that you were sure wouldnt have ratted you out

a noise of surprise and betrayal escaped from you as mattsun quickly scrambled to get everyone to stop staring at him

‘MATTSUN-SAN! YOU-!’

you pointed at him and mattsun rushed forward to grab your hands before holding them close to his chest

‘y/n-chan, we just saw you when we were passing! it was makki who wanted to tell the others!’

the betrayal made iwa laugh but makki ran up to kick mattsun to the side

‘youre the one who committed the deed! i was merely suggesting it! it was iwaizumi who wanted to watch them first!’

‘IWA-SAN!’

you gasped at the normally chill third year and you didnt expect him to be the one who started it first

iwa panicked and held his hands out cautiously

‘y/n-chan, understand that i was just worried and i didnt want you to be outside by yourself after what happened, okay? i didnt know he was confessing to you’

you closed your eyes and pinched the bridge of your nose tightly

‘again! whoever and whatever happens in my love life is my business! mine! and only mine! you cannot control it and get angry at ME because i do want a boyfriend and i do want to experience dating bc i want to know how it feels to be loved like that! so i wont let a bunch of children stop me from having that!’

the third years shared a look before they they gave up and nodded in defeat

but oikawa was the most offended

‘Y/N-CHAN! I ASK YOU ON DATES ALL THE TIME AND I ALWAYS OFFER TO GIVE YOU THAT LOVE SO WHY CAN’T IT BE ME?! WHAT DOES THAT GRAPE HUMANOID HAVE THAT I DONT?!’

he whined and stomped his foot after crossing his arms and a pout on his face

you shook your head, not even bothering to answer that, and went to the others

‘dont be mad and be upset, okay? i refused him bc i have no time for a relationship when im too busy looking after my own boys. i really dont want to add another’

kindaichi and yahaba’s face scrunched as they rushed forward to hug you 

‘we thought you would leave us y/n-chan!’

‘stay as ours forever, okay?’

you were so relieved that they werent as aggressive as the oldests and gave each player their own favorite hugs

but you stopped in front of kyo, not really knowing how to hug him since youve never exactly showed any type of affection like that

so you were just awkwardly standing there with raised arms but he patted your head, you smiling and leaning more to his touch

‘hm, kyo-san, ya finally warming up to me?’

you teased but he scoffed, gently headbutting you with his forehead against yours

‘now, everyone! dont misunderstand and know that for as long as i will be a manager, i wont be in a relationship bc my time as a manager is too crucial since i would probably have to look after you so you dont get yourself to jail. a boyfriend is adding more boys in to that list and i dont want that. you will be my boys forever and i wont be taken from you so please trust on me and stop being so overprotective bc i wont give them the affection or wishes they want!’

oikawa teared up and was about to go trample you but he was held back

‘no! i want a hug! i want a family hug! cmon, iwa-chan!’

practice went by quickly but you demanded them to do 10 diving laps in punishment for all the misunderstandings theyve created 

but they gladly did it bc it meant that you wont be taken from them and you would be theirs forever and their cute manager is going to pay attention to them and them only

i got serious yandere vibes from this but its so heartwarming that theyre so overprotective and lowkey you got yourself a harem

after practice, they all wanted to walk home with you but you told them that shinsou’s house was the other direction

‘y/n-chan! you said you wouldn’t-’

you rolled your eyes

‘oikawa-san, just because i refused that confession doesnt mean i will stop earning money. i still have to catsit for his family and earn my money!’

they only agreed when kyo said that he was walking that way too but they were still weary and jealous bc he got to spend more time with you than them

as you were both walking, you looked up at him

‘kyo-san, what type of hug do you like?’

‘hah?’

he looked down at you bc we short with wide eyes and flushed cheeks

you smiled and looked forward, skipping slightly

‘everyone in the team has their own special hugs. i want everyone to have one bc you all are individually special to me so-’

but he stopped walking and pulled arm before he lifted you up, making you squeak and wrap your legs around his waist

thank god you were wearing your tracksuit and not your skirt

‘k-kyo-san?’

bruh is it obv that kyoken is one of my favorite seijoh boys like bls love on him

he didnt want you to see his flustered expression bc he still has a reputation to uphold, yanno?

so he tucked it in your neck and you softly smiled before playing with the baby hairs at the base of his neck

‘you like this kind then, kyo-san? kinda aggressive but perfectly suits you, yanno?’

he just grunted and you laughed

he wasnt about to tell you that he liked holding you on his arms bc you were so tiny and so you that holding you like this makes him feel like he was protecting you and feel good about himself bc he gets to be the one who shields you from the world

yuhhhhh get it kyo

‘so yahaba-san told me that you got kicked out of class bc you scared the teacher and kids?’

you questioned and he left his spot on your neck and pulled his face back so you could clearly see his face

it was red and possibly flustered but you just snickered

he still held you by his strong arms so you were able to move your small hands to his face where he flinched at first but relaxed when you touched his cheeks

your fingers gently pulled the sides of his lips and you tilted your head to the side

‘you,,, look really handsome when you smile, kyo-san’

you whispered and he was so surprised that his tough mask fell and was replaced by wide eyes and his eyebrows rose up, the intimidating look disappearing from his eyes

‘i-i do?’

you bit your lip bc this was so different from the aggressive kyo you knew and you didnt expect this type of innocence that he just showed you

maybe he wasnt so innocent from the fights and arguments he has started or been in 

but he was so innocent to soft touches and compliments bc he wasnt exposed to it, only used to the ones that were said due to the aura he exuded or his looks

‘yep, you do. so keep smiling for me, kay? dont have to be around the others or all the time, but i,,, want to see it sometimes’

he blinked at you but quickly went back to your neck to hide the big smile that was threatening to come out

you felt his lips move and you laughed

‘noooo! kyo-san!!! i want to see your smilee!!! dont hide it!!!’

but it was cut short when a familiar shout was heard from the other side of the street that was near the school

it seemed that oikawa was worried about you walking alone with kyoken so he followed you both with the other third years

‘kyoken-chan! y/n-chan!’

he shouted in betrayal

you were about to get away from kyo’s hold but he tightened his grip and leaned in to place a kiss on your forehead, still staring straight at the captain

‘mine’

again, do you know what happened next?

oikawa screamed

this was actually pretty funny to write bc wowza oikawa is so oikawa and hes just so oikawa-like, yanno? and im still simping over kyoken and shinsou is my ult fave in bnha and i really love him like ugghhhh :’)

[peacedolantwins]

Clean Part 5 (E.D)

So this one is pretty long compared to the last part and theres actually some more plot 

warnings: mentions of past drinking 

A few weeks had passed and every time you would think about telling them, you would freeze or you would be cut off by one of them talking about something else as you were about to speak. You were trying, but the timing was always off.

At this point their fans knew you two were together. Some of them supported you two and thought you were cute together, while others saw you as annoying and just using him for god knows what. While you tried to pretend it didn't bother you, it still did. You were just thankful you had deactivated all your accounts on social media before any of this started. It was easier to avoid the hate when no one could tag you or find out more about you.

When you would check twitter or Instagram, you usually just used James account to scroll through things when you were bored. You saw the edits people made of snaps taken of the two of you, but you never really looked at them. You were happy with your relationship and you knew who you were, you didnt need drama accounts to over analyze anything you did.

As you quickly found out, their fans are quite the detectives. Within the first few days of the first picture of you two being out, they were able to find out that you were actually friends with James and Ian. They had somehow managed to find that out even though they had no idea what your name was or even a full photo of you. The picture that had been posted was only of the pair of your guys legs sitting next to each other in the pool and they managed to figure you out just from the small flower tattoo on your ankle.

It was slightly frightening to be honest. You were scared what they would find if they kept digging. What if they somehow found all the old videos you tried so hard to escape from? What if one of the people you used to consider friends still had photos of you when you were at your absolute worst? You tried not to think about it too much, but the thought was always there.

~~

Everyone had decided to go to Disneyland to film a video, and while you were okay staying home, they all insisted you went along. Since they were filming, you considered them to be working so you only agreed if Ian and his girlfriend could come along so you could still have someone else with you.

Well that was the plan anyways.

Within an hour of being there, Ian and her left the group to go off on their own, which essentially left you alone. Today had started feeling slightly… off. You were just easily upset and bitter for no reason and you knew there was no reason to feel like that. Technically, everything was okay with you. But now being ditched and left to follow around the group was starting to get on your nerves.

Maybe things would have gotten better if you had been able to spend more time with James during the day or been able to go on the rides with your boyfriend, but seeing as they didnt bring anyone else to film for them, you were stuck sitting alone while they sat together and had you film them when they needed wider shots. It wasnt exactly how you had planned on this day going, but there wasnt a whole lot of options left.

Not only did you end up filming for them, but you also turned into their photographer when they ran into fans. After asking them for a picture, they just handed you the phone and had you do it. Not even a “do you mind?” or a “thank you” after you finished but it was fine. Its okay. Its not that deep and you knew you needed to get over yourself.

When a few girls had come up to ask for a photo, you were handed two seperate phones. ‘Cant they just send the picture to each other?’ you thought to yourself before taking the pictures anyways. After, you saw one of the girls trying to take a picture of you without you noticing but you saw anyways. The group had already started walking away when you went up to the girl.

“Hi, excuse me, do you mind not posting the picture you took of me?” You tapped her arm to get her attention.

“Y/N-” Ethan noticed you were gone and that you were talking to the girl looking slightly upset.

“Are you serious? I have a right to some privacy here and I dont want photos of me out there all I’m asking is that you dont post the fucking picture okay!” Why wouldnt she just say she wouldnt post it? What was so hard about that? You were already having a shitty day and this girl was just adding fuel to the fire going on inside you.

“Y/N! I’m so sorry about that, you two have a nice day,” You felt Ethans hand grab your arm and pull you away from them.

“Babe, you can’t talk to them like that, okay?” He said to you while still holding onto you and going back to the group.

“Get your fucking hands off of me!” You shook off his hand and started walking away. You had expected your boyfriend to tell them not to post it, but instead he told you something instead. Unbelievable. You had gone off to one of the close by benches and took a seat before taking out your phone.

Ethan had tried to go follow you, but James stopped him when he saw you taking out your phone and holding it up to your ear. “Give her a minute E. What even happened?”

“I dont even know, I turned back to see her yelling at those girls over a picture and I didn’t want to start any drama so I pulled away and here we are,” he sighed and looked around.

“Ethan, what did she tell them? Word for word?” Now James looked concerned and it was worrying him.

“Just something about a photo of her and privacy and ‘not to fucking post it’,”

“Did they say they wouldnt post it?”

“James why does that matter?”

“DID THEY OR NOT ETHAN?” James was yelling now. He had heard Ethan calling your name while you were still with those girls, and he now knew why you were so pissed if those girls now had your name and photo of you. Sure all of them had taken a few photos with or of you, but they were usually all from behind, maybe the side of your face and they made sure not to have your name out there. If there was a photo of you all together, you usually had your face hidden or you slapped a sticker emoji on top. You didnt want anyone from your past being able to recognize you.

“I dont know, okay?” Ethan knew you didnt let them post pictures of you, but he didnt think it was that big of a deal. So one person has a picture and if it gets posted, then maybe a few people see it after it gets lost in the tags.

During all of this, Grayson had decided that this conversation was not something he wanted to be part of and left to grab a churro for you when you came back, knowing you had a thing for sugar. While he passed by you, he overheard part of your conversation with whoever you were on the phone from. Apparently you were talking to some guy named Josh about how bad your day had been going. He knew you could be friends with whoever you wanted, but something seemed off. He decided to leave it alone for now. He also felt his phone go off and saw that James had tweeted.

“If you took a picture with us today and took a picture of my friend without her permission, PLEASE DO NOT POST IT. RESPECT HER PRIVACY.”

You went back to the group and everyone noticed that your mascara had smudged a bit but decided against saying anything. Pulling you off to the side, James took out the beauty blender he had in his bag and got to fixing you back up while talking to you in a hushed voice.

Ethan felt horrible. You had all come out today to have a nice day together but that didnt seem to be happening at all. Not only did he manage to piss you off, but once he was that you had been crying it crushed him. He was supposed to be making you feel good and happy but he wasnt doing a good job it seemed.

“Hey Y/N, I got you something,” Grayson handed you the churro, which seemed to be missing a few bites that your raised your eyes at but accepted nonetheless.

“Thank you,” you smiled at him and took it. “I’m actually gonna go ahead and go find Ian. I called him and he’s going to let me third wheel with him, so I’ll meet up with you guys when were leaving.”

You gave Gray a quick hug, not noticing him looking at you strangely. When did you call Ian? You had been talking to some guy named Josh a few minutes ago? He decided to leave it alone and would talk to you about it later, not wanting to start anything if it was over nothing. But why would you lie about who you called?

“Sweetheart, you dont have to go, stay with us.” Ethan wrapped his arms around you, not wanting you to leave.

“Hey, its okay. You guys are technically working, so I'm just gonna let you finish. I’m sorry for how I talked to that girl we can talk about it later, okay? You guys just have fun,” You gave him a quick peck on the lips and said bye to everyone before walking off to find Ian.

Sure you had planned on spending the day with your boyfriend, but turns out third wheeling wasnt so bad. It meant more turning power for the spinning teacups with all three of you. You all crammed yourself into the carriage for the haunted mansion, and you all obnoxiously sang along to ‘its all small world’ much to the rest of the passengers dismay. You had to sit alone for most of the other rides, but it was okay because you knew once you all got off, it would be like you were all friends just together. There were no phones being handed to you for pictures, no camera to hold to get a wider angle and you were finally having a good time.

When you finally met up with everyone else around 10 o'clock to head out, they were surprised when they saw the three of you. You all had gotten matching mouse ear headbands, Ian included, and you were carrying five of those giant light up balloons that had the mickey outline in them.

“Babe, what's with all the balloons?” Ethan finally asked after you said hi to everyone and they just stared at the giant bouquet of balloons.

“Well one is mine, then I got one for Gray since he got me a churro earlier, then I figured I should get you one too, but then I didnt want to leave Emma or James out so here we are. Five balloons. And Ian and his girlfriend already have theirs.” You said with a smile and held out your hand that held all the strings.

“Pick a different one bitch that ones mine,” you pulled them away when James tried to take the color you wanted. “Plus Grayson gets to pick first since he gave me food.” You held it out and let him pick.

“You're not gonna let your boyfriend pick first?” Ethan looked at you with a pout.

“Mmm… nope.” You said, but you went and put one arm around him.

“Traitor,” he muttered under his breath as he pulled you closer to his side. After everyone had their own balloon, you finally all headed towards the gates. The day might not have started off great, but it got better and that was something you were happy about.

“So, are we good?” Ethan asked you quietly as you walked by his side.

“Hm? Oh, sure but I still wanna talk about it if thats okay?”

“Of course, at the house or in the car?”

“Well everyone is still coming with us in the car so…” as much as you wanted to talk about it, you didnt want everyone else listening in.

“Hey James!” Ethan yelled at James since you two were in the back of the group.

“What bitch?” He turned around to see what he wanted.

“Can Gray and Emma ride with you?”

“Oh no sweetie, you think I want four other people and five giant balloons in my car? You take them,” he sassed back.

“I'll take the balloons with us, just take them with you.” After a moment of thinking James replied with a harsh “fine” and it was settled.

After taking everyones balloons back with you, it turns out trying to shove seven of those balloons in the jeep was a lot harder than either of you thought it would be and it was probably a safety hazard to drive since you couldnt see out of any of the back windows. Once everything was as good as it was going to get, you headed back towards James house.

“So what happened today?” You had barely made it to the first light when he asked.

“Damn we’re getting right into it, okay than… how honest do you want me to be with you?” You took in a breath and slowly let it out.

“One hundred percent babe,” he reached over and took your hand in his.

“Okay, want me to be real or sugar coat it for you?”

“Um, real?” He sounded as if he didnt know which would be better to hear.

“Fine. I didnt want to come today with you guys when James first asked. Like at all. Today was just a shitty day and I dont know why, but I woke up and everything just felt off. But then he invited Ian and Loren along so I still had someone to talk to while you guys filmed, but then they ditched us,” you turned in your seat to face him a little bit more. “I knew that today wasn't going to be a ‘hey lets just all fun at disneyland’ kind of day since you were all filming and working, but it would have been nice to have some fun with you while we were there,” you started messing with your joined hands and playing with his fingers as you spoke.

“Ethan, I came with you guys as a friend, not your camera person or your guy's personal photographer. Do you realize that the most you paid attention to me was when you got mad at me for how I talked to that girl? Not once did we go on a ride together. Hell, one time I didnt even go on one since the cart was full but you guys decided to get that one anyways and made me wait for the next one and you all didnt even care and that was pissing me off. I didnt come to be ignored by my friends, and I get it, you're working but you could have been with me when the camera wasnt on but you didn't. I tried to talk to you a few times but you kept ignoring me,” you said that last part quietly, getting reminded of your last relationship and how that went.

“I just wanted to spend some time with you and my friends today as I tried to make the best out of a shitty day, but that didnt happen. Everything just became too much for me and I snapped. So I figured I might as well third wheel because it was better than trying to fifth wheel with you guys.” You finished and waited for him to say something.

The silence was killing you as you watched him drive. He still hadnt said a word and he pulled into a parking lot and parked the car.

“What are we-” He turned to face you as you started speaking.

“Baby, I am so sorry. I wish you told me something earlier, and if you tried to, I'm sorry that I wasnt listening. We never meant to make you feel left out,” He turned in his seat and was faced you, taking both of your hand in this much larger ones. “And sweetheart I am so sorry that I grabbed you the way I did,” he looked genuinely upset with himself for grabbing you earlier.

“It's okay-”

“No, its not Y/N. I shouldnt have grabbed you like that ever. Thats not how you treat someone you care about it.” He noticed a few tears slip down your face when you looked away so he gently turned your face back to him and he wiped them away with the pads of his thumbs.

“Sorry that I'm crying so much today,” you tried to laugh it off.

“Babe, you cry if you want to, but let me in please? Whats going on in that head of yours?”

“It's just a lot of stuff from before I moved here, the way I was living before wasnt good and something I like thinking about too much… can we not talk about it right now? Maybe when we get to the house because if I’m going to do tell you, I’d rather not do it in a Target parking lot surrounded by light up balloons.” You laughed a little to try to lighten to situation a little bit.

“Of course sweetheart,” he grabbed your hand and gently brought it up to his face and placed a kiss on the back of your hand before letting go and starting the drive back to James’s house.

“Took you two long enough, bitch ass,” James greeted you as soon as you walked in.

“Fuck off, we literally saw you guys at the light before us,” you sassed back at him. On a more serious note, you turned back to him and Ian, “I’m gonna go talk to Ethan for a bit okay? I’ll let you know if I need you.”

Both of them nodded, understanding what you were talking about. You had mentioned recently about wanting to tell Ethan everything, having decided on telling your boyfriend first, then Grayson. You knew both of them together would not go well considering how loud they could get and how overwhelmed you would get with both of them trying to talk over each other. Separate would be a lot easier.

“You can go home if you want Gray, I’ll just stay here tonight,” Ethan tossed Grayson the keys.

“Actually, I think it would be better if you stayed, for a little bit anyways.” Both of the boys looked at you confused. Pulling Ethan down a little bit, you whispered to him, “I just dont know if you’re going to want to stay after I tell you everything.” He looked at you now completely worried but nodded anyways.

“OH! We should play Mario Kart for a bit!” Emma yelled out, already heading towards the living room. Well, that was one way to get everyone to stay for a little bit. Turning back to him, you grabbed Ethan’s hand and lead him up the stairs to your room and shut the door behind you. Both of you sat on the bed in silence.

“You’re kind of worrying me here, Y/N” He looked at you to see you folding a blanket over your legs that were crossed under you. You had also taken a pillow to play with in your lap.

“Sorry, I dont mean to. If I’m going to tell you everything, will you promise me something?” You looked up at him and when he nodded, you continued on. “Let me finish talking before you start asking questions? I’ll answer whatever, but just- I need to get it all out first, okay?” He nodded again.

“Okay,” you sighed and mentally prepared yourself, “okay, so theres no way to ease into it so here we go. I’m an alcoholic. Was an alcoholic. Whatever you wanna see it as, but I had a really bad drinking problem before moving here. It’s one of the reasons I moved here with James. I needed to get away from everyone judging me back home.” You looked at him and saw him trying to hide how shocked he was but you saw it anyways.

“When James moved out here, I ended up alone. He was pretty much my only friend, which was weird considering I’m older than him, but when he left, I didn’t really have anyone else. A few months later, I ended up dating this guy, who had a bunch of friends and along the way, they became my friends. One night, he took me to a party and there was so much there. Beer, wine, shots, whatever, it was there. And sure I had had a drink before that, but nothing too much. Never enough to even get me drunk or tipsy. But there, as stupid as it sounds, everyone was doing it so I figured why not and started doing shots with the other girls. I woke up the next day feeling awful but later that night we went to another party, and this time I only had a few but-” you took a deep breath, still looking down at your lap. “But, that didnt last long. It just became a cycle for us. School, party, school, party, then somewhere along the way it became drinking just at home, in the school parking lot, and I was drinking whenever. I didnt need the parties anymore, but I still went and oh god, there’s still a lot that I have no idea what happened.” You felt him shift on the bed. You couldnt tell if it was closer or away from you and you were scared it was the latter.

“It got to the point where I would have blackouts. I had no idea what happened the night before but my friends usually had some videos. I don’t know who else has any, but the ones I saw- its me doing shot after shot, me dancing way too inappropriately for a public setting, me stripping in front of everyone, theres photos of me in bed with my ex and theres still so much I dont know. What used to be me counting the days between drinks turned into me not remembering the last time I hadn’t had a drink.”

“I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend for different reasons but once I did that, I lost my drinking source. I was only 20, I couldn’t exactly go get any on my own so I,” deep breaths remember, “I would still go to bars if I could get in and I would let whoever buy me a drink- drinks and sometimes that was enough. Along the way word got out to the guys I knew that I was an “easy lay” if you bought me enough drinks, which to be completely honest, wasn’t a complete lie. I didn’t really care how I got my drinks as long as I got them. A few of those guys also had pictures, some are pretty bad, some are just us making out, but theyre out there. And when I turned 21, let me tell you, things got so much worse. One day, I had been drinking at home while my parents were gone and I passed out.” Playing with the pillow seemed to be most interesting thing while you could feel Ethan’s eyes burning into your head.

“I woke up in the hospital. Alcohol poisoning. It wasn’t until I saw the look on my parents faces that I realized how messed up I was. Seeing them look at me with just pure… disappointment, disgust, shame, pity, worry, it made me realize that I couldn’t be doing that anymore. I could have died and I didn’t want to keep wasting my life like that anymore.”

“The detox was absolute hell. Withdrawal was… awful. I was throwing up, shaking, I couldn’t sleep, my head was constantly pounding, and I’m not going to lie to you, I would relapse. Drinking would make all of that go away, but coming back from it was harder each time so I got into rehab. It was the only way to completely keep me away from it so I could get better. I was there for three months and at first it was horrible. Withdrawal came back harder than before and there was nothing I could do to make it go away but once I got past that, it got easier.” You glanced up for a second but you couldn’t make out the expression on his face.

“I started learning piano since they had one there. It was something to distract myself with. I called James to let him know what happened and that, that, didnt go well. He didn’t talk to me for a while, which I get. He was worried I had been around Ian while I was like that so I don’t blame him. He never knew about anything that went on back home since he never came back to visit. I dont blame him or anyone else for this, I know it’s all my doing. No one ever forced me to drink or do anything, it was all my own choices.”

“Once I got out, it was hard. I was going to meetings. I’m still going to meetings here. One day at a time ya know? But over there, everyone remembered me as I was before. I was just the party girl who drank too much and slept with who ever. No guy would be want to be seen with the girl that had been with everyone. Then someone posted pictures and it got worse. I deleted all my social media so I couldn’t get tagged in anything. I dont check anything because I dont want to see if anyone has posted anything. Even going to the store people would look at me and judge me because everyone apparently knew what happened. So when I was talking to James one day, he asked if I wanted to move out here with him. Ian had told him how hard being home was for me and while I was pissed because I didnt want him pitying me or dealing with the mess I made for myself but after some talking we decided I was coming here.” You looked around your room, proud of how far you had come from where you used to be.

“A few weeks later I was finally here, I took care of what I needed to to be sure I would stay on track and then I was officially moving in and then-” You finally looked up at Ethan and reached out for his hand, “then I met you and Grayson and Emma and things kept getting better and well… that’s where were at now. So there it is. I get it if you don’t want to be around me anymore. It wouldnt be good if one day those videos came back up and you were still connected to me and I dont want you getting dragged into my mess. So if you want to go, it’s okay.” You smiled at him even though you were close to tears. If he did leave, you would be a mess but you knew you would get through it eventually. You didnt want to drag him or his brother down with you because of your decisions so it was easier to let them both go now before things got more serious than they already were.

You felt his hand leave yours and you looked up to see him looking at you with a look you couldnt explain. When he got up from your bed and started walking towards the door, you felt your heart breaking.  When he walked out, you could hear him going down the stairs and a few minutes later you heard the front door close and a car start up and you could actually feel your heart shatter. Turns out James was wrong about him staying.  

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