#i had to put this all somewhere or i'd go insane bonkers crazy

[iravaid]

Once again gripped by the curse of having your own oc as a blorbo.

More Biker as we get closer to artfight, ft. Daniel the asshole captain they're hooking up with (which could mean nothing), and Biker's estranged sister Tatiana.

More ramblings below

Regarding their masculinity, Biker initially had been incredibly dysphoric about their physique and how others saw them, involving poor mood, depressive episodes, wearing baggy clothes. Only after realising they were nonbinary did they find enjoyment in their masculinity and how it was presented, dressing in clothes that showed themself off. It was a change in framing: they're nonbinary and that gives them the freedom to delve into masculinity without the initial societal pressure to conform to a certain Kind of masculinity as someone assigned male at birth. Gender presentation on their terms, effectively. I don't know if this sounds contradictory to someone outside that experience, but it's a revelation I also experienced w/femininity.

They're half-Italian on their mother's side, and have thick, dark hair. Biker had had a couple sessions of lazer hair removal for their beard and body hair, but then the apocalypse hit. So while their hair is quite sparse relative to others, it still grows in. Biker is willing to shave with just about anything, so long as it gets the hair Off. They maintain a buzzcut for aesthetics, but also find their dysphoria goes bonkers when their hair starts to grow out. Will sometimes maintain a trimmed happy trail for the look.

Biker's got insane, prey animal anxiety. The kind that makes them aggressive and vitriolic, instead of fawning/freezing. Hit first before the threat can hit you, kind of deal. It can also make them incredibly verbally aggressive at times, as well. They're terrified of dying, and typically would do anything if it meant, at the end of the day, they survived. But then the get taken captive by a fundie, cannibal cult ingame and interrogated by their leader. Instead of giving up all they know in exchange for not being harmed, Biker's fear of death is overruled by their fear of losing the agency they were only granted post-apocalypse. Biker as a person did not exist until after the world ended, and they'll be damned if they lose that freedom again. So they lied, and fought, and suffered grievous wounds for it. They're immensely frustrated with themself, over it. But they're still here, at the end of the day. Even if Eve, the leader, left her mark in the place of burns spanning a concerning percentage of their body.

Biker used to privately ID as a gay man, until realising they very much loved women as well, but it was the clash of being loved As a man that repulsed them away from pursuing meaningful relationships with women and femmes. When they started ID-ing as nonbinary, they found attraction to women (and acting on it) much easier. Their relationship between their gender and their attraction to men is a different story and a little more dysfunctional, but Biker chases pleasure when they can, and things like questionable sex isn't out of the picture for them, before and after the world ended.

Kink and its subgroups was also a safe space for Biker (outside of gyms and places where they could admire masculinity), in exploring their sexuality and gender. They mostly occupied leather and bondage circles, but experimented in dom/sub spaces and impact play. They also consider all sex with them to be gay sex. So watch out 'it doesn't count because xyz'. Fun fact but there is so so so much motorcycle leather kink stuff on pinterest. I don't want it taken down at ALL it's just so funny to me to see those images fly under the radar like that.

Anyway. I hate them and they SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and yet. they remain in my head 24/7 and my dm is a cruel evil cruel evil storyteller who also wants Biker in a blender <3 mwah, she is also immensely talented and has facilitated this fixation and development of Biker into this character