#i had this idea of ares just saying whack shit to charon and i needed it out of my head

[jacqcrisis]

Keeping up the tradition with a Charon short betwixt chapters, about an interesting conversation the ferryman has taking place hours after chapter 4 ends:

Charon’s just trying to smoke a cigarette at sundown before he heads back to the barge for the night. He spent the day in town, doing a few errands, delaying the inevitable before he has to go back to his empty outpost, a task which is less daunting after a talk to Nyx. Her conversations are always assuring, whatever foresight that she developed over the near two centuries since the bombs dropped having always been useful when they traveled together decades ago.

And it still is as she was adamant Hermes may find himself delayed, but he would return nonetheless. Even with her track record, it still weighs on Charon as he lights up his smoke, fears only strengthening when he shakes out the match, eyes settling on Ares languidly approaching him. It's not the first time the man has sought Charon out, always needling for a reaction that Charon won't give with upsetting questions and even more unnerving observations. 

Tonight appears to be no different.

“I must say, you had me believing you were both mute and dumb when I first arrived, yet you seem to be full of words when the courier is near.” Ares starts, mirroring Charon’s posture with his arms over his chest and leaning back against the scrap metal barrier of Asphodel’s walls. “It must get rather quiet without your shadow tailing behind you.” 

Charon ignores him, as he has since Ares first boarded his barge two weeks ago. He's met people like him before, people with a love of misery and conflict. People with a chip on their shoulder and nothing to lose.

People who see a big ghoul and start itching for a fight. 

“Strange for such a greedy thing like yourself to allow someone like him so much freedom on you boat without getting anything in return.” Ares continues, ponderous and relaxed in every way even as Charon’s blood pressure is rising. “I rather doubt the scant amount of narcotics he brings you would equal the amount of space and time you provide him.”

This isn’t like the other times Ares had whispered things in his ear, that gleam in his eye that puts Charon on edge. He’s talked about the town, about Nyx and her boys, about Eurydice, about Charon’s physique. Like a novice testing out strings on an instrument, plucking aimlessly for anything that gets the reaction he’s looking for. 

“What a sad affair; he’s got you wrapped around his finger and all you get in return is the privilege of being near him.” Ares notes with mockingly sympathetic air, knowing he’s struck a chord even as Charon continues his stony silence. “Must be difficult for you, having him so close and not just taking what you want. Surely you’ve thought about it. Not like he could put up much of a fight if you held him down.” 

There’s a precision to his implications that brings a tremor to Charon’s hand as he plucks the stub of a smoke from his mouth that has nothing to do with nerves and everything to do with not slamming Ares into the wall to see if his bones break from the impact alone. He doesn’t know what Ares’ game is, but he doesn’t like how close he’s getting with his assumptions.

“Probably for the best he doesn’t know about your wandering eyes, isn’t it? I could only imagine how fast and how far he’d run if he ever realized something like you was staring at him quite like that.” 

Charon crushes the stub of his cigarette under his boot, grinding it down with more force than necessary. Whether his message is read loud and clear or if Ares has just gotten bored, it doesn’t matter as the drifter kicks off the water with a low chuckle. Charon watches him goes, hand balling in a fist at his side when Ares turns back to him, the sharp angles to his face highlighted in the nearby lamplight that burns away long the road.

“He’s headed northwest, isn’t he?” He asks, letting the question rest before continuing without the answer he would never get. “Be quite the shame if something happened to him. Noticed a number of...unsavory characters lurking around there, if I recall. Some of whom may have less impulse control than you or I when presented with such a lovely face.” 

Charon tries to not to think about it after he finally leaves, Ares’ final words affecting him more than he’d like but when Charon gets back to the outpost the next morning, he finds Hermes' shirt from when he got shot at a few days prior discarded by the shower. It's just as the synth left it, bloodstained and dirty from whatever injury he sustained, torn on the side from where a bullet grazed him. Charon picks it up, his irritation at Hermes just leaving his dirty laundry lying around fading fast the longer and longer he holds it. 

He touches the frayed edges of the tear, mentally scolding Hermes for his bravado and cockiness, for his lack of self-preservation. The shirt is still good but Hermes is rather useless at most domestic activities. Charon will have to clean it for him, sow up the hole, already thinking on the steps necessary to do just that as he traces the edge of the stain fondly.

Be a shame if something happened to him.

Charon puts the shirt under his arm, picking up the nearby bucket and putting Ares’ words out of his mind. He can’t fall into the pit, that cycle of never-ending agonizing about things he cannot know or control. Nyx told him Hermes would be back before the next arena fight, and she hasn’t been wrong yet. 

He just has to hope to God this isn’t her first mistake.

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

A Definitely Incomplete List Of My Favorite Moments From The Lightning Thief (book), because I'm having Feelings

Percy very causally mentioning times he accidentally hit a school bus with a canon or dropped fifth graders into shark-infested water

Grover Underwood

Just everything he’s ever done

Percy running an illegal candy ring out of his dorm room 

“I was worried they found out I got my essay on Tom Sawyer from the internet and were going to take away my grade. Or worse, they were going to make me read the book.”

When Percy thought Grover was going to give him some deep, meaningful commentary on life to make him feel better but Grover just wanted Percy’s lunch

Percy tried so hard to do well on his Latin final and Chiron somehow thinks it’s a good idea to tell him he’s ‘not normal’ in front of the class my poor boy

That one part where Percy essentially went “Oh hey mom’s home!!! Better reschedule this panic attack I was having!!” 

When Percy did that weird hand sign (that was never explained) and the door slammed on Gabe so hard he flew up the steps

The fact that when Grover finally tracked Percy down he wasn’t wearing any pants. Like, there was literally no reason for him to not have the fake feet and the jeans on. No actual reason for him to be free balling it. Percy just needed a shock apparently. Showing up in the middle of a hurricane with no pants, dramatic ass satyr I love him. 

The SATISFYING DEATH of Gabe’s Camaro + Sally apparently learned bullfighting just in case because she truly is the best mom

Percy killing the minotaur with its own horn

Percy dragging Grover over the camp line while crying for his mom literally end me

“You drool when you sleep.” could we get more iconic here

Percy teasing Annabeth about her crush on Luke

When Luke stole some toiletries for Percy and he got a little choked up because it was apparently the nicest thing anyone had ever done for him

The fact that Chiron basically told Annabeth that Percy was her destiny

The fact that a recovering alcoholic god of wine who hates children was deemed fit to run a camp for children

Not so fun: Percy, upon meeting Mr. D, immediately recognizing the signs of an alcoholic and going out of his way to sit far away from him ‘just in case’

The fact that everyone just expected him to hear ‘the greek gods are real’ and move on?? why would no one let this boy be in shock omg

Zeus apparently had a thing for the fluffy 80′s hairstyles

“the real world is where the monsters are” 

The fact that Poseidon could have claimed Percy at literally any moment but he apparently decided he really needed that dramatic reveal during capture the flag.

When Zeus was feeling Extra Dramatic(tm) after Percy’s claiming so he started making it rain inside the camp boarders and everyone was lowkey freaking out

When Annabeth pulls off her invisible cap and declares she’s going on the quest with him and Percy was like, beyond unsurprised that she was there and didn’t even attempt to fight her 

Chiron forgot to give Percy a sword from his father for like, an entire month. 

Grover with those freaking flying shoes oh my God

Annabeth blushing literally any time Luke talks to her 

IN THIS HOUSE WE LOVE AND RESPECT ARGUS, HEAD OF CAMP SECURITY

lmao when Percy and Annabeth start bickering about something and Argus just winks at Percy because he knows

When they were playing hackey sack with an apple but it got too close to Grover’s mouth and he just ate the whole thing

The entire bus scene oh my God

“I was about to become the ADHD Poster Child of the Year” as he’s CRASHING A BUS

Annabeth on a fury’s back 

the explosion. just. all gr8. 

When Grover tries to play a path finder song and Percy just immediately slams into a tree. Also the fact that the path finder song was actually just a Hillary Duff number. 

“You two are giving me a migraine, and satyr's don’t even get migraines!” 

Percy actually, truly trying to sell the story that the three of them are circus orphans who got separated from their ringleader 

Grover: hey guys this place is REALLY SHADY and we need to leave

Annabeth and Percy: but f o o d

Can you imagine walking into a store and finding your dead uncle’s body on display? Like????

When Medusa revealed herself and Annabeth’s running around invisible, Percy’s swinging a sword blindly and Grover’s flying around screaming and trying to whack her with a stick: everyone here is a MESS

When Annabeth was overly annoyed with Percy after that ordeal??? Sweetheart you fell for the trick too

Name something more iconic than 12 year old Percy Jackson mailing the decapitated head of Medusa to the gods on Mt. Olympus in an act of sheer pettiness. I dare you. 

When Percy was insisting on taking first watch while the others slept and Grover was basically like “hey kiddo listen to this” and played a song that immediately knocked him out so he could sleep all night 

“Percy. Say hello to the poodle.”

Percy seeing all the Greek creatures from the train window 

When Annabeth was dragging the boys to the St. Louis Arch and Percy’s claustrophobic ass Did Not Want To Get In That Tiny Elevator but he went anyway because he wanted Annabeth to be happy. That boy has had it bad since the start. 

“I am Echidna!”

“Isn’t...isn’t that a type of anteater?”

“I HATE AUSTRALIA.” 

How many times has Percy actually been poisoned throughout all the series I literally want a count 

‘Lemme just, uh....jump off the fucking St. Louis Arch and hope I don’t die when I hit the water.’

There is just something very aesthetic about Percy lighting a fire in the bottom of a river 

Percy’s got so much pent-up rage that he’s just immediately ready to wreck Ares upon meeting him omfg

THE THRILL RIDE O’ LOVE

Annabeth getting so worked up and flustered over going down there with Percy because it’s a love ride and Percy’s just like “you literally do not have to make this a Thing” lmao

Annabeth wouldn’t let Percy touch Aphrodite’s scarf because she didn’t want him getting infected by love magic but then...touched it herself lol

The entire sequence with the mechanical spiders and the cameras and the ride itself 

Percy’s plan to get off the ride!!!! He’s so smart okay can people stop calling him stupid!!! 

Grover trying to catch them both in mid-air but they‘re too heavy so the three of them just kind of slowly crash into one of those face-cut-out posters lol

Percy, turning to the camera’s broadcasting this shit on Olympus: “Show’s over! Thank You! Goodnight!” 

THE FUCKING ZOO BUS

Everything about that scene omg. The animals they had to help. Trying to convince Grover of how great he is. The baby percabeth. my h e a r t

“What if it does line up like the Trojan War? Athena versus Poseidon?”

“I don’t know what my mom will do. I just know I’ll be fighting next to you.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re my friend, Seaweed Brain, any more stupid questions?”

Do you hear that sound? That’s me, ages 13-21(+) sobbing uncontrollably oh my God I love them so much

‘let’s just set a fucking lion loose in Las Vegas’ 

“I put a Blessing of the Wild on them, so they’ll safely find food and shelter wherever they go.”

“Why can’t you put on of those on us?”

“It only works on wild animals.”

“So it would only effect Percy...”

“HEY!” 

When they get to the Lotus hotel and Grover starts playing that game where the deer shoot the hunters azxjhnhdjx

Percy physically having to drag his friends out of there once he realized it was the lair of the lotus eaters

When Annabeth gave the taxi driver her lotus credit card and he started calling her “Your Highness” lmao

Every time in this book Percy comes close to uncovering a Dark Truth the people around him are just like “let’s not worry about that :) “ and my polite boy actually shuts up it’s so wild because I would just keep going lol

CRUSTY THE WATER BED SALESMAN 

Listen that entire scene has lowkey always been one of my Favs and I’m not even sure why but Percy chopping his head off was g r e a t

The entrance to the Underworld is DOA Recording Studios and I love it

“We, uh...all drowned in a bathtub.”

Poor Charon just wants his Italian suits he doesn’t need all this bullshit 

Grover almost getting dragged into Tartarus: not good. very bad. bad shit. 

Annabeth getting emotionally attached to Cerberus in the span of 3 minutes: RELATABLE 

‘huh my backpack that I thought I got rid of five days ago is getting weirdly heavy, that’s not suspicious though, right?’ 

When Hades just starts monologue-ing about all the shit he has to put up with

“what kind of awful things do you have to do to get sewn into Hades underwear?” p e r c y

when Percy realizes the Master Bolt is in his backpack and he’s just like. tell me why. why. I’m a good person. what did I DO. 

When Percy has to sacrifice his mom to get Annabeth and Grover out of there I Cri Evey Tiem 

My cute lil’ baby yelling around on a beach to get Ares to show up 

ahdbsjznx when Grover gives Percy a crushed, half eaten tin can for good like and Percy is just like “Grover...I don’t know what to say.” I LOVE HIM

My sweet son kicking the god of war’s ass. bless. blessed on this day. 

The news crews who suddenly started backtracking and writing Percy as a hero 

Percy, choking back tears, giving Gabe’s store’s phone number out on national television and promising everyone free appliances IM STILL CACKLING I LOVE THIS BOY SO MUCH HE’S ICONIC 

Hades actually releasing Sally because he’s Not As Big Of A Dick As He Could Have Been 

Percy: hey I think there’s a really good chance that Kronos was behind this whole mess-

Zeus and Poseidon: XXX KRONOS DO NOT INTERACT XXX

Poseidon rolling his eyes at literally everything Zeus says and does

Poseidon and Percy’s whole talk omg my sweet boy just wants his dad to love him and Poseidon’s trying to figure out how to show affection when he basically signed this kid’s death sentence I’m crying 

A man will never satisfy me as much or in the same way as Sally Jackson murdering Gabe Ugliano did 

Percy was spending months of summer stressing over who the friend that’s supposed to betray him was but like...Sweetie you had exactly three (3) friends and you knew two of them weren’t gonna hurt you

ahbdjsnx when Percy and Luke were having their conversation in the woods and like Luke’s acting shady af the whole time but it’s literally not until he litters that Percy is like “something...is Wrong.” this boy I s2g

Percy getting bit by a scorpion is Not A Favorite Moment but the nymphs helping him out was 

Percy making his Official Decision to go home for the school year only after Annabeth reveals that he actually did talk her into trying again with her family 

I didn’t mean to write out a summary of the whole damn book it’s six am listen I’m just feeling nostalgia for the original series in this chili’s tonight 

whoops