#i had the snow white soundtrack playing in the background too to get myself even further into the mood lol

[pandoa]

HEY YOU 🫵 YES YOU, OVER THERE READING THROUGH THE SCREEN. I SEE YOU🫵 COME ONE COME ALL AND READ THIS MASTERPIECE IT'S SO AMAZING FROM THE STORYLINE, THE CHARACTERIZATION, THE FLUFF, THE EMOTION, THE BUDDING ROMANCE THE-

AAAOIBKAGRBNALPAAAGADVGA NEIGE LOVERS AND APPRECIATERS COME GET YOUR FOOD

Someday We'll Meet Again | Neige Le Blanche

Synopsis: VDC day! Neige made it to NRC but he accidentally got lost inside the school. The more he wanders around the dark corridors, the more he feels inside a forest about to attack him. When he manages to reach the courtyard for air, he encounters you — the rescuer he needed to calm down. And maybe something more.

Neige Le Blanche x reader / hurt & comfort / fluff / lots of Snow White (1937) references / tw: little anxiety inducing in the beginning / 5,4k words / use of “you” pronouns / Masterlist

Someday We'll Meet Again

“I’m lost, completely lost,” Neige thought to himself, swallowing hard. All he saw were hallways and more hallways, black stone walls, lamps and students in black blazers and gym clothes going back and forth working on the internal preparations for the VDC.

When Neige was escorted into Night Raven College by a student from the organizing committee, the plan was that he and his seven little friends would be driven directly to the Coliseum where the competition would take place.

But those eight RSA students, so unaccustomed to going so deep into the rival school, were distracted by impressive details of the campus that they missed their driver — and the poor fellow, Riddle pity his head, was so anxious about the preparations and a thousand other things in his mind that he only realized the problem later.

As if things could get worse, soon the seven brothers got lost from Neige himself and the boy wandered alone inside the castle itself, not sure where he was going. 

Last year’s VDC had been at another school and Neige went as a simple helper to some RSA culture clubs. That year, however, the director himself chose him to star in the spotlight and hopefully bring victory to the Academy in the music championship. 

The song they chose was perfectly etched in Neige’s mind, almost like every song he’s ever sung and his favorite apple pie recipes. Dancing wouldn’t be a problem either. The problem was that he wasn’t at all prepared to wander NRC inside, without the slightest notion whether he was going forward or backward.

Neige was almost certain that what he was doing was forbidden and wrong. This feeling was made worse by passing by students repairing signs, setting up tent strips beforehand and carrying all kinds of materials they needed for what they were going to set up. It was the students job and he wasn’t supposed to interfere or see behind the scenes.

That and the pressure in the air he was feeling. 

Perhaps it was the height of the ceiling relative to the floor, the color of the walls and the subtly gloomy coldness of the corridors, but the air seemed extremely heavy. Suffocating. Neige walked calmly and cautiously, looking around patiently to try to figure out where to turn.

However, when he met the eyes of a random NRC student, said young man seemed angry at his presence there. He was right. He was spoiling the magic of the event by “snooping” backstage — even if he was in this situation for nothing more than a terrible oversight. Neige didn’t want to make anyone angry, so he tried not to pay attention to what they were doing.

Why did the walls seem to compress over him, however? Eyes and more eyes turned in his direction, following his step with intensity. They looked like crows gathering in a flock, watching fresh meat in the open.

Neige shook his head quickly. They weren’t crows! Technically, they should be ravens. And the birds themselves weren’t as bad as some people thought. He tried to calm down a little, thinking about what he had read about crows once. Neige was looking for a book about horses but got lost in the middle of his own search in the library.

He liked to get lost, didn’t he? He needed to be more careful with himself. That’s what his mother always said. She wouldn’t always be there for him to help all the time, nor could she with her failing health. Neige should take care of things on his own, like a good young adult.

Well, he was already alone at that moment.

“What was I... trying to remember about crows?” Neige didn’t know. The subject had escaped completely. 

He looked up and saw a huge staircase leading to the top floor. He should have found the middle of the school at best — he didn’t want to think about what would be worse. So the best way was to keep going. There was something like a garden at the entrance, it was possible that the castle had a courtyard.

Neige was praying they would. 

He was always very fond of courtyards, garden fields, also woods — even a little more than whole forests. They were wide-open spaces of beautiful nature, with pretty trees that didn’t necessarily make anyone feel trapped. But Neige surmised that anything can look scary if you see it in the wrong light or lack thereof.

“I... I’m not afraid…,” he tried to mumble softly as he continued to walk. He didn’t want to draw anyone's attention. “I’m… not afraid…”

In general, repeating this phrase calmed Neige in difficult moments. His psychologist once encouraged him to use the mantra to regain his composure when he was stressed. He was ready to use it when he got on stage, but not so soon.

He was just inside a simple school! Nothing more than that. No one would hurt him there. It wasn’t as some RSA colleagues said the NRC and its students were. Neige was sure that everyone was just afraid because of the gloomy appearance of the school, they had no reason to fear students who were just like them.

“Oi, what are you doing here, huh?,” someone yelled at him.

Neige turned quickly. He had to raise his face because the student who called was much taller than him. Two more joined their friend, all almost the same height and with the same angry look. Was he in trouble? He should explain himself!

“I’m lost,” Neige said. His mouth was suddenly dry. “Do you know which direction I should turn to get to the Colosseum? I... I don’t want to get in the way…”

“Are you saying you don’t want to be here?,” the first student asked.

“What? Aren’t we worthy of breathing the same air as an RSA richy boy?,” a second frowned.

“No, that’s not it! I shouldn’t be here! I-in these halls, that’s all! You got it wrong…”

“Now you’re calling us stupid!”

“N-no...!”

“Get out of here, you asshole! Or else we will…!”

“E-excuse me! I apologize! I didn’t mean to!”

More people began to move around them. Neige didn’t know what was going on. Whether they were trying to hold the three colleagues or whether they were actually going to take him out by force. All he knew was that he was running. Far away. He didn’t know whether to go in or out of the castle.

And did it matter?

It did matter. 

Neige didn’t want to make a mess. Everyone seemed angry at his presence there — and rightly so! What was he doing there? He was supposed to be somewhere else. A completely different construction on top. What would his friends say? Would the Headmaster get in trouble for that? They would heavily scold him and he wouldn’t have a reason to defend himself.

He couldn’t. He shouldn’t. He was to blame. He got himself lost. 

Neige couldn’t see where he was going. He saw many reflections of lamps and candles around, endless walls and doors that all looked the same. His heart was as fast as his steps, his chest felt like a cloak that someone was squeezing hard not to let go of.

He could feel his arms shaking inside his blazer sleeves. Icy sweat slowly trickling down his neck and legs. It seemed like there was no end to that castle interior. Suddenly, Neige turned into a hallway and he was the only white dot among a crowd of dark and multicolored dots. 

The sea of students confused him. It was like falling into a swamp. Different faces stared at him in confusion, people shouted things in his direction, others looked so scared and surprised at his state of mind. 

He couldn’t feel his eyes. At the same time, he felt them too much. He should be with them wide open, almost making them jump out of his face. Neige didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t stop his legs or stay calm. He needed a distant, open place where he could breathe. 

The closer the flow of people approached, the more panic took over his mind. 

The voices he heard no longer made sense. The faces, so far above his head, looked more and more distorted the more he looked up. Neige couldn’t breathe. He continued to run, making room among the crowd. He wasn’t sure what was coming out of his mouth made any sense.

“I’m so sorry!,” that’s what he was saying, wasn’t it? He didn’t know. He could not hear himself.

Neige ran in sheer terror. If there were obstacles in his way, perhaps he was literally stepping over them all. It made him feel better. He mingled with the confusion of his own thoughts. 

He was anxious. He wanted to get out of there. He wanted to go back to school. His school. Maybe he shouldn’t have accepted Headmaster Ambrose’s request. Someone else would have been better in his place. That’s what he said, actually. But the director insisted. The dwarves insisted. His friends insisted. He couldn’t say no. He never could. This was important to everyone, he couldn’t spoil things right now.

This Goddamn hallway has no end?!

Neige wanted his mother’s arms. Someone who could tell him that everything was fine. The animals that were always kind to him. Anyone. But no one was there. Neige was alone. 

Alone in a huge, dark castle, full of huge, vile, visceral eyes. Big teeth, long hands. His heart beating with the intensity of an entire orchestra. Drums, flutes, oboes, clarinets, trumpets, trombones, tubas, violins, violas, cellos. All in perfect chaos. All in a melody of horror. 

It was as if he was trapped in a dark forest that was about to attack and devour him. Fleeing from an imminent danger that even he didn’t know what it was. He needed something. He needed someone. Some light. A bit of clarity. An opening.

That’s when he saw a column standing alone at the end of a corridor. There was a gap on one side and on the other. The sunlight was escaping from there like a helping hand. He just needed to reach it before the shadows could capture him. He should get closer but it was so far away. 

Could his heart take it any longer? 

Neige threw himself into the side yard as if his life depended on it. He clung to the first thing he sensed in front of him. He didn’t know what it was, his eyes were completely shut. And tears began to form on his eyelashes, like they were afraid of falling out. He was shaking a lot. A thousand things went through his head. He didn’t know what else to do.

At least he was somewhere in an open place. They say that in moments of panic you shouldn’t leave where you’re standing to avoid major accidents — and Neige thought it was logical — but he couldn’t bear to stay inside anymore. 

He tried to say something to himself, but he couldn’t. He was out of breath, tired. He needed to breathe deeply and calmly, regain some control over his overworked lungs. Something passed lightly on his back, concentrating on the area of his heart. Neige then noticed an echo within himself.

It was the same when his mother hugged him, at the time when she was still in good health and didn’t spend the whole day sick in bed. It was similar to when he comforted Toby, hugging him tightly. He was sure that before his father went to the eternal ride at the stars, he carried his baby son with the same affection.

The affection that only a calm and gentle second heart could share.

“Are you okay?” 

Neige opened his eyes quickly and raised his head. He was actually on top of a person, someone as surprised as he was — but who seemed to see how he was terribly scared. 

He quickly got off of you, brown eyes wide, trembling up to toe. Neige was frozen, not knowing what to do. You got worried when you saw tears rolling down his cheeks and tried to say something. Great, the poor guy was having a panic attack and you were panicking too!

“Excuse me!,” you two exclaimed at the same time to each other.

You held his shoulders carefully, trying your best to pass a sense of tranquility. Little by little, you recognized that face. 

It was Neige Le Blanche, wasn’t it? With the uniform from the other school that your friends talked about. You didn’t know what had happened for him to be so desolated but something inside of you made you want to protect him — and crush the responsibles ones for his sadness like rotten apples in a basket. 

Your group would be very annoyed if they ever knew you were thinking that.

“Take it easy... it’s okay. I won’t hurt you, I swear!,” you said.

Neige himself then held your arms, holding you in place.

“I’m awfully sorry. I… I d-didn’t mean to frighten you! Or... throw me on top of you…,” he took a deep breath, and you tried to smile to encourage him to talk. “... I apologize… I’ve been through a lot but it doesn’t justify…!”

“Forget it. It’s alright, don’t worry. But what about you? Are you hurt? Need something?”

“I don’t know what’s going on here, Henchhuman, but this doesn’t smell good to me,” the two of you turned to a third voice that was standing there.

For the first time, Neige realized that he was in front of two very unusual strangers. As you sighed — having completely forgotten about Grim for a solid minute — and the little monster stood next to you, Neige began to better observe both of you.

You were wearing the same black NRC blazer as the others, yet there was something in your air that indicated how completely out of place you were. Like a stranger, someone from another world. Neige didn’t even know how to put that feeling into words. And your little companion didn’t look too ordinary either.

While the boy left his arms free and you had turned completely around to ask Grim to call someone you knew, Neige grabbed that moment to put himself together. 

The sky was the same color of light blue that he saw when he arrived — although, from RSA’s castle towers, it looked more crystalline. 

There was a bright sun, birds flying across the sky. The trees in the courtyard brought snow on their branches yet they still looked alive and hospitable. And the grass under you was completely covered in white. Neige felt the winter refreshing him. He let out one last deep breath before you turned around again, still concerned.

“It’s so beautiful out here,” Neige said suddenly. “I almost wouldn’t have seen it if... I wasn’t so afraid. I ask for your forgiveness again. I’m so ashamed of the fuss I made! I was on my way to the Coliseum when I got distracted and lost myself.”

“And I imagine the guys here have been as welcoming and understanding as ever,” you said sarcastically. 

The boy, to your surprise, replied positively.

“They did! I think they were just annoyed that I was there meddling in their work, but I swear it wasn’t my intention. Everyone seemed to be so focused and I didn’t want to get in the way or fool around. But here is just... it’s so different from the places I’ve been. I couldn’t contain my curiosity.”

“I agree on that, actually. It’s a fascinating castle.” 

You smiled as you saw Neige looking up at the towers above, his gaze lost but less scared than before. He looked like a little angel who accidentally fell from his cloud and you wouldn’t doubt that this was the case. So that world could present you people that were so docile and pure? You had seen literally everything in those same hallways.

“Oh! Is that a well?,” Neige asked, pointing behind you.

“Yeah, do you want to sit there while we wait for the others? I, well, let’s say I have a friend on the festival committee,” you had a grin on your face, trying to make yourself feel important somehow. The guy next to you was a literal celebrity, it was the least you could offer.

“I would love to! Thank you very much... oh, sorry. What is your name? I’m Neige.”

He held out his hand and you just stood up there, shocked. It felt like a pretty awkward moment — more than those first few minutes ever were. 

Right in front of you was one of the most well-known celebrities in the world and he so gently and humbly introduced himself as if he were just another normal boy walking by. In fact, you already knew his name! 

Still, oblivious to this, Neige had his hand outstretched towards you in the form of a greeting. His smile was warm and endearing, like an apple pie fresh out of the oven. Someone so angelic couldn’t exist. You weren’t so doubtful about it because of a small handful of guys in the NRC who could qualify in that description. 

But not in the same way as Neige. You were pretty sure you’ve seen a cartoon with a character like that where you came from. 

Swallowing your hesitations, you introduced yourself to him. And although you don’t have much of an opinion on your name, it was a surprise to see how Neige seemed delighted to hear it. It was as if you had sung the most beautiful musical note to him. 

Already knowing each other’s names, you two went to the well in the courtyard and leaned there for a moment. You swept the snow from the edge inward, watching it crash against the frozen water surface. Neige also seemed very curious about the well. If you weren’t mistaken, it was the well in which Epel was rehearsing his singing some time ago.

“Do you think this is a ‘Wishing Well’?,” Neige asked suddenly.

That confused you. There was absolutely nothing special about that old pit, or so it seemed.

“They say that when you say your wish at the well and it echoes, the wish will certainly come true,” he continued with a smile.

“So... will you wish for victory in the VDC?,” 

“Oh, no. It wouldn’t be fair! After all the training my friends and I have done, I just want our music to touch people’s hearts. It’s a lovely song! I really wish I had chosen it.”

You frowned, seeing Neige’s gaze get lost for a second. And curiosity was stronger than you could predict.

“Didn’t you choose the song you are going to sing?”

“No, it was our Headmaster. It was a good choice, though! I have nothing to complain about. And well, he was already sure of what to order before I could make up my mind on what to choose. Is it ‘one less job’?,” Neige then laughed, remembering the words Gran said long ago. “But if I had a choice, I would want to sing another one.”

“Which one?”

“A-ah, n-no... it’s not a big deal…!”

Neige looked away from you, turning his back to the well and yet you could still see his face — white as snow surrounding you — gradually turning bright red. You held back a giggle. But the conversation was getting interesting and you didn’t want to frighten him with the possibility of laughing at his expression.

As cute as it was, you confessed to yourself.

“Please!,” you asked, carefully holding his arm. “Show me. Just a tiny little bit?”

Neige’s eyes carried a hint of indecision. 

He usually sang this little song to himself, completely alone. That is why he didn’t believe that it would have been accepted for the competition — after all, it wasn’t even finished. It was more of a lullaby he created to sleep, something light and serene.

It would completely go against the energy that the VDC was supposed to bring. It wasn’t full of swing, powerful nor suited to dance. However, here it was: was he competing to cheer other people up or to get his own victory? Neige just wanted to put on a performance that his friends could enjoy more than anything.

“I... I don’t know…”

“Please, pretty please!,” you tried to insist a little more.

It wasn’t the first time someone had gotten so close to Neige. However, it was the first time he felt so self-conscious and nervous about it. Your smile was bright and your eyes made his heart stumble for a moment. First frightened, then gradually becoming calmer and safer. And of course, the red on his cheeks got worse.

“P-promise not to laugh? I’m saying! It’s kind of silly…,” he tried to make you give up but nothing could shake you.

You had an envious sense of resilience. It was like you were fighting every day to survive in NRC and you wanted to enjoy a moment when someone wasn’t setting things on fire or threatening the students’ lives.

“I promise! And if I laugh, you can hit me!,” you blinked, giving a thumbs up.

Neige could never do that, even lightly. He then took a deep breath, straightening his blazer and making sure the beret was still intact on top of his hair — it was all useless to tell him he was just going to use his voice but you let it go.

And, in a sweet whisper, Neige sang his song softly:

For a minute, Neige took a deep breath before turning around to check your reaction. An attitude in vain, since he was shocked by your expression in the same way.

“Someday my love will come

Someday we’ll meet again

And away to your castle, we’ll go

To be happy forever, I know

Someday when spring is here

We’ll find our love anew

And the birds will sing 

And wedding bells will ring

Someday when my dreams come true”

Your eyes were completely wide open like the windows of a nice cottage. Glowing brightly, vividly delighted with what they witnessed. You wouldn’t know how to describe yourself in those expressions, though. You felt out of earth — but in a good way? It was like you were in a dream.

Almost as if it were a fairy tale and a beautiful prince had sung it to you, taking your heart to himself for a moment to be able to admire it. And yet — since it was Neige — he would return it to you quickly upon realizing your state of mind.

You’ve never felt so incredibly enchanted by something, even though you’ve been in that magical world for so long.

“That was... so beautiful,” was the most honest reaction you could put into words.

“We are so going to be crushed in the competition in emotional terms!,” you thought.

“P-pl-please...! You can’t be serious...!,” Neige exclaimed, anxiously.

Neither you nor even he could tell why — or how it was physically possible to — a greater amount of blood flowed into his snow-like face, but there wasn’t much to do about it. In the worst-case scenario, it only made him cuter. It was almost a danger to your sanity.

“Very serious!,” you stated with all your might. Something inside you wanted to make him stop having so many self-doubts. “Neige, that’s a very beautiful song. Don’t be ashamed of it!”

“I’m not ashamed! I just… I don’t know if it’s enough to be called a song,” he sighed. “It’s just a silly love song. It’s no big deal.”

“Okay, it’s not an epic song of courage or adventure, but still! It still has value. A subtle beauty, simple. Necessary. Wow, I’m going full Rook here…”

“Rook?,” Neige frowned slightly.

“The thing is: I would listen again every time you wanted to sing. And I would probably ask you to repeat it too. Sometimes when it feels like the world is going to come crashing down, it’s nice to have something light to see. Something that reminds of simpler times, with all the good things and where it’s possible to be happy.”

At this, you smiled.

“That’s why we have fairy tales, isn’t it?”

This opened Neige’s eyes in a fantastic way. 

For a moment — even a brief moment — it was as if someone had understood something profound about him that he could never put into words.

Fairy tales have always been more than an escapism for Neige since he was a child. They were an inexhaustible source of good memories and inspirations for happier days, dreams that deserved to be realized. But he never said that to anyone.

The show business overlords were awfully uninterested in “children’s fables” and he was afraid of looking immature among his peers — even if RSA was the cradle of the most dreamy boys that could exist in Wonderland. However, you perfectly captured the aspect of life that he loved the most.

And precisely what made that song something special.

“Yeah, that’s the reason why…,” Neige nodded, taking a deep breath. A soft smile sprouted on his lips. “Thank you. It... means a lot to me.”

“You don’t have to thank me. Those are my sincerest feelings. You know what I like most about this song?,” you continued, lulled by the energy of the moment.

You were really walking a lot with Rook Hunt.

“What?”

“It’s a song about love. This is already enough for it to be very beautiful to listen to! Do you know why, my snow white?,” that said, you poke the boy’s nose with your finger.

“Why?,” Neige giggled. No one had ever called him by such a funny nickname.

“Because it’s love that makes people’s inner beauty increase. And somehow, I know that you are well loved and love everyone around you very much.”

Perhaps it was too much poetry for Neige’s ears — and for your own mouth too. But you couldn’t help saying that. You just couldn’t! On the other hand, the new glint in Neige’s eyes was far more unexpected than your words.

It was like receiving a kiss from a white dove. Soft, full of meaning. Bringing the true kiss of a love that’s about to arrive. It was a feeling that sent his heart racing. And something inside you recognized the same scene in the pair of woody eyes that stared back at you. 

Then you saw Neige in a completely different way and, in your heart, you wanted to sing just one song.

“Prefect!”

Riddle’s voice interrupted the moment and the two of you jumped up, startled by the hurried approach of Hearstlabyul’s dorm leader. He was carrying Grim in his arms and another student was following him in terrible agony, unable to face either of you. You supposed he was the one guiding Neige before.

“Le Blanche-san, I’m terribly sorry for all this confusion!,” Riddle apologized. But when he was going to turn around to signal his colleague to apologize as well, Neige interrupted him.

“Sorry, you were my guide, right? I deeply apologize!,” he made a heartfelt bow and then the student turned his eyes to him, surprised. “It was all my fault! I got so distracted and unintentionally got lost inside the castle. I promise to be more careful from now on.”

“But…”

“Riddle, it’s okay,” you intervened, giving him a humored wink.

It was your way of saying, “you’re not going to have any luck arguing with this one.” 

With great effort, Riddle took a deep breath and convinced himself that there was really nothing else to do — as much as he still would like to follow protocol, being steadily reformed or not, you were all going to be late on the itinerary if time was lost needlessly.

“Would you accompany him to the Coliseum then, Prefect?,” Riddle asked, politely.

Out of the corner of your eye, you could still see Neige shaking the hand of the Heartslabyul student who was still shocked in being able to keep his head in place — and for an RSA student out of everyone to be so grateful for his work. A small chuckle escaped your lips before you could stop it.

“I do!”

So, with Grim back on your shoulders, you set out to guide Neige to the Coliseum where the main stage was set. Riddle watched your departure with a certain wonder and curiosity. Perhaps it was precisely because he had stayed behind that he could clearly see Neige’s nervous hands on his back and the subtle leaps you made as you walked forward.

Strange, isn’t it?

***

Epel couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Well, almost no one from the NRC Tribe could — with the exception of Kalim who was glad you arrived and Rook who was “carefully” typing on his cellphone, certainly not taking pictures of the couple that was getting close.

But believing it or not, there you were, still talking to Neige as you both walked into the Coliseum. Although there was a strange electricity in the air between you, smiles and laughter dominated your faces and you felt strangely disappointed when you finally arrived on stage. In fact, the ones who came to receive you were the dwarves.

Your friends were still quite static in their places. Shocked. And you pretended not to notice that, nor the fact that your cheeks were a little flustered all of a sudden.

“I’m on my way. Just give me a minute, okay?,” Neige asked his friends.

“Okay!,” Dominic and the others agreed.

Only Gram took one last suspicious look at you before following them. And honestly, Neige felt immensely grateful that his grumpy friend made no further comment.

“So... this is it,” you said and Neige nodded.

“Yeah. G-good luck to you all!,” he completed, staring at you despite the nervousness. “It’s going to be a fun day, for sure. I…”

“Yeah?”

“I hope it’s not too weird to say that, but... I hope to see you again. Any day.”

Your heart skipped a beat at those words and the almost expectant way Neige looked at you. It seemed like he knew exactly what you were thinking. You also wanted to see him again, regardless of the circumstances. And something told you the opportunity would come somehow.

But, taking advantage of the fact that you weren’t in the medieval era, it was a lot easier to exchange contacts than to wait for fate or a meeting in the forest.

“I’m ‘RamshackleH’ on Magicam. My photo is this cute little fellow here,” you said, pinching Grim’s cheek.

“Hey! Well, I’m handsome but still!,” your little monster complained.

Neige laughed.

“Wait for me then. I will add you as soon as possible,” he promised. “I… I mean, when it’s possible. But early. I hope so. Trust me!”

“Don’t worry, everything will be fine,” you answered, also laughing.

“Prefect, the stage rehearsal is about to begin.”

“Is everyone going to interrupt my moments today?!,” was your initial thought before turning around.

You had not fully assimilated the voice and took another fright when you saw Vil near the two of you. On the other hand, Neige greeted him with animation and a certain relief — he was saved from bursting into flames, flurested out of existence!

“I’m looking forward to your song, Vil-kun!,” Neige said. Then he ran to join the dwarves, but not before waving at the two of you. “See you!”

As if you were already used to that point, you smiled at his energy and the roller coaster of emotions that was your conversations. With time and development, maybe you would come out of this stage of nervousness and talk normally without this strange cold in your belly.

But there was something different about Neige’s spirit when he performed with the dwarves after the NRC Tribe.

And you weren’t the only one to notice. There was a gleam in his eyes that seemed like the glow of a shower of shooting stars. A bright smile like the most beautiful snow day in a winter wonderland. He had life as his energy, awakened by the joys of life and spring. A unique beauty, capable of stealing hearts away.

It was the beauty of someone who was in love.

Special Notes: (put the notes here so up there wouldn’t be too much text) Oh yeah, the fic that took me months to make and when I finally finished writing the “dark corridors feels like that creepy forest” part, I was in shambles from listening too much Danse Macabre and tiring my eyes out of stress. But it was all for a good cause!! I always loved Belle but Snow White was my first favorite and it was super special to me growing up. And my love for her only increased over time. So how surprising I love Neige lol Well, I hope you all liked it <3

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #348

“nothing will be free  /  nothing will be done  /  black out the sun”

Do you have any famous relatives? My third or so cousin is the author of Not Without My Daughter, but she's not like a smash hit or anything that most people know. I really do recommend the book, though. It's a long read, but a beautiful, true story. Do you care about celebrity gossip? Nah. Have you ever failed a science course in high school? No; I was very good at science. What’s your favorite breakfast food? Cinnamon rolls. Does your house have a basement? No. No house I've ever lived in has had one. Do you like Hot Topic? Well duh. Do you think imagination is valuable? VERY! Just imagine how many incredible things wouldn't exist without it. What was your reaction to your first time falling in love? Unspeakably happy, and I felt like I was building a future with someone. I felt like I had purpose, which I should mention to anyone reading is a mindset to NEVER adopt. No one gives you purpose; you're born with it. How much weight can you lift at once? Ha, not a lot. When you have your own house someday, what color Christmas tree do you want and how will you decorate it? I want a black one with faux snow on the branches, then maybe red ornaments. Kinda look like blood dripping off. Sounds metal. Name three YouTube channels you’ve been loving lately. Lately, John Wolfe, The Dark Den, and Aim To Head Mix. Have you ever bought a designer purse? No. Do you wear jewelry often? No. What color was your senior prom dress? Black. Are you colorblind? No. Name the people you know who are colorblind. Jason's older brother is colorblind to two colors, but idr which. Would you ever consider a career in writing? I'd love to. What was your first favorite color? Red. What do you think about horror movies? I love them. If you love them, what’s your favorite? I really enjoy The Crazies and both The Blair Witch Project movies. Oh, and of course Silent Hill. Got any cool Christmas presents picked out for family or friends yet? I don't have the money to get anyone presents... and while I sometimes get ideas about something I could make someone, then it wouldn't be fair to the rest of my family if I don't make them something, too. What’s your favorite word and why? I really like the sound of "serendipity," as well as its meaning. It's just a pretty, nice word. Do you like to do craft projects? If so, what’s the coolest thing you made? Not really... I think the coolest thing I made was when I put the clay heart I made in Art into a shadowbox, and a poem I wrote was in the background. It was a gift for Jason. I remember working really hard on the whole process and being really happy with it. I don't want to know what he's done with it since. What’s one occupation you think gets paid too much and doesn’t deserve to? I don't know. What’s something you are currently saving money for to buy? Everyone knows about Venus' terrarium by now... Do you smoke/vape? If so, what brand do you smoke/what device do you use? No. Ever done drugs? No. Tell me one of your worst habits. Catastrophizing. I take a tiny seed of something potentially bad, and in seconds it's a damn redwood tree. And I do mean "in seconds." What’s a weird quirk you have that no one else you know does? I don't know, I don't have any particularly unique ones, I think. If you game, what type of headset do you use? I just use earbuds. Do you think you would be a good therapist? You know, it's funny, I've actually pictured myself as one a few times, given my level of understanding and empathy for people, as well as how deeply I want to see others succeed and spread the word that recovery from things like depression is very possible. I've never truly entertained the thought, though, given I'm quite sure I legally couldn't be given my suicidal past and mental illnesses. There is also NO way I could listen to so many people's suffering and manage to stay healthy myself, so, no therapist position for me, thanks. Have you ever been to a Chinatown? No. Do you prefer chunky or creamy peanut butter? Creamy, 100%. Do you stop to pick up heads-up pennies? No. Do your pets have collars? Describe them: Roman has an adorable navy one with a bowtie. Do you have any friends that speak any languages you don’t understand? Old friends, sure. What is something you want to begin learning? I want to improve my ability to perform what in therapy is called "opposite action," where you do the opposite of what your depression (or other conditions) make you want to do. It always helps me feel good, like when I draw even when I don't initially feel like it, but it's rough to really force yourself to do it. What is a food you find comforting when you are sad? Ice cream is my comfort food. What is a quote you find comfort in? There are really a lot, but none come to mind immediately, gah. What is one Tumblr blog you really appreciate? I actually haven't been on my main Tumblr in months, but oh my god there is a Markiplier blog called "lady-raziel" and she is FUCKING HYSTERICAL. The meme quality is A+. What is a comfort movie/show for you? When I actually liked watching movies, I enjoyed watching Silent Hill when I was down. That whole franchise just makes me so happy. What is a recent creative project that you are proud of? That I'm PROUD of, idk. I'm not that happy with the last drawing I made, and I haven't done any serious writing lately that I find noteworthy. What is a video game that you find comforting? Shadow of the Colossus is probably #1. I find it so relaxing while equally epic as fuck. The soundtrack is to die for, and after playing it a billion times, it's pretty easy for me to kinda breeze through and just enjoy myself. Do you know how to bake bread? If so, what is something you’ve baked recently? No. Would you rather live in the mountains, city, beach, or the forest? THE MOUNTAINS!!! Particularly in the woods IN the mountains! Are you closer to your mother’s or father’s side of the family? Mom's. I don't even remember anyone from Dad's. Have you ever been in a “perfect relationship”? I thought so. Have you ever lost a fingernail or toenail? No. Were you a Disney or Nickelodeon kid? I preferred Disney. Have you ever been inside a jail/prison? No, and I don't plan on it. Have you ever dated a guy with a beard, mustache, or goatee? Jason had a goatee usually. He'd go clean-shaven sometimes. Did you ever name your stuffed animals? I named every single one I got as a kid. Now I don't, really, unless they're really special. What’s the name of the person who cuts your hair? I'd rather not share, given her name is very unique. Do you like cheeseburgers? Yes, they're one of my favorite foods. Do you have a Flickr? Yes, but I don't use it anymore. Did you ever want to be a fashion designer? No. Do you drink milk? Yeah, I love milk. Where was your FB display pic taken? My room. Have you ever burnt your tongue like REALLY bad? If so, what on? Yeah; white rice. My dumb ass didn't realize it had JUST come off the stove. My tongue hurt literally for weeks. Have you ever gotten your legs waxed? No. Do you own any CLOTHES from Victoria’s Secret? Er, are undergarments not clothes? But I know what you mean. No. What are your grandfathers’ names? William and... I can't remember Dad's dad's name. Have you ever seen a snake in real life? Well yeah. Are you against seances? I don't know if I believe in them being effective, but either way, they seem like a bad idea. Even risking luring a negative energy/spirit to you is something I'd stay away from. Do you own any superhero shirts? No, just Harley Quinn ones, some with the Joker on them, too. I need to toss 'em though because I am like, violently against romanticizing their abusive relationship. I used to just like them as a story character couple, but I got to a place where it just seemed... wrong to "glorify" it by wearing merch and stuff. What band has the best guitar solos? Metallica, durrrr. Who is the biggest jerk you’ve ever met? Can you believe that would be my former best friend? Have you ever swerved off the road to avoid hitting an animal? I've never had an animal in my path. Have you ever grown your own herbs? No. Do you like kissing in public? If you're my serious s/o, I could care less, so long as it's a simple peck. I'm not making out in front of people. Do you think someone has feelings for you? I don't know. Do you want to be in a relationship this year? I don't know. I'm lonely and love feels amazing, but I need to get my life on track before I can be a good partner to someone and not just dead weight. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? Huh, funny, he's the one that walked away. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander? Uhhh that would depend on how serious we are, where we are, and just what mood I'm in. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? ugh What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone? also ugh What’s your dirtiest secret? TMI AHEAD. Probably receiving oral while bare-ass naked on the chaise in the living room while we were home alone. Or having sex in my sister’s bed. Oops. Would you ever get lyrics tattooed on yourself? Yeah. I already do, anyway, and I plan on getting another. Can you photoshop images well? I'm decent at it. Where did you last drive to? Mom and I went to go get our Covid vaccines today. What’s the first verse of the last song you listened to? "I don't know what we're supposed to be, but I know we lost it along the way to something better, something so much more than pleasure that we seek, so blind inside to fill these holes left by these lies that we tell to ourselves as we manufacture our own hell." What do you hear right now? The aforementioned song: "BLACKOUT" by 3TEETH. What was the last thing you laughed about? This is so fucking immature lmao but when we were driving earlier, we passed a gas station that had a sign that was advertising Coke, but due to space limitations, it abbreviated to "2 liter Cok" and I cackled like a child. Mom laughed harder than I did. Do you know any gay people personally? Ye. What was the last thing that startled you? I think it was a car hoonking at somebody the other day. What was the last thing to make you even remotely sad? Today's been a kind of rough PTSD day thanks to Facebook. My old high school friend had her beautiful daughter, a childhood friend just got married the other day, another friend is due to have her baby in just a couple weeks... It's just weird but even more painful to know it was the life I once fantasized about with a guy that just dropped me and made a break for it. I hate admitting that there's this deep, deep bitterness in me about it, like he took my life away from me, even though that's of course very unfair to say. I don't want to talk about this anymore, so moving on with my day.

[asdamagicbiscuits]

Theatre Highlights 2019

My Top 11 Theatre Highlights and Moments of 2019 (in no particular order other than roughly chronological.)

Let's get stuck in!

Panto at the Palladium

So my first theatre trip of the year saw me head off to Panto land at the Palladium to see Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. It was great to see Danielle Hope on stage again and she was the perfect Snow White. Massive shoutout to Simeon Dyer who was ace as one of the Dwarfs in the show, it’s not everyday you get to see your pal on stage in their West End Debut, he did a brilliant job. The Palladium always delivers fantastic Pantos and I’m excited to see what their next one is!

Book Of Mormon

So Book Of Mormon was again one of those shows I wasn’t rushing to see, that is until Luke George went into the company. I had heard a lot of things about it and I was worried as I had been told if you get easily offended that I wouldn’t like it. I saw it and loved it. It was nuts and very tongue in cheek humour. Turn It Off is one of my favourite numbers in the show, the company are fantastic in it! Tom Xander as Elder Cunningham is pure magic. No other way I can describe his performance. He’s so cheeky and mischievous, the PERFECT Cunningham. Paired with Dom Simpson as Elder Price they are a dream team. You and Me (but mostly me) is such a joy to watch. It was also so lovely to watch Luke and see him on stage again. He is as brilliant as ever!! The Book of Mormon is playing at the Prince of Wales Theatre in London’s West End and it’s also on tour too!!!

Cursed Child - Year Three

I think I said this in last years post but Cursed Child combines two of my biggest loves Harry Potter and Theatre. The Year Three company were exceptional and I saw a huge array of covers. Martin Johnson, Danny Dalton, April Hughes, Jordan Bamford, Leah Haile and Susan Lawson Reynolds. I can remember all the shows when I got to see them and the little details of their performances. Also as #KeepTheSecrets is over I’m gonna talk about April as Delphi. I ADORE April as Delphi. Like hands down my favourite interpretation of the role. Delphi is so sweet and then BAMN. That switch is flicked and her true intentions come out but even then April brought such a warmth to her that I found myself really sympathising with Delphi. She’s just a very misunderstood character and I just wanted to give her a hug. On the other side April’s interpretation of Myrtle is ICONIC!!! That giggle she does in the moment after Scorpius ask if everything’s going to be okay? And Albus replies going of course it is. Pure brilliance!! Also I have to mention the fact I FINALLY got to see James McGregor as Draco. It happened gang. I don’t know how I managed to get to see him three times, still blows my mind as I was worried I wouldn’t get to see him once but I did. It actually happened. ‘Twas beyond brilliant in every sense of the word and well worth the wait, exceptional performances!

Shitfaced Shakespeare

Another fantastic season for those boozey Bard loving beans! The Taming of the Shrew and Hamlet in London and Midsummer Nights Dream on tour. It’s always a joy to see them perform on stage. For those of you who read last years Highlights I can confirm that I broke the curse. I got to see Saul Marron Compère THREE times!!! He also was the drinker for the show of Midsummer I saw in my hometown on the tour. It was lovely to revisit my first show I saw them do, plenty of laughs and so much fun! Bring on next season for more Shakespeare, laughs and most importantly - booze! 😜 haha

Venice Preserved/The Provoked Wife

Now my theatre highlights wouldn’t be complete without me seeing a show Natalie Dew was in. This year I got to see her in Venice Preserved and The Provoked Wife both at the RSC in Shakespeare land (Stratford Upon Avon). Both shows were absolutely fantastic and I gotta mention Sarah Twombly who really stood out in The Provoked Wife as Mademoiselle, stunning performance! I adored Venice Preserved so much I saw it twice! It was gritty, edgy and the whole production value was fantastic! It was also so good to see Nat in such a different role, it’s not everyday you get to see your stagey fav play a dominatrix. She was so badass, strong and the moment at the end of the play with the look the gave another character, I’m getting chills just thinking about it. Perfection!

Edinburgh Fringe

Each year my trip to Ed Fringe just gets better and better and this year was no different. I managed two trips this year and saw a whole host of different shows which were all incredible and I got meet some lovely people, both leafleting and chatting to a few of the actors before the show. I’ll leave a link to my Ed Fringe post so if anyone wants to check out what I saw give it a read - here. Massive shoutout to the Bodily Functions gang as they were super lovely, Friendsical cast, David Colvin was so lovely too, the Shitfaced Shakespeare and Showtime lot. I could go on. But I’m buzzing to see what Ed Fringe 2020 will bring!

The Indian Queen

When in France, go to the Opera? So this still links with theatre but I want to talk about Pierrefonds, it’s my blog so I can do what I want 😜. Firstly BIG shoutout to my friend Sej, the only person mad enough to agree to go to France with me to visit a castle and to see an Opera. So firstly Pierrefonds. I still can’t believe I got to visit the castle where they filmed Merlin. It’s been on my Bucket list for many years now so thrilled I finally got to tick it off. It’s a gorgeous place in the cutest little village ever, genuinely would move there if there was more theatre. 100% will be going back again and would recommend to anyone about going. I had a great time! The other part of my trip saw me go and watch my very first Opera, The Indian Queen! The Opera House in Lille is stunning, so so beautiful. Now I can’t comment on what happened at the beginning as I was raging at the subtitles being in French, it wasn’t until it was 10/15 minutes in that I realised it was all sung and spoken in English. (yep. I am that dumb and yes it took me that long 🙈) I loved how they had the screens move around in the background with the opera on. It had been prefilmed and all the actors were in costume whereas the actors were all in blacks performing it in front of the screens live. As a first venture into the world of Opera, wasn’t what I was expecting at all but I really loved it. It was also so great to see James McGregor on stage again too!! He’s very good!!

Fiddler On The Roof

Wow. Just wow. I was completely blown away by Fiddler On The Roof, the set was gorgeous and how the company went through the auditorium felt so natural. You really felt like you were in Anatevka and part of the community. The whole company were phenomenal!! Andy Nyman as Tevye delivered one of the best performances I have ever seen from any West End Lead. His vocals and comic timing were on point!!! Maria Friedman as Golde played really well opposite Andy’s Tevye, they are a formidable duo. I’m so happy I was able to see them on together. Molly Osbourne as Tzietel and Joshua Gannon as Motel really stood out, stunning performances. Hands down the best show I saw this year without a doubt and I wish I could go back in time and relive it!!

Mary Poppins

Now Mary Poppins is so very dear to me. The movie is an absolute classic, a timeless piece but I had never seen it live on stage before. I had my tickets booked since January when they went on sale and it did not disappoint when I finally got to see it in November. Charlie Stemp was a brilliantly charming Bert and Zizi Strallen was, excuse the pun, ‘Practically Perfect in every way’ as Mary. I sobbed my way through the show and when Zizi flew up over the audience at the end of the show I was in bits. The best way I can describe it is when you love something so much and your just full of nostalgia and emotion and that’s how it came out. Step In Time, Feed The Birds And Practically Perfect were all highlights for me. I have so much love for the whole company for delivering a phenomenal show and I can’t WAIT to return to Cherry Tree Lane once again next year. Although hopefully I will be able to get through the show without crying next time. Haha. Mary Poppins is currently playing at The Prince Edward Theatre in London’s West End.

Dear Evan Hansen

Now I had to be the only person in theatreland who wasn’t rushing to get tickets or proper hyped for it. It was one of those shows for me which I was like - I’ll see it eventually but I’ll let the rush of people pass and I’ll go when it’s all died down. Then the cast got announced and I was okay. I need to see it and I need to see it in previews as I need to see Rupert Young on stage again. Thankfully one of my best friends Johanna was desperate to see it when she was over in November and she managed to sort us tickets. (Thanks Chummy. You’re the best. Love you) It generally was such a phenomenal experience, the audience was so quiet and the only sounds you could hear were the quiet sniffs of people crying. You could hear a pin drop and I don’t believe I will ever experience anything like that ever again. That’s great Anne but why has it made it into your highlights? Don’t worry. I’m getting to that gang 😜 haha. The whole cast were phenomenal. Sam Tutty was flawless as Evan, I connected immediately with him. I was sold and invested from the beginning. The fact there is only 8 people on stage for the whole show blows my mind. Like WHAT?! Outstanding performances from all. In particular Mr Rupert Young as Larry. Now the only thing I knew about the show was that You Will Be Found closes the first act. That’s all I knew, didn’t read up on it or listen to the soundtrack before hand. I went in completely blind! Now You Will Be Found starts and I can hear people crying and I’m sat there thinking. This is great. I haven’t cried at this. Brilliant. The thing which broke me and had me sobbing was when Rupert Young broke down and cried during You Will Be Found. That is what got me and I can relate so much to it. How I view it is that Larry has delayed grief and that happened to me personally so it really struck a chord with me. I’m basically a convert and this is a piece of theatre everyone needs to see and I can see it running for a very long time in London. Dear Evan Hansen is playing at the Noel Coward Theatre in London’s West End and if you haven’t already, GO BUY A TICKET!!

Rage But Hope

I was very lucky to be able to catch this show at Ed Fringe this year so I was thrilled I was able to make it in to see it again during its London run in November. I stand by everything I said before and it was fantastic to see the development of the piece, which is a current and important issue we all should focus on. The whole company delivers stunning performances and I adored the addition of Matt’s characters monologue. I felt it tied together what he said in a conversation with James earlier in the piece and it gave much more depth to his character. The Layla’s List monologue remained one of my favourite moments in the play and goes to show the importance younger generations have and that they are far wiser than their years suggest so not to under estimate them. Let’s preserve this world for many more generations to come. The writing is stunning and hats off to Stephanie Martin for an incredibly well written play. The scene at the end of the play was new for the London run and I felt it really hammered home the message. Tell the truth. Act Now!

So that pretty much wraps up 2019’s Theatre and what a year it was.

2020 - a New Year, a New Decade and I can confirm a lot more Theatre adventures.

Thanks for reading, make sure to come back next year for my 8th Theatre Highlights (that is MAD!!) to find out what I got up to!

Until next time, cheerio!

[ofstormythoughts]

Fire

••Fire consumed the past to forecast what was to come.

The power of fire was immense, whether in the flame variety, turning destruction into reels of what lay ahead, or in the distant and ruling sun, which translated messages through the rays that could reach earth.

I could remember the senior class trip to the beach as well as if it were yesterday. From under my floppy hat and safely drenched in SPF 50, I dared to let the beaming sun soak into my snow white skin. I was sure I’d end up some tone of pink for the indulgence but that day had me in a dreamy way and the sun was the perfect element to bake in my mood.  I had no focus for the book I’d brought with, instead closing my eyes and listening the waves crashing against the shoreline while the rays of the sun changed position to count the hours away.

The sounds of gulls and seascape and the chatter of teenagers faded into the background soundtrack while I lost my mind to thoughts and whims of girly things. And then… the singing started. The harmonizing of the collective voices was so stirring I couldn’t bear to keep my eyes closed, only when they lifted open, they stopped and I was met with the sharper relief of the sounds that had formerly faded.

I was perplexed, absolutely, but given my long history of peculiarities, I had learned to let the mysteries roll off. And so I closed my eyes and laid back down in the warm granules of sand on my navy striped beach towel. I was met immediately with the return of that choir, apparently a private performance in the concert hall of my mind.  

Three days later, out to dinner with Birdie, it happened. The sky was colored twilight, that beautiful in between day and nightfall, and the haunting hue accompanied the happenings overtly. The door to the restaurant opened and in with the diners came the voices, only this time they were not confined to my mind behind the trap of closed eyes. I dropped my water glass, catching the solid table and sending shards flying across my lap as chills spread up my arms. I bolted from the table, leaving my grandmother sitting there without any explanation, following those voices. I didn’t have to go far.  They were there in the park across the street, observing the last moments of light while the group of friends sang in what looked to be a casual gathering, they sounded even more ethereal in person and tears spilled in reaction to it all. I was so entranced, I didn’t hear Birdie’s approach, but I knew her arms when they came around me, her hands clasping at the side of one shoulder while she leaned her head on my other.

That night was the first I had the clear realization that the sun was a fortune teller, though the purpose of its subtle messages I couldn’t grasp. If I thought about it too much, it would frustrate me to the point of mental fits. Maybe my fair skin had been a blessing in disguise, keeping me from the mania of not understanding just why I was gifted in this sense.

My connection to fire had revealed itself much earlier than the striking experience via sunbathing.

Flames were much more blunt in their delivery and perhaps that’s why they had pronounced their power when I was barely on the cusp of age nine. After the incident with the campfire, my curiosity had grown more insistent than the fear of what I might see. I was forever begging Birdie to light candles and build fires.  Hard pressed to deny me anything, she had even bought an outdoor fire pit. My heart would race and a current of terror still permeated every experience, but even at a tender age, I knew I couldn’t go through life avoiding something that would always be a part of me.

I was so fortunate Birdie was mine. She couldn’t see what I did in the fire, yet she never questioned what I relayed nor did she try to pass it off as an active imagination.  There was no rhyme or reason to the things I saw, no recurring theme. When I was younger, my grandmother would record in a journal the things I witnessed, marking when and if they presented in life; sometimes they didn’t come to pass in front of me, but I never had doubted they happened. She attempted to find patterns, apply time tables, note precursory details to the actual events, anything that might give us a “why” for my precognition. But with fire we were to remain mystified.

Mostly.

When I was old enough to keep up the journaling, Birdie had passed the baton. She always told me that what didn’t make sense in the present, may prove to be useful in the future. It was as if she had been speaking on behalf of the fire and maybe she was. My connection to Birdie ran so deeply, I wondered if she too was tasked with a special role, guardian angel or shepherd. Even if I had romanticized my grandmother, I didn’t care to dispense with the fantasy of it.

My connection to the elements had not ever plucked at my heartstrings, until they did. The night would always be with me, and it was the only one that had never made it to the pages of the journal.

I’d been reading, curled up under a blanket by a spectacular blaze in our hearth. My grandmother had already gone to bed and I found I couldn’t sleep. Looking up from my book, my gaze had been magnetized to the flames as if they had called for my attention. My labored breaths and fluttery heart, along with a noticeable churn in my stomach warned me of what I was in store for, but I didn’t deflect my gaze. Captured in those waves of orange, yellow and white was an image I wanted to turn away from. My grandmother, in one of her favorite aprons that had ivy scrolling up the left-hand panel, rolling out dough of some type with her prized marble rolling pin. I heard myself gasp as she collapsed, the image of her fading into the awaiting red embers. So stunned by the scene, I didn’t realize I had broken into body-wracking sobs and on auto-pilot I moved, grabbing my glass of water and extinguishing the fire with an angry toss of the liquid.

I was not working on rationale when I tore into the kitchen next, finding the apron amongst the others and scrambling to find the least obvious place to stash it. It ended up under a nest of fancy linens that hadn’t been used in decades, it was temporarily safe and I would find a creative way to get rid of it later. I’d honestly felt relief and thought I’d managed some kind of control over the awful scene that had played out in the fire formerly known as cozy.

It was the one thing I kept from her. Until I couldn’t. Out on a wildflower foraging trek on a day several weeks later. My phone had buzzed in my back pocket. I knew it could only be my Birdie and I didn’t care where I was, I would always answer. Like that fire, the call was something I would never forget. I could relive it breath for breath, word for word.

“Raine! I found it, my ivy apron!”

Hard swallow.

“I must be getting senile because it was folded up with the old lot of linens, tucked away underneath!”

Tears pouring as I ran.

“I’m making your favorite blueberry cobbler!”

I couldn’t speak, my voice had been nowhere in the region.

“Raine? We must have a bad connection. Get home safe, my darling.”

It was the loudest click but there was nothing I could do but get in my car and speed to her rescue.  Which I did. I attempted to mind traffic laws as I took the quickest route home, arriving no more than twenty minutes after she’d called.

I was still too late.  My Birdie was there, unconscious on the kitchen floor in her apron with ivy scrolling up the left hand side.

The doctors would tell me that I had saved her life. That without the medication they were able to administer so closely after the “event” she would have been rendered to a much worse condition. In my mind and heart, however, I had failed her in so many ways. There had been wiser ways to go about that vision, rather than my haphazard and idiotic apron hiding. How ineffective I had been. How horribly naive. Birdie did come back to me, though. And when she had, I’d confessed her everything I’d kept from her, repeating my apologies through a mess of tears.

As Birdie always had, she immediately aimed to soothe me. To my chagrin she agreed with the doctors that I had saved her, going further even with praise for how I had been so wise to use what I learned. She was proud.

Proud.

I couldn’t fathom or accept it, but for her sake, I didn’t argue.

After we got home, she at first pleaded and then commanded that I not tempt fate by looking to fire for the foreseeable future. Deep down, I think she knew her days were numbered, and in her steadfast way, protecting me was her priority.

Some love stories weren’t between lovers and ours was such a demonstration.

I didn’t light any candles. I didn’t burn wood in our fire pit. I turned up the gas heat when we needed to take the chill out of the air. I honored her request and obeyed her decree.

I first lit a candle after she had passed, one from a batch we had made, scented with lily and chamomile.  Its flame was absent any images as it flickered and cast shadows on the walls in the room.

In Birdie’s honor, I had kept with the fire journal, and I had grown from the tragedy I had seen with her. I learned to look at the details, hoping some day one of those chance observations would give way to a charitable and helpful act. Until that time arrived I was left to wondering what all these gifts meant, supposing they meant anything at all.  No matter the outcomes, nothing would stand in the way of dreams.

My apothecary was evidence of me embracing it all, every part of me. The difficult parts, the beautiful parts, the mysterious parts and the eternal flaws we all came with. It was a living symbol of everything I knew and did not know about myself. Candles were lit generously at different levels around the store and as I teetered on a step stool to hang the last of four sun catchers, the completion of my vision was so near, I almost toppled off. Instead, with a quick rebalancing, I looped my suncatcher over the pre-placed hook and stepped down to watch it refract the light.

Fire consumed the past….

…. And light showed the way of the future.••

[thesimplyluxuriouslife]

271: 12 Simple Winter Holiday Decor Ideas

When it comes to the winter holiday season, cozying in asks of us to be inside our homes far more than we would be during the warmer months which is why our homes need to become a sanctuary inside which we love spending time.

Over the years my approach to how I decorate for Christmas, the New Year and the wintery weather has evolved, and this year I am excited to share with you 12 ways I have simplify, and at the same time curated decor that surrounds me and those who spend time in my home with warmth, comfort and an abundance of joy.

1.Save money and help the forest and go hunting for your holiday tree in the National or State Forest lands (check your permit for rules regarding where and what type of tree you can cut down).

Here in the Pacific Northwest, keeping the forest healthy can be a community effort, and cutting your tree during the holiday season (for only $5/permit) is a simple way to do so. Learn more here.

~Stop by on Wednesday of this week to see my trip to the woods near Mt. Bachelor to find my holiday tree this year.

~Norman exploring in the woods after fresh snow had fallen while I hunt for a tree.~

2. Elevate the tree

As someone who loves a tree all alight to illuminate the home during the short days of December, I also realize how many decorations are needed to decorate a large tree. And admittedly, getting down on my hands and knees to water the tree has never been easy as you try not disturb the decorations or pour water on the tree skirt.

Having the opportunity with my house having vaulted ceilings, I opted for a 5 1/2 foot tree and placed it on my pub table. All of my reasons listed above were resolved and I still had a tree that was quite grand as well as far easier to cut and bring back to the car.

~On top of my pub table, while not straight yet, I am loving how much easier it is to decorate and water.~

You may remember I have explored with a variety of sizes for trees over the years (2018, 2016 (a very short and small tree), 2015, 2014, 2013, ), but this height seems to just be perfect - for the amount of ornaments and lights I have as well as my

3. Make natural ornaments

Simple is best when it looks as though it belongs, naturally so, when it comes to tree decorating. Adding hand-crafted decor items such as a string of popcorn, dried oranges or pinecones topped with a simple ribbon and jute string, the pinecones picked up on your own property (such as the case for me with a sole tree in my yard), or during a walk out in the woods, adds depth and dimensions without excess.

Last weekend, inspired by the many different ideas my mother as donned on her own tree, I gathered up a basket of pinecones, set them by the fire for a morning to dry and then using a hot glue gun, attached jute string to the top of the cone, let it dry and then made a bow out of ribbon and hot glued the bow to the top of the pinecone. In fewer than 30 minutes I had a new set of decorations.

4. Hang decorations which hold memories of love, celebration and your journey

As you may have noticed from my previous trees over the years, I primarily hung glittery ribbon and shiny stars and delicate balls; however, each year I had personalized ornaments from my childhood and handmade ornaments from my maternal grandmother. Sometimes it takes us time to understand or know how to decorate in such a way that truly fits with who we are. I don't begrudge how I decorate during those year. I had fun exploring and trying new ideas that caught my eye, and perhaps in the future my preferences will change again. However, this year and for the foreseeable future, I want my tree to feel good (priority #1) and then look good (priority #2).

So this year I have hung the handmade pinecone ornaments that symbolize the home I have the opportunity to call my own, ornaments that were handmade by my grandmother, ornaments from my childhood given to me each year by my parents and given to me by my grandparents, as well as now one new ornament from the life journey given to myself each year. This year, it is the copper teapot (brought to my attention by TSLL reader Molly, thank you so very much!). A tree that is certainly signature and makes me smile each time I see it throughout the day.

~One of the handmade pinecones alongside one of my first ornaments given to be by my grandmother.~

~2019's new addition! The Copper Teapot!~

5. Selectively or elect to not have a tree topper

Similar to my journey in decorating shared above, often my tree topper would be a generic star that I picked up at the local craft store to match the other generic details that adorned the tree. However, after much thought, this year I elected to not have a tree topper, donate my old ones and instead, on the highest branch place a papillon ornament which speaks to the name I have given my home symbolizing something meaningful to me and the journey I am on.

Again, your choice to top or not top, and if so, with what, will be unique to you, so that each time you look up, you too smile and are either inspired, comforted about the life you have lived, have the opportunity to live and hope to live moving forward.

~Yep, here is the tree (more pics will be shared on Wednesday), perfectly imperfect and if you look closely at the top, you will see the butterfly (papillon)~

6. Utilize small copper or metal baking dishes as candle holders.

I recently was inspired by a fellow recipient of Sharon Santoni's My Stylish French Box when I saw she used her canelé molds (received in the first Dans Ma Cuisine themed box - the next one will be her next box! Reserve yours now before they sell out - if it is anything like the previous one, you will not be disappointed). As I do not make canelés very often (okay, I have yet to make them for myself - but it's on my list to try!), I wanted to use the molds somehow as they are simply beautiful.

~the cookies were the forefront of this picture as I was taking pics for the recipe, but you can see the canelé molds in the background.~

However, admittedly, copper canelé molds are not cheap, so another alternative is to use brioche molds. Often silver in color, they are unique in their tulip edge design and provide lovely light reflection.

Then simply stock up on tea lights (purchase 50 for $7), buying in bulk and purchasing candles in tin rounds so the wax doesn't melt into the molds.

Copper Canelé molds

Brioche molds (four different sizes)

7. Use the trimmed boughs from the tree as decor placed about the home

8. Choose green, your preferred shade of green, as your accent color instead of red.

Granted, each of us will have a preferred color we want to adorn our homes with to signify and celebrate the winter holiday season, and the choice of green, a soft sage green is mine. However, it did not used to be, which demonstrates that our tastes certainly do change.

Part of the reason I prefer, and have unconsciously preferred sage or the under-side-of-an-olive-leaf green (as Patricia Wells described) is because it spans beyond Christmas and into the new year, and as I grow older I especially enjoy the final two weeks of the year and the first week of the new year, and I want my home decor to look fresh rather than bright. Now if red had been my year-round decor color, perhaps it would be too much for my aesthetic taste, but I typically use muted neutral hues, so the red is a bit intense for me, and so the green was chosen for my ornaments' ribbon and other ribbons used with decor about the home. Choosing green or one primarily color does not mean we cannot welcome others into our plan, but it certainly helps with coordinating and unifying the decor ideas (as well as shopping each year should we wish to add or replace anything).

9. Make your own unique garland

Mix faux and fresh, twist multiple garlands into one large garland, add small white garland lights and replace the fresh boughs when they have dried with new ones. As well, add dried herbs you have kept from your garden to add delicious scent and John's Wort or Eucalyptus to add a unique and different texture.

10. Hygge it up

Candles, candles and more candles. A home illuminated with candles, and not because of a power outage, is a beautiful, welcoming and calming place to be. Don't be afraid to keep one or two electric table lamps on as well if all candles may be too overwhelming, but having enjoyed an evening over the weekend in which the afternoon began to drift into evening and daylight disappeared, the tea candles were lit as well as the tree, and the house just felt as though it was one big hug (oh, and Charlie Brown's Christmas soundtrack was also playing, which made it all the more lovely :)).

~An Episode to Listen To: Hygge Phenomenon and Living Simply Luxuriously, episode #148

11. Save money and use the same white outdoor bulb lights used during the summer season while dining al fresco in the late evenings.

12. Reduce, reorganize and donate holiday decor for simpler decorating next year

I shared in the most recent TSLL Weekly Newsletter, letter from the editor, that last weekend I took the time to go through all of my winter holiday decor. The result was one fewer boxes of stuff, donating perfectly fine decor that I no longer used or wanted to the local donation center and freeing up storage space, as well as clearly labeling what I have so I know where to find it next year. What a liberating feeling, especially since I became more clear about how I wanted to decorate my home and what no longer was part of my decor aesthetic.

Decorating simply will differ depending upon how you have decorated in previous years and what brings you comfort, as well as joy. As we become ever more thoughtful about how and why we decorate the way we do, the winter holiday season will become infused even more deeply with appreciation and deep, true contentment as we celebrate and gather with those we love. Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah and best wishes for the upcoming new year tout le monde.

SIMILAR POSTS/EPISODES FROM THE ARCHIVES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

16 Ways to Simplify & Make the Holiday Season Pleasurable, episode #184

An English Christmas Drawing Room

Why Not . . . Prepare for a Festive (and Simply Luxurious) Winter Holiday Season?

12 Simply Luxurious Holiday Films to Enjoy Each Year

Petit Plaisir

~Quadruple Chocolate Cookies with All the Chips

Tune in to the latest episode of The Simple Sophisticate podcast