#i had the best choir program in grade school. it was through a local college and had the best directors and we worked at a very high level

[queenlucythevaliant]

19 and 24 for song asks!!

19. Songs that make me think of my siblings (my sister, in my case)

Soooo many. Let's see. "Poetry by Dead Men" by Sara Bareilles made me think of her immediately as soon as I heard it. It just has the Energy, ya know? "Hydroplane" (Prima Queen) is one that she added to our songs about sisters playlist that I quite like. "22" for a tender moment we shared when we went to the Eras Tour together. "Incredible Thoughts" and a lot of other songs off that same soundtrack, for the number of times we listened to it on our road trip across the country last summer. Also, by the same token, "YES MOM," and "something special," and "50 Shade of Pink," all of which she turned me onto around the same time and the last of which is just. Legally about her.

24. Songs that I've performed before and still adore

Mmmm, so many. I have multiple playlists :)

I loved "Waters, Ripple and Flow" so much that I kept my music and gladly paid the lost music fee. This setting of Psalm 100 is still far and away my favorite, and also possibly my favorite Psalm setting ever. Along those same lines, I loved singing Gjeilo's Gloria and still listen to it all the time. Really a lot of Gjeilo, actually; my HS choir director was buddies with him, so we ended up singing a lot of his work. If I'd been a year younger, I'd have gotten to do a concert with him. Also "Weep No More." I love it so so much and it's such a lovely balm to the soul. That's another where I secretly kept the music, only that time I had the good sense to photocopy it before I had to hand it back in. "Zion's Walls," of course. Can't beat Copland. I don't know. For solo stuff, I loved getting to perform "No One Else" from Great Comet a while back. I wore my Tolstoy coat, it was awesome.

[girllock-writes]

"Daddy's Money"

Pairings: cowboy!bucky x rancher's daughter!reader

Summary: Bucky notices someone from his past and it's distracting him in church.

AN: Based on the song Daddy's Money by Ricochet, I needed more cowboy Bucky, so here yall go ig. No warnings, just me being a fangirl :)

---------------------------------------------------

Bucky sat in the wooden pew, barely paying attention. The small church was warm and crowded as the small town of Montgomery gathered on a particularly sunny Sunday. Reverend Cole spoke enthusiasticly about whatever passage he was preaching on, but Bucky didn't care.

Up in the choir loft, the robed figure looked like an angel.

It was y/n l/n. She was back in town. Her father, one of the richer ranchers, had made sure she always had the best of everything. She wasn't the type of person to advertise it, but her daddy had money.

Her hair curled around her bright smile. She was twice as pretty as her mama. There was no question as to where she got her good looks from.

Bucky rememberd the last time he had heard her voice. She had made a joke about their mutual friend, Sam Wilson, being more difficult to tame than a wild horse. He remembered almost spitting out his water. Sam, being known for his charm with the ladies, was a hard one to tame. She wasn't just well off and pretty, she was funny too. He remembered her getting into trouble for sneaking out when they were younger. She had never liked to stay in when all her friends were riding out to the lake in the middle of the night. Wild was another word Bucky would use.

Y/n l/n had been away at college for the past six years. Bucky had heard she had visited a few times over breaks and holidays but he had never seen her. She had done a dual program with a bachelor's in history and a masters in agricultural science and administration. Smart too.

He wondered how many of the other young men in the congregation were distracted by her. She had everything. A deadly combination of beauty and brains. He'd seen her fish, she was damn good at it. He'd seen her kiss too, she had been no stranger to the local teen hangouts. She was dynamite. Country through and through.

Bucky’s mind began to wander as he reminisced about y/n. He hadn't seen or spoken to her in years. How was he supposed to now? Her second cousin had been his thrid grade teacher, but that side of the family had moved out of town about a year ago. That was probably no good. He remembered doing her grandmother's lawn a few times back in highschool, but that wasn't much to go off of.

Bucky gave a small smile, remembering how y/n had looked as a high schooler. A little lanky and awkward, sure, it was high school, but she had always been the life of the town. Getting into trouble then turning around and helping out more than anyone at the annual hoedown. He remembered how she had grown much more quiet after her sophomore year. She got into less trouble, but got better at hiding her wild side. He wondered how much she had changed.

She was really gown up now. Grown into herself, that's to say.

And she was gorgeous.

“Let us pray,” Reverend Cole said, snapping Bucky from his daydream.

As everyone bowed their heads, Bucky closed his eyes tightly. *Lord… if you happen to have an extra miracle or two, spare me one. Let me walk down the isle and say “I do” to Y/n l/n. Please…*

“Amen!” Cole boomed, as the congregation followed in suit. The choir began to sing the last hymn before the church was dismissed.

Bucky's mouth moved, but his eyes and mind were fixed only on one thing. The angel in the choir loft. Y/n.

He grinned as her eyes met his, her voice ringing out with the others. It was heavenly. She didn't look away. There was a sparkle in her eyes.

The service ended and Bucky made his way to the far side of the rows where Sam and his family had been sitting.

“Did ya see who's back,” he said lowly.

Sam raised an eyebrow. “L/n? Yeah, I heard she was commin back from her cousin.” Bucky looked over to where y/n stood, greeting a fellow choir member. Sam laughed at his friend. “Looks like she's got her daddy's money and her mama's good looks. Looks like you'll have a challange on your hands with that one.”

Bucky smiled as y/n met his gaze again. He leaned over to Sam, not breaking her eye contact. “Yeah, but look who's lookin at me.”

[kirstinmaldonado]

CHAPTER THIRTEEN 2.0

I remember watching Glee. The pilot episode came out the end of my junior year, and then resumed my senior year of high school when I’d already been chosen and named Show Choir Captain (which of course was the biggest triple threat honor and validation one could have as a senior in the arts, right?). ;)

I’ll remember how I felt after the pilot episode forever. A spark lit up inside of me. Of inspiration? Of drive? Of acceptance? 

All three!? It made this little choir nerd feel COOL! I remember being blown away because there was nothing quite like it at the time, representing teens unabashedly following their passions whether it seemed cool or not, right or wrong. To just be! The next morning at school we all chatted about how badass we felt and how we would bring that energy to show choir. How cool it was that such a show came out when we were seniors, in a very “Watch out world, this is OUR year” way!

Little baby Kirstie transferred to Martin High School, with its renowned and arguably top music and theatre program of high schools in that area, for freshman year; which felt simultaneously like a nice clean start and incredibly horrifying. I had a few friends from community theatre but not too many in my grade and not too many that I shared classes with.

I was one of two freshman to make show choir my first year, and while I was excited for such an honor it immediately ostracized me. No one knew who I was or where I had come from, and that made me few friends and a few enemies. Although I wasn’t popular in high school, I don’t think I was unpopular…I ran in the theatre and choir crowd and took all AP classes, even graduating in the top 30 of my almost 1000 person class. 

My amazing mother instilled a strong worth ethic in me, so I valued working hard in school. I loved the schedule, I loved taking notes because I liked looking at my handwriting and cursive, how neat it was. I liked to highlight and color code everything so it was easier and more enticing to look at. I loved immersing myself in studies and extracurriculars which I balanced well, the curriculum only made harder if I skipped studying to hang with friends, which then turned in to grueling all nighters. 

But…sometimes I’d go to first period exhausted (sliding in to my seat right on time or late, you know how I roll) and there would be a Starbucks coffee on my desk from my best friend Will. Or after school when I’d planned to walk home, my friend Jory would give me a ride, but only after we got snow-cones and belted “If Only” from The Little Mermaid musical in the car all the way home.

That’s just two tiny examples of how amazing my friends, how amazing their hearts were. I cherish my time at high school and the people I met there with all my heart!! I feel so fortunate to have spent the BEST times, the worst times, and all the times in between with them. We explored family hardships and disputes, our own sexualities, our fears, our dreams with each other.

My friends were diverse. They were FUN! They inspired me with their work ethic. We all weren’t even pursuing the same thing, and in a way that made all of our uniqueness that much more precious. 

I think that’s how Glee was. A bunch of unique people, all doing their own unique things, then finding each other by sharing a common love and becoming friends.

So senior year show choir, we all became a bunch of Rachel Berrys, Santana Lopezes, Finn Hudsons, you name it. Glee had given us, or at least me, this new sparkly confidence. It reminded me that music was exactly what I loved, and what I wanted to spend my life pursuing.

After I graduated and months flew by, I didn’t watch the show as religiously like I used to. I’d catch a few episodes here and there, ones where the characters development and newfound growth  intrigued me, but my life had taken a turn and I just didn’t have the time anymore.

July 13, 2013. I was at my ex’s brother’s wedding when I heard the news. 

Cory Monteith had died from an overdose.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever cried about a celebrity’s death before then. Although I hadn’t been close to the show anymore, a part of me felt immediately heartbroken. Heartbroken that he’d been alone, heartbroken that he was doing what he was doing in the first place, but had the ability to keep edging deeper and deeper into a point of no return. I had romanticized about a relationship like Rachel and Finn, I had admired his and all the characters hearts and purpose. I had rooted for him. They in a way, felt like my friends, because that’s how I viewed my friends in high school. He was an everlasting part of why and where I was now, because Scott, Mitch, and I formed our trio for a contest to meet the cast of Glee that first season. 

People made fun of me that day. You don’t even know him. Why are you so upset?

I watched The Quarterback and then I couldn’t watch Glee again. Occasionally it came on TV, but it didn’t feel the same to me.

To me, Glee was the first show of its kind, representing and making heroes and stars out of people who would have normally been called losers. I’d never seen representation on screen that made me feel special as a Latina or as someone pursing “not a real career.” As the season progressed it evolved past the cheeky humor and delved in to real-world topics and teenage struggles. 

Seven years later, with Naya Rivera being found the day of Cory’s passing, I couldn’t help but feel like he played a role in guiding her home.

I think Naya was incredibly underrated. The show obviously had its main frontrunners, but Naya’s character transcended the “normal” teen woes of wanting to be a star. Through her sarcasm and wit, she was more complex. She had more to hide. She had more to give.

I loved seeing a Latina woman on the screen, a REAL one, not just an actor with darker features. I loved seeing her delve in to her sexuality with her best friend, and her experiences made my own feel valid. I thought what courage it must take to sit down with your hispanic grandmother, who you love so dearly, and be able to share a part of them that they maybe wouldn’t understand. I was crying from the second that scene started, thinking I’d maybe never have the courage to be that open.

I’ve thought of Naya and her family a lot this week. I’ve seen how many people loved her. While I never met her, I know her and the rest of the cast left a special mark on my life journey, and I will forever be grateful for them, and her.

I will remember show choir practices, in our sparkly, itchy  outfits, preparing for contest.

I will remember sneaking up in to the auditorium catwalk to sneak kisses with my best friend.

I will remember making the silliest videos when we all went to All-State choir.

I will remember belting and dancing on our cars to “Don’t Stop Believing” at the local Starbucks parking lot.

I will remember holding my friends tight crying as we all wore our different college shirts in our final performance as a show choir, having no idea that I was about to go out and be a part of something greater.

Glee brought together a hodgepodge of people. And that’s what Pentatonix was too. And it brought us together.

So I guess at the end of the day, all I want to say is… thank you, to Glee. To Cory. To Naya.

For creating special characters, that lit that special spark.

Rest in peace.

[chaosamplified]

3

3. rant. just do it

I could've answered number 4 here lollll good thing I have lots to complain about. 

the concept of art school is kind of dumb and terrible. in order to have pretty much any chance at doing your art as a job that is sustainable you have to go to a highly acclaimed, very “good” school. but then those good schools don't really do a lot of “teaching,” its more about gaining experience and practically forcing you to already make an arts career of yourself...without getting paid? PAYING to do it? and then! in order to get into these schools, you have to already be the best of the best. because they don't do a lot to teach you to get better. you have to be practically ready to make a career for yourself anyway, and then take this giant detour through college to come out with slightly more knowledge that you could've accumulated through experience elsewhere, and a ton of experience that you couldve also gotten elsewhere and been paid for! but you still have to do it! because employers are looking for people with degrees. and then if you're someone like me, who wasn't able to get a ton of experience in middle and high school, and wants to go to school to get better and learn things, you're just rejected from the program. although I am the type of person who would actually learn things in class, as opposed to those who already know at least half of everything and are therefore admitted to the school. and then I put in all these hours of work and educating myself online in order to hopefully make a portfolio good enough to be admitted. and sometimes even if your content is perfect and exactly what they're looking for, you'll be rejected because you don't have enough experience. because you don't have enough experience to go to a school that teaches you. through. experience. not to mention how the whole process is classist and ableist. I cant even afford the $50 fee to apply to my school once, let alone every year as I continuously get rejected. I couldn't afford to go a different high school with better arts programs (I couldn’t take band or choir [the only 2 music classes offered to me] at my tiny high school because they were both taught by the same teacher who threatened lowering your [mine, specifically] grades for stupid reasons. if I had been in his classes I probably wouldn't have even met the GPA requirement to be admitted to the school in the first place).  I could barely afford the couple years of piano lessons I took in middle and high school, and could definitely have not afforded to learn another instrument (which is also something that they look for, proficiency on multiple instruments). I couldn't afford any editing software other than the free version of a program which the paid version is even not that great. I didn't have access to local youth bands after the one I was in broke up, because my family was not willing to help me try and I was all on my own. as a child. I could not drive because my family was not willing to help me learn and therefore I didn't have access to local theatre/performing groups. I was also an extremely depressed, closeted gay trans guy in high school! I didn't have the energy to most of these things even if I had find a way to access them! if I was someone of a higher class, I would've been able to do these things but I would have destroyed myself in the process. I could not learn to sing because my voice made me want to kill myself. I had/have chronic headaches which can sometimes make music (or focusing on anything for too long) hard to do for extremely long periods of time, which is what is required in order to be good in this kind of work. and despite all of this and all of these difficulties, I am 100% guaranteed as dedicated, committed, and passionate about my work as anyone enrolled in the school, if not more. I have never given up on my dreams and I don't plan on it. but art school, with all the connections, easy access experience, a degree, and more, would make it so, so much easier for me to achieve them. and it fucking sucks. 

[speaknowslut13]

Lauren my beloved! Sorry I missed yesterday, my life is chaos and also I was out of data haha.

Ohh very fun! I feel like kids that age are fun because their personalities are really starting to develop.

Awesome! I’ve also played flute since 5th grade and then I played piccolo in marching band all through college. I miss playing in groups, and I’m really hoping that’ll be possible again soon! You are to drums as I am to singing lmfao I was almost kicked out of choir in high school bc I canNOT carry a tune. What other instruments do you want to learn?

I love channels like that! That and cooking channels are the majority of my subscribed to haha so if you ever decide to start a YouTube, I will certainly be on your subscribers list. Understandable, Tiktok stresses me outtttt lol I go on from time to time bc my sister always sends me a bunch but then I have to delete the app again.

Awwwwwe oh my gosh, that’s so cute!! 🥺🥺 what was your wedding like? (Though I never plan on getting married myself, I loveeeeee weddings hehe) what kind of stuff do you like to do together?

Omggg what an incredible experience for rep tour! Tumblr during rep tour was one of my favorite times ever on tumblr, like so exciting to get clips of the b stage songs and see peoples posts about meeting her! What other concerts have you been too?

I’m hoping to visit Croatia at the end of august, if everything goes according to plan/covid doesn’t once again wreck my plans. I grew up in the northwestern US, and there people joke that the seasons are “fire season, road construction, winter” and winters are regularly so much snow, windy, and -20°, so not ideal conditions for enjoying them. Have you been to Grand Canyon or any of the other national parks in the southwest? They all look so beautiful, that’s one part of the US I would definitely like to see more of.

Thank you!! I’m really excited to be a student again but I am also really glad I took some time off. I enjoy Dostoevsky! Probably not my all time favorite, but my best friend loves him so I’ve read a lot of his stuff and talk about it a lot. Also a big fan of Byron and I have a love/hate relationship with Shakespeare. My favorite poet is ee cummings, I love Cynthia Kadohata, huge Neil Gaiman fan. And many many others haha but off the top of my head let’s go with that 😅

What do you write about? And in what medium? I write a lot of poetry and I like writing non fiction, but I learned in college that I am NOT a fiction writer hahaha.

What have you been up to this weekend?? I hope you’ve had a lovely day 💖 Drew

ps: I love reading your responses! Please don’t feel bad or stressed about writing a lot ✨✨

Hello, Drew! Chaos feels like the natural order of the world lately. It’s fine if you miss a day or two! I understand.

I actually never really wanted to be married myself. I figured if I did, I’d be at least 30. I wanted to get school done first. Then, after my previous relationship, I decided I wanted to be alone. Fate had different plans. I also wasn’t sure I wanted kids. Changed my mind. However one is plenty. One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone invalidates a person’s choices by saying “oh you’ll change your mind”. So even though I changed mine, I won’t be implying or outright denying that you don’t know your own mind.

My wedding was small. We eloped. It was a complicated situation with his family at the time, and we had decided to have the protection of a legal document since we were living together anyway. We picked randomly picked the day. Turned out to be Valentine’s Day. So, I, along with millions of other people, got married at a court house. In fact, someone was wearing my same dress that day! It was awkward. We have yet to have any celebration outside of that day. It was just my immediate family. However, I’ve never regretted marrying him and I still look back fondly on it. Fun fact: his parents found out we were married after we totaled their truck a few months later. Not so fun fact: that was the scariest accident I’ve been in to date. Accident wasn’t our fault and at least in this accident I had airbags. Ever been in an accident? Or in one without modern crash technology? It’s not very fun. Hurts a lot. I remember having to tell my father in law, on the side of the road, that Chase and I had actually gotten married. He was stunned but super supportive. Like I previously said, it was complicated . And I can get into it more, but there’s so much else to address right now!

We really like sitting in silence on our phones together! 😂 We are one of those annoying couples who like to do everything together. We are practically attached at the hip and the pandemic has only made it worse. He’s really interested in getting into D&D. We like playing video games together. We both love swimming. We both really want to travel. I’d love to take him to Europe. We like movies. But we both compliment our different likes and knowledge. He loves animated movies and animes and I love books. We both love art. He’s so good. He lets me do his makeup and nails from time to time. It doesn’t bother him at all. But not only that he’s really helpful at making sure I get my medicines and that I get rest when I need it. Throughout the lockdown he’d do all the running around so I wouldn’t have to go out since I’m immuno compromised. Sometimes I feel like he’s too good to me and the kid. I try to give back what I can. But honestly, he’s my best friend too.

Ahem. Enough gushing.

Other than some musicals and local symphonies, I’ve never been to any other concerts! Weird. I know! I’ve wanted to but never have. I’ve always wanted to see Imagine Dragons. Or Panic! at the Disco. There’s a few artists actually, I’d love to go see.

Croatia is BEAUTIFUL. My time in Europe was 2 weeks during July. I’m in love with it. If you go, Rijeka is wonderful. But near Rijeka is a mountain town called Fužine. It’s MAGICAL. I spent most of my time there. One of the upsides to staying in Rijeka is that it’s just a few hours away from Venice, too. Which. Was also breathtaking. I cried at the beauty of it. I have pictures of these places and I love looking at them. But they also make me a little sad. For multiple reasons. We had a layover in Munich on our way home and so we spent two days there as well. We drove up to the Neuschwanstein castle. It was amazing. But the most harrowing part of that stop was at the site of Dachau. I will never forget the heaviness of it. I had to stop halfway through. It was too much for my sensitivity. A privilege I will never forget.

I was able to visit Idaho (Rexburg) during October and December one year and I loved it. I’ve only ever been to Washington (coastal) and Oregon during the summer months. I wanted to go to school in Washington, originally. Thought I’d move up there. Now the goal is to ultimately expat. Canada, likely. We will see if that ever pans out, though.

I’ve been to the Grand Canyon once when I was 10 or 11(?). We went during December to ride the “Polar Express”. It’s a special event they run during the winter months before Christmas. We were snowed in so we stayed an extra day and took the train to the Grand Canyon. So I got to see it all snowy and clear. It’s gorgeous and I highly recommend it once. I don’t know if I would ever really go back but I might take the kid someday. I at least want her to go on the Polar Express ride. It’s cute and fun for the kids. I was a little too old to fully enjoy it, but my little sister was roughly the right age.

I’ve been to several places in Arizona. The missions, Jerome, and I’ve also been to some places in Colorado and New Mexico. I can’t recall all their names off the top of my head and it was a long time ago.

I greatly appreciate anyone who can write poetry. It is not my forte. They come out childish and awkward. So, I keep those to myself. I write anything and everything. I have several stories, but three top priority right now. One is complete but needs serious reworking and revision. I started it when I was 15. It’s a paranormal mystery with romance. The second one is a fantasy that I started with a friend when I was 14/15. It has its own world and has taken on a life of its own since then. It’s massive. And the third one is a coming of age story. It’s my most delicate one. I started it when I was 21. I have shared an excerpt on tumblr of this one. It’s my most complicated one yet. Like any artist, I’m constantly second guessing my work and lamenting my talent.

This weekend has been mostly spent recharging. I’ve been helping my mom with a project. And of course swimming. I’m a child at heart and I bought myself a mermaid tail. I’ve elevated my pool game. It’s so much fun but my body is yelling at me. I’m not as energetic as I was in my youth. You mentioned marching band? You and I really do have much in common! Not only are you a flautist, but a marching one at that?! I marched in high for two years. I loved it but I started to get burned out. And then I started horseback riding and planned to do that instead. My parents couldn’t afford to do both. And then I caught mono. Looking back, I understand why my mono knocked me out for so long (it’s linked to my autoimmune issues) but at the time every one of my friends thought I was being dramatic. It was kind of a horrible experience. So even if I had signed up for band my junior year, I would’ve had to quit. And then my senior year I signed up for this program that put me through a college program to get my EMT-B. I didn’t take band at all that year. Now I just play for myself. Ideally I’d learn every instrument.

I actually couldn’t sing very well for the longest time. Which was ironic because my mom was operatically trained. My older sister was also trained. And my little sister preferred chorus to band. I ended up teaching myself later. So now I don’t sound terrible but I’m not going to take my solo act on the road anytime soon.

If I can teach myself makeup, art, instruments, and other various things, then maybe I can also someday be brave enough to put myself out there on the internet. And if I do, I will definitely let you know! I will at least have 3 subscribers. 😂

Tell me about this trip you’re planning to Croatia!

[mohrsvillerp]

welcome marit !! you have been accepted for sunflowers still grow at night as blaine anderson. thank you so much for applying !! please send in your account within 24 hours. we can’t wait to get roleplaying with you.

who are you?

NAME/ALIAS. Marit PREFERRED PRONOUNS. she/her AGE. 22 TIMEZONE. GMT+1 TRIGGERS. removed ACTIVITY. I’m gonna say six-seven out of ten. I’m in college and fridays are usually family days, but I’m home a lot so I’ll be around as much as possible!

ANYTHING ELSE? My first and second choice subplots are basically both my first choice. I’m honestly in love with both of them, so if you feel like my second choice would fit Blaine’s bio/headcanons better I’d be more than fine with going for that one instead!

who are you applying for?

DESIRED CHARACTER. Blaine Devon Anderson DESIRED SUBPLOT. sunflowers still grow at night SECOND CHOICE. rich young and beautiful FACE CLAIM. Darren Criss GENDER AND PREFERRED PRONOUNS. Cismale, he/him ORIENTATION. Homosexual RELATION. Middle sibling (with Cooper being the oldest), solo BIRTHDAY. April 5 AGE AND GRADE. 17, Senior CLUBS AND SPORTS. Cheerleading (in case of first choice), Student Council, Gay-Straight Alliance, Show Choir. (I’d also like to add Drama Club for my second choice. I hope that’s not too much. We’ve seen similar combinations on the show but please feel free to let me know if you think it’s too much!)

who are they?

w: homophobia, tw: violence

Several weeks of recovery, both in the hospital as well as at home, had been the result of Blaine and his friend getting beaten up when they attended a Sadie Hawkins dance together. His peers had turned their back at him ever since he’d come out in his Freshman year, and after months of getting bullied every single day and teachers not doing anything to stop it, this was the final straw. Blaine transferred to Blue Ridge High at the start of his Sophomore year, and although he sometimes still regrets the fact that he didn’t stand up for himself more, Blue Ridge High feels more like home than his previous school ever did.

Blaine has always loved performing; he started singing and dancing as soon as he learned how to walk and talk and was enrolled in piano lessons at the age of five. Being on Broadway is what he dreams of and he wants nothing more than to move to New York after graduation and get into the best Musical Theatre program there is. His father isn’t so fond of that idea, though, and is trying to convince his son to follow in his footsteps and study medicine, instead of wasting money on art school. The fact that he’s such a natural at performing is one of the main reasons for Blaine landing a spot on the squad, though.

The Andersons are a rich family that have built a name for themselves around town, and Blaine’s parents often drag him along to Mohrsville’s fanciest parties at the local country club. Although Blaine’s great at pretending to be the perfect, charming son in front of his dad’s friends and colleagues (as the Andersons expect nothing but perfection from their children), he actually doesn’t get along well with his father at all. It’s not like they hate each other – they just don’t seem to get each other. Ever since Blaine came out, the two have gotten more and more distant, and the fact that Blaine joined the cheerleading squad instead of the football team didn’t exactly help either. Blaine’s father introduces him to his colleague’s daughters every chance that he gets, and made Blaine help him fix up a car, hoping his son is just ‘going through a phase’ and that he’ll somehow turn out to be straight after all. Blaine tries his best not to let it get to him, but his father’s mild disapproval of who he is, and the lack of full support because of that, have a bigger impact on him than he cares to admit.

Blaine is a real gentleman and always makes sure to be kind and polite to everyone, no matter what their social status is. He might not be at the bottom of the food chain anymore, but he very well remembers what it’s like. However, he’s not afraid to throw his perfect manners out the window for a second if necessary, and he will not let anyone hurt his friends. Overall, though, he’s a ray of sunshine, and you’ll rarely see him without a smile on his face.

[dearv0id]

Pilot.

Remember that movie You’ve Got Mail, with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks? Yeah well if you haven’t seen it and you enjoy ‘90s romcoms, you’re fucking up. It’s really good. Anyway, there’s a quote that I feel applies to this type of thing. What type of thing, you ask? Well, it is highly, highly unlikely that anyone but me and maybe my mom will ever read this blog. More than likely, it will sit here, in the void that is the internet, existing and not-existing at the same time. Yet, for some reason, I’ve chosen to write as though I’m speaking to an audience that is interested enough to ask me questions as they read. So this “type of thing” is a blog written to an audience that doesn’t exist; a blog written to the void. 

In this part of You’ve Got Mail, Meg Ryan’s character is writing an e-mail to a man she’s never met, never even seen a picture. She’s having a rough time so she’s confiding in this man, but because she’s never met him, sometimes it doesn’t feel like he exists. It feels like she’s just confiding in the void...

“Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life - well, valuable, but small - and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void.“

I relate to this in a kind of retrospective way. See, I just moved to Los Angeles from Colorado, where I grew up. I made the decision to move and then did it a month later. I moved because I, too, was wondering about my valuable, but small life. I always thought of myself as a brave person and I definitely am brave in some ways, but not in the ways I thought.

 For example, once upon a time, my roommate’s yorkie got into the coup and attacked Elfie, one of my chickens. The dog ripped open the back of Elfie’s neck but didn’t do serious damage to any of the tendons and tissue. This meant that while Elfie might have eventually died from shock, she wasn’t going to bleed out or die quickly. It was a Saturday night and there were no vets open that took birds, so I had to make a choice. We could either do nothing and let Elfie suffer for hours until she died, kill Elfie to end her suffering sooner, or I could try to stitch up her neck and nurse her back to health. I decided to try to save her. I got out my sewing kit, made some saline, and set up shop in the backyard. She was alive but in shock, so she didn’t move or struggle. I sewed up her neck and kept her in a crate in my room for 2 weeks. For the first week I had to hold her feathers and move her head for her so that she could eat and drink, but eventually she got her strength back. She made a full recovery. I took her to the vet to make sure everything was okay and she said I did a great job, “You’re going to be a great nurse!” ....(Oh, yeah, I was doing my prerequisites for nursing school at the time. More on that later.) 

That was a pretty brave thing for me to do, right? Not everyone can stay calm with a bloody chicken in their arms, let alone successfully save its life. Fuck yeah, I’m proud of that. 

On the other hand, I’ve never been brave enough to demand what I deserve, take what I need, or even to just ask for what I want. 

So, tell me, which is more useful? Being brave enough to perform minor surgery on a dying chicken, or being brave enough to get what you truly want out of life? or to at least try?

Everyone thought I was going to be some kind of famous singer when I grew up. I started singing to strangers who walked beneath the apple tree in my parents’ front yard when I was 5. My mom put me in choir a year later, then I don’t think I ever really stopped singing until I was 22. I went to a performing arts high school, one of the fancy ones where you have to audition to get in. Out of the 200 girls who auditioned that year, only three (including me) were admitted to the program. There, I was classically trained to sing opera and jazz-- I fell madly in love with Jazz. Ella, Peggy, Sara, Louis, Billie, the timbre of their voices resonated in my bones like nothing had before. Can I tell you a secret, dear void? I wanted, more than anything, to be a jazz musician, or even “some kind of famous singer”. Dear void, Can I tell you an even secreter-secret? I could have been, but I never even really tried.

Want to know why?

That is a very, very long story- a story for another post, I think. The jist of that story is that I went through a lot in high school, like a LOT. Because of everything that happened, I graduated with terrible grades and terrible test scores. I tried going to a local college (like a step up from community college, but still basically a community college), but what happened in high school took a very real, seemingly indelible toll on my mental health. I just couldn’t do it. After a few years of fucking around and fucking up, I got sick of letting my family down. I wanted to succeed. I wanted them to be proud of me and I wanted to be proud of myself. I didn’t want to live in my parents’ basement while I worked a part-time job and tried to “make it big” and be some kind of famous singer. I pushed that dream deep, deep down, so far down that 90% of the time, I actually believed I didn’t want it anymore. I got my CNA certificate when I was 22 and started working in a nursing home. That kind of work made me realize that when I take care of people in structured ways that ACTUALLY help them, I feel like the best version of myself. The only other time I felt that was when I was performing. So I decided to be a nurse and began chipping away at the prerequisites to get into nursing school. 

Four and a half years later, nursing school isn’t really working out. Nothing is really working out. You know why? Because I am fucking afraid of letting myself and my family down and I’ve let that fear influence every single choice I’ve made for the last five years. All I wanted was to get a degree and a career so that nobody would think I was too broken to succeed, no matter how long it took or how miserable I was. I told myself to suck it up, cause it would be worth it in the end. So they would say “Look at her! She decided to do it, she didn’t give up, and now she’s achieved some degree of normalcy! For a while she couldn’t stop fucking up, now she’s literally perfect! Phew! We don’t have to worry about her look how well she’s doing lalalaaaa..”

Lololololol whoops. 

I get that this is kind of cliché. I’m not the first person to realize that they’ve been letting fear control their life. I am not the first person to feel this way, of course, duh, obviously... but I’m not writing about my experience because I think it’s incredibly unique- I’m writing about it because it’s mine. 

After my most recent, horrendous semester, I decided it was finally time to GTFO of CO. I had no savings and no job in LA, just a place to stay and a whole lot of generous people rooting for me. Let me tell ya, besides the actual ACT of moving here, nothing has gone how I thought it would. 

 It’s been almost 2 months and I still can’t find a job. In Colorado, I got any job that I interviewed for. I was in control of my environment, if I wanted a job, all I had to do was be myself. After attending 8 interviews that have resulted in 0 jobs, I’m finding that tactic isn’t going to work for me out here. Lol... surprise, stupid! Also, my resume is shit. Since I’ve wasted the last 4 years mostly just in school, my work experience is WONDERFULLY, if not horrifically, unremarkable. The only reason I’m still here is because I have amazing friends and family who want me to succeed and believe that I will, given enough time. My friend Mila is letting me share her studio for free, pretty much. I gave her $300 for rent this month, it’s not much but it was all I had. I also buy groceries and I’m HELLLAAAA tidy, so it’s been working out so far. 

In the mean time, I’m focusing on being grateful and staying motivated. This basically amounts to going to the gym 4x/week and counting my blessings instead of counting my faults. I’m really hard on myself. I hate that I can’t get a job, and yeah, I’m still afraid of letting everyone down. But I’m trying to move past the fear. I’m trying, so, so hard, to stop being so, so afraid. 

We can talk more about that later.

Until next time, void, 

Sidda

[thesak]

The Dunnes: ‘Stronger than ever.’

Twenty years ago today, Tim Dunne made a quick dive into a friend’s pool and woke up hours later in an intensive care unit, partially paralyzed. He has been an inspiration to his family, friends and everyone who’s known him ever since. Here’s a story I wrote about Tim and his family in 2005, as his sister, Kelly, was helping lead Northport’s girl’s basketball team to a county championship.

A passion than strengthens family ties The Dunnes: Seven-and-half years after accident and ‘stronger than ever.’

Northport Record, Jan. 20, 2005 — Kelly Dunne gritted her teeth and curled her face into a slight sneer as she lay on the floor in front of the Northport bench, the victim of a shirt-grabbing, arm-flinging intentional foul late in an ugly game against Sachem North, last Saturday.

Kelly, the junior who starts at guard, collected herself, stood up and reacquired the stoic look, the wide-eyed straight stare that she nearly always maintains as part of a quiet, unassuming na-ture on the basketball court. The teeth and the facial contortion were gone with a flashbulb.

Only family noticed. Kelly’s mother and father, John and Eileen, and brother Tim, all veter-ans of on-the-court battles and far greater off-the-court obstacles, were watching from the stands and on the sideline. 

“I don’t think she meant to hit you that hard,” John told Kelly after the game.

“I don’t know, I felt like I was Superman,” Kelly said. “Someone said to me, ‘I was getting ready for you to get up and deck that girl.’ I was like, ‘Um, no.’”

Therein lies the character, the determination and the sportsmanship that is embodied by Kelly, in continuation of a tradition set forth by her parents and her brothers — Greg, Richard and Tim.

Inspired To Succeed

Greg, 27, played basketball on the 1995 Long Island championship team at Northport and at Nazareth College in Rochester. He led the team to the NCAA tournament and was selected as an All-American while earning the nickname “the Magic Johnson of Division III.” He current serves as the assistant head men’s basketball coach at the State University of New York-Brockport and works as an investment professional in Rochester.

“I’m busy all the time, I’m working all the time, but it’s fun,” Greg said from Rochester, be-tween his shift at the investment firm Pics Telecom and an evening practice.

Richard, 21, also played basketball at Northport and maintained academic dexterity with nightly trips to the library and late study sessions. He is in his senior year of pre-med studies at the University of Notre Dame in South Bend, Indiana. He works at a homeless shelter and last year interned in the emergency room at Memorial Sloan Kettering Hospital in New York. Kelly calls him a genius.

“I live my life on the go. I’m nonstop,” Rich said from South Bend, following a walk across the campus where 10 inches of snow has fallen in the last three days.

His hectic pace is similar to that of Greg and Kelly, who balances basketball, performance in the school choir, study and a social life. Following a game against Walt Whitman, the week before Christmas, Kelly rushed to the locker room, changed into a sweater and skirt and dashed to the choir room to prepare for a concert performance.

“We’re very active people and we don’t like sitting around and waiting for things to happen,” Rich said. “We’re proactive people and maybe that’s why we work so well as a family. Being active keeps us going and it makes our lives exciting.”

Tim, 25, is an inspiration. It has been seven-and-a-half years since the steamy early summer afternoon, the week before graduation from Northport, when he made a quick dive into a friend’s pool and woke up hours later in the intensive care unit at Huntington Hospital, partially paralyzed.

During his recovery, and the years of adjustment since, Tim has inspired Kelly, who was nine at the time, to a precocious emotional maturity and Rich, who was in eighth grade, to a career in medicine.

“I spent months and months in the hospital and I saw how my brother and my family reacted to tragedy and turned it into a positive,” Rich said. “I saw myself being able to help people in a similar way, helping people who were sick.”

Tim has influenced friends, more than any paid inspirational speaker ever could, to grumble less about their own insignificant misfortunes and to live each day with a positive outlook. And he has motivated the Northport community to philanthropy, evoking donations to fund hundreds of thousands of dollars in needed renovation costs for his parents’ home, for the van that is used to transport him, for the motorized wheelchair that has become part of his visage and for other victims of spinal cord injury.

“It was unbelievable, the outpouring of support that people showed to me,” Tim said. “If there was a day that I didn’t feel like getting out of bed to go to physical therapy, I just sat there and would think about all the people who sent letters, who sent donations and it really motivated me.”

Tim graduated from Hofstra University in Hempstead in 2003 with a double major in journalism and psychology. He wrote feature stories during an internship with the local weekly newspaper, the Northport Observer, but had to back away from those duties when health woes and back pain from typing limited his productivity. He plans to apply to law school — his friend Joey DiPalo, the young man whose cardio pulmonary resuscitation helped revive Tim after the accident, is a lawyer in Queens — or a Master’s program.

“I’m really kind of indecisive about what I want to do next,” Tim said. “I’d like to go to law school, but I’m worried that with some health issues that I have it might be too difficult. I know that I would be able to do the work, once I get in there, but physically I don’t know if I’d be able to handle it. It took me five years to graduate [from Hofstra] and it really took a physical toll on my body. Even just to write a two-page paper it’s difficult on my back. ”

For now, he remains committed to being a fixture at Northport girls basketball games, cheering Kelly and sharing his observations with her, whether she likes it or not.

“Kelly gets frustrated because I try to tell her little too much, sometimes,” Tim said.

“Too much, every time,” Kelly interjected.

Bound By Basketball

John and Eileen were introduced to basketball while growing up in the Boulevard Gardens apartment complex in Woodside. They were friends, but did not begin a formal courtship until they reached their 20s, Greg said. The game was their first love and the infatuation grew through play in high school. John crashed the boards at Brooklyn Tech in Fort Greene and Eileen honed her shooting at Mater Christi in Astoria.

As John and Eileen drove toward professional life and marriage, basketball remained as much a constant as strong religious values and the strength and determination that have carried them through tragedy and triumph. It is a kinship that has been passed to each of their four chil-dren, that Greg, Kelly and John continue to foster and that Tim, Rich and Eileen support from the sideline with praise, critique and affection.

“We just all love it, it’s a passion,” John said. “Basketball is our first love.”

Between Greg, Tim, Rich and Kelly, and the leagues of the Amateur Athletic Union, the CYO and the Eaton’s Neck youth program, John has coached more than 600 games. He has attended well over 1,000, including battles at Northport long before he ever knew his children would play on the varsity squad.

“We started coming to the games long before our kids were even of age to play,” Eileen said. 

“I probably came to girls games before Kelly was born,” John said. “I would watch Rich Castellano coach before I knew we would even have a girl.”

The Dunnes’ early development helped aid their success on the teams at Northport High School. Tim, Rich and Kelly have each appeared in the county semifinals.

Greg, playing in the veritable glory days of Northport boys’ basketball, reached that level of the playoff labyrinth twice. In his senior year, 1995, he led the Tigers to 23 straight wins and a berth in the state semifinals in Glens Falls.

Along the way, the Tigers scored a 50-35 win over Bridgehampton for the county championship, before a capacity crowd at Stony Brook University. Several of the Bridgehampton fans, Tim noted, took exception to his brother’s razzle-dazzle style and, more notably, his overweight appearance. They drew a sign and hung it from a railing.

“Pillsbury Dunneboy,” it said, complete with a doughy caricature of Greg, who had been shaped rounder than the prototypical point guard.

“When I saw that sign from across the way, I got so mad,” Tim recalled.

Tim sneaked around to the Bridgehampton section of the stands and stood near the sign, a sophomore from Northport amid rows of enemy territory.

“I waited for the right time,” Tim said. “[Greg] made a really nice move and scored on a nice driving layup.”

Tim ripped the sign and screamed wildly at the fans that he suspected had made it.

“I hated to see anything like that about my family,” Tim said. “I just wanted to stick up for him.”

Nearly a decade later, the story of Tim’s self-guided seek and destroy mission still provokes smiles and a sense of appreciation.

“He went over there and took care of business, that’s the kind of kid he is,” Greg said. “He’s fiercely loyal to his family and his friends. If you’re doing something wrong to his family, you better watch out, even now.”

Greg connected on 4 three-pointers and led the Tigers with 20 points. He scored 19 in the Ti-gers’ Long Island Class A championship win over Hempstead and added a team-high 22 in a 57-56 double-overtime loss to Henninger in the state semifinals.

“It was a great experience because I was doing it with all of my best friends,” Greg said.

John coached several players from the 1995 Northport squad, in AAU and reached the organization’s national championship against teams from across the country, some of which featured eventual pro-fessional stars. “We grew up playing basketball in the park every single day since eighth grade.”

Tim played on the 1997 Northport team that beat Sachem to reach the semifinals and then lost to William Floyd, 34-28, in what became a battle of defense, will and perimeter shooting. Rich appeared in the semifinals in 2001 and scored a basket, as Northport lost to Brentwood 49-43. Kelly made her trip last year, while a sophomore, as the Lady Tigers made a remarkable run to a state semifinal against Ossining.

Kelly Green, Blue & Gold

Kelly’s affinity for Northport athletics, and her intrinsic relationship with the Lady Tigers’ success, began well before she ever addressed Rich Castellano as coach. At age 3, she was an honorary cheerleader, complete with uniform, for her brothers’ teams. Later, she watched as a fan as the girls teams led by Cami and Kim Ruck charged toward the Long Island Championship.

“When Kelly was a little girl and probably when the other girls were little girls, and any little girl that likes basketball in Northport, grows up and wants to be a Lady Tiger,” Tim said. “They’ve been to the games, they’ve been to Hofstra. Kelly came with us to the games at Hofstra when Kim Ruck was playing in the Long Island Championship. These girls have grown up wanting to be a part of the Lady Tigers.”

Kelly attained her childhood dream and, shortly into her sophomore season, left an indelible print in Castellano’s mind — a three-pointer from the corner to defeat Sachem in the 2003 Suffolk Shootout tournament.

“That’s one of my favorite shots of the year,” Castellano said. Kelly hit a similar basket in the county championship game against the same Lady Flaming Arrows, last March. “Here she is a slight little blonde girl canning the three from the corner.”

Well-liked off the court and respected for her knowledge and diplomacy on the court, Kelly has assumed an unspoken leadership role. She also has one of the team’s most singsong plays named after her — Kelly Green.

“She’s one of my favorite kids on the team, she’s just positive all the time, she’s receptive all the time,” Castellano said. “She has grown as a defensive player. She’s very perceptive. She’s got one of the best shots on the team.”

After the Sachem North game, and the takedown that momentarily pulled the cover off of Kelly’s cool demeanor, last Saturday, Castellano approached her with thanks.

“I just told her, I said, ‘Listen, I appreciate what you do,’” Castellano said. “She’s a student of the game; she knows what to do to win.”

Her brother Greg, the assistant coach at SUNY-Brockport, agreed.

“As a player, she’s very skilled, she’s not the strongest, not the fastest, but she’s got a very good basketball I.Q.,” Greg said. “She does what Rich Castellano asks her to do.”

Teammate Jillian Byers, the senior guard who also plays on the girls’ lacrosse team with Kelly, concurs.

“She’s every coach’s dream player. You want to have that girl on your team. She’s very determined. She has unbelievable court vision,” Byers said. “She’s an all-around person. She’s one of the girls on the court who you think, ‘should I give this ball to her,’ and you have total confidence in her that she’s not going to turn the ball over.”

Through the tragedy of Tim’s accident and the triumph of his recovery, of basketball championships and academic success, the Dunnes have remained strong and steadfast to live in a new kind of normalcy. Kelly plays and Tim takes down mental notes.

“Seven years later, we’re still going and we’re stronger than ever,” Rich said. “We’ve become a closer family and each and every one of us is better for it. We’ve become better people, we respect one another and we really love each other. I couldn’t ask for anything more for a family life.”