#i had an intense dream but i can't recall what happened except this one bit

[lwieserce]

woke up so tired & eepy

[heartfucksmouth]

had a dream about CS and it was text messages at first. she said she didn't know the number but assumed it was me except my name was spelled differently. she said something I can't remember and then the text was cut off and I interpreted it as her getting into a car crash bc she was driving while using her phone. the anxiety and dread I felt was intense and I was trying to send her messages to confirm she was okay but then she walked in the door and my emotions shifted so much, seeing her perfectly fine but having left me in distress. she said yeah, she crashed her car but it wasn't a big deal, they just have to tow it. (??) and her nonchalant attitude about everything got under my skin. I don't recall what happens for a bit but I don't think she was present for long. I do remember people and myself talking about her and they were doing the whole sour grapes thing to try to make me feel better. and I said something about CS has gone back to doing percs and drinking too much and I don't want to be around that mess anyway.

it left me with a really weird shaken feeling bc I don't think about her really. maybe I saw something that subconsciously reminded me of when we would hang out. she really shouldn't be able to access me bc I've blocked her and tried to cut all ties, but I still get the sensation she just violated my mind somehow. probably just because of her weird shit she would tell me like we were psychically connected and how she channeled my sister one emotional night. I still question if all of that was just manipulation tactics to gain more control over me.

but yeah, it was probably a dream my subconscious was giving me, maybe process things a little more, and not anything weird. I mean, at least I didn't waste too much energy being worried, even in my dream. I feel like that's a symbolic improvement. I really am trying to look out for me now.

[fifteenskies15]

The Immortal Water Pillar, Tomioka Giyuu

(Tomioka Giyuu x Mermaid! Reader)

Summary: Tomioka Giyuu, The Water Pillar has live long enough, more than you know... But how did that happen? Well, it all started when young Giyuu met a mermaid...

Admin's note: Hello again everyone! I came back and this time I'm with Giyuu content, hopefully this will turn out well... I'm actually nervous about this since this is adapted/referenced from Yaobikuni and because Giyuu ate mermaid (or merman aka reader's) flesh, he's definitely the oldest (and still the most handsome) Pillar in demon Slayer corps, I warn you, this'll be OOC and there will be GiyuShino here

TW: Mention of Giyuu committing suicide (Artwork does not belong to me)

Legend said that there is a woman who accidentally ate mermaid flesh...

She doesn't age and stayed like she was, young and beautiful, got married but then she became a widow, tired of living this life, she became a bhiksuni and travel around the world, and she died at age 800...

She might be dead, but mermaid's flesh did have a wonder for her... She can live for eight century, but in reality... Whoever ate the flesh will surely live forever or became an Immortal.

"Tomioka-san, you're not a human aren't you?" Shinobu said out of the blue, as she and Giyuu were sitting on the engawa while watching the full moon, the question definitely caught Giyuu off guard, he looked at the petite girl who looked at him with that typical smile on her face, but you could tell she definitely put Giyuu in position.

Giyuu remained silent as the night itself, he wasn't sure how to answer that.

Matter of fact, he is a human but...

"....."

"Tomioka-san, you should know that silence could mean as a yes, so I was right that you're not a human..."

Giyuu's blue and lifeless Cobalt blue eyes looked at her as in saying "does anyone know about this?"

Shinobu shakes her head no, "No one knows... At least not yet..." Giyuu keep staring at her, he seemed to weigh option whether he should tell her or not, seeing that he's aware that Shinobu doesn't seem to fancy him that much.

Shinobu however could detect distrust radiating from the man.

"Tomioka-san, You could tell me, I swear I won't tell any soul"

Giyuu still not believing her.

"...You promised"

Shinobu nodded solemnly signifying that she really won't tell anyone.

Giyuu stayed silent as he roll up the sleeve and pull out his sword from his sheathe, the blue color of the blade illuminated by the moon.

"Have a look, Kochō"

Giyuu cut his arm, a long, gross scar on his skin and blood dripping off from his arm, Shinobu were mildly shocked "Tomioka-san, what are you...!?"

Her purple eyes widen as she saw the cut on his arm are instantly healed, no cuts, he wordlessly put his sword back to its sheath

"Tomioka-san, may I...?"

Giyuu nodded and let Shinobu examine his arm, her eyes are filled with wonder and curiosity

"How curious, you had an exceptional regeneration ability, it's even more better than demons, it's quite fascinating..."

She looked up at Giyuu, frowning.

"But how...?"

Giyuu looked back at the full moon, looking wistful "...Kochō... Have you heard the tale of Yaobikuni?"

"Ah... That's the tale of female bhiksu who live for 800 years because she ate the mermaid flesh..."

A flash of realization hit her

"Tomioka-san, you're pulling my leg..."

Giyuu just looked at his feet, another silence blanketed the air, and it's really heavy that it's almost hard to breathe.

"Tomioka-san..."

"Kochō... I'm a human but I actually have live more longer than you know..."

Shinobu were out of words.

"Then...how long...how long have you...live?"

Giyuu thought of it, it's been so long since he lived he couldn't even remember how long he live now.

"If I recall correctly, I'm born in Kansei era..."

Once again, Shinobu rendered speechless, this man, who are known for his reversed personality and distance himself from the other pillars has lived for two centuries...

"I will tell you everything but I'm not sure if you're going to believe me"

Shinobu is not the person who believed about mythical creatures aside from demon such as mermaids.

But if she heard everything from the man who lived for nearly 200 years...

...

Shinobu looked into Giyuu's blue eyes intensely, demanding him to tell her everything "Tell me everything, Tomioka-san..."

"Very well..." He looked up at the night sky and told her everything...

200 hundreds years ago...

Young Tomioka Giyuu and his sister Tsutako lived near the docks, everyday, young Giyuu could see fishermen, sailors and travellers come and go by the boat or a big vessel, aside from that, he could feel the wind gently blowing against his skin, the salty smell of the seawater and wave crashing against the reef, sometimes he watch as the sun rise and when the sun is setting, whenever Tsutako off to the city, he always play at the shore, watching the fishermen taking off to the sea or just enjoying the calm and serene sea.

It was another day Giyuu played by the shore, laughing as he kicked the sand with his small feet, he lift up his hakama and enjoy the feeling of the sea wave against his ankle, smiling and laughing, forgetting the fact that the land were plagued by the demon attacks, he could see the seagull flying, the palm trees gently swaying, Giyuu breath in and out as he taking in the beauty of nature in front of him.

Sometimes he wonder, what kind of place that exist across the big blue sea considering how big this world is.

As he enjoyed the sound of the waves, he could hear a faint sob somewhere, he looked around, there was no one but him

"Hello? Is anybody there?"

"...help me..."

Giyuu craned his ear and followed voice

"Somebody... please..."

He kept following the voice, he didn't realize he's been walking further, but it's a good thing that he remembered his way back

Soon enough, the sobs and plea growing louder and that's when Giyuu find something unbelievable...

He saw a mermaid/merman, her/his tail were trapped in fishermen's net, the mermaid/merman is around Giyuu's age too.

How is it possible?

"Hey, it's okay! I'm going to help you"

The mermaid/merman seems desperate that she/he didn't mind a human helped her/him "Please... It hurts..." Giyuu carefully climbed down the jagged path as he try to help the poor creature, Giyuu had watch several fisherman fiddling with their nets so he knows exactly what he must do.

He can't help but to feel your (E/C) eyes staring at him, Giyuu stopped for a while, examining you "Are you a mermaid/merman?" Although it was obvious, You just nodded as he continued to free you, Giyuu focused on the net and finally manage to free you, you smiled as you sway your (scale color) tail freely, you looked at Giyuu with a beaming smile "Thank you so much for saving me, human, I'm in your debt, how should I pay you?"

"Pay me?" Giyuu ask a little confused "Yes! Paying you because you have saved me rather selflessly I say... So what do you want? Oh wait, I know! I know you want immortality!"

Young Giyuu knows that living as an Immortal being is dream of any people, but there's beauty of growing old and even death itself, Tsutako said to him that no matter how much you want to be Immortal, you will never understand how is it to have a change within yourself, either it's physically or mentally, Giyuu smiled and shook his head "No?"

"No I don't want immortality, I'm happy that I could help you" you pouted then you look at Giyuu hands, there's a bit of cuts, he probably didn't realize that releasing you did hurt him "Your hand..." Giyuu tilted his head then look at his own hand "Oh! It's okay! I'll be fine, I can just lick it!" You widen his eyes and grab his hands in rush "No! It won't do you any good!" You looked around and to see a stone with jagged edge and cut your finger with it

"What are you doing?!"

"Shush!"

You let the blood dripping into his cuts and miraculously his hands were healed, Giyuu looked at it his now flawless hands in awe "How did you do that??" You proudly huffed your chest "I'm a mermaid/merman remember? Our blood had regenerative ability, even if just one drop we could heal those who are gravely injured!" Giyuu watch as the cut on your finger regenerated in a blink of an eye "That's amazing"

"It is, isn't it?" You smiled as you lean against the rock watching Giyuu closely "By the way, I'm (name), what's yours?"

"Giyuu...Tomioka Giyuu" he say as he bow slightly at you "Ah, take it easy, Giyuu!" Giyuu just smiled at you and nods "Okay then" he then looked at you tail curiously "What's wrong with my tail?"

"I think it's pretty" he say sitting down and dip his feet in the cold but refreshing seawater, you peer curiously at his small feet "Wow, your feet are small!"

"Yeah, I know but it will grow soon...hey!!" He fell on his back as you lift his feet and looked at it in awe "Wow! Look at your toes! It's so small! I wonder if humans feet are sensitive?" You cluelessly touched his feet as Giyuu stiffled a laugh "Stop..." You looked at his face and smiled mischievously and tickled his feet, Giyuu burst out laughing "Hahaha!! Ahhh!! Stop!! It's ticklish!!"

You laughed and keep tickling his feet, at the same time you amazed at how sensitive humans feet are, maybe this is why they used a thing called...zori? or geta? Or whatever it's called... It must be used to protect the sensitive human foot

Fascinating!

You stopped tickling him as Giyuu exhaled a relieved sigh "Geez, you could just ask me not giving me a surprise attack like that" you giggled "Sorry, I'm just curious, it's just, you're the first human I ever seen in my life!"

"Really?"

You nodded and looked at him with wonder and curiosity "I want to know more about human things! What did they eat? Why do you all wear weird clothes? How is it feel to run free?" Giyuu smiled at you and seem gesture you to calm down "I will tell you if you tell me how is it feel to be a mermaid"

"Deal"

"Now what do you want to know?"

You thought about it for a while "Why do humans eat fish?"

Well that certainly one heck of a question coming from a mermaid like you "Because they're tasty" Giyuu said "But some of the humans didn't really eat fish you know, some of them eat rice with vegetables"

Your eyes sparked with interest "Rice? Vegetables? I want to try them! It must be tasty!!"

"Hehe maybe when we can, I will come and get you some"

"Please!! I want to try what you humans eat!"

"I will, what else do you want to know?"

"Well..."

That day you and Giyuu spending time talking about human stuff, and you told him about mermaid things, you both talked till the sun begin to set "Giyuu, look! Sunset!!"

Giyuu smiled at how the sun slowly sinking, the once blue sky turned orange "I have seen sunset but I never knew it looked so beautiful here!" He then stood up and give you a sad smile "Well, it's nice to meet you (name), but I had to go before it's too late"

You pouted sadly "Giyuu, wait! Can I see you again tomorrow?"

"I don't know, will you be here tommorow?"

A smile spread across your face as you nodded "Yeah, I'll be here, waiting for you"

"Then I'll be here tomorrow, see you, (name)!" Giyuu waved and run back to the docks as you swim away to place where you stay.

As he reached the docks, Tsutako just came back from the town as well, "Giyuu, where have you been?" Giyuu just smiled happily "The reef near the seashore, I was just want to see a change of scenery" Tsutako smiled at him and ruffled his hair "Well next time I have day off take me with you" Giyuu smiled and nodded, he knows that his sister is very nice so his mermaid friend would like her too.

The next day, Giyuu came with riceball he made himself, he hoped that you would like it, he arrived at the same place, as he wait for you, he once again dip his feet in the cold seawater while humming "I wonder if she's/he's here..."

"Good afternoon, Giyuu!!"

"Whoa!!"

Giyuu jumped a bit as you emerge from the water with a smile on your face, you laugh at him "Hahahaha!! You should see your face!" Giyuu huffed his cheeks and pouted "You almost gave me a heart attack" you giggled and climbed up to the shore so you sit next to him "Sorry, sorry, I just wanted to surprise you"

You peered at the riceball he bought for you "Ooh, is this what human food looks like? It's cute!! Look at how you put the seaweed on it!" You say looking at the food with sparkling eyes, Giyuu smiled and put the box on his lap "This called riceball, it's a simple dish but it's filling when you really don't want to cook, have a bite" he say as he offer you one, you gratefully accept it and take a bite

It's tasty!

"Wow! This is delicious!!" You say as you gobbled up your food, Giyuu ate on for himself and smiled at you "Right? When my sister is away, I always make this for myself so I don't get hungry"

"You have a sister?" Giyuu nodded as he looked at the vast blue sea, "She's beautiful, nice and knows how to cook, someday I want to take her here so she can meet you" You're intrigued, Giyuu is nice and his sister must be very nice too, you yourself didn't really have any sibling so you kind of envied him.

"(name) are you okay? Are you mad that I wanted to take my sister here?"

"Huh? Of course not! I actually really want to meet her, it's just that..." You sighed and take a bite of your riceball "It's just that I'm jealous of you, it must be nice to have a sibling, I have spent my life all alone, my only companions are fishes in the sea, but I can't just tell what's bothering me to them, I need someone who can relate to me and understand me like a sibling did" you say sighing, Giyuu pouted and patted your back, you looked at her quizzically "What are you doing, Giyuu?"

"I'm trying to cheer you up"

"Is this some kind of gesture that most humans did to another?"

"Yup!" He stopped and looked at you "(name), if there's anything that bothers you, you can tell me anything!" You looked at him with hopeful eyes "You will?" He nodded "Of course! That's what friends for!"

Friends...

That's sounds amazing...

"Do you really mean it?"

"Do I really mean what?"

"That you are my friend?"

"Of course we are! I know we came from different world, but that doesn't stop me from being friends with you!" You could feel tears welled up in your eyes, the way Giyuu said it and how it's reflected inside his eyes, he was genuine.

"Waaahhh!! Giyuu!!!" You tackled him to a hug while you cry into his chest, truth to be told, you have met so many humans but none of them are as kind and as genuine as Giyuu... your eyes, the way Giyuu said it... His feelings are genuine

"Hey, hey, it's okay, don't cry" he say as he hugged you back, he could feel something on his lap and to see...pearls?!

You pulled away, wiping your tears away, smiling at him "Sometimes I forgot that mermaids can make a pearl from their tears, well, why don't you keep it?" Giyuu looked down at the pearls, it will be nice if he sell them and the money can be used for his sister but...

...

He scooped the pearls and throw it away to the sea "Huh, Giyuu you sure you don't want it? It would give you a plenty of good fortune" Giyuu shook his head "I don't need pearls like those, I became your friend just the way you are not because of what you're capable of" you smiled again and hugged him, gently this time "You had a pure heart Giyuu"

"What is that even mean?"

"Hehe nothing, just wanted to say it"

That day, the two of you spend time eating the riceball untill the sun began to set.

----

Years pass, and Giyuu had grown up into a fine young man and so are you, Giyuu still visited from time to time, and the more you spend your time with him, the more you realize how handsome Giyuu is.

"Is everything okay, (name)?" You looked away and sputtered "N-nothing!! Anyways... How have you been doing? Especially with all the recent demon attacks" Giyuu's smile falter as he sighed "I have been fine...I trained with someone who live in the mountain so I can defend myself and other people" he looked rather distant, something must've troubled his mind "Are you worried that we can't see each other now that you're going to mountains?"

Giyuu nodded "The man, Sakonji Urokodaki is very kind, his training may be gruesome but he's still allow me to see you when I had a free time"

"I see..." You just sway your tail then looked at him "Anyways, how is Tsutako nee-san doing?" A warm smile spread on his face "She's going to get married next month"

"Really?! That's great!" You say smiling, Tsutako is really nice when Giyuu took her to see you, of course you like her almost immediately "When Tsutako nee-san is married you and I are gonna be aunt and uncle!/uncles!" Giyuu chuckled and nodded "Yes we do, I'm so happy for her"

"Oh! Before I forget..." You began to shed a tear as it turn into a very beautiful pearl "Here Giyuu, I want Tsutako nee-san to have this" Giyuu was astonished "(Name) are you really sure?" You nodded and give the pearls to him "This is my token of appreciation, a thank you give for her, tell her I wish her to have a happy marriage" Giyuu smiled and held the pearl before he put it in his pocket "Tsutako nee-san will love this"

You smiled at him, then you both watch the horizon sky in peaceful silence, you scoot closer to Giyuu and lay your head on his shoulder, Giyuu smile and lay his head against yours "I'm going to miss this once I got to the demon slayer corps..." You pouted sadly since you know you won't see him for the time being "and I will miss you too, Giyuu..."

Giyuu looked at you wistfully and take your hand on his "You won't lose me, when I can, I will come back here to see you and tell you everything that happened..."

You looked at him

"...You promised"

He nodded solemnly as he remove the strand of your hair from your face "You have my word"

You smiled sadly at him, you tried to cherish the moment before he went back to the mountain again and you want to give him the thing you made for him since you know this day would come

"Giyuu, give me your hand"

Giyuu was a bit confused but he did anyways, you handed her a seashell with a pearl on it and there's an engraving on the pearl

義勇富岡

"My name?" You nodded happily "I remember how you teach me how to write your name, I made this so you could remember me when you see it" Giyuu smiled and held the beautiful seashell close to his heart "I will treasure this forever... Thank you, (name)"

You smiled and hugged him as you both witnessed the last sunset together...

"I loathe to say it..."

"Then don't..."

Giyuu sighed and went on his feet "But I must go, tomorrow I have to go back to training" you tried to not cry and stay strong knowing that you won't see him for a long time, "I wish you good luck, Giyuu..." You swim to the sea and give Giyuu one last fleeting look, he looked sad as he waved and mouthed "until we meet again"

You nod and dive back into the sea...

Month has passed, you keep waiting and waiting for Giyuu to come back, he's not coming... But that's not going to stop you from waiting for him.

But this time you're worried, for the first time you swim near the docks where Giyuu lived, you could hear many fishermen or people talking

"... unfortunate... really"

"...such shame...she was a nice young woman..."

...What?

You peer closer and try not to get their attention "Do you know Tomioka Tsutako? It's unfortunate that she's dead right before her wedding day"

...What...?!

"Yes, it's such a shame that she died before the day she became a blushing bride, pity her, pity her"

"That's why many youngster trade their lives for danger to put people's heart at ease and become demon Slayer"

"Come to think of it, her brother is one of them too, right?"

"I'm not sure yet, but let's hope that boy is alive and well"

You felt like being hit, Tsutako is...

...

With tears in your eyes you swim aimlessly to take your mind off the ugly possiblity that will happen to Giyuu, you stopped and climb on a reef, sitting on it and sing a sad melodies, you mourned, you mourned of your friend's death and thinking about Giyuu, how can he deal with this?

"Giyuu, please be okay..."

----

A year had passed and you still wait for Giyuu at the very same place all those year ago, and he still didn't came

Giyuu, where are you now? How are you now?

You looked at the horizon, it feels disrespectful when you see this beautiful scenery without Giyuu by your side, you still remember his smile and how his eyes gleam in happiness Everytime he talk to you

"Giyuu, I wish you were here..."

Your eyes wander around just in case you actually see him, and you did...You could see Giyuu sitting on the sea cliff, motionless"

Giyuu!!" You called at him, but he didn't hear you... You then noticed he pulled out his sword as he stood up near the cliff

...No

No!!

"GIYUU NO!!!"

Too late, he already plunge his sword into his stomach, he then fall backwards and plunge into the sea, you swim as fast as you could to save him, you looked around and see his body slowly sinking in to the deeper sea, sword still stuck on his stomach and the color of ugly red seeping out from his abdomen

Just a little more...!

You manage to grab him and quickly bring him to the shore, you lay him down carefully and pull out his sword from his stomach, you put your ear on his chest, his heart were beating weakly, he's gonna be a goner soon...

You took his red streaked blade and cut your wrist as you let if fall on his stomach, the cut on his stomach is healed and there's one thing you must do when he's awake

You got closer to him, you did a chest compressor so he could cough out all the water, when it's enough, you get even more closer to him and connect his lips with yours...

...

...

Giyuu coughed as air finally filled his lung he looked around and to find you looking at him with worry in your eyes

"(Name), it's you..."

"Yeah, it's me..."

And out of the blue you punched him, hard that he stumbled back, but he doesn't seem to react anything as if he deserves it

"You idiot!!! What the hell happened with your mind?! Why would you do such stupid thing?!" You pulled his collar as his blue eyes didn't even met yours "Answer me!!! Why did you do that?! Did you forget the promise we made here?! Am I nothing to you know?! Is it what Tsutako nee-san wants?! IS IT?!"

You were so sad and angry at him, guilt spread over his now expressionless face.

He should've know there's another person aside from Tsutako and Sabito who cares about him.

"...No..."

"Then why...?"

He looked at you with his empty blue eyes, you realize that there is no light inside it like you used to see "I have lost my sister and I have lost my best friend, I'm punishing myself because I'm not strong enough for them, and I know I'm not strong enough to even protect you, so I..."

You cut him off by hugging him tightly, hesitantly he put his arms around you and hold you like you're his lifeline

"Giyuu, you still have me no matter what happens..."

"I know...and I'm sorry..."

You both embraced each other in silence as you spoke up "Eat me, Giyuu"

...

"(Name), what do you mean?"

"Just eat me!! I can't bear the thought of you dying!!! I won't let anyone and demons kill you! You have to stay alive to protect innocent people from the demons!!"

You cupped his cheeks and pressed your forehead against his "I know this is very selfish of me to ask, but I want you to stay alive, for me, for Tsutako nee-san and your best friend..." Giyuu looked at you with mixed feelings "When the demons are eradicated, I want you to come back here, spending time together like we used to and tell me everything and if you're tired living as an immortal I'll be here" you say joked at the last part as you hugged him.

"(name)..."

"Go ahead, I'll be fine..."

With few hesitation, Giyuu bit your shoulder slowly before he began to "eat" you, blood dripping down from your shoulder, you could feel his tears against your shoulder as you assure him everything is going to be fine...

Then he stopped, he pulled away from you with mouth smeared with your blood, and tears running from his blue eyes "(Name) I'm sorry..."

"Don't be..." You smiled as you recovering slowly, but the bite mark on your shoulder remain there, you smiled at him "To remind me of you and knowing that one day you'll come back..." Giyuu then pulled you into his arms as you hug him back just as much...

Knowing that this is truly the last time you see him...

You patted away and go back to the water as you smiled at him "Run along now Giyuu, protect people with all your strength, no matter how long it takes, I'm here, I'm always here, waiting for you..."

He nodded as he wipe the blood off his mouth "I promise I will come back here..."

"You promised..." You smiled, tearing up.

"...See you soon, Tomioka Giyuu" you say as you dive back, Giyuu watch as you swim away.

"See you soon, (name)..." With that, he left the sea and go to where he belongs to.

Shinobu was speechless as he listen to Giyuu's story, she couldn't imagine what he's been through and what he's seen. "And does Oyakata-sama knows about your unusual condition?" Giyuu nods "He knows and he keep it a secret from everyone...which makes you the second person to know about this..."

He rummaged his pocket as he pulled out the memento you have him hundreds years ago, Shinobu watch in amazement as she saw it was still in perfect condition

"It's beautiful..."

And to her surprise, Giyuu smiled as he looked at it "It is..." The pearl were beautifully illuminated by the moonlight.

"This is what keeps me going...I promised her/him that I will come back once everything is settled"

It's definitely weird, but Shinobu couldn't hold back her smile "You sure secretly a softie, Tomioka-san"

"Be quiet, Kochō..."

Shinobu just chuckled as she and Giyuu keep basking under the moonlight, in his heart Giyuu promised that he will stay alive as long as he can no matter how cruel and painful life can be.

And someday soon, he surely will come back to you.

----

Admin 15: Wow, that sure very long! Anyways, I'm sorry if you don't catch what happened in the story or the GiyuShino reference here, thank you very much for taking your time reading this!

[esselley]

Kinktober #26: Mirror Sex

Whole Milk/Prostitute!Kageyama AU!

It’s been a couple months now since they started dating.

Everything is going… really well. Hinata is consistently surprised, by this. He supposes he wasn’t really sure what would happen, after Kageyama asked him out “officially”. There had been flowers. He’d said yes without a second thought.

Hinata has continued not to have any second thoughts about dating Kageyama. He was never worried about Kageyama’s job—neither of them brought it up before or after, and they don’t need to. Kageyama still needs to make a living, he still works as a prostitute. He has Hinata now to laugh at his wild work stories even when they make Hinata’s cheeks turn bright red. And he has Hinata now, to hug him tighter than is strictly necessary (he has yet to make Kageyama beg for mercy but it’ll happen someday), and kiss his forehead, and make sure he knows, even without words, that someone cares so much for him, beyond just paying a couple hours’ for his attention.

However… none of this changes the fact that Kageyama is still a sexpert, and Hinata is still hopeless. And while things have been going increasingly well, day by day, Hinata is still frustrated about one thing.

He can’t get Kageyama’s dick all the way in him.

It wasn’t a big deal at first. Hinata has only had two other short-lived attempts at relationships, and neither had really gone far past heavy making out, which had generally been the end of any action, given his extreme and persistent awkwardness. The first, a high school girlfriend, had gotten a tongue up her nose after he’d panicked and tried to get too fancy. He’d punched his boyfriend in college in the crotch trying to figure out how to angle his body. They had both been very kind when they’d broken up with him, though, so he appreciates that.

Kageyama, on the other hand, is undeterred. No matter what catastrophe Hinata manages to incur, he shrugs it off, dodges any bodily injury, doesn’t seem at all swayed.

“If you think you can top the stuff I’ve seen at my job,” he usually says, “keep dreaming.”

It says a lot that they’d even gotten anywhere the first time they’d met—that Kageyama had managed to relax Hinata enough to finger him; finger, singular, being the key word here—but it was still one whole finger inside Hinata and he had come from it instead of being so embarrassed his balls shriveled up into his body and… that’s some kind of accomplishment. It’s a bigger accomplishment that Kageyama had wanted him to stay around, wanted to date him. He likes Hinata that much, somehow.

But Hinata really wants to sit on his cock, and this is proving to be more difficult than he’d like it to be.

The first attempt is a lesson in patience, except Hinata isn’t good at absorbing lessons.

“I want you,” he gasps, hands smoothing over Kageyama’s arms and back. He can’t stop shaking, body trembling uncontrollably. “Kageyama—please—”

Kageyama looks down at him with something like concern. “Hinata…”

“I’m ready,” Hinata vows. He feels completely stretched open, knows he is entirely prepared to take Kageyama’s considerable length, can’t wait to feel it inside him—

“I can barely fit two fingers in you,” Kageyama says, and Hinata’s dreams are dashed.

It turns out his particular brand of hyperventilatingly excited and debilitatingly nervous aren’t the best combination when it comes to anal. He tenses up his muscles like no one Kageyama has ever encountered, his boyfriend says, and that makes it hard enough to finger him, let alone fuck him.

They try everything. There is a long period of Kageyama making Hinata switch with him—he shows Hinata how to relax into it, how to open him up, how it’s entirely possible to relax and lay back and be pleasured. He shows Hinata how to find his prostate. The first time he watches Kageyama come completely undone, back arched off the bed as he moans in ecstasy, it shakes Hinata to his very core.

It takes longer to get Hinata inside him—the first time they attempt it, he’s so worked up by the way Kageyama says his name while Hinata fingers him, the way his eyes get so dilated and dark, that he comes as Kageyama is rolling the condom on him. It takes an hour for him to recover from his shame, curled up on the bed pantsless with Kageyama spooning him. He keeps breaking into helpless laughter every few minutes when he recalls the noise Hinata had made in an attempt to warn him to stop touching him.

“You sounded like a dog that got stepped on,” he wheezes into Hinata’s neck, planting a big, wet kiss there. Hinata squirms in his arms angrily.

He does eventually fuck Kageyama and it’s better than he could have hoped for, even if he doesn’t manage to make Kageyama come the first time. He knows Kageyama can get himself off, but it’s like an unspoken rule between them, that Kageyama doesn’t fake anything with Hinata. Kageyama doesn’t mind things being imperfect, and Hinata knows he’s not going to be great. But between them, it’s all real, and it’s going to get better.

Except Hinata isn’t getting better. He knows Kageyama doesn’t have a problem with it, but that doesn’t mean they both don’t want it, and it’s starting to feel hopeless. Each time he fails, he gets a little more desperate. The tipping point comes the day he tries to trick Kageyama into thinking he’s fine—when trying to take three fingers hurts, enough that his eyes are watering even while he tries to keep his voice steady. Kageyama (fortunately) is too experienced to fall for it.

This time, Kageyama doesn’t laugh at Hinata when he pulls him into his arms.

“It’s not like I’m going to disappear if we don’t do this,” he says firmly. He very graciously does not say anything about the way Hinata is sniffling into his chest. “Shouyou. You getting hurt is not sexy.”

“I’m not sexy,” Hinata says. “But I’m trying.”

Kageyama is quiet, before he asks, “Do I make you feel unsexy?”

“Huh?” Hinata asks. “No…” 

It’s a hard question to answer, though. Kageyama always seems to say he is sexiest when he isn’t meaning to be. It’s when he tries too hard, and usually fails, that Kageyama laughs or tells him to cut it out. And now he’s trying his hardest, and failing every time.

“Shit,” Kageyama murmurs, sensing the stillness in him. “Shouyou? I’m sorry.”

“It's—n-not you,” Hinata says, lower lip wobbling. Kageyama kisses it. “I just don't… it’s me, I know I’m not—and then I just can't—” His face is on fire.

“Okay,” Kageyama says, tucking Hinata’s head under his chin, “okay.”

Hinata doesn’t realize, yet, that okay means there is a plan forming.

A couple of weeks pass between that incident. They still have regular, mind-blowing sex, and all the other things that are, Hinata starts to realize, the real point of being together: instant ramen and anime dates, competitive toothbrushing when they stay over at each other’s places, taking evening walks together. He doesn’t mention his concerns again, and Kageyama doesn’t either. It’s not so bad, when Hinata isn’t constantly worried about it.

And then one day he knocks on the door to Kageyama’s apartment and Kageyama opens it, to greet him with one of the most blistering, intense kisses Hinata’s ever received. It takes his breath away.

The door is barely closed when Kageyama starts reaching for Hinata’s clothes, tugging his shirt off over his head so he can trail his fingers over Hinata’s back, goosebumps following in the wake of his touch.

“K-Kageyama?” Hinata says, bewildered. He’s gotten more used to how suddenly passionate Kageyama can be, without warning, but this is so unprompted. The urgency is making his head spin.

“Hey,” Kageyama says, sounding out of breath. “I’ve been—waiting, for you to get here.”

“You have?” Hinata asks, feeling thrilled.

“There’s something I want to try,” Kageyama says, “if you’re okay with it.”

Usually, it’s Hinata wanting to try new things—Kageyama has already seen and done it all, so he lets Hinata explore, always keeping him steady. It’s not often he proposes something, and Hinata shakes his head eagerly, not even bothered by the fact that he just walked in the door.

Kageyama leads him to the bedroom, and their clothes fall on the floor in a telltale trail, t-shirts, pants, underwear following. Kageyama is down to his underwear, and Hinata is completely stripped by the time they make it through the door—clearly, Kageyama knows what he’s after. In the room, Hinata sees it—a big, tall mirror propped against the wall across from the bed. He tilts his head, staring at the reflection of his own naked body.

“I, uh, borrowed it from work,” Kageyama says.

“What are we gonna do with it?” Hinata asks.

“You’re going to use it to watch,” Kageyama says, leaning in close to whisper in his ear, “as I fuck you.”

Hinata goes rigid, heart racing at his words. “We’re gonna do it?” he asks. “You know how to—”

“It’s still going to be up to you,” Kageyama warns him. “But, I had an idea.” He sits on the edge of the bed and beckons Hinata closer. Dubiously, Hinata approaches.

“I don’t… think being able to see myself,” he says, “is going to help very much.” Kageyama tugs Hinata closer, kisses his shoulders, and his collarbone, and his jaw, and it’s so nice Hinata almost forgets about all his uncertainties, until Kageyama turns him around, sitting him in his lap.

“Trust me a little bit,” Kageyama says. “Okay?”

This means Hinata is now staring straight at the mirror—straight at himself, very exposed in Kageyama’s lap, as Kageyama nuzzles against him, lips brushing his cheek, hands sliding over Hinata’s body. Hinata swallows, and his reflection swallows, too. He looks astoundingly nervous.

“I, um,” Hinata says, “do I have to—I mean, is there a reason—”

“Obviously,” Kageyama says. He bites Hinata’s ear, almost like he’s scolding him, and Hinata’s breath hitches as he watches Kageyama tug at his earlobe. His own chest rises and falls—it seems unnecessarily fast, like a frightened rabbit. He wills himself to breathe slower. “I wanted you to see how amazing you look.”

Hinata blinks rapidly. “I don’t—”

“You said you aren’t sexy, and that’s not true,” Kageyama says. “You say you’re trying to be sexy, but you don’t have to try.”

“That’s not—the point—” Hinata said, voice choked. He feels shaky and hot, but some of it is embarrassment. He wants to look away from the mirror but it’s impossible. He’s turning bright red, his face and his stomach and his thighs. He looks ridiculous.

“What is, then?” Kageyama asks. He trails the back of his hand coaxingly over the inside of Hinata’s thigh, knuckles sweeping up the crease of his hip. Hinata’s cock starts to harden and turn pink, and he wiggles.

“Sometimes,” he says, part explanation, part defiance, “I want to try. I want to be sexy, not just by accident. I want to turn you on on purpose.”

Kageyama looks straight ahead, meeting Hinata’s eyes in the mirror. “Then now’s your chance, Whole Milk.”

It’s a challenge, and Hinata can’t help but take the bait. He glares back at Kageyama’s reflection. “I’m gonna do it,” he tells him. “I want you all the way inside me, Tobio. He-help me get ready!”

Kageyama grins. “Good start.”

Several minutes later, he is very much starting to doubt his resolve. Kageyama fingering him is always good, because Kageyama is some kind of gold medalist at fingering, but—watching it happen is something else entirely.

“A-ah—” Hinata pants. He can see everything, has seen everything: Kageyama teasing his cock to get him to relax, slipping a hand in between his legs to circle his slick fingers around Hinata’s rim. He can see his own skin getting shiny from the lube, see the sweat rolling down his flushed thighs, which seem to twitch and tremble much more than he’s ever realized they did. It’s like he barely has to be touched to lose control. He remembers how much he likes it, when Kageyama falls apart under his hands.

“Still watching?” Kageyama asks him. “You can’t tell why I love doing this to you, yet?” He finally slides a finger a little way into Hinata’s body, and Hinata jerks. He can see the way his ass clenches around it, how the muscle tightens—Kageyama’s finger disappears inside him a little ways at a time and it’s as deeply mesmerizing as it is shocking.

“I’m—I—”

“You’re already so open,” Kageyama says. “Look—” He pushes his finger all the way in, and crooks it inside Hinata, brushing his prostate. Hinata cries out, back arching—he watches their reflection, stunned. He didn’t know he could bend like that.

Kageyama has him on two fingers in what feels like no time at all, and Hinata mewls and gasps as he feels and sees himself being stretched open, writhing in Kageyama’s lap. In the mirror, he can see exactly what he’s doing, and the way Kageyama reacts. He can see that his moans make Kageyama mouth at his skin, that his shudders make Kageyama’s fingers speed up inside him, that touching Kageyama’s thighs or his arm make his breath speed up in Hinata’s ear.

“I’m going to use three,” Kageyama says, and Hinata nods shakily. The third finger doesn’t hurt. It just makes him need more.

“I think about it all the time,” Hinata mumbles, as Kageyama pistons three whole fingers in him, spreading Hinata’s entrance every time he buries them fully. He strokes Hinata’s cock slowly with his other hand, keeping him dazed with pleasure. His hands look big on Hinata, now that he can see it straight on—working over his shaft and inside him, nice and large and strong. “Whenever I touch you I try to memorize it. So I can imagine what you’d be like inside me.”

This makes Kageyama grin, but he hides it in Hinata’s hair. Hinata almost starts to feel embarrassed, until Kageyama’s voice rumbles in his ear, more hoarse than usual.

“God, I can’t wait to finally fucking show you.”

Hinata gasps at that, biting his lip as his cock twitches, heat pooling dangerously in his stomach. But Kageyama pulls out of him, shushing him, pressing kisses to his shoulder. He has to maneuver to get his underwear off, but then Hinata feels him, hot against the cleft of his ass.

It’s finally going to happen. He’s going to have Kageyama’s cock in him.

“How are you feeling?” Kageyama asks, as he rolls on a condom and slicks a generous amount of lube over himself. “Okay? You look good—you look so good…”

Hinata whimpers, as Kageyama positions him over the head of his cock. He can see how thick it is in the mirror, and sucks in a breath.

“We’re going to go slow,” Kageyama tells him, fingers caressing his stomach. “You’re going to watch me go deep inside you, Shouyou, do you still want that?”

Hinata nods vigorously. Cautiously, Kageyama helps him sit back down, and then he’s looking, eyes wide, as the head of Kageyama’s cock disappears right into him, pushes inside him to open him up just a little more. He freezes.

“Okay,” Kageyama says, and Hinata remembers to breathe. “That feels so fucking—incredible—”

“It’s—it’s barely in—” Hinata whispers.

“You’re so tight,” Kageyama tells him. His voice sounds shaky. “You sure you’re okay?”

It doesn’t hurt yet—it’s just a lot. And there’s going to be so much more. He’s trying so hard and he doesn’t want to screw it up—

“Shou, I need you,” Kageyama pleads, and that snaps him out of it. Kageyama leans his forehead against Hinata’s back, helpless. “If you—if you can—”

“I can,” Hinata says. He’s trying really hard, and Kageyama still likes it. He’s not failing, even if all he’s not failing at is taking a cock up the ass. He can do this.

He presses down more and Kageyama groans, long and low. His hand splays across Hinata’s belly, and Hinata threads their fingers together, puffing his cheeks out as he goes. He’s pretty sure he doesn’t look very sexy right now, but he can see that it’s Kageyama who isn’t watching, currently. He has his eyes closed, mouth open as he gasps, every time Hinata sinks a little bit lower.

And it all kind of pales in comparison to what it looks like, watching every hot, thick inch of him going inside Hinata—until there’s just no more left to take. Until he can lean back against Kageyama’s chest, fully triumphant, and triumphantly full.

Kageyama presses his cheek to Hinata’s. They gaze at each other in the mirror for a long time, long enough that it makes Hinata start to smile unwittingly, until he’s grinning bashfully at their reflection.

“How is it?” Kageyama asks him.

Hinata presses down on his stomach, where he feels heavy and tight. “Told you I’d do it.”

“Mmm. You like it?”

Hinata nods. “A lot. Can you move?”

The pace Kageyama sets is slow at first. He is still careful to test the waters, to let Hinata adjust to every cautious thrust. It feels strangely awesome, having something so large pressing inside all of him. The steady pace makes his hips roll in sync with Kageyama’s; it looks obscene, with the way his cock bobs against his stomach, Kageyama’s hands gripping underneath his thighs to keep him spread open wide. It looks…

“Sexy…” Hinata breathes, and Kageyama growls into his ear,

“This is why I said to trust me.”

Hinata moans. “You can—go harder—” He wants to feel it. He wants to get fucked.

Kageyama builds up to it, hips rocking faster, thrusts pounding more intense—but what Hinata isn’t ready for is the moment he lifts him, biceps flexing as he picks Hinata up enough to bounce him in his lap, his cock sliding slickly in and out of Hinata’s hole. Hinata shouts, head falling back in a haze of bliss. He’s nearly at his limit, after so much stimulation, but Kageyama grabs his chin and forces him to look back at the mirror.

“Oh, god,” Hinata says. He looks fucked out of his mind, which is completely accurate. It’s so hard to keep his eyes open, but he can’t look away from the place they’re joined, where Kageyama’s cock disappears into him over and over. “Oh, my god, To—Tobio, Tobio—”

“You’re taking me so good, Shouyou,” Kageyama pants. “You look perfect, you always look perfect for me—”

“I th-think I’m gonna come—” Hinata says, “I want to—I wanna come on your cock—”

And to his shock, it’s Kageyama who finishes first, swearing at his words as his thrusts judder out of rhythm. They’re hard and sharp, and Hinata chokes as Kageyama rubs insistently inside him. Kageyama wraps his fingers around his leaking cock, to add to the sensation, stroking him too fast for Hinata to bear it. He jerks in Kageyama’s arms, and then spills, splattering his abdomen as he comes hard, thoughts blanking out finally, leaving him in a silent, shivering rush.

When he finally comes back to his senses, Kageyama is holding him tight. Hinata pats his arm softly and his grip eases up—barely.

“That was amazing,” Hinata says, before Kageyama can ask. Kageyama leans his forehead against his neck and sighs.

“It better be, after I stole that mirror,” he says. Hinata laughs in delight.

“You can take it back, I think.” Their reflections look utterly wrecked. And satisfied. He reaches back, to slide his fingers through Kageyama’s hair. “I… think I’m okay now. I believe you.”

“Or maybe,” Kageyama says contemplatively, “we can buy one ourselves. I definitely didn’t mind this.”

Hinata agrees this is an excellent plan.

Later, after they’ve cleaned up and showered, and are standing in the kitchen heating up water for food, Kageyama says, “Do you want to know how I know you’re sexy?”

Hinata opens the package of frozen dumplings he’s been struggling with too forcefully. “What? How?”

“At my job, most of the time to get off, I had to think about something else,” Kageyama says. “Think about good porn, or what I wanted to do, or how I’d get myself off.”

“Okay…” Hinata says, not understanding yet.

“Now,” Kageyama says, taking the package of dumplings from him, “I just think about being with you.”

It was a good instinct, grabbing the dumplings, because Hinata would have dropped them. He smacks Kageyama on the arm with a wooden ladle. “Why didn’t you say that sooner?!”

Kageyama wrinkles his nose. “It was too sappy.”

“That’s the point, Kageyama!”

“I thought you wanted to feel sexy,” Kageyama says, “not mushy.”

He is probably teasing, Hinata realizes, judging by the way he laughs as Hinata continues to try and jab him with the spoon. That’s the good thing about Kageyama, though. He can make Hinata feel sexy in a lot of different ways; but the nicest part is that he always makes Hinata feel wanted, sex appeal or no.

There’s more Whole Milk AU misadventures here on my Tumblr!

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