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altarflame · 4 years ago

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Let me give you this real country music breakdown.

Keeping in mind that 2019 involved lots of gut wrenching transition, including divorce and selling my home of 11 years (the longest I’ve ever lived anywhere). Moving away from the tropics, to a place where the ocean is usually too far and my plants can’t live outside through the winter. I had a kid move out and away, for the first time. My oldest friend also died last August, after a scant 3 month long battle with cancer. It was a real plague upon my proverbial dog, wife, and pickup truck. And, of course, I’m living through a pandemic, and a long overdue but very emotional racial justice uprising, with the rest of you, now. Anyway. OTHER than those things, my 2020 has been like...My sister’s gradually, gut wrenchingly cut off all contact with me over the past couple of years, culminating in the last couple of months, whenst we no longer speaketh at all. I’ve fought hard for this to be different and it’s still very sharp. I don’t think I’ll ever give up hope, or stop making a fool of myself about it. A new friend I was starting to really care about hung herself in April. I’ve tried to be there for her husband and 5 year old daughter when and how I can, which is honestly not much. I’ve taken several people who were scared to go alone, to her grave. I felt forced to break up with the person I thought was my soul mate, these past 3 years, and wanted to be with forever, and I have grieved it hard over the last couple of months. I’m still processing this. I’m gonna be processing this for awhile. My threshold for being anywhere near him without overwhelming sobbing is apparently approximately 45 seconds. In the beginning we were scrambled together, mixed in a celestial bowl and hand fluffed with a feather. And the tears of bliss were not amiss - it was a good day. But the story nears the present time Of restlessness and wake up calls Wake up! Years have flown fast but then who's counting The wars have been won but there's few left standing between us And the shadows of Christmas past... Critically acclaimed but sadly underrated - Fortune definitely favored us, but no one celebrated. Our wits were splitting at their ends... We gazed upon the city lights We each laughed aloud one final time and agreed: This is one thing we'll miss... On his way out, he sabotaged my part time foster child’s mom’s tenuous, fragile relationship with me, so I no longer have the ability to connect with or help that child who he brought into my life. Who I love and wonder about and periodically hear horror stories about via mutual friends. I bent over backwards, I burned calories straining for that trust between the mom and myself.

It’s so terrible sometimes. It hurts so bad. Jean-Paul. LAURA. *MILLS* . Coralye. FUCK. This post brought to you with plenty of hard crying, and no shortage of echoing painful music. I’m physically sick about this shit semi often. I don’t normally let go of anybody, guys. But certainly not my fucking nearest and dearest. I have a lot. I have SO MUCH. I know this. I feel good a lot of the time. I have all 5 of my kids under this roof while the pandemic rages on, and they’re all healthy and beautiful and they all love me and talk with me. It’s mostly all cake these days with them, Elise telling me where she is in her own solitary reading for pleasure, Ananda cracking me up, Jake biking to the grocery store for treats to share, Aaron showing me something amazing in the yard, Isaac washing dishes and giving me weirdly helpful and totally unanticipated advice. They’re almost no work now, it’s all return on investment and I have tons of privacy and I use the fuck out of it. I’m deeply in love with somebody these past 7 months. Being deeply in new love AND devastated-heartbroken about lost love at the same time is honestly dizzying, I spent a first destitute day thinking maybe I can’t do polyamory anymore, period. Maybe this is too fucking much and I’m gonna be alone and focus on my career and my goddamned plants. (<--not fucking really, obv I am not gonna let the pain win and go full hermit. Brief compelling temptation, though.) My career and my plants are great, btw, thanks for asking. I’ve got basically my dream job, it’s flexible and lackadaisical AND meaningful and challenging, it’s salaried with bonuses and hella benefits and amazing job security. It’s the whole thing, the culmination of 6 years in school and unpaid internships and volunteering. I even have a spare PRN position elsewhere that I mostly hang on to because it’s fun when they want me to come make $200 for a shift, to mix it up a little. And I have solo projects, writing and web and mental health, all in the works, and they’re good. I have seedlings sprouting. I have a yard that is pure magic, revealing new secrets each day. I’ve got some of my oldest people, like Jess. I’ve got some exciting new people, like Jill. The love, did I mention it? Holy shit. I’ve got Sterling, and that is a whole other story. That it’s been this good while things are this bad is pretty astounding. His own drama quotient has been off the charts, too. I almost can’t imagine how wonderful it would be if we weren’t constantly adrift in a sea of bullshit, though I also strongly suspect we both need a certain staggering minimum quota of bullshit. It’s no accident that we met mutually chasing along after the wake of the same madman’s chaos. We’re nursing some deep wounds in each other, waking up some old old hurts and soothing them back down smaller and smaller. Anytime we’re touching it’s either syrupy soma sweet, blazing inferno hot, or a staggering blend of the two - and then we pull apart to try to actually speak with whole brains, and inevitably take turns being baffled, just hilariously relieved, at how easy it is to communicate. We alternate coming at each other on tiptoe, braced, and then feeling confused and just.... amused? Skeptical? that the other is totally able to empathize with what was just said and is accepting it gently. We don’t have a ton of objective stuff in common, on paper. We’re both very wordy and linguistic, we’re analyzers, we draw unusual people who will feel safe telling us insane things. We’re both hypersexual perverts, chronic pickers, we both wear too much black. It doesn’t go a lot further than that at a glance. We both have PTSD and ironclad outward facing coping skills, nostalgia for the Florida Keys, scientific skepticism mixed with some faith in magic.... we were both brilliant children who felt pretty isolated. But I haven’t ever really felt like anyone is loving me the way I love people, before. I’ve never even felt like anyone else received my love, the same way I intended it, or at least not all of it. It’s like the intensity of what I’m conveying and meaning when I kiss somebody’s cheek, I dunno man, he experiences it. The goofy flowing sense I have, of holding hands, he comments on it all the time. I’m not just like.... alone, in my overwhelm with being touched, or my enthusiasm for sensations, and that is honestly pretty new to me. Sterling is not tolerating my affection for my sake, and I’m still gradually adapting to that with periodic backsliding into hesitance, and unneeded apologies. It’s like we’re totally fluent in the precise same love language, so nothing gets lost, and the feedback loop is instantaneous. He’s dark inside, but dark like Nine Inch Nail’s A Warm Place. Dark like the womb. So as I was saying. I have so much. Including a candle that’s about Mills, and is burning behind me, giving me this slipping sense that I need to blow it out, I need to reserve it, it’s gonna be gone soon. This one spans so many feelings, it’s been positive, some new candle would be what, voodoo? Meddling? I don’t know. This one’s been in a drawer, with our ring buried in it (my dragon). What will I do with that ring? What will I do with all this love? How can I contain so much, anyway? Why can’t anything ever replace anything else? It’s like infinite space, and the empty places just keep throbbing, and it’s like I sprout new spots for new fullness and the cavities pulse on. I’m deeply grateful for a certain self-completeness I’ve come to understand that I have, and that not everyone does. I am resiliant A-motherfucking-F (<--meta vulgar!). AND YET. OW OW OW. I’m sitting here trying to exposure therapy my way through my Mills playlist, as I write this, so Spotify can’t surprise me into sads anymore. I’ve gotten already to a place where sometimes i remember positive things purely positively, and laugh and tell a story and it’s ok. I’m bitter as all hell that I can’t even talk to my sister about this breakup, after she had so many stupid goddamned feelings about the relationship itself, about polyamory in general, about ever knowing him (which might have allowed her to help me grieve at all). Sigh. I love the internet, maybe feel free to send me a message if you’re still reading, whoever the fuck you are <3

#personal #long text posts #polyamory #Mills #loss #Sterling #motherhood #MSW

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comicteaparty · 5 years ago

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October 12th-October 18th, 2019 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from October 12th, 2019 to October 18th, 2019. The chat focused on the following question:

Of your story’s characters, who is your favorite to write and why? Also, who is your least favorite?

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

In Phantomarine (http://www.phantomarine.com/), my favorite AND least favorites to write for... are both of my villains My favorite to write for is the 'fun villain' - a character as quirky and dramatic as they are threatening. It's super satisfying to just get into their words and PLAY.(edited)

The other is the 'cold villain' - calculating and quiet and controlled. Dramatic fun villains are way more my thing, so writing one that's so restrained (combined with all the bad things I know she's done )... I genuinely dislike writing for her. She holds me back from having fun... AND she's a meanie

Deo101 (Millennium)

In millennium (https://millennium.spiderforest.com/) My favorite to write for is definitely Keith and Aaron... I know technically that's two characters but they practically count as one, so I'm gonna say them. I just really like writing their goofy interactions and their silly jokes, and the way they interact with eachother versus with everyone else.

I..... Don't have a least favorite to write honestly. If I had to pick one, I guess I would say the HARDEST person to write for is Kessiah, which I guess makes writing her scenes my least favorite? That's just because shes the newest character of the whole cast, though, so I don't know her as well. I still like writing her and I love the scenes shes in and shes super important, she's just harder so I dread some of her scenes because I don't quite know how to fit her in. (She was added kind of last minute, everyone else has been there years before I started!)

AntiBunny

In AntiBunny http://antibunny.net/ I've often said my favorite character to draw is Piago, but probably my favorite to write is Penelope, because of how organically she's grown over time. And she gives me a nice challenge to write because she always seeks non-violent solutions, and she doesn't live in the sort of world where that's always an option.

For least favorite, probably Malphas. He never shuts up, and that's tons of dialogue I have to work in. He's the kind of guy who uses ten words where one would do just fine. If he gets talking he can grind the pace to a halt. Juju I'd also say is difficult to write. Readers want another chapter with her, but honestly, her kind of grim humor really isn't my cup of tea anymore. I've grown as a person and she hasn't, so I'm not really sure what to do with her.

snuffysam

For Super Galaxy Knights Deluxe R: http://sgkdr.thecomicseries.com/comics/ Mizuki and Taci are definitely the most fun to write, especially when they're interacting with each other. Mizuki is the perfect roaster, and Taci is the perfect roast target, so I'm not sure I can pick a favorite between them. For least favorite... either Cahe or Gynu. Gynu has very little personality besides being loud and powerful. He serves as a counter to Suzigu's lazy/annoyed attitude I suppose, but on his own he doesn't really do much for me. Cahe is a bit more entertaining, and while he's not particularly complex I am glad that his kind, mostly innocent personality is a part of the comic. The real issue with Cahe is his powerset - it's basically impossible to work him back into the story as a fighter because of how his ability works.

HiddenElephant

For The Wide Ocean: http://thewideocean.thecomicseries.com/

Most fun to write: Zahrah. Unsurprisingly one of the main characters, the reason why she's fun to write is because it's surprisingly fun to see which poor decision she'll make next, or she's bonding / living with the people around her.

Least fun to write: Paea. A minor character who's hard to remember. I don't have an especially good grip on her character, and a lot of the time it feels like I'm writing her because the plot calls for a sharkfolk who fills the niche she fills; someone we know, who is a little bit of a jerk but not as much of a jerk as another character.

Steph (@grandpaseawitch)

In http://oldmanandtheseawitch.tumblr.com/ I only really have two main characters are the moment and one I only partially write for, as Ains belongs to his creator and I'm essentially using him on loan. So technically, it'd be Witchy. Truth be told, it's also Witchy because he's basically male-Yzma, he likes being mean and nasty, he's a dramatic, crafty fish-man with an eye for pretty things and absolutely zero ability to be introspective on his own feelings. But there's a strange, surprising depth and sympathy to him where he should otherwise be unsympathetic.

For non main characters, probably Hiro. He's such a goofy little fisherman and will invariably be doing something stupid in the background. I love him. I would die for him.

Least favorite... gosh. I try to make every character a character I would love writing for or could make a main story for, so that's honestly pretty hard. There's King [Redacted], who will not show up for a LONG time but his characterization is always slippery for me--unlike his son. Who is somewhere in the character page but also won't show up for a long time.

@LadyLazuli (Phantomarine) VILLAINS VILLAINS VILLAINS ARE THE BEST TO WRITE FOR

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

@Steph (@grandpaseawitch) THERE IS NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT

HiddenElephant

Actually, I'd debate that, especially when they are irrevocably cruel, violent, self-serving and delusional.

keii4ii

Well, some people genuinely have a ton of fun writing characters like that. Whatever Floats Your Boat and To Each Their Own

kayotics

yeah I gotta agree with Keii, sometimes people just love writing villains. And sometimes those are the most fun? You don't have to write them winning, either

keii4ii

I love lawful good/ lawful neutral characters, good or bad, both as a creator and as a reader. But I'm fully aware that not everyone likes them, and that's okay!

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

True! I know Steph and I definitely lean more in the villain/antihero-centric direction, but depending on your story’s aim - and the kind of villain you’re writing - it can either be a chore or a delight. Writing stalwart, lawful-good heroes is a nightmare for me, in comparison. It’s just not something I’m strong at

keii4ii

(psst lawful good does not always a hero make. You can totally have lawful good losers :'D)

kayotics

i think most of my favorite characters to write are chaotic in nature, whether they're villain or hero, or even just a side character, so really there's all sorts of directions you can go

keii4ii

Yeah!

Steph (@grandpaseawitch)

Lawful-good is an alignment that sees very little action in my writing, haha. As an entity of chaos myself, it tends to leak into my characters.

But the worst of the worst, the True Villain, is absolutely a delight to write. I've written a few bad-end versions of Witchy like that in other universes and they were IMMENSELY fun.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

A lawful good loser is actually a character I’m currently trying to write. He’s right on the edge of what I’m comfortable with. A layered kind of good. Good that means well, but suffers on the way to goodness. It’s a great exercise, and I’m starting to genuinely love him. A golden hero who always succeeds and does the right thing... may actually show up as a secondary villain someday, in comparison 🤫

Steph (@grandpaseawitch)

Oh! I may not have a LAwful Good character, but... there is one for a main character.

Which is Mister Ains. :3

So there is technically one in the comic.

He's a fun kind of LAwful Good because... he was originally the type of Order Is Very Important type of Lawful Good. A good heart, but sometimes might have put rules above people, and over the years, learned how to be the more "Good Is More Important Than Order" kind of lawful good. Which, to bring things back around to the topic, is why he's a very fun character to write, and probably the most fun of the characters on loan to me.

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

I would put "Good Is More Important Than Order" under Neutral Good, personally. (Assuming it doesn't go all the way to "good is more important because order is useless," which sounds like Chaotic Good.)

Lawful Good seems like a tough alignment to write -- maybe the toughest? Because it's unrealistic for there to be no unjust laws. If the character starts off earnestly believing all the laws are for a good purpose, that works, but eventually they're going to find a bad one and be forced to choose...

Deo101 (Millennium)

I've always thought of it more like "do good and dont break any laws"

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

But sometimes, the only good thing to do is breaking the law.

Extreme examples are things like "you're legally required to report on your neighbors if they question the government, and anyone who's reported mysteriously disappears in the night."

keii4ii

One way to go about it is they die trying to change the law the legal way (or the closest possible), e.g. getting killed while doing a peaceful protest

or a suicide protest that doesn't involve physically threatening/harming others (e.g. self incineration protests by Buddhist monks)

Nutty (Court of Roses)

the Player's Handbook for D&D: "Lawful Good creatures can be counted on to do the right thing as expected by society."(edited)

keii4ii

Also, lawful good doesn't have to mean "the MOST upper-est left-est corner possible in the alignment graph." You can be like, 90% lawful 88% good or something.

Nutty (Court of Roses)

"Neutral Good folk do the best they can to help others according to their needs. Chaotic Good creatures act as their conscious directs, with little regard to what others expect."

keii4ii

That too. Society =/= the government

at least, not in every case!

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Yeah, "expectations of society" is a different standard from "laws of society." And it'll vary from subgroup to subgroup, so if the character sticks to "the expectations off my social circle that believes it's wrong to inform on our neighbors," it's easier to maintain.

Nutty (Court of Roses)

Yeah! i was double checking the book and saw that description, and for that very reason is why i brought it up

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

You'd still have to always associate with a group that shares your current values, so you'd have to deal with conflict by convincing people to come around to your point of view...that, or dumping them and finding a new friend group...

keii4ii

As someone who consistently tests lawful good, I genuinely don't get why this is any harder than any other alignment! Like... I'm not lawful good 100% of the time, but I'm still closest to that alignment than any other, overall!

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

I mean, I probably follow the local laws 90% of the time, but I wouldn't say that makes me Lawful so much as lucky!

keii4ii

Just because some evil-aligned villain has the occasional Pet The Dog moment, doesn't necessarily make them good or even neutral, yeah?

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

...no? But I'm not sure that's the same issue.

keii4ii

Say a lawful good character breaks a rule they consider to be fundamental to being lawful. It can happen. One key difference, for me, is how they deal with it afterward.

Deo101 (Millennium)

I like to think of it more as a tendancy than a hard set rule, too

Nutty (Court of Roses)

I myself consider Merlow Chaotic Good, but not because he's a wacky unpredictable guy, he just goes with the flow and what feels right to him.

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

So would the difference be that "lawful good" feels bad/guilty/distraught about having to break the rule, whereas "neutral good" doesn't feel attached to the rule, just satisfied that they did the right thing?

Nutty (Court of Roses)

that sounds about right

or at least, the LG one would be self conscious about it and worry about what others think

keii4ii

Maybe not even "what others think"

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

NG would probably worry about that to some extent too, just for practical reasons.

keii4ii

depending on the situation

Nutty (Court of Roses)

true

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

But "willing to break the law for the greater good, just beats themself up about it afterward" is a much easier character type to sustain than what I was thinking!

Nutty (Court of Roses)

yeah!

keii4ii

like, it could be more about... worry about what they believe others SHOULD think (this can be very relevant if there is a big rift in the society with regards to what's right -- maybe they're in the minority, and don't feel guilty about acting contrary to what the majority believes to be right)

(I really like parentheses in case you haven't noticed)

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

(lol me too)

Nutty (Court of Roses)

(whisper whisper)

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

So that goes back to the "LG character adheres to the rules of their particular subculture" idea.

keii4ii

That sounds about right

Though there could be exceptions -- like, what if that subculture is all about anarchism?

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Chaotic Lawful!

And given the history of real-world attempts at anarchist communities, we know that one can only sustain itself about five minutes before self-destructing...

Nutty (Court of Roses)

loooool

#ctparchive #comics #indie comics #webcomics #comic chat #comic discussion #creator interview #comic creator interview #comic tea party #ctp #creator babble

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canyousevmyheavydirtysoul · 6 years ago

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Bodyguard II: Familial Ties (Part II - Chapter 2) (Brendon Urie x Reader)

Note: Listen to this when it gets to the karaoke bit. x

The ride back did not do much to help calm you down. In fact, spending four hours on a restrictively-spaced quinjet by yourself only fuelled your rage. So much so that by the time you stepped foot back on S.H.I.E.L.D property, you were practically a walking-talking pillar of metaphorical fire.

You strutted down the glass-windowed corridors dangerously, veins pulsing and glowing blue because your temper was only worsening with each second that passed. You were trapped in your own world, too lost in thoughts over how you wanted to rip Jacob Ross’ heart out to notice anyone around you, and hell-bent on getting to the training centre so that you could obliterate an army of training dummies.

“(Y/N)!”

You ignored the call of your name not because you wanted to, but because you didn’t hear it.

“Hey! (Y/N)!”

Your body was jerked to a stop by a firm hand grabbing your arm and pulling you back a little. When you turned to snap at the person, you were met with the confused face of Spencer.

“Hey, I’ve been looking for you,” he said.

“Well, you found me,” you pulled your arm back and shrugged, “What?”

Frowning a tad at your standoffish attitude, the other agent began explaining himself. “I caught a mission out in Italy. Naples. I was wanting to know if you wanted to join.”

As he spoke, his eyes caught sight of the blue glow under your skin and he frowned harder as he looked down at where your veins were protruding in your arms.

“Buuuuut now I see that that’s probably not the best idea,” he backtracked, reaching for your hand so that he could inspect your arm further; you yanked it back.

“No, actually, it’s a great idea,” you countered, “When do we fly out?”

Still unsure, given your current state, Spencer shook his head and opened his mouth with the intent of arguing that you should stay, but you silenced him with one deadly look.

Sighing in defeat, he relented. “7pm. That’s in an hour. You better suit up.”

✧ ✧ ✧

Naples, Italy.

“Shit,” you cursed, ducking behind a crumbling stone wall just before a flurry of bullets came whizzing through the air, embedding themselves in what was left of a marble statue a few feet away from you.

Taking a breather, you looked down at your hands and clenched your fists, trying to channel as much of your anger as you could. You were still inexplicably filled with fury from your encounter with Jacob Ross half a day prior and admittedly, that was the main reason you came on this mission – to get rid of it.

So far you’d taken down a fairly large percentage of the enemies, but you weren’t satisfied. The meeting with Jacob was merely a catalyst to kick start your rage, and it opened the floodgates to allow all of the emotions from the last year to come crashing through in one massive wave, drowning your logic and common sense as it did so.

You were acting like a woman possessed – taking risks without thinking of the consequences and doing things you normally wouldn’t have – all to the distress of Spencer.

This mission had become less of a work-related thing for him and his priority had shifted from taking out the bad guys to making sure that you didn’t get yourself killed.

Like right now, for instance. He was in the middle of combat with a respectably large henchman, but when out of his peripheral vision he saw you stand up and move right into the line of fire, he started panicking.

“(Y/N)!” he called out desperately, trying to get you to think clearly.

You paid no attention to him and simply proceeded with your plan. Raising both hands in front of you, you mumbled something under your breath that caused your eyes and veins to glow a bright blue and your hair to shift to a startling platinum colour, as the ocean tide began rising at the edge of the city.

Lifting your hands slowly, you began moving the water, urging the waves up to the sky. Once they were high enough for your liking, you brought your hands down in one swift motion, summoning the water forward to wash over the army that had been shooting at you; in one last show of anger, you willed the water to solidify and turn to ice.

But, your anger had influenced the strength of your powers much more than you’d anticipated, and not only did the waves wash over your enemies – it was continuing to wash over the rest of the city, too.

With a gasp, you hurriedly extended your hands to stop the phenomenon, creating a sort of force field, so that the water couldn’t extend any further, and forced it to retreat back into the ocean.

The damage had already been done, though.

The entire coastline of the city was entombed in ice.

✧ ✧ ✧

S.H.I.E.L.D HQ. Washington, D.C.

Huddled up on the couch in The Director’s office, you pulled your knees closer to your chest and rested your chin atop them. You gazed out of the glass wall/window at the city outside, observing everything yet nothing at all.

You were so lost in thought that you didn’t even hear your godfather enter the room, and only noticed his presence when he was close enough that you could spot his reflection in the glass.

“How bad is it?” you questioned, voice barely louder than a murmur.

“Manageable,” he answered, stepping around the couch, “Fortunately, the battle forced all of the civilians away from the coastline and into the safety of the middle of the city, so they’re unharmed.”

You let out a breath you hadn’t realised you’d been holding, a warm wave of relief sweeping over you at the confirmation that you hadn’t killed anyone.

“Same can’t be said for their homes, however,” he continued, causing you to close your eyes as the relief was replaced with guilt, “Still. Could’ve been worse. We got lucky.”

With a scoff and shake of your head, you let your legs drop off of the sofa. “You mean I got lucky. This was me, all me. All of it is on me.”

“(Y/N),” Fury spoke firmly, reaching out to turn your face so that you were looking at him, “You are a S.H.I.E.L.D agent and you were there under S.H.I.E.L.D orders. Our agents are our liability and if they screw up, it’s as much our fault as it is theirs.”

“Oh please, uncle Nick,” you laughed bitterly, “You and I both know that the only reason I’m not getting suspended right now is because I’m your freaking goddaughter.”

Fury inhaled and pulled his jaw taut. “You’re right – you’re my freaking goddaughter. And it’s my responsibility to make sure that you’re okay. What happened in Italy… that was more than just an accident. It was a cry for help. And honestly, it is largely my fault, ‘cause I shoulda known. I shoulda known that throwing you into mission after mission wasn’t good for you. I shoulda known that you’re still hurting. That you’re still angry over…” he trailed off.

Your head snapped to the right to look at Fury with a challenging expression. “Over Brendon’s death?” you finished for him, voice void of all emotion. “It’s alright,” you gave a small shrug, “You can say it. There’s no need to walk on eggshells around me.”

“Clearly there is,” he countered with a challenging face of his own, “(Y/N), you’re spiralling and – believe me, sweetie – that’s not something that you wanna do. So I think it’s best if you just…” he sighed and arched his brows as he rubbed his hand over the bottom half of his face, “take a break from being an agent for a little bit, alright?”

You wanted to argue, to yell at him that it wasn’t necessary for you to go on a super-hiatus, but you knew that you couldn’t. Because he was right. You were spiralling. And if you didn’t set yourself straight, there was no telling what you would do next.

So, you nodded in agreement and let him envelope you in an embrace, as both of you pretended that he couldn’t feel the torrent of tears cascading down your cheeks.

“I’m so sorry.”

Closing your eyes, you carefully placed your tablet onto the tabletop and turned to look at your company with a huff.

“That’s literally the fifteenth time you’ve apologised, Aaron, and for the fifteenth time – stop saying you’re sorry; it wasn’t your fault!”

Knitting his brows together, the doctor shook his head and hurried across the room so that he was right in front of you.

“It is! If I hadn’t taken you with me to Alcatraz then you wouldn’t have seen my father and he would’ve had made you angry and-“

Holding up a hand to silence his rambling, you uncrossed your legs and leaned forward in your seat. “Hey, you didn’t force me into going, alright? I made the decision to go with you. So, this really is all my fault.”

“Yes but-“

“Stop.”

Realizing that he was fighting a losing battle, the doctor relented. With a drop of his shoulders, he shut his mouth and shuffled back to his seat at the other side of the room as both of you went back to messing around on your tablets.

At least, you did.

Aaron took to doing something much more interesting – watching you. He studied your body language and all of your subtle movements; it didn’t take a degree in psychology to come to the conclusion that you weren’t in the greatest of mental states.

After drawing in a sharp breath, he took the chance of speaking again.

“Love?”

You continued scrolling through the electronic pages as you answered. “Yes, Aaron?”

“When was the last time you had a fun night out?”

“Mm,” you pursed your lips and narrowed your eyes before turning to look at him, “does that time I turned a guy into an ice sculpture count?”

Aaron chuckled softly and skewed his mouth to the side. “Sadly not.”

“Well then we’re talking a solid six, seven months. Why?” you cocked your head to the side. “What do you have in mind?”

✧ ✧ ✧

That night. A karaoke bar.

“Karaoke?” you sighed in disbelief as Aaron led you into the crowded bar. “Really? This is your idea of a fun night out?”

Aaron nodded as he spun around and started walking backwards, eyes darting all around the room as he threw his hands out sideways.

“Pub food, great drinks, tons of music…” he rattled off with a wide grin before cocking one brow and smirking at you, “What could be better than this?”

“Literally anything else.”

The doctor’s happy attitude faltered and he looked at you pleadingly. “This isn’t going to work if you’re going to act like a buzzkill.”

With a heavy sigh and a monumental eye-roll, you reluctantly shuffled forward – for Aaron’s sake. It was evident that he was trying hard to get you to snap out of your depressive state, and you didn’t have the heart to shut him down.

And who knows? Maybe you’d actually enjoy the night.

When you starting moving towards him, Aaron perked up immediately and took you by the hand, leading you to a table at the back of the bar, just in front of the stage. He was his usual chivalrous self, pulling out the chair for you and offering to get you a drink. You thanked him and asked for your drink of choice.

With your counterpart occupied with the task of getting your drinks, you took the time to study the little hotspot. It wasn’t too big, and it had an old-school rock ‘n roll feel to it. Framed posters of legendary artists such as Queen, Bon Jovi, Michael Jackson and lots of others adorned all four walls, and complimented the vintage furniture perfectly.

You smiled to yourself as you continued surveying the room; even though Aaron had been way off in thinking that you liked karaoke, you had to admit that his choice of bars fit your personal aesthetic perfectly.

“Here you go, love,” Aaron smiled, setting your drink down in front of you before taking a seat across from you.

“Thanks.” You took a sip, then folded your forearms on the tabletop and leaned forward. “So do you wanna explain why you brought me here?”

Aaron smiled sheepishly and took a couple sips from his glass of Jameson before answering. “You’ve had an incredibly rough time these last two years, and it’s just now starting to take its toll. You’re hurting and well…Music always makes things better.”

You arched your brows teasingly. “Yeah, not when said music is being butchered by drunk strangers up on stage,” you sniggered.

“Actually, the patrons that come here just so happen to be quite talented,” he chimed, cocking his head at the crowded tables surrounding you two.

“Oh?” you questioned in surprise. “You come here often, then?”

He scrunched his face up and shook his head, waving one hand dismissively. “Once or twice.”

A group of employees strolled past, then, all extending lively greetings to your partner, with some even slapping his shoulder affectionately. You bit your lip as you watched them walk away, then you turned to Aaron with a condescending smile.

He sighed in defeat and slumped forward. “Alright, it might have been more than twice. But tonight isn’t about me…”

You laughed.

“…it’s about you. It’s about getting you to smile and be happy – genuinely happy – for at least a few moments.”

With your heart thumping against your ribcage and a lump forming in your throat because of how wonderful the man sitting in front of you was, you gave his hand a gentle squeeze in a show of your gratefulness.

“I think we’ve made some progress already.”

Many drinks later.

“Woo!” you and Aaron clapped and cheered loudly as the woman who’d just sung a stunning rendition of Queen’s ‘Somebody To Love’ took a bow and blew a kiss to the crowd before walking offstage.

“She was amazing!” you beamed in awe, looking at Aaron, who nodded eagerly.

“She was. See? I told you that these people are talented. Hey,” he tapped the back of his hand against your arm a few times and raised his glass, “A toast to you – you’ve been through so much shit recently; you’ve lost and you’ve pained enough to last a lifetime and yet… you’re still standing. Strong, brave, and as beautiful as ever.”

Apparently, some of the customers and employees had been listening in on the doctor’s little speech, and they showed their support in a chorus of ‘Hear, hear!’s. Tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, you averted your gaze and chewed on your lip delicately.

“To you, love,” Aaron said softly, holding out his glass for you to clink your own against, which you did.

The two of you took gulps from your drinks as the DJ approached you, stopping next to Aaron and whispering something in his ear. The doctor nodded and gave a slight smile, and the DJ patted him on the back before returning to his station, speaking into his mic seconds later.

“We’ve had an absolutely spectacular night tonight, ladies and gents,” he said loudly, in that animated voice that DJs and radio presenters use, “And you know how we do things here – save the best for last, right? So without further ado, the last performer of the night and a man that needs no other introduction – Doctor Aaron Ross, everybody!”

If you weren’t frozen in shock from the mention of his name, you were certain that the raucous applause that followed it would’ve startled you enormously.

With a smirk and a wink in your direction, the doctor stood up from his seat and crossed over to the stage, taking the mic from the outstretched hand of one of the cheering employees.

“This is for you, (Y/N),” he said into the mic as he settled himself on the stage, garnering another loud round of applause. He counted down from three, and the opening notes to Elton John’s ‘I’m Still Standing’ sounded through the air.

You watched, utterly dumbfounded, as the doctor began moving across the stage with such excellent stage presence that you almost didn’t recognise him.

“You could never know what it’s like

Your blood like winter freezes just like ice

And there’s a cold lonely light that shines from you

You’ll wind up like the wreck you hide behind that mask you use

And did you think this fool could never win

Well look at me, I’m coming back again

I got a taste of love in a simple way

And if you need to know while I’m still standing you just fade away,” he sang, dancing around the stage as the entire bar clapped along.

Then, just as the chorus started, he hopped down from the platform and slinked in between the mass of bodies in the crowd, singing a little to random people before navigating back to you, circling the table at which you were seated.

“Don’t you know I’m still standing better than I ever did

Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid

And I’m still standing after all this time

I’m picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind

I’m still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah

I’m still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah,” he serenaded you, getting you to smile without even thinking about it as he did so.

You had not at all been expecting this but now that it was happening… my god, it was amazing. During the small break between the chorus and the second verse, he took your hand and planted a kiss on it before bending down and using your hand to twirl him around – an action that you couldn’t help but laugh at.

“Once I never could hope to win

You starting down the road and leaving me again

The threats you made were meant to cut me down

And if our love was just a circus you’d be a clown by now,” he continued and as the chorus began again, he leapt up onto your table and sang his heart out.

“And don’t you know I’m still standing better than I ever did

Looking like a true survivor, I’m feeling like a little kid

And I’m still standing after all this time

I’m picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind

I’m still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah

I’m still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah.”

“Come on,” he urged; a guitar solo sounded on the track and you yelped as Aaron pulled you up out of your seat and began dancing you around the room – spinning, dipping and twirling you as you went along.

You were laughing giddily as you let him move you, feeling totally carefree and focusing on nothing else but what was happening in the moment.

When time came for him to start singing again, he went to pick up the mic from where he’d placed it on the table, but still kept you close to him.

“And don’t you know I’m still standing better than I ever did

Looking like a true survivor, I’m feeling like a little kid

And I’m still standing after all this time

I’m picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind

I’m still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah

I’m still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah.”

The song ended and the entire bar – but especially you – erupted in a huge, ear-shattering round of applause. With a smile and a short laugh, Aaron held up a hand and bowed his head a little to say thank you, not loosening his grip on your waist and quite frankly, in that moment, you didn’t want him to.

He finally focused his gaze on you and only you, and gave a smile that made your heart do all kinds of funny things.

“I- you’re-“ you stuttered with wide eyes, at a complete loss of words, “wow.”

He thinned his lips in amusement and raised one brow in question. “I’m wow?”

“You’re wow,” you nodded eagerly.

With a gloriously beautiful laugh, he reached over to grab both of your coats and slung yours over your shoulder.

“Come on, love.” He put his hand on the small of your back and gently guided you to the door, leaning close so that you could hear him over the noise as you treaded through the crowd. “Before Fury sends out a search party.”

He opened the door and allowed you to walk through into the chilly night air before exiting himself. As soon as you fell into stride alongside each other, you linked your arm in his and shuffled closer to him.

“So I know that I gave you shit at the beginning of the night buuuuut,” you looked up at him from the corner of your eye and pressed your tongue to the roof of your mouth, “I had a really, really, really good time. Especially the last ten minutes. The last ten minutes were the best ten minutes of the last two years.”

He laughed, taken aback, and shook his head lightly. “Highly doubt that that’s true, but thank you. I’m glad I could make that beautiful smile reappear.”

You were a bit buzzed from all of the drinks you’d consumed (not at all drunk, only very slightly tipsy) and you once again let a giggle slip out.

“So you’re insanely smart, wonderfully handsome and you have the voice of an angel?” you questioned, leaning against his arm. “You really are wow, Doctor Aaron Ross.”

Aaron couldn’t stop the smile that sneaked itself onto his face. “You’re wower.”

You laughed loudly. “That’s not a word.”

“’Course it is,” he frowned, moving to stand in front of you as the two of you stopped at the end of the block, waiting for a taxi, “I just said it, didn’t I?”

“Just ‘cause you said it doesn’t mean it’s real,” you argued.

“No?” he twitched his lips and took a step closer.

“No,” you whispered, moving so close to him that you could see the flecks of hazel in his green eyes, even through his glasses, and you snaked your hands through his hair and slowly pulled his mouth down to yours.

The moment your lips connected with his, you felt at peace for the first time in a very, very long time. That peace, much to your dismay, lasted a mere five seconds before Aaron pulled away.

You looked up at him with slightly hooded eyes, and he smiled adoringly at you as he brushed your hair out of your face.

“You’re definitely wower, love.”

_______________________________

Thank you for reading x

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gayasinstupidpodcast · 6 years ago

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What’s up gamers!!! Our fourth episode plowed through the chaos of thanksgiving holidays and is Here w/ some Facts and Opinions about creating shit and being LGBT and how being LGBT influences creating shit. HEADS UP we recorded this while I had a cold so my voice is probably a little off, but ik Isaac put SO much work into the editing so it would be ready on time and we have recorded statements from some amazing artists (transcriptions under the cut below!) & this is honestly one of my favorite episodes we’ve done so far, so give her a listen if you’re gay or enjoy fun things!

BIG thank you once again to everyone who participated in this month’s episode!! Your contributions are so valued and so beautiful!!

You can find us on the Itunes Podcast App/Webpage at Gay As In Stupid Podcast! You can also find our episodes uploaded to Youtube and Soundcloud!

You can also follow us on twitter at gayasinstupid!

Further Reading on LGBT Artists

Montage of a Queering Deferred: Memory, Ownership, and Archival Silencing in the Rhetorical Biography of Langston Hughes

The Political Provocations of Keith Haring

Pop art politics: Activism of Keith Haring

E M Forster’s Gay Fiction

Alok Vaid-Menon Tells Us What It’s Like To Be Femme In Public

Shea Diamond Speaks Her Truth

Aaron’s 2018 November Recs!

Alok Alok Vaid-Menon is one of my favorite poet/activist/performance artists out there! Their writing and stage presence is gorgeous and witty in a way that’s SO clever and still feels like you’re in a room trading jokes you don’t need to explain with your closest trans friends. The way they balance their art creates a real, deeply touching experience that feels very essential to our world.

Miles (2016) Miles is set in 1999 and is a coming of age story about a gay teenager trying to get a volleyball scholarship for college in Chicago. It’s not revolutionary and it’s not over the top dramatic, but it’s funny and honest and it makes me feel nice. Definitely the movie to watch when you’ve just been through something emotionally taxing and need a light crying session and some mediocre pastries.

Isaac’s 2018 November Recs!

The Adventure Zone I know half of you already kin the Mcelroys while the other half either don’t know or don’t care, but the Adventure Zone is one of my most favorite things in the world. It’s a DND podcast (yes, all episodes are transcribed, and they have a graphic novel for the first arc of Balance with a second one on the way!) by three brothers plus their dad, and not only does it have the most amazing story and is ungodly funny, but TONS of gays (Griffin went ape with those Lesbian NPCS)! And just because they can! Same with trans characters. It’s a story where they just exist, and that’s really important to me because in a lot of media LGBT have to almost prove why they deserve to take up space. And it’s not just something that goes on in their first campaign, Amnesty also has those sweet sweet gay! I could talk about this podcast for hours, so if you needed that final push to give it a listen, THIS IS IT!

Stardew Valley You get to farm and be gay. And if THAT hasn’t sold you on this charming video game, then maybe the super cute graphics, beautiful soundtrack and a handful of interesting characters will! TBH I spend so much time playing this game it’s concerning. It’s just such a fun way to relax, and I just really REALLY like video games were I can chose to be gay. Like. God Tier. YOU CAN HAVE CROPS AND CHICKENS AND BE GAY C’MON YALL!!

The Amazing Quotes And Artists Featured!

Meg | instagram | esty

“My identity as a bisexual woman influences my art in many ways. As a woman, i create art about the issues that effect me, such as abortion and gender equality, in order to resonate with the people that matter most to me. As a bisexual individual, my subjects often appear from a gaze that falls outside of the stereotypical eye. My figure drawings and portraits all come from a place of admiration, and don’t fall into the stereotype of the male gaze or womanly care- they are the space inbetween, equally sexualized and normalized. I feel lucky to be a bi gal in the art world because it is a place that is my own to create in. There are so many queer artists that i look up to such as Mapplethorpe and Warhol, and many female artists i can cite as influence (Jenny Holzer, Kiki Smith, and Louise Bourgeois to name a few). My identity gives me a whole new world of content to draw from and allows my work to resonate with a wider audience, and I really think that any artists goal is to reach and touch as many people as possible.“

Cameron | twitter | instagram

“I don’t think that it influences the form really, but it definitely influences the subject matter! (Much as I hate to admit it, my identity influences the majority of choices I make in life.) I write a lot of poems about lgbtq related things and religion, as well as other stuff too. I was raised catholic, so realizing that I was “different” at more than one point in my teen years was scary AF. Being a member of the lgbtq+ community and also trying to still feel like I belong, or wanting to, in a religious community is hard, the two things are usually at a crossroads in my life so writing about them makes it easier for me to get through. My hope is that someday someone reads what I wrote and finds some peace in their own life/experience.”

Vince | art instagram

“Well, being transgender I feel like I’m constantly aware of the lack of representation of my community, and I feel like it might be because of that I tend to experiment with showing all sorts of different type of people in my work. Because there’s so much diversity in the world, why not showcase that?”

Fox | art instagram

“Oof…I’m gay so my characters always be gay. Gotta Fill the void in media w my own bullshit so I don’t have to rely on straight showrunners who will inevitably discard the character since they themselves seem to have no personal attachment and treat lgbt characters as disposable extras. Bc if I don’t at least attempt to create representation in the field I’m going into then I can’t rlly complain about the lack of it right? If I don’t try and change it I can’t complain about the lack of change so being an lgbt artist is lowkey Big Pressure to be revolutionary in your work but sometime…..I just wanna draw funkey animeal and that’s aight too”

Jen | twitter | instagram

“As a female bisexual poet, I worry often that my poetry and art will be too niche to be appreciated. I’ve spent years editing my poetry down to its barest bones in hopes that someone will relate to it. Changing pronouns back and forth because I worry that if I do talk about a woman, the poem will be stripped of its context and suddenly be about my queerness when in reality it never was. When I write about love and people I have dated and have crushed on, I want the poem to exist outside of the gender of who I love. I fear my authorial death will result in a complete misinterpretation of what I mean. When I write, it truly does not matter to me if I am writing about a woman or a man. If I feel what I write and I can make someone else feel it too does it matter that I also love women? I write what matters to me overall, regardless of gender, I try to make my poetry as true as possible. Sometimes, when I catch myself over editing I try to take myself back to the moment, to the person, what I loved about him or her. “

Lain | art instagram

“My LGBT Identity has significantly impacted almost all of my art, especially my work over the last two years. Ever since I have allowed myself to accept that I am trans and began my transition (6 months on T!), the impact that my Roman Catholic upbringing has had on my bisexual trans identity has bled into my artwork. Because of the way I was raised, accepting and allowing myself to be authentic has been an upward struggle. And what better way to process and document struggle than art?

Much of my recent work has had a focus on the trans body, particularly the “sanctity” of self-actualization and the god-like power that comes with accepting and creating yourself in the unique and exceptional way that LGBT people must in order to live authentically. Two of my pieces on this topic were actually recently exhibited at UWM in the Trans-lucent exhibition, and will remain there until December 15th (I think). I got sick and tired of never seeing trans representation, so now I am creating that space that I crave in my own work.”

Kobe | instagram | soundcloud

“My art from is very influenced by my LGBT identity. It is very influenced by my LGBT black Identity. I think that whenever an artist makes their art (in my case writing music, singing, dancing) they should incorporate as much of themselves as possible. I think my LGBT identity definitely adds a sense of representation as well. I want people like me to listen to my music to know they aren’t alone. So it influences my work a lot. “

Nat | art instagram

“I think the fact that I am part of the LGBT+ community influences my art directly. Even though I don’t draw as often as I wish, I believe both my drawings and college projects (I am a 3d art/animation student), and my creativity in general is inspired by my personal experiences as a gay woman and common things experienced by the community. I try as often as I can to bring representation of some kind in the things I do, mainly personal projects. I also feel that it influences me on my motivation to keep creating; whenever I listen to, see drawings, watch movies or see whatever form of artistic expression from LGBT+ artists it gives me the energy to keep going, to keep creating.”

#gay as in stupid podcast #lgbt podcast #lgbt artists #gay art #trans art

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istheresomebodywhocanimagine · 6 years ago

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Pretty please, would you ship me with the band and the cast? I'm a hetero girl who is a PhD student in Media Discourse. I don't don't like my looks at all and struggle with self-esteem problems. I'm always friendly and kind to people. I hate talking about myself and being the centre of attention. Absolutely clueless in romance and all intimate things, I'm pretty oblivious when it comes to this. Perfectionist. Quiet. I love making jokes and sarcastic comments, books, movies, TV series, walks ^^

HELLOOOOO

hi u sound like a precious BEAN of a human i would genuinely love u if i knew you in person i attach so hard to ppl like you it is 100% my cancer tendencies ALSO HELLO FELLO MEDIA MAJOR I’M AN INTERACTIVE DIGITAL MEDIA: NEW MEDIA MAJOR but not a phd i am a dumb

anyways THE SHIPS R BELOW THE CUT

For the band, I ship you with John Deacon!

You are genuinely made for John, and he is made for you, for obvious reasons.

The biggest reason is your proclivity towards sarcastic comments.

You had actually been Brian’s friend before you met Deacon, and Brian introduced you to the him after a show one night early on in the 70′s. You already knew the other boys because they hung around Brian’s so much, but Deacon tended to keep to himself and had his own small friend circle apart from them, so he was never around when you were.

Boy, did he regret that once he met you.

Deacon was very shy at first, as were you, but what caught his eye was the effortless way you managed to roast Roger without disrupting your quiet demeanor in any way.

“And then I said to her, ‘you ever seen the ceiling of the back of my car? would you like to?’“ Roger had said, earning a quiet scoff and eye roll from you that almost went unnoticed, save for Brian’s eagle eye. Brian loved to piss Roger off, and nothing would make him angrier than a girl who was unimpressed by his tactics.

“Not a fan, eh?” Brian asked, elbowing you as John watched you curiously, sipping his drink while you cleared your throat, glancing at Roger almost disdainfully, but not in a mean-spirited way.

“No disrespect, but I’ve heard better pick-up lines from a fortune cookie, Rog,” you remarked plainly, taking a drink of your beer as Roger’s face quickly soured, John almost choking on his drink and holding a hand over his mouth as you looked over at him with a smile and a kind gaze. “You alright?”

“Yeah, m’fine,” Deacon spoke from behind his hand, grabbing a napkin to wipe himself off as Roger scowled, still glaring at you.

“What? You think my one-liners are bad? I personally don’t.”

“Don’t you hate it when people answer their own questions? I do.... Oh wait,” you teased, making Roger roll his eyes before he steered the conversation in another direction, Deacon snickering at the purposeful irony in your comment and gaining another wide smile from you before you happily returned to your quiet observing.

After that, Deacon was suddenly finding time to come around Brian’s, and he only ever stuck around when you were there. Although he claimed it wasn’t because of you, Brian was all too aware of Deacon’s partiality towards you, so he took it upon himself to set you up on a blind date with each other, just for shits and giggles.

Much to Brian’s enjoyment, you both hit it off on the blind date when you got the chance to banter by yourselves, and though John’s more affectionate tendencies confused you at first, you grew to love each and every one of his romantic gestures.

He always knew just how to structure them so you wouldn’t feel too put on the spot, and he never drew attention to them - after all, they were for you to enjoy, not the public, so he never made a big deal out of being showy.

When you were still just casually dating before he’d asked you to be his girlfriend, you’d come to your apartment one night after a particularly long shift at work.

John had come in during that shift to see you, and you were sad to see him go. His smile had the power to make your day loads better, and when he had to leave, you were pretty bummed.

So, it was a big surprise when you walked into your apartment to see Brian and Deacon in the kitchen, making what smelled like a heavenly pot of spaghetti. Dropping your bag on the hallway floor, you stared at them in partial confusion and partial amazement as you walked in, Brian turning around and jumping a bit before smiling and wiping his hands on a towel.

“That’s my cue to leave,” he mumbled, passing by and giving you a quick, friendly kiss on the head before he was out the door, leaving you alone with a very smiley Deacon.

“What’s all this?” you asked, genuinely baffled at what laid before you. Your table was cleared off - it had stacks upon stacks of books that you’d read tons of times, but never tired of. There were two sets of plates and silverware set out, and you watched as Deacon brought the spaghetti over to the table, sitting it on an oven pad before doing the same with a plate of garlic bread.

“Saw you weren’t having a good day at work,” he replied, “Figured I’d come cheer you up, but had to recruit a little help.”

“Gosh, did I really look that rough at work? I mean, I know I usually look pretty rough, but I must have been horrifying for you to do all this,” you laughed, rubbing the back of your neck as you ducked your head a bit.

Deacon pursed his lips at your small self-deprecating comment, then shook his head as he wiped his hands on the towel as well.

“You always look beautiful, sweetheart.” His voice was quiet, but sure, and you found yourself blushing as you sat down at the table across from where he was standing, avoiding his gaze. “Hey, I mean it,” he almost whined, sitting down across from you and waving his hand to draw your attention back to his face. “You’re adorable, and you should know that.”

He asked you to be his girlfriend later that night, and spent the rest of the time showering you in compliments to make sure you knew you were gorgeous and perfect in every way to him.

What a little romantic.

Annnnnnd for borhap.... I ship you with Rami Malek!

GOD his energy confuses/scares me so much ANYWAYS

Rami was always your favorite of the friends in the BoRhap group - he wasn’t snobby (here’s looking at you, first impressions Gwilym), he wasn’t too goofy (@ Joe sorry buddy), and he wasn’t absolutely intimidating (Ben looks like he lives, eats, and breathes gym). Allen, Lucy, and Aaron were closer to the others than they were to you, but then there was Rami. He was just Rami, a slightly awkward, mildly anxious guy who loved to be around his friends, but also valued privacy.

This value of privacy is what initially attracted you to him, oddly enough. Joe, Gwilym, Allen, and Ben were all having a heyday with their social medias, posting dorky pictures of each other and screwing around while you hung back, not wanting to be involved or in any of the pictures.

“You too, huh?” Rami asked, coming to stand next to you as you watched them goof around with each other. You looked over to Rami, shrugging and smiling.

“Not really my thing, honestly.” He nodded and gave you a reassuring smile, looking slightly nervous as he glanced over to the crew as well.

“I’m right there with you. I think my Instagram has maybe 2 posts on it... or is it 3?” he wondered aloud, his thoughtful face making you giggle and shake your head as you hugged yourself. “Want to go take a stroll around the studio instead?”

Looking up at him, you considered for a moment before nodding. “That sounds lovely.”

And from there, you two clearly became each other’s favorites. As much as the rest of the cast would have liked to insert themselves into your friendship to make fun posts about it online, you and Rami always found a way to keep your kinship (and eventual relationship) under wraps. It wasn’t necessarily that you hated social media, it was that you preferred to stay out of the spotlight as much as possible.

Even though Rami was the star, he also preferred the same thing. He didn’t want to steal the limelight when he didn’t feel that he deserved it.

The first stroll you’d taken with him? That turned into a regular occurrence.

Whenever you two had the chance, you were taking a walk together, even if you had no particular place in mind to end it. One time, he took you on a walk that he claimed was completely random, but as you got closer to one of your favorite bookstores in London, you started to smell the hint of a planned location by him.

“I knew I shouldn’t have believed you,” you giggled as you entered the bookstore, Rami holding open the door for you.

“Hey, I may not be a king of nice gestures, but I tried for you,” he complained playfully, bumping your hip with his before he nodded over to the corner, where there was a small coffee bar run by a single barista you’d come to know by name.

“Hello there, lovebirds,” the barista greeted as you came up, making you blush and Rami rub his jaw in slightly embarrassment. “I’m just joking with you, haven’t seen you two in a while. The usual?”

“Well, you know, filming. And yes, please,” Rami had replied, stepping to move out of someone’s way as they came in the door behind you. His hand came to rest on your mid-back, but it stayed there when the door swung shut.

You didn’t mind, though. Simple little things like that were preferred by you anyways, seeing as you weren’t a big fan of showiness or grand romantic gestures. Things like a hand on the back, or holding hands was perfectly okay for you - they were easier to understand, and easier to pull off without ending up a blushing mess.

Which, speaking of, you were still currently a blushing mess from the barista calling you two lovebirds. Rami noticed, raising an eyebrow at you gently before smiling and pressing his thumb into your back slightly, just to get your attention.

“What’s the matter? Don’t want to be here right now? We can go if you want.”

“No, no, it’s fine,” you laughed softly, pressing your hands to your cheeks and sighing before laughing again. “Just getting used to the dating thing. God, I feel like I look like a tomato right now.”

“It’s cute,” Rami remarked simply, grabbing both of your drinks before heading over to one of the tables near the back, where you could sit in private and just relax.

“Me being red as a fire truck is not cute, Rami.” He laughed at that, shaking his head and taking a drink of his coffee as he sat back on the chair that he’d scooted over so he could be next to you.

“Everything about you is cute, don’t lie to me.” You turned even redder, if that was possible at all, and Rami laughed softly as he wrapped his arm around you, squeezing your shoulder before kissing your head. “I’m being honest, really! You’re a cutie, don’t ever forget that.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” you laughed nervously, subconsciously leaning into his touch as you sipped at your drink. “Joe lets the entire Instagram universe know that on the daily.”

“If Joe brings you in here and the barista also calls you two lovebirds... I’m fighting him hand-to-hand. And that’s a fact.”

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the-rift1 · 8 years ago

Note

1-100 :3

1 - Who was the last person you texted?

Rowan

2 - When is your birthday?

May 20th

3 - Who do you want to be with right now?

Sigh.. a lot of people. How about I give you a number? I have at least twothat I want to be with right now.

4 - What sports do you play?

I bike around campus, and I used to play tennis. I’m going to play badmintonnext semester with friends so hopefully that will be fun!

5 - Who is the first person in your contacts?

~Fear Me~ Meow (Tori); however, if you’re discounting strange usernames,then it’s actually Aaron.

6 - What is your favorite song as of the moment?

Gosh, I can’t really give you a song so much as an entire OST of Transistor,the game. But if you want a legitimate song, I have to say.. Andie Isalie’scover of unfucktheworld à https://youtu.be/8HpL-Q-_OWo

It’s probably going to be an all-time favorite, it hasn’t gotten old for meafter listening to it over a thousand times.

7 - If you werestranded on an island, who do you wish to be with?

Uh.. no one? I would just give up and die.

8 - What do you feel right now?

Awful. The worst of depression ever. It’s an effort to do anything, and ittook almost everything to not miss the service event this morning. I’ve criedthree times today already, and three last night.. I think it’s just acombination of stress and friends leaving and fear of being alone like it wasin high school.

9 - What chocolate is your favorite?

70-80% chocolate is the best. Also, drinkable chocolate at around 50-70% isalso legit.

10 - How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have?

Four.

11 - Why did you create a Tumblr account?

In the very beginning, it was because my friend told me to and basicallysaid it was the best thing ever and also I was gradually delving into thedoctor who fandom. But that quickly turned into memes, and one of my pastusernames, lgchinadragon, are forever immortalized in one of the memes.

12 - Who is your favorite blogger?

*checks tumblr crushes* looks like it’s @tingletanglebob and @emospaceboytied at 13% lol but if I want to be honest, @a-dragon-from-space also has topquality content that I love too :3

13 - Where do you want to be right now?

Illinois, although I would be a popsicle tbh. Maybe the core of the sun.That’s cool too.

14 - What do you want to be in the future?

A doctor/researcher that animates/draws/musics during their free time

15 - When was the last time you cried? Why?

5 minutes ago, because I’m fucking depressed and I need a hug.

16 - Are you happy?

Bruh

17 - Who do you miss?

Many people.. My grandpa, my past friends.. now that I say it outloud, Iguess, it’s not that much… just people with a whole lot of worth to me.

18 - If you were given a chance, would you like to have a different life?

Hmm.. Yes. But, a lot of things would be rather similar. Just small changes.

19 - What was the best thing you were given?

Snerkt I could go one way with this, but hugs and cuddles are the bestthings ever given to me.

20 - Who was the last person who called you?

My mom.

21 - What is your favorite dish?

Dry-style stir-fried pork intestines.. Uh, not sure if that was a very goodtranslation of what I was trying to say, but yeah. Sounds disgusting, but it isthe best thing ever. Also my mom’s whole fish dish.

22 - Who is your best friend?

I don’t know anymore. They’re best friends to me, but I’m probably not tothem anymore.

23 - What is your biggest regret?

Getting angry at Aaron. Getting angry at people I love in general… I alwaysregret whatever I do when that happens.

24 - Have you ever cheated on your partner?

Hell naw, that’s kind of hard when you don’t have one lmao

25 - Who do you spend crazy moments with?

Define crazy. I haven’t had that many crazy moments in my life, so, no oneyet?

26 - Name someone pretty.

@emospaceboy

27 - Who was the last person you hugged?

My mom

28 - What kind of music do you listen to?

Instrumental, game soundtracks, lo-fi techno thing I can’t describe but inlove with a ghost style, rock, j-pop, theme songs, dodie and andie stuff, technoswing, artists like kate nash and sara bareilles, and generally ‘soft’ stuff

29 - Are you over your past?

Maybe. No. No, I don’t think so yet. Maybe one day. I can’t forgive myselfyet.

30 - Who is the last person in your contacts?

Zoha.. hmm, I haven’t talked to her in a long while. She’s probably partying24/7..

31 - What kind of person do you want to date?

Someone that understands me, and will be by my side whenever I need them,and will need me just as much.

32 - Do you have trouble sleeping at night?

Sometimes.

33 - From whom was the last text message you received?

My mom.

34 - What do you prefer, jeans or skirt?

Jeans, all the way. I hate wearing skirts, or dresses for that matter.

35 - How’s your heart?

Dying. Painful. Bleeding. I’m wrapping it up in gauze and hope that no onecan hear it screaming.

36 - Did you ever have a girlfriend/boyfriend whose name starts with a “J”?

Nope! At least, not yet. Who knows.. (I say that as if I will ever have ashot at getting one)

37 - Do you like someone as of the moment?

Yeah man, I like all of my friendos in college and here too!

38 - What would you want to say to your latest ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend?

Nothing? Uh.. maybe something like, “How’s it going? Want to hang outsometime this summer?” We’re on pretty good terms, I think.

39 - Do you have any phobias?

My main fear is abandonment. Yeah, I’m not scared of spiders or snakes oranything of that sort.

40 - Did you try to change for a person?

Yeah, all the time. If I didn’t, I would be a cold hard ass all the timetbh.

41 - What’s the nicest thing have you given to someone?

Hmm, my drawings? Maybe my handmade birthday cards.. The definition of ‘nicest’is very vague, and I don’t know if you mean it as ‘expensive’ or how mucheffort I put into it myself.

42 - Would you go back to your previous relationship?

Honestly, yes.. Wait I was thinking of the wrong one.. nope, not at all.

43 - Are you in a good or bad mood?

Have you been reading, my dude?

44 - Name someone you can’t live without.

My parents

45 - Describe your dream date.

HMMM, it would be like an entire day of going to strange places, exploringmaybe, grabbing lunch at a quaint café, and then going to this one chocolateshop that has drinkable chocolate and is absolutely delicious, and thenwatching favorite shows cuddling, and then maybe go and drive out to see stars ifthe weather is nice. And holding hands. I like holding hands.

46 - Describe your dream wedding.

I actually don’t want a ton of people? I not fond of social gatherings andthe thought of a formal wedding kind of scares me.

47 - How many roses did you receive last Valentine’s?

zilchhhh

48 - Have you ever been kissed?

yep

49 - How long is your longest relationship?

A year? Year and a half? Around that time, I think

50 - Do you regret your past?

Yes.

51 - Can you do something stupid for someone else?

Depends on how much they mean to me.

52 - Have you ever cried over someone?

I have.

53 - Do you have a grudge against anyone?

Yeah. Myselfff

54 - Are you a crybaby?

Usually, not.. but I will cry during movies and tv shows like StevenUniverse for sure

55 - Do people praise you for your looks?

Uh, I guess….

56 - Did you fall for someone you shouldn’t?

So many times..

57 - Have you ever done something bad but you don’t regret?

What’s your definition of bad here? The worst thing for me is torrenting Isuppose, I don’t regret that.

58 - Do you like getting hurt?

Hurt, like physically hurt, like falling? I don’t really mind that.Emotionally hurt, hell naw. I mean we get kind of masochistic because I goinsane but yeah, in general, no.

59 - Does anyone hate you?

Probably. Yes. Actually, yes. I can think of one person.

60 - Did you slap anyone whose name starts with an “R”?

Bruh, I have never ever slapped anyone.

61 - What hair color do you prefer?

Auburn is a beautiful color.

62 - If you can change anything about yourself, what is it?

I want to be slightly taller and lose some weight.

63 - Do you love someone as of the moment?

Yeah man.

64 - Have you ever thought of killing yourself?

More than a thousand times.

65 - Do you have issues with somebody in your school?

Sure.

66 - Can you live without internet?

If I can still listen to music, then yes.

67 - What’s the song that remind you of your special someone?

There’s a lot, but Grey or Blue by Jaymay is one of them.

68 - Are you good at holding back your tears?

Sometimes, yes.

69 - Are you a crybaby?

Please see question 54.

70 - Have you ever experienced being hysterical?

All the time yoo

71 - Are you a KPOP fan?

Nah, more of a J-pop mainly because I am a lot more familiar with Japanesethan Korean.

72 - Do you study hard?

Yes.

73 - Have you ever sacrificed something important to you for someone youlove?

Yes.

74 - Did you ever had a kiss under the moonlight?

Nope, but maybe one day? Who knows.

75 - Have you ever ridden a boat?

Yes! I don’t get seasick :D

76 - Did you have an accident last year?

Car accident? Nope.

77 - What kind of person are you?

Hmm, I’m like a turtle. I’ll open up to you eventually, unless I approachyou first; then I’m pretty open from the start, and sometimes I drive offpeople because I’m way too blunt or get too close or something, idk.. I’m anice person in general, I’ll do you a favor if you ask politely.

78 - Have you ever thought of killing someone?

Yep.

79 - Have you ever been jealous?

How could I not?

80 - How can you prove your love to someone?

Gifts, kisses, cuddles, sticking around with them.

81 - What are you thinking right now?

Whether I should eat or nap.

82 - Who is the 6th person in your contacts?

Ayah. Huh, haven’t talked to her since college started either.

83 - Do you have any memories you want to erase?

Um, yeah, but it seems they’re erasing themselves more than I want to and Ihave a hard time recounting things in general if they’re a year or older.

84 - Have you been hurt so bad that you can’t find words to explain how youfeel?

Yes.

85 - Did you ever badmouth someone?

My roommate, all the time. (sorry bro, you seem like a nice person but likehygiene and cleanliness man, comon)

86 - Have you ever had an argument with someone?

Yeah

87 - Do you have trust issues?

HELL YEAH

88 - Are you broken-hearted?

Right now? I suppose.

89 - Who’s the person who first comes to your mind when someone mentions“love”?

Rowan. Hmm…

90 - Do you think all the pain is worth it?

Worth it, for life? Worth what? Pain is only worth it for people that meanthe world to me, and for people that I have obligations to.

91 - Do you believe in the phrase “If it’s meant to be, it will be”?

Yes. But I also believe that that phrase doesn’t happen all the time andsometimes people need to work to get to it.

92 - Who do you want to marry?

My dude, I haven’t thought that far in life yet. Honestly I think I woulddie an old hermit.

93 - Do you believe in destiny?

No. Uh.. yes.. kinda..

94 - Have you ever thought “I already found my soulmate”?

Yes.

95 - How do you look right now?

White, blue-striped flannel with red thin lines, black dress pants, flipflops and socks, glasses, short straight hair down to my jaw, a black and redwatch on my left wrist.

96 - Do you believe that first true love never dies?

I don’t know.. I carry a lot of feelings with me, so I guess not for me.

97 - Have you found your true love?

Maybe? Probably not.

98 - What should you be doing right now?

Writing and researching a paper on Chinese healthcare. Unfortunately, it’sridiculously hard because the Chinese government isn’t as open as othercountries’ would be.

99 - Name one of your ex-boyfriends/ex-girlfriends.

Victoria.

100 - Did you ever feel like you’re not good enough?

All the time, 24/7, woot woot

#anonymous #ask

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amtushinfosolutionspage · 7 years ago

Text

Arsene Wenger Was Too Beautiful to Last

I did not come by my crippling addiction to Arsenal honestly.

I’ve written about it before, but I only watch soccer at all because of a video game. Soccer was weird and effete when I was a kid, the domain of preppies and future Rotary Club boosters. It was a rich kid’s sport in a poor kid’s town and I had no time for it, right up until the moment I did. Well after it was feasible to establish any nascent sense of soccer aesthetics in me, I fell for the game, hard, after the 2010 World Cup.

You have to follow a team, but if you’re stuck in the soccer hinterlands of the United States and you’re starved for the sport, you have to pick one. And, no disrespect to my local minor league team, Europe was where the best was played.

The English Premier League was there and available, so I scoured the teams, looking for some club which had the obscure criteria I wanted. Didn’t want to be a frontrunner, because I’d grown up with fans who moved from the Cowboys to the Patriots with an ease which made me feel queasy. No weird money doping. Attacking, beautiful football (“beautiful soccer” doesn’t have the same ring, so I say neither out loud, for fear of sounding too affected).

Arsenal would fit the bill, but what really drew me in, what made me the drooling addict I am today with hundreds of dollars of shirts and an impulsive trip to New York to see them play live, was Arsene Wenger.

One of the first things which struck me when I was casting about for a team was just how repulsive the average football manager was. The EPL managerial fraternity was a sea of oafs, men like Sam Allardyce and ‘Arry Redknapp. Worse were men like Jose Mourinho (who wasn’t at Chelsea when I arrived, but who I quickly became familiar with), genuine sociopaths who were inexplicably egged on by an English press which dwelled on “mindgames,” as if this handful of awful coaches were actually just putting people on and not deeply fucked up.

But the Arsenal manager, now, he was different. Even his physical presence was markedly different from his peers. He seemed impossibly tall and thin, his limbs coming to sharp angles like a screwed up trapezoid made human. His French accent was gravelly and phlegmy, and he would pause before he spoke, making a famous “Look, uhhhhhhhhh” when he was searching for a word which would draw out forever in a sort of hypnotizing chant. Arsene Wenger seemed like some sort of delicate alien sent to Earth to teach people the delights of what soccer could be, a Martian philosopher-king in a puffy coat who could figure out how to turn Thierry Henry into a striker but who was flummoxed by the concept of the zipper.

I never got the Invincibles, the Double, or 1989. I claimed them later, well after I’d already done my duty as a plastic fan and picked my team. What I got, what my Arsenal was and is, was scraping for fourth on the last day of the season with a bunch of kids. It was the 8-2 and coming back with Per Mertesacker and Mikel Arteta, middling names who righted the ship when everyone said that they—we—sucked. It was laughing at Tottenham when St. Totteringham’s Day was still a thing, because it was actually way more fun when Arsenal sort of sucked, too, so the last day of the season meant huge stakes in that tradition. It was never getting into the round of 16 in the Champion’s League but always getting out of the group stage, a sort of warped callback to my childhood UNC basketball fandom, where we didn’t win a ton of titles but we by God always got to the Sweet 16.

This was Arsene Wenger’s Arsenal. Don’t spend too much, work on the philosophy of the game, and let these young men express themselves. That was the thing: we know he’s not a Pep Guardiola tactics obsessive, so the fact that these guys actually did sort it out for themselves on the pitch was and is amazing. It’s not the Invincibles, but in retrospect, those times the world sneered at the “fourth place is like a trophy” sound bites and the teams which prompted them are some of the most memorable of his tenure. Wenger’s way was the right way. It felt right in a soccer world even a relative naif like me could see had gone completely off the rails with money and graft.

Expectations changed the second Mesut Ozil, one of my favorite players, arrived. The FA Cups came, too, but everything else seemed to stand still. What had been overachieving became, objectively, underachieving once the oft-cited financial shackles were off. Because a team with players like Ozil, Alexis Sanchez, Aaron Ramsey, Laurent Koscielny, and all the rest (yes, even Olivier Giroud) should be challenging for the title. Really challenging, not creeping up to second and then collapsing in a heap when the weather is slightly too cold or the fixtures slightly too close together.

A couple of years ago, on an episode of the Arsecast, the Irish Times’ Ken Early said (paraphrasing) that sensation isn’t a feeling, but a change in feeling, that you can only feel anything in relation to some other, different one. That Arsenal fans suffer from a lack of sensation because nothing really changes. Every season seems the same as the last, even with the Cup wins.

He was right. For every good thing the post-Ozil, supposedly financially-free Wenger accomplished, there was some opposite event neutralizing the good feeling from it. We won the FA Cup; we kept losing in the Round of 32 in the Champion’s League. We got some good wins; we kept losing to the rest of the top six.

Fans of smaller clubs, mired in midtable or worse, get annoyed by what they see as Arsenal fans’ sense of entitlement. It’s not really that. It’s this endless grey Limbo of sameness, where even the third FA Cup win, over hated Chelsea, felt rote. It was, again paraphrasing Early, like placing a finger on the same spot of skin and just leaving it there. We felt nothing.

Arsene began to sound tired. What had been wit with an elfin smile started to feel like entitlement, the interviews of a man who, on some level, knew he could crack wise or really say whatever he wanted because he was never, ever leaving. He started to look hapless on the pitch, a man devoid of ideas when his greatest notions were hidden behind locker room doors and training pitch codes. The optimist’s view was that tactics had evolved but he hadn’t; the pessimist’s was that you couldn’t send players out to sort it out in real time because they were too stupid, too drilled, and too pampered to handle it.

Regardless, he was a man out of time. Most people knew that it was time to slowly close the door on the funny, smart, strange Arsene Wenger, but each person had an individual moment where there was no coming back. For me, it was at Old Trafford the season Leicester City won the title. Louis Van Gaal sent out a bunch of kids and retreads and Manchester United proceeded to kick Arsenal’s ass. I remember Alexis Sanchez’s face as he shrugged his shoulders in disbelief, the title gone in a season where everyone else in the traditional top tier of English soccer sucked. It was time.

It’s hurt to watch Wenger cut an increasingly harried figure, not least because I’ve resented how it’s caused me to question so much of what I love about him. I even came to dislike him a little, which I hated so much there were days I had to get my mind off of it after a game.

Laurent Koscielny is a perfect microcosm of Wenger’s late career. He was plucked from relative obscurity on the cheap, which is a cool example of Wenger’s ability to grab young, usually French talent. He wasn’t great to start with, but he grew to become a really, really good defender. Wenger trusted him, year after year, and he formed a tragically underrated partnership with Mertesacker in those FA Cup winning seasons.

But what would’ve happened if Wenger had gone after the finished product, instead of Koscielny? Would it have been 3rd instead of 4th? Does the League Cup loss to Birmingham happen? What if he’d been less stubborn about buying a defensive midfielder? Is Koscielny better regarded if he doesn’t spend a career in an isolated defense?

The sight of Koscielny on the ground in the Europa League semi-final, screaming for help as he clutched a ruptured Achilles tendon, brought me to tears. Not just because I was watching a man’s career end, but because it was so easily avoided. He’d been in pain for a couple of years now and he should’ve been a backup. Instead, Wenger refused to buy another starting centerback, driven by some combination of faith, stubbornness, cheapness, and infatuation.

All of it rankled, in the end. It rankled for Koscielny, for Wenger, for me. It was time. But when Wenger finally accepted it was time, somewhere around his lap of appreciation after his final home game as Arsenal manager, it felt good. It went away. The fans chanted his name and he said, simply, that he would miss us. It was the first time it truly felt like he’d let go of all of this, and that we could, too.

I’m going to miss him so desperately, more than any other sports figure in my life. More than Dean Smith, even, and oh you have no idea what a big deal that is. This funny, odd man who told people to eat their vegetables and, above all else, to be beautiful. The game has changed. Maybe it’s not for the better that that simple foundation for everything else isn’t enough anymore, but that changes nothing. Arsenal will continue, and Wenger will, too, somewhere else. But part of him will always be with the club and with me, until I give up on this maddening, thrilling, beautiful sport. Merci, Arsene, nous t’aimons.

Arsene Wenger Was Too Beautiful to Last syndicated from https://australiahoverboards.wordpress.com

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placetobenation · 7 years ago

Link

The Basics:

16 individuals drafted every main show match in WrestleMania history (along with Neville vs Austin Aries from WrestleMania 33 to keep things even). This gives each person a total of 20 matches selected. The draft was conducted snake style so the individual that had the 16th pick in the draft also had the 17th pick to start round two. Each round will have an individual post leading up to WrestleMania 34 and the draft will culminate in our own Mel Kiper (Brad Woodling) giving his opinions and draft grades for how each person did overall. Place to Be Nation will also be able to vote on their favorite draft overall.

Round 3:

Pick #33: Hulk Hogan & Mr. T vs Roddy Piper & Paul Orndorff (WrestleMania 1) – Selected by J Arsenio D’Amato

A historic match that changed the business and started the WrestleMania machine.

Pick #34: Rock & Sock vs Evolution (WrestleMania 20) – Selected by Todd Weber

I break one of my draft guidelines IMMEDIATELY and double-dip Rocky here with my 3rd pick. This match was a blast to watch, and it brought some of my all-time favorites (all of them current or guaranteed future WWE Hall-of-Famers) together in a memorable contest. Worth it just to get Flair and Foley on my card, as there just aren’t that many of their appearances out there.

Pick #35: The Big Show vs Floyd Mayweather (WrestleMania 24) – Selected by Stacey O’Louglin

This is my spectacle match – it’s one of the biggest (hyuk hyuk) celebrity matches ever, and also the best celebrity match ever. Floyd is perfect in his role, Show carries it beautifully, and they get so much out of every moment in the match. This is boatloads of fun from start to finish, and adds variety, star power and quality.

Pick #36: Triple H vs The Undertaker (WrestleMania 28) – Selected by Greg Phillips

The best of their three WrestleMania encounters, this match has it all – epic drama, a years-long rivalry, and the inclusion of Shawn Michaels as the guest referee. It also contains one of the great nearfalls in WWE history. It may be divisive, but it’s a stone cold classic in my book.

Pick #37: Shawn Michaels vs Bret Hart (WrestleMania 12) – Selected by Nick Duke

Here’s where I deviate from many other participants in several respects. First, I did not approach this project as an attempt to build an actual card that would play out in a single night, meaning I had no issue with repeating performers or titles in my draft. Second, I’ve always believed that the Iron Man match is a top 15 match in Mania history so I was pretty happy to see it still available in the 3rd round.

Pick #38: CM Punk vs The Undertaker (WrestleMania 29) – Selected by Andy LaBar

Andy Pick: #3 Overall Pick: #38

It honestly blew my mind that this match was still available to pick at #38. It was the 6th Undertaker match drafted overall (both HBK matches, Batista, Edge and WM 28), but for my money, it rivals the HBK matches as his best Mania match, and I am pretty comfortable having it among his 5 best matches ever. At this point in his career, Undertaker was a “mega-match” machine, working a couple of matches each year, getting 4+ from Meltzer and defying old-body logic by giving his all. CM Punk is not quite on top of the world, but he’s still a tip-top personality, still fiery in the ring and still the undersized, over-egoed wrestler who you can BELIEVE could be the man to finally beat Taker. This match is great – from a pure workrate standpoint, the highlight of my entire card, and the fact that it’s not a main event or title match even improves it in my eyes. You watch this and you are gonna be HYPED for what comes after (even if it can’t live up to this match).

Pick #39: The British Bulldogs vs The Dream Team (WrestleMania 2) – Selected by Steven Ferrari

I have an irrational love for this match. It was the match that got me into tag team wrestling as a kid. Plus, it has Ozzy yelling “BRITISH BULLDOGS FOREVERRRRRRRR!”

Pick #40: Shawn Michaels vs Steve Austin (WrestleMania 14) – Selected by Jordan Duncan

One of my plans going into the draft was to make sure I get a high tier World Title match. While others may surpass this one in quality, it is iconic, has the Mike Tyson appearance and is the passing of the torch from Michaels to Austin, who was perhaps the hottest act in company history.

Pick #41: Goldberg vs Brock Lesnar (WrestleMania 33) – Selected by Aaron George

I wanted something that would draw in round 3, before all the legit draws got snapped up. Easily the best sub-five minute match ever at WrestleMania. These guys just went out and KILLED one another. Another intense, personal feud that was capped with a smash-mouth match that would make the XFL bleed with jealousy. They popped a crowd nearly seven hours into a show. They’ll kill it on my card.

Match time: 5 Mins

Show Time : 39 Mins

Pick #42: The Undertaker vs Ric Flair (WrestleMania 18) – Selected by Neil Trama

With my draft goals pretty clear, I knew I wanted to nab an actual good Undertaker match and I knew that I couldn’t wait too much longer or risk getting stuck with Mark Henry or King Kong Bundy or some crud along those lines, so I took this sneaky classic.

Pick #43: Hulk Hogan vs Vince McMahon (WrestleMania 19) – Selected by Scott Criscuolo

A match I really love simply because it had no business being as good as it was. Two 50-something year old guys who are in essence part time workers go all out and even bleed to put on an epic match on the biggest stage.

Pick #44: Money in the Bank (WrestleMania 21) – Selected by Brian Bayless

This was the inaugural Money in the Bank Ladder Match, a brand new concept that saw the winner receive a contract for a future title shot. This particular match ended up exceeding all expectations and then some. It was an incredible spectacle that was successful to the point it was brought back for several more WrestleMania shows until it became the headline match of its own yearly PPV. If this match tanked its likely the concept would have been scrapped altogether.

Pick #45: The Rock vs Steve Austin (WrestleMania 15) – Selected by Chad Campbell

I was eyeing a double main event and wanted this match to have some quality to it in ring to offset Hogan vs Andre. Rock vs Austin from Mania 15 fit this criteria the best. A putrid card but a main event that I think has been underrated over time even though it probably still is the worst of their three Mania matches. This encapsulated the good of the attitude era and had a feel good ending with Austin regaining the title and Vince’s golden boy being defeated.

Pick #46: Money in the Bank (WrestleMania 23) – Selected by Tim Capel

The MITB matches confer a ton of value, and the one I had earmarked was nabbed just two picks above me. I went with my second-favorite, and a pretty glorious clusterfuck at that. It gives me a swath of talent I wasn’t sure would be otherwise represented and a staple WrestleMania gimmick match.

Pick #47: Hulk Hogan vs Sgt. Slaughter (WrestleMania 7) – Selected by JT Rozzero

As a whole, I feel WrestleMania VII is undervalued so when I had a chance to nab another big time title match at the end of round three, I jumped at it. It gave me a big Hulk Hogan match and moment and a damn good in ring battle.

Pick #48: The Undertaker vs Kane (WrestleMania 14) – Selected by Jennifer Smith

Undertaker is another one of those guys I knew of from my lapsed fandom and I remember liking him. This match was listed fairly highly on the PTBN article Ranking the Streak- The Undertaker at WrestleMania.

#IFTTT #Place to Be Nation

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dawnajaynes32 · 8 years ago

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Inside the Mind of Aaron Draplin

Aaron Draplin will be judging PRINT magazine’s 2017 Regional Design Awards—now open to both professionals and students. Enter today before it’s too late!

Words by Rebecca Bedrossian

Surprise.

Poster design by Aaron Draplin for the 75th anniversary of PRINT magazine.

That was Aaron Draplin’s reaction when he got the call from HOW—to feature him again. According to the Portland, OR, graphic designer, the story hasn’t changed all that much. And to his point, there’s no lack of Aaron Draplin or Draplin Design Co. coverage on the World Wide Web. So much so, that I felt a bit of trepidation about the interview.

What could I unearth that hadn’t been covered before? And why would someone read this story?

My trusty go-to list of questions weren’t going to work for me. I didn’t want to write something that’s already been published. And I certainly didn’t want Draplin to roll his eyes during our chat. I realized I needed his help to build a new narrative. So I came clean and asked: What do you want to say that hasn’t been said before?

Art by Aaron Okanaya

It broke the ice and set the stage. We didn’t focus on his work for Nike, Ride Snowboards, Sub Pop Records, his numerous posters, album art and logo designs, nor his personal Field Notes brand, and we deliberately avoided his Lynda.com logo design tutorial that went viral last year. Been there, done that, and he designed the T-shirt. Instead our organic, candid and, as you’d expect from Draplin, entertaining conversation covered age, gratitude, family, and a book. While it sounds more Kumbaya than you’d expect from this born-and-bred Midwesterner, it comes with its fair share of self deprecation and the occasional f-bomb.

Draplin doesn’t beat around the bush. “How much more of this story do you want to hear?” he asks, honestly curious. “I’ll just never really be comfortable with being some kind of commodity.” He wonders about the saturation level, and admits that the pressure’s on, because the big names in design reinvent themselves. “Every three years, there’s a new talking point, taking a year off, a documentary,” he explains. “I’m just trying to get away with shit—that hasn’t changed.”

Art by Aaron Okanaya

At 41, Draplin wears his “middle age” as a badge of honor. “Every year I know myself a little better. Every year, there’s a refinement process.

“I can remember being 20 and talking to a 45-year-old. They were old. They were different. They wore a different type of clothes. They were beat down and said things like ‘my old lady,’ ‘those bastard kids.’ It was really cliché. Now I can’t tell when a guy is 55. It’s just how they carry themselves and how they laugh. My favorite rock ‘n’ rollers are 55 years old and you wouldn’t know it, because of the way they run their lives. That’s inspiring.

“There are weeks I work every day. You don’t get to put them in the bank. That goes to Uncle Sam. And they go and drop fucking bombs on developing countries with it or whatever the latest bullshit they’re doing. It hurts. I would hope they’d go build homes for people. I’d feel a little better about that.”

This three-pack of Aaron Draplin’s pocket-sized Field Notes includes one graph, one ruled, and one plain paper notebook, each with 48 pages and a craft paper cover. Get yours in MyDesignShop.

With age comes self-reflection, and Draplin is grateful. “Aren’t we lucky to be alive, to punch into design every day? As I get older, it’s better to be chill about stuff.”

And chill he is. He didn’t get to be design’s big draw without his share of critics along the way. Finger-pointing is a waste of time, but the web hands everyone a bullhorn, and it’s frustrating. “That’s something that people expect from me, to be an incendiary character just for the sake of doing it. That is not the case, I wouldn’t do it,” says Draplin, throwing in a technical term for good measure. “You don’t want to shit where you eat.”

Draplin’s genuine love for design surfaces when he speaks about life after the limelight fades—and make no mistake, he knows it will. “When all this stuff fizzles, I’ll go back to living the life of why I got the call in the first place. Working on my own, loving it, and not knowing any better. That’s kind of a cool thing.”

His gruff demeanor, plain speaking, ball cap, and healthy beard led one wag to call him the “Yukon Cornelius of American Design,” but, Draplin says, “there is nothing blue collar about what I’m doing. We live manicured lives.”

Yes, he likes to work with his hands, mocking things up, the very analog and tactile qualities of design, but the reality is Draplin can usually be found pecking away at the computer in his shop, a hotel room, or on a plane. The prolific designer makes his way to design events large and small across the country. He travels on Wednesdays, speaks on Thursdays, and returns home on Fridays. “The more I get done on the plane, the more time I have free on the weekend,” Draplin says with a chuckle, “to have fun like normal people.”

TIME OUT

Though he loves what he does, he’s tired and questions how long he can keep up the pace. “Why are we working so much? Because we don’t know any better,” he says adamantly. “It’s all we know how to do. The world just holds us down. I got ahead by working a ton. And then what? How much more money do you need?”

He’s finally stopped worrying about money, because—honestly—he doesn’t even have the time to spend it. This has been tough for Draplin. He grew up in Traverse City, MI, and has seen people struggle. “And I have these carrots dangling in front of me,” he explains, “how can I say no to any of it?

“You’re taught to budget, to be smart and to keep everything in the positive. Then you wake up and realize, uh-oh, that wasn’t the way to do it.

“I don’t know how to solve becoming smaller. I don’t know how to solve becoming healthy. I don’t know how to solve not working so goddamn much.”

But he’s trying. Draplin now leaves the shop at 8 instead of midnight. It’s baby steps. And it feels like a luxury.

“I don’t ever want to worry,” Draplin admits. “I know what it’s like to have nothing. I haven’t had to think about buying a record for about seven years. That to me is such a success.”

WIRED FOR SOUND

“I know Aaron hoards music of all kinds,” says Robin Hendrickson of ATO Records. “I get to see him flexing and working out album art that bounces off the classic tradition of record covers. His first comps are a thrill. He’ll show you a wide range of possibilities, some you asked for and some you didn’t. It’s like the ideas are exploding out of him, almost too fast to capture. His work is clean, but never sterile or boring. Somehow it reflects his personality, which is gruff but never unkind.”

Hendrickson continues, “He’s clearly studied—and absorbed—the language and history of 20th-century American vernacular graphic design, but his work never devolves into retro pastiche.”

You can’t have a conversation with Draplin without sensing his respect for design—its history, its unsung heroes, and his contemporaries. He stays on the prowl for overlooked graphic treasures and celebrates them. Sure, he’ll drop the occasional Saul Bass or Eames reference, but he’s not precious about it. “I don’t want to be too professional, too serious, too on point or on strategy, because people choke on it”

This is unusual—when there’s so much value placed on how you present yourself to clients and where there’s no shortage of articles touting five ways to be more productive, make a good impression, or look smarter in meetings—but it’s pure Draplin. It’s part of his allure, refreshing, and he owes it to dad.

LIKE FATHER LIKE SON

Visit draplin.com and you’ll find an entire section—an anomaly in the business of design—dedicated to his father, Jim Draplin. You see the love, and then hear it when Draplin speaks about him. “We lost my dad a year and a half ago. I don’t want to be the person who doesn’t talk about this shit. He died. I’m trying to make light of it, because he used to make fun of that shit.”

Draplin’s tone is light as he describes his dad as an incredible character, larger than life, who sometimes opened his shows for him. He admits sometimes the crowd didn’t know what to make of him. “He was as comfortable in front of a tool-and-die shop as much as he was in front of a bunch of nerdy designers, telling crass jokes, Don Rickles style. I’m so thankful I celebrated him viciously while he was around.

“I mimic my dad in terms of my design career: the business practices of how to enjoy your life and how to make things—how to laugh. That’s what I took from him,” explains Draplin. “It’s been cool to apply it to the stuffy thing of design. It’s been refreshing to defy some of that shit with it. People don’t know how to laugh.

“Dad kept me on my toes. He always made time. So getting in front of a client just reminds me of how my dad could loosen things up.” Draplin laughs, then continues.

“And look at me talking so much about my dad all the time. He always hogged the limelight. Still is! I need the world to know that without my mom, I’d be nothing. Fact.”

ON PAPER

That practice of loosening up came in handy when John Gall, creative director at Abrams, called about making a monograph. Draplin countered with, “Don’t you do this at the end of your career?” Excited and equally leery to get a big-league call, Draplin plans to keep it little league—as authentic and naive as possible. “It’s got to feel real to me,” he says.

Abrams has a history of publishing books by great designers and, though it’s early in the process, you can bet the Draplin book will be a bit of a departure. It won’t be a typical design monograph. How could it be? And Gall recognizes the value in that.

“I’ve been looking at younger/mid-career designers and wondering why they don’t have books, and if there is even an audience for such a thing,” Gall explains. “Most graphic design books we see are super expensive monographs by older or dead designers. I started looking at people the same age as Stefan Sagmeister was when Abrams published his first book. These are designers who came of age during the internet and social media era. These are voices we haven’t really heard from in book form yet. And they have a lot to say about how to make it in the design world today.

“Aaron’s style is rooted in utilitarian American design, but not totally as he’ll happily incorporate a lovingly designed Swiss grid. He’ll pull from the cool overlooked moments of the 1970s, but then something like Field Notes comes from another place entirely,” continues Gall. “He’s the designer all the kids want to be when they grow up. He has opinions and he’s willing to express them (even if he has to step on some toes), but he’s also a really nice guy with a strong sense of where he came from. He’s an inspiring speaker and entertaining graphic design raconteur. He makes beautiful things that you want to have. Beautiful lovingly printed objects. Aaron makes being a graphic designer look like the best job in the world.”

When I asked Draplin about the book, he goes straight to the Abrams site and tells me that it will live in close proximity to the Eames book. E follows D after all. Draplin says, tongue in cheek, that though the book will make him look “smart and articulate,” he’s not going to pass up this opportunity. It will be his guide to messing with the world of design.

“I take it very seriously how I don’t take it seriously,” he says.

After all, entertainment is a tricky business.

This article is from the Summer 2015 issue of HOW. Since it was published, Draplin’s stellar “Guide to messing with the world of design” earned a place on our sister site PRINT’s 25 Best Design Books of the Year.

The 2017 PRINT RDA: Extended Deadline. Enter Now!

Enter the most respected competition in graphic design—now open to both pros and students—for a chance to have your work published, win a pass to HOW Design Live, and more. 2017 Judges: Aaron Draplin / Jessica Hische / Pum Lefebure / Ellen Lupton / Eddie Opara / Paula Scher. Student work judges: PRINT editorial & creative director Debbie Millman and PRINT editor-in-chief Zachary Petit.

Draplin image: Leah Nash. Hische: Helena Price. Lupton: Michelle Qureshi. Scher: Ian Roberts.

The post Inside the Mind of Aaron Draplin appeared first on HOW Design.

Inside the Mind of Aaron Draplin syndicated post

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