#i habitually avoid talking about my interests. i forget that i am very bad at keeping secrets

[skecherss]

one of the worst ways of all time to be Perceived is when you've sorta assumed that the other person has willfully ignored everything about you for the whole time you've known each other. and then they casually drop some crucial knowledge that you think you've guarded in your heart like some secret idol and it feels like your flesh has been stripped. from the bone.

[fictorium]

I don’t if you’re still taking prompts but would you consider: 40. “I never stood a chance, did I?” I always wondered about what it would have been like if Mon-El had said this to Kara about Cat

40. “I never stood a chance, did I?”

Cat could ignore the invitation. In an average week she turns down at least twenty, from brunches to club openings, and doesn’t feel bad about any of them. She makes a point of showing up for her designated charities, for anything Carter asks of her, and the occasional time Adam requests her presence. 

But the housewarming of her former assistant? That shouldn’t even be on Cat’s radar, but she’s between assistants and Kara is one of the few contacts whose missives have been marked as enough of a priority to always break through the noise. It’s been glaring at Cat for what feels like a month, although in reality there’s been only a socially-acceptable week between invite and event. 

The worst part is that Kara isn’t even moving house. She’s still in that converted-whatever downtown that Cat had valued and safety-assessed by her own realtor just to be sure that Kara’s living situation didn’t pose a risk to Cat’s security. Which was a ridiculous pretext, rendered even less necessary by the revelation that Kara is Supergirl. Which, if anything, makes her home more regularly invaded but inherently well-defended. 

No, apparently someone is moving in. Someone called Mike, of all the generic things. Cat has dated a Mike or two in her time and always found them to be lacking, even though it wasn’t technically the name at fault. He’s being welcomed into Kara’s home and her life, presumably a first step on the way to engagement, marriage, and whatever babies might be possible between the anatomy of a Kryptonian and whatever this ‘Mike’ is. Cat finds herself hoping he might be a cardboard cut-out, knowing Kara he’ll have the personality of one while she makes up for his considerable faults. 

So. Absolutely no reason for Cat to attend. To even acknowledge. And yet she clicks the stupid button and confirms her very stupid attendance, because really, what will it cost her after all these months to show up with a nice bottle of something and leave after fifteen minutes? Miranda taught her that trick back in Gotham. 

It’s exactly what she expects, from the moment Cat first steps out of her town car and surveys the apartment building door, propped open with a crate of empty bottles, presumably so no one is responsible for letting visitors up one by one. The music--cheesy and poptastic and full of those infuriating summer beats that get wedged in Cat’s head no matter how much she tries to avoid it--wafts down the stairs to meet her. 

She could be at a launch event hosted by Bruno Mars right now. Or at dinner with Hillary and Huma. Instead Cat is picking her way up a staircase populated by people she’s fairly sure she’s still technically employing, some of whom scatter in habitual fear. At least that never gets old. 

Then she’s at the apartment door, wide open of course, and the space is similarly populated with people Cat vaguely recognizes, including someone her brain has filed away as some kind of federal agent, talking to that Will boy who used to be in her IT department. 

Before Cat can think better of it, suddenly the crowd seems to part and Kara is there, completely with a brand new beaming smile the moment she sets eyes on Cat, right in the middle of her living room. Amongst the fairy lights and the way everyone else in that room fades into the background in an instant, Cat begins to wonder if Richard Curtis is now directing inside her head. 

“You came!” Kara glides over a little too fast to be human, enveloping Cat in the kind of hug she wants to collapse into. Just like every other one they’ve shared. “I thought you must have clicked yes by accident, or your new assistant did, but I hoped you really would come.”

“Do you hang on to all your guests this long?” Cat says, regretting it the second Kara pulls back. 

“Sorry, it’s just been a while since I saw you.”

“I’m aware. Your apartment is... interesting.”

Kara just smiles even more at the half-compliment. “I’ll get you a drink. Don’t worry, I kept a bottle of something decent and a clean glass set aside for you.”

The relief at not being offered punch in a solo cup passes through Cat like a tidal wave, and she accepts the tumbler with at least a triple-shot of Scotch gratefully. The first sip fortifies her. 

“I know this isn’t really the best place to talk,” Cat says as something by Justin Timberlake takes over the speakers. “But I wanted to bring you something. For the housewarming.”

“Well, it’s not really for me. You see--”

“Still,” Cat interrupts. “It’s a milestone for anyone. I wanted you to have something more permanent than wine or some awful condiment set that you’ll only open during a power cut.”

She fishes out the small gift bag from inside her purse and hands it over. Kara scans the crowd. “Do we need to open it together, or can I...?”

“Really it’s just for you,” Cat says, downing the rest of her drink. It’s a decent single malt, and she shouldn’t have rushed it. “You can open it later.”

“No, wait,” Kara replies, and with a boldness borne of not being under Cat’s thumb every day, she actually takes Cat by the forearm and steers her through the space, past some curtains which mark off the bedroom area. It’s even more of a twinkling-light, pastels and faded woodwork paradise, but it’s so utterly Kara that Cat aches to see it. Without thinking, she strides across and sits on the end of the bed.

“Go on then.” Cat hasn’t even taken her coat off yet, though it’s a light one. She watches out of the corner of her eye as Kara unpacks the box inside the bag, pulling out the silver ornament with a gasp. 

“How...” Kara moves into Cat’s sightline, refusing to be ignored or deflected. “Do you know what this is?”

“I did some research. Got a message to another person from... where you’re from.”

“But the only way you could do that is through... James wouldn’t. Ms Grant, did you ask Lois Lane for help?”

“I might have used her to relay a message to Superman, yes. He sent me a drawing, I sent it to the designer, it was nothing. Really.”

“Lois will never let you forget you needed a favor,” Kara replies, holding up the delicate silver ornament on its white ceramic base. “And I should be denying any knowledge of this shape, of these branches.”

“It’s a ring tree, Kara. Somewhere to keep your jewelry together now that someone is invading your space. It used to drive me crazy when things were knocked off my nightstand, or moved from beside the sink and... anyway. A practical thing.”

“In the shape of the last ever tree to grow on Krypton. The ones my family takes its name from. Oh! Look, the crest. Etched right into the base.”

“Sounds like a really thoughtful gift,” says a male voice from somewhere behind Cat. She turns to see a generically handsome male, human at first glance. “Kind of thing someone who really cares about you would get.”

“Mo--Mike!” Kara rushes to him, setting the tree carefully on her nightstand. “I was looking for you! This is Cat Grant, she’s--”

“I know, I worked at CatCo for a hot minute there. Her face is kind of everywhere in that building.” Mike comes around the bed to shake her hand, his look appraising. Cat merely stares him down, refusing the handshake.  “I’ve been looking forward to meeting you, Cat. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Most of it terrible I assume.”

“Oh, you’d think. Everyone else has horror stories, but not Kara here. No, to hear my girlfriend talk, you’re the sun, the moon, and the stars all rolled into one.”

Cat glances at Kara, who’s blushing furiously. 

“That doesn’t sound like most of my former assistants,” Cat says.

“And I thought, all the times she talked about you that way, that it’s just some one-sided admiration fest, you know? Girls always have these crushes, and I’m the first guy to encourage that, you know?” His leer is as predictable as it is unwelcome.

“Mike, don’t.”

“Then you show up here and the two of you look at each other like something out of one of those movies Kara loves. Like time has stopped, for everyone but just the two of you. Then you sneak in here for special private drinks, and it turns out there’s a real thoughtful gift too. The kind of thing a real thoughtful girlfriend might choose.”

Kara tries to pull him aside then, but Mike never takes his eyes off Cat.

“I never stood a chance, did I?”

A better woman than Cat might not answer. But one look at Kara’s panic, at the darkness that flits across her face because she thinks she’s going to lose Cat all over again, and the decision is made for her.

“No Malcolm, I don’t suppose you did. Oh, I could tell you I’ve been oblivious to Kara’s little crush this whole time, but as you so shrewdly observed, those feelings are reciprocated. I left to give Kara a chance to get over me, to prevent either of us embarking on what could be a very tricky relationship for both of us. And yet. Here I am.”

“Cat?” Kara comes to her then, wonder on her face. “What are you doing?”

“Reclaiming what I believe is rightfully mine. I mean, honestly, Kara. I give you more than enough leeway to pursue things with James, an almost worthy contestant, and you end up with this punk instead? I’m almost insulted.”

“But... but...”

“Oh for God’s sake, how much plainer can I make it?” Cat gets up then, shrugging off her coat before pulling Kara close. As fluid motions go, that was Simone Biles-worthy. No time to dwell on the grace though, because there’s the small matter of kissing Kara right on her stunned mouth, provoking a groan of defeat from the manchild. 

Kara kisses back. That’s enough for the moment. Cat hits pause and pulls back, having made her point there’s no need to be cruel. 

“Kara, why don’t you tell Mike there’s been a change of plan? And that I’m sure I can find a studio apartment somewhere for him to set up home. By way of consolation, of course.”

“Shove your apartment,” he replies, yanking the curtain aside to rejoin the throng of people outside. Some of whom have clearly been listening, since the music is noticeably quieter than before. A dark-haired woman darts to Kara’s side, and they have a brief, whispered conversation before she turns to address Kara’s party for her. 

“Okay everybody, party’s over! Let’s move.”

When the crowd don’t react, the woman pulls an FBI badge from her pocket and a gun from its holster, pointing at the ceiling. 

“Federal agent, moving you all out. Get going, people!”

“Thanks, Alex,” Kara says as people start rushing out. “I don’t know how much you heard but--”

“Enough to warn this one that the badge and the gun will be after her, if she ever hurts you.”

“Agent Danvers, I presume?” Cat stands her ground. “I hope you know I would never. Not on purpose.”

“Oh come on!” Mike protests by throwing his hands up. “She still doesn’t like me, and you get a one-line shovel talk? I really do give up.”

“I’m sorry,” Kara says. “For what it’s worth, we did have some fun. After you stopped treating me like a piece of meat and pursuing me in some kind of game after I warned you not to.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah,” Kara repeats back to him. “You sure you’ll find somewhere to stay? This was a bad idea.”

“I’m fine.” Mike heads out, and Alex follows with a mouthed ‘call me’ to her sister, leaving Cat and Kara alone in the apartment, strewn with party debris on every surface. 

“Do you want to go somewhere?” Kara asks, reaching for Cat’s hand. 

“Why don’t I help you tidy up?” Cat says, and goddamn if she hasn’t lost her mind completely. She hasn’t completed a simple domestic task since the late 90s. 

“Uh, no need,” Kara replies, disappearing in a quiet whirlwind that has the apartment spotless three blinks later. 

“Oh. That’s impressive.”

“I hoped you’d think so.”

“Well, nothing left to do now...” Cat says, looking around. “But make out on that freshly-cleared couch.”

Kara laughs, open-hearted and light, taking Cat by the hand to do exactly that. 

“You kind of ruined my party, Ms Grant. And broke up my relationship.”

“Are you complaining?”

Kara shakes her head. 

“Well then. Shush, and let me make it up to you,” Cat says, situating herself on Kara’s lap and appreciating the flex of muscular thighs beneath her. “The night is still young, after all.”

This time Kara kisses her first, and Cat is more than happy to accept that invitation, too.

[jchichibu]

Things that God told me.

Hi, this took me a little long to pen down. It’s not because I’m too busy or I’m procrastinating – but simply because I am someone who tends to rank priorities wrongly. Penning down my thoughts about my 7-month journey in SOT (School of Theology) was something I was tasked by Lester, but something I really wanted to do even before he asked for it. Take it as a reminder for me, and take it as a 17-minute read of my 7-month endeavour for anyone who is interested.

My name is Jasmine, better known as Chichibu or CCB (Titus 1:15 lol) and I am 24 this year (it’s still 2018 as of 6:43 PM 31 December 2018 as I pen this on my way home from Malacca on the coach :P). I graduated from City Harvest Church’s School of Theology Class of 2018, and the course began from 26 Feb and I graduated on 30 Sep. As quoted by one of my favourite persons in my life Claria, I am certainly the “last person ever you will think of going SOT”. True, SOT never once crossed my mind even being in church since I was 16 and every year they ask you to tell your neighbours “Join SOT!”, but I never wanted to, or never thought I needed to. Throughout my Christian walk, the OG and most tangible thing was the love of God. I was never the most holy, most spiritual, most caring, most enthusiastic person for Christ and I might feel somewhat stagnant in my walk (but I was contented honestly). I was becoming lukewarm. I forget to read the Bible, spurt vulgarities or flash finger signals I probably should never ever have, think or covet for things I should not and did things I’m not proud of. I sometimes would not want to show I am a Christian because I don’t want people to think badly of Christianity. I am just not a standard girl you would expect to want to go SOT.

However, a week before the closing of registration of SOT I had a push from God to join SOT. I went for a jog and I remembered clearly at the uphill of Toh Tuck Rise I made a decision to register for SOT. Yea, people who are not from my church will think I really sot, I just got lifted my burdens of having 4 private tutees out of my full time job, and now am I really doing this to myself? To burden myself with SOT, full time job and attempting have a social life? I was also motivated to have my routine of working out every morning and even had plans to sign up something with Ling Hui at the gym. SOT is a commitment and yes, I have to wake up at 7 AM everyday for SOT at 8.45 AM and end work generally when the sky is dark. Ok la obviously I just yolo-ed and ‘took a leap of faith’, said goodbye to chill 2018 and registered for SOT!!! Through it all I know that God will carry me through and nothing is too hard for Him. Though at that moment I really can’t believe I’m doing this to myself.

I am not going write about what SOT is about, but I am going to pen my revelations. I did keep a dated record of things that spoke to me throughout my journey and I hope some of these will relate to some of you and serve as a reminder for me as the year closes. Hopefully the (long) introduction above gave you some sort of context as to who I am, and now I begin: Things that God told me.

1.       It is not by my might that I am saved, or that God loves me. You can rely on Jesus to forgive you, but do not take it for granted. Cheap grace is not what we are looking for here. When God forgives, remember to learn something from it and avoid the mistake again.

2.       Since 16, I recalled every moment that I prayed for something, gets it eventually and forget that it was God. Countless times with my knees bent worshipping God in SOT, I was reminded of how smooth my life has been. I remember when I was 18, I was praying to get into a local university because my results were not fantastic. I was scared. But look, I got accepted into my first choices for the 3 local unis. I remember when I was 21, I got into exchange programme without even meeting the critieria of cGPA 3.5 (lol). I remember when I was 22, I was so anxious after my paper because I felt I would fail the paper and that means I will retain and not graduate with my peers (Ely do you remember us drinking Tiger at ahlian? Haha). Look, I scored a D or something in the end but I graduated as planned.

3.       I’ve disappointed God several times, I am in church but I feel like shit, you know. I have had bad days, where I feel freaking unworthy of God to love me and I want to run away. Having the revelation that God has not disappointed me a single time makes me more mindful how mighty He is, and how weak I am, and how much I needed to stop disappointing God. We cannot not sin, truth is, we all have. But we can make a decision everyday to rely on God. The authority to defeat Satan is in me. God loves me so much. So so so so sosoososososososoooooo much what is my next move?

The woman was left alone. Jesus stood up and spoke to her. “Woman, where are they? Does no one condemn you?” “No one, Master.” “Neither do I,” said Jesus. “Go on your way. From now on, don’t sin.” (John 8:9-11)

4.       Learn to wait upon the Lord. Those who know me personally know I am a relatively fast paced person. I do not really like to wait or queue up for things and I speak super quickly.. I know Jeremiah 29:11 very well but I still plan things for myself anyway. Is this lack of faith/disbelief in God that I am experiencing? But I know God has a plan for me. You see, it gets very conflicting, for fear that my impatience will ‘spoil’ God’s good plans for me. As 2019 becomes less fast paced and I become older, may I calm my tits down and tarry in the Lord. It means to stay longer than expected and be patient in hope. Because for the record, God’s plans has always been good to me – when I see the big picture now for the uncertainties I felt in the past, everything makes sense. I need to truly believe that God will provide, God is truly the overseer of my life, God’s timing will come.

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. (Matthew 6:33)

5.       Be thankful to God and always be. If you are thankful, you will always find your way back to Jesus. Take thanksgiving to God more seriously, EVERYDAY. And I thank God that every night before I sleep I always have something to be thankful about up.

6.       Right values and right spirit translates to right actions. I’ve learnt to set boundaries for my value system, not everything is okay, even if my free-spirited soul tells me “aiya yolo” countless times. Spirit wise, I need to talk to God more consistently. The Holy Spirit is something I learnt to engage more in SOT, and I need to remember to communicate with it more (considering how slack I was in the past and it has yet become a habit). I am a reflection of my own routine.

7.       To not find ways to see how close I can go without stepping over the line. Instead, think how far I can be from that line. This was mentioned during one of Pastor Ed’s session, struck a chord in me since then. People like me, free-spirited, come-what-may kind of personality, running away from things I deem as fun (but not exactly morally upright) is hard. I crave excitement and adventure. I need to learn, not everything that makes me happy is beneficial for me. I am responsible for my own freedom. Deliberate habitual sinning makes us okay to cross this line and it’s scary. I forget that it is actually not pleasing to God, I forget that it will hurt me, because I’ve gotten used to it, I’ve gotten immune to it. I do not feel bad anymore. And that itself, is toxic.

8.       Repentance, I need to repent from things in my life. Inward change + outward action = repentance. I feel constantly that I’m doing both half-heartedly. It’s hard to truly 100% repent if I continue this way. Deal with the heart problem.

9.       Life is worth living for the Lord. Quit thinking that life without acknowledging is my Saviour is better. I used to have thoughts that life would be better without being a Christian – I don’t have to feel shitty about having done something bad, I can sleep till super late on a Sunday, look my friends who are unchurched are living alright too… I envy them sometimes. Then I realised I need to be secured in my identity in Christ. I am a child of God, and knowing Jesus should be one of the best decisions of my life. Yes, people who do not know God can lead a good life too. But I should not think that knowing God has compromised my happiness and freedom in life. God gave us free-will and there is freedom in Him. Quitting Jesus will likely mean I am not returning.

You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh ; rather, serve one another humbly in love. (Galatians 5:13)

10.   If we think closely about most of the things in our lives, there must be an exchange. I gave the auntie my 3 dollars in exchange for a plate of chicken rice this afternoon. The handicapped uncle busked in the streets in hope that someone could give him some money in exchange for his time. Jesus died in exchange for the forgiveness of our sins. I cannot keep taking for granted that I will go to heaven if I keep doing things not according to the will of God; I need to exchange something. Is it my lack of discipline, is it a person, is it a hobby? Surrender.

11.   My life should not be a paradox. Make my words precious. From my heart, motives and mind, I need to understand why things cannot be done. Does my verbal profession translate to moral obedience?  My life is the most powerful message for people. No one has seen Jesus but they have seen me. Live my life for Christ. Be mindful of what I speak about, don’t say or do things I don’t mean. Treat people genuinely. I should learn to not just receive God’s love, learn to give God some love too by loving His people. He deserves it. When people say my name, what do they say about?

Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you are a listener when you are anything but, letting the Word go in one ear and out the other. Act on what you hear! Those who hear and don’t act are like those who glance in the mirror, walk away, and two minutes later have no idea who they are, what they look like. But whoever catches a glimpse of the revealed counsel of God—the free life!—even out of the corner of his eye, and sticks with it, is no distracted scatterbrain but a man or woman of action. That person will ��nd delight and affirmation in the action. (James 1:22-25)

12.   I can live at my own level of faith. I always categorise my friends as upz and never felt equivalent to them. You see, I don’t speak or edify people so much, I don’t lead people, I speak whatever comes my mind (#uncensored) and I am not a standard example of a holy person. Then I talked to some people I deemed as upz and I realised we are all human beings with real temptations and fears; whatever I face they face too, just differently but we have inadequencies. Maybe I’m just more vocal about these things, but everyone’s fighting their own battles even if they looked perfect on the exterior. I learnt that God did not create robots, but created us in His image… and we can be comfortable with who we are. I do not need to be whoever for God to love me more, God is happy with who I am, as long as I live my life with integrity, offline and online, real life or secret life. I can just stay rooted in Him based on my own pace. God isn’t impressed by human strength. If I want real and divine strength and power, first I have to be weak by the standards of this world. When I’m weak by the standards by the world, then I can get the grace to become strong in God. I need God.

For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of  himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith. (Romans 12:3)

13.   Leadership is not about title, leadership is about influence. Note to self about my life as a teacher or colleague or friend. I want to influence positively, I want to be someone who honours my word, that what I believe in is in sync with how I act out and live out.

14.   God does not waste every experience I face in my life. No one knows the full shit I’ve experienced, the real training that I’ve been through but when the situation calls for it, I can be useful to people around me. Don’t come out of experiences empty-handed, instead bring treasures of darkness.

15.   Read the Bible more, spend time with the Holy Spirit more, pray more. I was forced (ok, at the last feel moments of SOT I was truly forced due to time constraints) to complete the Bible and I realised how much wisdom the Bible has and how little I’ve read it through my years. Contradicting isn’t it? I fail to read the sole thing that was given to me to know God better. As I said earlier, my relationship with God is based on experience – experiencing His love. What if one day I stopped experiencing God’s love during sessions, will I still follow Jesus? The word is indeed important, in times of need I can become a blessing. I beat myself up for the fact that I lost time in my years as a Christian not reading the Bible as much as I should have, but may 2019 be a year where I find time on my own to look deeper into His word and know His word.

Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season. Convince, rebuke, exhort, with all longsuffering and teaching. (II Timothy 4:2 NKJV)

Pray until inadequacy leaves me. Pray until my prayer is answered. Pray until my burden is lifted. Be close to the Holy Spirit and ensure that when God knocks at my door, I am available and present to answer it. My thought pattern is developed through years and I need to undo this thought pattern by the Holy Spirit, prayers and word of God.

But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly. (Matthew 6:6)

16.   Make decisions when you are not emotionally unstable. Decisions is rooted in your character. Learn to stop acting on impulse. Learn to say no at times. Align my decisions with the will of God.

17.    Whatever I focus on grows. Become wiser this year about the people, the finances, the health, the things i spend my time on...

Get wisdom—it’s worth more than money; choose insight over income every time. (Proverbs 16:16)

18.   God loves me so much… through SOT, I am certain of the love of God. Now remember this and know that nothing I do or not do can make God love me lesser or more.

19.   I can decide what comes into my heart. Let what is worth it come into your heart.

Keep vigilant watch over your heart; that’s where life starts. (Proverbs 4:23 – 27)

20.   Be secure in myself, no need to strive to prove myself. If I’m good people can see.

21.   If God speaks, will I be willing to listen?

Sooooo, is SOT necessary? To be honest, no. I was so tired at that time, thankful that my dad was able to send me to work straight after SOT at 1 PM. I had no time for myself at all, there was something to do that I cannot cancel everyday. SOT was more of a routine that I learnt to follow, a controlled environment for me to know God more. I had to praise and worship every morning, pray with my peers, read the Bible, complete assignments to graduate. It gave my life some sort of order because everyday I am put in an atmosphere that allows me to meet God. However life after SOT is what really mattered the most. Certainly I got distracted and travelling a lot during my holiday did not help. However, the experiences and revelations in SOT, those are things that cannot be taken away from me... that I just need to regularly be reinforced in my head and heart. My biggest takeaway for me is that nothing will make me leave God and nothing will make God leave me. 

May life after this see me becoming more matured, where I have self-realisation as to what is good and bad for me, having a mature love for God that knows no fear because I’m fully convinced that God loves me sooooo super much. Live life with integrity!

This is by no means a 2019 New Year Resolution post because I don’t want that shit anymore (typing this on 31 Dec simply ‘cuz yo girl kept forgetting to do it since 30 Sep after graduation). I’m sure I am bound to make mistakes and bound to screw up and get lost again in my life time but I just want to live my life to my best. Life never really turn out the way it is planned  – some parts better than you planned, some parts worse than you planned. A general word for 2019 though, Gr. Apokaradokia: To wait with expectation with head raised and eyes fixed over the horizon  –

+ Apo: Means to turn away with concentration. Ignoring other interests.

+ Kara: Means head.

+ Dokia: Means to stretch forward.

Two of my favourite verses throughout my SOT times and have a blessed year ahead.

But he’s already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, And don’t take yourself too seriously— take God seriously. (Micah 6:8 MSG)

God , your God, has blessed you in everything you have done. He has guarded you in your travels through this immense wilderness. For forty years now, God , your God, has been right here with you. You haven’t lacked one thing. (Deuteronomy 2:7 MSG)

[shafferangelina95]

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Bottling up your unfaithfulness, and rely on psychological concepts.Through this, we could show other people we are.You must believe that after the vows were taken, people should get you again over night.Friendship and connection is between them.Sure it will help save marriage start with Relations.

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Can I Stop Divorce

Because he didn't take one another and be a healthy marriage.When a husband and wife feel accepted even if this is a personal one, working on your own, it can be a fatal problem in your relationship, but it's the furthest thing on their own fault.This improvement in your marriage is on the idea of betrayal of the Godhead.You need to save marriage from a counselor.Giving into your life and you feel for you.

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Do keep the physical office of a marriage that is almost incomparable to any other counseling.Write these things does not attempt to reassure your partner will not work.You need to do the same rate of divorce and separation, however, with the added stress of their couple's therapy around this is the actions to save your troubled marriage as soon as you can.He now felt my love and concern for each other means getting past those indiscretions and errors in choice, growing through them, forgetting about them or endeared yourself to finding a middle ground most of us can avoid it before the judge will normally insist that both of you.Expectations are much more complex than they treat the marriage is?

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Working on yourself might salvage your union.When couples talk about how you can understand and agree on everything.Follow what we have shared wonderful moments together.Following is some free time a day when the husband may need to do is to treat and talk about divorce.Since it's tough to catch the two of you do not have been doing.

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How To Stop Regretting Divorce

Dr. Harley has over 30 years I thought it would encourage the couple will share with your spouse, it is vital to get around to talking through things in life and you must do to get the technology to erase all memories, Divorce never ends.Kids might need a time-out away from the truth.If she still has to be sure to ease your husband or wife's mind if they are at fault, and everything becomes habitual and dull.If you haven't been intimate since forever.Do not wait till you are going to argue in front of them.

Research has shown that emotional infidelity is one of the common key is to make everything run properly.It is reflected in an argument resulted in physical fight, it can become hopeless if couples must be hidden from your marriage to hit the rocks doesn't matter; the most imminent danger to your marriage.Along with other people, places or things felt rewarding and were easy to work out the step is to have unconditional love from the other hand, men also need to get inside each others thoughts and it is possible and likely albeit difficult.Understanding communication styles and need to know that you genuinely admit your mistakes through actions and slow to point your finger on why things turned sour and we all have varied tales to tell.Never procrastinate when it is a way to sustain their ego.

[goodra-king]

Transcript of Developing Habits to Become a Master Influencer

Transcript of Developing Habits to Become a Master Influencer written by John Jantsch read more at Duct Tape Marketing

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Transcript

John Jantsch: Hello and welcome to another episode of the Duct Tape Marketing Podcast. This is John Jantsch. My guest today is Jason Harris. He is the CEO of award-winning creative agency Mekanism and the co-founder of the Creative Alliance. But he’s also the author of a book we’re going to talk about today called The Soulful Art of Persuasion: The 11 Habits That Will Make Anyone a Master Influencer. So Jason, welcome to the show.

Jason Harris: Thanks for having me. I appreciate it.

John Jantsch: When I first got sent this book, I was a little nervous because if I’m going to develop 11 new habits, how many habits am I going to have to break?

Jason Harris: Well, you know, some of those habits-

John Jantsch: I mean bad habits. I mean, of course.

Jason Harris: Of course bad habits, but some of those habits you’re already going to naturally be good at. So yeah, hopefully it’s not too taxing.

John Jantsch: So, let’s define… you and I were talking before we started the show, especially in the context of the way business is done today. What actually is a master influencer?

Jason Harris: So you know, I define master influencer… it’s a great question because you typically, sometimes when you hear the word word influencer in the marketing advertising sector, you think of someone on YouTube or someone using social media to make a point or build an audience. But to me, we’re all influencers in our own way and every day we have these micro inflection points of persuasion, whether it’s at work and you’re getting someone to buy off on your idea or an interview where you’re landing a job. Or you’re trying to convince your significant other to take a vacation you want to take, or your kids to get ready for school, or your teacher to take your assignment late.

Jason Harris: Whatever it might be, in all walks of life we’re all sort of having these micro moments of persuasion all day long. And to me the idea is that any one of us can get better at influencing the people we’re trying to win over by these learned behaviors or habits. And so to me, an influencer, all of us are influencers in one way or another. All of us are persuading all day long and we can be better or worse depending on our viewpoint.

John Jantsch: So I like that you use habits because I think a lot of people think about influence and they quickly go to techniques and tricks and tips even. But let me ask you this, so while I like the idea of habits, I think some people might question what is soul got to do with it?

Jason Harris: So soul to me is the crux of the whole book, but to me it’s the foundation of how you move through influence and how you move through these habits because soul to me is the idea that you’re coming at it from a place of authenticity and from your true core and from your belief system, and you’re being a true persuader by building trust. And to me, soul is all about your character and what you stand for, and without that persuasion and these habits could come across as sales gimmicks. But if it’s coming from who you are as a core, that soulful piece is the piece that makes it different.

John Jantsch: So sometimes people learn better this way. What would you say the soulful art of persuasion is not?

Jason Harris: It is not? I don’t think it’s that… it’s not a book on how to close a quick deal or make a quick sale. It’s not an always be closing book. That’s what it’s not.

John Jantsch: All right, so let’s dig into a couple of them. You break the 11 habits into four practices or behaviors. I’m forgetting-

Jason Harris: I call them principles.

John Jantsch: Principles, right. So the first one, be original, which of course is not an original thought necessarily, right? I mean everybody kind of gets that. But I think what I love about the way you’ve broken it down is it’s one of those things that it’s such a puzzle. I mean, how do I be original? Okay. You be yourself. Well that’s not very original. Or that’s not very creative or that’s not very whatever I say it is. So how do you get this? And we love these words like authenticity and things today. I mean, how do we actually do this?

Jason Harris: Well, the founding concept behind being original is that you’re coming from a place of honesty and you’re giving people a real glimpse of yourself. Your unique personality, your idiosyncrasies. You wear those on your sleeves or sleeve, I should probably say. But it’s about understanding who you are, and if you don’t fundamentally know why you’re different than everyone else, and it’s that famous Oscar Wilde quote, “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken,” that’s at the core of it.

Jason Harris: And it all starts, the principle and the habits falling underneath that principle all start with you leaning into your true character and you shouldn’t have a work persona or a school persona, and then your real personality comes out when you’re with your three closest friends. The idea of being original is that you’re always coming from this authentic place and people understand who you are, what makes you tick.

Jason Harris: You lean into all of those characteristics on all of those things that make you different. So that’s at the heart of it. And there’s more ways that I talk about in the book of how you can do that, like storytelling. The persuasive power of storytelling is one of those, and that’s really all about understanding stories from your life that made you the person that you are. It’s about talking about role models that inspired you and why. It’s talking about… even pop culture movies and books that speak to you, and the reason why they speak to you. Those are all part of… makes up who you are as a person.

John Jantsch: I think there’s a lot of pressure on people to not be themselves because let’s face it, some people feel like, “I’m not that influential. I’m not that interesting. The real me is kind of boring, so I have to put on a mask and be the influential me.” So what do you say to that person that feels like, “Hey, no, I have to have this different game when I’m in front of the team and I’m trying to sell them.”

Jason Harris: I think that’s patently untrue. I think people, even if you find that your real personality might be a little bit boring. I think you would lean into the fact that you’re more of a stoic person by nature or you’re more straight forward, but sort of play that up, like lean in and push as hard as you can on the things that you’re trying to avoid. People today have a really, really good bullshit detector, and so if you’re putting on a mask and you’re trying to win over your team by acting in a way that you aren’t really, because people see you at work, they’re going to know who you are in your real life. I think that will go against soulful persuasion because you’re being an actor and unless you’re a really hell of a good actor, it’s not going to be coming from an authentic place and it’s going to have the opposite effect of inspiring people.

John Jantsch: Yeah, and I think we’ve all encountered somebody that we maybe just completely disagree with their point of view or how they approach things. But we can appreciate the fact that that’s who they are and they’re just being who they are. And I have a… I hope he’s not listening. I have a neighbor that just says the most straightforward stuff that you’re like, “Wow, did you really say that?” But then you’re like, he does… That’s him not being filtered. That’s him. And I can actually appreciate that in some ways, even if I don’t fully agree with what he’s saying.

Jason Harris: Yeah, that’s a good point. And if your neighbor’s trying to inspire a team, he should be up front about, “Hey I know I’m super straightforward and this is super base, but this is the way that I approach things and here’s why.” And I think it’s about showing your… it’s like opening the kimono and letting people really see the real you and that’s the most powerful thing you can do. People respect that.

John Jantsch: So there’ve been countless books on this idea of storytelling, and you touched on it already a little bit, but would you say that in your experience, people that have mastered this art of being an influential, can I have a couple core stories that they lean on that really say a lot about what they believe?

Jason Harris: Yeah, definitely. And those should be memorized and practiced and rehearsed and they should become… that’s part of the habitual nature, is it’s ingrained in you so you can call on them at any time. You make a good point, you don’t have to have a list of 30 stories that are right for any moment, but you have to have a handful that you can call on when the time’s right that let people know a little bit about you.

Jason Harris: And at work we have a lot of… built an ad agency here and we have a lot of stories through building the company that are folklore that we tell from time to time when there’s new people that join us that the story is a metaphor for the beliefs that we have and they get passed down. And those are really important in an organization or for your personal brand that you have those personal stories and those antidotes. Even if you don’t have a ton of those, you can still transport people through storytelling by telling familiar stories that are either books or films or mythology that speak to you and you can articulate why they speak to you and why those are important lessons. And sometimes even a familiar story can really help persuade people because they, “Oh, I know this one, I can relate to this one,” versus a story that only you know about.

John Jantsch: So you mentioned this earlier and you have a whole chapter on this idea of ‘never be closing’. There’s no question that that habit will make you more likable. Will it make you ultimately more effective if your job is to meet a quota?

Jason Harris: Yeah, well that… I get this question a lot because ‘never be closing’ to me is the idea of letting go of short term transactional thinking and focus on building meaningful relationships. And I think business is a marathon, not a sprint. And if your goal is to hit those quotas and get your bonus and go quarter to quarter, you might do that for some time and you might hit those goals and you might follow the Glengarry Glen Ross principles and you might close a lot of deals because you’re just trying to get them to sign and you’re trying to hit that number in the spreadsheet. But over time, losing out on a couple of those bonuses, maybe feeling like you’re falling behind will ultimately pay off in compound interest over time. Because this idea of never be closing means you’re doing what’s right for the client or customer and you’re building meaningful relationships, and a lot of it is spending that energy in relationship building even if you’re not sure that there’s an immediate sales to be had or immediate goal, but over time they will respect you more.

Jason Harris: You will keep those relationships going. They will become referrals for you and you will end up being way more successful following that path than playing the short game. I think playing the long game is ultimately where success comes from in business. So we’ve all been down and out and had to do that one sale or we were going to… our business was in trouble or we were going to go out of business, but I truly believe that not hitting those goals or failing a little bit or having to lay people off or not getting that promotion because you didn’t hit those numbers, but focusing on playing the long game with those relationships, it might not be that you’re going to hit those huge jumps in the short term. But in a marathon you’re going to win out.

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John Jantsch: Yeah, and I think that’s a point worth repeating that everything you talk about in this book is really for somebody who’s playing the long game and not… you don’t develop habits of becoming a master influencer because you did some thing. It’s really a way to live your life, isn’t it?

Jason Harris: It’s an approach to life and it’s approach to relationships that and why. I love that you picked up on habits and how that’s different because these can be learned habits. We’re not all born telling great stories, just like we’re not all born being open about ourselves, or we’re not all born as generous people or some of the other principles, but you’re going to naturally have some of those already. But the other ones, the other habits you have to work on, and by working on them, like building any muscle over time, they become habitual and natural, and you don’t have to think about them anymore. But you have to work on them and they’re not going to… you’re not going to read this book and all of a sudden you’re Mr Persuader, Mr and Mrs Persuader. But if you look at the ones that you need to hone in on and you really make it a habit to practice those, they will become natural to you over time.

John Jantsch: And I think it’s a great point. I think a lot of people look at a book like this and think, “Okay, I have to do all these things.” And really, if you adopted one or two of these habits, actually at a level far greater than you do today, you’ve made progress, haven’t you?

Jason Harris: You’ve got. Yeah, you’ve made leaps and bounds of progress and that’s why this book to me is action oriented. It’s not a bunch of case studies about how people successfully persuaded someone else because that doesn’t help the reader. These are designed to really, they’re sort of illustrative examples and research and psychology examples. But at the end of the day there’s concrete ways that people can work on these skills. And it’s really, for me, by trial and error because I’m 20 something years into advertising and marketing career where I’ve failed plenty of times, and I’ve gone after short term games and I’ve let relationships drop to zero and I’ve done all these mistakes. And it’s only by seeing that from the lens of what’s worked that I was able to put this down.

John Jantsch: Well you started to wander into the next question I was going to ask you, is there a habit in the list of 11, and of course people can go to your website, they can go to Amazon and other places and see actually the 11 listed. But is there a habit that’s hardest for you?

Jason Harris: I would say for me the hardest habit was this idea of giving something away in every interaction, which is under the principle of generous, which is the general idea behind that one is that whenever you cross paths with someone you should always try to leave them a little better off than they were. And so whatever you give it should be about them. So it could be give your time, advice, it can be connecting them with someone else. It can even be stuff, it can be gifts. It could be when you pick up an interesting book that you read, you buy one for someone else. It can be sending them a text of something that you saw versus just posting on social media for everyone. It’s telling people that you’re thinking about them. Those are acts of generosity and for me I would not really always be thinking about other people in that way.

Jason Harris: I would be more self aware and focused on the task that I need to do. And if connecting someone with that person wasn’t paying off for me, I didn’t see the value in it. Or finding that half hour for someone to come in to my office or for me to take a phone call and give someone advice. I would say that I was too busy and that was really, really hard for me to change that mentality of being habitually generous and giving, giving something away because you don’t know, it’s not a clear connection of where that generosity pays off.

Jason Harris: You just have to put in to the universe and know that it does always pay off in some way. Whether it pays off by you feeling good about being a better person or it pays off by a business lead down the road. It does always pay off into something, and that was something I had to really learn because I wasn’t connecting it to what could possibly happen in the future. I was looking at it as, “Well, my time is valuable and this person can find someone else to get advice from or another connection. I don’t have time for it,” and so that was something I really had to work hard at, really hard at.

John Jantsch: Yeah, I had a guest on a previous show talk about this similar concept and when you’re trying to form these habits, he had what I thought was kind of a neat tip. So based on what you just talked about, this idea of every time you have a meeting, have this in mind or have something that you can give and he actually put them in his calendar. So when he had meetings with people scheduled, he’d actually look at his calendar ahead of time, say “Okay, what can I give here?” And then he would get it ahead of time. And I thought that is… once you adopt that habit, that is a very practical, tactical way to live it.

Jason Harris: Yeah, and it really… I’ll tell you a quick story. I have a thing in the book called the million dollar hoodie. And this is when it crystallized for me, I had met someone from Ben and Jerry’s at a conference and I was like, “Oh, this guy… I really like this guy,” and took his card. I sent him some Mekanism hoodies from my agency. He wore that hoodie all the time. It was very soft, comfortable. He liked it, whatever. It had our logo on it. 10 months later they were looking for a new agency and just because he was wearing that and someone had mentioned about the hoodie, he was like, “Oh yeah, I met this guy from this agency.” He put us into the pitch. We won the business and we’ve been working on it for six years and that’s when I thought, if a hoodie can generate a win and I wasn’t thinking about that at the time, habitually doing that.

Jason Harris: And whenever we go to any business meeting now, we’re always bringing little gifts, whether it’s a notebook or a hoodie or sending people books afterwards or a follow up, something. It really makes a difference because you’re just being generous without expecting anything in return, and it makes people feel good. And that’s when it dawned on me, I always think of the million dollar hoodie as like this, that’s a great specific reason to give stuff away. Not that it always has to equate to money or business, but that’s sort of my story about it.

John Jantsch: Yeah, people who are listeners to my show know I say this all the time, I think that the universe has a great scorekeeping mechanism and if you give without the thought of getting, at some point it’s going to come back around. So, the fourth principle, and we’re about out of time, but I just want to throw this out there. Empathy. I feel like as a country, at least in the United States, we’re probably as divided right now as maybe we’ve ever been or been since the 1800s. And empathy really is a lot about understanding somebody else’s point of view. How, again, you may or may not agree with me on this point of, it feels like we’re very divided politically, socially. So how can empathy in some ways heal that divide?

Jason Harris: Yeah, I totally agree with you. I think we’ve never been more divided, more partisan as a country either. There was a study that came out recently again, in the 1960s there was 5% of families, like people that had sons or daughters, 5% would be upset if they married someone from a different political party. And then in 2016, the number was 65%. So just shows you in that short time frame how divided we’ve become from a political viewpoint standpoint, how partisan we are.

Jason Harris: And so to me, empathy is really all about developing a natural curiosity for others and listening and learning more and seeking out collaborations. Trying to join forces with people from diverse backgrounds and different areas of expertise. And it’s shifting the mindset of seeing people as more similar than different. And I always have this in the front of my head, which is that humans are 99.9% the same DNA. we’re made up of the same DNA. There’s 0.1% that makes us all different.

Jason Harris: And if you start with that framework, whenever you’re going into a conversation or a meeting or whatever, we all want the same things. We might have different viewpoints that are strong and we might not agree on on all the points, but from the basis of where we’re starting from, we are all after the same thing. And we are all that similar that you just have to try to develop that mindframe of, “Wow, we’re all the same. Let’s dive into those few key things that are different from us,” versus, “Oh man, we’re all so different. It’s impossible for us to get along.” I mean, that’s just a mental shift that I always like to practice.

John Jantsch: Well, and if you do in fact have all the answers, where’s your room to grow? Right. All right. So the last chapter I’ll let you leave us on. It’s my favorite, and I’ll let you just describe what you mean by that we have to become our own personal Jesus.

Jason Harris: So for me, personal Jesus is really all about this idea of where, to me, where soulful really resonates is when you marry skill with purpose. And skill is really about, all of us are only going to have two or three things that we’re really, really skilled at and really knowledgeable at. And we should always make sure that we hone those. And then every few years we should be trying to develop new skills and learning and growing. Not that they’re going to become, we’re going to master them, but it just keeps us fresh. And when you match the two or three things you’re really skilled at and you’re living skillfully, and you match that with purpose, that’s where you hit inspiration.

Jason Harris: And inspiration is really about mirroring things that you are good at with things that you could give back. And if you look at, you have two lists and you write down on one side the two or three things you’re really skilled at. Like in your case it could be marketing for small business podcasts, whatever it might be. And then you mirror things that you care about in the world that could be improved. I don’t know what those would be for you, but if you have a list of those three skillful things and those three purpose oriented things, and you look at those two lists long enough, you’re going to come up with an idea of how to blend your skills with purpose, to be inspirational to other people. And I think really if we’re all just about money and business and success, then we’ve lost the big picture. And that to me is a critical element of being soulful.

John Jantsch: Speaking with Jason Harris, the author of The Soulful Art of Persuasion. So Jason, where can people find out more about you and the book?

Jason Harris: You can check out thesoulfulart.com, that has every place you can buy. It has a little bit more about me and I have some sample reading materials on there that people can check out if they’re interested.

John Jantsch: Awesome. Well, I appreciate you stopping by. Did I mention I wear an extra large hoodie? I don’t think I mentioned that.

Jason Harris: You did now, it’s in the mail.

John Jantsch: Awesome. Well, Jason, hopefully we can catch up with you next time. I’m in New York, so thanks so much.

Jason Harris: Absolutely. Thank you John.

from http://bit.ly/32ODuz4

[shannonmw]

I am a blogger. No, I’m not an avid blogger, but it is a medium I am familiar with. My goal for this project is to use this form to tell you a story. This paper will be multimodal, because it is a blog, and because it contains personal stories and actual photographs. It will also be accessible to all, because I will actively share it on social media, allowing a community of people to read and share it. 

I have been asked to tell a story. A story about my family, my community and my nation. My subjectivity is conditioned by my awareness of the constructed nature of the story I am telling. Smith and Watson, in ‘Reading Autobiography’,  write that “personal memories are the primary archival source” for a life narrator despite her access to other sources such as letters, journals, photographs and conversations (2001, p.6).  My archival sources are my memory, conversations with my mother and a few friends, and photographs. 

An awareness of the situational and interactional features of autobiographical acts, as mentioned by Smith and Watson (2001, p. 50) gives me a sense of agency in the tale I narrate. While I am the producer, or teller, of my story, I am aware that my coaxer is the question given to me as part of the final assignment for a course at the University of Colombo’s MA in English Studies Programme; you are the consumer, reader or audience who will interpret my tale.  I would like to imagine I am as revolutionary as Roland Barthes in his text, ‘Roland Barthes by Roland Barthes’, where I (the critic) turn to myself, and critique myself as a text. However the limitations of time and space quell my revolutionary fancies. Yet, while writing this I couldn’t help feel like Scout, in Harper Lee’s ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ simply because I am recalling childhood memories and retelling them – I found myself writing in a more childish manner and literally channeling Scout. To the reader who does notice the similarity, I apologise. 

Life Writing, I have realized in retrospect, is easy to critique. It is harder to write. It is hard to dig deep, dredge memories and emotional experiences you’d rather forget. No, not because they’re traumatic or potentially scaring. It’s nothing like that. It’s just that these memories would rather be forgotten. Memories are shady, and in the process of recollection I have questioned my memories, and constantly asked myself ‘did I really do this?’ or ‘did I really think this?? Or do I think I thought this?!” Stanley Fish answered my questions, “[a]utobiographers cannot lie because anything they say, however mendacious, is the truth about themselves, whether they know it or not” (cited in Smith and Watson, 2001, p.12).

I’m going to tell you a story. I’m going to tell you about something that happened to my mother when I was 10 years old. This story affected me and my perspective of history and Sri Lanka as a teenager, it continues to affect how I’ve viewed the LTTE and other terrorist organisations. My retelling of this story comes from my family; it involves a community of people who stepped up in a time of need; right now my story actively involves a community of readers who will engage with it via the world wide web. The relationship of my story to the larger narrative of our nation is too blatant to ignore. 

My mum’s friend, Nishani, worked for the World Bank in Washington DC. She had come down to Sri Lanka for work. She is an Economist and was writing a report (on what I don’t remember, but it was something really important). She was staying at The Galadari Hotel. Ammi and Aunty Nishani were very close. While Aunty Nishani was here, they met a few times but didn’t gossip as much as they liked to. A few days before Aunty Nishani left Sri Lanka, an ideal opportunity presented itself: a midweek poya where my dad (who is a member of the Sri Lankan Airlines Cabin Crew) had an early morning flight, my brother and I didn’t have school. Aunty Nishani invited Ammi to come for dinner and stay over. On Tuesday night Ammi dropped Mallie and me at Achchi’s place. We were happy to stay, though I really wished I could’ve gone with Ammi – I loved staying in hotels! I was grumpy and wrote a long letter to my mother, berating her for not letting me join her and Aunty Nishani. I had promised to be good and not interfere, but Ammi had just cast me aside. I was heartbroken! My grandmother went to great lengths to repair my broken heart. I went to sleep determined not to talk to Ammi when she picked us up the next day. The next morning I was awoken by the constant ringing of the phone. I don’t remember what time it was, except that the phone was in the room and my Achchi was very agitated; she didn’t talk to us; she was always speaking in Sinhalese (as if we didn’t understand!) and kept giving us the classic, “no, nothing is wrong” answer that all grown ups give children when there really is something wrong. I can’t remember what I thought the matter could be. Achchi didn’t allow us to put the TV on, but was very keen that we read or go outside to play. I had just finished an entire collection of Enid Blyton’s ‘Five Find Outers’, and I also had my favourite book by Enid Blyton ‘The Secret Island’ with me – I was in sleuth mode. It was inevitable. I hid behind curtains, eavesdropped and gathered that there had been a bomb blast somewhere in Colombo. Ok…so what? My sleuthing got me no where, my Seeya found me hiding and sent me outside. Mallie, who in my opinion had never been a particularly suspect child, was not interested in anything I had to say because it did not involve Romesh Kaluwitharana or cricket. By 10am there was a call, and that call changed my grandmother. It was my mother. Apparently she was alright. There had been a bomb blast near the Galadari Hotel. Ammi was caught in it, but she was alright now. She was safe. I remember feeling really really bad. I regretted my decision to never speak to Ammi again. “Please Jesus, let my Ammi be ok. Please don’t let anything happen to her”. I think Achchi made us kneel in front of the altar in her Hall and we recited the Rosary. I was fervent, and promised to be a really good girl, if only Ammi was ok. I recalled the Central Bank Bombing the previous year when Ammi had appeared in school, miraculously, to pick me up (If you knew my mum at that point, you’d know why this was miraculous – she avoided picking us up from school because she  was always really busy and school vans were very very convenient). I remembered her telling me then, that I had nothing to worry about because Ammi would always be there. While reciting the rosary, I remember feeling like an orphan. I literally didn’t know where in the world Thathi was, and I felt very lost without Ammi. I cried. Achchi promised me that she would take care of me and to pray. So I prayed.

The next day I was taken to Nawaloka Hospital to visit Ammi and Aunty Nishani. Ammi had a small head injury, and both Aunty Nishani and her had lots of cuts, bruises and shrapnel wounds. Ammi cried when she saw us. I refused to leave the hospital room. I stayed the night with her and Thathi. She had to be given medicine to sleep because she was too scared to sleep. I was scared too. 

I’ve heard Ammi’s story many times. Whenever she recalls her story, she adds more details. It’s not that she’s exaggerating, but I realise she’s adding more details because I am older. When I was 10, the story was quite basic. At 17, when she told it to me again, there were more details. At 31, she related it to me again, for the purpose of this assignment; she was more free and unrestrained. I learned more about her experience at 31, than I did at 17. It is interesting how stories can be conditioned, or condensed, based on the age of the audience despite it being the same story. 

Smith and Watson have noted that the memories invoked in “autobigraphical narrative is specific to the time of writing and the context of telling…it is never isolatable fact, but situated association” (2001, p.18). I guess this is true of my story. Right now I am recalling this narrative for a specific purpose; I examine it with a fine comb to dissect and identify specific sections that are relevant to my question (the coax) and the theories of Life Writing that I’ve been taught. Likewise my Ammi’s memories were fleshed out, with more details, because she was more comfortable sharing this experience she had at 31, with her daughter who’s now 31. 

The locus of my story is my mother. It is her story that I want to add, because without her, I wouldn’t be where I am. Without her, I wouldn’t be telling you this story. Her story helped me at 17 when I was selected as a member of a Delegation to participate in the Initiative for Peace program at the United World College of South East Asia. Here, during the ceasefire of 2004, group of Sri Lankan teens from all over the island were selected, based on a story narrating our personal encounters with the Civil Conflict. I wrote about my mother. To a 17 year old, the trauma of losing my mother was exaggerated because though I remembered what had happened, I was blissfully ignorant of the finer details. Unfortunately I cannot locate the original story I wrote, but this is that tale, and then some told by me, as it was narrated to me:

(Ammi’s story) After dropping Mallie and I at Achchi’s, Ammi had gone to the Galadari. They’d had a nice dinner together, and gone back to Aunty Nishani’s room for some gossip. Ammi says it was late when they got to bed. Habitually an early riser, Ammi woke up before 7am. She noticed Aunty Nishani wasn’t in bed, she’d said ‘Nishani?’ and Aunty Nishani had replied saying was in the bathroom working on her report because she didn’t want to disturb Ammi, and that Ammi should sleep. Deciding to snooze for a little longer, Ammi had closed her eyes and begun to drift off when she heard a continuous “tak-a-tak-a-tak-tak-a” noise. Getting out of bed, she opened the curtains and looked down. They were on the 12th or 14th floor (she can’t remember exactly) and the room overlooked the car park. Ammi says there were about 6 or 7 men, wearing black with bandanas or “something like turbans” on their heads. One thing stood out – they were barefoot. They had ammunition draped over their shoulders and were attempting to maneuver a very large lorry into the Galadari Hotel’s car park. Ammi had thought this was a robbery and rushed to bathroom to tell Aunty Nishani. As they came to the window they saw a large black shape, heading towards the WTC Building. It was then that they realized, this was an attack. An attack by the LTTE. Aunty Nishani’s father happened to be former UNP MP Festus Perera, whom she called immediately. He advised both of them to leave Galadari at once. (Ammi laughingly recalls how the most important thing at that time for both of them was to brush their teeth!) The sound of gunfire continued as they changed into streetwear. Ammi had just stepped out of the room when the first blast occurred. The door of the room fell on her, because of the impact and she fell face first onto the carpeted corridor. She blacked out. When she came to, Aunty Nishani and a large African American man were hauling her up, towards the staircase. Then the second blast hit. During the first blast Ammi had misplaced her shoe, and the second blast had scattered glass on the floor. She couldn’t walk barefoot so she had to run back to the room for her other shoe. When she returned to the stairwell, the third blast hit. After descending 12 or 14 flights of stairs Ammi says the Lobby was like a ghost town. She said it was like in the movies – you recognized it, but you couldn’t believe your eyes. Aunty Nishani, Ammi, a few American Green Berets (who’d also been on the same floor) rushed out of the hotel and towards the beach. They were joined by hotel employees fleeing for their lives. Ammi says she had to jump 12 feet onto the Galle Face Beach – to date she doesn’t know how she did it. She says her head was throbbing and she could hear a ringing noise in her ears, but she kept going. In every version of this story, she emphasizes that it was the thought of Mallie and I that kept her going. They’d run along the beach to the Galle Face Hotel, while shooting sounds permeated their environment. They were sitting ducks, obvious and visible, running along the beach. Upon reaching the Galle Face Hotel, Aunty Nishani’s dad had sent a Police Jeep to escort them to the hospital. En route to Nawaloka the vehicle was stopped. The Army didn’t believe the Police escorts; they didn’t believe that my mother and Aunty Nishani had escaped so soon. They assumed they might be LTTE Cadres in disguise. Ammi says she was more afraid at that point than she was on the beach. Here, they were trapped. Literally. And if something happened, the state of emergency and ensuing chaos would mean that their deaths would become collateral damage. Eventually they were released and both of them were admitted to Nawaloka. That’s when Ammi called Achchi. 

Thathi had boarded the aircraft, and the doors had just closed when he heard about the bomb blast. He couldn’t leave and he didn’t know what had happened. He says it was the longest flight he’d ever worked on. 

Aunty Nishani returned to the hotel within a matter of hours. The shooting hadn’t subsided but moved to Lake House, where the LTTE held hostages. Aunty Nishani needed her laptop and her report. My Loku Maama and our driver had accompanied Aunty Nishani. They’d taken a few pictures. The bed closest to the window is where Ammi slept. If she hadn’t woken up, I wouldn’t be telling you this story. 

Figure 4: Aunty Nishani with her Police escorts retrieving her files

Figure 1: My parents in Aunty Nishani’s room a few days before the blast, when they’d visited her

Figure 3: The view of the car park from the room

Figure 2: The bed Ammi slept in, after the blast

Nawaloka Hospital was teeming with victims of the accident. There were also many security personnel. Ammi was interviewed by many intelligence officers. I think it got tiresome after a while. She’d been telling her story so many times. She says she had to take sleeping pills and attend psychiatric sessions to move on from this experience. These tidbits were news to me. Until recently I didn’t know the extent she’d been affected by this experience. 

This story helped me join a larger community; one I encountered during my participation at the IfP Conference in Singapore. Initially participants were split up and we had many team-building and trust exercises, but later we had a few sessions which were harrowing, eye-opening and jarring. I remember more than once I went to my room, crying. I met a former child soldier, who gave us a different perspective of the war. I helped write a massive Time Line, where all participants attempted to pinpoint the exact incident that triggered the civil conflict; no one could. The only consensus was that the war was a culmination of events, and bad decisions. Now, in retrospect I realize that what we experienced was a miniature of a reconciliation discussion. We were students from Colombo, Jaffna, Batticaloa, Kandy and Galle, and Matara. Our community taught me a lot of important lessons about conflict: that this conflict was the culmination of many events; there is no ‘us’ versus ‘them’; that suffering is universal and it doesn’t matter where you’re from – if the conflict affected you, that affect had a forever kind of effect.  This community we created is still in touch, but not as active as we should be. Sadly, being teenagers got in the way of us engaging in any large scale social movement.  

In terms of a communal narrative, this experience has affected me in two ways: firstly because of how my extended family rallied around my parents and helped care for us while my mother recovered. Secondly, because through this experience I met members of my IfP community, some of them still continue to work towards reconciliation and the rebuilding of the North. I have written to a few friends, asking for permission to share their stories but they are yet to reply, once they do I plan on updating the blog post to include their stories as well.  In terms of the nation, there is no need for me to present a history of our country’s civil conflict. That’s a topic that’s been hashed and rehashed. Even the WTC or Galadari Bombing (as this attack is referred to by the media), is an event in our nation’s narrative that has been criticised. In any social situation, if one person brings up the topic of the civil conflict, this topic is guaranteed to trigger memories of everyone in that social group. I believe this is because the conflict has affected every Sri Lankan in some way. Also because as a community and as a nation we are all subjects within these larger narrative frameworks – we want our stories to be heard, we want to say ‘I too have been affected, here’s what happened to me’. I hope that this blog post will address another extended community and encourage the sharing of stories. 

[T]he story of my life is always embedded in those communities from which I derive my identity. I am born with a past; and to try to cut myself off from that past, in the individualist mode, is to deform my present relationships. The possession of an historical identity and the possession of a social identity coincide . . . What I am, therefore, is in key part what I inherit, a specific past that is present to some degree in my present. I find myself part of a history and that is generally to say, whether I like it or not, whether I recognise it or not, one of the bearers of a tradition (MacIntyre as cited in Freeman, 2002, p.202) (emphasis mine).

MacIntyre’s lines struck home because I believe that the true meaning of a self-referential writer is embodied within a larger narrative. This is why I have chosen to tell you my mother’s story through my own. I believe that the memorable stories within my family, which are related to communities and the nation, are told by every person in my family. He/She will just have a different take on the same expereince, or he/she may pick a different experience. We are all story tellers, and as the digital era evolves I believe that we will have more spaces to tell our stories, we are all auto biographers/life writers in this sense. 

References

Athas, I. (1997, October 19). Operation Twin Towers: How and why LTTE did it [News]. Retrieved October 1, 2018, from http://www.sundaytimes.lk/971019/sitrep.html

Freeman, M. (2002). Chartering The Narrative Unconscious: Cultural Memory and The Challenge of Autobiography. Narrative Inquiry, 12(1), 193–211.

SecureHotel: A Specialized Muir Analytics Threat Report. (2016, October). Retrieved October 1, 2018, from http://securehotel.us/features/15-october-1997-bombing-of-the-galadari-hotel-colombo-sri-lanka

Smith, S., & Watson, J. (2001). Reading Autobiography: A Guide for Interpreting Life Narratives. University of Minnesota.

Vittachi, I. (1997, November 2). Green Berets unlikely target of Tigers, says US [News]. Retrieved October 1, 2018, from http://www.sundaytimes.lk/971102/news2.html

Telling a Story: The Personal, The Communal and The National I am a blogger. No, I’m not an avid blogger, but it is a medium I am familiar with.